The Hamptons Confessional (ft. Noah Centineo, Leah, Miguel, Maria, Owen, Hallie & more)

(swoosh) (laughing) - What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with call her Daddy. Daddy Gang, welcome back to another episode of call her Daddy. I would say on a weekly basis, I indulge in maybe, maybe a couple glasses of wine, maybe one tequila throughout the course of seven days, okay? But every time I throw an unwell event, the little rager inside of me, the girl who loved four locoes back in the day, the girl who didn't even flinch when she would drink straight vodka out of a water bottle in college, she comes back out. She comes back out and she's reborn for about 48 to 64 hours, and then I put her back down and I layered her breasts for the next time that I will let her wake up again, okay? And this past weekend, she woke up. And I went full fucking throttle. I was throwing my 30th birthday party in the Hamptons, and here's the thing, every single time I go to the Hamptons, it is a shit show in the most beautiful way because I get in and I get out. I'm not spending all summer there. I'm not even doing weeks there. It is a weekend and we get out and we go home. And when I woke up in my house in Los Angeles, still hung over, still sweating tequila, still recovering, I got an email from my video guy with a link and the subject line of this email read, uncensored Hamptons confessional footage, enjoy. Now, I set up a cute, innocent, confessional thinking. I honestly thought my friends would pop in and say a few words, maybe sing me a cute happy birthday, but as you can imagine, this is not how this story goes. For anyone who wasn't able to make it and was suffering from FOMO, I have got you covered. What I will say though, Daddy Gang is, you know I'm a podcast girl through and through, and I rarely ask you to do this, but please for the love of fucking God, watch this episode on video. Like this is not one to be like jamming to in the car you need to watch this. It is a full visual, glorious experience. Prepare yourselves and get ready to hear from Leah Miguel, Halle Owen, Maria, Noah Centineo, Daddy Gang is in this episode and Kiera, who we just signed to on well, she is the queen of book talk, she is fucking hilarious. And I am not ready for you to hear her JC Penny story. So without further ado, Daddy Gang, I give you the unwelcome, professional, enjoy. Now I'm ready to get loose, hello. I'm Kiera from Houston, Texas. I do book related content and yeah, I was in a sorority. So this unwell lifestyle, this ain't new to me, baby. This ain't new to me, it's true to me, hello. I literally just got here, so we only need a second drinking, but baby. Compared to yesterday, we was about 20 drinks in and we're home. My confession is actually from last night. And when I tell you clearly, Alex know how to get down 'cause the time was had. We ended up at common ground, great time. I'm living my best life. I'm like, yeah, I love the hampties, I love the hamptons. I don't know how I got into the car, but all I remember is being in that car, waking up, touching my head and feeling so damn ball-headed. I started looking high and low, I'm looking for my purse, I'm looking for my wig, apparently my wig was under the seat. Now, shout out to that driver, 'cause I hope you didn't say nothing. And if anything, I hope you don't snitch on me. That's my confession. So basically, I lost my wig in the car and my lashes, as you can see, I have a mascara. I'm naturally an eyelash extension girl. That shit's gone. My nail is tripped. I had a great time for what I can remember and clearly from what we can see. Hello. I don't have a sugar daddy experience, but I'm always looking. So, slide into the deans, pokefable. Okay, where's the craziest place I've had sex? Mama daddy, cover your ears, girl. Cover your ears. Oh, girl, I don't know if I can say this. Is it legal? I don't know. The crazy, well, I was younger. This is like college days. From what I can think of at the top of my head. Oh no, I can see this man. My job, I'm younger. I'm a more mature woman now. Things have changed. We got a JC Penney's dressing room. A time was had, man. Oh, look. Backblown out. But, hey, at least we purchased the jeans. My boyfriend didn't get them jeans, but yeah, that was one of them crazy times that I don't even got no regrets. But I wouldn't do that now. Don't be doing that now, girl. I feel like I need to go to church, go to pen and my sins. If you got holy water, spray some on me, pull favor. And now I'm just gonna pass it to the next person for the confessional. Hopefully, isn't that as crazy as my younger. Well, well, well. Hi. I'm double fisting. Hi. My name is Leah Katad. And I am an unknown amount of drinks in. And I'm feeling ready. And you're on sex hotline. No, I'm kidding. (laughing) And you're on Leah's channel. My current relationship status is standing in front of me. No, I'm kidding. No, but girl standing there. I have a boyfriend. Ah! The weirdest day I've ever been on. Let