The Fault In Our Starlink

What's up Los Angeles? Welcome to "Love and Relieved It Live" from Hollywood. I'm John Love and we've got a great show for you tonight. But first let's get into it. What a week. And Wednesday the Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that prices have risen 3.7% year over year. To put that in perspective, it now cost nearly $104,000 to bribe Kimberly Gilfoyle. Most of that increase was driven by a surge in energy prices, which was of course caused by the war in Iran, which was of course the result of one man's uniquely dangerous combination of undiagnosed personality disorders, which of course was made possible by the American people electing Trump for a second time, which of course was the result of an almost primal evolutionary preference for an acute pain we can describe over a dull and empty feeling we cannot name. Also, Joe Biden resolved. Gas prices went up by 9% in one month and they're now 34% higher than last year. Here's how I gas prices are in California. There was a moment last week and when I thought maybe I'll just walk to the car wash. Gas is so expensive in LA, they started serving it with microgreens and half a grilled lemon. Gas is so expensive that they just released a trailer for a new video game, Grand Theft's Bicycle. Gas is so expensive, a lot of truck drivers are considering going electric as in throwing a toaster in the bathtub. What? Airfare prices have also gone up substantially. In fact, flying is so expensive these days. I just saw some of Blair biting some guy on a bus. And while costs are getting higher, Americans have seen zero wage growth since Trump returned to office. But if you love your job, you never work a day in your life set a Brooklyn toy store owner publicly humiliating Kelly Clarkson. And like any of us in a career crisis, Trump has turned to his dearest friends. On Friday, Trump posted, "I have just concluded a highly successful discussion with Vladimir Putin wherein it was agreed that Russia will immediately supply over 300,000 tons of diesel fuel to the American and global marketplace, another 500,000 tons during the month of November, and $15,000 mechanical bird." Amazing. The agreement, of course, reverses America's ban on Russian energy imports, violates federal law, props up Russia financially in its war with Ukraine, and provides less diesel in a month than the United States uses in a day. But on the other hand, Putin gave Trump's bicep a little squeeze once and said, "Wow, so there's a lot at play." Trump also claimed that Russia and Ukraine had agreed to an energy ceasefire. Russia then immediately attacked Ukraine's power grid. Ukraine responded by attacking a Russian oil refinery. So don't cry because the ceasefire is over. Cry because it never happened. And how does Trump respond to being humiliated by Putin? "That's a war that should have never started. And I think it's time for Ukraine to get a new president." Pick me, I'll dig up dirt on whoever you want, scream Kimberley Gildfoyle, duct-taping a loose brake light back onto her G-Wagon. A group of center Republicans, including John Kornin, Tom Tillis and Mitch McConnell, signed a letter asking Trump to reverse course on the diesel agreement. Said McConnell in a statement, "We'll import Russian diesel over my dead body." Responded Trump, "We'll import Russian diesel over his dead body." And then on Wednesday, Ukraine accused the U.S. of restricting its access to Starlink, which provides internet service to the country. Said one friend Ukrainian, "We know Kelly Clarkson is fuming with Brooklyn Toy Store, but why?" Ukraine alleges that in the midst of Russia's most recent attacks, their internet speed plummeted, preventing crucial defense operations. Said one Ukrainian in the rubble, "I see posts about shingulous monologue, but I want to see joke and context for myself." On Thursday, the Washington Post reported on a secret list of major donors for Trump's ballroom, which is ironic that they're called major donors when they all mostly bonded over minors. In the case of one donor, Trump approved Nvidia's sale of advanced AI chips to China, despite the outcry by security experts. Three months later, the company donated 25 million to the project, while requesting the donation remain anonymous. Oh, and now your mad that Nvidia is respecting the hierarchy of Sadaka as outlined by the rabbinical scholar, Mamanides? Hold for laughs if no-one laughs, accused the audience of anti-Semitism. Trump and the Republicans only have one hope, spending hundreds of millions of dollars to smear Democrats and distract voters with culture war issues, which let's be honest, is a pretty good move for them. But still, in Alaska, where nearly three-quarters of voters rate the economy as poor and diesel is nearing $7 per gallon with little hope of relief in sight, Trump held a rally where he did a live pardon for a couple of mechanics who pleaded guilty to violating the Clean Air Act. "I'm giving each one of the three an unconditional pardon that means, and I don't know how this works and why it's an expression, but it's well used. That means you're as clean as a new-born baby's ass." Oh, I see the confusion. That's because no one says that. They don't say babies' asses are clean, because babies' asses are famously disgusting. The expression is as smooth as a baby's bottom, all of which you should know, except you have never changed the diaper in your life, not your kids back then, not your own right now. Unable to actually speak to the concerns of voters, Trump and Vance have spent the week calling Abdul Al-Sayedah jihadist and James Talleriko, a gay mental patient, and have used law enforcement to target Trump's enemies. On Monday, Homeland Security agents conducted a search of Democratic Congresswoman Elon Omar's home. The search was allegedly related to Omar's immigration paperwork, filed by her late father when she was a child. Putting aside everything else, what are you going to find in that house that would relate to this? Like, dear diary, another awesome day as a congresswoman who's in the country illegally. On Wednesday, we learned that the fed seized Omar's phone and issued more than a dozen grand jury subpoenas as part of the probe. And Jeanine Piro told Fox News that her office has launched another investigation into Omar's revised 2025 financial disclosures. But the House Ethics Committee already did their own investigation of those forms and cleared Omar of misconduct, not that the administration was bothered by that. What about these financial disclosures? The disclosure. She was given a pass by the House Ethics. But somehow. