139: The Foot Doctor Is In

Come see a live from the Valkylation Headquarters. It's the Valkyrie Report. From your host, Brett A. Valkyrie. Hey there. Hey you guys. I could have in another life, like if I was born at the right time and if we actually lived in a different world, I could have voiced Spongebob or someone on Spongebob. That is another calling of mine that passed me because I was born a bit too late. I was born a bit too late. I wasn't really SAG yet, okay? I wasn't part of SAG when Spongebob was casting and it was a real missed opportunity for them, okay? And that one wasn't good. That one wasn't the best. Hey guys! Welcome back to the Brodsky Report! Seriously, I, this month, in the month of October, holy shit, I'm feeling very spooky. I'm feeling very haunted. Very haunted, okay? And I kind of wanted to address this as something a little spooky, a little scary today. Which is. Plantar Fasciitis. Plantar Fasciitis. Welcome to the stage, Plantar Fasciitis. And I flash everyone, right? Fasciitis. Okay, guys, I'm in a full body morph suit. Never seen so many dimples in my physique before. Never seen the curves on my body. They're not exactly what I would say flattering curves, okay? They're not exactly, you know, Kim K. It's more like a medical study, a medical study of where women carry weight. Like those medical diagrams of like, this is you, this is you healthy, this is you obese, this is you morbidly obese. I'm kind of, you know, given one of those like in-between stages on that diagram. And by the way, my breasts have never looked larger. My breasts have never looked more supple. It is mimicking that of a pregnant woman's breasts. And I'm so happy to reveal that the morph suit has done that for me. So go ahead, get you a morph suit this Halloween season because I'm feeling very gender affirmed. I'm feeling very gender affirmed. So, guys, Halloween, we know it. We love it. Something to look forward to every single year. An opportunity and an outlet to be creative. To have a little fun with it. To get a little fucking freaky with it, okay? Bruh. To get a little freaky. It's, I really feel like it's, we're missing freak. We're lacking freak. We're lacking authenticity. We're lacking whimsy. We're lacking, I don't know, we're not free of cringe yet. A lot of you bitches are scared to be cringe. And that is holding you back in life. And this is something I return to, okay? You gotta put yourself out there. And to be cringe is to be free. And that video of Drew Barrymore in the rain, that's actually what I'm talking about, okay? That's the feeling that I'm kind of having. That's the feeling that I'm kind of hinting at. So I decided to address this plantar fasciitis this year. And that is important to me because I am worried that I have it. It's coming from a very personal place because I'm worried that I have it. So I thought I'd take the opportunity today to sort of go ahead and Google that because I haven't. I love to play the game of TikTok says you have this, so you probably have it. And I just kind of run with that. And I feel like that's a fun thing to do. It's a very fun, normal, healthy thing to do. It's just, you know, you have XYZ symptoms. You definitely have this. And I'm like, oh, my fucking God, you're right. I've literally, like, I have known that I have plantar fasciitis. Plantar fasciitis? Am I right, girls? That Martin clip. Papa titty. Where are the slushy noobs lovers in the chat? Do blisters happen? And I don't mean that in, like, how do they happen? I mean it in a for real why. Like, why does the body get irritated when it's rubbed on? How come I can't rub on something and it won't get irritated? Like, I rub on something one time and it turns into a big red bump and there's shit comes out of it. Like, why am I busting my shit whenever something rubs up on me? For real. Like, any time, literally anything. I'll get a blister anywhere, anytime. And it'll fill with this little sack. I've never once had a blister that's like, oh, that's normal. My blisters are, same with mosquito bites. Like, they swell up to the size of, like, a bunion. I've got bunions all over my fucking body, bro. Blisters form as a protective response when the upper layers of skin separate from the deeper layers and fill with fluid. Now, that's actually going to be from Reddit. R slash explain it like I'm five. How blisters form. Skin separation. Friction, heat, or pressure. Oh, my God. A heat blister is something completely separate. And any of you guys have the. Are there any thick-thighed girls in the chat? Raise your hand. Or boys? Or non-binaries? Any thick-thighed enbies? Raise your hand. I need you guys to have a bit of community with me really quick. For a second, because I was thinking about this the other day, okay? Somehow, I've landed on Disney outfit TikTok. And I probably put myself there. Yes, I did. Yes, I did. And it's also on my Pinterest. Yes, it is. And so, I started a Pinterest board called Disney Outfits. And there's a very specific community and culture within the Disney outfit people. Disney outfit content creators. They lay out their shit the night before they go to the park. They completely unpack. Which I do believe is a. It's a borderline psychotic thing to do. If you're using drawers in hotel rooms, that's fucking gross. If you're putting it on surfaces, okay, that's fine. Because I know they wipe the surfaces off. I'm just like. I really don't know, okay? When I go into a hotel room, I used to be the type. Especially after COVID, I was like, Wipe everything fucking down. You can't fucking touch anything. Don't put anything on anything. Everything has COVID. The bugs, the bugs, the mites, the mites. They're in my fucking skin. Now, I go into a hotel room and I'm like, Whatever, girl. Like, genuinely, whatever. Unless I see a physical stain on something where I'm like, Oh, ew. Somebody came slash died here. I'm not going to kick up a ruckus. But if there are no. If there is a visible stain on either the couch or the chair or the sheets, bitch, or the floor, I am probably going to call and request that I move rooms. Because what the fuck y'all doing? I know people love to die in hotel rooms. They love to die and excrete every single bodily liquid imaginable in hotel rooms. And that is none of my business. I'd rather not know. I would rather not know. One time I did, I went into a hotel room. And one of the chairs on the armrest had a huge, like, oil spot. Right where you put your hand. And I literally called down. I said, Somebody had splurted all over this chair. You have to move me rooms. I cannot stay here. And I had already unpacked to it. I was like, I don't give a fuck. I'll pack it all back up. I cannot be here. I cannot be here. And they were like, we're so sorry, ma'am. And they did move me. And it was better. This time the splurty was in the toilet. And that was because I left it there. Okay. A quick little fart joke. Now, Disney outfits. Okay. There is a certain go-to fit that some of these Disney content creators really go for. Specifically