The Hidden Cost of Comfort | Why Staying Safe Is the Biggest Risk of Your Life

(upbeat music) - Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host Rob Dyle. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, so you wanna get some inspirational tips, tricks, mindset stuff, sent to your cell phone throughout the week and you live in the United States or Canada. Text me right now. 512-580-9305, once again, 512-580-9305. Today, I'm gonna be talking about the cost of comfort in your life because most people are stuck in a prison and have no idea. And if you're in a place where you're comfortable and you don't want to grow, then more power to you, but this episode is not for you because your comfort zone is a prison. It is a psychological prison that is built on safety and old habits and an old identity and avoiding discomfort so that you can stay in the exact same place that you're in. And here's the crazy part. You might be doing pretty well in your life. I've been there like, good job. You have a steady relationship, a reliable paycheck. Then you've built a life that is just fine. But fine isn't great. Fine is just familiar. Fine is just what you have practiced. Now, it's not the thing that you were actually born for. And I just want to ask you a question. Do you really want a life that just feels fine? Like, do you really want a fine life? And most people have never really questioned it. They never really start to think about, do I just want to settle in my life until they get to a point where like, their soul is screaming at them in quiet ways. Like, they have a subtle restlessness or like a low grade irritation that shows up at three o'clock in the middle of the day for no reason. Or like a giant lack of inspiration in your life. Or just like this scroll addiction that numbs you because you don't want to think about the fact that you're not doing something amazing with your life. And the moment that you realize that you've been coasting in your own life instead of creating your own life can be terrifying. And so if this sounds familiar to you, that is what we're going to dive into today. So let's talk about this trap, this prison of comfort that we all can be stuck in if we don't really pay attention to it. So most people are thinking out there like, why do we choose comfort in the first place? Like, we all want a great life. Everybody, whether they're listening to this podcast or whether someone's not in a self-development at all, everybody wants a great life. They want something special. They want experiences as many experiences as possible with their friends and family and loved ones. And they want joy and happiness and all of that. So if that's the case, why do we choose comfort in most cases? And the short answer to that is we don't. We don't choose comfort. We default to comfort. Your brain is wired to seek out comfort, to go the easy route. It is evolutionary. It is survival-based. It is completely normal. Your brain doesn't want new. It doesn't. It doesn't want new. It doesn't want outside of your comfort zone. It doesn't want risk. It wants predictability. It wants control. It doesn't care about your happiness. It only cares about your safety. And then this cave of comfort, when you're in there, it knows that you're safe. Why? Because inside of this cave of comfort, there's no uncertainty. You're already doing things you've already done before. You're not pushing yourself. You're not getting out of this comfort zone. Uncertainty to our ancestors used to mean danger. Danger meant death. Back in the day. With our ancestors 100,000 years ago, new environments meant there could be a freaking saber-two tiger that's going to attack me. Today, it just means that you're trying something new. And new today does not mean dangerous. You have to get your brain and your nervous system to understand that, because our brain and nervous system is still wired for a life of 100,000 years ago. And so you need to get yourself used to doing something you've never done before. You need to get yourself used to asking for more, for leaving the job, for starting the business, for ending the relationship you should have ended years ago, or finally showing up in this world as you truly are. But your brain doesn't know the difference between, oh, I want to leave this relationship, and oh, I might die if I make a change. So every time that you feel that tug, that pull towards more, what happens? Boom, your brain sounds the alarm. No, no, no, no, no, danger, stay in the known. Stay where it's safe. Stay small, stay nice, stay quiet, stay still. Don't put yourself out there. You don't want to be judged by other people. And it is our job at that point, to get ourselves out of the comfort zone, and to get into discomfort. And the sinister part of all of it that makes it really hard for us is that comfort feels good. It really does. Like to sit on the couch and scroll on your phone. Feels pretty good, like you're comfortable. You're just looking at videos, you're laughing at cats, right? It's not, it feels good, until it doesn't. And that's really the point when we need to talk about. And that point where it doesn't feel good is later on. In a future that is 100% coming for you at some point in time. There are hidden costs of comfort. And if you want to make a change, you need to force yourself not to look at what feels good, but to actually look at