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what the House does. It doesn't matter, you know, what this agency or that does. We're looking at the facts based upon the facts. We'll follow them wherever they take us continued Piro. And here are the facts. Elon Omar cast a Muslim spell to put that algae in the reflecting pool. Even Marjorie Taylor Green came to Omar's defense saying that pretending to deport Elon Omar wouldn't bring down the price of gas or get us out of another foreign war. And I am glad that MTG has had this change of heart. But she also said that Omar should be deported. She said that in 2024, it would be like if one of the villagers imbueding the beast through way their pitchfork right at the castle gates and then started tweeting, how will killing the beast help pay for our croke madams? And if all else fails, the administration will attack the election itself. On Thursday, the Trump administration sued California over its voter roles as part of its campaign to undermine faith in election results. Imagine rigging an election to pick heavy air fucking Basera. Like doing a bank robbery to steal the pens on the little chains. Like hijacking a plane to get to Cleveland. We sadly do now have evidence of officials manipulating vote totals in California. In Santa Barbara, an elementary school principal was placed on administrative leave after she admitted to rigging the school's student government elections in order to make her own child president. This led to a massive riot that is being called January 6th grade. In historic stuff, bear news, fans of winning the poo are demanding that the original doll be returned to Britain from the New York Public Library ahead of the bear's 100th birthday. Oh, Britain, you want a precious item that you feel was stolen from your country and put in a museum as a curio return because of its great meaning to your people. Do you even hear yourselves? Sorry, mate, you'll lose either poo. Here's the deal. We'll send poo back to England. If England gives the Elgin Marbles back to Greece. Greece returns the treasurer's sack from Constantinople. Turkey returns the prices heirlooms. It looted from Armenia. Armenia returned the monastic frescoes to Azerbaijan. And Azerbaijan? We've got our eye on you. And to Britain, if you complain, we'll do to winny the poo what you did to the last Dodo bird. You burned it in a fire. All that survived was a beacon of foot. How'd you like that? How'd you like it if we send your precious bear back to you in little fucking pieces? Where is this coming from? And speaking of priceless relics, archaeologists announced the discovery of perhaps the oldest known shipwreck dating back 4,700 years. The wreck up the coast of Turkey left roughly 30 intact clay jars on the ocean floor. They're beautiful. I'll take them, said Kelly Clarkson. All right, we've got a great show for you tonight and we'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It Or Leave It coming up. Love It Or Leave It is brought to you by Quints. The best fall wardrobe staples are the ones you reach for without thinking. That versatile sweater, a reliable pair of pants or a favorite tee you wear on repeat. Those are the staples that make getting dressed easy. And that's what Quints does best. Repeat, repeat. I never thought that we say that two ways all the time. Do you ever think about that? Repeat, repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. I think you say repeat. Oh, but did you say on repeat? 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Well, Ben Feldman out in just a moment, but first, CricketCon is three weeks away, so grab your tickets now for Love or Leave It Live on November 6th and our big day of programming on November 7th. We're going to be announcing even more panelists names and the full schedule soon. We got some very big guests lined up that we're going to be announcing shortly, so you don't want to miss this. Go to CricketCon.com for tickets. All right. One day I vowed to interview an actual ghost, but until then we have, we have someone even better. One of the stars of CBS Ghost, it's Ben Feldman. Hi, John. Hi. Nice to meet you. Long time. First time, long time. Oh, love the show. A long time. That's so nice. A long time. Years. Years. How long has this show existed? Ten years. Okay. So, fuck. That's the audience knows. Betsy's been around from the jump. Oh, okay. You've got danger. Dangerous here. Can you loss the people along the way? That's a lot. That's a lot of. They moved away. They're still alive. What's happening? What were talking about them? Well, they're from Doosledor, and they're new. I heard that. You were talking about. Yeah, they're from. But they're having a great time. They're going to America's top four cities, New York, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, and Phoenix. And Phoenix. Oh, my God. As we know. Because it is. It's not in that order. Is that what you put it in that order? I think it's the kind of thing where it's like, obviously, we love Los Angeles. We love Las Vegas. And then it's like, what's America's next greatest city? Is it New York? Is it Phoenix? And people debate it. It's the debate about Digger. Is it a classic? Right. That kind of a. No, Phoenix is the heartbeat of America, for sure. And I think you brought it up. Did you see Digger? I did. That's so funny. I didn't actually bring it up. I have not seen Digger. I want to see it. I have like. Oh, my question. Oh, my question. All of his questions are on the ground now. We'll just talk about Digger. Right. I haven't seen that movie. It's supposed to be provocative. I think it's. I'm excited to see it. I'm also excited for the Nathan Fielder thing. I am too. That's like my Super Bowl. I'm on. I'm on. I'm never been more excited for something than that, I think. You know what? Why not something interesting? Huh. You know who was seeing the film Digger when I saw the film Digger? Who was there? A couple of rows behind me? One Nathan Fielder. Shut up. That's right. That's right. See, Digger, you might see. Was this. A celebrity. Was this like at a screening or a premiere? It was at the. A marathon just with the eye-mouth? At the eye-mouth? It was just the people. That's right. Hey. So. Ghost. Yeah. Not shooting in LA. No, that sucks. Let's get it back here. That's the worst part. We got ghosts here. We have. There could be. There could be anywhere, really. But these ones are in Montreal. They're. Spending a lot of time in Quebec. What's it like shooting in Montreal? It's about to be very cold and dark. Right. There's a language police. Do you know about this? A little bit about it. Yeah, yeah. It's like a real thing in Quebec, where it's like. If you own a store, like a cafe, and the receipt. Like if the inspector comes and the receipt says, "Thank you." Like, bigger than Merci, you could get fined. And there's like a whole. KFC, I don't know enough French to know what it is, but it's like different initials. It's like Poulet, something, as well. Like they have different letters. It's wild. I went to Montreal for the comedy festival, and I took a CrossFit class, and I think. I think in my mind that I'll just be beyond. Like I've been to