The Greyhound to Hell

kick this motherfucking meal lee what's happening beautiful people uncle joey here for another fun filled episode of the church of what's happening now new testament whatever the hell it is next to me is my sidekick and favorite jewish person fucking johnny hitler aka lee syatt wanted to welcome you we had a great fucking weekend you know everything's going great what's up with you beautiful oh my god i'm still i think that was the most milligrams we've taken in a week since we left la maybe i did come the time i came to visit you when we first moved and i offered the lady a slice of pizza was also a lot but the because we started we did monday wednesday thursday friday saturday yeah we went deep every night oceans casino was fantastic the brooklyn improv was fantastic i want to thank everybody who came out i mean uh you know i owe you one atlantic city was uh sensational we turned we made it into a family trip and fucking we had 11 of us down there 13 of us eating steaks and chinese and gambling and losing and uh yeah lee got killed i finally got killed on saturday night i gave him what i had made the night before and it was fine i was fine with it i was having such a good time doesn't matter i mean we played saturday night we're at the table for like fucking an hour and a half same table with 200 bucks just giving it back and forth back and forth and i like that shit you know it's not like you go down there and lose 2 000 i couldn't live with myself after that but really 100 yeah that would piss you off not even bet that big you know and i know already that if you're down 800 and you go upstairs and get another 500 you're just gonna lose it when it ain't your night it ain't your night and that's how we make mistakes we go back to win what we lost and now we're in a deeper hole you come back the next day you think about where you went wrong like anything else in life maybe i wasn't patient enough maybe i fucking didn't read the cards right whatever and you give it another chance but you know it's not like i'm in a casino every other week i'm in a casino with you guys when was the last time we gambled in florida and tampa you know so you have to listen they pay us to be there we have to give them a little something back that's the way i look at it to make the trip complete to its full circle and there's no speed like i used to go to a casino in vegas and drop 20 on wheel of fortune and go home that's not right that's not right well that's not right because you but were you doing you you were probably doing that when you were broke going there broke too though i just didn't see me sit on a listen if i win a 200 bucks on the wheel i'll stay there to try to win an extra 100 i'll lose 100 and take home 100 i'm one of those guys we already made two let's see if we can make three but if i lose one on my journey we're out of that the machine stuck whatever the fuck then you sit on another machine then you hit the jackpot so you never fucking know i can't do that's why they call it gambling man you never know but you lose what you could afford and that's what i could afford to lose 200 without getting because i would beat myself up right i would beat myself up but when i bet 25 bucks on a draft kings thing and the team don't do what it's supposed to do i get pissed off yeah can you imagine four five thousand six thousand a hundred thousand like drake a million dollars like drake that's that's beyond me and i was betting that much i couldn't play i love you guys i made 82 million dollars doing this podcast like rogan right i would still go down with the same attitude maybe take 500s out and put on the table and lose i just don't want to lose give it to a fucking casino no i don't either but you guys like this gambling with you guys is is a lesson in patience for me because you guys do stuff that you're not supposed to pedro and i think i forget who it was it was you and pay two people stayed on 13s against and we won yeah oh but that then that upsets me even more and we won you have no idea how much that guy was going i had i that motherfucker was i was going under on him for two hands while you sat there and complained we were winning so but you won the wrong way listen there's no rules there are rules there's no rules you followed the rules and you lost all your money i know which is upsetting that's what i'm saying there's no rules you're playing with your stomach it's a fucking gamble it's a gamble when i got 13 i'm praying for that and he's got a 10 i'm praying for that motherfucker to bust and he is gonna bust he did it that night like eight fucking times in a row he busted you know you just feel it and you stick with it i'm not gonna do this because all the book says all those book writers they don't win a dime they really don't do is everyone a book yeah they did this they made 11 million why ain't they still doing it knock it the fuck off oh it's a hot street you get hot you go and it's like getting a tv show as a comedian you gotta pass the hurdles gotta shoot you gotta do all these things for the moon to align right and it's the same thing with gambling if you're gonna make you know fifty thousand dollars like i see dana white betting a million a hand those guys they're animals but they got the loot to do that shit it's not even about the loot for me it's about what i'm willing to give up but i'm not gonna fucking play on some rules oh you got you were shaking your head constantly but we kept winning and you have no idea how angry you are you're not gonna play on some rules you're not gonna play on some rules you're not gonna be that made me well not that you would win but like it was because we're playing off the cuff meanwhile i was trying to mind my business he's got a long car he's got a fine car all you motherfuckers got a lot to say but you ain't fucking winning so knock it the fuck off well at least we're alive at least i was alive for a little while yeah oh yeah and it's we're playing low stakes so and you're my friends i wasn't gonna say but it was dude i've played in like commerce or like the like the not nice casinos and people will fucking there would have been like a fight i don't give a fuck that's their problem the only reason why you would get mad is if you're losing regardless of what you do but the thing but what they say is is like if you don't pull a card or if you do pull a card it throws off the shoe who gives a fuck about the shoe i'm worried about me i don't give a fuck about the shoe gambling is a gamble that's why they call it gambling so i'm gonna do everything i can to increase my odds to win and if it's making a mistake you're going listen man i remember 20 years ago talking to dice outside and he goes to me you want to book a fucking show do the audition backwards and i'm like come on man he goes do it backwards and talk to the camera when the camera's not rolling because it really is rolling and i did it and i booked wow because it's something different yeah but you motherfuckers want to show up with the same rules from 1950 world's changed world's changed world's changed but blackjack will always be blackjack regardless of what you hit on or if i was hitting on 13 and kept losing then i'm a fucking retard then i got autism you follow me i get i dude it was you're betting by emotion man when i wake up some days when i wake up some days on a saturday and i'm like elia topor is fighting just engaging i could be like the rest of the day these fucking suckers and put a hook in my mouth and bet elia to put elia no you want to make it exciting go the opposite fucking way if i bet elia i'm only gonna make three bucks right so go the other way even if it's 25 bucks and a knockout those knockouts in the ufc like if you better fight straight on ain't no money but if you predict the knockout by mistake you went like 180 200 on 25 bucks yeah all the fucking time submission of the night whatever the fuck it is so why not do it i don't want to bet i don't want i don't ever want to do in life what everybody else is doing because you know what everybody else is failing yeah the people that do what everybody else is doing you're failing you didn't even give you chances a