The Jason Sudeikis Episode

♪ Jason's the day, yes ♪ ♪ The cousin of Jane kiss ♪ (audience laughing) ♪ Yo ♪ (audience laughing) (laughs) (audience laughing) - Do you guys eat? Do you optimize every bite? - No. - Every single bite I'm looking to like take the best piece of the meat to have the right, just amount of sauce with the right, like piece of arugula and then I create the perfect bite every time. - Check. - What's up? - I got one word for you. - New sheriff in town. - Premium. - Why is the box black? - 'Cause it's fancy, it's classy. And you know what today is? Today is a classy day. Because we have none other than Jason Sudeckis, Mr. Sudeckis. - I think it's Sudeckis. - Is it Sudeckis? - Jason Sudeckis. - No, it's not. It's Jason Sudeckis. - Sudeckis? - Yeah. - Never heard that in my life. - I like Jason Sudeckis. - It's Sudeckis. Okay. Well, it's a very important day because this is the first time we've ever had an meat dick. - And a meat dick. - Someone who's won an meat plus this is Parmigiano stuffed crust pizza from Domino's. - You see that? - Great cheese pull. - Wow. - Hold on. Caviar. - Wow. - It really goes great with slice. - The slice sauce from Domino's is great. - It is actually unbelievable. - Come here big boy. - All right. - No, I have nothing but respect for the Emmy body. - Oh my God. - You talk to Jason Sudeckis. - I'm excited. Jason, I think this man is an absolute pillar of comedy. I've never met him and I really think that we're going to really hit it off. - Not this way. - This way. - Hey, you prior to time-- - No, how are you doing? - Oh, okay, yeah. - No, I'm kidding. - Sorry, that's a nonsense. I'm bored right now. - But you have to jump over it. - Did you know this is our first time meeting? - I know. - That's something. - Well, I know now. - What do you think? - It's your first time meeting. - I'm just bitten to an onion. - That's all right. - This will maybe come up knowing Benny, but I have no sense of smell. - Really? - I was going to wake to bring it up. - I know, but with onion breath is like-- - I know. - Tell him that one story real quick. - When I ship my pants. - And so there was like dog shit everywhere. And I fart and it just fills my underwear. - I'm a kind of guy who when you play, you're like, don't leave him. Shooter. - Oh, I'm that. - I'm that. - Oh, no. I love that. - Nice. - Love for fuckers. - Oh, my fucking god. - We had all these dogs at the show, because the whole premise of that episode was it was an episode for dogs. And so there was like dog shit everywhere. And people were cleaning it up as we're doing our interview. And then putting it in like this open container. And I was like, I was like, I bet I could eat a chimichanga right now with my head over that basket of dogs. - Do you do it? - Yeah. So literally he goes to the, has like someone from the show go down to the street to get like a burrito. And I'm like sitting over the thing just like this. - You're looking at it. - Looking at it. - Yeah, nothing. It's like nothing. - Wait. But your whole life. - As far as I remember, yeah. - Do you have a weird sense of taste then? 'Cause you can't smile. - I can have the muted sense of taste. I think it's taste bud based. - Wait, so how do you enjoy the life? - I see like his crazy stuff on there. Like with like sushi. - Like. - Like, oony with like caviar on it. I'm like, that's my shit. 'Cause that's got a lot of different textures. - Okay. - A strong flavor. - It tastes like you're eating styrofoam. - No, no, I can taste it. But I'm tasting like, I think it's only tongue based. I get no nuance. And the more like, I think incredible, but weird thing is I don't remember what things taste like. Sents of smell. - Okay. - The memories. - I can't remember. - I can't remember. - I can't remember. - I always taste it. That's why I get so talk about so often. I'm like, what does it taste like? - I don't know. I talk about it. - I love talk about it. - It's the door we were talking. This is how I eat. Every single bite, I really, if I'm being thoughtful as I eat it's normally I am. 'Cause I think nothing makes me happier than the two meals I have a day lunch and dinner. - Yeah. - Two meals. - Why don't you just have one more? - I want to be really hungry for the meal. - To eat this butt. - Yeah. - Two meals. - I optimize the bite. I will take the right amount of chicken and smear it in the right amount of sauce and put the right amount of rougola and try to make every bite count. And every bite can be different. Do you eat that way? - No. Not enough. No. - Do you care about food or no? - Yeah. - I do. But I like the going. - You like the weird answer. - How can you even have a favorite meal? - Texture. - It's definitely Mexican food. - It's interfacing with preference. - It's Mexican. - Why is it Mexican? - Because you can even deal with it. - You show up and you get chips and salsa right away. And I usually show up hungry. - That's why. - Do you know? - That's one of the reasons. - Do you know mariachi bands? - Yeah. - The vibe. - No one's in a bad mood when a mariachi band around. - No. - Except for the band, maybe. - Oh my god. Are you like the best baby change or ever? - I am very good at it. - You would be. But you're like. - I always thought, like, what am I doing? I should be in the FBI because in every movie, you know, they get that stuff and they put, they smear it on. I'd be like, I'm just walking. - Yeah. - I wouldn't know where the cadaver is. I'd be like. - Yeah. - Where's that little snippy thing we always sniff? - Oh, you can be able to smell that. - If it's a, if it's like a smelling salt or vapor. - Yeah, it's kind of like that. - It is like that. - But it's the, it's the nuance. - It's the nuance. - Spice. - You can't do nuance. - The big part of who you were is a person for your whole life. Like as a kid, and then I didn't even come out of here. - Not even come out as a kid 'cause kids only, it's farts and pizza, right? - Yeah. - And then it was, I like farts and pizza. - But smell is such a big part of farts. - I know. - So the timer, you just sitting there being like. - Uh-huh. - Laughing. - Laughing at the sound. - You know what, the sound is funny. - The sound is great. - It's a sound you carry through. - You know what happens. - It smells like, like, if you had a guess, what would you say shit smells like? - Like, like, what? - It doesn't know what shit smells like. - I don't know. - Shit's so bad. - Wait a minute. - Olivia would do, like, when we're together, she would describe. - Shit. - She would describe smells. Would try to describe, like, what it is. You know, it's, you know, two little kids. And Otis has always had a good sniffer. And I remember being like, when he's like two, just looking at him, I go, buddy, you can already do something that I can. Like, never could. - Yeah. - And then he would just like play with my nose and go, is your something up there? Is there something up there? Like, what if you just go, I go nothing, bud? Nothing. And it's like this. - I'm never met anyone like you. I don't know anyone that can't smell. - Wait a minute. What if you stink? Do you know if you stink? - He doesn't know. - I don't know. - That's bad. I don't think I do, but I'm also not obsessive about it where I'm like, I wear the same deodorant and people like it. - They like it. - They like it. - No? - What? When I was dating or in partnership with one and me too. - I've never been with someone who's like, hey, wear this cologne. - No. - I have a really good idea for like an activity that we could do today that just came up in my head, but I think no one else would think it's a good idea for a good activity. - Are you posing? - No. - Who just wanna? - Just stretching. - Oh, what is the activity? Let's hear it. - I instacart laxatives, shit in a plastic bag. - Okay. - And juice. - Okay. - And you smell it. - It's the game just for him to smell your-- - No, it's like-- - Okay. That will take-- - That will take two hours. - I would be talking. - Yeah, I would love that. - I'm hanging out. It's just kind of a general factor. - I would love that. - Of course you would. - You're not doing. - But only you're doing. - I think-- - As a kid, me and my group of friends, that would do what we were doing that day. And I don't think we should do that because it's a ridiculous thing to even bring up. - I actually don't mind. - But would it be amazing like to have someone that's a professional like a fecalist if that is a real thing? - No, no. He's just gonna shit. - You're gonna smell a shit. - I'm down to do that. - I don't wanna say that. - It smells like something-- - Give your knees above your belly. Get a squatty bite. - It smells like it's burned. - It should smell like it's burnt. - You might be able to smell his shit. - He's got the type of shit. - He's got the type of shit you could smell. - I never order this stuff. - Do you want me to order? You're like, this is so offensive. I think it's at the very end. - I'm just kidding, I don't want to. - He has the type of shit you might be able to smell. - Let me tell you what