The Hunting Wives ask Handsome questions... LIVE!

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With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time. Squarespace makes it easy. So easy, we even made a Handsome website, ourself, in less than 20 minutes. So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today at squarespace.com/hansome for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use offer code "Hansome" to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a few days later. What's up you guys? What's the Handsome Pods live show for the Netflix is a Joe Comedy Festival? Wow. Yeah. I apologize. I forgot to stand up here and wave for a little bit, and I was just. You went straight down. Yep. I saw my seat. We were. And I went for it. You guys. This sexy couch we have behind us. Very nice. Yes. Oh man. We're going to talk a lot on that couch. We're going to talk a lot. We have some beautiful whiskey here. We have whiskey in what looks like a wine decanter. Yeah. I've never seen this before. Yeah. Is that not supposed to be there? Uh, no. I've never seen whiskey in a kind of globule. We're fancy. That what you call a globule? What did you call it? Is that a globule? Is that a globule? Would you call that show? Is it a globule? This is a globule. Yeah. I feel like May is smarter than me, for sure. Because I said globule? For sure. Yeah. I've never heard that word. I feel like if you said it, I'd have to say fortune Marie, because it would have some sexual in here in the. Well, I feel like if I heard globule come out of your mouth, that would be like, that's definitely sexual. That's right. But also out of your mouth, too. Well, I have to say, I don't think it's a real word. I think. I can guarantee you it's not a real word. This is where I say, "I'm not as smart as you guys." Speaking of globules. Yeah. I was just snacking on a Shirkudri board. Yeah. And, uh, yeah. You guys. No, I love that. Pull a pocket. A cheese in there. Yeah. And, um. Keep in mind. Yes. Not all of the people here. Listen to our positive. Oh, that's true. Give us a cheer if you are here to see our amazing guests from the Hunting Wives. Yeah. Okay. Yes. Because when we arrived at the venue, there was a group of screaming teenage girls, and we were like, "Hey, yeah." And they were like, "Who are you?" Okay. Let's hear who's here to see Hanson. Oh, there we go. Okay. Alright. Alright. They know about choosing your partner. Who's here to see both? Yeah. Now, back to your Shirkudri. Oh, I was just going to remind everyone that you can't say the word Shirkudri without the word. Kudri, that's right. If you learn nothing tonight, you'll remember that. And that's the kind of show we're about to have, y'all. Tonight is about learning. Yes. Yeah. Globbule. This is our first time at the Wilt turn as a pod. This is exciting. Yes. Yes. Till you wore your fanciest of outfits for this occasion. What about-- They did have it on a phantom of the opera t-shirt. I changed. I-- because I saw how beautiful Molly and Brittany look. I thought-- Molly and Brittany look amazing. I can't be wearing a--like a crumpled phantom of the opera shirt. Have you guys want to know how gay this show is? Yes. Right before we came out here, we were petting kittens. The ASPCA brought them to promote fostering kittens. So-- You got to foster kittens, guys. You got to-- You guys, you have to. There was one that fell asleep. There's a kitten for everyone when you leave. There was a kitten that fell asleep on May's chest. It was heaven, a tiny little black kitten. And it was doing like the long blinks. And then it slowly fell asleep. Oh, man. Fell asleep when you're a honey love bra. Right on my honey love bra. We share one. We pass our-- Yeah, I take it in my share one, bra. Yeah. Yeah. And we keep it in the dumpster with my tits. Yeah. Is that where you keep all tip-related paraphernalia? Well, that's all that's in there. There's a couple that saw it off tits and honey. And honey love. I was going to say honey nut bra, but that's cereal. The people here for the hunting wives are like, what? What is happening? I mean-- Yeah, but if you watch the hunting wives, this is fine, right? Sure. A lot of tits and there are tits and not sure. I was a big fan. Yeah. That's right. Fortune Marie. Come on. I like a Texas woman that starts scissoring. The boy do have a lot of questions. Oh, my god. When Molly and Brittany come out here. I feel like an awkward teen-- like an embarrassed teenager. Like, ah, guys, wait a minute. Let's be careful with our questions. That feels like more of an awkward parent or grandparents. Oh, yeah, that's true. I don't know if you guys knew this, but our little cowboy just had a birthday. Yes. Happy birthday, Mae. Are you 40? No, I'm 39. How dare you? I'm sorry. Yeah, how dare you? No. How dare you? How dare you? I'm going to have a full breakdown when I turn 40, I think. I'm more than halfway to 100. That's wild. Yeah. And you're old enough to go in a retirement home. Is that right? Take us old enough to get a free soda at Bass Food Resort. Yeah. I think it's because I've over-identified with like Peter Pan. Yeah, and yeah. At some point, Peter Pan does turn 40. I know. He turns into Robin Williams. Yeah. Did you find when you guys turned 40 people like your colleagues respected you more? I don't remember. I don't remember that far back. What about you? I'm trying to think who my colleagues were when I was 40. Yeah, I don't know if I've had colleagues. I did hope that when I turned 40, my colleagues would respect me. Do you say colleague or is that-- That's a main thing. Yeah, that's a main thing. That's not a main term. Colleagues-- Yeah, I've never heard that word until you said it. Wait. What do you mean? Nobody's word of colleagues. What is this word? Two and it's one. Are you pranking me? Never heard of colleagues. Never-- Is this a prank? Oh, my God. Also, by the way, is this an episode of Between Three Furns? Yeah, that's what it feels like. Yeah. I did on my birthday-- All right, right. Happy birthday to you. This is what we want. Happy birthday to you, man. Oh, yes. Thank you so much. And now we have a stripper. Oh, my God. Hunting wives. We have Magic Mike, all come out. Oh, my God. A Magic Mike situation would be amazing. Well, I really want to take a Magic Mike dancing. in class. Oh, yeah. I want to do magic, Mike. Yeah, grab us in the chair and, you know, yeah, I want, I want wedged in. I would love for them to pick me up in this chair. I'm like, you may up on that couch. I know. You know, in the, I've heard that at the live Vegas show, they put girls on the piano and like act like they're, you know, right? Some more way. Yep. Best night of my life. What do you mean you heard? Like, who are you talking to? I can't imagine magic, Mike, chat room. You're on the Reddit threads. I cannot live for their chat rooms. I truly cannot imagine ever ending up in a magic mic conversation. Okay, it would be amazing. I believe it was Nikki Glazer who told me. Oh, okay. Yeah, that makes that totally checks out. But even for her, she's like, whoa, this is a lot. Really? Yeah. And how do you think we would respond? I would pay a large amount of money to see both of you put on a piano. Well, the move that I would want to do is let's see it. I just want to see it. May people pay good money for this. Well, okay, if you're the, if you're the pretty little lady, I'm the pretty little lady. Who am I? Who? Wait. I don't think this is going to be worth it. You're the pretty little worth it. Let's see it. Set up is the best part. Okay. Wait, and now what? You do the, we want a gyrate or something. Okay, now pop that pop. Oh, yeah, yes, there we go. That's it. That was worth me moving those glasses. It didn't turn out how I hoped at all. In my mind, I was going to be like roll it like. Yeah, I thought, I thought I was going to get butt in my face. I thought you were too. And then it was really hard. Well, hey, listen, I can't do a plank. So I was thrilled with my roll in that. You did great. Yeah, I've never seen the wheelbarrow happen in person. It was the wheelbarrow. Yeah. Do the wheelbarrow. That's a little wheelbarrow. Is it barrel or barrel? Oh, yeah, barrel or barrel. You just say it real fast. Which one is it? Barrel. Barrel. Barrel. Barrel. Barrel. It's barrel. What is happening? What is it? I'm only trusting this guy right here. Barrel. Barrel. I'm only trusting the one guy in the room. It's this one man. Am I wrong? I believe, I believe this man right here. Wait, I think in some states it's wheelbarrow. Wheelbarrow. What is it? Okay, cheer if you think it's barrel with the w. If you think it's so embarrassing, cheer if you think it's barrel with an L. Thank you. Why are you going to leave me down that road? Sir. Okay. Okay. I believe all women. I dated somebody that said Chester drawers. That's good. I know that. Wait, that would be my magic. That would be my magic. It was Chester drawers. Good. I think Chester drawers would be my magic, my name. Like, yeah, Chester drawers. That's a good magic, my name. But can we Google