The Hero's Secret Life: Part 1

The following program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts or strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances. If you or a left one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-720-334-support. Happy dating detectives Monday! It's a national holiday! I'm trying to make my boys as high as Mackenzie's is when she says that, but I don't think I succeeded. It's just me right now, Mackenzie's in this episode, but we are currently at crime con in Las Vegas. I'm sitting on the floor of a hotel room recording this intro and we spent all day yesterday and today at crime con. If you were there, you know we were obsessed with seeing you and meeting you and I really thought about how everybody we met was so nice. Not even just a little nice. It was like the best people ever, so I think that says a lot and I am so grateful. So thank you for coming. Mackenzie's in her hotel room. We had to record this quick intro. It's a two-parter. It's a lot. Her name is Emma. She is so sweet. There's definitely some stuff that comes up in here. There is some drug addiction. There is some violence and there is some severe animal abuse. It is part two, but I just wanted to let you go ahead of time. So we will get into it. Just a reminder that we have some live shows coming up. We're going to be in Chicago and July and then we're going to be at Norletto in Tampa in August. The dates and the links to buy tickets are in the show notes. So you can sign up and come meet us and we'll have more merch. We had merch at crime con and we didn't know what merch people would like or not like and we sold so much of it. So we'll make more. Anyway, we love you guys. I'm kind of like a little dilulu after two days of talking to people, but it was, I mean, what a blessing to be dilulu for this reason. Let's get into it. I think it's time to hand it over to Emma. Hi, Emma. We're so glad you're here. Will you please take the floor and take us away on your journey? Certainly. Well, I met Adam when I was a kid. He was a family friend and I think he was about 11 years older than me. So there was a bit of an age difference, but my aunt was good friend. With his mother and they were both in the horse industry. So she would end up bringing him to the barn every day. We were good friends and that was pretty much all it was for a long time. And then we lost contact for maybe 15 years after that. I think he graduated high school and I was still in grade school. Yeah. Would be kind of weird if you stayed in contact. Yeah, it would have been. When we kind of parted ways, I knew he was going to school to become a paramedic and then that's when we lost contacts. That was the last I had heard from him. And I'd say in my mid 20s, I kind of got this weird job where I was a horse trainer for a city. They put me through a training course to learn how to do what's called technical large animal rescue. So we learned how to rescue any large animal from anything bigger than a goat to camels to giraffes out of emergency situations like hurricanes or earthquakes or fires. So I started doing this technical large animal rescue work and I met him actually during Hurricane Harvey. That was my first big deployment for FEMA. And we just got thrown together on the same team and realized that we knew each other. So we reconnected that way and he did what's called urban search and rescue, which is a little bit different. He specialized in rescuing people from concrete structures that have collapsed on them. Oh wow. Oh okay. Yeah, so it had to crawl into tight spaces and in dangerous situations. And yeah, I was one of the highest trained large animal rescue technicians. So I would be sent out with a team and I would have to tell everyone on the team how to stay safe and not get killed trying to airlift a giraffe or something. What an interesting job. That's so cool. It's amazing. It's also interesting as a place and a setting to meet someone because you're both heroes. Can't imagine you being anything other than wonderful. Why why is he bad? I don't want him. I know. Well, he was an amazing, amazing guy. He was always super kindhearted and extremely intelligent. He was supportive even as a kid. Like at the barn, he would help me do my barn chores because I wasn't born into an affluent family. I had to work my way through the very expensive forest industry and he did as much as he could to help me work off my lessons and my work. So even as a kid, he was just wonderful. He was very charming. He knew how to turn the charm on. And when we got back home, we stayed in touch. And he had just gotten out of a divorce. So I knew about that. And I also knew that he was currently going through rehab. And he said he had an alcohol problem. And so he was going through a work-in-force 30-day rehab program. Oh. I didn't ask for much detail because I didn't want to pry. But I can only imagine I was probably showing up drunk and as a paramedic, that's true. He drunk. Yeah. But unions, especially for firefighters and cops and paramedics, they really go to bat for them. And they did that for him. And they negotiated this rehab center to keep his job. So he kind of disappeared for four to six weeks after he got back to go through rehab. And then when he got out, he was extremely dedicated to working all of the steps. He had to go to alcohol anonymous meetings three times a day, so morning and then at lunch and then in the evenings. And he started working out and running, which I wouldn't call him an athletic guy, but he was really committed to getting himself healthy in all respects, mentally, physically, psychologically. And that was really impressive. We all make mistakes and I am a very forgiving person by nature. It can be good and bad. And so I was willing to overlook what his little hang-ups might have been and just move fast, I'm so. I mean, everybody makes mistakes. Everybody comes into relationships with baggage. I am curious like how he presented himself to you. You guys were just friends at this point. He's just telling you a little about his life or what is the nature of your relationship. And is he like, my dumb ex wife over here or is he really cool about everything? Yeah. No, he had nothing negative to say about her to his credit. He didn't blame her for anything. I did know that alcoholism and addiction in general ran in his family. So it wasn't super surprising that that was something that he was struggling with. