Speaker 1Hi, I'm Christina Applegate, and I'm Jamie Lynn Sigler, and this is Messy.
Speaker 2We're asking for a small favor.
Speaker 3If you've got a few minutes, we would love your feedback on the podcast and sponsors. No wrong answers, no perfect responses needed, just your real thoughts. The messier, the better. We appreciate the support, and for each 200 respondents, we will make a donation to the MS Society. Take the survey by visiting messythepodcast.com slash survey. That, again, is messythepodcast.com slash survey.
Speaker 2Hello, everybody, and welcome to Messy. This is Jamie.
Speaker 3I want to start this email episode before I get to all of you wonderful people to talk about kind of a place where I've found myself, or rather, let's say, a place that I'm finally letting myself get to that maybe my body, mind, and spirit have been begging me to for a long time. The only way I can describe it is, like, I've just hit a wall. I found myself a couple of weeks ago feeling like I can't quite get a grip on anything in my life. And that's not to say that anything's particularly wrong or different, but, like, one of the things that really, like, was, like, I was feeling sort of this uneasy feeling, and I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was, and I got an audition. And it's for a great movie. They're really interested. And as soon as I started reading the material, I, like, froze. Like, normally when I get these types of opportunities, I'm, like, excited, and I can't wait to read it and work on it and do all the things that come along with getting to be creative. And I had none of that. And I got quiet, and I sat, and I just realized I need a break. If I think back to the last 30 years of my life, I feel like my foot has been on the gas, and I haven't stopped fighting. Whether it's fighting for work, fighting for my body, or just the everyday stresses and things that just come along with life and family and children and being a human. And in particular, I can think back to just the past few years where my son was very sick, and then I went right into writing my book and promoting my book and working and doing the podcast and all of the things that I love and that I'm proud of. But I never considered giving myself a break. I never considered that I would be worthy of that. But I think there's a fear, especially within my industry, of if you disappear for a little while, you'll be forgotten. But also, like, the thought of, like, well, what if I don't do four workouts a week and my exercises every day and this? Like, what's going to happen? And just, I guess I just realized how much pressure I have been under for so long. And so I made the decision for myself to step back from all of my obligations other than things that I'm, you know, dedicated and have contracts to, you know, like this podcast. I will not abandon this podcast, but I just need a minute. I need a minute to integrate things that I've been through, good and bad. I need a minute to allow my body to rest. Like, if I just think about, like, all the things that I've tried over the past few years for healing, I've never had rest be part of those things. Like, to really, like I said, like, integrate or let my body, you know, accept it or see what it wants with it. It's just always been go, go, go. And even though I decided to get two puppies during this time, which might not have been the best decision, they are giving me a lot of fun and life in this house because my kids are back in school. I feel a peace and a, I don't know, I'm going to try to find another word for it, but I just feel a sense of, like, being not responsible for everything to go right for once in my life. And I really need that. And so if there's anyone out there, obviously it doesn't, I know how privileged I am to be able to step back from some of my work to give myself this time. If there are anyone out there that finds themselves sort of feeling like I have been feeling, let this be permission for you to trim your obligations, cut back on what you think you have to do. And get clear on the responsibilities that are necessary and that the things that make you feel good, but it is okay to rest. It is okay to remove yourself for a minute. It is okay to step back, to cocoon, to just acknowledge, integrate, you know, accept all the things like I just, I feel like I have had so much wonderful, yes, things going on in my life. And like, I even haven't had a minute to even take it all in. Um, so I hope that made sense. I hope that resonated with some of you, but it was a really, I actually thought it was going to be more difficult than it was, but I was so beautifully supported, especially by my reps. And, you know, one of my managers, Adam, said to me when I called them to tell them, like, I think I need to take some time off. First and foremost, he had said he was proud of me and that I was acknowledging my needs and listening to myself. And he said that, I just want you to know that I've had so many clients, no matter what's going on in their lives, make this call to me. And whether they take a month off or six months off or a year and they come back and they say, all right, I'm ready. I'm rested. I'm strong. Or they come back and say, I don't know if this is for me anymore. Regardless of what happened at the end of this sabbatical, it paid off and they were better for it and they were clearer and they were just more aligned with who they were now and what they wanted. And so that's where I'm at. I