The Life and Legacy of Ida Long Pt. 2

Welcome back to Roots to Rafters. This is episode three, part two. In part one, we traced the early years of our great-great-grandmother Ida Pramili along. Her childhood marked by tragedy, the hardships she endured, and the painful choices she had to make just to keep her family safe and together. In the second half, we're diving deeper. Not only into the details of Ida's life as she left Thomas and began to rebuild, but into what came after the ripple effects through generations of women who carried both her pain and her perseverance. Together, my mom Becky and my sister Elise and my cousins Gracie and Marley and I talk about how those old wounds have echoed through our own lives. How we've inherited not just the strength to survive, but also the responsibility to heal. This conversation gets raw and real. We talk about what it means to face the hard truths of our families past and how to rewrite those patterns and how the broader sisterhood of women continues to fight similar battles today for safety, for voice, for freedom, and for peace. So take a breath, settle in with us, and let's continue Ida's story from the ashes of what she escaped to the foundation of what we're still building. One question that I thought of for everyone is just hearing these aspects of Ida's story and seeing her strength and adversity and overcoming so much and also experiencing so much hardship. Do you feel like now hearing more about it? Do you feel any connections or like patterns within your story or your family or anything that like that? I think I'm very generational trauma-minded. So I just think about like the patterns that we find ourselves in and what could have been passed down like unfinished business that was passed down from our ancestors that you feel like Rachel's talked about. This feels like her assignment for their thing is that I feel like have been passed down to you or any connections or things like that. I feel like a big thing I've noted because I don't know necessarily a ton about her story yet, but a big common theme I'm seeing is like independent women and/or like being very strong in even in the hardships because like Mary and Becky all of you have been very independent and successful in different ways but like even seeing that from like more modern to back when like how much progress has like not only in our family but in society as well that like it's changed a lot there's still ways to go but it's really interesting to see like family how like back then she was like she was able to get so much done in her life even when like it wasn't that wasn't like social norms so I feel like that's one thing I've seen a lot so far. Well and I remember hearing stories about Papa's mom Florence and like her being like really independent and and like she from the stories it sounds like she very much had ADHD. I remember hearing something about like she got on a bus and like the bus took off and she like flew like flying and like she was clumsy and like I don't know. Yeah I went downtown with her one time and we'd have to catch the bus the the street car. Oh you were there when it this happened? No I mean I had my own little adventure but I was there and and so she they were buses when I was riding with her but she still called it the street car we have to go catch street car and of course you know she's running behind and and so we had to kind of chase the bus a bit and we got on it and anyway we made it. I mean we were going shopping. I'm making a joke. Oh that's so surprising. It's so shocking that a handling woman was running late. But it was it was so much fun we I mean I thought it was but you know we she took me down to the market for shopping and she you know that was she didn't really go to a grocery store it was you know she go from spot to spot and get some carrots here and come back here. Right. If you have been to that to that market and we did it Trevor's wedding wheel. You I mean us that I'm immediate family. Yeah. Had breakfast there or something. What's it calling it? That's the the market. I don't remember. Yeah it's like an indoor it like like it it's a really cool building. It looks very industrial building. That's cool. And it's like it's like a golden mill. I don't know but I'm in public market kind of place. I had a really good house I able there. Yeah there's like little booths and you can like go. That's cool. Yeah and at now you can get an house I able but like that it was probably more like you know tomatoes and yes potatoes. Yeah but yeah and they would go to the you know corner bakery even like I said when I would go visit her. I mean I'm sure there were some grocery stores like a little bit like what we think of. Yeah but now you can go to the grocery store and get 30 kinds of Oreos. Yes. Yeah right. Yeah but the other thing was Florence was was a wonderful seamstress and I don't know where you got here. She did teach me. Yeah. I don't know where she were along the way. She picked it up. But maybe being a house worker. I can't remember exactly what. Yeah well so the the next part of her journey was it didn't work out in New York City and so she went to Moin Iowa with. Davenport. Davenport yeah. And so she had two uncles there, one uncle. I mean there was quite a few. Yeah it was quite a few like his most of his family stayed in Davenport like Thomas and his brothers brothers and sisters almost all of them stayed there. Yeah so I imagine she picked up some good things there because it sounded like as best as I know that that was kind of a healthy. I don't maybe you've done something else. I am well there was a reason why he was a person drunk in gambling. Well anyway she she was with cousins