human being you're a failure oh none of my friends have watches i gotta go get an eighty thousand dollars you're a loser you're a fucking loser your mother taught you not to be a fucking follower since day one and that's what we've all become in this fucking life followers yeah followers and the fucking people you're picking to follow are the biggest morons in the world as a as a human being you're picking these guys that got no substance they put a tattoo on and a goatee and all of a sudden they're philosophers fuck you fuck you who the fuck are you it's hard especially with like because when i first started gambling there was a lot of pressure like i'd go to those casinos and people would get like that so that's why i did it but i always because they the casino sells like those books so maybe yeah maybe they are fucking with you yeah those books are bullshit the people who write those books haven't won a dime in 20 years since they wrote that book and now they want to tell you their system probably does work once in a while but every night that game changes and emotions change and fucking feelings and gut feelings change and when i play that i don't know what i'm doing but i play by my gut i'm a street guy i got a little i got a bet that he's gonna bust yeah he fucking will ever since he pulls that fourth card out he's doing it on purpose oh there was 10 times you have to pull that fourth card out you don't think so i don't think so but he didn't give a fuck do we have that dealer who And did you count it as magic, the dealer who kept calling what card was going to end? It's whatever the fuck it is. Oh, it was amazing. He's a great card dealer. And he would call the card right in front of us, this is going to be the, and he was correct every fucking time. Like 10 times in a row. 10 times in a row that dude was right. They were, because I was high, and it's obvious I was high, but they were like, oh, he's looking before. And probably, one of the funniest things, that was one of the funniest things I've ever seen at a casino, was when, like, it was probably me telling Pedro what to do, like what the book says. Like, he didn't want a double, he didn't want, and Pedro's a very confident guy, but he didn't like, really, the gambling stuff. Keep it simple. Keep it simple. One time, and he lost, I think, a double or something, and he just, the rest was like, stop talking to me, leave me alone. I did the double one time, I lost one hand. That's it. Done. What are we doing this for? Let's play straight up. Because you can double your money. Yeah, I know. And then you, again, you were broke. You could double your money. That's what you were doing, and you lost. That's what I'm saying to you. Keep it fucking simple. Keep everything in your life simple. That's when they fucking nail you. That's like the guy that calls you and says, I put a 13 bet parlay in. You just gave away your money, bro. Yeah. The chances of you hitting that are slim and none. Then they hit it, like Ciccarelli. Yeah, anybody can pick it up. Take 15 at home. Call the bet in. 15 things have to go right. 15 fucking things have to go right. That's why they call parlays a sucker's bet. Yeah. You take the 25 you're going to gamble, and the 18 on prop bets, the 1,000 you're going to put on prop bets, and just bet what you're feeling with everything you got. Bet one bet, yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you're going to start fucking around, there's a ton of loopholes for gambling. And there's a ton of loopholes that don't get you in that shit. I took a beat when I was younger. I was next to a guy that lost 100 grand in a month. Don't tell me nothing about nothing. He was 18 years old. He won his first $1,000 parlay he put in. You know what that pays? First bet you put in, he won a $1,000 parlay. Think about that. That's a lot of fucking money. Yeah. And after that, he kept winning. Because he was goofy. He kept winning. There was one time he had 50 grand under his bet. But then he went the wrong side of the soup bowl with the Dolphins, and the Redskins fucked him up. Oh, no. I remember you. And it's so weird. I would love to be able to go into a casino, and I don't want to lose it, but I want to go to the table with like 100 grand, or even 10 grand. And just make big. Because what Dana White does is the way you actually make money. That's how you do it. Because you're never good. The way we did it is like we went in there hoping we would win. But if we lose, it's okay. Because we're just going to have a fun night. In theory, what you're supposed to do is go in and put three or four bets in and lose. You got to go by yourself. Yeah. That's number one. You want to get your hands dirty by yourself. You don't want some broad there. I'm tired. When are we going to go home? Listen, we're not going home. Go to the fucking room. That's why I told you not to even come down here with me. That's why guys do that. They don't want to be fucking bothered. They're going there to win and to focus. They don't need people, you know, like just bumped into this guy and who gives a fuck. You know, Amanda Merlo showed up yakking. We were nice and quiet there. But I don't know what the fuck we were talking about. You know, I don't need that shit. When you're trying to make money, you want to be focused. So it's like anything else. You're going in there fucking, you drink those Red Bulls. Don't they focus you? Oh, yeah. A line of Coke and you just go, bro. That's why. That's why those card players play Coke. They do Coke. Oh, yeah. They have to. And weed does help. It slows things down. And we were up. Weren't we out on Friday until like four or five in the morning? Yeah. One in the morning, Friday night. Uncle Joey here and Fight Night is here and DraftKings has you covered. The DraftKings Sports app is now available in all 50 states. You're in on the excitement at the speed of sports. Listen. DraftKings customers sign up with code Joey, J-O-E-Y. You spend five bucks to get 150 in rewards within 14 days. That's code Joey, J-O-E-Y, in partnership with DraftKings, where the crown is always yours. Bet with DK Sportsbook. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. 1-800-MY-RESET. Connecticut? Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas, that tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. 21 and over. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get bonus bets that expire in seven days. Trade to get predictions dollars that expire in one year. $50 in rewards issued every seven days via click-to-claim for 14 days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Nationwide based on Sportsbook predictions and free-to-play sports contest availability. Varies by state. Terms at dkng.co slash offer. Limited time offer. And two on Thursday, I think. Two on Saturday. Who gives a fuck? How do you feel today? A little tired. I was tired yesterday. Woo! I went to bed early last night. Got up. Went out and ran some errands. And I got home at 1.40. I had a piece of ziti. And I went right to sleep this afternoon. That was all I can handle. I was tired. I couldn't focus. I couldn't even. She put a chicken cutlet. I didn't even want it. Wow. I didn't even want the chicken cutlet. I just wanted to go to sleep. I couldn't fucking take it. You didn't want to chew. Was that the most stand-up you've done? In a week? In a while? Three hours? When I go to Austin, I do three shows. Yeah, but you don't even usually. You don't normally do like 45 in Austin? No, no. Yeah? That's been since before the pandemic. That type of shit. That's crazy. Did you feel better by the end of the weekend? Like, did you feel like you were doing better? Mm-hmm. The shit I wanted to come out didn't come out. But whatever came out worked that night. You don't think so? No. You weren't happy with it? I had some other shit that I wanted. But I'm forgetting shit now. When I was up there, I didn't remember anything. Really? I had to use my closer in the middle just to I was wondering why you didn't. wake myself up because I didn't know what was going on. I couldn't grasp anything and nothing was popping up in my fucking coconut, so maybe I'm getting old. Nah, it happens to me