The Guru of Failure

What's happening beautiful people? Uncle Joey here with Kato aka Lisa at for another fun filled episode of the church or what's happening now New Testament. It's St. Paddy's Day. I forgot my green. I'm gonna wear it though later on when I go out and lurk and see what's going on in my fucking town. Happy St. Paddy's Day Cox. Look at Samny. Dude, I'm such a loser. I never once like went out to like there's a whole big parade in Boston. Green beer. You never did any of that one time. That's it. One time. I don't hear no fucking bagpipes. I have to hold for that shit. They come in with the dress. Enough. Just give me the fuck in that Irish. I don't give a fuck. Just give me the beer. Give me the whiskey. Let's get fucked up. Oh, when I lived in Boston, they fuck they don't like there are bars on the street. I live on that open in the morning. They open at six in the morning. Tomorrow, all those bars in the city. Those old time bars. They'll open at six. Oh, fucking given corn beef and cabbage and fucking. That's the way to do it. I don't know. Nothing else. These do Gentiles celebrate at night. Six in the morning. Oh, I can't imagine taking a shot of the cabbages out. The fucking bagpipes out. But he's got a way for I eat. Then he can play all the bagpipes you want while I'm standing. Do you put butter on the cabbage? I don't fucking know Lee. Come on. I'm in a bar. Would you put butter from a bar on a cabbage? I don't know. I wouldn't put. I don't put nothing on the cabbages. I try to get rid of it. You know what I'm saying? A fuck is wrong with you. So your club even cabbage is corn beef? Yeah. It's a sandwich. It's a sandwich. It's just a little slice in the flavor. I'm not going to eat a whole thing of fucking corn beef. I'm not going to give you that whole thing. I'm not eating that shit. That's too much waste. Why is it waste? Because you burning up goods. He's got my fucking space with fucking cabbage. I don't like cabbage. No. No, I don't like none of that shit. Why do you always get me all fired up? I'm trying to. Who puts butter? I thought that's the way my mom made it. The Jewish were making corn beef and cabbage. The Jews. That's how he did in Auschwitz. We don't do it. We don't do it that way. It sucks. Oh yeah. There's no bread in Auschwitz. It's just cabbage and butter. A lot of light is you know. A lot of matches. I don't know. People know what today. Yes, today was really. No, it was the 14th. Well, the 14th was for me when they canceled my fucking plain tickets and I couldn't come to New York. But pretty much today is the anniversary of pandemic. Fifty years ago, the 15th. I got canceled on the 14th, the 15th to 16th. The 17th was a Monday, six years ago. And I was coming in that Monday to shoot and then Tuesday and Wednesday to buy house. Then I was gonna come back April 4th and my wife was gonna buy it. I can't buy the house. I was gonna look at house. You know, I would love to see you go through the process of buying a house just on the papers. I have a hard time going to the doctor when he asked you all those questions. What about when they, because I know I get the text like fill out this paper before you come in. I'm not doing it. I don't do it. I skipped the. I skipped the fucking thing. Yeah, skip, keep skipping. Don't keep hitting me back. Put your insurance card in. Put your idea and fuck you. I'll see you at 1015. I'll be there 15 minutes early. And then when they give me the paperwork, I go, I forgot my glass. Oh, I always find a way to get out of that shit. Then you go through the process where you have to sit in, you know, you do the weight, the fucking thing. And then they ask you all over. I used to long all these medications. Shoot it. Bro, they got medication done there from 2010. And I got it. And I'm like, listen, I tell them in the beginning. Listen, I don't mean to be rude or interrupt you. But before you ask me another question, if you don't see my wife standing there, don't ask those type of questions. It's not gonna work. If you want to call her work, she'll talk to you all day long. But I'm not going to sit here with you and go through everything. I don't even know what I take. My wife does all that shit. She puts in one of those pill things. I got up in the morning. It's a handful. I put two more in. I drink my water, then after I eat, I drink the juice with the, you know, she must really like you'd be really easy to poison you. And she could kill me at anything. She could kill me at night, put a fucking cotton ball in my sleep app in your ass. She could do a thousand fucking things. And nobody's no nothing. No, I'm an idiot. I don't care. She could make me drink that thing that Chan Michael Vincent made Charles Bronson drink in the mechanic. When they coated in the wine glass, make sure you're appealing. You get a heart attack on that. That's a very good movie. That's a good move right there. She could kill me how the fuck she wants. Who gives? She's not going to kill me, but I kill her. Fuck that Indian. I got to put a time. I go through a heart to kill her. That's a real Indian. That's not one of those fucking boo boo's. That's a real fucking Indian. But I met her grandfather. I was like a mother's father. He looks like an alien. He was an Indian. He did that mum. He did that mumble and Indians do. That motherfucker was cool as shit. He was like 80. He was telling me, listen, I am racist. Like when they took me, it's like, I'm not racist. I love black woman. That's what these fucking idiots don't know. He goes, if it was up to me, I'd fuck this shit on an ester because she had nice, because she had nice legs. Who's an ester? They look at Jewish lady. Anestas, the black chick from from the fucking Sanford and son that he would call ugly. He would call ugly an area episode. Anastas, I brought you something. What? A cellophane mask. A cellophane. You can use it as a Halloween mask. You say shit to her constantly. That's the way she'd go. What go, you know, when they just beat up on it? Was it his wife? I haven't seen that for the show. I was like a sister. Oh, a sister. Oh my God. But yeah, he always always taught me and anastas got the best fucking legs. I saw her in a cabaret in 1984. She fucking was beautiful. My grabs. You're an Indian. Oh, you like the dark skin. You got away from that shit. You know what I have to be honest. That's what I've never done like a 23 in me. But I love to find out. I'm like, we've been doing a lot of shows at casinos. Like these Native Americans, the ones who own casinos and they just get paid every year just because they're part of the tribe that owns casinos. That is the dream. I got six, eight years. I just got to figure out what the percentage is legal percentage. But all Cubans are part of Tiano Indians. We all come from Indians. I don't think I do. Somebody fucking like Paul Morningson, if you shake your family tree, an Indian will fall. Somebody will fall out of your family tree. Oh, I would love that to just get that. I love I married my wife pretty much because of a grandmother because I've always had a fascination about American Indians. Yeah. Always. Always. When I was a kid that's all I watched, those stupid fucking who. That's why he's watched those watches. Yeah. Because I loved all that. I didn't like them beating up on them. I don't like those movies when they beat up on Indians. I like when the Indians got a little spoke to them like white command cheer. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like, if you know, they shoot an arrow and they got you. Can you imagine that? Just a bow in an arrow and you can like going up against armies, killing buffalo. You ever watch 1812 all those shows about. No, I thought I had show them very interesting, very interesting. Even as a TV show, just to see what they were going through, how people ended up in Montana. Okay. People ended up in California. You know, it's going to be a cold winter. So we might as well sit here. And then you grow crops and there you are and who helped you? Well, fucking Indian. Yeah. An Indian either helped you or hurt you. So you started sharing with them. Yeah. That's how this was built. And it's pretty interesting. Next time he's in town, I'll let I didn't know you liked Indians. My cousin is like a professor at George Washington. Only he's written like tons of books about and he goes and like goes and reads like that of the papers they had. It's pretty like it's just all fucking interesting. Yeah. Indian. I said, well, they were loyal people. But you couldn't fuck with them. They're very loyal and humble and honorable. But they came at time where they fuck you up and they when they started fucking people up, they might think all these tractors are Indian in the fucking US services. Yeah. They had entire groups of them and groups of them. These guys could have loved. Like they put their ear on the ground. That's a joke. But it's not. That's why it's funny. They put their ear on the ground and go Buffalo. And you're like, what the fuck just happened? Do you? I know whenever I see stuff like that. And I know this, but I like I went into like one of the wig bombs, whatever. I don't know what they call it in this one. But I just said whenever I'm sitting in there, I'm like, how do you sleep in here with no air condition? Like I can't imagine how do you sleep in there when you're refrigerated? I don't know. That's a tougher thing. Can you imagine you want a piece of chicken? You got to walk a half a mile and kill it and bring it back? No. That think about that. Running with no shoes. Just whatever you all came from that. Like that fainting thing I have for years. I fainting. I fucking want to get professional. I want that. Like I couldn't deal with the blood thing. Yeah, because at that time, I was I faint. I have this thing that I faint. If my stomach feels little sour, I fucking faint. Like if my stomach is going, my blood pressure dropped. What about in fucking hilarious? Usually I know what story is coming. I have no idea what's coming. So the other night we're in fucking. We have a fucking Connecticut. We going to that earlier was a half hour flight. like doctors, we get there, we start gambling. I knew we were going to lose it. Just, oh, the feeling wasn't in the air. Nick, everything all right on the phone? The world's coming all right, all right. I didn't know if the world was changing the field. The fucking, they dropped the satellite. You got me all nervous. (laughing) It better be a woman sucking cock or something interesting. - It's a Native American. - So we, we started netables on the fucking plane. Me, Lee, George, Nick, everybody. I wasn't when we got there and like, "Oh, Lee, you want a happy pill?" Now, a happy pill used to be a vicar then. But I don't, I don't want to eat a vicar then. So I gave Lee a half a muscle relaxer. And I took like two of them. - Is that what that was? - And Lee kept saying, "Whoa, this thing has making me sweat." - Oh, I was sweating like a baby. - You were sweating 'cause you were losing, that's why. You weren't sweating 'cause of the muscle relaxer. - I don't know what the, the fucking pain pills don't do nothing for me. The muscle relaxers at least give me something. Piece of mind. Like, now what the fucking pain pills and my stomach hurts. I took one like three weeks ago, my fucking, I threw them. Like, you know what, this would be nice. I could go to, 'cause if somebody gives it to me, I'm saving for PT. There's a PT, that motherfucker opens it up. - The muscle relaxers? - No, he opens up the pain. - Oh, healed, okay. - Yeah, that's where you go there for what to push as much as you can. - Oh. - So when I leave there, I take a half. - Okay. - That's all I need is a half. Even though I'm a big guy, you feel that, okay? - The pain pill. - The pain pill mixed it with mulchrin. It's even better than 800 milligram mulchrin. But those, those, didn't they gave me these muscle relaxers? When the guy was given to me, like, really? A fucking muscle relaxer from knee pain. And he goes, well, he'll take down the inflammation and do all these shit. So whenever I feel a little bit coming there, I just pop one of those, man. And I feel a lot better than him on those fucking pain pills. - Do you know which pill you're taking? Or do you just like have a pouch and you just throw a couple of them in your mouth? Like, I don't feel like you can actually know what to do. - I live by sound, all right? There's a big draw that sits in that draw. Right next to me. There's weed underneath it. Everything I have to do with weed is underneath that. Edibles, there's weed in there that's so fucking old. I don't even know what it is. Like, I just put it in a jar and didn't move. I was too high, I didn't label it. Now it's just old. And you kind of get scared to smoke it. 