don't know where I'm going to be at the end of this and what I'm going to want, but that's what's kind of exciting to me now is like, I'm finally giving myself a minute to see where I am in my life and what I want and where I want to go. But one thing I do know that has been more fulfilling than ever is connecting with people the way that I have been able to in this podcast and with my book. It's kind of just not only feels like a purpose and making what I go through mean something, but the connections and the community and like even just people on the street that come up to me and share with me, it just, it's very fulfilling in a way that not many other things in my life professionally have made me feel. So thank you to all of you also for the support and seeing me and making me feel like my efforts and what I'm trying to do matters because it means a lot. So with that, I'm going to get to you guys and hear what you have to say. So our first email today is from Carrie. It says, hi ladies. I loved the episode on Tuesday immediately upon seeing the title, not even knowing who Miriam Sandler was. It's been a running theme with me over the past several weeks as I participate in a monthly support group for endometriosis and have broken off into side discussions with a few members. I'm the oldest in the pack at 43 and there's a certain amount of wisdom that comes with age, but really for me, what's been so transformational is the spiritual foundation I've developed on this self journey I've been on. Messy is a huge resource for me after I became a devoted listener shortly after its inception and sometimes even Even for a full believer like myself, it's hard to grasp just how powerful the universe itself is in conjunction with what the show brings me. Miriam is hugely inspirational for what she did in founding Mother Could, and also for how she's treated her diagnosis. I believe in so much of what she shared, like the two of you, even though it may take some of us longer to get to this place in the essence of sharing itself. I was giving advice to one of my friends and feared that I was sounding trite or just simply annoying with what I was trying to impart. But then I tuned in here on my drive home from work, and by the time we got to her advice giving at the end, I was, as usual, sobbing in my kitchen, feeling a huge sense of validation and notion of being seen, heard by a soul sister whom I will likely never meet in real life, but one in which I feel super connected to all the same. The card, well, it just never fails. It echoed the exact sentiment I was trying to express, albeit in a more enlightened fashion. These serve as deep affirmations that what I feel is my truth and that I'm on the right path. I don't believe in coincidences, but rather these wonderful synchronicities that get more powerful each time we share them. I wanted to know, what is the blood work I could ask for in testing for MS? I, too, had clear MRIs, but continue to experience many unexplained symptoms beyond my endo, an undiagnosed autoimmune disease. Second year in a row of very high Epstein-Barr numbers across the board. In fact, they are higher this time around. Jamie, I thank you so much for carrying the torch and showing up week after week. You have a natural way about hosting, interviewing, and I'm grateful we have this community because it really does make a lasting impact on such a broad swath of people who really need it. I feel so comforted when you speak of your struggles with ups and downs, not feeling like enough or sometimes too much. Everything you share really resonates, and it's things like this that help me get through the day. And you look mega hot on your social life cover. Oh, thank you. P.S. I loved living with it as well. Amy was great. I took a lot away from her journey. I shared it immediately with the creator of my endo group, and actually the next day on Insta, one of the endo accounts I followed referenced the same sentiment of living with an invisible illness. So it felt again like divine timing in a really natural way. Stay golden, Keri from Long Island, New York. My girl, my strong island girl. Well, Keri, first and foremost, thank you for the beautiful and kind things that you said. I'm so glad to hear the way this podcast resonates with you, and I'm also so glad to know that you make yourself aware of those magical moments, those synchronicities. You know, my friend Ryan Weiss, who I've had in the podcast, always says, and A Course in Miracles teaches us, that all a miracle is is a shift in perspective. You could be seeing the same scene, but if you just look at it a different way, it can come across and hit you in a really magical way. And so I made a decision long ago, but I think that I am committing even more to the fact that I just want to live day-to-day trusting that this is what I'm living with for a reason. And it's for a reason that is going to benefit me in the end, even though it's difficult. We all, we've talked about this before, have difficult in our lives. And I wouldn't have chosen this if I had an option, necessarily, of what I would have wanted. But it makes it easier to get through the days trusting and believing that you're so loved and supported. And I also think that I believe in the power of, like, the collected. And if you don't know what I mean when I say that, like, I just, it's the same way when people, like, say, like, group prayer, like, energy. Like, I just think when a lot of people put their energy towards