The Fault In Our Starlink

Crooked Con is coming up right after the election, and we have just added a bunch more great names to the lineup. We've got Governor J.B. Pritzker coming, Senator Chris Murphy, and then over from the House side, Ilhan Omar, Robert Garcia, Sarah Jacobs, Jamie Raskin, Sarah McBride. We also have Carlos Eduardo Espina, Simone Sanders Townsend, Eugene Daniels, David Pakman, Jessica Tarloff, Heather McGee, and then all the other people that we've announced on the website, plus more to come. Great list. Check out the full lineup and get tickets right now at CrookedCon.com. We'd love to see you there. That's CrookedCon.com. Thumb.com for details. What's up, Los Angeles? Welcome to Love It or Leave It, live from Hollywood. I'm John Lovett, and we've got a great show for you tonight. But first, let's get into it. What a week. On Wednesday, the Bureau of Labor Statistics, reported that prices have risen 3.7% year over year. To put that in perspective, it now costs nearly $104,000 to bribe Kimberly Guilfoyle. Most of that increase was driven by a surge in energy prices, which was, of course, caused by the war in Iran, which was, of course, the result of one man's uniquely dangerous combination of undiagnosed personality disorders, which, of course, was made possible by the American people electing Trump for a second time, which, of course, was a result of an almost primal evolutionary preference for an acute pain we can describe, over a dull and empty feeling we cannot name. Also, Joe Biden was old. Gas prices went up by 9% in one month, and they're now 34% higher than last year. Here's how high gas prices are in California. There was a moment last weekend when I thought, maybe I'll just walk to the car wash. Gas is so expensive in L.A., they've started serving it with microgreens and half a grilled lemon. Gas is so expensive that they just released a trailer for a new video game, Grand Theft's Bicycle. Gas is so expensive, a lot of truck drivers are considering going electric, as in throwing a toaster in the bathtub. What? Airfare prices have also gone up substantially. In fact, flying is so expensive these days, I just saw Selma Blair biting some guy on a bus. And while costs are getting higher, Americans have seen zero wage growth, so they're not going to be able to afford a bus. since Trump returned to office. But if you love your job, you never work a day in your life, said a Brooklyn toy store owner, publicly humiliating Kelly Clarkson. And like any of us in a career crisis, Trump has turned to his dearest friends. On Friday, Trump posted, I have just concluded a highly successful discussion with Vladimir Putin, wherein it was agreed that Russia will immediately supply over 300,000 tons of diesel fuel to the American and global marketplace, another 500,000 tons during the month of November, and one $15,000 marketer who will be able to buy a car for $1,000 a month. That's just a mechanical bird. Amazing. The agreement, of course, reverses America's ban on Russian energy imports, violates federal law, props up Russia financially in its war with Ukraine, and provides less diesel in a month than the United States uses in a day. But on the other hand, Putin gave Trump's bicep a little squeeze once and said, wow, so there's a lot at play. Trump also claimed that Russia and Ukraine had agreed to an energy ceasefire. Russia then immediately attacked Ukraine's power grid. Ukraine responded by attacking a Russian oil refinery, so Russia and Ukraine had agreed to an energy ceasefire. So don't cry because the ceasefire is over. Cry because it never happened. And how does Trump respond to being humiliated by Putin? That's a war that should have never started. And I think it's time for Ukraine to get a new president. Pick me, I'll dig up dirt on whoever you want, screamed Kimberly Guilfoyle, duct taping a loose brake light back onto her G-wagon. A group of Senate Republicans, including John Cornyn, Tom Tillis, and Mitch McConnell, signed a letter asking Trump to reverse course on the diesel agreement. Said McConnell in a statement, we'll import Russian diesel over my dead body. Responded Trump, we'll import Russian diesel over his dead body. And then on Wednesday, Ukraine accused the U.S. of restricting its access to Starlink, which provides internet service to the country. Said one frightened Ukrainian, we know Kelly Clarkson is feuding with Brooklyn Toy Store, but why? Ukraine alleges that in the midst of Russia's most recent attacks, their internet speed plummeted, preventing crucial defense operations. Said one Ukrainian in the rubble, I see posts about Shane Gillis monologue, but I want to see joke in context for myself. On Thursday, the Washington Post said, on a secret list of major donors for Trump's ballroom, which is ironic that they're called major donors when they all mostly bonded over minors. In the case of one donor, Trump approved NVIDIA's sale of advanced AI chips to China, despite the outcry by security experts. Three months later, the company donated 25 million to the project while requesting the donation remain anonymous. Oh, and now you're mad that NVIDIA is respecting the hierarchy of Sadaka as outlined by the rabbinical scholar, Maimonides? Hold for laughs if no one laughs, accused the audience of anti-Semitism, Trump and the Republicans only have one hope, spending hundreds of millions of dollars to smear Democrats and distract voters with culture war issues, which, let's be honest, is a pretty good move for them. But still, in Alaska, where nearly three quarters of voters rate the economy as poor and diesel is nearing $7 per gallon with little hope of relief in sight, Trump held a rally where he did a live pardon for a couple of mechanics who pleaded guilty to violating the Clean Air Act. I'm giving each one of the three an unconditional, pardon, that means, and I don't know how this works and why it's an expression, but it's well used, that means you're as clean as a newborn baby's ass. Oh, I see the confusion. That's because no one says that. They don't say baby's asses are clean because baby's asses are famously disgusting. The expression is, as smooth as a baby's bottom, all of which you should know, except you have never changed a diaper in your life, not your kids back then, not your own right, now unable to actually speak to the concerns of voters. Trump and Vance have spent the week calling Abdul Al-Sayed a jihadist and James Tallarico a gay mental patient and have used law enforcement to target Trump's enemies. On Monday, Homeland Security agents conducted a search of Democratic Congresswoman Ilhan Omar's home. The search was allegedly related to Omar's immigration paperwork filed by her late father when she was a child. Putting aside everything else, what are you going to find in that house that would relate to this? Like, dear diary, another awesome day as a congresswoman who's in the middle of the night in the country illegally. On Wednesday, we learned that the Fed seized Omar's phone and issued more than a dozen grand jury subpoenas as part of the probe. And Jeanine Pirro told Fox News that her office has launched another investigation into Omar's revised 2025 financial disclosures. But the House Ethics Committee already did their own investigation of those forms and cleared Omar of misconduct, not that the administration was bothered by that. What about these financial disclosures? She was given a pass by the House Ethics, but somehow 30 million. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what the House does. It doesn't matter, you know, what this agency or that does. We're looking at the facts. Based upon the facts, we'll follow them wherever they take us. Continued Pirro, and here are the facts. Elon Omar cast a Muslim spell to put that algae in the reflecting pool. Even Marjorie Taylor Greene came to Omar's defense saying that pretending to deport Elon Omar wouldn't bring down the price of gas or get us out of another foreign war. And I am glad that MTG has had this change of heart, but she also said that Omar should be deported. She said that in 2024. It would be like if one of the villagers in Beauty and the Beast threw away their pitchfork right at the castle gates and then started tweeting, um, how will killing the beast help pay for our croque madames? And if all else fails, the administration will attack the election itself. On Thursday, the Trump administration sued California over its voter rolls as part of its campaign to undermine faith in election results. Imagine rigging an election to pick Javier fucking Becerra. Like doing a bank robbery to steal the pens on the little truck. Like hijacking a plane to get to Cleveland. We sadly do now have evidence of officials manipulating vote totals in California. In Santa Barbara, an elementary school principal was placed on administrative leave after she admitted to rigging the school's student government elections in order to make her own child president. This led to a massive riot that is being called January 6th grade. In historic stuff bear news, the president of the United States has been arrested for murdering a child. be returned to Britain from the New York Public Library ahead of the bear's 100th birthday. Oh, Britain, you want a precious item that you feel was stolen from your country and put in a museum as a curio returned because of its great meaning to your people? Do you even hear yourselves? Sorry, mate, you're losing the poo. Here's the deal. We'll send poo back to England if England gives the elgin marbles back to Greece. Greece returns the treasure it sacked from Constantinople. Turkey returns the priceless heirlooms it looted from Armenia. Armenia returned the monastic frescoes to Azerbaijan. And Azerbaijan, we've got our eye on you. And to Britain, if you complain, we'll do to Winnie the Pooh what you did to the last dodo bird. You burned it in a fire. All that survived was a beacon of foot. How'd you like that? How'd you like it if we send your precious bear back to you in little fucking pieces? Where is this coming from? And speaking of priceless relics, archaeologists announced the discovery of perhaps the oldest known shipwreck dating back 4,700 years. The wreck off the coast of Turkey left roughly 30 intact clay jars on the ocean floor. on the ocean floor. They're beautiful. I'll take them, said Kelly Clarkson. All right, we've got a great show for you tonight, and we'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Quince. The best fall wardrobe staples are the ones you reach for without thinking. 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Keeps the office cool in the afternoon. They're really easy to use. They're electric and they're installed in a matter of hours. They came in very professional. Visit blinds.com right now for an exclusive $50 off when you spend $500 or more with code LOVEIT. That's blinds.com, code LOVEIT. And we're back! We'll have Ben Feldman out in just a moment. But first, Cricket Con is three weeks away. So grab your tickets now for Love It or Leave It live on November 6th. And our big day of programming on November 7th, we're going to be announcing even more panelist names and the full schedule soon. We've got some very big guests lined up that we're going to be announcing shortly, so you don't want to miss this. Go to cricketcon.com for tickets. All right. One day I vowed to interview an actual ghost. But until then, we have so many guests. Someone even better. One of the stars of CBS Ghosts, it's Ben Feldman. Hey. Hi, John. Hi, nice to meet you. Long time. First time, long time. Love the show. A long time? That's so nice. A long time. Years. Years. How long has this show existed? Ten years. Okay, so. Is that right? Fuck. The audience knows? Yeah, Betsy's been around from the jump. Oh, okay. You've got diehards here. We lost a few people along the way. That's a lot. That's a lot of. They moved away. They're still alive, I think. What's happening? We're talking about them. Well, they're from Dusseldorf. They're new. Oh, I heard that. You were talking to them about. Yeah, they're from. But they're having a great time. They're going to America's top four cities. New York, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, and Phoenix. And Phoenix. Oh, my God. Because we know, because it is. It's not in that order. Would you put it in that order? I think it's the kind of thing where it's like, obviously, we love Los Angeles, we love Las Vegas, and then it's like, what's America's next greatest city? Is it New York? Is it Phoenix? And people debate it. People debate it. It's like the debate about Digger. Is it a classic? Right. She's the Digger thing. No, Phoenix is the heartbeat of America, for sure. And I think you brought it up. Did you see Digger? That's so funny. I didn't actually bring it up. I have not seen Digger. I want to see it. I have, like. Oh, no, my questions. All of his questions are on the ground now. We'll just talk about Digger. Wait. I haven't seen that movie. It's supposed to be provocative. I think it's. I'm excited to see it. I'm also excited for the. The Nathan Fielder thing. I am, too. That's like my Super Bowl. Come on. I've never been more excited for something than that, I think. You know what? Want to know something interesting? Huh? You know who was seeing the film Digger when I saw the film Digger? Who was there a couple rows Behind Me? One Nathan Fielder. Shut up. That's right. That's right. See Digger, you might see a celebrity. Was this, like, at a screening or a premiere? No. It was just at the Americana. A normal, just with the whole ploy? It was just the people. You're just seeing Coach. It was just with the people. That's right. Hey. So, I. Ghosts. Yeah. Not shooting in L.A. No. That sucks. It's the worst. Let's get it back here. That's the worst part. We got ghosts here. We do. We have. There could be. Ghosts could be anywhere, really. But these ones are in Montreal. They're spending a lot of time in Quebec. What's it like shooting in Montreal? It's about to be very cold and dark. Right. There's a language police. Do you know about this? A little bit about it. Yeah, yeah. It's like a real thing in Quebec. Where it's like, if you own a store, like a cafe, and the receipt says. Like if the inspector comes and the receipt says, thank you, like bigger than merci, you could get fined. And there's like a whole. Like KFC, I don't know enough French to know what it is, but it's like different initials. It's like P, like poulet something as well. Like they have different. The letters are. It's wild. I went to Montreal for the comedy festival and I took a CrossFit class. And I think in my