The Inventions Episode

(clearing throat) (groaning) (upbeat music) - Shout out Connie for the beat. And shout out every low-dicky fan. Every real low-dicky fan. I love you. (upbeat music) You mad at me, I never sweat it. They don't know the strategy. I never get into it. But the battery is really fully charged. When it's them or me, I love flattery. Oh, you'd rather than me. It's been a while ya. I got the mileage. Tell me who doubt is us. Sit around waiting, but nobody calling my bluff. Damn. (upbeat music) Don't get trapped, I'm saying. All that's heck I'm saying. That's your best who may be. Y'all should proper plan. I've been safe and crazy. I'm the best. Damn. Who, me? I'm a geek with a beat. This whole freak, like my freak. Tungin' cheek. Let me be. Let her come in. I'm a G, y'all are Z's. Tell me about 'em they weeds. Tell me about what you need. If it's the mystique that you gotta see, then I'm gettin' blue, Rebecca Romaine. I'm so silly, huh? Hit my millie ride. That little dickie by a clan bait. Y'all cook. On some Wednesday, fine knee. I'll leave no doubt. Don't speak. Bring no song in the bank. I got a little check comin' in, like every single week I damn. Once 75,000, wake up. Walk this knee about my shit dog. We ain't gotta talk about some albums. No, but overall deal. Couldn't overall hear my shit. I gotta come clown 'em. Go ahead, doubt 'em. Who's real and who bout it? Coming back, I'm not a running back. I'm never cutting back, I'm takin' everything. I got a wedding ring, a lot of friends and family. But I tell 'em, ain't no disrespect. I'm the only specimen, I got a regimen. I got 'em sweatin' like this gym we on the track. Let me jog your shit, it's comin' back. Make 'em run it back. They gon' play this shit back. They will play it back. They will show my highlight real when I am done in fact. I will show you all my skills and how I want it done. Yeah, I just do it. I got a talent like that, I've been really out here Fucking on this beat from the back, doggy style, gun him down, cock it back Full clip, while I hate guns actually, but I'm trying to go out, I'm like BRRRRRRRRR, I'm trying to get door off the clap I'm trying to get door off the dome, though, I got unlimited flows in the back I'm trying to pull up to the hotel, why is the blow-hop looking like that? You know I gotta keep it low, pro, Mike, put his brother with the bags But I ain't going out the sad way, they really want to get it, we can wrap No, they'll never do that, sub 10 guys doing this damn I'm generous, it's probably five guys like my lunch plan He the light damn fuck with a goat and I'm playing W ref W bar W my girl holler when I'm all in it even though it's little I don't fall out Got a slide in a hands full plate full I ain't really none to call out I never even sold out and when I got a store's going all out what are you talking about Going nutty like a ball out you know a ball out I got folks bugging ship buzzing you know I'm on Money's stretching to the heavens clay day this my shit long she Really saving all the money even though I'm rich resting piece to homey-quine Gotta live it up for everyone until I'm on when they will play this shit back They will play it back they will play this shit back they will play it back They will show my highlight reel when I am done in fact I will show you all my skills and how I wanted that Oh it is the type of shit they get a player in a lay-up line Mr. type of shit they get a player in a lay-up line Damn damn holiday new little dickie drop today Son I'm calling Papa Dave coming off the top to pay Poor dishes Alright I'm done You think we could invent something? Let's give it a shot Machine wipes the ass from so far away A pill that restarts your brain Press a button and everything was good in the world We're not like God Are they using some sort of mirror? How does a mirror work? Capitalism Nobody can explain it Everything that exists was invented Plato, LSD, parachute Ooh what do you think the best invention is? Invention I'm talking about is We're also stupid Long day, long day, it was a long day, a long week's work, a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, Inventions yeah, like no, they don't yes, like I guarantee you this can this man. Whoever you've been working on a Dentist or something and he's like I need this tool to figure this out That's what they're trying to invent something else and then something else happens. It's like hold on hold on hold it now Didn't I just hold it hold it now. I don't know what you're quoting hold it now hit it Holy shit, where'd you find that one no hold it now wait hold on so Who invented the dental floss the dental damn You know what a dental dam is isn't that what we just oh no, it's like a oh good a pad Like a clear piece of wax paper that goes over the pussy Harry you don't even know what it is What is a dental dam or no no, it's the thing you put in your mouth I don't what a dental dam is a dental dam is the is is the thing you put in your Is a dental dam I say it all the time when we have sex with a condom every time after we have sex with the condom I always I'm sure the condom broke like it I'm just I can't believe it just like what's the big huge No, just like just it's just like an active like it goes through so much the condom and then every time I look at it And it didn't break and I think I always say like what an incredible one don't I always talk about the condom or you're just the different zone Post sex I do I do it often Wow guys, but we use condoms Guys Charles good year invented the condom good year like the blimp Yeah, we just realized it plastic We got realized is that we are the prime candidates for dental dams We've been having sex with condoms recently because it's