The Helen Mirren Episode

Keeve and I are on. Andy's coming. Jorm said he'd be a little late. You're frustrated that Jorm said he'd be a little late. Not because you're frustrated by somebody being a little late, but there was a bit of a logic problem. Yes. So Seth texts everybody last night and says, how about a noon East Coast time? And Jorm right away is like, yes, good, confirmed. Then Andy chimes in this morning or last night and says, hey, actually could be a 1 p.m. an hour later for me. And then Jorm says, cool, but I'm going to be a little late. And I'm just trying to parse that out of if he can make it at noon, but at one, he's going to be a little late and it's for like a kid's event. Was he going to be an hour late? Was he going to be an hour and like 15 minutes late to the noon one? Or is this event at 1 p.m. and only lasts 10 minutes? Your theory, the only answer that will satisfy you is if it's a 10 minute birthday party. Yeah, at 1 p.m. In Jorm's podcast studio. And he was going to have a hard out at one that he had not mentioned, which is fine. So he was going to get here at noon, do a hard, solid hour of podcasting. And then at one be like, sorry, guys, got to go to this 10 minute birthday party. Got a 10 minute birthday party that I'm doing in my podcast studio, so I don't need time to travel. So then Andy said, how about we start at one? He's like, shit, that's the deal. 10 minute birthday party. Better let these guys know I'll be a little late. Don't worry, I'll just be a little bit late. It's the only thing that makes sense. So Seth, you noticed that I was rocking your merch, my favorite piece of your merch. It's great merch. I'm having some coffee. But I did run into your merch rival, Jimmy Kimmel, yesterday. Oh, you did? Yeah. So where I saw Jimmy Kimmel, who was not wearing a Seth Meyers hat, so that was a little weird because I thought it was reciprocal, was a charity event that I'm going to give a shout out to because it's such a good organization. It's called Alex Lemon. It's a lemonade stand. It's pretty famous. It does pediatric cancer funding for research and stuff. And it was an awesome event in L.A. and they do them at other cities. They're about to do Miami and there's all kinds. And it's essentially a foodie event where there's just chefs cooking and just look it up. But it's a great organization and it was a great event. And that's my shout out. That's great. I forgot to mention to him how much we love his hat. I just really should have. Yeah, I sent him a picture of me wearing his hat. I also have a theory about me wearing my Jimmy Kimmel hat. And I think it's a pretty good one. I think when I'm wearing the Jimmy Kimmel hat, nobody thinks I'm Seth Meyers. Oh, because it's a disguise. It's the last thing you'd be doing. Exactly. It's sort of like if Derek Jeter wore a Red Sox jersey, you'd be like, that's just a guy who looks like Derek Jeter. Yeah. And if anything, he's trolling because he gets mistaken as Jeter so much that he wears this jersey to let people know he's not. It delightfully confuses people in a way that's really, I'm enjoying it a great deal. I'm honestly racking my brain for what my rival would be. Yeah, who's your rival? Obviously, it's a Please Don't Destroy hat. You just said it. Fine. I would have been fun if you were like, I guess PTA, or you just start like going super. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess I'd wear a Chris Nolan hat. We'll kill you. People delighted and we'll kill you. I really did too. It's very fun. A lot of people said it is their favorite, but then people were really, I'm sorry, hold on. Yeah, so everyone's having little home emergencies, let's just say. Yeah, sweet. We'll go for a little bit here. And then if it has to be a half ep, it could be a half ep. The Quades understand. I don't want to put words in their mouths, but the things they say are like, put the pod out any day you want, guys. And they say, we're just so grateful to have a pod. And if it's five minutes, we'll take it being five minutes. If it's a half hour, that's fine. And we won't even have a comment about it. We'll just say. And we don't care about the day. We don't care about the day. A couple of people made this observation based on when the last one came out, Keith, which is, the pod is about to complete the loop and get back to Mondays. That's actually true. That's becoming the first show to lap itself. To lap itself is the perfect way to put it. We're going to lap itself. It's falling so far behind. But in a way, it's coming in first, because it's just coming around the other, the whole other side. Somebody said John Malkovich wasn't the first guest to talk about Cool Guys Don't Look at Explosions on the Graham Norton Show. James Norton, who is hosting SNL UK this week, so that was last night, cited it back in September 2025 when he was promoting House of Guinness. I think we talked about that. I think we did, too. That's ringing a bell. Yeah. Someone said, "Hell yeah, another episode of reading comments for an hour and talking about a song or short for 15 minutes. Fun drinking game. Take a shot every time Seth says 'someone said' so that you are three shots in, my friend." Three shots in. Got it. That's about the people in the thing. Yeah. So someone thinks the drinking game should be every time I start reading a Quaid's comment with "someone said." Yeah. Someone said