The Hidden Psychology of Confident People (Ally Love)

Hello, and welcome to Doing It Anyway, the show where we rethink challenges, grow our confidence, and learn how to do it anyway. Today I'm speaking with somebody who had their confidence tested at a really young age. Ali Love is known around the world as a fitness instructor with Peloton. She is loved for her energy and her personality, everything that she brings to her classes. But you'd never guess that at the age of nine, Ali faced the possibility of never even being able to walk again, let alone do all of the things that she has done. And yet her perspective and her optimism is totally infectious. You can just tell by speaking to her that she has thought a lot about resilience and overcoming hurdles. And she's got some great tricks and tips that she shared with me, spotting the good nose that we all get in life, what she means when she says it's time to boss up, realizing that progress in overcoming hurdles can be in those very small steps that you might even not notice. And this one I really loved, a counterintuitive trick for doing it when you're afraid. So if you want to find out how to show up for yourself when all of the odds seem against you, this is for you. Here's my conversation with Ali Love. This episode is presented by Vanguard. When it comes to investing, many of us feel totally out of our depth and we just don't know where to start. And we can't be blamed for that. A lot of us simply don't have the time or the confidence to take the first steps. And that's where Vanguard can help. With their managed ISA, Vanguard's experts do the hard work for you. They'll match you to an investment plan that feels right for you. And then they'll handle the rest. No second guessing, just smart professional management. So stop wondering how to start investing and start making your money work harder. Search Vanguard Managed ISA to find out more. When investing, your capital is at risk. Tax rules apply. For adults with Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis symptoms, every choice matters. And if you don't know where to start investing, check out Vanguard.com/investment-in-investment-in-investment. And if you're interested in investing, make sure to check out Vanguard.com/investment-in-investment-in-investment-in-investment. , the Pit movie at the moment. on. while that may be like a story that people may not see themselves in, I want to bring it home just a little bit, Katty. Yeah, because not everybody's had as much, obviously. I mean, thank God everybody hasn't been through what you've been through. But as you said, everybody's been through some sort of trauma and we all meet hurdles. It's kind of annoying, but we all just are going to meet hurdles in our lives. Yeah. But I think what I realize is that within all of us, sometimes we don't realize we are fighting for the thing we want or we don't realize we're doing it anyway, because we're so sometimes insular. I can just only feel the way I'm feeling and I feel either bad or good about where I am right now. But when you look back, the steps that you're taking to not get frustrated anymore or calm down your emotions or center yourself or ground yourself, those are all literally steps that equal fighting. That's a fight. That's a fight of whether you're going to turn and be super negative or you're going to work and turn to be positive. All those things are this quote unquote fighting, because I would hear people say in really amazing keynotes, like, you know, get what you want. Don't back down. And I'm like, I can't. I don't have the confidence. And, you know, you know a lot about this. I don't have the confidence to do that. But I realize when you look back, it's all the little steps that you're doing every day to get out of bed, to show up, to do your best, to smile. Those are that's the fight. That's you fighting. That's you showing up as your best self. That's you doing it anyway. I love that you describe it like that, because I think oftentimes, and I've been, I've been prone to this my whole life. I've thought I'm not a strong person. I see other people have a challenge and they're so defiant about it. it or i see other people kind of saying i don't care what other people think of me and i'm i'm a terrible people pleaser and i really do care what other people think about me but actually sometimes what i love what i'm hearing from you is that it's the little things you do that in retrospect build up to a form of fighting to get through hurdles even though at the time you may think oh i'm being weak and you know we all have this meta voice in our heads i'm being weak or i'm not strong enough or i'm not fighting enough but it sounds from what you're saying that there are different ways that that fight can express itself because culturally we're prone given social media and and this is no shade it's no knock it's just good that we like pull back the curtains we're prone to only see big moments and celebrate big moments and big words and big people and big energy and it's like in order to be big it started from somewhere it started small and those it was a lot of behind the curtains a lot of steps behind the scenes to get to that big moment to that curated beautiful photo or that partnership or feeling healthy mentally right a lot of little steps a lot of therapy a lot of getting in an uber or getting on the train or the metro and getting there those are the steps that's the fight those are like when we think about it it's not just the grandiose moments and so i think going back to your original question i was just like where did this come from like i think it was just all the little things and my mom instilling in me you're gonna work hard for it if it's possible then there's no one else and i have this saying about a lot of things it's like well if somebody's doing it i can do it too and i'm like okay i'm gonna do it too and i'm like okay i'm gonna do it too and that that that is the driver for me and then secondarily i do this is gonna sound crazy i do believe in magic and even as a spiritual person who believes in god i know like religion and magic isn't necessarily always you know