The Hunt for John List (Part 2)

Hey, weirdos, I'm Ash, and I'm Alina, and this is Moabid. This is Moabid, we're supposed to book tour. We are, I'm exhausted, but it was so, so amazing. It was so fun, it was, go, go, go. It was, it was non-stop, and it was, but everybody we got to meet, like, you guys were awesome. Yeah, people were very nice. Thank you for coming out for the book, it was so cool. Would people give, like, the nicest little gifties? Yeah, and everybody was just, like, lovely. Love that. Like, it was, like, a genuinely wildly, lovely experience. Like, every single person I met, I was like, oh, fuck, yeah, you're awesome. And we finished it off at church, finished it off at a church. I gave a sermon. Yeah, so, and people were lovely there, too. Yeah, it was great. And now I'm just recouping. Yeah. And your immune system is, ah, yeah, it is. It just is. Subjecting yourself to meeting so many people is tough. Yeah. Because you're just like, bleh, I immediately get sick, but honestly, so worth it. That's very worth it. So, so very worth it. You guys were awesome. And now you just have to wait for the list. Yes. Next week. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So that's what we shall see. We shall see. Okay. You guys say anything. A hell of a turn out. Yeah, that was and I appreciate you. What did I think? Didn't somebody say it was like a book tour on steroids? Yeah, that's what my literary agency. Yeah. It was. All right. I don't think there's any business. I mean, buy the book, continue to buy it. Yeah, go get that book. People, it's, it seems to be doing okay. So I feel good about it. It's always that scary thing of putting the book out, being like, bleh. Because you're like, did you like it? Yeah. But I'm excited. I'm excited for you guys to read it. It's a very, very wonderful book. Thank you. I quite enjoyed it. I quite enjoyed it. I liked it a lot. But I don't like a lot is that we have to talk about John List again today. We do. But I'm excited for this part. Yeah, this, this is a, you know, spoiler alert. He gets caught. Yeah, that's the thing. I'm like, I'm, I'm ready to see this fucker go down. Yes. We're going to, we're going to get there. But first, I kind of have to tell you a little bit about his early life and how he became John List. Tell me about this idiot. Okay. I will. He was born September 17th in Bay City, Michigan to John Frederick, known as JF and Alma List. They were cousins. Oh, his parents were cousins. Oh, the 20-year age difference between them. Oh, okay. We got so much work in for us. Already so much. Yeah. We're way ahead. Okay. You can't marry your cousin. Nope. Can't do that. Alma was a devout Lutheran and she was described as humorless in nearly every aspect of her life. So John List? Yes. Yeah. I was just going to say two traits that she very much passed on to her son. Apple right from the tree. She also was an extremely, I guess you could say devoted mother, but it bordered on obsessiveness. It became a little too much. I mean, you marry your cousin. Yeah. Family's going to get a little weird from then on now. It's pretty true. Yeah. Not only did she do it on John day and night, but she also, quote, dressed him herself well beyond the age when other mothers might have urged independence. And she couldn't stand to have them out of her sight for very long. Okay. A little weird. Yeah. Like the dressing. The dressing thing out of your sight. Yeah. I can't say shit. I can't say shit about that. But the dressing is the dressing has what I'm referring to. Yeah. Children need to learn how to get dressed. Absolutely. Absolutely. Clearly. Yeah. So John's relationship with his father, though, was more complicated as a strict businessman who worked long hours. J. Off had very little time for his family. After working all day and into the night, he usually just came home for a late dinner. He'd flip through the newspaper and then read a few passages of the Bible with his family and then would just send his kid to bed. Oh. That sounds fun. They didn't really get a lot of quality time. No. The overbearing nature of his mom and remote nature of his dad inevitably led John to develop a softer personality and kind of like a quiet shy demeanor. Yeah. That makes sense. No. The thing that sucked about that, though, was that the other kids in the neighborhood would call him a mama's boy in a sissy. Because he was like close with his mom. Which I hate that because I'm like, that's not his fault. It's also not a bad thing. It's also just not his fault. Like he didn't do that. That's just his family's structure. Yeah. The parent causing that makes you feel bad for the kid gets the low back from it. Makes you feel bad for the little kid. Yeah. For the adult at all. No. Now outside of his, I guess somewhat unusual upbringing, detectives really didn't find a lot in his background that would have suggested he would go on to commit a crime, much less this crime. Me crime. Become a family annihilator. One neighbor said, I never recall him having a temper. We're getting angry, which is pretty wild. Wow. When he graduated from high school in 1943, he enlisted in the army and he was shipped off to Louisiana for basic training. And it was during this time in the service that he obtained the nine millimeter pistol, which he would later use to murder his entire family. That's horrifying. Yeah. When World War II ended, John returned home and enrolled in summer courses at Bay City Junior College. Any earned credits that he would eventually transfer to an accounting program at the University of Michigan. He was an older student because he had put off enrollment since he was in the military. Yeah. So again, he was kind of an outsider like with everybody at school. Yeah. And they found him kind of like too serious, too stuffy. Like he wasn't really interested in what they were years later when they were asked about John List. Most of his fellow students really couldn't remember anything about him. Damn. Which like, I think he was just kind of doing his thing. Yeah. He was just kind of floating through. Not everybody goes to college to make friends. No. Now when the Korean War broke out, John was again called up to serve and he spent almost two years and mostly administrative roles and then was transferred back to Fort Eustis in Virginia. And it was there that he met Helen Taylor and he was immediately spent with her. For 10 years, Helen had actually been married to Lieutenant Marvin Taylor who died in Korea trying to save a platoon of 12 soldiers. Yeah. Naturally, his death hit Helen pretty hard. And it also left her alone to parent their young daughter. So after six months of grieving, Helen started dating at her sister's insistence. Her sister was like, you have to move on. Yeah. You can't be stuck in this forever. And it wasn't super easy to be single mom back then. No, of course not. I was going to say. But especially back then. So things hadn't really been going very well in the dating department until Helen met John. While most women found his soft re-shy personality to be kind of off-putting, Helen kind of welcomed the change of pace because the men that she had met were a little more brash. She had met like these military men who she was being set up with that she just like wasn't hitting it off of. Yeah. Then she met John and he was polite. He was mature. He was almost like pathologically reserved. Ah, that's a good way of describing it. Yeah. Putting it bluntly when she considered her options and her recent dating experiences, John kind of seemed like the safest and the easiest choice. Yeah, I get it. You know, as her daughter Brenda put it, her mother just settled on John. Yeah. So they'd only been dating for a few months when Helen realized she was pregnant in 1951. Her sister said, I don't think he wanted to get married. One week it was yes, the next week it was no. In the end, yeah, if you want somebody to be like so obsessed with you. Pretty enthusiastic about getting married. Yeah. But in the end, his religious