sometimes. No, it doesn't. Not like that. You know, listen, every time I go on stage, it'll take time for me to remember to say one joke. Sometimes I just want to try one thing. Mm-hmm. That's the focus of it. Somewhere in the middle, when I got them already going, I'd be willing to just throw something at them. When I forget to do that, I don't care if I get 18 standing ovations. Right. I'm fucking furious because what I came to say, I didn't say. I got caught up in the moment. Yeah, that sucks. And people rather you get caught up in the moment anyway, so. Oh, yeah. But it felt good. You know, the casino was great. The place was beautiful. Brooklyn was sensational. I mean, everybody did great. Everybody had a great week this week. Yeah. Every single comic that touched that stage this week had a fantastic week. The younger guys, they're getting their confidence now in the big room. That's it. Now it's like nothing to them. They're getting their confidence. At first, it was intimidating. And again, like the guy said, Al Pacino in that football movie, you're on the corner with your friends, dog. You're on the corner with your friends. You're just cracking jokes. Yeah. Your mom calls and says, hey, dinner. And you got one play. Run to the car and make a left. It's the same shit. It's the same shit. You're on the corner with your buddies in front of the hash race. When I'm on stage, I don't see 3,000 people. That's like four or five guys I'm talking to. Really? I'm on the corner. For me to be really effective, I got to be on the corner. Right. If not, I'm on the sidewalk in the middle of the street with a bucket asking for donations from one of those guys. But if I'm on the corner, I'm on fire. And that's what I always want to be, on the corner. It was very interesting. I heard Pedro last night. You're starting to laugh on stage. Oh, yeah. And that makes the audience laugh. That shows them that you're having a good time. And, you know, what's that? Enthusiasm builds whatever. Fuck it. It's the same thing. We're laughing. So everybody's laughing. Everybody's on a fucking. My friend called me today. Said she sat behind two gay guys that were making out. And when I was doing the joke about gay guys, they were both shaking their head. We can beat up fucking fags. That's amazing. Fuck, yeah. Everyone had good sets. No one, like, Staten Island was a little bit rowdy. I don't even think the shows got rowdy. I think they were just, they were there to have fun. They were there to have fun, man. The enthusiasm was in the air. It happens once in a while. That was the perfect weekend for comedy. I'm grateful that at 63, I can still pull something off with you guys. I'm really grateful about that. Like, nobody has an idea. Like, right now. I'm supposed to be on a fucking ship. You know? I'm supposed to be on a ship with a ukulele fucking telling old man jokes and shit. I'm still in the running. So I'm very grateful for that. I'm very grateful that I built this with a lot of you guys. And I'm really happy for you and Pedro and Becky. You know, everybody did a fucking great job. Vic did really well. Vic opened up. Vic opened up. So all that shit I see, look. I moved here. I had this fucking negative attitude. I was burnt down from L.A. I was withdrawn from Xanax. And I couldn't get. The words that I tried to get on stage a few times, but it wasn't working and I stepped away from it I never thought I could go back like I always thought I would just do open mics now You know just do the podcast and do that when I went to kill Tony and I bumped into that great agent He goes is what I would be doing with you and made a lot of sense So I went back to my you know, this is what needs to be done. Forget the weekends in Chicago I'm not doing a second show two nights in a row either festivals casinos or one-nighters That's what I can handle in my age. That's right. Give you a hundred percent on right everything else You're just gonna force the fucking hands. So if you want me to go down Thursday by Friday night late I'm either gonna quit or go home Because it's too much. It's right. I just need one show a night right now Just to keep it together for one show. That's all I need. I need to do anything else I need to go around the world in the circus Nothing. I'm just trying to maintain. Yeah Stay funny stay irrelevant whatever the fuck that word is relevant, you know We got the place in Austin. That'll give me a little bit more stage time every month And we'll try to put the pieces together here the best that we can And that's all you could ask for. Yeah, and dude, and it's just fun Like it's fun when you're having fun cuz like you you had that scooter for like a couple days Beating the horn driving on the stage with it That was amazing hanging into the walls and the other way this shit Reverse would fucking go two miles an hour two miles an hour. You were doing 18 miles you went Fucking Thursday night was a lot of walking Yeah, and when I went up there that night what happened was my brace went down so all the fluid came up here Like it is now it was fucking on fire. I couldn't get ice cubes up there I don't fucking walk to the end of the hallway and I didn't have a bag I had to use like a fucking plastic bag A reefer bag I had with four ice cubes, you know So when Nick said he'd get you the scooter Fuck it. Let's scoot this motherfucker. I got no shame. Oh, no, fuck that. I would love a scooter My knee is on fucking fire man. I got no shame Took me ten minutes to walk down these stairs just now. Really? Yeah, I was up there for a while George was cooking. It took me fucking ten minutes to walk down those fucking stairs so we're trying to Find the best we can and you don't want to just cut it off. I was thinking about it little peg leg is shit Fuck it Just but have the scooter. I get like one of those Vietnam legs Stick Vietnam land mine or something like that. You could do a lot of things with it now Like they have like attachments you could put on. Yeah a vacuum, but they could vacuum with my foot Plunger and my toes so I could shut up your ass and clean it Spins around you know I'm saying my toe in your asshole perfect It would just spin around and clean all the fucking mud out of you I'd have a fucking leg that made a million dollars a year services just from here. We just go after other fat guys Anybody who wants to tow up their ass anybody who wants, you know, I'll figure it the fuck. I need your car towed Yeah, whatever you need brother, oh my god, but these weekends you need once in a while I'll let you know that What you're doing you're on the right? Track mm-hmm this doesn't happen every weekend no it doesn't every weekend you have a great weekend you get to the plane It's the late 10 hours or Saturday night. Somebody has a heart attack during the first show You know there's always fucking something, but these weekends you have to look at and go you need these weekends Just to make the other ones feel normal Yeah, and I expected like there was no there was no flying. I pulled a you I want like Because I drove down on Friday on Thursday With with our buddy George and I just wanted to get home I left I left my wife with the dog for a few days and I felt bad So I just wanted to get home after the show on Saturday Our friend was driving to Philly. I took a ride to Philly and we missed the train Cuz I who gave me a ride to Philly our friend from Virginia because he was driving back But the thing when people drive and they smoke weed He was driving like ten miles into the speed limit. I was just waiting for my trash cup seeing the time go up I like this tram never gonna make this fucking train So I'd pull do you remember when I went when I got stuck in Bakersfield net to take a Greyhound back to LA? I think I took a Greyhound from Philly at 4:30 in the morning. Oh, and there was a church lady on there on I don't when this woman was like an older and if she wasn't an older black lady would have been upset But she was like an older black lady Who? From the moment I got on the bus at 4:30 until we got to New York at 6:30 Did not stop talking to someone. I've not just someone on the phone and she was laughing I've never had as good of a