The Long Overdue Season Finale

- Charlie is this thing on? - I think it is. - I'm bad. - You're not red bean. (laughing) ♪ Once upon a time when she's been sitting ♪ ♪ Two girl friends and we tried to babysit me ♪ ♪ Dropping in a fives to me, I think I'm on a pod ♪ ♪ She me where we live ♪ ♪ To be honest in a pod ♪ ♪ To be honest in a pod ♪ ♪ To be honest in a pod ♪ ♪ You're right in a fives to me, I think I'm on a pod ♪ ♪ So she me where we live ♪ ♪ To be honest in a pod ♪ (upbeat music) - Are you ready? - Yeah. ♪ Are you ready ♪ - Charlie. - Are you okay? - No. - You know about me, yo. - At this point, when they made my day started, I'm glad I'm feeling like this because, bro, yeah. - I was not happy in the morning. I guess, Joy did not come this morning to get the ass on me. (laughing) - Charlie, please, please. - I mean, it's morning somewhere, you know. - I'm trying to do that, you know, like, adjusts the way I look at situations. - Uh-huh. - In place, painting. - Oh, cool, cool, cool. - Like, you know, I made, yeah, I can't remember what it was. So, I bought a food stand, what they were, food mounts, what they were for the car. - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. - Yeah, it's by someone. - I bought it in Malaysia. - How much was it? - I don't know. - Yeah, oh. - It couldn't run it was like, take it easy, these legs. - No, no, no, no. - I guess gun and I started trying to fix it things because of my car and the rest for bikes. (laughing) - It was not funny. - Oh, wait, Joy, I just saw so soft. - It was so soft knowing because it was at the point, I just come back from the mechanic. And the car had stopped before I even got to cool. And so I was on the phone at night and he was, I was like, ah, we said my money and I was running and then he was like, don't look at it. I was like, yeah, we said my money and think of it. So she needs you to learn. So next time when you're buying one, you pay more attention to the boxing. (laughing) - I say, yo, yo, wait to punch you, go out your down, bro. - Perspective, it's true, switch it up. - Thank you. - Switch it, Matma Gandhi. (laughing) - Oh my God. - Matma Gandhi. - Philosophy. - Just get older. - So I've been trying to, you know. - I mean, even before that, I was just trying to make it more conscious of what's about paying attention to making it even. - It's true. - I was just like, you know, now when something happens, Jay's look at it from the outside. - Even if it means closing your eyes and telling it around. - Yeah, yeah. - And not looking at it at all. - Yeah. - Because, what can you do? - I said bro, what can you do? - What can you do? And I tell you, I'm going to be sad about this for the rest of the week, possibly. - Because, again, there was something I got to my leisure. And it was one of the most expensive options of this. You might have bought. Damn. And it smells so good. - Maybe it says, maybe it's everything for me to go back to my leisure. - No. - Maybe. - And he asked me about it. And I told my spiritual girl, you buy it, you know what I'm saying. - But maybe it's an opportunity for you to let go of money. You know? Because. - Hey, universe, let me tell you something. - No, because you think about this, it was really expensive. Yes, and you got this. - I really like this. - No. - Shit. And you really like this, but then it's gone now. And it's something I would have to let go of. - And that's how money is. - At the very point in time, I tell myself, like, you know, it's just perfume. Like, it's not the end of the world. - Yes. - It smells nice. Yes, it was it did it did it. But it was just like morning, the fact that I was really looking for it to wearing that thing. Like, I was just really excited about wearing the pigments. - Yeah. - And that's, you know, so cute. So it's just like, I guess whatever. So I put, oh, you're in tweets. And I still get up because of when I put in a job, so I kind of present this. - I'm present. - You see? That's lovely. Look at that. - Ma, I want to wear it till my blood. (laughing) - Maybe something better is coming. - Yeah. - I hope so. I hope so. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I guess we've started saying, how are you? - Oh, I'm okay. You know, whenever you ask me this question, then it's like, I forget how I am. Like, I forget my past. It's true. Like, I suddenly forget like, what's has happened? I just go blank. - Good thing. - I mean, I mean, I mean, I don't know. But like, I'm okay, I'm okay. Like, it's kind of complained. I thought, I'm just chilling. I think, well, the past few days, I've been a bit anxious, like a little nervous, 'cause I think the year is ending. So I'm like, okay. The year is ending, the new year is coming. Like, what's is going to happen next year? I don't know what's going on. So I start thinking about it, but yesterday, I took myself like, now, I need to start thinking about all of that before I start pushing in some negative energy already, because I'm thinking that something wrong could happen next year. Like, let's just finish this year. Let's finish this, but let's focus on where we are now. So, yeah, I'm still working on fully believing that. And, yeah, but I'm okay, I'm good. I'm good, you know, I mean, my, I've been painting, 'cause, oh, I've got this, I'm great, I'm working on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll tell you after this, like, yeah, so I've been painting a little now, and I really like my paintings now, which is like, whoa, I really feel like I've cracked it. Like, I feel like, yeah, I've got it now, 'cause I look at the, I've been staring at my outfits like, wow, this is amazing, like, this is really amazing. And for a long time, I wasn't like that. Like, I first, I was like, do I even have an art style? Do I, like? Yeah, I remember the last episode where you were talking about this. Oh, I'm not on the scene for this further. And no, look at me. I'm like, right now, I'm like, yeah, I'm dead. I've got this, like, at this point, the only thing to happen next is for me to just go up, because, like, this is it. Yeah, I've been feeling good about this, like, I've been really feeling good about the things that I've been creating, which I love, and I'm excited, yeah. So, but yeah, I'm good, I'm good. The gym has been good for my ass, though. Yeah. Yeah. (laughs) What have you been doing? Everything, everything, bro. The voice killing me. Everything from top to bottom, from legs to shoulders, and (laughs) shoulders. It's not even the name of the things you had been doing is my arms, my back, my abs, my buttocks, legs, bro. My upper thigh, my head. They said they're back of your thighs. Come, come, come, come. I said, high insides, your hamstrings, your quads. I'm like, I've been, yo, I almost cry sometimes. Like sometimes I'm like, damn. No, I'm really crying 'cause in #2, that's not making it easy for me. Because, let's say I'm going up and I'm going down, then he's like, and I'm like, I can't do it anyways. Like, no, you can't do it, you can't do it. And you will do it. You will do it. Then that's when I start breaking down. And I want to cry. Hey, I've been so many videos about waking up. It's your boyfriend, and I'm like, I don't know anything. His voice, it retains me, just so happening. You people are doing it last. He'll be like, ha, something. Yes, go, and I'm like, hey, don't speak. Don't speak. I'll just say something, but I didn't. But like, I do it. I'm myself in trouble, too. I do enjoy, like afterwards, and I look at my body. I'm like, oh, wait, we're like, hey, come and see, though. I think I'll go back tomorrow. And I go back and I'm like, I hate this place so much. I hate this place so much. I think the trick with the gym is don't think about, don't think about how long you're going to have to do this. Oh, forget about that. Let's just think about tomorrow. No, because there's no, it don't end. That's the depressing first. Like, the last one I was wearing, I was like, hey. So I'll do it forever, forever. Fucking hell. Fucking hell, probably, like, hey. Oh, no, no, no, but you're looking at mirror. You're like, hey, hey. It's tough, it's tough, it's tough. But everybody got to be, you know, especially me. I'm trying to, like, I'm trying to look good for next year when I'm doing my shoots, like, I'm trying to look sexy. I'm trying to look hot. Investment. Yes. So I'm really, like, every day, he's like, do it, it's fucking me. He's like, you're set. Oh, you're set. You're like, you're right, you're right. You know, we actually cause, like, I sit in that fucking gym. Like, I'm like, we're joking. They've been getting the fucking. No, I feel like that's a cute thing for you too. As a couple of guys, like, you wouldn't know each other. So well, like, I think that actually drives you and gets you going. That's why I used to push myself. Yeah. It's so hilarious, bro. It's so fucking funny. [LAUGHTER] That's hilarious. Yeah. But how are you doing? Aside from, you know, the lament you did before. I'm good, though. I'm like, I don't know why. I'm good, you know. I mean, if you're interested in sweets, I call this limbo slash trancey, OK. And it's quite poetic because this came to me. Lishy, as all of us, gets on the journey back to Ghana. Oh, I guess on the plane back to Ghana. See, travel, though. I can't tell you, bro. I can't tell you how much this traveling experience has opened my eyes today. What's the essence of traveling? And why it's important to leave where you are. Because last time, I was in a place I was so different from home. It was five years ago. And it was also in a very interesting time, because that was when COVID shot. Yeah. And so, doing going on this trip at this like, as these adults that I am now, so different to what I was the last time I was in a place who far removed from home. Is this made me think it loads? It's what I can't say. Yeah. I have thoughts deeply about some of those things. And I have been reminded of why it's important to dream and dream big, but then don't localize your dreams. Don't look, period, internationalize. Globalize that. Don't look like, don't, universalize it. Stop thinking now. No, stop thinking about it. Every day, every day, something reminds me of that. Stop thinking about it. Because a few days ago, I was a visit friend and I was asking him, like, so what do you do for a week now? Well, yeah, what do you do for a week now? And, and yeah, and what would you, what would you like to build a career in? Let's just think that, oh, honestly, she's actually never had a thing that she wanted to build a career. Like, right now, she just, she just do it. And she just doing, whatever, she just made it up. Whatever she's doing now, she enjoys it. But she doesn't, she's never really said that, oh, like, this is a career, I was being this, I was being this. However, she really, really likes true crime. And if she lived outside Ghana, she would have explored forensic science. I said, so what, you know what I'm saying? You know what, you know what I'm saying. Like, you have the answer. But, you know, it's, but you put the, there's like, I mean, Ghana. And so, yeah, I don't think I will wake in Ghana. You see, I feel like it's, it's conditioning too, as well. Because, bro, things look so bleak in this country. Like, it just doesn't look like there are possibilities. When you, and when you are inside that matrix, when you're inside that system, it's hard for you to think that you can't achieve more. Because, like, you start trying to achieve more. Yeah, one thing I'm, I'm mostly learning is that, like, have the wild dreams, yeah. And then you kind of, like, skim them down to a point you can start from and then wake your way back up. So it's like reverse engineer, have the big dream. Let it be the dream as wildly and as ridiculously and as impractical as possible. And then start with reverse engineer and say, be like, okay, what would this require? Okay, how much of that can I give? How can I find this? Who can I speak to? Where can I start from? Then you wake your way back up. And then I feel like as you're going back up, because you're already given some thoughts to what the stage was to look like. Yeah, better equipped, well prepared to execute the thing you want to do at the skill that you want to. Or in a skill that's much closer to what you had initially thought you were going to do. I mean, bigger than what you thought you were going to do, because now you realize I'm like, okay, it's not that far-fetched, did you? Exactly, like, honestly, you just have to think about it. Just give it thoughts. Like, that was the thing about saying that, you just wake your way back. You just wake your way back. But then another thing that made me think about was like, like, this should also just make me think, but okay, well, I can't see waking Ghana. Like, that was the other thing. Like, yeah, I once, I wish that as Ghanaans thinking outside our crime methods. Our crime was an incredibly great place to start from anyway. Yeah. And being able to break the barriers of our crime means that you are going even so much more than you could possibly imagine. But oftentimes, it's like, you have to go and blow outside our crime before you come to our crime. Before our crime will acknowledge you or create a system that's accommodates you and everything that your dream requires. You get what I mean. So it's like, it's like, it's like a sample rather than if you don't be like, they say a musician. It's like, you rather you go and blow outside or you leave Ghanaans going and see what the best opportunities are there because I cried as they provide you with the basic change. It's just not possible to, it's just, so, it's so, so. Like, yeah, I use, it goes beyond so many industries. No, I mean, bro, the whole country, like, what was I about to say? Because the next thing I was talking about was like our transportation system. Yeah. I don't understand why we don't have like a robust public transportation system. Like, robust and like, systematic organized, you know, like this, all that sort of thing. Yeah. Because at some point in Kuala Lumpur, we split. So it was me and Jifai and then my brother and my mom. And we're moving about because we had, Jifai