upbringing kind of solved the question over what they should do. They decided that they should get married and raise the baby. It was the right thing. Okay. So a few weeks before their wedding though, Helen discovered that the pregnancy was a false alarm. She actually wasn't pregnant. And she told John, she was honest. But by that time, he had already committed to the wedding. So on December 1st, 1951, they were married in Baltimore, Maryland. You were just there. Okay. Now, after the wedding in a brief honeymoon in Washington, DC, John was reassigned to the Army, the Army's Finance Corps, where he finished out the second tour of duty and then he was discharged in 1952. They kind of moved around a lot. And the years that followed, they moved to Michigan to be near Alma. Between 1955 and 1958, the three kids were born first Patty, then John Junior, then Frederick. Brenda lived with her mother and John, but she said she usually felt like an outlier, which is really sad because remember, she was Helen's daughter for her first marriage. A lot of times she said she was left with her grandmother. While her mother and stepfather just went on trips without her. Oh my god. And that makes me wonder, were they going on trips with the new kids together and just leaving you at home? Or was it just them going on trips? Yeah, because I mean, either way, it kind of stinks, but that would add insult to injury if it was with the new kids. She said I didn't mind staying with my grandmother. I loved her, but I felt a little rejected. I missed my mother terribly. I didn't understand why she left me behind. Oh, that's awful. It really is. I hate that. Yeah. Now despite being a good accountant and a reliable employee, John did struggle in his professional life. He had very poor interpersonal skills as we've come to realize. Yeah. And he was usually just like a fucking curmudgeon. Yeah, that's what he sounds like. He's just grumpy. He was always at odds with his co-workers. Yeah. And the fact that he was so rigid really irritated his bosses because you have to learn how to work in an environment with other people. - Yeah, you can't just be like an angry robot. - No, it's not gonna work. - It doesn't make for good, you know, company vibes. Now in 1956, just months away from the birth of his son, John Zimpler called him into his office and said, "It might be best if he sought employment elsewhere." - Wow. - It's like firing light. - Yeah, I was gonna say it. - It was like, what if? - This was your idea. - What if? - But also my idea. - It could be great once given the drive. - What do you think? - And you leave. That's it. - John was like, okay, got it. - So he managed to get a new job at a manufacturing company. But being that close to poverty instilled a deep fear of failure that would haunt him for the rest of his life. Because when he took this new job, it was a pay cut. - No, okay. - And now he has even more kids to support. - So for the next four years, they, you know, the list seemed to be happy. They seemed to be supportive, I think, from the outside. But behind closed doors, there were secrets and there were small resentments that were building. And they were very much starting to affect not just the family, but John and Helen's marriage on its core. Helen had struggled with depression since her first husband died, obviously. And unfortunately, she didn't see getting kind of help for that. There also wasn't a ton of help for that back. - I was gonna say the time. - Probably would have put her on speed. - Probably. - So she turned to drinking as a means of escaping. And on top of that, she had also been experiencing chronic physical pain as a result of poorly treated syphilis that she had contracted from her first husband. - Holy shit. - But had never told John about. - Oh, man. - Yeah. - That can fuck you up. - Yes, syphilis is, no fucking job. So the drinking, you know, maybe helped her cope with the physical pain, but it only made her depression worse. And by the end of the 50s, she was struggling to perform even the most basic responsibilities as a homemaker. And that left a lot of the housework to Brenda at that time. Now when Brenda married and moved out in 1960, John saw it as an opportunity to shake things up. And he accepted a different position in Rochester, New York, and moved his entire family across the country. Since Helen was pretty much incapable of keeping up with the kids in the house, that's when Alma moved in with them. - Yeah. - And then five years later, John was offered a position in New Jersey. It was a considerable step up. And John wanted his lifestyle to reflect this promotion. So when it came time to look for a house in New Jersey, he settled on Westfield, which is where that lovely mansion was. - Yeah. - Based on the paperwork and the financial statements that were provided to their realtor, the agent chose a number of houses to show them that was in the $20,000 to $30,000 range. Which like, can we all just take a second? - Holy shit. - In like an upper middle class. - Yeah. - Like suburb of New Jersey. - 20 to 30, and it's like a massive mansion. - Yeah, well, so 20 to 30,000 was what they were showing them at first. - Yeah. - They figured that was roughly what the family could afford. The houses were adequate for a family of six people, but they weren't as much of a step up at that range as John and Helen had in mind. So despite their financial limitations, they wanted a house befitting of a vice president of a bank regardless of whether or not they could afford it. - When the agent, this agent's kind of like a rock star because the agent was like, I can't in good conscious help you buy a house you can't afford. - Yeah, I'm like, I'm goodness. - I'm not supposed to do that. - Yeah. - So they kind of fired, not even kind of they fired that. - They kind of fired. - I'm like firing light everywhere. - It's so crazy. - They did fire them, they moved on to a new realtor, and eventually they found Breeze Null, which was the mansion on Hellside Avenue. Now, by all accounts, it wasn't just the elegance and the glamour of the house that attracted the list to it for John. It was the way that the house seemed to revive something in Helen that he just hadn't seen in years. After a decade in the Midwest and a few years in industrial Rochester, both places where she'd never been quite comfortable. The house on Hellside Avenue reminded Helen of her childhood in North Carolina. And it seemed to bring back these like really nice memories for her, which kind of reinvigorated her spirit. - Yeah. - Now the agent reminded them that the payments would be pretty considerable and very out of their price range. - Yeah. - But John dismissed the advice and made an offer on the house, which Loki set him up for a disaster. Now, after digging through John's entire life, investigators again, didn't find anything to indicate potential for deadly violence, but also they didn't find any clues as to where he might have gone after he left New Jersey. As far as they could tell, he had no productive ties outside of his own family. And none of those people had seen or heard from him since the murders were committed. Like his, if he had a friend on the outside, they hadn't heard from him. And none of his extended family had. - Damn. - There also didn't appear to be any international connections that could have offered him safety in the months after his family killed his family. And FBI spokesperson told a reporter in the early summer of 1972, it was as though the guy was just swallowed up. - Oh, that's spooky. - To picture that? - Yeah, I don't like that. It's like, pousse, swallowed up. Yeah. Now since the bodies were discovered, the FBI and the local police had received obviously countless tips from all over the country. And they ran all these tips down no matter how trivial, but they still weren't any closer to finding him. By December 1973, four different law enforcement agencies had devoted countless hours to the investigation and the manhunt, and they were still no