um advised to go together but i do i believe in a little bit of that magic i i would get excited knowing even growing up okay santa's not real but is he are we sure he's not real like the tooth fairy i get it like i know my parents do it but like where did it come from and i'm like okay i'm gonna do it too and i'm like okay i'm gonna do it you know like i just believe that there are moments and i get excited about you know i watch a lot of harry potter every year i watch all of the movies and there's just something beautiful about believing in magic and even more so the magic of a human like sherlock's home says there's no coincidences that to me because there's no coincidences that is magic and maybe it's in a different word fate but that's the magic it's like all how did our paths cross right how did this energy and these synergies that's magic and i do believe in that inside it's like i can create these magical moments in real life if i just believe and maybe it's self-belief maybe it's fate maybe it's the hard work but still i believe in magic whatever it is it worked for you because you came out of that trauma and you went to new york um you studied dance and theology at fordham university you became you joined the new york knicks as a dancer uh you modeled for victoria's secrets i mean you've joined ballet companies and you became this thing that everybody said you weren't going to do yep by the way I applied to the royal ballet school when I was about 11 and I would have become a ballet dancer unfortunately they rejected me and I hadn't even had a car accident like you had but you know here's what I will say I'm glad they rejected you and I know that that is a harsh thing to say I would have been in the back row of the corps de ballet my whole life I would have been out in the wings your talent was to be here is your voice is your curiosity is the way that you can put things together is the ability to break down like and you have done this in your book like really instill and offer confidence that is approachable to so many people so many women so I think sometimes when I even when I look back at my life there was times I got a lot of no's and I remember sitting on stage for one of my keynotes um or moderated fireside chat and someone's reading off a list of accolades you did this and this and this and this and I'm thinking to myself but my dream let's get back to what my dream was when I was a little girl after getting hit by a car the reason I came to New York City caddy was because I wanted to be a dancer I wanted to be a professional concert dancer I wanted to be a ballet dancer a neoclassically trained ballet dancer that's that was the dream for me and I was like I my mom said if someone could do it I could do it and in this case I never I never reached that dream so I'm sitting you sitting here right now while you can read off a list of amazing and I'm very grateful for all the things that I'm doing and that I got I got to do that led me to this point my dream was never fulfilled in the way that I set out for it to be fulfilled and I say that because we look at people and we hear their stories and we're like wow it's never going to happen for me like that yeah and the no's are okay too I mean what you're saying is that you're going to have no's and actually the no's are okay and we don't talk about the no's and we don't talk about the no's and I and I was yes we don't talk about that I was looking at a video of Dochi right like she's an artist three at this point maybe four years ago she had a video on social media nobody knew who was she who she was and maybe she got laid off from I believe like a retail job or something she gets on her social and she does this video of how she just got fired and then she goes on to win album of the year three years later at that point hadn't recorded a song wasn't an artist didn't have music this wasn't I mean she was an artist but she wasn't paid for her craft three years later she literally wins album of the year and she gets on stage and she says if it's possible for you it's me it's possible for anyone and I think it's not possible for me but then I go back to my life and I look at my dream I went out for this dream and there was a pivot I got that no at the royal ballet like you got and it positioned us to literally live in our gift she was not to go on to be a supervisor at a retail store or to potentially own a retail store or you know get into the textile industry she was meant to be an artist and so sometimes that magic comes in and the magical thing about magic is that it closes doors and it opens up another and you don't know where and why and how love that very sound of music and I think for me like you're reading all these things and I'm thinking well I really I really didn't fulfill my dream but I am I'm living a dream I didn't know was possible I think also for people to know they look at you and you know you're you're so well known in your field you have so many people who love you you've been so successful at what you do you've been so successful at what you do you've been so successful at what you do and I think actually it helps for somebody like you or you know somebody who's in a public position to be able to say yeah but I didn't this was the no I met when I wanted to go and become a ballerina I was fired from one of my jobs presenting a show that I really liked anchoring I think it actually is very helpful because we all are going to have those okay so let me move let me ask you about bossing up because when I I've heard you talking about bossing up and this is an idea and I'll let you uh kind of explain it more but it's about setting a standard and establishing a tone when I was starting to look at this field kind of 10 20 years ago we were talking about leaning in and that was obviously the Sheryl Sandberg book and talking about like being there at the table does is bossing up like leaning in how are they different what does bossing up mean for you yeah I don't think I'm as well known as Sheryl Sandberg but I'm hopefully on my way I think and the beauty of it is no shade um is that especially culturally um generationally you have to