wasn't asking us a day pass for the dream. And so it starts like, the equivalent of, I don't know, a fake CCDs? No. This explains five or ten. This explains five rings. That's like less than 15 gunner. And we used to train the whole day. Wow. Hey, the system, that's works. Meanwhile yesterday, where my life went off. And this time, I decided that I'm come to start doing the case of the Kuala Lumpur in CG where my life went off. Yeah, so you should though. You should. I didn't use, I suppose, the thing that, oh, like, you will have one, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, hey, that way, I can't call them. Call them. Call them. Like, if you don't know, call them. Don't give me your life's back. I'm going to read your number every time. Every time someone's like the other, I'm like, they call it the customer helpline number. It's as follows. Zero, three, zero, two, six, one, one, six, one, one. Very easy. Very easy to memorize. Zero, three, zero, two, got a knee back. I said, 61, 16, 11. It's the max for me. No, it's the max for me. That's exactly what this show is. No, because I don't mean it. One also for me. You guys can't see, but we got the fourth thing for the microphone, and they have such ridiculous skulls. It's blue and yellow, you know what I mean? It's like a blue and yellow red, and it's like, the red is the line in the middle of the, oh my god, ridiculous. But I know it's seriously like, I call them. And then, they said that they put out a notebook, a community cake was, I hate it. Did you send it to me when people used that word? I hate it so much. And anyway, they are lingo. He said that he has, they sent us an announcement. I said, where was this announcement? He said, oh, on their app and in their WhatsApp channels. And if you check their websites, it's also the, I said, hold on a damn minute. Ghana, a third world country. You were expecting as the electricity company of Ghana said that your means of disseminating information to the general public is two things that are only accessible on smartphones. When your citizens cannot afford a daily meal, don't pace me off. I said go and tell whoever came to you that this is what you think that's, that this idea is no grids. It's not, it's not a grids idea. Because, and I think it's somebody who uses a YAM, supposed to prepare for, you know, when she doesn't know that her life's about to be. And people don't know that it's, it's like, it's not normal. We should not believe in our lives like this. It's not, like, so people don't realize how much like the population people that don't have access to like these things. I think because maybe you, oh, we're all two-time. If you go outside, you actually go outside on the road and you see for yourself the majority of how people are living in this country. You know how some of these institutions are acting? They don't make any sense. It's so crazy. It's so, so crazy. It's crazy. So, and I need it to come and explain to us what our lives are going to be. So, I might, what my life's going to be. Bro. As I said, it was a routine maintenance. Stop routine quality. They sent us to improve the quality of service we did. Rubbish. I knew that they had me, you know, Monday morning. And they gave them a script. So, when they asked you to say this, yeah, say this. Because it's like, he needs to remind me that. Oh, by this thing, they have a process guide. They have everything, for everything that customers come to. I've worked a lot before now. That's what we used to tell you, bro. Oh, this is just something I was supposed to tell you. I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. Charlie, my life's going to be nice. Who my life's going to be? My life's going to be nice. It's not normal. It's not normal to believe in life. It's not normal. And I feel like, and it's so funny. Because now, this is also inspiring, like, and you, I get, I don't know if I should carry a path. But like, maybe volunteer wake of, like, learning, becoming like a, I don't know what they formal job types would be, but like, someone who basically goes around educating people on the kind of policies we must have as a nation, and ensure that we have the basic needs at a, like, decent level of quality. So for example, explaining people why it's important to have a, like, a basic education system. That's actually funded by the government. Teachers are paid well. Your child can go to school from primary one to class, to JHS, three, and a decent education that makes them a decent person. What do you have to say, another person? Three, I suppose to have something like that. But I don't know. They don't realize. And so when someone comes to say something in their manifesto, it sounds sweet to you. They don't go rubbish in front of you. And you think that they are giving you the weld. But we should be demanding more. Ganyans are not very smart. Listen, I have beef with Ganyans. Like, that's why where do I reach the points where-- I don't give a fuck anymore. Y'all are-- Ganyans are not normal. Like, it's, it's, it's, I kind of, I used to feel like, down, this is so unfair. And how we are living, da, da, da, da, da. But I started to see what a very large chunk of Ganyans believe and, and, and how they even process things. I'm like, hey, we are, we are probably not going to ever make it out of this. The worst thing can happen. Like, friends, which example can I even give? Because a lot of things have been happening. For instance, this, the, the baby, who, the, she said, Ghana police, I don't know if you've seen that down to someone. I don't have any names on it. There was this, that's at the American girl. She came to Ghana for December in December. He has this December. And she, she, she, she made a video on TikTok and said, she had been kidnapped. Hey, like, Ghana police, that they were, they claimed to be, in the video, she said that they claimed to be Ghana police and they had masks on. And then they were, yeah, it was at checkpoints. Also, I may be just, I'm just profusing. I may be misscosing the entire thing, but like, that's more or less what she was saying that they kidnapped her. I didn't watch the full video because, but I think at the end, this is something with an Uber driver, I'm poor at seeing that maybe there were drivers, you know, it's, but more or less, she said she claimed that Ghana police kidnapped her. Like, cause they actually took care and they demanded that some of money from her before they let her go or so. And now, it went viral. Ghanaians have hopped on their calling her a liar. That's, hey, like, bro, I've been made to talk about it. Somebody called me illiterate. Other people were coming and saying that she's a liar. They're saying she's a liar. Because Ghana police have released statements on Twitter where they said that they tried to contact her. She's not, like, she's not responsive. She says she wants to be involved in investigation. And they've still tried to, like, share her to, like, more or less, they're saying that they're trying to get the girl involved in the investigation. To the point where she's even blocked them. And also, she left the day that she made the video. The same day, she left the country. So, people are making assumptions that she's a liar. So, even when the person called me illiterate, I said, ah, what? Why, what did you say? I said, I'm shocked that people are finding an issue with somebody, a foreigner who has come to the country. And she has shared her experience that she was kidnapped. And all of you are calling her. Like, people are asking for her to get arrested. They've released, they've since released her information. Who? Some boy or some on Twitter, they've released her information that she's a university, she's studying law. Are they addressing her? Yes, they're doxing her at the University of Samsung, Samsung, Samsung. They should go that they can't go and find her. So, I should come and stay because such a, such a claim cannot go and you can't come and talk about our gunner police. Like, gun and hand, good. I was with him for that thing. Our gunner police. Yes. Gunners have these four prides that does not know. And that's what it was. It doesn't know when they want to show up. And that's the thing that's just-- You don't know when he wants to be a pro-gunner. What does it mean that just you fight for the things that you need to fight for in your country? You don't. There are real problems. There are real things that we are all just-- we see every day on their roads, on just living in this country. The other thing is that the reason why I was the wait-- I wouldn't just use us to say that gunners are not smart because, at all times, those kinds of arguments come from a very specific demographic of people. And I mean, people who may not be well to do, but they have been able to find some sorts of sweet spots in living in this country. And they've kind of made do with what they have. And so in my opinion, I think, for others, it was something I think I know bad enough for them to completely think-- I don't know if that makes sense, because-- No, it does. I think that this-- Because I think the big up problem is that gunners are not educated. And I wouldn't make that the same as gunners not being smart. There's a lot of stuff by that. Because-- I mean, no, I'm like, yeah, fair. But I think for me, the bigger problem is that gunners are not actually educated on what's-- It may be I'm wrong, like maybe I'm-- No, you are, because I didn't-- I think that you're right. No, I think that you're right, because it's also conditioning. Oh, these things are-- It's more conditioning. For example, what the police was allowed and not allow-- Yeah, people would approach these things more rationally. Exactly. I would like to believe. Yeah. So not smart. But yeah, like it's sad. And it's like all these-- And the reason why I feel like we-- a lot of that's why people are being filtered out. And it's really recycled with the people that goose of what they are talking about. Who are now entering politics? And now making decisions for the country. Because some of the things, like, bro, me, I-- honestly, I have been coming to terms with the fact that it's not by force to be patriotic. No, I hear. It's not by force. But like, in the sense as if I want to do something and to help someone, it's because I genuinely want to just help another person. Not for the sake of your Ghanaian. I'm dead in that whole thing. Me, the things I'm doing here, it's not because I want to make my country a meta piece. I'm giving up on the country. That country does not even want you to help it become a better country. So how do we move from there? Like, if the Ghana frustrates me, like, oh my god, the world frustrates me. I think that, especially because of, like, what Ghana is, I'm learning to direct my frustrations and just all my feelings about the state of the country to very direct and specific people. Because I think that's another reason why people in power have been able to get away with all the things that they have done is that we have always attributed the state of the country to this abstract body of governance that nobody really takes responsibility. Like, you say governments and you say, like mentioned, what's your name? Start mentioning people. Like, that's what we have to, like, say you. Speaking of mentioned, what's your name? Have you seen that video? That's a dimension, but have you seen that video? That's, he used to be a bishop. And that, that he would miss. I've heard about that. I watched that 30-minute video. And I give it to my full time. It's a discovery. You need to watch that video. Yeah, that might release everything. He pulls all the information out there. Like, that's what it was. He said, he called, he says somebody has back pains. And he, you know what they said? They get that from having cassettes. Wait, what? He said, you know you have back pains. And I hear that it's from a lot of having a lot of cassettes. I'm not saying that you have the cassettes to back to well, you know. Come on, it's basically, basically, what happened with it? What happened with it? This bishop, he said he's come to talk about the saga. When they went to, which country was it? Yeah, I remember. Some country be like that. Which has been more dreams. I imagine. The bishop's went to more dreams to have it. They are yelling at me. It was. Oh, what's the thing that they see? I can't remember. Let me know what it is. They were trying to get yelling at me in the mouth. And that was it. They ambushed him and they defied him. And so it was on 8th, I think, 5th December, if I'm right, if I'm correct. And that's it. Or last year. No, so he doesn't. He celebrates it every year because that's the day of his liberation. Oh, cute. That was the day he was set. He came out of the hypnosis. He was under. So he said, what happened was he. He all started when he, I don't remember the names of, that's what all the names that he mentioned. I don't know them. I can't remember their names. But it also was the names I mentioned. He really, if you end up, I feel like the juice would be sweeter if you were in the church. But like, he was, he said that he, there was one guy who, one guy who went in the church. But he wasn't a bishop yet. And then Doug, he was, Doug, he would mills fired him. He sucked the man. And it was unfair. More or less. But even after he sucked the man, I was still working under the church without pay until he decided to leave. And he demand that he said in the story, let's call him Bill. So it's the Bill that I said in the story. He says that when he, he, he still kept in contact with that man, Doug didn't like that. So ever since then, he lost all trust, like, Doug, Doug didn't trust Bill anymore because he's contacting someone who no longer works in the church. So now that was the beginning of his undoing, he said finding problems for him. So now one major scandal happened in the church where, one of the bishop's wives was being, it was having sex with another bishop. So in, like, one bishop's wife and another bishop were having sex, they had like, for like a year, they had an affair. And so he said, they came and said that it was him that went to spread that rumor