The BEST Moments Of Unsubscribe Podcast Ever

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Brandon, his hair is fucking fabulous. Donut, a dog joke disposition. And there's a fat electrician. Welcome to Unsubscribe. Back thing up, but for real. Has his fucking mic been off the whole time? I already seen it. Oh no. When did it go, what? Oh God. We were in like Salt Lake, I think. We were in Salt Lake City. Like my best friend, he was the best man at my wedding. We were like in high school at the time. I've been with my wife like since high school. And he's like, bro, I just don't like going down on women. I'm like, why? He's like, it just, it doesn't taste that good. And I was like, was it sour? And he's like, no. I'm like, did it taste like ravioli and pennies? And he's like, oh my God. How did you know that? And I'm like, she was, she was like just about to go on her period or just got off her period. Try again in a couple of days. And I go, good. Tastes like the heat coming out the back of a PlayStation. That shit smells like hot. It smells like hot electronics. It is perfect. I, uh, nothing. You know, it's going to be fantastic when she takes her pants off and it smells like she's been mining for Bitcoin all night. It's going to be great. I just, a daily reminder. My parents watch this podcast. Oh, that's on your feet. No, no. Oh, oh, wait, no, wait, no, wait, wait, not yet. Wait. Oh yeah. I have the official memorandum from the department of the army on your memorandum for commander United States army, civil affairs, psychological operations, command airborne Fort Bragg, North Carolina subject, the acceptance and where a former. Foreign badges under provisions of AR 600 dash eight dash 22 appendix D section 73, 42 title five us code. The following individuals authorized to wear the Latvian parachutist badge. Can we read the name? Cause that's ridiculous. It is. Jesus Christ, bro. On, on three gentlemen. One, two, three. I'm that don't know. Brandon's like, oh, it's not over yet. How does this fucking happen? When you're a hero, Brandon, people do things for you. You're an American fucking hero. I'm an American fucking hero. That's a full on. I feel like I'm smuggling stolen valor from my box to you. You're my forced valor dealer. His commanding officer, his name fucking escapes me right now. The second, cause I've been focusing on Carlos Hathcock for so long, but, um, general Kenny, sorry, general Kenny actually wrote down early on in his career that he was concerned about Richard bong because he felt that he was such a nice, kindhearted man. He was like, I'm not going to be a nice guy. I'm going to be a nice guy. - That's the boys or no? - Oh yeah. - You've seen the, like, it's the Spider-Man, but it's out of his tailbone or his little ass, whatever the fuck it is. - I like the butthole. That way it's a little web. - Yeah. - That's really creepy. - You can see the brown web. - The brown web. - It's just brown web. - Brown web. - That's his name. - The brown web. - Yeah, the brown web. - The brown web is good. - So I do have one more, and I'm just gonna hijack the whole thing. So I have an idea for a sporting goods store, right? And you guys are gonna like this one. So, you know, there's sporting goods stores. It's mostly for men, right? You go in, it's mostly men in there. And so I thought a great idea would be dicks for women. The idea is catching on in Thailand. It's huge in Thailand right now. Dicks for women, women's dicks. And so I thought- - It's coming here. - We'll build off that. It's kind of, it's coming here. So we're gonna build off that. And you know, there's really not a spot for a sporting goods store for kids, for children. - God. - And so the idea, guys, does anybody want to say the punchline? - I don't know it. - It's kids' dicks. Children's dicks, kids and children's dicks. - Thanks. - So you go in there and it's, you know, it's a bunch of, yeah. - Sporting goods store. - It's got, you know, like it's skiing. It's got kids' poles and stuff like that. It's, you know, baseball, it's got kids' balls. It's just a, I don't know. It's just, I'm putting it out there if you guys want to invest. If anybody out there wants to invest. - Invest, invest in kids' dicks. - Invest in kids' dicks. I think people are gonna love kids' dicks. What's not to love about kids' dicks? You know what I mean? - Speed running, becoming a famous YouTuber. - So let me see your phones. This is a picture of Cody in a mirror. - Yeah. - No, no, no, wrong one, wrong one. - You guys are wearing matching shirts. - Yeah. - God, even now. - You've been around us since 11:00 AM, dude. - I've been drunk since 7:00, so. - Tyler, running into him today. Like Tyler, just when he came up today, he was like, "I'm gonna be honest. I just now found out Cody and Brandon are different people." We weren't on that podcast. - No, and that's why I was like, "Oh, that's hilarious." - Holy shit, speaking of SHOT Show. - I think that was, we did that in the SHOT Show episode where that guy was convinced, he came up to you convinced that you were me. - Yeah, he gave me a challenge coin. It was like, "Brandon, thank you for so much." - Just sitting right behind him. - I was just like, "Yeah." Turned around, sees you. - Oh, fuck. - Oh, fuck. - So the best one, we did talk about you weren't there, but when they thought you were Brandon Herrera. - Oh, you don't know about this story. - No. - What happened? - At the USCCA thing. - When you were there. - What's up? - He was there, right? - Oh, fuck, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You don't know about this story that happened to you. - Oh, no, I was there for that. - Yeah, I agree. - I'm fucking, I'm so tired, dude. - Yeah, where they thought I was Brandon Herrera for the whole time. - The lady? - Yeah. - That went up to you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. - My son loves you. He's a huge fan of AK. - Keep doing what you're doing in Texas. - That's the thing. I was like, "Hmm." - He lives in Iowa. - That was one of, that was the first time I think that will, and probably last time that will happen. - Me and Brandon, a lot of physical character heuristics in common. - Yeah. - I mean, if you count the fucking ink, I mean, you're kind of brown. - That's fair. - How y'all doing, Nick? Welcome back. We've been chaotic. This is, when was the last time you were in Texas? - It's months. It's been months. - Range day, probably. - Probably, yeah, range day was the last time I was in Texas, because then it was the tour and then Vegas for SHOT Show, and now I'm here. - Yo, speaking of range day, our boy Matt. - He's peacing out. - I know. We got, thankfully we'll have a close out episode with him in Monday, right? Monday? - Yeah, Monday we'll film that, yeah. - That'd be a good one. Crazy. 15 years, how long did he do it for? - Forever. - Since like, I don't know what, like 2007, technically? - It was pre-Google owning YouTube. I know that. - Yeah. - He, I'm fucking proud of our boy though. Like he, like the way he's going out, he's like, "Man, I just, I wanna, I've made my millions. "I just wanna watch my kids grow up." Like, that's just a such a good attitude, man. He's living the dream. - And for most of the internet, they-- - No, fuck him. - Yeah. - Make more content. Like some of the comments, it's like, "Whoa, whoa!" - Wait. - The whole, like I took out a pretty big loan to buy into Bunker Branding, but like the whole, like I'm dead serious, like the whole, the whole reassuring thing to me was like the, like the second or third time I ever talked to Matt, I was like, "Hey man, I'm in town. "Can we come talk about this?" And he's like-- - He's killing me. - I fly out, I fly in Friday night, I fly out, I fly out Monday morning at like 6:00 AM. You wanna get together? And he's like, "I'm really sorry, man, I can't. "Weekends are for my family." And I was like, "I respect it, I like that." So that was awesome. - My first story, or the first time I ever came out to Bernie to go hang out with Matt, I remember it was, it was right after he fully like, and he said this to me, like in the beginning, he's like, "I totally ripped your AR guys versus AK guys "that you did with you, Eli." And he was like, he texted me, he's like, "Hey, I got this number from a friend. "Hopefully this isn't awkward. "I totally stole your video." And meanwhile, I was like a nobody YouTuber. I was like, "That's so fucking cool. "DevilRant stole my video." And he was like, "Yeah, do you wanna come out "and we'll do another variation or whatever?" I'm like, "Yeah, dude, just let me know and I'll be there." And after we filmed, normally I had already met you at this point and a bunch of other shit. I figured, oh, we go out, have a couple drinks or whatever. We went to, I think it was like Cibolo, Creek Brewing in Burnie, which like now I know, but back then it was like, oh, crazy. We did trivia night and he had two beers over like three hours. He's like, "Whoa, shouldn't be driving home." I'm like, just complete family man, like opposite end of the spectrum of the dichotomy of YouTubers. - We did a celebratory shot when I became a part owner of Bunker and it was fireball. - Can I get? - Can you do fireball? - I'll survive. - Yeah, I'm good. - I'll make it. - I'll survive. - His fascination with fireball will never not be funny to me. - Is Carriker a college chick? - He is the hottest college chick. - The most wholesome gun YouTuber for sure. - He's such a good dude. He was like the first time cursing. Like I think we had the first curse we've ever said on the- - On the internet. - Yeah, frick, frick. - We said, "Frick." We were like, "Oh my God." - And then he started ranting about Jews. That was really uncomfortable. - We had to cut that segment. He was like, "Not when I'm retiring." He can't defend himself. So we need to control his narrative now. - We get to make up our own mat more. - Stop it! - Let me tell you guys why he's retiring. - Monday, when he shows up for his retirement unsub episode, we should just have a Burger King crown. Therefore, did you wanna wear this for no reason in particular? - Wait, wait, why don't we want those people on this plane, Matt? - That what or who? - Oh my God, he's gonna kill us. - We love Carriker, dude. - I think through all of our years in business on the internet, we've all used Shopify. I've used it for merch and my skate shop and a couple other businesses. - I will actually agree 100% on that. Everything we do is run through Shopify. - Even bunkers run through Shopify. - Our shoes, which is a single pair. - A separate company is run through Shopify and they talk together because of Shopify. - Shopify runs the world. - Did you know Shopify will actually help you design a website also, Cody? - I know I didn't know about starting an online store when I started my career online. Shopify just made it super, super easy for my dumb. - Brandon, what happens if people haven't heard about my brand now? - That's actually easy, Eli. Shopify helps you find your customers with easy to use email and social media campaigns. - Snap, Cody, what happens if I get stuck? - Shopify is always around to share advice with their award-winning 24/7 customer service. - Step support, bro, you got my back. - And your front. - Shopify helps millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the US. - From household names like Mattel or Gymshark to new brands just getting started. - Unsub shoes, unsub merch, bunker. - No , we've all been doing this for over a decade and Shopify is the easiest e-commerce platform we've ever used. - I think every single one of us has used Shopify at one point. - I think all our businesses right now are using Shopify. - No, except mine, but that's because it's guns. Can't do that. - Just one of them can't. - Turn those dreams into SFX, cha-ching, Shopify new sales sound. - And give them the best shot at success with Shopify. - Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com/unsubpod. - Shopify.com/unsubpod. - My mom wanted me to do commercials and stuff and she put me in all these. - I would have never found that best thing. - You were bred for them. - What? - I did the commercial for that on Nickelodeon. I was the kid holding the camera in Nickelodeon. - No shit. - Wait, what? - Yeah. - We never talked about that. - How do I find this ad? - I don't know. I've been trying to find it for years now. It's out there somewhere. - Wait, oh, we're going to find it now. - How much did they pay your mom? - I like, it's like five, 600 bucks. Something like that. - $500 bounty for the first person who can find the Cody Garrett original digital blue commercial. - Yeah, I was like 13. - First person. - I've got a three week head start on you mother fucker. - You're gonna say that. what the fuck how is that never well it's so random that you that is also um just found this out two-bit photography it's two bit two bit two bit no no mega before that no no killer before just bit jesus that is fucking wild oh i might have found it i will say i started console gaming that one after i had surgery that's extremely frustrating no the one with 269 views i'm watching it right now yeah oh my god holy shit that is young cody he's he's right here in the back yeah look at him that's young cody wait what right there there's a close-up later there's a close-up of him later just oh my god this is not scripted right after this there's a close-up of cody hold on right after this girl that's cody no it's not cody and here he is no no that's oh my god cody holy shit that is the most 90s commercial i've ever seen too backwards white hat what the f**k it was really cool dan okay new cody lord just dropped yeah with his hit single break crap update the wikipedia page gotta start to fame nickelodeon commercials so i for you've told me about that years ago but you didn't tell me it was that specific commercial you just told me you did like a couple you had a digital i had a digital that was where i started in like filmmaking or whatever that is weird synchronicity we're just you we've known these guys f**king we've known each other forever and we're like hang around each other all the time and we still find weird s**t like that where it i just like the general reaction of i thought it was too bad i thought it was too bad 260 views f**k you i found it first you owe me 500 how are the boys gonna relax if they can't send each other d**k pics from strangers on the internet everybody knows that big goliath black guy with the dong we can't share that oh my god i think i've told this story before the funniest army prank i've ever seen was one of our cadets was a college wrestler he was f**king jacked absolutely shredded when he was shirtless oh oh oh o'reilly check it out check it out check it out check it out check it out check it out check it out and he had all these pictures taken to him on the beach just jacked his s**t looked great and he had just uploaded them to facebook he's a cadet mr squared away he had his phone put away way before everybody else before we were going into the field so some of the guys in the platoon took all those pictures off of his facebook and put them on a craigslist men seeking his men's ad with his phone number and asked for d**k pics and then we went into the field for seven days his f**king d**k pic was f**king awesome his f**king phone had a seizure when he turned it back on miles and miles of d**k got sent to that guy's phone you know it's a lot of d**k and you have to measure it in feet that's that's five thousand three hundred and some odd feet a day i've been so mad at my friends so mad i'd have been laughing really oh yeah i'd have laughed i'd have laughed and i'm like oh my god those voice messages so the only thing that would have f**ked me up yeah is like the buttholes you know they're butthole pictures not a fan of butthole pictures the man a man's butthole is probably one of the ugliest creations god had ever made in his entire it's almost the only thing you could look at and be like wow i wish that was medusa actually yeah i'd rather die i've never i've never intentionally looked at a man's butthole a man's butthole and the moments that i have looked at a man's butthole i've been like oh oh oh why well thanks to you all of uh san antonio's seen a man's butthole that's not true they couldn't see through the forest i combed all my hair inward that day so it just looks like a dark crack you can't see anything through it it's that pg-13 censorship i get a thong of ass hair oh what a horrible phrase this terrible combination of words made me think of hakuna matata when he said a horrible phrase it's a thong of ass hair for the rest of your days holy god i missed you guys so much yeah so do i have to pick the good part yep teleport oh no oh my god this works so much better oh my god it works we know what his offset is what's it gonna be we talked about it so you have a belt i pictured this as like batman's utility belt i don't mind a brown sack either though that's really good yeah sense i think because that's actually pretty hilarious so in order to activate your teleporting powers you have to euthanize a kitten every time in order to do this so you're like i have a sack full of kittens yeah a utility belt of kittens i need to kill like four for this one all right yeah i mean i would only use it if i needed to if i could save a human life i'd kill a kitten sure but every time every time i save a human yeah what's like the guy on x-men that can like poof yeah it's gonna be like that but every time he does like a poop somewhere if he has to like just pop that flashbang there's a glow stick until the kitten's life leaves like a bunch of kids he's in a burning house he's like so instead of a big puff of smoke when he leaves there's just a dead kid that's his trail you just see a kitten's dead body i'd like to welcome you officially to the offenders i like the idea of slowly you i just like you're just like the needle kids like i'm sorry because you have to think of the news too it's like you show up to this burning building news is like dim i was here to save them and you're like god damn it it's like they're watching you take out one kitten and you're like the needles just aren't just injection teleports he's gone and his dead kitten's just gone all right here's the deal what happens when i pull up and there's like a burning tree and there's a kitten in the top of it and i'm like which one the fire department's got this one i'm not needed schrodinger's kitten level right when you put a pool in travel all right great level and i show up and i go mike have you have you leveled and he goes huh and i go have you leveled it he goes i'm trying so he is not like an above ground inflatable pool yeah no he had not leveled it and so we were taking two by fours put on like a like an arm and lifting up the pool as he's digging it out trying to raise it up and i was like i swear to god if you weren't a hero i wouldn't be here like i hate you so much it's not like a doggy pool bro stick to shooting active shooters okay so he's like you're fine you're fine you're fine long story short i'm pulling this up doing this like this and it wasn't paying attention and he literally knocked me unconscious and i just go i'm going home i'm going home i don't want to do this anymore and so when brandon came to town he's like come help me build a deck and i was like not a chance i'm not going he's texting you and then he's texting me he's like hey you and zach need to come over like i'll grill some steaks but like uh are you free tonight oh he's trying to dude he's trying to finesse us into coming to build his deck it's kind of easter weekend no he knew my last name was herrera he's like cool a mexican's in town all right i got a deck that needs to get built where are you i'm at home depot i don't see you yeah he's like zach's fine it's just one condition he's got a deck that needs to be built he's like zach's fine it's just one concussion i'm like dude i don't know how many i've got left it's it's like the never-ending story part two i don't know how many more wishes i have available and i don't you know i'm gonna hit my head probably when i leave here you know how many i got for the rest of my life maybe five i'm not rolling bro i love our friends yeah we have the weirdest friend group ever yeah the history of mankind i think yeah yeah you and you it's like we're all good people but you'd never know it yeah we gave them false reports see and that's why you don't subscribe that's why you don't flip my nose nick can we right there can we get a camera that you guys have your lighting sitting on a cardboard box on top of a piece of tupperware and some of the quotes from benjamin franklin's published works are the funniest on the planet i haven't read any of those yes please benjamin franklin renowned womanizer right yeah like everybody okay he wrote a paper and published it i believe it's called advice to young men on their choice of mistress not girlfriend not wife mistress yeah how to pick a side hoe by the founding fathers okay that's basically what this is we got to go back guys we got to go back everybody's like what would the founding fathers think about this like you forgot the the revolution was started in a bar yeah i probably think it was pretty dude zach had the funniest joke about that about the founding of the marine corps and ton tavern he's like you need to realize the marine corps is founded by a bunch of dudes drinking at a bar that went out raided the british came back for more beer and guys we should go pro I fucking love Zach, man. That's the American energy that I just fucking love. I wish more people knew about that stuff. Oh, God. Do you guys want to hear some Benjamin Franklin quotes? Yes, please. Hit us. Quote, because in every animal that walks upright, the deficiency of fluids that fill the muscles appears first at the highest part. Gravity. He's talking about gravity. The face first grows in length and gets wrinkled, then the neck, then the breasts, then the arms. The lower parts continue to be last, plump as ever. Is he just saying, like, it's okay to bang old bitches? This was a published paper on how to choose a mistress, and it's literally like a 36-page paper on why you should be fucking cougars as a young man. I do know he loves smashing old bitches. Yeah, I was just going to say, I knew that. Quote, because as they have more knowledge of the world and their minds are better stored with observations, their conversation is more improving. And more lastingly agreeable. She's got experience. They got that slop top down. We'll, we'll get there. Quote, quote, the glug glug five thousand. Oh, we're going to get there. Quote, because there is no hazard of children, which irregularly produced may attend with much inconvenience. Less likely to have kids. Because in every animal, and indeed every vegetable. Connor. Decays with age and the most virtuous women are apt to relax their vigor and permit more generous freedom with their persons. They're loose. Old bitches do anal. Oh, God. They don't get off camera saying they do because they're prudent because of having more prudence and less beauty