on Pinterest. And it is a vintage Disney shirt with these gingham, specifically red, gingham loose-fitting shorts. Okay. Now, my thighs are cotton eaters. They're cotton eaters. My gooch eats any pair of shorts that I put on. And I also have an apron belly. So, it's already going up. The fucking shorts are going up into my moose pussy. And then my fupa is hiding my moose pussy because it hangs over it. My family calls it a dunlap because it dunlap over. Okay. That's what's going on when I personally wear shorts. So, I'm not really doing the shorts thing. So, imagine my chagrin. In dismay. When I'm on Disney Pinterest, I'm on Disney Outfit TikTok. And every single fucking fit is a skinny girl in some shorts. Ah. Ah. Well, you know my gooch is going to eat that shit up. Shut it down. Shh. Shh. Shh. You know what I mean? So, my solution. And there is a content creator that, due to my morph suit covering all of my fingers, other than these two, the blasters, I cannot look up her name right now. But I follow a couple of mid-sized content creators on TikTok and they really have taught me how to dress for my body shape and just stuff that like actually fucking works. Like, for example, I was at Disney a few weeks ago and I found in the back of my drawer this like Nike skort that I used to wear when I was doing for real, like real big plus size. And I used to, because I was like, you know, when you're a big fatty, it's like, I don't give a fuck. And you just wear like whatever. You're like, I don't care. I would wear a 2XL to 3XL like graphic t-shirt and a Nike skort because there are so many shirt shorts under it that actually prevent chafing and then the skirt I was like well that's beautiful I was like the skirt I'm like well that's just stunning and then I'd wear high top converse that was my outfit that was my fucking uniform from 2021 until probably about late 2023 and I think that was it from a place of insecurity and now it's kind of like I actually have fun throwing together outfits and I've I know how to thrift and whatever but it kills me bro when I'm on these like Disney outfit whatever because it's all it's the same silhouette with everything it's like a loose flowy short because their thighs don't touch because their gooch isn't eating the fabric that it puts like in the muncher it's not it's not on the munch uh uh conveyor belt okay you know what I'm trying to say like a conveyor like like in some of those rides like what a goofy ass old cartoon fear to be in a an assembly line where it's just I'm I'm I'm you know what I mean where there's always like they got stuck on it like Mickey and Minnie like and they're like trapped and they're headed towards this conveyor belt that's like smashing shit with iron and like a big furnace and shit why was that a trope for so long there's a scene in Sherlock Holmes the Robert Downey Jr Sherlock Holmes where that shit happens what the fuck are you talking about except they were in like a a meat processing facility where all these pigs like dead pigs were hung up and it was this huge machine that was that would slice the dead pigs in half and it was like of course Irene Adler gets tied to it and she's like no no and then they have to save her what the fuck dude what why was that it's like pianos falling on your head anvils falling on your head goofy ass cartoon situation to be in like fucking looney tunes ass situation to be in who's dropping anvils from from buildings anyway so these outfits are always that it's like loose fitting shorts and I just can't do it so I always I have to like fine-tune these outfits and I'm gonna just gonna go ahead and you know readjust really quick so I have to fine-tune the outfits to be probably always a skirt of some kind because under that I can wear whether it's biker shorts or whatever just something to prevent the chafe from between my legs and none of that shit has ever worked that's like just use the fucking chafe stick use deodorant use this use that that shit doesn't work because it's like it's like it's like it's because at the end of the day it's 107 billion degrees outside and my skin is wet and rubbing against itself so no deodorant isn't gonna work in fact that's just gonna get into my infected hair follicle and now I'm pissed and now I have a cyst so have you considered that have you considered that pinterest checked out creators getting mad laying in my bed fucking they don't even they probably don't even have infected pubic hairs they probably don't even have infected hairs anyway so that's kind of I've I've pivoted I've pivoted from I take inspiration from those but I do it my own way you know what I mean like I I'll take a t-shirt and I'll crop it so it's kind of off the shoulder I'm loving off the shoulder I'll I'll make any fucking blouse off the shoulder I don't give a I don't care I take my scissors it's me and my scissors against the world I'll make anything off the shoulder and then I'll do a little skirt and I have to make sure that it has shorts underneath it but it can't be too long because then that's like I don't know I don't like mom of four you know that's like elder millennial almost young gen x uh mom of four drives a minivan when the skirt hits right at your knee it's like ah I know she's comfortable I know that bitch is comfortable she's got the hokas on the the tennis court down to the knee a cold shoulder blouse I know she is comfortable everything made out of polyester every single thing but it's breathable okay it's breathable so that's the thing is like you want to be comfortable especially at the Disney parks because it's so damn hot all the time but you also want to be cute I've really been having fun with that okay I've been having fun with the the Disney outfit make mixing and matching and spooking and cooking so um yeah blisters I just had to I just had to say that because the the thighs specifically there is not a worse pain than like because you can't go anywhere the walking like it's every single step you're like ow it's burning it's awful bro chub rub it's awful ow ow science behind blisters all right we're going to Harvard Health oh what the hell okay we've got some new vocab a blister is a bubble of fluid under the skin the clear watery liquid inside a blister is called serum what it leaks in from neighboring tissue okay this one I'm talking about it leaks in from neighboring tissues as a reaction to injured skin if the blister remains unopened serum can provide natural protection for the skin beneath it oh so it's almost like a serum small blisters are called vesicles those larger than half an inch are called boule what boule all right I'm I don't know if I want to google boule uh-uh no don't don't google boule don't go don't google that don't google that don't google that don't show that don't even look it up a blood blister is filled with blood rather than serum yeah I get that okay symptoms of a blister trust me I know uh preventing a blister socks that cushion the feet and absorb sweat of course wear comfortable shoes that fit well usually