The Cost of Always Being in Your Head

Welcome back to another episode of the Self Work Podcast. This is episode 16. And in today's episode, I want to talk to you guys about something that will probably rob the next few years of your life, if you do not acknowledge it from today. And that is the cost of always being in your head. We live in a generation, especially generation Z between the ages of 18 to 30, even as young as 14 or 15, spend most of their lives stuck in their minds. And I'm not even talking about classic overthinking. I mean, completely being disconnected from the present. I don't know if I'm someone that's very observant. I don't know if I geek things too much sometimes, but I feel like we live in a dystopian right now where people are chasing money. Everyone's chasing something, but we all feel so disconnected that sometimes does the full ever come to your mind of what the hell is going on. What am I even doing on this planet? Yes, I get our spiritual, I guess responsibilities. I'm talking outside of that. Sometimes you ever feel like, you know, being around people doesn't really feel satisfying anymore. And this is what we're going to cover in this episode. I've seen it many times over, even my most recent observation is I go out to dinner quite a lot. I'll tell you at least once a week. And primarily because there's a lot of people in and out of the UAE, especially Dubai. And I tried to dedicate at least once a week where I can connect with people. And I noticed recently that a lot of people, instead of being present, everyone's half on their phones, half drifting in thought and conversations don't feel alive anymore. People are either replaying something that has already happened or predicting something that hasn't happened yet, which is very problematic because sometimes as as balanced as I try to be as optimistic as I try to be, I wonder how socializing is going to get better in the future. I might be one of the last dying breeds because I have this rule, even when I'm socializing with people that my phone is upside down. I try to leave my phone on the table upside down so I don't see notifications. I really forced myself to be present in the moment. And I noticed people are only present when there's something that I guess triggers a bit of dopamine in their mind. For example, you could be talking about your day and what you've been up to. People are going to be half on their phone, half in thought. You could talk about how you've made a million dollars and boom, everyone's clued in. You could talk about how maybe someone robbed you or something. And because it's so random and it's a bit extreme, people are more inclined to listen because it releases a lot of dopamine in their mind and now they engage. And there's a quote that I wanted to share with you guys that I kind of repeat to myself all the time and all the young people that I speak to and I try to mentor here and there. I always remind them that most people die at 25, but aren't buried until 75. And the reason why this quote weighs so heavy is a lot of you guys, unfortunately, unless you become super aware, are going to stop living very young. You'll get trapped in your mind, stuck in cycles of overthinking, strategizing, stressing and the rest of your life, click over fingers, just going to disappear. Your body may be alive, but your spark is gone. And there's a lot of people that live life like this man. I'm not even talking about making a million dollars. Like I'm not even materialistic. I'm not going to tell you to subscribe to hustle culture. But how many of you guys actually actively engage with the real world and try to see what the world actually has? And it's very interesting because people don't acknowledge the cost of always being in your head. And this is why I want to unpack why we are like this, how it shows up every day, the hidden costs and how it leaves to anxiety and self esteem issues. And lastly to wrap it up, what is a self work podcast episode without some practical steps to break out of it? So first thing I want to actually start with is why are we like this? Do you ever wonder sometimes why are we stuck in our minds? Did some programming go wrong? Did someone lie to us? Or is this what accidental? The truth is we've actually been trained into this. And as I always remind you guys, it all starts in school school. Unfortunately, I'm not conspiratorial. They don't really teach us live skills. It just taught us skills to move down the conveyor belt. So most of us were taught to just look for the right way of doing things. They always tell you do not try to do not experiment. Always find the correct method. Fill in the box, follow the correct steps. And this training actually sticks with you. It's why today sometimes the most simplest advice feels complicated. And this is what frustrates me and I'm probably going to rant for a bit. One of the reasons why I do not respond to most people's DMs and I do not actively answer most people's questions. If you engage in a lot of my live streams, I do live stream, maybe two, three times a week, primarily on TikTok. And it's just my way of giving back. But whenever I give people advice, it is as if the simplest advice they feel like isn't the right answer. So for example, I could tell someone start with journaling. Journaling is going to change your life. And I'll probably actually give them a few extra steps as to how you should journal someone in the comments is going to say, but what do I write about? Another thing, I'm a massive advocate for always spending some time outside. Someone's going to reply, but what do I do when I go