The Jason Sudeikis Episode

Jason Sudeikis, the cousin of Jadakiss. Cousin of Jadakiss. When you guys eat, do you optimize every bite? No. Every single bite, I'm looking to take the best piece of the meat to have the right just amount of sauce with the right piece of arugula, and then I create the perfect bite every time. Check. What's up? I got one word for you. New sheriff in town. Premium. Why is the box black? Because it's fancy. It's classy. And you know what today is? Today is a classy day because we have none other than Jason Sudeikis, Mr. Sudeikis. I think it's Sudeikis. Is it Sudeikis? Jason Sudeikis. No, it's not. It's Jason Sudeikis. Sudeikis? Yeah. I've never heard that in my life. I like Jason Sudeikis. Jason Sudeikis. Okay. Well, it's a very important day because this is the first time we've ever had an Emmy. Get off his dick. Someone who's won an Emmy, plus this is Parmigiano stuffed crust pizza from Domino's. You see that? Great cheese pull. Wow. Hold on. Caviar. Wow. It really goes great with sliced sauce. The sliced sauce from Domino's is great. It is actually unbelievable. Come here, big boy. All right. No, I'm just. I have nothing but respect for the Emmy body. Oh, my God. You can talk to Jason Sudeikis. I'm excited. Jason, I think this man is an absolute pillar of comedy, and I've never met him, and I really think that we're going to really hit it off. Knock, knock. This way. This way. Hey, you prioritize. No, I'm going to let you in. Oh, okay. Yeah. No, I'm kidding. Sorry. That's obnoxious. Just barge right in. Oh, you have to jump over it. Did you know this is our first time meeting? I know. Isn't that something? Well, I know now. What do you think? But it's your first time meeting the Invisible Girl. I just ate an onion. I just bit into an onion. That's all right. So. I have. This will maybe come up, knowing Benny, but I have no sense of smell. Really? I was going to wake to bring it up. I know, but with the onion breath, it's like. Okay. Real? Yeah. Tell him that one story real quick. Right where I shit my pants? And so there was, like, dog shit everywhere. And I fart, and it just, like, fills my underwear. I'm the kind of guy who, when you play, you're like, don't leave him. Shoot him. Oh, I'm that. You're that. I'm that. Oh. Oh, no. Oh, my. Love that. Place it every time. Love those farts. Oh, my fucking God! Like, we had all these dogs at the show, because the whole premise of that episode was it was an episode for dogs. Yeah. Ugh. And people were cleaning it up as we're doing our interview, and then putting it in, like, this open container. I like that. And I was like, I bet I could eat a chimichanga right now with my head over that basket of dog shit. Did you do it? Yeah. That's a story. That's a story. Is that a story? No, that is a story. Yeah. So, literally, he goes to the, has, like, someone from the show go down to the street to get, like, a burrito, and I'm, like, sitting over the thing, just like this, going, all right. You're looking at it? Looking at it? Yeah. Like, nothing. It's, like, nothing. Wait. But, but. Your whole life. As far as I remember, yeah. Do you have a weird sense of taste, then? Because you can't smell? I have a muted sense of taste. I think it's taste bud based. Wait. So, how do you enjoy life? Like, when I see, like, his crazy stuff on there, like, with, like, sushi, like. Uni. Uni with, like, caviar on it. I'm, like, that's my shit, because that's got a lot of different textures, a lot of, like, strong flavors. But you can't taste it. You just, it tastes like you're eating styrofoam or something? No, no, no. I can taste it, but I'm tasting, like, I think it's only tongue based. I get no nuance, and the even more, like, I think incredible, but weird thing is I don't remember what things taste like. Sense of smell is so connected to memory. I think I kill myself. I can't even get you in a different world. No, but they're always tasty. That's why I get so, Taco Bell so often. I'm, like, I, what does it taste like? Oh, you don't like Taco Bell? I love Taco Bell. Love Taco Bell. Before you walked in the door, we were talking. This is how I eat. Every single bite, I really, if I'm being thoughtful as I eat, which normally I am, because I think nothing makes me happier than the two meals I have a day, lunch and dinner. Two meals? Why don't you just have one more? I want to be really hungry for the meal. That's how you keep this bod. Yeah. You know, two meals. I optimize the bite. Like, I will, like, take the right amount of chicken and smear it in the right amount of sauce and put, like, the right amount of arugula and try to make every bite count, and every bite can be different. Do you eat that way? No. Not enough. Not enough, no. Do you care about food or no? I do, but I like the going. You like the variance, yeah. I don't know how to cook. How can you even have, like, a favorite meal? Texture. It's probably, it's texture. It's definitely Mexican food. He's interfacing with preference-based. Why is it Mexican? Can you deal with it? Because you show up and you get chips and salsa right away, and I usually show up hungry. That's why. That's why. That's one of the reasons. Mariachi bands? Good vibe. No one's in a bad mood when a mariachi band is around. Except for the band, maybe. Oh, my God. Are you, like, the best baby? Are you the best baby changer ever? No. Oh, I am very good at it. You would be, but you're like, no. I always thought, like, what am I doing? I should be in the FBI, because in every movie, you know, they get that stuff and they put, they smear it on. I'd be like, I would just walk in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't know where the cadaver is. I'd be like. Where's that little snippy thing we always sniff? Oh, he could be able to smell that. If it's like smelling salts or vapor rub. Yeah, it's kind of like that. It is like that. But it's the. It's the nuance. You can't do nuance. Has this been a big part of who you were as a person for your whole life? Like, as a kid, or did it not even come up? Not even come up as a kid. Because kids, kids only, it's farts and pizza, right? Yeah. And then it was. I like farts and pizza. But smell is such a big part of farts. I know. So the whole time, are you just sitting there being like, uh-huh? Laughing. Laughing at the sound. You know, what do you think? The sound is funny. The sound is great. The sound can carry you through. You know what I mean. What does the sound shit smells like? Like, if you had a guess, what would you say shit smells like? Like, like. What? Like, what is, what is his interpretation of shit? He doesn't even know what shit smells like. I know. So what does he think? Have you ever, have you ever had a shit so bad? Wait a minute. Why? No, like, Olivia would do, like, when we were together, she would describe. Shit? She would describe smells. Would try to describe, like, what it is. You know, it's, and, you know, I have two little kids, and Otis has always had a good sniffer, and I remember being like, when he's like two, being, just looking at him, I go, buddy, you can already do something that I can't. Like, never. Never could. At two. And then he would just, like, play with my nose and go, is there something up there? Is there something up there? Like, what if you just go, I go, nothing, bud. Nothing. And it's like this. I've never met anyone like you. I don't know anyone that can't smell. Wait, what if you stink? Really? Do you know if you stink ever? He doesn't know. I don't know. That's bad. I, I, I don't think I do, but I'm also not obsessive about it where I'm like, I wear the same deodorant, and people like. They like it. They like it. Do you wear cologne? No. Why would I? I wouldn't know what, I wouldn't know. If someone I was dating or, or, or, you know, in partnership with wanted me to, I'd do it. Have you ever been with someone who's like, hey, wear this cologne? No. I have a really good idea for, like, an activity that we could do today that just came up in my head, but I think no one else would think it's a good idea for a good activity. Are you posing? No. Do we just want to? I'm just stretching. Oh, what is the activity? Let's hear it. I Instacart laxatives shit in a plastic bag. Okay. And you smell it. Is the game just for him to smell your shit? No, it's like, by the way, that will take. I don't know. That will take two hours, but we'll be talking. Yeah, I would love, I would love it. Hanging out. It's just kind of a general background. I would love that. Of course you would. We're not doing it. But only you're doing it. I think. As a kid, me and my group of friends, that would be what we were doing that day. And I don't think we should do that because it's a ridiculous thing to even bring up. I actually don't mind. But it would be amazing, like, to have someone that's a professional, like, a fecalist, if that is a real thing. No, no, he's just going to shit. And you're going to smell his shit. Well, that, I'm down to do that. I mean, if someone has to take his shit, like, we can do it. Do it right now. I don't know if we need it. Order it right now. You're in the price. No, I don't want to smell it. It smells like something. Get your knees above your, above your belly. You know, get a squatty potty. Your shit smells like it's, like, burning. Like, his shit smells like it's burnt. Yeah, his shit, his shit. You might be able to smell his shit. He's got the type of shit