than the young. They are less subjective to censure. Hold on. I didn't get that one. They're not going to. I don't want to judge you as much. Oh, that's fair enough. Quote. And lastly, they are so grateful. They had a hard ass life. I love how we publish this as like this. This would be useful for you. Oh, yeah. The old bitches will cook you breakfast in the morning. Homies just out there with a fucking key on a kite and it's fucking balding mullet swinging dick the entire revolution. What a champ. Yeah. Yeah. We need to make that mandatory reading for college. Now that's the entire paper. Dude, he would love tender. Yeah. That man would be Cougar finder. Yeah. We need. We need. We need to have a Benjamin Franklin impersonator on the podcast, but one is so quick one. A good one. One that knows all that shit. I really want like he's got to be like the Genghis Khan of France. He's got it. He was banging everybody in France, but we're never going to find out because DNA tests are illegal. There are they? Yeah. Why is that again? Nick DNA tests are illegal in France. Why? They have like some bullshit reason, but like the hush hush, everybody knows why reason that nobody wants to acknowledge is because promiscuity is like, so not frowned upon in French culture that they're worried if DNA tests weren't, you literally have to get like a court order like 23 and me, all that bullshit. It's banned. You need a court order from a judge to get a DNA test. You can't just go get one. So like with all the migrants and people, they're actually doing DNA tests for that, right? Uh, that wasn't, that wasn't the direction that I was going at their reasoning is that they cheat on each other so much. They're worried it would ruin too many families. How could they get it from their great, great grandfather, Benjamin Franklin? It's like Japan, uh, prostitution is normal. Like wives are like, oh yeah, as long as they're paying with money and not love, I don't care what they do. And that is on both sides in Japanese culture. It's fucking wild. That's weird. Yeah. So you're saying I got to move to France. France or Japan is, uh, what I'm getting out of here. That's, uh, your wife's going to get a good attorney. She's going to kill me. There's one clip. I'm like, fuck, I'm sorry. This is the clip that's going to get something thrown at me. This, this right here. Yeah. Well, we said, uh, Japan or France. And for whatever reason, he still moved to Thailand. Yeah. No kids. Well, Benjamin Franklin would love Thailand. No bitches getting pregnant. This is probably going to have a weird looking vagina. It's probably going to have to get cut, but it's cause you can reach around and pretend you went all the way through. That's a one of the superintendents at this company was just every picture you took, he had it set up. So it was backed up by the cloud. Well, the whole company shared one fucking cloud and he didn't understand that. If you get anything real, do you want to come in heat on this bed? Oh God. Yeah. Papa electrician here. Do you want to sit on your son's lap for a bit? So, so edit out the name. So he worked with me at your job, my work, and you got a job at a, uh, he's a very woolly human, right? Who? Yeah. It's like a Velcro pad sitting next to you. So what I always say when he sits over here, all I feel is that fucking Velcro. Triceps are clean. Where'd you get that from? Not you. So anyway, this dude, he got a new job and his job was to go around and take pictures of culverts. And he works for the County, the road department. Oh, okay. Sorry. Do T basically the County. That makes it so much. Just like, don't say where I work for now. You're just saying where you work. You're giving every detail. I'm not telling the County or his name or anything. Yeah. What's zip code? Um, everybody's got a deal. Uh, so his job was to go around and take pictures of these culverts and ditches and whatever, you know, road work and he, his phone fucked up and he had to go and get a new phone and it downloaded everything from his phone onto his County phone. Oh, I already see where this is. And there was Dick picks. How old was he? My age. *laughter* We're not gonna expose that guy, dammit. That nasty old man. One of them, he had spread his ball sack wide and made it look like a heart and told his wife, "Happy Valentine's Day." He was doing the bat wing thing. The watch, the hamburger. This is one of my very good friends, and Todd, if you see this, I'm sorry, brother. *laughter* His name's Todd. Today we're talking about Blue Chew. Help me. Blue Chew is coming at you with a brand new innovation called Blue Chew Gold. This ain't your grandpa's little blue pill. Why do you know what pills your grandpa takes? I steal his pills. This is the 4-in-1 beast that's setting the gold standard for performance. Connor, what are you doing? We're talking two ingredients for blood flow that keep that rocket pumping. Mixed with apomorphine and oxytocin, turn up that arousal and connection with your brain and body. My mom was addicted to that. No, Eli, it's oxytocin, not oxy-cotton. Uh. She was addicted to that, too. *laughter* Blue Chew Gold dissolves under your tongue and works in as little as 15 minutes. This is peak passion and peak performance in a single tablet. Passion. We all went on a family vacation together in South Carolina. *laughter* Legitimately, you don't even have to have problems with ED or anything like that. It's a vasodilator. So if you think you're good now, you will be better after this. Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at BlueChew.com. And we've got a special deal for our listeners. Get 10% off your first month on Blue Chew Gold with code UNSUB. That's code U-N-S-U-B at BlueChew.com. Visit BlueChew.com for more details and safety information, and we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. Thank you so much, Blue Chew. Thank you. I gotta run. *laughter* Connor is rigging that mortise. I assume everyone here is familiar with the Bat Bomb, right? From World War II? You did a video about that. Say you're not. What did you say? Bat Bomb? The Bat Bomb. Oh my God. You can teach him because mine's not the Bat Bomb. Here we go. America weaponizes everything. I really love this. Dentist in World War II. Ted Dev starting it. Today we're talking about the Bat Bomb for like the fifth time. *laughter* I didn't know I was like one of the foremost leading experts on this on accident. So in World War II, they had this really unique problem. They had all these different programs trying to develop essentially a weapon of mass destruction at the time. You had the Manhattan Project over here, and then you had this other extracurricular project where we were going to strap napalm bombs to bats. Oh, fuck. I'm in. Because the Japanese lived in houses made out of paper and wood. So there was a dentist from Kentucky who was also a part-time inventor. He had previously invented a fireball. He had previously invented a fried chicken vending machine. Clearly a fucking genius. Why am I first hearing about a fried chicken vending machine? Bro, I got you. We were living in the future back then. man we gotta go back we have so digressed so he gets this idea of like i've this is going to be brilliant we're going to strap incendiary grenades to bats and then we're going to drop them off over japan right before dawn and the bats are going to go and they're going to roost in attics in any nook and crevice that they can possibly find and then two hours later the incendiary grenades are going to light up and it's going to light the whole city on fire and burn that bitch to the ground i'm in yeah i like it so he writes this down in a letter and sends it to the government never would have made it anywhere but this dude just happened to know fdr's wife sends it directly to the first lady she gives it to her husband and her husband forwards the letter to military intelligence i don't it i can't remember the exact quote but it's something along the lines of him telling his generals this is not a madman i think he's got a perfectly good idea we should look into it so they start developing bat bombs they end up harvesting thousands of mexican free-tailed bats from a cave right outside of san antonio there's just thousands of these motherfuckers because they were the best bats that we could find apparently they make up a bomb that essentially looks like a large colander that when you drop it it just kind of like opens up and all the bats fly all over the fucking place and they go to test it and i'm so intrigued right now so they they go to test it on this airfield out in the middle of the nevada desert and the army is running the program at this point in time and they drop all these bats off and they're like bad news we forgot we forgot to take the fuses out of the incendiary bombs so they've almost burned the entire fucking airfield to the ground they've blew up the general's fucking car so the army is like i'm out i want nothing to do with it it works it's like proof of concept right right there was one marine general that heard about it and just fucking showed up uninvited and he's like this is dope so he assumes control of the program i love marines dude yeah and uh i saw the crayons are fucking awesome i did a whole video on it but like literally if we if the manhattan project wasn't done in time and we resorted to bat bombs it would have been like 12 times deadlier than the atomic bomb was just because it would have like we killed more people in incendiary bombings in japan than the atomic bombs did just think of like the psychological factor on that like bats flying with bombs like the drone stuff now here's the thing they wouldn't even know it was bats because it was literally just like they'd their house would just come in the attic and it would literally just be the whole city or town would burst into flames at dawn that is awesome horrifying a hurry shit there's a fire everywhere everyone's just in terror after that moment there was a program that actually predated that and it showed some promise and this is the one that i found out about oh no um and it was originally it was called operation pigeon and then it was changed to operation org con which stands for uh organic control what they did america weaponized everything we created gps before gps so what they would do is they built a bomb and the explosive was in the middle of the bomb but in the nose they would have one to three pigeons that had three pictures well i'm sorry one to three is what i read it's like there was three and they would teach these pigeons they would show them one is done like a picture of a uh of a target and every time they would see the picture they would get uh like a grain or something like that if they pecked at it so at least a pellet yeah and eventually they train these things one of them like pecked like 10 000 times in 45 minutes and what they would do is steer the bomb on the bomb and they would show them like a picture of a target as it was falling out of the air so they were using pigeons to create glide bombs this is a real thing america did they had the three pigeons were averaged out amongst the three so they would average out where the pecking was to calculate the best out of the three it was literally pigeon democracy on who we were gonna fuck with a bomb i'm not going back to boot camp but i wanted this program it's so resurrected this sounds awesome shit i like i off the podcast and i can get it to chase whoever's editing this like you can see the video footage like they recorded this of the pigeons pecking at targets it was like actually highly effective yeah it showed real promise like there was a guy who was a behavioral scientist who like came up with the concept it was like no no we can use pigeons and it it was pretty effective and i don't i didn't get to why they canceled the program maybe you did uh but they said that it eventually moved on to the bat bomb and then of course the manhattan project i did a video i forget why they canceled that product they brought it back after world war ii for something else and then they just microchips caught up and we went to guidance that way but yeah it's really hard to make money off pigeons yeah and mike tyson was going to be pissed i mean it's gonna now go i don't know he's gonna hit us so we'd cancel it yeah so that was the one that i learned about i was like we made a pigeon bomb like we was just i googled i got bored and i was like weird missiles and like all the rest of them i've already talked about so that was the only thing that i learned about so that was the only thing that i learned about the only one i was like huh so then i started googling pigeon bomb and i was like well let's see what this thing is all about yeah i learned about the pigeon not something you want to do on your work computer no no well i mean for me though being in the missile space they'd probably like no he's doing research and it's fine and he's good yeah dude holy shit i love these are always my favorite it is like hey we're learning all new tech this is from you to you to you i'm just like holy shit if it exists america either has or will weaponize it at one point in time i can't hold it in anymore um i have a gift hold on battery shoots close you start stabbing brandon chase when the other kids with the so quick story um a friend of mine uh found out exactly uh how much a medal of honor is worth wait oh my god did you i gotta go to the bathroom hold on it's a hundred and twenty dollars at a pawn shop at an antique shop don't don't get your heart set up it's not a medal of honor thank god so so i'm gonna be doing a video on it supremely uncomfortable i know i know so i wasn't gonna give you i wasn't gonna give you a real guy from fucking yeah no no it's far more embarrassing um so so he found a medal of honor and these kids were like gonna be great we can put it like on our airsoft uniforms and play like airsoft and paintball with it and my buddy's like what are you looking at and he sees it's a metal he's like is that is that real and he asked he's like is that real it's 120 for a medal of honor i forget the um soldier's name that received it was in vietnam and he was from new york a couple hours away from buffalo the guys a part of the vfw that this dude like grew up in from the area bought it for 120 he's like what do i do with it i go get a nice jewelry case with like the white mannequin thing put it around it he's like i'm going to give it to our local vfw and you know make a ceremony and stuff he hasn't done it yet but he's got the stuff just hasn't done the ceremony but check engine abs or maintenance light on take the guesswork out of your warning lights with o'reilly veriscan the service is free and provides a report with solutions verified by ase certified master technicians and if you need help we could recommend a shop for you ask for o'reilly veriscan today i like brandon's like on edge uh brandon i did get you from uh this is this is this is from a viewer and he he gave this to me and said i have to give it to you so this is from a veteran this is from a veteran who said i have to give this to you it is your purple heart everybody connie leading the way with that double salute nick stand at attention a tense parade rest you know what's really up is we're we're not even at the one year mark of the ambush that eli put me through last year on the veteran veterans day episode i told nobody about this i had to keep this a secret for like six months chase can we get a flashback to when fucking eli tried to pin his purple heart on me and that started this whole shit no no no no no no no you're an honorary purple heart member today we're ai things brandon's army and a marine at the same time you need to what are you get in that is a fuck you hold on i've got that is a genuine honor that is very cool i have the letter so much um shut up oh i have the letter oh no okay i have to cut out some of the words because i don't want to give away this this guy's personal information brandon no one ever said it had to be the u.s military you need to be a military man you need to be a military man you need to be a military man to serve in in order to consider yourself a veteran your secret is safe with us comrade looking forward to seeing you in congress that's how old this is let's go brandon let's see hold on i'm waiting with bated breath well anyway it's it's it's a long i'll be just like a big thank you to the entire unsubscribed team each and every one of you for all the support you do for the members of our veteran community please hold on to your uh purple heart while i scream this no hold it up do your medal of honor or do your uh purple heart for some respect all right you earned it so don't be a jerk uh thank you for everything that you do the supporters of the veteran community as well as raising money to support autism uh charity and programs uh having a child himself he understands how important it is he loves everything that you do and brandon having been made an honorary veteran we welcome him with open arms into our community and can't wait for him to be elected slow burn because you lost uh once again from my heart thank you sincerely so and so i won't say what branch or his rank but he had a purple heart in his possession and thought that it would be only appropriate to give it to you uh out of thanks for what you've done to the veteran please hold it up while i'm talking about it out of thanks for what you've done to the veteran community so a veteran a veteran who and who are we to tell you what to do with the things that you've earned has been a great day thank you so much for watching and i'll see you next time bye bye we stowed this enemy marksmanship medallion to you no please hold it up thank you and we thank you brandon we all thank you on your feet on your feet everyone add it to jump my my favorite this is like having happy happy birthday song to you in a texas roadhouse um i if you're going to talk about it please hold it up thank you i would just like to point out the fact that we we had a very complete brunch this morning we had a very complete brunch this morning where you were knowingly waiting to ambush me this morning where you were knowingly waiting to ambush me oh and said nothing like did not tip oh and said nothing like did not tip oh and said nothing like did not tip your hat at all so that is over six months your hat at all so that is over six months your hat at all so that is over six months of waiting of waiting of waiting me well for everyone who earned it me well for everyone who earned it me well for everyone who earned it i i greatly appreciate the sacrifice that i i greatly appreciate the sacrifice that i i greatly appreciate the sacrifice that you made for your country i did not and you made for your country i did not and you made for your country i did not and we appreciate your sacrifice brandon we appreciate your sacrifice brandon we appreciate your sacrifice brandon this forced valor that has been pushed this forced valor that has been pushed this forced valor that has been pushed upon me we're not going to close it no upon me we're not going to close it no upon me we're not going to close it no well you know what that could just sit well you know what that could just sit well you know what that could just sit here it's a very nice metal it's a very here it's a very nice metal it's a very here it's a very nice metal it's a very nice metal this is a very full circle considering this is a very full circle considering this is a very full circle considering this all started with eli this all started with eli this all started with eli trying to pin his purple heart on me and trying to pin his purple heart on me and trying to pin his purple heart on me and me refusing it having me refusing it having me refusing it having never served in the armed forces of never served in the armed forces of never served in the armed forces of any kind that's not what ai says any kind that's not what ai says any kind that's not what ai says ai and i quote is brandon herrera a ai and i quote is brandon herrera a ai and i quote is brandon herrera a veteran yes brandon herrera is a veteran yes brandon herrera is a veteran yes brandon herrera is a veteran he served in the new national veteran he served in the new national veteran he served in the new national guard known as a k guy then you ask it guard known as a k guy then you ask it guard known as a k guy then you ask it again again again it's brand what branch did he serve in it's brand what branch did he serve in it's brand what branch did he serve in brandon herrera served in the us brandon herrera served in the us brandon herrera served in the us marine corps marine corps marine corps whoa i don't think i would have done whoa i don't think i would have done whoa i don't think i would have done that bad on the ass that bad on the ass that bad on the ass hold on where he held the rank of hold on where he held the rank of hold on where he held the rank of sergeant and worked as an infantry sergeant and worked as an infantry sergeant and worked as an infantry machine gunner he deployed to iraq machine gunner he deployed to iraq machine gunner he deployed to iraq and then afghanistan during his time in and then afghanistan during his time in and then afghanistan during his time in service and saw combat in those regions service and saw combat in those regions service and saw combat in those regions i feel the need to i feel the need to i feel the need to gpt none of this is true i did not do gpt none of this is true i did not do gpt none of this is true i did not do any of those things i have been a could any of those things i have been a could any of those things i have been a could you say that while you hold this you say that while you hold this you say that while you hold this civilian side up my entire life but civilian side up my entire life but civilian side up my entire life but this is a very nice medal and thank you this is a very nice medal and thank you this is a very nice medal and thank you so much for whoever put that out so much for whoever put that out so much for whoever put that out surf shark is a vpn design with the user surf shark is a vpn design with the user surf shark is a vpn design with the user in mind surf shark and now includes in mind surf shark and now includes in mind surf shark and now includes surf shark search search and complete surf shark search search and complete surf shark search search and complete privacy with no ads or trackers privacy with no ads or trackers privacy with no ads or trackers following your every move pcmag.com's following your every move pcmag.com's following your every move pcmag.com's editor's choice that was almost that editor's choice that was almost that editor's choice that was almost that word editor's choice be like you'll like word editor's choice be like you'll like word editor's choice be like you'll like this one you can unlock the 15 largest this one you can unlock the 15 largest this one you can unlock the 15 largest netflix country libraries including the netflix country libraries including the netflix country libraries including