The GWAR Episode!

What is it immortal, intergalactic alien warrior eat? What do I eat pussy, man? [laughter] Damn it! [screaming] Space pussy. No, I mean we eat all the time. Is it cold? Oh yeah, it's freezing. It's so you-- no one can hear you scream in Space Pussy. I mean, I mostly eat really high fat foods like, uh, you know, whale blubber. Or you can-- [music playing] What's up everybody? Welcome back to the Dobs usual podcast. My name is Thomas Dobs yola. Whatever you want to call me, welcome my close Marty O'Neil. Thank you. This is The Dobs usual podcast. I'm here to talk about life problems, drugs, accomplishments, and everything in between. Today is the whole lot of intergalactic and everything in between. Please introduce, "Blow Thar the Presercure" from Quar. [laughter] What's up? [music playing] I like your bracelets. I like the addition of those, I just saw it. Yes, thank you. I get these from, uh, human children give these to me. Right before I eat them. I believe you. And then I wear them. Right on cue for what's going on in the world right now. I believe, but this I expect. Yes, I expect it. I have a lot of questions for you, man. All right. I'll learn. All right. Okay, so. Guar's in this, what, over 40 years in? 40 years, yes. To an alien that's nothing. No, no, no, it's a drop in the bucket. Exactly. This morning. It was this morning, okay. So I have a question, what is it in mortal intergalactic alien warrior eat? What do I eat? Pussyman. [laughter] Damn it! Damn it! [laughter] No, uh, yes. Space pussy. No, I mean, we eat all kinds of food. Is it cold? Oh, yeah. It's freezing. No one can hear you scream. In space pussy. No, we, uh, I mean, I mostly eat really high fat foods like, uh, you know, whale blubber. Oh, steak. Teacherones. You name it. You live with whale blubber. I like it. That's that Nordic shit. Yeah. I like it. Teacherones. Teacherones. [laughter] What's your favorite fast food? What's it go to then? My favorite fast food. I mean, you know, McDonald's just sucks these days, man. You can't, you can't get a good. A in and out burger is fantastic. That's what McDonald's should be. So even an alien's agreeing they in and out is just the best. Oh, yeah. I mean, fat burger has a funny name, but, uh, in and out is where the bread is. Five bucks makes me think it's something else. So stay away. You ever been to a five guys? Don't. Nah, yeah. I know five guys. There's five guys jacking off in the back to it. That's exactly what it is. Yeah, exactly. Five guys jacking the box. I'll need a homerorotic for them. Oh, jacking the box. Now, don't get me started there. Of all your years here, you must have learned a lot about, uh, human life. Yeah, we learned a lot. That's how we got started is that, uh, you know, once they uncovered us and thought us out. Yeah. From our, yeah, from our antarticon tomb. Uh, they were like, well, we got a sleazy pee martini was like, we got to get these guys on track to be stupid enough to sell millions of records. So we sat there and watched professional wrestling and, uh, Saturday morning cartoons. And we learned everything about your culture from sitcoms. Laverne and Shirley. Oh, all right, all right. Laverne and Shirley. That's a throwback. Oh, yeah. We're, we're, we're old. Really fucking. Okay. Question then. So you learned about this other aliens come. You know what they said? And then it's going to come down and contact us one day out of all the people besides you guys, the grays they talk about, right? No. God. Are those the bitch ass fools from where you're from? The leans. Where he's from. Oh, yes. The grays. They're the people everybody hates. They're the people that when you go to an intergalactic tackle shop, right? And they, you know, and the guys there like you get familiar with them. You're joking around. And then they're like, yeah, well, listen, just between you and me, right? The grays are ruining everything. Right? Yes. The grays are the Mexicans. Yeah. That's what I was trying to say without saying it. I like you to tackle shop. Not a home depot. I like that. No, no. It's a tackle shop to direct. Well, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I had a tackle shop. That's where, you know, the racism comes out slowly. You know, they got to feel you out first. I like you called boy eventually. So you've been here for a long time. If other aliens were to come down, like we always were all expecting, who's the one human you're going to send to represent us? Because you know a lot about us. You know, the shittiest, the best. I mean, you know, the biggest, the biggest clown on the planet would have to be Donald Trump. I would send him. Oh, he's a great negotiator. I'm sure he could talk us out of absolute. Geeta, perishing under the alien overlords. But I mean, really, they've been here for a long time, the aliens. Underground, right? Yeah. Underground, underwater. Just, you know, you can only see him when you get really high. Oh, and off certain drugs. We think you're crazy, but you just actually see stuff. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. Like, and they live. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. Okay. So, being from another planet, is this Earth flat? It's in flat. Flat is a board. Oh, I'm in the board. I'm telling you. No, no, no. Of course it's not flat. It's round. It's round. It's round. Yes. So if I dig, I'm going to tell you. It's a round and flat. It depends on how you look at it. Like this table right here. It's a lot like this. Damn it. He's screwed. Perfectly. Oh, shit. Okay. Well, that's fine. Is the moon landing fake from our perspective? Did we really get there? The moon landing was totally fake. Okay. Even the new one was fake. Oh, the new one where they celebrate you? They sent celebrity ladies? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's got to be fake. Right. I don't trust any of those astronauts. Like Katy Perry. We need you. I like. I don't actually. You know, I'm in a backtrack on this. The first moon landing I think was real. Mainly because that guy buzzed. Like when somebody suggests that it's fake, he wants to fucking punch him out. And he's like a hundred years old. That's true. I like that. I like that about him. He's like the Jacqueline of space. He's a big tough old white hair. I like it. I like him. Okay. So what's your favorite thing about this planet? So far that you have personally found. I mean, I like weed. I like what you guys do. I feel good about it. I like smoking and getting high. And I like. I like. Well, I like. I like television. A lot. It's your favorite show after weed. What's your favorite three shows? My favorite three shows are going to be. You know, a thousand pound sisters. You don't know what it's like. Yeah. I do. I like cops. Because I like to watch people get in trouble that aren't me. I like that. Just cops even still come on. It does. But it's not called PD. I'm good. What? Just give me 1990 people smoking PCP running away. That's what I