time of-- - I'm here for three days, right? This sounds so it's like at some point you're gonna shit. - Chuck, I'd like-- - What do you call him Chuck? - Yeah. - Why? - He's got a shit in the bag and you smell it and that's not it. - And then that's why you got Chuck? - No. - Chuck, it's like your mom using a full name. - It's not even a good story. - It's like my shitty one. - No, that was great. - It's basically, basically-- - I said the bar pretty well. - We're best friends. We had nicknames for each other. The nickname evolved into Chuck. It was our thing. Dave got a little upset because I started calling a few of our friends. - He is like a compulsion, which you probably noticed. Even though I too call him Chuck. You probably haven't seen me ever call him Chuck. - Yeah, yeah. - Because he is a compulsion before he speaks. He likes to say Chuck. - Well, no, he's never going to say it ever in my life. - To his close friends. - Yeah. - That other people are Chuck now. - Only me. - No, only there's two people that are Chuck's. And then maybe two and a half. - Who's a half? - We don't want them to know that. - We don't want them to know. - And what? - They don't know that. - Then we put it on his TV show. And now, the whole world calls this Chuck now. - But you guys started it. You just call your audience Chuck. - So many people call this Chuck. In the show. - Because you both-- - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And like in the show, we're like best friends. And we start calling each other that. So every day of my life, a person calls me Chuck that is not him, that is a random person. - Yeah, because-- - You oversaturate, you gave it to the-- - Oh, yeah, you ruined people. - No, I partially ruined it. And then you ruined it to the masses. - Well, you had final-- - Yeah, you ruined it to the masses. - You kept it in there. - You ruined it. - I kept it in there. I thought there was charm to it. - It is, absolutely. - Do you want to-- - I'm considering calling you BJ. - Yeah, Benny, his name is Benjamin-- - Joseph Laban. - No, no, no, no, call him BJ. - Yeah, no, I don't feel like you're a BJ. - Do you want to know something? - Yeah. I think he could be a BJ. - I think he could be a BJ. - I do want to say one thing. - It would have been, but not anymore. - Yeah. - The craziest thing was, for the first season and a half, it was so hard for us to act, because we wanted to call each other Chuck, 'cause we called each other, so we had to like-- - Well, I still, yeah. - It was so hard. - No, sometimes I edit Chuck's out of the show. - Yeah. - 'Cause there's so many. - Yeah. - I have to like edit them out. - Chuck full of Chuck. - Yeah, Chuck full of Chuck. - Oh, Chuck full of Chuck. - What? - You don't even know what that is. He doesn't know. - What's Chuck full of Chuck? - I don't know. - I know how much wood, wood, wood, Chuck, Chuck, wood, Chuck, wood. I did that really well. - Wood, Chuck, wood, Chuck, wood, Chuck. - Wood, Chuck, wood, Chuck, wood, Chuck, wood. - I like Chuck. - No, I just knew, I knew, I was just making it a dumb joke. - I thought that was like a coffee. - Can I ask you an outfit based question? - Based on this outfit, or one that I've worn in the past? - That one right there. (laughing) - What do you want in the past? - You who? - I did. - Sam. - Yeah. - Sam. - My son Otis went out shopping with my sister Kristen and her partner Rachel and they bought this and he was wearing it one day. There's probably about eight months ago or like, and I was like, I love that hoodie. I checked the skew thing, got the number, looked it up, they sold it in adult sizes. I bought two, then we're in London shooting this last season. I come downstairs, he's getting ready for school and he's like sitting at the table and I come wanting downstairs and he just sort of looks and I'm like, he's about to blow up my spot. And he goes, he goes, I had that hoodie, I go, I know, and he comes up and walks up to me. Now he's like, this tall and he just comes up to me like this and he just picks these up because these are really good to chew on when you get anxious. - Aww. - I know, right? And they fucking are. His opponent shreds. - Yeah. - Like that's how I can tell who's his who's. All right, and the side. - Are you an anxious human being? - A little bit more than I realize, you know. - Yeah. - You don't seem anxious at all. - Like I can stand still. - I can stand still. - I can stand still. - That's why I become my spouse. - Sometimes you can kind of see it even in the people that are not, but I don't even see it in you really. - Oh no, dude. Like, my anxiety comes out, like I definitely have a small version of trick-at-til-a-meanie. Like I pull out. - What's that? - Like when you pull out hair. - Oh. - Like I tell you. - You were expecting us to know what that was. Did you? - I never heard that. - Maybe. - Did you heard about, I heard it. It was more of a long words I memorized as a kid. - Yeah. - You pull out eyebrows. - Oh, that is, that is exciting. - Yeah. - Or like when writing, like if there's been like a writing session that we've just been thinking and sitting there and I'm like touching my mustache and I pull it out of my makeup, Gal will be like, "Oh, are you writing this weekend?" I was like, "Yeah, because it'll just be like a gap." - Wow. - Where I just forget. - Do you have like OCD? - I don't know. - Do the same thing with my mustache hairs. - Well, yeah. - Right? - Where you just pull it out. - Oh, you just touch it. Just feel it, yeah. - It feels nice. - Oh, I never got that. - I still have hair there, but I go like this. - Do you stuff to your mustache? - Yeah. - When I was young, I used to take an air and now I pluck it, like if I'm in the sun. - Yeah, an air didn't work. I put it on my pubes and on my legs and it didn't do any really. - Yeah. - What does it do? Does it burn? - I remember the smell of it was so strong. It felt like cement or something. - It smells like shit. - Yeah, you wouldn't get some, buy some air, some accidents. This is your cart. - I was like, "Do you know what's going on?" - Wait. - This cart's gonna get more full. - 15 more minutes. - 15 more minutes. - How old are your kids now? - Oh, this is 11 1/2 days. He's nine. He's almost 12. He'll be 12 in April. - So now you can actually have like real conversation. - Oh my gosh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - What types of things are you guys even talk? Like when your kid's 11, like what's he saying? Is he talking about girl? Like what's happening? - When he's like really sleepy or when we're talking about something else where he's in the back of the car, like he did ask me the other day, like what do you think happens when you die? Like what do you think it feels like? - Oh, he said that. - Yeah, but what did you say? - I said I don't know. I guess it depends how you die. Like I assume you don't feel anything unless it's, you know, some form of course. - You always answer. - You always answer. - You always answer your kids honestly like that. - Yes. - Because I always wonder like, like if your kid asks you and you're like three and they're like three. - I think I'll do the same. That sounds good. - You know, like my friends kid, you have to remember less. - So, my friend, his kid came to him and she said, "I get sad all the time." And she says, "And I don't know why I'm getting sad." And she said, "Does anyone else in the world get sad?" And is that feeling and why can't I stop it?" And it was like, it like rocked my friend. He was just like, he was like, that's a tough question. - She's very hyper intelligent and at this point, she was probably like five. And you know, she has depression, you know, and he was like, at that point, he was like, "Do I tell her what depression is? Do we go into it?" He was like, he started crying. Since that day, he promised like with both his kids, he was like, "I'm always going to tell the truth." - Yeah. - And she's totally good. Doesn't he mention? You know, she's in therapy. But it's like, but yeah, it's crazy. - I think it's good. It is good to tell. I don't know if you guys remember. I have like memories of my parents being really honest and like open as you like ask these questions when I was younger. And I don't think they would say anything that would be like harmful, but I feel like it's a good thing to do. - I don't know if I asked my parents enough questions like that. - Oh really? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I didn't ask them many things. - Do you want to know the world book in Cyclotidius? - Yeah. - Do you want to know something cool though, my other friend, right before his dad died. His dad got cancer and he said, "I don't know anything about my dad." He's like, "I know like where he was born." Like, I know like where he worked. He was like, "I have no idea who my dad is as a man." And a lot of people really don't know their parents that well. They think they do. - I asked so many questions. - Yeah, yeah, you do. But I'm saying most people don't. And he took a tape recorder every day. He went and he asked is that every question, "When did you first fall in love?" Like, what was the first time he was scared? And asked because most people don't know that stuff about their parents. Like Chuck, do you know like everything about your parents? - My parents like a book where they can like. - No, but I. - But you know what I did? I saw it. This is what I did. So I had this exact. - Yeah. - Totally forgot that I even did this until just now. And I have never. - You're welcome. - And I have never. - Yeah. - Thank you for reminding me of something that I did. And I've never even watched the footage. - Yes, we did when you had to cry. - No, I didn't. - No, I didn't. No. But not really. - Hold on. - Hold on. - No, that's different. And I'll tell you about that in a second. You can remind me to tell you about that after that. - Right, exactly. And this is how you have to sit. - So this is tricks of the trade. - I have my parents sit. Pretty much where you're sitting. - Really exactly. - I heard a videographer. - Yeah. - Got a nice, good frame. - Yep. - And I just asked them everything. - Your folks. - Yeah. For no other reason, because I just didn't want to like even leave it to my memory. I wanted to like have all their, like things, so I just had. And I back it up on all my drives, but then when I started watching it, and I just instantly started crying. It was the most innocuous, basic question and just seeing them talk as if I'm trying to like immortalize their soul, maybe instantly cry. The other story I was going to say, so I had a scene in my show where I had to get emotional. And I thought, I don't know how the hell I'm going to do this. I started trying to think about sad things in my life, by the way, I've had the best life ever. - Nothing. Nothing came up. - I was just hanging her up for a banger. - No, it's like, he's not anything bad. - Uncle Bruce. - My uncle died when I was eight. Like I love the guy, but I was eight and he died and that sucked. But like, there's the only bad thing that's ever happened. - If I think about my uncle Bruce dying, I mean, that's the only bad thing that's ever happened to you. - And his dick stuff. - Yeah, I guess that's what you're talking about. - My dick in your hair. - My hair. - Yeah. - Like that you don't like. - That's right. - Like you don't like. - What? - What? - What? - What? - You don't like. - Wow. Another bad. - That's bad. - So I hire an acting coach for the first time, and I say, excuse me, here's my predicament. I got this scene coming up, like, every time I haven't had many, like I know people pull from their past experiences, like I don't really have many, I'm like, I think about like things that in theory make me sad, but I, you know, I just have too much awareness of the reality at hand to not like remind myself that I'm sitting on set thinking of this thing. - Sure. - Like, I, and I said, please help me figure out how to do it very shortly after my first consultation with her. - Consultation. - And like hearing how I think and how I talk, she said, okay, look, here's what I would do if I were you. She said, if you don't leave it up to chance and like you want it, like, I think, I honestly think the best way to go about this is you ask your parents to film a video saying goodbye to you. - Oh. - And like, they're like closing statements and have, and then when it's time, don't watch the video, and then when it's time, I should see and watch the video, and I think you'll be in good shape. Like, that's good in a lot of ways. - Did she talk to your parents too? Or should, that's what you're talking about? - No, she, she recommended that I do that, and then I said to my parents, so my acting coach has recommended that, and I thought- - And your mom cried while she was doing it, she was like, saying goodbye to my parents. - Yes, my mom literally cried during the thing. - Of course, yeah, but obviously, she's saying goodbye to you. - I watched like 10, like, seconds of it at first, just to see like, did they even understand what was being asked of them, and I was like, yes, they do. I didn't watch it until the day, and I like, watched it, I had like a good first take, and then I just kind of got over, I basically got to the point where I couldn't look at the thing, and then put it down, and then look up and shoot the whole scene, what I wanted, was to, where I would get the most emotional, was while I was watching it, but if I'm going like this, none of that footage, and then I said, it's just not the same, so I had a PA put an iPhone on a stick in the eye line, behind the actor that I was talking to, at an earpiece in my ear. - Wow. - So I could just sit there and watch my eye line right, and just listen to it, and that's how I got the scene, and I'm both ashamed and proud that that's what happened. - I think whatever it takes, you know what I'm saying to cry? - Have you had a command? - Command. - Or like, in a scene. - Yeah, without your parents saying goodbye. - Without, no, but I, like, I'm trying to think of things that I have thought, definitely at one point, you know, certain songs can get me, like, for whatever. of a reason, like just the other just certain songs that still like wow. I mean, I can pretty easily, for whatever reason, but the times that I've had to do it were manufactured, I remember doing it, there we go, yeah, exactly. Now you have to cry, I'm going to cry, I'm going to cry. You're crying because of like what the people are saying, like just being like, I'm going to cry. It depends. It depends on the scene. Yeah. If it's stuff that I've written, it's usually something that's already like inside me that's come out. Yeah. Triggered by it by something else, but it's usually comes from a place of regret of like, so it wouldn't be like having my parents saying goodbye to me. It would be me, like, you got a lot of regrets in your life? I don't have many, but the couple that I do have, but it's more about the regret of like, like, oh, the things I would say, if I was saying goodbye, but I do remember it last way at one point, I just thought about this this morning oddly enough, was there was one scene where I'm like emoting, talking about how the character's father, like, you know, eyes, and just sort of thinking about where I got, like, you know, what it's got to look like, you know, and where I got to be. And I remember just with my eyes closed, being down, just thanking everyone, like, involved with the show for how much hard work and love they put into it. And it was like this tremendous amount of love for the process and the people that have done it. It was during our season two. So at that point, people, we had heard that the outside world liked what we were doing. So they're like, it, but it's nothing that I would feel capable of doing, like, in front of a bunch of people, because I know it would bring up so much emotion for me to thank all the people for giving it that. You kind of like it. I like it. But you know, maybe because I was like, you don't know what was with emotion. 100%. But you can't, you don't know the difference on camera because I'm, you know, I'm talking about my dad's passing and how much I loved him and how what I wish I would have done differently before he died. And so, yeah, I'm just thanking all these people. I mean, here is to see like that daily. When was the last time you cried in real life? Oh, recently. How did you ask? I get down. Not a smell of shit. I feel like I need, like, I feel like I need a good fucking sob. We can do that here. Yeah, if I get there. I love a good cry. How do you do that? You know, my favorite type of cry is in the world when you're in the shower and like it's like arm on like the side wall and you're just like weeping and it's like you can't even catch your breath. Yeah. I love everything's better in the shower. It is. It's great. You know, I sit. Everything just chills the fuck out. You know, I sit down in every shower I ever get in. I do that. Like on the floor? Every time I take a shower. You wanna know how I did it this morning. And what are you doing when you're sitting? So, I got in the shower and first I sat down and I was brushing my teeth in the shower and I'm sitting like this. I went like this and I laid down like this and spread my legs. There's some rich people shit. Look at this. Look at my room. I know this. I put one. And the water was just shooting up my ass and I was just sitting there like this and it felt so good. Don't you hate the cold stuff on your stomach? It's warm. You know when you're good? Oh my god. You grew up in my howl. Are you? 50. Little. Okay. For now. I do wanna say your masturbation story. No. It's not a story. I was gonna say. It's a philosophy. You know how you can't smell. I can't come on my feet. You can't? Not really. I can if I, but it takes a lot more focus and concentration. I believe that you can. Really? You can. I can. I can, but I don't want to. You're, he doesn't want to, you don't ever want to do anything like too physical. Like I always try to kind of know how dare you. Sex. No, I just, they're in