outside? The issue is we've gotten so used to believing life comes with a manual to the point that we don't even trust ourselves to live anymore. And technology made it even worse. Now with the internet with social media and the constant access to everyone's lives, everything is a comparison. Everything is maybe I'm doing something wrong. Then the cherry on top now is AI. I don't think you guys understand how bad AI has affected people's lives. It doesn't really affect my life because I don't outsource my thinking. Right. A lot of you guys listening to this may actually research something as silly as how to eat, how to sleep, how to talk, how to live. Even though AI has a lot of use cases for the average mind, it will probably ruin their life because you will outsource your instincts. Instead of learning through experience, you probably pause the research and wait for confirmation. So the reason why most people are stuck in their heads isn't random. It's conditioning and because everyone around us does it, it feels normal, even though it's not. And that's why we're living in a dystopian world where we've normalized so many things that nobody actually calls it out even to go back to an original point, which is going out with people nowadays and socializing has become extremely hard because everyone seems to be disconnecting in conversation. And because everyone does it, I've learned to accept it. Do you know how crazy that is where if you fall, if you actually rewind maybe five to 10 years ago, go out with someone to lunch. And if you saw them on their phone all the time, you would feel extremely disrespected as an that's disrespect on the highest order. But then now because we've seen everyone do it, we've slowly digested it and we think, you know what, yeah, maybe that's normal. And then you would go on your phone and now it's like meeting up with people has kind of watered down. And this is just one example, by the way, being in your mind affects you across all areas, which is why I'm going to talk to you guys about how it actually shows up. For example, if you're someone that's currently at work or school, you probably spend more time worrying about whether you're good enough than actually doing the work. You probably spend time researching endlessly. You keep tweaking things. You convince yourself you're preparing when you're really stalling. And the reason why this is so important to me personally is I am a chronic researcher. When I used to be at work or even at school or even in life, I spend a lot of time researching and I had to talk myself out of it, which is why my new motto and I've got written on my board is start creating more and consume less. And ever since I've started creating content, it's really helped me in so many ways because content creation is a way for me where I'll consume content, but I have to always let it out somewhere either write down, record a podcast, teach someone, make a video. It has to leave my mind because I could spend a lot of time researching, researching, researching, researching to not avail. Another thing is friendships. One of the reasons why friendships really go stale is because people are in their head so much that they replay conversations over and over again. How many of you guys read into what people say or you read into what people say too much? You assume someone saying to you, I guess, okay, or maybe responding with one laughing emoji. This used to bother me. And I know it sounds so stupid, but we've overly perceived things where if someone sends you one laughing emoji, it kind of signals sarcasm, whereas if someone says you multiple laughing emojis, it signals that they are actually laughing at what it is that you are saying. And we assume distance or judgment that doesn't even exist. And the more you actually do this, if you think about it, the less free you feel in your friendships, even dating, getting to know someone, it gets even worse. You start dissecting text. How many of you guys have actually sat there? I guess trying to quote someone for marriage and they send you a message and you just analyze everything. You question every conversation, you go and WhatsApp or whatever application user you scroll up for the last few days and you try to predict things and you start asking yourself, you know, am I doing the right thing? Does this person hate me? And then you sabotage yourself before the other person even has a chance. Every small decision we even make in life, it shows up what to eat, when to work out, whether to post something online, you basically debate yourself until you're drained. And this is the problem with being in your mind so much that you can literally see it in people. I am very observant of people's body language. And if you've met me in real life, you would know that I'll probably tell you if you've got a synchronous relationship between what you say and what your body is or what your body language is. People have this blank look on their face that dissociative look, people have when they're two in their head, their body is there, but their eyes are far away. Their words are coming out, but the present isn't there, which is very interesting. And I don't know sometimes even recording this episode, I'm just thinking to myself, is the world cook. Is the world just cook? And there's no hope, which is why sometimes I really pick who I hang around with. And there's only a set few people I know right now in my life that I could go somewhere really far travel and I'll be good because they have this dissociative relationship between their work, their social life on the internet and also who they are. They can