want. That's what I want. Like, you know, red necks without a shirt. Always with a cigarette. Boom, power basically. That's another show. King of the hill. And then I also, you know what? I mean, I'm going to go ahead out on a limb and say that I like American dad. That's my other favorite. You would love crampus in American dad. I think you'd get along. Yeah, Roger. That's it. That's what aliens are really like. Yes. Psychologically insane. Yeah. Malesters. Alcohol. That's the kind of alien I want. Yes. It's like my dad. He knows how to suck a dick. What more could you want? Oh, my dad. But yes, aliens. Yes. Roger's was. Roger. Roger. He could stick his whole arm in his mouth. He can. He's like talented dude. And he had his own what he reproduced without ever doing anything. Yeah. That's right. Oh, oh. Rogue. Rogue. You left the news season the last two. Yeah, man. I just finished them too. They're great actually. I like it better than family guy. For sure. Yes. I love family guy. But how do you feel about our friends in Colorado South Park? Oh, man. They're awesome. Polarious. Absolutely. You know, masters of walking the line and sometimes just shitting on them. Oh, just taking a dump all over everything. Yeah, I mean, I like how they're doing it now too. Like the world is changing and getting shitty so fast that they had to adopt a practice of not making it until right before the show. You never know what's going to happen today. Yeah, really. Okay. So you said the biggest clown, the guy you would send would be Donald Trump. He's a great negotiator. Yes. He is. Where he thinks he's a great negotiator. Yes. And I've seen you guys bring him out on stage recently. Yeah, we bring him out all the time and then we cut his fat tits off and his shoes blood everywhere. Yes. And his womanly belly. Those curves are just delicious. So I would say if you're going to eat another human, it'd be Donald Trump. Or is that meat just competit? He doesn't have a pussy. I'm not going to eat. Oh, that's true. No, I don't know. I mean, well, he does have a man pussy, I suppose. I don't know. I don't know if I would eat Donald Trump. He looks like he looks like he probably tastes pretty bad. Thank you. -Yeah, very chemical. It's like a diet coke. -You have that aspartane. -Yeah, you don't want that. Aspartane. -Okay. You've been here for a long time. What are your five favorite bands here on Earth? Besides yourselves, you are on Earth, but not Earth. -That's tricky, that's tricky. Five favorite bands. I'm going to go with. Well, it's not really a band, but Christina Aguilara. Incredible choice. On a Spanish or English version. -Oh, both. -Yeah. I'm going to go ahead and say, you know, Black Sabbath. They seem to have some good ideas about things. -Those kids, man. -Yeah, those kids. Speaking of kids, Manudo. Are they still around? -One of them is, at least, I know that. -I mean, yeah, like, what a great idea. I wish Guar could do that. -Yeah. -No, just like, we get to be a certain age, and then we just fucking disappear. -Oh, okay. -It's about 23. -I don't know if I'm forever. -Ricky Martin stuck it out, though. -Ricky Martin is fantastic. You know, I forgot to mention him. But, you know, I like Snoop Dogg. I like Snoop. He seems to have a good sense of humor and a reasonable hand on his shoulders. Of course, it would look better on my mantle. [laughs] But, then I'm gonna go ahead and say, "I don't know what." -It was so hard. It was so hard. -Lets that put. Nice. I thought you dropped that bomb at the end. -Yeah, well, I mean, I was just sitting there making of names of bands. Because the truth of the matter is that I don't give a shit. I can't be bothered with music. [laughs] -Okay. So, on that topic, on Earth, what's the one music genre you're getting rid of? If you could just press a button, it's gone. -I mean, rock and roll is probably the most disappointing of genres now, don't you think? I would get rid of that. -Oh, well, what about the years? What about, like, 1993 and down? -Oh, yeah. Well, you know, but that's the past. Like, we're talking about-- -Oh, damn it. -Have you listened to it? It's like, if your band sounds like what you get when you put a prompt into AI, then you should just suck the muzzle of a gun. That's what I said. -Oh, like that. -And there's a lot of bands that do that. Like, you know, I mean, if anything, like, we should be feeding the AI just a bunch of bullshit so it comes to us. You know, it's something truly original. Like, that's just-- -Because AI's learning off of us. We've seen Terminator. It's SkyNet. One day it's going to come-- I mean, you will be fine. But one day it's going to ruin us. -It's so completely obvious that that's going to happen. -For sure. And I don't think we should start making it kind of like a little bitch. Give AI anxiety. We should start typing in anxiety prompts every day to make this full thing he needs us. So when we stress it out to its end and he tries to take over, he won't have the confidence to take over. -Right? -That's exactly what you do. Raise him like we were raised. -Exactly. -Underbind his confidence and make him afraid of everything. -Make him read a C report in front of everyone. Just bring his confidence down. There's nothing but red marks all over my chest. I still got to read it. Tell him how disappointed you are in him all the time. -The neighbor's kid's better. -Yeah, everything. You know, I wish you were your brother. [laughs] -All right. So you've been here. You said you don't have time for music. But you do have time for shows. -I know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. -So over the course of cinema, the past 200 years, what's your favorite movies? Three favorite movies you can watch all the time. -Oh, man. You don't use that. -But they can't be alien movies. -Can't be alien movies. Oh, man. That's horrible. -That's biased. -Yeah, that is. That presents a black rainbow. -I don't know what that is. -Oh, it's confusing. -And despairing. I like that. What else do I like? Let me see. I like demons. That's a good movie. -Oh, yeah. I don't know. -Demons. -Demons. -I like, I like, you know, Russ Meyers movies. -Oh, with the Valley of the Ultra Bix. -I know what you're talking about. No, girls with gigantic boobs. -That's there you go. -Over and over again. -That's the best thing about humanity. -That's where they got Baywatch from. -Yeah. So, you know, I mean, there's things like that. I mean, we have come to love American culture in all of its forms. And definitely, yes, B movies are A movies in our book. -That's what you don't like. -What's the one with Miami Connection? That's a good one. You have stumped me. -I don't remember where you heard that. -You have stumped me. I don't remember where you heard that. -Figure. Okay. So, I have a question on your planet. Where are drugs like there? -Well, you know, we were quite taken with crack cocaine. -You got it from us? -Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's an American thing. That is