something, a lot is possible. And what if we all just really started to believe in modern medicine and in our body's ability to heal and what might be possible for us? Can you imagine maybe if, like, everybody just really started focusing on, like, I'm going to feel better and I'm going to be okay. And I understand that this is part of my ride and I'm going to accept it and do the best I can. And, like, I don't know, I invite you, if you're feeling like that feels good in your mind and body, to just try that on because there's something to it. I feel like I'm getting more and more signs from it. I'm having more and more conversations with people either on this podcast or on Living With It about this kind of stuff. And I can't ignore it anymore, you know? I think it's really real. All right, I'll stop being woo-woo. To answer your question about blood work testing for MS, I wish I had actually more knowledge around this, but I don't think it's necessarily blood work. I think it's spinal tap MRI is more the things that will lead to an MS diagnosis. I think blood work is more about medications in which you can take and which you might not be able to because of certain things in your blood work. So, you know, there's a lot of studies about Epstein-Barr and its connection with all autoimmune diseases, particularly MS. Keep fighting, keep asking questions, keep seeing more doctors. I still see new doctors, not neurologists, but, like, I still see other practitioners. I still see other functional medicine people. I still – I'm still a seeker. I'm still on the hunt. I'm always open and ready to try anything and give it a shot. And, again, I think this place in my life of being rest, like, I don't feel pressure around it. I don't feel like I have to be well for anything. Like, if a jog comes and I'm well and I'm strong, like, it's just this no attachment, no pressure approach to my health that I've never done before. And I hope that you guys can find for yourselves as well. Support for Messy comes from ZocDoc. Listen, life gets busy. We all have a lot of stuff going on, but we cannot put off our important doctor's appointments. It's so easy. It's so easy to say next week, next month, because I know it's a pain to make these appointments. Sometimes you've got to wait on the phone, or you're playing phone tag, or the next appointment is months away. Not with ZocDoc, okay? ZocDoc lets you search and compare local doctors in and in-network doctors, okay? They have more than 150,000 providers with 200-plus specialties across all 50 states. It's a website, and it has tons of reviews from real patients and detailed doctor profiles that help you choose the right one. They will help you set actual appointments. You can see the openings in a calendar. You click to instantly book. Usually, they happen fast, by the way, usually within 24 to 72 hours. And you know what the best part is? ZocDoc is free to use. Your health matters, and taking care of yourself should not be complicated. Find and book the right doctor with ZocDoc. Head to ZocDoc.com slash messy to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash messy. Okay, this next message is from Nicole. Sorry, I have terrible allergies if I'm sniffing a lot. I absolutely love messy. As someone who also has MS, this podcast means more to me than I can really put into words. I've laughed, I've cried, and most importantly, I've felt seen. There are so many moments when one of you shares something about living with MS, the frustrations, the fears, the awkward moments, and even the humor, and I find myself saying, me too, out loud. There's something incredibly comforting about hearing people talk so openly and honestly about experiences that can sometimes feel impossible to explain to someone who hasn't lived them. Jamie and Christina have created a space that is raw, funny, emotional, and wonderfully real. They don't sugarcoat the hard parts, but they also remind me that there can still be laughter in the middle of all the messiness. Thank you both for being so vulnerable and for making those of us living with MS feel a little less alone. Messy feels like sitting down with your friends who truly get it. We do, Nicole. We do. And I'm with you. It makes every email I read just makes me feel better. Not to know that other people, you know, live with what I live with, but that I'm just not alone. And that I can close my eyes and know that there are other people that are fighting just as hard, having the same fears and the same thoughts, and that together, like I was also saying before, I think, you know, we can shift that. And that's what we're trying to do here. Tonight, I left the ER crying while dragging my right foot along the floor, with the toes of my runners making farting noises the whole way. After waiting nine long hours, literally tremoring to see the doctor, I got 15 minutes to show him that I suddenly had foot drop, numbness on the upper left side of my body and the lower right, double vision in one eye, and blurry in the other. At the end, he asked how I felt about my FND diagnosis from 2019 now. He told me that he couldn't do anything for me, but reminded me to be my own advocate and go pay for an MRI. I'm in Canada. But I can't help wondering, why do we have to keep fighting so hard for our own well-being? Why does it so often feel like patients have to build the case, push for the tests, and carry the burden of proving something is wrong? Sometimes I wish the healthcare system would fight for us, too. I'm just tired. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Christina and Jamie, for filling my cup so I can keep fighting another day for a diagnosis, whatever it is, to be the best version of me for my kids. Sending hugs, keep being your real beautiful selves, Chantel. I'm in shock, Chantel. I cannot believe that you could be in an ER with all of those terrifying symptoms and be dismissed the way that you were. I'm so sorry. I wish I had more knowledge about the healthcare system. I am incredibly privileged. My experience has not been this way. I was diagnosed quickly. I've had wonderful neurologists who acknowledge my experience and support me a lot. And I guess the only thing I could say is, yeah, keep fighting until you find that doctor, that person to believe you and support you. They are out there. And I'm so sorry that it is difficult on top of everything that you're dealing with that feels very unfair. And I validate that for you. And you, of course, you're tired and you're a mom and you have kids. I'm so incredibly sorry. And I pray and we all pray for you here at Massey that you find a diagnosis and support and the care that you deserve and need. Good luck. Okay. This next one is from Valerie. My name is Valerie. And although you don't know me, I felt compelled to reach out after listening to your book over the last few days. Oh, she said, Dear Jamie, by the way. Like you, I grew up on Long Island. I'm Jewish as well. And I actually attended Solomon Schechter in Jericho when I was younger, not far from where you grew up. I now live in Merrick with my husband, Rob, and our two beautiful daughters. I have to tell you, your honesty, strength, and willingness to share your story are truly inspiring. The things you have been through and the courage it takes to open up about such personal experiences are incredible. I hope you realize how many people you are helping by putting your story into the world. You may find this surprising, but at 24 years old, I was also diagnosed with MS. Looking back, I truly don't know how I would have made it through those early days without the support of my family and closest friends. Having people I could talk to, cry with, and lean on made all the difference. My heart broke hearing how alone you felt and how much you carried by yourself. A diagnosis like this can bring so many emotions, fear, uncertainty, guilt, and even shame. And no one should ever have to feel like they have to hide such a life-changing part of themselves. The emotional weight of keeping something so big inside can be incredibly heavy. We were diagnosed in the same year, although I'm four years older than you. And after living with this disease for 25 years, one thing I have learned is that MS truly affects everyone differently. That is one of the hardest parts. Two people can share the same diagnosis and have completely different journeys. It can also be difficult because many of us look perfectly fine on the outside while fighting battles the other cannot see. I'm grateful that more people, including those in the public eye, are sharing their experiences with MS. That visibility matters. But I hope you always remember that you are not alone. There is a large and supportive community of people living with this disease every single day who understand the uncertainty, the challenges, and the strength it takes to keep moving forward. One of the most powerful things you have done is share your story. You may never fully know how many people will feel less alone because of your honesty. Sorry, I'm crying. That is exactly why I have always been open about my diagnosis. It has not always been easy, but if sharing my experience can help even one person who is newly diagnosed, scared, or simply needs someone to listen, then it's worth it. I know I may just be someone out here on Long Island that you have never met, but I want you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to, vent to, or simply connect with, someone who understands this journey, I'm here. Please continue to take pride in the strength it took to tell your story. Your diagnosis is only one part of who you are. It does not define you. The courage, compassion, and resilience you are showing by speaking out are what will leave the lasting impact. Wishing you continued strength, good health, and many moments filled with hope and happiness. Thank you for reminding so many of us that we are never alone. With admiration, support, Valerie. Sorry. Thank you so much. I'm about to get my period, so I think that's why I'm crying really hard, but thank you so much. I try not to have expectations about my book and people's response to it. But I'm going to take in everything you said. Thank you. I needed to hear it, and I needed to feel that. To be honest, the things that I shared, I couldn't carry anymore alone. And it was so healing to be able to share it. And my biggest wish for people when they finished it was that they didn't have to relate to anything I went through, but that they could hopefully feel safe enough to share their truth and know that the compassion that you could have for me and the way that you could see my journey and my innocence and everyone's innocence and how powerful forgiveness and self-forgiveness can be would be turned back on the reader and that they would feel all the same things for themselves. But I guess I still need to hear it from other people, even after all that work. So thank you, Valerie. This means so much to me. And yeah, I just I'm