closer to locating him than they had been on day one. Chief Morgan said we've checked out hundreds of leads in the U.S. and other countries, but to no avail. People have thought they've seen list in all kinds of places, a television store in California, resorts abroad, but nothing. - But nothing? He was just swallowed up. The earth just said, "Oh, no." - So most people called to report having seen a man who looked exactly like John List, or at least as he appeared in the photo on his wanted poster. But other people did call with more elaborate theories and ideas. Some people even alleged that he could be DB Cooper. - Oh, yeah, I mean, that there is a resemblance. - There is. If you look at the two, yeah. - I don't know why he would have gone from family annihilating to plain hijacking. - You just never know. - Yeah. Neither one of those are things that you can really conceive of, so. - That's true. - And not do both. - And I guess they correlated than the fact that he needed money. - Yeah, exactly. - That would have been pretty brief to be DB Cooper whilst on the run for murdering your whole family. - Yeah, I never know. - Now, none of those tips proved to be useful. - But Chief Warren and the other investigators on the case remained convinced that List was still alive and they very much believed him to be on the run. And as long as there was reason to believe he was alive, they had every intention of hunting him down. - Damn. - Now, intentions aside, by the time the fifth anniversary of the murders rolled around in 1976, investigators still had not made any progress. And they said, "There's little that can be actively done "in a homicide investigation five years after the fact." - Yeah. - It is unfortunately somewhat true, especially back then. Like, yeah. - There was a lot of scientific evidence. - There were like additional footprint and stuff to follow. - No. By that time, leads had dried up completely. And while occasional reports and sightings of List came to the police and the FBI, they just always turned out to be cases of mistaken identity. - Yeah. - So by the end of the '70s, most people in Westfield had moved on and the stories of the List family and missing John List pretty much banished from the papers entirely. - That's crazy. - Sure people were still talking about it. - Yeah, it just wasn't like front page. - Yeah, unfortunately, things continued to be awful and the next story happened. In 1980, the executor of the List of State, Frederick Poppy, petitioned a court to declare John List officially dead so that the $15,000 in life insurance could be released to the outstanding debts that he had. Poppy petitioned the court for this very thing even years earlier, when the $225,000 that John had taken out in life insurance before the murders was still up for debate. - Jesus. - But at that time, the judge ruled the policies had lapsed and List and his estate were not eligible to claim the funds. - Damn. - The insurance companies were obviously not opposed or obviously opposed to paying out any of the money on the grounds that he killed his entire family. - Yeah. - So, and ultimately the judge agreed. He said, "In the court's mind, John List is alive and well." - I mean. - And we won't be paying that out, thank you. - But like, that's a no. - Thank you, have a good day. - Yeah. - In 1977, Chief Moore told the press, we know he's out there. We haven't forgotten him for a minute. We're waiting for him to make that one mistake that everybody has to make. No one can be perfect forever. - That's true. - It is. (upbeat music) (gentle music) - So year after year, local press did publish their annual "Where's John List" around the anniversary of the murders. As the years passed, detectives grew increasingly frustrated by the lack of progress, especially those who retired from the force, leaving the case open. - Oh yeah. - Imagine having to just walk away from that and knowing that it still isn't solved, but it's like this close. - Yeah, and it's just this like unanswered question in your professional life. - Yeah. - To make matters worse, those remaining on the case watched as finally advances in science and technology were starting to lead to other cases being solved while they remained unable to catch their killer. But then, in 1989, somebody had a bit of an unorthodox idea that would prove to be critical in the case. In 1988, Fox Television debuted America's most wanted. - Oh, have you ever heard of it? - Have you ever heard of it? - Ever heard of it? America's most wanted was an immediate success. Within four days of the first episode airing, law enforcement officials captured David Roberts, who was a convicted killer, who had tunneled his way out of an Indiana prison two years earlier. I can't believe that people actually tunneled out of prisons. Yeah. Like, that's like shocking. It really is, because it really is. You would think that would be pretty noticeable? I think we need to do a whole episode on prison escapes. Yeah, we do, actually. It's what has just occurred to me. That's a great idea. Yeah, we're going to do that, because it's a little part of true crime that just astounds me, and I don't think I go far enough into it all the time. Especially tunneling. Yeah. Anytime somebody escapes from a prison, it's astounding, because it's just the level of security in these prisons. You're just like, how? I feel like more often times now, it's like you have to befriend somebody. Yeah, I feel like I'm manipulating somebody now. The most recent ones seem to be-- Yeah. Via manipulation. Very manipulative. But back then, and back in the day, that was straight up physically tunneling out of a prison, or hiding in a laundry basket. I was literally just going to say that. We got to do a whole episode on them. Yeah, I love that idea. So we're going to do that. Yeah, we'll talk to Dave. Yep. All right. Isn't that crazy, though, within four days of America's most wanted premiering, they had already caught somebody? He was probably so pissed. He's like that fucking TV show. He said-- I tunneled out of this place. The goddamn modern '80s. Yeah. Now, by mid-1988, both the press and the police had started to accept that maybe John List was gone, and maybe they weren't going to get justice. He's not. And here's the thing. Not everybody felt that way about the case. Around that time, Westfield Police Captain Frank Moronka, who had taken over the case a year earlier, had recently taken an interest in America's most wanted. And he asked permission from the Union County District Attorney to pitch their case to the show's producer, and the District Attorney said, hell, yeah, brother. Hell? Yeah. Brother. Brother. Now, some who had been involved in the investigation for years, if not from the beginning, were a little skeptical that the broadcasting-- or that broadcasting the case on television was really going to do much good. But by that time, they really had run out of ideas. They'd even consulted a psychic. So nobody saw any harm in the idea. Yeah. They were like, really, what else are we going to do? Truly. The psychic didn't work. Our investigation isn't working. Let's go, girl. America's most wanted it is. So in his letters to the producers, Moronka outlined the case, going over the details and attempt to locate John List. And he included a significant amount of newspaper clippings to demonstrate the level of interest that was still going on. Coincidentally, the pitch arrived on the desk of A. Cable Bruce, a former reporter for the Elizabeth Daily Journal, out of New Jersey. Well, hometown there. As a former New Jersey reporter, Bruce was very familiar with the case. And he made the pitch-- or he made sure that the pitch made it to producers. 