conversation as she had she and her friend or whoever was at 4:30 in the morning Did not stop talking being taught and it was just she was on the phone with somebody and it was a bit and she was laughing And someone tried to steal my seat. I had to kick him out of my seat on the bus because you get like assigned seats, but it was Dude, I I miss the Greyhound. I feel like you have to take every once in a while Just to like get a little bit like I'll tell you I'll let you take and you can tell me all about it When was the last Greyhound you took? Oh years ago, really? Dude, I can't imagine doing the long ones. You did. I've the longest I've done is like three four hours 16 years 17 years. What is it like getting on in LA and getting off in, Texas? It is on Forever Three four hours. They had the 11:30 Out of LA that got you to El Paso the Express gets you there at 1:00 But that bus has problems all the fucking time Like one time I went down and for some reason there was a whole like two people per seat. They had to be 20 Asians Oh my god couple Mexicans with hats and ladies selling tamales on the fucking bus And the heat broke and bro, those Chinese people started stinking like the the the Ginsu comes out of them the the deep fucking soy sauce, which I love but That's it degrees. Yeah, it was burning. The Mexicans were kicking. Everybody was kicking But at time we got to El Paso up that fucking thing another time I got a bus and I'll pass over the gram of blow and I did two lines and a mile out the fucking cop pulled us over So I had to do the entire gram in one shot with the dog by the time they got to me I had no shirt on Back and shit. You have no idea That El Paso run and I would hop on those buses like nothing because that guy would give me work all the time He would call me for all the fallouts and shit. So I was on a bus once a month just going to El Paso sometime Oh my god how long and what did you say that was like a 12 hour drive or something? Like 13 12 it only stops 3 to P and that's it the food you're eating on that shit Those places are fucking horrible And I was going everywhere on the East Coast Buffalo's my favorite bus station What does Buffalo have everything entertainment? Somebody's getting beat up outside Somebody's getting stabbed. It is that's why I got a gold chain for 13 bucks For that chain lasted for years. Was it really gold? It was fucking 100% gold Holy shit, I had just robbed he was running down the street I got an egg McMuffin and I gave him whatever I gave him whatever was left from the egg McMuffin It was an egg McMuffin special, you know the juice the whole thing was like a $2 $3 So he goes I'll take the $50 as a bro. All I got is this he looked around take it And he ran off into the hills of Buffalo and fucking I had a gold chain How often would you buy stuff from people like that just depends another time I was on that bus? Up there. Okay, and you have to stop it Rochester, okay, and then like Albany or vice versa Syracuse and Rochester I don't forget I got on the bus. I was on the bus and the girl got on that was Smoking with fucking you know hot pants on the halt the bra She sat next to me What she did that was that was the best conversation around the bus she was a stripper and I Don't know what New York law she was talking about. If you have like VD or something you can't dance She had something so they wouldn't let her dance in Rochester So she had to go to Syracuse before the permit whatever the license got revoked She had like the jack to some shit. So she's like if I go up there and work three nights I could feed my baby, you know She's sitting next to you touching you. No, she wasn't touching me she was just talking about that she got some type of STD and It burned her pussy and all this shit the guy came in and I'm sitting there going Jesus Fucking Christ. I just met this girl on the bus and she's talking about having it Fucking VD and maybe HIV or whatever fuck he's got and I'm like do people tell you those things like is that are you just someone? Who like people randomly tell you crazy shit? Oh, I used to sit on those things things with those days i used to have what's a cd player yeah this man there This man, I would sit there with my speakers on. I'd rather not talk to anybody. Oh, yeah, I know you'd rather, but, like, if you're just out, will people, like, and I'm not saying they even know who you are, but I have, I don't know, I have one of those faces that people love to just come up and, like, tell me things. Or, and it's, like, I wish they wouldn't. Like, dude, if someone sat down next to you. Like the hooker at the Ha Ha that night with the black eye. Yeah, well, she had a, the neck brace, shit, and then you left. You knew that, you didn't know what was going on. The reason proud. Why, last check. Yeah, get her out of there. Why you want me hanging? You were dancing with her and squeezing her. Yeah, in my mind, I was like, oh, shit, I'm going to, like. Lee was dancing. I'm brand new to L.A. I don't know what the fuck is happening. Then she hit Lee up for a little checky pool, and Lee's like, I got to go. No, exactly. I left, I left my credit card at the bar. I was so nervous. I've only got, like, 28 bucks in my ATM. It wasn't the amount of money. It was fucking, oh, my God. She would have rocked your world. For the small four. She would have done something. I don't think it would have been good. Could you imagine a chick with an active neck brace, and I think a bandage on her head. Like, she was, it wasn't, she escaped from the hospital. Listen, you got to assume that when that chick rips that neck brace off, she could suck your dick to death. You know what I'm saying? Like, blood will come out without the neck brace. Out of who, me or her? Both of you. Oh, my God. Blood will come out of your dick, and blood will come out of your ears from the fucking vacuum you're causing in there. Oh, I didn't. I didn't see many hookers in Atlantic. I expected there to be. I saw, like, two of them. Yeah? They were very slick. Very good looking. Not like Florida, where they're just out? No, these were very slick. Well, depends on the hotel. Oh, okay. I just saw two of them, maybe. A white one and, like, a black one. Oh. And both of them were banging. But. I was expecting, like, a lot grimier. Maybe Oceans is just nice. Oceans is nice. White people. I told you from the beginning. It's white people. Driving into Atlantic City was fucked up. Driving, especially, and it's nothing against Atlantic City at all, but, you know, I come from L.A., so I'm used to driving into Vegas. And then we drive in, and everyone's excited, and it's just like, I think I saw, like, a Ross dress for less. It wasn't like, it was like, there was a Dollar General at one point. I mean, dog, Atlantic City, the surrounding areas. The casino. Are very rough. And they tell you for years, don't leave the hotel at night. Yeah. They'll tell you. All those hotels, they'll tell you, listen, when you sign in, please don't leave the hotel. Let us know, and we'll get it for you. Because even, like, white whatever sandwiches is open, and they won't let you go over there at night. They'll send one to the fucking casino. So, you know, Atlantic City's never been known. A couple people got mugged down there. You know, comedians. Yeah. But you got to walk through that crowd. Listen, if you go outside at night, and sit outside whatever casino you're at, facing the boardwalk. Right. You'll see them. You'll see them. They're up to no good. They're doing something. They're watching people come out with winnings, and they follow them. Did you go outside of the casino? I didn't. I went out the one day just to see what the day was like, and it was hot. And I came back in that morning. I didn't even see the boardwalk. I have no idea. I saw it from my window. I didn't see anything. You saw it from the window, and the fucking, at one point it was about to rain, and Mercy goes, Look, Daddy, the fucking, the beach, the umbrellas were flying on the beach. People were chasing them. Some guy fell. It was fucking classic. But no, that's not your ordinary boardwalk. Okay? That's a darkness type of boardwalk. Yeah. And it's. Like, when I