make it your own right and I think it was like lean in people are like okay we're no longer leaning in it's like we're building the table or you know we're leaning out because like we're taking a bigger view and all those things are amazing it's funny because I recently had a conversation with my producers here at Peloton and we're talking about the word boss up and how people actually don't love the word boss anymore right it was like girl boss and it was like we don't need to be a girl boss we're a boss and I was like well it's good to know while I never meant for the word to be a mean to own the thing that is around you that you've either invested your time your energy or your resources in and so for me yes being a boss means I set the standard if any if someone can get an A I can get an A that's your mom and the someone getting an A is me now like I'm gonna go for it I'm gonna go for the impossible so that everyone around me knows if I can get an A you can get an A too and then establishing in the tone I noticed this when I first by the way I was the worst hire Peloton has ever made historically I'm not sure they would agree with that I'm really not sure they'd agree with that I am let me hold on let me be honest it's true because they started in 2012 and I was hired in 2016 by the time 2016 they probably had maybe a quarter of a million members which is still a lot like 200 250 000 give or take that's a lot of people on our platform no one knew exactly who we were we had a small studio on 23rd street and I and I often tell this as this when you come into a market share up from up for grabs it's 200 to 250 people to come take my class give or take right at any given moment I think top instructors that have been there for a while establishing themselves they were getting about 20 000 people taking their classes a week I came in with another guy he was at that time you know after a week generating five to seven thousand people taking his class for me for at least eight months of my my work at Peloton I was getting 428 people taking my class that is like a great little league soccer game like a football game like I was that that was the arena that I was filling and while it may be a lot of people in comparison to the market share or the opportunity it was relatively very low and it was low for a very long time how did you handle that did you think I'm just starting out and it's normal and give yourself a bit of grace and that's the way it goes or did you think I need to fix this and these are the steps I'm going to take and I'm not going to let this crush me and I'm not going to let this crush me and I'm not going to and I'm gonna get better. I mean, how did you go about? of those things the psychological process of looking at those numbers and thinking damn that sucks that's what i said and even a step further i said damn that sucks i suck where's my second pot of haagen-dazs i was like i suck and i've messed up my whole life i was like i've now put myself in a position you went there you went to that place oh i went there like think about it you i you know i'm living a good i'm hosting for the brooklyn nets while i was i've still hosted for the nets while i was you know a peloton instructor but i was like top of the world i'm hosting for the brooklyn nets it's a new job i was working at complex which is like a media outlet where i was writing my own stories doing them on camera like i was i was pretty good at the things that i was doing and then i go and put myself in this position where i think this is great i'm gonna do something i never wanted to be a fitness instructor but this is a new challenge it mixes music as a dancer i love music i love dancing i love having a good time and on camera hosting which i love right like it mixes those two things this is it and we're you know we're mixing movement boom and I go in and and after a few months I realized I just suck like I'm I'm terrible you went outside your comfort zone and it didn't work out initially I went outside my comfort zone and I messed up my whole life I've signed a contract I'm letting people down I'm embarrassed right like I'm embarrassed to tell you know to tell my family like I you know they ask you how you're doing it and I'm like I'm not doing it I'm actually struggling and most times people don't do what they're not good at we do more of what we're good at that's the reality the reason you learn to ride a bike in the beginning you hate riding a bike it's because you don't know how but once you learn you know how to ride a bike right but the learning sucks and it sucks it's scary and it sucks as a young adult but yeah when I came in how did I handle that what end up what really sad about myself I thought at a young age I shouldn't trust my decision making because what am I doing and then the next thing that I did was I got outside of my head and I asked people for advice I asked people that I worked with I asked my husband you know he's my boyfriend at the time I was asking people close to me who knew me I need advice like what am I doing wrong and then I went further into social media of places like Facebook and Reddit like where are where's our community let me go in and listen to what they're doing and I'm like I'm not doing it right let me go in and listen to what they're saying and that was hard to hear it was hard to read but hey good feedback isn't feedback that you love or that you like right that's not bad feedback bad feedback is only feedback you don't understand so in a way you you treated it like a um a business case I mean you you took your own ego out of the situation which I think is super important this wasn't about you as a person and your self-esteem and your self-worth this was about trying to figure out what was not working for you and what was not working for you and what was not working for you and what was not working as this as a business case it was almost like you you did a research assignment yeah and I had to get to that point where I could emotionally separate the person from the service which is still hard at Peloton like that is an active thing that I have to do to this day 10 years in because a lot of what