Merry Christmas, sh*t, you guys hunting bears. So I was a dick to a child, but he deserved it, so it's all good. I wake up with a bag over my head, and I was standing over me. Bring out my kids before I give you the 11 secreters. That's why it's just sad. I said black, didn't I? Very strong. Okay. Don't say black. Say hi to me, lie. It's racially ambiguous, branding. His hair is f*cking fabulous. Don't know, a dark, talk disposition. And there's a fat electrician who comes to unsubscribe. Oh, sh*t, I need a cracky. Check your ass, I bet there's one there. It's good to have you back, Nick. Let me tell you. Three, two, one. Hi, everyone. Welcome to the unsubscribe podcast. I'm joined today by Eli Double Tap, the fat electrician. Bren and Herrera, myself, don't know how to operate it. We're doing a Christmas episode, right? Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. I've been berating kids at the Snow Hill. Merry Christmas, Nick. It's my favorite time of year. Bullying kids? Yep. Are you just going to ask them? In my defense, they deserved it. What'd they do? I was like, so we go to the sled hill, because it's like snowing and shit where I'm at. It's snowed like 18 inches in three days. And there's like three sled hills. They get progressively larger. So I take my small children to the little sled hill, which is fine. And everybody takes turns. And then some like 13-year-old that's fat. I'm only saying that because it's the only ammo I had against him proceeds to take a turn going on the sled hill on a snowboard, which is fine. Makes it three feet down the hill before he eats sh*t. Also fine, you got to practice to get good. That's okay. He then proceeds to walk to the bottom of the sled hill and lay down and start building a ramp. And after like 30 seconds of my kids standing there waiting to take a turn, I'm like, can you get up? Why? So everybody else can take a turn? You don't own the hill. The city owns the hill. And I pay taxes. You little sh*t had move. You don't pay taxes. I, yes, I do. Move. And then he gets up and moves and then does it again. And then I yell at him again. And then like if you have a big sled hill, they do this thing where they chain tires together. So you can walk through the tires to get up the hill so you're not slipping up the hill. And he then proceeds to lay down on the tires. So my little kids can't walk up the hill. So I pick my three-year-old up and I'm like, oh, it's okay, Cash, come here. I'll carry you up the hill since fatso over here wants to be a f*cking slug right next to him. So you call me a slug? Yes, I do. You're not very nice. And you're f*cking rude, kid. I'm gonna go tell my dad, f*cking please. Tell him to come here and I'll have a conversation with you. All right, Mr. Bela, we ain't seen Nick in a couple of weeks now, all right? It's just the last live tour. He walked in here, angi is f*ck. I don't like holidays. I don't like fat kids at sled hills. I don't like kids either. I'm still stuck on that rebuttal. You don't pay taxes is a wild thing for a child to say. That's what I tell my son all the time and then I punch him, right? You yell at John? He doesn't pay taxes. Yeah, I do. You don't pay taxes. I just f*cking. You don't pay taxes. You don't pay taxes. I can draw like a molly wapper right in the face. The funny thing is, I know that's not true because John could probably take you down now. It's just f*cking cute. Yeah? Get out of here. All right. I watched it. I watched it. Okay. Okay. We're not gonna talk about that. I might be putting money on John. To be fair, you were taking it a little easy on him. I was taking that very easy on him. We were having lunch the other day and they got into one of those play wrestles that very quickly turned into not a play wrestle. And what happened? We scared every f*cking white woman at the lunch place that we were. That also did happen, yeah. Yeah. And you had two individual standing, patiently waiting to ask for a photograph to. And Cody didn't recognize that they were just standing there. And then Cody and John start wrestling and then going faster and harder and they're like. Okay. We were outside at said restaurant. This wasn't like in the middle of a Texas f*cking roadhouse or something. This was on a patio. It was fine. Yes. Saying that. It's a queer restaurant, but outside on the patio. Well, yeah. That's why you used to say take it outside. Yeah. It was fine. I was what it's for. It's for fun with the boy. Be fair if I was actually fighting. I don't think he could take me. I got money on it. Because he has a gun. No. Yeah. That is opening move is overhand right. Well, how the. I'm more surprised the little 13-year-old talked back like that. Dude, I did that. That's f*cking wild to me. To an adult. Yeah. It's kids today. There's no consequences for their actions. They grow up watching YouTubers and stuff, talk shit to kids, like, whatever. I feel like I was fairly reasonable in the opening of like, can you get up? Like you're obviously being rude. Like there's a line of people waiting to go down hill. The city owns the sled hill. Okay. Okay. Now we're talking shit, and I'm a lot better at it than you, kid. Like. Yeah. So I was a dick to a child for about 25 minutes, but he deserved it. So it's all good. I was hoping that you had a mature up. Me too. And the child realized you're a f*cking 260-pound man. It was a f*cking purple belt. The child does not have the wisdom to care. It was the boy. He was the one that made fun of me. He just turns like that as kids. So sorry. So sorry. Papa, why'd you hit me? What was that thing in the MMA fighter? He was like, "Oh, anything. Your kid does to my kid. I'm going to do to you." Oh, it was Daniel Cormier. Yeah. It's one of my favorite interviews. Or you know, Daniel Cormier is. Right. Like, champ, heavyweight, light heavyweight champ at the same time. One of the best fighters ever, Olympic medalist. And he has this interview story where he's at the park. And some other kid keeps shoving his kid down. And he keeps telling him to stop. And the kid's dad keeps telling that kid to stop. And after the third time Daniel Cormier just looks at the other kid's dad. Whatever your kid does to my kid next, I'm going to do to you. And then they f*cking left. Time to go. Dude, Daniel Cormier, I would love to have him on the podcast. He's so f*cking funny because there was another one that went viral, like a random Instagram account with like a hundred followers. And it was literally just like some other like black dude that wrestled but like nowhere near to Daniel Cormier's level that was also like coaching Pee Wee wrestling team. And it's just a selfie ahead like this with Daniel Cormier in the background. And it's like when your kid has to wrestle Daniel Cormier's team and he's the coach. Fuck you. God dude, I don't look forward to having another kid again for the same reason. It's like, hey dad, other dad, hey, hey, I know violence, you don't know that. This is crazy. I'm waiting. I just, I love that the other dad's response is not like he just can't conceptualize keeping his kid under control. Either that or he's not willing to risk it. I yell at other people's kids a lot. It's probably one of my worst qualities. Worst? Yeah. I ruined my niece's birthday party. Alright Eli, we're going to create a new pepper box special. We follow Nick Bullie kids. Just yelling at kids. Binders on kids. He's doing videos destroying a child's life. Dude. I yell at other people's kids all the time. Nobody ever does shit about it. Weird. You say like doing a binder on the kids like you're like a fucking PI and like, so you're 13. You went out in the woods with your friends to a clock study hall instead of going to school. What were you guys doing in the woods? Huh? Just ruining children's lives. Can't help it. No, good Lord. The last time that we came, we were coming back from the last live tour. The shoes stopped me and Brandon, like one of the flight attendants. He was like, you guys hunting bears and it was obviously gay. And hunting bears. Like, you know, we're in our ponchos, but like we have airs. Look back. We're in cowboy boots. I thought it was like, oh yeah, like, okay, yeah. We were in up here hunting. But what the dude meant was like, are you hunting bears? Like, I don't recall this in a rat. Where were we coming from? No. We were coming back a couple of weeks ago from this. Was it like Denver? No. It was a gay flight attendee. I know that, but it was city. He was like, you guys. Where was this? A couple of weeks ago, like one of the last things that we did. Yeah, fuck. Yeah, no, I don't remember this in our. Is this the one where the flight attendant gave you guys like 20 bottles of. That guy was cool shit. Okay. So I didn't realize. That was a different one. Yeah, I didn't realize what he was saying. It was like, are you guys hunting bears? Cause I thought it was a hunting thing. But no, he meant. Did you say, yeah, large gay black people? No, bears are just. I don't think bears. I mean, bears would be a bear. I think it's just large Harry man. Better gay. Nick is a bear. Yeah, Nick would be a bear. Were you hunting next? Very strict. Okay. Don't say black. I said black. I said black. By exact Brian. Oh, by exact Brian.
Christmas everyone, I hope you're all in the holiday spirit. - It's like the one joke, it's like, why is there black bears? What, the black bears, brown bears, what are white bears called? - Polar. - They're the only one with a different name that's just not associated with that. If you see, there's a joke on that, a dude does a whole comedy bit around that. - If you see that for the very first time. - It's a good, rejelling of the joke. - I had not good at that. - Pumps lineless deliver. - No, I wasn't trying to. (laughing) - It's also not true. - Brown, brown bear? - Codiac bear. - We can never call it like a camera bear, but you don't go white bears. Name one person. Ah shit, a brown bear. Ah shit, a black bear. Not, oh shit, a white bear. Name one time. - I don't know that anybody says brown bears, grizzly. - A grizzly bear? Oh, the little ones. - Well, there's the same thing. - There's no little brown bear. Brown bears are grizzly bears. - Grizzly, yeah. - Codiac. - There's grizzly. Codiac is a grizzly bear that's slightly larger because it's on Codiac Island. - Yeah. - Codiac bears only exist on Codiac Island. - Codiac bears is a grizzly bear. - It's all brown bears. - Codiac is a grizzly bear. - Also, Brad and I, we researched this a couple of years ago. - Me and Rick versus AI round two on Eli's phone. Let's go. - The round, the bullet that could take down the bear, the one that you want to take with you. - Ted Mill? - Yeah, we went with two mill. That's what we figured out. - We had some debate. - We gave him a bullet or like pistol cartridge. - Pistol. - Pistol, okay. - We had some hiking. - We had some debate as to whether or not it would be better for a female to have a 10 mill or a 5/7. - Depends on the female. - Definitely, but like just for your average female 'cause I thought like, okay, I'm not sure if a 5/7 can penetrate through the skull, but it is like, if you have the right caliper, or this gives me the right projectile, you know, armor piercing, maybe it punches the skull better and lower recoil than you know, big, scary 10 mill. - I don't have much experience with 5/7. Is it more prone to jamming though? - No. - No, okay. - That is not a good round against a 4/7. - That's what we ultimately went to. Like if you're a small female, like wonder and around whether our bears, a 10 mill would probably be the best. - Yeah, if you're a guy, 10 mill is the obvious choice, but I was worried about the follow-up shots and recoil and everything like that. And at least 5/7 had the added advantage of, you know, it could possibly pierce through a bare skull, but like still not great. Like that's obviously not optimal. This is what guys talk about. - Yeah, okay. - The 5/7 really doesn't do much damage, like. - Fuckin' period. I not anything. - I've met guys who have been shot in the head with 5/7 and survived. - Did I not know? - Did I know? - Did, no. - I was like a fucking teenager. - Very Christmas. - Yeah, I was a teenager at a fucking gun store, and I'm looking at all these guns that I can't fucking afford. Like I'm just, they're cool to me at the time. I have like maybe one guy, one gun that I own and everything else is just like, oh, this is shit that I'll never own this. Fast forward. But I remember checking out the 5/7 pistol, which to be fair, like as an adult, I'm not really a fan of. It's very plasticity. If you've never held-- - You don't know much, it's very cool. - Yeah, exactly. I'm just like, co-aduty, 5/7 pistol. Oh my God, high mega Z-impot capacity. The slides plastic, the pistols plastic. Like it's very kind of just clunky and there's a lot of features about it. I don't like, but it was cool at the time. And I remember asking to see it. And you know, the gun store employee is like rolling his