The Dream is Over | Son of a Boy Dad #431

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It's that clean, juicy, fresh taste that allows you to enjoy those last couple weeks of summer. And people think that sometimes we're overstating this malt thing. Have a drink with malt in it one time, and you will feel it throughout your entire body. With this, there's kind of a cleanliness, a purity, and that comes from Blanco tequila or real vodka. Exactly. Some real fruit juice, sparkling water, natural flavors. It is that simple. High Noon is the best. Make sure that you are drinking some High Noon, whatever you're doing on the weekend. You know, having a cocktail with the wife. Exactly. And if you are someone like me who likes a specific flavor, for example, for me, it's peach. They are now making single flavor packs. So you won't have to wade through the variety of the ones you don't really want as much. For me, again, that's peach, although this is a pineapple. I'm not going to hate on the pineapple. They're great. And make sure you're heading on over to highnoonspirits.com. to find a High Noon near you. Now let's get into the show. All right, shall we? Yeah. Sass is sick. Really? Yeah. Ron is, though. Very sick. His readiness score is 59. He's sick. It's going to be a long day. He's sick. God damn, dude. I came in and Ron said, do you feel sick? And I was like, I guess, a little bit. Because I saw it all over his face. And then he said, we're all sick. I saw it dripping off of your body. You have twins that are constantly picking up diseases, I'm sure. You live the least healthy lifestyle of anyone I've ever met. You sleep in a blanket of cockroaches. Not true. They cuddle you at night. Not true at all. And they lock paws. No roaches. And cuddle you for warmth. They lock arms. And then I just hate my life so much that I'm just living in a constant cloud of sickness. Yeah, you can never get well. Yeah. There ain't no roaches. Well, I think that you can impress like one domino falling from when you got the inside of your house fumigated to when you brought this pox on us. You got me. I got like hands, foot, mouth from you and your kids. You did not get hands, foot, mouth. I think it's hand, foot, and mouth. Yeah. It's everything. I got hand, foot, mouth from Ron and his kids. That can't be true. And pandas. It's going around. I was at the zoo. Yeah. Oh, we've begun. Can you just do the clap? Because I want to talk about the zoo thing because a guy reached out to me and he had something very funny to say. All right. Welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today it is August 25th. It's 1117 a.m. And we are here live from HQ3. And little Sasquatch has it. Hands, hand, foot, mouth. Yeah. I got hand, foot, and mouth from Ron and his kids. Dude, so. Passing it around. This guy, we talked about the zoos. And he goes, I'm a zookeeper, 10-ish years experience, and would be happy to clear up any misconceptions about what we do collectively. I've worked at numerous animal care facilities and love to help people realize how they're a net positive. So I thought that was nice, right? Of course. Of course. But then his only other message to me. Previously was, it's nice to know I'm not the only one that has thrown away and dug weed out of the trash. So anyway. His first message kind of made me doubt that he was a zookeeper. But then knowing the weed message, it confirms that he's definitely a zookeeper. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So. Digging mud out of the trash. He goes, a lot of folks think zoos pull animals straight out of the wild. But this only really happens when there's some. Sort of intervention needed in order to prevent extinction. Or if a captive population is at serious risk of genetic failure and needs an influx of new genes to prevent serious decline. At his first internship, he was at the San Diego Zoo. Wow. Starting at the top. Yeah, that's that's where you go from there. So he's interning at the White House. He's a zoo genius. And it was at their breeding facility on Maui for native forest birds that were either extinct in the wild, like the Hawaiian crow. Of course. When was the last time you saw a crow in Hawaii? Exactly. It's been a while. They have chickens. They're flush with chickens out there. But barely any crows. But imagine going to the zoo and seeing a fucking crow. They took a former minimum security prison and turned it into a place to save these species from dying out. All right. Well, that's a little on the nose. That's dark. People call zoos prisons. And you actually were like, well, might as well. Yeah. Welcome to the Alcaraz Center for Alcatraz. Center for pythons. It's for animals to play tennis. The Alcaraz Center. Yes, exactly. Most zookeepers wish their jobs didn't have to exist. But in many of these animals cases, there's so much habitat habitat loss globally that there's nowhere else for them to survive. Tigers and orangutans are a big example of this. So what's this guy? Tigers and orangutans? Yeah. Can't survive anywhere else but the zoo. Sounds like they're gaslighting us. I think those two species in particular have lost so much habitat that they've said, like, we'll live in on reservations. Somehow my algorithm always shows me the graphic of how many tigers are in each country. I see it like every three months. And the amount of tigers in like India and like Indonesia. Yeah. There's infinite tigers out there. Really? They are not endangered at all. There are tigers living regular lives out there. I mean, it's got to be pretty tight. In India with the people and the tigers, there are a lot of a lot of bodies. That's why they have to coexist. Yeah. They just have different water fountains. Tigers are pretty cool, man. I like tigers a lot. Yeah. Solid, solid species. So much more interesting than than lions. Three thousand six hundred eighty two wild tigers in India. So a million. Yeah, that's that's a lot. What? That's a lot of tigers. Why do you say a million? A million. A million. A million. Because that's what I said earlier and I was wrong. Oh, three thousand six hundred is not that many when they have almost, what, two billion people in India. How many wild silverback gorillas are there in India? None. Not in India. Don't look that up. Don't humor him. Well, what first thing says in India? Wow. It hears us. That's why. Yeah. Everybody is searching how many there are in India. Two hundred ten to two hundred. Two hundred and sixty breeding silverback mountain gorillas. So, yeah. That's a pretty low population. So there's a million tigers. A million tigers and two hundred thousand gorillas. So there's about a thousand mountain gorillas. So those are the ones I went and saw. In Africa? But they got down to fewer than two hundred. In Africa? Yeah. This time for Africa. Did it, did it, they, they, did you? Do you think, is Shakira ever going to die? She's been the same age for twenty-five years. Yeah. No, she's not going anywhere. What's going on there? Eating, she's probably drinking the blood of children. That. I had to guess. Would have to be it. That's usually the answer. She's only forty-nine. When I was like fifteen, I think she was like my top crush. Oh, yeah. Did you ever lust for Shakira? Of course. No way, you did. Of course. I don't know. I liked her, but she always had that, like, voice that sounds like she was hairy. Yeah, yeah. Like she came in, you know, like she was sleeping with cockroaches all night. Every time. She always had that sort of nasally. Yeah. Didn't love that. She has a little bit of that. This one's for the people. Da-da-da-da-da-da. Yeah. Nah. i love shakira what's going on he has no energy you have no energy sound better not only do you not sound better you're just hitting us with the vicious one word answers yeah i'm fucking dead i don't know what's going on i woke up feeling shitty i came in thinking i wasn't going to talk at all today no you're going to be talking a lot in protest and then i saw you someone needed to pick up the slack for you yeah you're gonna got us all sick i didn't get i didn't get us i didn't i literally like if you didn't say anything i would have been on this podcast just feeling totally fine and roan came in and convinced me diagnosed you yeah he's like we're all super sick you have but you're just susceptible to suggestions so easily that i could just be like and you're sick like a hypnotist i'm sick as a dog i gotta get home you know you're not even sick right i'm so sick none of us are sick it's like the more i think about it it's just like i might have to go to the hospital you know you're not even sick right i'm so sick none of us are sick it's like the more i think no one has been sick i don't know why you're feeling like this um i'm mad because of the way that it was perceived that i reacted to the danny uh the fight yeah which is that it looked like i just didn't do anything and everyone's been talking about i have all these hero you know fantasies and that this was my opportunity and when finally presented with it i didn't do anything i promise you you're wrong this was a situation where i arrived there were you can count them six men on one person and had i rushed in at that point you all would be making fun of me for being performative for piling on when it was totally settled so i knew that i saw that there was no fucking point in adding i would have just made things more chaotic you said you would have just been holding down another bar i would have been i even out the fucking odds six on one try six on two and someone who's been trained for war that's the shape of my life right now yeah see this shirt made of the military yeah this is an old parachute it's a flak jacket from uh from the paratroopers that landed on on normandy really yeah that's interesting no it's actually made in japan who i think were our big enemies in world war ii one of them for sure yeah the pacific they definitely didn't have parachutes either they were taking those bitches to the ground yeah those didn't even open you get welded into a japanese airplane yes this is uh made from the skin of a kamikaze pilot yeah built a crash it looks good but uh it's fucking sick don't even try to tell me otherwise i'm on the war path today i'm fucking angry yeah gotta be why because people are being nasty to you just just miscon misperceptions misconceptions fake news there's way too many misperceptions going around it is one where like i saw the other side of those comments the trolls right where i was like i know that if i had jumped in they would be making fun of me for this thing which to me would be worse which makes