103: The hidden key to a happy life abroad: Cultural adaptation and how to fit in

Moving Abroad is not just about changing your address. It's about expanding your world view and it's about adapting the culture abroad but not forgetting where you're from as well. I'd say that cultural adoption, it takes patience and it takes self-compassion as well. You have to be patient with yourself and honestly just wait a time. Hey, my name is Jordan Giberson. I'm a Texas girl living and thriving in London. The best thing I've ever done, moving abroad hands down and I'm passionate about helping others do the same. Are you curious about finding a job abroad? You're in the right place, friend. I'll teach you the tried and true secrets of how to make moving abroad a reality for you and how to live a fulfilling life once you get there. We'll cover topics like choosing the best visa for you, how to get a job offer in another country, how to get over your fear of moving abroad and how to live a life you love once you get there. This is the Move Abroad podcast. Hello and welcome to another episode of the Move Abroad podcast. Today we're talking about the hidden key to a happy life abroad, which is adapting to culture. It's cultural adaptation and how to feel like you're really fitting in. Today is, I feel like one of the most underrated parts of moving abroad and that is the cultural adaptation because let's be honest, it's one thing to pack your bags and move overseas but it's a very different thing to feel totally at home once you get there. So today we're breaking that down and what cultural adaptation looks like, what stages a lot of people go through and how to embrace new norms whenever you're moving abroad and whenever you're moving abroad without losing yourself in the process. So let's go ahead and get started with today's episode. So what does cultural adaptation really mean? Cultural adaptation isn't just about learning a few local phrases or trying the new foods. It's about retraining your brain to really understand and accept a different set of social norms and what that really means. It's kind of realizing what is normal, what's typically polite or what's expected in that new country whereas in the US it might look totally different. So for example, in the UK, whenever I first moved here I noticed that people apologize constantly. Even whenever you're the one that's bumping into them they might apologize or they say sorry for the smallest of things that they really shouldn't be apologizing for or on the trains they might be really annoyed that someone is playing their music really loudly but they won't say anything. They'll just kind of give them like a glance but they won't even give them a dirty look because it's rude to say something or to speak up and it obviously depends on the person. I think that it depends on the circumstance and on the person but as a general rule that's just typically what it's like here or people talk a lot more quietly in restaurants. They talk just like it's just a lot quieter because you're talking to someone across the table whereas in the US the general level of voice is a lot higher. People talk really a lot in restaurants. So it's just different cultural norms in the UK versus in the US. And in Germany for instance, directness is a sign of respect. It's not being rude. A lot of people in Germany are just really direct and that's just a part of their culture. And in Southern Europe showing up 15, 20 minutes late isn't really rude. It's just a standard operating procedure. It's what's normal and it's what's expected that people just kind of run late. So those are just a few examples of some ways that the cultural norms are a little bit different and ways you'll just have to kind of get used to once you live abroad. So at first those differences can feel a little bit disorienting, something that you're not expecting but over time they just become normal and you might even kind of adapt those cultural norms. You might keep some cultural norms that you're used to and not adapt all of them or you might end up adopting them more and more over time. I feel like for me living abroad I've adapted more over time. And I know some people that have changed some things about how they would interact in a cultural setting but in other ways they kind of keep what they're used to and I think that both are totally okay. So that's really what cultural adaptation really means and a few examples of where I've seen that and a few examples of different cultures in different countries that have different social norms. So the four stages of cultural adaptation it's just like the stages of grief. It's not perfect. I mean it can ebb and flow. Some people don't go through all the stages but if you move abroad there is a psychological process that does happen whenever it comes to cultural adaptation. So you might experience some of these things. So it's nice just to go into it with some expectations and to know what the stages of cultural adaptation might look like for you. So the first stage of adapting to culture is the honeymoon stage. You are obsessed. Everything is really new. Everything is really exciting. The pastries, the accents, the new lifestyle, like public transport, so great. I love this and that and I love this about the culture and this way about the people. And you're really excited. It's the honeymoon stage and you think why did I move sooner? This is so amazing. So that's the honeymoon stage. You might then go into potentially maybe not the frustration stage. The reality hits you. You start to miss the ease of life back home. The things that you're really used to in your home country and what the culture looked like and just missing some of those things that felt a bit more natural to you. Maybe you get annoyed that stores close early, that they're not 24/7 or that bureaucracy takes forever. So it's totally normal to feel frustration. It's your brain just saying like, I was really used to the other way of doing things and now like all these new things are hitting me. It's like a different culture. I'm not used to this. It's just like this is a different set of cultural rules that I'm not used to. So you might hit the frustration stage. I don't personally remember going through the frustration stage. I definitely messed up a lot of times whenever you're just adapting to a new way of life. You don't automatically understand people's accents or you don't automatically understand the different words that they're using and that could be frustrating or just understanding like just public transportation. I mean, that is sort of a part of culture. Just understanding like the right trains to go on the