The Hotel Bar with Drew Lausch

Mä olen trippaa ylpeänä esittää, trippladeis, uusia etuja ja mahtavia tarjoksia joka päivä, torstaista sunnuntaihin. Meille on helppotulla aina aamun varhaisesta iltamyöhään. Katsokkaikitarjokset, Mä olen trippä, pistäppi. Läetkökäämään järvenpäin uudessa Euroosparissa. Jos olen nopeita, niin mikä sen kalperessun nimi on? Nyt te tarjuu. Spariis-print! Olen pialaiset meni joo. Voitaisi spariluistenla sinne. Huona ja vitsää. Puukkaikkelits! Euroosparon avattu järvenpäin tokuman niin. Tervetuloa hollantumaan. Uudet Samsung Galaxy Bugs 4 Pro naptiku-logkat. Isompi Soundi, Samassa Kossa, 20 prosenttiasuurempi kajutin tuos yvemmän ääni. Huippuokan Soundi. Tutusto Samsung PisteKom. Hello, kiitos ja kiitos! Se on seuraava, että se on ämme M. Luals. Ja se on seuraava, kun minuutkoi. Hei, jotenkin! Täällä on joukkoon! Täällä on joukkoon! Täällä on joukkoon! Täällä on joukkoon! Täällä on joukkoon! - Yeah. - Well, what was that like? Are you there your whole childhood? - Yeah, so until, yeah, I mean, it was born and raised and then I left when I was 18. - Yeah. - You know, it's so interesting. I feel like hindsight is really a gift. When I was like, I obviously being, not to be like dark, being gay there was fucking terrible. - Of course. - But there was like a very small, and thriving arts community. There's even a bunch of, not like a bunch. There's a small select group, but that all came to New York and I felt, and I was just, my best friend was just visiting and I was like, obviously there were so many shitty parts, but I really do feel like I was raised in a community theater and that feels amazing. - It's amazing. - Yeah, that was such a gift and I was like, always, you know what I mean? So yeah, I don't know, it was both. - What am I picturing? Like a farm town, like a suburb, a city where how can I envision this? - Totally. So I mean, a lot of times when I say Fargo people are like, oh, you were like riding a horse to school and it's like, no, Fargo has, so Fargo and it's like kind of surrounding like cities, so it's like Fargo, and then there's a city right across the river, which is Moorhead, so it's like Fargo Moorhead and then there's West Fargo, so that entire area's actually like 250 to 300,000 people. So it's not like a farm town. - Exactly. - Not like so small, but it is very like, like everybody, like it's still like everybody knows your name. - If you had stayed and tried to be like a gay adult there, you'd know the like however small percentage of gay adults and all go the same place. - Yeah, well, I feel like I know. I mean, I feel like there's not a gay bar in part, you know, any of this running. I mean, I feel like I know, not that it's all about being gay, but I mean, it's like, I know all the girl-aids that are there, like it's like, we were, you know, but. - Yeah. - Yeah. - So do you have your little like your group of friends? It sounds like you had your people, and that was really helpful for you. It sounds like, I don't know. - Yeah. - Or were you like not really, like how long do I take you to find your crew? - Well, I mean, I don't know. It's again, it's like so interesting. I always felt, and again, like knock on, I don't know why I just knocked on wood. I don't like, I was like- - Well, it is a podcast, audible. - Yeah. - So, yeah, that was my answer, Mark. I was just trying to like rock the audience's world. I was always like I always did feel like I had a lot of friends. I was I mean it's so funny. I was just talking to my best friend Kora who now is like living in Fargo, North Dakota again, but she was in New York and like, whatever. I mean, you know everybody's all over the place. But I like loved like six. Like fifth and sixth grade, I felt like very popular and then like seventh eighth grade was kind of when like people started like I was tap dancing so people were like something might be in the water there. You know what I mean? And then it felt I felt kind of alienated. But I also, but then I was getting really involved in theater and that you know that was such a beautiful community to be a part of. Yeah. And I mean, yeah, like I don't know freshman and sophomore year were tough. It was like I was friends with all of the like popular girls in school. But like all of my like I quit soccer to do like this musical theater camp in Fargo and then I like lost all of my like, jock friends. And it was very like I was I just was like, oh no, like now I like I am gay like all I have a girl and I was gay. I am you know, whatever. But yeah. And I had like a seeker boyfriend at 16. He really helped a lot. I mean that was kind of a nice like fuck you Fargo. Like I can still I can figure my life out exactly like I'm going to like give roadhead like. Take that North Dakota. Yeah. And I transferred schools to like the the sister city school because their theater department was like, you know, really good. And there was like everybody was just had like a less stick up the ass and it's Minnesota so it was better. And then I just felt very like for the most part accepted blah blah blah. Yeah, sorry. Well, I just really know that was great. So when you were like younger like in elementary and junior high, you were like playing soccer and you were like, yeah, were you like actively trying to like did did you know you were gay or you actively trying to hide it where you just kind of like living and not thinking about it like, you know, I really like it's so funny because I feel like if no one tells you it's bad like I would have just like existed because I was obsessed with I was obsessed with Sailor Moon. Yeah, Sailor Moon is like is like queer cannon because it's like sure it's like I love. Oh, I'm not I'm not even going to say I was like I have this favorite tweet, but I'm going to butcher it so I'm just talking to say about Sailor Moon, but it's like Sailor Moon had these characters that were like bisexual and like lesbians and like gender fluid like they would like be like men in their like like day to day life and then would like transform into these like fabulous women like like super yeah, but it was but I never was like oh that's so weird or like whatever I was just and it was really like and so I remember as a kid when I would like play like pretend like whatever and like be Sailor Moon characters or something I was always like oh and like I want a boyfriend right that was like a very young age. But then like so I mean so now looking back I'm like yeah, I was I knew that I was attracted to men over women right but then you know like obviously conservative community and then I was like I mean I don't know I like started dating dating girls in elementary school like you know crushes like whatever. And so then I was like okay like whatever that was like I was and I feel like crushes when you're that young don't even need to be anything they're just like oh I like I want to be your friend or you give me this like anxious feeling