me feel like they don't deserve any credit and should all die what was your ideal scenario i'm sure you played that out in your head like say your first responder on the scene yeah first responder but here's the thing i would have needed to take my shirt off because it was it is a tony shirt maker hands-on damar scotta made yeah and i bought it this weekend it's brand new chambray um the buttons are hands-on of course of course do you think one-on-one you would have had a better chance than danny did with that guy because that guy was like looking back on the video that guy was a like he should be in the nfl yeah he looked like aj brown i mean i don't know i don't know danny's a cop former nyp cop he's a pretty tough guy danny's first his initial uh his initial move after that he got the drink thrown at him to push the guy back into the elevator to kind of tell him to back go back downstairs was a explosive move that looked explosive unfortunately the the explosiveness does anyone know what started the fight or is that still like just kind of i heard something about how like this guy was like taking a picture of gia's food with the intention of then stealing it and she caught him and was like give me my food that's for me and he said no i'm stealing this this is all at this point it's all really hearsay no i'm stealing it that doesn't that that seems a little weird why because i thought that was a perfect explanation why would he be trying to steal the food directly in front of the glass door when he could just steal it downstairs he needed to take a photograph of having put it where it was that's his proof that he didn't steal it then he's not on the hook for the free lunch he took hmm now he's in jail we're gonna need more from you man the lack of well i was watching the trial last night utterly flaccid what's that so i was watching the trial last night live really yeah he's getting the chair i thought it was firing squad now they're charging him in florida for some reason is execution coming back in florida where are they bringing it back i know it's never go away in florida i thought that there was some place where they like they got rid of a bunch of but now like execution's back with a vengeance i heard they were i heard i thought it never left in florida i thought it was always there do you know that in this was the case in 2010 i don't know if it still is but in saudi arabia which is a country that is technically governed by sharia law right of course their constitution you could argue is the quran um so they take many of their rulings from a religious text and there was a there was a law that allowed for someone to be publicly stoned to death oh yeah as recently as 2010 and i remember asking this i took a middle eastern studies class in college and i asked the professor who was a woman she was saudi so she was always being like it's not that bad really and then she had to teach us that one day and i was like that's pretty bad and she was like the odds of it happening are incredibly slim here's what needs to happen in order for that to happen yeah you need to walk in on your own wife fucking another guy in your bed and then like you needed to have another direct family member like her dad also bear witness to that and if all of those things happened the village could line up with rocks and throw them at her until she died this completely hypothetical situation that never definitely happened to one specific dude yeah you it's pretty crazy i think my wife's cheating on me i need to get her father to walk in with me that's the rules that's crazy yeah getting stoned to death would be pretty brutal but i think i would definitely prefer the chair or the firing squad the firing squad doesn't really feel like it's that bad for you you just die right firing squad's choice firing squads still painful is it the the i think the least painful even though they say it still is painful is uh lethal injection oh yeah but i think it's because it can go wrong well i don't know i believe they maybe they maybe they knock you out first and then kill you oh it's pretty grisly to think about i mean isn't a firing squad you just get shot by six guys no i thought only one of them is actually shooting but they they hit each one of your limbs like you're at a shooting range oh really they don't go they go they go arm leg leg arm so it's not just one shot to the head yeah is that true that only one of them actually has a real from what i've heard is that only one person is actually shooting real rounds but no one none of the guys shooting no oh so that they don't feel bad yeah so they all assume like well i didn't i wasn't the one can you add that i was just aiming yeah yeah you sound like my saudi professor i'm pretty sure that's how it works can we look that up tyler is that true that definitely happened at some point in time i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't level of firing squad i don't know if that's all firing yeah because currently stand if there's only one person with a bullet there's a pretty high likelihood they're not gonna kill the guy yeah i mean i don't know which case that's a nightmare well no it's not only one bullet i think they all like one gun is filled with real bullets so what he shoots multiple times oh they're i think they all empty the clip no way yeah what are you fucking talking what do you think they all take one shot they're not holding ak-47s yes they are in places that are doing firing squads okay well i'm talking about like in you know when we had death by firing squad here in america it was rifles yeah you're talking about like a war movie where they like make someone stand up against the wall no you're thinking of like you're thinking of like al capone like a valentine's day massacre if you're talking about like syrian firing squads i guarantee you they don't care about the guilt of the other five wondering like oh man i wonder if my ak-47 has the the 70 fake bullets that are gonna riddle this guy's body this says historically one or more rifles in a traditional firing squad are loaded with blanks instead of live rounds it's the other way around yeah one guy it's like credit card roulette why would you want to be the one guy that didn't do shit like if everyone's shooting tell yourself i didn't kill anyone yeah but if everyone is shooting real bullets and you're like oh they gave me the gun with fake bullets like that that feels like more like you're gonna feel worse it's like letting your little brother hold the controller yeah why not just they just should just remove that guy from the firing squad well then they know everyone knows i had a hand in killing i've killed someone i think you've got to just assume like you probably did kill someone or don't sign up for firing squad as your extracurricular activity i mean if a firing squad if i'm wrong and the firing squad is like 10 dudes lined up all with real bullets then that's definitely the best way to get killed you're it's a wall of bullets are coming at you aces you're gonna die immediately yeah you're in 300 blocking out the sun i would much rather get that than anything else tyler uh what uh what never mind i can't even remember what i was gonna oh are they told to aim for the head or the chest definitely the head i don't think they do aim for the head because they why close casket or is it like uh yeah the grandmas are coming to the funeral yeah look what they did to my boy they said the chest area oh so that is painful no it's not you don't die right away if you're shot in your chest if you get hit with eight bullets at once to the chest you will explode but you'll see it happen no you will not you'll die immediately what kind of gun it is or what kind of bullet it is if there's eight people shooting at your chest you're gonna die instantly i got a bad feeling they would just kind of most of them would miss in different parts of my chest and i'd be breathing like this for a while slumped against the ropes that are holding me up there you go yeah see that's a problem it happens you don't want to survive he lived for 60 years after after he got killed yeah his name's 50 cent yeah 60 years he survived a point-blank coup de grace shot to the head in 1915 that's fucked i mean they must have been using those like old like marble bullets that just bounce off of you yeah airsoft guns that's nuts how long do you think firing squad by airsoft gun would take that's like so many bullets like uh a bucket of fanto with a hair yeah have you ever seen those videos guys who will eat like a uh two ounce or two liter coke with like a paper clip and they just like no i don't god dude i don't think i've seen that it just takes forever yeah it takes forever an airsoft gun it's like getting a laser to death yeah i've been shot have you guys ever been shot by an airsoft gun yeah it's not that bad it would take a long time for it to kill you look at these psych you'd have to get shot like a hundred times in the neck this is uh oh you think this is real you think he's not you know making this up to some degree i mean it hasn't moved at all so i'd assume now two hours is that and he has made no progress bro this is insane there's no way this is so japanese yeah what do you think's going on and what is the is he at like an event what is the 99 subscribers or he hasn't gotten up to piss or anything like that i'm telling you there's no way this is a big jump right there yeah he's cheating this is fake there's another jump you've been duped yeah he's been sitting at this table for three minutes well i didn't think that these are yeah forget it this is what i envisioned harry doing every night he's like i'm sick i don't know why time for me to have my big bowl of drink my six energy drinks with a paper clip oh no it's 9 a.m i'm so tired ah i mean it seems like horribly six hours like that's now and now no one's doing that no one's doing that so fucking hot yeah it's hot as shit it's like we're in the fucking desert what would you guys add to this room to make it more homey air conditioning yeah definitely central air i mean it's not even like there's not even like a single thing on in this room this air in here is the least circulated air i i actually would imagine we have been rebreathing our own carbon dioxide the whole time we've been doing this yeah for years that's why we're sick every time we come in here there's mold all over the place yeah probably lift up these couches there's like black mold everywhere feels like we're in a fucking submarine yeah where everything broke well haven't we asked them if they could fix it like a hundred times yeah and they