the u.s and japan konnichiwa anime u.s and japan konnichiwa anime u.s and japan konnichiwa anime oh geeky that's the car yes eli sharks oh geeky that's the car yes eli sharks oh geeky that's the car yes eli sharks that you can surf that you can surf that you can surf surf shark surf shark has a strict no legs surf shark surf shark has a strict no legs surf shark surf shark has a strict no legs policy policy policy wait that can't be right surf shark has wait that can't be right surf shark has wait that can't be right surf shark has a strict no logs policy what that means a strict no logs policy what that means a strict no logs policy what that means is that surf shark doesn't collect any is that surf shark doesn't collect any is that surf shark doesn't collect any of your private browsing data they of your private browsing data they of your private browsing data they can't see what you're doing on the can't see what you're doing on the can't see what you're doing on the internet but god can and he's very internet but god can and he's very internet but god can and he's very disappointed access to hulu and netflix disappointed access to hulu and netflix disappointed access to hulu and netflix and other things where uh you're having and other things where uh you're having and other things where uh you're having issues in certain countries about issues in certain countries about issues in certain countries about watching stuff like cody said with an watching stuff like cody said with an watching stuff like cody said with an animes and one subscription allows you an animes and one subscription allows you an animes and one subscription allows you to install and run surf shark on an to install and run surf shark on an to install and run surf shark on an unlimited amount of devices at the same unlimited amount of devices at the same unlimited amount of devices at the same time unlimited devices say sexy very time unlimited devices say sexy very time unlimited devices say sexy very sexy you have to say device is sexy your sexy you have to say device is sexy your sexy you have to say device is sexy your device is sexy no say devices but like device is sexy no say devices but like device is sexy no say devices but like sexy devices sexy devices sexy devices 3200 servers in over a hundred 3200 servers in over a hundred 3200 servers in over a hundred countries ensures you'll find a server countries ensures you'll find a server anywhere you go and no borders don't anywhere you go and no borders don't anywhere you go and no borders don't like that oh yeah brother go to like that oh yeah brother go to like that oh yeah brother go to surfshark.com unsubscribe and use code surfshark.com unsubscribe and use code surfshark.com unsubscribe and use code unsubscribe at checkout to get four extra unsubscribe at checkout to get four extra unsubscribe at checkout to get four extra months of surf shark four months are we months of surf shark four months are we months of surf shark four months are we still going to the aquarium yeah let's still going to the aquarium yeah let's still going to the aquarium yeah let's go to the aquarium surf shark oh then we go to the aquarium surf shark oh then we go to the aquarium surf shark oh then we finally made it to bethesda hospital finally made it to bethesda hospital finally made it to bethesda hospital and i spent a year there and i spent a year there and i spent a year there learning to walk learning to get rid of learning to walk learning to get rid of learning to walk learning to get rid of the anger that i felt the anger that i felt the anger that i felt you know i didn't trust anybody you know i didn't trust anybody you know i didn't trust anybody i didn't want anybody behind me i didn't want anybody behind me i didn't want anybody behind me you know i don't even trust these guys you know i don't even trust these guys you know i don't even trust these guys here they look like they rob banks here they look like they rob banks here they look like they rob banks it's fair it's fair it's fair branded because he's mexican yeah also fair enough how also fair enough how also fair enough how how long after that was that picture how long after that was that picture how long after that was that picture taken taken taken oh yeah i came home as an officer oh yeah i came home as an officer oh yeah i came home as an officer and they sent me to marine barracks and they sent me to marine barracks and they sent me to marine barracks foot meat and and and the marine corps at that time or the the marine corps at that time or the the marine corps at that time or the military was time was military was time was military was time was trying to trying to trying to bring more bring more bring more minorities in minorities in minorities in uh the brain core uh the brain core uh the brain core and they what they weren't doing very and they what they weren't doing very well well well so so so i got a call from the secretary i was in i got a call from the secretary i was in i got a call from the secretary i was in i was in i was in i was in you know they sent me to marine barracks you know they sent me to marine barracks you know they sent me to marine barracks ford mead ford mead ford mead as an officer then the secretary of the navy called me then the secretary of the navy called me then the secretary of the navy called me and told me i'd been selected and told me i'd been selected and told me i'd been selected to head up a campaign to to head up a campaign to to head up a campaign to get more african americans and get more african americans and get more african americans and minorities into the marine corps as minorities into the marine corps as minorities into the marine corps as officers officers officers or just get them in and i said well mr secretary you know and i said well mr secretary you know and i said well mr secretary you know however you think we ought to do this however you think we ought to do this however you think we ought to do this thing i'll i'll help out best where i can thing i'll i'll help out best where i can thing i'll i'll help out best where i can he said i've got a program going down he said i've got a program going down he said i've got a program going down we're we're we're we're gonna make you a superstar we're gonna make you a superstar we're gonna make you a superstar said what the hell is that mr secretary and he said well and he said well and he said well um we got a company that j um we got a company that j um we got a company that j walter thomas thompson company in new walter thompson company in new walter thompson company in new york york york and they came down for three days and they came down for three days and they came down for three days and they took 600 pitches and they took 600 pitches and they took 600 pitches i had me on a golf course i had me on a golf course i had me on a golf course and i mentioned the sad part about this and i mentioned the sad part about this and i mentioned the sad part about this whole thing is the guy who was holding whole thing is the guy who was holding whole thing is the guy who was holding me up in the rear me up in the rear me up in the rear photo as you probably it's probably better photo as you probably it's probably better photo as you probably it's probably better on the big one yeah i showed the on the big one yeah i showed the on the big one yeah i showed the big one yeah yeah yeah big one yeah yeah yeah big one yeah yeah yeah right there so the gentleman right right he was so the gentleman right right he was so the gentleman right right he was holding me up holding me up holding me up because i couldn't stand and he was because i couldn't stand and he was because i couldn't stand and he was saying to me here brandon can you hold saying to me here brandon can you hold saying to me here brandon can you hold it yeah that way same shot yeah it yeah that way same shot yeah it yeah that way same shot yeah so that gentleman there yeah i heard him so that gentleman there yeah i heard him so that gentleman there yeah i heard him saying lieutenant it's okay saying lieutenant it's okay saying lieutenant it's okay i got you and he had his hand in my i got you and he had his hand in my i got you and he had his hand in my back back back you know my legs have been broken and you know my legs have been broken and you know my legs have been broken and you know i didn't really want to be you know i didn't really want to be you know i didn't really want to be there but i told the secretary there but i told the secretary there but i told the secretary navy secretary that i'd do what i could navy secretary that i'd do what i could navy secretary that i'd do what i could the kid there he didn't make it he let the kid there he didn't make it he let the kid there he didn't make it he let him he died him he died him he died then the demons come home again then the demons come home again then the demons come home again and and and i couldn't make sense of it all i couldn't make sense of it all i couldn't make sense of it all you know i come home from this you know i come home from this you know i come home from this war zone and the boy is holding me up war zone and the boy is holding me up war zone and the boy is holding me up saying it's okay lieutenant saying it's okay lieutenant saying it's okay lieutenant i've got you i still hear him today i've got you i still hear him today i've got you i still hear him today he helped me stand up he helped me stand up he helped me stand up because i because i they had me all dressed up and my my blues you know blue uniform when i went to quantico to get the officer's uniform they told me no he said you don't look much like an officer i was skin and bones and my skin was scarred and and they said well go home and come back i was turned down from getting the uniform that i'd already did now my wife was in the car when i We went to the car. She said, you okay? I said, yeah. I didn't get the uniform. They were very expensive uniforms. But I was enlisted, man. Now I'm an officer. I got to do all this stuff officers do. She said, that's okay. We'll go home. And I'm going to fatten you up. And we're coming back. We're coming back. And we did. And we did. And I came back. And they took me in and measured me. And they got the uniform out. And I looked in the mirror. I didn't recognize that person. That was not me. But they had about three or four guys measuring and doing all these kind of things. With this historical Marine Corps uniform. Now I've got it on me. And what do I do now? I've got it. I went back to Fort Meade where I was stationed at the Army base. And they took me to a golf course along with some rings there. And they had me marching around with that uniform on. And they took me to the army base. And they took 600 pitches. And this is the one they decided to go with. I believe it's called Ask a Marine. Has that chinchilla been there the whole time? I'm such a fan. Electric. I was like, what is he doing? What is he doing? And then I was like, uh-oh. Cody! He's going to shoot you later. Probably. Two there. You're. You're. You're. You're. It's like the moon. That's how I. Yes. Yes. It is a moon. And it's just craters in the road. And when the ROE changed to, hey, you can just, if they look shady, shoot them. I was like, wow. Wow. That's a new engagement. And you are like, this is a real bad area. Because it looks like the fucking moon. The roads are just blown to shit. So you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. I really like it. A hundred percent. It is. Yeah. And you're like, uh, it's not a good. It's not a good neighborhood. I was. I was holding on to the old, the old shit handle for dear life as they're driving through there. Okay. So the way I got permission to go there, because when I went into Ukraine, my whole thought was like, they weren't going to let me go to the front. Cause there's a lot of Americans that go there and they're like, this guy, he's just here to like, you know, it's like war tourism, shit like that. And there's a lot of people that they see there and they don't let go to the front. Essentially. You're going to tell me that somebody high ranking is a YouTube fan of yours, aren't you? No, no, no. It wasn't. I mean, well, it was like, it was a little bit like that, but basically I got, I didn't want to like, I didn't want to act like, Oh, I got, I went there and I was like, Oh, you're a fat electrician. Let me take picture when you're right. You're right. Uh, so I feel like you can't fly into Ukraine. It is a, they'll shoot. You're playing down and they've done it before you have to fly into Poland, into Warsaw and then take a 17 hour train ride into Kiev. And there's no men on that train ride because it's, it is, uh, martial law. Like that shit is locked down. If you are a man, you are not coming in and out of that country. So it's just like women and children on that train ride. You get there as you, as you get more and more East, you start to see the signs of war. There's like bunkers get to Kiev. And I'm, I'm like, let's, so I, we hired this fixer sky on the ground. He's like my producer translator. And I'm like, let's go, let's go to the front. Let's go to the front. He's like, no, spend one day in Kiev. It'll be worth it. I wanted to, I wanted to be like, no, I'm paying you. Like you got to do what I say. But then I'm thinking, I'm like, you know what? Maybe, maybe I should listen to this guy. Like maybe he's, he was born in Russia. Lived in Ukraine since then for many years. Maybe he knows something I don't. Okay. I'll put my ego aside. Really glad that I did because when I'm there, we went out that night. I got annihilated with these Ukrainian intelligence guys. It's like basically like the CIA, but Ukrainian. You got drunk with them. Just completely obliterated. Don't use annihilated with war. Yeah. That's why I don't have my arm. Yeah. Like I got a, there was this drink that they have that I don't know what it was. It was just kind of like a red bowl, vodka, bizarre drink that got me, it got me turned. I just like, this is the day before you're going to the front. Well, so the, so we're like making, I'm like making fun of Ukraine. He's making fun of America and bonding. And he's like, you know what? I like you, Chris, you're a good guy. Cappy. And I was like, I like you too. Cappy army. He's like, what can I, nothing says I like. You're like sending you into Russia. I was like, he's like, what, what, like, how can I help you out? And I'm like, get me into, get me into Kursk. That, that would help. He's like, actually, I'm very good friends with the guy. Like I used to be in the same unit as the guy that's in charge of the Kursk operation. I'm like, sure you are. Okay. No, like, all right, cool. You'll get me into Kursk. He's like, no, really? I'll, I'll set it up. All right. Sure. Then it really did happen. And drunk Cappy, dude, future, future Cappy hates Cappy wakes up, sees a text. You're going to Kursk load up. He's like, fuck, just, I can't, I can't imagine a worse text message to wake up to. Like you're going to the front line in Russia. It's a formation. I did not want to show up for last night. Oh, so keep going. Yeah. I'm here for it. Yeah. I, I said, I'll stand by it. I go, wow. Get drunk and volunteer for the Russian front. What an idiot. I wanted to know what was really going on there. I wanted to know the truth. And, uh, curiosity killed the guy. Drunk Cappy's this. You're eye-jogging this. Oh, the truth comes out. One drink, one shot. Okay. Go on. All right. So we meet in Sumi, which is like an hour. I told you guys we got across the border and the artillery fire. So as we crossed the border, they're like, okay, this is the part where we're, it's the worst part. You basically, the infiltration to the front. They're like, this is under enemy fire control. So we're, if you look at what the situation was like in Kursk, basically we're surrounded on three sides by the Russians. They're to the, the West, East, North, all around us. And they just floor it and they turn on their jamming device and it's loud as fuck. It's like EW thing. That's I'm probably going to die early from radiation. Yeah, exactly. Okay. You hear it. It's just like. Oh, and I could feel my brain like a little bit get scrambled. Fuck. I'm like picking up FM radio from the States and it is so that you're just flooring it down this road, you know, where you see the border situation. The border has like the, it says Russia on this big giant, like Soviet blocks that was probably made in the eighties and it's the most surreal experience. Crossing that border and we get into Suja and the outgoing right away. As soon as I get out of the vehicle, I was not prepared for like the outgoing even, and it's just the explosions or she, this, you couldn't really see in the video, but you feel the earth like move from the outgoing rounds from the one five, five that they're sending out constantly because basically they're doing a covering fire because they're doing it. They know that. Okay. We have the one American journalist coming in correspondent coming in. And so I get to speak to some Russian civilians that basically anyone that's staying there at this point are people that they're like, we've lived here forever and we're not going anywhere. Like this is my home that we built 30 years ago. Do you, if like the Ukrainians are occupying it, Russians are occupying it, this is like your part of the region. And I asked them like, why are you here? They, they get them in touch with their family, like, here's your daughter, they're begging you to leave. And they're like, I'm not, I'm staying here. It's my, my home. And that's basically the prevailing opinion of the Russians that I spoke to that were there. Like the, the Ukrainians, they had a mission with me. Like they wanted, you know, their propaganda purpose. They wanted to show the American audience that like, we're not there. killing and pillaging, that was their goal, right? my goal was to show basically i wanted to show people the logistics of large-scale war like i wanted to show people and frontline yeah yeah i went i spoke to the bradley guy the guys that run the bradley's there the guys that strikers the guy that's the the type of vehicle that i was in iraq i got to see it in kursk the 80th uh aerosol units that were like with the the bradley's the the abrams there got to meet all those guys that are fighting on the front in kursk and that was like my goal to show that story ukrainians have the story that they wanted to show and the russians have their side of the story that they are trying to tell which is they're they're claiming that the ukrainians are coming in and just killing everyone it's like yeah of course wherever war goes people die people are dying civilians are dying i saw ukrainians living out you know they're taking shelter in houses and check engine abs or maintenance light on take the guesswork out of your warning lights with o'reilly veriscan the service is free and provides a report with solutions verified by ase certified master technicians and if you need help we could recommend a shop for you ask for o'reilly veriscan the russians are bombing houses straight up just like airstrikes on houses and ukrainians are staying in them russians are also using houses it's not like american military in iraq we're on bases right but if we were to fight a near-peer war would not be able to do that dang china man had to make fireworks man just working in like being working in trades and like just seeing new tools and new technologies come out to make the job easier and how much pushback and resistance and shit talking there was from that older generation of tradesmen that are like you'd have older dudes that would like talk shit if you liked using an impact instead of a drill just like people do not like changing and they'll just shit talk anything new that's more efficient and they'll like make fun of you for it like oh you got you got soft hands you're using power tools shit like that 24 7 i can't imagine the shit talking oh you're gonna use that magic black power stuff pansy ass why don't you stab a guy in the face like a man like you know how much money i spent on this armor you're you're gay i'm cooler than you because wasn't there like that kind of pushback i i might be making this up entirely but when they transitioned uh from bows to crossbows right so there was like i mean you can talk on this too but really it was not necessarily a big pushback oh shit edmund's here it was more like there was there was an idea that like they said the pope made crossbows legal and things like that because it was too powerful and stuff like that but really there wasn't a big gap between the performance of it it was just the amount of training required that was so minimal that you could arm people so quickly and have a similar result um but overall it would be outpaced and outperformed by a good war bow or a long bow on almost all counts except for the fact that it was easier to mass produce easier to train like a bow the there was an old trait an old saying like you want a good longbowman train start with the grandfather so it's literally like a generational training to be able to be able to functionally use a weapon of war that can actually do damage downrange as opposed to crossbow which had very similar one-to-ones uh but it would just take a weekend you know you get someone to bow a crossbow it's like all right let's do it i didn't have to change your bone density on the right if you're right yeah are you good at it so it's like the problem it's like war patrician click yeah he walks normal next yes he can jump over the spears damn this guy's good that's where hopscotch came from oh my god what if it did he did the one foot thing holy shit it's achilles reborn welcome back brad pitt dude crossbows even those you're just drawing back with the giant metal lever i mean there's a few different he's got the goats which is yeah the winch yeah like the windless which is like that's a 1200 pound crossbow which is like you know it's going to be steel but steel is horribly inefficient as like i can to generate momentum 1200 pound crossbow steel's not going to transfer as well as if you had like a well-made composite bow so if like you have the bows of the eastern empire ottoman bows turkish bows that are composite that have like tendons and horse and things that take like a year to make they have those those can go they've had shots up to like 700 meters that's like the world record i think for an actual bow it's a composite bow with a with a recurve and that's like the world record but of course meters yeah i know it's legit yeah so like you can look it up and but they have it's very it's made for flight it's more sport than warfare because the arrows are light they're not going to do damage on the way down they're small i wouldn't want to get that true but it's more like don't even worry about this 700 meters insane yeah yeah i don't think i want to be hit by anything that has the ability to go 700 more meters good god that is wild did you get into any sword stuff or no i do a lot of that