around. And he was like, ah, at that time, he said, at that time, he lied that it wasn't true by now. He said, yeah. He said, yeah, he went to talk about this, like, why would he talk about this? And even if he was talking about this, they already knew. So it's like, they already saw why they come into him and say that he's the one that went to spread that information. So that was the decision. And he's a liar. Then after, like, he said a lot of things, like, he encountered different things with like different people. He said, yeah, I said it was. I said it was. He had like a lot of like encounters with people. He was talking about how those one time he went to a fight with one, one of the other big shops because of the shop. I can't remember. It was a lot of tea. Honestly, I have to go. You have to listen to the video. But then I think I mean, he's like, actually, he's like, actually, he's like, actually so have watching. Yeah. Oh, the video is sweet. He said, basically, when he got to, it was the points where they were just trying to get him out, because it seemed like he was coming out of like, whatever it was. He was, anyone who was like questioning things, like, if something is wrong, he would tell them, like, I don't think this is right. And dog, he ain't like that because you're, you know, what's your idea? It's not right. Yeah, it's supposed to. He got. He said, you're supposed to, you know, that he said that, you have to, so that he can trust you. When they were in the mouth, he's, they had a meeting and they basically, it was like, he said he didn't get to speak his, and they both set him off and everybody stood up and started making a line. They said a line that he did this and that was one guy that he hosted when they were in Kigali or something. He hosted him and everything. It took him and everything. That guy stood up that day and said that even in Kigali, he basically, like, this, like, basically, like, ten, the whole story and he was like, hey, like, you're lying to me, bro, you're actually lying on my name. His own brother was a part of the, the bishop's who would head him out because of daddy. He said it was only one man who stood up and said that he thinks of how they are, you know, and he said he's, that's a nice thing, but he's glad he didn't wake because he, he wouldn't have been working from there, he's not since. So after that, they basically dismissed him and then he said, he called his wife and said it's okay, like, I know, I think I'm going to be fractured, so I actually, we'll figure it out, like, that's cool. And then they called him back because they realized that, oh, they kind of messed up because you kind of inspired someone, like, that's who they called him back to kind of, like, say his piece. So it's almost like, you didn't, we didn't just suck you without, like, a fair trial. And he said, he just called everybody out, like, you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, I mean, he said that, like, he literally said, like, he called everybody out, like, you, you. And they said, I'm talking about your back pains and the sex and things like that. Like, well, he called them out too. And now he said, he's dedicated to unraveling everything that that man has built, that's his, so he's a satisfied Heta now every year. He bends the books of Doug, he would use because he just, he was stuck in that, like, him losses for so long, and he's come out and he's like, yeah, this thing, you know, because it needs to stop because he's, he made one statement that was so real. He was like, loyalty, they're telling me that he wasn't loyal, but if Jesus, Jesus stood for the truth. So if you're telling me that in other words, loyalty is antichrist, that's what he said. Because Jesus is for the truth. They're telling me that my loyalty comes before the truth, has to be loyalty because that's six kind of things. They were trying to keep you under wraps and things like that. And I'm like, that was something, bro, I was hooked, bro, I was like, hey, this will be going down in the church. Doug, you're mean. What? You church folk. Is it? There was some woman that Doug, Doug, he was news, and his assistant, I forgot to hand him cry. That she too, so, so saying something. He was like, you, he said you, I think was one that's kind of broken. He said it was him. He was like, you, who goes to gossip more than anybody in this, and the fact that he knew everybody's tea, like, that was what really gave me, like, so much, I loved it so much. I loved it so much. I'll send you the video. You have to watch it. Sit down and watch it. Watch it on two times. It's a bit better than on two times, but I swear to God. It's better on two times. Wait, is it at two times? I mean, it takes a minute. No, I think it's 15 minutes, but like, the two times be here, you, you, you, you feel that, you feel what he's trying to put in the kids, the anger he has. Anyway, he's wearing the change. They said, when I said that, he's building a, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's building plenty, he said 10 or something like that. For everybody, so that's old. So, if you're a Shimotaro and a S and Varenz, you are meeting up at Shimotaro. So, I'm going to go to Shimotaro. I'm going to go to Shimotaro. I mean, she does me a thing, but she writes, I hold her soft stock. And I don't know if I'll be able to just play like what's even cold. But then it was a really, really yes. No. She called it the price bracket's price of being the good woman. And she was basically talking about how like women gets changed no matter the size of the coin. Like it doesn't benefit you anyway. So just do they want her makes you happy. That was I really, really, really, really like reduced. Yeah. A very complex essay into these few sentences, but like no, but because it was essentially like that once you know, there's no there's no price for being. That's all there's no price for being a good one. And you pay a huge price for trying to be a good one. But guess what? You also pay an insane price if you're a bad woman. Yeah. So where do we go from? Where do we go from here? Like, yeah. That was such. I'll just say that that thing about like not expecting to like like the coach you read about women or being expected to achieve love. But they just the suffering of it. I think I was going to say that what I want to say was that it has definitely like coming to that realization has definitely played a root in how I view those things. Yes, it's like marriage and motherhood. Especially marriage. And I realized that motherhood especially for a huge like for a long time. I had a very visceral reaction to the thoughts and concepts of motherhood in marriage for myself. Yeah. When I started realizing what really means when these things were made to look like rich walls that we had to go through as women. Right. The point is I realized I could make a choice. And and not just making a choice of whether it includes indoors or not indoors. But if I do decide to endorse me, it would take the times on which I endorse those things like it was such a liberating right moment. And once you touch the very empowering. My mom's soy was a phase. It's not my face. I'm like, no, I think what you are having a hard time like accepting is that I'm able to question these systems in a way that you probably didn't. Yes. Yeah. And it's not your fault that you didn't. Maybe you couldn't. Yeah. I possibly strongly believe that you really wanted those things, but that thing was planted in you because of a race, but some kind of system. Yeah. Like women would never really. I truly don't think that women would ever aspire for marriage the way a lot of us do now. If it was never introduced as the way patriarchy did. Yes. If it was not introduced like how the Bible. Because people would say that it was my choice. But let's be let's understand that your exposure to this concept in the face, please. It was not through any means that was thinking about you. No, you were supposed to bring babies. It wasn't. You're supposed to to preserve lineage. That was okay if you want it for yourself now. But yeah, but like don't. Don't invalidate. Because me. Every day, I think the feminists who have fought for the right bro. I can't sit here and be like, I don't want that. And like nobody can do me. Yeah, I'm not thinking about that. And I'm like, bro, the woman that did this to bring us at this point, even like even modern day feminists like. Grateful for all of you because you know, I'm so loud mouth. I don't want to do it. You're hard headed yet. And then. Even when you're telling me that I'm stubborn at this, I'm like, music to my ears. Because if it's come also now, I know I know when I'm right. And I know when I'm wrong. Like. And I also know when someone is dead ass wrong. So if you are dead ass wrong person and you're trying to tell me otherwise, I'm sorry. I'm not hearing it. I'm really not hearing it. Anyway, let's talk business. Yeah, when I say business, I mean like personal business like. Personal, personal. For us, I want to say personal, bro, because I feel like we don't we the line of things that we are doing are not necessarily like. You know, corporate, if that's the way I want to use. How's it been? It's still business 100% but I want to say personal brand because I feel like. That ties in as well. How has it been for you this year? Meaning like building. Yeah, building, not just in terms of like, that's why I mean personal brand because you as well. Like how has it been like building? It's so funny that you're asking this question. No, like genuinely because yesterday I was on a call with. So I have like a mentor. And I was issued a middle of kind of answering a question like similar to this. And then the lives went off. You see, I'm very annoying. I can't be such an aura. It's iridescent. I've said this before my. So it's like. Sally, OMG. And I'm not that great English. But hello. Oh, you think. Oh, maybe it's your new favorite weight or something. I'm just curious. It's always been your arsenal. Okay. I'm proud of you girl. I'm not proud of my running games. She's proud of me for no way. Wait. There you go. There you go. We are. We used to do that. Many tuffles. Yeah. We'll bring it back next season. Oh, no. Next season. We make it spelling B. Oh, I love spelling B. We'll just play the way that guy. I feel like that's easier. Yeah. Just play that at the beginning with end of the episode. It's over time to remember to use it. Oh, mom. What are you talking about? I was talking about how I was asking this question in my life. Oh, yeah. I was in I'm like, I'm a noir 10 years. I am God's made me ask you this question because he wants to do to talk about it. Thank you. I'm the best of that equation. But then. Yeah, I was saying that this. So I was also doing like my end of year. You know, evaluation. I'm hearing sounds. So I had one. I had a door open. Just figure out which joy to live in place. Anyway. Yeah. I have. Yeah. Like I'm on some points where I'm doing my end of year evaluation. Just looking back on the year. What I told you. Like I haven't done like I haven't started from the very beginning. Just kind of priming my mind right now. Preparing some of the answers to the questions. I now ask myself when I finally sit down suggesting protein. But one thing that has. I guess stuck out to me is how difference good has looked like for me at the end of the year now compared to what I thought it was going to look like. So I at some points in time, I decided we're working towards the server, you know, this and this. I'm not too strict on what's good and progress. Like I don't want to give any hard and fast rules towards my market of success or good should be. But I'm expecting that in these areas, I will see a certain degree of good. That was at some point that was mostly the end of the year now right end of the year. And I'm not seeing those kinds of like markets I expected to see. But I'm realizing that I have still done some years and was just good. I didn't anticipate so think about it. And I'm just realizing that I didn't think about it because I didn't realize it was a necessary phase. Like I had skipped that part and thought that it's like good hard to look at. But in your case, you have to do something before you get to that kind of good. And I think I'm now at that point, I'm accepting that, okay, this is what good for me has looked like this. It's not what I imagine. It's not what I hoped for, but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. So it's been eye opening, I guess, while I say it's forced me to think more creatively and more openly about things. I like trying to build and trying to figure out what it is I want to build and what I wanted to keep my time to and what it requires. All of that, doing all of that has just pushed me to, I guess, rework the fundamentals of who I am, as a person. And then based on that, all these other areas that I wanted to see good will now start showing good signs of good. Like I need to do more inner work than I realize, essentially, before moving on to a bigger shadow work. And it feels like sometimes it can feel a little bit, like a waste of time, because it can easily feel very, what's the weight? No mundane, intangible, but in a way that's like whimsical. It makes sometimes it feels like, I'm just trying to find a place to go for it. I'm super busy. Anyway, I'm realizing that, yeah, sometimes it's hard to appreciate that kind of good, because it can feel very whimsical. And you don't always feel this important. I'm realizing that for me, and the kind of person that I am, it's important for me that I'm able to do that kind of work and see that kind of good. I'm a very emotional person. I'm a very sentimental person. I'm very, I guess, I can be very poetic. Like my personal life is very poetic in my opinion. And so it means that I have to approach the things that will get into the points in which I want to get to do that same poetic, like energy and mindset. Don't try and force yourself to be somebody you are. Don't approach getting to the person you want to be with a method that you are not familiar with. Just be your somebody else. It's not going to work. I just need it to come to