it's best to leave blisters alone yeah but consider this I'm not doing that because it hurts I'm not doing that because I can't fucking walk anywhere because I've got this big sack I've got a nut sack on my foot I can't walk anywhere because my foot now has balls I can't go anywhere damn I've got a pair on my feet it hurts I can only wear flip-flops and then I'm harassing everyone around me telling me to look at my feet nuts I feel bad because blisters protect the underlying skin breaking blisters open can increase the chance of infection protect blisters with a bandage and cover them until they heal on their own the liquid in the blister oh the liquid in the blister will be reabsorbed and the skin will flatten naturally if a blister breaks wash the area with soap and water then apply a bandage if a blister is very large or painful your doctor may drain it and apply an anti-inflammatory cream to the area and then apply a bandage to the area to prevent infection consider this I can do that I can do that and in that way and in many other ways I am a doctor well in broski nation I'm the only certified doctor and that's scary that's saying something but it does also if it makes you guys feel better I am a hypochondriac so I'll do my best I'll research the best my ability until I get bored and then I'll I can treat you okay but we do have a waiting period of between five to six years so just keep that in mind like if it is an emergency call my office and I'll be there for you let me know but we do have a waiting list right now about five years five years quickest so just working through that okay that's pretty much all I needed to know is that I guess the liquid comes from other tissues surrounding it but like what but also I don't care enough to look further into it okay what is plantar flashitis what is plantar fasciitis fasciitis how do you say it plantar fasciitis I'm a genius plantar fasciitis plantar fasciitis plantar fasciitis it seems you've got a case of plantar fasciitis we must kill you the only remedy is death plantar fasciitis what is it who is it how do you get it plantar fasciitis an inflammation of the thick band of oh I definitely have this oh oh I 100% have this plantar fasciitis is an inflammation of the thick band of tissue running across the bottom of your foot that connects your heel bone to your toes symptoms sharp stabbing pain in the bottom of the foot near the heel pain is usually worse during the first steps in the morning or after sitting for a long time okay maybe I don't have this because my pain's actually on the top of my foot so what does that mean and also oh my god my black cat just fell but she's not really black because she's got white okay discomfort can lessen after taking a few steps but may return later in the day after long periods of standing overuse or excessive strain that causes tiny tears in the tissue could be a cause tight calf muscles or a tight achilles tendon flat feet high arches or abnormal walking patterns I do walk on the outside of my feet anyone else do that hey guys raise your hand anyone else walk on the outside of their feet why do why does that happen let's google that every single pair of converse I've ever owned I don't really wear converse anymore especially what the fuck was that ad they just did you guys are fucking insane you guys are actually insane every single pair you know on the bottom and the back it says like converse all-star every single pair would always say converse because I would rub off the side of it because I would rub off the side of it because I walk like this my feet are like why do I walk on the outside of my feet walking on the outside of your feet is known as supination or under Under pronation. What does supine mean? Supine means lying flat on your back with your face pointing upward. I didn't know that. I thought supine meant wolf. I was like, oh, I kind of walk like a wolf, I guess. I'm very wolf-like in that way. Walking like a wolf. What the fuck am I thinking of? I read that as supine. Oh, that's fucking awesome. That's just my, it's my dog-like instinct. It's because I'm missing my pack because I'm walking like a wolf. Muscle imbalances, weak ankle stability, or tighter, tight outer leg muscles. Okay. Body alignment, an externally rotated hip or poor lower body alignment can change how your leg and ankle strike the ground. What the hell? So my shit broke. My shit's broken, bro. I got weak ankles, weak knees, tight lower body. My shit's tight. My shit's strong like a fucking rubber band. I'm always ready to crack, snap, crackle, and pop. Awesome. Good to know. And you know, the more that I sweat, the more that sort of my bodily liquids come out through this morph suit, very interesting smells are being released. Very interesting odors coming from my person, from my body. And just need to let you guys know that. This episode is sponsored by SoFi. Here's something to think about. If your money is just sitting in your checking account, it's not doing its job. You work hard for every dollar, so why not put those dollars to work for you? That's where SoFi comes in, the everything app for smarter money. With SoFi checking and savings, you can easily track your spending and save towards your goals while earning nine times the national average savings rate. You'll get paid up to two days early with direct deposit, and you can access additional FDIC insurance up to $3 million on your deposits through a network of participating banks. 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Go to Zenni.com slash podcast and use code podcast15 for 15% off your first order. Plus free shipping on all U.S. orders over $65. The styles sell out, so don't sit on it. That's Z-E-N-N-I.com slash podcast. Promo code podcast15. What the fuck is plantar fasciitis? How do you fix it? Wearing a brace while sleeping keeps the foot stretched. Okay, we're doing foot braces. Mayo Clinic. Mayo Clinic, if you want to sponsor the pod, I've given you plenty of screen time. Plantar fasciitis. The plantar fascia is a thick band of tissue that connects your heel bone to the base of your toes. Yeah, I got that. It helps support the arch of the foot and absorbs shock when you walk. Look at how she walk when she walks me. Remember that song? Okay, and something else that I'm kind of like, dealing with as I age is, um, yeah, my hips are starting to hurt. What the fuck's up with that? I never understood when old people were like, my hip. I'm like, how do you even know where your hip is? I'm like, I've never felt my hip before. But sometimes when I stretch, when I do the like, you know, this one where you like spread eagle and then you like rotate your shoulders and you, you stretch your inner thigh. That's, that's the first time I've been like, oh, there's my hip. But I was like, hip pain. And now I sleep. I, what's the, it's like an ADHD thing, I guess. But like, I definitely have ADHD and I don't really care at this point. Cause like, who doesn't? Everybody and their mama has ADHD. It's, it's very, it's very democratic. If