definitely an American thing. You take something as wonderful as cocaine. And you figure out how you can make it with the fast food version of it. We love it. Yeah, it's brilliant. But I mean, in outer space, the drugs are completely different. I mean, it's more like an experience, right? You go into a place and you sit down. And then somebody comes in and they just lather you head to toe with a gelatin-like substance. And then you feel yourself leaving your body floating above your body. And you're looking at your body. And then you say to yourself, "God damn it. This is the spirit, my spiritual self. And I'm looking at myself and myself. Why? Am I fat? My soul is fat. It just makes you so sad. I've got a fat soul. Nobody wants that. I want to get out of myself. That's why I like crack cocaine. Because when I smoke it, I feel thin. And then I actually get thin. We have a lot in common. Yeah, ozampic. When I was floating above my body on drugs, I was also still fat. And it pissed me off too. You're looking at your soul. It's like you're not being able to be my best self. You tell me this is the good as it gets. It's just that fat piece of shit down there. It's not just me. It's aliens too. Shit. You can see a move go. That's the fucking fat, huh? Is aliens when you're up there? Yeah, but. They were soft as fuck compared to you guys. Yeah, it's those little. I mean, you know, we're talking high and drug culture. The little people that you see that tell you everything. The machine hells or whatever they call them. I see how it does with DMT. I took a lot of mushrooms where I was floating and talking to people in the sky. Pretty much all drugs in outer space are like DMT. Yeah. So this thing, shit. So crack cocaine is the one that just got a hold of you, huh? Yeah, it's like coffee for us, you know. I can see. That's like coffee for people in my family too. Yeah. Not saying they drink it in the morning. Huh. Let's keep 'em up. Somebody give it a pipe. So besides crack cocaine, after a long day of slaughtering humans on our planet and eating them, how do you unwind? Man, I like to smoke money. Smoke money. Just roll up the cash. Smoke it. Can you taste the currency? I can, man, I got, you know, we got a lot of money. And that's what we do with it. Oh, so that's why we do the ban by it. We make money so we can smoke it. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I like where this is going. I mean, we can eat it too, but we also smoke it. Speaking of smoke, I don't like this joint. Go ahead. Do it. Do it. Do it. Yeah, I mean, I like to relax. You know, I mean, I touch myself. Legally masturbate and watch thousand pound sisters. You know, that's what I do usually. Something like that. Something along those lines. Okay, before thousand pound sisters, what did you touch yourself to? Well, I mean, back in the day, it was just, you know, Mr. Rogers. Oh, yes. Yeah, I was going to go Bob Ross. But yes, Mr. Rogers too. He's handsome. He's great Bob Ross. Harry can really hold on to that little squirrel he has in his pocket. The squirrel. Yeah, I don't remember that squirrel in his pocket. Yeah, can you see that? Are you saying? No, no, no, there is a squirrel. Okay, I don't remember that. Because we have Bob Ross paint night at my house. We smoke weed and we follow along and paint. He's too good. You know what you have to do? Press him pause 40 times because I'm not an artist, dude. It just takes a long time. Okay, so through the years, how long have you been here? Well, I mean, really since the dawn of time. Oh, we were banished here from our, our home planets, you know. What did you get on the thought? Well, I mean, basically, you know, we met in boot camp war. Like, you know, we formed a group. We were in a galactic warriors. And we had a job to do and we did it poorly. I don't know, you know, I would imagine that your audience may be too young to remember the show F-Troop. F-Troop. F-Troop, yeah. It's basically stood for fucked up troop. Like, you know, that's what we are. we made a lot of mistakes, we didn't do the right thing. Let's just say that if we were in charge of bobbing Iran, right, then Iraq would be flat. That's the kind of thing that you would do. - We hit the wrong one. - That was a whoops. - Whoops, that was Saudi Arabia, didn't mean to do that. - You guys should get into the construction business as if the fuck happens a lot. - That's exactly, yeah, I mean, so yeah, we were basically screw ups and we were banished to earth. And once we got here, we, well, I'm not proud of it, but we, we fucked apes and humans were born. That's our biggest mistake. - Oh, yeah, okay. - And we got in trouble for that. That's why we got frozen. We got frozen for fucking apes. But they went delicious, look at them. Look at how sexy a goddamn apes, every single one of them. - The baboons with red asses. - Oh my god. - You have one too. - That's tempting, that's where I got my ass. I mean, I didn't, you know, I wasn't born with this. This is a Bolivian butt lift. - Oh, is it? How much was that? - More than you can afford. - Oh, no, soles, it costs soles. - Okay, so does everybody have like six dicks in your planet? Because you do. - Well, yeah, I mean, I've got four. - Oh four, sorry. - And I also have a vagina, which you can't see. - Is it under the beard? - Yeah, yeah, it's, so I've got that. I mean, I'm, I'm, blow thaw is, is it, I like to speak about myself in the third person like that, you know? I say, blow thaw, blow thaw, he has four penises and he is fine with it. I'm happy with it. And they're not really penises, they're clitoris, they're gigantic, deformed looking clitoris. Cliterati, I call her right, yes. - Don't they shoot out stuff at our audience? - They do, yes. Yes, I hose them down with my clitorati. (laughing) - They're clitorati. (laughing) - I fucking love him. - That was one of the better things I've heard of so long. They're clitorati. Okay, I'm gonna find somebody that also has clitorati. I love that, that was cool. - Good luck, I mean, you gotta, somebody likes anything more than a really giant clit. That's what they want to talk to. - The box. - Yeah. - I wanna be able to, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. - Exactly, I want some wind when it comes back and forth, right? - Yes! - Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. - Okay, you've been here for a while, you love shows. Blow thaw, you have to take an earth theme game show. What is your show gonna be? No restrictions, nothing. What is it, is it a dating show? Is it a gladiator combat show? What is it? - Yeah. - Or bull, if you lose, you just die. - That's a good one. I mean, I don't know, like, maybe who wants to be a thousand dare? Like, I mean, I don't want people to win too much money. - One of you kinda like, oh, good weekend, right? - Yeah, I mean, basically what you do is you take people, ordinary people, and you bring them on to a show, and you present them with a series of questions that it's absolutely impossible for them to answer. But somehow every answer they give is correct. And then at the end of it, you know, you just fucking turn them inside out and wear them. - Oh. - Yeah. - You wear them on a murder show. I like this. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, humans make good boots, right? Like, you just put your foot in their ass and then, boom, boom, boom, boom. - I could see that. - That's what I do. - I don't know, man, what would I die? 'Cause you know, like, I'm saying that, but then I'm thinking to myself, a cooking show might be better. - Humans, or you're like, real, or like food that we eat? - Well, no, like, yeah, like Iron Chef. I mean, I wanna know, you know, how do you make a beshamel? I don't know. What's a beshamel? I like that. I like cooking shows. I like, I don't know, I like, I like animal shows, you know? I mean, maybe we could, maybe we could do something where humans have to compete. You know what? I think that that gorilla competition would be a great thing. - Versus gorilla. - Guy versus gorilla. Yeah, 500 gorillas. - 500 gorillas. - That's one guy. - One guy, but I have an unlimited fentanyl. - Yeah. - And if I, I could take out six apes at once. (laughing) And then you can have sex with fat. (laughing) - Oh, it's speaking to shows. How square feel about beevus and butthead? - Beevus and butthead are fantastic. Come on. We owe them everything. Yes, there are a couple of, those are two when I think of Aristotle and Socrates and beevus and butthead. These are names that belong together. - I agree. - Yeah, they look at the world. They say to themselves, this is fucking stupid. My favorite thing that they do is when they, you know, at Christmas in Hollis and they have that weird look and elf and he's like going, and then every time they show up and they go, ah, right, you know, they, they know, they see. I'm telling you, beevus and butthead have the eyes to see that which exists but which humans cannot detect. The other world that we live in and surrounds us all the time. I think I may have been inhaling some of them. (laughing) - The fourth dimension. - Yes, exactly. - Okay, so crack cocaine. American dad, human versus gorilla, cooking shows. What is your favorite animal on this planet? Not so bang, just in general. - Yeah, just in general. I mean, you know, sex wise, it's gonna be, let me tell you, the baboon. Like you said, I mean, you can't, you can't get over eight. - And they're strong, they can just hold you. - Yeah, eight of them with a baboon. I mean, yes, and they're very clingy too, that's right. Like, you know, they'll commit to your ego. - You're like lesbians after two days, right? And they'll move in with each other, right? That's, yeah, I know you know that. - Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah. But I don't let this hair cut fool you, I grow it this way. But no, I, I, I, I, what was the question, you know? - Your favorite animal. You said that. - I'm a favorite animal. - My favorite animal, I don't know. I kind of like hippopotamuses because they look like, they, it took me a long time to learn how to say that word to it. - The hippopotamuses? - Yeah, I used to say hippopotamuses. But, and that's in my, in our, hippopotamuses. But really, I just think that they're cute. They have interesting feet. I like feet. I like, you know, like, like those little feet that they have, their little toes. And I like the fact that they will rip you to fucking shreds. - If you piss them off. - Just for peeing anywhere near them. No, you don't have to piss them off. You just have to walk by and they are filled with rage. - That's true. They look nice filled with rage, cool feet. That's what we're looking for in a girl. - That's what I want, you know, in a woman. Yes, nice looking, really big waistband, you know what I'm saying? The deeper the quicksand. - Tall. (laughs) - Like that. You must have come up with a lot of good things over the years. - How long ago were you thought out before TV? - Well, I mean, so we were thought fairly recently, right? Like I'm gonna say 1984. - Oh, right. And there are a numerous war beings that still exist in Antarctica and have not been thought out. Like, you know, we're still finding them all the time. So, but yes, I mean, we were thought all at one time when SleazyP, or the current group was thought out when SleazyP Martini found us and decided to put us in front of late night television and watch, you know, a bunch of B movies and learn what we could about American life and humanity. - Okay. Have you ever driven a car? - I have not driven a car. - You think so? - I think you wouldn't fit in the average car. - No, no, I can't drive a car. I can't drive, I don't have a license. - Oh, that's why. - I don't have a photo ID, I can't vote. - That's why. - You kidding me? Yeah, I mean, I have a scooter, yeah. - Electric? - No, no, no. - Regular razor, of course. - Yeah, I just have razor. - Of course. - Can you imagine that, like a bowling ball on a roller skate? (laughing) - Okay. - So guys, taking a moment from the super normal episode to talk about the sponsor of this episode, my bookie. NBA playoffs for here, guys, remember, with my bookie, you can bet on anything, anytime, anywhere. If you use our code, dope, it's usual. At checkout, you will get the $500 bet back bonus. We've been doing this promo for a few weeks, take advantage of it before it's gone. The bet back bonus, up to $500, you bet $500. If you bet $30, you bet $450. And you end up losing the bet. My bookie will give you your money back, up to $500. Say you want a bet on your favorite NBA team, and they end up sucking. And you lose your bet, up to $500, you'll get your money right back. Shout out to my bookie for the bet back bonus. And remember, you don't need to know everybody's rebounds and their stats and everything. You can just bet on what team you think's gonna win. You don't need to know about parlays, you don't need to know about double ups and all these bonus offers. If you just want a bet, my bookie makes it that easy. But remember, use our code, dope, it's usual, go sign up, and if you already used it, sign up from your friend's phone, make them sign up, and use the $500 bet back bonus. Remember, if the NBA playoffs, there's a lot going on. Shout out to my bookie for sponsoring this episode. Back to this super normal guest episode. (beep) So. So 1984, we had some people here that tried to be what you are, but you're the real thing. Their names were KISS and they were in the 70s. So when you came with your real life attire and they made them look like little Puerto Ricans when they had no more makeup, when they all came out with no, they look Puerto Ricans in Italian. So how do you feel about KISS and then your children that saw you later on slipknot, they were like, well, I think we could do something like this, alright, so do you how do you feel about that? Well, I mean, you know, KISS weren't the only ones. People always look at KISS and they say they look at war and they say, oh, you guys looked at KISS, you know, whatever. You were in the ice, they, no, you made them look dumb. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're real life. Right, right, right. I mean, the thing is that we were really more into things like, I don't know, you remember the song Popcorn, it's like the synthesizer from the 80s, right? Yes. Yeah, stuff like that. That's what we like. But anything that sucks, but I mean, anything that sucks is what you look. But seriously, I mean, you know, Divo, we love Divo, we love the tubes, bands like that. KISS, yes, of course, KISS, they were great. As a young person, they actually absolutely toasted my brain, you know, because for one thing, they could get away with singing about things like Christine 16. What the fuck is this guy doing like parking outside of a high school and waiting for girls to walk outside? Yes. And this is, this guy is on television all the time. Somebody should have noticed that. Yeah. Now, I guess it's Christy 60. I don't know what the fuck, but you are right. Yeah. Nobody heard that? Nobody heard that. You know, meet you, greet you in the ladies room. What the fuck is going on with that? Even the Beatles. She was just 17. Do you know what I mean? What do you mean? Huh? What does that mean, sir? Wow. That was a different time. It was. And it was England. Oh, yeah. They're backwards. That's gross. Yes. England is gross. Nothing good about that place. We left. Except the food. Except the food. Oh, yeah. He's got stuff like that. That's right. Mushy peas, blood sausage, you have that. Can't get enough of it. Anything that sucks. It's rising stuff that sucks for you. All right. So anything that sucks, so you must love some great R&B and pop people, then. Like, oh, you just lead with your scene in Aguilera. You do like things that suck. I like this. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. Cristina Aguilera's great. Britney Spears. Fantastic. She's clearly lost her mind. She's better. She's better. Yeah. Maybe she's just on good drugs. I think so. Maybe she's on the drugs. Maybe she's on drugs from your planet. Yeah. I wish somebody would give me back my money, you know, they got my money in a trust like they did hers, my father, my father controls it that I haven't killed. Eat her money. I like that you sit down and relax by eating money. Change. Do you? Penny's are gone. Are you going to go start? Well, it's a waste of time. We just, you know, we tried smoking. I mean, we just smoked the cash. We eat the money. We do. Yeah, I know the pennies. Penny's are gone. That sucks. I don't know. I think. Now let's guess it's a nickel for your thoughts. I don't know. It is. It is that. And also, I want my fucking change. Well, you just keep my three cents. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I haven't touched pennies in a while because from cash, but still, okay. You've seen humans do a lot of stupid shit. You've seen these wars. Do you just love our wars? You'd love to see the carnage because you kill humans. And now humans are killing humans. Do you just sit back and watch? Well, I mean, the truth of the matter is that war has done. We have done our job too well. We have in four, you know, and we look around ourselves and we see the absolute despair of humanity and how you treat one another, how you treat animals, how you treat the world. And the only answer to us is that you must be eradicated. You have to be destroyed. And then we see, well, you're doing a pretty goddamn good job of it yourselves. And the truth of the matter is that we have inspired this and we're perfectly happy with it. Okay. Yeah. So you must love them at least. My vacation spot. Yes. So back to watch bodies literally burn. Nothing I like like toes between my sand, our sand between my toes, toes between my sand. I'm high. Yes, you are. Say it between my toes and the smell of roasting flesh. Nice. So all these creeps coming out, all these people killing people and doing rituals, this is nothing to you. No, no, no, no. You don't do rituals. This is a morning thing. Well, I mean, the thing about it is it you got it's so hard to surprise humans now because they can turn on television and watch someone be beheaded. What kind of and nothing, nothing is too extreme for humanity. I've noticed that. You think that you think that that that that something is too far. And then you turn on TV and they're doing it. That's what happens. The way it goes, humans are just absolutely depressed. Oh yes, yes, yes. But we manage. We manage to upset them nonetheless. So we must be eradicated. Are you going to leave anybody to spare a fast food workers come on a couple of fast food workers are exempt. Okay. See? Yeah. They're already in hell. Right? Yeah. They're really hard, man. I don't know. Who would we leave? I mean strippers seem like nice people. They do seem like and they don't have dads. No, they don't have to deal with anything. They try so hard. Yeah, they do try hard, you know, I mean, I give money for a typing class or something. You know, go to night school, figure it out. Come on. Say something. Type 50 words a minute. You have, you have a potential. Why do you do that? When you can shake your paper. Why not? Right? I don't know. Maybe you tell me you've been around. You've been here. Yeah. It's weird though. Big teeth. I don't know. I've never seen one with teeth. You know what? How about a shaved beaver? Can you imagine a shaved beaver? That's a cat. Like an natural cat. Yeah. That's just a cat. Cat with an overbite to what that is. A cat with an overbite. A cat with an overbite to what that is. So I know you're on tour right now. You're doing your stuff. And I know this episode of the Internet will come out soon. Where can everybody find your next shows to come to the show and get sprayed? Well, we're playing in San Diego tomorrow. Oh. And you know, goar is busy. We're on tour right now. You can just go to goar.net and you can see what we have coming up along with all of our products that we sell. We sell a lot of products. Let me tell you a lot of them. There is no limit to how we will prostitute ourselves. Okay. What's your favorite product yourself? I like the cuddle fish of Cthulhu. It's a it's a two foot long six inch wide dildo. We call it a marital aid. But it doesn't really fix marriages at all. Any thing in arms. I think you know what? I know you're telling the truth right now. I'm not just holding my leg. No, you got it. What was the name of it again? The cuddle fish of Cthulhu. The cuddle fish? Yeah. Look it up. There's some progress videos online that you might be interested in. Oh, okay. Oh, no. Is this? Oh, okay. I love the name. There you go. That's the small. There is no limit to the prostitution in yourself. I love that because why you don't have human authority? Nobody cares. And that's a fish. It's not a dick. I mean, it's a fish. Oh, it is. It's clearly a fish with balls. Yeah, it's just a fish with brain balls. Okay. I love that