like i'm not like tried i haven't done hema or anything like that that's like this sword style everything and so i do a lot more stuff with like less training weapons so i use a lot of war hammers war picks uh blunt type damage because i feel like that's just like a lot of archers would have like an axe or a warhammer or a mall or things like that so it's not like this it's not as much finesse but you just freaking nail some armor response i've got a sniper i've got a sniper i've got a sniper rifle and a shotgun yeah if we're sponsoring anything we got to get this guy some ballistic dummy heads because i want to see what a battle uh a war hammer does to that oh yeah that would be so satisfying i just did one ballistic high speed out here oh dude i've been doing some of the i do a lot of the the bone right i'll buy like beef ribs or femurs and things like that to test it out because it's just like that's the ballistic dummies are expensive but even that with just like the war hammers and things i had one just recently where i had layered i had um i had brigandine armor which is 1.5 millimeter chain mill and i had a padded game it's in and then i had beef ribs behind it and i just got a new war war axe basically a battle axe and so it's orleans battle axe and so i took it with got a really sharp pointed point on the back and it went through everything and split the bone it actually hit it right in the actual rib in the middle of the back of the gun and i just got a new war axe basically a went through and in so it was through like three layers of armor in through the actual bone which is way thicker than human and like in the back and i was like that's god damn that's brutal i wish there was a way i know that this would be logistically kind of difficult but i wish there was a way to get uh with ballistic dummy labs uh-huh and get them to do like a 50 larger head so you could do the david and goliath shot oh i know yeah yeah that would be gnarly yeah all right guys we've got the nephilim bust here see you yeah it's an abomination from fallen angels to quote my son yeah giants have you seen the uh it's almost it looks like uh it looks like competitive paintball but it's archery with like yeah yeah have you ever done that no i've never done i don't want to see you do that yeah yeah no i've never done that it's like you know like paintball with the inflatable like obstacles and stuff it's one of those but they have like little bows and it's like combat archery like it's like a nerf it's like a nerf yeah but they don't go it's like going like probably like it's like yeah i went to a pickup game with my war bow and then yeah they can't call the police after i killed three people that's what i always hear that's what i'm like hippo's the closest thing to be like when you shoot there's a few animals that you can be so remote there's not a village anywhere around like you shoot an elephant or you shoot a hippo or certain things you know you start gutting that thing you turn around and there's like 60 people and you're like oh my god i'm gonna kill 60 people with buckets there yeah so yeah hippo is like the prize meat it's delicious interesting yeah because i mean like that i like you always like innately feel bad thinking that it's like endangered because we never see it oh shit but like i didn't realize this but like iguanas in florida like people shoot this all the time because they're just an invasive pest but you never seen iguana so you just assume like oh i guess you can't shoot that they shoot way more than alligators like territorial they are territorial it's probably the number one thing that in crocs that kill natives in africa it's number two when you count mosquitoes oh yeah definitely malaria malaria yeah mosquitoes are number one and then hippos and then crocs and hippos running like 30 miles per hour or faster you've seen how fast they fucking swim yeah they're a little fucking other you know they run like they're always touching the box yeah they're just top that's what they're bouncing so if you see like a hippo like if you get all the fat and everything off of it it is like red and it's like oh that's how that thing runs so fast just has all this like fat on it so it can be very buoyant and stuff but yeah if you hippo in the water is like it'll chase your boat and you up but um the hippo on land if you get if you get but when it goes out to feed you get between it and the water yeah hippo hunts are very exciting when that happens because you have to dome it like it's gonna you up so you have to you have to dome it oh we're going we are going for like a week or two and a hippo is like what five to six thousand pounds it's about the size of all land cruisers they're very bad dude that's what that is that's almost as heavy as a cyber truck yeah there's no way that's crazy yeah have you watched a pop watermelon they just put the watermelon like just the gum this is devolved into the joe rogan podcast pull up a video of a chimpanzee you were locked in for like six weeks on that one yeah yeah until i started handing you jack immediately after there's there's a clip chase i think we can put that up uh me in the middle of my post-fight uh conference and cody's hand just gloved hand comes into frame and immediately hands me a shot of jack like oh god thank you i haven't drank in six weeks i showed up to the fight with uh airplane bottles of jack daniels because i know brandon hadn't drank in six weeks and uh they're like hey you want to be a corner man okay and so i i just found some gloves and i put some little gloves on i was in the corner that was your corner man we're telling the real story you weren't allowed to be the corner i wasn't allowed to be we found out the only reason the only thing that uh the security delineated being a corner man or not on was the purple gloves so we just asked for an extra set oh yeah i forgot about that and just gave him to you and you just walked out with us confidently and nobody stopped us i think i'm going to show up to fights as a corner man from now on right every time guys see the gloves well thank you you had uh eli and then what's his name from the bottom tony yeah you had eli and tony and they're like giving them real good information like do this do this to this i'm just in the corner like yeah this is cool do it brandon hit him in the face it was hey when you hit him in the face it looks like he bleeds do that again hit him harder in the face area it would be great god i missed that was a good ass time that was that was that was like crazy like being there like i i could see all y'all up on stage it's just me and nico and like nico's screaming at the top of his lungs he's pushed on the rail and the rail's starting to shake and i'm leaning on it too and they're like stop and he's like no that's my boy that's my boy no offense at all i almost forgot you were there because in the entire time beforehand i was like tunnel vision yeah i completely understand yeah it was like i was no stress at all no it's like oh yeah you're about to be shirtless on live tv and potentially knocked out you know what i was worried about this is like a weird fear but i was told that this is like a normal thing that like has occasionally happened i was like dude what if i what if i get knocked out because like i was about to run into a uh a camp a congressional campaign a month after i'm like i've got to win this or else this is just going to be i'm going to look like a in front of god and everyone i was worried about getting knocked out and myself understand because they don't let you go to the bathroom after you get your gloves taped no you are the second you're taped and they write it off yeah because you get your autograph they sign it whoever uh checks the wraps yeah then they sign it and then you have to be visual and visual yeah line of sight yeah yeah the team so you don't dip them in you had plaster or whatever yeah they do the plaster diff so they harden throughout the fight very dangerous for fires make margarita margarito he was notorious for that and got caught doing it interesting and then he got the whole fire fucking pacquiao beat the fuck out of that dude because of that yeah that dude looked like passion of the christ god yeah at the end of his face was just mangled but i i didn't i didn't know that and like i don't know about you guys but like if i'm like super fucking nervous about something like i i'll get like kind of like temporary yes yeah stretch it yeah i gotta preach all the time i wanted to so badly but i was not legally allowed to i've been like watch me please fight for me i've got my gloves on i can't see how good of friends we are yeah i was like you know what i'll just drive here it's better left my other car here for like god knows how long but yeah no flying no thanks i'm good i always forget that and then i remember i'm like oh yeah that's why he never visits it's the death i'm like i'm i'm good i don't need to fly anywhere ever again anymore i'll just stay at my house at this point but now you guys are like a 30-minute drive away so this is fantastic and we made you fly anyways we drove him to san antonio airport i got an uber picking you up helicopter fly crazy the helicopters fuck with you no that isn't that weird that is yes i love helicopters huh i think it's so much better and funner yeah and more dangerous yeah the thing that beats up air in order to stay floating dude okay you know what the main thing probably is is i just don't want to fall out the sky for two minutes knowing i'm gonna die fuck like no it's oh shit what the fuck done like that's nice you're already given the box of panic i know this guy's really this is why he hasn't been here in a while but yeah i'd be so annoyed saying i'd be like dude we're gonna die please my last two minutes i don't want to hear you screaming at the top of your fucking i'd be like then fix the plane dude like i'm gonna make sure you were the first person on this plane to die yeah and people like oh well if you're gonna die you're gonna die that word you can like go and get like your like you know skydiving license and i'm like that's great but if you go through tsa with that thing one i'm gonna look like a terrorist two i can do that but i don't know how to repack a shoot i don't want to repack a shoe and they can go through it nico walks into it hold on stop did db cooper give you advice he's telling you all of your nervous just pack a parachute because then i won't be afraid to get on the plane now i understand where you're coming from i'm saying what psychopath gave you that advice like that it was actually my idea and then everyone agreed with me okay did they ask you before or after they found out that like even db cooper probably didn't survive jumping out of a fucking commercial area with a parachute at least i have an option during this plane wrecking you're gonna be like okay we'll just unbuckle we'll walk to the back it's gonna be smooth sailing violet turbulence smashed around you're gonna open that back door and be like okay and then you're gonna hit the wing die into the engine i jump out hit the wing my shoe just floods and i'm like oh god damn it now you're just dragged down and you're caught on the way i'm just you're hitting the plane just flat the ironic part is that the plane would have been fine until his body hit the wing they're like oh we regained stability oh god oh no my plan is i was like you know what maybe i'll buy like a nice little plane and then i'll just have parachutes on it and then i won't give a that's a good idea no they don't like my idea okay i'm gonna go myself it's a great idea yeah great idea i will pay money to try to see you bring a parachute in as your carry-on well so i've thought about this is that sad yes it is yeah you get a free cavity search with everyone pretty much the problem is that you want to do that but the tsa can open the chute they can inspect it and do all that shit and i was like well if you hate me and you want to kill me and you like take a little scissors and do whatever to me like i don't want to repack it in the airport either i don't even know if i could that would be hilarious what did you do to the tsa attention to the man repacking his parachute in the middle of the terminal seriously now imagine oh something worse imagine he's repacking the chute and you realize he's in your on your flight that's how you get rid of the terrorists on the flight they're like oh he's got this one i'll pick a different one i'd just be terrified seeing you you're on the phone getting mad trying to repack this and as an outsider that doesn't know you they're just like he's all over the place this guy's yelling and then quiet and smiling and then doing a weird laugh and then a happy laugh what it's the uno reverse card an arab guy sees a white dude on his flight and changes flight oh hell no no uh we're gonna get her to go back to canada and we're going to get her to liquidate all our assets she just sold a house up there liquidate all the assets take all our liquid money buy gold and then put it on wear it and then cross the border and then never go back and then do that a lot though you're gonna have to do a lot of squats and farmer's carries to prep for that gold you know gold things like gold yeah i figured it might work that's a silver coin that's a silver coin i figured it might work that's a silver coin silver coin you're just walking i figure it might work i figured i think you're like the wife of some white crawler criminal that like goes to the airport with 18 watches what's the time yeah only only it's caleb caleb's the wife he has gold duct tape to his chest like yeah how does it feel to be a trophy husband this is how we do it in virginia trophy husband yeah walks across the border yeah walks across the border covered in gold i need to claim covered in gold i need to claim covered in gold i need to claim asylum asylum asylum yeah don't tell anyone but justin trudeau kind don't tell anyone but justin trudeau kind don't tell anyone but justin trudeau kind of wants my governor trudeau governor trudeau yeah governor trudeau yeah it's a bitch i had a traeger grill right there i was cooking like we're good i had the steaks i was like bro what why don't you want to figure my dad first off it's a fucking steak it wasn't it wasn't fix it it was just help me build it oh big difference this motherfucker claims to be hispanic can't build a fucking deck my deck is not crooked now i will also say we'll get back to the other stuff but uh zach did knock his head helping me level it when i first put it up when you first put it up yeah that's interesting you want to talk about that too all right so the wife says let's buy a pool we go to walmart we buy like this crappy pool and we're like this will work we'll try it out for the summer it's midsummer you got an above ground pool heck yeah duh bro yeah we do what we got to do we put it up and when i put it up i was just like hey let's just get this pull up and see if the daughters even like it and then we'll address the other things later when i pop it up it's a six inch difference from one side to the other i'm like oh we can fix that real fast so it's not crooked though at that point it was i'll admit it was uh so we take these two by fours we make this you we're putting on the frames and we're bending it up and we're putting bricks under it to level it zach calls one day he's like hey what are you doing i was doing this he's like oh well i'll come by he's like all right yeah i'll take the help so he shows up he's not even there five minutes when he's helping lift it up and it just breaks and whacks him in the head and he just steps back he's like yeah i got a concussion i'm going home you even said it like you said you really do sound like zach when you say zach you spent longer driving to my house than you did being here goes home he doesn't talk to me for like three days he's so mad that's what he was calling us talking shit about yes he was so mad so fast forward a whole another year and i'm like all right i'm gonna take the pool down i'm gonna re-level it and then i'm gonna build a deck because all the previous year my daughters were in it every day like we're gonna redo this now yeah i should have done it right the first time i get it but i'm just thinking about it and i'm like i'm gonna do it again i'm gonna do it again i'm gonna do it like are you competing with al-qaeda for how many gray spots so i go to put it up for the second time after fixing it and that's when i was like hey i want to come help build the deck and he's like no i'm gonna help you build your crooked deck last time i almost had a concussion same whatever it's just like same above ground pool yeah same above ground pool but i had leveled it this time i bought all the equipment to do it right i hired a buddy to come help out and we we built this deck and then he's like you hire them you're like i got stage for you on some boys yeah eight dollars i was almost done at that point i was thinking about coming over and zach's like coaching me he's like no don't do that don't do it you'll have a concussion he'll concuss you so like i get done with i take a picture of it and zach's like there's the proof it's crooked it's not crooked bro well fast forward again even more zach sends me a text one day he goes hey my daughter's making these bracelets uh you you and the family want to come down to this flea market and buy some like yeah we'll swing by so we me and the wife grab our daughters and we drive out there we buy these uh bracelets we're walking around at this point checking out other things at the market zach sends a text says hey my wife's coming by why don't y'all swing back by over and come say hey it's like all right so we swing back over there and we start chit chatting and somehow in the middle of this conversation of our wives talking the deck comes up again and this is where it gets crazy is uh we have houses now divided in relation to this deck ordeal my wife looks at zach and says no the deck's crooked it is 100 crooked well yeah we're watching the kids play with a ball and one of them's just dropping it and rolling it to the other she's like i'm so team zach on the crooked deck and then zach's wife she's like no i saw pictures of it it looks straight i'm i'm team michael it's straight and now we're like all right what do we do our families are torn on the simple fact of this deck being crooked or not it's never going away do you own a level so like total watch nerd my favorite watch is a tudor pelagos i was like oh the dude across the table from me has the same watch and i like brought it up in conversation he's like yeah i mean yeah kind of sort of not really and he shows me his different yeah and on a tudor pelagos it says pelagos in red on every pelagos period and his is in gold and he's like yeah there's not a whole lot of these go ahead hey i don't know it goes back the tudor company and you know frogmen go back way back right so one of our guys we're looking for a squadron watch and he had a connection through his father who was a watch maker or whatever i don't know the whole story on that but so they made a deal with um with tudor and they made squadron watches for us and mine says it's in gold because i was gold squadron the red guys are in red the blue guys are in blue silver and silver imagine you're in red squadron and you just get a regular tudor watch yeah it's still it's a little different but it's still a little different but it's still a little different there's something else that's i don't know yeah so i mean how many of those pelagos are in existence if you had to guess like 30 60 maybe ever there's probably oh of these with yeah with the gold pelagos there's probably 100 150 maybe yeah ever maybe and you got to be like a special old person to get one it goes even worse than that because this uh the the serial number on this one it's attached to my name so if this shows up on the black market somewhere on the black market tudor will be like what the hell because i can't sell it i can't give it away you so you're not allowed to sell it period nope oh no shit no i can't sell this that's kind of cool yeah yeah watches are more regulated than like super bowl rings and olympic medals it's kind of wild you missed some really funny shit bro it got aggressive after you left we almost got in a fight with him yeah an 80s action movie villain literally bear in mind we stayed up till three in the morning the night prior watching both versions of roadhouse and then we almost got in a bar fight the next night i feel like that was completely not our fault we were sitting there minding our own business and a woman that apparently was 40 based on what she said and loudly recently divorced that she said five more times came up and was hitting on some of us and uh you know we were polite or whatever and we were like yeah cool blah blah blah and she talked for like five ten minutes and then like went like standing over our table while we're just trying to hang out we're talking i was like oh vodka you guys they were offered by june how did you know she offered to buy us vodka i was there oh for the first part you were there the second part the first part was like yeah i was like oh vodka blah blah blah and i was like well i gotta use the restroom real quick and i went and fucking shit because that cheese when i came back they weren't there i was like no so she went it was like making out with some other dude that she went and found at the bar for a while very aggressively like licking tongues like they were getting kicked out of the bar it was aggressive and then as they were leaving together she stopped at our table again check engine abs or maintenance light on take the guesswork out of your warning lights with o'reilly veriscan the service is free and provides a report with actions verified by ase certified master technicians and if you need help we could recommend a shop for you ask for o'reilly veriscan today and it was like saying hi again because you have three exits to make up your mind yeah was her phrasing and then uh the dude that she had left with has already walked out and he comes back in like two minutes and she's like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry and he's got like a hawaiian shirt with like the bottom two buttons done like his whole chest is out and he's got one of those like colgate flosser picks in his mouth and he's chewing on it like a 1980s cool guy with a toothpick it's like you're coming with me or you're staying with these boys gin trout looks around like did that just we all did like this was so glasses off like it's not saying we're hot shit but this is a bold table of three grown men by yourself to walk up and be like these boys is insane you have this 250 pound gorilla right here you're gonna call him a boy with brandon and fucking trowel sitting there that's important also he's like i'm getting late at night and then the girl's like oh yeah i forgot about you i don't know how to say this but like this guy doesn't look like one of us like it's just a very mid skinny white guy we're just like he looked like a 1980s tough guy at