'Cause you have to imagine so many things come across. Those people's jokes, it's like, I'm sure. It's like magic to get it to a producer. Yeah. The request was actually initially rejected. Wow. Isn't that crazy? A lot of the producers felt like the case was too old. Which like now, I feel like it's just not a thing. No. As author Timothy Benford explains, America's most wanted was still new enough to get axed if it failed to live up to expectations. Without recent photos of the suspect, the chances of picking up Liz Trail after so many years were thought to be slim. It's so funny. People can be so like, one, you know, like short-sighted. Yeah, like one track mind. Yeah, like just being like, well, it's too old. We're not gonna fix it. It's like, where's anybody's hope? Where's anybody? Like, these are people. Yeah, it would be good to keep hope to say that we could find this guy. Well, and it's a little sad that like, like obviously it makes sense as a very new program. They do have to be just for TV ratings. But that's the thing. Like, it's not. Like it might not work for TV. New enough. So, like it's not gonna make people excited that it's not this new thing. It's like, come on. If anything, I would be quite excited to help with a case that was exactly sold, you know? Exactly. That's the thing. We get so excited to tell those. When they come up in the news, it's like, holy shit. Yeah, exactly. Finally a break. Now, undeterred though. Moronca pitched the idea to unsolved mysteries. Oh, hell yeah, with Robert Stack, my guy. Period. Yeah. But that too was rejected by producers for some mysteries kind of the same reasoning they felt like it was too old. That's dumb as hell. Because unsolved mysteries has some crazy shit from like all different time periods. I know. I like the new one on Netflix, but I really do want to watch like the old version over again. I haven't watched the new ones yet, because you're curious. I'm gonna give it a little. I'm a purist, but it's just the feeling of the old unsolved mysteries when I would watch it before Rescue 911, which is I can't replicate that feeling and I'm scared to try. I used to love with this lady, Judy. And she fucking loved unsolved mysteries. Oh, yeah. We would watch, I was like, seven, eight. I would watch unsolved mysteries, law and order. And then we'd watch Judge Judy and the Red Sox. Wow. And that was our fucking lineup. Me and Judy were living. Me and Judy. I loved that lady. I was unsolved mysteries in Rescue 911, especially if you were home from school, there would be the reruns in the morning, hell yeah. I don't think I remember Rescue 911. Rescue 911 was a real time. Do you know what I watched reruns have in the morning? Lorraine? No, Laverne and Shirley. Oh, yeah. I always want to say Lorraine, I don't know. I loved that shit. Oh, so good. And Robert Stacks voice. Oh, with the original theme song. Yup. That used to scare the shit out of me. Yeah. He had the part, like, only evening off. Oh, I didn't even do your drugs. I can't believe I just did that. Yeah. That was wild. But I, but I, but I, but I, I heard his voice in my head, but my mouth couldn't do it. My voice box will never be Robert. Never. Well, neither one of us will ever be Robert. Yeah. But I can feel it. I can feel it. And then it, the reenactments were always so stupid. Oh, yeah. But I'm picturing one in my head. It was like a limo on like a dark street in the middle of nowhere. Yeah. There's probably several like that. But probably. I'd always scared me at the end when they would tell you this horrific story. And then they would be like, he is still on the run. So if you've seen this man, then call this and you were like, what the fuck? Like at the end of it, you were always, you were locked in because it's so, so funny. Because you were shocked. But then you were like, oh, this is unsolved mysteries after all. It's unsolved mysteries. And you'd have those ones that like, like, like caught up with whatever, yeah, but it was like, you're watching unsolved mysteries. You're locked in. Yeah. And then they're like, strangely, this is unsolved in every fucking time. You would be like, oh, my God, they're still on the loose like it was crazy. Yeah. I don't know why we had such weird cognitive dissonance between the title of the show and the actual. It's all right. It happened every day. It was Robert's comforting voice. He made you feel like he was going to, you know, put a cherry on top of the bow on it. Yeah. And sometimes they give you a mystery that wasn't like a brutal murder. That's true. So I think that those are the ones that you were like, oh, cool. That's all. That's wild. Let's solve that. But the fucking murder ones, you were like, solve that. Yeah. Please. I'm not mad. And they were spooky. Yeah. I don't know how to transition back into this. Miss Talja. Miss Talja. I'm not talking about America's most wanted yet. That's so nostalgic. Miss wanted said no, unsolved mystery said no. But after a few months on the air, America's most wanted had become a huge hit for the network. So Moronka decided he would try again to get the list case on the show. He's like, now you're not worried about ratings. Yeah. What if we throw the sold ass case on there? Yeah. Can we put it in there? So he tried again in December of 1988. Not satisfied this time with just sending the letter. He actually learned that one of the show's producers was going to be at an upcoming conference at conference in Delaware. So in late January 1989, he made plans to travel there and make the pitch in person. Oh, wow. That's bad. That's dedication. And the tenacity paid off, baby. It always does. It always does. After giving his pitch to the producer in the lobby of the conference center, the producer accepted the case and 10 weeks later on April 12th, a film crew arrived in Westfield to shoot the segment. Yes. Hell yeah. So by the time the case had been accepted by the producers, the show had led to the successful capture of 40 fugitives. And investigators hoped that soon they could make that 41 with John List being that 40 cars. Detective Bernard Tracy said, we think it's our only real shot to find list. Although we get a lot of publicity around here, especially on the anniversary of the murders, nationwide, it doesn't get this much coverage. So through interviews and dramatic recreations, we've all seen America's most wanted. The production team gave an overview of the case and efforts to find list. And they worked with a sketch artist to create renderings of him as he might have appeared now in 1989. It was an eight minute segment. It appeared in an episode on May 21st, 1989. And within minutes, the hotline switchboard started just lighting up with tips coming in from all over the US. Let's go. Tracy told reporters the following day, there's a couple that matches physical description and his personality profile, but it would take time to sort through everything before they could provide any details. Tracy said there's really only one call that counts. It's like the lottery, you know, we're just waiting on that one call. Yeah. No unbeknownst to Tracy and the other investigators, that call had already come in. Oh, it's here, baby. It's here, honey. Just 40 minutes after the episode went off the air. The hotline received a call from Denver, Colorado. And the caller said that the artist rendering of List looked very much like their former neighbor Robert Clark, who had moved recently to Richmond, Virginia. They call it really didn't have a lot more information, but they did include Clark's address in Virginia. - Holy, this is 40 minutes after a day or so. - 40 minutes after a day or so. - It's also like the next top model. - I was like, America's next top fugitive. - I was like, actually. - America's most wanted period is incredibly valuable. - It really is. - It really is. Bernard Tracey remembered seeing the name Robert P. Clark as one of the other investigators combed through tips on note cards. Tracey actually recognized the name as somebody that he knew in Westfield. - Ooh. - So it struck him as kind of funny that it should come up in this context, but at the same time, he said it's not my guy. This one's in Virginia. It's funny to see the name of somebody, you know, pop up like this. - Pretty hilarious. - Huh. - What a funny coincidence. - Yeah. So he might not