not a dental dam. I can't think of the word We should ask your mom tech text your mom. She'll know. It's like what used to be female condom. No, it's not but it's like I can't think wax paper. No, there's a there's a condom There's a condom that like our parents are familiar with that was for women. I think yeah It was huge. It was like this big a old Yeller Old Yeller My mom said it's called the diaphragm diaphragm. Yes, okay. I don't a dental dam Okay, we just as a dental dam when I was saying where if you put it down your throat so you can get come and not swallow it It reduces a dental dam is a thin sheet of latex you can use to reduce the risk of spreading sexually transmitted diseases during Orals that yeah, it's like you lick this this cellophane or something really I think So you can't really yeah, no, you can't tell about something accidentally. Let's hear your ear between your mouth and your partner's genitals or anus Well, and they used to play they make flavor condoms. Do you think we could invent something like I do have two good ideas What are your ideas? I've had one idea Contact lenses that are sunglasses So you don't have to squint you don't have to if you run if you play sports, but you cannot you cannot change the subject It's a great idea. No, I just was with someone literally this weekend Gunner has contact lenses that are blue light Protected in he does which makes me he said that which makes me think and they that invention might already be invented I had this invention in 2007 but you didn't act on their UV protect isn't that crazy? You ever see the things were the The phone on the back has little spots for the credit card a wallet. Yeah, but it that's a phone case that you can put the credit card in Yeah, my buddy invented that who Mark he just didn't act on it But he what what what other things? Okay, here's my other one in college and I don't want to take the bus and it would be snowing and you had to get to class It'd be really really cold and people sometimes would carry umbrellas to like keep all the snow from falling on them And then like getting them drenched and I thought what if there's an umbrella That at the top of the umbrella there's a heat lamp when you put the umbrella up You just can like pull down the plastic. So you're kind of fully enclosed in a heated Umbrella plastic thing to keep you from the cold. I could play music, too Oh, yeah, I really think we could come up with something I've never had I've really never been Inventive I guess the way you come up with something is you kind of have to think what is missing in life? Okay, so like what's everyone go around the machine wipes the ass from so far away? That's a day No, like So far away like you want to be standing out here and I guess I'm thinking I guess I'm thinking that I have and I swear to god My butt is itchy right now and I want to wipe my butt and I in that moment the first thought I had was that It'd be nice if there was a thing that could wipe it with a fonder pants that just wipe your butt. Ah Little windshield wipers. Yeah, but then there's like poop Okay, I don't like the underpants. What's what's something really? What's something that you wish existed? Oh a pill That restarts your brain. - What? - What do you mean? Like from birth? - No, just like, you have it a bad day. Life is too short to-- - Have it a bad day. - You have it a bad day and you're like, life is too fucking short to waste this day. So you take this pill and then all of a sudden, you can only go back to when you woke up. So like, you can't go back too far in life 'cause people, we can't trust people. - But we're not like God, yeah. - Yeah, that's because you're hard of it. - I'm trying to come up with like a blow in the dark toilet seat. - I thought you were gonna say that technology could like, you could have like some chemical balance level that's like measurable that you could designate as your baseline the same way in our home where we have like-- - You don't know how to do this stuff. - Well, we don't know how to do anything. So yeah, I'm sorry. So we're gonna limit our inventions, the only things that we can create soup to nuts. I'm not playing this game with you. - Soup to nuts. (laughing) - No, I-- - So, but I'm the doors open, so I'm still involved. - I just-- - Oh, I have one. - Okay. - A faster airplane. - Okay, one thing that I really don't understand, this is a for real thing, and I'm totally down to invest money into this. - How? - Do airplanes, or the people on the airplanes, like why doesn't the airplane have a giant like parachute? So when it's crashing, it's just like, like how is there not, how have they not invented like an alternate thing that can happen, right? When the plane's crashing, it's just like, fuck it. Like, I was or not like either like each person, there are little, I believe, inflatables at the bottom of the thing for like landing in like the ocean, perhaps. - Correct. - I'm not talking about your thing. - Well, I've seen like little like AI's things where it's like shelves like the under the plane, like these big, - Why is there not just like classic parachutes attached to the top? - Classic parachute. - Titanic have enough lifeboats, it's a money thing, it's capitalism. - You think it's only money related? - I think it costs a lot of money to invent stuff, and a lot of stuff gets invented by like accident and life and stuff. - I don't think that's true about this accident. I don't think, I have no idea what I'm talking about, but my instincts have-- - Look hope. - I got some great things that were invented by accident. You wanna hear? - I do, but for the record, everything that exists was invented, so this is a drop in the ocean, as far as like the ratio of