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. I find summer usually is such an exciting time, but there's always a lot going on. You guys know without some travel, we've got live shows, Molly's getting married and it's all beautiful, but it's so hard to balance everything and I do get overwhelmed and then I feel guilty about being overwhelmed. And then I unload with my therapist. BetterHelp is such a wonderful way for people to access therapy, especially if they've never been able to before. It's very flexible. There are over 30,000 therapists and BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform. They've served over six million people globally. And I just love that it works with your schedule. You can change your therapist at any time. I have friends who their work never allowed them to find a therapist and this was like an accessible way to do that. They match you with somebody that's right for you, a short questionnaire. And from there, I just think we all deserve a chance to be listened to and kind of dump whatever's going on. I think of it like that. Even when you go in, you're like, I don't know what I need to talk about today. Sometimes those are the best sessions because we just need a periodic unloading. You don't have to say yes to everything this summer, but find support in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/tdd. That's better-h-e-l-p.com/tdd. he was working the steps. I stayed in touch with him for a few months just to make sure it was kind of sticking before agreeing to go on a coffee date or something. That's far. Let me just kind of see what happens first. Yeah, because I was just coming out of an equally weird relationship with a guy who had his top secret security clearance with the NSA. And I know you did a podcast with a girl in Hawaii who was dating someone. He did. A fake boyfriend investigation FBI. Was he? Yes, and I knew immediately that he was not what he was saying, because I dated one that actually had a security clearance. You were like a young new designs. Yeah. Yeah. But when I decided to break up with him, I needed help to get out of my apartment, because our lease was ending. So I was kind of waiting for the perfect way to slither out of this relationship without making a big deal about it, because he had quite a temper. One time we were driving to the grocery store and someone slightly entered his lane with their car. And he was so furious, he tailgated them an inch away from their bumper and was screaming out of his window at them. I mean, spitting that he followed them all the way home and then just sat outside their house and lowered at them and was very intimidating to a complete stranger who just made a similar mistake. But things like that would happen all the time where he would feel like somebody slided him and it would just set him off. And I chose to leave by night because I wanted to avoid him turning that temper on me and he never hit me. He was never abusive to me, but he still really scared me and feels bad. Trying to make it as quiet as possible. Of course. So I just said, you know what? I'm going to move back to my mom's for a little bit. And I needed help to move my stuff out of this apartment quickly. I think he had gone on a trip or something for the weekend. So I needed to get all my stuff out in two or three days. So I called up Adam and he was right there. He left work, he dropped everything and came right down there and helped me pack up all of my belongings and get me into a U Hall truck and out of that apartment, we were done in an hour, hour and a half. Wow. And so that was wonderful. And I moved in with my mom for a little while. And so that was the beginning of our true relationship. And then we started going to lunches and then dinners and hanging out a little bit more as I started to trust him more. How did it transition from friendship to dating? What did he do? Or did you pursue him? No, I definitely didn't pursue him. He was just always there. Like he'd come to the barn and bring me a coffee on his days off or even not on his days off. So it was obvious what he wanted. But it really happened organically. And I was okay with it because I needed to make sure that he was sticking to his rehab and his AA meetings and all that stuff. Anyways, he was seeing psychiatrist like three times a week. He was really, really committed. And that went a long way. What was it about him that just made you fall head over heels and just want to be around him so much? It was a couple of things. We spend a lot of time on the road at horse shows. Each one is six days usually. And then we're there for weeks on end before moving on to the next one. Wow. And he would show up. If I had a local show, I'd get there around one or two in the morning to start cupping horses. And he would be there shortly thereafter. Like at 3 a.m. with my cup of coffee, my coffee order, as well as coffees for all of my clients. And I worked with primarily junior young riders. So anyone under 18. And I had a whole gaggle of them, probably like 50 girls. So I was very protective of who I brought around them. But he at this point had proven that he was trustworthy. And he was fabulous with kids. They all absolutely adored him. He must have been buying out all of the baked goods at Starbucks. I bring him to them. Yeah. And he bring sandwiches at lunchtime. Like he wasn't just sitting here. Yeah. Speaking of people, I considered my family a huge. Yeah. And hot. Yeah. It was very attractive. So I slowly started to let him in. And that was that. As we started to date in the beginning, he opened up about his first marriage. And what had actually happened during that. And she was also a paramedic. But she did life facts. So on helicopters, that rescue people. So that was her job. But they didn't work together that often. But they were in the same county. So I'm sure they bummed into each other. And one of the things about him is that he was a big nerd. When he was a kid, he didn't have very many friends. He didn't go to parties. He didn't hang out. He didn't experiment with any substances whatsoever. He was very what we would say straight edge. And when he met his later wife, she was the exact opposite. She was like hit in a club every day off. And she was really partying with coke. And so she introduced him to those other substances. And he explained it as he was finally comfortable around people that he didn't know strangers. And he felt like he was truly able to be himself. It was that like with courage. Yeah. And he started making friends. He was the life of the party. It was a whole experience that he never got growing up. And he absolutely loved it. For the first time in his life, he had a friend group as unhealthy as they may have been. It was there. And at some point, his wife was doing an evac. And she lost the patient. And when that happens, they immediately drug test all of the EMTs and paramedics that worked on the patient. And she tested positive for kind of few things. So she lost her job. Oh, yeah. He had already been through the rehab cycle once before I was aware of before meeting him. And it was for that basically the same thing. He tested positive for some illicit substances. And he told me it was for alcohol