The Choreographer, the Critic and the Dachshund

(upbeat music) - Hey, I'm Tara Sarabhan, and you're listening to World Dumbest Criminals. If you're keen to hear about the most ridiculous bizarre and downright stupid criminals and crime stories in the world ever, you've come to the right place. In today's episode, you'll be hearing about a German ballet choreographer who got so outraged when a female critic gave one of his works a bad review that he confronted her at the Hanover Opera House and smeared his aging, dushound feces on her face. There's a lot to unpack in this story, and none of it smells very good. Alrighty, let's get cracking. German choreographer Marco Gouquet is kind of a big deal, and not just in his own mind, though, clearly that's true too. 50-year-old Marco has been a star in Europe for over a decade, and the lights must be blinding as he tends to wear his sunglasses indoors and at night. Most of his works are less than 30 minutes long and have been performed by many major dance companies across Europe and in Canada. His choreography is noted for its focus on the torso and arms and described as twitching, shaking, and spasming with great rapidity and precision. From what I've seen on YouTube, it's a bunch of very thin people having upper body seizures. The movements in his pieces are often described as making little sense and seemingly chosen only to be ugly or different on purpose. Marco has been heralded by some critics as being the most important choreographer in Germany, and last year he won the prestigious German dance prize. I was pretty sure it was going to be my year, but he beat me to it. Dude is mainstream in the dance world and he's very successful and celebrated. He's not some niche fringe artist just struggling to get by. My favourite thing I learned about him is that he has a sausage dog named Gustav, who goes everywhere with him. Marco spent some time studying in the Netherlands and has choreographed dancers for the Netherlands Dance Theatre since 2008. In February this year, his piece titled "In the Dutch Mountains" was his first full-length program as director of the Netherlands Dance Theatre. It's named after a song by Dutch band The Nits. 57-year-old Vivica Hauser is the dance critic for a daily newspaper called Frank Furtre, Algemann Zitung. Her review of "In the Dutch Mountains" described it as being disjointed and said that audiences may go insane and be killed by boredom while watching it. I haven't excerpt from an interview of Marco talking about the inspiration behind this work. Let's have a listen. I mean the title I picked because when I was young and when I was a student here in the Netherlands, I loved that song from The Nits. Even I didn't really understand why they call it "In the Dutch Mountains" because there are no mountains. It's the first time that I do a longer piece without any story, but actually there was a dream of mine to do that because the last full-length pieces I did, they always had a story. And this is also very safe to have a story. You have a sort of a line where you can follow. So this now is a bit different. I just want to do a longer piece out of what I feel, what I felt. And this is also connected to the Netherlands. My work is always connected to the Netherlands because it's such a big part of my work happened here and most of my favourite pieces I did here in the Netherlands. You know, I live now in Shavening at the beach in the hotel, so I have the beach so close to me. And sometimes I sit there in the morning on the floor, looking right on the sea. And by just watching hours of the day outside looking at the sea, you can do that for the rest of your life and see how it becomes spring, how it becomes summer, how the autumn comes, how winter comes. When I look long to the sea, actually nothing, not much change, but still it's so interesting how the light change, how you hear some dogs, some children, how you see boats. It's actually a boring scene, but now my inspiration comes, that's what I saw two days ago, just from what I see when I look there, what comes, what goes, what changes, the changes of light, the changes of noise, the wind, and of course the sea, and the sea is probably the sea, is a big mountain, you know. So he says that it's the first time that he did a longer piece without any story, but that was always a dream of his because the other full-length works his choreographed had a plot line. But he banged on a bit about looking out the hotel window to the ocean, and at one point says it's actually a boring scene, but now my inspiration comes from that. It's interesting to note how he's describing his own ballet, considering how PC he got when Vibka reacted to it in a rather rational way. Marco said that his ballet doesn't have a plot, and Vibka said that made the piece disjointed. He also said that his inspiration comes from a boring scene out his window, and she said the audience may be killed by boredom while watching it. It sounds like she got what he himself said that he was putting out. She smelt what he dealt, but Marco did not feel that way. He called the review aggressive, arrogant, and condescending. Those playing along at home may recognise these as buzzwords, often used against women who aren't all submissive and pliable. Speaking of smelling, here's a little more of Marco's interview about the inspiration behind in the Dutch mountains. If I heard this with no context, I'd think that Christopher Gess had made a mockumentary film about the dance world and given it the whole spinal tap treatment. Well, the dancers are the other side, because the dancers are also here in this country and in this company, so I cannot just do what I feel what I want. I also have to feel what they are doing here, so they are a big part of it. I feel them