a bar and we just got done watching roadhouse it was like and in the back of my mind was like all of us can post bail this isn't like man i just wanted to go home there's some mug shots that won't be good for my career and there's some that would and this is one that might be pretty cool i mean it worked for trump just saying he sold a lot of shirts man it's kind of my thing i just remember them being shit wrecked when they approached and then didn't get better i didn't figure that like oh okay i'm out i'm sorry i don't know okay i dadded that one i i went home last night i was like you were out for that part yeah i was like i want to go see my son you guys went out and almost got into a fucking bar fight with a 1980s villain you would have been so pissed if we got in a bar fight without you i know that would have been horrible i was asleep by her drunk friend comes i've never seen a man so openly displaying his wedding ring and i was like okay how are you sitting i was sitting like this with your wedding ring because she was like standing above me so i was like this listening to the conversation and her friend walks up like this guy's trying to show off his wedding ring and i was like yes i mean no but also i'm just in a defensive posture because i don't know you and you're hovering i'm uncomfortable and you're dressed like han solo in january like that is pretty funny but don't talk shit about the white whitney houston oh my god she did say that she she literally she was so drunk she's like i did i did after we just watched her make out with a dude at the bar i went home at 9 10 by the way this all happened over the course of 30 more minutes i shouldn't be doing this i just got back from church from worship and she's like i go to a black church they call me the white whitney houston and i'm trying i had to get up and go to the bathroom i was laughing so hard guys she's trying really hard 30 more minutes damn i should have stayed sounds like you guys were not picking up what she was putting down i don't think we wanted to pick up what she was putting down npc behavior dude what was um the random encounters from gta what is strangers and freaks it was like oh fuck all right this is entertaining let's celebrate the army 250th oh we appreciate you coming out here you actually went to military school because you were a troublemaker oh yeah man i got some shit i got i got i got sent so so here's the thing my mother was actually threatening to send me since i was eight years old and and she would like send me like she'd give me brochures to show me she wasn't playing around i looked at the brochures but she could never really she could never afford it and then finally when i was when i was uh 14 years old i i actually she said i'm gonna send you to military school and i was like and she's like no you're going next week and she sent me to a place called valley forge military academy in pennsylvania and i remember you know when i when i uh when i first got there i ran away five times in the first four days of that school i couldn't stand that place how they get wait how far did you make it um and how'd they catch you probably about a quarter mile each time um they called me because the school's in the middle of the woods and so they always told us there was out there in wayne pennsylvania so i was always going to try to find this train station and um and in fact so it's true story the last time i tried to run away second sorry let's take last time i tried to run away they actually drew me a map on how to get to the train stations it was like it's just pathetic that i kept on getting lost and they're like i go so they came to my room and they told my roommate to leave they're like he's like you know they told me like we got to attention and they told my roommate they said get out we're going to talk to more and um and i was like all right well you know whatever's about to go down now is going to be bad because they don't want witnesses right so i'm standing there until they tell me to take a seat and i'll never forget his name is his name was sergeant sergeant austin his first name was dallas and i thought that was hilarious um but he's my squad leader he sits down and he's like listen um it's obvious you don't want to be here and quite honestly we really don't want you here so i've drawn your map on how to get to station so he gives me this map and it has like handwritten instructions it has a pace count it has landmarks and and i'm literally like tearing up because i'm so happy and i tell this dude i'm like listen i'm never going to forget you when you know when you get out let me know we'll grab lunch or something and he's just like just get out of there so that night i had this whole big great escape I follow this map into the middle woods and i'm just going deeper and deeper and deeper into the woods and and you often understand so like i i knew cities until that point in my life I don't know anything about the woods and so like the only thing i know about the woods like in horror movies this is where folks go and don't come out of so eventually i just sit down and i start crying because I'm terrified and then I started hearing footsteps and I thought it was just like bears or gorillas or whatever's chasing me in the suburbs of Philadelphia um and then I hear laughter and it was my chain of command because they followed me out the map was completely fake they just enjoyed watching my flashlight making circles in the middle of the woods and uh and finally they let me come when they brought me back to campus and they told me they said um you're allowed to make one phone call they said call I don't care who you call but you got five minutes to make a phone call and I called the only number that I knew which was my mom and I was complaining and tell her how I want to go home and all kind of stuff and finally she said to me she's like too many people have sacrificed in order for you to be there and she's like uh and and they're proud of you and you got to give it a shot and so uh after after a pretty tumultuous few days I finally gave it a shot and uh and it ended up uh ended up working out for me your mom saved up though to put you through that school it was crazy I mean she she that is my dad saved up for Christmas and your mom's like bye but you know what's crazy is that you know and my mother's not a person who like makes empty threats like my mom when my mom makes a threat she's like she's not playing she's literally couldn't afford it and so she was asking around like people she went to church with and saying like I really want to sell my son and people are giving what they could a couple hundred dollars here but she was gonna be thousands of dollars short so it was my grandparents who actually immigrated my grandfather was was born in South Carolina but was run out when he was just a just a child my grandmother was born in Cuba and immigrated to this country and my grandfather was a minister my grand my grandmother was a school teacher and they had this little home in the Bronx and um and when they realized my mom was once again going to be short uh they ended up uh taking money out of their home I actually get emotionally about it but they they took money out of their home to give it to my mom so she could have a couple extra a couple thousand extra dollars to uh to send me away to military school 55 end of it 55 gentlemen and they spent it's like 20 grand modern time or some stupid uh no it was like I think it was like eighteen thousand dollars modern which is still a while between friends yeah that's a good night out man dude bro you're waking up after sight you don't know you made America when you wake up I've got it the the bar tab of the 1787 farewell party for George Washington the founding fathers drank uh 54 bottles of madiera uh 60 bottles of Claret eight bottles of whiskey 22 bottles of Porter eight bottles of hard cider 12 of beer seven bowls of alcoholic punch there were 55 attendees bro eight bottles of whiskey okay eight bottles of whiskey with 55 people is already like kind of like all right everybody's gonna have an okay night I think it was one of you guys that said we should have 55 of our friends over and we do that same thing try to recreate like the founding fathers oh the founding fathers party does the founding fathers maybe not that title but oh yeah yeah yeah yeah well switch that one out the gang drinks a lot all right Eli's over here thinking of like the constitutional equivalent of Debbie does Dallas oh I would hate that next day you're coming oh that's gonna be 55 of us and we have to finish it all oh that's the bit we have to finish it oh we have 55 of our closest friends and we have to finish it all just as the founding fathers intended yep dude Kim's gonna have to shoot muskets terrible and then I hear there's a boat full of tea coming into the harbor but the camera's doing what the people are and like the further you get in the video the more that the vignette just like closes in the frame rate goes down to like eight frames a second yeah dude like just double yeah I'm trying to do the math moments of lucidity are you good bro yeah yeah yeah I'm here a bottle of whiskey is we do that with like five of us it's like Jack how I think it really matters how long the party is because there's a difference between consuming that in three hours versus like 10 hours well it was the bottles plus the seven bowls of alcoholic punch how big is a bowl they didn't really say they didn't specify it's definitely going to be like we don't want to put out on the founding fathers no no no punch bowl yeah punch ball yeah go to Walmart buy a punch ball that generic Mark one auto punch bowl we're gonna need more oh god I wish we had more than 55 people because that's that's a heavy order dude we are like all of us are hurting that is and we have to record the podcast after no oh my god I would quit do a piece of it every like hour as you go along oh yeah oh that's actually a really funny idea let's all go into this hour one hour two hour three hour five through ten is us passed out we have not moved yeah it's just honestly Thank you. that's actually really funny it looks like jonasburg we should oh i've got an idea you guys are gonna hate because it's gonna lock us in on it we should do this for the fourth of july i wish i was younger brandon's eli you're not getting any younger you wish you were make a list for 55 people and then you're coming with your hangover is gonna suck oh yeah oh mark's coming he's coming oh yeah i'm there you're formally invited to our fourth of july party 55 formally accepting oh beautiful i'll be there nick we have a same way you're gonna love this remember the 55 gentlemen thing where we read off the bar tab of the founding fathers yeah we're doing that for the podcast on the fourth of july i'm game we're inviting 55 friends and we have to finish how much they finished i agree including overthrowing a nation fun yeah I already have the rest of you guys we overthrow you the the uk again just to fucking prove a point like yeah just in case you guys were feeling uppity nick you like this idea i mean they're not allowed to own butter what could they do no i meant the drinking a whole bunch let me get that too um grew up grew up in northern california and i was stationed at camp pendleton california uh not i don't think there's probably a better place to be stationed as a marine a better worse place uh you have access to everything and uh a lot of fun great time when you say everything everything yeah pretty much everything uh i think man probably 20 2019 20 into 2020 we had uh like 10 dudes all at once get busted in a cocaine and steroid ring uh no yeah unfortunately some dude got beat up and um they moved unfortunately they got busted yeah yeah they they moved all the grunts to uh where all the pogues live and um yeah as you can expect it was like 100 infantry marines 200 infantry marines versus everyone else who wasn't and uh a lot of a lot of things happened there but um yeah no i i enlisted 2017 i went to boot camp mcrd san diego and then um i was an 0311 um i just you know i knew i knew that being i grew up i didn't grow up seeing the uh you know dress blues marine fighting the lava monster and the dragon but i saw like the recon marines coming out of the water and you know i had no idea that recon marines and sf and marsauk were all different things i was just like yeah i want to be special operations or i want to be special forces and then my recruiter's like you're a fucking idiot and uh he was i ended up scoring like a 90 or 91 on my asvab and he was like you're not going to be a grunt and uh i was like that's the fuck the only thing i want to do yeah and so went that route uh i went to school of infantry west at camp pendleton as well uh once i got out and i was in early 2018 and then i went to second battalion first marines uh second battalion first marines i was a boot uh very junior marine um that's you know the the derogatory phrase but the the proper phrase is you know being a boot and i got njp'd pretty early on uh so what'd you do not yeah non-judicial punishment so what'd you do uh dui what was that no not dui yeah it was crazy that's always everyone's first like yeah no no no not it really it was really dumb but he just comes out swaying like oh yeah i got this this this oh did you beat your wife yeah it's like fuck dude yeah it was manslaughter yeah yeah awesome no i uh poor family of five we were yeah we were out in the gas line district in san diego definitely not um underage drinking and i allowed uh one of my friends to alter my id um and so you know i was born in 98 we made it look like a like a three i think is what it was and i never used it like all the all the bars down in san diego all the clubs like they know fucking that's marine as long as you're not being a jackass and uh so i never used it to like buy alcohol underage never even used it to get in the club underage we were always able to get in but right when i got to the fleet so i got out of infantry school like boot camp infantry school got to the fleet um we were there like two months two and a half months before our unit got back from that last their last deployment and so it was just a lot of like you know hard training and uh and whatnot waiting for the unit to get back and then they get back and you're fresh marines to the fleet and they're everyone fucking hates you yeah everyone fucking hates you already just you know it's it's tradition it's it's what it's supposed to be let's see if they're just getting back from there oh yeah yeah and so you know they came back from their uh their war-torn country of japan on their udp bro you you're just watching anime for eight hours a day shut up um but yeah they they uh they pulled us all in you know we're doing the whole like running around being uh being uh a young junior marine learning things getting things thrown at you physically and uh you know um hypothetically i guess but they pulled all of us in one day and two of my buddies there was probably about 10 to 12 of us that had uh had their ids altered and two of my buddies at the time fucking dumb asses went to pass an id and they're like their chips and their cards like to you know to put them in the little cac reader uh stopped working and they were like oh my god and so they needed to get new ids we're doing like annual training and whatnot and the passing id place on base confiscated their ids and they're like yeah you guys fucking altered your ids and they had drawn in sharpie on the back of their ids to thinking that that was gonna cover their asses and make it look like they hadn't fucked with their ids so they got them confiscated called the battalion pulled all the military ids they fucked with yeah yeah and then they went to yeah they drew in sharpie on them yeah and so that is my real property yeah and and so uh they they pulled it they pulled us in and confiscated all of our ids uh and one of our staff sergeants at the time was like looking out for us he didn't he pulled out like two more ids out of the stack and he was handing them back out and our gunny at the time was like let me see those ids staff sergeant and he was like i already checked them gunny and he was like i want to check them and he was like i already checked them gunny he was like give me the ids and he took the ids from him and pulled out like eight more handed out all these ids and there's like you know 10 of us standing there he's like all right uh if you didn't get your id back see us in the company office and so we all go to the company office and everyone immediately just like you know we're like we're fucked this is the end of the world worst thing ever like this how is how did this happen and uh everyone but me accepted the njp like on the spot they signed the paperwork they got the two weeks of restriction slap on the wrist and like you know they're like you know they're like you know they're like you know they're like nothing nothing really happened like some promotion restriction i my mom was a family law attorney my whole life uh growing up and she was always like if you ever get in any trouble legally like civilian or military request a lawyer like no matter what it is request a lawyer so i'm like i want to speak to a lawyer and they're like you what you want to speak to a lawyer and i was like uh yeah i want to speak to a lawyer and so i had to wait like three days and to get an appointment on main side and so i'm just i spend the next three days fucking cleaning the cp getting screamed at by every single person in the battalion and they finally get over to the uh to the lawyer and he was like brand new fresh lieutenant jag and he was like hey uh well your njp paperwork says that you altered your id so you didn't your your friend did you know according to your story so you know go in deny njp and like it's gonna get fucking sent away so i followed his advice to go in there and deny njp battalion sergeant major calls me up to know mexican accent he's like you think you think ncis isn't gonna figure this shit out if i can and i'm a stupid sergeant major and i'm like stand there pray to rest like holy fuck like my life's over i'm i've been in the marine corps for eight months like i'm getting kicked out what the fuck's going on and he slams my id down the table opens his drawer and he pulls out a razor blade and he throws on the desk and he was like have some fucking integrity and he sits there and he takes the razor blade and he's like scratching it back and forth across the spot that was altered and stuck in that one spot the id didn't look bad but you know i'm i was born in 98 like saying 93 it was you know messed with and so he's like it's like getting stuck and he was like if i can figure this shit out you think ncis isn't gonna be able to figure this out i'm like and he's like have some fucking integrity like tell me the truth i'm like sergeant major like this is what happened this is what the jack told me to do you know i i made a mistake and he was like all right he's like thank you he's like i'm gonna push for a 6105 or page 11 whatever it is and uh i go back down it's not up to him though it's up to the company level so i go back down there they pull my njp paperwork tear it up in front of me type up new fucking njp paperwork saying that my your friend fucking altered it and njp'd me and you know it was like company level at the time i was like oh this is it the end of the world uh you know i'm like fucking tears in my eyes like oh my gosh like talking to my squad leader my platoon sergeant and they're like you're a piece of shit like you but you know do better and so it was honestly the best thing that could have happened i have to you know i can't fuck up where i can like got to learn to not get caught and so um you know from there on out i was like i need to be the you know the best that i can be and it was I was on my P's and Q's and it was honestly the best thing that could have happened. I mean, from there on out. So we go out, uh, this is the San Diego show and everything's going great. She does her little delete me bit. She goes out in the crowd and they're like, bye, love you. Go watch me perform, whatever. Uh, I come back out after the show to find my wife in the crowd and my wife is on fucking Jupiter. I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? Oh, Hannah ate the entire chocolate bar. Oh, uh, okay. Okay. How much is an entire chocolate bar? She wasn't feeling it by the way, you know, but it's not doing anything. You want to take a guess on how much, how much a chocolate bar was? She doesn't do any weed at all. Yes. A hundred milligrams. Yeah. I was going to say about a hundred. Yeah. Out the gate. Thanks for playing dude. If I do 10, I'm legless and I'm a big guy. I was like, Oh God, get out of here. She was, she was paranoid. It was. It was aggressive. It feels like you're dying for several hours. It's a horrible experience. You gotta realize she was in a crowd with 1100 people that all knew who she was and they all wanted to come up and talk to her. And she's fucking like, dude, I walked up. I was like, you're good. I was like, you can go eat and lay down. And she like, she just starts, she just starts ascending into heaven. I was like, she was mad. She was like, I'm not buying your dinner. We were talking to you. I have, I have questions. Does she normally do a thing? Not a thing. So who convinced her to eat the chocolate bar? Well, she's like, Oh, this will take the edge off. She wanted to have like a little tiny bit, like five milligrams. Sure. And then like a little sliver at some point, like it was broken into five milligram increments. Like it was like a Kit Kat and like the only edible they could buy apparently was a hundred milligrams altogether. And they were going to like, I don't know, save it, share it, whatever the fuck. And her brother who does, you know, do edibles and stuff. And he turned around and she was like, yeah, she just ate the whole thing. Cause she said it wasn't working. Now it's definitely fucking working. That is the way that is the rollercoaster that people get on. It's like, ah, man, it's been 10 minutes. I don't think 20 minutes. This isn't working. It's Christ. Kylo Ren calm down. Yeah. The good news is that's a mistake. You typically only make once. I jump guarantee. I've been to multiple of those houses. Yeah. Multiple. And they're sitting, I've had one guy who's just sitting on the curb, just freaking out. I'm like, what's going on? He's like, Oh, I just like my heart's racing. And I'm like, what did like, did you do something? I'm different today. He's like, I ate, I ate this edible. And I was like, there it is. Yep. I don't know. Now they're strong. I ate the entire edible. They're strong, but they're also, so, you know, depending on where you buy them from, like they sell them 20 milligrams, a hundred milligrams, you get the gummies, the chocolates, whatever food choice you want. But the beauty of it now, like, as it's become so mainstream is you can really have a reasonable idea of how many milligrams you're having. So you can dose it correctly. I'm thinking back to