really grateful for what you what you said. Thank you so much. Thank you. OK, this one's from Anonymous. I'm 51 years older. I would like to say anonymous. I was recently diagnosed with MS. What I find frustrating while dealing with being in the hospital with pain or numbness is having to deal with insurance companies. I've always been healthy and through my employer, I have insurance. I pay a lot of money for it. But while you are at not feeling well, you have to contact these people who keep you on hold forever and don't want to cover stuff. And we are paying so we have medical coverage. I enjoy y'all's podcast. I just started listening because until recently, I had no idea what MS was. I'm not sure if it's a good topic idea or not. But health insurance companies are so frustrating. They are. I wish there. You know what? It's like I get if you think about it, it's like the people that are the most vulnerable, that are the most tired. That are sick, that that that need things to be easier. Like are the people that are having to jump over these hurdles all the time to get the coverage that they need and to deal with all this stuff. I wish there was a resource or I don't know, a company that could be the middleman and make this easier for people because I'm so sorry to hear that. I can't you know, I of course I've had to deal with that a handful of times. I have wonderful insurance from SAG and they're usually pretty great. But again, for me, like if I don't act and work a certain amount within a year, I don't get that insurance. And then, you know, you freak out and then you worry about all these things. And I get that. I get it. I get it. I see you. I get it. And I'm sorry. I think the only thing I can do in this moment is acknowledge how difficult that is and how frustrating that is and unfair. Again, like you're the last person that should have to be jumping over other hurdles to take care of yourself. God, I'll do some research. I just wish that there was a better answer. But I know you're not alone and a lot of people feel this way. And maybe this is where, you know, research and getting involved with, you know, the industry and fighting for yourself and other people, you know, maybe we need a good representative. I can't volunteer. Sorry, guys. I don't have bandwidth, but let's find someone to fight for us and insurance coverage and making this all easier for people because nobody asked to be sick. Nobody asked for have anything wrong and they shouldn't have to have that on their plate during this time so i'm sorry anonymous i can't really call you by your name 51 year old anonymous okay let me take a sip because this next one's a long one by the way it's not an ad but i started have you tried these allison these bloom drinks it says natural energy boost metabolism supports mood it's an energy drink i normally hate energy drinks but this one like does not make me feel jittery and definitely gives me a pep in my step in the afternoon anyway thanks bloom for getting me through this support for messy comes from lola you know i took a walk around my house the other day and realized lola's just not my favorite blanket it's become part of my life it's my lifestyle it's also my go-to gift i mean you're talking multiple design color can go with anyone's aesthetic anyone's vibe they are machine washable they are double hemmed they're built to last for years there's a reason lola is the number one blanket in the world it is crafted with ultra soft soft luxury faux fur a signature four-way stretch you know what else i have a lola dog bed that's how much i love this company and you know what wedding season's coming up and if you're thinking of a great gift for a new couple to make their home feel special and elevated and every day when they sit on their couch or on their bed and they wrap themselves in that warmth they're gonna think wow this was the greatest gift i ever got and you'll be the person that gave it to them because lola blanket is that home upgrade gift it is a foolproof gift it is a wonderful thing in addition to add to your home i can't say enough about it it also comes in sizes guys they've got large they've got xl they're also making weighted blankets now and that's what now they have matching pillows so for a limited time our listeners can get 40 percent off select lola blanket products with code messy at checkout just head to lola blankets dot com and use code messy to get 40 percent off your order and after you purchase they'll ask where you heard about them please support our show and let them know we sent you wrap yourself in luxury with lola blankets this is from mave hi ladies i've debated sending this because i never want to be that person but your podcast has honestly been one of the things that helps me make sense of my life since being diagnosed with ms earlier this year there were so many days when i felt like my life had become before and after and somehow listening to you both made everything feel a little less heavy i'm a nurse a mom of two little boys currently in np school and plot twist i also have multiple sclerosis for years i collected symptoms that made absolutely no sense migraines fatigue numbness vision change vision changes pain cognitive fog the kind of things that get blamed on being stressed mispartum anxious overworked or just a woman looking back all the clues were there no one was connecting them the ironic part my response wasn't to become angry it was to become curious so now for graduate school i'm