in any direction like is that a crush like I don't know I feel like people like you like and yeah and like people say as a in the adulthood like I have a friend crush on this person which I get all the time like I'm always just like oh my god this new person I'm so excited that I met a new person but I feel like when you're younger could easily be confusing with like real crushes quote unquote or whatever yeah well and it's such a game I mean it's like yes we like you know you like his them on the cheek and you like buy each other gifts for like Valentine's Day I was I like have this old journal where I used to like write these horrible songs like I would and like like like about anything in like the first three pages are like my dad's handwriting because I was like oh I don't know how to like I like didn't know how to write so it's and it was like whatever they're all bad songs but one page is like a drawing of my not I don't think my first girlfriend maybe my second but I loved her name was Taylor and I was like Taylor I'm not but it's like it's like a drawing of her on one side like and very like sailor moon style drawing like yeah and then on the other side I just wrote blonde Taylor I was like so did I just like like her hair a lot like was it like wow such beautiful like I wasn't just like Taylor I was like yeah you were like Mr Taylor I mean yeah gay etc and I started I knew I was gay probably like eighth ninth grade I like really was yeah my friend my college roommate who is a gay man I I just love this about him because he always says like we he's my age so we like we had MTV MTV like what came out or restart in the 80s obviously but when I we were in like junior high it was like peak TRL and he was like honestly I think it would have taken me five more years to come out if TRL if my parents had gotten MTV like the summer between I think he says like seventh and eighth grade he just watched it like every single day and was like oh I'm gay I'm very gay like this is right and like we I feel like it's so I I love talking to people in like my generation and younger just about like when you started being exposed to things and what that did to you because like we didn't get the internet till I was like 12 so like I don't know what I would have been doing on there before but it's just an interesting thing to be like the people like every age now it's like you get a little expose a little bit younger to things yes and then like, what does that do to you and does that help you or does it not? Like, I don't know, you know? - And I think there's, I mean, I think there's two sides to that. But I also will say on the MTV route. Do you guys remember that show? It was like they had like date my mom and like oh, yeah. - Yeah. - And they did. I mean, and I was like oh yeah, like, I remember because there would be like gay episodes. - And I remember, like, yeah. - I would watch. - Bigger invested, you know. - Yeah. - You'd watch like, the two straight ones. - And be like wow, this is so hot, and then I'd be like okay, well I guess one more is on. Like, I'm only watching this because of whatever, but totally. And I think like speaking of TikTok, not to make the entire thing about TikTok. But because I'm like oh my gosh, you know, and I'm like putting content out about like my sex life and like whatever and not, you know, not to be like Ron Sheer. But like, but I'm like oh my gosh, if I had had a TikTok when I was like 12 or 13 or whatever, - Yeah. - Yes. Unfortunately, I would be exposed to probably a lot of shit that would have maybe not been so good. - Right. - But also, I think it would, but it's, you know, it brings like, it brings your community closer to you. - 100%. - A hundred percent. - Joint TikTok. - Like, community. - Yes, seriously. And follow us. - Yeah. - No, but I do think that's true as far as like anything that you think you might be once you see it reflected back to you, you're like, oh, at least one other person is this, whether or not that's like gay or whatever it is, it's always just like, oh, like this, I'm not going to be by myself. Like I feel like when I, like this is such a stupid example, but I remember when Darya came out, I was like, oh, Darya, like, is straight, but like is like negative and angry at everyone thinks she's gay, but she like is straight and like smart, but like, I don't know. just remember. like this is a nice character. Like I like this character exists. - Darius. - Darius is the best. - Exposure's exposure. - Like you're the exposure. - Yeah. - Well it's funny because when people ask me when I came out or when did I know and all that stuff, it's like I don't think I knew because I didn't even know that was an option. Growing up, you hear about it, but it's this theoretical term and you see it on TV, but you also see things on TV where that doesn't really happen. - When you're like, "Oh, we're dead as one friend." - Like, and you're like, "Yeah, yeah." - I didn't really know anybody, and I don't even know. And then you see on TV, my mom and I used to watch "The Grassy" and "South of No Way" and all those Canadian shows that were way more progressive than "The American Shows." - They're bringing back "The Grassy" just FYI. HBO Max will talk about it or not, but either way, just you know. - Very excited. - So yeah, so it was like, but it was like a thing that was like another thing. It wasn't like a "That Could Be You" thing. So honestly, I didn't figure out until I was way too old and think goodness I did, but it's just like, you know, it's amazing that you were like seeing in all these other things like in "Sailor Moon" and all, you know, I didn't even like, wasn't even able to pick up those signs. I was like, it didn't make sense that that could be an option for me. - But I honestly feel like media, especially, and this is coming at it from my angle, so I don't know if I'm right, but I feel like I saw a lot where like gay men then gay women in TV shows and in like, if there was a gay character, it was typically a man. Like it was. - Yeah. - Like there's obviously like, you know, that L word existed and you know, there's, there's, like lesbian characters, but I just feel like the concept of gay, and I think almost part of that is like the other side of the coin where it's like, people were like, meaner to gay, like I don't know, like I feel like we're about about like Matthew Shepard, it might not be like so fucking dark, but like, it's just like. - Yeah, let's dig in. - Yeah, let's do it again. - But like I feel like gay, any type of gay exposure, like was not necessarily positive, but even the negative stuff was more male oriented. I don't know if that is like making sense, but I just feel like most of what I saw at least. - I mean in the shows, like specifically that I was mentioning, like luckily there was a number of female gay characters, but it always was like, oh, like I don't want to tell anyone, and oh, like what am I