me give you guys a backdrop. This might take a second. Get comfortable. I went on a date. This guy, he asked me out to Nobu and we went out together. And it was really good. And this is actually fairly recent. Sorry, I'm being come. But it was before me. Anyways, we went to Nobu. He took me out. It was really fun. It was really cute. We had a great time, whatever. He texted me after. He was like, I really like you. Well, of law. Okay, cool. Fast forward. Two, he was like, I'm performing at Coachella. You should come. And I was like, that would be so fun. Let's do it. Neon buys me into Coachella. And then we go to Coachella. And when I got there, there was like, it was a whole house. Office friends were there. I was there as well. And then, all of a sudden, I stand in there. And then this girl comes up to him and takes the blunt out of his mouth and starts smoking you with him. And I'm like, okay, interesting. I thought it was his auntie. It just looked like his auntie. No shade. And then, we get in there. And I'm sitting there and they're like, no, an auntie wouldn't touch him. She starts putting on a very see-through top. She starts doing her makeup more. And she doesn't introduce herself to me. After I was like, hi, Leah, so nice to meet you. She doesn't talk to me at all. Okay, cool. Anyway, it's fast-forward. Cool. After that, but he's being like, he's like, I'm so happy you're here. You look gorgeous. blah, blah. I asked my friend, who's also his friend. I'm like, hey, so who's that? And I'm thinking, oh, that's the sister. No, we're a shit. 'Cause y'all's sharing a blunt. And I'm smoke. I don't. I'm a very sober queen. Not right now. Well, okay, hold on. (audience laughing) Hold on. Alcohol, yes. All of the rest. Boo. Say no to drugs. Dare sponsor me. Just kidding. (laughing) Oh god, am I bombing this? (audience laughing) And no, the way they're all sitting. Can we like, pan the camera? Can we pan the camera? The way they're all tuned in. I'm begging. (laughing) Okay, anyways. I asked my friend and I'm like, okay, is that your aunt? Is that his auntie? And they were like, no, no. And I was like, okay, cool so who is she? And they were like, he invited her. And I was like, oh. And then I find out he invited both of us at the same time. And I was like, oh, I'm so good off of that. Like, you can have him. And then that was the last time we spoke. But now he beggin' for that shit back. Obviously, duh. But I'm good. Anyway, that was the my worst first date. And my name is Leigh Catev. And you're watching Unwild. (audience laughing) (laughing) And I'm passing it to the next guest. (laughing) Shit. Shit. Shhh. It's my turn on the mic now. Hey, my name's Miguel. And I'm on my one, two, three, four, five, six, seventh drink. I'm pretty sure. I'm feeling really good. (laughing) The fact that I've got a mic right now, and I'm feeling this good is crazy. The fuck am I doing here? (laughing) My relationship status, I'm taken. I'm out of the streets. You cannot have me. My confession is, fuck. What's my confession? The biggest party five ever committed. I, boom. So I'm in college, right? College is different to your college. My college is before university. So this is just before university. I'm at this house party. Everyone from my school is there. There was just one girl who's interested in. So the party's been good. I've got a couple drinks in me. I'm been turning off. I'm with my man, damn, I'm with the people damn. You know, we're having a vibe with turn up. We're getting lit. And then my boy's aside, yo, this girl, she's kind of interested in you. You've been interested in her. Let's put you in the room along with each other. So you guys can get to know each other. I've been yacht up, bro. I've got drunk in me. Tequila, vodka, a henny, all of that shit. It's in my system. There's a party going on in my bladder right now and my blood can't take it So she's there. We're on the bed. We're talking She's next to me. We're talking and shit She's asking me questions. I'm not processing them questions because my body is fucked right now. I'm trying to keep my shit in She's java java java java in I'm listen listen listen in And the alcohol was trying to alcohol out on my system in so I'm confused why he's speaking while I'm not here All right, right so this is the thing come come come come come come come I heard she no, yeah, yeah, so this is this is bad. This is bad. This is worse than what happened Is it? I'm not saying that I fucking fucking stuffing I'm saying this on camera. Wait, give me my cred for being able to say this on camera because it's bad I'm drunk in the house. Why? And my voice decided lock me in the hot fucking room with this one girl that I was interested in at a time So So she's talking to me right? I'm fucked up. I'm drunk. I caught hold my liquor and I don't drink like that I don't drink you know, I'm saying I'm a I'm a I'm a sober boy So boom Embarrassed Anyways, so she's talking to me. I'm listening trying to keep myself composed. I Say yeah