inventions by accident versus-- - Yeah, but it's cool that there's a few. - There's a lot. - I don't, it depends on what you're side of the argument you were on. - Anesthesia? - That's nice. - Playdoh? Wait, like Playdoh, like Playdoh. LSD? - Uh. - Coca-Cola? - No, why not? - How could it be? - We're gonna go, we'll dig into it in a second. - We'll dig into it in a second. - You know, Coca-Cola, Coca-Cola. - All right, then I have Coca-Cola. - Viagra? - I knew that one. - Lucky man. - Slinky? - How is the slinky invented by accident? - We'll decide which one we wanna know. - Did you see there's some good slinky internet content these days? - Silly putty? - You've been talking about putty for weeks. - Potato chips? That's just a food. - It was by accident. - Sticky notes. - No, I thought that-- - Sticky notes was an accident. Wow, this is like a movie about that. - I thought Sticky notes were an accident. - I didn't feel like in the thing. I just go like, just and go, "Dest." - Let's think about what the voids in the marketplace is. - Okay, the money could be huge. - I think the voids are in the mental health space. - That's insane. - That's insane. - Oh, I'm plucky. Isn't there something so simple? Wait, why do you have so much, you have like the lighting on your face right now? - You know what I find the same, the microphone. - You wanna make a new microphone? - The microphone isn't, there's a lot. - No, I just don't get it. - The microphone seems like one that I can totally get. - I agree, I can totally have it. - I can totally have it. - What about live broadcast television? - Yeah, no clue. - How are they creating the image? Are they using some sort of mirror that then they take a picture of the mirror? - It's called lens. - It's called lens. - The lens is the mirror? - The lens is like it takes an image and then it like doesn't have breath. - Yeah, it doesn't. - Go into this. - Kind of ends. And then how does it move? How do they do slow-mo? How do they, I don't know. - All radio waves, the microwave was an accident. I guarantee it. - Yeah. - I just saw that on the list. - Radio waves, radio waves are really a thing. - But I just don't even understand how does a mirror work? - Just even the concept of, for example, a picture. A mirror, I think, is like the worst. - When I look at water in the ocean, you can like be like, oh, a mirror into half-flax. But like, how do you take a picture? - A lens, a lens. - But how does the picture, yeah, how do you take a picture? Tell me how you take a picture. - It's like, it's like a lay. - What? (laughing) - I got it. It's like a Jewish bar mitzvah. - Hey, check this out, mochi. - I don't know how it works digitally, but I do think print-wise. It was like a lens that took the reflection and then it like printed it on film that then got, like then when you put it in that stuff in the dark room, it, how does it even print it? How do they even come up with the liquid that you put it in? And then because TV, when you figure that out, TV is just like running, and it's just like, at a rate. - TV's radios, right? - But how does a little TV have all the stuff? - That's what I mean. - A little TV. - A little TV. - Chuck, how does it, how do, how can I recall a movie and it plays the movie? - I know, I can't imagine someone in 1700 like sitting in front of a TV and being in a TV. - Oh, I know, it has a lot to do with zeros and ones. - No, it doesn't. That's computers. - Well, that's. - This is before computers, so far before computers. - Well, it's all computing. - It's computing, it then it's re, it's entered, it's a. - I think it's all computing. - We're also stupid, none of us know that. - No, but TV's hard because I had to learn about it in school and it's like interlaced, like, there's like a signal and it's very confusing to me. But it's like, I think it really is zeros and ones. There's like interlaced TV and you have to, the video format has to match the saddle, I don't know. - Now, wow, that's amazing. - Do you notice something about this pizza? - Or just pie. - What do you notice about this? - Circle. - It's premium. Now, I know we have a little bit of an issue around sauces. - No, I have no issue. - But I'd like to just show you this. - Sliced sauce, they call it. - Oh, yeah, it's creamy, it's zesty. - Put it in my hand? - You want me to put it in your hand? - Yeah, beautiful packaging, look at that. - I like it. - It's gold. - Are we gonna eat it? - I will tell you, there is a little one. - Give me a little, give me a little, yeah, a little slice sauce. - From 4/7 through 6/14, in order of a handmade pan or parmesan and stuff, press pizza to receive a free slice sauce dip, cut with your order. - You're not gonna go to a pizza pizza shop. - I need a better slice sauce. - flavor. - Taste my tip, I think mine's the best flavor. - Guys, wait, I thought this was the best one. - Cream is unbelievable. - It's amazing. - Unbelievable. - I agree completely, it's unbelievable. It's great. I hope the camera captures how much I love the cream that I just drank. - The grape is honestly, it's like a three-way, ugh, I might need to try one. I might need to try this shirt. - The grape is also really good. I thought Ruby was really good. - Buy any two cans of Ollipop in store and they'll pay you back for one. Any flavor, any retailer, go to drinkolipop.com/fks. Good. - How did they invent the internet? Who even came up with the idea? Even before they were like, like even before it's the hardest thing to like do, like it's the hardest thing to do in the world. Like how did like before they eat, and check this is now. - I still can't get over the microphone, but you think you understand it. - The microphone is so much easier. That microphone is