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Speaker 2This episode is brought to you by TXU Energy. For the first time ever, Texans have an energy plan that combines free nights all year with daytime summer savings. It's called Free Nights and Cool Summer. You get free nights every night, all year long, plus a 25% bonus toward your daytime use all summer. It's a first-of-its-kind plan created for how Texans actually use energy. Discover how much more you could save with Free Nights and Cool Summer. TXU Energy. Energy for everything. Visit TXU.com for more information. Rep number 10004.
Speaker 3High-functioning alcoholics and addicts. You hear this all the time. Some people lose jobs, relationships, and housing because of addiction. They lose it all. They come in broken. Others maintain careers, families, reputations, and outward success. Everything looks good on the surface, but they're dying inside. They don't understand what's wrong with them. If someone appears successful and stable, can addiction still be present? How do we define a functional alcoholic and addict, and how do we get out of it? Functional. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Recovering Out Loud podcast. I'm your host. Anthony. I'm an addict and alcoholic. Potential is the great curse word of every alcoholic, is what could you be doing instead if you weren't drinking? What could you be doing? Are you living up to your full potential in addiction? I would argue most likely not. The term high-functioning addiction is commonly used in public discussion, but it is not an official diagnostic category in clinical manuals such as the DSM-5. So today I'm going to talk about why these situations are harder to recognize, psychological denial mechanisms. Social masking, and internal consequences that remain hidden. Like I said, it's like the duck paddling in the ocean. Everything seems to be good on the outside, but below water, the duck is freaking out and paddling like crazy. So what do people mean by high-functioning? In public conversations, high-functioning usually refers to individuals who maintain employment. As long as I have my job, everything's okay. Don't leave me alone. Nothing's wrong with me. I've still got my job. I don't have a problem. Fulfill family responsibilities. I'm showing up for my kids, I'm showing up for my life, I'm showing up to family outings. Avoid obvious external crises. So on the outside, nothing is really crumbling. I've got it together. Barely, but I've got it together. Their life appears stable from the outside. So because the most visible signs of addiction are absent, people around them may not suspect the problem. I got my home. I'm not homeless. I've got it under control. I'm still showing up to work, like I said. Some of these examples include professionals, parents. Students, people with strong routines, people you would never see or suspect to be in addiction or alcoholism. There was a time in my addiction where I, from the outside appearance, you would think I was just partying hard. I was a heavy drinker, a heavy user. I didn't necessarily have an addiction. That's what it would seem to be on the outside. But for me, it was the thought pattern around it. When I wasn't using, I was thinking about how to get it and how to use. And when I was using, I had little or no control. Little or no power. Little or no choice in the matter. I didn't know what was going to happen. I always say this. It was like playing Russian roulette. Whenever I pick up a drink, I don't know if I'm going to stop after two or I don't know if I'm going to go on for three weeks. That was the nature of my situation. It really was like playing Russian roulette. Here are some of the denial mechanisms that you hear. Denial is a strong, powerful force, honestly. Denial can operate in several ways. Comparison. So at least I'm not as bad as Tim down the street. At least I'm not using heroin. I'm only drinking. I'm only drinking. Only smoking weed. You hear that a lot. Comparing oneself to extreme examples of addiction. I'm not homeless. I have a job. Next, we have functional justification. I still go to work. I pay my bills. My family is taken care of. Functional justification. Then we have normalization. So heavy use can appear normal in some social professional environments. I'm not really out of control. I'm not blacking out. Delayed consequences. If major consequences have not yet appeared. I may feel manageable. So I still have all these things. There's no real consequences. Denial may not always be deliberate deception. It can operate as a psychological defense against controlling, confronting difficult realities. So it can operate as a psychological defense. My addiction is keeping me sick. I don't want to face the harsh truth of the situation that I may not have control or I may be different than my fellows. So I'm going to keep denying it internally. Sometimes this is a subconscious thing. That we don't even realize we're doing next. We have social masking. So social rules can make substance problems. Some examples of this professional success I'm, I'm covering my addiction with success on the outside. So I'm working harder at work to prove that I don't have a problem with drugs