very close and I feel them every morning how they feel, what they feel. Sometimes people tell you they know exactly how Paris smells. When they close their eyes, they know exactly how New York smells. I can close my eyes everywhere and I know exactly how this smells here. There's something, there are no words for it, but that's something very deep. A longer piece is a journey that can also go in waves a little bit. It can also go a little bit down, but of course has to go always up again. Because I hear so much from people that they want to understand something. And at the moment I'm in a period where I think, no, please, I don't want to understand anything. If we would understand a piece like that from the first minute to the last, that would be so boring, then I can read a science newspaper or I can read the last Dr. Journal from a university where facts may be in, you know. So now let's not understand anything, let's go a little bit deeper. Yes, yes, let's not understand anything. Let's go a bit deeper. In February this year, two days after her review of In the Dutch Mountains was published, Vibka went to the Hanover Opera House to watch the premiere of Marco's ballet, faith, love, hope. Vibka told the Daily Beast that when Marco approached her during intermission, she thought that he wanted to talk about the review and she was open to discussing it with him. Instead, he angrily said that she should be banned from the Opera House and yelled at her, "Why are you here? No one should have let you in. You are always writing these bad, personal reviews of me." Just for the record, in her 17 years as a dance critic, Vibka had reviewed Marco's work nine times. Two of these reviews were overwhelmingly positive, and the other seven, eh, not so much. But it's not like she followed him around, writing nasty personal things about everything he did. Vibka said she tried to assure Marco that her words were not personal and that she thought he was very talented. But she didn't get to explain it to him because at that moment, he pulled an open bag of dog excrement out of his jacket. She said he did didn't just throw it at me. He pulled out the bag with the open side of the bag and rubbed it in my face brutally so the dog poop would stick to my face. Vibka said she was petrified by the attack and was panicking, screaming and crying in the middle of the show while Marco just walled stuff unhindered through the crowded foyer. After washing the dog crap off her face in the bathroom, she left the opera house and filed a police report. She was shocked to hear from colleagues that Marco was allowed to give a bow at the end of the performance and just continue on as if nothing had happened. Vibka said that she believed his attack was premeditated. Or do you think he always spends the intimations of the premieres of his shows, skulking around the foyer of the opera house with an open bag of dog crap in his pocket? Hog nodding with patrons of the arts and air kissing society ladies with an open bag of dog poo in his jacket. Chatting with sponsors and networking for future job opportunities with an open bag of Gustavs droppings in his pocket. A likely story. The next day the newspaper Vibka works for wrote about the assault saying this newspaper considered the humiliating act beyond the fact of physical harm as an attempt to intimidate our free critical art appreciation. The opera house stated that they'd asked Marco to apologize comprehensively to Vibka, but instead Marco did one of those non-apology apologies. He said in part, "I apologize for the fact I finally blew my top. But I also ask for a certain understanding at least for the reasons why this happened." He said that he hoped to start a debate on what art critics should be allowed to say in their reviews. Imagine being so aggressive, arrogant and condescending that you think rubbing a literal shit on a woman's face just for doing her job is a great way to start a debate about what art critics should or shouldn't be saying in reviews. And her review wasn't even a personal attack. Marco wouldn't last a day as a podcaster. Those ones that our reviews are usually just outright personal attacks. Here's but a few excerpts from some I've had for this show. One fan said, "The host sounds even dumber than the criminals, would be an interesting show if only it had a competent host." While somebody who obviously knows me better than I know myself, Roge, please stop trying to be funny when it's just not you. And then there's this little nugget of constructive criticism. Absolutely everything about the host is annoying, obnoxious and unbearable. So constructive. Look, I've been podcasting for several years now without having a penis, so I know what to expect. When I ask for reviews from people who like the podcast at the end of each episode, it's not so I can put them in the bank. I'm just trying to counterbalance the ones that call me dumb, incompetent and incapable. But I've never thought to rub dog shit in their faces, though it would be a great viral marketing strategy. I mean, did you know who the hell Marco Go K was before this? Marco admitted smearing Vibka's face with his dog's excrement, but you know, he had to, as it was witnessed by a lot of people. He said that it was not pre-meditated and that he acted in the heat of the moment. Because I guess he must just always have an open bag of dog poo on his person during the intervals of his productions. Maybe it's his lucky dog poo. He also used a really poorly thought-out analogy to justify his actions. He said, "She threw, she's at me for over 20 years, and at some point I asked myself the question, how would other people react, who work hard, having dirt thrown at them over such a long time frame? I don't think any hardworking person would put up