parents going to think? And oh, and it's like, okay, this is gonna scare us out. - Yeah, what you want? - Yeah, why it's nice that now they're just like, like to talk about Riverdale, but I've watched it, and they're just gay characters being gay, and they tease being gay, and they're so amazing. - On a sea of Riverdale. - Riverdale is what we need. - It's true, I'm like, can you imagine? - No, but I think also-- - Like it's so stupid, but like I can't imagine watching that at 16 and just being like, that person was dating a boy last week, and now they're dating a girl, and everyone's fine with it. - And also the fluidity of it. I mean, I think especially in terms of gender, whatever, but like if gay characters, if a gay character was female presenting or like a woman in the show, it was like she could kiss a girl, but then it would be like, you know, I feel like a lot of times hyper-sexualized, and like, oh, it was like a phase, or she was like-- - And it wanted boys to watch them kiss or whatever it is, and it was very like, oh, this is hyper-sexual, whereas like the flip side, if there was like a guy, like if he like kissed a guy, like whatever, it was like the next day, like, Fag was written on the blocker, and it was like a crime job, exactly. And it was like, but like both were negative. - Both were harmful, exactly. - Of course the butt of a joke. - Yeah, exactly. It's like, oh, and now he's like, he should be in high, like, yeah, awful jokes, but both were like, horror is terrible to me, right? - Yeah, basically, it was just like, oh, I mean, Cameron Esposito had a joke like 10 years ago, was just like, I wish I could see lesbian characters do anything other than die tragically. Like they just don't, like that's all they end up doing in any movie or any trans character always ended up dead. Like it just like always awful. - But it's like changing now, thank goodness. I mean, now I feel like, again, I'm a Riverdale, thank you for all your hard work and including us in your show. But like, but yeah, I mean, I feel like the first gay men in movies that I saw, like broke back mountain. - What a silly story. - What a gem of a tale. - Yeah, I remember watching that for the first time, and I was like, I think this is my sexual awakening. - Yeah, you were, and then I was like, - And then I was like, - Yeah, yes, yes. - Like if you were gay, you can have one positive experience, one summer and then never be happy again. - Yeah, and then die. - And then die, yeah. - And you're gonna wanna kill yourself. - Yeah, to be clear, you're gonna enjoy it one. - To be clear, and then. - Wait, do someone die? I've never seen the end of "Broke Back Mountain" or someone die. - Yeah, and then it hugs the shirt. - It's like the saddest. - Yeah, I mean, it's like, it's so heartbreaking. I mean, it, thank goodness. - They both are like, - Yeah. - It wasn't like an AIDS story, which is normally how it went. - Yeah, normally is what it was. - It were happy for one summer and then. - Then. - And then it's like, oh, you know, whatever. - I watched, not to completely change the subject, but only slightly. I watched "Tick-Tick Boom" last week. - Oh, yes. - That was great. - Have you watched it? Did you watch the movie? - I had never seen the show, and I had worked on the show. Actually, I worked on the show when I was like 25, and the guy who played Ricky from my so-called life was the friend, and he gave me the swine flu. So fun facts. - Oh, okay. - Yeah, no big deal. - But I passed the swine flu just like coughed in my face so that I found out he had it and then I was home for like two weeks. But it was watching the movie, I had a lot of complex motions partially because he's like so dramatic about turning 30, and I'm 35, and I like went down this really like giant wormhole of being like, and I made a couple jokes about it and people thought I was gonna like kill myself and I was like, okay, I can't talk about this without presenting the fact that I know I'm mostly joking, but just being like, when are goals over? Like when do you have to just give up and everything? - Never. - Like, never. - Either, like literally just either go die in a cave or tell you that anything is possible. And that's because anything is possible. - Anything is possible. But I just remember being like, Leslie Jones got into SNL when she was like 45. - For whatever it was. - There you go. - Yeah, that is a good one, 'cause I was feeling really negative and being like all of the like, I didn't get until this age, ages are starting to be younger. Like it'll be like, I am getting a writing joke until she was 28. - 28, you're like, ah! - Yeah, exactly. Then you're like, where's our cave? - We're like, - We're like, "Kidding chips under the covers." - Yeah. - You're like, how terrible is that? - And we were all just like, - Ridgid, - We're like, - Ridgid, - We're like, "You're just so good." - Yeah, well, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think also that should be taken into account. I've literally like, with my most romantic saying, it was like, "COVID is stolen." (laughing) - It's like, it's stolen. Like, I went to sleep thinking, yeah, no, it totally has. - We were watching cheer on Netflix. - Oh, sure. - And they were talking about, you know, they're in the like the COVID moment of like, when, you know, 20 days till Daytona, and then like COVID hits, and then like all these seniors are like, "I didn't even get to have Daytona." And I'm like, "Oh, actually that sucks." Like what I went through is like, "Pretty bad." And obviously a lot of people died, and I also said, "But I'm like, this is, there's a lot of stuff." - I think you're really like, my husband had two kids, one of them graduated high school, 2020, and one of them graduated college. And I did feel terrible for them. I was like, you didn't get prom, you didn't get graduation. You don't have this hopeful moment of like hugging all your friends and like, going off into the world. Like, you're just kind of at your parents house, like being depressed. And I, I think about it all the time, and there's like no point in thinking about it, but I'm like, who's the, what age group is this the worst for? Like, and it's just like everybody in a different way. Like nobody's, 'cause then you look at little kids, like my cousin has a two year old, and he's like never been to like a play place. - But he doesn't have any better. - He doesn't know, but he doesn't know like other kids. He doesn't have like little baby friends and stuff. Like, he just like, occasionally they'll have other families over in the backyard, you know what I mean? But it's like, it's not, every age has been like changed. Like, well, Kate, my girlfriend, like she graduated grad school, and she didn't have a ceremony, didn't get any pictures, no capping gown. - Yeah. - She's like, I didn't even want to walk. I just wanted the pictures of me by the park, with the cat, and she's like, I got