as I say yeah, I go I'm like now I get up I go to the toilet I start spewing in the fucking toilet me and this girl were in the fucking bedroom for five minutes I don't even know if it's five minutes or less than five minutes. I'm throwing up on the toilet. This girl comes in What the fuck Anyway, but any Okay He's the fuck snorted behind the camera blast shame on you shame on you rap. Oh, that's how you know It was not meant to be because man is talking to this guy the rub in front of me and I fruit Hey She you know what's mad at she for up in front of me Let me say I get she for up in front of me. It wasn't bonding No Because her one is bad So the more the story is don't drink if you're trying to get to know a girl and If you are listen if you're trying to wingman your boy don't put him in a room with a girl when he's fucked up Because that's the worst thing you could ever do because I never really spoke to that girl again on the same level Because we was heading there and it didn't happen thank God it didn't happen because I never would have met this princess It never would have worked that anyways. She wasn't my type. You look at you pushing my face What what was that What was that? And on that note we better go to our room So see you later. No, we're not my best friend is behind the camera. I don't mind the audience I do don't listen to him. He doesn't know what he's talking about ever Only I do So Relax yourself Relax we're passing it over to the next guest. Why can you double-fisted? Baby girl do not say that to me Mixed guess come over to the couch It's always been my fucking dream. I can leave no you stay no. I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. What are we even doing? Hi hi everyone No one I are saying hi to them not me. I'm not everything. No, I'm saying hi to you. Hi also Okay, so the people who were just on the couch earlier are having sex in the bungalow. It's kind of hot Kind of not not my gallon Leo over here Feeling themselves. I don't even know why I'm on this couch. Okay. All right. Hi There is a bed to the left you two Yeah, you go to the left you go to the left. Okay. Okay. We are gonna now give you a little ASMR with and this is actually Controvertial topics. Is it Noah Centenio or Noah Centennial? No Centenio. I have always said it right But to all of our bitches on Instagram saying Noah Centennial. It's Noah Centenio. Cut that shit out. Cut that shit. Read this card Hi, my name is Noah. I'm I'm a I'm zero drink sin and feeling terrified What happened He said up the ice we were standing up and we were closed earlier now we're naked and fucking no Okay, I And by we I mean you know No one's having sex second of all no one's having sex just like a like dry hump. No, no, it wasn't driving second of all hello third of all He's so boring. I had to join in. Thank you. I don't know why he's saying he had zero drinks. I watched him I think it was while watching Literally drink seven shots three cocktails talking about yourself. I know there's three months ago. You show me three months ago He threw one before this interview my current I threw up in We agreed we weren't gonna talk about that my relationship Single my current relationship status is single. Okay, and my confession is can I pick the one you do? Yeah, yeah, sure I don't know if I have a story for it. No, you have a weird fun story No, the first time I met you your couch was made for 15 people to sleep at your own home and I asked you what kind of or wait No, we're trying to make you brand-aid I was gonna say what kind of orgy cut cut cut No Let's go come and do it come on I'm job now. Yeah, we're gonna get out sitting on the bed being like I have a boner. You just left me now You're doing an interview. I love leaving guys with boners and nothing to do with it Can guess what we can do it better than you guys can do it for us Yeah, give him a fucking question She never wanted me to run out cuz she knows that's not fucking true Listen if anyone's gonna get left the boo balls. It's this one over here. I've heard you're doing just fine to her My friend is fulfilled. You're doing a great job again. I know I I've heard great things. I want to know this just cuz I feel like you would have a funny story for this Have you ever fully fled a hooker? Why I got a crazy story and it's definitely a confession, but it's kind of gnarly All right, when I was 17 years old I was 17 years old. I was a virgin and I lost my opportunity at 18 by the way late bloomer and Fucking twin That's very okay. It's very demore Did I get it? No, it's that it rocked the mirror Very demore very demore very not demure to say demore Demois don't So I'm 17 years old and it's a new year's eve and I am I I dropped off an ex-girlfriend that had come over to hang out with me and family why I don't know I think I was trying to set her up with my best friend at the time and she was not taking it So then it was after New Year's Eve so we get in an Uber I take her back to her hotel I get back in the car and I