with that for any length of time." Start a podcast, Marco. I dare you. Laura Vermon, the artistic director of the Hanover State Ballet in Germany, said that they would continue to perform his works, stating that they were incomparable and that people should separate the art from the artist. "Mere, I'm so over that point of view. Wouldn't it be more interesting to give some non-assholes and non-abuses some golden opportunities for a change?" Laura went on to say, "I do not believe in cancel culture." "I'm going to have to stop you're right there, Laura." It's only cancel culture if it originates in the Cancel region of France. Otherwise, it's just sparkling consequences. A few days later, after some public pushback, Old Mate Laura here held a press conference to tell everyone that Marco was leaving his post as head of the Hanover State Ballet by mutual agreement. He was also banned from entering the opera house, which is a bit ironic, don't you think? The Netherlands dance theatre, who Marco choreographed in the Dutch Mountains 4, first issued a statement that although his behaviour was contrary to their values, they had a long and pleasant working relationship with him, so they would keep him on as associate choreographer and continue the tour of in the Dutch Mountains. Oh, with the good old, he didn't do anything bad to me personally, so I have no issue with him routine. However, after 70 critics from across Europe wrote them an open letter condemning the excrement smearing as an attack on the freedom of the press, NDT suspended Marco, as well as any ballets by him for the upcoming season. The critic stated that they would refuse to review Marco's works in the future, unless NDT co-wursts him to issue a stronger apology, free of victim blaming. Yeah, I don't know if he's capable of that. Marco said that his biggest bug bear about this situation is that the media coverage of the incident had focused only on the dog feces, whereas he wanted to start a debate about what should be allowed in arts criticism. He said that newspaper critics should not write in a personal and hateful way. He stated, "I am still not free of this anger. If I'd been a woman and the critic a man, this would be seen differently." No, it wouldn't. Women who rubbed dog crap on men's faces aren't exactly celebrated for it either. Come on. And the likelihood of a woman being hired as a choreographer for a major dance company is pretty slim. According to the Dance Data Project, among the largest ballet companies, only 29% of works were choreographed by women during the 2021-2022 performance season. This is even more disparaging because 78% of ballet dancers are women. It's always been the case that men are mostly given the more prestigious and higher paying positions such as artistic and executive directors, and they also receive the most lucrative and high-profile artistic commissions as choreographers. So yeah, ballet is run by men. It shouldn't really surprise me, but it does. In terms of Marco trying to sell us on the idea that everyone would be fine with it if he'd been a woman rubbing dog poo on a male critic's face, I think a far more interesting question would be, would he have done it if the critic was a man? Yeah, see, I don't think so. He probably felt safer and more entitled to do it to a woman, and he's just deflecting from the real point here. Because it's not like Vibkar is the only critic who had written not so glowing reviews of Marco's work before. She's just the only one he got physical with. Though he did apparently express his belief that he is above criticism to others who wrote unfavorably about him. Four other critics have said that they received bizarre communications from Marco after giving his work negative reviews. In 2016, Juan Michael Porter, the second, wrote a review for Huff Post, in which he said one of Marco's pieces, "obbed along for 12 minutes longer than was necessary to ever diminishing effect before finally going away." Soon afterward, Juan said that he received an email from Marco, essentially asking, "Who are you to criticize the greatest choreographer in the world?" When he didn't reply, Marco emailed a second time, calling him a coward for not responding. Marco denied emailing the critic, and he had a very novel defence for a 50-year-old guy who works internationally. He said that he didn't use email. Sure, buddy. Next, you'll be telling us that Gustaf must have written it while he was asleep. He also said that he has no problem with constructive criticism, and he believed in freedom of speech, where nobody gets hurt. So I guess he doesn't think having feces rubbed in your face would be hurtful in any way. Does that mean he'd like it done to him? Marco has been charged with assault for his attack on Vibka, but I doubt it will mean that his career is over. There would have been no other sparkling consequences for him at all if it wasn't for the critics banding together and a bit of public count cry. Vibka has read. refused to let this incident impact her career and said that she's been overwhelmed by the outpouring of support that she's been given in response to the incident. She said, "I've received many texts and emails saying, 'Please keep going. We always read your things. We love what you do. Please don't give up.' As for whether or not she'll be writing any more reviews of Marco's work, Vibca stated, "I will never attend any of his shows again. He is not that relevant." To finish up, I have a few punchline crimes for you. These are short cases that sound more like jokes than something that actually happened. In early September this year, a yoga class in England was mistaken for a ritual mass murder. After passes by, saw several people lying on the floor and reported it to the police. Millie Laws told the media that she