and find out if it's barrel, barrel? Wait, I believe the R. I mean, it's told us. Barrel. What is it? It's barrel with Ls. Thank God. Two Ls. I hope you guys go tell everyone how amazing this show was. What is it? Oh, now I need it from your lips to God. Why is this so hard? It's wheeled barrel with a doubly. Oh, so you were right, sir. Oh, damn it. He was right after all. Turns out Maze the Dumb Dumb. I mean, now I'm never going to get a lot of people scream for the barrel. I know, and now I'm never going to get my call in order to respect forever. Change. Guys, I did have my birthday. Right. And you're not 40. Are you guys? I did have a birthday. I'm 39. Tells what you did. Well, I went, so you were away fishing. I was. As I often do. You I knew it would not be interested, but I did invite Stephanie. Yes. Well, just because I knew this would be your idea. Oh, listen, I don't take any offense when my wife is invited to a small gathering that I'm not invited to. No, wait, I swear I invited both of you actually. I know. I said no. Okay, yes. You said, I can't. You're invited to the outings for colleagues. I think I recall saying no, thank you. Yes. Yeah. Oh, that was polite. So I ended up doing laser tag and I was so excited and I booked private book set. And then when I showed up, I was like, oh my god, this place is actually for toddlers. Like everyone was five. And I had a little private birthday room with balloons and little plates. And they'd ordered pizza and five is in a toddler, but go on. You're right. Like what is five infants? Five is a, yeah. Five is not infants. It's five and infant. What's five? What is happening? It's five. Somebody, somebody Google it, please. It's five. A globule. What is five? But also, why isn't it a wheelbarrow? Oh, yeah. Thank you. Because we can talk about that later. Okay, but the big news of the birthday was, guess who did come? Mr. Thomas. Yes. The producer of the Hanson pod. And if you listen to the pod or you know, Thomas is a sweet gentle soul, wrong. Thomas dominated one both rounds of laser tag. He was like, he was like crawling along the ground base. Canadian killer. It was wild. And he kept getting me. And you know, you're your best. No, you know, your laser best powers down for about five seconds. Yes. And then he would hide around the corner and just get me again. It was wild. Anyway, I saw a double get. Double get. I saw another side of him. Yeah. So wait, when you get got, when you get got, your best powers down. Yeah, you're out of action for about five seconds. Why? Punishment? Somebody Google it. No more googling. Is that the name of our podcast now? Google it. That sounds fun though. It was fun. Thanks. Yeah, I did cry once. Why? Why? Oh, well, laser tag. It's because it's May's birthday and they can cry if they want to. Yeah, that kind of, I don't know if kind of for no reason. I got a little, a little emo. But wait, why? That's literally what I just had. I know. But remember how wheelbarrow hit me later? That just happened. So tell us, why? I think because on birthdays, you're like, I hope that people know me, you know, like my, my friends and loved ones really know me. And then, I don't know. I don't know. I just get overwhelmed. And then I got three texts from ex-girlfriends and all three of them said, have you cried yet? And I was like, oh, this is a great tradition. Yeah, which I didn't realize, but I guess I do, one of them was like, how are the vibes? Funereal? Funereal. Yeah, so I guess I do get emo in my birthday. I didn't know that about myself. But listen, you've been fishing. Yes. This weekend, fortune went fishing. I did go fishing this weekend because I'm butch. Yeah. Yeah. My brother's been asking me to go fishing for years. When's the last time you were fishing? 20 years ago. Wow. Today? Yeah, today's the anniversary. Wow. 20 years ago. I went on a cruise in Alaska. Okay. And as you wait with your brother? No, this was with my family, my friends family. 20 years ago. 20 years ago. Okay. And as one of the excursions, we went fly fishing. And it was fun. But I haven't been since and my brother's a big fisherman. And so I decided to go to the great city of Buffalo, a by and eye. Buffalo is a great city. The wings are not, you know, these, but the wings are pretty great. Okay, but it's a very progressive city. Oh, I, oh, they're delicious. Did you, I know you were really worried about the worms. I didn't want to bait my hook. Yeah, because I am a pretty lady. Yeah. As well as butch. Yeah. Yeah. You knew that. Yeah, I said do. But I didn't want to bait my hook, because you, um, and what else? I, uh, I didn't want to touch the fish. Wait. Wow. So you went fishing. It's a, what part did you do? You held the rod. Well, that's, and so what about How would you took the fish off the hook? Or did you clean the fish? - No, it was catch and release. We put them back. - Okay. - That's good. - Well that's, I don't know, you don't love it, but you know, it's fine, everybody was fine. But you know, I felt like I was really good at fishing because for years I've been doing that dance move where you go, oh my God, it paid off. - You paid off. That's great. - What is that? I know, I just saw it, but what is that from? - I've been catching it and that you do it, you know it. - Then you hung. - When did that happen? - On the dance floor. - But wait a minute, to look like a stranger. - Oh okay, it can be, there are no rules. - And how long has that dance been, is that like-- - From the beginning of time, Jesus' days. (audience laughs) - Is that true? - You know when he-- - No. - This is a curve ball about my personality. I don't go to dance clubs. So I don't know about the fish hook. - You've never seen that, ever? - No. - Not. - I gotta say, I don't know if I've seen it in person. I've seen it in like well-ferral movies. (audience laughs) But what you're in, a lot of, so. - Yeah, I'm in a couple though, yeah. And so do you do the fish hook dance? - What is it called? - Sure, we'll call it the fish hook dance. - But it didn't have a-- - Do you guys know if it has a name? - Reeling it in? - Reeling it in. - That sounds about right? - It'd be good if you did it, and then the person you got like mimed, like really committed to being a dead fish flopping around. - Panicking. (audience cheers) - Well then you walk away. - Do that now. (laughs) - I feel like I've done a lot of physical comedy tonight. (audience cheers) - I'll reel you in. - I don't wanna flop around, this is me. - Oh. I'm a very inhibitor. - You have great glutes, you got this. (audience laughs) - Oh, thank you. - May jumps a great glutes. (audience laughs) - Oh well. - Okay. - All that. - Okay. - Fuzzy carpet did get on you. - One more time, but not behind the monitor. - We do need a lit roller now. - I really regret it. - We do need a lit roller. - I really committed and it wasn't working on you. - I got you. - Thanks, bud. ♪ That's what friends are for ♪ ♪ In good times ♪ ♪ In bad times ♪ ♪ I'll be on your side forever ♪ ♪ That's what friends are for ♪ - That's what friends are for. - I guess what may. - I know you. - Oh my God, I feel seen and understood. I can't believe I said that about my friends knowing me. That was a weird thing to say. - Oh my God, I didn't even get it. - Why you said that? - Oh, so, there was an amazing callback that five people thought was so insightful. - I was like, okay. - Well. - It was my cry because-- - No, no, I get it now. - Is anyone know me? - I don't know, okay, I don't really know if that's why I cry. I think it's, like, New Year's Eve, like your pressure, yeah, I start bawling. - Well, 'cause you kind of take stock of your year and your life and it's like a forced kind of-- - And how is your year? - Great. - It was great. - Yeah, it was great. - That was seven. - Have you guys had a good year? (audience cheering) Okay, that's not great. It's getting, it's gonna get better. - Yeah. - When does that happen? - Yeah. In two months. - Really? - Two months. - Well, I, astrologically, 'cause I'm a Taurus, I'm entering, like, a very good period for seven years. - Yeah, you know you've heard about this? - No. (audience laughing) - I vexed it in your brain, or something. - Take one of the talk about "Horror's Go." - Oh my God, you've heard about this. It's like you don't know me. - I know, you're right, you're right. - Wow. - I do, I do. - Do you? - I think so, test me. - You think I know the fish dance and what Tauruses do? - The fish dance surprised me that you'd never heard of it. But I accept that you don't know about. - What was the other dance in the beginning of our podcast that I didn't know? - Oh, the slide. - The boogie wogie. - Oh, the electric slide. - The electric slide, yeah. - Did you also not know it or just didn't know it? - They both of them don't know what the electric slide is. (audience laughing) - No, I know. - You guys need to go back and hear the early episode. - Yeah, but can't feel it. - It's a legit boogie wogie wogie wogie. - I know it now. I know this song. I don't know the dance. But anyway, so they also don't know the wobble