you could. You never smell any shit. You can't. He's got the type of shit you could smell. I never order this stuff. Do you want me to order it, or are you like, this is so offensive? I think it's offensive. At the very end, let me, you know. No, I'm just kidding. I don't. I won't do it. He has the type of shit you might be able to smell. Let me tell you what type of shit. I'm here for three days, right? So it's like, at some point, you're going to shit. Chuck, we, I'd like, I'd like. Wait, what do you call him, Chuck? Yeah. Why? He's got a shit in a bag, and you smell it, and then I'll tell you. That's why I say, Chuck. No. Chuck. It's like a mom using a full name. Like, Chuck, stop it. It's not even a good story. Yeah, it's a terrible story. Like my shitting one? No, that was great. It's basically, basically. I set the bar pretty low, bro. No, basically, we're best friends. Yeah. We had nicknames for each other. The nickname evolved into Chuck. It was our thing. Dave got a little upset because I started calling a few of our friends. He has like a compulsion, which you probably noticed. Like, even though I, too, call him Chuck. Yeah. You probably haven't seen me ever call him Chuck. Not yet, no. Because he has a compulsion. Before he speaks, he likes to say Chuck. Well, no. He's never heard me say it ever in my life. To his close friends. Yeah. I don't. Other people are Chuck now. Yeah, he calls other people. Not to me. No, only, there's two. I respect that. There's two people that are Chucks. And then, maybe two and a half. Who's a half? Don't, we don't want them to know. We don't want them to know. Don't let them know. They don't know that. But, then, we put it on his TV show. Right. And now, the whole world calls us Chuck now. Not the whole world. But you guys started it, and you just call your other friends Chuck. So many people call us Chuck in the streets. We call you both Chuck. Oh, because you both call, yeah, yeah. We call each other Chuck. And, like, in the show, we're like. Like, best friends, and we start calling each other that. So, every day of my life, a person calls me Chuck that is not him. That is a random person in the street. Yeah, because. You oversaturate. You gave it to the. Yeah, you ruined it. You gave it to the people. No. I partially ruined it, and then you ruined it to the masses. You had final. You had editing. Yeah, you ruined it to the masses. You kept it in there. You ruined it to the masses. I kept it in there. I thought there was charm to it. It is. There absolutely is charm to it. Do you want me to. We're considering calling you BJ. Yeah, Benny. His name is Benjamin. Joseph. Joseph Levin. - No one ever calls him B.J. - Yeah. - I don't feel like you're a B.J. - Do you wanna know something interesting? Interesting things beat you. I think you could be a BJ. I do want to say would have been but not anymore Yeah, the craziest thing was for the first season and a half It was so hard for us to act because we wanted to call each other Chuck because we call each other's so we had to lie I still I yeah, it was so hard. No sometimes I edit Chuck's out of this show. Yeah, cuz there's so many Yeah, I have to like edit them out full of Chuck Right, you don't even know what that it he doesn't know what chock-full of Chuck chock full of Chuck I don't know how much would would would Chuck Chuck of a woodchuck could Chuck would I did that really well? I like no, I just know I just knew I was making a dumb Can I ask you an outfit based question but based on this outfit or one that I've never in the past that one right there You who I did Sam yeah, Sam. This is my current favorite hoodie My son Oh Does went out shopping with my sister Kristen and her partner Rachel and they bought this and he was wearing it one day There's probably about eight months ago like like and I was like, I love that hoodie I checked the SKU things and got the the number looked it up. They sold it in Adult sizes I bought two then we're in London shooting this last season. I come downstairs He's getting ready for school and he's like sitting at the table and I come wine downstairs any look and he just sort of looks like I'm like, oh, he's about to blow up my spot and he cut he goes night He goes I had that hoodie I go I know and he comes up and walks up to me now He's only like this tall and he just comes up to me like this and he and he just picks these up because These are really good to chew on when you get anxious. Oh, I know right and they fucking are his are pouring the shreds Yeah, like that's how I can tell who's who's and I'm just human being a little bit more than I realize. Yeah Yeah, you know, you don't seem anxious at all That's when I become myself Sometimes you can kind of see it even in the people that are not but I don't even see it in you Oh, no, dude. I like I like my anxiety comes out like I definitely have a small version of trichotillomania Like I pull out what's that? Like we pull out hair. Oh Like I tell us to know what that was. Did you like I've never heard maybe maybe I heard about I heard it It was long words. I've memorized as a kid. Yeah I put eyebrows you he went eyebrows or like anxiety or like when writing like if there's been like a writing session that we've just been thinking about I'm sitting there and I'm like actually my mustache and I pull it out that my makeup Gal will be like, oh you're writing this weekend. I was like, yeah, cuz it'll just be like a gap Wow, I just forget do you like OCD? I don't know With my mustache hairs. Well, yeah, right where you just touch it. Just feel it. Yeah, that's it. It feels nice I never do that. I still have hair. Yeah, but I go like this Do you do stuff to your mustache? Yes. What do you do when I was young? I used to take nair and now I pluck it. I put nair sun. Yeah, nair didn't work I put it like on my pubes and on my legs and it didn't do it. Really? Yeah. What does it do? Does it like burn like burn? I remember the smell of it was so strong. It's like it's not like shit or something It's some buy some nair some laxatives. This is your card Yeah, this card's gonna get more full How old are your kids now Otis is 11 and a half days he's nine so almost 12 he'll be 12 in April So now you can talk to your kid. You can actually have like real conversation. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, what what types of things are you guys even taught? Like what do you like when your kids 11 like like what what's he saying? Is he talking about girl like what's happening when he's like really sleepy or when we're talking about something else where he's in the back? Of the car like he did ask me the other day. Like what do you think happens when you die? Like what do you think it feels like he said yeah, but what did you say? I said, I don't know I guess it depends how you die. Like I assume you don't feel anything and let me unless it's you know How does he know? You always answer your kids honestly like that Yeah I always wonder like wait like if your kid asks you and you're like three and they're like three I think I'll do the same that sounds you know My friends did well have to remember less my friend his kid came to him and she said I get Sad all the time and she says and I don't know why I'm getting sad Mm-hmm, and she said does anyone else in the world get sad? What is that feeling and why can't I stop it and it was like a bit like rocked my friend? Yeah, just like he was like, oh, that's a tough question She's she's very hyper intelligent and at this point she was probably like five Yeah, and you know, she has depression, you know since they figured and and he was like at that point he was like Do I tell her what depression is? Do we go into it? He was like he started crying Yeah, since that day he promised like with both his kids. He was like, I'm always gonna tell the truth Yeah, and it's like and she's totally good doesn't he mention, you know, she's in therapy and all but It's like but yeah, it's crazy. Like I think it's good. It is good to tell I don't do I don't know if you guys remember I have like memories of my parents being really honest and like open as as you like ask these questions when I was younger I mean, I don't think they would say anything that would be like harmful, but I feel like it's a good thing to do I don't know if I asked my parents enough questions like that. I think yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I didn't ask them anything Do you want to know that we have the world book encyclopedias? I was yeah, do you want to know something cool though my other friend right before his dad died his dad got cancer Mm-hmm, he said I Don't know anything about my dad. He's like I know like where he was born like I know like where he worked He was like I have no idea Who my dad is as a man and a lot of I'd say a lot of people really don't know their parents that well They think they do. I asked so many questions. Yeah. Yeah, you do, but I'm saying most people don't and He took a tape recorder Every day he went and he asked his dad every question When'd you first fall in love like yeah, what was the first time you scared and asked because most people don't know that stuff Yeah about their parent like Chuck Do you know like everything about I got like my parents like a book where they can like right now, you know what? I did I sort of this is what I did So I had this exact totally forgot that I even did this until just now and