eyes. Like, ah, this kid's not gonna buy anything, but, sure, whatever. And this guy next to me just goes, 5/7 shit. Like, what? What do you mean? He's like, doesn't do any damage. That can't take a man, whatever, something like that. Like, what are you talking about? Like, I've never heard this. Like, where are you basing this off of? - He takes it through armor. He takes off his baseball cap and points to several gun, like very clear gunshot wound scars in his face. He's like, couldn't kill me. - Oh, fucking core memory. - So engraved in my brain. - Show me your 10 mil, all right. - All right. - Is it the f**king meme? Where it's like, I pull up my 5/7, I shoot the guy. He's like, I should've just given my wallet because 5/7 cost so much. - Oh yeah, that one, like, 5/7, like, two bucks a round. - Isn't it still $2? Or more? - I even get like 45, 50 cents a round now. - Oh, yeah, it's not. - It's come down a lot. Which, thank God, if you haven't, you know, a P90 where every magazine's 50 rounds shit adds up. - That shit gets expensive fast, fast, fast. - Brander, why do you keep sending me money through cash app with it saying just deckwork? - Wait, is that not you doing all my yard work? - On the real, I think we all do use cash app. It's quick way to pay friends if they owe you money. - Finn, where's my money? - You told me you could beat the house. - You know the saying, Finn always wins. Real talk though, I've used cash app like this week. - Yeah, I think actually that's what we use to pay our boxing infrastructures. We also use it on vacation to pay for rides and just random things. - It's like, hey, let's split this Uber. Let me wire you $20. It's the two best things. It's easier and it's free. - Why'd we go to Vegas to build decks? And why were you building decks at two in the morning? - She was Hispanic. I thought she was just good at it. - Why were you skiing in the snow at 4 a.m.? - Cash app can do way more than you think to make your money work for you. If you direct deposit at least $300 in paychecks each month and use the cash app card for purchases, you can earn up to 4% annual interest on your savings. Also, you can hit your savings goals even faster. By turning on the round ups feature on your cash app card, with round ups every purchase you make using the card is rounded up to the nearest dollar and that spare change is automatically put into your savings. - Make it work for you. - Take advantage of high interest savings on cash app today. - For a limited time only, new cash app customers can use our exclusive code, pause, to earn some additional cash, unpause. - Just download cash app, use our exclusive referral code on sub 10 in your profile, send $5 to a friend within 14 days and you'll get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms apply, that's money, that's cash app. - Cash app is a financial service platform, not a bank. Banking service is provided by cash app's bank partners, prepaid debit cards issued by a sudden bank member if I get (beep) member FDIC. - See turns to conditions at cash.app/legal/us/int-us/card-agreement. Direct deposit overdraft coverage and discounts provided by cash app. A block ink brand. Visit cashapp.com/legal/podcast for full disclosure. - What do you guys do for Christmas episode? I'm just excited we're here for Christmas. My favorite (beep) holiday right now. - No. - Pumped. - Will get you happy, will get everyone happy? So you're grumpy. - That's okay. - I think the boys are just reeling up for a live show tomorrow. - Oh yeah. - What do we got tomorrow? - I'm very excited. I get to watch you three get up early which I do every day and then I get to watch you three live in the cold which I also do every day and I get to revel in it as you guys hate your lives. - All of those that are so miserable. - I know, very excited to watch you guys do it. - As long as the flights go smooth, that's all I give you. - Well, good. - Say that loud again, I'm sure that'll make it work. - Hmm. - No, I'm just not like we have a layover. - We don't have a lot of you to do it. - Thank you, Matt. - We do have a layover. - I believe. - Yeah, Dallas. - Yeah. - Is tomorrow Boston and due to Jersey. - Boston. - Boston? - We're doing Boston. - No. - We're shipping up to Boston. - Oh. - Hey. - We had the best flight back from DC. - Every time we fly back from DC together it's a shit, man. - Yeah, we didn't go to that, what happened? - Me and Eli, we were up there for, we were invited by General George and everybody up to the Army's, I think it's the holiday reception. It's like a Christmas party, which was a fun time. It's good to see everybody again, but it was our flight home. We're leaving Reagan Airport and our flights already delayed two hours, right? And I've got to go to Rock Island to film some stuff. He just wants to go the fuck home. - We are there. - I'm sorry to interrupt 'cause I watched that video. Did you buy that gun or they just let you touch it? - I didn't, I didn't buy it. It went too high. - Oh, okay. - What did it go to? - 90, 90 grand. - You should have bought it. - After, with it, I realized it was-- - No, go ahead and write that down on list of shit you're gonna regret for the rest of your life. It's fine. - I told Zach that 'cause Zach was with me. And Zach, I'm like, this is, I'm like, I know financially right now this doesn't make sense for me to do and I know five years from now I will regret this. - Two things can be true. - Okay, good. I also know that. - Yeah. - One Bitcoin. - Literally a whole Bitcoin. - But the-- - Yeah, but there's 21 million Bitcoin. There's only one. Thompson, chambered in 30 out of six. - It's a long story. - But, on the flight back from DC, it's delayed two hours and then me and Eli sit in this fucking plane on the tarmac. As they have to, they have to de-ice it like the trucks have to come out there and de-ice every plane individually and there's only one truck that does it. - We are DC of all airports. - Dude. - It seems like a busy airport that could splurge on two trucks. - That might have some important things happening around it. - Right, 1025 and we get pushed back. It's like, hey, now you have to be there at 11. We follow that to AT. We walk around the corner. It's like, okay, they should be just about boarding. Door is closed. Still, like, that's not a good sign. Huh, I guess it's not 11. 12th, 1220, we're on the plane finally. - Yeah, it was like a two hour delay, which is fine that happens in airports, whatever. We are on this tarmac for three hours. (laughing) - I do that this. We should almost be there. I'm still here.
Branded the person in front of me with the small dog put down a piss pad. Oh, I forgot about that too. Wait This was a journey of a fucking trip It was a there was a fat guy in front of us like fat ball guy that just had his little like yappy dog like a little Yorkie or whatever the fuck it was I Didn't see because he was behind me in front of you You're like did he just laid down a fucking piss because this little yippy dog was barking during the flight And I'm like, okay, because of how shrill that is and how sporadic it is I would say that's actually worse than small infant child Also, you have a choice to leave your dog at home Anyway, yeah, lays down a piss pad halfway through the flight. Well, motherf*cker sh*t. I Okay, they're finally serving drinks. This is after three hours. They did not do anything for us on the tarmac That was nope. Just sit there and wait halfway through the flight Hey Brandon texting him did the dog just sh*t Or am I smelling stuff? I read this text message and as soon as he sends it I smell it like Motherf*ck Wait, how long is this flight a two and a half hours? His dog Two and a half three hours. Yeah, three hours. We spent more time on the tarmac than we did in the air What do you do the ship? I don't know you have the worst luck on flights I feel like half the time I fly with you you get sat by the most ridiculous cartoon characters on the planet and I get I get to I get to look over my shoulder and chuckle because it's always like I always get to sit next like Zach or Brandon or somebody I know and I like and it's just Eli gets sat next to a random and I look over and it's Eli like like this With a hat on and his phone down here pretending to be asleep but dicking off on his phone at the same time So he doesn't have to talk to somebody. It's hilarious That one chick was at first that one woman. Oh my god. I sit down like a piece Oh, you are me and a doctor. I'm like, well, that's weird. Oh god. She's sitting next to me She's already trying to interrupt and save people. Did we talk about that on the podcast ever? I don't think we have have we talked about the doctor. Yeah, no, the guy they cut his fucking Sand a grown-ass man child who had a boo boo literally paper cup like this is like it dude Nick This is a like on our way back from Donner drop a blood drop a blood max They're holding up the entire flight and they bring him up and he's like, what am I gonna do? Fucking my neighbor my husband's a doctor. Let me look at it. My bitch. What the fuck she pulled in my husband's an officer Transmitted medical expertise what? So me and Brandon are sitting on the left side So we're like one and two and we're looking at Eli. He's sitting next to this woman. The thing sees a medical professional This dude just comes sprinting to the front. This is steering boarding like everyone's just trying to go where they need to go like most of the Boardings already happened. Yeah, it's yeah, they're still like 10 people that need to get on board. This guy comes sprinting to the front And he's like I cut my hand I cut my thingy and so the chick next to Eli is like I'm a medical professional. Everyone hold on everyone hold on. I'm a nurse Now he's holding up the entire I'm right now. I'm seeing what he's talking about He's just like holding his finger like this and there is one little dribble like one little spot of blood on his pants And he is just like literally as like if I cut my finger like pricked it for like a diabetes test and pushed it into my thigh like that's that's it And how condescending the the pilot was I'll do that when the pilot walked out to like assess the situation. He just goes oh Mmm. Yes, sir. This is a serious problem. Would you like some orange juice and the guy's like yeah, I would Like I had no idea he was being condescended They held up the plane for it too. Yeah, we were stuck for 15 minutes more because they did that shit And then she could sat down and I had one time on one flight where they're like if there's any medical Professionals on the plane. Please go to the back of the plane And I was with Pewview and his camera guy Dalton and Calvin and like two other people and they all look at me and I'm like, God damn it Fine, I walked to the back of the plane. There was a doctor on the plane that was already there. It was like cool piece out You got it way better than me. Goodbye unless he's shot in the chest I'm probably not going to be able to do anything but call him a bitch Which that's all I'm good at GSW. You want an airplane is why? Horribly wrong. I'm not going to help. I'm really just good at a lot of how do I get that all but I like walked out They're like they're like are you a doctor? I was like I was a medic in the army if you need something and the doctor's like They're like I'm a doctor this chick just ate too many addables and she's laying down a curtain like in front of the The two bathroom stalls with like the snack cart laying down crying. She had too many addables I was like How does that happens? Someone has a gunshot when you're like how do you get that on because I'm about to change the whole trajectory? Yeah, I don't know if we should include any of that part. Well, they have that lady. They filmed that's how we get on the no-fly list and can't do our job You guys filmed the lady talking to me in my face bit. We did Yeah, it's not just the one lady. It was also the guy talking about he knows 37 ways to kill a man with a knife I believe was the exact word it's like to you like five times. It's hilarious every time so happy You found other dude that then they started talking across the aisle to each other about being over you Military bad asses just two two dudes and grunt style shirts Talking about how awesome they would have been if they joined the military. It was great I've killed a man On 36 ways to skin a man stand to sternum like alright, pal. That's how I know you sucked it Let me write that down on shit. That's not appropriate to talk about very loudly on a f***ing airplane or like ever Frankly, oh the DC flight there and then you got stuck to the next to the lady that was having a full-on panic attack too That did happen. I did feel kind of bad about that She very anxious Like the the lady next to me was like freaking out like she wanted to stop the plane She's a kid can I get off? I'm like oh fuck But she's like she's freaking out. She's like I'm not used to doing this by myself whatever