abuse, but it was for alcohol abuse, plus a couple other things. So I'm finding this out as we've been together for a couple months. So it's just long enough to where I feel like, can I leave at this point or it's in the past. And we hopefully have learned from the second time, because I don't think you're going to get a third chance. And I'm pretty sure he was told you're not getting a third chance. If it happens again, that's it. You're out. No one else is going to hire you. We talk a lot about when it's too early or too late to tell somebody baggage in a new relationship. How did you feel? Did you feel like you should have told you sooner? No, but it was about that point that I realized he was trickle-true thing me. And I had also figured out that he was kind of a pathological liar. Cool. Okay. But it was always about stupid, unimportant things like he'd lie about where he ate lunch or something or like. Oh, the dumb shit. Okay. Why? What's the point? What is the point? What is the point? I couldn't figure out why. Obviously, I know the truth. I was there. It was just yesterday. But I also thought, well, I'm going into this with my eyes open. And if I'm aware of these issues, and it was a terrible liar of shoes that didn't do him any favors, I thought maybe it'll be okay because I'll know when he's lying to me. And it's not like important things that he's lying to me about. So yeah, maybe it's okay. Did you ever ask him, like, why do you lie about things that are trivial? If I caught him in a lie, and I needed the truth from him, he would almost immediately fess up and correct his story and then we both kind of have a laugh about it. I'm not sure he was even aware that he was doing it to be completely honest. I think the bigger lies he did, but I think those little ones, I mean a pathological liar, I've always wondered this, are they fully aware of what they're doing or is it just their brain that takes over and they aren't aware that they are telling these little lies all over the place. But I am extremely conflict adverse, so I will go out of my way to avoid conflict. Yeah. Yeah, it made me very nervous. I was an introvert growing up and I still am. I just call myself a gregarious introvert now because I've learned how to socialize and be comfortable talking to strangers about things because I don't care if you judge me, you can judge me all you want because I know everyone listening is going to be judging me. Well, hopefully everybody listening, we've created a good community of people who understand that there's a lot of context surrounding these relationships and it does sound like especially coming off of the relationship you had before this, you might be like if I could front somebody, are they going to be disproportionately pregnant? Yeah, there's so many reasons. Also, how old are you at this point? I must have been, yeah, 21 or 22? Yeah, early 20s. Yeah, so very, very unsure about how to interact with people. I didn't have a whole lot of confidence and and he's 11 years older. 11 years might not be that bad but from 21 to 32 is a very dramatic change in a person. That's a big life change. I think about all the life changes I've gone through in the last 11 years and it's crazy. Crazy. I can't fathom dating someone 11 years younger than me. We wouldn't have anything in common. This podcast is sponsored by Delete Me. 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And it's this very rare balance where everything feels elevated but still easy. I just got a purse and I love it. It was also on sale. It was only $99, but it looks like it should have been way more than that and they have 100% European linen pants. If you're going on a vacation this summer, you need some of those. And everything at Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. I can't wait to rock my new bag this summer and all of my Quince essentials. You should try to elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com/datingdetectives for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's q-u-i-n-c-e.com/datingdetectives for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com/datingdetectives. Maybe four or five months into a stating he spontaneously surprised me with a trip to Disneyland for Christmas. And he paid for everything. He paid for airfare. Went all out first class. He got us a beautiful room, shipped all of my Christmas presents there so they were all waiting for me. He just went above and beyond. And on that trip, we went out to dinner on our first night there. We went to the Napa Rose and we sat down at our table and his eyes were always starting around keeping an eye. It seemed like he was always keeping an eye on everyone around him to make sure everyone was okay. And I still to this day don't know how he knew what was about to happen. But suddenly he leaps up from the table, his chair topples over and he runs a couple tables down. And this old woman who had to be in her 80s or 90s is keeling backwards in her chair. And he manages to make it there in two or three steps and he catches her. But why? She hits the ground. Yeah. And he said later when I asked him, how did you know that was going to happen? And he said, well, I've been watching her and her speech was slowing down through her dinner and she was starting to get really pale and she was trembling and I just saw her start to tip back and I knew what was going to happen. So he starts up there, catches this old woman and gently places her down on the ground and immediately starts CPR. And her family is all at the table and they're all just standing there like stupified. And as he's pounding the lay on this woman's chest, he's asking them questions like how has she been behaving today? Was she nauseous today? And her son's like gas, she's been complaining that she's been nauseous for two days and we just figured it was the food here. As he's doing CPR, I'm calling 911 on my phone. And this knee land is I learned the worst place to have a serious medical emergency because I swear it took them like 45 minutes to get to us and the whole time Adam is just pounding away on this woman's chest keeping her alive. And they finally make it there get her on a stretcher. They paddle her on the way there and she ends up living. So happy ending. Are you like I'm dating Spider-Man? Yeah, that's incredible. Yeah. And we got our dinners pumped out. But he was always like that. He was always just dropping things to rescue people that didn't even realize they were in need of rescue until it was too late. It was uncanny. But he'd take me to the symphony. He'd take me to charity events. He'd donate to the charity events. We went to the ballet. We're all ready to date this fella. Yeah. What's not to love? What's not to love? And he lived in an apartment in the city. But he also owned his own home a couple hours away. And paramedics