made fun of us we need to lock out there needs to be a lockout until we get ac i cannot work in these conditions yeah yeah a walkout and we just continue the episode it's like a 90 minute episode but for the last 70 minutes we need to go record in like the plan breeze studio and protest or something like that oh they probably got perfect airflow in there i bet you down to a science i mean it's probably like ph balanced with the exact same air flow You guys were probably just playing random ass. No, he was giving me like scales and things to work on. But the problem was that it's just anytime I want to play music, I would just end up sitting down at the piano. Whose weed? Whose weed was it? Mine. So he would come over to your house, you'd pay him and then and you'd smoke him up and he just would play guitar in front of you. Well, the first time we didn't do any of the weed. No, we would we would we would play chords while I would solo and then we would switch. And did you have enough chords at that time where you could? You're nice. I started playing guitar when I was in seventh grade. Got it. So you were fast. So it's not like I took a lot. I took lessons for like five years. Then I was in jazz band, all that shit. Yeah, I got it. So you kind of knew what you were doing. You didn't know any Hendrix. You guys do any Hendrix. We did not. Purple Haze. Nope. No. Strictly white music. Oh, no Prince. All on the Watchtower. Purple Rain. No. It's a Dylan song. Originally, it's white. All along the Watchtower. Yeah, true. Well, ever since. Jimmy bastardized it. Yeah. Said never touching that again. Ruined it. What jazzy instruments did you play? I played piano and I played clarinet. Clarinet. Think about all those musicians who died. Yeah, of course. After like one or two albums. Yeah. Or immortalized forever because they just never had the opportunity to make a bad album. Yeah. And they would have. Do you think that if your inspiration, Amy Schumer, had stopped after her first special, we would look at her? The same way that we look at. Yeah. Louie? Probably not because Louie has like eight really good albums. Yeah, but her first special was spectacular. Yeah, but it's still you wouldn't be looking at her as the greatest of all time. You don't think we'd have some kind of like cult hero status for Amy Schumer? No. For one special? Died too soon. Died? That's what he's saying. Oh, she's dead in this scenario. What happened here? I thought you said that she just stopped making albums after that one. She was Jimi Hendrix. Okay. Yeah, probably. She'd probably be considered as like one of the greats. Yes. Yeah. Right. One special dead. So then we'd have to say about her that she survived too long. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain. Spot on. Exactly. Or that's, I mean, that's what Achilles said when. No, that was. Batman said that? No, it actually wasn't. Was it Harvey Dent? Harvey Dent. Harvey Dent. Harvey Dent said that. And you know who wrote it? Was Christopher Nolan's brother. Really? And he got, he was like annoyed almost that his brother had come up with by far the most memorable line of the entire trilogy. Yeah, that's tough. Did he get paid at least? I would assume so. I'd be like, you got to throw me at least like 10, 10 M's for that. M's? What, did he get beat up by an Uber driver? For the Dark Knight? For the Dark Knight? You come up with the best line in the Dark Knight? That's 10 M's. No way. Yeah. What do you think it is? I think that's $100,000 and a weekend at the lake house. What? 100 bands? For a line? Christopher Nolan's not getting up for 100 bands. But it was his brother, wasn't it? Exactly. I think they collaborate frequently on their movies. Oh, really? I think so. Interesting. A little bonus. A bonus is nice. But when Odysseus went to the River Styx and talked to Achilles, well, he talked to Achilles and Achilles, he was like. Tendon? He was offered. Nice. Holy shit. You're back. Welcome back. You're not sick at all. You've been lulling us into a false sense of sickness. I know. It was all a ruse. Turns out you've been writing with those cockroaches all night. Writing killer material. Wait, so he met up with Achilles? And Achilles had the option of living a short life and being a hero or living a long life and not having to spend the rest of his eternity on the river Styx. Or whatever in fucking Hades. And he was like, don't worry. Don't take the glory. Don't worry about the glory. The most important thing is being alive. The most important thing is having a long life. So it's like for the Schumer of it, like Schumer maybe would have been a legend if she went off, but it's just better to be alive. Right. It's better to be among the living. Is it, though? Good question. It's a great question. This is fucking Achilles talking, bro. This is not me saying this. I don't know Achilles like that, though. Brad Pitt and Troy? I can't just trust him with everything. You either live, you either die a hero or you live long enough to tear your Achilles. Yeah, exactly. Oh, that's what happened to Kobe. Yeah. And then he died. Yeah, and then he died again. Fuck. By the way, I have a major life thing. Yeah. I have a major life thing I want to ask you guys about because it's something I'm really considering, which is I think I'm ready. I think I want to become a single dad. Oh, really? Yeah. Interesting. I think I'm going to do. And Rowan, I care far more about your opinion on this than Harry's. 50-50. Well, you're a father and Harry's not. I don't know. You're talking to a future father one day. Yeah. He's an aspiring father. One day. He'll be a father one day for sure. So, yeah. So, I'm thinking I'm going to find probably like a very poor Latin woman. Oh, I thought that you were going to go traditional adoption. I'm going to go traditional adoption style, not a knock-em-up style. I need one of my own. One for me. How do you get her out of the equation, though? What? How are you going to remove her from the equation? Oh, you just pay her. She'll be a surrogate. Oh, okay. Yeah. Surrogato. Yeah. Yeah. Aren't you worried that you maybe you'll like, what if you guys like fall in love? Oh, I'll never meet her. Oh. Well, how are you going to give her your child? We'll do a handoff. Oh, I see. He's sending it through Jason Kelsey's beer company. We'll do a handoff through ice. I'll be like, wait, that one's mine. Okay, now take her. Why Latin? They're the most ripe. They're fertile. Yeah. Why not have a batch then? I'll start with one and see how athletic they become. And yes, they will be trans. I think some of the- So that we can choose which leagues to enroll them in for dominance sake. I know a lot of short Mexicans, I was going to say. Well, that's why I need to find- You need to check the magazine. A very tough one. A very tall Latin Consuela. Are there, what's the tallest Latin person? What's the tallest group of Latins? Brazilian? Probably Chilean. There's that one Native American dude who's on the Cowboys is 6'9". Are you sure you don't want a Native American? Oh, that would be cool too. Maybe you could just have one of his children. You could be the target. Yeah. I think Native Americans. Have the highest percentage chance of getting into elite universities. Like admissions committees give the most leniency to people of- To the natives. Tribal roots. Yeah. Really? Interesting. I mean, I made that up, but that's my perception. Yeah. Because guys love saying I have a black friend, but imagine saying I have a Native American student at my university. I have an indigenous person that I'm friends with. I have an indigenous on deck. Yeah. Maybe it, but- Is there like a dating app where you can find indigenous women? No, I think they don't have phones. Tind- indigenous? He's back. He's back. You actually are. You might be back from that one. That was way better than the tendon bullshit that you put together. Tindigenous is great. Tindigenous. Tindigenous. These people are all insane. Insanely short. You're never going to have a tall kid if you're going with a Latin woman. Yeah. Five, three, Puerto Rican. They're all five, four. Golly. That's the way top tallest was five, four Puerto Rican. Yeah. And that's American. Yeah. But here's the thing. You know, I think that if I become a single father, first of all, no one will meddle with my parenting techniques. So all the imprinting is my own. I get to download, upload all my own software to this kid. Yeah, that is true. It is all you. It is a lot of responsibility. What kind of, what style of parent would you be? Like what, what are you hoping to teach them? How to fend for themselves. Survival. How to, how to, yeah, how to be independent. Cause I'm not going to be around much. I have a very busy schedule and until they can play golf, they're not going to be with me. Yeah, of course. But I will outsource a lot of the parenting to probably a little bit of a parent. I'm not going to be around much. i said uh adopt oh yeah so what do you want to be like it was one of those two adopting it would be it would be nice to get a kid who's housebroken already yeah 12 12 is the sweet spot no i think it's like four probably right that's a lot of years you want a kid that's born in in the blood in the what born in blood's been through it because then everything is just like a level up they're like oh my god this apartment is so nice oh so one that has known squalor exactly that i've rescued yeah you rescue the kid how long until they become accustomed to their nice things i need to kind of keep them in like a a middle like a halfway house yeah i think that's why you need a you need to get someone that's like 12 or 13 adopt them to abuse them yeah i feel like that happens a lot i feel like there's always like someone who adopted like nine kids and they've all been changed chained to a radiator yeah yeah i i've seen a couple documentaries about that it's pretty crazy it happens all the time well you probably would get insane like supplementary welfare checks and stuff like that tax write-offs tax write-offs would be nice it's definitely a write-off because i've been looking into uh how many how many specific livestock animals i need to own in order to qualify my home as a farm right what is it like one cow it's a no it's a few i think it's a few it depends on the state but in new jersey if like if you have a certain number of chickens yeah maybe a llama or two you get farm subsidies interest tax right because i know rick ross has like a big ass cow right yeah yeah oh it's no magic number so he doesn't have to pay uncle sam have you guys ever heard that rick ross song where he's