that the drinking game should be about "someone said." Yeah. Someone said. The drinking game should be "someone said." Exactly. We're putting that person in the hospital this week already. Oh, definitely. About 11 years ago, my girlfriend was in jail and couldn't get calls. Let me just start by saying, fantastic beginning to a comment. I'm leaning in. I could send emails, so I typed up the lyrics from "Through It On The Ground" and emailed it to her. I knew it would make her laugh, but the funniest part for me was knowing that someone on the jail staff had to read it, print it out, and hand it to me. hand deliver it to her we still laugh about it and our kids definitely heard it in the womb a lot so i'm really happy that oh but that means it was also yeah the story worked out she got out yeah she was in jail she got out they had a baby everybody good okay everybody good and i think we're gonna get um yorm is gonna join real fast and i've got a lot to say about yorm yeah we did get a flash of yorm we saw you we did get a flash of yorm so we're trying a little tease akiva explaining to this podcast audience what a drop is would be like mark maron explaining what a rant is i think the quades are like yeah dude we know what so is that is that person inferring the quades are just very smart and know about things i think they are i think but again you know i think every now and then we are trying to bring in new people so sometimes we will spell it out a little bit more than maybe we need to hi yorm what's up bud we're so happy you're here buddy i'm so happy to be here too should i ask and get an answer i think just ask but try it again try to use it your softest language oh yorm walk me through this oh god what we've already gone over it with the quades they had a lot to say okay so last night seth texts you how about noon i'm listening you responded yes that works what's up budweiser what i'm sorry uh can we i just need little affirmations as i go if you agree that dude i'm totally listening go ahead just ask the question so far what i said is are true i was just leaving a little gap for you to say uh-huh well like that kind of thing just so that we know just just in my defense yes it was a very funny commercial series of commercials yeah uh and these frogs would say what's up to each other and then they would say budweiser that's how they sounded just like that flat i i don't know i didn't watch a lot of tv growing up the frogs didn't say what the frog said budweiser but the i didn't watch a lot of tv growing up the like kind of crew of 30 something men would say what's up to each other i think and and yorm will not get this reference but i think what happened is yorm's parents would type out the text of commercials printed out and then read it and hand it to him to his bedroom they would read it at night and it wouldn't be very cell block yorm bedroom hey yorm so he said 12 p.m you said yes then andy said actually guys can we push it to 1 p.m and then you said yeah i'm gonna be a little bit late yeah i was now how are you gonna be on time at noon and a little bit late to one was my question okay here's the thing if it had been noon yeah then i wouldn't have taken my daughter to the birthday party so don't you feel like a fucking piece of shit no it's an answer it's a good answer maybe you should try to be wiser i'm gonna say be a little bit more of a bud i underestimated yorm so you said hey an opening in my schedule i can move it around now i can take yeah my daughter to the birthday and then you said but now i might be a little late which you were 10 minutes that's what i would say exactly i mean akiva i think we can all agree you're made the right trade-off right he was willing to sacrifice for us but when the window opened up he's like you know what be a good dad and be a little bit late to a podcast with my bros perfect outcome it's exactly what happened to andy in this scenario where is he coming andy this is a problem we sent andy to get you at the birthday party yeah and and it's in new york so it's gonna take a real gift of the magic situation somehow is that maybe right he cares about the environment everybody but he had to fly private i'm so sorry because there weren't flights at the right time also i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm so sorry also apologies to everybody still at that birthday party because andy is coming in very hot and i do believe he's pissed no matter how big that bouncy house is all they're going to remember is how andy sandberg came in very upset to your daughters or sons birthday party and i want to apologize to the quades because i heard you loud and clear about how bad the sound quality was at the mountain biking place but that's where i am again because that's how it's going to have to be sometimes but we've already covered don't worry that the quades take it no matter how they get it the quades are happy and easy to please they're zen they're zen and they're mature number one very mature yorm these made me laugh one after the other a lot of comments about you telling the story about grinding on your grandma oh fuck yeah yeah you know what that was one of those ones that i wish that in retrospect we give notes on these episodes that i wish i had given notes on that episode it's not too late cut it here's what people said yorm freaking on grandma story sometimes he says things for fun