love. There's confidence. We are so in love. Look at that. You know that stuff makes you poop. Does it? Yeah. Dave, if you drink like 7 or 9 grams of fiber in it, then maybe you can poop in the bag for Jason. Wait. Well, Domino's, you know what they do every time. What? They knock it out of the park. You know what else they do? Girl, it's always on first. Can I tell you something? Can I tell you a thing I just thought of? It's a best. You take a bite from the back and take a bite from the front. Look who's the best teacher. I'll tell you what. How you want it? The sauce. Is it? The soy sauce. Okay, up. 50 out of 10. It's only 10. It's my favorite sauce. There's one soy sauce. Mmm. Grab a hand made pan pizza or any Parmesan sauce piece of crust and dip them in new soy sauce. I'm getting it. And that's how you level up your pizza night. So I'm going to book a video on it. That's real fancy. Olli Pop time, everybody. Oh my god. Which flavor you guys like? This is the best smelling thing I've ever smelt in my life. Oh my god. I use to have an ice cream like a sherbet like this when I was a kid in upstate New York with my grandma. And she's dead. It literally just brought me back to this. Buy any two cans of Olli Pop in store and they'll pay you back for one. Any flavor, any retailer, go to drinkolipop.com/fks. Oh my god, this memory lane. Before Ted Lasso even happened, I remember I was at like a big dinner in Europe and you were there. Shooting test. We were shooting. Yeah, and I remember thinking I was like, show about soccer. It's over. And I was like, I was like, is that thing going to work? And it's like, became like, boy did it become the biggest show and you were talking about it. Yeah. We're making this show. I still talk about it like that. Yeah. Yeah. We just finished shooting season four. Oh wow. Do you guys get like the most like Emmy nominations ever? I think maybe a one point. Yeah. Do you know how many nominations I got? No. Four. Six. Zero. That's not true. Is it this? One? No, not even close. Not for anything? Nope. Never. Zero. No recognition. And any award show at all? That's surprising to me. No, no. He's actually never been recognized by anything. He doesn't even get invited to like the, he, he, one time he asked me, he goes, how am I not getting invited to the VMAs? He was like, I'm literally the guy you want. That's really funny. Are you going out to take it? Oh, I thought you were going out to take it. I thought he was giving you a ticket to the VMAs. I would have lost a hundred bucks on, on that, but I would have definitely been nominated if not one, but I don't pay too much attention to it. Meaning there. Yeah. Meaningless. Meaningless. Meaningless. Maybe they didn't see it right away. Is that, oh it's the TV. It's a Samsung frame TV. Oh yeah, absolutely. But that's how it is there. That's how it is there. It's the best. It's the best thing. They're so brilliant. That's the best. We have to think of an idea like that in life. That's so, it helps. Yeah. Black box turns into beautiful. All right. It's crazy. It's such a great idea. Do you ever thought of any ideas? No. Oh my god, please be my food. And it's just your food. Yeah. I'm hearing possessive pronoun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I order myself lunch. He doesn't engage with any of it. No. No. Hey, Jay, you want to eat anything? There. Okay. Well. Yeah, well. But I do have a question. He doesn't even need to be here. What do you think of Dave? No. What do you mean? What do you read? Like bullshit, right? Is it supposed to be here? Yeah. It's not the food. What was it? Does it order laxatives, really? Is it laxatives? It's laxatives. Oh my god. Take one right now. That is a heavy bag. And they also don't make you shit right away. How quick. Eat the laxatives right now. You shouldn't have bagging just send it to my place. Yeah. And then I'll smell it there. And I'll just do a little video. Yeah, yeah. And audio. Please. Please eat it laxatives. I was going to break his non-smelling tray. I love that. Everyone's really acting like he's definitely going to take the laxatives from shit. What's a laxatives smell like? Or look like. It's like a gun has been introduced into the scene. It's like, yeah. Of course you're going to throw this out. Okay. You're going to get there. You're talking about it. Okay. So you're going to smell there. No. You're going to smell. We're going to put some nerve on you. The back of your neck. I'm going to have Jason smell it. I'm going to smell it. Yeah. live life just like, I don't like that fun, right? - It feels that way. - Yeah. - And I love, like that's, honestly filming these is my favorite thing I've ever done on my career because it allows me to tap into this part of me that was just like the boy who was hanging out with his friends with a chain I'm trying to have fun. Do you feel like you're employing that same sense of humor to your children as they grow up in a full way, or do you have to like tone it back, or even change your comedic style to communicate with your children? - I don't change it too much. I feel like I may not be, I feel my sweet spot is when someone is watching the farm and then I can run around. So then as a parent, I feel like for me, if there is a structure in place, then I can goof around in it. But when I am the structure, then less so. So I think they're more inclined to see it when I'm, - Like being like a key role player while like a superstar leaves? - Yeah, you're just like, not point guarding, just you're shooting guard. you're like, then you can, you're getting like, you know, 30 points. points of game where you're getting at least 20 looks and the other person is the one calling out what defense and they're switching. - You were strict. - How about that? - I mean, not, I mean, it's all relative, but like, no pun intended, right? But I think it's like, about like manners and stuff and the same, please and thank you and-- - Do you see your kids having like a similar sense of humor as you? - Oh my gosh, they're so funny. They're getting funnier and funnier as they go. They've, you know, days have been funny from jump. - What age are you're kin? - 9/11. - 9/11. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, yeah, two and a half years apart. Almost, you know, to the day. - It's super great, like, such good vibes and then this one. But when I, when he and I are having like chats and stuff, we'll look through old photos and videos of Daisy and he just cracks up like he's watching his favorite sitcom. Like, he just, it's so sweet. And I just try to remember that, remind him of that, especially as they'll become teenagers. It'll be, no, it's not. - It'll be like cool to break down. - I know you, your brothers? - I have one real brother. - Yeah, yeah. - He's five and a half years older and then I have three step siblings that are all younger. - Got you. - A one older brother, five years older. - Oh, wow, okay. - And one older brother, four years older. - Okay, wow, so that's like different high schools. - Yeah, I was so great he was the senior. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So like my sisters are Christians, you know, I was 75, she's 79, and then Lindsey was 81. So they're really close and always happen and very difficult to beat insurades. - Me and my brother. - Yeah, my sister. - That's incredible. You want more kids? - I would if, yeah, if I fell in love with, you know, and like, but like, yeah, I think it comes from the first. - Are you a single man? - I am, currently, you know. - How is being single? - I don't know, ups and downs. - Are you more of a relationship guy? Like do you find yourself in relationships more than being single? - I like being in relation to people. I'm not at a point in my life when I were like, you know, where it feels good or fulfilling to date numerous people all at once. - Mm-hmm, yeah, yeah. - That feels daunting and overwhelming. Especially with being a parent. And there's also a new thing of dating that they are, like they're never number one on the call sheet as the show is saying would go. Like the kids are. - Yeah. - Oh, interesting, yeah. - You know what I mean? Even probably more so than myself. And so then there's that little bit as you get older and you're like, oh, kind of, I gotta make sure my cup's full in order for, you know, other people to get the overflow. - Yeah. - When you're tipping at a restaurant. - Yeah, yeah. - What? - Yeah, here we go. - Art, you know, it's an interesting world to be in. - You're like, how do you do the math for 12%. - Are you? Are you, you know. - I get too scared to do anything other than 20 in a person or above. - You know what's great? You know what the worst thing is when it's an automatic gratuity at 18. - Yeah. - 'Cause then you're like, how do I even add percentage? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - 'Cause then I'm like, oh, it's too low. - He criticized it for tipping 20%. - No, I don't criticize it. - Instead of what? - Higher? - No, 30, 30, 30. - I don't, no, no. - It varies. - I don't criticize. It's only, if someone else is paying, saying, well, what are you tipping? 