and and met her best friend and and that was her teenage years through getting married and so she might have picked up this only then. But yeah she passed it on. I enjoyed when we'd make doll clothes when she came to visit. So that was a lot of fun. Yeah that's her uh wire great grandfather your grandfather. With a friend they got kind of best I think or train and went from Indianapolis because they were living there. Went from Indianapolis Davenport and I guess I think maybe his friend had already met Florence's best best friend and he's like hey I got a girl for you. They got it on the train and then they met and then I don't think it was very long after the day of having a double wedding where best friends and best friends. They got me. They stood up for each other. Yeah so she and Patrick had a Catholic wedding and her friend had a Protestant wedding so they um fell in the same day I believe it was yeah they were each other's witnesses too. When you look at the wall it's like they each signed you right yeah yeah so yeah and she helped in in her healthcare help she helped her friend actually got TB later and so she helped that she wasn't the main help but she would go sometimes and help care for her. Wow that had to be hard yeah and she did pass away but they had quite a few years they were able to stay besties in Indianapolis. Yeah well and um and even her sisters like the blanche she worked at the Indian cafe. I think it was called yeah and she made baked pies and actually we should have brought it um have the menu and found it on eBay and it says pies with cheese right yeah yeah that's a thing. It is a slice of cheese. I have not. Yeah yeah that is slice of cheddar cheese with their apples. No it's a good thing it's a thing. Yeah take you out. Oh my gosh. And then her son actually ended up so he passed it on. He baked pies at the Air Force Academy because they were in Colorado Springs. Yeah Papa told me. It had to be true unless he was around for that. Yeah yeah that was just causing the work for the Air Force Academy but yeah baked all the pies so I would love to find their recipe but maybe the Air Force Academy has it maybe it's what they're using to this day yeah you tell us. It's gonna get this viral if you get her a recipe. And then Dorothy she oh well she did something pretty unique too but now it's I'm totally the Air Force Academy. I know that's not unique but that's what pops in my head but she was industrial I guess is what I'm trying to industrious. Yeah she definitely worked and um yeah the pies just stood. Oh Papa always talked about the pies. Yeah of course Dorothy was in California so you know we don't have as much connection as far as the places and things. Yeah but she was around for a while. I was gonna say is that the reason why he hitchhiked to California. That's my dad. Oh no that's a story. That's very so many times. It had Florence and Papa get rides to Colorado sometimes when they were traveling like basically hitchhiking. Well no they would there would be advertised in the paper in Indianapolis and I'd say I'm looking for passengers so I'm looking for a ride to Colorado or maybe partway I don't know how they all worked it out but yeah they would do ride chair but it was a common thing then. Yeah the early Uber. Yeah long distance Uber and take turns driving is that why they wanted it? Maybe there's probably no way. So she didn't she wasn't going to take their car. No I mean like the people advertising why would they want passengers to pay their money so like she would be a car probably couldn't make it as fast as we can make it nowadays in the car. So it's like there probably was like hotels or like boarding. Oh no there's more of the story so that when it was darker whenever they decided to stop I mean this was one of the trips so they pulled over the side of the road Papa and the man pulled some of the cushions out of the car, laid him on the side of the road or the grass or wherever my grandma slept inside the car and Papa and the guy slept on the road. When the sun came up they hit the road again. My dad loves to drive through the night. That's my favorite too. I think it's a handled thing. Yeah I think that's beautiful though because it's like big like even back then they're doing this pilgrimage to see family that live in Colorado and now that we're still doing this a hundred years later I'm still my got my flight tomorrow like literally like a little different modes of transportation now but I think it's really cool to see that there's like this like similar like commitment to like see family even though it's like not easy and like and it's a lot easier nowadays like I'm complaining about an early morning flight and they're like on the road for a couple days. Well it's also probably a lot more expensive. Yeah that's true that's true that's the way that's so yeah so I think that's even like a cool thing too that it's like wait we're really not that different we were doing like similar things to see the ones we love so it's cool. Yeah I don't like that. So much connection between Indiana and Colorado. There's so much back and for us then doing the thing over again. That's one of the things that like feels very strange and serendipitous about all of this it's like like as I've dreamed about this vision and stuff I've always kind of like seen it as a circle of like going back to history and bringing the story back to tell it you know for future generations and things and it's like just in my mind it's always been a circle you know and like even physically it's like Indiana Colorado and Indiana Colorado you know. Yeah it's crazy. We had some unfinished business. Any other thoughts on my question if anybody can remember