nothing. - Right, or worse. - And they were gonna actually have, like they were like, do you want to come back? Like this year and do it, and she's like, I don't think so. Like now, it's just too late. - I mean, some stuff. - It's like, do I want to buy like a tape, like do I want to call the hubbub to like, whatever. - Yeah, yeah. Yeah, some stuff I feel like I will be happy when it's rescheduled. Like we were just talking before we started recording about some comedy festivals, but some stuff it's like the moment has passed. Like, we are done with that. - I'm sober. - Yeah, unfortunately. - No. - For better or for worse, mostly for worse, but, you know. - Yeah. - Join Tik Tok. - Get on Tik Tok. - Yeah, you need to be in your house, and still look at other people. - So Drew, you were like, I wanted a musical theater. I found my passion, like let's rock and roll with it. - Yeah. - So you went to college. - I'm sorry, but I'm just saying so what happened. - So we were going to see you in a musical. - What's your new year? - Yeah, have you had 30? Have you seen Tik Tok? No. What, where did you end up going to school for it? - So I went to college, Ithaca College in upstate New York. - Amazing, I hear it's gorgeous. - Have you been? - No, I was like, I mean. - It's like a dude. - It is, I've been there for a wedding in October. - I'm very excited. - Oh, you are going there for wedding in October. - Oh, okay, I actually all give you some recommendations. - Oh please do. - 'Cause I mean, I loved the town going to college there. Musical theater school is its own entire can of worms, which I could have done without. But yeah, but yeah, how much college for musical theater did that? - How was being an Ithaca compared? Like was that your first move out of Martha? Dakota. Yeah. How was that? Well, were you really? No, not really. I mean, I was very fortunate enough to my parents were very like, we're very adamant about us traveling as kids. So I mean, I had like been, we've been to like Paris and London and New York and let you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've been like around. So I knew and my parents were both like, by the way, this is just kind of how the chip settled for us here. But like, why the fuck would you stay here? Like, oh, and they were like, we had family and stuff, but they were like, yeah, go do your thing. But yeah, I mean, comparatively, I mean, it's like a granola, like, liberal, yeah, it's like everybody's like smoking weed and wearing tie dye and like, you know what I mean? It was fair and obviously in the theater program, like everybody was gay. Yeah. Like, girls, the guys, the days, like, it was like, everybody is gay. And like, like, thank goodness for that. So yeah, I felt like I could like, be myself completely. That must have been really cool for you. Yeah. Almost overwhelming. I would, like, for me, I would be like, oh my god, I could do anything. I could be any, I could do whatever I want. Yeah, well, I don't know. Well, I showed up and I told everybody it was bisexual. And it was really hot guy Evan, like, how to crush on me. And I was like, yeah, okay. I'm like, okay, I'm done. And then I like, like was like, laid it on really thick for him. I was like, like, every part, you know what I mean? Because it's like, you like, you don't know. I mean, I didn't know how to date properly. Like, I was, I was so fucking on chill. I was just like, like, what are we doing tonight? Like, it was like, whatever. And he was, I was like, let's fuck like, and he was like, no, like, I don't want to like, what did you call me? Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. But yeah, but I had a boyfriend for like two years in college, which was very like, formative and lovely. And so then I like came out to my family like officially. I mean, kind, you know, they were like, they knew. But it was, yeah, but it was, it was great. That's awesome. You know, me myself. It's great to finally feel like a dream come true. Did you, like, was it all music theater all the time? Did you have like other friends, classmates, extra curricular? Like, you were just like, this is it. Yeah, it was a very, I mean, it's, it's it's just one of those third. There's like, I don't know, probably 10 in the country that are like very, it's like a conservative Danny went there like, yes. Yeah. Very similar to BU where I went where you're just like, this is all what you're doing. Like I remember showing up to college. And it was like one of the first moments that I gave up a little bit more of like wanting to perform. Because I did as a kid and then I did like plays in high school, but I didn't do the musicals. There wasn't like musical. And I was very happy with my like major and what I was going to do. But I also got to college and I was like, but I'm going to try out for like the improv team, which like, and now I have feelings about it, but when I was 18, I was like, that's the comedy I've seen. Because again, when we were talking about like representation and being gay and you were like, I didn't even know I could do that. Whatever. That's kind of how I felt about stand up when I was younger. Like I just didn't understand that like all it takes is to like go to a few open mics and then you can call yourself a comedian. Like whether or not you are, but you know what I mean? Yeah. So I just like, that was the accessible thing to me was like improv. And so I remember saying that like day two to like some other friends that were like in the program, but they had had high school friends that had done it because I didn't know anybody that got into like a conservatory or I didn't really understand it at the time. Like I knew it was a lot of hours, but I didn't really get it. And she was like, there's no way you're going to be able to do that. Like even if you make it, you won't be able to do that. And I was very easily persuaded at the time. And was like, okay. And I didn't even audition. I was just like, Joan told me. I couldn't do it. Like, but I mean, she wasn't wrong. Like we just did like every night of the week through their 10 o'clock, like making theater. Yeah. Yeah. Which I mean, like, loved at the time. I know. Yeah. That's like, that's the thing. I mean, I feel I like, because again, hindsight is like everything. Because now I'm like, would I ever spend the money or do that ever again in my life? No. Like and I think, I mean, I don't know. All of our journeys, I think probably to stand up or comedy or what have you is like different. But like now I'm like, oh god, I wish I would have moved here at 18 and just started hustling. Like that's in my opinion. But also like learned a lot like whatever. But no, there wasn't much other than musical theater there, which I think was awesome in some regards. And then really like, oh god, like I missed like other people. Like I was like, God, I want to talk to someone who's not like, you know what I mean? Like it's just a little