mind, and I'll just be honest, I've been to Montreal. And every time, like I kind of lull myself back into believing that the French thing is a bit, you know? That like. And that it's like, yeah, like Disney, you know? It's like. You can't say that in front of people. I know. I'm saying it here, but it's like I won't say it there. No one will hear this. But like in my mind, when they say that they speak French in Quebec, it's that they speak with a French accent in Quebec. And then I'm in a fucking CrossFit class and I am embarrassing myself because they're doing it all in French kilograms. Oh, I can't. Like my thermostat, I'm throwing. I've never looked at it because I don't. I can't do the conversion. It's all French. I feel like the France-French would argue that that is not French and that's sort of the age-old thing. Yeah, there's sort of like the accent chauvinism. There's a real Jets-Sharks situation going with Montreal and Paris. So, Mad Men was just named one of the greatest shows of all time. You are now in this. You are in a meme from Mad Men. It's the only thing I've ever done. It's like. You are just in this picture over and over again. And it's this famous image that's your character says, I feel bad for you. And then Don Draper says, I don't think about you at all. Yeah. And this is everywhere all the time. You're associated with this kind of loser moment. It's. Yeah, that's. And that's the thing. The fact that he's the loser. Like, it's. The whole thing is, like, you suck. And then the other person is like, you don't even exist. And I'm the one that doesn't exist. Like, I'm the one that's the, like, whiny bitch. Yeah. You represent the guy that is, like, you know, the opposite of hate is indifference. Yes. He's indifferent to hate. He's so cool in this. And by the way, out of context, because in that episode, he's actually kind of falling apart. But nobody knows that because it's a meme and that's all that matters. And this. If there's, like, an in memoriam, it's just that. There's no clips of anything I've ever done. Like, it'll just be that for a second. We were talking about Mad Men today. And I realized that, like, in my mind, like, your character, I guess I just sort of have cemented in the. In the kind of early appearances. And then we remembered that by the end, you lose your mind, cut off your nipple, and put it in a little box and give it to Peggy. Yeah. But then we were thinking, wait a second. That was because, in a sense, your character was driven mad by a data center. Yeah. That there was a loud, noisy, big, giant data center computer. And that made you. So your character is kind of the first. America. Is America dealing with a data center? America's nipple. I've always said that. I'm America's nipple. Uh-huh. But the bandage is in my nightstand. My wife, it's, like, her least favorite thing in the world. Like, I have, like, the bloody bandage from Mad Men that was over my nipple in my nightstand. I have other things, too. Yeah, you can just keep that. That would be, like, a one. You should put that in, like. Do they still have the planet Hollywood? We should get that. Is there still. Does there still planet Hollywood? Or, like, at the Arclight? Yeah, at the Arclight, when that comes back as a place where you can order on a screen during the movie, as the director intended. No, I'm excited for the Arclight to be back. Me, too. Um, you know, your character was Jewish. Yeah, I do know that. That's. Moving on. No question. He was very Jewish. He was very Jewish, but it was, like, uh. Like, it was this idea of, like, the wasps dealing with, like, kind of a Jew in their midst. Yeah. Did you feel that? Well, and it doesn't help the tribe, I suppose, that he was also, like, kind of a deranged lunatic by some accounts. Yeah, that's right. Was he always crazy, or did it. No, there was a slow. You know what's funny about that show? People. Some people. Some people will come up to me and say, uh, wow, that was out of nowhere. You just cut your body part off, and, you know. know i don't know why they have an accent like that i reckon i've never seen anything like no but they're like that's crazy came out of nowhere and then other people who really paid attention were like saw that like there was two years prior he was like tinfoil on his head and and doing like great like it was always just sort of silly and funny until it was really sad which is life but and the character also was like i think was born in a either a refugee camp or concentration camp yeah right there was like there's a whole thing that yeah he has a whole moment with with lizzie moss with peggy about that and he's talking about but he's like saying that he's an alien and also your parents weren't advertising right yeah your mother was like a kind of a peggy olsen my mom was 100 that she she was like the dc version of that but she'd even go to new york she was the only woman in the you know but it was like 70s and 80s instead of that 60s so kind of she sort of followed in the footsteps of the peggy yes peggy walked so my mom could could run hey and your family friends with wolf blitzer yeah man isn't that weird do you ever play ever play pictionary wolf blitzer i've never played that's so funny everybody asked me that completely random question i've never played pictionary but he he he's like my parents really good friend and like shows up like we go to like russia shana dinner at his house or at least when i was growing up which is which is annoying because like when you're an actor you kind of want to be like at least the most famous person at thanksgiving like or at you know whatever for sure um and he's and it's not just it's not the fame thing like because he's so like iconic he like gets parts in movies but as himself so yeah he was in like a bond movie yeah like we'll we'll be sitting and i'll be like bragging about a pilot that got canceled that i did when i was and he'll be like well soderbergh put me in this movie with blah blah blah i'm like this isn't i can't compete he's just always gonna be more successful in my field do you call him wolf yeah wolfie ah that's for you guys uh no wolf just wolf yeah um hey you're in superstore i i was it was well it was it was yeah in this time is a flat circle but it's still on yeah it's on it's on forever everything exists everything's everything's on forever because it's now like kind of on is it on netflix right now it's on it's on it's not on netflix here but it's on netflix in every other english-speaking country what about in düsseldorf you got you have superstore do you that's wow is that true or you're just making that up see so it's it's on netflix everywhere but here and netflix is so i i'm like i'm like normal like vaguely recognizable american actor like somebody might come up to me somebody won't but in like these other netflix company countries i have like my hat like i like wear sunglasses on the street like it's such a strange and it's not me it's just the the netflix's of these countries are massive you're nodding that the dude you've seen you have you watched superstore they've watched superstar and düsseldorf between madman uh and superstar uh your character is a classic guy who has a job sure oh god that old american so now it's time for a segment we're calling three martini lunch or panera in your car