like admitting to date rape yes it's like bali on a champagne she ain't even know took a home and i had that she ain't even know it yikes yikes it's a tough one yeah it's a good one to play in front of your boys though and see if they notice oh you're vibing to this yeah oh cuz listen closer to the lyrics yeah let me send you this genius link why don't you come on out chris hansen yeah it's pretty insane chris hansen's getting now that they've got this movie coming out he's having a renaissance i thought they were kind of grilling they're kind of they're kind of grilling him they're kind of blaming him for both like kind of glorifying this maybe and also for making knocking men down when they're at their low it's like both sides what is which side is knocking them down when they're at their low pedophiles united united pedophiles rights organization wait isn't that like an actual thing what is it like nambla nambla yeah north america yeah man boy love but but he's saying that he made it too popular like people were doing it so hopefully they could get on to to catch a predator like it was the prices right like they like run down and like give him a big hug like he's drew carrey or some shit maybe that happened like once there's no chance anybody ever wanted to be on it they're always like i knew this was gonna happen yeah i knew this was fake i just had to check it out carried out in handcuffs and being like my album's dropping in two weeks oh it's great $100 $100 soundcloud there probably is a world in which you could spin it and be like i was trying to get on the show yeah i had no intentions of ever doing anything i just wanted to be on the show you should be making a concurrent side documentary if you're ever getting into behavior like that so you have plausible yeah yeah road to road to to catch a predator my life as a fake pedophile catching to catch a predator yeah like seeing if we could catch them yeah poking out finding the flaws yeah yeah does he has he talked about uh like the the kind of like fan to catch a predators that have all spawned from those ones are crazy yeah those ones i feel like are probably like we're just meeting people in a target yeah food court and beating the shit out of them in the fucking screwdriver yeah like do you think those are like is that a good thing or is that a bad thing i don't know it's hard to judge vigilante justice vigilante justice but it's vigilante justice strictly for social media views yeah and it's kind of pre-crimey but i guess that's also what chris hansen was doing and once those people see how many social media views it's getting you're gonna want to get on that oh that's it's like going on caleb hammer show like yeah maybe we'll go through it a little bit but like you're gonna get a lot of publicity maybe you got a zinger in this is a lot of that pedophile is funny yeah yeah that pedophile is pretty clever maybe we should get into that as a podcast like we were just had that meeting with sales like we should tell them like that's we're gonna have six pedophiles we're gonna have six pedophiles we're gonna have six pedophiles hunting videos we're gonna start a pedophile sting yeah yeah plan for around the fall but probably it'll bleed into the spring most likely when's good for you guys how can we package this i mean i think that could really play i think it definitely would i think they would eat that up because if they don't buy it why yeah what are you trying to hide you're trying to support pedophiles what are you not trying to put money behind what message are we putting out there honestly i yeah now that you know that i think about it every brand should be behind those behind those videos yeah probably sponsored by the grocery store you should have a shirt on it looks like you're a nascar it's covered with brands every brand is doing what they can to get ahead get away get against the pedophiles francis i do think the creative writing side of you and the method actor side of you will be a great guy in the chat room who's luring the like 42 year old bait trailer park guy well you know you know because i i moonlight as a uh only fans typist i have about 15 women whose messages i do because they're busy um and so i'm used to talking to really thirsty dudes it wouldn't be that much of a stretch to just lower my age no not at all from 21 year old woman to 14 year old boy luring them on it is uh it's funny to watch that show now because it's like the the chats are so outdated oh yeah there's so many like got to go brb like rly question mark emoji what's rly really oh that should be your favorite i was thinking of raffle the word you say more than any other word i was thinking of rolling on floor laughing oh that's pretty good too that's a classic yeah yeah but that showed me that you don't have it anymore what you didn't know what rly was all of your your tindigenous goodwill has been lost just like just like that yeah lmpdo which one was that laughing my prepubescent dick off that's great well the problem is we would have to find a boy that looks like he's 14 because that's what to catch a predator did they had like a girl on site that looked like she was but in the chat rooms it's like you literally can just be like lacy 14 new jersey yeah but then what happens when they're asking for new jerseys they're like oh i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know what are you gonna send a grown man's penis back they'll immediately know i'm being set up chris hansen's famous for his dick pic but isn't that actually what they did they had like that girl because it's the same girl every time yeah but they weren't sending the nudes well of course but they were sending like photos of her or maybe they had yeah i see what you're saying well that girl would always be like i'm just in the back i'll come right out i'm taking a shower yeah she would run quick yeah she would be there upon arrival and then immediately she would go back yeah no shit what are you like calling her a coward kind of yeah she was an actress a commit to the role you think she didn't stay in the pocket long enough i don't think she stayed in the pocket nearly long enough every single one to catch a predator season three six episodes bait there were some episodes where she would like kind of go around the kitchen island yeah she would kind of be like feeling it out yeah they would chase her yeah she'd be like you want some cookies yeah i think that's staying in the pocket i don't think so i think there's some bait girls that were extraordinary method actors because i don't think they really get enough for the most part to get the guy to get an actual case how many of these guys are actually getting the second they arrive and what the second they get out of their car they're cooked no because they're just like i'm just here to have pizza it's what i can't eat i'm hungry you took your pants off sir you showed up with condoms and beer that's the thing but even if they hadn't it's like the fact that they came some of them would always be like i came here to tell her she shouldn't be doing this yeah which is smart i'm trying to save her these are these clever pedophiles we're talking about you shouldn't be here you shouldn't be doing this because not everyone's going to be cool like me in fact where's your dad let me talk to him do you yeah perfect perfect there's a lot of bad pedophiles out there not like me though you're lucky you ran into me it's hilarious i mean you would think that a lot of these guys but it didn't that kind of become a thing towards the end where people were like recognizing like the girl or or like they knew it was going to be a setup or some shit there's some guys who stay in their car and stuff yeah and they'd still like descend on them yeah of course that's got to be i mean unreal there there's got to be they they got to bring that show back in a way i think they are or it doesn't he do it privately or something i don't know that would be much better patreon yeah he doesn't know cameras why don't you take a seat it's just audio it's a podcast now for 10 bucks you can get the case of beer the guy brought yeah i don't know why people would be like you're attacking men at their lowest like the crime of like exposing and shaming guys who are going through a tough time which is soliciting sex with minors is like a way lighter thing than the potential of having sex with a kid like that's like like the most damaging crime you could commit also i don't want to like really get into the mind of a pedophile here but i would imagine that's probably their highest like at that moment before chris hansen walks in they're like this is the best moment of my life they're like i love dessert she's actually exactly as i thought she would be yeah it's all going according to plan you're real and i wasn't catfish yeah i don't think i think that i don't know i just thought you were gonna be like really overweight 12 year old you're perfect yeah and then chris hansen walks in and now you're at your lowest and like it's a it's probably a pretty big low but it was just a big high it just balances it out oh uh by the way i think it's important i should update uh i will not be competing on the olympic handball team in 2020 oh it's a different team no that was always the team oh no what happened uh it turns out they're quite good fuck and that the idea the idea that someone with a you know media presence and following could somehow just like walk onto the team under under like through a back door they staged a mutiny bro there's like an entire um olympic meritocracy checking committee oh really that ensures that there's no none no tomfoolery about who gets on a team or like uh may probably nepotism any of that stuff there's probably like politicians kids who have tried to buy their way yeah they'll come watch practices and be like that guy sucks is he related to the fucking coach get him out of here really yeah that's interesting they'll literally check that there's like a process for that but what if you don't get out of here you're not gonna get out of here you're not gonna get out of here you are actually just insanely good i think the people who were inviting me were under the impression that i was an absolute freak which i was 15 years ago at handball specifically sports oh okay okay but they were like excited about they were like you know you're a lacrosse player that's the exact sort of like skill set and and body type that translates well to this sport in fact when in lacrosse we used to train on fridays we would play and i was good at it yeah yeah it's fun but like um i was like guys i'm