it. I got you I got you you know I was gonna say that I think the thing that's sticking out to me too is just like this idea of like resilience and I just like and not even just I'd have been like kind of what you're saying like so many people because it's like she was that oldest daughter who kind of like set an example I think and so I think you just seeing like no matter like what the fear was of like society or like even just like care for like children and like the people she loved that there was like this idea that there was like something better out there and then it's like worth it no matter like what the cost is and so I think like that is just like really beautiful to see too that it's like we're all like very resilient and like our own like unique ways and like special ways and like we get to see that at like a variety of capacities and like the different places we're in like and things we do and so I think you mean just like our resilience like literally goes into our hands and like the things that we do and like the ways we want to like impact the world because it's not like we're all like doing the same career profession but it's like we're all like trying to make meaning and impact with the time that we do have so yeah it's cool it's good nice good answer good answer I remember these things I got pop his mind okay I guess my mind goes a little different I I just think having um known my grandma Florence and after the fact after she was gone as she died when you were a toddler picture together yeah yeah and um just she she didn't talk about any of these things and I so wish I could know you know her story like this or where we could ask her the questions and know about New York City what was what was what really happened there what did you learn and what why did you really you know want to get away and as much as Papa learned so much and had so many stories um you know there's still so much that we don't know and he talked about the fact that know his grandparents on the other side of the family lived in Indianapolis so he's been a lot more time with them and he talked about well they they didn't talk about that they didn't talk about that you know that was in the old country because I was one I want to know about Ireland I will you know tell me more that you what were the recipes what were the songs and you know so much that I wanted to know and you didn't talk about it they didn't that was then and they came to a new country and you know that's just the way it is and um I I just wonder you know how much more healing could have happened and how much more we could have gleaned from their lives had have they told their stories are we known to ask the questions at the time when we didn't think that there was something what the way they projected yeah because they they were happy to be in America well even one side like you know we found out that like what his papa's grand no great grandfather right was was killed by the uh British military and like like execution style and like it was they even had to they they advertised the funeral for him at a different time like they they did it like at such a such time but they did it like an hour earlier or two hours earlier because they knew that the the military was gonna come to the funeral after the and get after the family and stuff so like pain you know just and yeah I think I think there was a lot of being industrious as a means to like hope and keep yourself busy to not think about those times and put those times behind you you know like kind of what you're saying yeah I mean my dad the papa we keep talking about he had aunts and uncles that actually came to the US but died soon after um from tv and he did my sister and I helped him find them at the cemetery in Indianapolis right by the rest of the relatives that he did not know that they had come over um here and he's like uh he was so shocked that they didn't even talk about those that had died here so it's yeah and that was from you guys went looking for him after I found them on the ancestry right no we did not know about them at all we were like like where these people are named we saw the name on the tombstone um okay and we're like who are they and then because I had found because I was doing some digging to like find out why why they died and like right that's what afterwards like well how how they die and it was shortly after you know arrival and and that's when yeah then you found out that well consumption is what they um called tv then yeah and so it's just crazy how many people just like that life is over we're just I mean I'm sure it took all their energy to to survive in this new land too I mean learning language and getting a job and providing for family you know but it also wasn't like people weren't proud of you know now we were you know green and orange and you know our proud that were Irish and stuff but like at that time you know it was you know even our grandpa's and your dad's name was not an Irish name intentionally because they didn't want that like stigma so it's I think part of it is distancing yourself from the pain and then also like you know if you're embarrassed of like your heritage because of how you're treated where in the new land then like there's a that additional layer of separation from the past you know yes it's interesting with this project and stuff like you know you think about the healing that we all like you know we've all gone through things in our life and there's things that we all still need to heal from or have healed from and it's interesting to be going back and looking at what people have gone through before us and trying to kind of finish that business you know and um because I think you