I can I welcome and I have never yeah Thank you. Thank you for reminding me of something that I did and I've never even watched the footage when you had to cry No, I didn't know. Yeah, but not really use something. Oh, that's different. I'll tell you about that in a second You should remind me to tell you about that actor. Yeah, exactly I'm sorry after so this is tricks of the trade I had my parents it pretty much where you're sitting exactly hired a videographer. Yeah got a nice Good frame. Yeah, and I just asked them everything your folks Yeah, yeah for no other reason because I just didn't want to like even leave it to my memory I wanted to like have all their yeah like things I'd so I just had and I back it up on all my drives but then when I saw I started watching it and I just instantly started crying like it was the most innocuous basic question and just Seeing them talk as if I'm trying to like immortalize things Their soul made me instantly cry Yeah, the other story I was gonna say so I had a I had a scene in my show where I had to get emotional Yeah, and I thought I don't know how the hell I'm gonna do this Like I I started trying to think about sad things in my life. By the way, I've had the best life ever Nothing nothing came up like nothing I mean, that's the only bad thing that's ever happened to you and his dick stuff Yeah, I get my dick trauma like dick in your hair my hair. Yeah, like that, you know, right like you don't know Wow I Hire an acting coach for the first time. Yeah, I say excuse me. Here's my predicament I got this scene coming up like every time I haven't had many like I know people pull from their past Experiences like I don't really have many I'm like I think about like things that in theory make me sad But I you know, I just have too much awareness of the reality at hand to not Like remind myself that I'm sitting on set thinking of this thing. I just can't like and I said, please help me figure out how to do It very shortly after my first consultation with her Consultant like hearing how I think and how I talk she said, okay. Look here's what I would do if I were you she said if you don't Leave it up to chance and like you want it like I think I honestly think the best way to go about this is You ask your parents to film a video saying goodbye to you Oh, I'm like they're like closing statements and have and then when it's time to don't watch the video And then when it's time to shoot the scene watch the video and I think you'll be in good shape Like it's putting a lot of did she talk to your parents too, or is she? She recommended that I do that. Yeah, then I said to my parents. So my acting coaches recommended that and I thought She was like saying yes, my mom literally started crying during the thing Yeah, but obviously what she's saying goodbye to you I watched like ten like seconds of it at first just to see that did they even understand what was being asked of them? and I was like, yes, they do didn't watch it until the day and I like watched it. I had like a good first take and then I just kind of got over I Basically got to the point where I couldn't look at the thing and then put it down and then look up and shoot the whole Scene what I wanted was to where I would get them Most emotional was while I was watching it, but if I'm going like this, right none of that footage is and then I sit up It's just not the same. Yeah, so I had a PA Put an iPhone on a stick in the eye line behind the actor that I was talking to and an earpiece in my ear Wow, so I could just sit there and watch My eye line right and just listen to it and that's how I got the scene and I'm both ashamed and proud that that's what happened I think whatever it is command or like in a scene Yeah Saying goodbye without no, but but I'd like I'm trying to think of things that I have thought definitely at one point You know certain songs can can get me like for whatever reason like just you know there's just certain songs that that's still like wow i mean i i can pretty you're pretty pretty easily for whatever reason but the times that i've had to do it were manufactured i i remember doing coffee there we go yeah exactly now you have to cry sorry that's a crying alarm you're not crying because you're crying because like what the people are saying you're like just being like i'm gonna cry it depends it depends on on the scene if it's stuff that i've written it's usually something that's already like inside me that's that's come out like yeah you know triggered by by something yeah else but it usually comes from a place of regret of like so it wouldn't be like having my parents saying goodbye to me yeah it would be me like you've got a lot of regrets in your life i don't i don't have many i but the couple that i do have but it's more about the regret of like like oh the things i would say if i if i was saying goodbye but i do remember at ted lasso at one point i just thought about this this morning oddly enough was there was one scene where i'm like emoting talking about how the character's father like you know dies and just sort of thinking about where i gotta like you know what it's gotta look like you know and where i gotta be and i remember just with my eyes closed being down just thanking everyone like involved with the show for how much hard work and love they put into it and it was like this tremendous amount of love yeah for the process and the people that have done it it was during our season two so at that point people we had heard that the outside So they're like, but it's nothing that I would feel capable of doing, like, in front of a bunch of people. Because I know it would bring up so much emotion for me to thank all these people for giving a day. You kind of look like you're going to cry, right? Maybe because I was like, it's one of those weird, that's like, 100%. But you can't, you don't know the difference on camera. Yeah. Because I'm, you know, talking about my dad's passing and how much I loved him and how, what I wish I would have done differently before he died. And so, yeah, I'm just thanking all these people. I'd be curious to see, like, that daily. When was the last time you cried in real life? Oh, recently. Happy cross? I get down, not a small shit. I feel like I need, like, I feel like I need a good fucking sob. We can do it here. Yeah, if I can get there. I love a good cry. I do, too. You know what my favorite type of cry is in the world? When you're in the shower and, like, it's, like, arm on, like, the side wall and you're just, like, weeping and it's, like, you can't even catch your breath. Yeah. I love, everything's better in the shower. It is. It's great. It's everything. Everything just chills the fuck out. Do you know I sit down in every shower I ever get in? I do that, like, on the floor? Every time I take a shower. You want to know how I did it this morning? And what are you doing when you're sitting? So I got in the shower and first I sat down and I was brushing my teeth in the shower and I'm sitting like this. I went like this and I laid down like this and spread my legs. This is some rich people shit. Look at the amount of room. I'm five foot one. And the water was just. It was just shooting up my asshole and I was just sitting there like this and it felt so good. Don't you hate the cold stuff on your stomach? No, it's warm. You know, when you're a kid, oh my God, you grew up in my, how old are you? 50. A little older. Yeah. Okay. For now. What, do you want to say anything first? I was just gonna. Say your masturbation story. No, it's not a story. I was gonna say. It's a philosophy. You know how you can't smell? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know that. I can't come on my feet. You can't? Not, not really. I can if I, but, but it takes a lot more focus and concentration. But you can. Really? You can. I can come in any position. I can. I can, but I don't want to. Yeah, you're, he doesn't want to, you don't ever want to do anything like too physical. Like I always have to kind of. Oh God. No, I'm saying. How dare you? Sex. How dare you? No, I just. They're in love. There's confidence. There's confidence. We are so in love. Look. Yeah. Dab it up. You know this stuff makes you poop. Does it? Yeah. Dave, if you drink like seven. You got nine grams of fiber in it. Oh, then maybe you can poop in a bag for Jason. Wait. Have you? Well, Domino's, you know what they do every time. What? They knock it out of the park. You know what else they do? Garlic Parmesan crust. Can I tell you something? Can I tell you a thing I just thought of? What's the best pizza? I'll take a bite from the back and then take a bite from the front. This is the best pizza. I'll tell you what. The sauce. Is a. It's nice and spicy. It's a good pizza. It's a good pizza. It's a good pizza. The sauce. Is a. Is a slice sauce. It's a 50 out of 10. There's only 10. It's my favorite sauce. It's one slice sauce. Mm. Grab any handmade pan pizza or any Parmesan stuffed pizza crust and dip them in your slice sauce. I'm getting. And that's how you level up your pizza night. So I'm going to put caviar on it if that's real fancy. Olipop time, everybody. Oh my God. Which flavor do you guys like better? Wait. What are you grabbing? The blackberry vanilla. I'll take some raspberry sherbet. I'm a raspberry sherbet guy. Did you know that they just. That they brought this one back? They did? Back by popular demand. Wait. Why is it spelled sherbet? Oh my God. This is the best smelling thing I've ever smelled in my life. Oh my God. I used to have an ice cream, like a sherbet like this when I was a kid in upstate New York with my grandma and she's dead. It literally just brought me back to this. Buy any two cans of Olipop in store and they'll pay you back for one. Any flavor. Go to drinkolipop.com/fks. Oh my God, this is memory lane. Before Ted Lasso even happened, I remember I was at like a big dinner in Europe and you were there. Yeah, yeah. Shooting Ted. We were shooting it. Yeah. And I remember thinking, I was like, a show about soccer. Tell me about it. And I was like, I was like, is that thing gonna work? And it's like became like. Boy, did it work. Boy, did it become the biggest show. Stick to music. But even you, when you were talking about it, you were like. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You were like, yeah, we're making this show. I still talk about it like that. What season are you on? We just finished shooting season four. Oh, wow. Didn't you guys get like the most like Emmy nominations ever? I think maybe at one point, but at that point. Yeah. Do you know how many nominations I got? No. Four. Six. Zero. That's not true. Didn't you get one? Yes, it is. One? No, not even close. I thought for like directing or. Did you get nominated for anything? Nope, never. Zero. No recognition in any award show at all. That's surprising to me. No, no, no. He's actually never been recognized by anything. He doesn't even get invited to like the. He, he, he, one time he asked me, he goes, how am I not getting invited to the VMAs? He was like. That's really funny. I'm literally the guy you want the most. That's really funny. Are you pulling out a ticket? Oh, I thought you were going to pull out a ticket. No, no, I was just adjusting my, yeah. He came in to us. Certificate of. Certificate of. I thought he was giving you a ticket to the VMAs. I would have lost a hundred bucks on, on that bet. I would have definitely assumed. Yeah. Well, you know. Like nominated if not won, but I don't pay too much attention to it. Me neither. Yeah. Meaningless. I don't know. Maybe they didn't see it right or what. Is that? Oh, it's the TV. It's a Samsung frame TV. Oh yeah, absolutely. How can anyone not have a frame TV? It's the best. They always tell me that the thing. They're so brilliant. I mean. Brilliant. It's the best. We have to think of an idea like that in life. That's so, it helps. Yeah. Black box turns into beautiful art. It's crazy. It's such a great idea. Have you ever thought of any ideas? No. Like. And it's just your food. Yeah. Isn't that wild? I'm hearing possessive pronoun. Yeah. Yeah. He doesn't. Yeah. Yeah. I ordered myself lunch. Wait. Wait. He doesn't engage with any other. No. No. Hey, Jason. You want anything? There. You. Okay. Well. I have not. Well, she. Yeah. Well. But I do have a question. What is it? He doesn't even need to be here. Yeah. What do you think of Dave? This is the. Is it laxatives? It's laxatives. Oh, my God. Take one right now. That is a heavy bag. And they also don't make you shit right away. How quick. Just send me. Eat the laxative right now. You shit in the bag and just send it to my place. Yeah. And then I'll smell it there and I'll just do a little video. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. An audio. Will you please. Will you please eat a laxative? Dave, do you think your smell is going to break his non-smelling trait? What does laxative look like? I love how everyone's really acting like she's definitely going to take the laxatives and shit. Like. What does laxative smell like? Or look like? It's like a gun has been introduced into the scene. It must go off. Everyone's like, yeah, of course you're going to blow his head off. Okay. You can. Nair. Nair you. Why'd you get nair? Because we were talking about it. Right. Okay. So you're going to smell nair? Magnet. Yeah. You're going to smell. We're going to put some nair on the back of your neck. Oh, magnet. You're going to have Jason smell it. By the way, I've done some research. Laxatives do move quicker. Isn't that what it was for? No, it's for legs, isn't it? For like, I think your bikini. Oh, gosh. To you. To you. I don't know. Like, we can see it. Yeah. I got a fatherhood question for you. Go for it. I've only known you for about an hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I can already tell that, okay, enough noise. I can already tell, just like me, you seem like a type of guy who just seeks the joke all the time and like you live life just like. It's fine. I like that fun, right? It feels that way. Yeah. And I love that. That's, honestly, filming these is my favorite thing I've ever done in my career. Because it allows me to tap into this part of me that was just like the boy who was hanging out with his friends. Right, right. Entertaining them, trying to have fun. Do you feel like you're employing that same sense of humor to your children as they grow up in like, in a full way? Or do you have to like, tone it back or even change your comedic style to communicate with your children? I don't change it too much. I feel like I may not be. I feel my sweet spot is when someone is watching the farm and then I can run around. So then as a parent, I feel like for me, if there is a structure in place, then I can goof around in it. But when I am the structure, then less so. Yeah. So I think they're more inclined to see it when I'm. Like being like a key role player while like a superstar leaves? Yeah, you're just like, not point guarding, just you're the shooting guard. Yeah. You're like, then you can, you're getting like, you know, 30 points. points a game where you're getting, you know, at least 20 looks and the other person is the one, like, calling out what defense and they're switching, like. Are you a strict dad? I mean, I mean, not, I mean, it's all relative, but, like, no pun intended, right? That's good. But, but I think, ish, like, but, but about, like, manners and stuff. Yeah. And, like, saying please and thank you and, and. Do you see your, do you see your kids having, like, a similar sense of humor as you? Like, are you. Oh, my gosh, they're so funny. They're getting funnier and funnier as they go. They've, you know, Daisy's been funny from jump. Whatever. How old age are your kids? Nine and eleven. Nine and eleven. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's close. Yeah, two and a half years apart. Yeah. Almost, almost, you know. That's so fun for them. To the date. It's super great. Like, such good vibes and then this long. But when I, when he and I are, are having, like, chats and stuff, we'll, we'll look through old photos and videos of Daisy and he just cracks up like he's watching his favorite sitcom. Like, he just. It's so sweet. And I just try to remember that, remind him of that, especially as, as they'll become teenagers. It'll be nuts. Yeah, because they'll be in, like, school together. What's your sibling breakdown? You, I know you, you have brothers. I have one real brother. Yeah, yeah. He's five and a half years older and then I have three step siblings that are all younger. Gotcha. And what about you? One older brother, five, five years older. Oh, wow. Okay. One older brother, four years older. Okay, wow. So that's, that's like different high schools. Yeah, I was eighth grade. He was a senior. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, like, my sisters are, Kristen's, you know, I was 75, she's 79 and then Lindsay was 81. So, they're really close and always have been and very difficult to beat in charades. Me and my, me and my brother. Me and my brother. Yeah. Monsters. With that mind meld. Yeah, yeah. It's incredible. You want more kids? I would if, yeah, if I fell in love with, you know, like, but, like, yeah, I think it comes from the person. Are you a single man? I am. Currently, yeah. Yeah. How is being single? I don't know. Ups and downs. Are you more of a relationship guy? Like, do you find yourself in relationships more than being single? I like being in relation to people. I don't, I'm not at a point in my life when I, where, like, you know, where it feels good or fulfilling to date numerous people. I don't want to date numerous people all at once. Yeah, yeah. That, that feels daunting and overwhelming. Yeah. Especially, especially as, with being a parent. That's okay. And there's also a new thing of date, anybody dating that they are, they're, like, they're never number one on the call sheet, as, as the showbiz saying would go. Like, the kids are. Yeah. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Even probably more so than myself. Yeah. And so then there's that little bit as you get older, you're like, oh, God, I gotta make sure my cup's full in order for, you know, other people to get the overflow. Yeah. Yeah. When you're tipping at a restaurant. Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. And what? Nothing. Yeah, here we go. Are, are, you know, it's, it's an interesting world to be in. You're like, how do, how do you do the math for 12%? Are you, are you, you know. I don't, I get too scared to do anything other than 20 and a percent or above. You know what's, you know what the worst thing is? When it's an automatic gratuity at 18. Yeah. Because then you're like, how do I even add percentage? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I always, because then I'm like, oh, it's too low. It is really confusing. He criticizes me for tipping 20%. No, I don't criticize it. Instead of what? Higher? No. 30, 35? I don't. No, no. It varies. I don't criticize. It's only if someone else is paying and saying, well, what are you tipping? Because I want to like, I say, well, if. I feel like that's going to like, like make people more anxious. Right? Because this is a form of anxiety. I think when we were talking about it earlier, I was like, I guess as a kid or up until I was like, you know, growing up, I was like, oh, anxiety is only about dying. And it's like, no, it's about stuff like this. Yeah. I'm like, I'm worried about that. But to be asked at the table, like, okay, yeah. Oh, you're going to pick it? Oh, thanks, Mark. That's really nice of you, Mark. Hey, what are you tipping? Well, it's just a hint. Because that's like, that's like the thing that will. I know. No one talks about it. Like red flag the, the, the cheaper, like, oh, I'm, I don't think it teaches anything tipping poorly. Because if someone is not good at like, say, say it is like, like a waiter or a waitress at a, at like a, or a diner type place. Yeah. And they're just brusque and not checked in. Yeah. And you were going to be, you want to be there for 45 minutes. You were there for an hour and a half because they were just like, just not there or whatnot. That's kind of nuts that that would happen. But like, if you only tipped like 10%. Yeah. Like, they're only going to walk away from there going, what an asshole. Yeah. Versus like, if you're going to tip 10%, I think you've got to. Give a note. Give a note saying. Yeah. I normally tip more, but you were so. Oh, yeah. Or say it to them. Oh, my God. But then even that, I'm like, the only thing that stinks more than that for me is like, is how teachers have to buy their own. Teachers have to buy their own school supplies. I'm just like. That's wild. Women buying tampons. I'm like. Also wild. Come on, what the fuck? What are we doing? Wait a minute. Yeah. What happens? Teachers. Teachers. Teachers. Like, when we were growing up, even though I'm older than y'all, like, I guarantee you the teachers, if they wanted to get something, you know, crazy dope, they'd go out of pocket. But for the most part, like, the school was paying. Now you see so often, like, you know, just friends, you know, that they're still back home in Kansas, like, you know, on their Instagram, like, hey, our grade school teacher has an Amazon, like, wish list of things, you know, so you could buy markers for the kids. I'm like, how is. It's wild. Oh, so. And taxes. Like, where's this money going? Like, each teacher kind of has to front their, like. I thought you were, like, referencing some super creative approach to, like, a big presentation and having to pay for that. No, no, no. It's all about basic supplies. Basic supplies. Like, just. Why do teachers have to pay for that? It's become more commonplace than I've just noticed, and I'm not as plugged in, and I don't know the solves, and I don't know the reasons why, but I can't imagine I'd be convinced being like, oh, no, no. That's fair. Yeah, yeah. Miss Norman should have to buy her own erasers. Yeah. Buy her own chalk. No, it just makes her not, you know, blow through it. Yeah. She has to pay for it herself. One time I had a teacher. This is a terrible story. She was just walking, and she was kind of young, and she was, like, young. It was, like, the youngest teacher I ever had. She was, like, new. New teacher. She was, like, young and new, and she was cool. She was cool. I don't know. She wasn't, like, I liked her, but you could tell that she wanted to be cool. Yep. And she was, like, walking one day, and she just slipped and just fell right on her face. Aw. Yeah. That's the end of it. That's the end of the story. That's it. It's almost done. It's almost done. That's terrible. And then she tipped 100%. It was, like, the craziest fall. Like, I've never, like, it was so just, and then she got up immediately, tried to play it off immediately. She was, like, oh. Like, and then her chin just burst open, and that is now the end of the story. I had the same. I was running up from a subway at my SNL days, running up the stairs on 30 Rock, running late. And a gal was coming down the stairs, her and her friend, and she full-on slips and, like, and busts her chin. Same kind of thing. And she stands up, and it's that embarrassment that people have when they fall. Yeah. That she was just, like, I'm fine. I'm fine. Meanwhile, just a beard of blood spewing out. And her friend's, like, no, Becky, you're not fine. And I'm just, like, do you guys, like, I know security. They're just tourists. And I was, like, do you want help? They're, like, no, no, no, we're fine. It's, like, no, we need help. And it was just, like. And I was, like, we're fine. We're fine. Please stop. I'm fine. Blood just coming. I'm, like, okay, I'm going to go. It's just right around the corner. The main desk is right around the corner. I was just, like, I probably do that metaphorically all the time. Yeah, when people trip and then just keep running. It's so weird. I was on a date one time, and the girl tripped, right? And it wasn't a date. It was, like, two months into dating a girl. Yeah. And she tripped, and it was funny. Yeah. She hated it. She laughed. And I laughed. Yeah. And she was mad. And it changed everything. Yeah. Really? I don't know if it changed everything, but that night it did for sure. Yeah. Like, that night was, like, it was so fun. We were hitting it off. She tripped. She fell. She got up. I could see that she was embarrassed, and then I laughed, and then I felt, like, such a loser for laughing, and then you can't really talk anymore about it. And so we had them choose not to talk about it. And it really just put it. You never know with people. One time I stepped on someone's toe, an ex-boyfriend, and I was in trouble for days. That's crazy. It's the greatest story ever, but I don't, I think we're just going to break. Don't think we can use it. It turned black and blue. What's your story? It doesn't matter. It's not, it's not usable. It's the best. Can I buy the rights to it? Hey, do you, like, do you, like, go out and, like, seek IP? Like, are you in? Yeah, man. Look at me. What am I? Yeah, bud. You ain't stealing our issue. Are you? No, not at all. No, I don't mean stealing. I mean, like, that's like a. Are you so locked into Ted Lasso that you're just, like, doing it? Or are you getting ideas for, like, new shows and stuff? No, it's mostly, it all sort of funnels into there. Zero ideas. Zero ideas. Zero idea guy. Do you ever feel like you're living a big idea to big idea? No, never. Neither do I. I don't either. Why would I? That'd be horrible. What's big idea to big idea? I'm so scared. Just like, just swaying, looking around for the next one. There's a mogul mindset that I think when you're in the groove of like, like I was asking, just out of nowhere, it struck me to ask Phineas, what was the time difference between writing What Was I Made For and Birds of a Feather? And it was like, he was like, within like a month. And I was just like, I think that's so neat. Yeah. You want to know something so crazy? Yeah, yeah. One time I was with T-Pain. Yeah, yeah. And I was talking to him. And we were talking about music and, you know, he's done so many. Big records. And one time he said he was in the studio and he wrote six number one songs in one night. Six number ones in one night. I will tell you, I'll tell you a quick story that's actually interesting. I had just stopped flying. Okay. And I don't fly. Still don't? Yeah, still don't. Never ever? No. I'll take a boat to Europe. Never say never. You're going there soon. No, no, I'm saying right now. Yeah. As of now. In your future life one day, right? Yes, I do. He's working through it. You're working through it. I'm working towards it. Yeah. I'm driving. I'm on like my second trip. Driving across the country. It's 2009. I'm going to work on Katy Perry's album. Okay. Drive. Get there. I had to. convince my brother to drive me. I promised him I'd buy him a suit from H&M if he drove me. So he drove me and all my friends came. Six buttons, big dragon on it. I was like, ah. I'm surprised he drove you all that way just for a suit. No one had money. This was like way back in the day. He wanted that suit. And a bunch of my friends came with me. We like rented a RAV4 and we all drove together. It was so fun. So I get there and I'm exhausted and everyone's like, come to the studio. And I'm so tired. I get to the studio. They said, hey, we finished the album. We'd love you to hear the singles. And I'm like, what the fuck? I just drove all the way here and you're done? And then they said, we'd love for you to hear the singles. They said, we'd love for you to hear it. And they're like dancing in the studio. Because you never know when you're going to make the songs. And I said, oh, okay. And I'm exhausted. Haven't slept in a bed in a long time. We're traveling. I get there and I go in and I'm like, fuck. So they're all in the main studio. Everyone's like, they're like having a field day. I go in the side room at a recording studio called Conway and I'm in the side and I'm just like, I'm just going to start like making some beats. And I just like start making beats and then Dr. Luke comes in. He like plays some stuff and then like, you know, Max Martin's like