that song. - Okay, tonight I'm gonna go out to a dance club after the show. - Let's go out. - Let's go out now. - No, I'm going alone. You're going alone. - I'm gonna go alone to walk down to the middle of a dance floor. - You can't do that. - And I'm just gonna cast my line. - Just see how you get. - Yeah. - That would be a fun, like hidden camera moment. - That would be good. Put it on the list. - Put, oh yeah, Thomas, put it on the list. - Thomas, put it on the list. - We don't know where you're at. - The thing that you guys didn't know is that they'd never heard of. - Colleges. - Colleges or Rumpel Stiltskin. - No, I heard of it. We've heard of this. - Really? - Yeah. - I swear I said Rumpel Stiltskin and you guys were like, who? - No. - Oh, the Pied Piper of Hamlin? - I've heard of the Pied Piper. - Okay. - Yeah, I didn't know about Hamlin. - Oh. - But there's plenty of stuff we don't know. - Like what? - Orgies? - Oh, you do know a lot about orgies than we do. - You brought it off, not me. - I know, I regret it. - Yeah, you did bring that up. - Yeah. - Have you had-- - Have you had one for your birthday? - No, my birthday-- - You should have one on the couch tonight, right here. (audience laughs) - No, if I am having one, I am going back to Lasertag. To-- - Wait, what? - Wait, what? - That was a joke and it bombed. (audience laughs) No, I haven't had one in so long. I'm not an orgy person. I just had a season. - I'm not an orgy person. I just had a couple of months of many of them. - But it just happened to be like right when we started the podcast. - That's true. - Last one, May's internet started working at 1030. (audience laughs) That's where you orgy listeners from day one. (audience cheers) - Yes. - How is your internet these days? - Patchy. - Patchy. - So for those of you that don't know, we were about to record our very first episode. And May was like-- - Was it our first? - It was like early, like first five, one of those and May was like-- - We were scheduled to record it, like nine a.m. - And it was right after Canada Day. - Also my birthday. - Me, orgy time. - Yeah. - And May was like, I'm running late. My internet is down, but it's gonna start working at 1030. (audience laughs) - I really thought I'd get away with it. - And take it out of me, like, well, that's a lie. (audience laughs) So you come on and you're like, oh, my internet. And we're like, okay. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, that was embarrassing. - Have you ever had another excuse where you're like, I'm just gonna throw it out there. - And-- - It's thick, yeah. - Like what? - It'll tell us-- - Just so we know in the future. - I think I'm doing a lot better with-- - You're way better. - Yeah, my webs of lies. - Yeah. - But it's 'cause I'm a people pleaser. And so I get so paranoid about being in trouble or being late that-- - That you just lie. - Sometimes I go big. - Yeah. - Like how big? - We had to teach May that that's worse. (laughs) - Or like that part you're knowing now is worse. - It's like I got a rash on my face or-- - We would be able to see that, yeah. - I was having a massage and I heard a crack. They were walking on my back and I heard a crack. I said that one. - Uh-huh. - To who? - Okay, well, I'm scared. He's here. (audience laughs) - Well, no one outside of this room will hear it. This is not being strange, so-- - Okay, you're in a safe space. - To a comedy promoter and I had a show and I was, I think just probably crying about no one knows me or something. I don't know, I couldn't, I couldn't do it. And I said, I'm so sorry, I'm in agony. - Oh no. And he goes, should I call an ambulance? - Yeah. - He's like, are you on the floor right now? And I was like, no, I'll be fine. - I'll be fine at 9.30 tonight. (audience laughs) If you see me out, - Oh God. - You know the go-to is just diarrhea, right? - That's what I should be doing. - But it is, nobody is gonna ask any questions. Nobody's gonna demand anything. - No, you're right. - When you're sliding in the first day and you feel the big burst diarrhea. - Diarrhea. - I haven't thought about that in 20 years. - Diarrhea? - Yeah, the song. - No. - Then how does it go? - When you're going into second and you feel something unpleasant, Diarrhea. - When you're going into third-- - That's not very catching. - That's not very touching. - Diarrhea. - When you're going in home and your pants are full of home. - Diarrhea. (laughs) - Fum? - Why? - It rhymes with ho-- - Did you just make that up? - No, I think that's-- it's the right one. - My friends just told me. - How do you know them? - We're all friends now. - No. - I've been looking at them for moral support. - But have you-- - They know me. - Have you ever said you had Diarrhea when you didn't? - Oh, I'm sure. - I'm sure. - Actually, yes, to Miscarot in grade six. - Oh, yeah. - Because I hadn't done my homework like nine times in a row. - Yeah. - And it was time for everyone to hand their stuff in and I said, "Can I go to the bathroom?" And then I went to the bathroom, stayed in there for ages, came out and she was waiting for me in the hall and I said, "Miscarot, can I call you a Melanie?" I was like, you don't wanna know the details, but I cannot be here. I have a real problem. I remember saying I have Diarrhea in her. She was so not buying it and she was like, "I'm calling your parents." And she made me then meet her at lunch every day for like a week to have a special tutoring, but I had a huge crush on her. So I loved it. - That sounded like a day. - I loved it. - Yeah, are you kidding? Focus, one-on-one attention with your mom. - Wait, you told the teacher you had a crush on that you had Diarrhea? (audience laughs) That's not gonna work out. - No, I mean, she's always gonna be thinking about the foam in your pants. - You're right, you're right. I always remember she told our class that she had a boyfriend. She let it slip and you know when you're a kid and you're like, you're devastated. - And his name is Peter Schmidt. - I'll remember this my whole life. - Peter Schmidt. - Peter Schmidt. - Wait, she was like, oh, my boyfriend. Peter Schmidt. - My boyfriend. - Peter Schmidt. (audience laughs) - Why did she say that? - I don't know, actually. - 'Cause you probably, probably we said what's his last name. Oh, I asked my seven of the great teachers. She had a boyfriend and she's like, "That's none of your business." And I was like, "Douchet." (audience laughs) And she was like too gay. (audience laughs) (upbeat music) - She was cool. I've tried to find her a lot online. - Oh, no. - No, I have, I remember me with the diarrhea. - You're like, "I have searched low and high for her." - That's, we need to work on your flirting. - I know. But it's a problem that I can't let go of any connection. So I'm in touch with like most of my teachers from elementary school. - Really? - Yeah, like I emailed Mrs. Silver the other day. - Yeah, my music teacher. - Is it a good response? - Yeah, we've been emailing. - She's telling me to get her email. - I want to reach out. - Yeah, you got to reach out. - Yeah, how do you have their emails from home? - I just asked that. - Yeah, I was, I thought that was a good question. - Yeah, thank you. - I need some backup on that. - I got you, boo. - I, with Mrs. Silver, I went through the, her daughter on Instagram. - Oh, I went through her daughter on Instagram. - And was, was she following your career or was it like? - Yeah, whoa. - No, well, she, she was my music teacher and she was like a beacon of like creativity in this really uptight school. She was one of those music teachers who had like really frizzy hair and long skirts and she was always like storming around. She's always like (exhaling) like that through the halls, so stressed. - And you were attracted to her? - No, this is a different one. - A different teacher. And she, but she cast me as Charlie Brown. - She cast you as Charlie Brown. You know, it was cast as Peppermint Patty. - I know that. - Yeah. - Love interests. - That would make us love interests. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Look at that. - Aww. - Can't keep these upon Apple apart. - Yeah, two against one, I'm fine. (audience laughing) - Fortune, I like to. - I like to. - Oh, my hands clammy. (audience laughing) - It's not great. (audience laughing) - Those are my fishing fingers. - Aww. (audience laughing) - Fortune. - Fortune. - Marie. (audience cheering) - I just learned about that at a Dodgers game last week. - This? - What do you mean? - You never heard about this before? - I'm running different circles. - Wait, but why are the Dodgers in? - Entering a retirement from the same. - Two of the things. - One of the things. - You knew about this? - I know about that. - Oh, I know about it. - Oh, oh, oh, oh. - Of course I know about it. - But why did the Dodgers come up at a Dodger game? - Wait, what? - You said you learned about this at a Dodger game? - I did. - How did this come up? - At a Dodger game, I'll repeat myself. - Because there was like a group of people that had, they were together in a group. - Yep. - And somebody in that group did bring this up. - Oh, they've mentioned Dane Cook. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah, and then they're like Dane Cook. - Uh-huh. - And then they did that. - Who's Dane Cook and what's the connection? - Wait, you don't know who that is. - I, oh my God. - Oh my God. - Unbelievable. - To be at Netflix comedy. - Is he at a comedy festival? - My colleagues have been under a rock. - Yeah. - Is he? - I'm sorry, who is Bob Hope? - Well, listen, listen as much as I would love for to continue this banter about two in the pink and one of the things we have more important things to move on to. - Oh, yes we do. - Yes, right, we do. - Now I personally, and all of us are very excited about our guests tonight. - I'm so excited. - So excited you guys are in for a real treat, yes, and D. - All right. - And I don't know if you guys watched a huge hit show called The Hunting Wipes. (audience cheering) - Most of the world did. And we are very lucky to have their two stars. Let's give it up for Mollen Akerman and Britney Snow. (audience cheering) Go for it. (audience cheering) - You know I've been looking at it. - Look how handsome they look. (audience cheering) - Oh, they do look handsome. - Do you guys all go here? - Scoot on down. Scoot on down. - I don't want to objectify all in your suits, but damn. - I know, I just, I mean I thought you guys looked incredible when I saw you, but I'm just now clocking that you're in the suits and we're not. (audience laughing) - I'm suddenly so embarrassed that I did that in front of you guys. - We loved it. - Really? - Yeah. - That was pretty cool. - Yeah, it was fantastic. - Where were you so much? - I just like to slide too. - But? - They like to slide. - Where were you sitting? - Just now? - Yeah, we're watching from up. - I saw her at any point in life. (audience laughing) - I sat in a lot of places. - Yeah, you have girl on a lot of faces. (audience laughing) - I saw where you sat. (audience laughing) - You did? - Yeah. - On me. - That's a lesbian joke. (audience cheering) - I got it. (audience laughing) - Yeah, you sat on her. [LAUGHTER] Mullen, you're a Taurus as well. Yes, happy birthday. That's your birthday soon. Happy birthday. Thank you. When is your birthday? May 12th, it's coming up. Oh, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you, lo-ho-ho. Yes. I'm like, what will the song end? No, I loved it. Do you know that we're entering a very powerful time as Taurus? Yeah, but I did not. But tell me. Next seven years, we are good and golden. This is our time. We've left Uranus or something like that. Wait, you're saying you have a good stretch of time coming up? Seven years. And then that's it. And then we're done. Okay, I'm going to enjoy a long time of good luck. Bridey, what sign are you, please? I'm a Pisces, yes. Oh, yeah. Water sign, right? Our fans love Pisces. I know that's so nice. Is that a water sign? We are with fans. I'm a cancer. I'm also a water sign. Oh, I love Cancer. We're lovers. We are. We're not together, but we love love love love love love love. But you let people sit on you. I do. Yeah. For money and for joy. Yeah. Not a lot of people. No, not a lot of people. No, no, no. First of all, I think people. First of all, we do have a huge congratulations on you all's huge hit show. Yes. Yes. Was that one of those situations where when you were reading the scripture, like, this is going to be explosive? No. No. Oh, yeah. We really weren't sure. I mean, I think it was one of those things, you know, the script came in and it was at the time it was for stars. Can I say stars? Can I say that? Can I say stars? Can I say that? Yeah. It was for stars. So we know where we don't end it up. Yes. Yeah. was, you know, for a year. episode about, wow, what? What is this? Enjoyed it. But also, then you think like, oh, but I got to do this. Like, do I want to do this? And then I kept reading and by the 8th episode, I was fully in and I actually gave it to my husband tree and I was like, what do you think by the 4th episode? He didn't come out of the room for like days. And I went, what do you think? And he's like, are you kidding me? It was tailor-made for you and I went, hmm, I'm not sure how to do that. But is it your fantasy real right now? Or do you think it's a good show? Because I guess a fantastic show. So yeah, the writing is incredible. It's so fun. It's so crazy. But it is that difference of like, looking at it as an outsider and also being the one who has to do all these things in it. Right. You know, it's very, very different, but I was, do you want to act anything out? Your colleagues? Did you have that same, like, how did you feel when you read it? I read all 8 episodes, like right away and I couldn't stop. And so I knew that that was a good sign. And I didn't really have the same reaction because I didn't really know that I was going to be so naked. Oh, yeah. I thought, like, oh, maybe a little bit of, like, a little, like, an surprise to you on the day. No, I just didn't think that far. You thought y'all be slapping to these, like, what? Or like, like, the shadows were going to be appropriately placed. And then we showed up to the day. And it was very bright. I'm not sure if you guys remember, but there was like, it was daytime. Oh, the windows were up. Oh, I'm like, oh, it was light. Yeah, it's a lot for, like, a first time. I kind of, like, like, you know, maybe dark for the first, a little, like, um, you know, television lighting, but this, there was no mood lighting. I don't remember, had you guys in your career done that amount of nudity before? I was in a movie called X that was, like, very, I played a porn star. So you did. I'm going to look that up. Yeah, can you Google it? I did. But it was weirdly different. It was, it was a little bit different. That was more, um, nighttime. Um, there was a lot of, like, evil happening. So it was more nighttime. And this was very daytime. Yeah. It was hunting. Oh, my god. Did you two know each other before this project? No. We do know, right? We are friends for life. We know a lot about each other now. Do you know any body secrets about each other? Body secrets kind of. Yeah. Yeah. We do. Actually, we just shared some backstage. Yeah. We sure did. I mean, but not like, not exactly. Oh, yeah. Oh, like, checking each other's moles. I don't know. Just everybody's got body secrets, right? I get sure. I guess. Sorry for the weird, one weird question tonight. I think that's a fair question. I think it's a fair question. Everyone looks at their body and has something that maybe they love or don't love. And, you know, there's a lot of it. They're very supportive of each other. Yeah. We made sure that, like, the camera angles are, we were like, are you okay? What if, you know, are you covered this part and you do that part? And now, be honest. Yeah. After you guys did this stuff with each other, when you then had to go kiss, like, the guys on the show where you're like, well, yeah. Yeah. And we would talk about that. Yeah. And when you had to go, like, this is disgusting. Yeah. It was different. I love, listen, I love Dermott so much. No, he's great. For sure. But it's, it's very different to kiss a beautiful woman, you know, with soft skin and like, like lovely, like really nice. There were a lot of, like, nice smells. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wait. There were night smells. Night smells. I was like, what are these night smells? Yeah. Like, what are night smells? I mean, you had these secrets and there's night smells. But that could have made or, made or broken the experience. Like, if you guys had not got along or had no chemistry. So, thank God, like, did you meet before you started filming and be like, are we normal people? Good question. Yeah. Thank you. Cheers. Cheers. Feelings with each other. We had Dequila, which is always what brings us together. Dequila and nachos. And nachos. Yeah. And we talked about trauma. Yeah. Yeah. That's, you gotta go deep. We really did. I mean, it was that thing of like getting, really getting to know each other and going, all right, well, we're gonna, we're gonna be in this thing together, like really be in this thing together. Right. Right. Let's go out and have dinner. And we did. And we, I think was within like 10 minutes. We're like, oh, okay, this is gonna be, this is gonna be, we're, we're, we're making out. Yeah. And we're gonna like it. Trauma, trauma bonding is trauma, trauma dumping trauma bonding. Yeah. That's how we gotta live. And then what about like your family? Are you like, you gotta see this? And they're like, well, we were watching like any, um, how'd that go? Yeah. My mom has like a group of girlfriends. There's like 10 of them. They're called the play group. And they're all in their 70s. Where do they live in Florida? Oh, I'm close to their age with them. Well, mall and your family, sweet, your family's sweeters. So they just walk around and get all the time, right? All the time. Yeah. Yeah. I birth days. No, I mean, stars in Sweden. Do they get stars? Within the network