The Hardest Would You Rather Questions Ever (Part 2)

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen, uh, today we're gonna play a little game called "Would You Rather?" We went on Reddit and we found some of the craziest, well they're not all crazy, but we saw, we found some crazy "Would You Rather?" And we're gonna find out what kind of guy I am, let's go. "Would you rather have a toilet that sobs quietly after you poop in it?" Uh, whatever the opposite is, I could never live my life like that. Every time you take a shit it's like, "No, please, no, shut up and take this shit!" The shit's coming either way so open up, or one that loudly demands more, yeah I'd much rather, I'd much rather that. Honestly that doesn't sound too bad. Imagine you're taking a shit and say, "Yeah, give me more shit, more shit, give me more shit, need more fiber!" That's way better than having one that cries. I will actually go on record and say, "Anyone who chooses a toilet that's crying every time you shit in it, like we should do an investigation." "Would you rather have a hundred thousand dollars right now or one dollar for every single step you take until you trip, stumble or fall?" What's a stumble though? What's a stumble? I rarely go down and touch the ground, I lose my stride. No, give me that hundred g's right now because I tend to. I don't trip, but I definitely like, you know, like, and I live in New York, like the idiots who ride bikes in the city. I almost get hit by them every fucking day of my life, I live right near a fucking bike lane, so I'd probably get seven bucks and I'd be out of there. So I'm taking a hundred thousand right now. "Would you rather have a hundred dollars appear in your pocket every time you put a finger in your butthole for six seconds at a time?" Not only do you have to put a finger in your butt, but you have to go, "One Mississippi, two Mississippi." Or one time only take five hundred thousand dollars tax-free up front. I mean, this is an easy one. Fingers in my ass so many times that I may have to quit my job, or I take five hundred thousand dollars right now tax-free up front. Put that in the market. You're looking at six to 10% a year. I'm chilling. Greg's trying to make an argument. He's like, "But for the rest of the time, you can get a hundred dollars every time you stick your finger in your butthole." Yeah, I know, dude. I know that. All right, hold on. Greg may have sold me on this. Let me explain what he just said. At peak efficiency, if you dedicate one day, I think it would take eight hours and twenty minutes and you're just there and you're one after the other. You're just in your whole ten-six second fingerings a minute. If you do that for eight hours and twenty minutes, then you make five hundred thousand dollars. So that's just that. And then every day for the rest of your life, every time you do this, hundred bucks in your pocket. So I see what you're saying that you can get it done in eight hours basically, but my butt. I mean, we're talking about irreversible damage to the thing. Also, who has eight hours to just sit and go bang, bang, bang, bang? Yeah, you know what? It would be nice to have the option to just make a hundred dollars real quick. Or it's like, you go to a restaurant and the bill's way higher than you thought it was. And it's like, let me just go to the bathroom for like ten minutes, make this money back. Yeah, I'm going to take the five thousand up front. So I don't have to dedicate an entire day to fucking let it rip in my bung. Would you rather have the power to clean anything by snapping your fingers or the ability to read any book just by touching it? That's good. I think read any book by touching it. To clean anything, who cares? Like, I don't live in squalor. You know what I'm saying? Like, I keep it clean for the most part and sometimes things get a little dirty. Is that worth passing up that I could go to a library and be like, aww. And just know everything, dude, read every book, retain all the information. I would take that over a lot of things. I would do that over the five hundred thousand up front, I think. I'm certainly taking that over a failure in my ass for a hundred dollars. You're offered one billion dollars. I already know this is something with penis. I already know. However, you must spend every cent within 72 hours. If you fail, you die. Do you take the offer? The rules are. No gifting. No inflating prices are tipping more than 20%. No charitable donations. Oh, okay. So the sick kids will remain sick. Legal purchases only. No imaginary items. No traditional investments for profit. You must gain real ownership or control of what you buy. Symbolic or fake purchases don't count. You can't buy a star in space for a billion dollars. Pre-payments must be for within one year. You must pay in advance for goods and services, but they must be delivered or used within 365 days. Taxes slash upkeep are not included towards the one billion dollars. I can already tell this was created by someone who doesn't have a job. There's so much detail into this. They have thought about it so much. It's crazy. Last one says pending transactions count as spent even if they take longer than 72 hours to complete. But if a transaction fails after the deadline, you die. Three days to spend a billion. I don't think that you can spend a billion dollars in 72 hours, which is crazy. Even if you bought a fleet of planes, expensive planes are 20, 30 million, you would have to buy a lot. I don't know if I would take the deal. I don't think that it's possible to spend a billion dollars. Anything that costs a lot of money, there is some paperwork and whatever. And if you can't overpay, that would be the only way that you can get it done. It's like I want your house. I'm going to give you way more money than it's worth. Sign the deal today. Then I could do it. But if I if I'm not allowed to overpay for stuff like things just don't this is so weird to say in an economy