getting like a cookie and he like comes in and he's like, oh, what's in here? Basically, we started making two demos that night. And the two demos we made were California Girls and Teenage Dream. They were the two demos we made. And it was crazy. And literally they go, like everyone comes in and listens to them and they're like, oh, these are okay. And then we went to bed and then we came back the next day and we were like, what the fuck? These are insane. I think if you're not swinging from vine to vine, you get to the vine quicker. It's a little bit like, you know, when you have like the spot in your eye and you like try to look at it and it keeps moving away. I feel like that's a little bit, there's something to, there's something to that. You know, gift giving used to be something that was hard for me. It's still hard for me. It ain't hard for me no more. I don't know why I said it like that, but Canva. Tell me more. Well, like if I wanted to get Benny a gift, I could get a, you know, take a picture of me and him, put it in a Canva, Canva will design me a coffee mug. I don't want a coffee mug. Okay. Flag? Nope. I want a stainless steel water bottle. With graphics on the outside. We can look into that for you. I believe that a lot of things are possible, and especially from a design perspective, by goodness. Canva makes design easy for anyone with built-in AI that lets you remove, generate, and animate content in just a click. Start designing today at Canva.com. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey Benny, how has therapy helped you maintain your mental health? Oh my God. I'm nothing without therapy. You know how they say it takes a village to raise someone? For me, it, it really just takes one therapist, therapist, old man who's my therapist and has been my therapist for 20 years. Wow. And therapy is a place where I can go and I can say anything and not feel afraid. Anything? Yeah. You can say anything. I think except like murder. Therapy is meant for you to speak your mind and navigate your own. Can I say something? I would love for you to. My mother's a therapist. Oh, how have we never talked about this? Your mental health matters. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com slash FKS. That's BetterH-E-L-P dot com slash FKS. Did you guys just like fall into Ted Lass? Like how does that even happen? No, we made, no, we, we, I got hired. NBC Sports got the rights for the Premier League back in 2013. This is a rights-based thing? Yeah. It was, it was. Wait, you're literally a rights company? Ad company came to me with like five ideas. They had like, I forget the other four or whatever they were, but one was like football coach coaches soccer. And I was like, I was like, oh, I like just just like shitting my pants, like shitting my, you know, my brain pants. Your brain shit. Yeah, exactly. Like, what year was this? 2013. Oh, wow. Like, this is like May of 2013. Oh, my God. So, so long. So long ago. And then I was like, okay, can I bring two friends? My friend Joe Kelly, who's a great writer, like, and then I had another buddy that I was thinking, and then Joe was like, what about our buddy Brendan, who is, who plays Coach Beard on the show? And I was like, I was like, because he knows everything. Huge soccer, football. Yeah. You know, like, Joe knows a little bit about soccer and football, and I knew nothing. So it was kind of like the Goldilocks theory. Yeah. Like, and so we were like, okay, let's do that. They came over. Olivia and I were staying up in Nichols Canyon at that point. We like had the laptop open. We just wrote out beats, like for ideas, you know. We knew we were going to have two days. We're going to shoot it in London. It was one of those moments for me where it's just like, oh, I'm just like in a flow state or in a zone type thing. We go over there. We make the commercial. It's a multi-million dollar campaign. There's no, we did not write a script. We have no script. The ad company did, but we only were using little pieces of it. You know, I came up with the name Ted Lasso. I was just like, what about Ted Lasso? You know, I just like the idea of a first name and a noun. Yeah. Like, you know, it was like, you know, whatever. And so then we're over there, and in between setups, luckily we had this great director named Marty who did Second City in Toronto. And so he was okay with improvisation as a process. Yeah. And then we would go, we'd dick around for 20 minutes. I'd act like a fool. The character's a little bit different. You know, like he had a mustache and he'd talk like that and everything, but he's a little bit more like Michael Scott, David Brent kind of vibe. Yeah. And then we'd, then they'd do stuff. We'd go in there and play Catan. And then my manager would be outside talking to like the guys from NBC and Todd and we're going, but what are they doing? Like, what are we doing next? He goes, just trust the process. Everything's going to go fine. Yeah. Marty, the director was okay with it. We ended up, you know, then helping out with the edit and, you know, it was like a little short film. It was like three and a half minutes. Like a proof of concept thing of this thing? No, but it wasn't even, it was just a commercial. For what? For NBC, for the, the Premier League on NBC Sports. So this is just like just a commercial. It was just a commercial. Just like, like here, here's, you know, a couple hundred grand to make it to be like this commercial. Okay, how about we call this guy Ted Lasso? The commercial does so well, both with football fans, soccer fans, comedy people liked it. What year was this? 2013. It came out just a couple months later, you know, and it played great. And then we enjoyed doing it. I remember at some point being at the U.S. Open, me and my buddy John Glazer. Ripping your mustache hair out thinking. It was real at that point, but I was so tanned too from living out here. And I looked down the row and I see Tony Parker, who was with the Spurs at that point, and Thierry Henry from Arsenal, like look down and like wave at me. And I look at John and I go, oh, Thierry Henry and Tony Parker are just waving at me like they know me. We get up during, after like a game set match or whatever, and they come up and they're gushing about Ted Lasso. I'm like, I'm like, oh wow, this commercial, like even the pool kids like it, like footballers and you know, athletes and I was like, okay. So then we enjoyed doing it so much that we were like, hey, can we do another one? And their premise was, they're like, yes, but we don't have the budget we had last year, so we can't fly you over there. I was like, okay, that's okay. The whole premise of the commercial is Ted Lasso gets hired by the Tottenham Hotspurs and then gets fired like three days later because he doesn't know what he's doing. He's like hired and fired in, you know, three and a half minutes, whatever. And then we did the second one, the idea being, and that's more where the show idea comes out of, where Ted gets hired, but then gets fired, but isn't mad at anybody. It's just like, but falls in love with soccer, falls in love with London. Now he's living back in New York, you know, waking up at 7 a.m. to watch Premier League games, driving a Mini Cooper that he named Bradley. You know, like all these like silly jokes. And then it's just like 2015, Raleigh and I are out to eat, they're having dinner somewhere, and she's like, what do you want to do? I was like, she's like, you should do something with that Ted Lasso. You guys love doing that, and you enjoyed Joe and Brendan, we all get along so well. You know, when you find like, you know, those people it's like, blah, blah, blah. We then, like, sit around for a week and write for three days. It was one of these weeks that I, like, so many good ideas came out, that in three days we had six episodes sort of figured out. Joe had written like a spit draft of the pilot, which is about 85% of what we ended up doing, you know, more or less. And yeah, that was 2015. Then it just sat there for like years. You didn't do anything with it? No, not for years. You just got it out? Like, Olivia, we had Otis, we had Daisy, I was doing a movie here and there. Kids. Kids, I'll slow it down. But they also allowed the gestation. You know, the world was obviously changing with like all the Michigas and Trump and whatnot. And then Joe was working on a show. Brendan was gigging like crazy doing stuff out here. And then it wasn't until like, Bill Lawrence had an idea for a show that he wanted me to do that wasn't the right fit. And then he was like, well, if you have any other ideas, I was like, well, me and my friends have this. And I hand him the stack of stuff and then he read it. He flew out to Brooklyn to meet with me and then I think he read it on the way back and he's like, yeah, there's a lot of good ideas there. And we were all like, so we were like this stalled car. And he was like, basically like the guy that gives us a little jump start and put gas in the tank. So yeah, it started as a commercial. It's amazing. So NBC owns it, Warner Brothers owns it, Apple owns it, all these billionaire companies. NBC passed on it. Like, the only reason, like, we went to all the people on the show that we, yeah, like NBC, I mean, Netflix. Everyone passed on Ted Lasso. I'm shocked. Yeah, but it makes sense. Like, nobody, you know, promises is, you know, here's the idea. And they, yeah, we