and firefighters, they have this cool schedule where they work for 48 hours straight and then they get four days off. So he would spend those two days working, living in the apartment. And then for the four days off, he'd go back home. And his home had just been built. It was brand new. They'd had a spectacular backyard that he fully landscapes. It was gorgeous. It was clean. It was great. He's still insisting on going to AA three times a day, seeing a psychiatrist. I decided to stop drinking as well just to help support him so that he wouldn't feel like. Yeah. Like he would feel kind of pressured. So you guys are like this beautiful couple that are supportive of each other. You're both heroes. You live in a beautiful city. Yeah. I go spend time with him at the firehouse because that's where he's stationed. and everyone there, we all get along, we all have dinner together frequently. I love to all of his coworkers. They took me on ride-alongs, which was a blast. - Oh my gosh. - That were now about a year into full-fledged relationship where I'm living with him in the apartment. And for that period, we'd go out to the house once a month just to check on things, but it was like three or four-hour drive. So it just was inconvenient to go as often as he was. And so one day I came home from work and his psychiatrist had passed away. And he had been working with her for years and they were very close, he considered her a mom figure 'cause his mom left when he was very young. So he didn't really have a strong mother figure anymore. - Yeah. - And I came home from work one day and he was passed out hard and bad, which was really unlike him. He has always so full of energy. And I went to the side of the bed to try and rouse him. And that's when I see the side of a wine bottle under there. - Oh no, oh no. - Yeah. And so I like reach under there and I pull out five completely empty bottles of the cheapest wine you could possibly buy. - That five bottles. - The cheapest stuff will get you wasted in a weird way. - Yeah, I felt so bad for him because here he is going through something traumatic. And okay, it's been a year and he hasn't had any slip ups. And the road to sobriety is on B. There are always going to be slip ups or you're constantly making progress and then backsliding and that's just part of it. - Yeah. - I wasn't going to be mad at him about it, but I was disappointed in him about it. Afterwards, he was extremely apologetic. He said, you know what? I'm going to start going to AA now five times a day and he really made it clear that this was not going to happen again. But my head, I'm thinking, I'll probably will, but we'll deal with it. We'll also deal with it. - Yeah. - It's non-linear. Wow, five times a day, how do you do that? - You go before work and then I think he was getting time off during work to go and then he would go for his lunch break and then he would go midday again and then he would go in the evening. And sometimes he would go even later at night. There was like a nine or a 10 o'clock meeting, but where we were in the city, there's a meeting always happening. So he could go anytime. And he did, he stuck to it and he did that for a few weeks and again, he sobered up and I thought, over a year, yes, not so bad. It's just one little mistake. But I had a little accident right around this time. So I think we were like, a year and a half, maybe into our relationship. I had a horse flip over on me. - Oh my gosh. - Yeah, we were on a concrete driveway. So it was very infusing ground. - Oh my God. - Yeah, but we both landed head first into the concrete. My helmet split open, which is not supposed to happen. - Oh, she reared up and then just went too far upwards and lost her balance and started to tip backwards. And she was also slip sliding around on the concrete so she couldn't get her grip. So she lands on top of me. And we're both kind of laying there stunned and I'm trying to assess what is broken. 'Cause I'm sure something is broken. - Yeah. - And I'm going through all my body parts, thinking like, okay, it hurts. But I think everything is somehow okay. And then she decides to get up off of me. And as she's rolling off of my leg, the saddle's on her and our saddles have wood and carbon fiber and stuff inside of them. So we have a hard structure. So she rolls over and it just happened that the hardest part of the back of the saddle just pressed down and basically just disintegrated. It just crushed my talus, which is normally something you break for when you're snowboarding and you fall from a really great height. So everyone was very impressed that I managed to do it this way. So when any time you fall off the horse, you get back on the horse. I knew I couldn't get back on her, but I wanted to put her away at least, to get her in a stall. So I get up and I managed to get her into a stall. And every step I take, the adrenaline is worrying off and I'm starting to lean on the walls of the bar and more and more until I realize there's something really wrong. - Yeah, yeah. Yeah. - It's time to go Spider-Man. - Yeah, I get into my office and I take my tall boot off, which goes all the way up to the knee and it's very snug and form fitting. And so I unzip the back of it and as soon as I peel it off of my ankle, the whole thing just balloons out and it is black already. - Oh no. - So I just cover it right back up with the boot and I pick up my phone and I call Spider-Man. - Yes, yes, Alan. - And then I get off the phone and I call 911 and I tell them you need to send an ambulance. At this point, Adam is currently managing all of the paramedics in my county. So he is the boss of all of them and they got me to the hospital. And as I'm in the emergency room and they're cutting all my clothes off of me to try and ultrasound everything. He comes barging in into the back room and starts bossing them around. And like, did you do this? Did you do that? You need to get this done and just taking charge. So bless them. It made me feel a lot better because they took excellent care of me. And anytime we went anywhere, someone would recognize him either a coworker or someone that he had saved. Because at that point, I think he'd been doing it for 20 years. - He was well-known. - He was well-known and he was well-known in the state. He was one of the most adeperated, paramedic firefighters in our state. He had a lot of tons of awards. He was top of the heat. Everybody knew him and respected him and loved him. Everybody loved him. No one ever said anything bad about him. 'Cause I don't think they knew any of the things that I knew, but 'cause they didn't know better. It's fine. - Yeah, mom's the word. - Mom's the word. Yeah. - If you've been listening to us for a while, you know that Mackenzie and I are not chefs, per se. We have a lot of other wonderful qualities and skills, but that's just not one of them. However, when I use green chef, I feel like I'm really faking it. 