you want ADHD, you can have it. And if you actually don't want it, then guess what? You still have it. So that's, that's the game that you play with ADHD is like, you definitely have it. But if you don't want to acknowledge it, then you don't have it, but you also still have it. So that's where I am. I'm like, I definitely have it, but I don't have it. So one of the, the things I guess is like, I sleep with the T-Rex arms. Like I do this thing, you know what I mean? Like I, I kind of do this thing and that's really unsettling with the all nude. Like I kind of sleep just kind of like a kitty or like a squirrel, you know, a squirrel sleep. Of course my arm goes numb throughout the night because it's propped up. Cause I also sleep with three pillows under my neck. I sleep crazy. I sleep crazy and I don't sleep well. So I'd have to do all this fucking bullshit. All this bullshit. I don't sleep well still. So I've got three pillows under my neck. I sleep like this. My neck's at a 90 degree angle, except I'm, I'm horizontal. My neck's propped up like this because sometimes I kind of, you know, I feel like I'm in vomit a little bit. And so I'm propped up like this, like a fucking Dracula. And then I'm sleeping like this. I've got both my, my arms up here. And then because I'm propped up at an angle, my arms from the elbow up are starting to lose blood. And so they get a little tingly, they get cold. And so I have to put my arms down. And then if that doesn't work, then I flip over on my side and I bring my knee up. And I know they're like, get a maternity pillow, get a fucking bullshit, get a boyfriend pillow. I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that because I am resistant to capitalism. I am the, I am the serum that will fix capitalism by me not buying a body pillow. That, that is my gift to humanity. Me resisting the Instagram ads for maternity pillow, even though I probably really could benefit from it. That's me resisting the system. You're not going to get me. Anyway, so that's something that I'm like, okay, ow, now I'm waking up in the morning and I'm like, my hip hurts. And for what? And, and for why? What was the reason? So now I have to deal with that. I don't know what I'm going to do because I love sleeping on my side. It's so good. I love having my pillow on my arm. I do one of these and then I do one of these. And if you, oh my God, I love a warmie. I love warmies. I have the Snoopy and the Woodstock warmies and I sleep with both of them under my, my thing. And then if I just have one of these, I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to have a pillow under my legs. But I could put a pillow in between my legs, but I'm kind of like, what if I fart and then the pillow smells bad? I'm like, what if I fart and the pillow's between my legs and it smells bad? Then I forget that I lay on it. And then it smells like fucking shit. What if I fart on the leg pillow and I put the leg pillow under my head pillow and I fucking get pink eye? Like, what about that? What about that? Nobody finks, the way I do. No one finks what I fink. Moving on. What the hell is a wart? What is a wart? A small non-cancerous skin growth caused by an infection with the human papillomavirus. But here's the thing. I got the nation when I was like 15. So why did I, I had warts all through high school. I had to get my warts like burned off with liquid nitrogen. It was like so embarrassing. I always had to have, I had two little warts on my pointer finger. And anytime I'd be like, look over there. It was like a witch finger. Cause I had warts and I had long nails. It was so gross. I felt like fucking the wicked witch of the West. So I always had a bandaid on. And then I finally got them burned off. And I was like, why the hell do I get warts? I just, on the bottom of my foot, I had a corn. Over the summer, I had a damn corn and it was gross. I called my doctor. I said, what the hell? It hurts when I walk. And there is clearly like, it looks like a wart. And I'm not, I don't know where I've been walking barefoot. Cause I try not to do that. Even though I love to be barefoot. And he was like, he didn't tell me what it was, but he told me what to do. And I had to get those little, it's a similar thing, but in a way higher of what you use on your face for pimples, salicylic acid. like almost pure salicylic acid. And it was a little circle adhesive of the medicine. And I had to put that on. And then I had to put this little cushion circular bandaid around it because it was right on the ball of my foot. Ow, ow, ow. I felt like Squidward, like I had little tentacle suction cups on the bottom of my feet. And I, after doing it enough, one day I was like trying to, this is gross. I was trying to change it and I pulled it off and the corn came off. Oh, ew. Ew. Ew. Me to my own body. Like, because ew. That, having a corn does not line up with my vision of myself, with my self image. My, my higher self does not have corns. That's lower self shit. That's like old me shit. We're not, 2027, I'm not bringing, I'm not bringing corns into 2027. What the fuck, bro? I, what are these grandma ass things I'm having to deal with? What a loony toons thing to have. I had a corn. That's so gross. I had a corn. Oh, I'm just going, I can't hang out that day. I got to get my corn removed. Well, they're shaving down my corn. Yeah, I can't walk for two weeks. Luckily my corn head came right off. I didn't have to have it shaved. And now I'm like, cause I'm really tight knit with the ballet community. I know they have bunions and corns and growths and bone spurs and all this bullshit, but they are using their feet in a very artistic and athletic way. I am walking from the bathroom to my bed, to the kitchen. Rinse, repeat. Why did I get a fucking corn? What could I possibly be doing to earn, to deserve a corn? These are my battle scars. It's the bottom of my foot. It's got a big hole in it. This is my corn. They ripped my corn. I'm like, I'm not going to do this. I'm out. Give it back. What was that scene in, is it Hunger Games? Or no, maybe it's just a meme where they like get their wisdom teeth out. They're like, give it back. That was mine. It's me, me and my corn. I keep it in a jar by my bed. All my, all my guests, all my prospective suitors. Well, and this is my bookshelf and this is my corn. Yes. Why is it in a jar? Well, I just wanted to preserve it. Why is it in formaldehyde? Well, you know, it's part of me. So I wanted to keep it alive. I Damien Hurst my corn. I cut it in half and I put it in. Okay. The corn bit is, you know, I could keep, I could keep going, but I am kind of curious what a wart is. So we'll keep going. Why do warts form? And that's the struggle with a lot of my medical questions is why? Because doctors are focused on the how. Well, it develops because you somehow contracted HPV and the HPV shows up in this way. And here's how it happens. But my overall bird eye view question is why? Why does hapapaloma, hapapaloma virus show up as a wart? And why do witches have warts? Also, why are