was teaching her yoga class at the C-Scape Cafe in Lincoln's Shore at around 9pm when she saw two dog walkers peering in through the window during the relaxation stage of the class. They saw the dark room lit only by candlelight, with the students lying on the floor with their eyes closed and blankets over them as the teacher walked around playing a drum. The dog walkers quickly fled the scene and called the cops. They told them that they'd seen a mass murderer wearing a robe, walking all over a bunch of dead bodies who were lying on the floor in a ritualistic fashion. Five police cars descended on the location and officers swarmed the building. Millie said she thought the reports of her being a mass murderer were a joke at first, but she quickly realised that wasn't the case. A Lincoln's share of police spokesperson said, officers attended the location and were happy to report that everyone was safe and well. I mean, everything about this scene sounds really hippie and new age to me, but the dog walkers saw it and just assumed they were witnessing a ritualistic mass murder, like it was game night at the Metson family's house. Early one morning in 2014 before his parents got up, a 10-year-old boy from Dockhara in Norway put a cunning plan to surprise his grandparents into action. He took his 18-month-old sister out of her crib, grabbed his parents' car keys and put the infant in the back of the car. Then he hopped into the driver's seat, started the engine and set off to visit his grandparents who lived 60 kilometres away. A spokesperson for the Vest Opland Police District said, "The parents woke up and discovered that the children were missing and that someone had taken off with their car. They were pretty upset as you can imagine." Sounds like an understatement. I mean, they sure would be. They probably thought someone had broken into their house and kidnapped their children. The 10-year-old boy managed to drive the car for around 10 kilometres before veering off the road into a ditch. He was discovered by a snowplow driver who contacted the police. When the cops rocked up, the boy told them that he was a dwarf, and he couldn't show them his driver's license when requested, because he'd accidentally left it at home. But yeah, the cops didn't buy any of that. In what must surely be some kind of miracle, the kid and his baby sister were not injured, the car was not damaged and no criminal charges were filed. A police spokesperson said, "We have talked to the parents and I'm pretty sure they're going to pay very close attention both to their children and to their car keys in the future." But that didn't happen. Or, the kid is just too wily for words. The following week, the 10-year-old boy scampered off with someone else's car keys and hit the road again. This time the police said that he nicked the keys off a relative that the family was visiting and took off in their car. He managed to drive at about 30 kilometres. When his parents realised what had happened, they called the police. The police say the boy eventually stopped driving and a bystander, who didn't think he was really an adult of short stature, took the keys off him until the cops arrived. On a Sunday last September, just before 7.30pm, officers were called to investigate a woman causing a disturbance at a business in trail Canada. The employees had repeatedly asked the 28-year-old woman to leave the premises, but she refused to go. When the cops rocked up, she initially wouldn't budge for them either. Finally, a royal Canadian-mounted police officer was able to persuade her to leave the business, but she declined to leave the area. When an officer tried to get back into his cruiser, the woman blocked his path and began to working and yelling obscenities at him. A press release later stated, "The officer warned the woman that her actions would result in her arrest, however she remained committed to her course of action." It also said that the officer observed that she may have been under the influence of drugs or alcohol during the interaction. You think? The car ended up arresting the woman for breach of peace and public intoxication. He stated that she came into this incident like a wrecking ball. I just hope no horses were around to get spooked by the bizarre interaction. Working and yelling obscenities at a mountain, you got to admit it's a great combination. This brings me to the end of the episode. Thanks for listening. Make sure you subscribe if you want to stay up to date with our future episodes. And if you dug what you heard, please leave a review. Thank you to Horn Swallow Jones from the USA for doing just that. I'd like to give a shout out to everyone suffering with chronic health conditions. Apparently there are a lot of us out there. Mine's been messing with me extra hard the past several weeks, which is why this episode is late and well the one before it didn't happen at all. I make this podcast entirely by myself, so there's nobody else who can pick up the slack when I go down. If you'd like to support the podcast, head on over to patreon.com/worldstomachriminals. All levels get access to monthly bonus episodes and add free episodes. And higher levels also receive a sticky-fingered, not very tall norwegian chauffeur. If you're up for more dumb criminals action in your life, you could follow me on Instagram @worldstomachriminals podcast or Twitter @wdcriminalspod. Or you could join our world's dumbest criminals podcast Facebook group. And thank you to the remarkable Lorraine Ledwell for running the group with me. And also thanks to self-described aspiring unpeeled star-friar to Davis for the twerking case suggestion. Till next time, look after yourself, stay out of trouble, and whatever you do, don't commit a crime that makes you end up on this podcast.