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Then 20% off for two months. That's code 50 dating detectives. Greenchef.com/50DatingDetectives. Only fans, we've all heard about it. A lot of you have listened to our episode about the only fans' pimp. And we've spoken to some only fans creators, and maybe you know some, maybe so-and-so's mom, maybe an old classmate, maybe actual adult film actors that you are familiar with. But even though you know what only fans is, I would like to challenge what you think you know about it because of a new podcast called Only Fantasy. So yes, for a long time people have been taking their clothes off on the internet and other people profited off of it. Only fans put the control back in adult content creators' hands or tries to. But what is it really about? Is it about taking the clothes off or is it about people seeking companionship and connection? I think it's both. I would say there's a lot of taking clothes off, sure. But in the new podcast, Only Fantasy, journalist Leon Nayfak, teams up with OnlyFans creator and comedian Gracie Canaan to bring us a show about the changing nature of explicit content, sex work. and human intimacy itself. So especially if some of our episodes exploring sex work and content creation in that realm have been of interest to you, listen to Only Fantasy wherever you get your podcasts, or binge all episodes of Only Fantasy Add Free right now only on Audible. Start your Audible subscription in the Audible app or on Apple Podcasts. After I broke my ankle, we had actually a trip to Hawaii scheduled for two weeks later. Because of course things always happen when you're two weeks away from something important, you know. So my priority was, am I going to be able to fly? Because they had to do emergency surgery too. And they assured me I could. So I took them out their word and allowed them to do the surgery. And they did it. It was fine. It was in a cast. And before we left for Hawaii, I was totally a mobile. And so he was the one that was giving me all of my medications on the hours that I needed to be taking them. Yeah. And I completely trusted him because I wouldn't. Of course. And he was giving me the right stuff and I was not in a place where I could do that myself. So he was managing that for me and calling and refills when I needed them. And he's never had a problem with prescription drugs. It's always been alcohol and maybe some party stuff. Yeah. He has access to medical drugs all the time. It's not like he needs you to be injured in order to know. And his primary job as the supervisor for the county was replenishing the controlled substances on all the ambulances. Okay. Yeah. I fully trusted him as did everybody at work. Sure. Why wouldn't they? We go to Hawaii. We had all of these big plans for excursions and things to do. And bless his heart. He took me through everything. I was only unable to do two things while we were there. And that was walk on the beach because walking in sand with crutches is a real bitch. It's in a possible. Oh, my God. No, no, not possible. You just sink straight down. It's really hard. Yeah. And surfing. I love to surf. So I couldn't do that. Oh, no, you had to lay out on the beach and have a nice man bring you stuff. Yeah. What a terrible vacation. I mean, it does suck to be injured. So I am sorry. Yeah. But I was okay. But he would just pick me up and carry me across the beach and get me into the water. But I was also keeping all of my medications in these locked bags that you can keep. Yeah. Controlled substances in so that people can't take them. And before we left for the trip, I had called my doctor and told him we would be gone. And during the time we would be gone, I was due for a refill. So I asked them to give me an extra two weeks for extenuating circumstances. So they gave me a six week supply of this medication. I get about five or six days into this trip. So I went to the Hill organizers. So I know exactly how many I'm taking. And I get to the end of the week. And then I go to refill them. And I realize I have five or six days left. And how many did you expect to have? I expected to have five weeks left. Oh, yeah, because I had just filled them. Oh, okay, see in my head, I didn't know if you had gotten the two weeks. It was a couple days. No, it's a couple of weeks worth. Yeah. And not only is it in this locked bag, I lock it in the hotel safe. So it's double locked. And I bring it up to him because I'm in a panic. I'm just coming out of surgery. And I'm in a lot of pain. And I kind of needed those. Plus I have a whole other month that that had to get me through. And I really don't have enough to do it. And he was just like, I don't know, maybe the hotel staff was. Sealing them or maybe they didn't give you enough at the pharmacy. And I'm thinking they gave me a huge bottle. A huge one. And it was chocolate. So how you go from chocolate to you. But I also don't suspect him. Because the medications that I was on were not his drug of choice. He had been using cocaine and ecstasy previously, which are totally different than opioid medications. And he works with them on a regular basis all day every day. And he had never been tempted by them before. He didn't really like, it seemed, depressants or downers. He kind of liked the party drug. The cocaine would bring him up and give him energy. So I never thought that he would be even tempted by what I had. What I was taking was nothing compared to what is carried on an ambulance. And if you really wanted to do that, he had plenty of access to it at work. Why would you take my little Piddly pill when you have morphine on an ambulance? Right. Right. I don't see any signs of him using them or anything or being a behavior is normal. His behavior is totally normal at this point. So he's like, why don't you just go to a Hawaiian doctor and get it refilled? I'm like, that's not how that works. It gets reported to the DA, the DA is who tracks every time you fill these. Yeah. And they're going to be like, you can't just be like, oops, I lost all of my pain medication. Yeah. But I don't know what to think, honestly. So I start cutting them into quarters and just limping through the rest of the trip just to get back home. So I can talk to my doctor and my doctors have been my doctors for a long time. So I was hoping they would understand. But even if they understand by law, they still can't prescribe a certain amount, right? Yeah. Yeah. Your health insurance is also another limiting factor like they won't cover certain amount. Right. But if you pay in cash, you can get around that. So my doctor's agreed to give me two weeks that I would have to just figure out how to get a month through. And that's fine. That's better than nothing. Better than nothing. Yeah. Yeah. And