that's your favorite thing. Yeah. That's our score has balls for brains. Okay. Do you do any shows on other planets? Ah. Not really. You don't leave anymore. It doesn't matter. In outer space, we're not that special. You know, we're just everybody out there's like us. I mean, that's why we stay on planet earth. I mean, for a little while, it was like, you know, an intergalactic Gilligan's island. We would always wear coconut bras and look for things to make radios and try to find a way to get off the planet. But eventually, we were like, you know, what? We should just stay here. We can do anything. Yeah. You know, I can blow on my thumb and I can grow to the size of the Empire State Building. And, you know, so I mean, why not stay here? Okay. Does your four dicks get bigger? Or your clitorati get bigger when you grow to the size of a skyscraper? They do. They do. Okay. I'm like, you know, what was the Indian guy that, uh, and he would be like, are you coming? And then he would grow really big as a cartoon. Oh, wow. You have stumped me to the Indian guy. Yeah, he was an Indian. Well, I mean, like a Native American guy. Oh, why was I thinking, I poo. I don't know. I'm sorry. Yes. I know exactly what you're talking about now. The Native American. Yeah. You had grown up. That was from, that was from before you were on thought. Holy shit. That was a throwback. Man he must use the internet a lot. Well war is into I mean we are into everything pop culture That's what we are we're a bunch of geeks. We're a bunch of nerds a bunch of bobby hills. Yeah, that's right. That's right That's why my judge recognized us We got to put them and be this and butt it Gotcha. So did you guys get the call or did he attempt to get a hold of you in person? I just remember seeing it on TV. Nobody even told us coming on like you know We're sitting there watching it the next thing we see be even some butt head talking about war Yeah, it was a different that it was before the internet you understand or maybe it was The graves had the internet the gaze is what he just wants to refer to him out because those are the pitch-maid ones right the grays But I mean so we learned about it like everybody else did it was a great a great boon to us But yeah, that's what warrior's man. We're just a bunch of friggin and we let me tell you something War would not exist without weed There's no question about it What is dwarfs tolerance like what is blow-thar the berserkers edible tolerance I mean in the in the in the early days of this of this band We would commune around what we call it wisdom We'd give me some whims of wisdom. Yeah, we'd sit around and smoke weed and and talk about What kind of shit we could do you know like I tell you what Let's have a giant ass That shoots shit into the crowd just hoses the crowd down with shit and then we'd say you know what That's a good idea and then we'd actually do it That's that's what warrior's that's the spirit of war Don't talk about it do it. Yes. Don't tell us. You got to talk about it get so high you sh- now you don't shit your pants You get so high you can spray the What's your audience? Blood. Yeah, piss. Same it shit. Seemon. Puss. Puss Everything like it. I mean, you know and and and and it's it's limitless, you know like what stupid thing can you imagine What ridiculous figure can we kill and then you just do it That's what's so great about glove. Have you ever gotten pushback from any secret service for anybody showing up at your door or anything Ah, I mean we get pushback now Because the world has apparently Really thinned out in the skin department So uh Occasionally we do. I mean we killed Elon Musk and this was right after uh Charlie I wanted to say Charlie rich, but I know that's not here. He's still alive. Yeah, Charlie Kirk um You know right after that we Did our normal show and cut off Elon Musk's head and decapit or disemboweled Trump And uh people people lost their shit. We're like we've been doing this for 40 fucking years. You were not paying attention What the hell are you so upset about? Ha and you know and nobody nobody thought that we were I don't know now everybody's war is like uh, yeah, you're radical, right, you know, but we've always done this shit I mean and and before nobody would get upset about it now everybody cries like a baby Thin they're thin they're heard out for us. No, man There's a lot of people that need killing like J inside of Bob when they go and find everyone talking shit about him at the end of the movie You guys need to go through every forum yeah thin the herd of the thin skin like you said Yeah, so we get pushback. I mean, but you know, yes, but then we just I don't know push back against the pushback Really, we just kill him. Yeah, so what are you what are they gonna do about it? Yeah Okay out of all the movies you've seen who has played or depicted An alien intergalactic and mortal alien like yourself the best What has you gone like oh, I know a guy that looks just like that back home. Who has done it the best Well, you know, I mean, I used to think that if we did a movie, I would want to cast Dom Delawee's as myself Because I think he would do he would do a great job with the risks. Yeah But uh, I don't know. Let me see. I mean ET was close Yeah, yeah, I would go with that that mute alien. Yeah, I like him He was so ridiculous. I like that. Yeah, ET very close that that's something I recognize Okay, I love it And then also the ones that come down that you never see you know and It it close encounters with the third kind and they come down in the guide gills. Yeah, the mash potatoes man As potato mountain that's a drug story we got we used to we used to have a roadie and uh He uh, we were going across the Canadian border Which is a hassle even for war, okay Yes And We're sitting there With fingers up our butt Going across the the border and uh In the equipment truck like he literally rode inside the equipment truck. There was a roadie Uh, and he had taken he he realized we were at the border and so he just shoved a whole sheet of acid into his mouth And then for the rest of the time every time I saw him after that he had a giant mound of mashed potatoes in front of him He was just trying to eat through the high He didn't work. I love it. Where's he at today? Jail yeah, he is in prison. Yeah, that's right. Okay. I'm not even making it up. I believe you There's no need to lie. That's a human thing Yes, we all make mistakes All a question on the road even for war. What's something you've seen from a fan that shocked you I mean in the early days of the band now that was a lot of fun people would throw up their Actually that happened the last time we played in Los Angeles somebody threw up an artificial limb You know, that's always they needed that too. Yeah, I know that's what I'm saying I mean, that's not like losing your shoe in the pit like you got a fucking walk Where are you gonna go without that That's dedication. They want to they know they're gonna meet you no matter