that you did in the farm. Oh, they get stars. We see stars there too. We have stars in Sweden. They do. They don't get stars, but they, but it did get released in Sweden. And, uh, yeah, my family's pretty, I mean, I had to sit beside my dad. I brought my dad to see Watchman when that came out. Yeah. And there's a rich sex scene in that, um, and I sat beside him and he went, "Wow, yeah, you really did work out. Your ass looks great." And I was like, "Oh, my God. Oh, my God." You guys, his European calm down. Yeah. Yeah. I know. And, and, and then when I went to do press for that, the first time I said that in a press room, my, my publicist went, "Don't, don't sit down." He got me down for several years. And he was really just being like, he was awkward too. He didn't know what to say. So he was just kind of like, "Yeah, you worked out well to go on, but, but he's gotten a little older now." And he, you know, he saw this and he just went, "I mean, you did a great job and great acting." And, you know, maybe next season, they can just like, you're a little bit more like a boss lady and like maybe not as much sex and like you start a company and it's like, "Okay, dad, I'll pass you on." Yeah, maybe you could be a beatkeeper. He said that to me as well in a leopard shirt. He said that to your, yeah. Yeah, that's fun. He said that not too much sex. Too much sex. Yeah. He said too much sex? Her dad. Oh, oh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My parents said that too. Yeah, parents don't tell the story line. Love this stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mine are weird about it. Well, your parents are weird about sex? Not in life. They're too open about a whole time, right? Well, they like to say just so you know, we still have sex, like they want me to know that, which I like. Great. Oh, they're like, "Beauty dubs, meh, we're still." Yeah. But they definitely don't watch those. Yeah. But we've both worked with Lisa Kudra. That's right. And she played my mom and it was a very autobiographical story. And my mom watched that and I was so scared. And then afterwards she said, "I don't know what you're worried about. That character's nothing like me." And it just really hurt me. That's wow. A lot of insight. She's got your mom. I know. But you're on the, in the new come back, I'm so excited to watch. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, that's so cool. I think it's a, it's a great, it's such a well-written show. I feel so lucky to have been like, that, that was my first show out here. They're the Michael Patrick King and Lisa Kudra took their chance on me. Oh my god. So I got them to thank for sitting here with you. What was your first job ever? I mean, acting a job. I was a child. I was like, I think it was four or five. Oh wow. I was a French fry and I'm a toddler. And they thought a five year old was an infant. I don't know the terms. No, yeah. That's where I got my start. It was all from there. Season pro. All of these perfect movies. Love. Obsessed. Awesome. And then you were in another huge Netflix series with Claire Daines. Oh my god. Yeah. Oh my god. So did I. So really good. And so you guys just filmed or are you already wrapped on season two of The Honeywives? Oh yeah, we are. Oh my god. It's heavy. What can we say? Oh my gosh. Should we just enact some of the scenes? Yes, please. This is what we're paying for. I know somebody who's on the season. Who? Oh, is this secret? Is it a secret? I think most of the castings out. Oh, we don't have to talk about it. I don't know. Wait. Did you guys hear that? I didn't hear that. Oh, yeah. John Stamos. John Stamos. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's amazing. He's gorgeous. He's making out with y'all. I'm not good. We can't tell you that part. But we can't. Don't let the lesbians down this season. You guys. Did we let you down before? No, no. No, no. But you'll be imagining those season two. Yeah, okay. Lesbians will not be disappointed. - Yeah, great. - I imagine straight men won't either. - Straight men won't, gay men won't, like there is a lot going on this season. - Who was the demographic coming up to you guys the most about this show? I am curious. - Fortune, besides me. - Well, did you get a lot of feedback from Lesbians or was there a lot of you did? - Yeah, there was a lot of lesbian community and-- - Straight women too, I feel a lot of straight women. - Here's my question. - Is this like a reality of these wives doing this? - This is doesn't look so, huh? - Yeah, so May Cobb actually, we asked her sort of where the idea came from. Sorry, yeah, the writer of the novel and she just said, you know, there was a small town outside of Dallas, I wanna say, and she goes, girl, I couldn't even write some of the stuff in my novel that these people do. - What? - Like this is pretty stuff. - And there was a woman who came up to us at this event and she's like, I know May, we were in the same town. I know who you are in this town and I know who you are in this town. - No way. - Yeah, I wanna go meet these women. - The woman's name was May. - The author of the book. - That's mine. - That's mine, yeah. - Okay. - Yeah. - That's crazy. - I don't think this one matters. - And how much would you wanna sit down with these people that they possibly think is actually-- - I am so curious to sit down with them. I also don't wanna lock the doors behind me, but like I need an escape route, but you would be-- - You know what you should do? You should get May to hunt down their emails. - Oh, yeah. - I'm good at that. - You're good at that. - I can get some of that. - May can get a hold of any one. - There's some of that juicy gossip. - Okay. - I have my primary school teachers. I'm in touch with all of them. And I have to find all their emails. So that's-- - May constantly emails their childhood teachers. - I can't lie in a connection. - Do you not? - Why did you do that? Just very curiosity. - That's a very-- - It's just curious. - Really like driven by nostalgia. And I can't let go of connections. Like the first time I ever filmed something, I assumed everyone would be best friends forever in touch forever. And I'm like, when are we hanging out guys? And it was so sad to learn that people have lives. - It's all an illusion. - Yeah. - Some people have lives? - Yeah, apparently. - Yeah. - It's hard to accept. - They're not just at home playing foosball. - No. - So you're gonna be emailing us a lot after this? - Yes. - Yeah. - Okay, guys, I was just getting ready for it. - Yeah, yeah. I can't wait. - Yeah, I mean, you came on the show. We're gonna be in touch forever, right? - I mean, yeah, you can email me. That's fine. - You better believe if I see you at an event, I'm gonna be overly familiar. I'm gonna be like, guys, what's up? - Maybe you should get a business card made. - I'm sorry? - That's okay. - You should get a business card made. - Should I? - Yes, you should. - Why? - Well, when you meet people, you can say, here's my card, and then you can keep in touch. - Well, then the balls are in their court. - Oh, I need to make a good point. - I need that to say control then, that's hard. - Did you, did I tell you about my business card I had made? - No. - It was just a sketch I did of my, like a cartoon version of my face, and I had it, I had them all printed out, and I would go play, this is like in, like 15 years ago, and I'd go places, and I'd be like, listen, I love what you're saying, give me a call, and they'd be like, great, and they'd be like, wait, there's no contact information. (audience laughs) - That's all I know. - That's really it. - It's just fun to like, slip someone a card. - Yeah. - Oh my god. - That's how you do it. - Yeah, Brittany, and according to how serious you are, is how slowly you slide it across. - I am very serious. - Yeah. - Here is a drawing I did, poorly of my own face. I would love to hear it from you again. (audience laughs) You'll have to ask me to hunt down my contact information. (audience laughs) - Dude, I always have to ask people if they laugh a lot during filming, 'cause I thought I can't do that. - Oh, that's a great question, I can't believe that people don't like, was that a problem? It's a problem for me all the time. - Sometimes the lines that we have to say are really funny and the way that we have to say them, and especially because we have to be so serious, we laugh a lot. - We do, yeah. - Can you give us an example of a line that is? - Oh, I thought you were gonna say your line. - Can we get an example of your laugh? - The wet line. (audience laughs) - The wet line? - I don't know. - Which, it was one of my lines? - Do you remember when I say I'm so wet, too? - No. - But you can go into there if you want. - Wait, what'd you say, Mala? - I'm so wet. - So wet. (audience laughs) - I need to say it. - It's a pretty stupid line. - You just did a serious-- - And we ended up doing ADR. - We had to do, that's the worst part. - Oh, it's hello, we're here. (audience laughs) - There are other people. - When you go into ADR, which is like, when you have to do