gonna be 39 in 28 why are you talking like who are you talking to who is this person that's reaching out like the big people like the head of the olympics vladimir putin oh my god and they told you like so you talked to them again and they were like you're you don't have you have no i was speaking to someone who was recruiting me and then i was like this and he wanted me to come to this tryout over labor day and i was like well i was there's a pretty fun like event that i was gonna go to labor day yeah it's like i'll come but i better be on the team and they said don't come no he was like come and then i was like can i talk i need to speak to someone who might be a little bit more i just need a better sense of how realistic this actually is so then i spoke to the ceo of usa handball who was a great dude and and he said it's not gonna happen no i was like he was like you know we think you have a good shot based on your kind of credentials and like the way how athletic you are and stuff like that and i was like okay be realistic with me about the time commitment and the skill set because i've been watching clips of this sport first of all it's insanely physical yeah can you play can you play a little bit i just want to get a context you as long as you stay in front of a person you can fully like wrap them up oh yeah there's it's not bad it's way way more rough than basketball and i won't play basketball anymore because of the likelihood of me getting injured i mean this would be incredible so they said they were they said pretty much it's not gonna happen no i was i was like i'm not gonna make this team we need to be realistic and they're saying you will make this team they were like well we wouldn't say that we thought you had a good chance and i but dude i i think like how fun are your labor day plans because they better be pretty good pretty fun if you're giving up your olympic dreams for your labor day plans those guys don't look that athletic francis you would dominate this hell are we talking there's no bras these guys are fucking twigs dude they're huge and they're all like old they're not none of these dudes are bigger than you they're 26 guys none of these guys are bigger all right well then let's just go to the time commitments part of it okay god i was free i would the ceo guy was like he was i was like what would it look like and he's like well in the year in the year leading up to the olympics we would probably want you to go to europe for three to four week chunks to play on a club team so that you are playing at the standard we need you to get to in order to improve so you would get minutes what about just having you on the bench or something there's only 14 guys on the team there's really not that many spots i think almost everybody on the team has to be able to play what if you're a member of the team if you're on the team if you're a member of the team if you're a member of the team i'm not flexible enough you need to be able to kick over your head oh yeah that's the last time i did that i split my tuxedo so you can do it i didn't even come close i mean i really think this is like i'm not i'm not convinced that you could not compete in this who's calling me right now oh dentists is that today oh no i missed my appointment today oh no i'm such an idiot i knew there was something i had to do today that goalie can kick pretty high he's also fat as fuck they're fat and they're all like balding they don't even have a fucking cancellation policy that's gone it's like a druski skit the goalie he's like a fat like fucking flexible guy i still think you could easily make this team guys it's gonna suck when we all travel to europe for three weeks at a time though these guys are freaks this is literally the attack defend game that they have in surviving this is gym class that's what everyone easily do this you're totally underestimating how in shape and athletic and strong these guys are also i hate to break it to you but like the red team is winning by almost 10 points so it seems like they probably just win everything denmark is the best yeah they are the best you don't really have to be that good unless are they trying to make usa beat denmark they're trying to get them to like compete better we've we only qualify for this sport in the get the automatic qualifier interesting it seems like we get run out of the gym because it's an extremely high scoring game yeah it is it's not that hard to score i don't think um but i asked them i was like listen you know i'm gonna be 39 like surely you'll be able to get an like 123 year old recent division one lacrosse volleyball volleyball fucking basketball guys who are the same pedigree that i am but but 15 years younger and in way better shape to try out and he's like you would think that but for some reason we have not been able to convince these people which is why we wanted someone like you to come bring awareness and i was like well then if i do that i'm opening the doors to being unseated by the very people i'm supposed to be attracting which means it would not be in my interest to broadcast how possible it is to play this sport in the olympics well tell them to reach out to me i'm interested yeah you're more the age demographic yeah and like you're explaining i could get up i could get to tip top shape by uh the olympics 2028 yeah it's two years that's easy the truth is is that the time commitment was was too much to reconcile with um with boy dad which is the priority in my life we would come there do not use us as an excuse i'm not gonna be the reason that you don't achieve your dreams we'll get a little pad out in europe yeah i got off that call and i was supposed to go to the gym for my second workout of the day went straight to the snack closet then i went and ate pasta for dinner and i was like thank god yeah i don't have to be that guy anymore i did that twice and it was too much trained for two weeks for the olympics i would love to know the ages of the guys on this team there's got to be someone who's 40 45 45 no just having a blast out there but doesn't that also make you wish you were born in like denmark francis oh i've always wished that for a number of reasons if you lived in denmark do you think you would be on this team right now um maybe maybe what else are they really good i mean this would be unreal if you were in this i was very excited about the prospect of being in the olympic village and having like threesomes with latvian yeah exactly you know that's where you would be creating your super child shekel slovakian shot and now you have to adopt yeah and meeting my wife there now you're adopting from pueblo yeah now i got nobody from tijuana what about the winter olympics you get in on that at all or no i think the belief there is always bobsled but i don't know how far i gotta go to find one of those like denmark has badminton lake placid has bobsled do they yeah that's where they train center yeah you might be right i've done the bobsled in lake placid yeah but that's old school bobsled no they got everything they got a whole training facility they got the high they got the the skiing jump thing maybe ski jumping francis no that's insane yeah that shit's fucking insane i'm a father now i have to consider my family and what i'm putting him through yeah you don't want your oh it's gonna be a boy you just announced that he's a boy okay you don't want to have to watch your kid to have to watch you sailing through the air for three minutes straight those people are in the air for so long it's fucking insane yeah and you got to do the shit with the yeah the squirrel flying squirrel it's like watching your security guard get beat up yeah again just so brutal it's a very tense circumstance i would not have uploaded the video personally if i had the video of what of danny getting dragged through the through the lobby oh are you talking about that again yeah did you guys bring it back there we just brought it back in i was thinking about this dentist appointment and how i missed it oh yeah i was trying to think about why i missed it you know that's you know they give you cavities i get extra cavities now yeah you're gonna need a silver capped filler yeah like the guy from fucking home alone yeah maybe it was gold yeah i love missing and missing an appointment oh i don't they're gonna charge you for it they charge you for it i suspect so change change your card cancel your card yeah change your identity leave the state i book i book like a hundred dentist appointments a week and then i just don't show up to any of them you're ding dong ditching dentist yes every week cool man what a fun prank that is just to make it seem like i'm super busy when i get all the calls that's your meetings who the fuck is calling me again it's the fucking dentist i'll be in next week august is the perfect time to hit reset before the autumn rush begins and honestly i can't think of a better place to start than my closet and that's why i love shopping at quince quince is all about fewer better pieces their clothes are made with premium materials built to last and designed to become the ones that you reach for day after day last year i bought uh before like right before the the fall i bought a sweater with quince and i wore it to everything i wore it on episodes of this show i wore it on the weekends i even have pictures of myself wearing it as my kids were in the christmas pageant at our uh local parish it is something that i made memories in and it's something that i'm going to keep on wearing this year because you're not buying something that's a flip and dip fast fashion that you're going to get rid of immediately you're buying a piece that is going to become a staple in your wardrobe and that's why everything from quince works a little bit harder those everyday staples they they have mongolian cashmere sweaters i'm not sure if this was mongolian cashmere sweaters i'm not sure if this was mongolian cashmere sweaters but it's just a beautiful sweater because there's versatile timeless uh you can really transition seamlessly from a casual work day into a beautiful dinner out so make sure you're messing with quince upgrade your everyday download the quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash boy dad free shipping on your order 365 day returns now available in canada and the uk too that's q u i n c e dot com slash boy i am unbearably hot right now it's on it's enough i have a sweat layer on my mustache well it's probably good for the sickness that we all have we're probably sweating it all out a little bit yeah it's nice to sweat it out getting the toxins out the hand