and alcohol. High achievement, responsible appearance. I'm keeping the stage character. It talks about this in literature that a lot of us are a part of. The alcoholic has a double life. He presents his stage character to the world. This is the perception that I want you to see. Meanwhile, I'm a different person when I'm not around people integrity, doing the right thing when no one was watching. I lack integrity. I am. I'm living a double life. I have a secret life. I am presenting this character that I want you to see. I'm acting. I'm putting on masks when I am out in the world. So social expectations can influence perception. People may assume that someone with a stable career cannot have a serious problem, cultural stereotype stereotypes often about addiction. Often focus on visible collapse. So at least I'm not collapsing. I'm not that bad. Masking behaviors may include hiding consumption patterns. Using substances privately, this double life, the secret life I used to use in my car all the time so that people wouldn't know how bad it was. I used to use alone in hotel rooms so people wouldn't know how bad it was because I was ashamed by it. It all comes down to shame. Carefully controlling when and where use occurs. So I'm managing my life by putting out what I want you to see. I'm only having, I'm maybe, let's say I, I pre-drink three beers at home before going out. You hear that a lot. I'm using and drinking before I go out so that people don't know I've already had six beers that by the time I have three more with you, I'm at nine, but you don't know that this attic brain is very cunning, baffling, and powerful. Manipulation is a key to keeping the addiction alive. And then we have some environments that normalize heavy drinking or substance use. There's some professions that it's normal construction is one of them. Everyone's drinking and using. What's wrong with me? I'm not that bad. So I have more examples of the corporate culture, social nightlife. That's a big one. Bartenders and, and, uh, people that work at clubs and stuff, everyone's doing it. So it must not be that bad. This normalization can make problematic use harder to recognize. We're wearing masks, the internal consequences of all this, even when life, even when external life appears stable, internal consequences may still occur. Possible interaction impacts are. Mental strain. So everything's good on the outside, but inside I'm dying. I have anxiety through the roof. Low-level anxiety is just following me around like a, like a stalker, irritability, mood swings. Those are some of the mental strains. Some of the cognitive effects include difficulty concentrating. I can't focus on my work. I can't focus on things that I care about because I'm thinking I'm premeditating. I'm planning to get high or drunk. Difficulty concentrating, decision fatigue is another one. Then we have emotional isolation. So hiding behavior from others. Feeling disconnected, lonely alone. Then we have escalation risk tolerance increases over time. So I'm using more to get the same high because my body is adapting. My brain is adapting, needing more substance for the same effect. This was particularly true in my case. When I relapsed, I was taking way more pills than I originally was at the start. I first started taking it as prescribed. I'm doing that in quotations because I never really took it as prescribed, but over time I needed more to produce the same effect, the same relief. Then more shame comes up and I need to hide that. It's a vicious, vicious cycle. So all this to say because consequences remain internal, others may not see the struggle. It's a secret. An example of this may be someone may maintain performance outwardly while experiencing growing distress privately. A good example of this is Tiger Woods. I'm not saying he is or isn't an addict. I don't take his inventory. I won't take his inventory, but we can be stars on the outside. Our careers are flourishing. We're a pillar in the community. We're a pillar in the public eye. Everything is going so well, but internally we, there's this growing distress that nobody can understand. So I'm not going to share it with anybody because I've got this, I'm figuring it out. The ego comes in to rescue and I'm going to figure this out. I'm going to solve this problem on my own. I don't need help. Asking for help. One of the hardest things to do. Why it's hard for others to recognize. Let's get into that. So cultural images of addiction often emphasize visible crisis. There has to be something wrong on the outside for him to be an addict. For her to be an addict. When those signs are absent, people may overlook warning signals. Some factors that obscure recognition, professional success, financial stability, social reputation, lack of immediate consequences, external stability can delay conversations about substance use. This is why we see so many people that go on functioning for so long before anyone starts to notice. When does awareness start to change? Recognition often begins when patterns become harder to maintain. So it's harder for me to live up to this double life. I start slipping and I start start leaving drugs around. I start showing up to things high that I normally