know there's uh can't think this name right now of course but um there's this dr. Anne um Mel Robbins podcast that talked about how much is how much pain and trauma can be passed like in vitro um and like they actually measured you know like stressors and like how that like what the mother goes through and stuff can like infect the baby and um so like there is some sort of like going back that I think is beneficial to help you understand yourself and to understand you know identify areas where you can move past it you know yeah you were talking mama was thinking too like I think we also like in modern times and our our family now we also aren't good at sharing things as much and I think it's interesting to like hear that too because I think a lot of times well sometimes when we are behaving a certain way or doing a certain thing that doesn't necessarily align with our values um it it comes from some place farther back in our history and whether that's through it modeled to us by the people in our family and in our lives that have um helped make us who we are or also just like that generational trauma that like we carry in our bodies that is passed down it's just like it doesn't always when something doesn't always feel like it fits with where we are and like our healed era or whatever it's like there's there's things that yeah from people from our history and putting into the context of history and culture helps put things into perspective too like um I think it's interesting to look at it that way and like see like that's been a recurring theme and like okay it's maybe our turn to step up and like okay let's get into it let's talk about stuff which here we are well um I already found something that I was wrong on so I hope that's right in the facts yeah um or as dad always loves to say I I thought it was wrong ones but I was or I thought I made a mistake once but I was wrong I'm a little more happy to admit my but uh so here so it was not the two boys that was the custody at least in this article um here's the headline is wed twice divorce twice now in court ex-husband one second decree modified to get custody of his daughters so maybe the uh initial was to get got the boys and now he wants to get the girls like I I'm not entirely sure but well how old for the girls then uh let's see let's see what year was it published in don't have that right here in the in the article but um they were divorced in oh my gosh that's why the wrong person is this the second time they were divorced yes I think it was 1905 so 1909 was the divorce and so uh Florence was born in 1896 so 13 wait 13 13 yeah not you're good you're good you're good yeah and Dorothy was 99 100 years 10 10 yeah she was 10 and then but it says two daughters so it must have been Dorothy and Blanch that they were talking about because she was in might have already shipped Florence and no seriously though honestly yeah because what we we just said 13 so she would have 13 was when she went to New York yeah so she was gone and so that it would have been Dorothy and Blanch um so 10 and nine nine and 10 yeah um so it says after being divorced twice by the same woman Thomas Heaney of Denver added another chapter of his domestic troubles today by filing a petition in the district court to have the second divorce decree so modify that he will be given possession of two of the minor children both girls he virtually charges his virtually charges his former wife with abducting the two little girls from St. Clair's orphanage in Denver and sets up sensational grounds why they should be taken from her uh James Miller and one Hopkins are named by Heaney in support of his claim that Mrs Henry is not yet no it must be Mrs Heaney is not a fit parent to have a charge of the children Heaney with his attorney appeared before Judge Morris today and presented their case the matter will come up for settlement tomorrow the Heaney's married first in Denver February 13th or 12th 1889 and divorce July 16th 1902 on Mrs Heaney's showing of cruelty they remarried in Pueblo in 1907 and divorced a second time here March 2nd 1909 Mrs Heaney is conducting a rooming house here there are seven children all minors three of which three of whom have been living with the father in Denver Heaney is a contractor in Denver so that's so it was actually the girls it so don't they name the orphanage in the article but they still say that they were abducted from the orphanage who wrote this article well even the first sentence they like pain him to be like the dang like y'all like peace and blessings to Heaney's like going through I was like wait what yeah just in the language like yeah twice divorced by the same woman like yeah making it seem like she's the problem yeah and naming that they divorced over cruelty but she it was like I just said that it was cruelty yeah it's like not painting a great picture yeah like the like the names that they named that like we're like four Thomas to help get him like so interesting so feel like that time period is just like from what I've seen and read and stuff is like it's all for like again not that it's bad but just like that time period was so like pitted against women trying to be independent and do their own things and very much like if they're not listening they tried to kind of like pin it against them or like like no I'm in charge but like that works sometimes yeah like women were put in insane asylum for having normal emotions about things well no they it was also used as a threat yeah to get women to comply it's like because all the all the men had to do was claim that they were hysterical and they would be put away and so it's almost like a threat to like keep them in line yeah but yeah oh god I'd