foot mouth if i'm if i'm ever getting this shit beat out of me can you guys promise that you're just not gonna film it yeah don't film it and honestly like please don't film me ever please don't francis please don't film me getting beat up if i ever do no i wouldn't do that i i i would like to say that i'll come and help you but it depends on what i'm wearing yeah and how many people are already helping but here's the good news i'm actually raising a mixed martial artist oh wow so security what he'll be a white and latino martial artist yeah oh yeah it will be good to have like just another uh another another bro around the house yeah another guy why not twins why are you aiming for uh earth when you could shoot for the moon well i that's a good question yeah three is a crowd yeah the the eight sleep only has two cooling zones so it's me and me and one kid yes choose his temperature and then that's it because two kids it's like it's like why are you guys always here you know get out yeah get out and like go do something move around yeah go play the other part of it is that yeah then they can play with each other true they do keep each other busy yeah i think the key is when you have kids in new york it's kind of you gotta let them go early like once they hit four it's like start learning how to take the train get on the subway start smoking yeah quit smoking you think if you grew up in new york you would like you'd be like fucked up i think that that's so overstated i agree with that i don't i think people act like it's like oh my god like people think it's the movie kids like that you're outside like smoking crack and getting aids if you're like a kid growing up in new york i think everybody that's a kid growing up in new york is like pretty well adjusted and calm they're on drugs who is like a crazy who's an example of like a crazy person that like grew up in new york derek drescher my good friend he grew up in new york yeah but he grew up in the crack he got arrested i think what 29 times he said do you know where they're you know where else they're doing drugs maine that's not until you get pennsylvania the suburbs of pennsylvania places like that's not until you get hurt at work and then they prescribe you like vicodin that's where the opioid epidemic was one of the ground zeros of it probably ground one well no i think that was west virginia i know that's what i'm saying ground zero was west virginia ground one was maine yeah because you're guys like fucking senator or some shit the lumberjacks were all having back pain and then they were prescribing it up there yeah but didn't you guys also had like a politician that was like then uh who like made it all super legal or attainable senator sackler yeah and then he moved then he quit his politics job and got hired by the sacklers oh and was like on the top of their board well you know the sackler family owns the amman and turks and cacos when you're on yara when you're and you're in that island oasis paradise sipping on the best pina colada you've ever had think about it damn that's crazy they throw a little couple oxys in there yeah like why is it so good yeah a couple i feel no pain i feel incredible pools chlorinated with powder did you guys ever watch dope sick time release yeah so good that's really good one of the best shows i've ever seen did you ever watch the pay the netflix one painkiller no that one's kind of mid i'm trying to decide which new show that i'm going to watch there's three out that i've heard uh rave reviews about do tell do tell one that's in the like horror comedy out of um new england yeah yeah you watch that no i didn't watch it tyler tyler said he watched it it's great legends lanterns and furious i've heard good things let's skip all the three all three of those i heard dog shit pretty good i also just recently heard that season three of true detective was excellent oh i'm all set season three i heard it was terrible really let me let me guess they could barely catch the guy and then they catch the guy am i close i heard it was like uh i heard it was not good season one of that show beef was really good i saw there's a season two with i watched season two season two was way better than season one i didn't see season two you should watch season two that's your next show beef is yeah yeah whoa season two is really good season one was pretty good too yeah it was i didn't want it was yeah it was i said well you're you have you we need to stop asian hate with you anti-asian streak in you that colors everything you see not true but i'm gonna get along with my son i'm just saying season one is good season two is phenomenal and is the cast the same no no because they're not what anymore asian exactly except are they who oh yes i think the guy who's the fitness guy who's the best character in the whole show has some korean descent the show's created by koreans koreans koreans made the show so you probably won't like it because you hate asian people don't say that you're gonna get me in a lot of trouble with the asian people because it's true my backers because it's true unlike me i bought and paid for by the asian lobby unlike me i love all races equally that's not true yes it is you were saying nasty things about that guy who came into our office yesterday and was fighting what i was the one that was like get off of him let him be this guy's got a family to go home to and he's like no i don't it would have been unreal if you went in there and just started swinging on other barstool employees it's just a full mosh pit in there that's 10 dudes fighting i don't know what had what danny was fighting the uber guy i actually thought it was big ev under that helmet imagine if like uh what do you think would have happened if another uber eats guy showed up when that was happening like is it's very likely that that would have happened you know that they are obligated it's like the samurai code you have to get in that yeah you have to they have to all like if all the elevator doors open like it was the matrix round two yeah you just get into a harder level after you defeat them every time door opens there's dogs there's barstool employees rushing in and more uber eats guys coming up the elevators i think they got to redo that at rough and rowdy yeah yeah danny back in the ring versus that guy come on bro but danny wears a helmet this time exactly and sheen guards yeah i mean yeah clear on advantage if i'm danny that's that's bad pointing out immediately on advantage on advantage is that what i said it's like a grading misuse yeah i'm not all there right now i'm in space clear on advantage disadvantage oh it's a clear disadvantage disadvantage disadvantage disadvantage disadvantage disadvantage it's a clear disadvantage there you go we'll cut that in um what are you doing this weekend francis brother what's this weekend oh i'm going to um i'm going to monterey california for a draft kings event very nice yeah are you gonna be golfing out there i think host hosting a golf event oh yeah very fun are you into that kind of thing hosting um i mean i'm just gonna be like shaking hands and kissing babies and stuff you thrive with that you're gonna put on an absolute 10 out of 10 master class what's gonna be your drink of choice maybe a picante margarita um i don't know i try not to drink too much at uh work events okay anyways well look because i don't know i don't want to come home i have to take the red eye home to do son of a boy dad oh yeah you don't want to do that night i'm taking the red eye you don't want to get all shit faced for that yeah exactly it's gonna be tough no but that red out you get shit face on the red hot now it's such a bad idea very bad it's such a bad idea where did we take a red eye home from did we no me and roan was it from when we from la yeah and we got i got we got bloody mary's at that place i remember i was housing the bloody mary's so i was so nervous for the flight you said your ears were ringing because they were so salty it was the worst i've ever felt on the plane i was like this is gonna be great i'm just gonna have like a bunch of bloody mary's and then just pass out as soon as we get on the flight like the beach in in like uh yeah venice beach where you were drinking like michelot michelotas or some shit some shit but then we got to the airport i remember i sat down at the bar next to the gate and i drank as many bloody mary's as i could in that amount of time and then i got on the flight thinking i was just gonna pass out this was also the flight that really sparked my outrage of the first class list because roan was first class and and me and tommy were like 48 f it was the biggest fucking plane and we were the last row of the entire thing i remember i texted i texted roan when we got off and i was like did you get did you uh leave and he was like i'm already home by the time he got off of the plane i had a fully uber back to brooklyn yeah so but i remember uh i remember getting on the plane and then being like i'm not not i'm not there yet to sleep oh you're not like you're not gonna pass out i'm not gonna pass out so i had another brew and then i just didn't sleep just stayed up getting sober yeah just hung over hung over on the flight that sucks yeah that's so brutal i just booked a flight last night to uh i used a global upgrade for a uh a flight to london oh well played uh my sister eagles day for the eagles game yeah i used my flight upgrade for that too can't wait we should fucking you don't have global upgrades i don't you've you've international you have national only regional regional upgrades i only have regional upgrades find those at fucking mark on the ground buy this buy this box of protein bars and get a global upgrade or premium regional jesus i was flying a couple weeks ago just and i saw somebody with a platinum bag tag i wouldn't put that on my bag if you paid me to that's gonna have your bag coming off last yeah they beat the shit out of your bag if they see that they just give out do they get because i've never gotten a bag tag ever it's probably going to the food gazey address that you give them true it's probably one of my parents apartment your tax hit your parents house it is uh i um i've been getting packages delivered to my old apartment and i don't know what they even are but i keep getting notifications being like your package was delivered and then i look and it was brought to west village and i'm like the west village is that some sort of prescription subscription i don't know i don't know what it would be but it's like a multiple package coming from northern packages coming from north