bit more of like, we had that vibe of like, we had this weekly party every Thursday. That was like the theater department. And anytime anyone brought a friend, it was like, who is that person? And for like straight women, we like, we fuck them. Like, there's a man, you know, but it was like, what is their major? And they'd be like, oh, you know, undeclared or like engineering, or whatever and be like, tell us about it. Like tell us everything about it. Like what's your math class like? Like, like, what is your science? What is it like to just hang out at the student union and like go to Starbucks? Because I'm constantly like making a costume or building a model or doing whatever fucking weird project I have to do. I don't, I did not, I really felt sad about it at like immediately after college, like the two to three years after about not having like a typical experience. Like I loved college while I was there and looking back on it now because I met most of my best friends there. And I feel like it really like, obviously I didn't like come out, but I felt like my first two years of college, I finally met friends that understood me. And so I did very similar like, oh my god, someone will let me be myself moment. That was very like freeing and like embracing. And so I like cherish that very much. That being said, I just finished paying off my loans like six months ago. And I feel similarly like, why didn't I just go to you? Yeah, yeah, but it's just like I could have I could have come to this moment, maybe faster paying less money. Like, you know, so you go both ways with it. But again, at the same time, like I cherish my time there and what I got out of it. But I could have I felt very reminiscent the few years after being like, I never went to the quad. Like, what's you know, like I never went to a game. Yeah, because you watch movies and you're like, I never went to that part of it. Yeah. Well, to be fair, I mean, I went to NYU and I look at it quite a well rounded experience. Like I wasn't like in a, you know, very straight track like you guys were, but I also never had a quad in a game. Yeah. I mean, so it's like, I think grass is always greener. But I hear you with that. But you were talking about earlier about like wanting to join the improv team and then not ultimately. But I also like wanted to join improper sketch or whatever. But for me, it was too scary because I did not want to get it. Like, I wanted it so bad that I couldn't even put myself in those years to not try and try. Yeah. And like, I mean, the little what ifs, right? Like literally like the team now like two people, like one stars in SNL, one rights for us and L, one has a hosting of it. I'm like, and obviously like it's, you know, because we could have gotten boon young on the podcast. I know boon young and I run the same graduating class at NYU and I used to watch them all the time doing comedy and I was just like, oh, it's so cool. And Soudie Green who is a writer for SNL, like that whole crew. I'm like, I mean, not that I would have made it. They're obviously very talented. I'm not putting myself in those shoes, but I'm like, the what ifs are just like, oh, man, just being exposed to like that creatively. But it's also like, I knew what UCB was and I didn't take a UCB class till I was like 28. Like I didn't try for so many reasons. And part of it is that once I got here, I was like, pursuing a dream that was creative. I think for a long time, I was personally confused because my day job is creative. And I was like, I'm making art and I'm around really fun people that are making theater. Like I have a fun like life and I, you know, I'm adjacent to so many things that are very cool. Like and I do feel like, especially when I was younger, I did feel like this spirit of it. Like I was talking to my husband about it last weekend actually about like being at summer stocks specifically and really they're feeling like part of a team and part of like, we're doing this together. And then by my like, late 20s, when I started doing stand up or when I started like thinking about it and going into it, that was when I started like making more money, but just stopped giving a shit about any of it. Because there was no camaraderie and I started doing more TV. And it was just like, just paying that wall gray when you're done, you can go home. And it was like, no, like tech meeting and then we'll go get a drink and like, we're making it together. Like it was just like, it was just a day job. And then I was like, oh, this was not ever what I wanted to do because if it was, I would be somewhat satisfied by this at this point, but I just wasn't. Yeah. I think the creativity part is like really key to, I mean, like doing theater, I was always on stage and performing, but then after a while, like, I had like this like moment, like I call it like a moment of clarity. It was like my last like summer stock gig before. And I'd like tried to stand up at the end of my senior year and like had really loved it. But then I was like had jobs to be like, you know, a dancer and Mary Poppins. And then I was the dancing carpet and beauty in the beast. And I'm like, this is great. Like this is hard. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. And I like loved it. But I literally was in like a sleeping bag costume. Like do it like literally doing like backflips like at this random theater in like in central coast California. And it was like, oh my gosh, like I can't like this is like creative. And I love performing, but like this cannot be like the light. Yeah. Like and the yeah, just the what is the word I'm looking for? The dream, the medium, the medium. Yeah. Like this can't maybe this isn't like what it's meant to be. Yeah. But the creative thing can trick you for a while. Cause you're like, oh right, it's like exercising that brain or that like part of your brain. Yeah. Like I'm not sitting in a desk. So I must I should just be grateful. Like I should love it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think like I was so honed in on like I originally went to a college for communications and like thought I wanted to work in television and I like that was my creative path. And then when I realized that I just wanted to come out of college knowing I would make money and knowing I could live that life. And I envy people who are just like, no, my passion is this and I'm going to grind. And it doesn't matter what it takes. And I think that once I got to an age where I was supporting myself financially and then I could go back. And then I could pursue improv because I could pay for it myself and I could pursue stamps. I could do that. Those things. And even in college, I don't even know when you're doing a club. You're still pursuing your own major. There's still so many things. I don't know. Just was so it was too, I don't know. It's a lot of self confidence things and self down and all that stuff. But I feel like