like this. But I was going to say things don't cost that much. But like when you have a billion dollars is what I mean. Things are way too expensive, but not when you have a billion dollars. Yeah, no, I think I'd probably I'd probably be like chill. I can't I can't spend that money. Would you rather be in jail for five years or being a coma for a decade? Oh my god, that's a really good question, man. I think I'll take jail. Yeah, I think I'll take jail for five years. I think like to give up 10 years of the human experience is pretty costly. I mean, jail is not going to be great at all. But at least I'll be alive in experiencing things rather than just not giving me the jail. Would you rather live in a world where every other woman is born with vagina teeth? Uh, vagina teeth that could bite your dick off or a world where men can only get an erection if they are in love. Ooh, interesting. You know what? I think I'm going to take the world where men can only get an erection if they are in love. Because I think that means that we've solved one of the worst crimes because like then there that can't happen. So there's that, but also the other way women born with vagina teeth that could bite your dick off. It's like that's also a defense mechanism against that sort of thing as well. I didn't mean for this video to take a serious turn. Actually, I'm going to switch my answer. I'm going to say a world where every woman is born with a vagina that could bite your dick off because I'd rather live in that world. Because at least then you can have a conversation like do you got the teeth? What kind of mood are the teeth in? You know, do you like me? Are you going to do it? Are you going to bite it? Also, it gives them a layer of protection. So if anyone wants to get a little crazy, you could really, you know, the teeth are open for business, if you know what I mean. So maybe that one. Yeah, the chance to tour heaven or hell for 30 minutes with a tour guy that explains everything, which would you choose? Oh my God, I'm going to ask everyone this question. See on one hand, do you like to think that you're a good enough person to not go to hell? So then it's like, why would I tour heaven? I'm going to see it for all of eternity. I'm going to be there. But on the other hand, it'd be nice to know what you're walking into. And with hell, it's like, yeah, I can just go tour it and be like, oh, I can see that and I see that. So I've seen it all type of thing. Toughy, toughy, toughy, toughy, toughy. Greg just said, what if you tour heaven and it's kind of whack? Does that change your existence on earth? I mean, that doesn't mean I'm going to start like murdering people, Greg. I mean, at the end of the day, though, if I, if I toured heaven, I was like, oh, it's like this. It's like New Jersey. I think I would rather tour heaven because touring hell is not really helpful. I would see it, but that's all you get from it. It's not like, I'm on the edge of being this like murderous person and it's like, well, I need something to set me straight so that I can. You know, get to heaven. Heaven not being that great is still better than nothing. So like, it can't be that bad, you know. So I'm going to take the tour of heaven, actually. Say what up to GLD. By the way, ladies and gentlemen, I don't know if you've seen, but we got a light strike in this video. Okay, this is a hard refresher. All right, meaning there's alcohol in it. It's 5% alcohol, so you have to be 21 in order to drink this and it's refreshing. That's the hard. The hard is the alcohol. The refreshing is, it's just, it's refreshing. This is the lemon lime flavor. I love it. It's nice on a nice hot day. You sit out there in the sun and you give yourself a hard refresher. It's beautiful, okay? So if you want to be stricken by the light, then you are going to want to go follow them at Drink Light Strike, okay? And get yourself, you know, a little box of these. Lemon lime is not the only flavor they have. They also have orange mango, which I haven't tried yet, but trust me, it is in my future, okay? So visit drinklightstrike.com right now and go get yourself some light strike, okay? Enjoy. Would you rather need Chrissiano Ronaldo to score a penalty kick against an average professional goalkeeper or Steph Curry to hit a three-point shot at an open gym to save your life? If they miss, you die. They are aware of the stakes. I think you got to take Ronaldo because I think that I could score on a really good goalie. Maybe not a professional one, but I think that I could. If you guess wrong, you know, but like Chrissiano Ronaldo can score on professional goalies, the best ones in the world, even if they choose the right side. He can still get it by them. A three is crazy. It's harder to hit a three than it is a penalty kick. penalty kicks go in way more than three-pointers do. That's what I'm kind of, you know, drawing a line on here. Would you rather have a perfect memory or be able to forget anything at will? A perfect memory, dude. A perfect memory. I don't, I mean, I don't really want to forget anything, you know, I feel like that robs yourself of a part of the human experience there, like that you can't remember stuff. A perfect memory could definitely come in handy for so many reasons. I could definitely be like a magician or something, you know. I don't know why that's where my mind went first. Think about how valuable that would be if you had a perfect memory. You would remember every number and every word and everything, anything you would ever said to you. Now that I'm saying that out loud, it sounds like a fucking prison. Imagine that you have a perfect memory, you know, everything and everyone's intentions and like, you know, like what they said years ago, it'd be hard to forget a fight that you had with someone 20 years ago. And you'd be like, wait, that would be rough, but I'm still taking the memory. Would you rather be torture for me? one minute for $5,000, one hour for $500,000, or one week for $500 million. Note all of your pain and injuries will heal, but the memories will last. Tortures are a rough one. And I don't know the work day in a torturing. Like if we go weeks at eight hours a day, is that a full eight hours? Is there OT? Is it like broken up? Like is it like, you know, you get like 45 minutes and they take a break as they get tired from waterboarding? I would have to know the details of this torturing. An hour for $500,000 is not bad, but you could do so much torturing in an hour. Someone could like break my leg and like it would take forever to heal. The jump to $500 million is really throwing me. But a week of torturing, dude, oh my god. I think my snap answers, like give me a minute, dude, I can't, I can't do that. I'm too much of a little bitch. Would you rather randomly get sucker punched in the face once a month for a year or do your grocery shopping nude wearing sunglasses just once? If I get to pick where I go grocery shopping, I would do that one. Like I wouldn't do like a local one because I every time I walk in there, I'd be like, yeah, this guy was fucking take it up before. If I can be anywhere, I would just go to like the smallest town I could think of in the middle of the country and just do that. Everyone would be like, what the hell? Also like food shopping is not that long. For me, I'm not in there like kind of just galloping. I just, I get in and out. I know what I need, I get out of there. We're talking about a half an hour tops. So I'd probably take that. I'll again punch in the face doing not my tooth out. Would you rather fight 100 blood-lusted 95-year-olds or 100 blood-lusted three-year-olds? Give me the three-year-olds. Gotta be kidding me. I will start taking heads off one by one. I would get tired. 95-year-olds? When I think of zombies, I think of 95-year-olds. So like blood-lusted, old 95-year-olds, their brain hasn't gotten to whatever, like their wise. They've been through a lot. They can strategize and really get to me. And yo, who's to say there's not a 95-year-old out there that isn't fucking huge? It can kind of like take me down and like the other ones just punch me with their weak bones. But 103-year-olds, my niece is three-year-old. You know, 100 blood-lusted, I could definitely take 100 of those. If I have unlimited space to work with, I'll be fine. Like, if you give me an acre, I'm winning. And if there's weapons, I'll do it in a closet. It depends. At a certain square footage, I think that the three-year-olds overtake me. Blood-lusted? Yeah, they could get me. They start biting me. That's what they mean by blood-lusted. I might not win either of these. I've been taking the three-year-olds though. There's less strategy when you're three. There's zero. They're three. Would you rather be able to fly for 20 seconds a week or never have to shit or piss ever again? 20 seconds. Give me two minutes at least. 20 seconds is nothing. What am I going to do with that? Nah, dude. That would be like the biggest blue balling of all time. I'll probably take the never have to piss or shit ever again. Not that that's like a big point of contention in my life. Yeah, I would need more than 20 seconds in order for me to use that. I need at least five minutes. Five minutes in the air. I'm definitely taking that. 20 seconds. I feel like I'd be leaving every single time. It would be torture, honestly. Would you rather be 15 or 75 forever? Those are perfect ages. For this question, those are perfect ages. I know this is like such a cheap way to answer this, but if I'm 15 forever, does that mean I get like smarter? Or am I just like a 15-year-old, doing 15-year-old shit? Because if I'm 15, I don't have my own money. Can't drive. You've become homeless orphan at some point. Yeah, like it might just going to be like drinking in parks, forever playing basketball and tag. Not tag at 15, that's crazy. But definitely man, huh? 75? I think maybe 75. Just because like as an adult, like you have your own money, you can drive, you can like socialize in better ways than you can when you're 15. You can appreciate the little things Greg had like a moment. He's like, you can appreciate the little things at 75. And I was like, what do you mean? He's like, I don't know what I'm saying. Yeah, I'm taking 75. Damn, is that dumb? Would you rather be controlled by a shrimp for a day? How does anyone even get to that point of thinking that? Like how much weed do you have to smoke to be like, yeah, would you rather be controlled by a shrimp? This says would you rather be controlled by a shrimp for a day and be forced to watch him make stupid shrimp decisions or be the most wanted pirate on all the seven seas for a month in the 1700s. So here's a little thing that I don't know that I've ever said out loud. The thought of being a pirate is awesome to me. Like I wanted to be a pirate when I was younger. And one of my favorite video games of all time is Assassin's Creed Black Flag, okay? You're you're on the seas and you're fucking driving a boat and then you're shooting cannibals at each other and a few other people like with swords and shit, that sounds so fire. And also controlled by a shrimp. I don't even know what that means. What would a shrimp even make me do? What is what is a shrimp's motive? What do they do? They just swim around. And either one you could die. Do you have a better chance of dying as a shrimp or as a pirate? The most wanted pirate on all the seven seas for a month in the 1700s. To be clear, I think I would survive better as a shrimp. There is still shrimp and there aren't pirate pirates. You know, so I'm gonna take the pirate though just for the sport. You know, I think I just I'd rather take the pirate. I'm gonna be a pirate. Well, there you have it folks. I hope you learned a lot about me. I feel like I learned a lot about me during this video. So I can't imagine what it's like for you guys. But anyway, don't forget to subscribe and we'll see you next time.