weren't, they, and Apple was like, yeah, let's do it. Did you write, were the Millers, or are you just a hired gun? Hired gun, but I did, I helped with, like, rewrites, like, Ross and I love that movie. I love it. I think, I'm so proud of being a part of that movie. What an inspiring, as a comedian who just wants to watch funny movies, that's like. Oh, I appreciate that. No, you know what else is so underrated? What? Hall Pass is so underrated. Hall Pass, yeah. That was the first time. You don't like that one? I thought you were going to say Horrible Bosses. Yeah. I don't think that's underrated. I think that's like a, I think that's like a huge. I guess so. Hall Pass is one of those movies is that I get, I have, like, dudes my age, like, sort of whisper to me, I love Hall Pass. It feels, like, subversive. Do you watch yourself? Yeah, but not. Well, I guess you have to. I don't, like, sit there and, like, crack up. Oh, really? This guy. Do you know him? This guy. Oh, my God. I wonder about that. People think I'm crazy. I'm, like, just up there editing footage of, like, my show. And I'm, like. He edited all of his show here because it was the pandemic. And I would hear just, like, cackling, like, the loudest laughs. And it was, I'd always say, what did you just watch? And it was his joke. Like, anything he said. Do you know what? Do you know what I never realized? Until, like, I go back and think about it, you're in, like, every movie and TV show ever made. And then I'm. When did you start? How old were you? I got hired to write at SNL when I was 2013. So, I was 27, almost 28. Okay, yeah. Were you on SNL? Yeah. Yeah. I worked there 10 years, wrote for two, on for eight. But you started as a writer and then you did this. And did you have hopes of, like, being on it? No. Are there ever any writers that are just, like, I just want to write for SNL? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. So, you're from the SNL tree of comedians. Yes. You know, in two. Within the last two days, I saw you in two things that I wasn't thinking of. What? I forget what it's called. It's, like, a relationship one. And it's, like, a romantic comedy. Oh, with Alison Brie? What's it called? Sleeping with Other People? Yeah. Yeah. I love that movie, too, man. I like that movie a lot. She watches that one, like, every month. That's another under the radar. She watches it, like, every month. How does it be a part of that? Are you in the funeral scene of Eastbound and Down? Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm the guy in the casket and. Yeah, of course. I had to die by doing cocaine. I've never done cocaine. I still haven't. Oh, me neither. And I dragged the dollar bill across. They're like, no, what are you doing? You don't drag the dollar bill. You're supposed to do it. It's supposed to be, like, over. I don't even know. I know. Me neither. Oh, that makes sense. I've never done it. I thought you dragged it, too. Have you ever done any drag? And what we're thinking is probably the visual of, like, people cutting it up. No, because you would just be pushing. You hover over, so it's like you're a vacuum. Because you're snorting the dirt out of the table. We were going broom and whisk. No, I just, when he explained it, I was like, oh, that would make sense. No. None of us have ever done coke. That's amazing. You ever done any drug? I think I would love it. Yeah, mushrooms and weed, but I've never done LSD. I've done. Heroin? No, I've never done heroin. Xanax? Have you ever taken a Xanax? I don't think I have. Oh. I wonder if you would like it. No, I did. I tried Lexapro for a little bit. I tried Lexapro for a little while there, but it makes it very hard to climax. Yeah, I hear that about Lexapro. Wait, what's hard to climax? Lexapro was. I remember taking it for a couple weeks. This was ages ago, like 2009. It's like being on your feet. Isn't that. Lexapro, we keep you on your feet. Do you think, because I don't know how you play basketball. Yeah, yeah. But I feel like you're probably a good shooter. If I'm hot, yeah. If I'm hot. So you're not. Like I'm always hot. I would say that I am. You're not always hot. Maybe you guys are. You're just always hot. I'm always hot. Chuck, you're not always hot. I'm the kind of guy who, when you play, you're like, before the game starts, you're like, don't leave him. Shooter. Oh, I'm that. You're that. I'm that. Oh. I am that, especially if I haven't played in a while. Like, I can get. If I get hot, but I would still say that I'm tricky. When you say hot, you just mean when you're on top of it? Just on fire. Like in the zone. Yeah. Like where you just can't miss. Chuck, what are you doing? You make all the three points. Just keep talking. Chuck, do you want any Nair? Are you about to get a basketball? I'm going to take a laxative, up my. Actually, what am I saying? The Ollipop. I don't want it. I don't want it. The Ollipop that Benny's always gushing about. Maybe that's what I need. He's going to go right in the butt with it. I don't know. I hope he has, like, a little basketball hoop and we get to play horse. Oh, we got new flavors. Raspberry Sherbert. Is it Sherbert? Blackberry Vanilla. You know, I'm the kind of athlete that gets free products sent to him. So, what I'm going to do real quick is try both of these out, because there's nothing better. Than making choices before you embarrass other men. That's going to be hard to beat. Blackberry Vanilla. Oh, my God. This is a real conundrum for me, because I really did intend to come in here and make a choice. Unfortunately, I can't do that, because they're both so good. I do need my hands to compete, so I'm going to put these back for now. But maybe, maybe I'll be back. I'm going to go get a basketball hoop. I'm just getting something. This will be a good time for me to. I'm terrible at shooting. Are you going to get a pig? Horse? Yeah, I mean, you know, all right. I have a few, like, trick shots. Did you play basketball, like, growing up a lot? Yeah, in high school and college. I love that. So many men. Where does this go? More men. What's that? Over here? I guess I can just play basketball. Move the pan. No, no, it should be over here. It's a good team sport. We have nowhere to shoot it. I've gamed it all out. Move the pans. Where would it shoot? Move the pans. From over there? From everywhere. Okay. Where are you putting that? Around the world. Here, blow out the. Well, look at this. Dave, blow out the candles. I don't want anything to catch on fire. No, Chuck, it's got to be. That's the stupidest place to put it. There's nowhere to shoot. Let me show you something. This seems. Wait, hold on. Let me move all the candles. This is well thought out. This is where you'd want to put it so you have some space. So you shoot, like, four feet away? No, what do you mean? You're shooting from here. Yours, you can't. I don't know. You don't want to pull that base? You don't have that kind of range. Let me just see what's going on. I'm going to go. Chuck, you're going to hit the thing? Where do you keep your extra sand? Because you want to put it in that base. You guys have that? You got any sandals? Yeah, but to me, the light fixtures serve as an interesting obstacle. Yeah, ooh, this is a good ball. This one's good. That's a pool ball. I recognize that from, like, a pool setup. Chuck, this one's good. Chuck, look at the way this bounced. What do you think? I mean. I don't know if I like where you. I like it. Yeah, that's smart. That's smart. That's good. Oh, yeah. That's smart. What ball are we doing? That's good fatherhood type shit. What ball are you. Wow, see? You already made one. See, look at that. I was just checking the ball. You're one for one. I mean, there's different balls. It seems like you like that one. Yeah, I don't. Let's see which ball. Do you want to try this ball? First, we have to decide what the best ball is. This is not the best ball. This is a bad ball. This is a very bad ball. This is what came with it. I'm taking this out. Let me just take a shot. First shot, obviously. Obviously. I mean, I took a first shot, and I made it. You did. Using the glass? That's crazy that you made it. Let me just see. Is this. That's slippery when it's. Why is it crazy that I made it? You know it's crazy you made your first shot. No, it's not. I mean, you're going to. He's going to miss every shot he takes for the rest of the time. We've played hoops. We've played hoops together at Harley. That counts for something. Check him. Let him use the good ball. No, but I will right now. Let him. No, I'm kidding. Oh, that's a good stroke. Let me just see something. That's a good, clean stroke. I wanted to go. Go off. Let me just try. Have you played in the NBA? I made my first. Have you ever considered it? No, I haven't. Let me try. The All-Star game. I did, yeah. How was it? I played it twice. One time was awful. Oh, wait. You don't. I don't know if we've ever told you this story. I played it in 2010. It was in the day. It was here in LA. Yeah. The coach was Bill Walton. The other coach was Magic Johnson. Oh, my God. It was, I think, one of the first times they put celebrities with, like, real players. So, like, Scottie Pippen was on my team, which was exciting. But then it was in a really small, like, odd venue. And then on the other team was this young kid who I didn't know. I knew the name, but didn't. But an usher protege known as Justin Bieber, right? Were you at that