have thought that Robert Clark would have been John List, but the agents at the FBI field office in New Jersey were less certain and on June 1st, they paid a visit to the address that was provided by the anonymous caller. When they knocked on the door, the agents were greeted by Robert Clark, a 64-year-old accountant who bore remarkable resemblance to New Jersey mass murderer, John List. - What the fuck up? - Special agent sold reporters. Although he would not admit his identity, List was positively identified by his fingerprints. - That is incredible. - His denial was supported by his coolness, other than the scar until they got down to the fingerprints, he was very convincing. - This motherfucker just moved into another house. - Yeah. - He got another job, a whole last new identity and just lived his life after annihilating his entire family. - You have no idea. - Like, you have no idea. - He remarried. - And this asshole was like, yeah, I did it for Mercy, because I didn't want them to live like in town at first. - And it's like, oh, you just went on and had a whole other life, how merciful. - Also, at first, they got him via fingerprints and he was like, nope. - No, it's crazy that we have the same fingerprints. - Not me, nuts. - Eventually, he was like, yeah, I did it for Mercy, but first he was like, no. - Not me. - I don't know who that is. - I'm Robert Clark. - That's weird, 'cause you have the same fingerprints that has, that's literally just yours. - Like, that's not a thing, babe. - Wow. - Wild. - So, like I said, after his arrest, he kept his mouth shut, but that didn't prevent FBI and detectives in Westfield from prying into the background of one Robert Clark. - Robert. - Or Robert, you're pissing me off. - From what they could tell, list I've been working under a pseudonym as an accountant and a financial advisor for a Richmond area accounting firm. - A financial advisor is the grossest irony I've ever heard. - It's diabolical. - Like, that's disgusting. - Killed his entire family because he couldn't afford his entire family. - And then became a financial advisor for other family. - He's so upset. - He gave me out of here. - So upset. - It's disgusting. - And like I said, he had even remarried in 1985 to Dolores Miller. - Oh, Dolores. - A woman he met in a 1977 Lutheran Church conference in Colorado. - Cute. - Agent McGinley said, "When the agents confronted his new wife, "she identified the pictures "being very much looking like her husband." - She's like, "Yeah, that's crazy." - That looks a lot like him. - That does look like him. - By all accounts, she genuinely appeared to have no knowledge of her husband's criminal history. - Oh, that's very sad. - I was gonna say. News of the arrest came as a shock to nearly everybody who was close to the case. For 18 years, remember, he's been on the run for 18 years. - Holy shit. - And for all those 18 years, friends and family of the murdered lists had basically started losing hope that this case would ever be solved and John would ever be found. Helen sister Jean said, "I still can't believe it. "This took my breath away." - Yeah, I bet. - The residents of Westfield, New Jersey, were equally stunned by the arrest. Former next door neighbor who actually called the cops and got the whole thing kinda started. - What about us? - Bill Connick, he said, "I didn't ever think he'd be cop "because I didn't think he'd stay in the US. "I knew he had a German background. "I thought he would hole up "in the back wards of Bavaria "or someplace like that." - Honestly? - Which like, yeah, you would think. - You would think. - He'd go to fucking Virginia. - Yeah, and just live a whole new life. - And just assume he wasn't gonna get caught. - Yeah, assume everything's gonna be fine. Bill Connick wasn't the only person who imagined that John had to applaud the US and establish some kind of far off new life in a much different location. In fact, it seemed the most likely and reasonable assumption given what, exactly what he was floating from. But as detectives had established early on in their investigation, he didn't have a passport. So it would have been really, really hard for him to leave the country. Obviously not impossible. You can forge passports, but I think it was a little more tough back then. - Tricky. - So instead, he fled New Jersey for Michigan as they had expected. But by the time the bodies had been discovered and the manhunt had begun, he had fled again this time to Denver, where he established himself as Robert Bob Clark, a mild-mannered, deeply religious accountant. - Wow. - The name it turned out was inspired by his one-time college classmate. - Wow. - Yeah. - And the way that it's more shocking, too, that he didn't change his appearance at all. - No. - I think he just was like, yeah, I'm just Robert now. - And it's like, like your face is still your face. - Yeah. - Like that's still a thing. - Yeah. - And your fingerprints are always your fingerprints. - I always are. It's interesting that he didn't even try to like, fuck those up. - I know. - You know what I mean? - Yeah. - I don't really know that you can, but it's like, still. - I don't know, I guess we're the, you didn't dip your fingers in acid. Just like, dye your hair. - Yeah. - You know? - You know, do something. - I didn't know if he did dye his hair. I'm trying to think. - Yeah, no, he didn't. - Yeah, he just like, I just wanted to make sure - I think that's why the neighbors were like, hey, that guy looks just like that guy, 'cause it's like, he didn't do anything. - Not only did he not do anything, he kept wearing his same style of glass. - Yeah, like he literally didn't change anything. - He was like, you didn't even get a new style of glasses. - Yeah, he's like, I'm just jaunless to, I'm literally Robert Clark dressed as jaunless. - Yeah. - That's all. - That doesn't, what are you doing? He's like, no, I just happen to look like that guy, the British whole family. - Yeah, like whatever. - I have no connections anywhere whatsoever. - We share the same fingerprints, but. - That's a, what does that say? - Smoking gun, not only so. - Come on, get out of here. - No, any fantasies that the public had imagined for lists that he had fled to a remote island, that he was notorious Skyjack or DB Cooper and so on, also turned out to be very far from the truth. - Bummer. - In reality, he had meticulously planned and executed the mass murder of his entire family in New Jersey, only to just move to another suburban area and basically start a life that was identical to the one he'd abandoned. - That's what's great, like it's crazy diabolical. Like that's diabolical, to just move to another suburb after you've murdered your, you've annihilated all of your children, your wife and your mother. - Yup. - And you did it quote unquote as a mercy killing. - As a mercy killing because you couldn't provide for them, so you moved to another suburb and begin providing for another person. - Yeah. - And yourself. - And just keep living your life peacefully. - You just lived the same life. He settled in Colorado. He found very similar work to what he'd already done and he joined the Lutheran church community which he had already belonged to back in New Jersey. And he spent most of his leisure time in church-related activities, again, much like he'd done in New Jersey. - He's just such an asshole. Like you really, you're like, I just, he's an asshole. - Yeah. - Like you're just an asshole. - Yeah. - Wow. - That's the thing. - And he-- - And won an asshole. - He also continued to be an asshole like when he moved because like his neighbors in Westfield, there weren't very many people in Colorado or in Virginia who seem to know him very well. Like the people that lived near him. - Yeah, so he just kept on his same bullshit. - Yeah. - Like what the fuck dude? - Switch your hair up. - Switch your glasses up. - I don't know why. - Yeah. - That pisses me off so much. I'm like-- - Because they're so recognized. It may look like he looks like John List. - He wears