the hidden costs of you being comfortable in your life. Because most people are looking at what I call the cost of action. Oh, I've got to put in some hard work. Oh, I've got to do something new. Oh, I've got to risk my paycheck. I've got to put myself out there and I have the possibility of being judged. That's the cost of action. And if you're not taking action, it's because you're unconsciously focused on the cost of action. But in order for you to get yourself and sometimes force yourself to change, instead of looking at the cost of action, you need to actually make yourself look at the cost of inaction. Inaction is what we need to focus on. The only time that you will change is when the pain of remaining the same is more painful than the pain of change. I think that quote comes from AA, but it deals with everything in life. And we will be right back. And now back to the show. The only time when you will change is that when you get yourself to understand that the pain of remaining the same is more painful than the pain of change. So you have to make yourself look at this. What are you giving up when you actually choose comfort? What are you missing out on later on in life? Because you are giving up something. You're always giving up something. When you're saying yes to something, you're saying no to something else. When you're saying yes to being comfortable right now, you might be saying no to building an amazing life that's coming for you in 10 years. When you're saying yes to staying at a job that you hate instead of growing your business, you're saying no to possibly becoming a multi-millionaire and taking your family to have experiences and living in another country for a year. And so there's a hidden cost that comes with living comfortably. Like you will, if you live comfortably, you will not access your full potential. You have to understand that. There is no growth without discomfort, period. If you're not being stretched in places in your life, you're not evolving. And my very first mentor used to always say this and he used to terrify me. And it really is what made me kind of force myself to grow. He used to always say, "You're either green and growing or you're brown and dying." You're either green and growing or you're brown and dying. You're never staying in the same place. If you're staying in the same place and another year goes by, you're actually going backwards. And so it's like, you know, being stagnant in life. Like when I hear the word stagnant, I think of a stagnant pond with film on top of it and bugs all over it. And I'm like, if that's what the connotation that I have and the visual that I have in my mind, do I want the mold and the grease on top of a stagnant pond and the bugs and the flies and the mosquitoes? Do I want my life to be stagnant? No, not really. And so when you look at things that need to be stretched in order to change like muscles need to be stretched in order to grow, mindsets need to be stretched in order to grow. Your dreams need to be stretched, your actions, all of them need to be stretched in order to grow. They all require discomfort to grow. You need to change your relationship with discomfort. Another thing that happens is when you don't actually stretch yourself and make yourself see the cost of an action and push yourself to get out of your comfort zone, you disconnect from what really makes you feel alive. Comfort numbs you. And when you're numb, you can't just numb the lows in life. You actually dull the highs as well. The joy, the fire, the spark that you have, the fun that you have in life. Comfort zone, like your comfort zone, is where your dreams go to die. So when you do like what's just expected of you and you put your dreams up on the shelf and you say things like, oh, you know what? Not right now, but like, I'll get back to my dreams when life settles down. Maybe when the kids are a little bit older, but you never get time to go back to it. And then one day, I promise you that you're gonna wake up and you're gonna realize it's your 10, 15, 20 years down the road into a life that you did not consciously choose. You just kind of fell into it. And for me, that's fucking terrifying. That is the cost of an action. That is what we need to look at whenever we think of, oh, but if I put myself out there, it's gonna take so much time and effort. I might be judged or if I wanna grow this business, you know, I'm gonna have to have some sleepless nights and maybe not as much rest and partying with my friends. And so you have to look at that. So how do we escape the prison of this comfort zone? What do you do? Well, you need to literally go slowly at it first because if you do too much, you're gonna scare yourself, you're gonna shock your nervous system, you're gonna fall back into where you currently are. So you don't need to blow everything up overnight. That's really not sustainable. But you do need to start. And so instead of blowing it all up overnight and just quitting your job and not paying your mortgage or whatever it might be, try this instead. The first thing that you really wanna do is you wanna teach yourself to follow the whisper. Like follow that quiet voice that's inside of you, that little nudge that you have in life, the pull, the curiosity. That is your soul. That is your intuition talking to you. You need to listen. I always say this on the podcast, but your fears