that you couldn't waterboard out of me oh that that gets to the core of me the follow-up comment is kevin seth not being phased at all is what got me yeah i was like uh I'm moving on. Dang, go to commercial. Oh, my God. Multiple people, their comment was how crazy it was and how Keith and I just rolled right through it, which I really enjoyed. And then someone said, they're deaf, used to it. Remember, this guy narrows his butt while hanging from a swing. Nice callback. Nice callback. Then this I did not realize because I listened to the raw cut. I didn't listen to it with ads. Someone said, hearing Yorm say, I think I was freaking my own grandma. And then smash cut to a commercial for psychotherapy made me laugh like Seth Rogen. That's the goal of doing these commercials is the incredulity, the fucking incongruous nature. Was Yorm reading it? I think it was you reading it. I think Yorm was reading it. I read all the ads last week. So good. Well, I'm very dialed into brands, right? It's a little bit like the What's Up guys. You know what I mean? Like those frogs. I know you. It's Black Rifle Coffee. It's UFC. I'm drinking it right now. Right now. Chick-chick-blow into my mouth. Damn. That's cool. Yeah. When people are like, what are you on? You're like, I'm on brand. That's what you like to say. Yeah. Yeah. We'll kill you. I like to imagine guy one and guy two write their lyrics while lying on their stomachs, ankles crossed in the air on a bed, just giggling and high-fiving. Yeah. And then somebody said, fantasizing about being on the cover of Awesome Rapper magazine. It's very Pen15, those guys. It's also not that dissimilar to what it actually is. Like, whatever you're picturing, it was pretty similar to that. Pen15 is, no wonder we, gravitated towards producing that show. Because that is, they are the female. Yeah. Yeah, just two guys. The only difference is that we had that flat D and we were, the flat D is the fart neutralizer pad that you would put over your butt. So, like, imagine exactly what you picture. Do you remember when we got those, Seth? I do. Yeah, flat D. Why do you seem sad about that? They worked, Seth. I want Seth to describe it. When did they come in? Did we get those sent to the office, to 30 Rock? Or did we get those sent? We definitely used them at the office. At the office, for sure. But that was, it was science. Number one, it was for science. The fact that you got them and thought you kept it so low-key that I'm, years later, I'm like, no, you guys had fart neutralizer pads? First of all, they were for astronauts, so we were way ahead of the curve. Exactly. It was a group text from our friends from home, our Berkeley friends, and then they alerted us to this existing product. For, you know, people with actual IBS and stuff, it's serious nice stuff to help them live lives where they can be in society without farting all the time and ruining their office. Right, right. But it was these very thin little pads that could fit into your underwear that are charcoal that if you got it good enough sealed to your butt, the fart would have to go through it and it would neutralize the fart. What did they look like? They kind of looked like bowling pins, right? Yeah, it was like a bowling pin shape. It was a fit into your underpants. Kind of like a pad, you know, like. Fit under your taint into your butthole. Anyways, and so we immediately had to order some to 30 Rock. Yeah. And then it was like if somebody knew that they had, you know, one locked in the chamber, so to speak, they had to quickly go, oh, shit, where are the pads? Where are the pads? And you'd throw them to them. And if they farted, then you had a real cause to be angry because you're like, there's a pad. There's a pad. I'm sorry. You were supposed to use one per fart? You had to take your pants off and put a pad on? No, no. No, no, we shared them. No, no, no. You'd throw it around the room. I have a distinct memory. I have a distinct memory of us getting grossed out and a pad that had, in your handwriting, the word Yorma written on it. You were using these pads wrong. Oh, wait, there was a video that we saw the other day of current writers at SNL, apologies to them because I don't remember off the top of my head, but they were promoting one of those Sandler daughter Netflix films that had some SNL cast and they were walking through the old offices and Carl, I just remembered it, Carl Tartt, but produced out of his desk, and he was not in our office, so it had moved offices, a stapler that you had written your name on. Oh, yes, yes. Do you think this is a situation where Carl Tartt pulled out a used fire pad with Yorma's name on it and they had to go back in and CGI it? I mean, dude, imagine what that would be worth on eBay. But I was very mad. He didn't know if it was real, so I just wanted to confirm it on the air because it was the handwriting, and I recognized it as soon as I saw it. It was either, now I'm blanking, but it was either Yorma's handwriting or Andy's handwriting. I think it was Andy's handwriting and it had all of our names. Oh, yeah, it had all our names, yes. I'm checking this now on the internet, and it says, Flat D was ahead of the curve, you guys. This is the 10 best flatulence, pads in October 2026. These are top 10. The top one is rated 9.8, and it's not Flat D, guys, so it's a booming business, and we should probably get into it. Yeah, we