that realization. And so, yeah, that's what it's been like. That's exactly what this year actually has been about. So, in Chinese astrology, in Chinese astrology, this year was the year of the wood snake. And the year of the wood snake. I don't even know what kind of snake is. I don't know what I would say. Yeah, I would say wood snake. I think the way it's matter, like, you know, what they signify wood snake. So it was. Yeah, it's a yeah, that if you really this year, a lot of people did a lot of if you allowed it to a lot of work was done in yourself. Like, for me, for instance, and I've noticed it from most people that I speak to, they all say that this year, they feel like they've been transformed by the end of the year. That's what this year was about. Like, that was the energy of the year. We were supposed to, if you allowed it, like, if you allowed yourself, point the figure things out, break down some old thoughts, some relationships had to end. Just move forward in a whole new, like, plane of consciousness, more like. And what you said about, like, realizing that you don't need, that's, that was the goal of this year. Like, you are perfect as you are. You know, you don't need to become somebody else or pretend to be anybody else to reach a point. Somebody went to this point doing what they did. And the way I want to do it is going to work for me. Like, I used to be so scared, like, actually, how would I get to where I want to go? Like, what are the things that I have to do? Like, this year was a year I said, I'm not, I don't care. Like, listen, all I know is that it's going to happen. I can't just feel that it's going to happen. So it's going to happen. So what I'm going to do now is just move naturally. Wherever my body takes me and wherever, like, I gravitate towards where my decisions take me. It means it was supposed to happen that way. It was supposed to happen. I just pray for like, just give me, make sure I know I'm not staring. Like, you know, I just like want that. I try to remind myself to like be descending, like, be descending, be descending. And so I'm just flutzy. I don't know. I'm going to, but like, I'm just flutzy. I don't know where I'm going. But like, I'm just flutzy. You said it, like, I'm all asking for there. But yeah, this year has, has been such an incise for you. Like, literally what you said, I didn't know it was going to end up like this. But like, I still find it very, very, very weird. Because like, at the beginning, I said it, like, I said it out loud with my mouth. I'm not the kind of life I was living these all these years. I'm not living like that anymore. I'm done. All the things that are holding me back, all the things that are like holding me and like, nope, I'm not indulging any of that. It's scary, but I'm tired of like always, like, allowing myself to be held back by like, oh, I just want to keep the peace. I just want to keep the peace. No, I'm disrupting everything. Fuck everything. Fuck everything. Like, I'm bulldozing. I don't give up. But, I don't give up. Thank you. It's so serious. Like, I'm just doing whatever. Like, people can be so condescending about like, how they approach, write the cow people or people that are not doing the conventional stuff. And it's like, I don't talk about your shit like that. So why? Why are you talking about my shit like that? You know, but that's also something that I've had to like, work through this year, how to, how you react to people like this. That's something that I've had to like, cause it's a lot of people. It's a lot of people. Yeah. It's a lot. And it can be very, very like demotivating sometimes. Like, it can really make you feel like, damn. But then after I'm like, you can't even do what I'm doing. So like, I haven't listened to you. But how do you do? Have you dealt with people like that this year as well? Like, people that don't understand what you're doing? Like, have you felt that even, not even just this year, have you felt that like in your journey? Oh, absolutely. It feels, it feels yeah. Yeah, it's like this year. I don't think so. But, yeah, but prior to that, yeah, it's like, I mean, I try to give people grease. I think I'm realizing that like, the older I get, I try to be more gracious and understanding of certain things. And so I look back on certain situations now and I definitely look at it with less, let's see, anger or frustration. Because one year so much time has passed, but then also because I'm realizing that honestly, they react to the thing, the way that they did. Because that's what they knew. And if, and for most cases, when I look at that person, then in the person now, I see a good amount of good. And so I'm able to again, extend grease because I understand that it was, it was just who you were then and it's not who you are now. But, yeah, like on a number of occasions, it definitely felt like I had to explain myself. Or like, justify why I wanted to do some of the things that I wanted to do. Because they were so unconventional and different from what people had expected, I would do. And so I mean, Jess was expecting that, that, expressing your, somebody to do is just like, they just expected that steady would do this. And silly didn't. And then, I mean, I guess, understandably there was a bit of a tustle of confusion or conflict. How I maneuver this, how did I? The reason I'm asking is because there's this video I watched on, like, explaining yourself, which is what got me to stop explaining myself like this year. Like, it was such an insightful video. It was very deep video, but like talking about how like, if you have this thing where you're overly explaining yourself and talking about why you should just like stop and you don't owe anybody anything if people don't understand. So like, that's why I want your perspective on how you go after that. I think, I think, I think I'm pretty much crossing out of it. So I think what I'm realizing, what I realized in that regard is that the point as which you stop explaining yourself means that you are doing what you say you want to do. And I think for me, that has been the hard part since I'm stuck between not explaining myself and doing what I want to do. For a very long time, I've been caught in this, which is why I see transits or limbo of like, not day yet, but I'm not where I was. And, but the way you look at this, like, a bit more was the weight. Like, if you zoom in a bit more, you realize it's not just a matter of, I'm not day yet. I'm just not where I was. It's also like, for me, it looks like I haven't even started what I said. I said I wanted to like, now I'm just constantly panicking and like peeping over the edge of all the different things I want to do, but not actually jumping into them. And so it's also made, let's say, not explaining myself. Well, I'm not really my, nobody actually asked me any questions for me to explain. But then sometimes you still feel like, you have the point to prove, like, you have to prove this point to somebody. So, yeah, I mean, I think it was, yeah, I think that so what has been interesting to me this year, I will say that although I'm not explaining myself to anybody. I'm not that one person, I feel like I need to prove something to myself. Yeah, 100%. It's no, like, I'm, I'm not really thinking about what anybody else thinks. It's just about me and how I feel about where I'm right now. So, yeah, I don't, I hope I answered that question, like, probably, I think just, I mean, that was no problem. But the reason why we are having this conversation is because of the video that you watched. Yeah, it was in my green and Tracy and this rose, yes. And yeah, I just, I had been meaning to what I've been doing. Like, it was on my watch later, I play this, I was able to, and I'd been meaning to watch it because I recently, okay, I was going to say I recently started watching in my green podcast, but I was not sure. I really watched it when, um, what's her name? Ah, what's the name of the babe that had the makeup line and then the, I mean, I'm equally, yes, yes. I forgot her name. I forgot her name, but I watched her hair conversation with in my greed. And I was like, I think I was a face, absolutely, in my youth book as I watched and then it started to, like, chewing a bunch of blah, blah. Okay, and I watched another one, they had some psychologists, but anyway, yeah, um, there were a bunch of things that, like, I took notes over that I definitely want us to talk about. I don't know if we have the time to talk about some of these. Because, um, my list is kind of low. But I'll be right just talking to you. It's because of where we are, I'm kind of spoken about this in, I kind of remember it was released. I was also come out like Ghana and Malaysia and whatever, but I was. Yeah. When I was saying Scott, I was like, it's a good segment. It's a dream. It's a thing about like dreaming big and then like, you wake you. We, something that Tracy said was, oh, I think, yeah, she was saying that one thing that she has learned is to dream big. But then you also have to know that you're the one that was going to be doing the work. Yeah. I remember that quick. Yeah. Robars. She was dropping gems and this entire. Yeah. And a lot of course I wasn't there. Like I was just like, oh, girl. Yeah. She's right. She gets it too. She's telling the truth. Yeah. It really, really made me think. Because I feel like that's also where I'm at in my life right now. Where it's really like, I am an endless. Founcing of creative ideas. And that is a burden. I don't run dry. But let me tell you something. My new problem is, guessing those things done. Yeah. That's what I mean. Like that has been my biggest challenge this year. Doing the things I said I was going to do. You're good to do. And so buses. And let me just kind of go back a little. So when I was talking about the thing about, like, seeing the progress that, like, seeing progress very differently from what I hope there will be is that. Although I didn't do the things I said I was going to do. I think I've come along with building systems that enable me to do the things that I want to do. But at first I would want to do things, but I do it very, like, I approach it very, not very, like, clinical. I'm not very methodical. I was just kind of, I'm pretty like, god. Yeah, it doesn't. You know. But now, I mean, I think that's built a system in which we happen. Yeah. That makes a change. So, yeah. But then it's also just, that was just, like, when she said they dream big, but no, they, I don't want to go into the wake. That's what was already me because I talked about how often times when I come up with an idea. I always manage to think of the full picture. Yeah. And by full picture, I mean the final picture. Yes. When it's already established. Yes. And people know it. Yeah. Yeah, making money. Yeah, so. And it's so fun. And it's so fun. But then you will not think about it. And the fact that at some point you're going to be there. Found that day. Yeah. The old day. Yeah. That's what something you want to share with me. Everything. And then it still be a good friend. Yeah. A good friend. A good partner. A good parent. Like, it's so much. Yeah. And it just made me realize that I, I haven't been very mindful. And I weigh in, like, setting my goals and intentions. These past, like, say, past few years. I've had a fair idea of what's all my life. So, like, I haven't been, I feel like I haven't, I lack the intentionality of crafting every single piece. Not to say that you can't plan every brick and block of your life. But you can't plan the things you do that help you get closer to that life that you're mastering for yourself. And I realized that I wasn't pushing in the wake to build those systems that's what kind of systems. So, one thing I have invested heavily in recent times is like time management. And so, like, having a process for how I plan my week, for example, the thoughts process that goes into deciding when I do what, why I'm doing this before that, why I'm doing this at all. Because I realized that another thing about, another thing I really struggled with was even just getting started and understanding that this is something I need to do as part of a bigger goal. Yeah. And so, I found that I had some comebacks that joined board and both of them that reminds me to remind myself of why I'm doing this thing in the face. Because it's easy to forget. But I think it's easier to do it when you remember what you're doing. Even if you don't feel like doing it in that moment. And so, yeah, that was something that stuck out to me. It was just like, yeah, you know, interesting. She was really dropping a lot of gems. And that exactly, listen, I was watching that video. And I was like, wow, Tracy, that's something. And it made me also look at what I have been doing in terms of like the work I had to put in. Like, actually stopped me. I looked around my room. I was like, am I doing, like, am I working? Am I actually like putting in the effort I know I can put in to get to this. And I'm like, I'm doing something. I don't think I'm doing it. I was like, I feel like I'm doing a lot. But I don't think I'm doing a lot. Like, it's, it's on and off. It's like, something is I'm like, yeah, I'm pumped. Let's get it. Then another day I'm like, yeah, I'm sorry. I'm not even about it at all. But it's like, if I keep doing that, I will soon forget why I want it. I also want it to even be at this point. I have already thought about planning, like in the whole, like when you said the vision of everything, I already saw my mind was to look like when I'm planning and starting out this thing. And I'm now at that point and I have to enjoy it instead of lying in my bed immediately and saying this. Because I was looking at how I'm like, yeah, it's true. You have to get up and be that one. Get up. Generally, if you have to get to work and do what you have to. And it's always fun. Like these days, I've been finding, like, joy in this way. I'm like, oh, I'm working. Like, look at me. I love doing my working. Like, yes. I'm doing my own thing. Sometimes I'm like, I'm going to be looking forward to do it because I'm like, what is there to do? You're like, yeah, but it's also, I guess