start going back to the house that I originally was at and on the way I saw a woman standing on the side of the street I was by the way like 17 and two solo cups of rum down like wasted like completely gone and I'm in this truck Going down the street. I see her and she's kind of going like this like trying to get the attention And so I said to the Uber driver. I'm like yo my man pull over really quick pull over really quick by this woman And he's like okay, what am I pull over so he pulls over you're 17 And I put the window down and I'm like hey and before I can say anything she just goes are you my ride? And I was like I can't you was like by the way it's like one o'clock in the morning New Year's Eve And I was like uh yeah, I mean I can't be where you're going And she goes oh I'm going to Ocean Park And I was like all right word hop in that's on the way home So she gets in the I know he's getting free over Y'all you you heard it here first No, it's in denial. Guess free Uber rides No, I was giving free Uber ride and so she gets in the car. I'm like what's your name? She goes you don't need to know my name And I'm no Is giving It's giving no or yeah, it's giving something something is being given so she's like what is your name? And I'm like my name is David which was a lie because she didn't tell me her name I'm like all right. I don't even know your name. You don't have to know my need I didn't know I thought that's I like she's an adult, you know, I was like is this how we do things You're just live so we pull up to her place It's like beach townie like little bungalows and so we pull up to one of those bungalows She gets out and she turns around and I'm like all right. Have a good night. She goes you're not coming in Per and I was like and I looked right at the Uber driver and he looked up in the rearview mirror because like he knew I was a kid He said if you're not going to and then I looked at him and I was like I was like yeah, all right And then he turns around like Joe are you and I was like I'm fine Did lia did you to see if you're not going and I'm going and that Uber driver is like my dick is I said hello if you're not going I am mama. Maybe that 20% 5 star tip baby. Let's go. No that's right. So I'm a deliver. Wait, wait on this couch. Or whatever. Because I did my confession. I did my couch confession. And now I'm not fucking Noah's confess. And now she's done with Noah's confession. She's done with the couch. She's done with my-- She's done with Noah's confession. She's done with my-- [SCREAMING] So I'm nervous. She opens the front door. She walks in and immediately on the floor in the living room. I see a Thomas the train carpet. Oh god. So I'm like, oh, she's with child. She's with child? She has multiple children. I hope there's not a child in the place. This is now even weirder. It was already kind of weird. But now it's real. And it's getting interesting. She goes, do you want a nightcap? I'm like, no, I've had way too much. And she goes, I'm going to make you a nightcap. So she made me a gin and tonic. And she forgot to put gin in it. [LAUGHTER] But I'm like, I guess this is what we do as adults. I guess you like pretend. We pretend we lie about our names. We lie about the alcohol in our cups. We just lie, we lie, we lie. So long story short, we go into a bedroom and we start talking. And then we start kissing. I just pick her up and I throw on the bed. Keep in mind, Virgin had never done anything. I have like, you know, did things, but never had sex. And so at this point, are you at all thinking, oh my god, I'm about to lose my virginity to the woman that I picked up on the side of the road that's a 30-year-old woman that won't tell me her name. And there's Thomas the train. This is such a funny story. This is so funny. Oh my god, give me, I'm being so funny right now. That is no. That is no. Like, oh, there's an older woman and this is great. And this is actually such a story. And so we start doing all these things. We start making out. And then I kind of get hit with this reason. I don't know. You know when you're super drunk and then finally like reason smacks you in the face. You're like, oh, I'm present now. And I just go, fuck, maybe I should do a little push up and just see what this person looks like and what's going on. So I push up and I look at her and I realize she's like 40 something. She's a little bit older, which is fine. Yes, but not only was I right, not only was I hit with this realization that like she was much older and like, I just got hit with this the reality of what I was doing. And I went, oh no, I need to go. So I just went, I have to go. And I got up and she was like, what? And she grabbed the blanket. She pulled her front herself. She was like, what are you talking about? And I was like, it's a story. Tell your friends. And I grabbed my stuff and I ran three miles home. No, like one, 32 o'clock in the morning. OK, this is a story that he-- so you didn't lose your virginity that night. You stayed a 17 year