building a pilot project aimed at helping primary care recognize patterns of early ms sooner it's basically asking what if we stop making women collect puzzle pieces for 10 years before someone realized they were holding a picture the project is focused on women ages 20 to 40 who come into primary care with symptoms that could represent early ms things like unexplained fatigue numbness or tingling vision changes cognitive fog balance issues or bladder symptoms these are symptoms that are often brushed off as stress anxiety hormones or simply being a busy young woman the pilot also supports the primary care providers caring for these patients by giving them more tools to recognize when a neurologic referral referral might be appropriate the pilot has three parts one a brief education module for primary care providers on ms symptom patterns risk factors and when to refer to neurology two a symptom recognition and referral support tool essentially the screening checklist that doesn't currently exist it's not meant to diagnose ms but to help providers connect the dots and refer or even dive deeper sooner when the pattern fits three a telemedicine nurse navigator who supports patients after they referred or diagnosed answering questions coordinating follow-up providing education and making sure no one feels lost between primary care and neurology the bigger picture vision is to eventually integrate this tool into electronic medical records as an algorithm that flags patients at risk for ms or other neurological conditions we already know that certain factors increase ms risk for example like we said before prior epstein-barr virus infection has been shown to be strongly associated with ms development and low vitamin d levels are a well-established risk factor a patient's chart may already contain pieces of the puzzle a history of ebv or mono persistently low vitamin d recurring complaints of fatigue numbness or tingling vision changes and a family history of autoimmune disease but right now nothing connects those dots automatically the idea would be for an emr-based algorithm to detect when a combination of risk factors and symptom patterns crosses a threshold that warrants a neurology referral think of it like the way emrs already flagged cardiovascular risk or diabetes screening but for ms and possibly other neurologic diseases your conversations about grief identity motherhood resilience and finding humor in really messy seasons have meant more than you probably realize you've reminded me that it's okay to mourn the life i thought i'd have while still being excited about the one i'm building please just know you've helped one stranger in rochester new york navigate a really difficult season with a little more hope and quite a few laughs wishing you all the best mave well mave this is amazing what a what a incredible thing that you are developing out of your own experience and needs this is always when the great ideas come and kind of what we're talking about we're like shortening this this chain and making it easier and getting the answers and the diagnosis quicker so you can get on treatment or get the help and support that you need because sometimes we can connect all the dots but if you sat in front of someone or had a ai connect all of those dots for you you could be much quicker to getting the help and care that you need so i respect you so hard i think this is amazing and i can't wait to hear and see what else you do thank you for listening and thank you for sharing okay this one is from tracy hi i've been wanting to listen to your podcast since the beginning but only just started it today i will be 56 in october and i was diagnosed with ms in january 2002 after i got optic neuritis and lost 90 vision in my left eye which left me blind for the most part since i was born blind in my right eye i was caring for my six month old son working at a battered woman's shelter and working towards my master's degree degree even while having lost my sight for three months thanks to drivers work and the university being very accommodating wow well anyway only recently have i begun to try something different i wanted to suggest this not so publicly because i'm not a doctor but i went through every single mri result research the jargon figured out exactly where the lesions are in my brain my brain and figured out what the functions are for the part of the brain and how to heal that area i guess that people who get brain damage can relearn things by training undamaged areas to take on those tasks anyway that's where i'm at i can't remember the name of the main area for me the corpus colossum or something like that is the area that connects the two hemispheres and can cause difficulty processing and coordinating it's why i suffer from fatigue and it's my hugest issue i learned rosemary can help so i made a tincture with vodka that took months to make i tried it and it was horrible so that's not good otherwise things that connect the hemispheres i've begun to incorporate so we'll see how that goes math languages musical instruments tai chi yoga i've started with languages and yoga that's all i just wish my doctors would have from the very beginning told me the areas of the brain that were affected and what that caused in my body thank you both for doing this i've admired you both for many years you know what i love that i love you doing research about your own brain and yourself and how to help those particular areas i want to take this time that i'm taking