'Cause I wanna like, I say, well, if, - I feel like that's gonna like make people more anxious. Right? 'Cause this is a form of anxiety. I think we were talking about it earlier. I was like, I guess that's a kid or a tough until I was like, you know, growing up, I was like, oh, anxiety is only about dying. And it's like, no, it's about stuff like this. - Yes. - I'm worried about that. But to be asked at the table, like, okay, yeah, are you gonna pick it? Oh, thanks, Mark. That's really nice. You're like, hey, what are you tipping? - What? - Just kidding. - That's like, the thing that will-- - Yeah, I know, no one. - Red flag, the cheaper like, oh, I don't think it teaches anything, tipping poorly. Because if someone is not good at, like, say it is, like a waitress at a, like a diner type place. And they're just, broskin, not checked in. And you were just gonna be, you wanted to be there for 45 minutes, you were there for an hour and a half because they were just, like, just not there, but not, that's kind of nuts that that would happen. But, like, if you only tip, like, 10%, like, they're only gonna walk away from there going, what an asshole versus, like, if you're gonna tip 10%, I think you gotta-- - Give a note. - Give a note saying, yeah, I normally tip me. - Yeah, but you were so-- - Oh yeah. - Or say it to them. - Oh my God. - If they even, like, the only thing that stinks more than that for me is how do you just have to buy their own. - Nothing stinks for you. - Teachers have to buy their own school supplies. - That's wild. - Women buying tampons. I'm like, come on, what the fuck are we doing? - Wait a minute. - Yeah. - What happens? - Teachers. - Teachers, like, when we were growing up, even though I'm older than you all, like, I guarantee you the teachers, if they wanted to get something, you know, crazy dope, like, they'd go out of pocket. But for the most part, like, the school is paying it, now you see so often, like, you know, just friends, you know, that they're still back home in Kansas, like, you know, on their Instagram, like, hey, our great school teacher has an Amazon, like, wish list of things, you know, so you can buy markers for the kids. I'm like, how is-- - Wild. - Oh, so in Texas, like, where's this money going? - Like, each teacher kind of has a brother, like, I thought you were, like, referencing some super creative approach to, like, a big presentation and having to pay for that. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - One time I had a teacher, this is a terrible story. She was just walking and she was kind of young and she was, like, young. I was like, the youngest teacher I ever had. - She was, like, new. - She was, like, young and new and she was cool. She was cool. I don't know. She wasn't, like, I liked her, but you could tell that she wanted to be cool. And she was, like, walking one day and she just slipped and just fell right on her face. - Oh. - Yeah. I mean, that's not the end of the story. - That's it. - It's almost-- - It's almost done. - It's almost terrible. - And she-- - Then she tipped out 100%. - It was like the craziest fall. Like, I've never, like, it was so just, and then she got up immediately, tried to play it off immediately and she was like, oh, like, then her chin just started burst open. And that is now the end of the story. - Yeah, I had the same, I was running up from the subway at my SNL days, running up the stairs on 30 rock, running late and Agal was coming down the stairs, her and her friend, and she full on slips and bust her chin, same kind of thing. And she stands up and it's that embarrassment that people have when they fall. That she was just like, I'm fine, I'm fine. And meanwhile, just a beard of blood spewing out and her friend's like, no, Becky, you're not fine. And I'm just like, do you guys, like, I know, secure, they're just tourists. And I was like, do you want help? And I'm like, no, no, we're fine. It's like, no, we need help. And I was just like, we're fine, we're fine. Please stop. I'm fine. Blood, it's come. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna go. It's just right around the corner, the main desk is right around the corner. I was just like, I'd probably do that metaphorically all the time. Yeah, when people dripped and then just keep running. It's so weird. I was on a date one time and the girl tripped, right? And it wasn't a date. It was, like, two months into dating a girl. Yeah. And she tripped and it was funny. Yep. She hated it. And you laughed? I laughed, yeah. And she was mad and it changed everything. Yeah. I bet? I don't have to change everything. But that night it did for sure. Yeah, not at all. That night was like, it was so fun. We were hitting it off. She tripped, she fell, she got up. I could see that she was embarrassed and then I laughed. And then I felt like such a loser for laughing. And then you can't really talk anymore about it. And so we had to choose not to talk about it. Yeah. And then it's really just put it in. You never know if people, one time I stepped on someone's toe an ex-boyfriend and I was in trouble for days. That's crazy. I have the greatest story ever, but I don't, I think we're just going to be breaking it. It's going to turn black and blue. What's your story? It doesn't matter. It's not easy. It's not easy. Can I, uh, the best. Can I, uh, the best. Can I, uh, the best. The best. You can, it's fun. Do you, do you, do you, like, go out and, like, sit at a pee? Like, are you? Yeah, man, look at me. What am I, man, bud? This, I'm, you ain't stealing all of it. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. I mean, still, I'm, like, stepping into Ted Lasso. They're just, like, doing it. Are you getting ideas for, like, new shows and stuff? No. No, I just, it also funnels into, into their zero ideas. Zero ideas. Do you ever feel like you're living a big idea, a big idea? No. Never. Neither do I. Oh, yeah. Why would I be, that'd be a big idea. A big idea. Just like, just swear. He's looking around for the next one. Uh, uh, uh, uh. I just, there's a mogul mindset that I think when you're in the groove of, like, like, I was asking, I just had to know where it struck me to ask Phineas. What was the time difference between writing, what was I made for, and, um, uh, birds of a feather? And, like, he was, like, within, like, a month. And I was just like, I think that's so neat. Yeah. Like, you wanted to know something so crazy, legit. One time I was with T-Pain. Yeah, yeah. And I was talking to him. And, uh, we were talking about music and, you know, he's done so many big records. One time he said he was in the studio and he wrote six number one songs in one night. Yeah. Six number ones in one night. I, I will tell you, I'll tell you a quick story that's actually interesting. I had just stopped flying. Okay. And I don't fly. Still don't. Yes, though. Never ever. No, I'll take a boat to here. No, no, no, no. I'm saying right now. Yeah. As of now. Yeah. Um, yes, I do. It's working through it. I'm working towards it. Yeah. I'm working on my second trip driving across the country. It's 2009. I'm going to work on Katie Perry's album. Okay. Drive. Get there. It convinced my brother to drive me. I promised him I'd buy him a suit from H&M if he drove me. So he drove me and all my friends came. - Six buttons. - Yeah. - Big dragon on. - I was like, I was like, I'm surprised, he drove you all that way just for a-- - Well then he didn't. - No one had a, this is like way back in the day. - He wanted that suit. - And, and, and a bunch of my friends came with me. We like rented a RAV4 and we all drove together. It was so fun. - Yeah. - So I get there and I'm exhausted and everyone's like, come to the studio. And I'm so tired, I get to the studio. They said, hey, we finished the album. We'd love you to hear the singles. And I'm like, what the fuck? I just drove all the way here and you're done. And then they said-- - I'd love for you to hear the single. - They said, we'd love for you to hear it. And they're like dancing in the studio. They're so happy, 'cause you never know when you're gonna make the songs. And I said, okay, and I'm exhausted. Haven't slept in a bed in a long time. Like we're like traveling, I get there. And I go in and I'm like, fuck. So they're all in the main studio. Everyone's like, they're like having a field day. I go in the side room at a recording studio called Conway. And I'm in the side. And I'm just like, I'm just gonna start making some beats. And I just start making beats. And then Dr. Luke comes in. He plays some stuff. And then Max Martin's getting like a cookie. And he comes in and he's like, oh, what's in here? And basically, we started making two demos that night. And the two demos we made were California Girls and Teenage Dream. They were the two demos we made. And it was crazy. And literally they go, like everyone comes in and listens and they're like, these are okay. And then we went to bed and then we came back the next day and we were like, we were like, what the fuck? These are insane. - Yeah. And I was like, I think if you're not swinging from vine to vine, you get to the vine quicker. - Yeah. - It's a little bit like when you have the spot in your eye and you like try to look at it and it keeps moving away. I feel like that's a little bit. There's something to that. - You know, gift giving used to be something that was hard for me. - It's still hard for me. - It ain't hard for me no more. I don't know why I said it like that. But Canva, take a moment. - Well, like if I wanted to get many of your gifts, I could get a picture of me and him, put it in the Canva. Canva will design me a coffee mug. - I don't want a coffee mug. - Okay. - Nope, I want a stainless steel water bottle with the graphics on the outside. - We can look into that for you. - I believe a lot of things are possible and especially from a design perspective by goodness. Canva makes design easy for anyone with built-in AI that lets you remove, generate, and animate content and just a click. Start designing today at Canva.com. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. - Hey Benny, how has therapy helped you maintain your mental health? - Oh my God. Nothing without therapy. You know how they say it takes a village to raise someone for me, it really just takes one therapist. - Therapist. - Old man, who's my therapist, and it's been my therapist for 20 years. - Wow. - And therapy is a place where I can go and I can say anything and not feel afraid of-- - Anything? - Yeah. You can say anything. I think except like moon. - Therapy is meant for you to speak your mind and navigate your own. Can I say something? - I would love for you to. - My mother's a therapist. - Oh, how do we never talked about this? - Your mental health matters. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com.s.fks. That's betterhelp.com.s.fks. - Did you guys just like fall into Ted Lasso? Like how does he even-- - Yeah, we made, no, we, I got hired. NBC Sports got the rights for the Premier League back in 2013. - This is a rights-based thing? - Yeah, it was, it was-- - Wait, you're literally a rights unit. Add Company came to me with like five ideas. They had, like, I forget the other four or whatever they were. But one was like football coach, coach is soccer. And I was like, oh, I, like, just, (imitating drumming) and like, shitting my pants, like, shitting my, you know, my brain pants. - Your brain shitting. - Yeah, exactly, like, is like here with me. - 2013, like, this is like May of 2013. - Oh my god, so long. - So long ago. And then I was like, okay, can I bring two friends. My friend, Joe Kelly, who's a great writer, like, and then I had another buddy that I was thinking of them. Joe was like, what about our buddy, Brendan, who was a place coach beard on the show. And I was like, 'cause he knows everything. Huge soccer, football, you know, like, Joe knows a little bit about soccer and football, and I knew nothing. So it was kind of like the Goldilocks there. Yeah, like, and so we were like, okay, let's do that. They came over. I believe that I was staying up in Nichols Canyon at that point. We like had the laptop open. We just wrote out beats, like, for ideas. We knew we were gonna have two days. We were gonna shoot it in London. It was one of those moments for me where it's just like, oh, I'm just like in a flow state or in a zone type of thing. We go over there, we make the commercial. It's a multi-million dollar campaign. There's no, we did not write a script. We have no script. The ad, you know, the company did, but we only were using little pieces of it. You know, I came over the name Ted Lasso. I was just like, what about Ted Lasso? You know, I just like the idea of a first name and a noun. Like, you know, it was like, you know, whatever. And so then we're over there, and in between setups, luckily we had this great directory, Marty, who did Second City in Toronto. And so he was okay with improvisation as a process. - Yeah. - And then we would go, we'd dick around for 20 minutes. I'd act like a fool, as the character's a little bit different. You know, like, he had a mustache and he'd talk like that and everything, but he's a little bit more like Michael Scott, David Brent, kind of like that. - Yeah. - And then we, then they'd do stuff. We'd go in there and play Katan. And then my manager would be outside, talking to like the guys from NBC, and Todd and we're going, but what are they doing? Like, what are we doing next? It goes, just trust the process. Everything's gonna go fine. - Marty, the director was okay with it. We ended up, you know, then helping out with the edit. And, you know, it was like a little short film. It was like three and a half minutes. - Like a proof of concept thing of the set. - No, it wasn't even, it was just a commercial. - For what? - For NBC, for the, the Premier League on NBC Sports. - So this is just like, just a commercial. - Just a commercial. - It was just a commercial. Just like, here's, you know, a couple hundred grand. - What? - To make it to be like this commercial. How about, we call this guy Ted Lasso. The commercial does so well both with football fans, soccer fans, comedy people like this. - What year was this? - 2013. - It came back to like, just a couple months later, you know? And it played great. And then we enjoyed doing it. I remember at some point being at the US open, me and my buddy John Glazer. - Rip and your mustache hair out there. - Yeah, I feel like in the house. - It was real that way. - I was so tan to look out here. And I looked down the row, and I see Tony Parker, who was with the spurs at that point. And Terry Onree from Arsenal, like looked down and like wave at me. And I look at John, I go, oh. Terry Onree and Tony Parker does wave. And I mean, like they know me. We get up after like a game set match, whatever. And they come up and they're gushing about Ted Lasso. I'm like, oh wow, this commercial, like even the cool kids, like like footballers and, you know, athletes and like, okay. So then we enjoyed doing it so much that we were like, hey, can we do another one? And their premise was they're like, yes, but we don't have the budget we had last year, so we can't fly you over there. So, okay, that's okay. The whole premise of the commercial was Ted Lasso gets hired by the Tottenham hot spurs and then gets fired, like three days later, because he doesn't know what he's doing. He's like hired and fired, you know, three and a half minutes, whatever. And then we did the second one, the idea being, and that's more where the show idea comes out of, where Ted gets hired, but then gets fired, but isn't mad at anybody. And it's just like, but falls in love with soccer, falls in love with London. Now he's living back in New York, you know, waking up at 7 a.m. to watch Premier League games, driving a mini Cooper, letting name Bradley, you know, like all these silly jokes. And then it's just like 2015, we're living out to eat or having dinner somewhere, and she's like, what do you want to do? I was like, you should do some of that, Ted Lasso. You guys love doing that and you enjoy Joe and Brennan, we all do long so well, you know, when you find like, you know, those people is like, blah, blah, blah. We then like sit around for a week and write for three days. It was one of these weeks that like so many good ideas came out and three days we had six episodes sort of figured out. Joe had written like a spit draft of the pilot, which is about 85% of what we ended up doing, you know, more or less. And yeah, that was 2015. Then it just sat there for like years. - You didn't begin doing anything with that? - No, not for years. - We just like, like, the Olivia, we had Otis, we had Daisy. I was doing a movie here and there. - Kids. - Kids will slow it down. - Yeah. - But they also allowed this gestation. You know, the world was obviously changing. You want to tell you all the Michigan's and Trump and whatnot. And then Joe was working on a show, Brendan was gigging like crazy doing stuff out here. And then it wasn't until like Bill Lawrence had an idea for a show that he wanted me to do that wasn't the right fit. And then he was like, well, if you have any other ideas, I was like, well, me and my friends have this and I hand him the stack of stuff and then he read it. He flew out to Brooklyn with me and then he, I think he read it on the way back. And he's like, yeah, there's a lot of good ideas there. And we were all like, so we're like this stalled car. And he was like basically like the guy that gives us a little jump starter, the gas in the tank. So yeah, it started as a commercial. - Yeah, it's amazing. - So NBC, I got to see that first corner bro. So it's the Apple. - You want to get right to all our guests. - NBC passed on it. Like we went to all the people. - On the show that we, yeah. Like NBC, I mean, Netflix. - Everyone passed on Ted last night. - Yeah, but it makes sense. Like nobody had no promises. This is like, no, here's the idea and they, yeah, we weren't, they had an Apple. Like yeah, let's do it. - Did you