were at the front end of it, for sure, and the back end of it, you know what I mean, Yorm? Oh, yeah, big time. Well said. Yorm sometimes would get really scientific when we were in Encino. They somehow came with us to Encino, first off. I don't understand how that happened. Or maybe they started in Encino and came to Third Rock. I don't know. Because they were helpful. But where he, he was deciding his jeans were the problem, so he would, if he knew he had one, he would be like, shit, shit, shit, shit, hold on, hold on, hold on. Like, where is it? It would be a pure panic because he's holding it in. So he would have to throw it to a classroom. I'm just remembering this. I'm picturing it. That's why I'm laughing. The fastest you've ever seen someone fall like a turtle to their back onto a carpeted floor, yank down their pants, leaving his boxers on, and try to. I'm a classy guy. Get it to his butt and hold it as tight as. Is he good to create a pure seal to decide he can be sure that the fart would go through it? Oh, my God. Because I'm respectful of my friends. That is the funny, that's the best part about it, right? Which is you're doing it to be respectful, and I think all of us would think if given the choice between maybe smelling a fart or watching a friend jump to the ground in a tear, pull his pants off, and try to jam a pad to his boxers. What would you choose? I have a tear in my eye right now, and it's like a nostalgic memory. Because of how thoughtful he was? Yeah. I. Challenge anyone to say that that is not thoughtful. Honestly, because I remember, I do remember it like harnessed some locked in like, stored in the fat cells of my body, tears, laughter, that just got unlocked in me just thinking of it. Because I remember having tears coming down my face watching you do it. Just uncontrollable tears, being like, it was the happiest I had ever been. And somehow just bringing back the memory unlocked the feeling for me. Yeah, no, for me too. But it really does show how respectful I am as a. Were they effective? Yeah, they were. Yeah. And I want to stress, this isn't that I'm on the fence. I'm like, I'm hearing a lot I like. But before I buy them, were they effective? It were. They were very effective. But it did make you madder if somebody farted without the pad. That's what I was about to say. You pointed out something, which is you'd be in the room, and somebody would actually, you know, it's 3 a.m., everyone's writing, you're in the room, somebody farts, and then you're like, what the fuck, dude? There's a pad right there. Yeah, there's a pad. Like, it would become very unironic. Yeah, where we're like, just use it. Now we have to leave the room, just use the goddamn pad. You're wasting time. Holy shit. Really good. By the way, do you guys remember, didn't we have, like, competitions as an adult? Like, I know I challenged myself to see how fast I could run to the bathroom and take a shit and then run back. I do not remember that. Because it was really far. Like, the men's bathroom, you had to run all the way around that. You didn't have to run. For anybody listening, if you wanted to win. You were also allowed to walk. Okay, I'm sorry. If you're a competitive person, Seth, and you wanted to win, then you had to run. If you were an adult who'd worked in an office before, you could just walk to it. All right, I'm sending you guys a link. Anyway, I got back in under a minute by running there. Jorn, flat Ds are still right there. And it's a market leader. And you know what? It does. You did a good job describing it. First of all, it's called Flat D Innovations. It is a market leader in manufacturing odor control products using activated, charcoal cloth. They've been in business for 19 years, so you guys were really at the beginning. This is a free ad. We are not being paid. We are a better business accredited, doctor-recommended, and have patented products. All of our products are made in the USA, and we have been in business for 19 years. That's a free one, Flat D. Next one, you gotta pay. And our first album, they got a thank you in the liner notes. Is that true? Yeah. Yeah, we made sure to give it up. I mean, think of the amount of time that they saved for us, though. We've said, hours and hours of not having to leave the room. The laughs they provided. That's true. That's true. Their innovations allowed us to flourish. Support is also by Gusto. When you run a small business like I do, you don't just do the job, okay? You're also the hiring manager, the payroll department, the benefits team, the groundskeeping, you know, the janitorial staff. You're all of that. And usually, it's all before lunch, am I right? Gusto takes it a few of those hats off your plate. Mixed metaphor. Didn't really work. And they do it quickly and they do it seamlessly. Gusto is an online payroll and benefits software built for small businesses like mine. It's all-in-one, remote-friendly, and incredibly easy to use. So you can pay, hire, onboard, and support your team from anywhere. From Kathmandu, from the Southern Hemisphere, the Northern Hemisphere, stuff like that. They've got automatic payroll tax filing, simple direct deposits. I could go on. I'm not going to, though. Unlimited payroll runs for one monthly price. They have that, too. No hidden fees, also, and no surprises unless it's for your birthday. And then they're right there with a great