'Cause you're like, yeah. But even once I run out of weed, and I'll smoke it like two weeks ago, I smoked something. It was a little orange bud. - Orange? - I was fucked up. My eyes wouldn't fucking open. I had to wear sunglasses, I couldn't see. - Are you sure it was weed? - Huh? Who cares? That's what I have that draw. 'Cause I put the cheeseball. - It's everything in that draw is mushroom, but I threw the mushrooms. I don't need the mushroom. Every time I got in there, it tastes like shit, Jersey. I grew up somewhere and fucking, fucking, that's so good. - I wish we had tape. - No, no, no, no. He's Jersey one about the shit. Are they old, he's like shit. - No, the ones I was getting from California. - Me, Bobby. - No, no mushrooms, clean. - I go to the pizza place and just get the two slices and just fucking put mushroom right in front of the pizza bottle. The guy's like, look at him. Like, you should have baked them in. And those type of mushrooms, Nicky. And I put them in and I fold it and eat fucking it. It would be like a half hour to mushrooms from California. I was going off last year. I bought myself down there alone, driving around at night in the back country in C&D. - How many grams is an ounce, 24? - What? - You're eating 14 grams? - Well, I don't eat like three or four and nothing would happen. I get pissed because I put like a system but at that time, I had four pounds in the house. I had a little bit of heat so I would alternate them and give some away, alternate them. You always got an alternate shit. So I was taking the pig legs, the Cuban African, you know, I had like four different ones and you just mix and mingle. And then I ate like seven or one night 'cause I was weighing them. I ate like seven or nine. I'm like, I'm going to die tonight, I'm excited about dying. (laughing) I'm taking the new car with me and everything. And fucking like a half thing. I saw one thing so I go, I got to start this with 10. And I started to start moving with 10. And then towards the end, I was just putting 14 and going to a pizza place and getting a pizza. That's why I was 332 when I went into the hospital last January. I'm like 50 pounds lighter now. Really? Because of that whole mushroom. - How often were you doing this? - Every day. - When you lived down by me, it's boring. But now I learned how to adjust the boring. I took me time 'cause I know I'm gonna be bored, no matter where I go. If I go to Vegas, I'm gonna be bored. I'm just that type of guy. If you guys aren't around, I don't gamble. You see, I'm not gonna stay out all night and gamble. I'm gonna go to the room and something's on TNT or you read something on the computer, you're interested in Google, you Google a topic. But dude, for people who don't know, like most people take like two, three grams and they're like lean out of space. What are you talking about, 14 grams? Ugh. I was eating 14 fucking grams of one shot on two slices of cheese pizza. - Is your tolerance ever so good that you're like, I need to take a break? Like this? - Well, that's why I took a break from the mushroom 'cause I just attained, I just didn't wanna do 'em in him. I got two hits of acid. I'm holding out for me and you for a next big casino run. - Oh, Jesus. So you want me to get kicked out of another casino? - No, I'm gonna give you 500 cash to take it because we're gonna sit together and learn how to play poker on acid and document. That's how you learn to do things. And maybe you could go down there and fuck it. - The numbers are gonna start flying off the cards, you're like, I have no idea. - I got three kings, no you can't help it. (laughing) They're talking to you. - Swalk king. - I told you I was a king in that fucking thing. - Oh, what if we're really good at it on acid? - Oh, man, we keep doing it. You better add all that shit up your heart. You don't even realize it. You think I'm teasing you, dog. I've been looking at people for 50 fucking years on reef. That's what I do. I have guinea pigs. I don't want them. - I've noticed that. - I know that when you're up tight, nothing falls right for you. And then something happens and it triggers like an old memory and he's got that. He starts making June noises. He's got making June noises and a while. Why? Ah. - You created and cured the June noises? - I created it. - You created it and cured it. Yeah, we got, I love you guys. And I'll play Blackjack with you guys forever, but there's certain nights where we go. It's like, okay, let's find the $15 table. 'Cause we played so bad that the dealer started talking shit to us. We played so bad. We played so bad that we were making movies and the dealer was, wow. Like not hitting on 15. It was someone, I don't want to throw anyone under the bus. Like it was the 13 and they stayed against like an eight. It wasn't, well, you did some other fucking shit. - Oh yeah, she was having a hard time with you. She just kept looking at you going, wow. In the dealership, I helped you. - You thought it was bingo and shit. - All of us, we were like, we got so high and the players looking at the numbers. Like, I don't, you keep, like, and by the way, and I love you and you're real, you're so good at numbers. But put like three or four cards in front of you. You start looking around like, can't do that. - I know I have to be looking at her hand. And I don't know what I'm actually looking for. So I'm just playing by listening guys. I'm not going down to make a living. I'm not going down to impress anybody. We don't put care. I'm just going down there and fucking enjoy something. You know what, we dumped in about three weeks. We're going to be paying $12 a gallon. So before that happens, I might as well lose $200 a blackjack. Well, I know when to go home. When you get on the route, you know, I'm sitting there and they pull those stupid fucking draft Kings. Not the, not the draft Kings, the Wheel of Fortune. And I'm sitting there and I'm, you know, Wisdom is a motherfucker, okay? Wisdom is a motherfucker, experience, age, you know, trauma, all that shit's a motherfucker. But you're sitting there and now at this age, I know, I'm going to give them the $20. There's no, there's going to pay my rolling skate lessons with, I'm going to pay rent with this, I'm going to pay for college and we're coming down here and big, hit the big thing. I eliminated all that. I know I'm going to give them $200. Yeah, if I'm having a really good time, I walk to the APM and take another two out, but that's going to be it because I know what I got to do for those $400 and those three. I've got to put up with this fucking Googles today's the week. No, I'm just telling you the truth. That's why I did cocaine all those years because I wanted something. I wanted somebody to come over me. They're pussy, or hook 'em in the eye. Whatever the fuck, you know, I always said, that's what I want to spend my money on. That's just me right now at this part of my life. When you gamble, when you lose like two or three grand one time, I make sure we think you're fucking whether you're a millionaire or not, or whether you're just a regular joke, 'cause that's when you lose three thousand. When you're a regular joke, because you actually think, I'm going to buy my girlfriend a fucking engagement ring and they set you up perfectly. Listen, life has a way of setting you up and it's all the same setup. When you do Coke the first three times, how great is it? You think fucking God forbid somebody sucks your dick. You'll never come down from that. When you smoke pasta first three times, it's fucking great. When you gamble, there's not only-- Mother fucker. There's not a mother fucker. The first time he gambled, he didn't win. Yeah. Just the universe. That's the night you're going to have black 360. You know, when you put the fucking little court, the nickel slot next to the 25, and if you get three sevens, you win like 2000 bucks or 250,000, that's the night you hit that. That must, what do you think is gonna do with that 250,000 dollars? - Yeah. - He's gonna wait a week, listen to all the advice you have on Amazon. You know, invest in buttons, you know? You know, think about it, he's gonna get two beers and go, if I could do that one time, I'd do that again. - Oh yeah. - That's all of us, that's humanity, that's not just-- - Dude, I started watching videos of how to count cards in Blackjack, and like, it looks good, and then you get to that-- - Shit on tape, crack call, crack call. - I can't do it. - You can't do it. - You can't, it goes so fucking fast. - But, it's the same-- - And they catch you or I let-- - It's the same jungle. How does a girl get you? Two, three days, you go, yeah, you giggle. One night, you swap spit, the next night you put it in it, and now you don't wanna leave downs for three days, you're looking at a patina. You know, I don't need to go to work. You're like a fucking fact, that's all of us. Every women flip it, it's the same thing for women, it's just not fucking, it's for everybody. We all get caught in the same traps in life, but you got caught 80 times. (laughing) No, but it's like, one day you figure it out, I can't believe that 18, me and a bunch of idiots, Joe Marries, thought we had the system. You got nothing, you're a fucking idiot. You got the system, wait till what they got for you. That's when you start losing by four and a half and you lose by four, all those games, when you start, you give seven and a half, you lose by seven, and it's rent money. This is how to borrow money, you know what? Now you crack it into a fucking, you grab all this fucking. (laughing) - You're safe, whatever that's the thing, and that's everything, guys. That's just not gambling. It's weed, it's pussy, it's men, it's women, it's every drug, alcohol. The first two times you drink, you have a great time. Go do that the third night, and now you're like, yeah, I'll drink, one of those things that you drink when you're 19, I'll drink. - I'll drink. - Ice tea, yeah. - Yeah, you drink like three or four of me that half are quite loose. And you wake up in your friend's garage with pucle over you the next one and thinking that. And where's that girl I was dancing? Where bro, you puked on the left, you know? What the fuck, what do you mean I puked? Everything's the same, so now you see the traps. When we go down there, listen, I don't know what you get in your day job, whatever. You got 200, you can lose. You don't know how everybody does. After 200, you're like, what am I doing with my life? You know what, my friends are here, it's a bachelor party, it's your just 65th, it's Nikki's 30th. Let me go get 200 more, about that 200 gun. Then we start doing co-op, okay? The next investment isn't a Colombian. I'm not that I'm gonna do coke, but that's how my mind used to be. Oh yeah, when I was doing coke, there was no $20 table. I never sat, it was either the coke or Wheel of Fortune. Wheel of Fortune, go fuck itself. Oh yeah, dude, there's no better feeling than winning, but losing money. I, dude, you remember right in LA, I won the first time I went to Vegas, I went back, I thought I was like a professional gambler. And I just remember walking down the strip, throwing away the loyalty cars that I got from the casinos. 