I paid cash for it. It was totally fine. But I'm still spiraling trying to figure out what happened. Where the hell is my. Yeah. I just tried to forget about it. I got better pretty soon. I didn't have to be on them. You know, I have chronic pains. So I'm always much smaller dose. So we reverted back to my regular doses of things and. And I just wanted to make sure that my life was fine. And that summer we decided to. And the lease on the apartment and just move out to his house. Because we were paying rent and a mortgage and all the bills for both. It didn't make sense. It just didn't make any sense. The commute was off. It was going to eight hour commute total each day. Four hours each way. And you're doing that. Yeah. Yeah. That. Oh my gosh. Yeah. We wake up at four a.m. It just roll out of bed, get the car. I would drop him off at work in the city and then drive another hour down to my barn. And then at the end of the day drive up and pick him up in the city. And then drive another three and a half four hours. East. Because it's just traffic. It's you're going 10 miles an hour. Yeah. At least we have podcasts. Yeah. And audio books. That's right. A crazy commute to do. I would imagine that would put a strain on a relationship. At least for. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't that bad because we could use the carpool lane sometimes. So. We really, we got along great. We still got along great. He was my best friend. We never fought. We were not afraid of anything. I just tried to work throughout myself and move on. Instead of. Making a big deal about it. And again, I think I was just young and afraid to confront and stand up for myself really as well. Of course. Yeah. Are there any things you can think of that you were pushing down and not confronting him about? So we decided to open up a joint bank account to pay the house bills with. And at the start, the first six months, we really were both putting our paychecks into that account. And then about six months into it. I noticed that he wasn't putting every single paycheck. So he started pulling back. But I was continuing to put my full paycheck in there. And that was what was paying all those bills. into it. And that's the only money going into that account. Not you should also be contributing to it. But he didn't ever really take the bait and explain why he wasn't putting his money in there. And I wasn't ready to confront him about that just yet. But I didn't want to fight over money because we didn't really need to. We were fine. But when we moved out there, he no longer had his sponsor that he'd been working with. And he also couldn't make his AA meetings. So he would go once or twice a week, I think, for the first month or two. And then it just slowly tapered until he wasn't going to any of them. But I then he'd been sober for a long time. So I figured, okay, I would prefer he didn't do that. But you seem totally stable and everything's fine. We still go on vacations. We have a great time together despite spending eight hours a day in a car together. We're just fine. We're best, we're besties, literally besties. Once he'd had a really good stretch of sobriety again, he proposed. And of course, I said yes. I know. It felt like we had really finally come through the other side of all of his struggles. And that we were both stronger for it. We were a stronger couple. And we didn't have any challenges. There were never any issues between us after that. Again, all my clients love him, all my little kiddies love him. Everyone just left him. So I didn't really have anybody that I could go to to talk about any of these little question marks that were popping up in my head because everyone really liked him. Right. How do you question that? So he had a huge network of people that looked up to him. He had trained all of the paramedics and all of the firefighters looked up to him. They all knew he'd been through all these struggles. So they really respected him. They respected him for all the work he'd done. And not just his co-workers and employees, but the random people that we would meet on the streets and at grocery stores. They'd walk up to him and be like, you know, you saved my mother's life eight years ago. And she's still with us today because of you. Wow. It just didn't seem like there was anyone I could go to that would be willing to overlook that or even maybe believe what I was seeing. Wow. That must have been so hard. It's isolating because you're like, I'm literally dating a superhero. You don't want to shatter people's hero. No. You don't want to tell them Clark can't like maybe write money is ending up in a dark alley. Oh no. Okay. That makes sense. Yeah. So while we're going through this, I come across a dog in a parking lot. I had just put down my childhood dog. Believe it or not. You beat through my parents divorce, moving states, boyfriend after boyfriend. And it was really hard on me. So I just put this dog down and two weeks later, I'd pull into a whole depot parking lot randomly. And I see a little tiny yellow puffball tied to a tree. And it's summer. It's the peak of summer. So it's 110. And it's tied to a tree that is dead. So there's no leaves no shade. And I move my car. I pull up. It's a puppy. It's a lab puppy. And I'm immediately furious. So I get out a little cup and I give it some water and it drinks four of these bowls of water. And my plan is to just camp out there until the owner comes back and just ring them, read them the riot act. And then I start noticing the dog is tied to a tree with a rope, just hard tied around her throat. And then also hard tied to the tree. And there's multiple piles of really dried out poop around her. Oh no, no, no. And so I decided after 30 minutes, you know what? She's obviously been here a while. And whoever would do this to a dog doesn't deserve to have a dog so I kind of stole her. But I did the right thing. I called all the local shelters and I told them I had her. And I would just take care of her. And if anyone called missing a puppy that they can have her back. And they said, no one claims they're in 30 days. She's yours. Well, 30 days doing Clinder. So clearly someone had abandoned her there. Yeah. But this little puppy was with me 24/7, just like he was, she'd go to the barn with me, she'd go to work with me. And I have epilepsy. I just have simple partial seizures, not grandmull seizures, like you see in the movies. But I noticed about nine months in that she would start acting really weird like getting on top of me just before I would have a seizure or even that amazing that they can do that. Yeah, I'll start to get a bit of palsy in my face. So I think that's must have been what she was picking up on. We do not deserve dogs. We do not. We do not. So incredible little creatures. Oh my gosh, incredible. Yeah. So I rescued her. And