right buses and how that works. And like for me, I went on the wrong train. I cannot tell you how many times. I'm gonna be honest. I still sometimes go on the wrong train and it happens. So yeah, I think that it's just a different way of life. And sometimes it can be frustrating to have to figure out all these new things. And I think that that's okay to feel a little bit of frustration and it's just kind of getting used to your surroundings and your new kind of way of life and getting used to the culture. So you might go through a frustration stage. I feel like I didn't go through that and it doesn't mean that you're going to go through it, but it's helpful to know that culture's gonna be different and there might be things that are a little bit frustrating because you're not used to them. So that's the second stage. After the frustration stage comes the adjustment stage. You start to finally figure things out. You know how to get around. You know how to communicate better. You know it's expected in different situations and you start to kind of ease in and feel like you're finally adjusting and like you're used to the culture. So that's the adjustment stage. And then the last fourth stage is the acceptance stage. You finally feel balanced. You understand the culture. Even if you don't agree with every single thing and even if you don't adapt to every single thing, you can flow between your old culture and your old way of doing things and the new cultural norms that you're able to flow into that quite easily. And that's whenever you really start to feel like you belong. You've accepted it and you're kind of embracing the new culture, if you will. So those are the four stages. It's the honeymoon stage, whenever you're obsessed, the frustration stage, whenever reality hits and it's not as easy as you thought it might be. The third stage is the adjustment stage where you start to finally figure things out. And the fourth is the acceptance stage where you finally feel a bit balanced and you're finally understanding the culture and like you're all in. So I think that the main thing to remember is that none of these stages are permanent and you might bounce between them depending on your experiences and how long you're staying abroad. And just, I think it really varies person to person. But like I said, I don't feel like I went through a frustration stage. I think I was really open to messing up and to not understanding everything. And I treated it as like, oh, that's really interesting. Like I didn't really expect that instead of being like, oh, this isn't what I'm used to. This makes me frustrated. I kind of, I think it depends on your tone and how you react to things. So I think it's just being adaptable is really helpful whenever you're thinking about cultural adaptation, being adaptable. I think that that is really helpful. And those are the four stages of cultural adaptation and what you might expect if you're going to be moving abroad and adapting to new culture. And it's kind of like the phases of fully being a part of the culture. So how do you embrace these new norms without losing yourself? How do you actually adapt to that new culture without feeling like you're pretending to be somebody else? I think these are the main tips that helped me and I've seen a lot of these help other expats as well who have recently moved abroad. So I think the number one thing is get curious, feel curious about things and not judgemental. I think whenever I moved abroad, I took it as like, oh, that's really interesting. Like, that's not what I'm used to, but that's really cool. It's really interesting. It's different. And I appreciated thinking like, oh, this is really different from what I'm used to. So whenever something feels frustrating to you or off, I think just pause for a second and say, oh, why might this be this way? Like, why might it look like this instead of what I'm used to? I think I wouldn't label it as wrong or not weird, but think of it as like, oh, this is different logic. Like, this is a different way of doing things that's so interesting about their culture. I think that you'll just learn so much faster. You'll be able to adapt so much faster. And I think having this mindset helps you to be open-minded and to adjust faster instead of letting things frustrate you whenever the system and way of doing things in the culture is just different. I see that's my number one tip. I think the second one is just building local routines and local relationships. I think that finding your neighborhood cafe, finding your routine, finding your local fitness class or finding your community. I think finding your friends, finding community events. I think that finding those things and creating structure and your new life helps you to adapt to the new culture and feel more grounded, which I think helps you to adapt to the new culture. So I think it's just kind of settling into your new life. And if you were to move to even a new city in the US or wherever you're from right now, I think it's just kind of, you wanna create a schedule or a routine that kind of helps you settle in a bit better. And I think that you kind of learn along the way. You feel curious, like we said before, and you don't kind of freak out whatever the culture is different. Like you arrive somewhere on time and you're a really punctual person, but every single time you're 30 minutes late, and you think that's really rude or they don't really wanna be there. But in reality, that's just a part of their culture, for instance. So I think it's just building routines and just being open. And I think building routines and finding communities really important. And whenever I talk about finding community, I've talked about this on the podcast before, but I think that it's so important to have a mix of both local friends and expat friends. Because expat friends are going to have a similar mindset to you. I love my expat friends because like, I have some friends that are from Texas. And I feel like, oh, you get me. Like we are similar in a lot of ways. I can joke around with you like I'm used to. And I feel like it's nice to not feel like I have to fit into the culture or feel like we just kind of already understand each other in a way. So I think that it's really helpful that we go through similar problems that we miss home, that we like all grew up eating pancakes. And we all grew up like where we used to have cars or we used to listen to country music all the time or whatever it is. Like we just kind of had this similar like understanding of what life looks like or how we were raised. But then to also have local friends that can teach you more about the culture