The King of Chavs, The Crimes of Canuck the Crow and more

(upbeat music) - Hey, Antara Saravan, and you're listening to World's Dumbest Criminals, an upbeat podcast about Deadbeat Crins. If you're keen to hear about the most ridiculous, bizarre and downright stupid criminals and crime stories in the world ever, you've come to the right place. In today's episode, I'll be talking about a petty criminal who won 9.7 million pounds in the lottery. Rather than letting go of his criminal past, he just found new and more laughable ways to break the law, as well as the repeater bending of Canuck the Crow, who was infamous in Canada for harassing people and disrupting crime scenes, and much more. Alrighty, let's get cracking. In November 2002, Michael Carroll of Norfolk in England, bought a one pound lottery ticket and 1.9.7 million pounds. 19-year-old garbage man Mickey was a knockabout lad who loved a drink or 20 and dabbled in petty crime. He was actually wearing an electronic monitoring tag on his ankle for being drunken disorderly when he collected his lottery winnings. They're coming a multi-millionaire in no way made him turn his back on his criminal ways and it only took him 10 years to burn through the lot of it. He gave away a few million to his family and proceeded to tear through the rest of it in a ridiculously hedonistic fashion. The Guardian reported that he bought 80 cars, including a Hummer, Alexis and several BMWs, a few properties and a football club. He also bought a holiday house in Spain and decorated it with hundreds of swords and knives that he'd bought online. The day call was what you'd call stabby chic. A month after winning the lottery, Mickey was fined 1,300 pounds for fair evading twice on the train. He could literally afford to buy the train but he chose not to buy a ticket twice. At the time of his win, he was engaged to a woman named Sandra Atkin who was seven months pregnant with their daughter Brooke. The couple got married in 2003 but she left him soon afterwards. Sandra told the media, "I left because he was frittering away 10 million pounds on drink and drug benches and was cheating on me with prostitutes." She said she was disgusted by his lifestyle of partying all day every day and surrounding himself with hangers on. Sandra got over that real quickly and the fact that Mickey would stick his dick in a toaster if it had tits. She divorced him and received a 1.4 million pound settlement. Mickey said, "I spent the rest of the money on drugs and hookers, holidays and cars." Mickey bought a 390,000 pound eight bedroom mansion in Norfolk and spent another 200,000 pounds renovating it with a pool, a hot tub and a racing track. With the buzzkill of Sandra and his daughter now removed from his life, Mickey's mansion became party central. According to the sun, he frequently hosted what he called Roman style orgies fueled by champagne and cocaine. He told the media, "Once a month I'd throw these parties spending up to 50,000 pounds in every room in my house, people would be fucking. Women would just come up to me and offer me sex. The girls would have all their gear off and they'd be serving cocaine on silver platters." Mickey boasted that he has slept with 4,000 women. Can you imagine a woman boasting about having sex with 4,000 men? Just think about how that would be received. Like, I doubt she'd be getting many congratulatory high fives. Most people probably wouldn't even shake her hand unless they were wearing a hazmat suit. In terms of how many women he plowed through in a night, Mickey said, "I think the most women I've been with in one night is eight. That's why they call me Master Mickey." Again, imagine a woman boasting about being an eight dudes in one night. The double standards are glaring. Also, nobody called him Master Mickey unless he paid them to. That's another thing. I don't mean to brag, but I've been to hundreds of hairdressers in my lifetime. What? It's the same thing. I paid them for a service, and they did it, just like Mickey and the ladies. And boy did those hundreds of hairdressers make their hair on my head wet. Hundreds of hairdressers, very wet hair. That's why they call me Master Tara. Mickey dated a witch whose name gem appears for a little while. She told the son that Mickey was particularly turned on by her when she would see him after work, smelling of chip grease. She said, "I think the uniform was a big turn on. If I came home smelling like a chip pan, he loved it." Mickey also started taking cocaine and ended up with a 2,000 pound a day habit, regularly staying up for four to five days straight. Apparently, he used to snort it through the casing of a solid gold pen because he's fancy like that. All up, he claimed to have spent a whopping 1.2 million pounds on cocaine. He told the son, "I started sniffing the world away. I wake up, do free lines of Charlie, drink half a bottle of vodka