She and I will say in her defense very nice lady like she's Going through some stuff and you know that that happens but The stop in the plane over. It's a little wild. You could have been helpfully unhelpful. That would have been way better I'm not used to doing this by myself look at the bright side if you die you'll be alone Your loved ones will survive. That's good. The f***ing shameless kid. Yeah, I'm coming out of where you're as It's called people and tell him you hate him But it was funny because the guy next to me like we were both like it trying to be like a little helpful like You know, it's okay like you'll be all right You know nothing crazy. Well, we'll get the flight attendant for you something We ended up having to like switch seats with him and shit like that or excuse me switch seats with her But when she went up like the flight attendant took her up to go talk to her or something like that And the guy looked at me. He's like, yeah, I'm not the sensitive type either He's a guy. I don't know what to do here Yeah, that helped up the flight for like 5-10 minutes. It was a good time though. I mean that was we both said it it was a scene from Band of brothers like when they're back celebrating because you didn't know they swapped it back to the the traditional like the dress grains Yeah, and they look way better dude Did you ever hear the the reason I guess what you what was the dress uniform and you got out for the army? I had the greens, but um it was the Not those style of greens. It was like the in 2000. Yeah Yeah, I had the I had the black top with the light blue pants See we didn't have those I had those and it was like the dumbest logic for a uniform ever Everybody thought we were the Air Force and they were like well, it's actually like an homage to back in like the Wild West and the You know riding horseback days because the uniforms were black, but people would take their coat off and put it in their backpacks So the coat would stay black and then the pants would get sun sun bleached blue So that's why the pants are blue and the jackets black. It's just like Just go back to army green bro like dude, and that's how it's like these jeans. Was that general George? Yeah Rainy he was showing me the pictures like yeah, those uniforms fuck so hard, but if you took out because like they have such like traditional like You know, they had the the live instruments, you know, everybody brought their wives and everything the Christmas tree in a very classical Historic building and the and soldiers still yelling and a partridge and apparently rain was having a good time Like it but if you remove the PA systems and like just like one or two minor details You're like if you told me I was teleported back to 1943. I would believe you Hey guys, you want to see something? Not again. Those are true classics Oh you want to touch it burning? Cody you want to touch it? Burn it
- Show you have a degree in HR, right? - That's right, today's sponsor is True Classic. Cody, what are you wearing? - I'm wearing a true classic shirt right now. If it's really well around the arms and the chest, it makes you look bigger than you are. - You coat you actually like jacked right now. (laughs) - On a personal note, with my personal endorsement to True Classic, that's no shit. All the pants and the shirts that I wear. Like the undershirts always wear true classic, the pants always true classic, they're stretchy. Be lies wearing true classics right now. A lot of shirts that you get just off the shelf, like aren't really cut, they're just generic, unisex stuff, they're not really cut to look good. True Classic stuff is actually tailored to fit the male form, which is, you know, actually helpful if you want to not look like a slob. - Peak male performance, but now imagine my dick, 'cause that's where I'm wearing underwear. - Yeah. Now imagine my dick, Eli Quabis, 2025. - True Classic Duck. (laughs) - Use code unsub. Now we've been messing around with T-shirts and been in that industry for years now, and we can truly say that True Classic has some of the greatest material and greatest fitting that we've ever seen. - So forget over-priced designer brands. Skip the cheap throwaway stuff. True Classic is built for comfort, built to last, and built to give back. - You can even find them at Target or Costco, or you can go to trueclassic.com/unsub to try for yourself. - If you want to level up your clothes for the summer or coming into the fall, whether head over to trueclassic.com/unsub. - Yeah, tell us about that, guys. - What'd you guys go to? - Well, first off, we got a hotel in the wrong area. - Well, it was a nice area, but there's two buildings with the exact same name, them out and out. - That was my fault. - Sorry about that. - I double-checked too, so in your defense, I landed, I was like, okay, let's see how far it is so we can judge this nap. - I don't know what we're allowed to say what we're not, but there was a certain hall that is a fairly common name, and there was two of them in DC. Like two completely separate buildings that are event venues. - We chose the wrong one. - It was five minutes from one. 45 minutes. - Yeah, so we were fashionably late, which thankfully ended up not mattering, but. - They were like, oh, just don't worry about it. Stick around, this goes on for a while, so just have fun. And then it's walking in. 'Cause they had multiple like foreign, you know, generals, dignitaries, you know, several congressmen, stuff like that. At these, but they were doing multiple per day. So they were cycling people in and out at the same holiday reception thing. Just kind of a cool way to do it, but. - And pulling up to the military gate, and they were like, well, we know these guys come on, that was it, that was it, but all I took it, they're come on, come on, come on, we got them. - Taxi driver drops us off, and they're just like, excuse me, sir, state your business. No, no, no, no, no, they're cool. We got 'em. (laughing) But could you see you guys like that? And then we drove, and then it was just awesome seeing everyone, and it was wild, too, 'cause you look over and you're like, three stars. - Okay, hey, four stars, okay. - Sorry, your major, whole bunch of you, okay. - We're casually talking about Christmas party? - Yes, pretty much. - Okay. - We're casually talking to each other. - You guys are talking about it. No one said it was a Christmas party or anything. - I think I did it earlier. I don't know, I can't remember, but. There was like, but there's just like the people that you just randomly talk to, people that come up and just say hi. You're like, oh, how's it going, man? Oh, it's good to meet you this, this, this, this, and you just like look over. And then you just see the stars on their shoulder, like, ooh, that's, sir. - Hello. - It's just that weird, weird experience, 'cause we all got out of the military. - Very low rank. - Ha. (laughing) - I don't know, Eli, what are we? - This is what I can. - E-4 Mafia. - E-4 Mafia. - E-4 Mafia, failing to wear a war. But it was a blast and super appreciate the invite from Driscoll. - Yeah, it was George. - General George, Secretary Driscoll. - Sorry, Major Wimer. - Sergeant Major Wimer. - Are we going back to the Pentagon? - Yes. - I actually want to. - Okay. - Yep. - I'm gonna let us do it again. - We need to choose something less gay than white claw, I will say. - Whiskey. - I've been saying that for three years. - Well. - Also, fuck you. - Don't look at me. (laughing) - I've been saying that for three years. - I drink whatever's in front of me. - Hey, well now we have echelon, all right? I'm not tied to white claw anymore. - Bam, we'll bring echelon of vodka or whiskey. - I don't care. - Whatever. - I feel like we did a disservice not having like a nice whiskey in the Pentagon. Also, I do feel bad 'cause they had to buy it, whoever early A's on was. Like not the government didn't buy the person that invited us. - 130 rack of bush light, please. - Oh God. Just so you can say you drank that at the Pentagon. - It's evolving, just backwards. - Can you please put a piss funnel in the media room? - Bro, the Pentagon could use a piss funnel. - I don't think where we were at in the Pentagon, a piss funnel would have gone anywhere. You would have had to travel upward quite a bit. - No, throw through the floor. It's called a well. It'll work. - Hear me out. - So we were down there with the transformers. Come on man. - This is not like, all right, we're going down. Okay, boop, boop, boop, boop. - Boop? - Yeah. - How far down did you just take me? - That wasn't a pot. - My phone gets an alert. Like I have no cell phone or say it's an SOS mode. I was like, all right. - I do. - All right, that one moment where we're in that elevator is like, dun, dun, dun, dun. It's so weird. - Like we're still going down and all of us just kind of go. - It's like all of us. - Literally, all of us just went. - The dude escorting us is like, all right, guys, this way. And I was like, well, this is either going to be a dope ass studio or a concrete room with black burlap sex that are going to be over my head in a minute. And we'll see how this goes. - It's like, good fellows. - Open the door. - Oh, fuck. - Room is on support for, oh no. - The bubble wrap room from Dexter Hash. - Shit. - How'd you get in here? - I'm so sorry. - That could have been what happened and, you know, siops just took over. - Dick joked too close to the sun. (laughing) - We flew too high and, dude, oh, and Alex Miller was there and he is kind of the coolest fucking dude. So that's out to Alex. - CTO of the army, yeah, really cool guy. Well, again, a fellow podcast or a podcast alumni. - Yep. - And we might have access to some pretty. - Can't talk about that. - But can we say some dope stuff might be in the works? - Yeah, yeah, some dope stuff might be in the works. Like stuff that we can collaborate with, with the army to both help their recruiting stuff and help them out with some of the projects they're trying to do. But also, it gets us access and, by extension, the audience access to some cool stuff that I think you might enjoy. So, we'll see how that goes. - Stuff, you've never seen before. - I have an open invite to go to HK to get in their fucking history room or whatever. - The gray room? - If you wanna go, yeah. - I would love to go to the gray room. - Yeah, they said we can do a habitually fat there. You can go with us if you want. - So I would literally cut off and ask how did you go there. - Yeah, we can go there. - Can we all go? - Yeah. - Also how the fuck, mm. Niggas is still the only person I know. And I know the proshooters of HK and they have to buy their fucking gun or they might get it, but you don't. You're the only one that's like, "I've got this from HK." I have had a lot of fantastic gunspotships. Never HK. Brandon, have you heard of that before? - No, I've had to buy all my HK shit. Which is fine, that's cool, but you niggas. - Yeah, they sent me their new AR. It's really nice. I like it a lot. - Oh my God, I'm like, mother. - HK is definitely what I. - Which shot show for that? - It's been the most money on HK, Jones. - FN finally hit me up. That'd be cool. Yeah, they're like, do you have time to shot show? I'm like, I've been by. - After, yeah, HK. - After Scott put a suppressor on their threaded barrel and it broke and then they're like, "Well, you're not supposed to put a suppressor on it." - After that debacle? - Was that FN? - Almost positive, that was FN. - I don't recall. - I don't think they said that 'cause that's one thing. They've been great to work with, like, Christina, a big shout out to them. - They've been great to you. - Yeah, great to me. - I'm getting to work. - I just feel like the fucking red-headed stepchild that gets let out, you know, pushed out of everything. I'm like, man, 'cause they send you like one of everything new and I'm like, man, I have spent a lot on fucking FN stuff. Like, I've got a 249 saw, every scar that's ever, you know, the P90, everything, I'm like, man. - You went elk hunting with a scar heavy? - No, I went to the scar head. - It was a 20s. - Yeah, a 20s, that's it. - The big, the DMR motherfucker, that was a bad call. - That was a heavy look, like a light. It's a big ass rifle. - I love their lineup. And yeah, can't get a call back. I feel like, yo, FN, I wrote, you still ain't calling. Dude, that was my favorite time of going to a gun store was, hey, I think a 509 came in, like, yeah. Also, this is all for you too. It was a P90, two ARs and a 57 plus the 509. It was like, and a cartridge and a peritory. It was like, oh, wow. Old man at that really remote location. He was like, why don't you know about these? I was like, I had no idea that we're sending those. Wait, they just sent them to you? - Yeah. - Yeah. - He's like an 80 year old boomer that just has a gun store out in spring branch. Just by himself. - Like, why'd they send these to you? - I'm Batman. - FN's good, but good job, Nick. You got HK somehow.