warts considered gross? I might consider them beautiful. Moles, you can have a mole on your face and it can be very flattering and beautiful. So when I have 17 warts on my fingers and toes, why does everyone run away from me in disgust? When I keep my corn on my bedside covered, deeply immersed in formaldehyde, why do all my suitors run? Answer me that. Why does my throat hurt when I swallow? Why does my nose run when I eat? Why does my knee hurt when I bend it? Why does my lower back hurt? Why does a wart form? Why does the top of my foot hurt? Why does the back of my head hurt? You would think that those are all my past searches. Okay. The virus enters the body through tiny cuts, scrapes, or micro tears in the skin. Okay. So like walking barefoot, I actually get that. HPV infects the top layer of skin and causes the cells to grow very fast. This rapid growth creates a rough raised or hard bump on the skin. How the virus spreads, touching someone else's wart directly can spread the virus. I feel completely fucking horrible. What if someone touched my wart? Please don't touch my wart. Sharing personal items like towels, washcloths, or razors can transmit HPV. Walking barefoot around public pools or locker rooms puts you at risk. Picking at your own wart can spread the virus to other parts of your body. All right. That's enough. Okay. What's next? Why is the big toe big? Here's my prediction balance, right? Ah, your big toe is naturally larger and sturdier than your other toes because it bears most of your body weight and provides the push-off force when you walk. Okay. But other animals have that shit. But I guess they have four feet, four, four toe pads. How come, how come other animals don't have a big toe? Like a paw. Paws don't have a big toe. Other animals do not have a prominent aligned big toe because their specific evolutionary needs like running on hooves, digging, or gripping trees led their bodies to adapt, shrink, or completely change their digit structures. While humans evolved a large, straight, big toe, the hallux. Ow, my hallux. To push off the ground during upright walking and running, other creatures took different evolutionary paths. Monkeys do have a specialized big toe, but it is opposable and divergent. That's right. Monkeys can pick shit up and like peel bananas with their feet and shit, which honestly goaded evolutionary development. I wish that I could hold, but imagine if you had four hands. That would be, and you can also run on all fours. That would be awesome. Imagine if you could run, imagine Brittany Broski running at you full force, charging, charging at you on all fours. I have two big thumbs on my hands too. I've got two big toes on my hands and I'm running at you. Fast runners like horses lost their side toes entirely over millions of years. They transitioned to running on a single heavily reinforced central digit because extra or splayed toes would increase stress and risk bone fractures at high speeds. Very T. The five toe blueprint. Most land vertebrates share a genetic blueprint inherited from ancient ancestors with five digits. However, evolution only keeps or enlarges a specific toe, like our big toe, if it directly helps that species survive and move in its specific environment. And in my environment, from moving from the toilet to my pantry to my bed, my big toe propels me. It propels me. Okay. I'm taking off at lightning speed. So that's good to know. Why is it called a pinky? These are questions I've wondered for literally years and never taken a single second to Google. So why is it called a pinky toe? Well, the pinky finger is called a pinky because it comes from the Dutch word pink, which means little finger or small thing. Rather than from the color pink. How silly. Shout out the Dutch. Scottish adoption. The term entered Scots English and was first recorded in 1808 by John Jameson and his an etymological dictionary of the Scottish language. Need that as a coffee table book. Thank you. As a nursery term for something tiny or small. Scottish and Dutch immigrants brought the phase into broader use in North America and England during the 19th century, where it stuck as an endearing slang term for the fifth digit. That is why it's called a pinky toe. It's cute. Now why is it called an index finger? The index finger gets its name from the Latin word indicare, which means to point out or to show. Whoa. Interesting. And then the ring finger, of course, is because it wears a ring. Could you put your ring on it? That's so stupid. Oh my God. Okay. I want to talk about shoes for a moment because something I have finally given in. Oh my God. I've given in to the tabby of it all. And I have three pairs of tabbies now. I have the original black tabby flat. I have some slingbacks and I bought these like Nike tabby tennis shoe situation kind of. And they're in this pretty light blue color and I love them. But I, here was my question for the longest time is like, how the fuck does that work? Where are your toes, bro? And is it not irritating the hell out of your like your clit in between your big toe and your like, come on. The apex of my thighs, fucking Sarah J. Maas. My bowel, my watery bowels. The apex of my toe crevice. I was like, that's going to irritate the hell out of me. Sometimes I can't even wear flip-flops because I'm like, that shit's rubbing me. Again, it's rubbing me and I'm irritated. And so I was like, let me give it a try. And I was like, okay, let me give it a try. And so I was like, I tried them on in a store and I was like, ah, it fits. It's literally just your big toe goes in it. And I was like, oh, well, done. That makes sense. But it didn't irritate. It's too short to actually get up in there and irritate. It stays on your foot. It's comfortable. It's flexible enough, obviously, depending on the brand. And so I was like, okay. And now I love them. I think they're so funky and cool. And I think they spruce up any outfit because it's like, oh, I love a funky shoe. I just got these fucked up shoes from The RealReal. Secondhand, they're Sandy Liang. And there are these, I'll put them up here. There are these Mary Janes that have five toe indents in them. I think they're so freaky and so weird. And I just needed them. I needed them so bad. And I got them and I love them. I wear them all the time. And I wear them with just socks, just white socks. And it's so, it's just like a little, like, ugh, ugh. And, of course, there's a carve-out for my corn. There's a little bunion carve-out. So, very important to me. But I've been loving it. So, the tabby, you have to buy separate socks for them, okay? That's something that I will warn you about. If you're interested in starting your tabby journey, you have to buy separate socks. Because some of the flats you can wear, no socks. But if you're a chafe-prone girl like me, just buy the socks. You need them. Especially ones that are Mary Janes. They irritate the fuck. Out of the top of my foot. They irritate the fuck out of the top of my foot. I have so many little tiny bumps and I itch