'Cause like, oh, I went and I had a room for like three nights, I left the first night. That was all, yeah, I remember that, yeah. I remember one night we went and we actually played and we all looked winning. You were winning. I staked you and all of a sudden Japanese guy stand by. I told you to move, you didn't move and you lost it all. And you went left, that was the thing. See, that's when you were, that's when I saw that did you problem with you, that you left. You weren't upset, but you left, it mangled you a little bit. If you would have been high that night, you would have stayed and said, Joe, get the fuck outta here. I got a system, I'm gonna go over there by myself. I'm getting away from all you motherfuckers. If you were high that night, you would have done that. You would have said, I'm going back to my room. After we went on to the seafood bar, it was a big shrimp. Oh yeah, we got back to the room and then the next morning, I was your nightly. I took it in the afternoon, I went back there in the morning and I went to 800. Oh, that would be great. Yeah, that's where you always fall with. I knew we was gonna get up in the middle of the night. You have to, that's the best time to go gambling. 'Cause no one else is down there. Oh, when it's busy, you get fucked up. People don't hit with a suit. And that's, 'cause I started gambling in LA with like, and like the not good areas, where it's like, it's people who go there to make money. And if you fuck up their table, they'll fucking yell at you. Like they'll yell and like, it's, it's, it's not, like I go there, you go there to have fun, but there's a lot of people who have these casinos who are not there for fun. No, that's what I said. Some people, when you're young and stupid, you think you're actually gonna go there and make a business venture. You actually tell your friends, "Yeah, I'm gonna invest in a weed store. "Yeah, I'm gonna invest half a million." You know, like in the back here, I'm gonna go play Blackjack. You're not gonna do dick. You want to talk to you guys about something. Okay. Just think about how are you motherfuckers? He went home and you guys felt six years ago. Like a week after this happened six years ago, how'd you feel? You thought it was over. There was people calling me. I don't know how to pay my rent. I don't know how to pay car payments. I don't know how I'm gonna do this. We were fucking sweating bullets. And guess what? Look at this now. What the fuck was those? They saw all about one of the greatest components I got with you. 'Cause when I moved here to Jersey, I went to a restaurant and I was like my neighbors. And they had no idea about fucking the church or what's happening now and nothing. We all went out together and they were young bus boys. And these kids were going nuts. God bless them. They brought everything to the fucking table. You know, I bought food and they brought everything. Who's then the chef came out and he didn't listen. He goes, "Can I talk to you for a minute?" He goes, "Hey man." He only did during the podcast. You eat here for free from now. I never got this free food. I'm teasing you. I haven't taken you there because it's a good restaurant but it's not the one we usually think of. Right. They have two restaurants. We go to their other restaurant. Gotcha. And he goes, "This is why you always eat for free here." And he goes, "I'm not talking to myself." He goes, "I would talk to people that night 'cause that's all they had to do when you listen to podcasts." That was it. The podcast girl got like two months away. That's when everybody started getting accused of eating somebody's ass eight years. (laughs) Putting the roofie of my drink two weeks ago. That was all the fucking stuff. Think about this shit. Think about what we were looking at. Two weeks after the pandemic, you were fucking panicking. You couldn't go anywhere. The only places that were open with it. These casinos in L.A. That stay trying to feed apart. Those motherfuckers were still down there. And I know O.T.B. was probably open. They're called serviceable businesses. People have to live without them or whatever. And California, like when you bought weed it was expensive. Because you had a pain and tax rate. For them to stay open. California said, "Well, open, young." We want 25 points. War. Really? And all those weed stores went into debt. Oh, in taxes. All those weed stores. Because they were fucking making money. But they were paying, instead of whatever they were paying, 25% tax. They were paying 50% tax. I didn't know that. I just, I just financed Uber Eats. They were called something to stay alive. Like barbershops, essential services. But their tax rates went up. I don't know if it happened here in Jersey. We'll find out. But it was really interesting. How I felt. I mean, I don't remember being scared at the beginning. Huh? Like the first couple of weeks like we thought it was going to be over soon. I remember that. But you were not, not, not talking shit about, but you were always a little bit nervous about it. I was overweight. I was not in shape. I was smoking. I had personal problems. I drug problems. A lot of things going on with me. I had a fucking daughter. That was seven. I'm going to die. Some mother fucker. I'll get me, or breathing on me, or be going to a sporting event. I have to tell you, man, the first guy to tell you guys, because the bigger the man, the bigger the mistake, it fucked me up the pandemic. Fuck me up two to three years. I came here. I was without you for a year. You had no idea what I was going to do. I couldn't even make eye contact with you. Couldn't even make eye contact. I told you Ari came to my house. I couldn't wait for him to leave. He wanted me to go eat at the Chinese restaurant. I'm not fucking at that. Listen, it wasn't even a Chinese thing for me. I just didn't want to be in the restaurant at that time. No, I called you the first time I saw a restaurant with people in it. It was creepy. It was scary. You called me from Florida. You walked into a place with three other people. He goes, "Joey, I had a step outside." I know what the fuck. I hadn't seen anybody like that for months. LA was a little bit scarier, I think, than some other places, because we would line up. I was going to a Walmart in the West Valley. I found a Walmart 40 minutes away. 'Cause like a galsons or Ralph's by us, they were lined out the door and you'd walk in there and there'd be nothing. They'd be like vegan hot dogs. I bought, I don't even like Velvita. Mac and cheese. Mac and cheese. I had over the country. I was like, this is the time to mingle, uh, people calling me up. Hey, you want to stay, call this guy. He said to call you. And then sickler, we met this last weekend, to see him. He hooked me up with his clam chatty guy. I was sending that guy 200 hours. That motherfucker said, crabcakes are claims. I think it's a crab, crabcakes. Yeah, crabcakes, fucking, it never ended. Uh, I was getting steak sent to the house. Then I found out that Mortons, the steakhouse by house was not serving, but they were selling everything to you could not, you they can cook it. The groceries. Yeah, but they turned into a grocery store. I started going over and buying steaks and they were like so grateful. Like I was eating steaks every day just to help people. Like I was like, fuck it. How could this be that my favorite steakhouse with the bread? Yeah, of course. Yeah. It's not open. Like I couldn't even fan them. Did I ever tell you what I did with with Domino's? I was fucking up Domino's because they had my three for $5 each. I'd buy like six pizzas and put them in a Ziploc bags and put them in the freezer. Like every day, I would just have a pepperoni because I like I was fat. And we you would bring food, but you'd also bring animals. Like you would just be like, be downstairs in two minutes. Talk everyone. Like for a week, I had weed and netables because I always had boxes of the tablets, but then the weep store open. He called me and he's like, Hey man, we're open. Come to the side door and we got everything. I'm like, all right, you had to wear a mask. You had to go in there and fucking then this fucking lunatic showed up in July. That's a lie. You want me to go to talk to a motherfucker. I just came from the East Coast where COVID was invented at the studio. I'm like, you're fucking out of your mind. And he's out there breathing, taking adables, going to Beverly Hills. I'm like, dog, don't call you no more. Fuck. I want to talk to nobody. I just came from New York. Nobody. Yeah. Like I was it was not good. I would have to be home at I don't know. I had two times a day. I would sit there and guys fucking watch I went in this news and just eat Xanax because my heart was beating out of my chest. Why would you watch the the news? If the news was upsetting you, why would you watch it? Because guess what? There was nothing else to watch. There's a thousand things Tiger King. There was nothing. Tiger King. I was watching that shit. No, you don't like the gay guy. Whenever you turn that shit on, things were bad enough. I'm really sad. This to my fucking life. No reality TV. No thousand pounds. Like, oh, without a watch. I was working out my yard. And then they said no jiu jitsu. But the kickboxing that goes out train you at the park. So we'd have to kick and shit with a mask on that. Yeah. We'd push ups and punch and shit. That was brutal. Plus, she just he would just scare it for my cardio was bad as it was for my anxiety being I couldn't read. That's what happens. I got a lot of anxiety. I end up in the fucking hospital because I can't read. But meanwhile 14 grams of mushrooms are perfectly fine. The first time they found mushroom dust in my lungs. You have like plant patients of trees. It's something that grows up there. And I'm like smell me. It's smell of water coming out of my fucking boys. I'm in here for six days. That shit. That shit's all the way at the top. Holy shit. Yeah. But like now I kind of I don't want like a pandemic obviously. But I wish we had like one of those weeks. I don't have a listen. I want people at work. I want people out of the house. I want people healthy. And that's it. I don't ever want one of those things again. Not my lifetime. Not my daughter's lifetime. When you look at it now a couple of weeks or we had a conversation here. And I made some stupid joke. I wasn't kidding. We're watching a play unfold. This is all scripted. That something was not right here. I'm not going to get into. I'm not a conspiracy theorist. Something was not right here. I don't know. The funny thing is is who knows there's so many things going on right now. I still remember like you see end in a world. Yeah. You can't breathe. You can't. I still remember coming home and they killed the black guy. Minnesota. Minneapolis. Yeah. That was scary. I know a son is like. I know a son two weeks later they're taking down statues of people who had slaves and horse and right by house. Right by the podcast studio. I was going to say thousands