like horn-rimmed glasses. - Yeah. - Just get different glasses. - Literally. - In 1977, he attended that church single stance where he met Dolores Miller, his future wife. - Wow. - She was a 40-year-old divorcee who also obviously attended the church. Now, even after they'd been dating after they, you know, had a cute meet cute at the church stance, even after they'd been dating for several months, Dolores kept the relationship to her herself. Huh, I think it's a little interesting. - That's interesting. It was only after List moved in with her in the fall of 1985 that she introduced him to her friend and neighbor, wanted a flannery. Flannery said, "Dolores never told me about Bob. "I didn't meet him till he moved in." And a month later, they got married. - That's weird. - Yeah. - That's just me. I think that's a little bit weird. - Yeah. - About six months later, John got laid off from his job and they spent the next, like, 18 months living off of Dolores' salary from her job. In 1987, John responded to a want ad and a Virginia paper seeking accountants. And he was offered a position with the company and that's why they moved to Virginia. - Oh, okay. - Now, Wanda Flannery was among the millions of Americans who watched America's most wanted that night. And she recognized John List, a.k.a. Bob immediately. - Oh, no. - She said, "I said that's Bob." I told my son-in-law, call the FBI, give them Bob and Dolores' address in Virginia. - Oh, no. - So she said in emotion the chain of events that led to John List. - Wow. - Wow. Wanda Flannery. - Wanda Flannery. - The fact that she saw him and was just like, that's Bob. - Yeah. - Like, that's crazy. - She's like, no fucking doubt about it. - Yeah, like, he didn't change his appearance. - At all. But she said he still has the same glasses because usually people are like I don't know like that looks like him You know like there's always that kind of thing. She's like nah, that's him. Yeah Now despite the again Overwhelming evidence against him including a positive match for his fingerprints which conclusively identified him as Johnless like you are the fault. Yeah, you are annihilated your family Yeah Dolores refused to believe that that that her husband and Johnless were the same person In a statement to reporters in June of 1989. She said I don't believe it. I love my husband very deeply I do not believe this is the same man I have never known Robert to be anything but a sweet and gentle man of good character We've had a happy marriage filled with mutual love and respect people who know Robert would agree He has a great desire to do well and to maintain good relationships with others He's always been very helpful and kind to those in need Robert is an exceptional man So did he steal someone's fingerprints or did he get like a hand transplant? Literally the only response to that is so how does he have Johnless fingerprints the only response to that is Dolor and she says that's not him and you say But how does he have Johnless like like if you can explain that to me? Sure Dolores. I will absolutely go along with this. Yeah. I understand I can't imagine finding out your husband of however many years killed his whole family years annihilated his children mother and former life But when they have the same fingerprints they're the same person You do have to take that into consideration. Yeah. Not even consideration. You just have to acknowledge that But you know what? I feel like Dolores is not at the point of acknowledgement here I think take it into consideration. She's not even taking it into she's like maybe think critically Shminger prints. I am not interested in Positive identification. She's like that's just no Robert equal signs slash no no period and it's like just Roll it around a little bit. Yeah, I feel bad because oh, it's awful. I can't imagine. I can't I can't that I'm not being really cannot set off in your life. Yeah But whether she wanted to admit it or not there was no denying the fact that Dolores's husband Bob was indeed family annihilator Johnless That's horrific But she herself and list continued to insist that they had arrested the wrong man He's wild for that no even while he was being held in jail pending his arrangement He continued to refer to himself as Bob Clark and insisted that other people do the same He's like that's the identity. I have adopted so you will call me that. But you're Johnless. Yeah, that's what we're going to tell you Nope, you are literally Johnless Elsewhere though in Union County, New Jersey Prosecutors Eleanor Clark and Brian Gillette were preparing to receive their long-awaited fugitive And we're eager to put an end to this entire fucking charade hell yeah again So Johnless spent eight months in a New Jersey jail cell mostly quietly reading his Bible Bible read or Bible or writing letters to friends all while continuing to insist that he was not Johnless But he was Robert Clark of Virginia By February of 1990 when it became clear that literally not one single person on this earth aside for maybe his wife Beliefed him. They confronted him with the fact that his identity had been proved several different times through fingerprint Yeah, he finally gave up and was like, you know what? It's me. He's like gotcha Gotcha guys. They're like crazy. But you never did John. It's like now. We knew the whole time Yeah, so his trial began in Elizabeth, New Jersey on April 1st 1990 and his opening statement assistant district attorney Brian Gillette laid out the state's basic theory Johnless killed his whole family to solve a problem that God didn't Well, yeah Siting the letter that he had written to his reverend Gillette told the jury that when faced with financial problems He couldn't see his way out of Johnless engaged in the quote systematic executions of his family Rather than face the embarrassment of poverty. That's chilling. It is he said his plan was quote the worst possible nightmare for any mother child or wife A brutally senseless killing at the hands of somebody they loved and dependent on yeah, that's exactly what it is. Yeah Defense attorney Elijah Miller had a far different explanation for the crimes He tried but he was unable to get the letter that John had written to his pastor and some other evidence thrown out So he decided to lean into the contents of the letter to the pastor instead since he couldn't get rid of it He was like, okay, let's work with this due to list strict religious upbringing He believed himself to be the keeper of his family salvation and the only one who could prevent them from seeking deeper into perdition Huh. Yeah, Miller told the jury on that fateful day He stepped from despair into oblivion. He entered hell with his eyes open He committed these acts with love and his heart for his mother his wife and his children I have one thing to say hold on to simply walk away would be a violation of what he's been taught The need to do right Literally go fuck yourself Pay Rear that is the yuckiest defense I have ever heard in my entire like that last line that is actually Disgusting to simply walk away would have been a violation of what he'd been taught the need to do right I know that it's their job But I gotta wonder how this person goes home. Do you have a family that you go home to You just said those words and then you go home to your fib that's insane. That's wild work It's true insanity like I realize I I respect defense attorney like all you you guys know that I don't want to hear anything We've been through don't do the whole like defense attorney. I know This defense attorney are you kidding me here? You get I know again. I know they have to make the case. I realize that but like What do you do when you go home? Like are you doing a thousand Hail Mary's for why you just I don't know if it's like raise Impressed is the right word, but like the mental gymnastics is someone impressive. No, it absolutely because I'm just like Wow, you just took like one of the worst people on the planet and we all know he killed his whole family But