some looping, if like you can't hear it properly, and you go in and you have to do ADR a sex scene, and it's just you doing kissing noises alone. - And a lot of weird things. - Did she just pull the whole thing in the bachelor? (laughs) - That would be great. - There's some creepy engineer in the back being like, great. - That was a good one. - He's like, say that again. You're like, I'm so wet again. (audience laughs) I'm so wet. - I'm good. - I did turn around at one point, and I was like, my mom is so proud of me. (audience laughs) - I'm so wet. - I'm kissing your hand, right? Like, no, no, I'm okay. (audience laughs) - I mean, you could. I'm not, I think that's great. A great idea. - Yeah, I didn't. - That's so good. - You could have done that. - Wait, what are you just kissing the air? - Like, what are you doing? - Yeah, I mean, it's not a lot of kids. Usually, the ADR stuff is a lot of moaning, and like a lot of like breathing, and a lot of like. (audience cheers) - It really is. It's so wild when you stand in your life. - I can't believe I was so hard for a long time. (audience laughs) - Oh my God, we have to do the hunting dikes. (audience laughs) - Yes. - They already got parodied. - Yes, it is. - Did you guys see this? - We saw a parody. - But I wanna see your parody. - The hunting dikes. - Oh, you did the hunting dikes? - We saw the one on, there was one on SNL that they did. - Oh, there was. - Yeah, there was an honor. - That's cool. - It was really pretty cool. - Yeah, it was funny. - That's good. - And they called it the hunting dikes? - No. - No, no. That's pretty cool. (audience laughs) - They just parodied their show. - Okay. - But no one had thought about the hunting dikes yet. But I think the three of you should definitely get on that. - We will do the hunting by sexual. (audience laughs) That'll be me. And you got the hunting days. - The hunting days. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - They didn't do that. - No, no. - That's even done. - I want to have a pitch. Well, no, I don't even have a pitch. - I just have an idea that I don't know what to do with yet. And it is called Traddike. - Traddike is good. (audience laughs) - Where I'm traditional lesbian. - Okay. (audience laughs) - And I do traditional lesbian things. - It's a very old school idea. - We're listening to your pitch, go ahead. - That's it. Just maybe let your producers know that that idea's out there. - And a little bit of that. - Just centers around me in a flannel. (audience laughs) - We'll work it out later. - Yeah. - Here's some like, sounds great. (audience laughs) - I do have to ask, will the wig be returning for season two? - It will be. - It will be. - It will be. - But it's a new wig. - It's a new wig, y'all. - It's a fan, it's a fan. - It was one that's not pulled out of a box that didn't fit my head. It's one that they made for. - Because when you started filming, you were on stars. - And then it premiered on that flip. - That's right. - Okay. - Now you get the next one. - We moved up in the world. - I've got a question. - Yeah. - Will the Merkin be returning this season? - You betcha. (laughs) - And then what's our call? - Wait, did you guys call Merkin? - You guys have to wear Merkins? - No. - No, we went full push. - Full push. - Y'all are joking. - Y'all have to do, she booze. - She booze? Is that what they were called? - She booze? - And I think of the dog now. Is that a she booze? - She booze. - She booze. - Oh, is that the one that you pee through? - She booze. - She booze? - It's like a she-mo, maybe it's a she-mo. - What is it? - It's a dog. - She-mo. - Can you just describe it? - How is this interview going? - It's like, is this the best interview you guys ever done? - Yeah. - This is the inside of the Acres Studio. - And I'm sorry, it's called a she-mo. - She-mo. - She-mo. - She-mo. - There's little bits and bobs that they give you. It looks like a science experiment. They lay it all out for you and your trailer and you're just like, what have I done with my life? And there's just like little pieces that you have to put strategically on your body. When you tape on your body. - Tape onto your bush. - Yeah. But I didn't, I didn't get the memo that you're, there's like a little foam bit sort of like a like a, like a jock cup or whatever they're called. - Yeah. - You got to put that on first and then you put the tape bit that like takes. - Oh, but I didn't. - You put it onto your bush. - Yeah, I'm sure it did. - Oh my god. - Wow. - Oh my god. - That was not fun. - Yeah, it was not fun. - And how did you find out you had done everything wrong? (laughing) - Very quickly, as soon as I tried to take it off. - I took a bottle of baby oil and just sprayed that thing. - This is before you were filming? Slowly or at the end of the day at the wall. It was kind of in between because I had to pee Um, and you had baby and I was taken. Oh It was a mess you guys. It was a real mess Lameros. Yeah. Yeah, it was a long time, but we but we figured out so when you were a little girl dreaming of being an actress Were you in Sweden on this time? Canada Oh, you guys shot in Canada. Oh boy. We I'm from I'm no I grew up in Canada. Oh, yeah Oh, I don't know how we never met that That's cool. Florida Their own Keeping in tradition with our show usually our guests do ask us a question I don't know if you guys have anything you wanted to ask us Uh, we can talk about our bushes I would love to know about your bushes Or baby oil So nobody told you to have a question for us? Yeah, they did. Oh, they did. Oh, what do you do? Yeah, they did I mean, I have a million questions for you guys. Yeah, ask a question. We don't have time. Yeah, we do Lock the doors We can make time. Do you want to go first? Okay My question. I didn't know if it was like if it should be serious One was serious and one was not and then they picked the serious one and I was like, oh, I guess you guys are serious Yeah, we've cried on our podcast. I'm Canadian. I can't Will you tell me that you just say I know you just say that. Just trust me. I know you just say I know me. I know you Thank you. Yeah It feels good actually. Was that good act? Yeah that way. No, oh from long. Yeah But real quick, do you know that May was number one on the star meter for a while? Yeah, number one IMDB star meter baby wayward. I think it is because we know that you made it like this couch is full of Netflix stars Road that for weeks I think people are trying to figure out Oh, yeah, what was something that you guys thought at the time really sucked and then turned out to be exactly what needed to happen or a ghost story Or a ghost story It was really either or I want to know both I love that that's a good question. No, it's a rest is that you don't like the second question Well, I don't have one so I'm To be told I still don't know what the second question was. I'm sure we do have a ghost story. Okay. Thank you You're so hard to understand. I know I was saying nice earlier, but I said nice, you know, we walk on drunk I don't know what that woman was saying There's so many things that at the time when it happened we're so harder than later. I was like thank god It's just like that Garth Brooks song Sometimes I think god When you're talking she's a man of stairs And answer Some of That was for your haunting wives fans. They're gonna like was that your ghost story or was that your You still got it kid you got it girl Well, have you guys have you heard the parable of the Chinese farmer? Okay, so weirdly no there's this It doesn't take us a while to answer questions I'm gonna try and tell it super no good. Come on. May gonna May. Okay, so So there's this farmer in China and um his horses escape and his neighbors say oh my god I'm so sorry for this tragedy that wow. This is so awful and he says maybe and And then the horses come back and they bring more horses with them And so they're like this is such good news and he goes maybe and then his son is feeding the horses and they trample a son's legs broken legs And they go oh my god. This is awful news and he goes maybe then the army comes as we're conscripting all Men but we can't take your son because his legs are broken and they're like and that's great news And he's like maybe so it just shows you like you never know Something could seem awful and then it's good Sorry, he's poor god, but I like it. I could get a tattoo that says maybe that would be cool Yeah, maybe you should Maybe now speaking of Texas. I did we ever gonna answer this question Well, we're Lucy Goosey, right? Do you mind? Go on goosey. Okay, I want to tell my sister. No, no, no, no, please tell it Well, because May told their story. Yeah, please tell her why to anything. I figured I figured I could too I lived in Texas for a while as a kid and I went to church as a small child and I remember this is so Texas But the priest was taught what told a story about I can't even actually remember the stories never mind No, it was like a in the truncated version as there was like a huge pile of horse shit I know this one. Oh Of course you do. What is