have persevered yeah and it's a testament uh he was probably trying to keep it together I found another one here it's uh this is after the first divorce and she said Ida he need today's security divorce in the county court from Thomas he need on the grounds of cruelty on the witness stand the plaintiffs testified that her husband had the devil in him bigger than a horse the couple were married 14 years ago that's poetry right there yeah and then here's another um this is where it talks about uh another one that's talking about the kidnapping by mutual consent of both parties district judge Morris yesterday gave the children which wasn't Morris wasn't that the name of the person that said he was in support of Thomas Heaney Jim Morris oh maybe so maybe some exclusion there well like I mean I guess we don't know but potentially like like a lawyer or someone that would maybe be like good name for society be like oh yeah they're a good person but realistically it was just because they had the power yeah yeah they gave the children of Thomas Heaney and his divorced wife Ida heaney to and of course like even that language the divorce life to their grandmother miss Alameda Flynn until their father had has prepared a home for them after which they will be given into his keeping the children are the children are six and eight years old respectively the father accused the mother of kidnapping the children the the couple have been married and divorced twice I know there's still kids going through stories like this you know but I can't imagine those kids oh yeah just even like what kind of rejection do you feel what must he have told them about their mother you know and like I can't be with my mom and I can't be with my dad what does that say they were really poor I mean did you that's what is that one I found a part of it it's like the first half but it's got cut off so I know I've got it in here somewhere so here's the one that talks about how rough they had it hera it's holiday season home season heart season and every warm heart in Denver is beating to the jingle of Santa Claus's bells read this letter from a heart sick hungry little girl and see what you feel like doing when you read it from Florence Heaney 2719 East 3rd Avenue Denver Colorado Saturday December 16th deer Santa Claus spelling was a little that probably not as much education at that point it's okay I do 14 she said I'm not a spell Santa you know does she does to say how long she is I think she does later I think yeah she is pretty young too um my go ahead deer Santa Claus will you remember me and my little sisters and brothers I have four brothers and three of us girls and my papa has only his left hand and you know he don't get but very small wages and he is not in Denver and deer Santa will you try and send all of us something for Christmas we have no shoes and our stockings is a whole out is our stockings is all wore out and will you send us some clothes and a few nuts and some candy just a little for each one just a little for each one mama says we won't have any Christmas because we are too poor my brother Paul is 11 years and we are younger than him if you want to see us come to 2719 East 3rd Harman take 4th Avenue car or take 4th Avenue car let's be like tree car the street car and then it says Florence Heaney it's his nice way to face Christmas isn't it seven children in the house no Santa Claus on the way and not even close enough to keep decent in on Christmas Day so Paul was 11 so she let's see shoes two years younger so she would have been nine my question was who were the youngest Ira and Elmer so at the time of like the custody battle were they were born right yeah so why if they were the youngest it just made me think of like why specifically the two girls I kind of wonder if he had already gotten custody of the two boys possibly and he was like okay I'm gonna go after the girls not too I that those are some of the things and so so I have the records pulled for all of her divorces and so we'll find out more and we read the case studies but the custody battle is pretty it's like so the way Colorado laws work with records officially divorced records is if they're a hundred years old or older then it can you know anyone can ask for the records but like custody battles and where it I think it was can't remember the words the language that they used when they were responding to me but basically it was like I suspect he was calling her hysterical or something like that and so it was like when there's more sensitive information in it I basically have to get a um a lawyer to help me like get access to those records which I want to do it just might take a little more time to get that so I'm hoping once we can get that access to the records and start looking through more of those details we'll see more of the facts from that or by like getting in contact with some of the distant relatives that might be you know from Ira and Elmer and Blanche that like stayed local that might have gotten more of like letters and diaries meeting or this or we're closer to the stories you know but again we don't know what they even talked about them right did I just stay in Colorado her all right yeah she did I believe her and her husband her third husband fourth marriage Fred I believe they lived in California for a short time but I don't think it was very long and they ended up dying or she died in Colorado how old was she I think yeah she does it at the top in her 64 to 25 so 89 yeah not quite 90 almost 90 she was alive when I was born but I never met her I was thinking about how crazy it was when we were learning about war angles and how she went on their plane like she was born so I was born in 1876 you