carolina where are you traveling this fall uh well i'm going to tokyo yeah that's gonna be fun so that's in september though end of september yeah right at the beginning of the fall right at the beginning of football season right at the beginning of the fall right at the beginning of the fall that's right at the beginning of football season though you're not worried about that with the time difference you're gonna miss your sweet sweet giants play i am not worried about it i bet that there's like a bar in uh in tokyo where you could go watch the giants play you think for sure no shot it's like a cheesesteak place where everybody gathers for the eagles games and it's the guy in tokyo yeah yeah there's a famous guy who's perfected the cheesesteak out there yeah he like comes to philly and like studies the cheesesteak wagyu cheesesteak probably they've perfected perfection out there that would actually be pretty bad you'd get two bites in and you'd be full no that's wrong you have a misconception of what wagyu is i don't think so i think you do no i've had it i've had it multiple times but you have the memory of a goldfish no i don't i don't you do forget that you have the well how if i did how would i remember that you said that because i said it less than 24 hours ago much bigger fish memory i think the the goldfish i think it takes a full 24 to reset like three seconds no wrong so you're going to tokyo yeah and what's your flight situation there that's what we're all looking to know i mean this is this is why um even though we joke about like me wanting to be friends with you like these are my actual friends who this guy that i'm going with my buddy oh nice because he wanted to experience japan airs business class that's why he's going i said i don't have any sort of credits or points that i could really apply to that i kind of need to fly to take advantage of my ability to make this affordable and he goes i'll just get your flight there wow so you're flying japan air business class on the way there which is which is a house which is a float it's like it's like the the house from up you literally have an entire cabin to yourself and it just floats across the ocean yeah um there's a geisha that comes on and tucks you in kisses your cheek that's pretty nice then uh on the way back i'm flying to delta and i used uh you're flying to delta i'm flying delta back come on bro walk in i'm doing i used all this flight credit i had that was going to expire and then i used a global upgrade certificate so i have business i have delta one but i gotta go through detroit but there's no direct you'd have to go to detroit or minneapolis there's no directs on delta but are you first on the way there it's it's direct from newark oh really tokyo yeah oh wow that's crazy on japan air yeah what if you flew like another airliner you want to go delta you gotta go delta the whole part you gotta go delta the because i have points and miles for other airlines i'm not just a one airline guy like you guys you you have tiny little piles of nonsensical mountains i got mountains like it's like some guy who's got piggy bank with some fucking you know some yen franks croners and some croners and some fucking pesos and you're like look how much money i have i finally accessed my mx points i'm buying a home with them in japan you can stay at my place when you're out there there are good deals on homes in japan but they're like triangular and like two and a half feet wide at their widest yeah they're built for small people not like me can i make a request please uh would you do uh like the way you did your a travel vlog or a travel episode from japan oh yeah i could i could probably do that just just talk about what it's like while you're out there for an hour while it's super fresh i think you're gonna have so many interesting observations and things that you did i'd much rather prefer you to do a podcast on the flights in the business class they probably have a studio in there on japan air they made they may have one that'd be huge you probably have to reserve an apartment in a studio apartment but i don't want to be putting work on your plate but i thought the last one was so interesting and uh i feel like you doing one from out there i i'm just excited for your experience yeah my only my only drawback is that i obviously love to discuss this kind of stuff with you guys so burning all of that before we get to kind of chop it up that's true that's true but i mean i'm always down to do supplemental material i just thought now that i'm not an olympian anymore i guarantee you're gonna go out there and be like i'm japanese and you could be a native handball player oh there it is there it is out of nowhere and now we're all together yeah and now we've all got it that i can see that yep snaking into everyone's mouth all at once it all came out that's like the fine mist when someone gets a headshot when they're executed by firing squad um when you sit on on japan air business class will you have your will you have like a door um because i i when i flew jet blue mint i had a i had a wall yeah that's nice it was crazy i i would assume so of course you'll have a door i hate when the flight attendants are peeking over though they well and it's like i wish i had a roof as well to be honest i've flown on the bitches out q suites on on on qatar airways which routinely get ranked as the best business class in the world yeah and those had a door we call that first class washing huh oh because yeah nice nice one i like that that's fine oh man that was a good one that's good that is good it's pretty solid uh you know what i think they really got to add next to airplanes hdmi port i would like that i think that would be game changer that would be really nice plug your laptop in maybe play some games i think we also need 144 hertz monitors the size is right though and you are basically flying through the air in a gamer chair yeah the size is not bad the size i'll take but we need a higher refresh size the proximity to the screen yeah that is all built for first class is built for gamers it is just so why not connecting that why can't we have an hdmi plug the playstation in the bush i feel like the bush in the air oh just getting on the shitty flight like doesn't matter where it's going but just as long as you have mint yeah or delta one what uh what are you planning on doing out there do you have any like really specific plans well are you going to go see a gay show geisha are you going to stand in onsen maybe see some kabuki theater whoa what's all that i think onsen is like the i know those are spas right yeah you could just you have to go bathe ass naked with people that's fine i want people to see me mogging some japanese businessmen and then the geishas those are the old ladies and then kabuki theater i think is when uh it's it's japanese trans people just dudes dressing up as girls oh cool that'd be cool you should go see that um i kind of all right and then ennis cancer is also going to be there doing it oh hell yeah i want to go i mean the the major focus is restaurants and i will say it seems incredibly difficult to get reservations at the places we want to go if anyone out there has any ability or sense of how to get to some of these like really high-rated izakaya places or sushi saito or places like that um please message me because i'm kind of coming up short we are going to one really cool um sake tasting place called 12 that is like invite only we managed to get through get to that how'd you get the invite uh i messaged them and then the guys like assistant sent me the form to invite us you should hit him up and be like how can i get into these other restaurants well they've already done enough i don't want to kind of over ask chef donnie chef donnie has a buddy in kyoto that has a plug for everything cool but is that just kyoto or tokyo just uh kyoto from my understanding are you going to go to kyoto oh perhaps on your day off yeah very nice shout out don't worry about it he was giving a little phoebe bridger's love oh have you ever listened to that song day off in kyoto oh you'd love it listen to that on the plane when you're landing right when you're touching down throw it on i uh there's a place in uh in tokyo called about 50 minutes away from the city center 50 about five zero but it's very worthwhile fuck that what is it 50 you're out of your mind in japan 50 minutes in japan is not that bad door to door you're and it's on the side of a mountain it's not like you're just going to some rinky place what is it it's a transcendent eating experience oh that blends uh modern meats with traditional japanese cuisine coursed out uh modern meats what is a modern meat beef i've only been eating that forever no bro not the way that they're doing it i'm talking they'll serve you uh beef over a fire and then they'll also serve you like a river fish that you have to bite the head off oh not actually you're gonna love it you don't it's a deep fry surf and barf yeah so we're gonna skip that one but you're not gonna go to i mean i'm always open to whatever you you've been i'd love for you to give me i'm only recommending best things that you you haven't you been to no to japan never i thought you went last year i talk about it non-stop i swear you went last year top are you fucking with me here's my top recommendations hey son of a boy dad listeners we'll be right back but first a quick message from one of our partners it's fran from chicks in the office the weather is getting cooler and abercrombie's fall drop has everything i need for the season the best-selling anf sloan taylor pant is a closet staple for me i'm always wearing it to work events happy hour anytime i want to be a bit more dressed up and the viral dylan dress is easy one and done perfection but my fall uniform will always be denim paired with a henley sweater a bra free top it's comfortable effortless it just never fails find your fall capsule at abercrombie shop in the app online and in stores all right now back to the episode which was very very nice food but you that's just you just line up for that life-changing meal i have written next to it wow i found it on like the fat travel reddit or something like that it's like it's very the not suspicious bar and sensu joe temple temple and you're getting your acts from redditors how does that feel this isn't though you're not you're not listening to the right guy bro all right you're not listening to the right guy you're not listening to the right guy you're not listening to Do two trips to Japan. One where you don't go to Ukai Toriyama. And one where you do go to