happening? Go ahead finish it. Wait. I can't wait to hear this. Yeah. Can you go? No, you go Well, if it's the same if it's the same one. Okay, let's see. There's this little bird that got shit on And then it was say and then the little bird is saying oh my god. It's helped me help me and then this cat um Get it out of the ship and eats it and it goes don't just because someone gets you out of the shit Doesn't mean you can trust them and actually the person that shot on you was protecting. Wow That is a totally different This is the same story How is it that we both have pile of shit church stories? My pile of shit church story Was and again, I don't remember all the details, but it was like a huge pile of shit and the priest is telling us It's like uh, you know people I can't remember it was some like Oh, oh god, there's a huge pile of shit This is Texas church and it's like oh god a huge pile of shit And then the person with the positive thought was like yeah, but there must be a donkey in there somewhere I didn't write it I'm just telling you this is a story story What does that even mean to donkey in the ship? Yes, you should ask for a question relating back to like something bad Was going to happen, but it turned out to be good. I don't I didn't ask the priest I just went home and wondered about it myself And I never imagined that it would all lead to this moment Where may would say oh, I know this story I Guess I'm so glad we went on the Oh, and what was your question again? And then it turns out to be good my was early days it wasn't that bad, but at the time it felt so devastating I wanted to have to do with a pile of shit. It does not okay But I really wanted to go to UNC Chapel Hill you guys shot in North Carolina um, I'm from North Carolina So I really wanted to go to Chapel Hill and all my friends are going and I didn't get it in and I was devastating Someone just laughed Is that the end of your story? But I was so devastated I didn't want to do a small women's college and I really like The Lord Delivered The God it's counselor's like you need to tell us are you going to the school or not? They're gonna give away your scholarships. I'm like fine It ended up being the best four years of my life and I Got a job in LA because I went to that school that I would not have gotten had I gone to UNC And it's so clear to me that that path I was supposed to go down this other path Even though I was so devastated my entire life for the next 20-something years has been dictated by that one thing that happens to me when I was 18 That is wonderful. Thank you. I mean I think about that with X's sometimes where I've been so devastated and then now looking back I think what a what a bullet I dodged I'm loving God Her unanswered prayers remember when you're talking to the man of stars got injustice in the country ♪ That's the thing I want to say ♪ ♪ That's the thing I don't care ♪ ♪ So my God's greatest gift ♪ (audience laughing) - What if somebody showed up late to this show and walked in while we were singing "Garth Ross" - They were sitting in silence. - And for a fortune's going (laughs) - You guys probably don't know this, but this is a hit podcast. - I swear. - Part to tell from the show. But it is a hit podcast. - We're wildly popular. (laughs) And you know how you know it's when people tell you that they're popular. - Are you guys gonna answer this question and all that? - I did. - Oh, you did. - Did you have a horse hit story? - No, with like X's. - Oh, that's right, you did. - That was your story? - Um, well, I mean, kind of similarly, no, not, but with a breakup. I was in Colorado and went through a breakup and my two childhood besties, we were all living out there and they were moving out to Los Angeles to get into TV and film. And I truly was like, well, I guess I'll throw my stuff in your truck. And I thought I was just gonna go out to Los Angeles for like a few months till the breakup blew over and then I saw all the opportunity to do standup in the LA weekly and it was my secret dream to do standup. And I was like, well, maybe I'll go do an open mic while I'm here. And I have not left for almost 30 years. That's cool. What were you doing before standup? Like that was your secret dream, but what were you like pursuing? - Well, I do love music and I play a little bit of music and but I wasn't comfortable playing it on stage so I started working with bands. And I was booking them and doing promotion just to kind of be in that world. And I was like kind of talking in a high pitch voice that wasn't, no, not in that way. I just mean like in not a very honest register. I was like, oh yeah, yeah, I'm happy, I'm happy. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's good, it's good. - So when people ask how my birthday was. (laughing) It's good, it's good. And then when I got here and I did standup, I was like, oh, I love this. Like it hit that honest register. - That's really cool. - Do you guys have any answers to your question? - Oh, oh, sorry. - I only didn't tell you about that part. - Well, we can sit, I actually had like a similar, I guess going with a theme of breakups. - Yeah. - Sorry, fortune. - Listen, I also am going through a break up. - I'm sorry. - No, I'm fine. - Okay. - It'll be for the best, right? - As we're learning. - Absolutely, right? - Yeah. I broke up with my first husband right four months after we had our son, which was like not, after 11 years together was not what we expected. But the silver lining was that one of my best girlfriends from childhood flew over, moved in with me and for a year and a half I got to raise my son with my best girlfriend. - Oh my God, that's incredible. - It was awesome. - I so wish that we wanted to fuck each other because it would have been so much easier. - Yes, that would have been amazing. - But she's a sister to me, you know? - I know. - We had the conversation, like should we try? - No. - You should have, you're like touching boobs, right? I feel numb. - I mean, I'll do that with other ladies, but not my sisters, you know what I mean? - Not everyone wants to be a lesbian, I get it. - And did you? - I do. - I mean, I know you want to. - Yeah, just not with her. - Not with my sister, but it was amazing. - That is cool. - It was such a cool experience to raise my child. - Good friend, too. - That's amazing. - A great friend, yeah, really great friends. That was fun. - You know what I'm saying? - What? - Oh my God. - What? - No, not that song. - Oh, I was ready. - The Golden Girls. - Oh. (laughing) - I've never seen it. - Do you guys not put the correlation together? Two women living together? - It's, it tracks. - Can we just sing what's obsessed with it? - How about we can sing Golden Girls? - We'll do it. - But we won't Brittany the answer first. - Oh, thank you for being a friend. - But if you don't have an answer, that's okay. - No, it's not. - We can end y'all segment. We can end your segment. - Golden Girls, thank you. (laughing) - I do want that though. - I want to hear Mullins' question after as well. - It's okay, Fortune didn't. So I'm just not gonna answer. - Okay, I want to. - I want to ask you and Tig. - Okay. - When I was 22, I was dating a guy, and there was this like urgent email that needed to go out. And for some reason, I forgot my password. And I, I was 22, so I thought I liked him, or like loved him, but I didn't, you know, 22. And I couldn't get into my email 'cause I forgot my password, so he was like, just use my computer. (gasps) - I know where this is going. - I don't. - And I checked. I was like, you know what? - I had to check. - He sent emails. - Oh. - Dick pick, dick pick, dick pick. - No. - Dick pick. - Wow. - In shorts that I bought him for Christmas. - Not in the shorts you bought him. - I mean, he was sending pictures. - Girlfriend. - Girlfriend. - To his ex-girlfriend. - Yeah, yeah. - Who wants to see that? - They went to May's elementary school teacher. What? (audience laughs) - Wait, so he's wearing the shorts, but with his dick. - And I'm sorry, he was emailing them? - Yes, emailing them. - This was like a send. - Yeah. - And you know, he didn't text, but it's a fact. - So I checked title. - And what happened? What did he do? - He did a picture. - I was, here's the, why it's full circle. It's like I was, I was really upset. And then now, I don't, I never even thought about him until just now. - Of course. - You know, we have to. - And now we have to. - You know what I'm thinking about it. - But explain to me emailing. Like, I completely agree. - No, I really need you to explain that. - Why did you say it was expensive? - Yeah. But did you actually have dick confronted him? - Yeah, did he try to turn mine on you? Like, why were you in my email? - Yes. - And he said these were before we were together. I was like, these are dated. - Yeah. - And because they're email. - I just love it. You're like, not the shorts, I bought him. - I know, and they were really out of these shorts. I'm not gonna lie. So that was-- - Oh my God. What if you saw that he had sent out like a mass email? - Just. - I feel like