do 75 75 and then died in 64 1964 that's like a lot of history yeah well and they came here on a covered wagon yeah like it's crazy true pioneers yeah I don't know what the dates have like I just watched one of the yellowstone reboots so I was like wait those are really similar time frames that is not necessarily true but they show but they try to do like to stay very close to time periods yeah yeah like what life was like for them very interesting yeah and I recently found an article that talked about specifically to Colorado Springs that talked about like what life was like back then because they were there was an advertisement in the newspaper about trying to get people to come migrate to Colorado Springs to like build up the town and they were like talking about what the weather was like and what kind of plant like vegetation but yeah not vegetation but like what kind of crops do well in this environment and what you know it was like really interesting I haven't saved somewhere but there was a lot of false promises from many states during those days very true what he was trying to film up and get enough to become a state and all that kind of things going on yeah it's true wait I don't know if I'm done for this when did Colorado become a state I got to I'm literally I feel like I'm just googling a lot of things over here on the name 1876 first first four in C night yeah so I'm like you're after she was born yeah that's crazy August 1st and then she moved when did they move to Colorado um they moved in oh no uh well what have been this was 84 oh wow so she was in Kansas in 1885 and she married four years later in color so at some point she you know went to Colorado actually I had the homestead documents so I can figure I can find that out but maybe she was I mean we know uh her stepdad was the one leading the charge on where they were going but maybe that was the advertisements were part of the enticing episode two yeah it just clicked I don't remember it's been a long time since I've read the little house books but you know they made several moves too I mean those pioneer people were always looking for you know the the next big place and where they really you know do well and one a lot of it was to like how many people and you know how much you could trade and you know so like how developed the area was had a lot to do with it and then some of them if four more people moved they were it was too crowded and they need to move on to the next place yeah well and um we didn't really get into it too much we kind of just briefly touched on it too but like Thomas's parents were fresh off the boat and all of the children I believe were born in the US but they started and they came to New York spent some time there some of the like family members stayed in New York and then some of them continued on to Davenport and that's where like a lot of them settled and like it was at the time there was a lot of conflict with them and the police and I actually got in touch with somebody from ancestry and she's like have you heard of the the murder of the policemen and I was like no she's like oh yeah that's a whole thing and she's like I was actually in the Davenport police station and I was sitting there and I look up and I see this article posted on the wall still to this day as far as I know talking about this murder of a policeman and it was the Heney's family friend I believe and one of the brothers and a cousin I think the well a bunch of them were all out celebrating someone getting married they got rowdy or something I don't really know all the details but there are actually a lot of details that like are documented because there's all these different newspaper articles that I've since found that describes each of them like his sister like they talked about like how pretty she was and how she like manipulated everybody and like oh so it was crazy oh my sister yeah my gosh of course is probably a guy riding this yeah yeah and like and it described like what the each of them look like in like great detail it's like I'll have to find some of that stuff too but they like he had to take the stand and testify against his brother and his cousin and he took the stand it described him having only one hand and that it was cut off in a mill accident when he was younger and he at the time I think he was like 17 or 18 when he had to take the stand probably means he went to Colorado right after yeah so kind of makes you wonder if he was running away from that whole situation and the family name probably was hurt a little going through that whole thing um so you know it's hard for me when I think about what she went through and like some of the horrible things he did like you know the custody and putting the kids in the orphanage like all those kinds of things that it's like really hard not to just think of him as like a monster you know but his blood runs in our veins just the same and like hurt people hurt people you know and obviously he was running from stuff and had some demons that he wasn't working through and was ignoring and drinking away and you know how do you face his demons and like work through it would we even be sitting here and talking about this right now you know kind of hard to think about but I think you know I always think about like when people's talk about like why does this always keep happening to me like I keep finding myself with the same kinds of guys or the same this or came the same situation and I feel like you know as we go through life we have these layers of things that we have to work through and it's like whatever thing you continuously find yourself coming up against it's almost like that's the thing that you're supposed to be working on