and kind of how to fit in and to really immerse yourself in the culture and in the people and in the way of life with those people. So I think that it's helpful to have a mix of both if you're able to. And I like, when I first moved abroad, I was like, I do not want to be friends with other Americans. I just left a country full of you guys. Like I want to have local friends. Like I want to be friends with people who are from here because I want to fully immerse myself and enjoy being in the UK. But I do think that it's helpful to have both. So I think that it's helpful. Tip number two is to build local routines and local community as well and expect communities. So just building community in general. And then third type is staying connected to home but in healthy ways. It is totally fine to watch your American TV shows because let's be honest, a lot of people abroad also watch American TV shows. American culture is a huge influence of other cultures abroad. And although they still have their own culture and their language and their way of life, American culture does shape how they live. So it is not new girl or whatever show you're used to watching, they probably watch it abroad as well. Or I think that it's also great to be calling friends back home to stay connected with them. But make sure that you're also building your new life where you are. If you don't want to just be maintaining your friendships in the US, you want to also be making friends abroad because that's where your life is. That's where you're trying to build a life. So make sure that you're not just maintaining your life back home, which is good and is important. And I would recommend it and to have a plan going into it to make sure you stay connected with people and that you're intentional. But I do think that you need to also build your life abroad as well. So the goal is not to replace your old identity. It's to expand it. It's to think of new ways of doing things and to be open to new ways of doing things as well. So one of the signs that you're adapting successfully, I say some signs is that you stop comparing every single thing to the US. You will definitely do this in the beginning. And I think that it's healthy and I think it's really interesting. But at some point you are going to stop comparing everything to the US because you've fully integrated into the culture and in the way of life. I think another sign is just feeling like you're navigating daily life and daily tasks without feeling like you're overthinking. It just comes more naturally to you to be used to the culture and the way of thinking and you're like, oh, I used to overthink about that. I used to like really analyze things but I'm not overthinking anymore. But I'm not overthinking anymore. I think another sign is that you feel less drained by cultural differences and more intrigued by them. You're not feeling frustrated but you're fully accepting them and you're maybe getting on board. Maybe you used to be a super punctual person and now you are used to showing up 20 minutes late because that's the culture or maybe you used to speak really loudly in restaurants and you notice that you are talking a lot quieter now that you are kind of feeling it in that way and you're not overthinking it and you're not having the person across the table saying like, hey, you're talking really loudly but you just automatically start doing that because you've integrated into the culture and maybe the locals start training you just like one of them. Maybe they don't say like, oh, hey, and by the way, this is how we do things. They just start treating you like one of them and like it's totally normal that you're a part of the friendship group and you're totally accepted and you're one of them. So I'd say that the change is going to be subtle but you might have a moment where you realize I'm not just surviving here anymore. I am living here. I am thriving here. I am a part of the community. Like I feel like I am a part of this country and I think that's a sign that you've fully adapted to the culture there. Moving abroad is not just about changing your address. It's about expanding your world view and it's about adapting the culture abroad but not forgetting where you're from as well. I'd say that cultural adoption, it takes time, it takes patience and it takes self-compassion as well. You have to be patient with yourself and honestly, just give it time. I think this is something that you don't have to put in a ton of effort, just be open-minded and know that you will start adapting to the culture over time. I think it's just kind of waiting for a few months to pass by where you feel like you're okay, I understand the system now. But when you embrace new norms with curiosity instead of resistance, I think that over time you'll realize that you are totally capable of integrating into the new culture, that you are resilient and that you are adaptable in maybe ways that you didn't used to be. So that's a part of what's so great about moving abroad and to realize that you will grow so much whenever you move abroad in such a positive way. So if you're planning a move abroad, remember that it might take time to adapt to the culture and for it to totally feel like home. But I think just give it time and you will realize all these things used to be so weird to me and I had to overthink it and now it just feels like it's a normal part of my life and I've adapted and I am now, I feel like I'm a part of this place and I feel like I totally belong here. And I think that's incredible that you have the chance to grow and to get to that place. So yeah, I hope that this episode was helpful. Maybe you have been worried about adapting to the culture or fitting in into your new place. And I hope this made you feel encouraged and made you feel excited and gave you a bit of insight into maybe some of the stages that you might be feeling or what might happen whenever you move there. But I hope that there were some tips in here that made you feel encouraged and helped you to understand some tools that you can use to feel like you can fully adapt to your culture abroad. So thank you so much for listening to another episode of the Move abroad podcast. If you have not subscribed to the podcast yet, I would encourage you to do that just so you don't forget any episodes or you're able to just listen to the episodes as they come in. So if you want to feel free to follow the podcast, I would really appreciate it. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. So thank you so much for listening to the podcast and I can't wait to see you here again next week, same time, same place. I'll catch you then. (upbeat music)