before I got out of bed. I was a full-blown alcoholic, doing two bottles of vodka a day." It wasn't just the actual drugs that cost him a lot. He also paid 90,000 pounds on bail bonds for his criminally inclined buddies. The non-stop parties that his Norfolk mansion drove his neighbors up the wall. He'd used the race track he'd built on the property to race cars and dirt bikes around his estate at all hours of the day and night. He also loved hosting demolition derbies, smashing up his cars for fun, before setting them on fire, sending toxic smoke into his neighbor's houses. After numerous complaints, the local council put his house under surveillance. The council later imposed a planning enforcement order on his property to make him close down his race track and remove the dozens of smashed up vehicles piled around his yard. Here his pals were drive around the Norfolk countryside in fancy cars, throwing big max and chicken nuggets at people on the street. He was truly living a dickheads dream and not actually getting in trouble with the law for most of it. But his luck ran out from time to time and he did get done for cocaine possession. In July 2004, Mickey was sentenced to five months jail for breaching a drug treatment and testing order imposed after he was convicted of possessing cocaine. Mickey got out of jail in September 2004 and did a metaphorical belly flop straight into a pool full of cocaine and sex workers. His hair got very wet. In June 2005, he was made the subject of an anti-social behavior order or asbo. This was after he drove through down a market catapulting ball bearings through the window of his Mercedes van, which was emblazoned with the phrase "King of Chavs". Magistrates were informed that he smashed 32 shop and car windows during his drunken spree. After his arrest, Mickey confessed to pelting shops and cars with ball bearings on 29 other occasions. Apparently, he wrote the word "sorry" on his police form. He was given 240 hours community service and ordered to pay $3,600 in compensation. This time, he left court in a gold Jeep with the number plate winner. It was reported that he'd rock up to his court cases dripping in gold jewelry like Mr. T and swinging from a can of beer. 2005 was also the year his accountant in form, Mickey, that he was down to his last million pounds. As his money evaporated, so did most of his so-called mates. Not only that, but sensing weakness, the buzzards started circling him. Mickey said, "Gangsters sent me pictures of my family. They threatened to chop my daughter up. My whole family. They were dangerous guys from a Liverpool firm, so I paid him 130 grand. They backed off for a while, then there was a bits of an altercation and the boys in London sorted it out for me." On February 10, 2006, Mickey, who had 42 prior offenses to his name by this time, fronted court yet again. He pled guilty to a fray and was sentenced to nine months in prison. Well, I guess that's one way to get him to stop spending so much fucking money. This was due to a May 2004 incident where Mickey and two of his mates had fronted up to a Christian rock gig in Norfolk, armed with baseball bats to fuck some believers shit up. Two of the concert goers even ended up in hospital. They did this in a misguided attempt to avenge a pair of girls aged 13 and 15 at the time. Yeah, I worry what girls that young were doing, hanging out with Mickey and his mates too. The court was told Mickey's teenage girlfriend had punched another girl and had thrown noodles and a drink in her face. Mickey and his mates had crashed the alcohol-free Christian disco because he thought the girls were in danger and did not realise it was actually them who had initiated the violence. Classic Mickey. He was captured on CCTV, rampaging through the Christians and threatening them, which is probably why he pleaded guilty to the charge. In January 2007, Mickey was given a two-year supervised community order for abusing passengers on a train. Unfortunately, there were no details available about what happened, so I'm assuming he drove past the train station, hanging out of the sunroof of the Humber limo and used a slingshot to shoot fried chicken into their faces. It really does sound like something he would do. By 2012, Mickey was broke on the doll and had been banned from all the pubs in the area due to his drunken shenanigans. He'd sold his mansion for less than half what he paid for it. The floors were walked with dog piss, there were blood splatters all over the walls, and anything that could have been broken had been broken long ago. Man, you wouldn't want to spray that house with luminol. It would light up like the biggest, jizziest Christmas tree on earth. He sold all his cars too. Well, at least the ones he hadn't destroyed in his demolitioned derbies or set a light for shits and giggles. "But it was being banned from the boozers that sent a bother