you have to like make us think that he thought that was okay like you like you have to make him into some kind of like Righteous holy warrior for his family. Yeah, it's like a crusader and that like he did like the way he said He committed these acts with love in his heart is Diabolical like that's I'm sorry. That's insane to say like really when he shot his son multiple times while like chasing him around the house And I got home from soccer practice literally. I have to wonder being on that jury. I'd be like are you fucking kidding me with that? Like I'd feel like immediately. I'd be like uh guilty. Yeah, gross Like what the fuck? Basically, I think In so many words or without so many words he was trying to use religious psychosis. Of course he was Essentially, he was arguing it was John's religious upbringing that had left him with no other options As far as fleeing after committing the murders because it's like wait, but where did the psychosis look? Yeah, that too was the result of his religious belief according to the defense attorney suicide would have been a sin But murder's not no, but murdering your entire family is not. No, you're doing salvation for them What the fuck is a sin at that point? What is it? What is the what is the meaning of the word sin? Well, you get to perceive it on your own. Yeah, you got to make it up as you go along. That's fun. Yeah, I love it Isn't that convenient? Yeah, super cool. Fuck that Yeah, it's kind of like a choose your own adventure. Yeah, that's crazy I wonder the circumstances Elijah Miller's uh Miller's argument to the jury was a big fuck. Yeah He wanted he this is the thing he wanted them obviously to believe that John was so psychologically impaired But he planned the systematic execution of his entire family in some weird twisted attempt to save their souls But then also fled That's a thing But that was still psychosis and created an entire new identity and lived a quiet life and continued running pretending to be someone else Because he knew what he did was wrong. Right. That's not psychosis babe But he suggested the evidence would show that that religious upbringing and lifelong's tricked adherence to his faith had convinced him that what he was doing was an act of love But again That did not explain the obvious question left in everybody's mind if list believe that these things so completely and believed that he was doing the right thing Why not turn himself in immediately? That's the thing. So suicide is the sin. Okay Got it sure. I cool that you can make up what's a sin and what's not for sure for sure Really fun part of this whole thing. Sure. Yep. I'll go with it So there's only one other option and that's flea right we're forgetting that special third option Which is turn yourself in and face the fucking consequences of your actions Isn't that to me feels a little more holy and godly isn't that nutritious then exactly yeah That's a whole thing in the bobble but instead you're gonna fuck off and leave and make up a whole new identity and live with some other woman That's not very contrite that doesn't seem very like are you kidding me with that? No I know they didn't have a lot to work with here, but he really didn't I also was like, did you think you were gonna win with this? Yeah, I don't want this one I'd feel like that's that's a no for me. I think I'll take a different one. Please. Yeah The fact that Johnless murdered his family his entire family was never in question But what was was the matter of whether he had been a sound mind when he did it? I guess that was in question Yeah, that that had to be in question I guess yeah In the days that followed the jury and the judge her testimony from a number of expert witnesses who went over the evidence collected from the list house Essentially providing a detailed account of the murders as they were believed to have happened Finally on April 6th the jury heard testimony that they had all been waiting for testimony as to the motive response to Miller's questions, pastor Eugene Rowingcle said, "I think John's problem was he knew doctrine, but he didn't know faith. I think John all the way along thought he was doing what was right, but he didn't trust God to be able to handle his problems." I think. Interesting interpretation. I think his interpretation has a little bit of truth to it. I do too. I think I can. I can see that. Because I think what he's. I think the interesting part of that is he knew doctrine. But not faith. Because he didn't have faith in God that God would reverse the situation. Exactly. And that he was strictly going by black and white ink on paper, situation, and he wasn't sitting there and really thinking on what these things mean, and how he could interpret them to do anything other than murder his entire family. Right. Because instead, if he had faith, he would have looked to God and said, "I trust in you to make this situation better, and I'm going to keep praying on it." Yeah. And I see where he's coming from. No, I'm not. Kill my whole family. Yeah. But, you know, who am I? Yeah. So the Reverend's testimony supported Miller's defense perfectly, though. John List had misunderstood biblical teachings so thoroughly memorizing the words, but not internalizing their meaning that he'd resorted to the unthinkable believing it was the right thing. But that also doesn't prove. Well, here's the thing. Because it's like, "Okay. So he's like kind of like he's just misinterpreting words, and we're going to be like, "You get to pass for that one." Right. You didn't understand the passage. I get it. Like, it's like, "No." You don't get to be like, "I didn't understand that paragraph." Yeah. So I murdered my whole family. Not even like the paragraph. He didn't understand it as a whole. Like, it's just. You don't get a pad. That doesn't make you insane. That just makes you not have good reading skills. Yeah. You're not good at it. Yeah. On text clues. Yeah. You know. But there were other explanations for John's actions that were less spiritual in nature. In his testimony, Dr. Lionel Aronworth, a physician who had examined lists two months earlier, suggested one explanation for John's life on the run, "could have been explained by his untreated diabetes malitis." According to this doctor, the disease can cause memory lapses, and during their last interview, John was rambling and unable to answer questions about his family, college degrees, or employment history without prompting. Hmm. Diabetes. It's crazy. It's a wild amount of people with diabetes that just annihilate their family and then go on the run for 18 years. Just forget about it. It's so common. Yeah. It should be on like the list of like symptoms for diabetes. Yeah. Diabetes malincus, for sure malincus. Yeah. Annihilate your whole family and then leave. And then forget. And then go on the run and adopt a new identity for 18 years. You won't even know what you did. Yeah. And you should get away with it for that. Yeah. You know? I see. I think I'm like. Even if that was the case, he still killed his whole family. Yeah. So I don't. What if he. What if he murders more people and then forgets about it? I'm going to call bullshit on this one. Same season. Yeah. On April 7th, though, psychiatrists Dr. Sheldon Miller took the stand to provide an alternate explanation for list behavior. Dr. Sheldon Miller testified. He was a man who was stuck, who was being bombarded with stresses that he was always taught to try to contain control. He was faced with considering his options and he virtually snapped. Another evaluated John List following his arrest and diagnosed him with an obsessive compulsive personality disorder, which he said explained to me why a lot of those things happened. According to Miller, List allowing his family, quote, "to go on welfare" would open them to ridicule. That Mr. List. It showed that Mr. List did not love them and violate the teachings he received from an authoritarian. Authoritarian. Authoritarian. I can never say that. Authoritarian. Father, who taught