game where he dominated? Yes. Yeah. And it was, like, hilarious because it was kind of like. I mean, he has a crazy shot. Yeah. And he goes in like nuts. Yeah. But I was. I didn't get to play at all. And I was so bummed. I thought Bill Walton and I were going to hit it off because we both smoked weed. Yeah. And I loved John Wood. And I was like, oh, he's going to love me. Yeah. Couldn't care less. Yeah. You know, like, I want. Because him and Magic were, like, going head to head. Yeah. It was, like, Celtics-Lakers rivalry stuff. Yeah. And Bieber's going off. And then two-thirds of the crowd was there to see Bieber. Totally. Where you don't. I didn't realize it. Yeah. Yeah. I just knew him as, like, this. I was, like, this. You know, I didn't know. And before he had to, you know, come to SNL and host it or even been a musical guest or anything like that. And I'm. So I'm kind of bummed. Leaving, as I'm leaving. I couldn't even get back to the shower. I think it was so. I understand that. I am leaving. I've got my bag. And I'm getting ready to go. And I see Maverick Carter and LeBron, who I had met when he had hosted SNL, like, a year or two before, whatever. And both LeBron and Maverick go, hey, Sudeikis. I was like, hey, man. Hey, guys. You know, daft him up. And they were like, look at you looking like a baller. I was like, just by my look. I clearly did not watch that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, oh, thanks, guys. That was great. And I felt better. And then I remember that leaving there and going to, like, CAA or somewhere to watch the very first screening of Horrible Bosses. And I was just like, oh, this is what I do now. Don't worry about the. It was like the universe being like, don't worry. You still have value. Yeah, yeah. External value, at least. You want me to tell you what happened in my first celebrity game? Yeah, yeah. Okay, so I was at, like, in a Latin one. It was, like, a Latin celebrity game for, like, Latin music. And I guess. I get there. Good hit. And they were like, oh, we're, like, giving everyone shoes and outfits. And I was like, oh, okay. And, like, I didn't get to talk to them. And they, like, gave me shoes. And the shoes were, like, a little bit big. They didn't, like, have my size. But they were, like, good enough. I could time type. So it's my turn to go on. And it's, like, everybody's playing. It's, like, Bad Bunny's playing. Like, every big musician. And I go on. And it's the first play. And I run out. And my legs. It's, like, my shoes fly off my body. They fly into the air. And I fell out of my shoes. And I couldn't recover. Like, I fell out. And I went like this. And I, like, flew. And they had to help me up. I, like, got hurt. I had no idea what was going to. I wanted to, like, pause it and say, everybody guess. You probably knew. necessarily like i was like i never would have guessed that they had to help me out my shoes flew and then for the rest of the game i didn't even get to touch the ball because like they were like oh my god this guy can't even walk like nobody yeah nobody even i i i didn't even get to touch it nobody played defense on you i didn't even get like they would be like this every they could be like 18 guys on and they'd look at me and i could be wide open and just throw it out of bounds yeah fan duel let's go baby yep let's predict let's you know we got soccer we got yeah nope no i don't think he's not doing it his name well i don't think we're licensed anyone in specific but we got regions like spain france brazil england now correct me if i'm wrong is this a pro soccer championship that's about to happen i mean it's more than that it's global phenomenon what's the other word you would use you can predict the outcome of the pro soccer championship scale games all the way to the end of the tournament with fan duel predicts sign up and grab your 25 bonus on fan duel predicts and ride this playoff journey with us you thinking about spain france brazil i'm thinking about senegal i'm going with brazil okay let's play a quick game of pig okay loser in a bag i love it and you have to smell it okay who starts and i'm sorry we'll be anywhere what ball do we want this one all right you want to use that one no i only made you guys decided that's the ball yeah i don't know okay okay you're behind you're too big too heavy no no this is the worst ball too light too small okay that's where you're going short wow that was terrible oh no oh my god she just jacks it up all right you got peace oh no that's hard oh what about that oh my god short oh yeah god that's not how it works don't worry you're out nice shot nice shot okay now it's my turn again right here no look oh you just looked you're looking right now christian when you should take your foot off the gas pedal didn't know my dear there's no looking though if you're looking why don't you start the shot so when are you starting it i'm looking to get the idea of where everything you're setting me up for failure he's just going to say that i'm looking when i shouldn't be looking now like i'm there's no look and now i'm looking at you look a lot beforehand i'm looking you can look as much as you want until you stop and go like you might want to it's been so long since you've looked you might want to re-look and yeah your right hand like this and yeah this is not that's not the who's mine you're going to chuck it out my left hand oh i can't go you made it wow wow you better hope i don't make it oh it looks good a pirouette into a oh that's great oh that was all right my turn yeah nice shot okay perfect p.i for kristen yeah i hope it's getting you oh good hit okay here we go good luck benny nice dude that was silky so you're gonna make this or you're out kristen can she hold on all right and jason and it's p to nothing p.i hey what i didn't know you were a p.i what do you think about this stroke yeah that's a nice stroke jason look at this i mean the game chinatown here it comes oh all right okay p.i p.i no one's hit this we're just yeah the little bounce oh including including you that's all right inside yeah put your get soaked like baby take it no no no you have to be like this turn the water on no no you have to be like this you have to do the t1 this is scalding hot one it's so hard to balance your turn that's it's very difficult to balance i don't recommend it you're so close just barely let me down oh wow why do you want to go anywhere else yeah the waves thanks are open that's a smart player that was a true swoosh no he went okay he wins this is great this is hey thanks guys done this is great check i can't believe this is great thank you yeah you knew you're good at pig right you just always win all right no not always well if you learned anything today that's right so we got to do regulation-based sports you know we can't play kids games anymore no these these these people that invented these games they measured children they thought things through for a man that i just met i love you ah this video thank you so much for coming on no absolutely at all this is lovely i didn't take the laxatives i don't either did you think i was gonna i thought i was gonna do it but it's so inappropriate it's the most inappropriate thing i don't know if you like had us holding the bag even then it's kind of like you wouldn't have been annoyed if i went upstairs you wouldn't have been annoyed if i went upstairs you wouldn't have been annoyed if i went upstairs you wouldn't have been annoyed if i went upstairs you wouldn't have been annoyed if i went upstairs you wouldn't have been annoyed if i went upstairs in the back i felt like i could tell that you're in the back i felt like i could tell that you're in the back i felt like i could tell that you're like i would have absolutely gone for it because like i would have absolutely gone for it because like i would have absolutely gone for it because because i wouldn't have been able to smell it so because i wouldn't have been able to smell it so because because i wouldn't have been able to smell it so it's like thank you dominoes for sponsoring this thank you dominoes for sponsoring this thank you dominoes for sponsoring this and for the pizza thank you dominoes for and for the pizza thank you dominoes for and for the pizza thank you dominoes for sponsoring this sponsoring this sponsoring this and for the pizza offered by fanduel and for the pizza offered by fanduel and for the pizza offered by fanduel prediction markets llc a registered prediction markets llc a registered prediction markets llc a registered futures commission merchant 18 plus futures commission merchant 18 plus futures commission merchant 18 plus bonus is non-withdrawable and expires bonus is non-withdrawable and expires bonus is non-withdrawable and expires seven days after receipt trading seven days after receipt trading seven days after receipt trading derivatives involve significant risk derivatives involve significant risk derivatives involve significant risk and may not be suitable for all and may not be suitable for all and may not be suitable for all investors manage your activity with our investors manage your activity with our investors manage your activity with our consumer protection tools restrictions consumer protection tools restrictions consumer protection tools restrictions apply see terms at fanduel.com apply see terms at fanduel.com apply see terms at fanduel.com predict bonus offer terms Thank you.