write? - Where the Miller store, you just a hired gun. - Tired gun, but I did, I helped with like, rewrites and Rawson at Thurbury. - I love that movie. - You know what this is? - I love it. - I think I was so proud of the shit part of that movie. - You know what I'm saying? - What an inspiring as a comedian who just wants to watch funny movies. - I appreciate that. - No, you know who else is so underrated. - What? - Hall pass is so underrated. - Hall pass, yeah. That was the first time. - You don't like that one? - I thought you were gonna say horrible bosses. - Yeah. - I don't think that's underrated. I think that's like a huge halt pass. - I guess that's one of those movies that I get. I've seen my age like sort of whispered to me. I love all past. It feels like it's subversive. I'm like-- - You watch yourself? - Yeah, but not-- - I don't like sit there and like crack up. - Oh really? Do you know that? - Dude, you should. - Oh my God, I wonder about that. - I'm crazy. I'm like just up there editing footage of like a show. And I'm like, let's go. - He edited all the show here because it was the pandemic and I would hear just like cackling like the loudest laughs. And it was, I'd always say, - I usually watch and it was his joke. Like anything he said. - Do you know what? - Do you know I never realized until like I go back and think about it, you're in like every movie and TV show ever made. And then I-- - When did you start? How old were you? - I got hired to write at SNL when I was - Oh. - I was 27, almost 28. - Okay, yeah. - Were you on SNL? - Yeah. - Yeah. - For, I worked there 10 years, wrote for two, on for eight. - But you started as a writer and then you did this. - And did you have hopes of like being on it? Or are there ever any writers that are just like, I just want to write for us? - Oh yeah, yeah. - Absolutely. - You're from the SNL tree of comedians. - Yes. - Within the last two days, I saw you in two things that I wasn't thinking of. - What? - I forget what it's called. It's like a relationship one and it's like a romantic comedy. - Oh, with Alison Brie. - That's a creepy one with other people. - Yeah. - I love that movie too, man. - I like that movie a lot. - I don't watch it, that's one of my favorite minds. - I watch another under the radar. - I watch it and it's like every mile, it'll be a part of that. - Are you in? - The funeral scene of Eastbound and Down? - Yeah. - The guy in the casket, yeah, of course. - Yeah, of course. - I did die by doing cocaine. I've never done cocaine. - Yeah. - Still haven't. - Oh, me neither. - And I dragged the dollar bill across. I was like, no, what are you doing? You don't drag the dollar bill. You're supposed to do it. It's supposed to be down. - I don't even know. - Over. - I know. - That makes sense. - I never know. - I thought you dragged it. - And what we're thinking is probably the visual of like people cutting it up, like you're doing. - No, you would do hover. You hover over so it's like you're a vacuum. - 'Cause you're starting the dirt of the day. - We were going broom, broom and whist. - No, I just never know. - When he explained, I thought it would make sense. - No. - None of us have ever done coke. - That's amazing. - You ever done it? - I think I would love it. - You have mushrooms and weed, but- - Never done LST. I've done heroin. No, I've never done heroin. - Xanax? We were taking Xanax. - Don't think I have. - Oh. I don't think I have. - I wonder if you would like it. - I tried Lexapro for a little while there, but it makes it very hard to climax. - Yeah, I hear that about Lexapro. - Wait, what's hard to climax? - Lexapro was. I remember taking it for a couple of weeks, like, this is age ago, like 2009. - It's like being on your feet. - Isn't that- - Lexapro, we keep you on your feet. - I already did. - Do you think? 'Cause I don't know how you play basketball. - Yeah, yeah. - But I feel like you're probably a good shooter. - If I'm hot, yeah. If I'm hot. - If I- - So you're not. Like I'm always hot. - I would say that I would say that I am. - You're not always hot. - When you play, you're like, before the game starts, you're like, don't leave him. Shooter. - Oh, I'm not. - You're that. - I'm not. - Oh. - Especially if I haven't played in a while. I can get hot, but I would still say that I'm angry too. - You said hot. You just mean when you're on top of it? - Just on fire. - Like where, yeah, where you just can't miss. - What are you doing? - Just keep talking. - Just keep talking. - Just keep talking. - Do you want any air? - Are you supposed to get a basketball? - I'm going to take a laxative. Actually, what am I saying? The Oli Pop. - I don't want it. - The Oli Pop that he's always gushing about. - Maybe that's what I need. - He's going to go right into my life. - I don't know. - I hope he has a little basketball hoop, and we get to play horse. - Oh, we got new flavors. Raspberry Sherbert. Is it Sherbert? Blackberry Vanilla. I'm a kind of athlete that gets free products sent to him. What I'm going to do real quick is try both of these out, because there's nothing better than making choices before you embarrass other men. That's going to be hard to beat. Blackberry Vanilla. Oh, my God. This is a real conundrum for me, because I really did intend to come in here and make a choice. Unfortunately, I can't do that, because they're both so good. I do need my hands to compete. So I'm going to put these back for now. But maybe. Maybe I'll be back. I'm going to go get a basketball hoop. I'm just getting something. - This will be a good time for me. I'm terrible at today. - You're going to take horse. - Of course. - Yeah, I mean, you know, all right. I have a few like good shots. - Did you play basketball like growing up a lot? - Yeah, and high school in college. - I love that. I've got so many men. - Where is this guy? - More men. - What's over here? - I can just play basketball. - Yeah, more of the pants. - No, no, it should be over here. - No, it's a good team sport. - We have nowhere to shoot it. - I've gained it all out. Move the pants. Where would he shoot? - Move the pants. - From over there. - From everywhere. - Okay. - Where are you putting that? - Around the world. - Look at this. - Dave, blow out the candles. I don't want anything to catch on fire. - That's the stupidest place to put it. There's nowhere to shoot. - Let me show you something. - Hold on. Let me do something else. - This is where you'd want to put it. So you have some space. - So you shoot like four feet away? - No, what do you mean you're shooting from here? You're as you can't. - I don't know. - You don't want to pull that base? - You don't have that kind of range. - Let me just see what's going on here. - I'm going to pick. - Check, you're going to hit the thing. - Where do you keep your extra sand? Because you want to put it in that base. You guys have that? - You got to sand those? - Yeah, but to me the light fixture's serve is an interesting obstacle. - Ooh, this is a good ball. This one's good. - That's a pool ball. I recognize that. - Check, this one's good. - Check, look at the way this bounce. - What do you think? - I don't know if I like where you. - I like it. - That's smart, that's smart. - That's smart. - Oh yeah, that's smart. - What ball are we doing? - That's good fatherhood type. - Right. - What ball? - See, already made one. - See, whatever. - I was just checking the ball. - One for one. I mean, there's different balls. It seems like you like that. - Let's see which ball. Do you want to try this ball? And first, we have to decide what the best ball is. This is not the best ball. This is a bad ball. - This is a very bad ball. - I'm taking this out. - Let me just take a shot. First shot, obviously. - Obviously. - I took a first shot and I made it. - You did. - It was crazy that you did it. - Is it cool? - Why is it slippery when it's. - Why is it crazy that I made it? - You know it's crazy. You made your first shot. - No, it's not. - I mean, you're getting it. - It's going to miss every shot he takes for the rest of the team. - We've played hoops. We've played hoops together at Harley. - No. - That counts for something. - Check him. - You just let him use the good ball. - Oh, let him use the good ball. - No, but I will right now. - Let him use the good ball. - Yeah. - Oh, that's a good throw. - Let me just see. - That's a good throw. - Let me just go off. - Let me just try, you know. - I just played in the NBA. - I made my. - No, no, no. - Have you ever. - No, I haven't. - No, I haven't. - But I'll start again. - I played it twice. One time was awful. - Oh, wait, you don't. - I don't know if we've ever told you the story. - I played it in 2010. It was in the day. It was here in LA. - Yeah. - The coach was Bill Walton. The other coach was Magic Johnson. - Oh, my God. - It was, I think, one of the first times they put celebrities with like real players, like Scotty Pippin was on my team, which was exciting. But then it was in a really small like odd venue. And then on the other team was this young kid who I didn't know. I didn't