and healing from and working through and then it's like that never stops you know it's like there's always more but it's like it's like you're never going to get past that thing or never going to run away from that thing it's always going to keep coming up you're always going to end up with the same kinds of guys you're always going to end up in that same victimhood or whatever that might be unless you stop and say okay I'm listening you know I'm hearing I'm picking up what you're putting down you know and facing it and saying okay what are you asking of me what do I need to work on and I think that runs through like some of the things that our ancestors didn't like pushed away and ignored now that gets to come up for us and and you know as much as you can be bitter about it like it was hard you know and people didn't have the resources and didn't know as much about how the brain works as we do now and epigenetics wasn't really I don't know when that well you would probably know right when it's epigenetics so there's a lot more resources a lot more that we know now but as much as we struggle with you know the hurdles that women still deal with it's it's a whole different world there's I mean there was no welfare they're you know not that that's an answer to everything but still yeah absolutely and even nonprofits and things that you know there was an occasional family family and friends if you had them and not too many people even wanted to get involved well not a lot of times too I think a lot of like mothers or other women weren't really supportive because they were going through it too and they're kind of like this is what it is you just have to deal with it and so there wasn't as much sisterhood I think it sometimes I think there was like I look at the relationships they seem to have you know Ida and her sisters and her daughters you know I think there was sisterhood there but like I know there was a lot of stories where that wasn't the case remember that um Netflix docky series that we watched about the brain I remember watching that and having this like big aha moment they were talking about memory of course having terrible memory I was very interested in that episode and one of the things they talked about is we accessed the same parts of our brain when we are thinking about the past and when we're thinking about the future our brains use the past to predict the future like if our past tells us we don't we're not good at this if our past tells us people in our family don't do this or or we don't get past this thing or you haven't seen people that look like you and you know have the same status as you or that have same skin color than you or gender or whatever like if you haven't seen people succeed and get past this thing or if you keep going back to that same kind of guy or that same kind of situation then that keeps telling your brain that that's what's going to continue to happen um but the beauty is all of that is within our control to change it's just that's like the tendency that's that's what the go-to is because our our brains are basically trying to use our history to tell us how to keep us safe you know that's why our brains are wired that way it's like okay every time you touch the stove it's hot so you bring yourself so that it like helps keep you safe so it's meant to be a good thing but um that that thing that's meant to keep us safe can also be a thing that keeps us stuck you know and but we have the power and the ability we are fully capable of rewriting that just like I did did you know she when women didn't do this she did it she got out she started crafting her own future and um even flipping houses flipping houses before flipping houses was a thing you know and um she was a pioneer in more ways than one you know and I remember Papa talking about how she would always have beautiful flowers out front that's one of the reasons why the logo for true trafters is a Columbine it's a draft of a Columbine flower because in honor of one of the things that was important to our um it's that kind of makes me think that one of the things that was important to her was like new life and new beginnings you know because flowers are always they always go through seasons and they always come back you know and um I think that's really beautiful to think about I don't even know she knew that or she thought about it that way but a lot of times I think we are drawn to things for reasons we don't really understand but knowing that she overcame great odds you know what does that mean to each of you like knowing that that's that same blood runs in your veins and what does that tell you about what you can accomplish I've always kind of been the kind of person where if someone tells me I can't do something I always want to prove them wrong so what's that like I think that's probably also uh a human trait so I feel like I've just always kind of been like what like sometimes it's out of full but most of the time it is like even proved to myself even when I don't think I can do something try to like switch the narrative like that like even if I think it could be hard I could still do it so it's definitely certainly I mean like a mental battle for sure because sometimes I'm like oh I can't do that because of this or I shouldn't do this because of that like you were talking about but I like don't want to hold myself back in the sense of like like I want to be able to experience things in like late life um opportunities when I can so I don't want to be like oh I just shouldn't do that so I don't know for a while but like I've just tried to shut that out and be like you know what just try it just try it because worst you can do is try it don't like it find