of people. Then a black kid was hot and he went and he laid down on the grass and a cop approached him. He said he couldn't lay there. And also they called the cops again. But my daughter's day school by daycare. Yeah. Now there was a fucking congregation on that side. And you were looking at this. And then I would drive my bike. I would ride my bike. That was my exercise. I would just ride my bike and ride a Hollywood park. Not Hollywood park. Ride it. Ride it. Ride it. Everybody had a mask on. I finally took it off and then one day actually I'm there every day guys. And I'm sponed. And I'm on a bike and I'm old. So I'm watching. I'm not doing 90 miles an hour. I'm just going for spins for circulation. I'm like, you know, both for me type shit. But one day I saw it. I just saw bricks every 10 feet fired by wire. I'm like, come on man. This is a fucking movie or other cancellations or all this. You know, there's a fucking pandemic. I'm not going to get into it because we all went to something, but it was just too. It was too much. And the top of what I was going through at home, I just did not want to live in LA. You know, when the fucking pandemic hit when they said we're done till June, I remember going tarry. This is perfect. This is written from the God because we get to fuck out of here. It's going to be down till September. We're not going to see daylight till September. So why don't what are we doing? I called the lady, she said, no, blah, blah, blah, we'll find you out. I called Jimmy Florentine because Jimmy was just on the podcast. Who wants before that? And he was talking about Jersey. And I remember coming back to the sopranos and going, come on man. That's too much. I've been out there too long. No, no, this is bullshit. I'm going to die out there in an earthquake. Fucking for something I don't believe in. I went to look at three houses in California way before that. The former she was born. Every house I walked in, I didn't feel at home. Not even close. I don't know what it is about California when I walked in homes that were supposed to be impressive to me. It made me hate them more than home. When you walk into somebody's home on these coast, you're looking at family pictures. You're looking at a carpet that the dogs shit on 80 times, but they vacuumed. They knew you were coming over, you know. There's a saint somewhere. There's this. You go into somebody's house in LA. They had to impress you. There's nothing. There's warmth on the east coast. There's no warmth in the hills. And you start feeling that you start. I always saw it. I'm not saying it's a bad place. Maybe it's a bad place that I came from here and went there. Okay. You know, but it's also where you because there are like, there's warm how it like homes in California. But if you go to like these nice places, like when I was in LA, I did a bunch of podcasts for a couple of real estate agents in Beverly Hills. And these houses are worth tens of millions of dollars. But it's like they're an investment and like it's just very clean. It's a fucking, you know, it's a type of money. Half of them. Listen, a buddy of mine sells houses. This is ridiculous. Ridiculous. The most ridiculous thing I ever heard. I asked him how to sell it. They asked 1.8 for it. I know they got moving in too. It's a fucking beautiful. I go, he goes, yeah, they paid, but they put 20% down. They're paying 12,000 a month or 30 years. He goes, but they're billionaires. They go, if they're billionaires, why are they financing seven points interest? That's a fucking killer. That'll kill you right there. You're never going to get out of that. You know what? 12,000 a month is dog. A lot of money. Right a check for 12,000. OJ was paying that bit 24,000 a month just to put that in perspective. That's like something George would say. He was paying out of 24,000. I was waiting for you to say it, but you struck late cuts. Okay, but think about that. I can't imagine that. That's a lot of money. 12,000 never felt at home. That house I lived in. Dog. I don't know about. Listen. I don't know about. I'm not here bragging to you guys. I'm just telling you the truth. We got that house through the church. A friend of a friend of a podcast listener heard us talking about moving, and I wanted to move by that school section. He mailed the Google, and he goes, if you want to come look at the house, it was two years, discounted with an option to buy. I went buy. I just said, you ferry you look at this. You know, you take care of this. My niece came to visit me. Callie Davidson. When she pulled up, she goes, you live in a 1.3 million dollar house uncle joy. I didn't know that. This 500,000 out of a house. Cheers. All day long. There ain't nothing nice about this house. Nothing. I knew it was a rental from the time I moved in there. They added it back room. I mean, it was perfect because it was the only house that had a bathroom with a back door to the yard. See, if I got that, you could shit all fucking day back there. I would go back there and shit with a bomb, a phone. I would just take my time that I would close the door and capture the flies. Oh, my God, I had a plan. But I think that all of us went through fucking hell six years ago, confused some people got checks. I ain't mad at you. I ain't fucking mad at you. I think I got a little one myself, you know what I'm saying? [LAUGHTER] I ain't mad at you, but think of what they put you through mentally and you're here today. We're fucking years. Six years later, everybody's rocking and rolling. Yeah, Iran's getting Israel, you know, whatever. That's got nothing to do with me. And there's souls and all that shit. I'm just telling you what's going on. We're all-- Listen, I'm 100%. 50 fucking percent. Mentally better. I could tell you this, that there was a couple times. I had a tell, I had a mind, an old friend of mine that the dude you met two years ago, that was Joey Dears. That's-- yeah, I want to do your podcast. That last hospital stay, Coco came up. I could feel it. I could fucking feel it. Coco's back. That's what I feel like stealing. Not that I feel like robbing a jewelry store or snorting blow or anything. But Coco's back. And I see it on stage. I feel it with you guys. You guys got to see it. You guys got to see it that I'm walking around like they finally took that stick out of my ass. I finally got to the comedy communism. That's what I did. I removed myself completely from the comedy communism. But they want you to believe they knew they can never sell it. They knew they could never sell it. They tried. I will do a show with an extra camera to go on your face, or people could read the title. I ain't doing this that long. To say my number one goal, I'm going to do other things. You're just investing for me to be on the road. So the time I turn 65. That doesn't sound lucrative to me. It sounds very lucrative. Not just lucrative. But I'm never going to see that kid grow up. And that's what you guys are pushing for. I already lost the kid. I'm not doing this all the money. What I reached now today is a human being at 63. I've never had guys. I've never had. I'm not talking about anything. I'm talking about how I feel when I wake up in the morning. I don't have to wake up feeling like I've got to stab a mother fuck at him. I thought a good way to wake up early morning, but it is a good way, because it got me to where it got me. And there's one day in your life that you got to go, you got to turn that shit off because you ain't got to know. You ain't got to do so knock it off. And I accepted it. I was like, that's fine with me. Fine with fucking me. I got what I got in the fucking Joey Dears now it's time to be Coco. Get that little time. Good time. Got arrested going probation. He is 65. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Basuto. What do you want to break? There's nothing in common, nothing that I'm striving for. No, it's not it's not shoplifting. I thought it would be shoplifting. Oh my god. We've had a life. Why shopper? That's a biggest man. We got to do something about stock fraud and best in stocks, you know, I don't think they put you in probation for fraud. I think they didn't need to jail for fun, something that we end up in. Let's make a plan like not for you guys. Right. I want to live like crazy Eddie, right? Crazy Eddie put his cousin through college and got him a job at the IRS so he could learn how to write the IRS. Only a Jew could do that and fucking look at himself in a mirror and go. I did my mission is shit, were you going to send mercy to work? No, I'm going to do something like that. Maybe become a spy. I've been watching the homeland lately, maybe become a fucking spy. I'm just bullshitting you guys. I just listen, you just I'm looking at life a lot fucking different than I was. I'm at the point where who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck? If you thought like this, if I thought the way I feel now at 25, shit, me and George would have Coco and George framing international Harris, the village, Akron, Ohio, yeah, fucking the tax break. I'm saying, come on, though, a van a Cuba, Panama, you know, that's what we meant out to be. That's where your DNA is. He wants to fucking step up to the pump, and so I just got the lucky break in life to step up. And now fuck it. I see it for what it is, the probation, the drugs. I see it now for what it is. I'm like a fucking guru on failure, you know, who says that's what I am. That's the name of this episode. The guru of failure. I think I think he said the Google failure versus the Google failure. And then, you know, the guru of failure, and I've enjoyed every one of those failings. I drive around sometimes, but before I almost got to a car accident, because I was daydream. You know, once I get to North Oregon, all bets are off. I don't even answer the phone. I answer it for you guys. Tell me there's no parking. You got pork chops or whatever. People call them all the time. I don't answer the phone. Because once I hit McKinley, and I make that right on the point pleasure, thought it's like, you robbed that place. Remember that place? Remember that place? You made out with this chick here. You did this here, you know, that's what it is. And it's like, holy fuck, I had some fun. The failures have turned into fun now. I just drove past 51. Again, I have 1,000 stories I could say, and 2 million I can't say. Oh my God. But as I drove past 51, I'm going to shoot out of it. Allegedly. That's an episode. Allegedly. There was a shootout down there. 83. 