hear boardwalk, I think, like, Santa Monica and kids are running around. Not that fucking boardwalk. No. No. No. Would you let Mercy walk even during the daytime, like, be out there by herself? No, I think she went out there with her mother, though. Right, yeah, with an adult. Yeah, of course. But not at night to play fucking games and shit. You're crazy. Oh, my. What is going on with her? Every time I see Mercy, like, she's eventually. I don't know if she's going to do it for a living, but she's going to do something. She's going to do some sort of stand-up at some point. Because she. No one talks more shit to me than Mercy. How short I am. She said I look like Billy Joel. She's like taking pictures and putting, like, little emojis of apples next to me to see how many apples tall I am. And it never ends with her. It's fucking. Does she roast you? Does she, like, attack you guys? Does she like that too, guys? No, does she, like, roast you guys? Like, talk shit to you? Or no? Oh, yeah. She always talks shit to me about some or the other. I just giggle. She's a young kid. She doesn't really know the fucking consequences. She's just. And then they learn. Then take somebody and go, hey, knock it the fuck off, and then she'll stop. Oh, I don't give a fuck. No. I think it's great. You know, it's very weird to watch somebody grow in front of you. But then again, I've seen all you guys grow in front of me. She's not the only one, you know? But, like, I've seen Becky grow in two years. She's a different person. Yeah. When you see somebody grow like that, you know, and you're there every day and you talk to them, it's very. Listen, man, I don't know if you guys know this or not. Yeah, I like to smoke pot. I like to do edibles. I'm a little sloppy with the edibles. But I'll tell you what. I got a lot to deal with. At my age, I deal with a lot. Nothing bad. It's my own mental health issues. But I deal with them. I deal with. You know, guys. You guys think I just show up to a show and when I walk off there. When I leave a fucking, like, a show Friday night, I got to go sit for five minutes. I got to go think about what the fuck am I seeing here? What the fuck just happened? I'm 63 years old. I'm at a fucking casino. We're fucking rocking with a bunch of young kids. I mean, what is going on? Right. So everything I do, I live in, like. When I get in the car and you guys think I'm angry or something, I'm not angry. I'm just going. What the fuck? Can somebody fucking tell me what the fuck just happened? Even if, like. When I take mercy on the morning, when I'm walking to the bus, when the bus takes off, I got, like, a tear in my eye. I go, what the fuck just happened? None of this was in the script. None of this was in the life plan. None of this. I could see if you wanted to be an attorney and you grew up to be the best attorney in New York City. It's what you wanted. As a kid. As a kid, I wanted to be, like, a fucking. I don't know. I don't know what I wanted to be. An attorney or some shit? In the Army? I didn't see this. And when I got into stand-up, I loved to tell all of you guys that I loved to think that I was going to be the next Martin Lawrence. That was not the case. I knew who I was. And I knew where I came from. But I misunderstood where I came from. What do you mean? Because where I came from, balls are huge. So I forgot that I had those between my legs. And I had this background of where I grew up and how I grew up. And I knew that it was a shitty life how I grew up. But I knew that one day it would be beneficial to me later on in the future. That's the only thing I knew. That because of the shit I saw as a young guy and different situations I was around, it was shitty. But later on, it's going to give me the edge in other things. And it did. It did. It did. It really did. It gave me edge in stand-up. It made me fight for what I believed in, which is what this town teaches you. And I always tell people, the first year of high school, these guys won a state championship and nobody was taller than 5'10". They were Italian fireplugs. For basketball? Football. They were Italian. I went to Giant Stadium and watched it. And I was like, these guys are fucking tiny. But it was the heart they had. They refused to take no for an answer. And that's something that sticks with you forever. And that's the same way I saw comedy. But again, that doesn't change the outlook. I never saw myself in a casino doing fucking theaters. People coming up to you and saying they want to take a picture. I never saw this shit. Right. I never saw this shit before. It wasn't like, I can't wait for this. No. It just happened organically. And now I got to deal with it. I can push it. I can push it off and say this isn't happening. It's fucking happening. And it's real. And I got to fucking, you know, I got to deal with it. Having a 13-year-old daughter being me. And then just when I pull up to my house, guys. How many times I pull away from there in the morning and go, whose house is this? Do you know how many times I pull up and pull up into the garage and I don't open the garage door because I think the house, they came to take it? Because everything I had wrong, they came to take. What's the difference? Right. When you're a criminal, they take everything. Your apartment, your condo, my ex-wife, the dog, they took everything. So every time I pull up to the house, I'm like, when is this house going to be taken away from me? But it's mine. Yeah. It's mine. We fucking paid for it with hard sweat and doing comedy and missing flights and fucking, you know. So you guys don't understand what I deal with because I don't believe this is true. I still believe that George is going to wake me up and say, dog, you're late. for the bus. I'm going to wake up on this $19 93. Who's Nick Ascolis? George, you seen Nick Ascolis? Who the fuck is Nick Ascolis? Have you seen Lee Syatt? Who's Lee Syatt? Little Jewish guy. Come on. You saw him all the time when you came to California. George, Joey, what California? I haven't left Cliffside in 10 years, you know? So do you understand me? For me, all this is very. When I wake up in the morning and I get a cup of coffee and I see people rushing off to work and I go, am I the only idiot here that's sitting here drinking coffee? Things have been going well I don't know, 10 or 11 years, I would say. Like, really? I mean, I've been with you since 2011 and you were doing, like, you were selling tickets at clubs, but I don't think it was selling out yet. No. Is it starting to, like, sink in at all or it's still just as crazy? It's what? Is it starting to sink in and become. Is it starting to become a little bit normal to you or is it. No, it'll never be normal to me. No? Every week I have a fucking. Not a nervous breakdown, but I have a doubt. Like, how long is this gonna fucking keep going? Oh, it's my favorite part of the week with you. When are they gonna take this house? When are they gonna come take this car? You know, when? When is all this gonna just. Joey, you were fucking dreaming. Yeah, but I was at the comedy store for 20 years. Comedy store? There's no comedy store. That's only. That's only in your head. That's what I expect to hear one of these days. That's how crazy I am. So all this to me, when I go to Austin and I get on stage and people talk to me afterward, I shake my fucking head. Didn't they see how bad I did? I mean, so that's how I look at things. I'm never. It's not that I'm negative. I'm not negative at all. I just can't believe some of this shit is going on in my life right now. Yeah. I cannot believe. At 63, I gotta. I gotta go shoot a movie tomorrow. Wednesday. Nick was saying, are you excited? Yeah, I'm excited. It's one day on a movie. But yeah, I'm really fucking excited. I haven't shot anything in three years. And just maybe getting on the set again will give me some insight to get on there a lot more because I'd like to do a lot more acting work. I always figured I'd pick up something in the next couple of years that I would reoccur, like for five or six years, like Junior Soprano. He didn't get that shit, though. He was old. That'd be nice. Yeah. He was like, he was like 75 or some shit when he