surprise. Ranked number one on G2's highest satisfaction products list of 2026 and trusted by over 500,000 small businesses. like mine, that's over half a million. If I'm doing my math right, try Gusto today at gusto.com slash Lonely Island. You get three months free when you run your first payroll. That's three months of free payroll at gusto.com slash Lonely Island. One more time, gusto.com, Lonely Island. And it's G-U-S-T-O. They didn't put that on there, but that's how you spell it. It's really great. We're 23 minutes in, and we've spent so much time talking about Flat D. Well, but this has been educational, though. It has been good. I just wanted to say, before we move on from the Flat D conversation, it would be great if any of the Quades out there, and don't all rush to do this, guys, but if you could send some Flat Ds to Seth's office at 30 Rock, that would be fantastic. Or to the P.O. Box, I guess. No, no, the P.O. Box goes to me, guys. So don't send them to me. Make sure you go to Seth Meyers, not the P.O. Box. Okay? Just make sure it's not the P.O. Box. What else? What else? Oh, I love imagining Yoram finishing up the recording and his wife asking him how it went and him saying, So, yeah, I'd say it was an A+. We made a joke about the sequel to Little Women being Little Men, and it is actually, in real life, that is the sequel to the book Little Women. It's called Little Men. I saw that comment. Wait, is it really? I felt uneducated. Do you know what the original Louisa May Alcott was going to call it? Oh, the second one? Littler Women. Little Women, the search for Curly's gold. Oh, okay. Littler Women, maybe better. Littler Women is really good. They're just smaller this time. Yeah, well, it's what people want. The whole first chapter is the parents being like, Where are they? Oh, is it Honey, I Shrunk the Little Women? That's what she thought was the popular, what made it popular. You're like, God, I gotta top this. Well, they can't go to New York. Oh, fuck. They were already so little, and now they're so fucking little. She went to her agent, and she's like, Here's the thing. They're not getting older. They're getting a littler. Hey, this is the Helen Mirren episode. There's a lot of really fun things in this episode. In the sort of Louisa May Alcott tradition, there is a Mary Shelley sketch, which I had not remembered, and I watched it today, and it's really delighted me a great deal. It's written by. It's written by Fred and Mulaney, and let's just watch it. For those of you who don't know, Mary Shelley wrote Young Frankenstein, a very funny movie. Mm-hmm. Great. Arthur Mary Shelley was one of the most notable female writers of the Romantic period. Her greatest triumph came in 1818, when she published her classic novel, Frankenstein. I like hearing Bill. A loud huzzah to Mary Shelley and her new gothic novel, Frankenstein, a modern Prometheus. Oh, huzzah! Thank you all so much. Your kind words flatter me. Oh, yes. You must have a brilliant imagination to craft the character of the monster. Oh, here, here. Well said, well said. Mary, I say, it looks like you have another guest arriving. How you guys doing? Okay. So that was Fred saying how you guys doing. I mean, you knew it was coming, but it's fantastic. Fred, for everybody listening, looks exactly like Frank. Yeah, but he's dressed up like a handyman. He has a flat head. Fred, he has bolts coming out of the side of his neck. He's green-skinned. He's carrying a toolbox. He's green. Yeah, he's got a toolbox and just some overalls and a sweater. Oh, Fred, what great casting. Oh, no, no. That's just my landlord. I beg pardon. Oh, it's her landlord. We've been making too much noise. Yeah, because that's what he's fixing. No, no, no. I just wanted you guys to let you know. He's like a super. We've had some trouble with the hot water, so I've got to check the pipes. I say, good man, have you read your tenant? His wonderful new book? You know, I wasn't going to mention the book, you know, but, you know, since you brought it up, you know, I read it, and I was kind of curious, you know, how'd you come up with the monster? Well, while on holiday in Switzerland, I became fascinated with this idea of reanimating dead matter. Uh-huh. How science could bring to life what God had sought to kill. I also think you're making fun of me a little. No. What on earth? What do you mean? You know, Mary, I'm reading the book, and you're describing the monster, and he's got green skin, you know, he's got a flat head. And I thought, okay, it's just a coincidence. But, you know, the bolts, come on, Mary, you know, that's a clavicle brace. You know, I got hit by a horse. The monster is a creature of my imagination. He's not based on you, Frank. I'm sorry, your name is Frank? Frank Stein, yeah. Truth be told, Mary, that is a little similar. Thank you. Frankenstein is the name of the doctor. The monster is just called the monster. Yeah, but, you know, over time, people are just gonna lump them together, you know, and, like, a hundred years, people are gonna be like, boy, that Frank Stein is a stupid monster, you know? No, he's right. I've already seen that. Ah! I don't want to make this a whole thing. Let's just forget it. I'm gonna go fix the pipes. Have your party. Mary, would you be so kind as to read a passage from the book? Oh, very well. He's just working on the pipes in the background. I beheld the wretch and the miserable monster whom I had created. I need a screwdriver. His jaws were open and he muttered some inarticulate sound. Mary, your words give me quite a chill. Well, it is. It is a little cold in here, isn't it? Why don't I stoke the stove a little? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Absolutely not. Fire bad. Fire bad, everybody. Gets in the halls of smoke and everything. Fire bad. It's a blanket rule. No, we get it. We get it. Good God, who is that? Uh-oh. Hey, Dad. Hey, Igor. So, Paul Britton enters as Frank Stein's son, Igor. Got a big old humpback, weird-looking kid. Mr. Wordsworth says there's a bird caught in his apartment and it's alive. Your son's name is Igor. Yeah. Thank you, by the way, for that. That's, uh, that's really classy. You know, he's a kid. Nice one. So, is the monster really based on him? Oh, yes, 100%. And did he actually throw a little girl into a well? No, I accidentally pushed a girl into a birdbath and she was fine, by the way. That's not what I heard. Yeah, you know what? You stick. I hope you never run out of time. I'm going to write a famous book again. And she didn't. And she didn't. Very nice. That was really funny. Lovely. I have no memory of that, Jorm. Do you? No, none. Zero. It was really fun to watch that. Oh, God. Fred is so fucking great. I think after coming back for Laser Cats, I think I had to go back to my paternity leave this episode, but then I did do the short, but I don't think I wrote it or I didn't. I think I, like, I think I did, like, a Thursday through Friday week, you know? Where I just had nothing to do with it and then became a director. So what year is this for us? Because I, in credit, is the director of it and I have a vague memory of the short, but I don't remember. I don't think I was at the show. What year is this for us? This is April 2011. Oh, right. So this is six years, right? So I was very in and out on this. Oh, did you see this tattoo? Somebody said, I winter soldiered real hard last night, woke up to this. That's fucking great. That's a real hot rod Calvin peeing on TV and FM, you know, radios with an AM. Parnell's tattoo. From Hot Rods. Fucking killer. Yeah, holy crap. That's really great. Good choice, man. Good choice, Chuck. Thank you, Chuck. I really, really appreciate it. Good job, Chuck. Can I compliment Fred just real quick? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stay on this for a second. Like, New York characters, big arched characters are so fun to do and there's obviously, they make their way to SNL quite a lot, but nobody to me does them better than Fred. His, like, relishing, he would do this bit, do you guys remember this? Did I talk about this on the show? Where he would come in to the writers, like, the table read rooms, and then you'd get that guy who would come on the PA speaker at Rock and Roll. Oh, yeah, about the fire alarm. Oh, my God. We talked about this, right? Yeah, but what was his bit again? His bit was that the fire, the guy would be like, there's a fire alarm on, you know, like 17, 14, blah, blah, blah. And Fred would just be like, you guys, this is important. This is important. We can't talk over this, okay, guys? Like, the entire emergency message. He would always talk over this. Oh, God, I fucking love it. I loved it. Anyway. He just did the Beacon Theater with his new show. What's it called? It was Friday night. I don't know what it's called. Shoemaker went, said it's amazing. If Fred Armisen's coming to your town. And he just, again, like, I know you have to see a Fred bit to fully appreciate a Fred bit, but Shoemaker said he does a long bit about if the band Kansas got a new drummer and it's them learning Carry On My Wayward Son for the first time and just sort of thinking the song's too great. It's crazy. So good. I mean, also, he's, not only is his New York great, but the way he's just going in and out of the Frankenstein, you know, the monster, blah, is. Oh, I need a screwdriver. His timing, he's doing it perfectly and he doesn't miss a timing beat that entire sketch. There isn't an element of it where you're like, oh, if I could edit him, I'd make him cleaner. He's doing everything perfectly clean the entire, everyone, everyone is so crisp in that sketch. But it makes sense. The writing is also very crisp in that really nice way that. mulaney and fred don't overwrite anything i genuinely think it's so funny that the last thing he says to her is i think you stink it's just so simple yeah and it's how that guy would talk like instead of trying to be like what what is the funny writer line that the way people don't talk but also how intelligent that line previously is of just like that yeah thank you for that like making fun of my son he's a kid he's a kid yeah it doesn't over explain it but oh my god no it's that gives total credit to the audience for like being on the same page and figuring out it's fucking great i told seth this but i i saw jimmy kimmel yesterday at a charity event but the other person i saw that i texted you as a picture of that we haven't talked about is jack cueto cueto oh yeah i've never met him in person oh but we felt like old we felt like old friends because we've texted a ton and obviously he's done stuff for the pod and he also is happy to come on here at any point if we need him great and he met my family and we just hung out for like a good 45 minutes at this nice place