why it's good to start doing that very on an early stage because it reaches a point where you actually have to put in like some serious levels of work that you probably know. Mentally prepared for. Prepared for when you've been put in it and you have to figure it out. Yeah. You figure it out more, but like, you know, how you would feel or how you would process that in the moment. Because I don't want to break down at any point, you know. Breaking down is not an option. Well, if I break down now, cry, but that's too key. But like, as of now, it's just, I need to make this happen. Yeah. I think another thing. Like, so when I was saying that something actually reminds me of why I'm doing it, I also realized the importance of like, making sure that as every point in time when you ask yourself why you're doing it. Yeah, I didn't know if I didn't know for anybody. I didn't know for yourself face before anybody. Like, if you want to prove your point to whoever, whoever, no problem. But is this something you want for yourself? It's very important because sometimes when the answer to that is no, you should not be doing it. You shouldn't be doing it. You should not be doing it. Like, and that's why you're struggling to get through it anyway. Because you know, because you're hard to say. Yeah. And there's never a bad thing because if maybe that, you're not supposed to be doing something that you thought you were supposed to be doing. That's fine. You can always pivot. Like, you can always pivot and find what you're doing. Yeah. Obviously, if you said that, but it's worth something that you should try to pivot. Of course. Like, bro, it's hard, but I think once you constantly think about it, like, what do I do? Should I pivot? Like, just keep reminding yourself and then try and just like shift and find what you want to do. Because being in a situation that doesn't say if you're doing it for, like, it's draining. Well, at least for me, like, it feels very draining. I want to live for me. And what I like, I want you to live on my own terms. I don't want to be when anybody, you know, be like feeling like, you know, I just want to do what I want to do. So, yeah, always pivot, Charlie. Well, I think that's something that I've learned this year. I was young and I'm seeing this look as well. That's something that I learned this year. Like, while I was like starting this thing, this thing I'm doing, like really starting the run. Bro, I had an idea of how it was going to go and it didn't go any way like that. Like, I told it completely shifted from what it was supposed to be. But it had me designing something and being so like, yeah, I like it. And then I see it. I'm like, no, I fucking hate it. And I have to sit on them like, hey, if I say I hate this, it means that everything I said I wanted to happen. I didn't like the, like, I didn't like how it came out looking. So I feel like I could do better. Okay. Just didn't come out the way I expected it to come out. Okay. And so we looked at it. I was like, for a first drop, this does not make it's not good enough at all. And the thing is, once you know that you can't shake that feeling of like, I couldn't be like, no, just because I want to launch by October, but yeah, I'm going to just know. So I had to sit down there and I was like, hey, I don't want to see this. I don't want to open my mouth and say this. I don't want to say it, but I have to say it. Like, I don't like it. And I, we need to do something else and do something new. And even with that, I noticed I still rushed because after that, I quickly designed something and I was like, yeah, yeah, this is it. I mean, I like it. But like, if I could go back and do something like differently, like in the terms of rushing, like that, I would have probably added way more. But luckily, as the process went and it was stretching by, like, by itself, it's not at the point. I realized it's not enough to me. Yeah. If I didn't want to, people's, those people's for me. So like, after realizing that, I just said, okay, I had time to add things and whatnot. But I've really learned that that's been the way over the year for me. People would just do a 360. We forgot to tell us some way somehow. Like, something's got to shake. But yeah, that's one thing for me that I've really learned. And she said something about how she journals, like, in the video. And that prompted me. She was talking about, I think, of course, exactly what I, honestly, I can't remember. I didn't rest. Because it was the moment. But like, she was basically, Emma asked her something about how she probably reaches at different points. I know. I think I know what I'm talking about. Well, does that pray I want? Yes. She says, will I allow myself for something like that? So that's what I think. That's one way. She said, when she's in a place where she has to, like, do something she's not really ready to do, or in a good space to do. Is that what I was saying? I am. She says. Yes. May I. Yes. Yes. The may I. She said the may I. Yes. It's invite hands a place that she would like to get to while holding a space for where she is now. She is now. And I was like, wow. Yeah. Word. Like, that was so heavy to me. Because one thing I, I, I mean, in my talking to myself moments, where I started the mirror and I interviewed myself, I was talking about how sometimes we talk about the technical parts of how we go to where we are now. But we don't often really talk about, like, the serious shadow working, like, the inner work that you have to do to actually reach the point that you want to reach. Like, because sometimes you just don't want to move. Also, being a woman and you have your luthier face and things like that's where now the world is crumbling on you. Are you saying, you're not going to, like, do anything during that period? I mean, if you don't want to, generally. I'm, I mean, yeah, I can't say everything in my mind. But like, I, I want to reach a point where I am like, so, I do not say, like, I'm strong enough to just push do things and do what I love because I genuinely love what I'm doing. You know what I mean? And it gives me so much joy when I do it. And so when she said, like, the main eyes, that's how I took it from that person. Not even just in regards to work because we ran out of talking about like business and things. But like, even in general life, when I don't want to do things, especially in my home life, where I have to be a lot of other jobs. Yeah. I have to say it's a lot. Like, please, man, allow myself to go and make this juice. Yeah. Because generally, why do I do that? Like, why do I just get, like, unmuted like this? I don't know. Anyway. But yeah, I started doing that because it's really good for your mental. It also helps you to come back to ground yourself. Yeah. Yeah. What I wanted to say was when you said, like, you hope you get strong enough to be able to get to do things. I don't, I think you are strong still now. Like, everything like that. It sounds like not being able to be at that point is like a lack of strength. Which is not. No, I think I'm a very strong person. I don't think I'm the, I don't think I can be stronger. It's more so what I'm saying. Like, I'm not, I'm not this, what's English? Discount. I'm not discounting my strength constantly to get to this point requires a lot of strength. Like, I begin myself up. But I still knowing myself. I feel like, wow, it makes me excited because I feel like there's so much more. There's a possibility I can get to that point. And now I just want like more of it to see where I can go. Okay. So, you know, yeah, yeah, that's what I meant to say. I want to know more of your questions because it seems like you quit it. Oh, thank you. So, I think the call of what she was talking about was, who Tracy? Yes, Tracy was like the challenge of, okay, it wasn't that was in the call. But it was something that she brought up, which was like the challenge of doing a life that she wants. A life that looks like you, yeah, because it's very easy to get lost. And kind of while I was saying about like building systems and filling my thoughts away for other people when I know that more that that's not what's going to wait for me. So then again, and I'm good, she said, people talk about how to guess what she wants. I think it's my importance to be who you are. The world around you will be built out of that. If I just trying to get what you want, I think he missed the juicy, joyful and robust part, robust parts of life. That is being able to appreciate and enjoy and love what you have around you. And so I tackle that the challenge of building a life that she wants. A life that looks like you. Because sometimes those two things can be very different. A life that looks like you in a life that you want can be very, very different. People would think that they want a life that has planes, he cars, planes, he houses. Every day, Friday, out on the town, buying buses, sometimes on credits apparently. You know, you think that's a life that she wants. But then a life that might look like you might be maybe Friday nights, one time in the club, another time you're out of the country. Yeah. It could be the books that you even have in your space. It could be that you spend your weekend with your friends. Yeah. It could be a very different we can from what should be so many things. And we get lost in chasing those things that we think we want is that we get lost in building a life that's truly reflective of our actual heart desires and what we want for ourselves. And who we are. So I don't know that this is really a question. But I guess you could like think to the point where you feel like it has ever felt like those points where in what she wants it and who you were with very different things. How many percent? Where me I came from. That's how I came from there. We were not doing what's who. Yeah. Who are you? What do you mean you have a you are you? I guess you do what they want. Like I have I struggled with perception for a very long time. Like for a very, very long time. Hey, I've done all of these just so that I can't just feel like I'm on like are we okay now do you accept me? And it never felt good. Like it really never felt good. Like it took a lot of fun doing it. This is from like long. Like this is from childhood. But like more so if I'm speaking from even like being older like in my 20s from uni to like being an adult and just breaking out of that whole thing. And it's not even in the context of like friends and things that did play a part because I remember feeling pressured to want to go out. You know every way. Then when I'm like it was coming back me to my household. You can't go. What do you mean? You can't go that out. Okay, if he's 5 p.m. What do you actually mean? You want to go any woman who is out after 10 p.m.? It's not my husband. It's my husband. So like that was like on the very shallow and like that's having to get rid of that. Like mine says. But like also it's just a lot. Just a lot. Like working jobs just so that I press I come across as that daughter that oh she's working. Wow you've done well. You're causing a job. Oh yeah do your master's. Very good. Good. You're doing well. Like just that girl. Even like how I would present myself in like family gatherings or gatherings with people. I would just polish myself in a certain type of way. Where it's like. It just naturally happens. And to live like that. No, no, no, no, no. It's not the way to live your life at all. Like for me. It's those being your life. It's those being. Yes. At the point it just feels so heavy. Like I am living. Like I was just living. I was just like on robots. I was not here. I was not here. My consciousness was not here. I thought I was just moving to life. There was no lights in my eyes. I was just going because like yeah this is what these people want. So I just have to do it. Like if I think about some of the things that I have like how to consistently do. I'm like hey. How was I doing it? You can't wake me up at any time. You do anything and I'll go. Like yes because they said I have to go. Or like how I would even present like. I pushed my friends and things like that when it comes to going out. I can't just say no. I don't want to go. It wasn't even just a matter of like. My parents said I can't go. So I don't go. I've come to realize now. Oh. I love to have fun. But I like it's on set in occasions. Yeah. I don't like to go out a lot. Like that's just not the kind of person I am. Like it's not because of anything. That's just me. But for a moment I feel like I have to make these appearances. Like I have to be like. Hey. I was like push the push. Also see me. Yeah. That girl. Like outside. But like. Bitch. I don't want to do any of that. And nobody can beat me for no one's doing any of that. And when you realize that. Like it's so liberating. Yeah. Like it's honestly the beginning to something much deeper. Like it's the beginning to something like. You are expanding yourself. I've been telling. Like that's my parents. You push me. Expand yourself. Expand. And yeah. That's what I was saying. I was saying. Oh my goodness. Yeah. But yeah. I've definitely felt it. When. Like I've definitely felt it. You are much better off. Living your life and being who you are. And what you said about like. The world will build around you. Yeah. It shows in so many ways. You are naturally yourself. And you are not thinking too much about how you're being perceived. You do things naturally. Like you are. You are trapped. What aligns with you? It shows in how you dress. It shows in the things you consume. Before I knew it, your space starts to look like that. You didn't even realize it. But it starts to look like that. And the same thing when it comes to like your business that you're doing. If you invest yourself like that. It will start looking like you. So it's something that I'm hoping to soon tap into. Because it's not. When it comes to the business side, it's not easy to figure out. Because now it's not just about you anymore. It's kind of like. You are kind of opening the space to other people to also be involved. So it's like, how do I still make it. Me. And I feel like it's me. While also it's being presented. Like