over these next few months to do that you think i would have but like i really want to understand where my lesions are it's like i really for a very long time like felt like the less i knew the better it was because, I don't know, I could not think about it and not stress over it or harp on it, but I'm kind of feeling the opposite. Like, I feel like the more I know, I don't know, not the more in control I am, but just more information. Like, information makes you feel safe. It makes you feel like, okay, I know. I'm aware. And then you get to the part where you get curious. Like, is there anything I can do? Because we know, like, doctors are human. They don't know everything. And maybe there's something new that they haven't found out or that you haven't, they haven't heard about. And I believe in all the medicines, the West, East, North, South, all the things. Incorporating them all, caring for yourselves in all of the ways. I love that. I love your reaction. And I'm going to take your lead. So thank you so much for sharing. All right. This next one is from Thomas. I love when a guy writes in. I don't expect this to be read or for anyone to particularly care. Well, we do, Thomas. I'm just having a bit of a struggle. And as a man, it's odd where we feel comfortable sharing things. Your podcast has been a really great therapy for me. My brother and best friend died at 30 years old. And then a year later, on the same day he died, in the same hospital, my wife was diagnosed with MS. We then, a year later, had our daughter, Aurora, on the exact same day in June where those other troubles took place. Wow. There's a real happiness, sadness, and rage that plagues my week to week as a result. Stereotypically as a man who did time in the military, I am very disciplined, went on to have a successful financial career. But I can't seem to shake this feeling that peace and gratitude are beyond my reach. Anger and resentment may be all that remains to me. My wife and daughter will never know anything but love and protection. But I feel my heart continuing to harden under the light of resentment. Anyway, thanks for allowing me to share here if that's even what this is for. Just needed somewhere to put this today. Thank you, Thomas. Thomas, let me first say how brave of you it is to say that out loud or write that and put that out there. You are not going to be stuck in anger and resentment and you are not going to have a heart hardened forever because you wouldn't have written this email if you were. And you know that deep inside. Anger and resentment are feelings that need to be felt and need to be expressed in a safe way in your own contained way. But underneath that, as you dig more and more and excavate through all of those feelings, there's probably some fear. And there's probably some hope. And then there's probably some love. But you can't isolate in these feelings. I wish I could put you in one of the beautiful professional hands that we've had on this podcast before. But I just, I just, I'm reading your words and I just see a person who is wanting more and knowing that they could live in a different way. It's not to say that anger and resentment won't come up. It might come up every day. It might come up once a week. And there might be more and more space in between. But my advice would be go back and look through your life. And first and foremost, I lost my brother as well. I know that pain. I know that hole in your heart and that devastating void that can never be filled. I see you and I understand. And I'm sorry. And then for your wife to be diagnosed with MS the following year, that feels so hard and so scary. But I, then when reading that your daughter was born a year later, the exact same day, like to me is like, I don't know, maybe a gift from your brother, a sign from beyond that just you're, you're, you're, keep going. You are loved. You know, I read this quote today, actually, this, this girl that I follow on Substack was writing an article about her best friend that died two years ago. And a therapist had told her, what if you imagine when somebody passes that, you know, when you were a little kid or if you've ever, or even like, just like if you're at a party with adults and the little kid like gets carried up to their room to go to sleep, but they can hear the party downstairs, but they're just upstairs somewhere else, just asleep. Like, what if we imagine the person that passed was just carried upstairs and they're just beyond, and we're still here at the party going on, but that they're, they're still with us. They're still there. They're just upstairs in their room waiting until our party is over. I don't know. There was just like some comfort in that. I thought it was really beautiful. And it's what I believe. Um, I have sometimes moments where I feel even closer to my brother now than certain times when he was here on earth, because I can talk to him whenever I want and I can have him close my eyes and remember him and smile as though he was right there or cry and him comforting me. There's a love on the other side of pain and we would not feel pain unless we had a big love and you have big love still in your life, your wife and your daughter and other things. And so I just pray for you and your family that you could start to feel feel the light and the love more than the heavy and get more reprieve in between those moments. And again, just know you are not alone and you can reach out anytime. And as a man, I, and a man that served