Montreal, and every time I kind of. Loan myself back into believing that the French thing is a bit, you know? And that it's like, yeah, like Disney. You know, it's like. Yeah, I can't say that. It's fun. I know, I'm saying it here, but it won't say it there. They won't say this. In my mind, when they say that they speak French in Quebec, it's that they speak with a French accent in Quebec. And then I'm in a fucking CrossFit class. And I am embarrassing myself, because they're doing it all in French kilograms. Oh, the. I can't, like, my thermostat. I'm throwing. I've never looked at it, because I don't. I can't do the conversion. It's all French. I feel like the French French would argue that that is not French, and that's sort of the age-old thing. Yeah, there's sort of like the accent, chauvinism. There's a real Jets Shark situation going with Montreal and Paris. So Mad Men was just named one of the greatest shows of all time. You are now in this. You're in a meme from Mad Men. You're the only thing I've ever done. It's like, you were just in this picture over and over again, and it's this famous image that's. Your character says, "I feel bad for you." And then Don Draper says, "I don't think about you at all." And this is everywhere all the time. You're associated with this kind of loser moment. Yeah, that's the thing, the fact that he's the loser. The whole thing is. You suck, and then the other person is like. You don't even exist. And I'm the one that doesn't exist. I'm the one that's the whiny bitch. You represent the guy that is the opposite of hate is indifference. He's so cool in this. And by the way, out of context, because in that episode, he's actually falling apart. But nobody knows that, because it's a meme, and that's all that matters. If there's an imamorium, it's just that. There's no clips of anything I've ever done. It'll just be that for a second. We were talking about Mad Men today. And I realized that in my mind, your character. I guess I just sort of have cemented in the early appearances. And then we remembered that by the end, you lose your mind, cut off your nipple, and put in a little box and give it to Peggy. But then we were thinking, wait a second, that was because, in a sense, your character was driven mad by a data center. Yeah. That there was a loud noise. They have a data center computer. And that made you. So your character is kind of the first. America. is America dealing with a data center. America's nipple. I've always said that. I'm America's nipple. Uh-huh. But the bandage is in my nightstand. My wife. It's like her least favorite thing in the world. I have the bloody bandage from Mad Men that was over my nipple in my nightstand. I have other things too. You didn't just keep that. That was like a once. Did they still have the planet Hollywood? We should get that. Does there still planet? Or like at the arc light? Yeah, at the arc light. When that comes back is a place where you can order on a screen during the movie as the director intended. No, I'm excited for the arc light to be back. Me too. You know, your character was Jewish. Yeah. I do know that. That's moving on. A question. He was very Jewish. It was very Jewish, but it was like a. It was this idea of like the wasps dealing with like kind of a Jew in their midst. Yeah. And it doesn't help the tribe, I suppose, that he was also like a kind of a deranged lunatic by some accounts. Yeah, that's right. Was he always crazy or did it. No, there was a slow. You know what's funny about that show? People. Some people will come up to me and say, "Wow, that was out of nowhere. You just cut your body part off." And you know, I don't know why they have an accent like that. I reckon I've never seen anything like that. No, but they're like, "That's crazy. You came out of nowhere." And then other people who really paid attention were like saw that. There was two years prior. He was like tinfoil on his head and doing like. It was always just sort of silly and funny until it was really sad, which is life. And the character also was like. I think was born in either a concentration camp or a concentration camp. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Yeah, he has a whole moment with Lizzie Moss with Peggy about that. And he's talking about, but he's like saying that he's an alien. And also your parents were in advertising, right? Yeah, both of them. Your mother was like a kind of a Peggy also. My mom was 100% that. She was like the DC version of that, but she'd even go to New York. She was the only woman in the. You know, but it was like 70s and 80s instead of that 60s. So kind of she sort of followed in the footsteps of the Peggy also. She yes. Peggy walked so my mom could run. Hey, and your family friends with Wolf Blitzer? - Yeah, man, isn't that weird? (audience laughs) Do you ever play, everybody, Pictionary Wolf Blitzer? I've never played, that's so funny, everybody asks me, that completely ran out of fashion. (audience laughing) I've never played "Pictionary," but he's like my parents' really good friend, and like shows up. Like we go to like Russia's Shana dinner at his house, or at least when I was growing up, which is annoying because like, when you're an actor, you kind of wanna be, like at least the most famous person at Thanksgiving, like, or at, you know, whatever, terrible, and he's, and it's not the same thing, like because he's so, like iconic, he like, gets parts in movies, but as himself, so. - Yeah, he was in like a Bond movie. - Yeah, like we'll be sitting and I'll be like bragging about a pilot that got canceled that I did when I was, and he'll be like, "Well, it's Sutterberg put me in this movie with blah, blah, blah." And I'm like, "This isn't, I can't compete. He's just always gonna be more successful in my field." - Do you call him Wolf? - Yeah, Wolfy. - Ah, that's for you guys. - No, Wolf, just Wolf. - Yeah. - Hey, you're in Superstore. - I was. - It was, it was, yeah. - In this, the time is a flat circle, but yeah. - But it's on. - Yeah, it's on. - It's on forever, everything's on forever. - It exists, everything's on forever, because it's now like kind of on, is it on Netflix right now? - It's on Netflix, it's not on Netflix here, but it's on Netflix in every other English-speaking country. - What about a doozledore? If you got, you have Superstore? - Do you? - That's cool. - Wow. - Was that true or are you just making that up? - See, so it's on Netflix everywhere a bit here. And Netflix is so, I mean, tell me if I'm wrong. It's huge in other countries. So I'm like normal, like vaguely recognizable American actor, like somebody might come up to me, somebody won't. But in like these other Netflix company countries, I have like my hat, like I like wear sunglasses on the street. Like it's such a strange, and it's not me, it's just the Netflixes of these countries are massive. - You're nodding, you've seen, you have, have you watched