really make a difference. They know if there's something going on, they go to actively be present. And the scariest part is when being in your head becomes normal, you think it's just who you are, but it's not. It's a habit and it's quite literally draining the life out of you. And there's a hidden cost that people don't even talk about because being in your head isn't harmless. The first cost of being in your head all the time is time. Interestingly enough, you spend all of those hours repain conversations running through hypotheticals or even debating simple decisions. And then time just goes away. The second one is opportunity. The thing about being in your head all the time, it actually costs you a lot of opportunities. You spend most of your time over analyzing. You sit there, you try to find the best way to apply for jobs. You try to find the best way to text. And then there's someone just taking action. They are applying for the job, they're sending the text, they're starting the project and the chance you could have had it passes you by not because you weren't capable but because you became paralyzed. And the third one of the third problem or hidden cost of being in your head all the time is connection. When you're always in your head, you're not present with people. And people can feel that. I feel it all the time and I always tell people, I'm very vocal about it. Some people shrug it off, some people really take it in. People may not put it into words, like the way I do. I like to over communicate and I think is a strength of mine. But people sense it. And over time, it actually weakens relationships, friendships and even family bonds. And I know I keep repeating this, but have you ever planned to meet up with someone that you were really excited to see? And I'm just talking about friendship and then you meet them and maybe it was more exciting in your mind than what actually happened in real life. And I'm promised to use because people are just stuck in their mind. You could be with someone and he's probably stressing about how many jobs he's applied for or if they make money online, they think you have made money and they're always on their phone and what life are we living, guys? I felt like the reason why I make some of these podcasts episodes is just a way of me expressing my own thoughts because (laughs) it's so interesting to me how everyone has been sucked into the social media world and there's not many people living outside. And if you even think about it, that's one of the reasons why anxiety and the lack of self-esteem is very big and it's like a default setting in this generation because how often do you play out worst case scenarios in your mind? I want you to be honest to yourself. How many times do you sit there and you hypothesize the worst possible thing happening in your life? Your rehearsing conversations before they even happen. Imagining failure before you've even tried is such an interesting thing to me because you don't even know what life has in store for you and if you're a spiritual person, at least have that faith that God has something in store for you. And then most people start creating entire storylines about what others think about them. That's just not anxiety. That's most times anxiety mixed up with imagination. You're living in a world that quite literally doesn't exist and your body reacts like it's real. And that's how you tell yourself, what you consume and also the amount of time you spend in your mind can make or break your life. And then it ultimately affects yourself a steam. That's the one that takes the biggest here. Every time you hesitate, every time you overanalyze instead of acting, your brain records it as proof that you're not capable. And over time, most people don't even have chronologies but you don't just think I overthink you start to believe and it looks like or you start telling yourself, now I can't trust myself. I once you least trust yourself, confidence collapses. And I notice most people that are stuck in their heads because I kind of speak to them all the time. They ask me for advice. I notice these people are people that like to seek reassurance a lot. They like to seek validation a lot. When you're in your head too much, you constantly look for validation from friends, from family, from the internet. You ask 10 different people what they think before making a simple decision. It might give you relief for the moment 'cause you might say, oh yeah, Dino told me to do XYZ, but long term it keeps you trapped because every time you seek reassurance, you reinforce the belief that you can't stand on your own to your feet. And that's sad if you think about it because the only way out of it is simple, but it's not easy. You have to actually learn to rebuild trust with yourself that I've mentioned in previous podcast episodes and that only comes to reaction. I used to be like this, and I even remember before even sign making content. I was someone that used to like to seek reassurance when it came to doing things that really scared me. And believe it or not, I sent my first provisional video to like 10 of my friends just to get there, opinion on it. And that's the issue. We live in a day in Asia, we spend so much time in our minds, we think of the worst case scenario, but I want you to just remember that you can't think your way into self-esteem. You have to actually do the thing, take the risk, mess up and survive it. That's literally how confidence grows and I've made a podcast episode on this previously, you can check out my playlist. You can't just sit there analyzing the perfect path because it doesn't