him to care for and protect his family and never allow them to go on the public dole. Everybody's got to get it together. They really like you just got to get it together. Yeah. Now here's another doctor, Dr. Alan Goldstein, a clinical psychologist with the John J. College of Criminal Justice strengthened the defense's argument by concurring with Miller's diagnosis. According to Goldstein, John List knew killing his family was morally and civilly wrong, but he, quote, "possessed enough problems with his thinking process that he couldn't re-evaluate his plan, he wasn't served well by his intellect." So basically, he said he's a dumbass. Literally, he's like, he was stupid and he didn't understand the Bible and he didn't get the Bible or the teachings. So he killed his family, like, let's all just like get over it. He just doesn't get it. Yeah. So let him be stupid. Send him to Bible camp. Yeah, that's it. He just has to go to Bible camp. There he happens. The defense witnesses was compelling, I guess. It happened. It was a thing. It existed. But the prosecution had their own expert witness, psychiatrist Dr. Steven Smearing, who offered more insight into List's rationale at the time of the murders. Smearing agreed with the other experts that List did meet the criteria for obsessive compulsive disorder, but he disagreed with their assessment of listability to process information at the time. Dr. Smearing had also evaluated List after he'd been arrested, and his assessment was that while John List did appear to be suffering from the symptoms of illness at the time of the killings, he was still, quote, "capable of deliberating on his decision to kill his entire family." Yeah. He wasn't actually psychotic in those moments. No. He wasn't criminally insane. No. He understood that this was wrong, that's why he went on the run. He also had the wherewithal to plan. Sit down and plan these murders, and he went through a full day. He turned up the AC. Exactly. Like, let's be real here. Exactly. There's a lot of planning and a lot of steps that were taken here. Yeah. And that's the thing. According to Smearing, List description of the days leading up to the murder suggests that he was not fully committed and could have turned back at several points before going through this plan, meaning he may have been impaired at the time, but not so impaired that he couldn't have stopped himself with this whole plan. Yeah. So on April 12th, the jury entered the deliberation room and argued for six hours before around six hours, before finally calling it a night, a little after six p.m. The next day, just before noon, they merged from their chambers to find John List guilty on five counts of first-degree murder. As each verdict was read aloud in the courtroom, John List just sat stock still at the defense table, peering down at the floor. Imagine facing the fucking fire after 18 years of dicking around as Robert Clark. Good. Look at the fucking ground. Like how? Look at the ground for the resting of life. Per New Jersey law, each count carried an automatic life sentence, so that's five life sentences right there. Bye, babe. A few years later, he did appeal the verdict, arguing that his judgment had been impaired by post-traumatic stress disorder from his military service in World War II and Korea and that his letter to the pastor should have been kept confidential. Both of those motions were denied by the courts. Yeah. So, for nearly 40 years, he really said very little about the murders and really expressed zero remorse for them either. Finally, in 2002, he did agree to sit down with ABC News and he sat down with anchor Connie Chung to talk about the case. He told Connie, "I feel when we get to heaven, we won't worry about these earthly things. They'll either have forgiven me or won't realize, you know, what happened." So he literally-- A little wild interpretation of real speaking. When we get to--I'm also like, "So you killed your whole family and you think that when you get to heaven, you'll bamboozle them again." Yeah. He's literally like, "I love that he's like, I'll get to happen and maybe like, maybe they also have diabetes and they won't remember what happened." Yeah. You know? You never know. Maybe that's what's going to happen in heaven. We won't worry about these earthly things. No. If I'm in heaven and you killed me, I'm going to still be pissed off about it. I'm going to find you. What happened? How about that? Like what? Yeah. Catch me in heaven. How about that? He is literally just relying on, like, they'll forget. I don't know. Maybe people forget stuff all the time. They're not worried about it anymore. Yeah. No. They're not going to be that different. You know what? That happened so long ago. I'm also like, "So what are you going to do in Doloristize? Because she's your wife too. You just go like, introduce them to each other like, what's the vibe there?" Yeah. Just be like, "Oh, this is weird. What's your plan?" Oxford. Also, you think you're going to heaven? You annihilated your whole family. Yeah. I don't know if I believe in that. But if I did, I don't think you're going there. Yeah. That one asked whether he understood that he violated both God and man's laws. He replied, "I knew it was wrong. As I was doing it, I knew it was wrong." Oh, there it is. Boom. Despite that, though, he spent most of the four-hour interview trying to explain away his actions by offering the same claims of financial stress and religious anxiety, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. You still can't kill your whole family. No, you can't. John List died on March 21st, 2008, from complications from pneumonia, and I hope it sucked. He was 82. Bye. I don't think he was there to live that long. No. What a case, though. What a jackass. What a jackass. He just really barely ever took any responsibility at all and was just like, "What? I'm going to heaven and I'll see my family there." And they won't know. For him to still be like, "I don't know. I didn't have money." Okay. And I was pissed about it like that's it like it's just, oh, cool, maybe okay, I have fucking mansion then that you can't afford. Exactly. It's all your goddamn house. - Yeah, just-- - What are you doing? Stick with your original realtor who wasn't gonna sell beyond your means. - And he's still just eight, 80 years old, being like, "I don't know, I'll get into heaven." And I think everyone will have forgotten about it by then. - I don't think he's there. - And it's like, you just hang on to that, okay. - I think it's got it. - I think it's just sell him at the doors with those horn-roomed glasses, he'd say-- - He'd be like, "Absolutely not." - "Tonight on tree." - "Tonight on tree." - "Tonight on tree." - "Tonight on tree." - No way. - "Hate it." - What an asshole. - "Truly the biggest asshole." - Yeah. - I do think it is my turn for a fun fact. - Yes. - You've done a couple fucked facts. - Yeah, I've done some fucked facts. - Let's see. - We need a fun fact. - We do need a fun fact. Abraham Lincoln was a licensed bartender. - What? - Imagine just shooting the shit with a, at the bar. - That's wild. - Just mixing you up a drink. - Damn. - Yeah, I love that. - Good for him. - An 1833 he and his business partner secured an official tavern license in Illinois. - I love that for him. - Yeah. - He was the only US president to hold a liquor license. - That's sick. - Yeah, good for him. - He's a good time guy. I just love picturing him behind like a modern day bar. - Yeah, and I know he probably wasn't, but I think he was wearing that. - No, he knew he was, you know? - He for sure was. - Yeah. - It just feels that way. - It makes sense. You gotta like keep your hair back. - Yeah, I love it. - I love it. - So we hope you keep listening. - And we hope you. - Keep it weird. But not so weird that you don't talk to your next bartender about Abraham Lincoln. - Yeah. - Is that Lincoln weird? - Lincoln. - Lincoln. - Yeah, Lincoln. - Yeah, Lincoln. - I gotta go. 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