will scream at you. Your inspiration will whisper. And most people are too busy to even listen to the whisper so they just follow whatever screaming at them. You need to train yourself to get better and listen to the whisper. Because usually that is the thing that you need to do that will be an alignment with what it is that your purpose is here. So the first thing you gotta follow the whisper and the second thing, you've gotta make discomfort a practice. Like you've gotta get good at being uncomfortable on purpose. It's like exposure therapy. And I talk about this all the time in the podcast, but when someone's afraid of a snake, the best way to get them unafraid of the snake is to put them in a room with a snake and have the snake be way on the other side of the room in a box that they can see, right? Exposure therapy, leave it there for long enough, their body, their nervous system, their brain will start to calm down. And so you want exposure therapy to being uncomfortable. You need to teach your brain that it's safe, that you will not die when you just decide to post something on Instagram. You will not die because you decided to start a business. You will not die because you decided to quit a job and apply for a job that you might be underqualified for, but you're going to apply for it anyways because you want to expand yourself. You will not die. You will not die when you say the thing that you usually avoid or you try something that you might suck at or you decide to set a boundary with someone who's been overstepping your boundaries your entire life. So you've got to think about that. You've got to stretch yourself. Do something. Like all too often, I just talk to people, people come up to me on a street and they're like, oh my gosh, I love the podcast. And I love it, I talk to them for a little while. And I realize like they're listening to the podcast, but like, are you doing everything? Like, are you pushing yourself? Are you getting yourself out of your comfort zone? Are you regularly getting yourself out? Like, you need to teach yourself that stepping out of your comfort zone is safe. And this is what's crazy about it because I remember when I consciously had to keep pushing myself and pushing myself and pushing myself out of my comfort zone and putting myself on stages and talking in front of people and I felt like I was going to piss my pants by getting in front of people because I was that terrified. Eventually, getting out of your comfort zone actually starts to feel fun. And then what you need to do is you need to start to redefine what safety means to you. Like, what if true safety to you is an avoiding risk? But true safety is actually stepping into the risk because if you don't risk anything in your life, you risk everything in your life. Think about that for a second. If you don't risk anything in your life, you risk everything in your life because you're going to miss out on all of the amazing opportunities and experiences and joy and happiness and love and everything that you could have, simply because you decide saying the exact same place. You don't need more comfort in your life. You need more courage. You don't need to back down. You need to step up. And so a real new question that I want you to start to think about and I want you to live by is take a pen and paper and write down the question, what is my comfort costing me? 'Cause it's costing you something once again. If you're saying yes to comfort, you're saying no to something else. So what is my comfort costing me? Ask it every single time that you want to shrink in some sort of way. Ask it every single time that you feel restless or ask it every single time when you're like, you know what? I don't know what it is. But there's something inside of me that says like this life is not the life that I want. I need to change it in some sort of way. Ask yourself, what is your comfort costing you? Ask it when you're tempted to keep the peace or to play small or to settle in some sort of way. Listen, you're not listening to this podcast 'cause you want to stay the same. You're not listening to this podcast because you want your life to be in the exact same position, like you want to be in the exact same position that you are right now in a year. You're listening to it because you want something else. And so what is your comfort costing you? Because your comfort zone is a prison that doesn't lock from the outside. It locks from within. You are the only one with the key. And so what is your key? Your key is your awareness. To be aware of when you're backing down when you should be stepping forward. Your key is deciding to make different choices. Your key is deciding to be more courageous when you're really scared shitless. And you have to understand, you built the cage. And if you built the cage, the best part about it is you can dismantle the cage, but you have to dismantle the cage one brave choice at a time. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me in it, Rob Dile Jr., R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And if you're out there and you want to learn more about coaching with me outside of the podcast, you can go to coachwithrob.com, once you can coachwithrob.com. And with that, I'm gonna leave you the same way. I'll leave you every single episode. Make it your mission, make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.