you're experiencing is ally love right and if you don't like what you're experiencing just by way of equation you don't like ally love and so I had to like yes take a step back and say what am I offering and how do I meet our members where they are and so it was more so me doing all of this research and I had to like yes take a step back refining how I approached it and the word that came up I remember in a conversation I sat with this girl who had just started in marketing and I was like she took my class and I said can I talk to you right after class and she came down in our office because we had two separate office she came down in the studio office and I said can you give me advice and she said well just tell me what do you want to feel when you get off the ride and I said well I just want to feel like I'm the boss of the bike like I know everything about this machine this beautiful machine like I know what it feels to be on the other side and on my side like I just want to be the boss of the experience so that members can trust me more and she's like oh there's something there I think you need to define what what being a boss means I know what that means but what does it mean to you and I went on this journey of writing it out what does it mean and I refined it down after a few months of no it's again it's it's one of those things where we set the standard I come in the room and I tell people what's possible and I show them by doing them what's possible and then I set the tone energy is contagious if I my energy sucked in class I taught 6 a.m then most time people their energy never you know picked up never opened up but if I came in with massive energy the energy is contagious and I was like oh you set the tone and that's what it means to be a boss it's not necessarily like everyone listens to me or like I'm running it or I'm masculine it's none of those things it's it's not kind of wolf of wall street no no and so you know we're in a society now where maybe boss isn't the term that everyone that listening is like oh I'm a boss I'm a boss I'm a boss I want to be a boss that's fine but it doesn't change the definition of what's possible right set the standard establish a tone really has been a defining headline for me as I've navigated my young career I didn't have an executive coach I don't come from a family of executives I really had to learn hi this is garylinica from goal hangers the rest is football 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about what you're saying is that you took control of the situation you had a moment in your life where things were going badly and you figured out why they were going badly and what the steps were to make it go better can i ask you about ambition because um i think women have a quite complicated relationship with ambition and when i talk to you ali and we've spoken before i hear two things one is that you have incredible determination um and you you set yourself very high standards and you live up to those standards um and you do it even on a daily basis and we can talk about that in a second but i think you do have an enormous ambition too you have an ambition for yourself and for the people who are kind of learning from you and and doing your classes with you do you how do you feel about ambition and your relationship with ambition ambition is sexy that's it like i new way of looking at ambition oh yes i think ambition is sexy and we again like the world that we share right now sexy takes on a different you know term it's like people that look good or like look like a certain type that that social media that the internet has showed us of what beauty is and what sexy is and for me it's not that and ever since i was a little girl i've been attracted in many ways to folks that are just ambitious that think that they're capable of things and it's not necessarily like you know as we talk about it it's not necessarily like you know as we talk and you kind of can get the sense for me it's not that i just always had self-belief that i could do it but i thought it was possible so let's just try and so for me ambition is like just the ability to try to see if it's possible because what i recognize and this comes from ballet you you will you will understand this for sure because many of us we grew up taking ballet it teaches you discipline but one thing that i learned in ballet um is that everyone's scared to go first especially when you go across the floor right so i'm not going to go across the floor right so yeah you know how you come from the bar you do petite allegro in the center right and then you're going to do like you're going to go across the floor grande allegro you're going to go and do the big jumps and the the combination and the pirouette and you definitely want to be in the last set of pairs that's doing okay if you're me you're in the back of the room so and the reason for that is because the teacher teaches so fast in ballet like and sometimes they don't even show you they they do it with their hands right they're going to go okay and you're going to do this part of a ray into the triple pirouette and you're like this is pirouette so you're learning on the fly you're learning quickly you're learning to pick up things and i remember thinking many times i'm going last i have no idea what the heck this person just said like i don't want to make a fool of myself. I don't want to mess up. I don't want to look dumb. I don't want to, you know, all of these things. Yeah. And so interesting enough, when I started dancing in college, it would happen every time. I'm like, I have no idea. But what I noticed is that everyone was rushing to the back. So everyone, most people had no idea. And I said, you know what? If most people have no idea, then I'm going to do the thing that has the fewest amount of hurdles in terms of fewest amount of people and go first. And I made a rule for myself. If it makes me scared, I go first, period. If I'm scared, I go first. And that's what I started doing at ballet. Did I mess up? Absolutely. Did I forget the combination sometimes? Hell yeah, I did. But what I did and I felt great about is that I did something that many