Superstore? - Yeah. - They've watched Superstar and Doozledore, between Mad Men and Superstar. - Uh-huh. - Your character is a classic guy who has a job. - Sure, oh god. - That old American. - So now it's time for his segment, we're coming. Three Martini lunch or Panera in your car. (bell dings) I'll describe an aspect of work in the 1960s and an aspect of work today, and you will tell us which one you prefer. Are you ready? - Are you ready? - Here we go. - Getting 30 minutes for lunch, but there is a Panera in the same shopping center. If you don't mind walking across a median or getting an hour long sit down Martini lunch, but there are no green fresh vegetables anywhere in the restaurant. - I think I'm gonna take the Panera. I can't day drink anymore. If I have a glass of wine, that's, I'm out for days. Also, those old lunches, you're with people for the whole time, and I don't wanna do that. - You need a space. - I don't wanna see space. - I don't wanna talk to the people that I work with. On set, I'll go and eat lunch in my trailer alone, like a little dirty trailer pig. - Yeah. - Little dirty, little dirty. - Little dirty, little dirty trailer pig. - Just listen to my podcast, by myself. - Yeah, when I was a paralegal, man, go to the, every building has that deli in the building. That's just terrible, but it's in the building, you know, and then you get, I would get my deli building, or roast beef sandwich, and then go sit in my car and eat it. - Yeah. - Listen to the radio. It's like a talk radio show, like a, like a. - That's the dream. That's to me, people talking at me, but they don't know that I'm there, and I'm just stuffing my face. That's, if I die and go to heaven, that's what it is for eternity. All right, we've chosen Panere in the car. Next up, would you like to be three martini drunk at the office on a Tuesday, or kind of stoned at work all the time? - Oh God, that's so, three martini, I mean, three martini. I could, I mean, I could upend my career in one in three martinis, probably, by just saying something stupid or awful, but being high all the time, I'm paranoid. I can't, I can't smoke. Whatever I said, everybody's making fun of me for, like 10 minutes ago, and I'm just like stupid and hungry and sad, I can't, it's. - So you have an anxiety that comes out of you, too? - Massive anxiety, if I smoke. - Yeah. - Interesting, interesting. I used to have, yeah, me too. - What do you, would you rather get thrown? - I don't, I think I'd do the weed. I would have an edible, I would be thinking of it. - I would kill to be a weed person. They're so cool. - Are they, you think that's right? - Well, and it's also the us that don't, like we look like we're, I just feel like a prude, and it's not that, I would do, I would do it all the time. - Next question. We have a time before anti-discrimination laws, or we have anti-discrimination laws, but once a year you have to sit for a one hour video explaining why it's wrong to strangle your coworkers. - Geez, what time of day is the hour of video? - You can watch it whenever you want, but you can't skip a hat. - Can I watch it at home? You can watch it at home. - I'll take the video. - Okay, okay, yeah, I think that's the right choice. - It's just stuffing my face and my trailer. - They use scenes, I forget where, it's probably universal, but they've used scenes of superstore in the little, like the things where they make you all sit down, and yeah, it's because we did tons of that stuff all the time. And I remember when we did them, they would show a scene from like the office. - Wow, that's, yeah. - That's a cooler way. - A lot of workplace sitcoms finding their way into these meetings. You think ghosts are real? - No. Okay, thank you, (laughs) thank you, Ben Bellman Ghosts. We're trying to see if he has on Thursday, October 29th, and we'll be right back. (bell dings) - Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of "Love It Or Leave It" coming up. - "Love It Or Leave It" is brought to you by Cook Unity. - I love Cook Unity, what do you have in this week? - Let's see, what have I had this week? I had there, there's a great zucchini pasta with beef ragu, yeah, had that. There's some new chicken, chickitos, that's, they're new on the menu, so maybe try those tonight. - Meals arrive fresh, never frozen. It can be refrigerated for up to seven days or hundreds of dishes to choose from. The menu features 10 different dietary preferences in over 25 global cuisines and it's updated constantly. Cook Unity is the first chef-legged meal delivery service that makes your meals and small batches inside local microkitchens across the US. Not factories, every dish arrives with kind of freshness. You'd get at a restaurant. Meals from Michelin-starred chefs, James Beard-Winners and Food Never Stars. Go to cookunity.com/lowly or use code "lowly" before checkout for 50% off your first week. Taste what happens when real, award-winning chefs make fresh, small batch meals just for you, go to cookunity.com/lowly or enter code "lowly" before checkout to get 50% off your first order. That's 50% off your first order by using code "lowly" or going to cookunity.com/lowly. (upbeat music) And we're back! (audience applauding) My next guest has a new book coming out called, "We're Having a Good Time," but we'll be the judge of that. Bucking with the show, Dusty Slay. All right, okay, come to me here. I like a couch like this, you know? I like that 'cause, you know, I do stand-up comedy. Yeah, yeah. So I stand up and I feel like I look pretty slim and then I sit down and I like all crunches up and my pearl snaps are popping. So there's a good look for me, I think. You don't feel good about your body? No, I do, until I sit down like this. Oh, I feel like, 'cause I'm like, well, maybe I should lean back, but then that's too casual, what am I, who am I? Who are you, man? I'm just, yeah, heads up. So I struggle with the chairs too, so I ended up like kind of purchasing. Yeah, you almost want to put the pillow under me. Yeah, you want to get low. Oh, yeah, look at this. Now we're ready. Now I'm like kind of like a teacher that's going to rap at you. You know, a little bit. And I like to get up high. You're getting engaged. Yeah, like I'm really kind of focused and clicked in, I'm facing you. I'm really intensely focused and facing you. I like that. You know what we realized? We were like, like, there was no part of us that could stop ourselves from imagining that Dusty Slay is a drag queen. Do you get that? The people say to you all the time. The name, yeah. People do say that about the name, but I think, you know, it's Slay. Everybody went Slay, you know? And, but it means to kill. (laughing) And is it right that you change it? You change it from Dusty's sleeper steam. Yes, yeah, originally. Yeah, when I moved to this country, I had to change it. I changed it to Ellis Island. You've written a book. Yeah, I did write a