something else of course correct yes of course correct yes yeah and look at you now you are starting a new life in Colorado and you're regenerating your next your next phase just like I did yeah definitely scary at times but it's worth it yeah you're very brave you are it's scary to start on you but it's even that sometimes it's a geographic new star which we've we've all done at some point in our in our lives um and probably scariest one the first time is a few years older than us and additional generation yeah but whatever whether it's geographical or the next layer that we need to peel back the richness and depth of our life I think is it's necessary to to take those steps and do the scary thing do the brave thing do it's good yep think it tells me but for all the things that I did and overcame that I can I should be able to do my weekly discussion post putting into context of like history and the challenges but should be used to I had a lot of privilege in my life and even though they're the place that women have in the world still has a long way to go I think it just makes me feel that privilege and also want to use that for good and to help people and to do my assignments so I can continue to help people so yeah yeah one makes me grateful too but did she did the hard thing because who knows I mean we may not all of the things existed you know if she didn't do that so many so many different things could have happened if she didn't get out and so many possibilities would have been you know the door would have been closed just so many possibilities if she didn't take that step and take that risk I think it can look a lot of different ways at different times but I guess I just think in in honor of Aida and you say you know if she hadn't gone before I want to do whatever God puts before me that would save anyone in my family from going through anything even remotely close to that and and beyond that more people besides our flesh and blood the the family God crosses our paths with or do greater sisterhood yes because there's a lot still to be done and a lot of lives to be saved a lot of children rescue from messes and generations really really really important that we do it yeah well I think even as I uncovered so many things and and even you know I was really struck with this when Papa passed it's like there's so many you know normal people that like come and the enter this life and leave this life and no one ever knows their stories and there's so many I mean you know Aida was incredible and so was our you know there's so many people in our lives that are incredible but like it just was struck with like what a unique person he was and like he just he's just gone and like it's I could just kept feeling like we have to remember his stories you know because that was a big part of who he was and we have to tell we have to talk about his stories and remember to to share his stories with you know the grams and the james all the other you know generations and but like especially with Aida like there's a there's a story there's you know and she was an incredible human and she had a she had a purpose and her purpose is now like it may have taken a long time you know I there was a purpose there even before now but like there's a greater purpose that she is you know has this not even unaware of that her life is fulfilling and I think about that not ending there that like every person who's listening to her story every woman every child every man at anyone who's stuck right now like they are equally as valuable and important and they have an equal story to fulfill and a purpose to fulfill but until you actually get out of these situations and do the hard thing and take the risk take the big scary leap like you'll never even know what's possible so I would say like don't you know don't let your life just come and go in in in this lifetime like remember there's something bigger for you and there's there's a purpose that generations later what four generations five generations might be talking about these big leaps of faith that you took and so no matter what you're going through no matter where you are in life whether it's a difficult relationship or you know feelings stuck in your career or you know financial whatever is you're going through right now is that there's this isn't the end and most likely to get to the next step in your life you're going to have to take some risks and you're going to have to do some scary things but it's going to be worth it and yeah many other closing thoughts before we wrap things up well thank you guys so much for being here I know it's weights and we're all a little tired and some of us have worked a full day and so and it just means the world to me that you guys all showed up and um sacrifice your time and your thoughts and feelings and opened up for everyone listening here because it's and it means a lot to me but it means a lot to the people listening that um need to hear these stories so thank you all and I love you thank you right and with that we're going to end this episode and um hopefully you've enjoyed hearing Ida's story there's some other details that we haven't even gotten to but and there's so many more details that we have yet to discover um and uh I'm excited for you to be on this journey with us of discovery and we will continue to peel back the layers of Ida peel back our own layers um and want to hear from you if um you know you have things that you want to hear about if there's things that you're struggling with that you know you need to reach out we want to hear from you um and just we want to encourage you to keep going don't give up um tomorrow is bigger and brighter than you can possibly imagine [BLANK_AUDIO]