84. Like, I drive around now and I go holy shit. Like, I saw last week a house, and I fell asleep and woke up one day. Like, I'm going to sleep at your house, you know, and he put me on the yard. I don't know what the fuck happened. I woke up with a pillow, iced tea. Yeah, the mother put it out there, I was like, I'm a little bop me, so if it rained, oh my God. I got nowhere to go. I'm just going to come home with you. And you just drove by that house? Yeah, and I forgot all about it. Yeah. And what do you think, like, made this difference? Like, why do you think you feel differently now? Like, you're able to look at the failures so nicely? No, I came back and I moved first of all. Do you know what I left when I left off Bergen, do you have any idea? I left in the middle of the worst chaotic time in North Bergen. Really? Yeah. The mockos were getting out. There was a shooting by my house. And a cop I knew shot the dude seven times in the back, self-defense, people getting beat up. There was gambling. There was a lot. I was thinking about a story the other day. I can't mention no names, but there was only one guy there. There was two guys there that are in my life today, I remember. We were at Hashways at that stupid basketball court. We must have been 17. We were juniors. We thought we were gangsters and one of the guys from Corkies used to come into Hashways. Young guy, really good looking at talent. If we were 17, 16, he was about 24. He was up to, like, not sure if fully the war, one of the street was as far as the gangsters. I mean, the big time bookie for someone from one of the families. Okay. We start talking, we become bodies, everybody's gambling at that time. If you're a sophomore or not, you're putting 25 times in every fucking night to watch it. It came five times, 25 dollars to lose, 30 to lose. I remember because in the eighth grade, I was putting those in. We put in half seven dollar parlays. You know, that's this, that's what, you know, when you try it and fucking, I put it better. That kid said to me at Hashways something, and I put it better when I wanted. He paid me, and then, like, I doubled the bet. That bet lost. I lost, like, 200 bucks. Bro, what was that going to get 200 bucks in 1981 when you 17? So I called him a few times and he's like, "Hey, man, I don't know what to tie. I go, let me give you 100 this week." I'm like, "100 next week and I'll give you an extra 50 to week after that." Because I actually like to do it. I just lost. You know, I like to do it. I just bet old man, and he goes, "You got to have it by Thursday." You know, make sure I have what I can for you by Thursday. I can guarantee you 100. He goes, "Well, 100 ain't going to cut it. I got to talk." Somebody from the neighborhood, you're going to threaten me. You know, "All right. I'll see you Thursday." Okay, see you, sir. We're playing basketball. And Thursday comes, we're out there after school 3.34 o'clock. And the van pulls up like one of those love vans from the fucking '80s, '70s. And then two other cars pull up. Two guys got out of one car, two guys got out. Now I'm on the basketball court. I'm playing and I'm watching the ship. And it's all North American kids on the court. And it's half like project rats. Like I still remember two of the dudes who were there. Rago and my brother fucking Jackie wacky cattle. All right, and if that age you didn't fuck with Jackie wacky cattle. And if that age you didn't fuck with anybody on that court because all those motherfuckers had to do was cross the street and get on that phone. And you'd have 300 fucking North Bergen project people running up to the fuck you up. And these motherfuckers like the Thomas family, they kill you. There was a bunch of people from that neighborhood and Randy Merkel got rest of the soul. These motherfuckers meant business. They were 64 street field dudes. That's completely different animal back then. You got scared walking through that. Like that was like Compton, you needed a ride a passage. So I would have to see Rago, Ferney. I would have to bump into those dudes at Blue Flame. And then I could go into the project behind Lincoln School. I had to pray that one of those motherfuckers was there. The Thomas family, it was like five little guys who were blue eyes. One of them got caught on field day, fucking the Indian chicken, the bathroom across, the principal's office. The Thomas family, the other one was the first guy I ever that had gone on Boulevard East, Muggle, Patify, take him to his house, tie him up, rob them and play the piano. He was like somebody's fucking piano. I'm not fucking kidding you. The Thomas family was gangsters back there. You had the luchies next to Venerie. It was a fucking little gangster neighborhood. So guess who comes out of the van? Two other guys with the dude I owe the money to. The money's in my book bag. And those days we go to the court and play for sandwiches. Like a roast beef sandwich. What do you want to get? I am, all right, I'll play you in the whole team. But in the middle of the game, the guy comes out with a fucking chain. The dude I owed the 200. A chain and five other guys. And the guy kept it in the fucking fence. We ended the game. One of those project dudes said, what's this? Well, let me go talk to my own money. And those project dudes are like, this guy's crazy. Stepping up up here like this. This is Northburn was buck wow. Three of those kids' fathers were cops. You come up here fucking around. Three of those fathers are cops. One of them worked for Mako. One of them works for fucking this guy. You come up here and tangle like that. And sure enough, those fucking project rats surrounded that game with a chain and Mike running. And James Volano. And they were like, he's going to give me the money. Well, you ain't fucking swinging no chain up here. And the guy thought, the guy thought that fucking-- You bought a chain for $200? A chain, like a metal link chain. I didn't eat with it. Jesus. God, I got it, it's car threaten me. Threaten those guys. I'll be back. I'll be back five, six days. Never heard from one day, I'm going to crash race. I'm going to be like, you hear my dad do? Your friend is going to want to get young himself. And now to a commercial break. We'll be right back, cock suckers. Hey, Uncle Joey here coming at you on a Tuesday morning. Listen, if you're going to be ready for action anytime, you got to get that Bluetooth gold. Uncle Joey, what's Bluetooth gold? It's a four in one tablet that dissolves under your tongue. You take one and be ready for action as a Hitchie in 15 minutes. Listen, I took one one time, forgot about. I was going bananas. It was harder to fuck for about 18 minutes than I just stopped working. So listen, if you got problems like me, it's time to check out Bluetooth gold. Make life easier by getting hard. Listen, she's not going to keep you around if you make a make-up, I'm 63. But if you're a young guy and you're getting dead dick already on a Friday night, how long? She's going to pick up one of those door guys that have built. They got a dick made of wood and you're dead. Never fear, Uncle Joey's here. Go to Bluetooth doctorum. Right now, discover your options. We got a special deal for church family going on right now. Listen, St. Paddy's Day is coming. You want to have a kid by next February? Ha, ha, ha, ha. I want to have the math wrong on that. Anyway, you had 10% off your first month of Bluetooth gold with code Joey, J-O-E-Y, that's code Joey. J-O-E-Y is a promo code. Now, write that down, promo code Joey. Now you're going to visit Bluetooth.com from what details and important safety information. It's going to come to your house. Nobody's going to know nothing and listen within a week. Forget about it. You'll be that old self again. You'll have those white shoes, the capesias like George. Forget about it. I love you guys. Thank you for supporting the podcast and thank you for supporting Bluetooth gold. Hey, Uncle Joey here. I want to thank BetterHelp because this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Listen, everybody can use therapy. I got problems, you got problems. Therapy can help you be a better version of yourself. Like it did for me. I had a lot of problems when I moved here, but I called BetterHelp. We got on the phone for a few weeks. I got some exercise. I got some breathing exercises. And here I am, he has laid a tick-tock bagu, 63, and still slinging. Anyway, you got to answer a few questions to start and Blue BetterHelp will match you with someone who works with you and for you. If you want to switch to a different therapist than any time with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms. Your emotional well-being matters. Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Trust me, you don't think it's going to work, but if Blue BetterHelp works, sign up and get 10% at BetterHelp.com/DAS again. 10% when you put in BetterHelp.com/DAS. Again, that's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com/DAS. And thank you for supporting the podcast. And I want to thank BetterHelp for always being there for me. Have a great week. H-E-L-P. We're back, Jack! - He. - Anyway, yeah, that was an interesting story. So, there you go. That's how you fucking put suspense in the room. We did it. What else you got going on, ain't it? Look at you. You look as I'm both smitten. - Well, everybody, what are you-- - You know, he won't fucking end up when you're spending-- - That's the-- I did one June boys in Foxwoods. And it's because when you say stuff like that, where you're surprised about, like, you give me an edible and I get fucked up. And then you're like, I didn't give you anything. Why are you so fucked up? And that's when the June boys comes out. - But the-- - Oh, my God. The funniest was when he's sitting there. You guys are talking to him. Like a barely-he-he-he-ly. But he's just saying to me, very Jewish. That's why I know that he's a Jew. He's like, I'm sweating. He was sitting something. Why do you-- - The whole night from my head. - He's saying, you hear him going, why do these things got me sweating? There was the muscle relaxes. (laughing) - You said it wasn't. You said at the beginning of the podcast, there wasn't the muscle relaxer. - No, it was the muscle relaxer. What do you think? I gave you way that half. - No, I didn't even feel anything from it. I was just-- - Yeah, you don't feel like I was-- - I was-- - He not gonna feel nothing. - Listen, nothing happens. That's why I like 'em. 'Cause you don't have to go to bed. You know, shit blood the next day. You're shit normal. You blast one of those other-- - Like the coatings, Louie, I'm telling you. You saw me puke and that chicken cutlet bag. - Oh yeah. - And that fucking thing was coming out though. - That's one way to put it. - I thought it right here. - And that's that coating. - That's fine. The other shit just doesn't-- I need heroin. If you're not gonna give me H, you know, would you do it? Would you shoot up now? - No, no. Somebody would have to come over like a nice nurse with big tits. You know what I'm saying, make me relax. Tell me stories like a Chinese girl. - Right. - Like in the old, old, old days, George would know what to get me. Go to Chinatown and get me a nice little basement where they rub your feet, shoot you. I know it'll open them back. - I can't imagine going, like even like a-- - They dye your hair blonde and shit. You wake up looking like Joey Dragon. (laughing) - A member of the triads. - That's it. - Oh my god. - Oh my god, they had all those places. Is it creepy doing drugs with other people you don't know? Like one of the, like that's the people you wanna do drugs with. The people you don't know that you won't see him ever tomorrow. Anything that happens in that room that night. You're so drugged out in the morning. You don't even know you're on the subway and you're way back to Jersey. Oh my god, I hate a rest with a fucking flower in it. You know, that's when you realize all the disgusting things you just did. And then you're on the train and all of a sudden you read a sign. You're tested for HIV. (laughing) - I think I will. You really have that fucking thing in your mind that just starts eating that. You're coming down from all the drugs. You don't know what you did. You know, remember that night we were talking and I was shaking. - Yeah, I was telling you shit that my soul had hidden that I didn't even remember. And it was time my life where I was living free, but it came back to home me because it fucked up me a little bit. I didn't like it. that I didn't like that crazy life you were telling me like a lot of sex story like like weird who doesn't what do you mean you don't like the sex you're having oh I never like the sex I was having I'm a fucking prude man I'm one of those guys after I bang out looking at you