Hooking you up with shit no one's ever we get to go in the gray room, too We get we're gonna go do an episode of habitually fat in the gray room with all their historic guns I'm so excited to now be tangentially related to this if they have their original land It's all of their HK experimental military weapons in this like museum room There's three there's one there's this land only three of hmm. I want to see the I want to see the space magic gun What's that called did you love it? Yeah, the crowd space magic The grandfather to lock the like soldier and will be able to make this so simple the minecraft gun That's yeah, there's like mouse trap perpetual motion machines speaking. I watched I watched a Ian's video on the new What's the new army service rifle the end seven and seven watch this video on it and I was like, yep 100% like Not a fan. No No, I feel like I had a pretty detailed video breaking down. I think relatively objectively, you know all the problems with it because you know If you're gonna replace the AR 15 would like the M4 platform or whatever. That's a pretty high bar Right, it's got to be pretty good. So if I can move the rail that's supposed to be dialed with lasers and shit, you know that soldiers You know bet their entire lives on you know being able to hit their targets with Paxons shit like that at night when they're doing Very intense missions and also, you know being able to put in the magazine without it killing the gun Feel like those are important things. Well that in his point of like they wanted to have a gun that they could get in a gun fight with it Past 300 meters because that's what we they dealt with it in Afghanistan and he's like just just grab a fucking hundred dollar drone and fly it over there into one like that's the new meta Why are we not doing that? It kind of made a little bit of sense with what they were trying to do with the the trials early on because they were saying like okay They realized that what range our soldiers were most lethal at to my understanding of it They're like our best KDs were at longer range because as it turns out when you're fighting sheepfuckers Marksmanship is not something they train on quite a lot and especially when they all have burned out AKs from the 70s M.O.A. is a social construct that they put a seven Give him more power when they shoot that fucking story God I can't remember where that was is after or something. Yeah, but it was the the fowls or the g3 I think it was the fowls where they just put everything to ten. Yeah, it makes it shoot harder Yes, we were missing also the XM7 weighs four pounds more. It's ungodly heavy What we love It's ungodly heavy and just mountain carry heavy. I know It so many people like Pewview hate see I fucking love the a cog Pewview hates it. I love the a cog. Why does he hate it? I really isn't that great on it But it's just like what I relief isn't great on the 556 one the 762 one like the 308 version much better is it? Yeah. Oh yeah But I mean like what it doesn't take batteries. It does it. I use it. It just works It's fucking indestructible as like I don't I don't care how durable you make that new Optic with the rangefinder and all the bullshit in it like the motherfucker's gonna break Though you're gonna get in a fire fight and it's gonna be like you need to update the Software or some shit like every time. Oh, that would be a mother fuck That's exactly what happened. You know, I'm sorry. You need the software update 34 more minutes before you can use your optic So it's gonna happen. Oh, I'm sorry. You disconnected from Wi-Fi. We got to reset it all over again We're so pissed It's a I don't like it. It's also heavy as shit Yeah, I have I have a fuck so go ahead. I saw a fucked him in World War Z. Yeah, what? They were lying on optics had to update and like do all this modern shit. You're talking about the buck right? Yeah, okay Yeah, that's that's part of what I I read that like a long time ago. I don't remember anything like that Yeah, so the the army relied heavily on optics that like Went into your command and everyone had like VR optics and like trying to figure out what everyone's doing the battlefield And that's why World War C that like that's why the Battle of Yonkers failed no shit Yeah, because because everyone was relying on these like super futuristic optics Considering that came out in what like 2007. It's a little ahead of its time. Yeah I used to drown warfare Yeah Man-made horrors beyond your comprehension. I know this is unpopular But it's always just like we might have an enemy that has body armor and it's like I mean They have head armor like we can figure it out You know what I'm saying like I mean that and even like in policing and everything else like everybody's going for pelvis meta now like pelvic bowl Yeah That's a can't armor your cock. Oh, I mean, that's not a widely adopted thing these days But like like when I went to swat school. That's what they told and it's like shoot him in the fucking dick You're gonna go down you break into my house. That's what I'm doing. It's fucking 12 gauge pelvis. Yeah Start with the pelvis and then work up to the head That's I'm not around that's that's actual me Oh, I've got a semi auto shotgun with a suppressor and ear muffs next to my bed I have a whole bunch of suppressors for my bedside and I choose so yeah my the fucking eight six Boombox and again, it's it's all pelvis. Too much penetration. I know It's too much. It was the only round that I never read one of those lane about that so Me and demo Matt did it. It was eight six and fifty cow were the only ones that shot through the neighbor's house Which is why you aim low If you ever woke up and felt like your mattress punched you in your sleep I still think it was my wife, but yeah Eli. Do you have the mattress right here a pillow? No, that's an Eli size mattress Exactly Eli. Can I fill the pillow? Of course It's so soft goes bet just launched their brand new mattress line every mattress comes to the 20 to 25 year warranty and a 101 night trial period where if you don't like it you can send it back I don't know how many stamps it takes, but you could do it Are you tired of your male carrier liking you you take a razor blade cut it open You're like I always wanted to go to Denver and just hide inside of it Don't do that, but do try ghost bed and even better you can get an extra 10% off site When you use code unsubscribed and then you get to think about us every time you lay in bed more than you already do That's just cuddled up next to you This is on top of there every day deals on mattresses adjustable bases and pillows being up to 50% off versus comparable brands Ghostbett has 60,000 five star reviews and awards for cooling comfort and support head over to ghostbett dot com slash unsubscribed to take advantage of this holiday offer That's ghostbett dot com slash unsubscribed Sleep better stay cooler or Cody's gonna. Oh you're How's fucking mad dude and you got sucked down recently. Oh demo. He was out of last Christmas. Actually. Yeah, he was on the last Christmas episode I think Text him real quick. Yeah. Yeah, do you want to do you want to just wish him a merry Christmas real quick? Give me face down. Yeah, face down You know, he retired to step away from this internet bullshit to spend time with his family. Let's interrupt the wow Now how horrible of him what let's interrupt that piece. He just required See It's okay. We can bring him back. I have faith Dude, whatever he does next He but he's enjoying it like talking to him last time it was just enjoying Relaxing chilling doing his thing. He'll he'll get over it. I want to come back Yeah, I talked to him about a month ago and he's just like chilling with his kids just having a good time Yeah, cuz and he said he's got so much stuff to from the YouTube side like whether it's selling like the old cars and stuff like that He used for the channel like just random bullshit like You know how our lives go like everything's so sporadic. It's like if you ever quit doing this You'd have to have a couple of months just iron everything out and figure out where everything is anyway. What are you doing? Who's this guy? House self. Yeah, whatever. House self. I think he is. Do you say something? I think it would be the I think he's going to appreciate when he comes back. I think he's gonna have that. It's gonna be like oh, I need to get back into the flow of this And then hop back to it or do what's it called? Who was that? Oh outdoor boys outdoor. No Oh, yeah, I don't know Okay Oh, the guy. Anybody know that guy. I thought you guys knew that guy. No, I thought you did. No, he's so well. I don't even live for him. Anyway Nobody he said he might get back into when he comes back. I he might get into That and there he's stuff again. I'll be kind of you think he's gonna come back I was I'm not gonna say I had much success, but I was trying to sweet because he was like he really liked doing the Like the surgery stuff for animals like where you could do it for free and put it on YouTube before they got more strict with
like monetization rules and what he was allowed to show and he misses that a lot and I was like, I mean, I have a platform, I'll let you upload it. Oh. And he's like, oh, so I was trying to sweet talk him into it. I don't think he took it, but I was trying. It was a good idea. Yeah. No matter what, the first thing he ever does if he makes a comeback of any kind, whether it's the gun stuff, I know he was kind of like kind of fading out of that a little bit, like there wasn't like the love affair with guns toward the end. She's understandable. The first video he has to do back, he has to make that rip on John Wick. Like, yeah, I'm thinking I'm back. It's a good idea. You're trying to get me to kill his dog? Then he can see it. He can see it. It's a better idea. I wake up with a bag over my demo standing over me like, where's Nick? My god damn it, dude. Nick did it. Let me text the gang brings demo back. Nick sends his regards. Why are you going after my boy? Well, sir, he, uh, stole Matt Kerak's car. Shot his dog. Oh, man. Oh, uh, Mr. Nick, what is something you're getting for the kid is I know the kids are going to want a bunch of Christmas presents. Ask my wife. I don't do shopping. Well, they have to have something. We're like, Oh, what this? Like, I know, last year you got him the ninja, the OG. What were they called? Like the pirate. Oh, like the play school pirates castle set. Yeah, I got that last year. I don't know. I only, the only thing I really buy for him is I buy him like old gaming stuff. So like, they have old, um, game boys. So I'd buy him, I let go to game stop and buy 15 year old game boy games. That's all the cool ass president. That's all they're allowed to play is old game boy stuff. Yeah, because my boy's 16. So I don't know what he is in my other than a punch in the face. So that's, that's, yeah, I never even thought about that. Have you seen the, the new game boys? The ones that play like 15,000. No, no, um, uh, what's the, what's the, the meta guy's name? Um, so it's Palmer, Palmer lucky. So it's, uh, I think it's like retro, mod retro, mod retro. Like this is not sponsored by the way. I don't have one. I don't know how it is, but whatever. Um, but they're like advertising the shit out of it on social media right now. He basically, a colored, he basically made an OG Game Boy color. But he made it out of like, it's like some fancy aluminum. And it's got like an actual sapphire crystal for a screen. And it plays just Game Boy Game Boy color games. Oh shit. It's like 200 some odd dollars. And it's like a super high end Game Boy color. I fucking love it was cool. I love Palmer because he's involved in like such a variety of crazy shit. Yeah, he's, he's, he's re-releasing the Game Boy color 30 years after it came out. Also, he's trying to make more javelin missiles for the United States military. He's like radically involved with the military industrial complex. He'll, he'll like text me about crazy. He's working on. And also, he's like, Oh, yeah, by the way, like, and then we start talking about Game Boys. It's, it's kind of cool. Oh, you know him? Uh, I wouldn't say like we're, we're tight, but I, we talk. Let's get some unsub ones going. Oh, dude, we need to have him on on sub. Yes. Yes. Palmer, if you're out there, I would love to have you on on sub. Also, sweet moly. His foot, it is, that's the funniest part to me. That is a check out his Twitter. Go on X and check out his, his profile picture and like, uh, cover art. Have you seen that? No, I have never heard of, he is the funniest billionaire. Where do you get? So where did he get his money from? Oculus mod and yeah, like he, I think he found it to Oculus and like just he involved in a bunch of crazy shit, but he's a, he seems like a, like a 16 year old billionaire, kind of in the same way as Jared, like Jared is a fan. Yeah. We're just like, Oh, like looking around his aircraft hanger and like his, uh, Star Wars themed canteen. Oh, you're like, you know what? If I became a billionaire at 16, absolutely. Yes, I would also have a grand theft auto fucking hanger of fighter jets and a Star Wars canteen as my personal bar. Oh, yeah, he's big into the defense industry. Well, yeah, we haven't talked about that either. Fucking Jared. Oh, yeah, that's right. Damn. Yeah, since the last time that we had a podcast, we haven't discussed that. I kind of felt that about that because we went to his hanger when we did that episode with Tim Sheehy and Jared and everything like that. Yep. But what we didn't say, what happened in between us filming that episode, recovering the lost footage and everything like that and uploading it as Jared got, uh, re nominated by Trump to be the head of NASA. Yeah. So he's in the middle of it, right? Yeah, the, he's in the middle of his, uh, Senate hearing right now. Actually, as we speak, I'm pretty sure, or it's, they're, they're moving forward is, uh, excuse me, his confirmation in the Senate. Yeah. Two days ago, Senate panel advances nominee in his second run to lead NASA. So I don't know him as well as you guys do. But isn't he like, he's not in like very involved in like politics. He's just been like, he made a ton of money doing aerospace stuff. He just didn't know. No, not aerospace. Okay. Sorry. Stripe. No, no, is a shift for pay. Okay. But ever since then, he's been like heavily involved in aerospace stuff and like fighter jets and all that. Yeah. He just loves the aerospace industry. So like he's like, somebody that's actually qualified to do the job. Yeah. Not only he's been to space twice and he's like one of the only civilians ever do a space. What does the point I'm saying? Like I almost feel bad for anybody that's like