that would have been better. - Yeah, well, yeah. - Guess what? ♪ Sometimes I think of ♪ - We want to do it now, we want to do it now. - Okay, mom. - This was not the point in answer that I was moping for though. - Mom, I don't have a question. - I do. - I do, but I don't have to ask it if we're running out of time. - We'll do a speed round. - Speed round? - Yeah, speed round. - It's a really quick one. Well, it can be if you want it to be. It's, I don't know what that was. It is, really felt like an abundance. - It's just made it sexual for no reason. What keeps you up at night? - Oh, so good. - Oh my God. - It can be. - How much time? - Oh my God. - It can be that I haven't found yet. - There is a score of 20 years. - Oh boy. - It's orgy and left and right. - Say it orgy. - No, it's a well after an orgy. You sleep better than you ever have. (laughing) No, I, everything, are we in a simulation? - What is the point of all of this? - Okay. - Of this podcast? - Just like one of this podcast. No, just like deep existential worry. - Yeah, and it's once everyone goes to bed and I feel like, okay, I have a minute not, maybe I'll just strum my guitar and then I'm thinking, what is a guitar? (laughing) Yeah. Oh, and then like every awful thing I've ever done is like going through my head and yeah, but I'm gonna start meditating. They, they are getting me into it. Yeah, it's a great idea. - I'm in a meditate. - No, I'm in a meditate. - Oh, sorry, takes getting me into. - I'm the elderly one that meditates goes to bed early, you know. - We're gonna do a wellness weekend. - They did too, yeah. - Yeah, we're gonna do a wellness weekend. - A wellness weekend where we have to follow Tiggs regime, vegan, meditate. - Wow. - Up at dawn, journaling. - I still can't sleep. - Sounds good. - Well, I'm doing better with my sleep. I appreciate the concern phase. - Because I understand. - I know you do, and girl, we need to talk. (laughing) Yes, here is my car. (laughing) - You really struggle with sleep, right? - I do, I do. But I hire to sleep coach, as I told you, and don't laugh at my struggles. - Wait, what is a sleep coach? What did they take? - I mean, this is a modern conversation. - Go, go, go, yeah. (laughing) - You got this. (laughing) - No, it's a sleep, you're on a sleep. (laughing) - Prashing beers on their head, dumping a gatorade over me, once I finally get to sleep. (laughing) - It's worth the money. (laughing) Wait, what is a sleep? - What can you see up at night? - Your coach. - Yeah, like everything. - Yes, my sleep coach is keeping me up. No, I am, well, first of all, I am old enough to go into retirement homes. It's menopause first. off, I think is what triggered it. Thank you. Yeah, shout out, menopause. People think if you look like me, you don't go through menopause, but you do. So menopause kept me up. And then I think it also just creates this, I really don't know. I'm just thinking that it makes you just more sensitive when you're going through that transition. And so anything that is outstanding and not in a great way, but outstanding in my life, I have to deal with. Was that a dog? Was that a dog? That was just in your hand. That was a moment. That's going to keep going. That keeps me up at night. But that was a dog. That was a dog. Or someone acting like a dog. Yeah, there is a dog at the show. That is our target. What if the lights went on and it was just dogs and dogs? Oh my god. I would love that. That would be so great. I would feel like we succeeded as people when you say outstanding. This is the fastest I go and you know that. I'm just trying to keep us on schedule. Oh, there is no schedule. I'm so sorry. You guys have nowhere to go. But yeah, I just mean outstanding like, oh, I just I like to have a clear conscience. I like to handle things. I like to I always say my brain is like an addict. I don't ever want to go up there and find a dust deal box and not know what was in there. Like I want to handle things and deal with it. You know, and so if I haven't or something is on the table, it'll keep me up. And I'll be like, oh, I just I need to make a call. I need to handle that. And that will, yeah, also I'm like, what is May doing with their life? Or like, oh, what is May's life for? And then I start taking on your issues. I know. What is a guitar? What is May's guitar? Well, it takes Son actually wrote a song that was that is so existential that it's like, no one knows why we're born. It's it's so beautiful. It's like when he was like five, he was like, we don't know why the world was made. It's really good. Yeah. Yeah. And May said that they were going to write the music for it never did. And that is that is outstanding. That is outstanding. Yeah. It's on the list. Yeah. You better get to it. I'm going to get on that. Yeah. What do you do up a night fortune? I mean, honestly, I can easily worry like my brain will go a mile a minute if I let it. And I used to when I was younger, like constantly worry. And I would be up so much. Just like always worried about something. But my mom told me at one point, like when she could tell I was like getting in my head, she just would say, don't borrow trouble. You're always worrying about what might happen before it even happens. And it really like kind of released this thing in me where I really I'm very lucky. Now I just lay my head down and fall asleep because I I cannot worry about the things that don't control over, you know. You guys want to do it real quick? Oh, I I bury everything real deep. So I fall asleep real fast. Really? Yeah, sure do. I bury that. I need to do that. Real hard. We've talked about it. I'm like, Brayt, like I'm trying to cry. I'm like, I have not dealt with that for for a long and I don't want to. So when we do have to do emotional scenes, I'm like, oh, fuck, I got a dig deep. Can I give you my card? I want your coach. Cry. What keeps me up at night? Not nothing. Yeah, great. I sleep. But the world keeps me up. There you go. There's a lot to worry about. But actually putting my head down and sleeping is not an issue, which I know we've talked about because she's the opposite. We're total opposites. Oh, yeah. And I'm up for like two, three hours every night. And that's even if I take something. But it's like aliens simulation. Yeah. Birds. Yeah. Birds. Yeah. Yeah. Like there's just too many, there's too many different sounds. There's too many, like they're all birds. But why do they sound so different? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now we're going to worry about this. Yeah. Yeah. Like this bird in that room too. Yeah. Because then I started hearing them while I'm trying to sleep and I'm like, that's a new bird. Yeah. But that's how you know things are bad. What time are you sleeping? Because birds should be asleep at that hour. Well, around four or five o'clock in the morning and I haven't followed a sleep yet in this bird right here. New bird. New bird. But also can I just tell them that she has two sound machines. Oh, my God. And ear pods with sound white noise in it, white sound, and sleeping medications. And the sleepcoats. I mean, oh, God. I've done years the birds. Oh, God. The last speaker which I went to in Charlotte, he was like, I'm going to prescribe you ambient. And I was like, Oh, well, I stay up on ambient. That's not a sleepcoats. And he goes, well, you're not supposed to stay up on ambient. And they go, yeah, I know. Wow. What? I don't mean to stay up. I'm not like, woo. Do you stay up to my ambient? Try it. I'm the real one man. Oh, my God. The worst is though, like, like, looking at your phone once. If you if once you do that, you're then you're the the scientists are going to send your microphone. The 12 scientists. And what they were studying. Oh, yeah, I know. I know. I know. It's insane. It's insane. Did you see the beauty of the girl who was explaining what she was. Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Yeah. And did you see that under the pyramids they found these chambers like huge chambers? It's like confirmed. We have to go to commercial. There's only one thing left to say. Our lovely guest, we want to thank you for being a friend. Thank you so much. Are you guys ready? Thank you for being a friend. That was also a party. Every time I let everyone you knew you would see it. It would be for me. And the contest would say, thank you for being a friend. Thank you guys so much. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Check out mine. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you too. We'll be coming soon. Keep enhancing you guys. We just want to thank all of you guys for coming to our show. We love you. We hope that you go see a bunch of shows this week. I think it's a joke festival. Thank you for listening to our podcast. Thank you to our amazing guests tonight. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. We appreciate you. Handsome is hosted by me, Tignotaro, May Martin and Fortune Theemester. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willett, email us at [email protected]. Follow us on social media at HandsomePod.