really exist. Imperfection is what governs our life and you have to fail a million or one times before you learn something. And even in my own life, being in my head actually cost me creativity. It cost me so much creativity because if you think about it, this one's a very sneaky one because it doesn't feel, or you don't actually feel it until years later. When you're overthinking on your in your mind a lot, one of the first things that materializes or one of the first characteristics most people have is they consume a lot, they're stuck in consumption mode. You research, you scroll, you compare, you plan and it feels like work, right? You might think to yourself, "Oh, I'm being productive," but it's not a creation. True creativity actually needs space. It needs you to get messy. You need to try things. You need to follow impulses without over-policing them. When I'm in my head, I'm not producing. Even all of these concepts that I've put out that into the world, I noticed whenever I have a thought in my mind, I write it down in my notes, I write a few things about it, I put it into my notion, I try to actually organize it, I make it look pretty, but then nothing actually gets done. I consume so much content and I'm thinking about producing, I'm preparing, I'm tweaking, but nothing comes out. And then weeks and months go by and the creativity or your creative juice starts to dry up. And I've seen that for so many people, as I said, I'm always having conversations with you guys. People want to write, they want to start a business, they want to make something, they, wherever it is. But they overthink the how so much that they never begin. They want the perfect idea, they want the perfect conditions, the perfect plan. Meanwhile, the spark that was once alive in them starts to fade. And I think the side is reality. I want you guys to actually lean in for this one. The side is reality is when you feel like you no longer have it anymore. When you feel like you're no longer that guy, when you feel like you no longer got it anymore. And I don't think people are can only how demoralizing it is where you've basically been in your head for so long, you've made so many promises to yourself and you've not achieved, actually, let me rephrase, you've not attempted any of them because achieving is down to God. If you achieved the goal that you set out to, it wasn't because of you. It was because it was aligned with God's plan. But I'm talking about even attempting the things that you put in your mind, right? If you've not done these things and you've sat there and you've basically tried to hypothesize all of these things and you've never gone through with any of them, you lose so much trust in yourself that you just end up giving up and your spark fades away. And that's why I always try to keep producing. I'm always trying to stay in front of things, always putting myself at the forefront of discomfort because I know the moment I stop creating a barrier to mind creating doesn't only mean content. I'm just talking about doing things with your life, right? You learn something new, you implement. For example, I have a community where I work with young people primarily to build up their confidence and their communication skills. And the number one question people ask me all the time is, you're all brought like, you know, I really like these concepts that you're teaching but like, what should I do with it? What do you mean, what should I do with it? And this is the problem, right? We've become holders of information that we no longer know the power that we possess in our hands. You can actually, for example, if I tell you in order to, I guess, or reduce your social anxiety, you need to go into environments that really challenge you incrementally and just sit there. Don't look to perform, just actually sit there and take into the environment. People will automatically then say, does that really work? Is that worth trying? And then they just sit there with the information and never do anything with it. Which is why another thing that I noticed after being on the internet mentoring or working with people and going to a lot of conventions is one of the biggest things that being in your head takes away from your life is decision making. And I even, I guess I can even say the direction of your career. Most people feel stuck in their jobs. Most people work jobs they don't like. And when you ask them why, it's never because they don't have options. It's because they're overthinking the options they do have. They always tell me, bro, what if I choose wrong? What if I make the wrong decision? What if it doesn't work out? What if I regret it? They're paralyzed by possibility. And this paralysis keeps people in the same spot for years. They stay in roles that drain them, degrees they hate businesses. they never really wanted or because they're too deep in their heads to take a leap. They mistake thinking for progress but nothing changed. And here's the thing, no decision feels perfect. You never research your way into certainty. The only thing or the only way to know if something's right for you is by living it, by trying, failing, adjusting and growing. But if you're always in your head, you never give yourself the chance. And career direction is where it shows up in most of our generation. You will delay applying for job, delay launching projects, delay making changes. Or in the name of thinking it through, meanwhile time slips by. One thing as harsh as it sounds, time is the greatest equalizer. For anyone listening to this, that's procrastinating, wasting time, being in your head, telling yourself, I don't