of the people behind me would never attempt to do. And that was to go first and mess up. And also when someone messes up and it makes you feel good, it gives you permission to also be OK if you mess up. I actually went back to the ballet studio to classes after 30 years. I interviewed Misty Copeland and she was amazing. Oh, that's my girl. Yes. She's amazing. And she said to me, why don't you? And I was talking to her about ballet and she said, why don't you go back? So I went back after 30 years to ballet classes here in Washington, which I do with a group of adults. It's been an amazing exercise in humiliation because my body does not do what it used to do. But I still felt after 30 years away and I'm now recently turned 60, I still felt afraid. I mean, I still had that feeling and I still found myself sneaking to the back of the line. But now, OK, now I'm going to think if because it makes me afraid, that's that's a great idea when it makes you afraid. Go first. I love that, Ali. Yes. I was talking to someone is like, you should write a book. And I was like, if the book was if I was writing a book, it would be like, you know, you can be scared, but don't be afraid. Like you could be scared, but don't be afraid. Be scared. We all are scared to do things, but don't be afraid to like. Or do it afraid. Yes, you can do it with fear. We talk to girls and say this. Do it afraid. You probably any new thing. Basically, what you've described over the last few minutes is going outside your comfort zone. And from all of the work I've done on confidence, you build your confidence when you go outside your comfort zone. Practice is confidence. When you do new things. When you meet hurdles and you overcome those hurdles. I know I do a job. I've done it for 30 years. I know I'm good at it. It doesn't expand my confidence anymore. If I was to try your job for a day, it would terrify the living daylights out of me. The only way I'd ever know if I could do it would be by trying. And I think that's that fear factor. And particularly for young women, I think this idea of don't let the fear stop you. Don't let it be a barrier to doing things, to taking risks. And taking on new challenges. Because everybody has the fear. So just do it anyway. Do it afraid. Do it anyway. Do it anyway. Do it anyway. Talk to me about your morning routines. The Allie Love morning routines. Oh, yes. Because I'm looking at this determination, the ambition. But also, you mentioned a word I want to pick up on a few minutes ago, which was discipline. I think you are a super disciplined person. I feel like I could be better. No. How could you be better? I don't know. I think about it. A little grace. A little self-compassion. Yes. Yes. I love a morning. I'm a morning person. So I believe one, like I'm building an energy empire. And the reason for that is I think that we all have our own energy empires. It's just that we don't know how to manage it. The world is searching for energy. Externally, you're like, I need my coffee. I need my matcha. I need my drink. I need this. My L-theanine. I need this energy. And I think that that is, I'm not saying that you shouldn't get it. But I also think before we go there, understanding where your energy is. Where your energy zones are. Where are you most energetic? My husband is at night. My husband and my best friend, they're just like at night. They're night people. They get this like burst of energy. And I don't. And I find I was like, wow, this is so odd for me. But I'm also, you know, odd to other people because the mornings are my favorite. I wake up and I wake up early. I wake up at 5 a.m. Even before I became a mom, I still would wake up 5 a.m., 5.30. And I am like happy. I'm optimistic. I have clarity. I'm creative. I'm ready to go. And so I encouraged myself to get curious around where is my natural energy? Where am I feeling, you know, my most open self? My most, when can I problem solve with clarity? And usually it's in the morning. And so for me, I'm big on energy zones. And so my morning routine, when I get up, I pray. I hydrate. I always hydrate. I drink water. I always have water by the bed. I do my prayers. And then I do not have a long morning routine because I feel like if I'm spending so much time getting ready for the day, then I'm taking away from the day. That's for me. So I get up, I drink, I hydrate, I pray. And for most times, I've already laid out my clothes from the night before. They're like on the bathroom floor. They're not like neatly ironed. I don't want to paint you a picture that I'm perfect because I'm not. I will throw them over the door. That's already discipline. You've got your clothes out. Yeah. I throw them over the door. I throw them on the floor or they're on the sink in the bathroom. And like, that's what I'm wearing. And I like have it all set out. I get up, I get dressed. And then most times on my way to work, this has been the unlove for me is I ask myself a two part question. What or how do I want to feel today? The reason for this is I'm not a meditation girly. I try. I'm not her yet. But I needed to anchor myself in not being reactive. So what you said earlier, that you care what people think, like you're a people pleaser. I've come to terms with that's very similar to how I live. It's really hard for me to go through life. One, not caring what people think, or two, thinking I'm operating in spaces where people don't like me. I don't flourish. I don't thrive. And I don't want to ever pretend that I do because then I'm internal conflict like this. So you are you trying to change that? Or are you trying to accept that? I'm owning it. I'm owning it. And the way to do that is this for me, is I answer the question of how do I what or how do I want to feel today? For example, some days I come and I say, I want to be quiet. I'm a talkative person. We could talk all day. I love having a great conversation. Conversation is the catalyst of change. Like I'm here for it. So on those days, there are days where I'm like, you know what, I have like these meetings. I'm just going to listen. I'll take notes. I'm going to listen. At the end of the day, when I look back at my day, I