him the most," he said. "My mugshot was behind every bar in the country, and even the places I'd behaved in over the years told me I was no longer welcome." Pubbs I'd been going to since I was seven or eight years old closed their doors in my face. If this was someone else I'd assumed they'd gone to those pubs at seven or eight years old with a parent or guardian, but since it's Mickey we're talking about, I imagine he was guzzling pikes of lager at that age. Mickey decided it was time for a do-over and moved to Scotland, hoping they'd serve him in the pubs there, and luckily for him they did. He worked as a four-cliff driver in a biscuit factory for a spell, and then spent five years as a slaughter man in an abattoir. He said he really loved that job, which freaks me out a bit. When people ask Mickey if he regrets losing all that money, he tells him that he didn't lose it. He's spent it, and he had a great time doing it. Mickey now reckons that going broke was the best thing that ever happened to him. He said, "I'd have been dead in six months if I'd carried on that lifestyle of drinking and drug-taking." Mickey eventually got back together with his ex-wife and mother of his daughter, Sandra Aiken. They were married again in October 2021 and now live a quiet life in Belfast, where it seems Mickey has been able to stay out of trouble with the law. You've probably seen the famous picture of Canuck the Crow holding a wooden-handled, serrated edge knife he stole from a crime scene in his beak. In the picture you can see the red-tracking band on his left ankle, which inspired it to become a meme that says, "You know it's a rough neighborhood when you see a bird with an ankle monitor carrying a knife." Canuck committed many crimes in his time, terrorising cyclists and male carriers in East Vancouver. Selling keys, pens and other shiny objects and riding the sky train without buying a ticket. On May 24, 2016, Vancouver police were called to the scene of a car fire in a McDonald's car park. As they investigated the blaze, the man who had set his car on fire came at them with the serrated knife. The police shot at him and he received a non-fatal injury. As investigators secured the scene, Canuck swooped in, grabbed the knife and flew off with it. Conically, the police were forced to chase the bird until he dropped the knife and they were able to get a hold of it. The Crow was said to be known to police before this incident though. He had previously flown into a police car and stolen a button from their computer. In October 2016, Canuck was messing with the police again. He came nosing around an area that they'd cordoned off after a car crash. As the cops investigated the crime scene, Canuck jumped on one of their motorbikes for a spell before flying up and taking a dump on a police van. It seemed nobody was safe from his reign of terror. He scampied into an East Vancouver McDonald's and was filmed prancing across tables, pilfering customers' meals. He was even known to fly by and pluck coins from people's hands and cigarettes out of their mouths. In late April 2017, he decided to take on Canada Post by attacking their male carriers. They responded by suspending delivery of mail to three addresses surrounding Canuck's hangout and vowed not to return to their regular delivery schedule until it was safe. The mail stoppage affected 12 people, but I really doubt Canuck gave a fuck. Although apparently some of those affected did threaten to do him in, he'd been the target of assassination attempts before. While being his usual pecky and grabby jerk-self during a children's soccer game, a man hit him with a pole, knocking him out cold. He was rushed to Vancouver's Night Out bird hospital where he spent a couple of days recovering before heading back to his usual business. Canuck spent nights with fellow crows at a local roost, but during the day he often hung out with a guy named Sean Bergman, who called him "my best friend". I was going to give Sean some shit for having a serial offender crow as a best friend, but then I realised I've certainly had worse BFFs than that. So I really should track Sean down and ask him for a few pointers on how to be a better judge of character. Sean, who also ran Canuck social media accounts, reckoned that he was attacking the mail couriers as they were nearing his nest. He had no eggs to protect, but maybe he just didn't like visitors. After a month of suspended mail deliveries, it was deemed safe for the posties to return to the area, and one of them actually became friends with the crow. Canuck would fall high down and sit on his arm to say hello. Canuck mysteriously disappeared on the 30th of August 2019. His BFF Sean posted a $10,000 reward for his safe return with money from anonymous donors. Some people believe he died or was kidnapped, but maybe he just seriously fucked up and went into hiding. It's common knowledge