actually qualified for a job that just gets nominated by Trump because they're going to get drugged through the mud for no other reason than the fact. And it was that guy that all they tried to drag him through the mud just because like your friends with trouble, your friends with Elon, all that shit. But to be honest, he's one of the most intelligent men I've ever met in my life. That like he's a real one. He's alarmingly intelligent, but he's also incredibly humble. Like for being a billionaire who's got like we're at his place full of fighter jets and all this cool shit he's got going on. You just think he works there in the best part. He's super chill. The company founded in 1999 by then 16 year old Jared Isaacman is it for fucking genius. So anything that does he was the one who's like, Oh, there's no process, ways to process from the internet to businesses. I'll just do that. And then his dad would drive him to the locations and then present the information because he was 16. So he's like, Oh, dad, you just do the pitch. I'll do the back end. And then you're just taking me around. I think that's what he said. It was like, yeah, I was kind of just sitting in the room. He'd be like, oh, my son had to come along. That was it. Just read. Like he's he's been involved in a lot. And they did, they did, they did all the like, I've been not going to say all of it, but they did a lot of like opt-for stuff for the Air Force. Yeah, I knew that. Yeah. What is it? He has like the only like some of the only megs or something that the US has. He owns them. So they use it that he like, it's contracted by the government. So they can get looks at these different aircrafts. The MiG 29, which I believe is their gem for fighter. He did have like the only one. Now I think he's got like three. He has the only three still has the only potato potato. It's it's fucking wild. And the guy, you could just tell like, he just has such a passion for both space and flying. Like he just, that's his tism. Man, it's just like me with guns. Can we get him in a flat earth or on the same podcast? I feel like that could be exciting. I made a joke about that with him. I was just like, so how many times have you been, have you been to space? Okay, this many times, including your spacewalk. Okay, cool. So how much is the new world order paying you to lie about space? Because you know there are people, I didn't really see that in the comments, but you know there are people that are around 100 percent. They did two space walks. Didn't he join the Navy or Air Force? Also, which is really cool. Or he went to college to get something and then order to. Jared? Yeah, I swear to God, he was talking about that. Not on top of my head. I don't know. I mean, you read this. It's just insane. He has done so much. He is 29. Is the 12th largest fighting fleet, 12th largest Air Force in the world and he's privately told private citizen and brother in my opinion for whatever that's worth. The guy is horrifically overqualified to be head of NASA. It's probably the most qualified director of NASA we've ever had. And yeah, no, I'm just I'm happy to see him re-nominated. That's really cool. Yeah. Anyone, those are the individuals you want or running it because don't worry about him getting corrupt. He don't need like what 270 million to the space camp. Well, it wasn't just space camp, it was that in like St. Jude's. That's a separate one. Yeah, St. Jude, I don't know what it was for the space camp itself, but I don't know the specifics on the numbers, but he donated a shitload of money. That's one of the reasons why he took the, it was inspiration for that whole project of going to space. That's, that's where that came from. That was a partnership with St. Jude's. That's cool art. That was it. Yep. The guy nominated for, you know, director of NASA has a Netflix documentary about taking a crew of astronauts to space for a cancer charity. It's like, yeah. Okay, that's a good pick. Right or 250 million to St. Jude's. The space camp I want to say was like 180 or 270 and it was because she, she sent her Tim she, Tim. Yeah, Tim is like, Hey, I have a friend. This is going to
that close down, they need some donations, can you help? He's like, yeah, I got it. And then donate like that. - Here's a GDP of a small country. - Yeah. - You're like, yeah, we're good forever. - Ever. I'm like, okay, we'll win this. - I put in a savings account that the residual interest is enough. - Fucking insane. That's that next level of donation. - Jesus. We've donated a million dollars. - Yeah, we're like, for autism and veteran charities, we're like, million dollars is really cool. And he's like, oh, that's a great start. Just like, what, Eddie, from the boys? - That's a nice starter watching. (laughing) - Good for you, little man. - Appreciate that, bud. - The holidays are here, which means it's time to give the gift a smooth. - My mom has a sock like that. (laughing) - You new kids with your USB-C auto-recharging batteries, don't know what it's like to fight over triple A's with your parents and the shows. - That's why we're talking about man-scapes. - Do you want someone special in your life to not have hairy balls? - What? - Brian, he's giving you a hint. - Guys, it's got a headlight. - You can see your balls in the dark. - Groom with your brights on with man-scapes. - You trying to shave a deer? This would be my first bet. - Man-scapes performance package 5.0 Ultra. - This is the ultimate upgrade because nothing says happy holidays like smooth balls. - The performance package 5.0 Ultra is your clean slate for 2025, tackling everything from body grooming to rogue nose and ear hair. - Start the holiday looking sharp, confident, and ready for whatever comes your way. - We wish you a hairless Christmas. We wish you a hairless Christmas. - That's a good beat. - Just wait till he gets to jingle bells. - Why are we over complicating this? Buy this and shave your balls. - It's easy, shave your balls. It works really well. - If you think women don't care, they care. - Shave your balls. - Give the gift of smooth this season with the performance package 5.0 Ultra. - Get 15% off with code
[email protected]. - That's 15% off plus free
[email protected]/unsub and use code unsub because nothing says I care like a well-groomed man. - Nick, any new videos you've worked on lately? - I just did a video on Frank Luke, Best Fighter Pilot of World War I, and another video on Colonel Sanders. - Oh, I know where this is going. - Wait, no, you're down Sanders. - I promise you you don't know. - I promise you I have an idea. Was it his shootout? - That was one of many things. - Okay. - I love that. - You, you, you dog. - When's this video come out? - Before Christmas, right before Christmas. When did yours? - It's after the live shows, all right? - Yeah. - Yeah, this is like the 20th, right? - Oh, we can go over it. - Colonel Sanders was born in the 1800s. And his father died at a young age. So his mother was working in a tomato factory. So at the age of five, he basically had to raise his four younger siblings. And that's where he got his passion for cooking. And then when he was 12, his mother remarried. And he didn't get along with his stepfather. So at the age of 12, he said, fuck you and he left home. And he began doing manual labor jobs on farms and railways. And then he falsified his birth certificate to join the United States Army, went to Cuba and then came back and started working for the railroad. And he cussed like a sailor after serving in the military and kept getting fired from the railroad for beating the shit out of people repeatedly over and over and over again. And married a girl, they had a couple of kids and then how old is he right now? He's like 18. Married a girl had a couple of kids and kept getting fired bouncing around from job to job. And eventually his wife is like, I'm not dealing with this guy getting fired all the time. I'm gonna leave him. So he gets a letter while he's on the road working for the railroad 'cause he got fired but got another job and gets this letter that his wife left him, gave up their house and gave way all the furniture. And in his autobiography, he's oddly mad about the furniture. Like the getting rid of his furniture was like on par with taking his kids. Like, he's like, she gave away my furniture and the kids and she didn't have any right to give away my furniture. Like, it's really upset about the furniture for some reason. But he can't do anything about the furniture. He can still do something about the kids. So he fucking goes and like concocts a plan that he's gonna kidnap his kids. And I believe in his autobiography, he says, and I quote, although I didn't really see it as kidnap and 'cause they was mine. So he goes to his father-in-law's house. I mean, fair enough. So he goes to his father-in-law's house and he's just like out in the woods. Obviously, he wasn't wearing the white suit, but in my head, he's wearing the white suit. Like out in a pile of leaps in the woods, like waiting for his kids to come out to play. He's like 22. - I picture him still with white hair. - Yeah, 100%. - 18, 12, doesn't matter. - No, that's Colonel Sagan. - Waiting to kidnap my kids before I give you the 11th secret urge. - That's fine. (laughing) 100%. The kids never come out to play and he's like, I fuck it. I'm just gonna go up to the door. So he goes up to the door like Knox. His father-in-law opens it. He's like, oh, hey, Harlan, how's it going? He's like, uh, good. So he goes in the house and we like make small talk for a little bit. - I did the truth. - And he's like, go ahead. - It's just the dad looking out and you just see Colonel Sanders peaking out from a trip and they're like going back and like, huh? - It's like Slender Man. - Yeah. - Exactly. - Like what the fuck's he doing out in the woods? - So he like-- - It's fine. - Chicken static. (laughing) He like goes in and like has small talk with his father-in-law and is like soon to be ex-wife for a little while and eventually he's like, I don't know what the fuck to do. So he just kind of like gets up. He's like, all right, well, I'm gonna leave. And she's like, where are you going? He's like, I got a job in Illinois with a railroad and she's like, nah, you better stay here with me. And then they just stayed married for another 37 fucking years. And he just relentlessly cheats on her. He called it Tom Catting, but he was fucking everybody. So-- - Oh, I'm in Catting? - That's what he called it. All right. So I mean, it makes sense. - That's a Southern term. - Tom Cat. - Tom Cat. - Tom Cat is a Southern term. - What is, it's like that old school mentality of like it's not cheating if it's different zip codes? - Yeah, I guess. Back in the day where you could like go 12 miles down the road and have a whole different family and nobody'd ever fucking know. - Yeah, which happened a lot more than people. Trust me, as a guy that reads World War II memoirs, I get it. I've heard the amount of people that were like, yeah, his first child is actually named after his girlfriend from France, like all kinds of shit like that. But so it doesn't have to kidnap his kids, gets his family back, keeps work for the railroad, gets fired at some point and he's like, I'm gonna become a lawyer for it. So he does like correspondence, which is like through the mail. Basically, you can become a lawyer back in the day. It's like online school, but analog, essentially. So it becomes a lawyer through the mail and then ends up losing his law license because he beats the fuck out of his own client in court. - In court? - In court. - Oh man. - Him and his client got into an altercation. He beat the shit out of him, lost his law license. So then he becomes a salesman for Michelin tires and that's going good. He becomes like the regional sales guy for the south and then he loses his job because he's driving across a bridge and the bridge collapses and it totals his car and he can't afford a new car. So they're like, well, if you can't sell, if you don't use our tires, you can't be a tire salesman. You're fired. So they fired him instead of just giving him a new car. I don't know why it happened. - Also very bad luck. - I thought we're still talking about Colonel Sanders, right? - Yes. - Okay. - I feel like they're just looking for an excuse to fire him at that. - He was a very disagreeable person. - It sounds like. - He fired his client in court and lost his law license that took forever, I'm assuming. - Like Nick said, disagreeable. So he fucking is like living in a small town, Kentucky. Doesn't have a car. So he hitchhikes to the big, like the next big city. I think it was Louisville. And he's hitchhiking there and the first motherfucker to pick him up is like, oh, did you want to run my gas station? And he's like, sure, why not? So he starts running. - I know where this part goes. - Run in this gas station and it's like, it's competitive. So he starts selling food. It becomes really popular. And then the, so he just stops at a gas station and the dude's like, no, he was hitchhiking and the dude that picked him up on the gas station was looking for somebody to run the gas station. Even more wild to me. So he's like, yeah, I could run a gas station. It's like 1930, 1929. So he starts running this gas station, starts offering food. This is like kind of where the food thing really picks up. But then eventually he, the great depression happens, puts that gas station out of business, but he did such a good job that Shell gets a hold of him. And it was like, hey, we know you did a good job. We have a gas station that's like right on the interstate that's gonna stay open through the great depression. We want you to run it. And he's like, okay, cool. So he goes there, starts doing the same thing. He's like, serving food, he's selling gas, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, he wanted to, you know, be competitive. He wanted to be the best gas station around. So he started putting up signs for, you know, like, fuck or whatever, Shell gas station, we serve food, blah, blah, blah. Well, rural Kentucky in 1930, people kept shooting up the fucking sign. So much, you couldn't read them. So then he started paying farmers to put murals on the side of their barns, 'cause people wouldn't shoot a farmer's barn, 'cause farmers shoot back. - Is that the inception of that? - Yeah. 'Cause I remember growing up in the South, like you just saw that shit everywhere, and like the rural South. - Yeah, trying to do the North and South Carolina. Everyone has advertisements on their barns. - Yeah, you got an exception, 'cause old school people shot up signs. - No shit, and people won't shoot up a barn, 'cause they don't want to kill anybody or get shot at back.