in exchange, she kind of rescued me. So I took her to service dog training. And we got her a KC good citizen. Yeah, so good. Just the most adorable little thing. Wait, so I need to hear about Adam and the puppy. Do you rescue this dog? Is he like, great. Loves her. Yeah, she was welcome to the family commuting with us to work every day. As I'm developing this relationship with her, Adam decides that he wants a child of his own or a dog of his own. I should clarify the child. We can call on children they are. They're people. And in his head he's thinking, oh, I could train it to do search and rescue work with me. And so he picks out that he wants an Australian shepherd because it's a small enough dog. It's high energy. It could go into these tiny little concrete paths that he sometimes has to go through to rescue people. And so that's what we get. We find one. We pick her up. And they both go to work with us every single day. God bless it. So they got along great. He wasn't a very good disciplinarian, but we made it through the puppy period. And that was that. Now one day we go out to dinner after work. And I will never forget it. We were at a sushi restaurant. And he had been acting a little weird throughout that afternoon and that evening. A little looser, a little goofier. Almost like you what if you were just like a little bit tipsy. Yeah. Like not totally off, but just like loopy, you know. Yeah. And I think we're probably two or three years into our relationship by now. So I know how he acts normally. We're at this dinner. And I noticed that he is having trouble focusing his eyes. And not just like focusing is in like reading the menu, but like one eye is going a completely different direction. Oh, what is that a sign of? Well, I didn't know at the time. So I'm watching this have and I'm like, dude, your eyes are going every which way. They are currently going in two different directions. And he said, Oh, yeah, I just had a really hard day. And I didn't sleep well the last two nights. I think I'm just exhausted. And then like, okay. Sure. Weird, but okay. And I know the waitress noticed because she was giving him these kind of weird looks because he was trying to order from her, but he's looking at her 90 degrees across her shoulder and she keeps trying to figure out what I focused on. Maybe this guy's got a lazy eye or something. I don't know, but it was so strange. And he almost seems like he's falling asleep occasionally. We're falling into a trance at the table. Hey, how you feel? Yeah, are you scared? Are you just confused? I'm clocking this. I'm clocking all of these changes. And I'm nervous, but I'm willing to think, okay, because he was on a medication that would make him violently ill if he drank any alcohol. They use it for people trying to get through alcoholism. And so I knew he wasn't drunk. And I didn't really know what else would do this some sort of downer, but I thought this is a one off so maybe he is just really tired because we got home and he went to bed and just passed out and then the next day was totally fine. Oh, okay, cool. This isn't what I thought. Maybe he just had a really stressful day at work and whatever. So a few weeks later, this happens again at a totally different restaurant and again, he's had a restaurant. Yeah, how weird. Yeah. And again, he insists that he's just extremely tired. He's had a hard day at work. He's under a lot of pressure. I'm kind of pressure on your brain. And this starts happening more and more frequently. I think there was a few week break between the first and second time, but then it starts happening every week. And then pretty soon it's two or three times a week that I start noticing this. He doesn't acknowledge it unless you do. He's just kind of like a little out of it and then moves on. He doesn't even seem to notice. He just continues on like everything is fine. Is he driving? Probably. I know I did all of the commuting, but we started working the ambulance like that, but these passing is drug tests that worked. And I know he's taking his alcohol medications. So I'm just totally baffled. I'm thinking maybe there's some sort of like psychological mental health thing that I'm not aware of. He did have bad eyes. Yeah, they're just getting worse. You're like, can you go to your eye doctor? Yeah. And I think I did make them go. I think they did make them go. And the doctor was like, no, your prescription's fine. You just have kind of dry eyes. But I wouldn't know either in the moment. I would I guess my brain is going to some kind of stroke or something. Yeah, yeah. When I was younger, I did plenty of experimenting. And I never saw anyone display these signs in any of my experiences. Sure. I was like, can't be any of the things I'm familiar with. But it was about this time that I start noticing that my regular controlled prescriptions, I start running out early. And at first, it's just a day or two early to where I think, okay, it's possible. I took an extra one. Yeah. I miscounted. Right, right. Yeah. They did. You never know. I dropped things behind the dresser. And then I find I'd be profan two months later. It happens. It happens. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And sometimes I put them in old containers, because you have to keep them in a labeled container. So I thought maybe I've just misplaced them in the house or something. So that's what I was writing off as. And I of course immediately told my pain clinic doctors this because I don't want them thinking anything untoward of me. And they're asking me questions like usually when this happens, it's someone in the household. So could someone in your household be skimming some. And I said, absolutely not absolutely. There's no fucking way. This guy is a paramedic. He's handling much stronger medications. Everybody respects him. He's admirable. Yeah, he's gone through all that. And I know for a fact he's clean. He gets tested every week. So it can't be him. The only thing we could come up with is it's the pharmacy. Maybe a pharmacy tech, even though that's really hard to deal. Yeah, of course. And I'm sure you have some pharmacy tech listeners that are like, yeah, it's real hard. It is. And so I start getting into the habit of as soon as I pick these prescriptions up, I get home and I pour them out and I count them. And sure enough, I'm short. I'm short straight out of the pharmacy. Oh, no, I'm short three or four. And that's how it starts. And then I start noticing that I'm short 10 to 15, which is a bigger problem. We're in the pharmacy. Yeah, so I tell my doctors this immediately. And they're like, okay, next time you pick it up, you are well within your rights, because you can't leave the pharmacy with them and then come back and go, I'm short. I have to have them count them for you right there at the counter at pickup. And so that's what I