in the military, I can imagine that you feel a responsibility to be tough and the protector. And I can tell you, if you want to be vulnerable and open and honest with your feelings, that doesn't mean that you're not tough and the protector. It's like all, like it doesn't take away from that. You could be that same man that you feel proud of and the role that you are proud of and still allow yourself to be vulnerable and open and honest. And I know not, I don't know how you speak with your wife, but having you share these feelings, she knows it. She's living with MS. She gets it. She knows it. Allow this maybe to be an opportunity for you guys as a couple to connect with your vulnerabilities. I know in my own relationship, we could feel that like we've had moments where we feel like we're not connecting and it's because we're both not wanting to share what we're individually going through. It might not have anything to do with the other person, but like something that each of us are going through and we're not expressing. And it's, and, and when we do, we always become closer for it. So I hope any of that made sense and wishing you all the best, Thomas. Thank you for writing in. Okay. This last message is from Lisa. Hi ladies. Jamie, as a fellow ex-New Yorker, I live in Vegas now. I was so excited to hear you sing and see all the old 86 Mets. You sang beautifully. Thank you. I even listened to your singles on Spotify. Oh God. When you were younger and I just finished your wonderful book. You read my letter a while back when I fractured my pelvis. So I wanted to follow up because you were curious about how I did it because I forgot to mention. Wow. Well, I thought other MSers may want to know how simple tasks can be very challenging and result in unnecessary pain. Like when you said you fell in the shower, I literally was trying to change my socks and I didn't think I needed to hold on. Bam. I was on the floor and I actually thought it was just a sprain. So I stayed home that night saying I was okay, but the next morning I knew it was really bad. So I went to the hospital. Anyway, it was an awakening. That fall was April 19th. My pelvis is practically healed, meaning I don't have pain and my x-ray last week came out great. The problem is my walking is worse than before the fracture. So I think my MS has progressed or impacted from the fracture. I was so sad. I'm walking in my house slowly without a cane, but need a cane outdoors or my scooter for any distance. Today, I'm actually grateful. I was in a bad way recently during the shower, crying, etc. But something I heard in your podcast truly helped me. I'm so fortunate that I did not have all this going on when my kids were little. My daughters are 17 and 23 and amazing. My symptoms started five years ago, but are worsening each year. Jamie, when you and other listeners talk about their little kids, I can cry. I don't know what I would have done as a single broke mom with two little girls. I'm blessed to say I did it all with them, even if we were broke. Now, at times I feel bad when I say, okay, I'll wait here, or I'll bring my scooter when they say to do things, but they're fine with it. They're happy and accommodating to me, and it makes me beyond proud. I'm remarried, and I still travel and not poor anymore, so I'm fortunate I have a scooter and a good life. I'm grateful for my family and my friends and every day to keep walking, but finally have realized that I do need to rest and that all my walking aids make me happier, nicer, a better person. I'm sure many of us walk and focus and can't even have a conversation because you have little strength or balance. I have made my friends and family uncomfortable walking when I drag and hold on to things and look miserable, and they don't know what to say. My husband is a wonderful man of a few words, and he said it in simple terms to me. We will take it as it comes. Use these things that help you and get on with it. No one's leaving you. Thank you so much for all you do. I'm just a mom, a wife, and a teacher, nothing extraordinary, but will appreciate every day and thankful to this bitch MS only for opening my eyes. I still hate her, though. Same, girl. Same. Thank you for sharing. First of all, you are extraordinary, okay? You are extraordinary, so don't ever say that about yourself again. You are a warrior. You are amazing and brave, and I've said this before, but every email I read, every person I meet, I'm just in awe. I'm just in awe of all of you and your strength and your fight and your tenacity, and whether you believe it or not, you're not giving up, and you're still showing up, and you're still trying, and that to me makes an extraordinary human. So know that you all are. Thank you for sharing so much with me. All right, card time. Here we go. We can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so that we become increasingly resentful and afraid, or we can let them soften us and make us kinder. We all have the choice. The Dalai Lama. That, Thomas, was for you. And so it is.
Speaker 1This show is executive produced by Christina Applegate, Jamie Lynn Siegler, and Alison Bresnik. Our audio engineer is Josh Windisch.
Speaker 2If you want to show us some love, don't forget to leave the show a rating or review. Hi, it's Jamie. Thanks for listening. I just want to let you know I am a paid spokesperson for Novartis, but this podcast is independent from my collaboration with Novartis.
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