So that's where that kind of started and then one of the other gas stations in town Started going and paying the farmers to pain over his advertisements and he was getting pissed off So then one he colonel Sanders goes to this guy's gas station and tells him I believe the direct quote is I will blow your fucking head off If you keep painting over my signs and then shell has two representatives come to like see what he's doing because his gas stations going so well And while the shell representatives are there the employee comes in and tells him like Colonel fucking what's his dick that runs a gas station It's painting over your sign right now on this road and colonel and the two shell executives get their guns and go confront him And this one I will add the context this was in 1931 is what has happened and that was the quote that I knew about the exact quote Well, you yellow dog I see you're smearin that sign again is what starts a gun fight The dude pulls a gun and shoots and kills one of the shell executives So then Colonel Sanders shoots him and drops him and the Colonel Sanders gets away with self-defense And this guy gets convicted of murder and later gets assassinated in prison by the shell executives family I didn't know that part. Yeah That's it do be like that So then uh, and then there he basically takes over the entire area And I guess it was like a really rough area in Kentucky because there was so many bootleggers and stuff and like crime going on And there's like other there's multiple accounts of him confronting people trying to steal gas like in his underwear with a shotgun Like Colonel Sanders just run and shit apparently at this point in time This guy this feels like you know, they do that uh to like mascots of you know children serial and shit where they give him the prison tats and a Gun no, it's legit that that's what this sounds like that you're you're making a fucking gangster backstory for Colonel Sanders So eventually he owns the gas station and then he ends up making more money on the food than he was on the gas So he's like fucking i'm just gonna open a restaurant He opens a hundred and forty-seat restaurant and then that goes really good. So then he opens up a motel right next to the restaurant And he's doing that for a while and then at the restaurant he hires some new hot chick and then divorces his wife and Mary is her instead And then they stay married for the rest of their life and he like that's when my Tom can't stop. He's so He's so good Also, what a wild jump is like this chick is doing really good. I'm a starter hotel next door So the He his restaurant's so popular like real fried chicken like actual like southern fried chicken You have to cook in like a cast iron skillet so you can only do like so many pieces at a time and it takes like half an hour So he like perfects how to do it inside of a pressure cooker so he can make mass quantities, but it's still good Because deep frying it just isn't the same I guess so he figures that out and then his fucking restaurant and motel both burn down He rebuilds it they burn down again. He rebuilds it again And then the county rerouts the highway away from his business and puts him under And this is like when he's 65 So he goes out of business 65. He's dead ass broke and He basically goes on the road with his pressure cooker and his secret blend of herbs and spices in the trunk and him and his wife live in their car for three years As he travels the country going to like restaurants that are failing and is like hey I'll teach you how to make this chicken. I'll make the my secret recipe for you for breading and send it to you And you have to pay me four cents for every piece of chicken that you sell And he goes all over the country and in three years. I think he signs up like 400 franchisees No shit, and this is when he's 65 living in his car, which is Right also. I love how motivated Because homeboy 65 I'd be like fuck dude Government from me over. I had a great road then they built this highway thing and you didn't build a killdozer Seems like a missed opportunity frankly, but so we'll see where this We'll see where this goes. Some of the franchises still end up failing even though they have Colonel Sanders chicken So he hires this guy named Dave to go in there and like Simplify the menu like streamline the business show him how to run a proper restaurant and Dave Would look Colonel Sanders pays Dave a bunch of money for like saving like 10 of these franchises So he gives him like a big chunk of money and that guy takes that money to open up his own burger place and names it after his daughter Wendy No shit, I swear to god get the fuck out of here the fuck dude I feel like we all just did like the gay redditor like Avengers crossover So he makes his anime mo and then his daughter named Wendy Yeah, yeah, and we're like Well did the Funko pop stare at Nick So that happened and then uh, that's crazy. They work together. He's thinking that because I'm like Now I know it's like Dave's double whatever Dave like I know this name affiliated with fast food No shit, so that happened and then eventually like some other shit happens He ends up selling the business for two million dollars and a contract to be the like lifetime spokesperson for kfc and This is what year - because he's like in his late 70s. But what year is this like 60 fucking 60 70s somewhere in there? Two millions a fucking like a metric shit ton of money. Yeah two million now was a lot of money two million then is a load so he Basically becomes a spokesperson for kfc and they go public they were like the second restaurant to go public after McDonald's Like it was a big deal so because they went public all they care about is shareholders and like the next profit margins So they started fucking up all of his recipes and it was like a spoken handshake deal You work in altars recipes So like they fucked up his gravy and then they came out with the extra crispy chicken and he was like super pissed about it He was he was known for going into random kfc's trying the gravy and then just Spiking the entire meal on the floor And he's like he he cusses like a sailor he's cussing out the people in the kitchen and shit for fucking up his recipes Apparently all of his radio ad spots were all heavily edited because he couldn't go to sentences without saying mother fucker or god damn like So he's doing that and he talks so much to the press about ruining his gravy and how shitty the new extra crispy Chicken is that they had to sue him to get him to stop And the judge that's overseeing the court cases like I'm sorry the letterhead on the opening of this document is this guy's face and you're suing you're suing That he just like dismisses the court case kfc versus colonel sander is literally the court cases kfc versus colonel sander's This do walking in and spiking fucking gravey's amazing had to wear the white with the bow tie. Hey, you fucking The other day was like that wasn't even related. He says that word. I read And like there was a lot of time spent because there's a like there's a lot of weird like internet conspiracy theories That he was like in the kkk heavily racist and stuff. I'll be honest. That looks just like my grandfather Not healthy or case. Yeah, well, yeah So I read I literally read Two and a half bucks on this guy and a shit ton of articles and like the articles are like he was actually really progressive for his time He was like one of the first dudes it was out there hiring women to run entire establishments and I was like let them have anything Because he wanted to bend them over the pressure cooker Cody obviously. He's still he's a tomcat Brad to his daughter at the age of 83 that he was still getting Are you sure I swear to god what he was bragging that he was still having sex at 83 years old Did he ever say anything about women suffering because they've been suffering for too long We should end their suffrage Dude, he looks just like my papa My papa used to say he's chocolate cheese I feel like he would say that Okay, so this This isn't true. I had to dig and like prove that this wasn't true But there's another podcast that like went over his whole life and in their podcast they kind of buy into There's a lot of internet nests that Colonel Sanders was like a prolific racist like a KKK K member and shit, which isn't true But one of the miss was in his first original restaurant It's a completely fabricated story this isn't real But this other podcast put it out and they're like in 1953 in his first restaurant One of his customers came in and they had a pet crow that could do tricks And it was basically like trained to go around and peck at people shoes until you gave him a penny And he would bring it back to the owner and Colonel Sanders fell in love with it So he bought this crow from the person and Colonel Sanders named him Jim It's like Jim Crow Yeah, we're tracking not true, but I was like Jesus That's not true. No, that's not true at all. He wasn't a prolific racist. It's funny, but Yeah, it's just we it's just weird that like he was like the ideal southern gentleman So like all the men of him being like a prolific racist sprouted up. Well, that's weird It's like that's like it's a funny joke, but like where would that myth come from Just people make their show reality to that you how he look Literally probably how he looks you just make shit up on the internet and flame. It's true. Wait. You can do that. Yes
- Shit. - We got an expert on it right here. I love how Connor looks on me. He doesn't even need to fucking move. - He's like, "Oh, I know the internet." - $22 million in 1960 is $22 million. - $22 million. - Yeah, $22 million is $22 million, yeah. - Yeah. - That shit. - But not a bad-- - That's from, that's retired. You can retire on one hand. - On one hand, it sounds like a lot, like, not enough, 'cause you have like 1100 franchises. So, like, it doesn't sound like enough money for an 1100 franchise business, but apparently, Colonel Sanders was super old school, and it was just like a handshake agreement of like, I kind of know how much chicken you can make with how much secret herbs and spices I'm sending you. You owe me four cents, mail me a check every month. So, he was just getting like 1100 handwritten checks in the mail every month in his office and cashing 'em. - That's it. - I just imagine if he's like four cents less, he's at the back door to the establishment. Flies across the country, and he's just at the back door. Like, I didn't get my four cents today. - He just sends them the news article of him shooting a man. - Yeah, that's me getting a quit. - I didn't even put this part in the video, 'cause I couldn't prove that it was true, but there was one account that he always loved to like play practical jokes on people. And KFC had like a high ranking executive that happened to be a black man, and they would like go to business meetings and stuff together, 'cause he was like the face of KFC still, and at like 85, he would like, as soon as they parked, he would run and get the bags out of the trunk, and he would walk in first in front of the black guy, and he'd check in and be like, "And this is my son, but we don't talk about that." Like, he just, (laughing) - Holy shit, that's, let's be honest. - Yeah. - We would do. - You guys like fried chicken here, my son. - Jesus. - Where did you hear this? Like you couldn't confirm it, but you're like, pretty sure it's true. - I've heard it was in like several articles and it was on another podcast, but it wasn't anything in his autobiography, and then there's another book that was like written by an actual historian that like studied the guy, and there was no mention of it there. And the place, the articles that were written weren't reputable sources, and the podcast that it was in also had several other errors that I could confirm. So like, I can't confirm that that part's true, but it is funny. - It's head cannon for me. - Yeah. - But I think I told that on the podcast at one point, the relationship between, you were talking about the first publicly traded fast food company, I think it was McDonald's. - Yeah, I think so. - The relationship between, got Roy Crock and Walt Disney. - You've told me about this. - Yeah, yeah. - But to the fact that, 'cause there was a relationship, it was, yeah, Ray Crock, sorry, Ray Crock and Walt Disney. 'Cause there was a relationship between McDonald's and Disney world, later on, that was one of the only external fast food restaurants that was allowed to have places in Disney world. Have I not told this story? - I don't know, I thought I did. - This is something, this is an intro. - It was because Ray Crock and Walt Disney were both ambulance drivers in World War I. - Oh, that's cool. - So they were actually, I thought I did. 'Cause I thought I was. - Ernest Timmingway was, I suppose. - Really? - Ernest Hemmingway, Ray Crock and Walt Disney were all ambulance drivers in France in World War I. - My grandmother was as well. - Hemmingway was in Italy. Okay, I know. - Hemmingway was in Italy with the Red Cross. - Okay, so Hemmingway was Italy. So different side of the continent. But. - They were telling my grandfather was too. - Really? - Yeah, he was an ambulance driver in World War I. - No shit. - Yeah. - Oh, I didn't know that. - All right. - Well, Ray Crock after, you know, McDonald's takes off, you know, after he allegedly, you know, we all watched the founder stole this company from somebody else, ended up writing a letter to Walt Disney basically saying, "Hey, I don't know if you remember me, "but we served together in Europe. "I kind of have this company, this little fast food joint, "I see you're doing well. "If you ever want to work together, let me know." And they couldn't put it together when either of them or excuse me when both of them were still alive. But after they had died, there was a relationship formed and they still have the letter that Ray Crock wrote to Walt Disney. - It's who you know. - That kind of like, "Hey, I don't know if you remember me, "but I see we're both doing quite well." - We should look together. - That's a cool story. I love that. Any of that is that old idea and then you're just like, I'm not fucking, we're gonna roll the dice and see how this works, we're gonna start restaurant and then a hotel next to said restaurant. Highways going to open up super far away. I'm gonna just start this, live out of my car and then sell an ingredient. - Oh, also, sorry, I don't have my notes, but going back to the gas station era, after he had his own gas station, he was going around putting up signs again. I guess shooting signs fell out of popularity or something, he was putting up signs or paint and barns or whatever. And he had changed from doing his own signs to just ripping down other people's and painting over theirs now, 'cause this is fucking Colonel's territory. - That's a fucking idea. - There's one account of another gas station owner confronting him to tell him to stop and he pointed a gun at him and said, "Get back in your car." - Where did Colonel come from? - He's a Kentucky Colonel. - All right. - Who else is a Kentucky Colonel at the table? - Harlan Sanders. - Where you got it? - Got it when you actually had to do something as present. - And it's not shooting you. - No, are you not? - No. - Oh. - Do you guys not know that? - My last name isn't prevalent enough on the internet that anybody can just go sign me up. - That's fair. - The governor of Kentucky made me and Brandon Colonel's. - I'm aware. - Wait, what? - Yeah. - Do you not know that name? - So we're on a rare Kentucky Colonel's. - Yeah, so rich. - Yeah, we're Colonel's. - When did this happen? - But so is Kentucky logistics, too. - Yeah. - That makes more sense. - That makes a lot more sense. - Kentucky ballistic. - Andy Berser made me and Brandon Kentucky Colonel's and yeah, and Scott. - Andy, what the fuck? - Yeah. - Us, too. - I'll see if I can make some call. - Thank you. - Thank you. - Dude, it was the weirdest thing getting to my address ever. I opened up this letter and I'm like, "Wait, wait, wait, I have to plan it back for a minute." - Secret blend of herbs and spices, - It's a cycle. - It's a cycle. - It was like from the governor, Andy Berser, you are a Kentucky Colonel and he signed it. And so like me and Brandon are Kentucky colonels. - That was the odd part. I was like, "How the fuck did you find my address?" - Yeah, he did find our addresses. - Yeah. - Oh, you know what I mean? - Oh, this is not something we asked for. - No, no. - It just wasn't even shows up in the mail. - We never asked for this. We just got it and was like, "What the fuck is this?" - I'm just gonna start collecting titles. - I texted Brandon, like, "Brandon, what is this?" He was like, "I got one too." - What's his name, who did this? - Andy Berser, the governor of Kentucky. - The governor of Kentucky. - He's a picture of watching your guys' videos. - I got a lot of them bowls. - They very nice people over there. - Andy Berser. - And he's colonels now. - He's still active. - Yep. - Yeah, that's one of the things I have hung up on my wall behind me when I do my videos as a stranger. - He is the 60th governor of Kentucky been serving since 2019. - It was the most random thing ever. But yeah, I'm a Kentucky colonel. - Right, it is, dude. - It's a military rank. - That's actually, we true in this case. - Not military, but, like, I'm a colonel and only the state of Kentucky. - I'm gonna start airing. - Oh my god. - All right, we're gonna get ready. - I'm gonna start introducing Brandon as colonel. - Final colonel. - I'm too far. - I'm a common world. - You're Kentucky now. The state of Kentucky is not. - Why are you not using this in your congressional campaign? - 'Cause it's Colonel Brandon Herrera. - I love it. - The name is Cronel Brandon. - 'Cause that's Cronel. - Very thin. - Why you have a peep- - It's objectively true. - It is objectively true. You know why we're not using it. - I don't. - It's not gonna stop me from introducing you as colonel to everybody at the Pentagon for now on. - Oh fuck. - How do you think they welcome Mayor Christmas, Brandon? You will now colonel, middle of our recipient. - This is the Purple Heart episode part two. And I don't like it. - I'm gonna get you the colonel rank, but it's gonna be like a fried chicken on the front. - What? - It's dead. - I can tuck you down, colonel. - It's a fried chicken. - It's a full fried bun. - God. - Oh, the internet's gonna have fun with this. - Yeah. - The he is a colonel. - It is true. I do have the paperwork. I should put that up somewhere. I think it's in my spare room right now. - I put it in my Twitter bio. - It just says Kentucky colonel. - Did you really? - Yeah, people were probably like, "Oh, good doggy girl." It's like, "No, Andy Bercher made me a Kentucky colonel." - I'm very proud of it. - I have no idea. - Why are you ranked for the state? - Yeah. - I'm so fucking dope. - So we are Kentucky colonels, dude. - The Kentucky colonel is the highest civilian title of honor bestowed by the governor of Kentucky, recognizing individuals for significant contributions to their community, state, or nation, often for good deeds, leadership, or outstanding service. acting as ambassadors.