do. The next time I go to pick them up, and I'm apologizing profusely and explain the situation. I said, I need you to count these for me before I walk away. And she was like, well, you can count them yourself. And she kind of just gives me this fill counter and moves me aside. And that also doesn't sound above board. I know. Yeah. But either way, I had a count of them. And they're all there for once. They all happen to be there. Wow. But the next month, I do it again. And this time it's a different tech behind the counter. And when I tell her what I want her to do, she flips out. What do you mean? What did she say? She starts shouting. She was like, we can't steal from you. Everything is recorded. Even when we count out the quantity, everything is recorded. So if you're short, you're just thank you too many. Yeah. Oh, no. That has nothing to do with us. And you're just another one of them. No, are you serious? Yeah. And then she turns around. And mind you, there's a line of people at the pharmacy. She yells at the pharmacist himself. She's like, this one over here wants her medication. You can count it out loud. I hate that when you're at the pharmacy. So everyone now is looking at me and hearing this. And the pharmacist is like, that's fine. Any hands, the tech, the little pill counting thing. And again, she's supposed to count it. She throws the pill counter at me. And she goes, you can count these yourself. I'm thinking this is such a bizarre reaction. So bizarre. Yeah. There's no way I don't know how long that CVS line is. No. And at this point, it's happened so many times. I am hardened to it. And I don't give two flying fucks, what she says. Good for you. I'm like, no, I'm not going to count you are going to count it. And she's like, fine. I guess I'll just drop everything and everyone can wait. And I'm like, yeah. Yeah. They came. That's all right. Let's go. And sure enough, it was short. By how much? By how much? 12. What does her face look like when she comes up to you and tells you it's short? Well, she's doing it in front of me. And I can tell it's going to be short if she's starting to get towards the end. Does she seem confident at that point, or does she seem like she's scared? I can tell she's sweating a little bit. She's getting shinier busted bitch. Yeah. And I said, okay, I just want the quantity that was prescribed. And I won't make a fuss. So just go get them. I will walk away. And she's like, okay, man. So she does. She comes and she gets the remainder and she gives them to me. And the next month, I do it again, different pharmacy tech doesn't throw such a big fit. But they're short again. So I said, okay, here's what I'm going to need. I don't need the full prescription. Because I don't care what I need is the license number of the pharmacist that build this. And I need your license number. And I need the license number of everyone else that was involved in filling this prescription. Or the report I will have to get into the state. Yeah. They have to give it to you right by law. I think they do. Yeah. They do. And that put the fear of God. I know at CVS, they have a camera that sits right over the tray. Yeah. Wow. They can even see each fill that goes in the bottle. So it'd be very hard to do this. It had to have been a coordinated effort. The licensed pharmacist is legally required to verify the medications accuracy and ensure it's safe before it's dispensed. So the tech must be the one that counts it. This is from the Google machine y'all. So the pharmacy tech retrieves the correct medication from the shelf measures or counts the pills and creates the label. And then they input the doctor's prescription and all the information in the system. And then the pharmacist verifies that it's the right drug, the dosage and quantity. Wow. Interesting. So they were all. It was a lot of hands involved. Yes. So you got to check on every day. It's the pharmacist. Yeah. So she tries to give me the missing ones, probably thinking that that'll call me down and I won't report it. But of course it doesn't. I still report it. I happen to switch pharmacies for obvious reasons. And I didn't run into this problem again. Wow. Do you know if there were consequences for that pharmacy? A few years later, I I went back, I had to switch back to that pharmacy and I mentioned to them what had happened the last time I had been there and the pharmacy tech knew exactly who I was talking about. He was like, "Oh yeah, that guy is in federal prison." He was stealing medications, controlled substances from pretty much everybody. Good for you for counting them. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yeah. So, anyway, after I figured that out, I told my doctor and we were all kind of like shocked but relieved. But still the boyfriend is high and we still kind of suspect him a little bit, right? Of something. Yeah, you never suspected him. No, no, but he was definitely on something. Yeah. Yeah. At this point, are you thinking he's on something or you're still kind of like, "I don't know why he's acting like that." I would just assume this pharmacy thing would make him seem innocent. Yeah. Yeah. So, when I found out that the pharmacy was in fact the ones shorting my prescription, I thought it was all over and laid to rest and I didn't realize that at the time but it was the perfect excuse for him because it totally exonerated him. It's like a chain reaction of events just clicked into place but they clicked into the wrong place because not only was the pharmacy taking but someone else was too. Two things can be true and I would find that out later. Oh, the pharmacy thing blew my mind. So part two next week, we will hear how that obviously affects the way she used this mysterious missing medicine and we'll do a deeper dogfish debrief next week with Mackenzie. But for now, thank you for listening and thank you for being on our Patreon if you are a Patreoner. We had two Patreon episodes go up this past week. So if you want to join, now's a good time. It's $5 a month or you get everything Patreon offers the bonus episodes early access to merch and info and drops and also just a great community of sleuthies. Can't talk sleuthies talking about everything from our stories to their stories. You can get that and add a free listening for nine hours a month. The girlfriend experience says Mackenzie would say if she were here, but she's in her hotel room and I'm in mine. I miss her. I miss her. Part two next week. Let us know what you think in the meantime and if you have any messages of support for Emma or any of our guests, we try to get that to them and live shows come see them and and I think I did it. This feels so alone. I feel alone without her. But you know what? It's okay because I have you guys. You're with me, right? I guess I'll end it now. As always, trust your family's wishes. [Music]