knew the name. But an usher protégé. No one was Justin Bieber, right? - You hit that game where he dominated. - Yes, yeah. - I was nervous because it was kind of like, I mean, he has a crazy shot and it goes in like nuts. But I didn't get to play at all. And I was so bummed. I thought Bill Walton and I were going to hit it off because we both smoked hot and I loved John Wooden. I was like, oh, he's going to love me. Couldn't care less. - Yeah. - You know, like, 'cause him and Magic were like going ahead to head. There was like Celtic's Lakers rivalry stuff. The Bieber's going off. And then two-thirds of the crowd was there to see Bieber. Where you don't, I didn't realize it. I just knew him as like this. I was like, you know, when I didn't know. Before you had to, you know, become an SNL host that had even been a musical guest or anything like that. And I'm, so I'm kind of bummed. I remember like, I didn't even have to shower afterwards. I was just like, I was just changing. And as I'm leaving, as I'm leaving. - You can't just shower. - I was just like, I'm just standing there. - I'm just standing there. - I'm leaving. I've got my bag and I'm getting ready to go. And I see Maverick Carter and LeBron. Who I had met when he had hosted SNL. - Right. - Like, you're two before whatever. And both LeBron and Maverick go, hey. Sadek is like, hey, ma'am, hey guys, you know, that's what I'm up. And they're like, look at you looking like a baller. - I was like, just by the way, my look. They clearly did not watch that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And I was like, oh, thanks, guys. - Yeah. - And I felt better. And then I remember that leaving there and going to like, CAA or somewhere to watch the very first screening of horrible bosses. - Yeah. - Like, and I was just like, oh, this is what I do now. - Yeah. - Like, don't worry about that. Like, it was like the universe being like, yeah. Don't worry. - We still have value. - Yeah. - I mean, tell you what happened at my first celebrity game. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Okay, so I was at like a, in a Latin one. It was like a Latin celebrity for like, Latin music. And I get there, and they were like, oh, we're like, giving everyone shoes and outfits. And I was like, oh, okay. And like, I didn't get to talk to them. And they're like, gave me shoes. And the shoes were like a little bit big. They didn't like, have my side. But they were like, good enough. I got a time tight. So it's my turn to go on. And it's like, everybody's playing. It's like, bad bunny's playing. Like, every big musician, and I go on. And it's the first play. And I run out. And my legs. It's like, my shoes fly off my body. They fly into the air. And I fell out of my shoes. And I couldn't recover. Like, I fell out. And I went like this. And I was like, food. And they had to help me out. I like got hurt. I had no idea what was going to happen. I was like, pause it and say, everybody guess. No. You probably knew. and I was like, I never would've guessed that. - They had to help me out. - My shoes flew. - And then for the rest of the game, I didn't even get to touch the ball, 'cause they were like, oh my god, I just can't even walk. - You can't even walk. - Nobody, nobody, even, I didn't even get to touch it. - Nobody played defense on you. - Nobody played defense. I didn't even get, like, they would be like this. They could be like 18 guys on them, and they'd look at me and I'd have to be wider, but they'd be like, and just throw it out of bounds. - Yeah. - For a fan duel. - Let's go, baby. - Yep, let's predict. Let's, you know, we got soccer. - Ooh, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Nope. - Nope. - He's not doing this game. - We're not doing this game. - This is not called anyone specific, but we got regions like Spain, France, Brazil, England. - Now, correct me if I'm wrong. - LA, is this a pro-soccer championship that's about to happen? - I mean, it's more than that. This global phenomenon is a lot of us. - What's that word you would use? - You can predict the outcome of the pro-soccer championships games all the way to the end of the tournament with a fan duel predicts. Sylep and grab your $25 bonus on Fandall predicts and ride this playoff journey with us. - You think it about Spain, France, Brazil? - I'm thinking about. - Senegal? - I'm going with Brazil. - Okay, let's play a quick game of pig. - Okay, who's your shits in a bag? - I love pig. - And you have to smell it. - Okay, who starts? - That's fine. We'll be in the world in the world. - What ball do we want? - This one. - Do you want to use that one? - I only made two. - Do you guys just sign it down to the ball? - Yeah. - Okay, let's set it to the level. - You're buying too heavy? - No, it's too light. - Too light, too light. - Too light, too small. - Okay, that's where you're going. - Short. - Wow, that was terrible. - Oh no. - Oh my god. - She just jacks it up. - Oh. - Okay. - All right, you got pig. - Let's, oh no. - That's hard. - Oh. - Look at that. - Oh my god. - Oh my god. - It's so heavy. - Short. - Okay. - Oh my god. - No. - She's not out. - Oh no. - You're out. - Nice shot. - Nice shot. - Okay, good. - Nice shot. - Okay, now it's my turn again, right here. - No luck. - Well, you just looked. - Oh my god. - You're looking right now. - What, when you should take your foot off the gas. - Pedal doesn't know, my dear. - What is no looking though? If you're looking at it. - Why would you start the shot? - So when are you starting it? - I'm looking to get the idea of where everything is going. - I'm starting, you're setting me up for failure. - I'm just gonna say that I'm looking when I shouldn't be looking. - Now, there's no looking. Now I'm looking at you. - Look a lot beforehand. - You can look as much as you want until you stop and go like this. - You might want to, it's been so long since you've looked. You might want to re-look and you're right hand like this. - Yep. - This is not good. - That's not a good one. - I'm just saying you're gonna check it out. - I'm not left hand. - Oh my god. - Oh my god. - You made it. - Wow. - Wow. - Wow. - Wow. - Wow. - You better hold your hands. - Oh. - It looks good. - Peek. - Dude. - Pull up your wet and do it. - Fuck. - Oh. - Oh. - All right, my turn. - Yeah. - That shot. - Yeah, that shot. - Okay, perfect. - P.I. for Kristen. - Yeah. - I hope it's getting you out. - Oh. - Come here. - Okay. - Here we go. - Good luck, Benny. - The don'ts are run too much. - Nice dude. That was silky. - Are you gonna make this or your out, Kristen? - Can she hold it? - Oh. - Oh, all right. - It's Benny and Jason. And it's peed enough in. - Hi. - Hey, Chad. - Hey, Chad. - Hey, Chad. - I didn't know you were a peed. - What do you think about this stroke? - Yeah, that's a nice stroke, Jason. - Look at this. - I mean, the game. - Chinatown, here it comes. - Oh. - Fuck. - All right. - Okay, P.I. - P.I. - No one's hit this. We're just, we have the little bounce. - Oh. - Including, including here. - That's. - All right. - Inside. - Yeah, put your, get so, - Like, baby, baby. - Put that water on. - Yeah. - Put that water on. - You have to be like this. - Yeah, do the T1. - And scolding a hot one. - It's so hard to bounce. You're a turn. It's very difficult to bounce. I don't recommend it. - I mean, this thing is barely wetly down. - Oh, wow. - Wait, why is it running worse? - Yeah, the waves. - That was a swoosh. - Thanks for opening. - That was a smart player. - All right here. - A swoosh. - No, you win. - You win. - This is great. - Hey, thanks, guys. This is a good game. - Good game. - This is really well done. - This is great. - Check, I can't believe. - This is great. - You knew you were gonna pick, right? You just always win. - All right. - No, not always. - Well, we learned anything today. - That's right. - So we gotta do regulation based sports. You know, we can't play kids games anymore. - No. - These people that invented these games, they measured children. They thought things through. - For a man that I just met. - Yeah. - I love you. - Oh, it's for you. - Thank you so much for putting it along. - Yeah. - Do you have to get it all? - This is lovely. - I didn't take the laxatives. - I don't even know. - I was gonna do it, but it's so inappropriate. It's the most inappropriate thing. - I don't know if you had us holding the bag. They're leaving that, if I like-- - You wouldn't have been annoyed if I went upstairs in the back. - I felt like I could tell that you're like-- - I would have absolutely gone for it. Because I wouldn't have been able to smell it. So it's like. - Thank you, Dominos. We're sponsoring this episode. - And for the pizza. - Offered by Fando Protection Markets LLC, a registered futures commission merchant, 18 plus bonus is not withdrawalable and expire seven days after receipt. Trading derivatives involves significant risk and may not be suitable for all investors. Manage your activity with our Consumer Protection tools, restrictions apply. See terms at fandole.com/predict/bonus-offer-terms. - And for the pizza.