i will describe an aspect of work in the 1960s and an aspect of work today and you will tell us which one you prefer are you ready here we go getting 30 minutes for lunch but there is a panera in the same shopping center if you don't mind walking across a median or getting an hour-long sit-down martini lunch but there are no green fresh vegetables anywhere in the world in the restaurant i think i'm going to take the the panera i can't day drink anymore like i if i have a glass of wine i that's i'm out for for days also like those old lunches you're with people for the whole time and i don't want to do that you need a space you need space like on it i don't want to talk to the people that i work with on set i'll go and eat lunch in my trailer alone like a little dirty like trailer pig yeah you know you little dirty little dirty trailer pig listen to my podcast yeah when i was a paralegal man go to the every building has that deli in the building that's just terrible but it's in the building you know and then you get i would get my deli building or roast beef sandwich then go sit in my car and eat it yeah yeah listen to the radio it's like a talk radio show like a like a that's the dream that's to me people talking at me but they don't know that i'm there and i'm just stuffing my face that's if i die and go to heaven that's what it is for eternity all right we've chosen panera in the car next up uh would you like to be uh three martini drunk at the office on a tuesday or kind of stoned at work all the time oh god that's so three more i mean three martini i could i mean i could upend my career in one in three martinis probably by just saying something stupid or awful but being high all the time i'm paranoid i can't i can't smoke i i whatever i said everybody's making fun of me for like 10 minutes ago and and i'm just like stupid and hungry and sad i can't it's so you have an anxiety that comes out if you have massive anxiety if i smoke yeah interesting interesting i i used to have yeah me too what do you would you rather get drunk i don't i think i do the weed i would have an edible i would kill to be a weed person they're so cool and are they you think that's right well and it's also the the us that don't like we look like we're i just feel like a prude and it's not that i would do i would do it all the time uh next question we have a time before anti-discrimination laws or we have anti-discrimination laws but once a year you have to sit for a one hour video explaining why it's wrong to strangle your co-workers oh geez what time of day is the hour video it's you can watch it whenever you want but you can't skip ahead can i watch it at home you can watch it at home i'll take the video okay okay yeah i think that's the right choice just stuffing my face in my trailer they use scenes i forget where it's probably universal but they've used scenes of superstore in the little like the things where they make you all sit down and oh really yeah yeah it's it's because we did tons of that stuff all the time and i remember when we did them they would show us scenes from like the office or and wow that's yeah that's a cool a lot of workplace sitcoms finding their way into these these these meetings you think ghosts are real no okay thank you thank you ben belvin ghosts return to cbs on thursday october 29th and we'll be right back hey don't go anywhere there's more of love it or leave it coming up love it or leave it is brought to you by cook unity my fave love cooking what are you having this week let's see what have i had this week i had there there's a great um zucchini pasta with uh with beef ragu oh yeah had that there's some new chicken chiquitos that's uh they're they're new on the menu so maybe try those tonight meals arrive fresh never frozen it can be refrigerated for up to two hours and then refrigerated for up to seven days or hundreds of dishes to choose from the menu features 10 different dietary preferences and over 25 global cuisines and is updated constantly cook unity is the first chef-led meal delivery service that makes your meals in small batches inside local micro kitchens across the u.s not factories every dish arrives with kind of freshness you'd get at a restaurant meals from michelin-starred chefs james beard winners and food network stars go to cookunity.com slash lowly or use code lowly before checkout for 50 off your first week taste what happens when real award-winning chefs make fresh small batch meals just for you go to cookunity.com slash lowly or enter code lowly before checkout to get 50 off your first order that's 50 off your first order by using code loli or going to cookunity.com slash loli right now the midterms are the biggest story in american politics but however they go the democratic party is going to have to do some serious soul searching join us washington dc november 5th through 7th the second annual crooked con it's going to be the positive america hosts and some of the smartest people in politics we're going to try to answer some big questions and we'll see you next time on cookunity.com questions stuff like if we won how did we win if we lost how could we possibly have lost and with 2028 around the corner where do we go from here if you believe in democracy community and fighting for the future now's the time to grab your tickets to crooked con at 2026 head to crooked con.com to get your tickets now hey it's ryan seacrest for albertsons and tom thumb it's stock up sale time which means you can save big by stocking up on all your personal care favorites now through november 3rd shop in store and online and save ten dollars when you spend 25 or more on participating products like chic razor head and shoulders anti-dandruff shampoo hello deodorant just for men hair color listerine mouthwash gold bond hand cream and irish spring body wash offer ends november 3rd restrictions apply offers may vary visit albertsons or tom thumb.com for details and we're back my next guest has a new book coming out called we're having a good time but we'll be the judge of that welcome to the show dusty slay all right okay pumped to be here i like a couch like this you know i like that because you know i do stand-up comedy yeah yeah so i stand up and i feel like i look pretty slim and then i sit down and it like all crunches up and my pearl snaps are popping so this is a good look for me i think you don't feel good about your body no i do until i sit down like this oh i feel like because i'm like well maybe i should lean back but then that's too casual what am i who am i who are you i mean i'm just yeah so i struggle with the chairs too so i ended up like kind of perching yeah you almost want to put the pillow under you want to get low oh yeah look at this now we're ready now i'm like kind of like like a teacher that's going to rap at you yeah you know a little bit and i like to get up high you're getting engaged yeah like i'm really kind of focused and clicked in i'm facing you i'm really intensely focused and facing you i like that you know what we realized we were like like there was no part of us that could stop ourselves as that from imagining that dusty sleigh is a drag queen do you get that do people say to you all the time people do say that about the name but i think you know it's slay everybody went slay you know and uh but it