it's it's kind of like taking something. What's uh-huh. It's kind of like taking your vibe and. Removing it and making it like a product. And it's like, how do you do that? People witness you. But do you witness yourself? You know. So it's something that I'm still figuring out. Like what is the vibe? Yeah. What's the vibes? Yeah. I was watching a slow video. Actually, I remember something about it. So I'm just going to read what I wrote. Because it's just. It's just. It's my thoughts. Stress from the head. So it's not. Listen. There's no grandma here. Okay. And you know, anyways, I said the concept of having a unique style. From fashion in the context of fashion arts. Um, no, we see it. I didn't write this world. I just read pretty how. I just, honestly, I just write in the house. Like what advice in my mind at the time? That's how I write it. And it makes no sense. But basically the whole. What I want to talk about was like the concept of having a unique style. Which I feel like ties into what she said. And I don't mean like fashion. Just in sense of like fashion. I mean, like. You divide your style. The concept of having that. Do you feel like you have. Your own like youth like you've grasped it because you definitely have it. But you feel like you have grasped your vibe and your style. Like in terms of in your writing. As well in the things that you do. So like for me, in the context of maybe like art and like fashion and things. Right. No, I don't think so. I think I have reached a point way. I am wiser and definitely closer to like hacking it. But I don't think I'm dead yet. I think that this year has taught me a lot about myself. Which in the things I've learned this year. I'm going to have played a huge role in cracking the code to like. Big ring out who I am and what's this I want. Which is why. For example, I am kind of resolving to be more intentional and mindful about. Seeing exactly what I want my life to look like. Because I have a clearer. Idea of what that is and what that means to me. So no, I don't think I cracked it. But I think I'm very close to it. I think that I am in. My mind has evolved and grown in a way that. Makes me feel better equipped. Yeah. To say that, okay, this is what we want. And this is what we like. And this is how one thing looks like. And if it's in our writing, if it's in the podcast, like. And so again, instead of asking me this because I was sitting here right now. I was just thinking to myself. I was like, I think I'm. Like I'm really putting in like the final touches to what it was. Like the vision for this book. So what's your hands? I said I'm anointed. That's what you were. You were decent. Okay. I didn't say it. You've let it wait. I didn't. That's what I said. You know, I asked you it. You wait. I asked you it. You see. Respect me. Why do you think that I'm trying to say something about you and that's really cute. Anyways, yes. It's good. I asked the question. You had your relationship. That's what my job sense is from good. God bless you. Amen. Amen. Child, what was I doing? You know, anyway, you bucked the question. The thing about like, do you think you've cracked the code with like. I feel like I don't ask any of you. As a new fashion girl, human being, friend, woman. You say right. Me dry, right. Sorry. Yeah. I play people the right. I play. Anyways. I feel like I feel like it's starting. Like I'm starting to figure it out. Like what you said about you. You feel your mind. You have the mind to make, to know that your decisions are more. I'm paraphrasing what you said. But like that front hall room. Yeah. Shit. Not a little blooped. My bed. Yeah. They were not joking. My mind almost feels like I can process. I can process so much now. Like with such a, like this is not something I could do when I was a child. Because me, I remember everything. I remember how I was when I was a little. I remember. Very well. I remember so well. The trauma, you know, stuck in my heart. Anyways. Yeah. Like, I remember how I was. And I'm like, bro. Yeah. Peace is. It's gotten so like expansive that I've started wanting to tackle things I used to not understand as a child. I was like, what's wrong with math? I hear that. Yeah. I want to try some math questions to see what I could. Yeah. To see if I can answer. Because I feel like I really made a math answer. Yeah. I was like, I feel like I'm asking you. Of the mind that I would be able to understand. I get it. I get that. I'd be pretty good. I've had very similar thoughts. Very, very like. Yeah. I think, like, last week. I was like, bro. I'm trying to, I'm trying to hop on that. Because I'm understanding this part. Like recently, I understood world communism, capitalism, and socialism was. I did economics, bro. This whole time. I didn't know. And I knew. But from a very like. I landed for school level. Okay. But like. It wasn't until I was watching Darwin's stables and Z-Wave video that he literally said. He said. He said, fuck. He said. Fuck capitalism. Marry communism. And kill socialism. And my mind was like. Can you understand? What? What? I was like. I mean. And I've understood for a long time. But it's like. That was my first time actually realizing. Hey. That's it. You understand. What do you say? Like. Did they have to win? Like. You understood it. Like that was such a relationship to me. And it's the same with like my style now. And the things are like. I like. I'm really just like. Oh, I like this. I know I like it. Because anybody said that. Yeah. And the thing is because. I'm able to package everything. I'm starting to see. It's like. I'm. Street was the way. Was the way. Like if something was. If it was like a huge. And. It was big at first. And now it has. You do. Stream. Stream line. It was a stream line. My preferences. Okay. And it's like. I'm starting to see. Oh, so this is. And you know. This is the core of who I am. Okay. I'm starting. So yeah. I'm starting to see that. I think it makes me excited to. Because I'm like. It's nice to. Like. I'm starting to see. So yeah. I'm excited. I think a good way to. When. Kind of. Go down. That's rude. If you don't know where to start from. It's just ask yourself questions. Yeah. And those are something that Tracy was saying in the thing. Just. You say ask yourself questions. I feel so the right questions. Yes. And. I think she was saying. A lot of friends even said that. Sometimes the questions are more important than the answer. The answer is. Yes. And I think that. Some introspection. Yeah. Like. Don't stop asking yourself questions. Like, even if you feel like you've hacked this. Keep asking yourself questions. Because. You also grow and evolve. And sometimes. Yes. What might be your call? Like the essence of who you are as one time. That's one time. Exactly. And it's not a bad thing. Like you went wrong. Then. You just going to be. But I think that also a good way. And again, Tracy said this too. It's a good way to keep track of these things. And realize what's like the path you're going down. And what you like. And what you're doing. Like, it's my journey. That's exactly what I was talking about. It helps you keep record or. Yeah. Oh, you wait at the 16 points in 10. After I watched the video, I actually went to read my journey. I do it. I do it occasionally. I like to like go back and read to see like. Who was the vibes? Like, who were we back then? Yeah. And it's always so inside school. Because it makes me. Aside from looking back at me. Like, wow. That was what I was experiencing back then. It makes me look at the group I have made. Yeah. And like, what are you in a whole different point right now? Like, I say that journaling is a good way to assist your group. It's a tool that we don't always appreciate in the moments. Because sometimes I feel like, why should I just write down what's in my head? But then sometimes you go back and you're able to see evidence of good. But also, it's also evidence of who you once was. Exactly. Like, don't shame evasion of yourself even if you don't like it. A part of you evasion of yourself down the line would really, really appreciate that. That version of you existed. Yeah. That's how you go to the point. Exactly. Right now. So, you know, like keep record of your being. Keep record of who you are. Your existence. Like, what you have lived, what you thought, what you felt. Things you wanted to say, but I couldn't say. Yeah. I promise you, when you go through a moment of, like, deep transformation. It's amazing. You would really, really want to hold onto those things. Because they're frightening about good is that it gets very unfamiliar very quickly. And it gets scary. Yeah. When you are entering parts of yourself that you didn't know existed and you don't know how to navigate those parts of yourself of yourself. It can get very, very daunting, very overwhelming. Because you don't know. And sometimes you just need familiarity. Not in the way you used to do things, but just a reminder of who you were. Yeah. Like, you just have to remember that those are points where I couldn't do this. And now I'm here. Yeah. I should be able to do it. Like things from that past me have carried me and equipped me with what I need to go to this place. I can't do it. Yeah. And we don't always remember that in times when you are going through the meal. Yeah. Like when things are hot. So you need your gym. Like that's when you can just pick your pick up. Because I'm not going to pick up a phone and call Celly from 21. You know, it's not going to wait. And even if you do, even if you reach Celly of 21, which version of Celly in 21. Because it's true. Because there's generally. That's very refreshing. It was like possible. I actually said to them before. So according to like, I use my sunscreen and I remember myself from. I smell from outside. Wow. I remember this. Which version of you. I was such a different person back then. Like, yeah. Yeah. Journal guys. Journal. No, for real. Because sometimes I'm like, I wish I could find recently. I climbed my wardrobe and I carried the books out. I said, I want to find my journal from when I was in C2G. Yeah. I want to find out. What was I thinking? I couldn't find a journal perceive. I found like so many books. Class, room books. Yeah. And both I was writing. I brought it out. I was like, oh my god. This is so funny. I found a devotional from like a book that was in for silent time in the whole town. I was like, I was trying to like, I was like, it was so funny. And I was really now. I was like, that's so interesting. That I was really fighting to find something to be understand. I was really trying. Like, I was really trying. But I didn't. The call was there. Yeah. It was always about love for me. And I got to know that from a book that when I was in level one, I said, I run from one in as it says, I would spray out. And I'm like, wow. Every when somebody puts a needle in my underwear in a more town. It was. Yeah. I wrote about it in the book. Sorry. I read the book and I was like, it's true. Somebody puts a needle in my pencil. And I was wearing the pencil. What? I was wearing the pencil. It wasn't my pencil. So she, she, you know how when you, you're like, good to start the seamstress and then they are pinning the, the, the, the, she, the person pinned it like that. Why? So the point inside was facing the inside. We're my butt sauces. Yeah. And yeah. When I go back to the dorm or whatever it is, go to the house. And I was taking off my clothes and everything. And then I was like, I was like, I was like, take my, my punty. And I was like, what is this? That's something. How do I do it? So I took the painting off. And there was a big rusted needle. What? 20 side up in the booty side. In there. Yeah. But it didn't prick me. Not once. And I was the entire time. Yeah. And the funny part is that when I was leaving, I was like, I swear I didn't see it. I was so confused, though, because I was like, what the fuck is this from? Because in mind, I took it from the dry line. And then like, I was. So I'm like, what? That's so wild. I doubt me. Mom, people did some shit to me when I was in. Somebody took a shit by my, my, my closet. Once. Like six in the morning. I went to the bus. What? I took it. I was sleeping. I woke up. I was fast. Feel. I look. Part shit. I was like, what the fuck is this? I was like, what the fuck is this from? I, I, this thing, yeah, like, it's something I've kind of resolves is one of things I want to do. It's been more mindful. In many ways, like, in all the ways, really, in any way, I can be mindful. Like, at every point in time, when I'm doing something, I want to be aware of what things I'm doing, why I'm doing it, you know, what's that means for me, how it's contributes into the grand scheme of things, to like, what's that means for me, so what's that means for me, how it's contributes into the grand scheme of things, to like, what's that means for myself, what's that means for me, so what's that means for me, so what's that means for me, but just like, being more intentional about crafting the life of my, I think, I realize how bad it goes with being a little too lazy thing, and just going with the flow. I think I had those a time for that and that time has come to an end and the time for me is just, yeah, being a little less lazy thing as well, I'll see. So, I find that very interesting because for me, I feel like I am now entering my lazy, lazy faith. That one, but not an entirety, but like, to some extent, I'm learning to just like chill and like, take it easy. Yeah. Because for a very long time, I was tense and on guard, like, I was, I was so guarded and everything I did, and very like, anxious and everything I did, and I have you, I can't take a break, I need to do it. Like, remember that, I think we said it before that I can, I took like a foot and no breaks, no eating nothing to do something because I just had to do it. I just had to do it. Like, but now I've reached a point where it's like, if it's not working like that, then like, yeah, I'm breaking down all those guards, because I don't, it felt very, very like heavy on me, so I'm relaxing and taking it easy and like still doing what I have to do and everything. But also, it's a little