old young boy still with fresh eyes, bushy tailed. And he didn't have sex with the four year old woman. But he did save a woman off the street that night. I did get her home safe. And this is the story from Noah about how to be a good person. This is my confession. We're passing it to Max. Guess let's go. [MUSIC - "DORGES"] OK, hello, everyone. I'm Marie Giorges. I have had about four drinks, plus maybe five shots. And I'm feeling great. I'm feeling fantastic. I'm having so much fun. Got to meet so many girls. I'm loving life right now. I'm from Toronto, Canada, Canadian bitch in the USA. My current relationship status is-- single, whatever. And I'm going to be 30 in a couple days. So let's just not remind me how single I am. My confession is I like someone who doesn't even know me yet. Shh. Doesn't matter about that. Tell me the time about how you were fully delusional about a man. How about right now, where I feel like the man that doesn't know me is going to love me? We'll keep it at that. Have you ever tried to really impress someone only for it to be a total flop? Um-- no. I'm such a straight shooter and who I am as a person that I've never had to like change who I was to try to impress someone. I'm always been like, if you're going to like me, you're going to like all of who I really am. I'm not going to like give you surprises later on. Take it or leave it. That's just how I've always been. Has someone ever told you that they loved you and you didn't say it back? No. I mean, I've had people tell me that they're very into me and like whatever. Maybe they've said I-- I think the only time-- how can I say this nicely? I've had guys confess their love for me and I was not at the same spot as them and that can get hard. But no, I'm going to be honest. No, no one has ever said like I love you where I was like I don't feel the same because I don't think I would ever let a guy feel like they can say that they love me because I feel like that would be like really leading someone on. I just don't do that. I don't entertain people that I don't give a fuck about. On that note, I love you guys. Bye. [inhales] Hi, I'm Owen Feel. I am six drinks in. Woo! And I'm feeling really blackout drunk. I should only have one drink. I'm a lightweight. So this is not going to go well. I'm from Los Angeles. Unfortunately, my current relationship status is-- I'm like basically married, but he won't propose. So if you're watching this, get a ring. Love a diamond. Big one. And my confession is I still have my ex's Instagram password, and I do still check the DMs. 10 years with my current boyfriend. And I'm still checking Max's DMs. Keep drinking, you guys. Tell me a time about it. You were fully delusional about a man. OK. My best friend had a boyfriend who I thought was in love with me. And I swore. He was looking at me. Every time we would go out, he would stare at me. In my head, he was infatuated with me. He was obsessed with me. And I had to break it to my best friend that he was probably gay because my best friend was a girl. And so one day I sat her down, and I said, I just want to let you know. Michael is not straight. She said, what do you mean? What have you seen? What's up? And I said, I've experienced it firsthand. He's obsessed with me. He's completely in love with me. And I just need to just tell you now so you didn't continue on this road. Obviously, he was straight and just thought I was weird and thought I was way too much, too extra. So he would look at me as I was telling these insane stories and be like, who the fuck is this? You know what I mean? He wouldn't look at me like he was obsessed with me. He would look at me like, you're an alien. Go back to go back to Mars. And she told him that I told him this. And now they don't speak to me, because they think I was like trying to steal him, which by the way, I was. He's so hot. OK. Now I'm going to pass-- I'm so drunk of a hearing voice that I can't concentrate. OK. Now I'm going to pass this to the next-- Oh, I'm so drunk. Now I'm going to pass this to the next guest. Cheers. Hi, my name is Steena. Hi, my name is Jess. And we have a pretty big confession to spell if you want to take it away, Deena. My high school ex-boyfriend cheated on me a lot. It's true. I was his best friend. It's true. I can confirm. When he cheated on me, probably the fifth time, I made him a grinder account. It's true. And I had to ask you for the email. I provided the email. Yes. So sorry. Sorry for all the men hitting you off. Hopefully it's subsided by now. And that's my confession. Cheers. We're passing this to the next guest. Hi, my name is Halle Batchelder. I'm about seven drinks in right now. And guys, I'm feeling fucking fuzzy. I'm feeling warm. And I'm feeling curious. I'm not going to lie. OK, I'm from Boston, Massachusetts. What I live in New York right now. My current relationship status is single, so single, kind of sad. Honestly, the fall is going to be really lonely. Whatever. OK. My confession is, last week I went on a