got that. And then you're doing something with. God damn it, I'm breaking it. T.J. English. Yes, you're hosting a book event. I'm doing. Listen, man, I was watching this, the Westies show, and it's a great show on. on MS. whatever the fuck it's on. What's it on, George? MGM. It's on MGM Grand. And, you know, it's a good show. It keeps me. But it's not the story I heard T.J. English. So when I saw the first three or four episodes, I got an idea to call T.J. English and go, T.J., why don't we, before these idiots absorb what's coming out of that TV series, why don't you do a book presentation? He goes, it's funny you're calling me because the 30th anniversary is September 1st. Fuck yeah. And I go, let's do it. So we got the cutting room on 44th Street, the 7 o'clock show. And I'm going to moderate. Ask him some creepy questions. Yeah. And he'll do the explaining. I don't know if he's going to have books there for sale or if he should and autograph some of them. I don't know, but it's not me doing stand-up. I'll bust his balls a little bit, but it's no stand-up. It's just me. It's like the actor's studio. Yeah, yeah. I'm just going to ask him stupid questions about his life and his books, you know, but primarily that book. And I told him. I talked to him Thursday before I left that day and I said, you know, I'm really blessed that I could communicate with one of my favorite authors. You know, I mean, I love Stephen King. I love that dog book. I like Carrie. I like the book on writing. I love Stephen King. But I don't talk to Stephen King. Right. I would love to beat him up for three minutes and just hear the story. Yeah. That guy's weird as it is. Oh, yeah. His mind is somewhere else. You want, that dude was smoking coke. With three hands. He used to have to fucking put napkins in his nose so they wouldn't bleed on the scripts. Yeah, he was a cokehead. But that's, you know, to be that good as a writer and to think those thoughts, think of where you got to be coming from. Cujo. That's my favorite book ever. That book scared me for fucking a week. I was in prison. I was more scared of Cujo than the black guys in prison. Oh, shit. So that's when you know that you have a fucking problem. Yeah. So I told TJ, I go, TJ, you have to get in one of those master classes. That they teach on NYU that are like online and people could ask you creepy questions and you're their author, man. I mean, he's written some great books that I admire. He knows where I'm coming from. I know where he's coming from. So it just, it's a perfect pair. It'll be like a glorified podcast. Hey, Uncle Joe here. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp can help you find affordable mental health care. 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Stop scratching your head, figuring out how you're going to put this together, figuring out how you're going to get your dick nice, big, and strong, and blue. You got to go BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information. And I want to thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast and the bedroom, Jack. That's right. Slinging dick. Yeah, it's going to be a podcast. I feel like a lot of times when you see someone talking about a book, the person interviewing them hasn't read it. You've read it. Yeah. I'm reading it right now. You've also written a book. I didn't have a chance to read it in Atlantic City. No. I tried reading it one night and I was like, I can't read this right now. I just want fucking $300 playing crafts or something, whatever. No, plus you want it to be fresh in your mind. But the stand-up will come out, just being on your feet and being funny. It's going to be way better than just having a book reviewer or another expert on the Westies lead the discussion. It's going to be a fun talk and you'll talk shit, I'm sure. One thing I like about TJ's style is that he does a lot of research. A lot of research. He tells me his books are three years. One year is just research. Police departments, he's in there. So he'll find it. If it's there, he'll fucking find it. And I appreciate that. He does little things that when you read his books, you're like, fuck, how'd he figure that out? It's pretty impressive. So I'm just really lucky that I can call him up from time to time and ask him. I always hit him up about writing. Yeah. Like, I'm having a hard time and he'll tell you what to do and little things, you know. And listen, man, I have mentors too. He's one of my mentors and my biggest mentor is Rudy Sarzo. That guy has brought me to here. Like, the last couple years after the pandemic, I would talk to him all the time and he would just say little things to me. He would say, do the stand-up not like you were doing it. Do one show a month but do it as a labor of love. If you're not going to love it, don't go. Stay home. And I thought about what he said and he was right and that's what he's doing now. He's 78 leading a bunch of young people kids in a quiet riot band. 78. And he goes out every week. He just came from Canada, Rudy. So his motivation and the way he does things have fucking just enlightened me how he does shit. And especially with music, I can't do it at all. So I have no idea how to wrap my mind around it. But if you go see a concert like that, they have lighting cues and music and sets. So, like, things are the same a lot. So, like, he must have to be able to keep himself mentally, like, excited and happy. At least with stand-up, no two shows are ever the same. You get mad at me because I switch material every six months. No. But think of this. Think if you had to go back on stage after 30 years to sing Brown Sugar. No. And make it sound the way it did the first time with heart. Make it seem like you want to be that. That's very difficult. I give musicians a fucking chance. Big nod on that. Yeah. Because I know after I do a joke for a year, I got to get rid of that motherfucker. I don't ever want to sing Honky Tonk Woman again. I don't ever want to sing Shattered again. Don't even get me started. I'll never sing Whole Lotta Love Again. You know, I can see those guys saying it. Yeah, fuck yeah. But that's what people want to hear. They don't want to hear, this is off my new album where I drank wine and wrote it with flowers. No, no, no. We want to hear the heroin shit. To stay the fuck home. That's the name of the tour. We want to hear this shit. You read it. You wrote on heroin and you came on the monkey's ass. You know, all that shit is what we want to hear. And listen, this is why I love all that. I love when people, like I'm going to tell you, you never know how I'm going to get a, what's that word? Enthused. It's the weirdest people will get me enthused about something. There's some people that I just can't get over. I can't go nowhere with them. But there's some people that get me motivated. Right. Motivated. Like when I hear them talk or see what they're doing, it motivates me. And I want to be the same for some people. Some people say, hey, he's 63. He still gets up and is doing this. You know, because that's what people need to hear. That you're in it too. Guess what? It ain't going to be good every day, but at least I show the fuck up. It ain't going to be fucking great every day, but at least I show the fuck up and I try, man. I try my hardest, you know, and that's it. Hey, dude, it was, it was a fun weekend. It was a lot of, uh, it was fun. And cause I, I give you shit, not for changing it up once a year or even twice a year. You'll do, you'll do a set an hour for three weeks and then, and then you just throw everything out. But that is my favorite. My favorite. I forget everything. It's not that I throw it out with everything that's coming through my coconut. I sit there at night and I go, I can't remember a joke from the pandemic. If you paid me cause all those jokes, I never put on tape, right? Those, you could still do those. I don't remember one of them. I can't find no notebooks, nothing. So I'm fucking stuck. Don't you think like, I guess it's might've been what happened this weekend, but after I figured maybe it was Nick. I forget who was talking to me about it this weekend, but he was like, Oh, does Joey plan going from this to that? And sometimes. Sometimes you do. But I think sometimes after 30 years, you just have instinct. Like, it's just like, like you pull out an old joke just because, Oh, you're just there. You're there. Yeah. I'd rather be in the moment sometimes. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Cause that's when you do your most effective work and it's new. It's like when I talk about Marlon Brando, he didn't read the script. He read the script, but when it came to his roles, he always knew the character. He never knew the lines. He knew what the character was able to do, not able to do. And he would go in there and the lines were the same. The lines were popping his fucking head the first time he saw him because he was enthusiastic about him. But if I sit here for a month going, yeah, so Lee went to the store and then I keep saying that every fucking day, but the time I come to shoot it, it's not going to be that fresh. No, no. Like I, I have a scene Thursday. Okay. I didn't look at that scene until today. Okay. It's on my phone. I took a picture of it. You don't want to be surprised. I'll look at it on the plane, not study it, just read it. Cause I'm going to try to say what he's saying. Without those same words. Right. You don't want it to sound. You're always going for, you're going to say what he's trying to say. So I need to know what the fuck he's saying and why is he saying it? And it makes my life a lot easier. Yeah. And I think the same thing with standup. I just can't, I could tell after like five nights, like when I used to do Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Yeah, of course. I would dump jokes on Sunday. Oh, I can't say that joke again. I don't like how it went out. I don't like how. I went through my words, but what you just said before instinct, that's the same way I do everything. Like that gambler shit the other night. Yeah. Just goes back to instinct. It's not really what you know or don't know what your instinct is. I'm going to bet. I'm not being negative, but I'm betting for him to bust. Right. I'm not worried about my fucking cards. I know what I got to do here. I'm worried about him busting or I'm going for him to bust. So it's all the same. As long as you're going, as long as you know where you're going, when you touch that microphone, it's a lot easier. The problem is, I don't know where I'm going after time no more. The last year, I have no idea where I'm going. Well, even, even in LA, I'd get that text and I got it. I think only one time this weekend, like an hour before we're supposed to, I have no, Lee, what are my jokes? I don't have anything to say. And then of course you go to go and do an hour and it's fucking amazing. But it's a. I don't know. It's. I used to have, when I started to feature, I would have like a, a set list in my head that I, but I would be like pacing in the green room doing like this joke to this joke to this joke to this. And it wasn't listening back. It sounds like I was trying to recite a speech. Yeah. And then like, it's like this weekend I knew what I wanted to say, but I didn't have any. So I didn't, I didn't really. I didn't really worry about it. And especially, I was only doing 12 minutes. So I just, I was able to go have fun and not worry about it. When you do these shows with me, you're pretty much a feature act. Uh-huh. So. I would take my sets for the three nights, Brooklyn, Atlantic City one, Atlantic City two. I would write it out for the points that you're talking, but then every night I switch around the order. Mm-hmm. You keep the first joke, and you keep the last joke, unless something spectacular happens. Mm-hmm. And a fat lady fell down at Starbucks or something. And you could open up with that. Right. And then everything changes. But in the middle, I like to move stuff around. So again, it doesn't sound, you know, rehashed, unless you got a callback somewhere in there. Then you got to stick to that bit being there. Yeah. But besides that, I tried to rotate it. So every, those three nights, you got a different show, all five. Same fucking material. Don't get me wrong. It's just placed in a different order. And it challenges me. And the audience gets to see something different and gets to see me being fresh. It's, I still get like, I, that's when I get nervous is like when I'm doing that. And I don't know if you ever have this happen, but like you say a joke that's like off the cuff or like the one you were working on just for that day. And you like pause for the, for them to laugh. And then like, it takes like a, not even a full second. But that millisecond between the end of the joke and the laughter is like, I hope, like, I hope this works. I like, I hope. And when it, oh, when it's working, it's working. Oh, but when it don't, they don't. And that's what happened to me Friday and Saturday. That X wall. As soon as Becky went up, I listened and watch. I listened and I could tell that this is the classic theater because you put it out, wait a minute, and then it comes back. So it's going to be slow getting that. It's going to be slow getting that reaction from them that you usually want, you know, it's, it builds and it comes back. So you got to slow all that shit down. So if you try to step on it, it's going to destroy everything. They can't hear it. You can't hear it. It sucks. So you really can't go like on a, a rant like I usually do. I knew that as soon as Becky went up, I'm like that rant I'm planning in the beginning, get rid of it because I'm just going to step on my own shit. Then I got to catch it. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I'm behind the minute. I'm behind that. Fuck. It's like when you put DraftKings on and you put the game on, you'll see that DraftKings quicker than the game. You'll go, what the fuck just happened? They scored on DraftKings and all of a sudden, a minute later, you see a home run fucking fly out. You're like, what the fuck happened? DraftKings already had the home run. Same thing with a theater. Yep. It's a 5,000 seat theater. You really better take your time. Yeah. As it goes up. And then it's got to go. Oh, it's got a hit and then go up and then come back down and back to you. Yep. So all these dynamics, I think, what is this engineering? No, but it does. Cause it's, it's funny that you said that you like to listen. Everyone was, everyone was teasing me on Saturday. Cause I, you know, it was the, whatever the fifth night of edibles in a row, whatever it was, but I just wanted to hear cause in those big places, it's hard to hear. So everyone was sitting in the back, like looking at you, but to me, It sounds like Scooby-Doo. Like the rah-rah-rah-rah-rah. It always sounds like Scooby-Doo. so like i got as close as i could to the stage and i was just i was high and i was just staring at like the machines but i could hear you and it was it was great like because i could i got as close as i physically could so i could actually and it's way better like i don't need to see you to be honest after a couple years of cast stand up i don't want to see you i can hear you i want to hear you because i could hear the mechanism for what's going on better if i watch you i get caught in you yeah but if i hear you from the side of the stage i could catch things so as soon as becky went up i'm like i'm dead i'm dead because it's too taking too long to get up there and by the time it comes back so and again this is the shit you learn over the fucking years and every theater is different yeah everyone's acoustics are fucking different so oh my god the stage was so big just even getting because like i and i i would love to tell you that i practice you will be like a normal walkout you have like five seconds tops for that one you were walking for fucking 30 seconds let me tell you what happened people like oh you didn't take the scoot out tuesday saturday night i'll tell you why because i almost flew off the fucking stage they turned the lights off i'm up there it's black and there's no light in front to tell me there's nothing i had to stop and look around and then my eyes had to adjust i could have killed myself so you I was gonna roll off oh my god if you drove off the stage oh