there's also this problem that like is very American and you me and Danny talk about it all the time because we both feel very frustrated by it. But it's this concept of like climbing a ladder that you originally were really excited about like the bottom rungs were a thrill. And so you were like, okay, I have to get to the top of this ladder because that's the only way to go. You can't ever go down. You can't back up. You can't whatever. And then you get to the top and you're like, well, now I'm done climbing. So what's next? Like I don't necessarily enjoy where I the plateau that I've reached. Right. I mean, was this the wrong ladder? I've just been focused on climbing it for so long because it takes so many hours and so much effort. It's so much like grind, you know, like that culture. Then you like more like the person that like was so excited. Exactly. You're like God, but like eighth grade drew or like 18 year old drew like loved this. Like what happened? Like you don't want to let him down. And then it's like, well, no, but you're not 18 year old. You're like, so you're allowed to change. Yeah. Exactly. You're gonna go change. So change is the key. Yeah, you don't need to be on Broadway to you. Okay. Yeah, exactly. Or do you know? - No, I've got a question. - We've come into the point of our podcast, where I really want to kind of circle back to the title, "Alone at Lunge", kind of feeling like the "Admin" now. I know we've talked about it here and there, but I want to kind of give you the floor. Is there any situation or occurrence, or experience that kind of rings true to that? That feeling, like, "Alone at Lunge", "Admin" now. Doesn't have to be a negative thing. It couldn't be a positive thing. It could be like, "I was the only this!" Or it can be whatever it means to you. - Yeah, well, I mean, I think we kind of, I mean, honestly, talking about growing up in Fargo. Very much touches on that. - Yeah. - And I think, but it's so interesting. I think, and you guys can relate or not, 'cause that's great, but I was 'cause I was gonna be like, "I'm sure we all feel like this." But I've found, I mean, I don't know, I think because of who I was growing up where I did, I did always feel like an outsider, even though I always had a decent amount of friends. I really was like, I feel like sometimes I say, I'm game from Fargo, and then even when I'm doing standup about it, sometimes I feel like people are like, "Oh, God, we were okay." - "We were okay." - "It beat out of me in the locker room." You know what I mean? And I was like, "No, it wasn't. It was like, "Suttle shit, Facebook shit." You know what I mean? It's cyberbullying, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I don't know, I mean, I think that, like that childhood shit goes deep, because it's so interesting. And that issue changes, I'm sorry, I do have a through line here. Like, I'm like, that, that, that, that, that. But it was like there, I felt kind of an outsider because I was gay, and so that always kind of drove me to, okay, I wanna like go out, and I wanna be something, and I wanna leave this, this shit hole of a town, like, "Nah, whatever." But then I like got to musical theater school, and like, I was like, "Okay, now I get to be gay," but then it was like, "But I was surrounded by people who were like, I have to be on Broadway, or I'm never gonna, or I'm never gonna love my life." And I was like, "Well, I don't like love that." Like, I was like, I don't really feel like that. Like, I love to perform, and I love whatever. And then like, throughout my collegiate experience, I felt like an outsider, because I wasn't drinking like the Kool-Aid, and I wasn't like invested enough in this one thing. And then, but I feel like, so I mean, yeah, I feel like those would kind of be the main things, but I feel like now, especially in like the standup world, like I have found kind of the most camaraderie in that, like, it feels like everybody, even like in the, you know, profession that we do it, is like a lonely job. But like, but there's so many, like, other comedians, like doing it that I found like, that that is like, very lovely to me. - Wow, I really thought, it was like, it's gonna be a three-parter, and it was like, it would not, it would not be a- - We like wrapped it up nicely, 'cause it is, it is like a lone wolf thing, but now it's like, there's so many parts of the standup community that you can like, really move around it, in any path that you choose, and like, they're people that I don't see for a long time, and then I do, and I'm like, oh my God, we're on the same show, or whatever, or this is so great, but like, some people have a niche, like some people are club comics, some people are Brooklyn comics, and people are whatever, but I don't even know where I'm going with this, but just you can kind of carve out where you want to be, and who the people are, like, that make you feel comfortable or good, or like, celebrated, or talented, or whatever, and it's nice that it's not like one place, like we're not going all to the one club, and if you fail there, you're like, yeah. - But you even brought up, like, that was interesting, like in college, like everybody would like, I gotta be on Broadway, like, that's what we're here for, like, that's what we're doing, and that can be very similar in the comedy community, like, I gotta be sure, but this club, and if you're not performing at club, and you're not a real comedian, and it's like, there's so many-- - Yeah, wait, I'll be back by the end of the year, just quit. - Exactly, if you're not getting your five minutes on TV, like, what's even the point, and you're like, well, there's so many avenues, there's so many venues, there's musical comedy, and podcasts, and improv, like, whatever it is, and people that have carved out of career, especially in the past five years to me, that I've seen at least, and maybe that's just because people that I started with have started to do this, and I'm watching them, but it's like, through podcasts, through producing their own shows, through producing your own small tours, like, actually making a living at it, and like, whether or not it's like a good living, it's just exciting to see that, like, people who can find their audience are doing well. Like, I think that is really the struggle, is to, like, find the people that are unique to you, that will pay for tickets. - Like, I know those are two different, almost two different things, not necessarily two different things, but could be, because it's like, okay, do you want to consume this just on Instagram when I pop up on your feed? Would you come to a show, what level of, like, fan, you know, and like, people with podcasts can have like that, but, you know, I don't know. - Yeah, well, and I think also, like, going back to, like, you know, like, the premise of the podcast, et cetera, I think, I'm like, okay, I have a better through-level, so, I'm like, I just