that people don't go into hiding unless they have something to hide. I wonder if the same applies to crows. Maybe he pissed off the cops one too many times or plucked a cigarette out of a mob boss's mouth and had a prysport on his head. To finish up, they have a few punchline crimes for you. These are cases with hardly any information available, and they sound more like jokes than something that actually happened. A woman outwalking her dog in Edgewater, Miami in March this year was bending down to pick up her dogs poo when a man armed with a knife attacked her. He allegedly snuck up on the woman from behind, the rue her against a wall and grabbed her by the neck. A witness told the police he stole the woman's bag containing her purse and credit cards and ran off screaming "Shut up!" Notly after the incident, an officer spotted a man who fit the robber's description looking out of breath. When he approached 62-year-old William Carroll, he noticed the victim's credit cards and knife and her bag were on the ground nearby. But the thing that really confirmed that Carroll was the robber was the smudge of dog poo on his shirt. Carroll was arrested and charged with armed robbery and battery. Three 20-year-old men robbed a petrol station in Palmerston Island at 2am on a Monday morning in November 2010. The terrified station attendant locked himself in a back room as the thieves stole the money from the till. Before they scamp it off with their ill-gotten gains, they grabbed handfuls of lollies from the shop counter. When the guard direived on the scene, they noticed a trail of sweets leading away from the petrol station. When they followed the trail, Hansel and Gretel style, they found the three numb skulls deviating up the money from the robbery and fructly arrested them. A 76-year-old Florida woman named Patsy Murrell was arrested for allegedly targeting her ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend in an auto-vandalism spree in late September 2021. What only did Patsy's 74-year-old boyfriend Steven dump her ass, but he took up with a 64-year-old woman straight away what a brazen young Hussie she must have been. According to the police, Patsy Downs. damaged the vehicles while they were parked outside Stevens' place in Largo at night. She poured oil into the air vents of Stevens' prize 2011 Chrysler and wrote the words "Love's Kinky Sex" and "Womenizer" on the windows in Pink Lipstick. Womanizer was spelled W-O-M-I-N-Z-E-R. "Womenizer" is a woman's. She allegedly ran the car with her vehicle, causing around $1,600 in damage. The new girlfriend's 2020 BMW didn't fare too well either. Apparently, pissed off Patsy poured oil on it and wrote the words "slut" on the windscreen in Pink Lipstick, before placing a dead raccoon on the hood. Like did she bring the dead raccoon with her? Or happened to find it at the scene? I reckon she bought it with her. Maybe she let it ride shotgun. Then Patsy plowed her car into the BMW several times to really fuck it shit up. The police reported that it was considered a total loss, adding that the insurance settlement amount exceeded $33,000. Patsy's phone GPS put her at the scene of the crime on the night of the crime. And a few days after the incident, she bought her car to a body shop for repairs to the front and rear bumpers, which included paint transfer that was the same color as both the victims' vehicles. Patsy was arrested on two counts of felony criminal mischief. You're never too old to go nuts and be a dick now are you? This brings me to the end of the episode. Thanks so much for listening. Make sure you subscribe if you want to stay up to date with your future episodes. If you enjoyed what you heard, please leave a review. Thanks to Merlin Poto, Senior Night 1970, Kim Boulder and 23DJ from the US. I say, and Rafa 135 from Great Britain for doing just that. Also thanks Sherry Lynn for telling me about Canuck the Crow. If you'd like to support the show, please head on over to patreon.com/worldsdomuscriminals. All levels get access to monthly bonus episodes, add free episodes, and higher levels also receive a variety of merchandise. Thanks so much to my new Patreon Georgia for coming on forward. I released a Patreon episode last week. It was about a guy caught on CCTV robbing several stores who tried to argue in court that he wasn't responsible for the crimes as they'd been committed by his evil twin. Two drunk fools who tried to burgle someone's house after donning the clever disguised of scribbling on their faces with permanent marker, and much more. If you want more dumb criminals in your life, you could join our World's Dumbest Criminals Podcast Facebook group or follow us on Twitter at WG CriminalsPod and Instagram at World's Dumbest Criminals Podcast. Till next time, look after yourself, stay out of trouble, and whatever you do. And commit a crime that makes you end up on this podcast.