feel good because I don't feel I don't feel bad that I didn't contribute because I was proactive in establishing that I was listening. I anchored myself in how I react to everything around me. Nobody's expectations pull me out of pocket. Think about it this way. There are days that I wake up where I say, oh, I'm blowing everything up today. Everybody's getting this smoke. Like 100%. I have this meeting and this meeting. I'm going in hot. I'm letting them know how I feel. I'm letting them know what the thought is. I'm giving directives. This is what we're doing. At the end of the day, I feel good about how I reacted. I'm sorry, how I responded in any of those meetings because I wasn't reactive. And it's not taking vacancy in my head that say, did I say something that offended Katty? Is she upset? I shouldn't have, you know, I shouldn't have said those things. I should have been a little bit more flexible. I should have just chilled. I should have just listened. No, I'm going in knowing how I'm going to act throughout today. And that to me is me taking ownership of a situation because, yeah, what's coming up for you? Go ahead. So what I'm thinking, Ali, is how do you marry that with the idea of being our authentic selves? Because if you're one day kind of coming in hot and another day coming in in listening mode, those sound like they're almost two different people. Yeah. Because is the set and maybe I'm overthinking it because I was no, no, no. Is it like you're taking on a role of the person who listens and the person who comes in hot and challenges everything? Or do they both feel authentic to you? We're multifaceted, multidimensional. So at any point in life, like right now, you're in the listening role. There are other times this will switch, right? The difference is, is what have you came into the podcast? And instead of listening, which is the role that you are assuming right now, you just talked more than I did. And then when the podcast is over, you say, why did I did I was supposed to let Ali talk like this was me interviewing her. And then now you're replaying it. You feel bad. Should I send Ali a note? You know, that one. Is it good for the podcast? That is exactly the ruminating I would do. Exactly the ruminating I would do. At this point in my life, I don't have the luxury to allow things like that to take so much vacancy and time in my head once I've left work. And so we're multidimensional and I'm not pretending to be quiet. I'm not saying like I'm not going to speak up if something comes up. I'm saying I don't want to be in a position where I become reactionary, right? Someone says something and I don't have the bandwidth. Maybe I'm tired today. So I'm probably my tired days. I'm probably just listening and I feel good about that. And I also am not taking home. Well, because I listen, people think that I'm less invested in the conversation. I'm just not I'm not taking I'm not experiencing everything in real time without what I need right now or how I want to be. And so while it might sound schizophrenic, what I would literally lend itself to is especially women were multidimensional. And I don't I want to be able to respond with the capacity that I have that day. And so each day I say some days I'm like, oh, I need to pay compliments to a lot of people because people forget how amazing they are. Like, I just that's top of my mind. It's coming up for me. And I'm going in and I'm like, you know what, Katty, you're an incredible interviewer. You're also someone who is a purveyor of women, not only telling them to be confident, but showing them. And again, like So it's not fake or inauthentic. It's a part of myself I'm choosing to exercise because I have that capacity to. And more so importantly, I am saving myself a lot of time at the end of the day, not filling my thoughts with, did someone like it? Do they not like me anymore? Why did I act that way? I shouldn't have acted that way. It's a lot of shooting on myself when I said, I knew I was going to act that way today. And I did. I mean, we talk about acting more and thinking less. And some of that thinking less is the overthinking and the ruminating that we're all prone to doing. And honestly, anything that can get us to think less, I think is a super useful tool that we can use. I want to move on to what it was like coming back to work and being a new mother because I know we're going to have a lot of people listening and I have thoughts about how hard it is to handle that. But is it important to set the intention every day? Because you talked about doing this and I know this is the disciplined side. Is there something about making this a habit that you find is helpful? For me, absolutely. And again, it's not something that I don't want. I don't want to make it seem like, OK, every day I'm only doing that one thing that I said that I'm doing. That thing is the foundation of how I'm just going to carry myself that day. It's something you can come back to during the day to kind of almost like a reset. It's an anchoring. Yes, it's an anchoring. And like most times when we don't. And I think about it here. Let me give you just really quickly paint your picture. We live in New York City, right? I live in a big city that at any moment things can pop off. So think about it this way. You're on the subway and literally somebody is peeing in the corner and you don't you don't have the time to smell pee right now. You're late for work. You need to go or someone's pushing you to get off the train. You're like, what's up his? You know, what's what? Bumblebee crawled up your pants today or whatever. So all of these things happen to you, especially if you live in a space like mine. And even if you don't, it can. You drop your kids off to schools, the road is closed, you're like all of these things. And so what I do is on days that I just allow myself the space to say this is what I can offer. I'm going to let it roll off my shoulder or nothing's getting past me today. So when I'm upset and I yell or I say something like chill, I feel good about it. Like, I feel good about myself. I feel confident. I feel like I know me. Allie's being Allie today because Allie