fucking pig no I don't no I don't I'm just saying that uh I know I never enjoyed that part of my life I've spoken about it when I left bold I was like I'm done with this shit this is creepy and it's got to be creepy now but next generation if it was starting to get creepy back then listen I come to an old school if I date you I buy you four or five done this and you don't want to bang me that's fine I rather not which should happen organically and then it does but if you don't call me at 200 more and after we want on two dates and say you want to come over to see my fish and we end up fucking awesome you want to make a short film you know that's a big different fucking world that's the world that I could you know that's not a person huh yeah like right you meet people now everybody's Kim Kardashian my friend about three up I can't you can't hear the pot comedy story told me why he met a girl like Michigan went back to that place everything was good lost in the bitch came back with a camera oh she wanted like some only fans oh shit yeah but he had a mask on like a devil and she would be like fucking Cleopatra Jones some shit it's get weird out there that's not what I ever intended I intended to be I told you when I read I thought the comedy you were like a biker comedy didn't mean you were a comic I meant you were a biker you don't want to live the life that everybody else lives you don't want to commit to eight to five and you don't want to answer to nobody you don't want to fuck him have a dog you know you're not road warrior you're just fucking doing stand up and fucking comedy and what's gonna happen who are you a comic you know I was telling that it was telling you guys about my friend that would go to different towns I was friends for the three years never saw what a man there's always a story where's your boy Allison three years later I'm on the road and people are like what happened like I don't want you every time she came in she had a threesome what are you talking about looking back that was her freak that was her freak the going to and that's how they said she did it there was nobody at the comedy club nobody who worked at the comedy club she would go to the bar with a guy from the comedy club like a bartender and up talking to a guy and then he would have a friend and they'd leave and do a threesome and she got on the plane next day and come home and like oh I went to bed at 8 30 I was tired she was Ralph he's assisted yeah and that's a complaint and you think about it she's not a whore she's not a freak because I see it doing the week and she's normal this is what she's into she's into having sex with guys she don't know what's that movie where the chick goes fuck oh leaving Las Vegas the chicks getting fucked by waiters and waitresses and right there on the job right there on the job they're taking it right into the back room and but she's like you can see it's not about the fucking other dick it's about getting shit on I'm no psychotherapist but you know when you have a daughter you gotta look into this shit I wish I understood them I don't understand it either Lee my pull a whip out or ball or dildo that woman would kick me through a fucking wall that's never even fucking cross my mind I think I crossed the line a little like the third week where Dayton and that shit got shut down not the regular shut down the shut down when they sit up and go here's their rules don't break them you're like okay and every once in a while you got to push them but you know when you love somebody that you don't want to tie them up and stab them with two picks and all that shit you know from no I don't want to stab anybody with no it's a fucking experience no but it's not though there's people I used to go to that condo Miami okay I knew I did a lot of bad things in that condo but I saw things in that condo I should just small because now I only knew there was a narrow amount of comics that would go to that condo one day they actually call me the old one you're here next time we gotta show you some I went there this is 1999 and they showed me they found the box on the resync with the things gave me and used to use poppers like you pop them and give them and you fuck them in the ass and they don't feel nothing don't have me like that you're telling this fuck you're looking me like I sold poppers part time no poppers like a drug that yeah and there was something that you popped and you actually put on the somebody's nose I remember I did it one time when I listen when I was a child this is why you see a pattern now now it's something now you go on Instagram and what are they selling you send the fill jee mulee me this that for a heart I'm when I was a kid it was fucking Spanish fly you got a powder you put it in your water you drank it and you saw what happened and we all experimented on one of our relatives I had no grandmother at that time but I think fucking now one of the kids is not pregnant had a grandma he gave and he goes nothing happened I watched her for hours she didn't scratch her pussy or nothing you know they used to be called the fuck when I was a kid I told them I stays the night and they blew up I didn't even remember that shit that just came out of my soul when I was a kid the first forget playboy penthouse one the first thing I ever saw was in Harlem it came out every Thursday the natives went fucking crazy it was a Puerto Rican playboy there was called beca beca okay and it was just women tremendous women Jennifer Lopez asses the fucking brown asshole everything was the monkey staring at you a black guy and he'd have like a mask and she'd have to wear and she'd just black out the face so it wasn't good when you ate a nine you want to see the face you you want to play with your little nuggets there's no face you got a fucking you're trying to bang one out to the face of some guy with a Satan mask so now you know it's a different level it's a different level and then it became poppers somebody came to me and I was like 12 pro you give this to a chick she'll lose a fucking mind okay I play CYO basketball that was a none I hugged the one day and I pop one of those things I think I think I got her in the ear but nothing happened you know I'm saying she's something nobody's dick so oh my god I knew that shit didn't work he had so many levels of bullshit thank god for the internet now talk there was a fucking book that came out 78 77 George I know you got it I didn't but two or three younger men put it over my house I'll pick up women first off the guy that was listen the guy who wrote the book he only comes on October 30th and the 31st he was like missing an eye he was like that chicken kill belt too you know fucking ridiculous ridiculous the shit they put us through as children so now that's what I'm talking about being wiser now you see something like fuck I did that 30 years ago that's not indifferent to this now it's just the same scam with a different fucking thing oh yeah and then you see the scam that we're programmed to go to Vegas and these casinos to lose were programmed but in our hearts we think we're gonna win yeah like there was a famous gangster and they said he lost on purpose just so he could talk about it for two hours but this motherfucker looking like Charlemagne right now the guy who didn't when he asked the last night oh my god he's such a fucking faggot bro I gotta tell you ladies what did you mean he's elevated to you he didn't do anything but just look at him he's just the epitome of what men priorities are fucking prick through and let me tell you some that little Kardashian she has no shame they should just call a pussy in that nation she's with money money she's with DMX's nephew the little shrug guy that won the Super Bowl we better than you you know no she was with the fucking badass rapper wasn't she Travis Scott what do you that's a baby daddy she got a baby daddy already oh you fun she's always out sucking dick was to watch your little kids one of the nannies I didn't watch any of the Oscars in those kids inherit a billion dollar family yeah wait till that chapter comes out they're gonna have a show on forever there's gonna be these kids like I started asking kids of course what's the name I turn it what's the name of the father Kanye West you know I turn the same difference I still got the cuts like his even on a fucking Monday and it's raining who gives a fuck that's it yeah there's definitely gonna be Kardashian shows like with the forever now the kids are gonna be fighting over the money they're all gonna be worthless if we think that little kid of his good rap she's you know stop and she get it's like my daughter I don't take my daughter serious. When she comes talk to me, I go, you know, I don't say it. And a thousand fucking pimples. Where you going like what a fucking you go And she gets the stuff and I talked to the mother last week and she's like dog It's just she's at that age, but listen when I met Terry Terry had a couple fucking zits And then she went on a medication and everything clear out Bro, this isn't just about fucking good things. I thought I bring up a truth here She's a cute kid but all those pimples. This time she getting the car and it's like a lump on her head I'm like mercy Jesus fucking Christ. She had like a lump on her the other day. I don't say none to her Well, if she's a 13 year old girl, I know she's going through a thousand things. That's why I would never say nothing to her But I can't take your series. She got all those pimples on your face. What are you telling me about? And I love it. That's my angel. You know, I don't do shit But you know, and listen, I'm no fucking Prince Regouille. She was looking me like who the fuck is this ugly? How the fuck is that? I end up with Prince Leastone as a dad What the fuck? That is a good nickname for you though. Yeah, Prince Regou Because she did the right thing she waited that little girl's a stone cold killer That bitch waited for the party was good. She was always in my nuts that lurking. Oh I didn't know what you meant. Yeah, you soon as I popped cheap pops. She was like a Russian. You know, I'm saying they just appear You got three dollars or something a blonde Russian appears. Where have you been all my life? I just got three dollars The guru of failure the guru of failure. Yeah, I'm no fucking women, you know by no means I'm gonna try to blow my own like that. I'm the guru of failure, but sometimes you got to be the guru of failure to get you to that little fucking village That little guru Now I can pick no idea what that means now I can pick my own village. Oh, I want to be on probation I could be on probation if I want to sit in my house and scratch my fingers. It's my nut sack I could do that. How long do you think you blast on probation? I think you'd go to jail within the first one What do I do? It's perfect for the way you can't smoke weed and you can't tell them that I don't know the answer to this question There's always a says always I'm over 64 You can't put trainer when you're dick anymore. No, the dick is almost done The dick lunge more drain those shot and it's done. I'll never come back That was 30 fucking years early again. I think about that shit. What kind of addict was I I still remember one specific daily and I was My first guy out of halfway house. It took me about two months to get it like a job I got him convinced for a long time. I was a detail and that worked for a long time And then I started having to make money So I told him I was helping out a friend We were laying brick and bold them Well, school. He was a white dude, but he was an okay Mason And I'll never forget getting the call at the job You have to call