and we just hung out for like a good 45 minutes at this nice place and daytime event under a nice tent and he's a very tall drink of water i didn't quite realize how tall he is princely he's a princely yes he is princely demeanor should we do an episode that's all centered around like grilled cheese sandwiches with him yeah yeah grilled cheese i mean he was mac and cheese oh mac and cheese sorry he did ask me a clarification he's like because let me let me do that again should we do an episode with him that's all centered around like mac and cheese recipes that'd be nice that's great and then jeff just a quick note can we just make sure we leave in the first one no no no no no no no no do not do that to me jeff people will think i have a bad memory he did ask a clarification in regards to mac and cheese which was at some point we said that when he gets quaid armies he needs to respond mac and cheese and he said he had like basically attempted that and people kind of looked at him quizzically because it's hard to remember a one-off rule that i think he can i think he's like a righteous it's really hard to remember yeah it's hard to remember the righteous kill even you're so when someone says it to me i always have a stutter and go oh a righteous kill and i'm like proud of myself uh so i i gave him i was like no say righteous kill let's give the people what they want yeah um hey we're just gonna watch a underground uh music festival hear a little yoram's voice i'm assuming it's yoram's voice oh it is yes i mean i never get tired of these and uh well every time i hear it on your show i feel like i'm being ripped off you know i've heard you guys do that on your show you know this same way on my show it's like a butt rock kind of voice you know you guys do that occasionally don't you like i feel like i've heard you i think you're thinking of i think you're thinking weighing on the comments i think he's thinking of john oliver oh yeah i think he is too because john oliver's show does that all the time i think i could not figure out what he was talking about and i decided just to move past it no and my god just weighing on the comments guys john oliver's show has bits and i'm not accusing anything of anything but they do bits all the time with that voice during some of those um like pumpkin spice latte or whatever like during those montages they do well i don't watch john's show because i'm fucking loyal and i don't know why not the first one to do monster truck rally voice so i'm not accusing speaking of uh of maybe accidentally stealing something i told a true story about how axel thought joe was a boy and little women yeah it not helped by the fact that laurie is the name of the boy so the girl is joe and the boy is laurie um and then somebody said hey that was uh that was a joke on friends that's what joey thought as well and uh obviously i was concerned i was yeah so i went and i told him that and he said to me what's friends how you doing got it so it was ripped off yeah it was all right let's take a look underground records is back what up yo i'm dj super soak and i'm a little blaster and in case you didn't notice it's that crazy ass time of year again easter and what better way to celebrate than with the first ever crunk ass easter festival crunk ass easter we've got the hottest on the internet we've got the hottest on the internet we've got the hottest on the underground rap and rock these bands will give jesus nightmare performances by but one sneaky priest dj vladi diva the black wiggers eagle eye cherry and a very special acoustic set by mrs potato jay and you know we got some crunk ass fun for the little ninjas like an easter egg hunt for all you dumb ass kids oh and this year the eggs are scrambled y'all grab a handful he says also here to tell you more is mc george costanza yo we got a new charity called we're gonna send them stuff that no one else is sending them so bring us your busted ass nordic tracks your new and lightly used condoms and your unactivated starbucks gift cards and we'll give you a free kick in the plus we've got some fresh ass special guests new york times crossword guru will schwartz that female gremlin stand-up comedy from the menendez brothers and the entire 1993 michigan basketball team except the fab five and the next best five we got the white guy and since it's easter we finally gonna give a proper burial to our deceased friend ass dan yeah check the tomb on the third day bitch you know i'm gonna live for there's gonna be mad crunk popping off see 60 minutes per form live yo you best avoid the noise because he got a shotgun full of horse then say hello to honorary guests the chilean miners before we send them back into the line and no doubt i'll be hanging at the dunk tank with dj's thanks girl oh yeah bitches five dollars get you three tosses and a chance to dunk this year's special guest gillian gonzalez making helen it's fun to remember that it's helen it got funnier make sure you check out our imax screening of joanna man come swim in the toilet for slumdog millionaire see a live sex show from the green m&m and you know we got met the coyotes run it all over this bitch croak ass easter and it all takes place where else the streets of libya see you ninjas there okay i mean anytime it did um like 60 minutes live i really enjoyed it shocking how good it is for being just the same sketch but just coming