what they need that like Yeah, it's a good way to just go way to meet the band. Yeah, it really is So I mean that's that's a little shocking. I don't know. I mean We sometimes you just look at the crowd and you see somebody that looks really funny That's what I like look at that dude. He looks fucking ridiculous Sometimes when we've been doing a lot of drugs. We look into the crowd and we see All kinds of things. I don't know. You know one time we play We played in Tijuana all speaking of drugs. Yeah and I was very impressed with Tijuana You know that the Kmart had live chickens in it. It was unbelievable, but We were playing and there was a gigantic Mexican guy that was right beside us on stage. He was a security guard And I mean he was really big and we were playing and we're playing our songs and all that stuff And we had all been doing acid right and we look over and we're like That guy's getting really mad right and he and he got sprayed with noodles like noodles are all over him And he just look he was frowning like that And so the whole band by the end of the set we were on the other side of the drums stay away Yeah, because we were afraid this guy was gonna just go through us like a hot knife through butter But he never did And afterwards he joyed the band. Exactly. Let's say or eat him. No, no, no, he's with us now Nice you stole a Mexican and brought him to America And illegal you guys both are illegal aliens technically we call him El Guapo I don't know what that means It means king does it? No, I don't know. I think it means it means handsome. Yeah Chancho. I like that one. Chancho. Chancho. I like that. I like that. That's a good movie I like a nacho Libre So you do like comedies? I love comedies. Oh, cuz you just you talked about nothing but Demons earlier so I thought maybe your favorite movies were just demon movies. No, but you're like American dad Acriste regular that's funny. Yeah, I mean we love comedies. We love all kinds of film I mean Russ Myers movies are hilarious And to us horror movies are comedies. You gotta understand that. Sure So what's your funniest horror movie? What's the funniest horror movie we ever made? Yeah, the actress is just pretty funny It is pretty funny. Yeah, I like that with a pea soup and all that stuff house of a thousand corpses pretty. Oh my god That's hilarious. It's great one. Texas chainsaw massacre. Yeah, these are great cars Anybody was stamina would just win in that in the movie, you know airplane No, that's a great movie. That's a great movie. Spaceballs. You see they're remaking it. Oh my god. Whoa. I gotta see that space balls Yeah, airplane absolutely brilliant Uh, you know anything by Mel Brooks We love blazing saddles. Oh my god blazing saddles Now that is a movie that they could not make to say that's maybe before thin skin Yes, and maybe they should not make it but still it's a hilarious movie. I'll support it today. I don't care Is there racism where you're from? Of course, yes, of course racism all over the world. It's speciesism It's a species is a mess what it is. Yeah, I mean, it's old. Bullshit you watch you watch deep space nine right and they're all hanging around in a boat that shit would never happen So like a star wars at the at the bar that would never happen No, no, no, no, no, I mean, I mean, yeah, yeah, I mean the crab people hate the lizard people hate The pig people, you know, it's all it's just a pig mess All right, so one question before we get too far gone because you said it earlier you could blow on your thumb and be the Empire stapling size What are the powers do you have? Well, I have these clitorati that Shoot steaming hot molten lava into the ground So I have that I have a I have a very powerful butt Yeah, my butt is it'll it'll move It's got the power to trans fix Species like like gorillas into wanting to get a piece of that shit But I don't know I mean, I mean, I've got a lot of different powers. I have the power of confusion I can make anyone confused. I believe that I can make people unhappy just by talking That's a power I can inspire despair in even the cheeriest person Just by showing up and being myself. That's a power That's a power It is inspirational. Yeah, I mean really, you know, yeah War I mean I know how to sing, you know, I Guess that's a power. I don't know. I mean for us It's all power God, I'm high Well our our our weed is stronger than space weed No, no Crack cocaine is yeah, yeah, the crack crack is good. Okay. My last question Why doesn't go our having tattoos? Do you not like tattoos? Well, I mean some of the no you Sorry, both are sorry, I'm high now. I I don't have any tattoos because I don't want to mark this beautiful expanse of skin Okay, kidding me. This is perfection. Why do I want to fuck around with it? What idea could I possibly have? That is going to be better than the way that the creator made me Not that's what same Really, you don't have any no peace bad. Oh, that's bad ass. Yeah. Why would I want to do this? Yeah, I don't want to fuck this up Yeah, right. I mean, I'm afraid of needles. Yeah, fuck that I hate needles too and let's they have cool shit in them. Yeah, I mean if I was in prison Maybe I'd give one maybe I'll give one just on my face like I like that You know now that's fashionable. It would be yeah everything in privilege is I'm wondering if people are just gonna start stabbing each other with like you know Go to England containers. Yeah, we go to England right now. Yeah, you stabbed for existing over there. Yeah, everything that's in prison is cool now face tats molestation Scamming I like this male rape male rape Racism segregation I like this obvious racism It's been stronger if you don't hide it Marty do you have any Strong racism Marty do you have any questions for both are I know he has a concert to go spray everybody with semen after this And he has to get going what's both are favorite thanks to rapper. Oh Favorite game. I mean look iced tea. Yes Quality answer that is a smooth dude right there It's now plays a cop on TV. I know I know. Yeah, well, he's got a lot of talent. You know he's it's come out any any love Cop killer to cop who else can do that? You love squash. Oh iced tea is big big warfare I met him when we played the palladium years ago. He came backstage and We knew who it who it was before he even got there because he said wow coming to walk through right now And we're like oh, that's iced tea. Yeah, it was great, man. Who's the the least Spected goar fan that you have met that you got I cannot believe you're a fan of us Spected goar fan. I mean Maria Bamford that surprised me the comedian Maria Bamford. Oh, the she's from New York I don't know where she's glasses. I mean she's she's Maria is She's completely she's I think she's one of the best comedians working and I love comedy and especially standup and Yeah Maria Bamford she she loves goar. Yeah, so exactly what I was talking about. Yeah, that lady. Yeah, she's funny. Yeah, and She put us in her show like