Ukai Toriyama. And you see which one is a more fulfilling experience. I will do the ancient meat trip and the modern meat trip. You have to have the river fish with the head bitten. Yeah, of course. It's probably just like a trout. It's a rainbow trout. Modern meat. It's this big. I got to get out to the modern meats. This is called ground beef. Chicken and steak. And then traditional. I mean, even on the plane, they'll probably give you the option of Japanese breakfast or American breakfast. You got to get the Japanese. I would go American because this is going to be your last American meal. No, no, no. I want the Japanese. And the McDonald's. What are you talking about? I would definitely go American. Stay safe. You don't want to roll the dice on a plane meal. You're going to Japan to have a Delta American scrambled eggs? Certainly, I am not. What's the Japanese breakfast? It's like it's textures. Modern egg. It's like squares and textures and goos that you've never fucking tasted. That sounds like hell on earth. Why would you want that when you could just have eggs and sausage or some shit? Because he's going to Japan. You got to try. You're going to get the good food. You're going to start the trip off with the worst Japanese food you could possibly get. That's the perfect time. Harry, you're thinking you're not thinking about how this is Japan air. It doesn't matter. It's still the space. You're still eating space food. No, no, no, no, no, no. They have a proper sushi chef on the plane making sushi for you. Modern meats. Modern sushi. You catch the fish by dropping a line into the ocean as you're flying. As you're flying. It's a drag net across the Pacific. 35,000 foot line. That's pretty nice. Will it be cold when you go or will it be warm? I suspect it will be quite temperate. It's the end of September, early October. What better time to visit? Well, I don't know how the seasons work there. I was going to ask if you're going to. It's just going to be cooling down. It'll be great. I'm not going to bring. I'm not going to bring any of my nice clothes because I'm going to buy everything over there to wear over there. There's an ancient Japanese proverb that says travel with two suitcases, one suitcase inside of the other so you can buy salvaged denim. Very nice. It's going to be pretty hot when you're there. I don't know if you've heard there's going to be temperatures are going to be above normal. Well, I still believe that. This is a pretty darn good time to go. I think you could probably you'll probably get some good denim shorts. Won't do. that won't do that at all japanese denim shorts yeah it'd be perfect outfit for me to wear as my debut episode of to catch a predator why don't you like because it's gonna be hot so you're not gonna want japanese denim pants yes he is but i think a nice blue jeans yeah bro they're not nobody's wearing shorts japanese denim it could be it could be 300 degrees like they don't wear shorts no one's wearing shorts oh that's weird i would probably go shorts and like maybe a nice a nice jean jacket nice japanese jean jacket who are you to like propose outfits to me i'm just saying like if you're going out there to sabotage you're going out there for the denim you got to go head to toe i'm not going out there for the denim come on i'm going out there for the suede i want clothes that have a really good hand feel yeah great for skateboarding when people put their eyes on them they're going to be like oh my god i'm going out there for the suede i'm going out there for the suede arm on me i want them to say dear god he is touched yeah you could do kickflips off this jacket no problem unfortunately your entire wardrobe would play in japan you wouldn't have to change a thing no i have been dressing i have been purchasing and shopping for this trip my whole life without knowing it you're not going to know what to bring though that's my point i'm not going to bring anything because i'm going to shop over there but you got to bring something t-shirts underpants you're gonna hit uniclo out there maybe got to no you do not have to the uniclo out there is so good i'm going to go to a place called a press a i think is how you pronounce it a dot press p-r-e-s-s-e it's like the most expensive clothing fucking imaginable but over there it's not as bad oh really but their shit's fucking dope in fact this is the only thing of theirs that i own this shirt and how much is that i bought this in paris where it was not subject to the same tariffs it was here but it was still pretty expensive and these clothes look nice i'd like if you got me one of those uh uh it's really sure it's reimagined american workwear i mean their stuff is fucking very cool as hell the fabric's awesome a lot of silk bombers things like that yeah i'd like one of those green shirts you'll get nothing and like it i'd like one of those green shirts which i'm down to uh like venmo you or cash app you whatever you get him some shitty vintage stuff actually there is no shitty vintage shitty vintage you gotta get him one of those green shirts you'll get nothing and like it like an old football jersey they have tons of old jerseys and shit just get him some dumb like a robert gallery jersey yeah i'm gonna get you some trash that would be good i mean i'm fine with that i'd probably take an old jersey bring you home a bunch more of what you've already got that would that'd be unbelievable you don't need that would be the best gift i could get one uh phrase that i i'd like to teach you tsunami some which uh means barkeep barkeep okay like i said call him for like a beer tsunami some tsunami some that's a good way to get punched in the face kicked out of the bar no it's not me some you've been over served too much sake for you soon as you let one of those out so money so do they speak english money some like if you were to just say barkeep would they know some people have some broken english you're gonna want to use your bring me a beaker of mead yeah excuse me bar maiden nobody said barkeep since tavern time so that's what ron didn't you just say barkeep that's the literal translation i need a hot pole of stew and a room some bread in your finest hooker i don't i'm nothing i don't need anything fancy just something with some straw dry straw thatch you should uh cosplay as like a businessman out there and see if someone brings you noodles when you're passed out on the street because that's what they do that's what ron says they do but he's a pathological liar that's not me it definitely was you that said that ron i've been watching surviving i watched the the most recent episode um which was i thought extremely funny i mean the marty fake injury thing was so fucking funny to me and they pulled it off so well and they only cleared it by like four seconds were you aware of that did you know that they had that done that all i knew that they had that to do but i think that the edit made it seem like the uh like the the guy that the medic was like okay your 10 minutes are up when that was not the case at all marty had to just completely guess how long it had been tricky man that's tricky they made it really only by a matter of seconds it felt like it was 20 minutes felt like 25 minutes but it was really super close and i kind of wish they showed that a little bit better how like because it just seems like everybody was in on it and it went in reality it actually was very close yeah that was that was really well managed um and uh i think you know i gotta say like you dana and marty to me have been like the stars of the show glenny being drunk and being really good at the hook game was really pretty funny too and then tate's been pretty darn good at the at the game pat has been funny how much longer is it like five more episodes love it yeah thank you for watching bro of course support means literally everything to course pat really pat has really been on to you yeah what the heck he's been on your back he knows you're good he's been being so nasty to me well he just is he just is a guy who knows a worthy rival yeah people have been like oh they're just scared to to vote out ron it's like dude every episode everybody has been trying to vote me out i don't know how you're there's been people voted trying to vote me out every single time like oh they're just scared to vote dude i don't know how you're nobody's scared i don't know how you are turning the tides away from you because i know that if i were in your position and trying to do what you would do it would only bring more votes to me because they'd be like he's he's working over hard over time i think over easy he's back that's very good harry um i think that they they like when they're showing what happened on the show they're only really showing like the big work and i don't think that they're like showing the like small and subtle work because that barely shows up on camera but like the uh interpersonal stuff that's not part of the game that's just like guys hanging out and like getting closer through that like that's not going to show up on camera but that's like a lot of what like the engendering the goodwill like there's like you know on shows like that there's tons of like joking in between it doesn't necessarily make it on the camera but like it will get you closer with the people that you're around totally like i feel like when we were doing the show together a lot the last season you and me were just like literally just running around like fucking around and joking the entire time like joking with each other like even while we're doing this stuff like walking the stairways like bullshitting and busting balls yeah and there's a lot of that that that doesn't necessarily make the show that's true that's true but it's very fun it does seem like this one was a really fun time like you guys were getting after it at night and yeah you know having having a good time no no women in your ear telling you that the dominoes is nasty just boys boys being boys yeah all that yeah it's good fun uh this episode comes out thursday so last night there was an episode that came out where it was it was like the big it was like the pink wedding style oh wow love that love that some juicy shit bunch of eliminations and um a move that i tried to pull off but uh yeah go watch that episode can't wait can't wait to check that out thanks for not spoiling it for us yeah yeah i appreciate that that is good gas okay let's wrap all right i have to go to the bathroom oh yeah i got a i got a meeting um really i do yes with whom my manager with his orthodontist all right uh good stuff we will see you guys next week goodbye you