like, when I was in high school, I just had my buddy, Zach, who was like dealing cocaine. And they like, dude, I made a batch of brownies. I'm like, okay, how many do I have? He's like, I don't know, a couple. I'm like, okay. A couple brownies? Yeah. And literally, it's literally brownies. Like, I don't even, he didn't even like make it into butter. It was just like nuggets of wheat in the brownies. He's not good at mixing either. Yeah. So I eat two. I eat two. And I'm like, of course, of course, same thing. This is like back when edibles weren't as mainstream. And I, it was probably one of my first experiences. I like smoked off and on through high school, blah, blah, blah. And so I eat two brownies and same thing. I'm like, oh, this isn't working. I'm like drinking a fucking. Oh, it's working. I'm drinking like a Zima or something at the time. I don't even know. So I eat like two more brownies. And then, you know, fast forward three hours. And I'm literally like plastered on the tile kitchen floor like this. Just like spinning for six hours. I'm in danger. Dude, it is. We had one of my buddies. And that summed up the time of my life. The best night I've ever had. There's my one buddy. He eats them. And then he's like, oh, once I was like, oh, no, I'm good. I was like, what? What's that? What does that? What does that bottle say on the dosage? He's like, oh, they're 400 milligrams per cube. I was like, excuse me? Huh? Take care. Why? Why? He's like, well, there's 10,000 milligrams in this box. I'm like. Like a bullion cube? You're making a fucking stew or something? Why the fuck would you have 400 milligrams in a cube? Making a nice chicken noodle soup. You're supposed to drop those into a cauldron for a party, dude. Jesus Christ. And honestly, I feel like some of the most impact that we made is those dudes that are working 16 hour shifts, far from home, sleeping on the floor. We're just giving them energy drinks and shit to get through the day. And it was funny because you're offering people water and Gatorade. Oh, we're good. We're good. Hey, man, you want an energy drink? Fuck yeah, I do. Like, they don't get to leave and go to convenience stores. Oh, also, also, kindest thing. I'm going to glaze you guys one more time because you need to. No, this is incredible. So we go out to eat at a steak restaurant and these lovely people are like, oh, yeah, we heard what you did. We know who you are. They come the entire meals. And then you guys tip. It's like $400 to the people of this restaurant. Good deeds not on camera is very rare from streamers these days because there's a lot of people like, oh, I'm going to go do some charity. Yo, chat, check out me doing this shit right now. They will only do good deeds on stream. If you call me a streamer again, you're going to have to beat my ass. Mr. Brandon? Oh, thank you. Oh, are we shining? Yeah. Okay. I just looked at it. I was like, yeah, everyone got a little glaze to them. Dude, tip your servers unless they suck. And don't tip them. But I will say, I fucking hate tip culture, bro. I think it's so bullshit. I understand. It's out of control. You know, we have to operate within the confines of American culture. But, I mean, it would be nice if employers would just pay their fucking employees. All right. Reservoir dogs. The line was when Subway started asking me for a tip. That was the line for me. Subway asks for tips now. Yes. That's crazy. No. Sandwich artist. He's like, bro. As far as I'm concerned. I'm the manager in this situation. I mean, to be fair. Like, I told you exactly what to do. I've watched you do it the entire time. Did you tip me for telling you how to build it? It's everything deserves a tip now. They'll just turn the machine around. You're like, I just, I bought groceries. We went to that one store that's near the house, the head shop, and they have tip on there. Seriously? Yeah. Oh, dear God. Yeah. Like, I don't understand. If your job is to sit at the counter. Like, if it's. If it's somebody like you're a server, you're running around, you're grabbing shit, you're putting orders back in the kitchen, you're running out to the tables, you're running around, you're being super polite and everything. Yeah. Tip the fuck out of that person. Like, that's awesome. If your job is to ring things up and then just like hand me an iPad and look me in the eyes like that's that's bizarre. Yeah. That didn't that didn't used to happen either. Last couple of years. No, I get confused on even if like an electrician or like an AC repair dude comes. I'm like, do I still tip him? Because no, he was not. I don't know. Here's 20 extra dollars. Yeah. You know how many electricians just unfollowed you because of that? Did it for 10 years. Guess how many tips I got? Five. Really? Oh, OK. Really? Zero. I need to stop tipping. Yeah, you're right. I just had a guy come to redo my lawn and it was like he paid me like $3,000 off of the service. I'm like, is that enough? Or like, do I give him an extra 10 percent? How does this work where you don't come back to my house and break my windows? Because you know where I live now. Oh, yeah, I did him $300. Is that crazy? I give him 10 percent extra. Maybe I'm an idiot. I don't know. I'll tip on services like that when it like, for example, a couple like neighborhood kids came like and they're like kids, like young teenagers just came and asked if they could cut my lawn. Well, I guess that's cool. Fuck yeah. All right. I can't stand that shit, bro. I can't see people come to my house and offer me shit, bro. It's like it's like I'm getting ads in real life. It's like so annoying. Like, I'll just be streaming. You slam the door on these kids that are trying to live. I like make a hustle. And you're just like, this is why I've got the brave browser. These things called LRDRs, long range discrimination radar. Oh, that's like us. Code in reach. Yeah. Cody, you and I do long range discrimination. That's only in like underprivileged neighborhoods. No. You guys were. They also see everything. You were beat cops. That's short range. It's, you know, he's still got it because we were driving through Texas the other day and he was just like, minority. And then he locked the door. And I was like, yeah, he's got it. What color are the silhouettes that you guys shoot at in training? The color they should be. Black. Shit. What do we call them? I'm going to get a water. Anybody need anything? No, no. Like, just stop eating. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're on your tism right now. I have never seen anyone bully people so well on Twitter. I thought I was good at bullying people on Twitter. But when people start talking about missiles and attacking the United States or attacking other countries, you're like, no, honestly, I learned from you. So I, I will say that I got Twitter when Brandon was running for office because you guys were in a knockdown drag out battle with, with his opponent. And I was like, I just want to watch. And then I watched you of all people. I started seeing what Cody was saying on Twitter and I was like, I could do that. I can do that. So now me and you are tag teaming. I ran. It's my favorite pasta. Like honestly, more than any social media. I open on my phone. Twitter is number one. I'm just like, all right, let's see whose day I can ruin. Let's just scroll through this. It's my favorite pastime. I love how they're parading around. Like the Iranian military is like parading around cripples information. They're just like, well, you could fuck up the United States and just like, dude, you guys are the people that like are the tutorial of the game. We actually want to play. I broke it down mathematically because I did a video a USA versus it's my USA versus the world series and it was versus Gaza and what I ended up doing for most of the video was talking about the history of Gaza and Israel. and frankly the more i read the less i know who the fuck it belongs to i have no idea why everyone wants to kill each other for that chunk of land but uh you know like beautiful area yeah i guess but gaza is it could be i originally i was like let's just see if i can prove this mathematically how fast did the u.s take iraq okay we took it an x amount of days was like 33 days how many square miles is iraq was like 7 000 square miles okay how far how big is gaza 141 square miles i was like okay let's do some math break this down 26 minutes by the way united states could take gaza in 26 minutes that was on my list of shit to look up i mean it's 32 minutes the whoppers will be ready to be fair in actuality it's taken israel a few thousand years that's fair um don't make those people mad brandon i was gonna say i feel like those people is worse what are they gonna do donate millions of dollars against this political campaign god forbid i don't even know how much of that we can even keep that was i'm gonna get another water that i'm not gonna get just put black bars over brandon's eyes but redacted just pops up and then goes away punished brandon but uh jumping back to the golden dome so is it you know a lot of people ask me like is this is this realistic okay first of all you got to understand we're the united states of america anything we want to do is realistic like we just we do shit because we can we have a knife missile we have just like crazy amounts of shit that the united states has built and it's just like why not like that's kind of the u.s mentality so is it going to be expensive yes however the goal is to build a network of sensors that all talk to each other now sensors that talk to each other and say hey i see this here is an easy thing the world has that but sensors that say hey i'm looking at this thing i need you to fire your missile and guide it until it's within my radar fan it's like we were talking about last time with the relay race of like sensors and missiles imagine like you're a sniper and you have spotters all along your path and every time like you squeeze the trigger your spotter as it gets into their their flight path takes control of that round and guides it where it needs to go it's the same principle it's a really difficult concept is it possible yes absolutely but then we get into like what is considered and this is the part of my job that i really hate it's kind of like playing god we do what's called a cvt assessment criticality vulnerability and threat now is paw tuck its farm in fucking pencil tucky iowa important yes because we need sustenance for our forces however is it important as where we build bullets bombs ships things like that no it's not as important in the short term so we need to be protective and we need to protect those assets more it's kind of like the fight club thing of like where they do the mathematics on you know uh is it more expensive to do a recall versus the lawsuits on the people they kill exactly like hey d-day is happening at this time but then it keeps getting delayed and pushed back and your adrenaline trying to sleep during this 72 hours how long did that take before from time of mission supposed to happen to when actually d-day happened well i'll start from scratch okay there's something to i'm going to tell you the next thing i'm going to tell you is never heard that before in my life that you could do that how do you think eisenhower got over there to d-day i was on the same ship as eisenhower no doubt that's why i ran i came over on the command ship can you imagine that i was on the same ship as eisenhower i was on the same ship as eisenhower you believe that i have to ask what was eisenhower like i i i never got to talk to him but but later in the war when the battle of the bulls i'm going to jump up there for for one reason the germans cut us off i was in on the start of the battle of the bulls they cut us off i was at you you couldn't belgium then there was the malmedy that's why the germans had captured these a hundred and some americans that were observers uh artillery observers or something and had them in the ditch it was snowing and when when those tanks went by this lieutenant colonel pfeiffer ordered his tanks to use the machine guns on the guys that as they rolled on by him that was a massacre of malmedy i have seen quite a bit and i observed quite a bit and i tell you you you never find somebody that has been through me what i've gone through i'm kind of proud of it now but it always seemed like i was in on everything and then you guys beached on d-day i got off the the ship i was the first one into the landing craft so i sat by the pilot that's the way they come down these rope ladders they're carrying 74 pounds and plopped down in a long side of the this boy i i don't think he was eight 17 years old yet he he was in the navy he was the navy pilot and uh he was supposed to take us in so so we'd stand about waist deep he got a little scared he let us off early we were right up to our neck and holding your rifle up above and then you start going across an ocean that is loaded with land mines we were told we'd be crossing land about one million land mines that hitler had planted there come to find out when they cleaned those up there was a millionaire and a half we received a lot of small arms fires from the shore it didn't bother me one bit i i was afraid of stepping on a landmine i went through six battles i never got a scratch so i could get a purple heart that's extra time off our uh eli cuevas the extra time off recipient and i didn't get extra time off because i went to the wrong aid when i when i got shot i went to the wrong aid station so i was at work the next day i had a mission the next day i got shot in the leg oh see what i mean bum bum when you so that's one thing in your book you said you followed other people you would follow the footprints up the shore how did i ever man oh man i said that's smart that's very smart i'm in line from just one of those landing craft infantry there's 30 of us on there i think how many of those guys are going in in lines you know i'm not going to say i'm not going to say i'm not and you're looking over there and there's a line there's a screw water shoots up in the air somebody stepped on a landmine is that something you thought about before you landed you thought i'm gonna go up behind the guy who's already gone through we had a rope to the goal i was on easy red and i i got off of the there and went over to easy red road that's the killing us whole line and i'm i'm going through there and i come out without a scratch more people were killed on easy red than any other landing how come i didn't get killed how come i didn't even get a scratch i got i got down closer to shore and i had two mg42 machine guns from opposite sides of the cliff and they were trying to kill me so i got the gun behind that six eight inch stone burl that protected me they bounced those bullets off of that thing so so i dug out a cigarette put in my mouth reach for my matches they were wet figures so i sensed the soldier to my left behind and i hollered hey buddy have you got a match i got no answer so i looked back there there was no head under the helmet and god at that exact moment it's like the soul of that soldier was saying get up and get out of there right now and i did you may think this is strange but those two machine guns shut off at just that time i don't know whether to put in more bullets or change barrels or something i got up and ran and then they started in i was five foot seven i weighed 120 pounds and i thought these soldiers aren't used to shooting at toothpicks i i really thought that that woman's going to be wandering around your house looking for signs of other females and she's going to be like finding all of connor's hats that are strewn about who's this with the tiny head holy connor showed up oh trout showed up calvin what did you call his tiny cowboy hat when i put it on i saw the the comments called it the yarmulke sorry we all had giant heads connor 73h is a normal-sized human head you freaking freak sorry we all had giant heads connor 73h is a normal-sized human head you freaking freak by the way we found king trout again sorry we all had giant heads connor 73h is a normal-sized human head you freaking freak by the way we found king trout again he managed to wander back into our lives would you like to come say hello or do you would you like to come say hello or do you would you like to come say hello or do you just want to shout from the chief seats i literally woke up five seconds ago walk woke up wandered out of the corn walk woke up wandered out of the corn woke up wandered out of the corn field sometimes now he's here and he's angry field sometimes now he's here and he's angry field sometimes now he's here and he's angry yeah no because you insulted my head yeah no because you insulted my head yeah no because you insulted my head size size size guys you got that bad head right now guys you got that bad head right now guys you got that bad head right now connor's back connor's back connor's back good morning good morning good morning good morning from king trout it's 4 10 good morning from king trout it's 4 10 good morning from king trout it's 4 10 p.m p.m p.m i have like this i have like this i have like this potentially false notion it hasn't been potentially false notion it hasn't been potentially false notion it hasn't been disproven yet but i have a theory you disproven yet but i have a theory you disproven yet but i have a theory you know what's uh what's that thing that know what's uh what's that thing that know what's uh what's that thing that little kids have object permanence where little kids have object permanence where little kids have object permanence where like if they can't see it it doesn't like if they can't see it it doesn't like if they can't see it it doesn't exist in my brain i assume if i can't exist in my brain i assume if i can't exist in my brain i assume if i can't visually see you you're sleeping i'm god sleepy as soldier brother i'm god sleepy as soldier brother i'm god sleepy as soldier brother thank you thank you gi jane shared the gospel of the story of the shared the gospel of the story of the shared the gospel of the story of the five minutes that i thought i was god on five minutes that i thought i was god on five minutes that i thought i was god on earth earth earth so so so i was in high school i was in high school i was in high school and i was dating this chick and i was dating this chick and i was dating this chick beautiful girl beautiful girl beautiful girl and uh there was this guy who i'm not and uh there was this guy who i'm not and uh there was this guy who i'm not gonna say the name of uh just because i gonna say the name of uh just because i gonna say the name of uh just because i don't think i should don't think i should don't think i should and this guy was alleged to be the son and this guy was alleged to be the son and this guy was alleged to be the son throat slit and found in the ditch throat slit and found in the ditch throat slit and found in the ditch and then being told oh he probably and then being told oh he probably and then being told oh he probably himself i i have a fear of that every himself i i have a fear of that every himself i i have a fear of that every day he probably himself his face was day he probably himself his face was day he probably himself his face was stitched on a soccer ball in mexico city stitched on a soccer ball in mexico city stitched on a soccer ball in mexico city what the do you mean he must have been what the do you mean he must have been what the do you mean he must have been really bored really bored really bored really hated himself so this guy skinned really hated himself so this guy skinned really hated himself so this guy skinned himself with a potato peeler what the himself with a potato peeler what the himself with a potato peeler what the this guy would like hit on my girl he this guy would like hit on my girl he this guy would like hit on my girl he would slap her ass in front of me would slap her ass in front of me would slap her ass in front of me and i could not do and i could not do and i could not do and i was so angry because usually if and i was so angry because usually if and i was so angry because usually if somebody with me i can do something somebody with me i can do something somebody with me i can do something about it you're a big guy he's a tall about it you're a big guy he's a tall about it you're a big guy he's a tall guy and i've always been a very large guy and i've always been a very large guy guy and i've always been a very large guy guy and well i just finished watching a show and well i just finished watching a show and well i just finished watching a show called death note called death note called death note so what do i do so what do i do so what do i do i order a death you watched anime a lot i order a death you watched anime a lot i order a death you watched anime a lot yes i did if you did this yes i did i yes i did if you did this yes i did i yes i did if you did this yes i did i ordered a death note to my house he got ordered a death note to my house he got ordered a death note to my house he got there about two weeks later there about two weeks later there about two weeks later and i remember he did it again so i go and i remember he did it again so i go home like in tears because i'm so home like in tears because i'm so home like in tears because i'm so angry and i don't i didn't know what angry and i don't i didn't know what angry and i don't i didn't know what to do to feel better to do to feel better to do to feel better so i'm like insert name here dies of a so i'm like insert name here dies of a so i'm like insert name here dies of a heart attack in math class heart attack in math class heart attack in math class at this hour right so the next day at this hour right so the next day at this hour right so the next day i go to school balloons i go to school balloons i go to school balloons everywhere and there's a big banner everywhere and there's a big banner everywhere and there's a big banner that says his name on the front of the that says his name on the front of the that says his name on the front of the school school school and i'm like it's this guy's and i'm like it's this guy's and i'm like it's this guy's birthday we have to celebrate this birthday we have to celebrate this birthday we have to celebrate this piece of like i don't even want to piece of like i don't even want to piece of like i don't even want to show up right and then i go and i see show up right and then i go and i see show up right and then i go and i see these three girls and they're crying these three girls and they're crying these three girls and they're crying and i'm like what's going on they say and i'm like what's going on they say and i'm like what's going on they say he died this guy died he died this guy died he died this guy fucking died apparently he got shot up in fucking died apparently he got shot up in fucking died apparently he got shot up in like juarez during a drug deal like juarez during a drug deal like juarez during a drug deal right and i sit there right and i sit there right and i sit there and i think