peanuts compared to the internet. - Yeah, but it has to be, do we really hear the same vibrational, vibrational sound? - I think it has to do with vibrations. - I'm gonna pour myself a glass of my wine. Anyone want it instead? - This one? - Chuck, you're really big on the oat milk. - Oat Malone. - So, so, wait. So, I just wanna know this. - Thanks. - Look, how did they invent the light bulb? - It was an accident. - It was? - No, he'd been trying for a long time. - Edison. - Yeah. - But how did he invent it? - Something with chemicals. - Chuck, I don't even understand where to start. Chuck, could you invent anything-- - I'm trying to start it with the wheels. - Could you invent anything scientific? - Dagger. - No, 'cause you invent anything scientific. - Do you think you can invent anything like electronical, your electronic yourself? - No, I don't think I could be a technical like execute revenue invention. I think I could be the void in the marketplace and someone higher the right tech guy. - Okay, what's the void? - I wish there could be a machine that kind of scanned every individual hair on your head and you put this cap on and you could figure out just where every individual hair ends up and like that combination feels like a good starting place and you can have programs for like going out like, like just being casual and press the button and it manipulates your hair and it ends up exactly every follicle. - So just like a wig that can motorize? - No, it's made of your real hair, no, it's a machine. It's basically your hair is made of like kind of X amount of hairs and if they end up in a certain place, their end point, you'll be happy. And so why can't you just like the way you set settings for your light vignette when you go home and it's like, oh, I like the lighting in my home at this thing, cap, hair. - Do you think it could know like the right - Yeah, you'd be having a lot of trouble right now. - Do you want a hair style? Are you guys just saying why can't my hair just stay in place? - No, you just don't understand, like like don't even move. - Do I have an issue? - No, you might, I don't, I-- - No, her looks good. - To me, if-- - Geez. - I just think like his bang right here That's what I think. I avoid is individual kind of wet looking curse. (laughing) And that's what I look for. - And we don't like it. - Every barber or like anything that are trying to create those on us. - Why don't you want wet looking? - What I'm trying to do, and maybe he doesn't care like me. I want every hair to look like it's been woven into another one. - Have you guys not heard of that? - He's hairspray? - Apparently, yeah. - Hairspray school. - Yeah, who invented hairspray? - Who cares about who? It's like more, how did they think of it? - Yeah. Okay, so what's something you wish there was in the common space? - What? (laughing) - In your daily life, what's the thing you wish for a different? - No, I don't want to brag 'cause I kind of understand 'cause I looked into it, but I thought if they can freeze embryos, why can't they freeze humans? - So what did you find out? - Well, they probably can, but no human wants to be frozen. - Right, and it's a lot easier to freeze like one cell versus a lot of cells. - So what did you find? - Just that. - So not that it was-- - That's a square one? - Yes, you're not that-- - You wanted to tell us that you read one day about that embryos can be frozen. - Well, no, I didn't think they can freeze life. Like, if you can freeze an embryo and then thaw it out. - Yeah, thaw it out, yeah. - Why can't you just do it just like you? Why can't you freeze you? - 'Cause you have to put it into something they can grow it. - Mm, that's not why they freeze it. - Yeah, but the only reason it works is because it's going into a womb. - No. - The only reason it can become a human life. - Well, of course, so it's like if they can freeze that. Why can't they freeze like day, right now, and pull that out? And the only reason is because it's a lot more complicated if you've got-- - I think it's because there's no, because the only reason you're, I thought that you're the embryo just for it? No, I went, I thought an embryo can be frozen because it's like incomplete. It has to go into a thing. It has to feed off of something else. The thing that's even crazier that we were researching is that when you put an embryo into another person, it feeds off that person's blood. It feeds off that person, dude, everything. But, it takes no DNA and attributes. And do you know why? - No. - I just found this out three days ago. The outside of it absorbs everything. And it's like, it's a miraculous thing. They don't even know how or why it happens, but it happens. And it takes on no force. It takes on nothing of the other person's DNA. - Yeah, 'cause it's its own thing. - No, no, it's connected. It's literally connected. - Yeah, but just because the placenta just gives, if I was to get pregnant, the placenta just feeds the being that's growing within me. It's not like taking your DNA. - No, but it's taking things. - Even like you didn't take your mom's, like you just had your mom's DNA because you are. - They didn't catch your mom's DNA through eating her from the inside. - No, I know, but it's insane. And they can't explain it. They can't explain it. Nobody can explain it when you look at it. It's like a world, it's like a wonder of the world. - Why do they need to explain it? 'Cause it's just a separate entity. Like, isn't. - No, it's not. It should, it should eat off. It should, your DNA should go through, but for some reason it doesn't. We were looking into it for hours. - All right, we're not gonna invent anything. - Wait, come on, DNA is within every single cell. If you like, you ejaculate inside of somebody. - Mm-hmm. - It doesn't take, wait. - Don't DNA. - It doesn't take that, but it has your DNA. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it. - And it grows. - And it grows. - No, 'cause the egg, the egg has her DNA. You ejaculate, it has your DNA. It's not gonna just take, if you have a surrogate, it's not gonna take the DNA of the surrogate. It's just, it's its own thing. And that is the beauty. Can I please sit somewhere with a back? - Well, I'm just, just like, just not that. - I don't, what do you mean lean back? - Do you wanna sit outside? - There's a bowl of fruit behind me. - Oh, okay, I'm of the bowl, let's have. - And what should I do talking to you here? I need to sit somewhere else. Maybe we can invent a new back brace. - Well, you know what? Believe it or not, I actually suffer from back issues every now and then, and here is one of the inventions that I bought. - So I think you can just sit on this and we'll make your experience a little more enjoyable. I know that you don't wanna sit on the ground, but there you go. And somebody thought to invent that. That's the type of thing we should be thinking of. You needed something, I provided it for you. I don't think we should be thinking so. - I don't think I feel, I don't think my back feels any different, but my butt does slightly feel a, no actually, I think it's actually actively hurting my back more. - I don't know if that's the way to use it. Am I supposed to be go on the back? I don't know. - What do you mean? You bought it for your back? Would your mom sat in it that way earlier today and I thought, oh, that's how you're supposed to use it? I've been using it against my back. - That, this thing felt terrible. This on the other hand. That's what I thought it was. - What do you think the best invention of all time is? - Light, electricity. - Let's see. - The wheel. - Oh wow, that's crazy. - Take context into account, it's like-- - Here's the, here's the top ones, okay. - The wheel? - The wheel. - It's kind of the first taught invention. - What do you mean the wheel? - Like when they teach you and they're like, oh, like human beings like they created this thing and it changed everything and that was the wheel. - Yeah, the wheel's up there. - Is it number one? - There's two separate lists. There's a list where it's like the wheel personal computer and semiconductors, but then there's like a comprehensive list. You ready for the real list? - Semiconductor. - A computer? - But that's like so many inventions in one. - The television, I guess they're all like penicillin. - Oh yeah. - What's penicillin? - 'Cause that like helped like cure a lot of-- - I don't know. I think-- - Yeah, it's like an antibiotic. - Yeah, I think you're like-- - Chicken? - No, it's not. - Chicken. (laughing) - Chicken's not on the list. - Okay. - Smart phone? - It's a computer. - This is crazy. Video. - Yeah. - That's what I'm saying. Video, well I want to rethink it. - And then the next one is film. To me, being able to see what occurred in the past or in the present is the most mind blowing of it. - This is the craziest thing. - The next two things on this list, you'll never guess in a hundred years. Check, I'll give you $10,000 right now. - The sprinklers such you could water all your crops so that you could farm, so that we could have more people living in one area. - Nope, nope, doesn't. - Not it. - Fly swatter. - Nope. - Sunscreen. - There's the two craziest things. Do you want me to read you one? - What was the hint? - Which one do you want me to answer first? - The one that's next in the order of the thing. - Which ones? Check, I don't know either of the two. They're like 13th and 14th on the best. Which one do you want me to answer? - Supersoaker. - Oh wow, who cares? - I don't know, it's on the list. - I used to fill them with my piss. - What? - I didn't actually do that. Other kids did. - I didn't like it. - Okay, then the next one. - The next one's insane. - Okay. - The pie iron. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's. It's basically a George Foreman. And then, and then it's microwave. I feel, I feel like the microwave. - What source is this? Is this like, is this like a speed? - Popped up, ATM, radio. - ATM, can I? - And then I phone 4S. - Really? - I swear. - I think if we're going to have a good invention. - Okay, here we go. - The tractor. - Guys, this is a dot org. This is like a real thing in a thing. - What's a dot org mean? Just educational? - Yeah, and this is some of the most, it says 22 inventions that change the world. - Can you only have a dot org if it's like certified? - Do you know you can make dot anything? - What did you make it like when you said a dot org? - I don't know, dot org is, I don't like it. - You said, this is a dot org. - 'Cause then you don't have to register. - Yeah, dot org I think is more important. - I think I can make it, there's like a website like clownpenas.fart. - There it is. - But I think we've got a clownpenas.fart right now. - Make it. - This episode is sponsored by Better Health. I know I'm usually a big old jokester. - And we love you when you're like that. - And they love me like that. But therapy has helped me become the person I am today. You know, I had a rough time when I was about 2021 and I take the tools I learned in therapy and help apply them to my real life. And tools I need when I was feeling like anxious are just depressed. - Your emotional wellbeing matters. Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/fks. That's betterhelp.com/fks. - I like that we get 10% off. - Then we're gonna talk about wafer now. - You want to sleep or sofa is? - Like a sofa that's underrated. It's like a sleeper that's been slept on. - No. - What is it? - It's a sofa that turns into a sleeper. Like, look at this one. - Wow, that's nice. Man, wafer, I got all that. And then so. - They do have so many options. I'm on wafer a lot. We can put this at the end of our bed. So when you snore, I was going to sleep or sofa. - Sorry, you have to deal with that. - The snoring. - Find furniture, decor, and essentials that fit your unique style and budget. Head to wafer.com right now to shop all things home. That's w-a-y-f-a-i-r.com wafer. Every style, every home. - Do you know Jack Black's mom invented GPS? - Is there a giant magnet that. - What are you gonna say, magnet? - It's the compass to know which way everything is. - Gravitational pole. Yeah, there's a giant magnet in the middle of the earth. I mean, I actually don't even know this. This is just the logic in my head. That yes, there's a very specific gravity that like. - But what is the exact wording? Will you look up. - Physicists or whatever. People who understand the laws of the universe have come to some conclusion where they can, you know, you can just tell via like, I guess, pole where is West South among other things. - Laws of physics revealed what time it is. We created laws of physics or whatever, of universal law. - You just mean that the earth rotates, we gave it meaning. - No, I don't think we gave it meaning. It really kind of like lines up no matter what, no matter if there's a man in China who's like looking up or a man in America, all the laws are doing the same thing in all the places. And they told us time is this. You can start that clock whenever, but here's how it works. And we decided what time it was. And then some man in a building, I guess was like, this is the official home base of like, this is what time it is everybody. And then the Navy or Army or was like, we protect it, we're gonna also have time. But really it's all just the laws. And then they started making more clocks and the clock stopped into the wall. - The law of physics don't really have to do with like the actual 12 hour day. - I think they do. - But you wanna know what's interesting? Have you guys heard of the 12 hours till like the doomsday clock that like, they just recently like, there's an organization that means that yeah, isn't this crazy? Benny, there's an organization that meets where the, they actually like move the clock when they think they're like getting closer and closer to like the ends of the world. 12 hours, is it 12 hours to midnight? - To midnight is involved, but I wonder where it's at now. I wonder where I, I-- - They moved it, really? - Yeah, they made it like code orange or something. I don't know, I'm like, yeah. There's basically like a little barometer that's measured by like high powered people who understand the high power, people who understand the nuances of the world, which like right now, there are like global powers with nuclear weapons who can like do X, Y, and Z. - What time are we at? - It's kind of extreme. - Anyways, I wanna know what time we're at. - What time? - Yeah, is it? - It's one, it says, it's one closer. - One closer. - Second closer to midnight. - What time is it? - Yes, it's the question. - What time is the clock? - It's closer than ever, it's now 89 seconds to midnight. Like what is the math that makes something go one second closer, can a move be so bold that it actually makes it nine seconds closer? And then can you go backwards? How, what is the scale based on? Or is it just metaphorical language to tell humanity that like someone's like watching world events and like saying, how do they get to 11 p.m. - So quickly. - And is it real? Like why is it now? - Why is it when it gets to 12? - The world is done. - It's not only 11, it's 11, like 59 or something. - Okay, I have an invention. It's like a bidet, but it's not a bidet. You sit on the toilet. - You glier, ah, you suck your ass. - No. From the, check, from the front and the back, like after you're done, it goes, and you know, a strand comes up that's being held by two poles. That's really like a wet wipe. - Oh yeah. - That's back and forth, and it wipes you. And it rotates, and it wipes you, and it is aware of how much fecal matter is there, how much is left. - It's so, such a waste. Just wipe your ass, your self. - That's wasting the most paper. - Yeah, that's so bad. - This is a bidet. - Well, not everyone has access, so. Some people will want access to the bidet that goes with the floss as well. - Okay, so like what's really bad every day? - Wiping is a big burden. - Traffic. - What about something for your stomach? You're always in pain. - Tums. - So a friend. - Think of the things that will satisfy your work. - What? - Yeah, like how does it know where to go? - How does it know where to go? - Oh, medicine? - Yeah, but how does it know where to go? - The human body is so crazy. If you're like head hurts, how does it know to go right to your head? - No, the universe is full. - I think it does your whole body. - The universe is full of inexplainable things that just seem to work kind of magically, but there is a science and a regularity to those things, and we have learned a lot of that. - How does a thing make you less anxious? You take a pill. - Your brain chemistry. - I know, how does your life change? - You have life change. - There's no point. - What do you think about these things? - There's no point. - Think about some doorbell. Think about knees. - Let's think about something. Let's think about something like simpler. - No. (laughing) - What was that? You told the basketball, what'd you do? - I thought it was gonna break. - Like that's a practical invention 'cause it's like that. (laughing) - Look at how, stop. Look at what you just did. It's so