know what option to pick. When in reality, you can just pick an option and go with it. Time will be the ultimate equalizer because time waits for no one. You might think you have time now, but I guarantee you, a year from now, if you're someone that is always in their head, your life will not change. A most of the regret you carry isn't from making the wrong choice, it's never making a choice at all. And another thing to even supplement this is, being in your head all the time has massive effects on your physical health. It actually shows up in your body, overthinking keeps your nervous system on higher alert all the time. You're not running from a tiger, but your body acts like you are. How many of you guys ever get these anxious feelings of like a tight chest, maybe shallow breath breathing, headaches, tension, shoulders, restless sleep, your body stuck in fire or flying mode and it wears you down. This is why so many people constantly feel tired. Have you slept a full eight hours, walk up and you're still tired and you wonder why? It's because your brain never rests, even when your body is still your mind is sprinting and over time the mental load translates into real exhaustion. And there's also the link of unhealthy coping. In your trapped in your head, you reach for comfort. Most of you guys do this by endless scrolling, you know, you do mscroll or you eat junk food, substances, distraction, x-rated content, anything to silence the noise. But those habits only make the cycle worse because if you think about it, being in your head all the time is one of the most physically draining things you can do. It robs you off your energy, ruins your sleep and leaves your body carrying stress, it was never meant to hold. And the thing that I notice in this generation, often interacting with so many people and trying to be a human and always being outside is the side of cost of being in your head all the time is presence. When you are always in your head, you miss life as it's happening. You're eating but you're not tasting, you're walking but you're not noticing. You're with the people but you're not connecting. The moment that should give you joy and make you happy and satisfied, pass by and notice because your brain is somewhere else. It's so sad because I feel like a lot of you guys are probably going to realize this when you grow older. Some of the best memories you've had weren't perfect. They were simple. Laughing with your friends. A late night walk. I remember I'm not trying to condone this or I'm not trying to advocate for this I should say. Why do you see these stupid things that I just go and drag racing with my friends or maybe just going out with my friends going in the late drive and not knowing what the plan was getting some food and just talking about life. But you can only feel those things if you're present. If you're not lost in replaying yesterday or worrying about tomorrow, you can actually experience the beauty of this and that's why I always tell my friends or people that I know. Don't take life too serious sometimes. People nowadays have this mindset where if you're going to meet up with them they have to know what's happening and that's where overthinking comes into it. I remember there was a time where people never ever used to think about it. I could tell my friend, yo, let's go out. He's not going to say what are we going to do is because we've been drained. Socially we've been drained in our minds. We've been drained physically. We've been drained literally by life to the point where even if we're going out, we have the rationalized does it make me feel good? Does he give me a large amount of dopamine? The cost of being in your head is that you can live an entire life and not actually live it. You can be there physically, but absolutely. When people feel that they feel it when you're not really with them and presence is joy and when you're not present joy is gone. That's why for me my most depressive times was because I was stuck in my mind. I was always thinking about, oh, what job do I have to get? I just dropped out of uni. I don't know what to do with my life. And then I'm around people and I'm thinking about I'll have to do this and I have to send this email. And then I'm around my parents and I'm thinking about yesterday. I wish I did this and I'm never present and I promise you I promise you. Give it a few years. You're going to think to yourself, if only I enjoyed these moments. And even to take it a step further, God forbid your parents get sick and they die. Right? And I'm not saying God forbid in a sense where they are not going to die. Death is inevitable. But let's say they become sick and they become paralyzed. They're unable to move or even the side of things sometimes dementia where people forget things. And I promise you in that state, the only thing that's going to be on your mind is our wish I was more present. You know, when my mom or my friend or my sister or my brother or my partner, when they were talking to me, I wish I was just present because sometimes we get so caught up in planning and hypothesizing life that we forget what really matters. And it only comes to us when we either lose that person or when we no longer have access to that person. And I'm sorry to get all deep on you guys, but something to just keep in your mind, man. And presence is joy. And now you're probably wondering how do you break out of the cycle? How do you actually stop? How do you get out of your head? First thing I know which works indefinitely is in order to get out of your mind, you need to get into your body. So powerful, yet so simple. Movement