complicated sometimes because we're painting, for instance, like, I've realized the only, which is interesting, because the only time that I can actually paint and it really goes well is when I don't plan it. Like, every single time, like, okay, yeah, let's fucking get it. Let's go and I try to force myself to enter, like, fluid states. I just end up overthinking it and then ends up looking like actually shit. You even think I don't even know if it's actually shit. But like, the day is where I just like don't, I don't think too much, I don't care. But like, I just don't be thinking, I just take, I just choose the color, the most thing I think about the color. And then I just do whatever, it ends up being something I look at and like, wow, yeah, I love this. So I think maybe that's where I'm at right now as well, where it's like, I have to be relaxed a bit. I think I'm in there. It's just a matter of looking at your life, anybody saying, what do you like, what do you like? What's working for you? What do you want to change? What do you want to keep doing? What do you like to start doing? You know, it's, yeah. What works for you, Sha? Like, at the end of the day, we're being very, very honest. Yes, there's another break from us. It's an entire production over here. If you don't already, head over to our Instagram, it's two app is in a pot and follow us there to keep up with everything we get up to. You should also follow our TikTok. It's really fun over there. The handle is two app is in the pot, underscore. And if you like to keep up with our personal lives, it's @SyriSyri_onInstagram, and TikTok, and @UnderscoreAquini_onInstagram, on Twitter, and @NU.Exo on TikTok. Okay, as you were. For real, I want to know, like, with arts, since I've talked about my small piece, I've realized I, so I was watching a Sloan video. So Sloan, you know Sloan, he's an, he's a visual artist, yeah. And he does, he's like caricatures with like the mouth and things, yeah. So I was watching a video, like, was on interview, and they taxed him to, they axed him how long does it take for you to finish a painting. And he was like, it depends, you know, it can take him like an hour, it can take him like a food day, but it, things when he starts, he does, he doesn't start until he's done. And that always, he doesn't stop until he's done. And that made me think because I was like, for me, it's so interesting because someone asked, I go ask that question, I had a meeting and I go ask the same question, like, how long does it take for you to finish on artwork? And I was like, bro, I can take a year on a, on one painting. Like, I have paintings that I started when I was in the city, and I'm still painting on them today. Like, I, I cannot really tell you when my art is, the work is finished. And then I also saw a tweet of an artist that I follow on Instagram on Twitter. And he posted, like, the work, like, early in the year. And then somebody was like, it's so interesting how the, he's posted like from start to. I forgot, he might just posted a picture and someone was like, it's so interesting how the unfinished work still looks like. Right. I think I have. Yes. And I think he quotes it and was like, huh, like, almost like, you know, is it unfinished? Is it finished? Something something? And I was like, that's exactly the same question I've been asking myself. Like, how do I know when my work is like finished? Like, or not even just like, like anything that I'm working on. Like, how do I know? Like, okay. I've reached a point where I can just drop it and it's ready to go. Like, it's ready to be untouched. I don't think I, I never knew, ever. But in the context of you and like, you're writing and stuff, how do you know when you're done? Like, I want to know I'm so curious about that because I read books and it's an end. So is it, is it easier to just be like, okay, I'll end it like this. Like, how do you know where you are reaching that point? I feel like I am a terrible person to ask because I don't think I have finished writing anything this year. I think I am like, one of you is persons to be asking. Oh, then let's, then let's confess it because I think the thing with writing is not so much how do you know this way the story ends. It's more so, how do you know you are done like? No, I don't know. I don't know. So it's like, you can't decide that the story ends when the man dies. But then sometimes the problem is, all the rules be positive, it gets the points as which the man dies. And so it's knowing when to stop anything, stop changing, which is why, like, for things like books, it's bigger than the writer. Like, yeah, the writer did the manuscripts and they came up with all those ways, but you have someone like an editor and an agent's very reason because then they tell you that, okay, it's okay. Now the direction I go and eat very good. Or this, like, that's a bit more like, okay, I don't know that I want to actually go down there because they're not kind of things that we agency from the writer. But then I think that I know, I honestly think I'm the way this person asks this question because for me, my problem has been even just starting and continuing. Like, I'm not even getting the points of ending or impossible end to know that, okay, as I'm probably going to have to end. Like right now, let's show a story that I read to you the last thing. The plan is to submit to a rising competition and it's still not impossible. But my current headache is not, but there's a weight limit. If I see that, I have a, but where I am in this story. You've never, I've not said anything. Yo, and now that's my headache. Like, it's trust me, I've not touched that document for like three weeks. So again, I don't know that I'm the bit, I asked me this question again next year. But how does that make you feel still? Because like for me, it's been something I've been like, bro, how do I know when to stop touching this thing? Like, oh, I think sometimes you just kind of feel it. No, it's true. It's not like that's the most logical thing. Like, this story isn't a good place and the other thing about rising is that it can be so subjective. It's not as it can be. It's a very subjective thing in that even the way you rise your team, you think you've planned your story. You've set up the plus like this. You made the characters go in this way and then there's the final thing. Somebody will read us the book and then do it. Same thing with painting, bro. But I find that beautiful still. Exactly, so then in that way your work is never finished. Because I think the beauty of us is that the story would kind of continue with where life is. Exactly, you were fantastic. That's like, you know, exactly as we did. Correct for 1020. Like in that sense, your work is never finished. Yeah, your work is never finished. Because I promise you, people are put out books. 100%. I guess that maybe no one is ready to share it with the world maybe. I'm going to part of an exhibition and one of the things that the curator was speaking on was. One of the things that curator was speaking on in terms of the theme was just how the arts lives on more or less. Which was crazy because like I have been really thinking about that a lot about how. I've been watching how people perceive my arts in when they see them. They say, oh, this is not like I didn't even think about that. Or like they find a new meaning to it. And I'm like, that's really what it's all about. All I do is convey what is in my mind on there and what people decide to like receive. That's entirely up to them. And because of that, the art continues to live on and form new meaning each time. So I'm really excited to see like and also just also the physicalness of the physicality of it too. It will change over time. Like if it's great and things like that, like I made a painting where I put like like actual flowers on it. Just because I love the concept of them dying over time. It's through there. The flowers are now dry in there. And I feel like that tells a story on it. You knew like things right or something. You know. So there's an artwork and there's a woman holding it so the bouquet is next to her. No, no, it's just real flowers. Like I wanted it to just that was the art team. It's not necessarily like I had like a pre notion of what I wanted to do. I just wanted to put flowers on it and I like the fact that they would eventually die. So yeah, like I was just looking at my paintings. I was just looking at my painting and I was like. The fact that I painted something, this is one painting. The one where I was taking on my TikTok. That painting I said when I was in uni. I did it first when I was in uni and it was just like one background. Because at the time that was my limit. That's what like the concept was and I was like, wow, it looks great. And then I feel like a few years later, I had another concept of like doing different color gradients. Because I was like, I saw online some way and I did that. I was like, yeah, it's cool now. I like it. And it was like that for a long time. Which painting was it? It's the girl looking through here. It's mostly pink and red and you can go look at it. But anyways, this I had after I did all that's like in lines. I stopped there and it had been like that for a long time. I was in like, yeah, it had been like that for a long time. I thought I'd finished like uni, I've worked, I've done it in this year. I just wanted to like add an image on it. Why? Because I reached a point this year where I was like, I want to add more subjects to my paintings. Because I want people to see something they can relate to. And so I added an image. And then I'll further down the line to the end of this year. I thought after I added the image, I was like, yeah, I'm done. I was like, I'm done. The painting is, yeah, perfect. I love it. It looks so great. Done. Then this year, I started working glittered this year. I'm working on the painting, which at the time I started painting it. I called it Aitaya because I was tired. It has transformed into something called pvd different now. It has blown my mind how it has transformed. I said it's the painting of the year for me. In that, I feel like it encompasses everything that I've experienced this year on a painting. And now the name is no longer Aitaya. It's going to be called eyes to the sun because that's what it has become now. Based on everything that I've experienced. But it's just never finished. I know I have so much. Yeah. And I was being a creative. Being a creative kid. Creative kid. You bought your brain just to do it. Just dustings. It just dustings. But yeah, I find it the reason why I really liked the video with Emma agreed and Tracy. Which is why I was like, yeah, we great talk about this because it was about business, right? But then the press, the angle in which they were having that conversation was just exactly it was so personal. And so it was, you know, because you see videos where they're talking about business. And it's very, very like technical. And yeah, she's still waiting till like the technicalities and things. But then it's sometimes we don't talk about like how important, yes, and our personal perspective. Because right now we both said different things. We both said similar things. I think it's important for people to like, you know, grasp that. Especially entry next year as well. And the yeah of the fighter horse. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. The other thing. Like on a thing that I really enjoyed about this video. But particularly about listening to Tracy's people's head language. Like head choice of ways. She was beautiful. Oh, it was beautiful. It's very, me, I'm a right. Some of these are the things I like. No, I love when I try to articulate themselves to work. Yeah. I was also just a great reminder about the importance of the language we use on ourselves. Like the way we speak to ourselves is very important. Where, you know, and we know it like, and I feel like in Ghanaian culture, for example, we like things. Hey, don't say that. Say it. Go for me. No, I'm 100%. Yeah. Hey, don't say that. And what's going to power? What's what? What's going to power? Yeah. It's true though. I felt like, I felt like for a long time, we resumed that policy and law for very specific situations. Yes. And so, those same Ghanaians don't remember that these things you are saying to somebody might leave such a long lasting impact on them. Yes. If they say something like, I don't know. I was like, go for a bit. Don't say that. Go for a bit. I'm just like, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I'm saying or manifesting. It's important that the ways that leave your mouth are kind. You have to be very kind to yourself. But it's more importantly, the ways that you think to yourself and internalize. Yes. Those have to also be kind to yourself. Yes. It's an all-rounded thing. You like, if you don't speak kindly to yourself, when other people don't speak kindly to you, it breaks you down so much. Yeah. Because you don't realize it, but it's like they have validating certain things that you kind of already believed about yourself. Because you weren't saying kind things to yourself. But if you strongly believe in the kind ways that you continue to speak to yourself and tell yourself, when other people say things that are very contradictory to what you have come to believe, while it's maybe a bit like obsessing and whatever, you won't immediately hold on to us truth. And it wouldn't break you down in a way that's like someone who didn't hold that kind of space for them for themselves. Like, it won't break you out of the way it would break that pace and you know what I mean. So Tracy was saying something like, when her stepfather died, she discovered that there was a possibility that it would always be okay. Yes. And always hold space for her. Or that's part of yourself when you consistently speak kindly to yourself. It's not a part of yourself that just exists 24/7. It's not like, I guess we all have like an inbuilt version of that thing, but the size of that voice in your head. Like the volume or how loud that voice is in your head is dependence on how often you speak kindly to it. That's actually