book. You know, I wrote a book called "We're Having a Good Time." I told, you know, I got a book deal. And then I go, I'd like to write the book. So they let me write it for a while. And then they read it. And then they go, we gotta get a ghost writer in here. Is that real? Is that the order? Well, he said ghost tonight. Oh, you read it in your ghost. Yes, it's in. And I'm part of that. It's like, yeah, like a ghost writer, but he's not talking about it. I just assumed that it's just a joke. I've only heard half of what he wrote. You know, but then he was so good, I put him on the cover. Sean. He's no longer a ghost. He's just a writer now. So usually the-- Is that what ghost writer means? Yeah. Sure. Well, I don't think it's a ghost writer of his name's on the cover. He's just a guy. He's right there. You're right. We're buddies. We wrote it. So wait, you wrote a whole draft and then they told you this? Well, I wrote what I thought was a whole draft, but I realized later I was, you know, I had-- Yeah, I don't read a lot of books, so I had a lot more to go. I wrote the kind of book that I'd like to read, which is much shorter, poorly written apparently, but I think people, you know, I thought people would want to read a book that reads the way I talk. So we wrote a book together. And there was definitely periods of time where I think my co-writers were pretty frustrated because they were like, hey, have you revised chapter 12 and 13 yet? And I said, no, but I did draw these cartoons, which I think are going to really pad this thing out nicely. Oh, yeah. Have you-- did you think about doing cartoons? You know, I didn't, but I liked that idea. I wish that I were doing this before it finalized. I would do some cartoons. Yeah, I should do that. Do you draw? I mean, privately. Private draw. Yeah, I don't do a professional-- So it's a professional cut, like-- I draw mostly sex stuff. Yeah. Like, like, like, like how Leo sketch Kate Winslet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do a book together. Yeah, let's, yeah, let's do a book together. I think it's about time the three of us did a book together. Yeah, people are. People have-- - This is the book. - This is the book. This is the book. - That's true. - Wait, so in the book, wait, have you seen Digger? - You know what, I've not, you know, no, I've not seen it. And, you know, I don't see a lot of movies, new movies, but I'm guessing I should have heard you talk about it a bit and I think it's, it's a good. - It's really good. - Is it a construction movie? (audience laughing) - You know, just the beginning of the-- - In, I think in England, they call what we call an excavator, they call a Digger. - Huh. - So is he Digg and Staff, or? - He is, but it's, there's not a lot of excavating. - Okay. - You don't actually see that much digging. - Okay. - But it's important that there are things being dug. - Okay. - If digging is central to the film. - Okay. - So that's something. - And he does it, but you just don't see it. - He is a leader of an organization that does it. - Okay. - And the ramifications have a great impact. - Okay. - So it, but I'm not doing a good job. - I dig it. - You know what I'm saying? - Yeah, that's pretty good. - Yeah, that's it. - Hey, before you were a comedian, you sold pesticides. - That is true. - I sold pesticides to Lowe's and Home Depot. I was a sales rep, you know, I wasn't going door to door. But yeah, so, and now I, you know, now I'm pretty antipesticized, so it's a real turnaround for me. (audience laughing) Do you have any favorite bugs, Ben? - God, I mean, I want to go with a baboon spider. - Well, okay. - Yeah. - What's a baboon spider? - It's just a big hairy thing that'll bite you. - Hmm. - My wife and I found one in Africa once. - Wow. - Just in the wild. - It was in our bedroom. - Wow. - Next to our bed, yeah. - Wow. And was it a poisonous spider? - It was like a, it was like the size of my hand. Look it up. Like it's the big furry thing that stands on its hind legs and bites you. - Do you report that to the front desk? - So there's a guy. Like in Africa, have you been, like there's like a guy with a gun that stands outside to make sure that a lion doesn't kill you? - Wow. - And I brought him. - I'd say this is a poor endorsement of to stay there. - No, he came and he killed the, well, he drowned it with a, like he, like off. - Like there was a good spot. - Yeah, you'd be, you'd be concerned if he shot it. - It would have been, yeah, it would have been, and we didn't want to do anything because you don't want to take from the land, you know? Like if that spider, if that's how we're going to die, then that's what you have to do. - I would like to think the guy with a gun, though, just crushes it with a butt of the gun or something. - Yeah, that, that, right. Yeah, you used to-- - Fires off accidentally, kills the couple above you. - Yeah. (laughing) - He's shooting, he's spying on the ceiling. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, no, yeah, it's sort of a metaphor in a sense, right? And it's like, oh, like, oh, this thing was meant to protect you. - Yeah. - But now you're dead because the one's the bug below. - Yeah, and that's the plot of digger. - Oh, that is a little bit, that is a little bit what it's about. It's a little bit about that. It's a little bit about art. - Okay. - It looks. - Okay. I'm gonna check it out. - Would you try, were you like a sales rep like pushing your pesticides door to door? - Yeah, not door to door, but I would go to the stores and I would go, hey guys, my pesticides are really a lot better than the competitions and you should let me build a display here. And then, you know, I did that every day and I was, you know, getting deep into alcoholism and it was driving me, you know, completely insane and I was, I was sad. (audience laughs) - Are you still in touch with homeless Chuck? - You know what? I've not talked to Chuck in a while, a long time. I looked Chuck up, I don't know how you found out about that, but I looked up Chuck on Facebook and he is around. He has about five Facebook profiles, which is never a good sign and he seems to be down in Panama City Beach and I want to message him, but I think it could be dangerous. - Why do you think it would be dangerous? - Well, because I liked him and I bet I think he's on math based on some of the posts that I've read and the way he looks and I, you know, I just don't think I need to invite him into my life like I once did. Chuck lived with me, so he was not homeless for a time. He was homeless when I found him and then he lived with me and then I had to kick him out, but. - But then he was just Chuck. - Just Chuck, yeah. - For a while he was just Chuck. - Just Chuck, it wasn't even his name. - I feel like you guys should have done this part first 'cause I'm now catching up on who you're talking about. - Oh, right, yeah. - I should have said, who's