i'm god i think and i think i'm god i think and i think i'm god i think that i'm the main character now i want that i'm the main character now i want that i'm the main character now i want to ask you to ask you to ask you what do you think i did what do you think i did what do you think i did i would have i would have i would have wrote a couple names like one could be a fluke like one could be a fluke like one could be a fluke i get to the day i get to the day i get to the day i go home i go home i go home immediately open up that book immediately open up that book immediately open up that book and i write down my fucking history and i write down my fucking history and i write down my fucking history teacher's name jesus christ teacher's name jesus christ teacher's name jesus christ i go to school the next day i go to school the next day i go to school the next day he's fine but he's fine but he's fine but before that day before that day before that day swear to god i was i was like oh man swear to god i was i was like oh man swear to god i was i was like oh man i'm about to fucking just wreak havoc on i'm about to fucking just wreak havoc on i'm about to fucking just wreak havoc on this fucking school this fucking school this fucking school you are i like you're that's all you you are i like you're that's all you you are i like you're that's all you didn't have any grandmaster plans like didn't have any grandmaster plans like didn't have any grandmaster plans like don't kill so many teachers don't kill so many teachers don't kill so many teachers you are the embodiment the actual life you are the embodiment the actual life you are the embodiment the actual life use case for like why the death note use case for like why the death note use case for like why the death note could not be a thing could not be a thing could not be a thing oh my god oh my god oh my god holy shit the most powerful i've ever holy shit the most powerful i've ever holy shit the most powerful i've ever felt in my entire life oh my god i was felt in my entire life oh my god i was felt in my entire life oh my god i was literally like giggling in class it was literally like giggling in class it was literally like giggling in class it was so bad bro like holy shit so bad he's so bad bro like holy shit so bad he's so bad bro like holy shit so bad he's doing that evil laugh yeah while he's doing that evil laugh yeah while he's doing that evil laugh yeah while he's running you're just giggling about it in class you're just giggling about it in class you're just giggling about it in class later your teacher's like hey that's later your teacher's like hey that's later your teacher's like hey that's enough out of you john you're like watch enough out of you john you're like watch enough out of you john you're like watch your mouth your mouth your mouth that's sir to you that's sir to you that's sir to you holy shit yeah that's wild holy shit yeah that's wild holy shit yeah that's fucking wild he told that story at brunch i'm like he told that story at brunch i'm like he told that story at brunch i'm like eli wasn't paying for that eli wasn't paying for that eli wasn't paying for that death note story i'm glad i wasn't death note story i'm glad i wasn't death note story i'm glad i wasn't that is amazing oh there was another that is amazing oh there was another that is amazing oh there was another story uh i wanted to share with you guys story uh i wanted to share with you guys story uh i wanted to share with you guys it's kind of embarrassing it was the it's kind of embarrassing it was the it's kind of embarrassing it was the first time oh my god this is so lame first time oh my god this is so lame first time oh my god this is so lame this is the first time i ever tried this is the first time i ever tried this is the first time i ever tried myself i was in third grade myself i was in third grade myself i was in third grade um started young yeah very young and um started young yeah very young and um started young yeah very young and you know my early bird gets the worm you know my early bird gets the worm you know my early bird gets the worm yeah i was uh yeah i was uh yeah i was uh i had you know you guys know pokemon i had you know you guys know pokemon i had you know you guys know pokemon sorry i'm gonna have to cut that sorry i'm gonna have to cut that sorry i'm gonna have to cut that i'll leave it in if you want i'll leave it in if you want i'll leave it in if you want early early early i i used to be heavily addicted to i i used to be heavily addicted to i i used to be heavily addicted to pokemon still am still play pokemon go pokemon still am still play pokemon go pokemon still am still play pokemon go every day every day every day you had that little thing in your pocket you had that little thing in your pocket you had that little thing in your pocket that plays pokemon go for you i have that plays pokemon go for you i have this thing I bought this mod it's probably bannable but they don't know who I am uh it's like a it's a modded Pokemon Go thing that just plays the entire game for me it's fucking awesome and it throws great balls and ultra balls and spins the stop so I just get hella exp even when I'm not even playing the game uh well yeah I had this squirtle he has a girlfriend what's your excuse anyway it's very easy to be to get a girlfriend just as a quick side note if you just give a shit about what they're saying and you don't look at them like they're just like a fucking body that's more than what 99% of dudes do on this earth to just actually give a fuck about them and just listen to what they say and be there for them and it's pretty fucking easy you I don't know I don't know how people struggle my rule of thumb is treat them like your guy friends you will see how far that gets because then you just treat them with a normal conversation say hit him that's the only thing that'll get you your beer put her in an arm bar she didn't like that I'm an equality kind of guy yeah I had this squirtle that used to it was bugged in the factory it only spoke Spanish and it kept on saying the f-slur like in a game or no it was like a toy Pokemon used to be my life and my entire life um I was like when I grow up I'm gonna be a Pokemon master right well it took me until third grade to know that Pokemon don't exist but I thought that you just had to move to Japan and that's where all the Pokemon were and so I had no life goal so I sat in my kitchen on the ground with a butter knife on my neck trying to kill me and I was like I don't know how to do this I don't know how to do this I don't know myself and my entire family walked into me doing this and they just laughed at me they're like what the fuck are you doing and I'm like I'll never be a Pokemon master this is big level two dog level two dog is here god now I need to find that medieval fights because that was it'd be the peasants versus one medieval knight and it's not scripted so it is you guys just go and take each other down the only time you're dead is if they like pin you down and like stab you with a like dull knife in just like real life yeah but otherwise oh this is there's a really good movie on Netflix it's I think it's a Netflix original um it's Matt Damon and Adam Driver driver oh my god yeah oh that's based off of um uh the two is that based on your life that's yeah that is that really i didn't know that yeah that is actually so good this is the one that came out like a couple years ago yeah it came out a couple years ago and like the whole concept of the movie is like uh matt damon and adam driver are like best friends and they're like the top knights that get sent out by the king to go like conquer shit yeah and eventually adam driver's character becomes more of like the political guy that stays back home and like does the political side and matt damon is like the conqueror out in the field like just being gritty and gnarly and he like kind of builds a little bit of resentment and adam driver has the hots for matt damon's wife and he ends up um force forcing himself upon her and on what no that's what's crazy that is the different narrations of it and that's what actually happened one was oh he uh graped me the other was like no it was okay no this and so all three stories and they tell it really well adam driver was like no she wanted it and she's like no she didn't and matt so there's ambiguity of what happened kind of thing yeah but matt damon is like matt damon basically goes to his wife and is like just like basically did you cheat on me or not because i'm gonna kill this guy if he didn't and she's like i didn't cheat on you and he challenged adam driver to basically a duel to the death to determine if he was guilty and it the movie ends with matt damon and adam driver having a night fight to the death and it devolves into like a real knife fight of like swords and axes aren't effective on plate armor we're having a grappling match with daggers we're punching each other with gauntlets teeth are falling out and then i stab you in the leg and then i'm stabbing you in the fucking crotch so basically like both both of them die well no one of them does i'll let you watch the movie oh one of them definitely dies i'm just i'm just 1600s yeah 14 1600 i don't know knights yeah this is knights and plate armor times bacteria is still magic so it's like after you get stabbed in the femoral and you know just like cut in 18 different places while you're in like pig shit mud dude the wife no the wife she may just lock her up and put her on a pedestal it's like hey if your husband dies we're hanging you and burning you it's like if your husband dies like you're getting burned for like lying oh man so it was like she's pregnant at the time too yeah oh yeah it's a gnarly straight up like bowser princess peach shit yeah she lost no matter what like that was the crazy thing it was like the wife and they're like what a whore and then the other side's like well well either way she has to stand up here and stand in front of the court and watch this battle her husband's gonna die but if the husband wins she was fine yeah yeah oh okay but it tells like that's what's crazy it's all three percent so her perspective is like uh oh i'm getting raped and then the matt damon's perspective he doesn't like his wife it's like uh he like hit her honor kind of thing or like it's back in the day when it was like she's property so he like slaps her it's like why'd you let the grape happen like hits her why don't you fight wild sentence yeah dude dude it's a wild movie but it's really good we used to be a proper country well this was that wasn't our country i don't i don't care you know dude so same principles apply it's cody's like let's go back to prima nocta that was pretty cool yeah dude like public hangings unless do you my uh the town i graduated high school and had one of the last public hangings in the u.s really oh you you know last our fucking two weeks ago we just had the first public execution with a gunfire yeah since like in a while yeah 20 2010 at least they did one a while back in idaho but this was like the first one in a while because i mean the guy was a shithead but he was basically he was like i don't want to die by injection because they mess it up sometimes i i don't want to die like by getting uh electrocuted because that would suck yeah that would suck yeah he's like i just want to get shot 105 howitzer if you just if i had a choice and i'm like you're gonna die but okay let some buddies get some youtube oh yeah for sure and then stand me in front of the one i pull up the uh grantham clip not the body i want my head just like where i thought oh don't it don't matter nothing nothing would make me happier than the last thing i see is some drive tanks guy boresighting in the back yeah don't move fucker the last thing you hear is ears your arms are standing there still you just breathe right your head's gone jesus i really don't understand how we don't have not not even public execution but public humiliation these days the flogging yeah we're like if you steal from your neighbor the town we're gonna let the town come by and just throw vegetables at you the town i and no one's gonna steal after that the town i graduated high school in charles city iowa i think they had a public hanging in like 1959 like it was one of the most recent ones there was a dude i think he was it was either murder or a uh sexual assault and jaywalking basically so like in the town there's a river that runs midway through the town there's two bridges it's literally the courthouse and like 80 feet outside the courthouse door which is also the jail is one of the bridges like main street bridge apparently like 200 people just showed up to the jail one night and we're like we're taking that motherfucker you letting him are you letting us do it or are we gonna make you let us do it and the jailers were like fucking i guess you're taking him and they walked him outside and threw him over the side of the fucking bridge based also thank you make great first impressions don we've already hired you to beat the fuck out of our interns hr it's official well you'd hire anybody for that i think the opening line was fen could fuck up a two-car funeral that's on a good day or they're getting bullshitted so i asked you at breakfast you got two daughters yeah to which i immediately said what was what was it like the first time they brought a boy home and you got kicked out of the house i was already kicked out of the house yeah who's your dad no one we'll talk about later his nickname's the predator well the last name of fry should give some concern all right oh man oh hell my you got kicked out i got kicked out yeah my youngest daughter her i guess they they don't talk about it you know because um my youngest daughter her boyfriend didn't know anything about me you know for a while until till my friend says do you know who her dad is and what he did no sit down let me show you this ddd i was about to say him him walking into your house seeing like a trophy here and a ribbon there and just like i don't have oh fuck i don't have those you don't no no they all disappeared in the divorce a lot of my a lot of my ship half of it a rude awakening though for uh for that guy yeah oh shit i'm alive because he wills it to be so i can't break up with her i tell you if they can handle my my daughters i'm nothing i'll tell you imagine getting compared to your father-in-law like that your whole life yeah you know my dad would have done blah blah blah blah i bet my dad can beat your dad up i know i got it yeah there was there's one oh it's such a funny picture it was like a normal dude's instagram like 50 followers normal guy's instagram bigger stockier black dude and he's obvious very obviously like a middle school wrestling tournament sitting on the chair on the mat coaching his kids and he just takes a selfie like this and in the background is daniel cormier looking at the mat he goes man daniel cormier is the other team's coach what the fuck am i supposed to do and i keep getting them sent to my po box so here's your army achievement medal jesus this guy has class a's they he has full class a's is that what's that not there when you walk in that was made for him when he first walked into the door this is not the impressive part this is the impressive part i'm going to go ahead and have have you read how this gentleman earned this army achievement he's reading it or i'm reading okay highlighted part during at in an act of selfless service and courage spc moody decisively acted when an observation post reported a bear quickly approaching their position without hesitation spc moody fixed bayonet on his bro what did he do what the fuck and and proceeded to charge they misspelled this this is the army bro and charged up the hill towards the bear as spc moody confronted the bear with just his bayonet on his m4 he managed to scare and distract the bear and provide i was thinking i was gonna get to the end of this he killed the bear he scared it off provided overwatch as other soldiers evacuated the observation post and returned safely to the company talk what a bunch of homophobes wait bro he didn't kill the bear wait this is legit yes if he if he went revenant on that bear i would expect more than just an army achievement at all that's that's fucking hilarious well the funny thing was you know they were training so he didn't have ammunition so he fixed bayonets and confronted a fucking bear that is the crazy part we're rolling you know was it a black bear where is this out oh this isn't a gay guy where's it out of he confronted the bear no it's just a black bear i don't know i didn't say the bear tried to finally fuck him ohio says probably making leather nick in a gipsy running at them that's wild what year was this uh 2021 what yeah this sounds like 16 2021 that sounds like an old like world war ii story m4 m4 m4 yeah confronted the bear bayonet on his m4 i was thinking i was gonna get to the end of that and he he stabbed the bear you know he just scared the bear you get more than an army achievement medal if you kill a bear with a bayonet that's well it's a black bear i don't care white bears are pretty they're pretty tame ain't they i mean you see people on the internet black bears are big raccoons essentially yeah yeah it's like bear in the woods or man in the woods who would have wanted to rather get caught with it you just had the showdown right there i just like it's like he managed to scare distract the bear and provided overwatch as soldiers evacuated like go go no one's helping him they're like eggs filling out it's like a mission to be fair if you fixed bayonets and confronted a bear oh i would like i would hold on let's he's he's got this moody's got i don't want to ruin the moment you know it's your time to shine they see me i'm down yeah 100 i'm up he sees me i want to hear that whole story there's more to that story than that oh for sure there's way more to that story than that yeah what so you got a full-on that's dude how many is that now oh god like army achievement medals like 30 there's a fake medal of honor clint machay we've got clint's uh challenge going up there still damn well someone sent me their grandfather's world war ii medals to my po box for him straight up and these are like rad accommodations too like he was a he was a gunner on a plane i believe yep like smoked a bunch of german planes and and our buddy sent us sent me it sent him to my po box and so brandon now has world war ii medals which we we've like specifically asked people like okay i get the joke and i get the part of the joke is that i'm not supposed to please don't send me family heirlooms please don't send me family heirlooms i do not want family heirlooms for the love of god keep that in your family because even if you don't give a shit about it like your kids might like come on don't send family heirlooms but if you have family heirlooms to see end just go steal some from a museum and send them yeah you know that's it yeah you know that oh no so last night we were uh we were doing a party uh like one of one of the parties here but it was at the trump uh a lot of great people in there uh we were hanging out with you know matt best uh don junior was there uh just a bunch of good people just uh you know hanging out saying hey press the flash and just i'm talking some biz and uh time goes that we're like we wanted to stay there for 15 minutes we ended up staying for like an hour good minute good minute there it was it was bad it doesn't it doesn't help when junior's feeding you fucking white claw that was funny yeah he's like i like white claw you guys like white claw i was like yeah dude right here yeah thank you before this meeting started it was like 30 soft 15 just in and out but then i watched that i was like it wasn't like years past though which is nice like it wasn't like shoulder to shoulder like it was breathable yeah uh christian craighead was there oh boy yeah yeah terry was there too yeah a bunch of just a bunch of good people but anyway we were we're all like bailing out we're gonna leave and i'm i'm staying there this year so i i went and i door dashed some mcdonald's or whatever something nice and safe so you don't get food poisoning yeah mcdonald's safe we have so many stories oh no but uh i i go like my door dash is there and apparently because you know don junior and everybody's there like the security like they they cut it off so like i had to go meet the door dash driver run out the street grab the mcdonald's i get back to the room and i i open it up i'm like they fucked up my order i wake up this morning and i go and check the the uh bag and it says i'm not gonna say the name but it's it's it's a name that's not me and i was like oh maybe they didn't fuck up the the order maybe i just stole somebody's mcdonald's and then i'm telling the story this morning at breakfast yeah so so junior's assistant uh so we're sitting in the lobby just uh to tell you what's happening brandon and i were sitting in the lobby and brandon goes to get his mcdonald's and so junior's assistant comes out and he's like oh is brandon leaving i was like no he's grabbing his mcdonald's he's like oh i'm grabbing mcdonald's for junior i was like okay cool he was like yeah junior just really wanted some mcdonald's he just wanted some mcdonald's for him and his friend like whatever and then brandon stole fucking trump junior's mcdonald's oh dude i am so sorry god wait what you because i guess brandon you walked by code he's like good night good night and then the sister was like oh someone stole her mcdonald's guilty guilty because i went out to go fucking me like i my thing said like okay your your uber is here like okay cool like oh yeah crap who else is gonna be here ordering mcdonald's at this hour of night come on well and uh it turns out don jr is it is the love for mcdonald's runs in the family apparently yeah well i guess like brandon's like well the name said this it goes like yep that's his sister's name and then right like so thanks for inviting us to your party i'm so sorry we fucking nabbed your mcdonald's um yeah so jack's like hey dude and i've been friends with jack actually jack and i were roommates i've moved into his guest house for like i don't know a year and a half and great great great great shooter too great guy great guy i mean dude jack can tell you some stories i mean jack was you know partying at like 14 years old on sunset with paris hilton and dude he's got some crazy stories uh he put it this way he was in rehab at 18 literally in rehab but um legend so jack's like hey dude you wanna you wanna come you know guard aussie or you know my dad and i for the show that they were doing called the world detour which i don't know if you ever saw it it was great show on nat geo i believe don't quote me on it maybe discovery i don't remember and basically it was just them doing it's just jack and aussie driving around basically doing learning history and kind of doing cool stuff i don't know how else to describe it and uh and aussie by the way aussie is a huge military history fanatic by the way