up with stuff and i'm always like okay one of these and then it just wins me over they really do another one um we're gonna jump around a little bit but um sedex is a dj strip club dj character often a show closer i think maybe exclusively a show closer and i would argue a perfect five to one sketch shall we gentlemen yeah oh my god i'm excited because i don't remember any of this all right give it up give it up for candy that's candy oh so sweet and bad for your teeth that's candy hey we got a hell of a crowd here in bongo's clown room good to see so many faces want to say what's up to our international guests here from asia parts unknown you gentlemen ready to get rowdy oh jesus that's what i like to see glad to have you party shout out to production design for the girls girls girls neon reflecting it's my final shift here at bongo's happy to report i won nine to two hundred bones on a scratch off ticket leaving town tomorrow gonna take my winnings to a magical place i've always wanted to go ohio a lot of great ladies here gonna miss them all it's my final shift here at bongo's happy to report i won nine to two hundred bones on a this is a real oh my god taking his time is fantastic i mean he's so patient in this sketch that he's smiling at his own audacity yes we know ohio didn't get much he like delighted no he's like you're gonna see this he also keeps checking down at his soundboard as like a fun tick yeah it's just great as if as if he's actually well he's queuing up the next lady yeah let's bring him up one more time before my last shift ends to say a quick goodbye to old tommy up first is phoenix phoenix is in her third year of an online podiatry degree it's a one-year program i'm gonna miss you phoenix give it up for phoenix she rose from the ashes to give you a rise in your pants give it up for phoenix hello girl oh yeah hey guys uh don't forget about the frozen drinks at the bar sipping on an electric blue myself virgin of course been sober for a while now just shy of a week i tell you i've been hearing this song a hundred times a day every day for 22 years love to get a copy to take home with me if we got it on cassette yeah rocks hard speaking of rock hard this is georgia oh georgia disinfecting that pole giving a little spritz not taking any chances there she's been as nassim comes out sprays the pole and then puts a napkin on it and puts her face against the napkin and slides down the pole once or twice from it literally gonna miss georgia she taught me how to drive automatic Oh, with a bod like that, Georgia's always on my mind. Give it up for Georgia. That's Georgia right there. Uh-oh. Hey, we want to apologize to you fellas about the stray dogs in the parking lot. Looked like one was given birth. If you could provide it a happy home, leave your number at the coat check. Having a great time here at Bongo's. Hey, be sure to grab a slice of Hawaiian pizza. Or if you like fish, try some of that brown-butted skate from the steam table. How's it looking over there? Oh, Kenny Among. Kenny Among, the beloved line producer at SNL. The man who oiled the gears of the place. Absolutely. Someone writes him in. Legend. Sudeikis, I think, always wrote him in as a guy at the buffet table who was enjoying the food. Enjoying a skate fish sandwich. Speaking of good New York accents, do a little Kenny. For me. He called everybody Pally, and he would always. Basically, most of his message was, this show's too long and too expensive and we have to make cuts. You're killing me here, Pally. You're killing me. Pally, you're seven minutes long. We've got two minutes left in the show. Pally, you've got to make cuts. There were a lot of famous people who came to the 50th of SNL, and Kenny Among was the person I was the most excited to see. He's the best. It's the most I've respected a person for knowing how to do their job, I think, of anyone. The only one I've ever met in my life. He's the best. I saw that brown-butted skate from the steam table. Yeah. That's one of our regulars. I didn't know this place was 24 hours until he told me. Why don't you keep it going, gentlemen, for Lace. This is Lace. Oh, sexy Lace. Here comes Wig. Yeah. Her brother's in Iraq. An expat. Now fighting for the. The Taliban. That's what I'm talking about, different strokes. Give it up for Lace. They call her Lace 'cause she's thin, white, and full of holes. Dude. Jesus. One's from a bullet. That's Lace. Yeah. Love Lace. Hey, please pardon our dust while the champagne room is being repaired. We're going to get some new. carpet for you in there as required by the health department. Get away to a room with caution tape over there. Had a drug bust here recently that turned into a sword fight. Hey, who knew Kansas City had its own branch of the Yakuza? The Japanese mafia. These guys know what I'm talking about. Four very stoic Asian men. Oh, boy. Now you want to keep it going for the Grand Dam of Bongo's Clown Room. It's Tonya. Give it up for Tonya. Oh, yeah. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Here's Helen Mirren. She's been here since the place opened in 1970. And she's got the bush to prove it. Helen looking great. She's lived one hell of a life, Tonya has. Bob Dylan punched her out at a party. She broke off an engagement with Jack Ruby. Helen looking great. She's been here since the place opened in 70. Helen looking great. And she's got the bush to prove it.