means to kill and is it right that you change you change it from dusty sleeperstein uh yes yeah originally yeah when i moved to this country i had to change it at ellis island you've written a book yeah i did write a book you know i wrote a book called we're having a good time i told that you know i got a book deal and then i go i'd like to write the book so they let me write it for a while and then they read it and then they go we got to get a ghostwriter in here is that real is that the order is that what i just he said ghost tonight oh you're right every year ghost yes and i'm part of that it's like yeah like a ghostwriter but but he's not talking about i i just assumed i was only heard half of what he right you know but then he was so good i put him on the cover sean so he's no longer a ghost he's just a writer now so we so usually the the is that what ghostwriter means yeah sure uh i well i don't think it's a ghostwriter if his name's on the cover it's just right he's just right there you're right we're buddies we wrote it uh so wait you wrote a whole draft and then they told you this well i wrote what i thought was a whole draft but i realized later i was you know i had yeah i don't read a lot of books so i had a lot more to go i wrote the kind of book that i'd like to read which is much shorter yeah poorly written apparently but i think people you know i i thought people would want to read a book that uh reads the way i talk so i we wrote a book together and there was definitely periods of time where i think my co-writers were pretty frustrated because they were like hey have you revised chapter 12 and 13 yet and i said no but i did draw these cartoons which i think are going to really pad this thing out nicely oh yeah have you did you think about doing cartoons i well you know i didn't but i like that idea i wish that i were doing this before it finalized i would do some cartoons yeah we should do that do you draw i mean privately private drawing yeah i don't do it like like how leo just sketched kate winslet yeah yeah yeah let's do a book together yeah let's yeah let's do a book together i think it's about time the three of us did a book yeah people are this is the book yeah this is the book that's true um wait so in the book uh wait have you seen digger you know what i've not you know uh no i've not seen it uh uh and uh you know i don't see a lot of movies uh new movies uh-huh but uh i'm guessing i should i've heard you talk about it a bit and uh i think it's probably is it good it's really good is it uh a construction movie it's just the beginning of the in i think in england they call what we call an excavator they call a digger huh so is he digging stuff or he is but it's there's not a lot of excavating okay you don't actually see that much digging okay but it's important that there are things being dug okay digging is central to the film okay so that's something and he does it but you just don't see it he is a leader of an organization that does it okay and he and the ramifications uh have great impact okay um so it but i'm not doing a good job i dig it you know that's pretty good yeah that's um hey before you were a comedian you sold pesticides that is true uh i sold pesticides to lowes and home depot i was a sales rep you know i wasn't going door to door but uh yeah so and now i you know now i'm pretty anti-pesticide so it's a real turnaround for me do you have any favorite bugs ben god i mean i want to go with a baboon spider what okay yeah what's a baboon spider it's just a big hairy thing that'll that'll bite you my wife and i found one in africa once wow just in the wild it was in our bed bedroom wow next to our bed yeah wow and it was was it a poisonous spider it was like a it was like a the it was like the size of my hand look it up like it's the big furry thing that stands on its hind legs and do you report that to the front desk there's so there's a guy like in africa have you been like there's there's like a guy with a gun that stands outside to make sure that a lion doesn't kill you wow and i brought i'd say this is a poor endorsement of uh to stay there uh no he came and he killed the well he drowned it with a like he'd like off like there was a yeah it'd be you'd be concerned if he shot it it would have been yeah it would have been and we didn't want to do anything because you don't want to take from the land you know like if that spider if that's how we're going to die then that's that's what you have to do i would like to think the guy with a gun though just crushes it with the butt of the gun or something yeah that right yeah fires off accidentally kills the couple above you yeah he's shooting because the spider's on the ceiling yeah yeah yeah yeah no yeah it's sort of a metaphor in a sense right it's like it's like oh like oh this thing was meant to protect you yeah but now you're dead because the the the one the bug below yep yeah and that's the plot of digger that's a little bit that is a little bit what it's about it's a little bit about that it's a little bit about art okay it's a little bit about bugs okay um i'm gonna check it out would you try were you like a sales rep like pushing your pesticides door yeah yeah not door to door but i would go to the stores and i would go hey guys my pesticides are really a lot better than the competitions and you should let me build a display here and then you know i did that every day and i was you know getting deep into alcoholism and uh it was driving me you know completely insane and i was uh uh i was sad are you still in touch with homeless chuck uh you know what i've not talked to chuck in a while uh a long time i looked chuck up i don't know how you found out about that but i looked up chuck on facebook and he is around he has about five facebook profiles which is never a good sign uh and uh he seems to be down in panama city beach and i want to message him but i think it could be dangerous why do you think it'll be dangerous well because i liked him and i bet i think he's on meth based on some of the posts that i've read and uh and the way he looks and i you know i just don't think i need to invite him into my life like i once did chuck lived with me so he was not homeless for a time he's homeless when i found him and then he lived with me and then i had to kick him out but but then he was just chuck just chuck yeah for a while it was just chuck just chuck we it wasn't even his name i feel like you guys should have done this part first because i'm now catching up on who you're talking about oh right yeah i should have said who's chuck yeah oh yeah well i don't know how you found out about chuck i'll be honest but i like that you did yeah we do our research here yeah yeah but you know chuck was a he was a really short guy he had short arms and he had uh he would rap and uh he did a lot of freestyles do you think he saw digger i you know there's a chance he has seen it but i bet he hasn't i bet chuck is not even really probably aware of the movie theater these days wait so you're doing you're doing your stand-up tour you're going to be in in on the coast but you're also going to oklahoma city kansas city sioux falls des moines what's the energy difference between say a san diego and a sioux city you know i really think it's i don't know i feel like it's about all the same