of goodwill. It's a lifetime honorary commission, not a military rank, though it originated from military tradition. All I heard was that. Moody, did you know I'm a Kentucky colonel? Okay. How many times has he told you? Yeah. Tell me I'm a colonel. God damn it, Nick. That's very funny. Deep fried colonel. Kentucky fried colonel. I don't have any awards, but I take this one, I like it. How the fuck do I need to know that? Oh my god. We got, we have to get your Sergeant Major for 2026. There's an honorary Sergeant Major, right? I feel like Jon Snow. I don't want it. That's why you deserve it. I don't want it. That will be 2026's goal. And then Brandon, dude, thank you for everything you do. Fuck you guys. Do we have campaign updates? Not on record. All I want for Christmas is a politician I like. You might get it. We'll see. Yeah. I know you're going to say no, but I love that you were just going to win the first place before all the things happen. Can you like just start insider trading like every other politician except literally just admit to it on the internet and then donate the proceeds? Just Saint Jude. So here's the funny part. I, so I already know I'm on the planet would convict you if you did that. Well, I went on record saying that I was never going to like and this, I still stand by this. I will not buy sell trade a single stock while in office. Can you tell me and I'll do it and I'll donate all the money. Here's where you already can. You already can with Nancy Pelosi's stock trading. She just retired. She has retired yet. She's still in office. She's still you can go on to our trades. Yeah. You think she's gonna stop trading? What you know what's funnier than that is that what's better than following Nancy Pelosi's stock trading is inverse Kramer. I have seen that. Yeah, we're Jim Kramer, like you know, mad money guy is so bad at predicting everything in the stock market. You just do the opposite of whatever he recommends. It's actually doing better than insider trading from Nancy Pelosi. How does he react to that? That he is the stock guy or financial guy and it's been proven to just do the opposite and you're going to be what are you talking about the meme guy? Like, yep. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I seen like there's different quotes where they're like, dude, the world's not going to end next year and everybody's like fuck. It's fine, guys. You guys are acting like the sun's gonna come up tomorrow. You know, shit boys. We're dead. We're in trouble. We're dead. That's just funny that like being that wrong can actually be more financially beneficial than, you know, literal insider trading. And that's your profession, which is fucking wild. What are your updates though for your race? You have, we got a couple of people came out to woodwork. We'll see. Things are a little too early. At time we're recording. We don't even know who's in the race, frankly. We know there's a couple of people that might have jumped in. Other people that again want Tony out. So hopefully that that's a useful collaboration. But the actual primary is on March 3rd. So right now it's just we're in fundraising mode. We're talking to people in the district and we're trying to just get the message out like, hey man, this is what your congressman has done. This is what he is doing. And this is why he needs to be replaced. And so that's the message we're hitting really, really strong. And then if we end up going to a runoff, which I will say now we don't know exactly. We don't even know who's in the race right now. The deadline's already the filing deadline to be on the ballot's already passed. But they're still doing the paperwork. So we don't know who's exactly on the ballot yet. When we do know that, we'll see, but right now it's John Cena. Oh, literally couldn't possibly happen. That would suck. You might lose that. Honestly, then you just give up on that man. That would be the funniest thing that could happen. Well, you saw the Shamwow promise. We could commit night. And then it's just over. You like me and you were in his campaign finance office. And we're just like, dude, really? Well, you saw the Shamwow guy jumped in and I think it was Texas District 35. If I'm mistaken, Shamwow. The Shamwow. I'm dead serious. The slap chop. What if what a build just comes out of that? God damn it, dude. Matt Kerrcker has a chance to do the funniest thing right now. He missed the opportunity to do the funniest thing. We don't know if he signed up or not. That's fair. I do know he's in District 21. But the, yeah, it's crazy. Shut up. Please friends. No, I have my back right now. I've done this for too long. I know my friends don't have my back on this one. They have an interest in mind that it is not my best. They attack Tony because funny. Yeah, which hair it off. Everything's a meme. That's been my running joke, though. It's like my opponent right now is doing a really good job of running against himself. So whenever he's done with that, I'll play winner. I'd never thought about it. Anyone else in your shoes with friends like that posting and doing that would be absolutely fucking terrified. I'd be like just some zoo and Colonel Sanders was killed. That Oh, man. So none of us knew what you were referencing there for a moment. And then we all put it together at the same time. My God. So campaign update. That's how it's going. I think we'll pull it off this time though. I think you have a good habit. I gotta go do unsub in DC now. That was funny the other day because we were there for the the army Christmas party. You just text me like, Hey, man, this is going on X Y and Z. And we all share locations because we're you know, gay like that. And he's like, by the way, I could get used to this and just sends me a screenshot of Brandon Herrera Washington DC. It's going to happen. Cody, can you read that in Colonel Sanders voice? And Raiden and Blunder and be like fire and in mobility like a mountain. I love how obvious most of sun zoos shit is, by the way, in rating and plundering be like fire and in movability be like a mountain. The fuck am I supposed to garner from that? So when you are sneaky be silent. Energy may be lacking to the bending of a crossbow decision to the release of the trigger. What what I like to think that he was dealing with people who had like fucking 30 IQ back in the day. So that sounded monumental to the people that he was talking to when you kill kill your enemy when the sleep in it's like, yeah, they're sleeping dude. When you are being stiff, be stern. Yeah. I'll have a number seven with cheese. Dude, you're not joking. The the next one. It is more important to outthink your enemy than to outfire him. Holy shit, we have at least smarter than our enemy. Dude, I'm telling you, the art of war is like the lamest read ever. Like, maybe try to attack the enemy when the sun's at your back so the sun's in their eyes. Fucking mind blown. God damn it. If you think they will beat your ass, don't let them. Sun zoos. That's all it is too. Yeah, stop making quotes. I never said sun zoo. Joe Mama, now just this with right and quotes on it. My favorite is the technically correct one. You're like, this is technically a sun zoo quote. All warfare is based. This is just nothing but this. To them dirty in front of they die. Sun zoo, the art of war. Joe Mama, how did you get on this side of Google images? I don't know. Just keep floating. I just love the 30 IQ peasant. He's like, kill your enemies and they're like, oh, oh shit. Yeah. Flank them and spank them. Sun zoo. Sun zoo. When they fire at your head, duck. The art of war. My God. MacGee's us. Okay, we have that. Cody, what are you doing for Christmas? My brother? Christmas. Yeah. I'm hanging out with you boys, bro.
Charlie, we had the Thanksgiving, we did the friends given. - That was good. - And I feel like we just built a good family here to hang out with each other. - Yeah, all of our friends came over. - I'm not moving here. It's never gonna happen. Brandy, can I have your white claw? - Yes, I figured you didn't touch it. - We're in the giving spirit here. - Thank you, Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas. - She, I don't know, man. Are you just hanging out? - I don't think we gotta up and come and let him cook. We're gonna film on the 18th or 17th, I believe, Jake said, how's your shit doing, man? How's a dog again, ready for say hello? - Say hi, I like say hello. - Say hello. - That's the formal episode. - I know, that's what I'm wearing. - Say hello to Elijah. - Soot. - Noah. (laughing) - There's a lot of guys, what the fuck is this? - Salutations, to Elijah. - No, just, I mean, y'all fucking doing the same thing. It's just Christmas shopping for your kiddos at this point, you're like, nope. - Also, I love the show episode. - She was so nervous. - I didn't know you did two shots. - Hold on, you started that episode, by the way. - You quickly figured it out. - I didn't, it was until afterwards. I was like, oh, she's super relaxed right now. This is fucking great, she's killing it, killing it. And then everyone's like, yeah, she did two shots before. Oh no, it was your vlog. - She had quite a lot to say about the gypsies though. (laughing) - Also, can we talk about the voicemail? - The what, no. - The voicemail. - Oh, you weren't here for this. - So, if I call you and you don't have an actual voicemail. - Oh, that's right, no, yeah. - So everyone out there, if you didn't set up a voicemail, it's just going to be like. - A robot. - This phone number is not available. Please leave a message after the tone. - Beep. - I call a show yesterday for something life shows whatever and doesn't get answered. And then it goes to the for the robot. - A robot. - But it's an Irish robot voice. - And you've had that is your American phone number, which is more wild. - I have no idea why, I'm sorry. - It seems a little racially charged, frankly. You all of us have just normal, and you didn't know it. You had no idea. So it's like, hey, your voicemail robots Irish. And she's like, what? Did you choose that? She's like, what are you talking about? I was like, okay, well, you have an Irish robot talking for your voicemail. We had no idea that was a whole last thing. And then we got on, you ever heard it? - No. - Call show. - Call show. - All right, show I'm calling you right now. - Which also, what's your provider? - AT&T, you could do some really dope stuff with accents. - Yeah, you could call SunZoo and get some wild shit. - Hey, he's not here right now, answer later. - Your call has been forwarded to voicemail. The person you're trying to reach is not available. - At the toe, please record your message. When you have finished recording, you may hang up. - Hang up, hang up. - You got Friday from Iron Man. - That is an American phone number, by the way. - How does it know that? - All right. Who's gonna call their black friend? - I'm not saying I'm going chocolate right now. - Darnl.d.exe. - He's not available. - Yeah, he's that. (laughing) - I made that joke earlier. We were just around about DMX and you're like, "Oh, old Earl." 'Cause I forgot you arrested that motherfucker. - Repeatedly. - Yeah, apparently it was like a recurring bit in your town. - Yeah, old Earl. He fucking didn't have a driver's license. He was like a solver, and died person. You know, he has like 16 kids in Spartanburg. Explains why he was there so much. - He eventually ended up there, he ended his life 'cause he couldn't pay all his child support for his 16 kids. - He ended his life? - Oh no, no, he eventually died there. - Oh, I didn't know if he was on hand. - He was a piece of shit. I don't remember how he died. But like the sheriff's department kept pulling him over. And that was always on those calls. And it's like, "Oh, it's a roll again. "Oh, it's a roll." - Like, yeah. - Yeah. - In a book. - Yeah. - So that's just one that he had. Like, he had, like, he had quite a, like a prolific, like Hollywood career there. Like with a jet. - General to the grave? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cradle to the grave, all that stuff. - It's what you're saying is that when he said ex-gun give it to you, he wasn't talking about child support. - No. - He was like, the brain and joke. (laughing) - It was right there. - You guys don't give it to you, no. - Yeah, he was, oh boy. (laughing) - Nobody else was taking it, all right? If I was watching this podcast, I'd be screaming it through the phone. - That Santa has baggy as fuck on your head. (laughing) - Where the fuck did this start? - No, he came over to your fucking house. - And I put on his tiny towel and that's right. - It was for the darlin' of course. - It was seven and three eight inches. - Why is it like a normal human head size? - Yours is not seven or eights. - Yes, it is. Merry Christmas everyone. Merry Christmas. Nobody's brought up Christmas this entire episode. It was his snooze fest. - We'll sleep over there. - Everyone is so Merry Christmas. - No, they're just waking up just now for me 'cause I'm here. Merry Christmas. - Fuck you, you fat head. I just picture him walking, it's like dark helmet. It's space balls. (laughing) - I toss a normal hat and it lands off. - I did, it's like the mattress. - I did do this thing, I was staying at Brandon's house and he was out of town for like a couple days and he had a felt hat sitting on his kitchen counter and I was like, is my head really that small? And I picked it up and I put it on and it was like, I felt like a toddler and I was like, God, damn it, Nick's right, I got a baby ass head. You were like a kid, we're in the little plastic firefighter. - Yeah, I was like, Nick, we got to measure cocks in the bathroom right now 'cause I'm working with a meat brother. I am carrying some heat. It is both long and girthy. I've been told it feels great. My head is small but my other head is reasonably sized and it touches that spot that they all like, you know what I'm saying? Sorry, I'm not gonna say that. - Is everybody's wife, Nick? - You just said the inward. - Let's cut that. - Oh, I didn't. - I'm not, Nick. - Nick, I have- - Oh, I'm saying Nick. - We're in the right fist once. - No, you said Nick. - I'm, but you cut yourself all you said, Nick, I'm, and I heard something else. I apologize. - We're the assholes. Cody was like, I didn't it. So I'm, wow, my first time hearing my friends say the inward. - I apologize for that accusation. That's what I heard out of my left ear. - We all did. - Anyways. - So about the Mets. - Good. - I'm glad I wanted the argument that you have a tiny head. I'm glad that settled. It's behind us now. - No, I have a normal sized human head. I stand by my statement. On the back, it flipped your hat around. You fat-headed fuck. - Yeah, look, three-class holding on for dear life. - Three. - No, that's a half way up the fucking, you should be able to fill all those in. - That's normal. - You should be able to fill all of them in. How many of the fuck was you got on your belt, Connor? Is it one? 'Cause it's not one. - We can't talk about this appellation conversation 'cause it's gonna make it worse. - Everyone knows that I'm tiny. (laughing) 'Cause I'm one of the last loop. You had to make new loops on this screwdriver. - I had to do that with a leather punch before. - I know. - Everybody's gonna think I'm fucking five foot zero when I weigh zero pounds. And I'm about to disintegrate into dust. - If you put on Nick's half way up in it. - He's actually six foot two and weighs zero pounds. And he's gonna disintegrate into dust. - Nick put the Connor. - It's gonna look far. We all know exactly where this is going. - Yeah, no. Tilt your head forward to the camera to show him how much hair you fucking got. - I just like this fucking cushion right here. - Are we talking about the-- - You can take a jab and then a brow. - You can take the (beep) (laughing) - Spin it Cody. - Yeah dude. - Just hit it real quick. - Hit that problem. (laughing) - Bear up. - I have a living here. - Can I move in here for a fuckin' hat? - Me and my family of four are about to live in here. - If I go to the grocery store and buy the largest water mill in the air, I know what the fuck you're gonna do. (laughing) - And then everybody online is like, new, new, there's no, three buttons. - Okay, make it feel your head real quick. - Yeah, make it feel your head. - Let me go, okay. - Let me go to show you right now. - Watch the top of the cutout strain because it's never been that small before. - Yeah, no. - We go normal.
human head size. That's what we do. Yeah, all the way adjusted to the very fucking edge. Yeah, and then if it's fine, can put two fingers under your hat. What is not a dog collar? I think the point is it's still baggy on your head. No, it's not. I can't fit two fingers up on it. There's two fingers on it. That's what man. That's definitely. So not that I can't fit. You guys are gay. You're not my friend anymore. This is the gayest argument we've ever had. You. Merry Christmas. Fucking polish it. I'm just feeling attached. How's Iowa? That's great. That's great. Yeah, we had a whole new guy freeze to death last week. Well, yeah. Yeah. Well, he just. It happens. Yeah, in his driveway. Refused to let him in the house. No, it's fairgrounds. I don't know the basement. Why would you just the idea of being homeless in your area? I mean, I don't know the context of this individual. I mean, there are homeless shelters in my town, but the homeless shelters are very much like you're allowed to be here at night between these hours and these hours and during the day you need to go out and look for a job or be like volunteering or doing something with your life other than being homeless and some homeless people refuse to do that and would rather live outside or rather die outside. And sometimes that's what happens. Wait, pause. Have we talked about the fucking gang tattoos we all have as we sit together? Yeah. I think we have. Thanks. Have you pointed out yours? I've not seen. This is the first time. This is the first time gang tattoos. It sounds Nazi tattoos. What gay tattoos? What? Merry Christmas, everyone. Merry Christmas. We call it the gang. We call it the only dog gang. Not gang. I don't know. Gang, gang. Have we talked about that? I feel like we, yeah. I mean, we've. We all got matching tattoos because we're super gay. Yeah, the ancient. That's the whole story. I just never seen yours until now. Yeah. Yeah, really? Yeah, I didn't know he had that in there. You didn't get it. I have one session left on my back piece and it's like just love handles and I'm gonna die. It's the worst spot I've ever had. What was the worst spot you've ever been to? Love handles. That was fucking miserable. It doesn't, you don't think it is? Like, I've had my knee caps done. Lower back. Have you reckon it would be in the inside of joints? No, it sucks. That sucks. It's not as bad as your love handles. This area of fuck off, dude. It's horrible. Like, especially when it's like gigantic fucking liners and I have to. Why do you think I'm not colored down there? Well, I have to finish. Well, you're brown down there. What a way with words Eli has. That's what I do. Also, I don't think I've. I think I've seen your back piece once. Oh, it's just like, I'd never. I don't know what I've ever seen that done the whole thing up. I was like, "Oh, shit." Like, the lining is like, that's a thick line by all standards of tattoos. Now, you compared that to any of those giant fucks. And that's not colored. The upper back colored fucking wretched. And then they're like, "Okay, you have two fucking Americans now." So that's a color filled. You have two. You have 16 hours left on the that portion. Just let me know when you want to come back. I'm like, "You have 16 hours left left." His tattoo is. His tattoo is said, "Let me know when you want to come back." I've had like 40 hours of tattoo. I've had like 40 hours in the last three months on my back, and I still have more to go. Dude, it just sucks. How does love handles? It's horrible. It's the worst. It's the worst by far. There's no getting comfortable. There's no. You're just like this. It starts. Oh, my God. The entire time. And it's eight hours. I don't know. I cried a lot when I got my cock. Show it. Show your cock. Yeah, my cock goes halfway down my. My cock goes halfway down my thigh. Now Cody, show him your cock. You show that to camera. I'll move that. Your hand. Oh, it's in the way. Yeah. Oh, fuck. He's got a chicken tattoo. Get it. His cock goes halfway down his thigh. There you go. That was your very first tattoo. Yeah, I might have been mildly intoxicated. Florida and decided to get a cock tattoo on my thigh. What? It was so painful. I was crying the entire time. I believe that. I know you were talking about your love handles and all that. I don't have love handles. I believe that too. I have a normal hairline and a normal human size head. You're so very early in right now. Put this on top of your head so we can call you nail. Skinny-ass bitch. I couldn't even maintain the bitch. No, I just love the cock so much. That's why I decided to get that. We love you all. Merry Christmas. But we all got the gang tattoos. Can I say that, Braden? Yeah, that's fine. The gang is fine. You still have how many hours you said on just a thing? Yeah, when are you going to finish it? Fucking. I'm going to finish my back piece before you. I have already looked into this. It is anesthesiologist to go under. Oh my god. You're going to just fucking to get color on your tattoos. Brother and Christ. Nick, you don't have a black and white. Black still feels way better. Nick, how many color tattoos do you have? Oh, you have run that by me one more time. Say that again just the way you said it. Black feels way better. Yep, been colored. I don't know. My grandpa used both those words. Really in the grocery store. My mom. I don't know Thanksgiving was why colored and curts more than black ink. I'm going to be honest with you. Do you have a single? No, but I will go get one just to call you a fucking liar. Oh, please, this will be a fun one like this on the record. Can you do half your love handles do one side with some color in it and then do the other with whatever you want to know or match now. Just get like one on right there like on your cheek. I'll do I'll do with some white and then I'll just go over it and black after the fact. But you know, you actually do white ink. Yeah. And it's not going to feel any different. Why would it feel different? Give me a hint of remotely scientific. I don't feel different. I will 100% bet everything you are going to hate fucking life. You know why? Because I have tattoos with white ink colored and then this. I will feel like some superstitious shenanigans. Okay. Half on with white ink. Yeah. Why? They have to pack the you go. Okay. Without me doing anything. You already are signing up for this. Google how much a fuck sucks. I'm not down. Not you. Not you. Not you. Nick's going to have a terrible time on his love handles with white ink. I have to use multiple needles to put a shit load more ink in there because he doesn't stay around as no. No, you are you are going over the same spot multiple times just to pack the you do that was saturated black though. And then how how easy do you think saturated black sticks compared to white ink in the skin. I'm going to assure you. Google it. It fucking sucks. You are doing 21 shaders 21 line eaters and you're just packing it like see multiple runs. See that makes sense. Yeah. And now I was just wondering what the reason was. Why would color hurt more than black? It's not one or two. It is like five times and you're just going over raw skin and over. You do that for saturated black though. No because in bleep his name. What hurts more saturated black and she said the black was fine the red hurt and the white fucking hurt. I asked Chad GPD what hurts more colored ink or saturated black for tattoos. Short answer saturated black usually hurts more than colored ink. Why saturated black means the artist is packing in a lot of ink in the same spot often going over it multiple times to get deeper solid more black more passes equals more trauma. I can show you your AI overview too. This says the exact opposite. Yes. Why he sucks the worst. I can do this all day long. This is all just Google AI versus Google AI. This is Eli AI with my goddamn body with colored and white. I'm telling you from somebody who had black red and white tattoos. They said black was fine red hurt and white hurt really fucking bad. Interesting. That is the only reason I am not going back why the black is done and none of the colored is done because it fucking sucks. The second they have to just go okay. Sorry it's not holding it. Oh it's real okay it's vibrant now. I mean you get color on your tattoos. Yeah wait on this. What hurt more? No fucking. Is it mine? No opinion? No. No whatsoever. The same.
- No, fuck off. - There's silly billies here. I just want you to do that and record it and back. Oh, okay. - Be like what times are flying tomorrow, brother? - Really early. Actually, that's fucking the mark code. If you want to close this out, we'll do a quick 10 minute Christmas after showing. - You're my hat back. - Oh, there it is. - Zip on my table, back. - Let me stretch it back out. - You could have chosen a lot of ways to get off camera. - I see some markets over there. - Robert. - You know, why am I here? Cody. - Close this out. - Merry Christmas, fuckos. - Bye, everyone. Thank you for coming to the unsubscribe Christmas special podcast. I'm joined in by Eli Double-Depth. - Nick Fattlett, Trishin. Brandon, my self-donut operator. We love you. - Merry Christmas. - I know everybody's got a lot of stuff going on this Christmas season, but be sure to call your friends. Check in on your friends. Make sure they're doing good. And if they don't have anything going on, invite 'em over. It's a good opportunity, I think. - Call your friends. Make sure your kids aren't being fat and annoying at the sled hill. Shit pisses me off. Make sure your friends don't end runnin' didn't nick. - Make sure your friends are being good parents to their kids. Please, I love you. Kisses. (upbeat music) ♪ You won't love me ♪ ♪ You won't love me ♪ ♪ You won't love me ♪ ♪ Will you feel okay ♪ ♪ You won't love me ♪ ♪ You won't love me ♪
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