fucking, that's art. - Wait, let me see if I can. - Hey, check. - Oh yeah, how about that? - How did you do that? - I don't know, but I think it might break the wall. - Look how it's gonna appear. - Oh no, do it from here, from far away. From far away, get the door. - Well, I can't do it from too far. - No, no, you gotta be far. Okay, I think you're gonna do it. (laughing) - I wanna try that. - I wanna try that. - How'd you get it before? - Stop, stop, stop, stop. - We're gonna have to. - No, we can't, we can blur it. - If everybody at home listening, we're trying to get it. - Oh! - Oh my, yeah. - We tried to get it. - Checking it was perfect. - Can we start thinking about inventions? - Maybe we can invent an app. - I wanna invent like a good. - Like a basic good. - Well, I just thought of something. - Fuck, I can't forget my invention. - Flying cars. - Traffic. - They're gonna need two to your top and bottom. - I really wish you could eat fried chicken and it was healthy. - Yeah. - What if you took a pill and we were able to see what happens after you've died? - That's a nightmare, let's be real. - You're drunk. You take one pill and then immediately you're sober. Call it sober up. - I like that. - That's cool. Like, if it's possible, I think it's the best invention of all time. We might have to quit this podcast. - We should definitely, it's not a podcast. - It's not gonna happen for right after. - We should definitely. - Obviously you can get it. - If this-- - So that you're fine in the morning, you might have to sleep it off. - You're not incredible, I can't believe I just thought of that. - We. - It's like a writer, it's like being in a session. - Yeah. - Type in how long does it take to get sober when you're drunk? And can it go fast and-- - How long does it take? - Yeah, type that in. - Could you say it again? - How long does it take to get sober after? - When you go fast. - When you're drunk, comma. - And can it go faster? - I'm gonna invent this thing and cut you guys out of it. - No, there's, we'll have it all in tape. - Check, you'll be the Wayne Colvosses, you'll be trying to get back. Won't even matter at that point. I'll give you a measly hundred million to my 87 trillion empire. - Sober up, if we could, if we could invent it, it's like, - It's gotta have its reasons. - Yeah. - Hmm, slightly different. - This is like the cousin, but there are Korean hangover drinks people drink before consuming alcohol. - I'm talking about complete reversal, zero to a hundred, or I should say a hundred to zero. - It's gotta be a way to speed it up. - They were able to take a song and turn it into such a compressed file. - What are you looking at? - Just inventions. - What type of inventions? - Were you looking up how to invent something? - I just was reading about maybe something that allows for things to knock it foggy. - Has any young person invented something? - Yeah, the AI guys are also young, my friend. - Wasn't Bill Gates kind of young and Steve Jobs? - Yeah, Microsoft. - My friend. - Did you know that? - I say Microsoft. - My friends, the youngest and youngest. - I say Microsoft that way because I just read that Elon Musk has created an actual company called Micro Hard. - Yeah, I know. - I'm sorry, it's called Macro Hard. That's designed to completely compete with Bill Gates and I believe AI and his whole company is called Macro Hard and it's totally serious as a legit company. And he's that competitive and he named it that because he thinks it's so funny. - Macro Hard. - I thought man, that would've been a good album title for me. - Oh my God, that would've been great. - Macro Hard. We're like, microdick. - Hmm. (laughing) I'm looking at young inventors. - Well, I mean, not that I don't care about the people but for this sake of this. It's less about the names of the people. It's more about the solve my friend invented. - The societal gap that was bridged. I just wish we could bridge a gap. - My friend. - You're trying to get a good sound. - Good sound, right? Not at all. It sounded like I was smart. - Yeah, like looked over and you were like, really pitching. - No, no, no. I was just so bad. - You know, like the guys from Airbnb put blow up mattresses into their actual home and like try to get people to rent it. They have blow up mattresses. - There was a void, like we were gonna makeation and not say to hotel. - I know. - Oh, I have a summer house. How can I profit? - I wanna book a home on Airbnb right now. - All right, now I have to ask you an honest question. - What? - Are you doing an ad? Or are you being serious? Did you just bring up Airbnb organically? - I was actually thinking because I'm planning a trip in Europe and I love the like, I swear. - He's an ad mode. - I swear. - He's an ad mode. - No, I'm doing a live. - They can say it. - They can't believe it. - Can I tell you? - Duky wipe. - Wait. (laughing) - You're missing. - I would call my thing from earlier that Duky wipe. (laughing) And the tagline would be, we thread the needle. - Do you think robots like have like emotions? - No. - But they will. - Why do they feel so emotional? - What do you mean? It's our emotions for, we have emotions. We can be emotional about a rabbit. We can be emotional about an ant. - Have you seen those rabbits that have like weird horns? Now they're like all messed up. - No. - You haven't seen them with like all of, - Oh, maybe I have. [BLANK_AUDIO] They're getting these infection, and they're freaks. - They have horns? - They have large, huge barnacles and stuff. - The human horn, it's like mace. They press a button instead of spraying some with mace. - It was a lot of, not sad, but like lizards, but giant ones. - Were any of them came in? - No, wasn't. - Also bottles, if