first date. And honestly, we had oysters as the appetizer. So I'm going to blame the oysters because it's like an appetizer. He fucked me in the ass. And I like to-- I hope they put this in. Have I ever fucked multiple people in one night? There's so many answers to this question. Yes, is the immediate answer. I mean, like-- I was talking about three-some production. In college, there was one night. So I was on the basement floor of my building. That's where I lived. I used to like fuck this guy that lives in the basement. But I also fucked this guy living on the third floor. And they were friends in the same flat. They found out about each other. I'm just a girl, guys. I don't know. I don't know what to do. They were both hot. I mean, I say no. I don't know how to say no. I'm working on it. And wait, there was one time where the guy in the third floor came down to the basement and walked in on me and the guy in the basement. And then that's when the whole thing was deep-unged. It was bad. It was bad for my brand, but also good for the brand at the time. It's have I ever dabbled with the sugar daddy. I don't know if he was daddy status. He was like, I mean, he was probably 13 years older than me. But he used to spend like a daddy. Honestly, I don't need men for their money. Like I come for money so it doesn't bother me. So like when guys think I need them for their fucking bag, I'm like, get be fucking free for a second. I don't need your fucking pockets. He was probably 36. I was 23, which to me was a daddy, but he used to go out to a restaurant. We'd get drinks. Say it was like two margaritas. He would always be like, should I tip a thouse? Should I tip a thouse? And I'd be like, yes, tip a thouse. And then fuck me sideways. OK, I have a funny story actually about the sugar daddy. So he was in London one night and he faced time me. He'd ghosted me for like three weeks. So he finally picked up the phone and I was like, OK, hi, I'm thinking I'm going to get my moves on. And he was like, I'll pay for them. Whatever. of them, oh, so him and his best friend, the Vemlo and B for my tits. They like both think they own my tits. Little did they know my dad and my mom was like, if you pass your real estate licensing exam, like I had no job at this point. So like if you pass your real estate license, you got it like we'll pay for that surgery, pass it in two weeks, and then I pocketed the money and that guy gave me and then had amazing wreck after that. Wait, when I was 15, my mom walked in, I'm getting fucked in the ass on a pullout bed in a rhubah. Is that real? Can I see that? One. Traumum, and that's tea. Don't cut that one. So the weirdest thing anyone's asked me and doing bad. He didn't even ask me honestly. He really wanted to have a threesome with me. I was like, okay, like I'm down. Like I've had threesome before, like I would do it. This man was fucking me. And then he put on porn on the sonos surround sound. So it sounded like 19 bitches were in the room. Like not even surround sound Justin is like specific bedroom. Like he was like living in a sharehouse at the time. So like what's like four other guys. This surround sound was like in every room of the fucking house in the bathroom, in the living room, in the kitchen. He were like cooking baking. Like you would hear porn. That's probably the weirdest thing that anyone's, I've let anyone do in the bedroom. Yeah. [MUSIC] - Wait, do you have a good side? - I know. - I literally texted him like, where are you, Halle? I missed you, I couldn't be out there without you. - Hello, I'm Maria Georgeis. - Yes, that's about it. - What is your most embarrassing sexual mishap? - What the fuck does that I do mean? Like I don't even get the question. - Mishap? - Like did you fall off the bed? - Oh. - Did you get like a black eye? It's swear to god I've never backfliped where I didn't catch myself. Well I just had surgery last week 'cause sexual injury. - Do tell. I was having sex with this guy. And like I also just got my evenier son. So my mouth is like a traumatic place right now. So this guy bit down my lip and like you have like a bunch of saliva glands in your lip that produce saliva. - Yeah, he fully claps the glands. So like my mouth was producing saliva but I know where to go so it was like pulling. - Wait, what? 