them because my skin's irritated. My skin, I don't know what the fuck. Like, where, and this might be a dumb question. I think I know the answer to it. But, like, white people. Where are we supposed to be in the world? Because I don't think I'm supposed to be where I am, genetically speaking. Like, my skin is translucent. My eyes. My eyes are super light. My hair is so thin. Like, it's just wispy. So, I can't be in the sun. I'm obviously not supposed to be in the sun. I think I'm supposed to be somewhere, maybe not cold, but, like, with minimal sunlight. So, I'm just, like, curious. Where are white people from? Googling. Well, that's right. I guess everyone comes from Africa. All modern humans originally came from Africa. Tens of thousands. Tens of years ago. As humans moved north into Europe and Asia, the weaker sunlight made it harder for dark skin to absorb enough vitamin D. Over thousands of years, genetic mutations for lighter skin evolved in these regions to help bodies process sunlight better. So, north. Okay. Yeah, that's making sense. And I'm not feeling spiritually attached to Vikings, to raiders, you know, to any of those kind of. Cultish or tribal groups of, well, really brutes, truly. Vikings were fucking brutes. And they were barbarians. So, I'm feeling a bit more Irish in my spirit. I'm feeling a bit more Celtic. Kind of just like a villager. Celtic villager. And I will say, okay, not to toot my own horn, I got a psychic reading about two years ago. And she told me in a past life I was a king. So, thank you. And so, maybe I was a chief. Maybe I was a Scottish chief. All right? Tomlinson is English. But Tomlinson is obviously son of Tomlin. And that, like, English is only a part. That's my grandpa's line. My paternal grandmother is Scottish. That line is like McPherson, Collins. It's very Scottish. And then on my mother's side, it's like, I'm a Scottish. On my mom's side, I have Irish. So, I'm just, I'm from that kind of whole, that's where I am. Okay? So, that's very intriguing to me. Only in the sense of, okay, in a past life, I probably was there. Realistically speaking, I was there. Okay, speaking of Vikings, I would like to Google Bigfoot. What the hell? The modern Bigfoot legend originated in Northern California in 1958 when a local newspaper reported. Now, 1958, they're not doing hoaxes, I don't believe. They're not planting shit. They're not planting shit the way that they plant shit now. Or even in the 70s or the 80s where they're just like, we want a news story. 1958 feels really anti, as in A-N-T-E to this, where we are now culturally with Bigfoot. When a local newspaper reported on mysterious 16-inch footprints found by construction workers. While the specific name and media sensation started in the 50s, the concept. Of course, that's not true. So, let's go back to the 90s. Let's talk about the 90s. Native American folklore. Indigenous groups in the Pacific Northwest have centuries-old traditions of giant, hairy, wild men. The wildlings. North of the world. The word Sasquatch. This name comes from Sasquitz, a wild man figure in the language of the Stailis and Coast Salish peoples. Coast Salish people. A diverse group of more than 40 independent, indigenous nations who have lived along the Pacific Northwest coast of Washington State and southwestern British Columbia for over 10,000 years. That is so cool. The Salish Sea. Modern cities like Seattle and Vancouver were built directly on traditional Coast Salish homelands. Known as People of the Tide, the sea and local rivers served as their primary food source and ancestral highway. How fucking cool. Okay, so. They were fucking with Sasquatch. They knew about, bro. Similar legends of hair-covered humanoids exist worldwide, including the Yeti in the Himalayas and old European wild man myths. That's what I was going to look up. What is the difference between Yeti, Sasquatch, and Bigfoot? Yeti, to me, feels the most aggressive. Yeti, to me, feels the most like wanting to do harm, wanting to cause harm. And so I've never really fucked with the Yeti. And I like that, you know, they made him the abominable snowman in Monsters, Inc. Because that's, you're reversing it, okay? You're like pulling the rug, and that's funny. Okay, he, don't eat the yellow snow, it's lemon. That's funny. Because he's nice. Because everything you've ever heard about the Yeti is like, kill, kill, kill. Actually, I haven't really heard many legends about the Yeti. So I'm not going to act like I know him personally. Because I don't know him. Because I've never, I've never met the guy. So I can't really speak to his character. I can't speak to his legend, his myth, you know, his kind of, his reputation precedes him. But not in a, apparently in a negative way. Okay, but I'm not going to act like, oh, oh, I know the Yeti. Oh, the Yeti and I know, no, like it's not like that. So I don't want anything that I say to come off as like a, like passing judgment. Or like acting like I know anything about that whole, that whole thing. Because I don't know anything about that whole thing. Yeti myth. Large, hairy, mythical humanoid creature said to live in the Himalayan mountain range. Welcome to the Himalayas. I'm getting it now. Local legends. Sherpa and Tibetan villagers have shared stories for centuries about a wild bipedal mountain creature. And that means it's on two legs. The Abominable Snowman. A journalist popularized the English name in 1921 after mistranslating the native term metokangmi, man-bear-snowman. And that's what we're going to talk about in the next episode. Physical traits. Stories usually describe the creature as six to eight feet tall with brown. Okay, can I just say something? Six to eight feet tall, that could just be a fucking dude. You just saw him from way too far away and he looked monstrous. Six to eight feet tall. I always thought the Yeti was like. You know, like the way that lions roar in movies. And it's like your fucking skin, like Homer Simpson, your skin's like ripping back from your face. And your arms are like flailing behind you. Like it blows your eyebrows off. Like six feet tall. Bro, that's Cody in finance. Six feet tall for the Yeti? Explorers like Eric Shipton in 1951 and the Indian Army in 2019 shared famous photos of giant tracks in the snow. I don't trust shit from 2019. I don't trust anything from 2019. Or dark fur. Rather than the white coat often seen in modern cartoons. Well, then even then, you guys are making this shit up. That's how I thought they were different. I thought the Yeti was white. And I thought Bigfoot was brown. And now I can't even believe that? DNA tests on hair, bone, and skin samples linked. Now, how do y'all have Yeti skin samples? Why do you bitches have Yeti skin samples? See, like, what are you talking about? I don't believe you. Imported Yeti artifacts directly to local bear species. Such as the Tibetan brown bear and Himalayan brown bear. Experts explain that bears walking on their hind legs often leave tracks that look human or ape-like. Now, as much as I would like to