knows Allie today like she's checked in with Allie today. Like, you know what I mean? We don't check in with ourselves. And so I don't want to be reactionary all the time. And this is something. And so even coming back to work, being a mom, it was really important for me. And for most of the days in the beginning, it's like I would come back to this as like my theme. You're a son is loved. And you are loved. And so you go through the day knowing today he's OK and you're OK, he's OK and you're OK. And that was my anchoring. So I'm sitting in the meeting and maybe I'm not, you know, again, like I'm paying attention. But what would pop into my head is like, am I doing the right thing? Should I be at home? Is this even important? You know, like I start. It was how you helped handle those that transition back to work. Yes. And it's been great. When you I remember when I got pregnant a long time ago with my first child and I was working and I was super focused on my work and I was a young reporter and I was living in Tokyo and I was going to be very successful. And and I got pregnant. And I remember going into my friend and saying I'm bursting into tears and saying no one's ever going to take me seriously again. And I'm never going to work again. And, you know, I'm going to end up, you know, living at home all the time looking after babies. And and it didn't work out like that. But there was a fear factor in me. And maybe it's just the fear of something new of how how on earth am I going to manage to do this? Did you feel that at all at the idea of having especially you're a public person in an industry that demands. A huge amount of physical output and for you to be super physically in shape. Did you ever feel that? Oh, my God. How am I going to do this and manage to do what I do? Absolutely. I think it came up and even more so. I was thinking no one's going to want to work with me anymore. You know, we do. I do a lot of like brand catastrophizing. You went straight catastrophizing. Yes. In therapy, I catastrophize. I personalize everything. I made it about me and I blew it up. And I. Literally was like, no one's I'm not going to get any more jobs. I'm not going to work with any more brands. I, you know, members I've been gone for a long time. They didn't like me anyway. They're not going to like me when I came back. I also did it. I did something that we have never really done here is I didn't announce my pregnancy. I just showed up. And the belly grew. And for me, that was really important because my journey to get to that point was really challenging. And I'm not saying I'm uniquely the only one who's gone through. A very hard time. No. However, what I do know to be true is that going through a very challenging time of any capacity, not just with trying to conceive. But in any capacity in the public eye while trying to perform, which you definitely can understand while trying to perform and not show all the cracks because they didn't. They didn't tune in for cracks. They tuned in for a good time. A good workout was really emotionally taxing. And. Even when I started to see like, oh, my God, there might be light at the end of this tunnel. And I shared it this way in another interview. It was like I almost had this little like, you know, I was trying to light a light a fire for so long. And finally, there was a little flame in the palm of my hand. And I don't want anyone to blow it out. So I just kept it hidden until the flame grew, grew, grew. And then, OK, everyone can see there's a fire here. And it was it was a personal decision that to this day goes back to checking in. And how or what do I want to feel? I knew that I, one, needed to get to the other side. Two, I had no capacity to celebrate nor hear condolences throughout my journey of making it to the other side. So therefore, I anchored my entire journey in not necessarily being private because I confided in friends, my husband obviously there with me. But it was. I anchored my entire journey in you be present every day and you live. You're not the first one to go through this. You got, you know, unfortunately won't be the last one. You're not the first to be pregnant. You're not going to be the last. You're not the first to conceive. And it was one of those things of just be present. But for me, it anchored in we're not celebrating and we're not sad. We're not sending condolences. We're present. We're doing what's in front of us. And I protected my peace. And so much so, it did cause a lot of conversation online. Whether people thought, oh, she's just waiting for the, you know, magazines or for Katty to reach out to do a story on her. Or people saying, you know, she's just like, you know, sad about it or whatever. Like, you know, they're injecting all of these opinions. And for the most part, I had to just live with that and know this is my journey. I also get, while we live publicly, I get to protect myself privately. And this was the moment. And these were the moments that led me to this. And so when I came back to work, I did, I do feel I'm in a new season. Like, she's light. I am a lighter. I am so, myself is full. And just, I'm grand. I am grand. So, yeah. You, again, you're super intentional. And I love that. You're intentional about your public face. And you're intentional about your private space. And you're very clear. And you're very honest with people about that. And I think that for somebody who does have such a public role has been really impressive about the way you've handled it. Can you talk about comparisons? Because obviously, you work in an industry in a world where there is room for a lot of comparison. And I think a lot of young women are particularly, well, all of us. I think men are very prone to comparisons too. But particularly in the physical space, women are very prone to comparisons. Do I look as good as she does? Am I as fit as she is? Am I as thin as she is? How does my body compare to her body? How do you, in your role as somebody who's guiding people through the fitness journey, how do you deal with the comparison side of things that can be helpful but it can also be toxic? Oh, my gosh. It is an internal battle, just