like between 12 and three And call it in and my number came up like purple And you got to come in by six Holy fuck, I'm dirty as fuck Thank God in my bag. I had some fucking The shit you put on your dick. The cleaner Most people put that on their dick, but yeah, I'll never forget going on one of those hutch, you know those ported potty You know already smell like Lisa asshole when it blew out of the thing before I had a go in there and actually take my dick out Which was half dead from the three days of coke. I was doing That shit lasted, you know the coke in those days. I like two inches Like to send him my dick and I pull the skin back and pour The drain on it and then fucking zip it up there just so it got into the pee hole And I still remember laying brick and going my dicks on fire like what the fuck am I doing? Why would you put that on your dick before you had to go there? You put it on the hours before I was going like right from there And I know I couldn't stop with this guy in the car And I remember that my dick was on fire and I finally go I got to go I got to he knew I was going to probation I went in there and I fucking peed That time that didn't catch it. They call me the next day. I said the machine bro That I threw the test off Not that the machine bro. I'm exaggerating. I threw the fucking test off And then from there was just play, you know, I was low. I was leo down to the Capitol was that movie man Catch me now catch me. I can catch me if you can catch me if you can It was just one of those games and it was hilarious Remember Mike Roney told you on the plane that fucking he was there when I doing fucking tons of coke in my living room I was doing that coke with him. I had no idea I look at the side window. It's my probation officer jacknut Mike We will upstairs and kept snorting coke He kept banging. I know you're here. The sheriff's are out here. Surrending yourself You can only be out there for two hours. We got two ounces. We could be held up in here for days So you just didn't cook in the dark with like no sounds. No, we had lights upstairs. I had a beautiful upstairs When the windows or something like that of the baby's room You went up to stairs the baby's room was over here But her window was her thing was open so you can see it if you're watching TV in the basement. It's a really sure place And then our room was back here. We had a balcony And the downstairs Was fucking great because it was like you walked down It was really classy and bold now. It's probably like a lower announcing or something because it's been there It was more probably that 15 years when I got that 20 years Now it's 30 years ago, so it's 50 But the cool thing about this you walk down In the living room boom and turn into the little kitchen area to eat And then you walked again. There was a bar bar here the phone was here sink boom refrigerator But there was a sliding door here and there was a green room In the house. Yeah, like in that house connected to house and it was there conditioned So what did you grow there? My office was out there. Oh cool And that a view of all the bold like you see Coco's from that window and came art Yeah, the beautiful city like I can see all the stores That's cool though a greenhouse attached to the house you know grow any weed in there? No, it's probation kept trying to cut my house But I had a lot of coconut mother fucking that green room like a mother fucker I used to go in that green room solo on a Friday night And blast you loved hanging out in your office Every office you have you love hanging out there. Listen to me. I was on probation Those days I was trying to keep it cool, you know, I had the wife the baby But the monkey was on my back. So I learned how to deal with it a little bit But then I started roofing my brother-in-law First three weeks was great. It was always a great job nine. It was a great job Because then he brought guys from Jersey out this is 19 90 and I guess Jersey had gotten an influx of Irish people Irish workers this is way before the Mexicans and Nicaragua and the Cubans Well the Cubans may have forever so But they had a bunch of Irish and we got three Irish guys and a state trooper Took vacation to go out there. He was older. He took six months off to go out there and do this roof with us that guy did more coke There was a take those Irish dudes They started at 501 Okay, every night Drink out off the roof. We put the roof and shenan see you later I couldn't drink with them. I just getting a car with Mike And we drive home and I could see those guys would already have two cases of beer there and the next morning They'll all come in smelling like booze But one night they got me out Like let's go back to the house. It's not coke. I'm like dog. There's no fucking way I'm walking in with four drunk Irish guys To my house would my luck both users are getting to a fight the cops come now with domestic violence and probation violation Because there's two Irishmen cursing each other out That's a probation Double and the other ones are fucking Catholic. You know those Irish always have problems So yeah, when they're together get like six of them lost on the old once they hit a bagpipe But you know from You know, you don't need that aggravation. They're really abstract. Yeah So uh You said the Irish people they wanted to come over and do coke with you So they want to come do coke with me and when I would go okay and this is this is how I got out of the house and it was they do coke when I lived 50 yards from there it was a two-bedroom flat She would go to bed the baby's room was here and I come all the night and watch TV after I sold cars And before I went home like when I got home from my by dog always had a god. What was his name? Hercules Hercules I got to go hercules wants to go Hercules didn't want to go on Hercules like it's cold out there dog What are you taking I would take him to liquor storm by six cans of Budweiser? But it was so cold out of a snow so I would bury the Beer in the snow so nobody would know I had the beer in the house When you get in trouble via beer? I was on probation plus my wife was watching me like a hawk You know she was serious about it. So I would come in who was cold out there? Are you coming to bed? No, no, no, I'm gonna watch and those days USA had a show at nine o'clock about music video until about two in the morning, then a movie would come up. I love that show, midnight something on USA, when I was a kid. All the way till fucking I was 20 something. What am I talking about? But I, and then whenever I would do a line of coping the bathroom, or it's not in the living room, but then when I needed to drink a beer. Hercules, you wanna go out and he go, fuck no. Which is about 20 minutes ago. Take him out. Grab a beer, go for a walk, drink it, go on the garbage outside. We come back, we do that till five in the morning. Back and forth. All night the door would open every 20 minutes 'cause the dog had a pee. And then one week and I got so high, I didn't let the dog out to pee at all. I wouldn't even open the door. When that dog was a puppy, I fucking stayed in from a Friday. And by Monday, he was in the thing that poor dog peeing in the garage. But fucking hell, I let him out like Saturday night. He was in there like 24 hours. He was running a bus. He's like, "Dad, you gotta stop jerking him out." I gotta go pee. But I was so high that week and I had the Coke in the sink. With like 10 bags. How do you hide it in the sink? You put it in the baggy, and I would seal the top one only if the cops came and turned the water on. Please, this is the mind of an addict dog. Hope does not sound like fun. No, every time we decide like, when Mike's told you in the beginning of the show that everything is fun for three nights, four nights. And then you see, you get hooked. And now you see the dirt now. It's completely different. There's no jumping. What's that movie? Man on fire. When fucking the dude comes to make a rock. And he says, "Listen, if you decide to go on your route, Mexico's not the place." It's no Margarita. No, no tacos. No, you know, he's like letting them know. Right. If you go on that side of the fence, there ain't no fucking playing him. I remember that part. Yeah, when he goes in to tape the house, and the kid wants to bring the money on his own. Oh, right, right, right. And he schooled him on what not to do. Oh, yeah. So, yeah. So that weekend, motherfucker. I got in Coke like a month earlier. Coke was pink. It was so fucking good. I got two ounces. I took an ounce and gave it to a dear friend of mine. 10 years later, I know he was a DA. No, we don't. When I give you, I tried to put that chapter in the book. I knew this guy for years. Something was never fucking right. And he just, why did you give him an ounce of coke? Because I wanted to get him. I wanted him to take it for me. I didn't want access to it. It was so good. And he was an active DA to live the time. He was an electrician that also taught me how to break alarms. This is scary when I found that you were for something big. No shit. And something made me get the fuck out of there. How's that one for you? Why would he tell you not to break alarms? What was like the, anyway, we can't go there. Okay. The show's not that long time. All right. He didn't. When I first met him, we were, I was just apprentice electrician. Okay. He became dear friends. He had just moved from Minneapolis. Something wasn't right. His wife was fucking gorgeous. And she could have kids or not. I was 19, 18. And they'd have me over every Friday like fucking over. Like, take a moment and dad. And he was young. He wasn't, you know, they were both, you know. He was a good looking dude. Too good looking. They knew a lot of shit. But I worked with them. You know, I worked with them for like a year. And I was tight with them and I came. At that time, he taught me about alarm systems and shit. And then when I came back, he moved out of that place. He lived in an ass man now. Something wasn't right about this building. One of them may be five times. And at that time, one day I went in. His name was Bob. That was his street name, Bob. I forget what our name was. And I became dear. I trusted him. He was like family. I gave him an ounce of coke. So I'm hold on to it. And I took the other ounce. I sold half of it, and I snorted the other half. And then I had this ounce put away. And it was my wife's brother's wedding. And she looked at me, look at the kid from Hollywood. And then I saw you look like when he lost the Oscar. And I was saying, I saw he was looking at the black guy. You fucking cocksucker. I guarantee he looked at that white chicken. He was, I can't believe you fuck black dudes. So what we saying? Oh, no idea. So I gave, I went over it on a Friday afternoon. My fiance at the time. I was taking an aspirin airway flight to Boulder. And then we're going to have the wedding on Saturday. I was going to meet the family, stay over. This is the first time I was going to do something with the family outside. Me taking their daughter to San Francisco. The cops calling the house. And it was just like these people were ready for Uncle Joey. So this is like, you're going to go. You're going to meet the whole family. You're going to be very nice. You're going to have a good time. I got to go to Boulder for a week. And I got to bring some coke with me for the wedding. So I saved an ounce of this shit. I picked it up before I left this house. I did two big fucking spoonfuls. And I called one of my friends and I go, listen, I'll sell you like an ace. I love you, but that's it. And then he came over and me and him hung out like nothing. But then he left. And I'm like, man, it's me and that fucking ounce. I'm starting to snore at Bob. Seven o'clock at night. I finally go for a ride. I get everything I need. Wine coolers. God, shh. Fuckin'. And I just could go. I didn't even wake up Saturday. And one of my flight was at eight. I ain't making that one. And she called me. You're not, where at the airport? Where are you? And I'm like, you're not going to leave what happened. I can only make the 11 o'clock one. She's like, fine. We'll change it. Oh my God. We were so worried. 