Chuck? - Yeah. - Oh, yeah. Well, I don't know how he found out about Chuck. I'll be honest, but I like that you did. - Yeah, we do our research here. - Yeah. Yeah, but you know, Chuck was a, he was a really short guy. He had short arms and he had, he would rap and he did a lot of freestyle. - Do you think he saw digger? - I, you know, as a chance he has seen it, but I bet he hasn't. I bet Chuck is not even really probably aware of the movie theater these days. - Wait, so you're doing your standoff trigger to be in on the coast, but you're also going to Oklahoma City, Kansas City, Sioux Falls, Des Moines. What's the energy difference between say a San Diego and a Sioux city? - You know, I really think it's, I don't know. I feel like it's about all the same. People get into it, we have a good time. And, you know, I just, you know, I tell you, I got some pretty universal jokes, you know, I'm talking about bird watching and pit bulls and, you know, what you do if a pit bull bite you and won't let go, you know. - What do you do? - Well, people think that I make this up, but it is true. You got to, this is what they say. I don't know if it's true. It is true that they say this. They got to take your finger, put it in its butt. That's what they say. Apparently pit bulls do that. - It depends on where I'm getting bit. Like, it's a really kind of a range issue. - It could be tough, but I think if you're getting, pit bulls not going to let go. So you do whatever you can. - Yeah, I guess you have a moment to think about it. - It's just the precision that requires in the middle of a fight with a pit bull. - And maybe that's why they say it. It's tough, it's like. - See, I would have thought you got to do a kind of three stuages out of it. - In the eyes, in the eyes, not in the eyes, not in the butt. - Not in the butt. - Not in the butt, you know, no. - Not in the eyes. (laughing) - Whatever you got to do. - Whatever you got to do. But it'll, you know, it'll be there for a while, so you'll have some time to-- - You think through it. Yeah, it'll be, you know, wherever it's fighting you, it'll be, you know, tearing your arm off or something. It'll get you. They're sweet. Well, they'll kill you. (laughing) - Such an important point. (laughing) - Well, we're two weeks away from Halloween. And everyone is scrambling to come up with a clever, topical Halloween costume. However, in an attempt to be funny, sometimes people can cross the line. For example, people didn't like my undead Katy Perry in space costume last year. So we're going to run some 2026 Halloween costume ideas past the both of you. And you're going to decide whether or not it's acceptable. And a second, we're calling Halloween, but at what costume? (dinging) - Nice. - Halloween, but at what costume? (laughing) I'm going to read a costume idea and you'll say, is this over the line? And you think, if you like the idea, you say it is ghoulishly good. - Ghoulishly good. (dinging) - Goddamn it, that is so long. (laughing) Or, if not, you do say, boo. (dinging) (dinging) - All right, first up. The martial arts robot, they will get a little bit more intense as we go. The first up, the martial arts robot that kicked a Chinese kid in the stomach. (laughing) - Uh, ghoulishly good. - Ghoulishly good. - I feel yes. - Ghoulishly good. - That's a good couple's costume. - Yeah, I don't know what the costume is. - That is a good couple's costume. - And there's like a bit that you can do. - Yeah, constantly getting hit in the ass. - Oh, so one would dress up as the robot and then it would constantly kick the other person. - I like, I'd be kicking my wife in, you know, where that would have been. - Yeah. - Next up, Angel Dolly Parton. (laughing) - Okay. - I don't know. I live in Nashville, so I gotta, I don't know if I should, I don't know. Is this good? I go ghoulishly good, I guess. - Ghoulishly good. (dinging) - Anything with Dolly Parton, right? - All right. - Everything with Dolly Parton, you say? - All right, next up, Dolly Parton Hell. - Oh. - Oh, look at who she's with. - It's with. (laughing) - It's with Lindsey Graham. (laughing) There are having a good time down there. He thinks it's heaven. That's his thing. It's his king. - I know, I know, I know. - He thinks it's heaven. - He's like being tortured. It's like cool friends. - I feel like Lindsey Graham, like as Dolly, like dressed as Dolly Parton, like a Dolly Parton drag in Hell. - Could you imagine a thrilled Dolly, you can't, here's a thing, Lindsey Graham and Dolly Parton can't be in Hell together, because the gasp of joy that Lindsey Graham would give when he saw Dolly Parton would mean he wasn't in Hell. - That's who he's going for, as for Halloween. - In Hell. - I thought Lindsey Graham was just dressed as his sister. - So yes, of course, yes. This was, when the second you heard that Lindsey Graham had died, and that Lindsey Graham had been replaced. - Yeah. - No, we know where you're from. - I'm not laughing at death, guys. - Nobody. - It comes for us all. Ask not for whom the bell tolls. Most of that closet case, Lindsey Graham, so, but so, when he died, everyone in me and the sister, I just pictured Lindsey Graham with pearls and a wig, and then basically a version of that showed up. - Yeah, guys. - I'd never heard of his sister. I mean, not that I would, but it's I'd-- - Are you saying you think it might actually be him? - Oh, no, no. I mean, that would be-- - That would be calm right now. - I always think that. - That would be pretty cool. That would be a pretty cool move by Lindsey Graham. But I definitely thought, I pictured a Lindsey Graham in a wig. - Sometimes you get bored with the character, you know, when you got to switch it up. - Yeah, it's a good point. Next up, we have sexy diarrhea lettuce. - Oh, yeah. - Cool. - Oh, that's good. - Oh, that's good. - Yeah. - Oh, that's sweet. - Oh, that's good. - But like, well, how do you-- are you just the lettuce and the implication? Is the diarrhea? Comes, or is this another couple's costume? - Yes. - And someone's diarrhea? - So, next up is someone who died from the diarrhea lettuce. - Oh, no. I mean, I think if you have those legs from the previous one, you should always-- addresses the lettuce. Yes, yeah, for sure. You know, those legs go all the way up. Everyone, people use to say things like that. Check out the gams. You don't say gams anymore. Should we bring back gams? Let's say gams again. And you know what that sound means. It's time for the couple's costume lightning round. Okay. First up, Arv Kay Jr. and his dad, Current. Oh, God, foolishly good. Cool. Right? Good. You don't even want to be associated with that. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I didn't know his dad. Oh, I guess I do know his dad. Yeah, you do. You do. He got murdered. Yeah, that's too bad. He got murdered by Seerhan Seerhan. If you trust the official fucking story, and you never should, you never should, you never should. Actually, we, uh, somebody that works at Crooked, Ben Heffko made a documentary about, uh, the corner of Los Angeles, who did the autopsy and examination of Arv Kay Jr. was involved, and he believed that Arv Kay senior, sorry, Arv Kay Jr. lives. Arv Kay senior was actually shot by friendly fire. Not very friendly though, though. No, there's no right. It's a bit of an oxymoron. Yeah. When you think about it. Lastly, the cancer that Pope Leo has and the cancer that King Charles has. So this is another couple's costume. Yeah. Okay. His, uh, cancer kind of looks like cabbage. It does in a way look like cabbage. You're right about that. Yeah. His cancer looks like cabbage. Yeah. It's the kind of costume that you have to like explain to everybody over and over again. I think so. So you're constantly talking about cancer, like the party that you're going for. Yeah. That's so good. That's what's gotta be a boo. It's a big ol' boo. It's gotta be a boo. It's a big ol' boo. I did not know that he had cancer. Oh, Leo? Yeah, he just said, yeah, but he's got to fight it. We like that guy. I like it. I didn't know that. I honestly, I didn't know that either of them had cancer. I don't, uh, first time seeing some of these people. Well, I'm glad I'm glad you could be here to be part of it and experience that. Uh, all right. Everybody, thank you, Dusty. To see Dusty live on the neighborhood guy tour at DustySlay.com for tickets. And we're having a good time and other stories is available for pure now. Bookstores November 10th and we'll be right back. Love it or leave it as broad you by quo. We've all been there. You need a service quote. And the last thing you want to do is wait for a call back for so many businesses. Everything gets busier in the fall. More calls. More customers. More chances. Something slips through the cracks. Staying ahead means having the right system. Not just working harder. 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Plus get 20% off your first six months when you go to the gym. Okay. This would be Halloween themed. Am I going? Is it time? Ben, go. Great. I hate costume parties and the people that throw them. I don't like it's no offense. But like I don't like that there's a price of admission that you have to like be creative and think about something all week and then do this sort of dance to get into a party and I realize that I do that for a living. Pretend to be other people. But I think maybe that's part of it. You know maybe that's I don't want to do the thing that I do for you so that you'll let me into your party. Like I feel to me a costume party is like it's a karaoke. You get up on stage and you do something mildly entertaining then you have to do it fucking over and over and over again until everybody starts talking over you and changing the subject or leaving the room and I don't like it and I'm hearing this now and realizing that this the rant wheel is sort of a version of this because I'm locked in something that I don't know is working but I have to keep going because it's long form but I don't like these things I'm not comfortable in them and that's my rant. Yeah I think they're all liking costumes. Yeah I think like it's the kind of thing where if you're going to do a costume party it has to be kind of earned and has to have a reason. So Halloween I think it's okay to have we have a one night of year where we're supposed to suggest it if it's like you can't come and by the way I don't even just mean Halloween because like like dress codes find dress codes if it's like a wedding or something like that but like I had a friend or a birthday party not long ago and it was black tie and there was past hors d'oeuvres there was no sitting down there was no dinner and I was furious and I hope he listens to this podcast. I think it really does too. Yeah if you're in a call an event at black tie that I did pray on a tuxedo to go to this guy's living room that's outrageous. You're living outrageous. There wasn't even an event event you. There needs to be ice cold drinks. 100% there needs to be delicious special food. Yeah there should be oysters getting shocked. 100% it is nice that you have the kind of friends that you know think or know that you own a tuxedo or have access to it but I'll bet you there are people that party that didn't that went out and rented a tuxedo. No one would invite me. It wasn't even like a 40th. Yeah just said just a little party at his house. Just a little party at his house but everybody's wearing dress up really nice and then not even a good dinner really. Well the food was good but it was you're not sitting down there's not a full there wasn't like courses. I don't like making a meal at a little tiny things. No I need a moment we're on a sit down you know what my theory is you know what this will be my rant in a second. I'm going to be quiet now. Let's spin the wheel. You don't know when it's coming back around when the food's coming back. Okay. Well you know I don't live in LA so I think I'll just talk about what it's like to travel into LA and it's I hate it and it's you know I fly here the flight was great but then I landed the airport I have a check back and then they're like hey baggage claim two and three two one through three are here and then four is over here and I'm like are they am I am I going to pick the right one am I going to get somewhere and not be in the right place and then you go all the way down all these hallways and down escalators up escalators summer broken and then you get there and then you're like and then they drop the four now they're not even talking about four anymore you're like well are we and am I am I still on the right track and then you get on you get a rental car you got to take a long ride to get in a rental car and then you finally get the rental car and then you're stuck in traffic I was on the 405 I saw a sign it said that it was adopted by Atheist United and I thought that's good that's a good people to adopt because if I was on this every day I think I would doubt God too beautiful fun fact about the LA airport they built something called the people mover it's been 95% complete since 2024 and it is still not moving people well it's supposed to be done for the world cup it's not done maybe it's going to be done for the Super Bowl maybe it's going to be done for the Olympics but it's basically been done for two years and it just sits there not moving any people this is the speech that every Uber driver that takes me to LAX says as we're entering that last like 20 minutes straight this thing is never can you believe this thing like they just start yelling at me yeah every single time outrageous yeah I mean we need a lot of people movers here we need to just get people moving there is no moving there's stagnant they're just like the moment you think oh I've hit a little spot on the road where I can go free you're like now you're stuck