wouldn't show up to. I'm because I'm, I'm getting, become more careless and fuck it. I'm already high. What's the big deal? It's just, it's exhausting to maintain this double life. It really is. Take it from someone that did it for a long time. Other things that may start to appear that we have no control over is health issues. My liver might start to take a beating. I start to, I'm more tired, my behavior, increasing tolerance, relationship tension. So I'm not as good of a husband as I was when I, before I started getting into addiction and then emotional exhaustion. I'm just exhausted. I'm freaking out on people. I'm, I can't keep it together. The key idea here is that problems may accumulate rather gradually rather than appearing suddenly. So it happens slowly over time. It's not an overnight matter. The main takeaway here from all this is addiction does not always look the way people expect. Some questions to reflect on. How much do we rely on visible consequences to define addiction? What are my assumptions? Can someone be struggling even if their external life appears successful, understanding these patterns may help people recognize struggles earlier, both in themselves and in others. So it's important to start asking more questions instead of being judgmental. Stop assuming things. Walt Whitman says the famous poet, be curious, not judgmental. Ask more questions. Ask more open-ended questions. Why, why are you feeling this way? What is this about? What can I do to help? I think for, for me, the functional, the term functional addict or alcoholic is so dangerous because it keeps us sick for so long. And the sooner we recognize that we have a problem, the sooner we ask to get help, the better our life can become. Now there's a lot of people out there that may go on the rest of their life, just functioning, just coasting along, just being okay with their nine to five job and their addiction, their struggles. That has not been my experience. Eventually things come to a head and things blow up in my face. When I continue to present the stage character to the world, this perception that I want you to see eventually I'm going to break down because I can't, it's just so hard to multitask and manage two lives to keep up a lie and spin a story and keep the lie going. It's, it's extremely exhausting for a lot of us. And eventually, like I said, it's going to come to a halt. There are no direct inclinations as to what makes an addict and an alcoholic in terms of quantity. It's about our relationship with drugs and alcohol. It's not about how much or how often we drink. It is my relationship to it. Am I using despite consequences? Am I using when I should, when I would normally be doing other things? Am I, is it occupying a lot of my time? When I start, can I stop? And when I, when I'm stopped, can I stay stopped? You know, a good indication of this is if you think that you're not an alcoholic or an addict, try some more controlled drinking, go to the nearest bar room and try to take a drink and see if you can stop and do that again and see if you can go sober for a year, right? Try going a full year without a recovery program and doing it on self-will. Most people can't do that. Most people, they will relapse and it will get worse, but that's not everybody. It's been my experience. So only you can diagnose yourself an alcoholic and addict. Nobody else can. At the end of the day, what is my relationship to alcohol and drugs? Am I using it to cope? Am I using it to escape? Am I using it more than I want to? Am I using on days that I planned I wouldn't? I promised myself I wouldn't. These are all indications that maybe you may have a problem with drugs and alcohol, but only you can decide. Please like, subscribe, rate the podcast, send it to a friend. I appreciate every single one of you. The podcast is growing and I'm so happy to see that. I love doing these episodes. We're going to have some more guests on coming up in the summer when I'm done school. There's a lot going on right now, with the way my life is working out. It's working out the way I need, not the way I want. But at the end of the day, I find that what I need and I want are the same thing. I just, my ego likes to tell me that I deserve things. And so life is good today. It's not perfect by any means, but outside circumstances are affecting me less and less because I have a relationship with a recovery program, with a power grader than myself. What am I going to do to help the next alcoholic to progress? You either move towards, relapse or towards recovery. There's no middle ground. Pick one. I love you. Recovery is simple,
Speaker 2not easy. This episode is brought to you by TXU Energy. For the first time ever, Texans have an energy plan that combines free nights all year with daytime summer savings. It's called Free Nights and Cool Summer. You get free nights every night, all year long, plus a 25% bonus toward your daytime use all summer. It's a first of its kind plan, created for how Texans actually use energy. Discover how much more you could save with Free Nights and Cool Summer. TXU Energy. Energy for everything. Visit TXU.com for more information. Rep number 10004.
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