like, right, I was like, and this is a recap of everything I just said. Like, I think, like, the experiences, like, where I did feel the most alone, especially growing up, again, in Fargo, or like, in college, whatever, like, all of those experiences I'd, like, did feel so alone, but, like, that also, those moments inspired me to, like, write and, like, perform that stuff, and that, like, performing that stuff, even though, like, you know, however bad or good or in between it was, like, has felt, has brought me closer to, like, audiences and people, than I ever thought it would, and especially, and, like, I don't know, I mean, and I'm, maybe you've gotten this, like, at clubs or, like, not or whatever, but, like, sometimes, and especially, like, Asheville was obviously great, but there've been, like, other clubs where I've done, and, like, sometimes, the headliner, or whoever, or the booker, or the manager, or whatever, and they always mean well, but I get this question a lot, like, why is it always about the gay thing? Like, and just, like, what, and it's, you know, and obviously, I could dissect that in a thousand different ways, but, like, I'm like, you know, if, like, but I'm talking about my sex life, that's not, like, you know, if that's a gay thing, yeah. If X, Y, or Z was talking about their sex life, it wouldn't be the same thing, but then I'm like, but I'm like, well, because it has to be, because that was, like, my whole experience, and I think, like, me talking about that stuff, like, always brings me, like, whenever, like, I do a show, and there's, like, let's say, it's a really straight audience, but there's, like, four gay people there, like, I love connecting with them after the show, and it, like, heals some kind of, I don't know, it's like a, it's a nice, like, sequitur from, like, how alone I felt to be, like, like, yeah. - It's a community, yeah. - And you experience the two and, like, what a gift that we get to, like, share it and, like, talk about it together. - Yeah, no, I always have that, like, that thing of, you know, do I have to come out on stage? You know, like, do I have to be, like, and I'm gay? Or, kind of, just, like, start talking about my love life, and it just so happens, it's a female, like, that's that. And, I think, like, when I started off in comedy, like, I didn't know any better. I was like, "But if the joke is that I'm gay." (laughs) But I'm also, like, that was also my own insecurities, and, like, me just trying to make jokes to the fact that I wasn't comfortable with myself, and, you know, so much of it. And, like, now that I've gotten older, and, you know, gotten more into, gotten more, and figured out myself, and more experience with comedy, like, now it's, it's just, like, okay, and here's my love life, and here's my girlfriend, and, like, it is what it is, and, you know, I'm, like, wearing a sweatshirt in Converse on stage, it's pretty obvious I'm gay. Like, it is what it is. - Yeah, how much time do I actually just beg how to you, or, like, whatever. - But I forget where I was going with that. Oh, because you were talking about, like, do you get that question a lot? And, yeah, I think originally, and it was always, like, oh, maybe I didn't get booked on the show, 'cause I already have one or two gay comedians, and, like, or I'll, like, be honest, align up, and in my brain, and I know it's also, like, bad, but I'm like, did they really have to put the two gay people back to back? Like, can they spread us out? - Right. - And it was like, but you would never say, you have to put the two straight people back to back, you know, and I mean, but-- - And I feel that too sometimes when I go up right after another, like, white lady who's 35. - Yeah. - And I'm like, oh, we're both talking about how we were recently married, and we're, like, talking about our own kids. Like, that also is frustrating, because I'm like, if I'm going second, they talked about it already. Like, I'm like, yeah, this is my experience with the same exact thing you want to hear about it. - Yeah, sure. - I'm not to, like, give Eddie credit to straight white men, but I'm like, when you're on a lineup of all straight white men, like, what do you guys all talk about? That's different. - Like, yeah, how do you-- - No, I don't. - I mean they don't. - I was gonna say, yeah. - They just don't. - They just don't, it doesn't matter. - It's so funny to me that like, because I do have people come up to me in a similar way. Obviously it's different because they're not like, I'm gay too, but they'll say like the craziest things to me. Like, men will be like, my wife also like sweatshirts. Like they'll just say like, "Wear shit." 'Cause like, I have a lot of jokes about like, not being the most feminine person or whatever, but they won't take stuff that I've said. They won't be like, "Oh, you said you love this movie growing up or whatever." They'll be like, "Oh yeah, I hate getting dressed up." Or, "I hate looking nicer. I hate this." Or, "I didn't think I'd marry a man till I did." Or like, whatever weird fucking thing that I'm like, "Yes." - I didn't say any of that, but if you found that in this conversation, - That's a good idea, Rob. - Good for you. Although I will say not to completely change the subject, I did a bunch of shows this weekend. I had been inside for two weeks and I was very excited. I did seven shows and I have jokes about Seabing Gay. You've both heard them. Some of them were different. I remember the same. And I got no response from them to the point where by show four or five, I was like, am I not gay today? Like, am I like, is this outfit like you were like, (laughing) - That's all gay. - I was too relaxed to be like, "People don't care." - I think people are getting over it literally. They were like, "Well, no, I don't know. You could be anything." And I was like, "Really?" - Yeah. - And I do think part of that is true because a lot of the shows were younger audiences and I think they're not confronted with that. Anytime I leave New York City and/or and at a club where everyone's over 40, they're like, "You did look gay." And they have a big laugh about it. But I was like, "Oh, maybe you can't do these jokes with young people anymore." Like, maybe they don't. This isn't translate. And I was like literally in a flannel shirt and like boots. Like I was like, I was like, these boots are bicurious. And I got like a chuckle, but I was like, "This is an old joke." Like I don't wanna do this bit. Like, none of this works anymore. I don't wanna do any of it. And like, it actually kind of was helpful because for the past like years, so I've been like, move on from these jokes. And if people are really surprised by you having a husband and then go back and do them, but let it go. Because right now I have this joke. And like, the big, like I talk about marriage and I go as long as I can into the set without gendering my husband. And then I'll like say something