'Cause he bit you so hard that you had surgery. - Yeah. - So what did you do with the guy? - I think he's coming tonight. - Have any of your friends ever tried to steal a guy you were talking to him? They wouldn't even try to do that. - I actually have a fucking story about this. - And I never thought I would tell this story. - No, this actually pisses me off. - Okay, it breaks me back to a dark place. (coughing) Listen to this, you ready for this? So my ex fucking cheats on me, right? And I break up with his ass. - So how tall was he? - Fucking fucking 5'10. - Yeah, that's my point. - But yeah, I know he cheated on me, blah blah blah. But he was known in Toronto. Oh fuck, here we go again. The fucking porn guy is gonna get shit on for color daddy. And now shit on for this fucking shit. He basically made a video with a girl that he cheated with. Then this girl comes up to me and she's like, oh my god, I knew you from your ex. Like I love you. Like I was like supporting me. Like you're so much better than him. Blah blah blah, let's go have drinks. We go have drinks, we became friends. She's confessing her shit about her ex and like I'm helping her through her break up. - She hot? - She's not bad. - Oh fuck. - No bitch, I listen, I call it speed, I think. - That's crazy. - I think it's beautiful. But I'm not gonna say the bitch is ugly. She's not. - No. - But she's opening up to me about like how I'm this amazing girl and she wants to confide in me about her ex. - Oh you are. - And turns out then, okay, ready this? Are you guys ready for this? Actually kind of fucked up. - Production, are you ready? - She reaches out to me, she goes, I'm going on a trip, but I wanna let you know. She literally calls me, she goes, I wanna let you know I heard that your ex might be on this trip, but like not with us, but he might be there, we might actually hang out 'cause old friends or mutual friends. I go, okay, go off, says, go get some free fucking drinks. I don't give a shit. Like go off, like using for what he's worth. - Turns out it was a fucking double date trip. She was planned to be there to meet my ex to go on a fucking date with her. - Uh oh. - It was a fucking double date trip. It was just her, her friend who was dating my ex's friend. And then she was there to meet my ex to be on a double date trip with him. I fucking, if you guys saw the text, I said she pleaded for forgiveness. And I said, you confided in me about your ex and I was there for you. And you're out here on a trip fucking mine. - Fucking you. - What? - Fucking him. - Like she's fucked up for a few days. - What? - I never do that to someone that hated. I imagine someone that you actually liked. - There's too much dick out there for like, there'd be like girls, like hot girls arguing over like, do you wanna hear something funny? - Okay. - But then I heard a story that, so apparently my ex farted in the bed with her and she cried and was like, why would you fart? And he's like, bro, I'm just fucking farting. What the fuck, and apparently he fought over a fart. I swear to God. Bro, I wish I was making this shit up. This is what I thought. - This is what I heard about what their fights were about. About farting. Anyways, I wish I could make this up. I wish this was a joke. 'Cause now I sound like an idiot for a guy, for me dating a guy who fart's in bed. - He's 5'10". - I feel like we have to go back to that. - Let's just have a moment of silence for Halle and Maria. The duo, we didn't know we needed. The duo that maybe together they could ruin life. Well, they're already ruining lives in a beautiful way, separately. So coming together, it's like men be fucking terrified when they're together. I love them so much. I had truly the best time partying together. That was overall just like a wild watching experience and seeing it all back, I'm not gonna lie. I was a part of some of them as you saw, but a lot of these professionals, like I wasn't in the room for it. Like Kiera's JC Penny Story. I will never drive past another department store specifically. And we, is JC Penny even so in business? I don't know, regardless, Kiera, you're a living legend and I love you. So casual, Queen Leah, just like, "Yeah, so my first date is at a Coachella thing with a performer, casual, we're all jealous of you. I love you." Miguel, he's top tier comedy. So thank you for showing up. Miguel and giving us a fabulous story. That was phenomenal. Also, Leah and Miguel, you guys are so fucking cute watching you all weekend. I was like, keep doing what you're doing, sweetie. Can we talk about Noah's Centeno for a second? Coming out of the woodwork, coming to an unwell event. I saw all of your comments in my DMs being like, where has he been? He's home. He was on Colorado this week and we love you. Noah, thank you for coming on Owen. Owen, my friend Owen. Let me just say, I had the best time with you and your boyfriend this weekend, but I am so fucking jealous of you. You being the nosy, beautiful sleuth that you are. I would do the same thing if I had my ex's passwords, okay? And so we're all jealous of you. Love you. And Daddy Gang, coming and hot, popping in for a little Colorado episode. This was truly so fun to relive and I'm so happy that we tried this new format. I'm obsessed with reality TV, so I thought it was fun. And I'm happy that I got to share a little taste of this party with you guys. Summer is officially coming to an end. And I really wouldn't have wanted to close out any other way and with any other people. So with that said, I guess I will leave you with this. I wonder where the next unwell event will be. Stay tuned and maybe I'll see you there. See you, fuckers, next Wednesday. Love you. Bye. (upbeat music)