fuck i would have broke my head that was a long fucking drop man so oh the second man i say we don't need all that shit especially if fucking miss the lights he wouldn't fucking he turned the lights off then he wouldn't stop the music as soon as i got up there he can that fucks me up as soon as i get up there and touch the mic cut it so i could go what's happening you motherfuckers but if i get up then i gotta stand there for 15 fucking seconds that kills me too yeah it's little fucking things that you don't notice that the audience doesn't notice that you're like god damn it motherfucking didn't turn my music off this shit might as well call me lee swat you know i'm saying oh fucking becky brought me up as zach on wednesday night the six foot tall black dude who's also jewish and it's that was fun because it was like the audience didn't know i was coming out and then i came out and then it like took him a second they're like oh shit it's lee and but it was uh yeah that was a good that was a good week of stand-up and now we have nothing till november you'll be i'll go wisconsin milwaukee yeah milwaukee and philly so and in december we got tulsa oklahoma oh shit motherfucker i can't wait january we got the paramount long island fuck yeah we'll be in for fucking january winter so we don't have to deal with that motherfucker you know i'm saying i feel like it's time for another florida trip what's going on it's happening it's happening in may oh shit okay you go to fort lauderdale man nice okay they tried to get me to orlando and the other one and the other one but they didn't want to give me the dates i'm like because they kept making me challenged they had me all the way in july and i go wait a second i can't do this in july she got baseball i go let's just do the one big one in fort lauderdale in may nice that's what we're doing in may and let's see what happens by then i love it i think after the fourth i'm gonna if my knee doesn't heal from the fucking from the drain then i'm gonna have to do surgery again and i'll do it that second week of december so i have six weeks you're gonna wait all the way till december no i'm gonna do it tomorrow just do it tomorrow just after the movie just they won't do it no they won't do it they said the knee has to heal a little bit more and what's happening with it the fucking kneecap is going to the side it looks like a fucking a ufo out here like they didn't like attach to reattach the kneecap they reattached it but the fucking the thigh sucked it in or some shit oh i don't fucking know no more but on the good thing i started shooting jsq you okay all right and this is healed your ear because that's what you're supposed to do you shoot that shit it heals wounds i didn't even know it it's copper it's purple the shit you shoot into you when you shoot it into your arm it hurts the rest of the night and if you work out it hurts are you shooting it into the side of your face no no no i just shoot it for everything oh and it still went all the way up to the ear your skin yeah it's good for your skin but it heals open wounds it healed in two fucking weeks fuck so i saw you man there's some peptides i don't believe in at all but there's some peptides that do a great job i'm taking that mozzie and i'm starting to feel a little better from that and that's for yourselves and it helps with weight and fucking fatness and obesity and diabetes and shit i'm feeling better on that that's i blame that for i thought i'd be a lot more dead after sunday i thought like today i was going to cancel the podcast but no yeah i was a little tired but i still had energy to come up here so fuck yeah but the reason i'm saying this to you is if you're considering doing fucking peptides i gotta talk to you about something my girl is running a 20 off for any church family members nice 20 fucking percent off she's got nad she's got everything pt 141 if you want a hard-on whatever you want you could get but get the mod c get the nad get the gsu q u whatever the fuck it is you know they got a lot of shit that works man everybody saw margarita on saturday night and is she the one doing the things look at her arms look at her fucking arms at that age women at that age can't control muscle she is ripped at that age she's doing peptides and she's working out and that's why she looks the way she does man so who's doing the sale and she doesn't drink who's doing the what sale you said what sale well your friend has the 20 air peptides a i r e peptides.com i got it around here somewhere i forgot it but who the fuck knows yeah peptides there you go air peptides.com 20 when you use coco 20 how's that for you suckers coco 20 and tomorrow my stories i'll have up uh the link for air peptides and in my post i'll have everything about the tj english project on the first tickets are on sale ticket links are up so go to the website of the cutting room and uh you can purchase your tickets right there man got like a 25 off for me maybe an extra five percent or something a little fucking coffee but no i'm happy you guys got to go with me i'm happy that a lot of you guys came to see us i mean there were people there from delaware north carolina long island i mean i met a guy from delaware downstairs i was leaving he was like i brought up two of my fucking friends and so i appreciate all the love and everything and you guys treated my family like they were kings you know lee and nick and george and fucking the casino treat us like king except friday night we had a little problem with the door man but we got rid of them fucking missed the personality wouldn't take my tip man that's what i knew like i went up to him you want to take a tip 200 bucks i would have taken it he's like no i don't want i was like really all right we're ending this day we're going we're going to my room and we'll leave on our own he didn't want to be there so and that's what i say to people when you don't want to be somewhere don't show up man you don't want to be there and that's that's a lesson we all learn that's contented that's what happens when you don't want to be somewhere the job's getting old just fucking quit just fucking quit get a different job if you're going to act that way if you're not going to be happy quit your fucking job yeah you know and listen when i came from la i was not happy with stand-up because i was not happy on the style that my agent was putting me out there and now i'm fucking happier than ever because i'm doing it my way i knew this way would work for me listen the money's going to come no matter what you do we've got 18 different things we do so but i had a great time so that's all that matters uh i go to wednesday i go down atlanta to shoot the pete davidson movie i'm back friday and we'll be back next monday then the week after that we're taking off okay the week of the 24th we're taking off completely because i got to disappear on the 22nd and then we'll be september as it is and then that's it guys summer is almost fucking over yeah it is over we got two more fucking weeks of this summer it'll be cold in three weeks the week of the 17th the week of the 24th and then that last week that last weekend fucking labor day is the following weekend yeah it's not even that fucking first when i do tj so that'll be good too so but i appreciate you guys for watching the show and for loving our sponsors and everything that we do thank you and we'll be with you this week i'm sorry that's all right on uh on thursday night i'm on the upper east side on saturday night i'm in dingman's ferry pennsylvania and then i got a lot of stuff coming up next week I'll be in Uncle Vinny's for everyone who came down to Atlantic City, 18th and 19th Point Pleasant, New Jersey I got other stuff coming up later but that's it for now He's got a lot of stuff You know who lives in Dingman, Pennsylvania? The dude that was lowering the cream to the chubby chick in Silence of the Lambs Oh yeah, he's opening for me He got a tough as dick between his legs and was dancing with the K-Pod Captain Bob? That's who lives in Dingman I love you guys, have a great week Thank you for watching and we'll see you next Monday night Tip Top Magoo, love ya We'll be right back.