people get into it we have a good time and uh you know i just you know i told you i i got some pretty universal jokes you know i'm talking about bird watching and pit bulls and you know what you do if a pit bull bites you and won't let go you know what do you do we have well people think that i make this up but it is true you gotta this is what they say i don't know if it's true it is true that they say this that you gotta take your finger put it in its butt that's what they say apparently i don't know it depends on where i'm getting bit i like it's a really kind of a range issue it could be tough but i think if you're getting a pitbull's not going to let go so you do whatever you can yeah i guess you have a moment to think about it it's just the precision that requires in the middle of a fight with a pit and maybe that's why they say it it's tough it's like see i would have thought you got to do a kind of three stooges out of it in the i would in the eyes not in the eyes not in the butt not that you don't know try the eyes whatever you got to do whatever you got to do whatever you got to do but it'll you know it'll be there for a while so you'll have some time to think through it yeah it'll be you know wherever it's biting you it'll be you know tear tearing your arm off or something it'll get you they're sweet but they'll kill you such an important point well we're two weeks away from halloween and everyone is scrambling to come up with a clever topical halloween costume however an attempt to be funny sometimes people can cross the line for example people didn't like my undead katie perry in space costume last year so we're gonna run some costume ideas past the both of you and you're gonna decide you're gonna decide whether or not it's acceptable in a segment we're calling halloween but at what costume nice halloween but at what costume i'm gonna read a costume idea and you'll say is this over the line and you think the if you like the idea you say it is ghoulishly good ghoulishly good god damn it that is so long or if not you do say boo all right first up the martial arts robot they will get a little bit more intense as we go the first up the martial arts robot that kicked a chinese kid in the stomach uh ghoulishly good ghoulishly good i feel yes that's a good couple's cost i don't know what the cost is that is a good couple and there's like a bit that you can do yeah constantly getting oh so one would dress up as the robot and then it would constantly kick like i'd be kicking my wife in, you know, where the nuts meet. Next up, Angel Dolly Parton. i don't know i live in nashville so i gotta i don't know if i should i don't know is this good i go ghoulishly good i guess right because anything with dolly parton right outrageous all right oh anything with dolly parton you say next up dolly parton hell oh oh look at who she's with it's weird it's with lindsey graham they're having a good time down there he thinks it's heaven that's his thing it's his kink he thinks it's heaven he's like being tortured it's like cool for him i feel like lindsey graham like as dolly like dressed as dolly parton dolly parton drag in hell could you imagine a thrilled dolly you can't here's the thing lindsey graham and dolly parton can't be in hell together because the gasp of joy that lindsey graham would give when he saw dolly parton would mean he wasn't in hell that's who he's going for as for halloween in hell i thought lindsey graham was just dressed as his sister i'm so yes of course that yes this was when the second you heard that lindsey graham had died and that lindsey graham had been replaced yeah no we know i'm not laughing at death guys no but it comes for us all ask not for whom the bell tolls tolls for that that closet case lindsey graham so the but but so when he died everyone immediately and the sister i didn't i just pictured lindsey graham with with with pearls in a wig and then that's basically a version of that showed up yeah guys i'd never heard of his sister i mean not that i would but it's like are you saying you think it might actually be him oh no uh i mean that would be calm right now that would be pretty cool that'd be pretty a pretty cool move by lindsey graham but i definitely thought i pictured a lindsey graham in a way sometimes you get bored with the character you know when you gotta switch it up yeah that's a good point uh next up we have sexy diarrhea lettuce oh yeah good good good um but like well how do you are you just the lettuce and the implication is the diarrhea comes or is this another couple's costume and someone's diarrhea so so next up is someone who died from the diarrhea oh no i mean i think if you have those legs from the previous one you should always dress as the lettuce yes yeah for sure you know those legs go all the way up remember when people used to say things like that check out the gams you don't say gams anymore should we bring back gams let's say gams again and you know what that sound means it's time for the couple's costume lightning round okay uh first up rfk jr and his dad current oh god ghoulishly good right you don't even want to be associated yeah i don't yeah i mean i don't know i didn't know his dad oh i oh i guess i do know his dad yeah you do you do he got he got murdered yeah that's too bad he got murdered by sirhan sirhan if you trust the official fucking story and you never should you never should you never should actually that we uh somebody that works at crooked van hethcoat made a documentary about uh the coroner of los angeles who did the autopsy and examination of rfk jr was involved and he believed that rfk senior sorry rfk jr lives rfk senior was actually shot by friendly fire not very friendly though though no there's no right it's a bit of an oxymoron yeah when you think about it lastly the cancer that pope leo has and the cancer that king charles has so this is another couple's costume yeah okay his cat uh cancer kind of looks like cabbage it does in a way look like cabbage you're right about that yeah his cancer looks like cabbage yeah the kind of the costume that you have to like explain to everybody over and over again i think so so you're constantly talking about cancer at like the party that you're going yeah that's a good this one's got to be a boo it's a big old boo it's a big old boo i did not know that he had cancer oh leo yeah he just said yeah but he's got to fight it we like that guy i like honestly i didn't know that either of them had cancer i don't uh first i'm seeing some of these people well i'm glad i'm glad you could be here to be part of it and experience that uh all right everybody thank you dusty to see dusty live on the neighborhood guide tour at dusty slay.com for tickets and we're having a good time and other stories is available for pre-order now bookstores november 10th and we'll be right back hey don't go anywhere there's more of love it or leave it coming up love it or leave it is brought to you by quo we've all been there you need a service quote and the last thing you want to do is wait for a call back for so many businesses everything gets busier in the fall more calls more customers more chances something slips through the cracks staying ahead means having the right system not just working harder that's why today's episode is brought to you by quo spelled q