a And once again, we just discovered it. I was watching it. It was a show. She had called lady dynamite and she's like Yeah, I mean, that's cool. That isn't unexpected. I gotta be honest. She's so quiet. I was kind of surprised that iced tea like just to be honest with you Oh, man, he loves this cool thing. Yeah, come on man. Hey, you're now listening to the CSI So okay, the 24th for your concerts you will be in Houston, Texas. That's right. All right, and then mobile Alabama at the soul Kitchen the 25th. Oh my god. Oh All right, and then what is it? Guar.net For all the concerts, Marty. Yep. Guar.net for all the shows It's a night. You're about to go do the blog. Oh, what was it? Blasco Blasco, yeah, that's a cool theater. Blasio. That's that's somewhere else The Blasco. Yeah, it's a cool one. It's a good one. What's the average choir fan look like in the crowd? Can you pick them out and that guy? Some do with what you're divergent and morbidly obese Okay, so How's you've been here for years and years? Who is the worst human being you've come across or that you can imagine and Why worse? I mean the best to you Or opposite Yeah, let's not get into that trap My worst I mean best I don't know man. I'm sitting here thinking, you know, I never really liked Kate LaGena. I didn't like her when she was Whatever she was Shoulder to Tori Tori was headed And now, you know, it's like I don't know. She just feels like a Treacherous piece of shit, that's what she feels like to me. I think South Park hit it on the head. Yeah, I think they did They did okay, you know what? Green answer. Hilarious answer Perfect, you can really hate two people. I was like I had a girl at one point. No, I mean yeah, exactly. It's two for one But I mean the two for one, you know, I mean everybody likes like weedies and everybody likes Racing and all this. I don't know. She just seems like you know the people that pull the ladder up behind themselves Maybe they don't deserve to be there coming from an alien that loves murder and death Even she's a bad person pull up the ladder behind you. That's the that's the name of this Don't pull the ladder up behind you Speaking of Mexicans and speaking of borders. It's not just kidding. Um, can we get you out here? We can't be talking about that What I'm just kidding. You love it. You love racism look man. You love two racism. Let me tell you If you've got time, I'm going to tell you about war at taco land. Yes. Okay One of the greatest gigs we ever did and there's drugs in this story too. Do you mean Mexico No, that's not what I call Mexico. Okay, that's what you were saying Burrito Berg No No, it when we first started and that was when goa was it's funnest right we're riding around We got nothing. We're just trying to make us make make do and we pull up in San Antonio, Texas and we get to this place Called taco land and that's where we're playing that night. Okay, and it's just a Mexican restaurant that is filled with day workers From like you know, I don't know if they were from Mexico, but they were definitely Latino like a bunch of And that was all that was there was a Latino people and they saw us. It was the day drinking crowd, right? So they're all there like getting drunk on a weekday And then they start bringing all of our stuff in and they look at it and they're like oh man. This is going to be great, right? So they stay right and By the way By the way, I played I went to the jukebox and I played the number one song right it was a David Allen co-saugh Let's start with the number one song the number one song. Yes, she ran off with a Dirty word that's what that's what they will listen to that was the number one most popular song So yeah, yeah, I was shocked. I was shocked. Let me tell you even some of the loves racism. I was shocked I was a mate. No, I mean seriously though. I was surprised. I never heard the song I was like you can say this in a song my god We were never the same after that, but yeah, I mean these these folks stayed for the show And gore played a show for nothing it was a crowd like none of the punk rockers couldn't get in. They were all because it was already sold out. It was full of these Latino people that workers that had never seen or heard of war before. And I mean, it was like a saloon brawl in there. Like, you know, people are shooting in the air. There's like women with giant asses that are dancing around. There's like dudes that are pointing at their butts and then pointing at their dicks. There's like, you know, a regular fiesta. Oh my god. It was, you know, people are pouring tequila down people's throats. There's like, oh, yeah, it was one of the best experiences of our life was playing taco land. War at taco land. Awesome. I love that. Okay. Is anybody ever given you before we go on the road? You're on the road. Like you said, we're just trying to make it. We're playing taco land. Is there anyone that has given you something that you've kept? Like something that you like snow was head on the man to look better by man. As you ever have something that you've actually kept that you have stuck around with. Well, you know, I mean, people give it, they give us their art all the time. I try not to do anything. I take their art and then hold it and treasure it and put it on the floor in my bathroom and my cat uses it. But no, seriously, I do treasure the things that people give us. I think that the best thing that I've ever gotten was a piece of advice. Okay. And that piece of advice was stay out of show business. Oh, shit. It's just going to break it. Who was it from? And that's what I really know some people. Yeah, really now. We'll play this crowd. Stay out of show. Yeah, he was like, look, man, I just want to smoke pot. I shouldn't be here. Just, you know, also hurry up and weigh that out. That's what he said to you guys. I can get out of here. Oh, no, we were standing around a barrel fire. About a barrel fire. Yeah. Yeah. How nice. Yeah. How does it feel like home? Yeah. We're helping the computer cleaner spray cans. Oh, what's the best thing to get high off of for both are. I mean, and let it gas. Elaine. You can't even find it anymore, man. Let it gasoline. Yeah, you're going to hate that. And you see those little ails. Let me tell you. I've only heard of the ails. I haven't seen them yet. They're wild. Well, I know you have the show to go to. I do. And we appreciate you being here for this audience. Is there anything that blow far the berserker would like to say to the audience? A piece of advice. People of it. Fuck you. I love it. Thank you. Feels right. For everyone out there, go our dot net for every single thing you can go get the, what was it? What was it? What was your favorite product? Cuttlefish, the Kaffaloo, Kaffaloo, we got shoes. We got shoes. We got underwear. All right. Our dot net. All right. For all tickets also and all dates. Thank you for being here. We appreciate you. Thank you. Thank you. Marty, right here. Guys, from Blothar, Marty and I have a dope ass day.