before bottles, when you're just scooping up water and they're like, wait a minute, we should be thinking of shit like this. This is so useful. Oh my god, this water is being held up in the air. - It's too hard. - Hard, I feel like. - No, I feel like everything like that's been invented. It has to be. - Yeah. - Everything utilitarian. - But like the thermos? Do you think this invention that I think we all heard at some point over the last five years and we're like, oh cool, like didn't see that coming, but makes a lot of sense. Do you think that's actually like playing out enough in real life to warn it? The invention I'm talking about is the fridge that keeps tracking all the ingredients that's in there and it like tells you when-- - Smart fridge. - No, I don't think anyone cares about it. - I don't think it works. Like I think they thought that the demand would be so much higher. - No. - Like make recipes for you. I've never seen in anyone's house like a smart fridge doing any work. - It's the price point, it's just too hard. - I'm right. - What do you think the top 10 things are that we like don't appreciate? Inventions that we don't appreciate. Number 10, zippers. - Well, I appreciate-- well, okay. - Nine. - It says we don't appreciate chairs enough. I was appreciating mine earlier. - I appreciate chairs. - Elevators? - I'm highly appreciative of elevators. - What does this just like no one talks about? - I don't know. - It's getting in a-- - A escalator's better not be in a list. - Flush toilets. - Flush? - Yeah. What's a non-flush toilet like just a place to shit? - Yeah. - Like what? - Modern toothpaste. - Like an office. - Like an office. - Yeah, modern toothpaste. - Just shit on the ground and someone comes and scoops it. What? - No, there's a lot of toilets that are like on the-- - Ten cans. - What do you mean on the ground? - Like in certain countries, I think there's just holes. - Yeah, holes and then who gets rid of all the fecal? - Ten cans. - Ten cans. - The earth does inheritance it? - Ten cans. - I've never used anything cans, I think that's so dated to the Folgers era. - What? - What do you talk about? - Ten cans. - Everything's in a tin can. - Oh, tuna fish. - Everything-- - Oh, it preserves, it preserves. - Yeah, check, it's incredible. - Okay. - Probably might be the best invention ever, locks and keys. - Keys are crazy. The jaggedness of it. - I don't even understand how-- - It must be so intricate how a lock is for that level of jagged. - Okay, what about this? This is such soap. - I think a soap. - A bar? - This is so stupid. - What does it look like? - It can't invent anything. - The quill. - We can't invent anything. - The quill is so smart. - Why? - The feather that is dipped in ink. - Why can't we invent it? - We can. We have to give it one last really hard shot. - This show is sponsored by Liquid Ivy. - Did you know Liquid Ivy has three X. That's triple. The hydration. That's a typical sport drink. I'm talking to you. - Oh, do I? - Yes. - No, I didn't know, I know now though. - Yeah. - Are you a sports star? - I'm a great basketball player. - I'm a great athlete in general. There's a lot of sports that I'm good at. - You can just go to YouTube, Google, whatever, type in little dicky basketball. You'll understand why I'm uniquely qualified to be talking about this at all. - Tare, poor, live more. - Go to liquidiv.com and get 20% off your first order with code FKS at checkout. That's 20% off your first order with code FKS at liquidiv.com. - We love you, liquidiv. - Okay, I just had a great idea. - Okay. - I don't know why this is impossible. If I duct tape my mouth, right? I can't spit out of it. You know, I can't get liquid to come out of it, right? - Why? - Because it's so taught. - You can't put one. You can't just make up. - That's part A. - Issue. - I really just thought of it. - Okay. - Instead of condoms or dental dams or fucking whatever the fuck IUDs, it is a small piece of tape that you put right over your p-hole. And it prevents the come from coming out. But it's this big. And it's just so taught against that your dick feels the exact same. - How did it stay on? - Magnets. - There's no way. There's no way that the force of come coming out of the dick is strong enough to get past the tape level that we've created. - I think it's like seven miles per hour. - I think it's like, what would happen if a dick shot back? - Would it be a problem? - The underwear of that. - The fastest you would come shoot out of your dick. - They should make men's underwear where it goes. It's just a condom. - They make those for strip clubs. - Come shoots out of your dick like 40 miles per hour. - We've created such good adhesion. - And all types of ways, gorilla glue. - How do you put it on? - Oh, that's my p-hole. - How does it stay on? - Tapes and adhesion. - But how do you, you're fucking with tapes all over? - Yeah, I'm fucking right now with a fucking plastic bag wrapped so taught around my dick. - Why don't you just get a little adhesion for your pre-com? - I know. You're talking about Spat. - Spat? - Spat. That's the name of the device. Spat. - Is it like-- - You're like-- - You're like, man, you just-- - Yes, you're like, I got a spot on my dick. - No, you're like, did you bring spots? Did you bring any spots? - You know that, I mean-- - That sounds terrible. - I brought eight spots, like I'm ready to go. It doesn't sound terrible. I brought four spots. I can fuck all night. That sounds normal. I brought four condoms. I gotta go freestyle. I'll see you guys. - There must be something about the force of come and the lack of adhesion. The piss I get when you piss straight through a spot. - I do like the name Spat. - I think it's a good idea. I really do.