u o the business phone system built so you never miss a call quo is the number one rated business phone system on g2 trusted by over 90 000 businesses who rely on it to stay reachable and look professional every day all your calls texts and voicemails in one place so anyone on your team can pick up a conversation see the full history and respond fast set it up in minutes on any device keep your existing number and add teammates as you grow no it no hassle quo's optional built-in ai agent handles after hours calls answers questions and even books appointments so you never miss a lead even when your team is offline quo integrates with the tools your team already uses like hubspot zapier claude and more helping you save time stay organized and spend less time chasing information between systems money is on the line always say hello with quo try to get the most out of it and we'll see you next time hey everyone my name is elijah cone and i've been a producer here at crooked media for a decade i love making our shows with the smart creative people who work here and hearing from all of you who listen every week but the thing that i'm proudest of is that 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emotions for this segment we're going with uh you know fury which is why it's time for the rant wheel we'll each get 60 seconds on the clock to rant about a topic of our choosing let's spin the wheel look at these little faces there all right um okay well this would be halloween themed am i going is it time ben go great uh i hate uh costume parties and the people that throw them um i don't like it's no offense but like i don't like that there's a price of admission that you have to like be creative and think about something all week and then do this sort of dance to get into a party and i realize that i do that for a living uh pretend to be other people but i think maybe that's part of it you know maybe that's i don't want to do the thing that i do for you so that you'll let me into your party like i feel to me a costume party is like it's a karaoke party and i'm like i don't want to do that uh costume party is like it's a karaoke party and i'm like i don't want to do the thing that i do for you so that you'll let me into your party like i feel to me a uh costume party is like it's a karaoke you get up on stage and you do something mildly entertaining then you have to do it fucking over and over and over again until everybody starts talking over you and and changing the subject or leaving the room and i don't like it and i'm i'm hearing this now and realizing that this the rant wheel is sort of a version of this because i'm locked in something that i don't know is working but i have to keep going because it's long form but i don't like these things i'm not comfortable in them and that's my rant yeah i i think they're all liking costumes yeah i think like it's the kind of thing where if you're gonna do a costume party it has to be kind of earned and has to have a reason so halloween i think it's okay to have we have a one night of year where everyone wears yes but it suggested if it's like you can't come and by the way i don't even just mean halloween cause like like dress codes fine dress codes if it's like a wedding or something like that but like i had a friend who had a birthday party not long ago and it was black tie and there was past hors d'oeuvres there was no sitting down there was no dinner and i was furious and i hope he leaves soon and i hope he leaves soon and i hope he leaves soon i hope he listens to this podcast i think he does too yeah if you're gonna call an event of black tie that i had to put on a tuxedo to go to this guy's living room that's outrageous living room outrageous there wasn't even an event a venue there needs to be ice cold drinks 100 there needs to be delicious special shucking oysters there should be oysters getting shocked 100 it is nice that you have the kind of friends that you know think or know that you own a tuxedo or have access to it but i'll bet you there are people that party that didn't that went out and rented a tuxedo no one would invite me birthday it wasn't even like a 40th yeah just said i just a little party at his house. Just a little party at his house but everybody's wearing the fanciest clothes they could possibly. And then not even a good dinner, really? Well, the food was good but you're not sitting down. There's not a full, there wasn't like courses. I don't like making a meal out of little tiny things. I need a moment where I'm going to sit down. You know what my theory is? You know what? This will be my rant in a second. I'm going to be quiet now. Let's spin the wheel. You don't know when it's coming back around when the food's coming back. Okay. Dusty, what do you got? Well, you know, I don't live in LA so I think I'll just talk about what it's like to travel into LA and it's, I hate it and it's, you know, I fly here. The flight was great but then I landed at the airport. I have a checked bag and then they're like, hey, baggage claim two and three, one through three are here and then four's over here and I'm like, are they, am I going to pick the right one? Am I going to get somewhere and not be in the right place? And then you go all the way down all these hallways and down escalators, up escalators, some are broken and then you get there and then you're like, and then they drop the four. Now they're not even talking about four anymore. You're like, well, are we, am I still on the right track? And then you get on, you get a rental car. You got to take a long ride to get in a rental car and then you finally get the rental car and then you're stuck in traffic. I was on the 405. I saw a sign. It said that it was adopted by Atheist United and I thought, that's good. That's a good people to adopt because if I was on this every day, I think I would doubt God too. Beautiful. Fun fact about the LA airport. They built something called the People Mover. It's been 95% complete since 2024 and it is still not moving people. It was supposed to be done for the World Cup. It's not done. Maybe it's going to be done for the Super Bowl. Maybe it's going to be done for the Olympics, but it's basically been done for two years and it just sits there not moving any people. This is the speech that every Uber driver that takes me to LAX says as we're entering that last like 20 minute stretch. This thing is never going to stop. Can you believe this thing? Like they just start yelling at me every single time. Outrageous. Yeah, I mean, we need a lot of people movers here. We need to just get people moving. There is no moving. They're stagnant. They're too stagnant. It's just like the moment you think, oh, I've hit a little spot on the road where I can go free. You're like, now you're stuck again. It is landed on me and here's what I wanted to say about what we were talking about earlier, which is, all right, here's the thing. I want to go back to the days when you would sit down at a table and at the restaurant, you would order something and it would come with one or two sides and then it would come with a wooden bowl that had a salad in it and you would choose your dressing and that's it. It's not things on the table. It's actually really not an appetizer experience. It's not shared plates, which I know we've talked to