believe in Yeti, I can't say that I do. Especially with that information just now. Like, bears do. Why would bears walk on their hind legs? Why do bears walk on two legs? To improve their sense of smell. Bitch, that's scary. Bears are scary. Ursus Arcturus. Ectos horribilis. What a shitty Latin name. What a shitty scientific name. Horrible acting bear. To improve their sense of sight, smell, and hearing so they can investigate their surroundings. In rare cases, a bear may stand to look more intimidating to a rival animal or if it feels unsure of its environment. Oh, that makes me sad. Many people believe that a standing bear is angry and getting ready to charge. Experts note that this is a myth. As explained by Yellowstone Bear World, a standing bear is simply curious and trying to gather information, not showing aggression. That makes me sad. He was standing up like, I'm going to get a berry. And the guy's like, oh my fucking God. Oh my fucking God, it's a fucking yeti. He's going to fucking rip my kidneys out and probably eat them probably. And like, probably kill my wife too. What's that scene from Beauty and the Beast? You know, when they like, they storm the castle, Gaston and his army of buffoons storm the castle, like, kill the beast, kill the beast. And the beast is like, Belle, go. I love you. And they go in there and it's like, I remember being as a kid being like, I am so actually frustrated with this movie because like, that is so not what's happening. Like, being a child and being pissed off at a miscommunication trope. At a miscommunication misunderstanding trope. Bro. That's why I couldn't, Drake, Drake and Josh was funny, but it got to a point where I was like, this whole show is predicated on miscommunication and that it irritates me. I'm a Taurus. I'm a Taurus. Say what you, no, say what you were going to say. You say what you were going to say. And I will mediate. I will sit here and I will make sure both of you hear each other and just say it explicitly. Don't beat around the bush. Be direct. That is the only way we are going to get through this. Okay. You start. Me to Drake and Josh. I can't fucking deal with this anymore, you guys. Okay. So the Yeti fucking sucks. Big foot, maybe, but 16 inches, like how big is a basketball player's foot? Okay. 12 to 12.5 inches long. That's about a US 14. Okay. Now that's interesting. Okay. Now who's leaving behind 16 inch? I'm going to get to the bottom of this. Who's leaving behind 16 inch footprints? Why are they barefoot? There's got to be a bear. How big is a barefoot? Eight to 14 inches long. That could have just been a big ass bear, bro. That could have been a big ass bear. That's solved. That's actually super solved. I just figured that shit out. Look at how big this bear's hand is. You're telling me that's not a big foot. I've, I've figured big foot out. Not real, just bears. You guys should call it barefoot. Okay. You guys should call it bear paw and you should sell it as a dupe for rugs. Yeah. Genius marketing plan. You're fucking welcome. All right. We're going to do one fan submission. All right. Let me go through my fan submissions. Madeline, wait, Madeline, Madeline, wait, Madeline, wait, says, uh, Broody Brothers. That's her music rec submission. Madeline, Madeline, let me just tell you, done and done and did. I fucking love the Broody Brothers. I love them. I've been listening to, um, they came on shuffle. Cause like when I play Sierra Farrell and I listened to everything she's ever put out and I'm very excited for her upcoming album. If it's out, I know she released a new, uh, single from it. They play, uh, sometimes mixed in like me, me, me, me, me more cowboy than you. I love them. I really do. It reminds me of this old, like who sings, um, it was that other trio of brothers, but like from the, it was like 50s, 60s ever, the Everly brothers. It reminds me a little bit of the Everly brothers. I do enjoy the Broody brothers. Um, I've got some recommendations from y'all mall recommended Rebecca by Daphne Demourier. Okay. Mall. I read Rebecca and I reviewed it in an episode. So I'm actually going to need you to lock in on that because I really, I deeply enjoyed Rebecca. Uh, Rebecca, I've never read a book like that before. And the ending, kind of left me like, Whoa, what the fuck? And I miss what's called something Lee Manderly. I miss Manderly bro. I was there for a long time. Dallas bowling. What a name by the way. Yesteryear by Carol Claire Burke. Is this the one that Anne Hathaway just sponsored or she's like going to turn into a, or is that the trad wife one? Oh yes. Yes. This is the one. Yeah. Uh, follows a prominent trad wife, social media influencer. Who mysteriously wakes up in the year 1855. Yeah. And she has to be like a dead ass trad wife. I actually really want to read it because it'll, I'm already like, don't even get me started on the whole trad wife shit girl. Like I just, I can't talk about it. I actually just read, okay, let me book club for a second. I just finished the tenant of wildfell hall by Anne Bronte and bitch. I just, the Bronte sisters are just every single one of them. The way that they use the way that they paint is so deeply admirable. And just, I enjoy every page. And at times I will say about the tenant of wildfell hall, this shit was 500 pages long. It did not need to be that long, but, uh, each piece of information was crucial to the story. And I'm, I'm happy for our girl, Helen. Helen is our protagonist. She is, uh, uh, really been through the fucking ringer. This is, it was referred to as a feminist novel published in like 1825. Or it was maybe published in the 1840s, but it was set in the 1820s and, uh, and like Victorian England and it's all very Regency and it's very whatever, but, uh, they're out in the country, which I kind of like. Cause that's, Oh, it's fur from my, it's fur from my Bigfoot. Yeah. It explores like this, a similar idea of getting married to get married. Getting married to be a wife. And of course, back then you got married kind of against your will, specifically in England. It was a match made out of, uh, the best fortune possible. You know, like you want to marry rich, you want to marry a quote unquote, gentlemen. You want to marry someone who, uh, it is your duty to take care of, to look after, to give him children, to carry on his line, to be a housekeeper, to be his sole sense of comfort to everything that he does. To make him comfortable. That is the purpose of your life as a wife, which is so fucking like, wow, wow, wow. Just wow. And it just really makes me think like, makes you think this was published in 1840. Wow. We're only recently kind of, it's just, you know, it just gets the gears turning. Like so many women have fought and died for women's rights and shit like this. Obviously yesteryear is kind of a satire. But it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, of the trad wife movement, but just this push. And it's always conservative propaganda towards young women because they're susceptible and you are selling them this