about marriage. And I'll be like, "Oh yeah, the only difference is now I have a husband." And everyone's like, you know, if they think I'm straight, there's just like zero reaction. But typically there's four or five people that are like, "Oh, like my dad's a husband." Like, and if you people would be like, "What?" Like you like big, so like dads who like brought their kids to a show like tourist dads are like, "What the fuck?" Like they're just like, "What?" Like I wouldn't marry it. Oh my God, I didn't ask you, sir. Like, and it's, I wouldn't marry her. Yeah, exactly. It's just like a weird thing. And for a long time, I've been like, just throwing these joke, like to stop doing jokes about like your parents, they're just like cheaper. But the problem is they usually work really well. So it's like, yeah. Why get rid of material that we're worth? You're smarter than Emily. You're smarter than that. I want to be smarter than that. I don't know if I am. And because of COVID, I feel like I've been right. Like the amount of new material I've produced in the past two years, versus the two years before it is so much less because it's like stage time and motivation and happiness have all been depleted, you know? And I actually wrote a bunch in the past few days and I was like, get, just stop doing these. Like stop using your opener and stop doing this two minute block 'cause you won't feel better if you can. And it's gonna be shitty in the middle. But like, I don't know, I guess the end of this story is I'm trying to like stop that, but we'll see how it goes. - Well, it's funny because I was on a cruise and they had, there was this comedian named Chris Sinkie who's been on our podcast. And she very stereotypic, very stereotypicly like has short hair and his Gabe. And but there are, she's actually not even allowed to talk about being gay at certain times, depending on like, if there is like a, whatever. - 'Cause it's a gay night topic. - Pretty much, yeah. And so I was talking to her and I was like, how, what do you mean? Like you so obviously present gay and she was like, not to like Midwest. I have like a Midwest, Midwest mom haircut. - Midwest mom haircut. Like it could, it's like I guess. - This is also something that all of those Midwest moms need to look into, but like I think, you know what I mean? - Yeah. - Whether that's essentially or just in general, but it's like so funny that like to maybe to like the, the coasts, like it's so obvious, but like there's so many people where it's like, okay, not a big deal or doesn't present that way or I didn't get that vibe. - But also like when I go to a target in the middle of Pennsylvania where Danny's family's from, I am the most dressed up person. - Yeah, like go last. - So like, you know, it's not, exactly. It's just funny. - It's just obvious, stereotypics are stereotypic. - Riverdale. - Community. - It's a lie. - Join TikTok, yeah. - Like it's all Riverdale. - I wanna get on Riverdale talk. - I just wanna feel like I'm the part of it. - That's like to not feel so alone. I just see to be more on Riverdale talk. - I know, I did. - That's kind of yeah. - To be solving mysteries. - To find my sense of community. - To be, to be murdered in my school and have a dad who's a psychopath and all that good stuff. Well, Drew, we've come to the end of our podcast where it is really important that we know, that our one and only segment is we wanna know where you like to eat alone at lunch. - Okay. - Two answers. - Two answers. - Of course. One, I love. - So I mean, obviously a little bit of pandemic moment, but like really, I do feel like I'm at my happy place. You can eat in your bed all the time because that's depression, but unfortunately. - I'm in the corner with her. - Yeah, exactly. But like, if I'm like have like a great show on, like if I'm watching all three Lord of the Rings movies and I'm like lying in bed, like with like my favorite like comfort me like whatever, I just love that. I'm like, oh, or sailor moon for that matter, like but I'm just like, whatever it is. Like I'm at peace, I'm by myself, like I've like all this great. It doesn't have to be my favorite meal. I can just be like, fucking pretzels. And I'm like, wow, this is such a good thing. - What a big day for me. - Yeah. - And my second favorite place, and this has come more with like comedy and like whatever, but I find like, but that like, after like going to like the hotel bar, like by yourself, like wherever that is. Like I always yeah, and like, I mean again, what do I get? Like a rail gin martini, like I get like the cheapest like her and like, you know, a Caesar salad. But like I love, there's something about it that I'm just like, oh, like, and here I am like at the hotel bar. - Exactly. - Exactly. Like just like, you know, I'm just traveling. It's been so exhausting. Like I'm just having like a gin martini like dirty, like whatever. But yeah, I love, I mean, I don't know. I get, I get some kind of satisfaction. - That's amazing. - And like, by yourself, by yourself, by yourself. - By yourself. - And like, how you're like, it's like I'm a, like no one knows what I'm doing here. Like at the hotel bar. - Exactly. - No way to know. Yeah. I feel like the last time I traveled for comedy right before COVID, I was in Philly, and I had a meal like that by myself. And I was so like proud of myself, which I'm so weird. But I'm sure I spent more on that meal than I got paid that night to perform. But I was like, I'm in a city being paid to do comedy. And I'm eating dinner alone. - Yes. - Stream of dreams. - It's a dream. - Yeah, there's something about it. - That's beautiful. - Thank you. (laughing) - Yes, I agree. - Thank you for being here with us Drew. - Thank you for having me. - We want to give you the floor now, promote anything you got, handle shows, whatever, it's gotta go on. - Yeah, so I'm @reeldrulaush on Instagram, and @drulaush on TikTok. And if you like web series, and if you thought any part of me talking was funny, I wrote one and it's called Sugar Baby web series on YouTube. And I would love if anyone was interested in watching that. And the last plug I will make is one of my comedy partners and Isaac Teague are doing our third anniversary show, House Party, it's a queer variety show. And we're gonna have a live band, it's House Party in concert at the Bell House on March 11. So again, yeah, I would love if anybody came to that. - Woohoo, amazing. - Emily, yeah, you can find me everywhere at the Funny Walls. You can find me on TikTok being yelled at by teens. And you can buy the podcast everywhere at @elonalunchpod. And if you want to email us, that's @elonalunch@gmail. - And I'm Carly J Montagg on the platforms. Drew, once again, thank you for being here with us. It's such a pleasure having you here with us in person. - Thank you, thank you. - And to everyone else, thank you, and goodbye. - Bye. 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