again let's spin the wheel it is landed on me and here's what I wanted to say about what we were talking about earlier which is all right here's the thing I want to go back to the days when you would sit down at a table and at the restaurant you would set you would order something and it would come with one or two sides and then it would come with a wooden bowl that had a salad in it and you would choose your dressing and that's it it's not things on the table it's actually really not an appetizer experience it's not shared plates which I know is it talked to ad nausea but just you can get your entree you can get a starch and a vegetable and before that a little salad maybe a cup of soup if there's a soup of the day and it's all and everyone's gonna do it at the same time all the salads come everybody eats the salads all the entree's come every eating entree maybe a shared dessert maybe a don't you don't need to because you eat your salad and you eat your entree there's no gambling on how many fucking pieces of thing are going to be in the little thing you're just going to each going to eat your one thing nobody's reaching across we're not sharing my plate your plate have a conversation I think we should bring that back 70 style what was it in 70s did they have the bowl the wood bowl with I don't know that's just what I picked I relate to this hard you know what I'm saying this is entirely about not sharing it's not about not sharing it is about it is about stomping that but it is about knowing that I'm going to look at it that the menu is going to have a list of things and I'm just going to choose one thing yeah I'm going to say I will have the chicken and then the the one else will I'm going to have mine it's about not portion for fucking one and then they and then the then the then the waiter will say uh that comes with a starter salad you we got the ranch we got the Italian we got the blue cheese and we got the vinaigrette and then you would choose one of those or a thousand island or a thousand island or you know the places in fancy russian yeah exactly no I don't need a thousand I'm just saying. I'm just a kind of ordinary guy, I'll have Russian dressing. I don't need thousands. Look, you come from a fancier thing. You like western New Zealand, how to tell? - Yeah, yeah. - Thousand Island is like from a, like, look, Southern Island has kind of made its way across the country, but like, you know, in my childhood, we didn't have that kind of high-faluten thing. We just had Russian. - Yeah, just one kind of one place, not a thousand Island. - Yeah, just one. (laughing) - You know, I don't like sharing here. This is why I don't like it. I eat fast. I eat fat, I want my food to come, and then I eat it fast, and I eat it till it's all gone. If we're sharing, and I'm eating with someone that eats slow, I might divvy it up in my mind. I go, this pizza's half mine, but I eat all mine. And then there's pizza, still left. And they're just kind of nibbling along, and I go, now this feels weird, because I feel like I should be able to keep getting in on this. - Right, 'cause it's, you know what that is? That's a difference between a quality and equity, 'cause it's like a quality as we each get half the pizza. But equity would be, I clearly want more pizza than you need, right? And I'm gonna keep, we're gonna keep continuing eating the whole time, so, you know what I'm saying? - Yeah, and, you know, if I'm faster, I should get more of it. - We'll be right back. (laughing) (upbeat music) Hey, we're back! (clapping) Regrets, I have a few. My producers, however, have several, which is why at this time for a second, we call second thoughts. Here's how it works, an elevator leave a team. We've written down the mistakes that they think I've made during this show tonight. I'm going to read them to you now, and you will answer the question, "Should I regret this?" - Uh, wait a second. I'm learning about this in real time. I wore a shirt with a big hole in the armpit. (laughing) Oh, no. (laughing) Oh, no, I forgot. And I know about this, 'cause we talked about it the last time I wore it. Totally forgot. I saw that shirt at the closet. I thought, "Why don't I wear this?" (laughing) Let's see. Oh, okay. Ben, I informed you that your character was Jewish. Rather than asking you a question about it. - But that's sort of your style, right? - Yeah, that's right. That's right, thank you for saying that. - That's just you. Oh, we have a second thought for you, Ben. - Huh? - Oh, great. - Does that normally happen? - Occasionally. We think you should eat lunch with your coworkers. - Well, I'm not going to do that. (laughing) I'm not, I don't care. It's my time. - Is that a sharing thing? (laughing) - Hey, when you were sharing-- - When you were sharing stuff with myself. - Well, you wanted to share them. When you were selling pesticides, did you eat lunch with your friends? - You know, at work, I really had no coworkers. It was just me and none of the people that worked at Lowe's wanted to eat lunch with me. - Wow. - I was doing comedy at the same time. I was doing that and I told people one time and they go, "You're not even funny." (laughing) And I go, "Yeah, I hate this job. "I hate being here." You know what I mean? - Look at you now. Look at you now. Let's see, I asked Dusty, "You don't feel good about your body?" - Well, I think that was a legitimate question because I was talking about how I feel uncomfortable in the couch because I have a lot of denim on and it's really crunching up my stomach. I feel like my spine drops down when I sit in a chair like this. I don't know what happens. You just, so. - Yeah. - If I just came out and was doing like this a lot and then you go, "You don't like your body?" (laughing) - The first question. - That would be weird. That would be weird. I've asked bad first questions on par with that, but not so bad. Let's see, oh, I did get too wound up. Oh, and I wanna say that I did make this show about digger again, which is what I did last time. - You did, you did it last time. - I was like, "There's no way he's gonna give "that much time to digger again." - We have to, we have to. - I worry that you're gonna edit it where I'm just saying digger. - It's just you. - I'll tell you, I have one regret, which is that this show must end. And that's our show. Thank you so much to Ben Feldman. Thank you so much to Dusty Slade. There are 18 days until the midterms. We'll be back next week with Nifty Araman and Phoebe Robinson. Can I speak? Love it or leave it is a cricket media production. Our show is produced by Kendra James, Bill McGrath, Kelsey Gante, and me John Love it. Our production team includes Hallie Keeper, Sarah Lazarus, Roman Borsalino, Peter Miller, David Toll's Claudia Shang, J Banks, Raul Calderone, Gavin Purcell, and Matt DeGrove. And our production staff is proudly unionized with the writer's Guild of America East. (upbeat music)