idea of a comfortable, rich, fulfilled life. And it is the opposite of that. It is a lack of autonomy. It's a lack of freedom. It is what's that saying that's under every single trad wife video. It's like, if you give him the ability to feed you, you give him the ability to starve you. That is what that is. And so just reading all this, Tenant of Wildfell Hall really explores this deeply emotionally, financially, and just romantically abusive relationship of a woman who is trapped. And I don't usually like to read books like that because when I read, I want to escape. I don't want to like be reminded of kind of reality. But this was so far set so far back that I was like, okay. And it has a happy ending, but. It's just like, wow, the plight of women is one that is evergreen. It is evergreen. It has always, under patriarchy, it has always been the same. And it takes different forms, but it is always the same to its core of a means of control, a means of silencing, a means of tempering behavior, emotions, speech, what you can and cannot say, what your purpose is as a human being, which is to make bro's life. It's uncomfortable in denying yourself. And don't even add Christianity on the top of all that. Because at the time, obviously, England is a super Christian nation. And it's so deeply ingrained in the doctrine of Christianity for a woman to serve her husband. And that's just so misinterpreted and so abused. And the reverse osmosis of that is never noted on, that a husband should also serve his wife. That's just kind of conveniently left out. Yeah, it was just deeply, deeply infuriating to read this book. But she kind of gets, she wins in the end, which is good. I won't spoil it. But yeah, books like this, I'm like, I really should read this because I'm very excited for the Anne Hathaway movie, hearing that she's attached. So, wow. Okay. All that to say, by the way, leaving you with the last thing, and I know I'm dressed like a foot. By the way, I know I'm dressed like a foot. And I talked about my gooch and my dunlap and you know, probably having plantar fasciitis and my corn but I want to leave you with the message that never, never, ever, ever, ever tie yourself financially and emotionally to a man in a way that you cannot escape. And that kind of applies for every single woman alive, actually. Every single person, every single femme person, it is voluntarily giving up something that no man deserves. And he ultimately will abuse that trust, that gift that you've given him. And that's not to say don't let yourself fall in love and don't let yourself be vulnerable and whatever, but always have your own money, your own job. I'm very anti joining bank accounts. I'm very anti that. Have your own credit card. No man will have control over you ever. Amen? Shit. Like that is just something that is so, I cannot believe, when you think about women couldn't have even opened their own credit card 50 years ago. Is that true? When could women have their own credit cards? Oh my fucking God. Women in the United States officially gained the legal right to get credit cards and loans in their own name without a male co-signer in 1974. 1974. That was 52 years ago. Oh my fucking God, bro. This is the shit where I'm like, women have fought and died for the rights that we so willingly give up today because we don't want to apply for a job because it looks like being an influencer is easier than getting a real job, even though that's here today, gone tomorrow. It's just so like, oh my God, we have to go to school. We have to go to school. Girl on board, let's go to school. Girl on board, let's read. Girl on board, let's do our homework. Like there is nothing more powerful than education. There's nothing more powerful than arming yourself with things that no one can take from you and fighting to keep them by voting by the way you vote, which by the way, plugging headcount, please go register to vote if you haven't already. Okay. Let's go ahead and do my shit of the week. My song of the week, by the way, thank you to the fans. Thank you to the fans. Okay. I'm realizing I don't have cheers. I would like to offer cheers to all the fans that submitted. And to the women that fought and died for our rights. And I'm now realizing I don't have a cheer. So this is what you get. So that is my thanks to you. Now let's go ahead and get into housekeeping. My song of the week is probably going to be Weaken Your Light by Nation of Language. I love that song. What I'm watching, I'm seeing Sense and Sensibility this weekend. Pre-recording this, by the way. So you'll probably all have seen it already, but I'm seeing it. It just came out. So I'm going to go see it. And yes, Sense and Sensibility, I'm very excited. I also just want, I finished Girls. No comment. Not, not anywhere near one of my favorite shows that I've ever watched, but I respect it for its impact on comedy. What I'm looking forward to, I am looking forward to Us. Thanksgiving. I'm really looking forward to that. I know Halloween hasn't come yet, but I'm very much looking forward to Thanksgiving. I get to see my family. I get to see my sister, my brother. And I'm excited to do bits with them. And we all sleep in the same room and we have gossip time and it's fucking awesome. And I miss them. Some style things I'm loving or new things I'm doing. The tabbies. I will say the tabbies are probably that selection for this week. And I got some cool polka dot socks to go with my tabbies. Okay. Uh, promo time. Go subscribe to the Royal Court channel. We have some fucking crazy guests on there that have happened and that are coming up. Um, subscribe to this channel, this YouTube channel, uh, save it to your favorite podcasts, turn on notifications, leave me a comment. I probably will see them. And if I don't, then my squire Elizabeth will see them. What else? What else? We have a Patreon. If you don't want ads on these episodes, go to the Patreon. It's super cheap. It's ad free and you get a chance to see them. And if you don't want ads on these episodes, you get all the episodes. Um, and also some kind of fun fan, the fan submissions that I've been reading guys, they are on Patreon. You submit them on Patreon and we go through them and we pick and we put them in this little dot for me and I go through them. Okay. So if you'd like to potentially be featured on the show, go to Patreon and we have linked that down below. And, uh, yeah, girl, this is a year of you and me. We've got merch. We've got the OG Broski Report merch. We've got Moomoos and some super secret special coming very soon. Might be out might not. Uh, I'll keep you updated on that. I really, I really don't know. Okay. But you will hear about it when I have the official dates. It's still, it's being finalized. Okay, guys, that is gonna do it for me. I love you very, very much. And I'm so appreciative that you are here after my long break. Cause I'm still feeling kind of, you know, I really needed to take that. And I appreciate you guys giving me the space and time. Okay. Goodbye. Goodbye. Bye.