something that for the meditations that I've been doing, it's so funny how I am. Because I've been like this my entire life. It's not that I'm really leaning into it's part. Anyways, the meditations I've been doing is a practice of stillness and completeness. Like in your mind, don't entertain your thoughts. For the longest time, when I've been doing meditations, they always tell me to clear my clear mind and I've been struggling. Like how do you clear something that I am not controlling? I'm sitting here and I'm sitting here and talking to you right now. The idea is just coming into my mind. I'm thinking, I should listen to you probably going through things. Like how do you clear your mind? But what I learned from this new meditations, it's not a matter of clearing your mind. It's like witnessing your thoughts and witnessing the things pass you by. You can't entertain what you want to entertain. You don't have to. And I think that's for me at least how I view it is. That's what is that thing that lets me know that I'm always going to be okay. Like there's just this one element within me that is always still and always perfect and always observing. And because of that, I know no matter. So I mean it's been like that's for a long time. If you actually look at it, the fact that you're alive today and you are there today means that you go through some things to which this point without you probably not even paying attention to how you made it here. And that's for me the consciousness, like your conscious mind that observes everything around you. And ever since I realized that, I've been going through some. Yeah, that's an interesting point. Going to kind of like still your mind. Because then I think it comes as the thing or not again from the video. Tracy was saying like when has they've died? She learned not to just rush through the emotions. When bad things happen, you accept the wholeness of life and that's not a good thing to have about the bad things that happen. And you make room for yourselves to go through those things. And I think it's interesting to think about it. Think about it, I was like, yeah, you're this one person and so many things will keep happening. Yes. But you don't have to be entertaining. And it's something that I have felt. Because I actually have money. I won't move. I will sit still. I've been doing it for the past two months now. So I'm almost shocked at what it was. How do you think of nothing or distracts you? Nothing. You just allow it. So it's more or so. I can't really explain. It's the person who I've been fully using guided meditations. But now I've kind of stopped because I've reached a point where I don't need it. But then he explains to you, like, you just sit down. You think it's uncomfortable. Sit through the discomfort. Your mind is like, hey, it's nasty. Like, it's nasty. But they're telling you don't entertain it. Like, sit through it. The only thing you should make you should be intentional about is not entertaining the thoughts. Like, when maybe like, I was there and I'm like, hey, I have to pay for this. Just don't entertain it. Just stop. You know, the more you do that, the more you realize that like that. Doing that made me realize I can't go through anything. If I can sit down, where things are suddenly things going to attack my body from the other realm. Where you are fine, but not something that's that jam that you cannot feel under your skin. Mosquito is touching you. No, no, it's coming to scratch me. Like, oh, man of things. My leg is falling asleep. And I sit through it. The sun is scorching at it. My eyes, I can't feel the red from the sun in my eyes, but I'm still there 20 minutes. No movement. Stillness. I can't do anything. Even though I'm frowning in the gym, I can't do it. Like, it has really taught me like, hey, I'm really going to be okay. Why? Like, what the fuck? Like, we are resilience people. And it is unfortunate that the world has become such a place where it's not easy to see how resilient you are and how you can. It's really unfortunate. But then we really are. And I really treat everybody to tap into that place where you're always okay. It will take you to life because the bad things happen if you do. Because in all this, like, some some fuck shit. I'll tell you that much. But I found it. And like, I found it entertaining. It was always like, wow, I would crush out. Hashem was even like, wow, I'm so proud of you. I'm like, guy, I'm proud of me too. Yeah, honestly, this year has been, I really, I am grateful for this year. Like, I feel like this year was a very important year. The things that even like started coming towards me, like in terms of like the media I consumed. The things I've learned, like the conversations I've had. Everything was just supposed to happen as it was supposed to happen. And I'm a whole different person at the end of the year. And I am so grateful for everything. And for everyone who was who I love and has stuck in my life right now. I'm glad you said that because this was the other thing. At the end of the year, I feel like I'm point by. Actually, the last thing I want to talk about. Yeah. So when you talk about like everyone, like, before we were waiting your life. So what I had recently was that it's building your life, showing up, doing. It will be hard. Allow yourselves to go through it. And surround yourself with people who allow you to go through all their emotions with love and safety. Tracy said something about looking for comfort and solace, solace during her difficult days. And people she knows, into brackets, love hate. And not searching for us on the internet with strangers. I think that a huge reason why we have seen a decline in community and the rise in the loneliness pandemic. Because people don't have enough wholesome, good chance to vent in. So we bring everything to the internet. Yes, it's your Twitter, but truly, this meltdown shouldn't be a public one. And I say this because who you surround yourself with is very important in building your dream life. And I think that it's, it's a lot of this conversation. It's been very like I and me, and you know, talking about what we have done, what we are learning and what we are going to. But I think this conversation will be very incomplete. If we don't acknowledge that you cannot do it alone. You can't. And community kind of like very different things for everybody. For some people, if you are religious, your faith plays a huge role in that. And so you have like people that you fellowship with, you go to church with probably to Bible study. I would like to think you also just have really like conversations about life. Yeah. I just very hard. If you are not religious, probably just like you and your friends and like constantly meeting and talking about life and updates and checking on each other. Or family, like you have siblings or you have aunties or your parents, depending on where your relationship with them is like. And at every point in time, it's important that you know that you have people who are around you and who hold you on the days that you can't carry yourself. Yeah, because that's the essence of community here. It is being able to occasionally take a step back and just lean on certain people knowing that they will carry you with safety and care and love to where you need to be. Yeah. And so when you are going through hard things and going through like difficult days, it's definitely more bearable when you have someone else that you can talk about it. It's something I say to my students up is easier, but I think that's, I don't know that that's what will be true for me because nobody will understand me. More than someone else who knows me. Yeah. I don't know. But yeah, I think that I say this because I wish that people would be more intentional in building community and crafting communities around them. Because I think we live in an age where we kind of equated community building to money, spending money, using money to win people over, using money to keep people, using money to control people. Yeah. Like your relationship with somebody should be able to stand a test of time and discussity of money for real. Like, if that's what we don't have money, what's would be mean? Like, you know, kind of people would do something where it was really nobody has to talk about money. You brought up. I feel like people haven't felt real relationships before. Because, yeah. So, like, I don't know. I'm saying bring back teachers, like pick two friends and create a good chance with them. Now I'm being so dead as you can start from there. Pick two friends and start a good chance with them. And just be like, listen, they're so beautiful that I tell half my life to say, you know what? We are currently. Oh yeah, now we are on their platform. Welcome platform. To this reputable platform. Where we discuss the daily online platform. Yeah. Start from there. Because truly, truly, truly, truly. There are so many things I have seen the light of Twitter. That should not have, bro. I know they should not have. No, bro. Like, I don't want to do that. I have to scroll quickly because I'm like, there's no way you just said this online. Like, nobody forced you to say, you just decided you want to tell us. So, yeah, I just want to say bring back teachers. Like, find, like, make friends, be rational, be creative. Like, do things. Me right now. No, I mean, epic. I've been saying it. So, I'm about to have a very whole sum of Christmas because I don't mind me. I'm picking people and I'm bonding with you. That's what's related to them. Oh my goodness. I'm being so serious. But, you know, like, I think that shouldn't neglect the importance of. No. Because I think that, I think that's really what it is all about. I think that's what my perspective, like, like, that's what it's all about. You build yourself, but then also with your community, with the people around you. That feeling you get from, like, spending a good time with people that you love and, like, you guys being in each other's spaces, having conversations, giving back to them, they're giving to you. It's amazing. Like, it really does feel like, yeah, this is what's all about. Like, this is really what it's all about. But, in the past couple of years, I've really gotten to understand the importance of community. I feel like we say that a lot on this podcast. It's important to, like, it's really important to have people in your space. It pushes you further. You can do more things with less money. And I think it's, it's true. You can do many things with less money. I don't even mean, like, oh, the more you are, the less. I just mean, like, you don't need money, like, to have a good time with people. Like, you can just have a genuine time with them. And I honestly think people haven't felt what it's like to have, like, a friend that's. You can do, you like, anything goes like, bro. You can be yourself, authentically, hundred percent yourself. Having people like that, that you can express who you are towards. It's good for your personal good as well, because now you're getting insights. Oh, so this is how I show up for people. This is how I am. So, don't isolate yourself. And please, for the love of God, it's true. Please stop telling us your business. Hey, like, some of these things should have been in the group chat. You should have let that in the group chat. Like, you see, also this way, I have to general lose. Sometimes, just write that thing in the book and look at my room. Oh! There are certain things I won't talk about if I haven't generaled about them face. Exactly. You realize, by the time you reach in, I realize, okay, nobody else. Yeah, and nobody else knows it. It's kind of crazy. I wish I had, like, nobody else to know. And it's not only about how, like, I think it's important to know the why. Not everybody has good intentions for you. Also, sometimes, sometimes it's just very stupid. It's not, you don't need, like, 10,000 for the internet to escape. Please, like, you don't need 10,000 to a million for telling you how stupid you are. Like, hey, that's a lot too. I think you write it down and realize it for yourself. Thank you so much. Like, realize it for yourself. That's the thing, even 10,000. But then, you are pushing on a platform that can go from 0 to 100 in seconds. And now, you're like, oh, fuck, your whole life is kind of like, as someone who has experienced something like that before. Me, personally, I was pretty sure. But, like, I always tell people, like, that's a lot. Because you go outside thinking that people are like, you know, it's a lot to have that kind of weight on your shoulders. And sometimes, it's blown out to proportion. Yeah. They take something, like, for instance, they took something that, and they tell you something completely different. That I was not involved in in any way, shape or form. They are calling you on my number of things. So, anyway, I don't even intentionally do it to you. So, please write it in the book. Or call your friends. Tell them about it. Let them call you stupid. And then, you keep your life pushing, honestly. Let's share around them. This is what's happening. Just see it over. I just had juice. Hello. What happens to, you know, sharing less on the internet? Yeah. Because, anywhere. Community. Number one. Inseal. No. That's what isolation is zero. Yeah. I have an answer. There's something I want to share. Unsafe space is crazy. What? Gone. You know what I'm beginning to dislike of leaves. What's that? All these skin stugs. These contact gritties are doing the name of art. You are no good. I'm tired. I'm so tired. Yeah. I'm so tired. Charlie. Just come and tell us what I think he's supposed to do. Like, I don't know. I feel like they are trying to be creative. You know. I feel like they are more creative ways. How would you do it? I don't know. I don't know. I feel like it's. Oh. I was going to say that I feel like pick something that is. What's the weight? Something that's natural. Something that comes naturally to you. It's like. I feel like the only time it really works is when the real skits make it. Like, hop on that. Like. If someone likes. If someone likes the real skits make it. If someone likes the real skits make it.