ad nauseum, but just you can get your entree. You can get a starch and a vegetable and before that, a little salad, maybe a cup of soup if there's a soup of the day and then you can have a salad and everyone's going to do it at the same time. All the salads come. Everybody eats the salads. All the entrees come. Everybody eats the entree. Maybe you share a dessert. Maybe you don't. You don't need to because you ate your salad and you ate your entree. There's no gambling on how many fucking pieces of thing are going to be in the little thing. You're just going to each going to eat your one thing. Nobody's reaching across. We're not sharing. My plate, your plate. Have a conversation. I think we should bring that back. 70s style. In the 70s, did they have the wood bowl? I don't know. That's just what I picked up. I relate to this hard though. You know what I'm saying? It's about not sharing. It's not about not sharing. It is about stopping that, but it is about knowing that I'm going to look at it, that the menu is going to have a list of things and I'm just going to choose one thing. I'm going to say, I will have the chicken and then the wait. No one else will. I'm going to have mine. It's a portion for fucking one. And then the waiter will say, that comes with a starter salad. We got the ranch. We got the Italian. We got the blue cheese and we got the vinaigrette. And then you would choose one of those. Or a thousand islands. A thousand islands. Or, you know, the place isn't fancy, Russian. Yeah. You know, I don't need a thousand islands. I'm just a kind of ordinary guy. I'll have Russian dressing. I don't need a thousand. Look, you come from a fancier thing. Western Sizzlin had a thousand islands. Yeah. A thousand islands is like from a, like, look, that southern island has kind of made its way across the country. But like, you know, in my childhood, we didn't have that kind of highfalutin thing. We just had Russian. Yeah. Just kind of one place, not a thousand islands. Yeah. You know, I don't like sharing either. This is why I don't like it. I eat fast. I eat fast. I want my food to come and then I eat it fast and I eat it until it's all gone. If we're sharing and I'm eating with someone that eats slow, I might divvy it up in my mind. I go, this pizza's half mine, but I eat all mine. And then there's pizza still left and they're just kind of nibbling along and I go, now this feels weird because I feel like I should be able to keep getting in on this. Right, because it's, because you know what, that is, that's the difference between equality and equity because it's like, equality is we each get half the pizza, but equity would be, I clearly want more pizza than you need, right? And I'm going to keep, we're going to keep continue eating the whole time. Yeah. And you know, if I'm faster, I should get more of it. We'll be right back. And we're back. Regrets. I have a few. My producers, whoever, have several, which is why it is time for a segment we call Second Thoughts. Here's how it works. The Love It or Leave It team, we've written down the mistakes that they think I've made during this show tonight. I'm going to read them to you now and you will answer the question, should I regret this? Wait a second. I'm learning about this in real time. I wore a shirt with a big hole in the armpit. Oh no. Oh no, I forgot. And I know about this because we talked about it the last time I wore it. Totally forgot. I saw that shirt in the closet. I thought, why don't I wear this? Let's see. Oh, okay. Ben, I informed you that your character was Jewish rather than asking you a question about it. But that's sort of your style, right? Yeah, that's right. That's right. Thank you for saying that. That's just you. Oh, we have a second thought for you, Ben. Huh? Oh, great. Does that normally happen? Occasionally. We think you should eat lunch with your coworkers. I won't. I'm not going to do that. I'm not. I don't care. It's my time. Is that a sharing thing? Hey, when you were selling pesticides, did you eat lunch with your friends? You know, at work, I really had no coworkers. It was just me and none of the people that worked at Lowe's wanted to eat lunch with me. Wow. I was doing comedy at the same time I was doing that and I told people one time and they go, you're not even funny. I go, yeah, I hate this job. I hate being here. You know what I mean? Look at you now. Look at you now. Let's see. I asked Dusty, you don't feel good about your body? Well, I think that was a legitimate question because I was talking about how I feel uncomfortable in the couch because I have a lot of denim on and it's really crunching up my stomach. I feel like my spine drops down when I sit in a chair like this. I don't know what happens. If I just came out and was doing like this a lot and then you go, you don't like your body? First question. That would be weird. That would be weird. That would be weird. I've asked bad first questions on par with that, but not so bad. Let's see. Oh, I did get too wound up. Oh, and I want to say that I did make this show about Digger again, which is what I did last time. You did. You did. Yeah. I was like, there's no way he's going to do that. You're not going to give that much time to Digger again. We have to. We have to. I worry that you're going to edit it where I'm just saying Digger a lot. It's just you. I'll tell you, I have one regret, which is that this show must end. And that's our show. Thank you so much to Ben Feldman. Thank you so much to Dusty Slade. There are 18 days until the midterms. We'll be back next week with Nithya Raman and Phoebe Robinson. See you next week. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. Our show is produced by Kendra James, Bill McGrath, Kelsey Gante, and me, John Lovett. Our production team includes Hallie Kiefer, Sarah Lazarus, Raman Borsalino, Peter Miller, David Tolles, Claudia Shang, Jay Banks, Raul Calderon, Gavin Purcell, and Matt DeGroote. And our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East. Right now, the midterms are the biggest story in American politics. But however they go, the Democratic Party is going to have to do some serious soul-searching. Join us. Washington, D.C., November 5th through 7th at the second annual Crooked Conversation. It's going to be the Positive America hosts and some of the smartest people in politics. We're going to try to answer some big questions. Stuff like, if we won, how did we win? If we lost, how could we possibly have lost? And with 2028 around the corner, where do we go from here? If you believe in democracy, community, and fighting for the future, now's the time to grab your tickets to CrookedCon 2026. Head to crookedcon.com to get your tickets now. Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for CrookedCon 2026. for Albertsons and Tom Thumb. It's stock-up sale time, which means you can save big by stocking up on all your personal care favorites. Now, through November 3rd, shop in-store and online and save $10 when you spend $25 or more on participating products like Schick Razor, Head & Shoulders anti-dandruff shampoo, Hello Deodorant, Just For Men hair color, Listerine mouthwash, Gold Bond hand cream, and Irish Spring body wash. Offer ends November 3rd. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit Albertsons or TomThumb.com for details.