11 o'clock. I was more fucked up than I was at eight o'clock. I'm like, listen. I'll get down to two o'clock. You're going to miss the reception. That's fine. I'll be there to dance with you. That's fucking, didn't get down to five o'clock. I didn't get down to seven o'clock. They just stopped calling. I got a 11. She knew. And I was in there. I had been in there for two fucking days. Two fucking days. I was hiding the rest of the coat and the sink. I was pissing in a bottle. It was fucking, I was watching the woman in red with Gene Wilde and Kelly LaBrock. And there's a scene she runs out of bed. And you see her bush. I froze it on VHS. You know how good you got to be, to freeze it on VHS and it's sitting there for a while. It's banging out. Nothing would come out. It's a sunny morning. He's not going to come up. You're basically hydrating. I'm beer and water. You had like two chips the day before. You don't know what that feeling is like, so how many times do you have to go back and forth to actually freeze it at the right spot? Look, you're not going to get on the first try. Why was it pro by then? Because in the early eighties, if you rented a hotel, you didn't get the Pono channel. It was still there when it was crooked. Oh, yeah. I remember like fucking wire it. And then you see the guy coming in a face, then it would slam to shit and you have to tell a hold on one second. Let me get this right. Shit. Oh, my God. I can't even imagine. I have no idea what that's like, like just being stuck in a, like, did you, when you were on the phone, when you'd like, think you were going to stop doing Coke or it was like you just knew it was going to, I was hoping that I would stop and get the courage to drive to the app. I wasn't leaving the door. I knew so much that now it, so I stayed up all night for a day, now it's sad and I was starting to get dark. And I got some beer on my, what's that word called when you're putting it away like during the pandemic. People put thought piling. It was stockpiling. Good morning. And going, okay, I'll drink this after 10. I was still looking at the half ounce of that Coke. That's a lot of way. What did you start with? Now it's like 24 grams. And I had like, I had done like 10 and that, I told you that Coke was powerful as shit. The thing's done, okay. I wasn't seeing things, but my house at that time, I lived over the garage. But I didn't live in over the garage. I lived in the man's house because he lived in California. I was thinking, I know, I'm in his fucking house. I'm in the couch, smoked at cigars and shit. I got a Jacuzzi in the back and got a steam room in the back. Oh, yeah. I had a guest room, I had 10 guest rooms in that fucking place. That's the house I showed you years ago, it's worth like, you could rent it for a hundred thousand a month. And it has been during the ski season, a hundred G's, blah, blah, blah, like fucking Mickey Regigiro paid sunny blacks rent, 200 every week, blah, he had to take care of him, the mistress and he had a mistress for the mistress, that's a great line. So yeah, that was a rough weekend. So now, it would happen at the house, it's two, three, and now I go over into the house to check it, because I got stuck in the little house. I would have been in the big house, but I would have been too paranoid, there's too many windows and noises and shit. I mean, there were windows right in the middle, and there was a fucking huge fire place, right? It was over here. was like that. And then right there with a mouth. So if a wolf came over, when I saw a wolf, I would die of a fucking heart attack. I knew I couldn't snort in that house. It was a special, a battle that had a snort and over the garage. But I went over and I saw that somebody broke into the back door. You could see that what the door opened. And you could see two sets of people. I knew they were on to me. I knew somebody was on to me. This isn't no fucking paranoid story. I'm coming at you with this story because years later, I got all the information and what was going on. It all went down because a woman, a accountant, was robbing the city of Asman, and her husband ran the so-called DVDW in Snowmass Village, which was basically shoving slow garbage and fucking salt. Okay. She was robbing the money and they were doing a bunch of coke. They got her robbing the money. And the only way they would let her off is if he made buys for that. Every time he come to my house, he'd talk about, let's meet outside. Let's meet here. This guy wants to meet you, come alone. There was always something. And Asman had a bunch of drug dealers that had been there for years and they knew all the movements. If a DA guy came to town, he said it to Rev Roof. There was no fucking, there was no, what do you guys do? Write it? No, the other one. Yeah, being okay. It would have to stay in plain sight. So everybody knew when they were at the Red Roof Inn, when they were at the Red Roof Inn, operations closed down. And the city, it was fucking weird. They added down that fucking wire. They protected their investment up there, Jack. Anyway, it was setting you up the whole time? So I didn't know any of this. I closed the door, but I noticed that, not my hearts, even worse. Okay, now my paranoia is growing. So now I'm doing two shovels. That's a shot now. About four in the morning, I got so fucked up. I just down in my morning, and they came to the house. What's going on, Joey? And I didn't even open the door for the cops. I don't know, they're out there. Yeah. He's like, out where? I go search around, he came back and he goes, we didn't see nothing, but around the back there's some traction. I'm telling you, all right, call us where we have any problems. All right, I'll wait a while. Again, I'm a one there out there. They come again. Joey, open the door, please. What's up? Listen, I don't know who's out there they're trying to kill me, and it was shit, you know. I didn't say kill, and he closed the door, and then finally the door knocks again, and so one cop. And he goes, hey, put the bag away, OK? Put the fucking bag away. You want me to take it? I think I'm nothing. I thought he was going to arrest me, bro. And meanwhile, the dog's over here. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He's pissing on the wall. And that Monday, I never forgot, I cleaned up that Sunday. I just ate, stayed there. I was disgusted. I finally talked to her. She landed on Sunday night. She didn't talk to me. At that Monday morning, I woke up. I knew I didn't have a home. I woke up and I went right to the police station. And I walked into the chief of police. And we didn't think I was told, oh, yeah, I lied. Somebody fucking put like, met him in my water. There wasn't even no met in those days. Well, water, like the water here, house. I made up a fucking story. That was at the bridge fucking bar. The hotel, which is still there. It's right down the block for where Ted Bundy got his first victim, Colorado, and shit. I'll never forget that bar. That's a great bar. I got a job there just for the security job. So I was gonna put a safe in there so I could sell Coke out of there. I'm way ahead of you. We got more stories. But, what was I saying? Just if you went to the police station, and told them that some of your men in your water, wait, I want to talk to the chief of police. I went in there and I go, hey, man, thank you for doing great work the other night. Thank you for sending your police officers. I don't know what they were thinking. I went to that bar and I sat next to some hippies. And I don't know. I was late. I felt like I was on acid. And I'm like, man, tell people to be aware of the acid. That's how fucked up I was. I'm telling the cops to where I'm putting them on acid. There's no acid. I just have three quarters of an ounce of cocaine. You know, is this bleeding? As you're telling me? And the cops looking straight at me after like 30 minutes. He goes, Joey, put the bag away. What date you got, Tarzan? This weekend, 19th to the 21st. I'm in Lexington, Kentucky with Josh Wolf at comedy off Broadway. Okay. And then the first and the second at Uncle Vinnie's. Oh, shit. Point pleasant. Get ready. Uncle Vinnie's Lisa at get the dinner package. He gets, he gets a bonus if he gets. No, I can't. But it'll be fun and I've heard the food is good. The food is very good. Try it. And I'll be at the Nashville comedy motherfuckin festival April 18th, two days before 420. No, I will not stay for 420. I got shit to do. I got to see the doctor that day because of the 23rd. They cut the knee. But I'm back like the Bionic man August 7th. What's the name of the? Oceans Casino Atlantic City book your room now because rooms are fucking booking. They're flying in from everywhere. Acapuco, Venus, you know what I'm saying? I got a couple of Ryanians coming in for the fucking show with a drone on their hat. Like a little propeller hat with a drone. I got them all showing up. So I'll see you then. But see me before the surgery, I'm, we'll fucking have, we're putting great shows together on the road guys. I'm not bullshitting you. We're back. I'm Coco now. I don't give a listen. Who's watching? A lot of people are watching. Nobody's watching watching. They don't give a fuck about what comes out of them. No, nothing. Yeah. I was all part of the fucking circus. We sat in front of six years ago. People started dropping names and saying nothing happened. Nothing happened. That's why I loved the movie The Seaf. When I watched The Seaf, when I was 18, it set me up for life. Like three of those scenes. William Nelson Tombson, 1000, not to lie to no one. If they cared about you, you're gonna be fucked up with a lie. And at the end of the day, you're gonna fuck the day that you're gonna lie to about. And he tells the other shit about when he was in prison and he went at one of the guards. And anybody who attacked that guard usually died. And he goes, I walked onto the field. I have to spend four months in the hospital, and I had like a wrench in my pocket. And the chick goes, and what happened, he goes, you know what happened? Nothing. That's what happened. By me knocking that dude out, nobody ever messed up me again. Yeah, like a fucking, some of those prison fags, the fuck you do that. Anyway, the edibles hit already. God bless you guys. See you November 20th. I'll be in Austin this week, Thursday night. I got the early show, but listen. That's all in tickets for like two grand online. Did you see that shit? Really? Yeah, for like a $200, for like a $35 ticket, but you can't, because to go, you have to bring your ID. You can't stop that. So I don't know what they're doing. Yeah, and you'll always be back. Somebody sent me like a thing on Facebook, the messenger. You know what? Did you see this? Lavety, oh shit. Lavety, West Nyag, April 1st, Brooklyn, Brooklyn, no. See? I'm sorry. Turn up, you motherfuckers. West Nyag, I'm the first, the ninth. It's a bucket show at the Dojo. And then on the 15th, where Brooklyn is shit in pro, what's the name, what's the name of the song? No. Sleep. To Brooklyn. All right. See you next week. Thank you for watching the show. We love you. Stay black. [MUSIC PLAYING]