like anyone else. I'm not above this experience at any point in my life. And especially with pregnancy, it was nuts. I had to really, like every day, the internal dialogue, I had to switch directions. And still to this day. Right now where I am is I tell myself my body did amazing things. And my body will continue to do amazing things. And so I don't want to hurt the body that has worked so hard for me, right? And it's like sometimes we think, okay, my body is -- you treat your body different than you would treat your inner self or your best friend or your parents. You treat your body different. You treat it harsher. And it's like, no, I want to love this body. This body wants to live. This body fought many ways, had many challenges before pregnancy, you know, nine years old, to pregnancy, to my birth. That is one day a story. Oh, my gosh. Like my body has done above. Above the expectation. And I want to appreciate it. And so I bring myself back to that. Even with that, though, I will say I still go back to the starting point of my maternity body doesn't look like -- my postpartum body doesn't look like my teammates as quickly. Or it doesn't look as like this one girl on social media that had a baby around the same time that I did and she's wearing low-cut tights. Like it's just -- it really doesn't. I start to spiral. And I did this before as a dancer. We wanted to be the skinniest of the skinny. And when you weren't, unfortunately, I was around in an age where I got scholarships taken away because I wasn't streamlined enough to represent our school. So I did deal with it, the systematic support of being thin and saying that this is what a ballet dancer looks like, into modeling. I went into these industries, into being on TV with curly hair, curly afro hair, where it's like, no, we don't do that on TV. We straighten our hair. And again, we've all had these and then coming into fitness where it's like, well, you need to be strong, you need to have six pack, you need to be able to beat everyone on the leaderboard that's in your class. And I've had to really. I've had to really center myself is that I am only human. I am a strong ass woman. And there are things that I can do. And there are things that I cannot do right now or yet. And there are things that I'm choosing not to do. And so I think for me, it's like, it's an on course, off course, I still compare, I still see people on social, even if I know it's a highlight reel, and I get down in the dumps about it, but I have to walk back to the center of my body has done amazing things before trying to conceive in my younger years in terms of being a kid. Being a teen, like being my young Ally into now adult young Ally where it's like, she's still doing amazing things. And so that's what I just, again, I ground myself in. I'm not going to say I have the answer. I don't know. But that's the inner dialogue that I have to play on. I have to literally play on repeat to do that. And I love how strong I've become. Like, I'm just, I'm so, I'm so strong. And going back to how we started this caddy. The little steps. We forget the fight is in the little steps. The fight is me having to start at the negative ending in the positive. And the fact that I get to the positive, and I can anchor myself there. And most days, that's the fight. It's the I can pick up heavy weights. Now. That's the fight. Like, those are that's, that's the fighting. I have loved speaking to you. And I'm going to ask you one thing before we go, which is something we ask every guest, a piece of advice that you would give for doing it anyway. A confidence piece of advice that you would give to the people listening to this program. And this is my favorite. If there's anything you take away from this conversation, it's this. When you walk in a room, when you walk into a space, whether you're going to a party, a presentation, you're showing up to, to just sit in a meeting, any space that you enter, I think I encourage you, I implore you to remember this. The people on the other side of the table. The people next to you, the people around you are rooting for you. They are rooting for your success. And sometimes it may not feel this way. Move that to the back of your mind. You perform, you show up, you be kind, you be you, knowing that there are people around you that want you to do well. And that changes everything. And so for me, before coming here, talking to you, Katty wants me to do well. She wants this to be a good conversation. My boss wants me to do well. My husband wants me to be a good. Everybody around me is rooting for me. And that to me is, has been a shift internally on how I can operate at my highest self. So know that if you're listening to this, we are rooting for you and the people around you are rooting for you. Even if they don't know it, they are. Love that. Walk into the room and assume that the universe is a friendly place. They're your cheerleaders. They are, they are, you know, cheering for you with pom poms. Like that. That's it. Even, even that mean quote unquote boss or that person you work with that may not always be the kindest. This person is rooting for you. People trust me. People don't have enough capacity sometimes to think beyond themselves, which is truly fair. And they may need a little grace. But deep down, people are really rooting for you to succeed, do well and like show up and have answers. I love that. No, I think you're right. I think on the whole, people want your success. It is in everybody's interest around you, particularly in a work situation that you do well. Yes. And sometimes we forget that. Allie, love. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for bringing your energy to the conversation today. Thank you for having me on, really. Thank you. With summer coming to an end, you're going to be spending more time indoors. Get your home ready and save up to 50% off custom window treatments during the Labor Day Mega Sale at Blinds.com. From room darkening. To light filtering shades. Finding the perfect fit is easy. Get free samples, expert design help and professional measure and install services. 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