breaks though. If you actually go for a walk, stretch, lift ways, do you anything physical where your body is engaged? Your brain has no choice but to follow. I have a rule. If I'm stuck in my mind, I'm pushing that iron. I'm going on a walk with our headphones, by the way. I am going to go in a run, I'm going to go do some jiu jitsu. I need to do something that actually breaks the cycle because most times I notice when people are in their minds a lot, they're stationary. They're just sat in their room in their bed. As I said, they're using coping mechanisms like being on their phone. It doesn't work. So always remember this when you're in your mind a lot, even to your body. The second thing is when your mind starts spiraling, ask yourself, is this for helpful? Is it true? Not is it scary? Just ask yourself, is it helpful? If it isn't, let it go. You don't always need to win every argument in your head. And I noticed that sometimes that my mind will tell me something random. And instead of asking myself, is this true or is this scary? Because sometimes you can actually rationalize whether something's true or not in your mind. But I always tell myself, is this helpful in the moment? Not really. Like for example, sometimes I think about the feature of my career. What am I going to do? If this doesn't work out, just going to ask myself, is this helpful right now? Not really. And that's an important thing to always do to break the cycle along with moving into your body. And the third thing which helps in discriminately across all areas is to start with small wins. Overthinking thrives on big problems, but small actions actually cut it off. Don't worry about fixing everything, just take the next step. As I said, right, the first page, start with one sentence, show up for 20 minutes in the gym, small wins build trust and trust breaks overthinking. Small wins build trust, trust breaks overthinking. So for anyone that's at there always being in your head, I noticed sometimes when you don't move, the monster gets bigger, the imaginary monster that you have gets bigger, bigger, bigger. And sometimes you think it is so big until you wake up one day and you open your wardrobe and you realize it is just a small toy. And finally, for me, I think the best advice I could probably give to anyone listening to this is stop outsourcing your instinct, stop waiting for Google or chat GPT to give you 10 different opinions to validate. The more you seek external confirmation, the weaker your self trust gets. Make a decision, live with it and let experience be your teacher. So something I want you guys to practice this week after listening to this episode is, when you catch yourself spiraling, I want you to actually grab a journal, write down these three things. Number one is what story am I telling myself right now? Based on the thing that's keeping you stuck in your head. Number two is, is this story based on fact or fear? Very important. And the third thing is, what would I do if I trusted myself in this moment? Sometimes we need to step out of our bodies and we need to act as if a friend is telling us this and we are advising them. I want you to answer those honestly and you'll notice the fog in your brain lifting. Another exercise is, I guess, pick one area you've been overthinking. It could be a career move, a text you're scared to send, I guess. It habit you've been meaning to start. Instead of analyzing, just act. Just go crazy. Just act. Do one thing. Doesn't matter how small. The one act itself creates momentum. Just always remember, action is the cure to overthinking. And if you look at the bigger picture now, if we actually zoom out, this isn't just about you. This is about our whole generation. We live in a world of overstimulation and the scrolling, constant notification, comparisons everywhere you look. Of course we're in our own heads. We've been trained to be. But if we stay there, life will pass us by. Most people who hit 40 and 50 and realized they didn't actually live any life. They just stood about living. And I don't think you guys find them how sad that is. Most of you guys are going to reach old age and realize you didn't live any life. you were just thinking about living. If you can learn to step out of your head and trust yourself and be present, you get everything back. You get the peace you're looking for, the confidence you want, the creativity you've always had within you and ultimately the joy that you've always wanted out of life. So I want to actually leave you with this. The cost of always being in your head isn't just stress. Here's your time, opportunities, creativity, your health, your joy. It's ultimately your whole life slipping by whilst you're busy replaying and predicting. But you don't actually have to stay there. You can break the cycle, you can act and you can trust yourself again. So for this week, I don't want you to overthink. Just pick one thing you've been delaying and just move. Doesn't matter how small, I'll just want you to move because you won't meant to only think about life. You actually meant to live it. I want you guys to actually do this from today so you don't end up at an old age, regretting that you didn't live any life and you probably lived your life in your mind only. That's such a sad thought to me and I don't wish that on nobody. So this is episode 16. I hope you guys enjoyed this as per usual. If you feel like you benefited from this, share it with your peers, share it on your stories, make sure you do tag me. And if you want to send me a lovely DM regarding how this has impacted you, be my guest and I'll see you in the next episode.