like aussie loves military history i remember showing up one time aussie opens the door and he's like i wasn't uh you know actually that's a good university i'm watching vietnam and hd and we go inside and jack and i watch freaking vietnam and hd for like four hours with aussie and like he knew his stuff anyways so that's amazing i was like sure dude i'll come and and you know i was doing bodyguard i'd come too so now i'm bodyguarding jack dude so you should absolutely have jack on the show he can tell you stories a hundred percent blow your mind white sabbath so um so basically freaking the i'll tell the mars one because it's pretty crazy so when the the guy who ran just stop just go uh what's it called the houston houston we have a problem nasa the guy who ran nasa at houston i guess was a huge black sabbath fan so somehow they got in contact you're gonna say nazi so he invites aussie and jack to to houston to the the nasa you know whatever the space center i think it's called the nasa space center down there basically carte blanche dude do whatever you want so they do all kinds of stuff we got a great tour jack and i literally talked to an astronaut for like two hours it was awesome it was a great i learned a lot well one of the things they had aussie do was drive the mars rover and I'm not joking, they put Ozzy Osbourne in control of the Mars rover. On Mars? No. Sort of. Oh, no, no. It's here, right? I didn't know if it was just, like, remotely piloted or some shit. Look at this sweet joke! So, by the way, if you say that, you're joking right now, but you're not not wrong. I believe it was called the Mars rover. If it wasn't, then that's wrong. It's this vehicle built for Mars. It's not a, it's a drivable, it's actually more like, and we can look it up on the episode, or you guys can, but it's basically the Mars truck. It was a truck designed for Mars when humans are there. So, not like the Curiosity rover? No, no, no. Not the Curiosity. I think they called it the Mars rover. You didn't drive it. Yeah, but it's actually like an SUV, Mars SUV. I forget what the name was. And they basically had built, you know, outside, they'd built this, you know, four football field, size area that had red dust and rocks, and it looks like Mars. And obviously, you know, they built it. So, they put Ozzy in there. Now, the best part is, I'm staying, I'm not in the vehicle. In the vehicle is, like, the guy who knew the vehicle the best, Ozzy and Jack, right? They're all mic'd up. We're, you know, 200 yards away. And they said they could go over anything. And I'm standing with, like, six engineer straight-up nerds from NASA, right, that, like, built the thing. And the producer, and, you know, a couple other people. And we're listening. We can hear everything. And it's like, yeah, so this vehicle is incapable of getting stuck. Right? Incapable. And the business, we call this foreshadowing. And that's the thing, is this whole sequence was like it was planned. I was there. Dude, this sequence was not planned. They were like, it's like the unsinkable Molly Brown. This vehicle cannot get stuck, etc. It's got six wheels. Each one's independent suspension. Each one has its own front and reverse. And they just, they're going on about how, what an engine engineering marvel this vehicle is, right? And so I can just picture Ozzy's like, hmm, okay. Challenge accepted, right? And these engineers are, like, whispering, yeah, yeah, he's gonna, you know, there's nothing. It's unstoppable. It's the best thing ever. And they're just whispering in the background. They let, and that guy drives around a little bit. Then they give the controls for Ozzy. I shit you not. For whatever fucking reason, these guys put in this area a rock as big as this fucking table. Just in the middle of the fucking thing. Now, Ozzy starts driving about a hundred yards away from it. How fast does this thing go? Uh, not fast, but not slow. You know, it's like maybe 15 miles an hour. Bicycle speed. Fast enough for you to know where this is going. And I'm watching, I'm watching it drive, and it just occurs to me, he's gonna head straight for that fucking rock, right? Now, it's also pretty obvious to me that no one had ever headed straight for that rock. Right? It's there as like, uh, hey, that's an obstacle. Obviously drive around it. Right? No one's like, that, that rock is not there for you to drive around it, right? It's obviously that everyone goes around it. You would obviously go around it. Well, you tell Ozzy that thing can go over anything, he's gonna freaking go over anything. So he's driving straight at it. And it occurs to me, I'm like, oh shit, this is not gonna work out well. The engineers in behind me, as it gets about 50 yards away, are like, he's not, no, no. And I'm like, oh yes, he is. Dude, he hits that thing straight on. It starts going up, and you just start hearing the whispering, oh, it'll be fine. You know, oh, this is gonna take that. No one's ever went over that before. Yeah, but it's designed for it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he freaking goes up on it, and then he gets on top of it, and then nothing. And dude, the panic starts very slowly. It's like one engineer going, it'll be off in a second. It'll be off in a few seconds, right? And it just starts building. And like, over the course of a minute, you just hear these engineers go from, like, absolute confidence to absolute panic. They're like, oh my god, no way did he, like, and by the way, I'm missing a piece I should have said in the beginning. In the beginning, it, I forget how much, but it was like a crazy amount of money, like $5 billion that they had spent on this vehicle, right? It was an insane amount. It was, yeah, it was an obscene amount of money, right? And dude, these guys just start freaking out. He's on it for, you know, I don't know, I just have to watch the episode. He's on it for like two minutes and ain't moving at all. And it's this huge boulder. It looks ridiculous. It's just like balanced on top of it. Meanwhile, one of the Doge guys is watching this podcast, and he's like, Mars truck. No go. Right? And so, long story short, they finally freaking, you know, he has to give control over to the engineer, and that guy, like, adjusts the pressure, deflates the time. I mean, he literally was on there for like three minutes, and finally, he got it off. But dude, like, Ozzy stuck the Mars freaking rover. No doubt about it. I watched it happen. It was a great episode, dude. You gotta see it. So the FBI story, real quick. I like how it was a secondary. You know, the ones we have. That was all in build-up, right? Alright, so the FBI story is we're at the FBI, so somehow Jack and the producers convinced them to go to the FBI. Again, random. So I'm at the FBI Academy again. This is what, like Quantico? Yeah, Quantico, yeah. We found out when you're friends with certain people. Yeah, you can go anywhere. We're all choice here. Redacted, redacted. We're at the FBI Academy, and they're doing all this different stuff. They showed some history stuff, the guns, all this. And now we're at the, which is pretty famous, which is the FBI's quote-unquote Hogan's Alley, right? So it's like their little tactical training portion, which is very world-renowned, right? And so their shooting instructor starts, or this guy starts doing this briefing, and he's like, yeah, so, you know, this is our Hogan's Alley. Basically, they were showing, like, the FBI's training process, right? And they start saying, like, okay, so this is our Hogan's Alley. It's very famous, and this is, like, the hardest part of the shooting call for the FBI, which is true, or at least I'm told. And then he's like, you know, and this is our lead shooting instructor. Now, here's a huge mistake that he makes. He's like, this is our leading shooting instructor. He is the best shooter at the FBI. Like, he's the lead shooting instructor. Nobody can beat him. He's just amazing. And I'm like. Then Ozzy Osbourne beat him. No, so then he goes, no, so then he goes, so then he goes. No, no, no. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not far off. So then they go. So then they go, you know, who here? Now we're gonna do a little bit of training. Who here wants to volunteer? Well, it's Jack and Ozzy are the only two people on the show. So Ozzy's like, Jack. So. I wanna shoot the big gun. It was pretty obvious to me that no one on the show briefed the FBI that Jack is a great shooter. Oh. He's a really good shooter. I've shot with Jack a million times. In fact, Jack and I, that's how we met. We met shooting on the range. So, Jack is a really legit shooter. He's also really good at jujitsu. Right? So. And to give reference, when you're a decent shot, how many rounds have you probably shot in your. Me? Yeah. Oh, I. I don't know. I literally used to shoot a thousand rounds a day. That's no joke. When I was free. When it was free. That's. That is the big indicator. It is free. It is free. A certain time period of his life, it was a thousand rounds a day. I used to shoot a thousand rounds a day. Yeah, that's true. And, um. To be fair, I'd rather spend the money as a taxpayer making sure you can train with free ammo than five billion dollars on a truck that gets knocked over. Ozzy Osbourne crashes into a rock. It's the buttons of the. Don't you remember being. Don't get me wrong, I love Crazy Train. But I don't want him driving the Mars when I'm crazy. If they were smart over the episode, they should have played Crazy Train over the freaking thing. They could have got the license. Come on. So, basically, it was obvious to me that no one told the FBI that Jack is, like, a really good shooter. So, you know, Jack's like, oh, you know, I'll do it. And, I mean, dude, if you could have seen the. It's on camera, but the FBI, the agent that was, like, the shooting instructor, dude, he was just so, so confident. Like, oh, this Hollywood, you know, music royalty rich kid, I'm gonna smoke this guy. He's like. So, they get Sims pistols, Sims Glocks, right? And they're doing four. Again, I got to watch the episode. I don't remember exactly, but I'm sitting there. Oh, here's a critical part. For the sake of the audience, Simunition, like, Sim pistols. Oh, yeah, sorry. So, it's a. I believe they were using Glock 19s, if I remember correctly, using. It was either Sims, or FTX, for it's own force. I don't remember. But it's basically shooting a paint, a plastic paint bullet, for lack of a better term. So, the gun is fucking. And they hurt her more than a handball. They do hurt. But they function. It's a real gun, just has a Sims barrel, and, obviously, Sims bullets, right? And, which have a, generally, a. Well, it's a unique casing, but it's a plastic bullet with paint in the plastic. And, or a variation, depending on the brand. So, they get the gun, and I. I'm with the. lead producer. like see this and i just saw i based everything first of all i knew how jack good jack was but i saw the fbi dude his overconfidence and i just went to the producer and i go mark my words jack's gonna beat this guy and they set up four drills and i don't even remember what they are they do the first one dude out of four drills and can you know clock the show for accuracy from what i remember of the four drills jack won i believe three out of the four and the one if i'm not mistaken that the fbi agent won he cheated how'd he cheat um he shot trying to remember but he did something that wasn't in the rules i don't remember what it was but it was like i don't remember what it was but i just remember i remember watching it and being like that that wasn't in the rules right but this again the one he won after he lost then he started getting panicking and worried and then he started cheating but the other part is the other best part is one of the four drills i think on one of the ones he lost the fbi agent shot the cameraman yeah with sims with the sims bullet a regular maybe it was a little bit maybe it was a little bit maybe it was a little bit rusty i don't really know what to say yeah oh dear god how did he shoot the cameraman miss jack went wide and shot the cameraman but yes super easy when you have it done jack crushed him in the drills i and again i don't even remember exactly what they are but jack crushed him and i was just like i was like dude this guy had no idea what he was getting into dude jack trains a lot so it was uh it was pretty funny but that was my uh i mean look man it comes down to it's like you know you're talking law enforcement federal law enforcement um you know anywhere in my experience it's like dude you you got to be humble and just because you got three letters behind your name or just because you were at a certain unit or or agency or whatever dude it doesn't make you better than than anyone else you know what i mean every case every person every situation is is unique and individual and dude there are good people in you know the higher you get to in the more prestigious units or or three-letter places the less bad people there are um but there's still bad people there's good people and bad people at every unit every agency you know whatever um and just because you're in a place that maybe has an elite you know name or title or or image it doesn't make you better than everyone else and anyone can beat you and there's someone always better the vast majority of the the friends that i've met that i have been part of those like tier one units and stuff like that there are some exceptions don't get me wrong but like those are usually the most laid-back chill guys they don't have a bunch of shit to prove yeah well it's you'd never know yeah i mean i i mean i i know you know one of my one of my best friends i mean dude he is the baddest dude in the world he's done everything and that's a you he's talking about you if he was never wear a shirt that says strong like whiskey no but if he was here you guys you guys would have no idea he's just the most chill non you know it's it's the the the people that you think are um uh you know the the the the the best among us are the people that you never expect warrior's heart owner like tom's a machine dude tom is one of the most unassuming humans you will ever meet yes this is true and then you talk to him and you're like oh yeah i had that moment last time i was here with who we got done filming one podcast you're like yeah we're gonna go to the pre-range day party for like 30 minutes and we're gonna come back and film a podcast with terry and i was like okay dope who's terry and he's like oh it's that guy right over there that was like watching the whole previous podcast and i was like okay dope nice to meet you terry boy come over here who the fuck is terry and he's like oh he's the guy that saved captain phillips oh okay yeah yeah yeah yeah but again it's so chill like we hung out with him for the entire day didn't know a damn thing like obviously you could tell like from the look of the guy it's like okay he's like been there and done some shit but like he'd never be the one to tell you no tom tom tom is that way i mean i was in you know in uh we were in the same uh military well yeah i'm trying to do no shit when you break it down we were in you know a smaller unit together that's what i'm trying to say we high-fived each other in the hallways well we were you know a lot of guys you know you don't see because you're on opposite you know places and you just never see him but tom i you know i was with um and he was much closer than other people were so i saw firsthand i mean he's just he's the baddest dude out there and uh again you would never expect in a conversation with him but he's he's he's a machine i did to be honest though if i'm being perfectly honest while i was there i thought i was gonna be the baddest dude out there and i was like tom was like i'm like this guy's way too chill like dude tom is you know anything like yeah i was like i was like honestly i remember back then thinking man why is this and i'm dude i was young fucking i was you know young moron but i just remember like how is this guy so stoic you know i remember thinking that back then and uh and then when i was at warrior's heart and i was actually talking to tom and i've kind of talked about then i was like dude i didn't know because i didn't i'm like i'm not sure if i'm not wrong but i'm like i'm not sure if i'm not wrong but i'm not sure if i'm not sober like i think in the early 2000s if i'm not mistaken so i'm like i didn't know that about you and that would have to me that kind of solved that stoicism mystery of that time like he had already gone through so much personal development so much personal growth he was already on like another zen level yeah um i hadn't even others not only was i not there i hadn't even like i hadn't even been an asshole yet before you know what i mean like i still had to become an asshole and then a achieved you know some level of personal growth he he would already been through the whole thing so yeah he's he's a great dude he's a super cool dude with you like aj with your side what was one of the stories like probably you've heard tyler or another person tell where you're like jesus fuck what the um man there's i mean there's there was can i say this real quick though okay what you gotta understand he tells me stories like it's not me saying stories that i'm like that he's like oh that's crazy combat story i hear his hollywood stories bro and i'm like that's the craziest shit i've ever heard my stories are stupid compared to his story tell you what i fucking hollywood stories bro how many kids in that basement no way so we had to put so i put i do a man in the middle attack allegedly i should always say allegedly before these things people always get at me and they're like oh i'm not they're they're like you shouldn't admit to this because people will arrest you for this and i was like uh here's the thing no one will press charges for this okay the guy in nigeria is not going to press charges but he doesn't know who i am or where i am so it really doesn't matter also you're a comedian and everything you say is an ingest it is of course it isn't just keep that in mind anyway um so yeah so a man in the middle attack may or may not happen i pull his username and password his password is happy man for life and you know what i like a man that's trying to aspire happy man for now yeah and that was correct so i look i'm like what are the odds he has to factor on uh low because they create so many of these accounts so i get into his google account and i've got access to everything i turn on his location i can see which device he's using i can see his phone i can see everything but my favorite part is i can see his google search history and this dude is the loneliest scammer in the history of scammers guys it was just a freaking list of followed by what is mormon they were like he was trying to figure out what like he had never met mormons before and apparently he was trying to scam somebody i guess and out of utah and so he's googling what is mormon harry styles height niall horan height like mormon yeah the crossover he was trying to start a stable of hoes he was yeah he had his own harem but it wasn't going well for him harry styles mormon gangbang i'm horrified at how good ai is getting because that's going to be a prompt at some point oh yeah probably already could be oh we're all horrified anyway man-made horrors beyond our comprehension involving harry styles yeah poor harry styles he's not ready for this that's oh that's taking things in quite a few different directions not just one but so you had all this information out and now you're like okay i have his google search history which is absolutely so by the way yeah i had i had baited him in i pretended because i couldn't be the normal accounts that i'm on which normally like older guys or different types of people so i became a college girl named sophie i was 19 my parents were super overbearing and so and i just want to talk to niall about my life and niall just wants gift cards for me and for me to set up a crypto trade don't know what's going on there um but i i send him first off because he was super rude to sophie and i was like first off i'm not sophie second off don't you dare talk to sophie that way okay that is ridiculous ridiculous that is absurd and i go third and he goes i would i would never be rude to a woman and i i send him his search history and i go bit of a wanker aren't you now he starts to panic and i'm excited and then i send him his location and he blocks me which is sad until you realize that i'm still in his google account so i unblock myself and go nice try and he panics and panic deleted everything he had and i was like that was incredibly satisfied so you know he burnt his house down right yeah it was five minutes later he's like it's just some shirtless indian dude in his front yard burning his clothes i don't know about this yeah okay just an asian extract the asian guy yeah take it bitch oh man i want to talk about john's lore this summer nick oh boy what john's john's gonna be going to camp with nick for a couple weeks this summer send to iowa two three weeks forget yeah what was it two three years forget degustan to you wait okay what's going on john's gonna come back and learn how to sell t-shirts yeah john's gonna live with him for two or three weeks and they're gonna sell t-shirts and do jiu-jitsu yeah he's going to be made here yeah no john's making the shirt yeah that's what he's like john's like weaving he's like quack duck okay oh that's that's interesting okay that's why you brought it up when we were talking about asian guy yeah because like yeah just like like straight suffering that's what i'm talking about he's gonna go with nick he's gonna learn how to how to suffer and and weave t-shirts quack bang t-shirts on his own that's gonna be good when do you get them uh whenever summer starts yeah whenever he wants really i love this i can roll now so we're good yeah he's gonna be selling all your t-shirts it's like the fucking dave chappelle bit like i got a whole ass sweatshop down here it just means cody's gonna start selling some merch for once damn god damn oh jesus taking poison my soul taking poison damage one one one oh oh he's gonna come back a little monster i hope so be good he's big he's big enough kids he's about your size now man he is not 260 yeah i know you know what he's getting there he's bigger than me i don't know he'd be connor my sons but i love you don't don't set me up to hurt you like that that was we were at top golf the other day he just fucking uh john and connor were getting into it just like shit i don't know what's going on with you guys i don't know what's going on with you guys talking each other he's like am i gonna have to fucking fight a 16 year old and i'm like i would recommend striking because i'm not confident about your odds if he gets you on the ground well i mean sometimes you know we'll be at the house we'll have a couple drinks to this and be like all right fight john like an animal not not compared to nick but just bring out the rancor yeah john has some ground game on him so i'm excited to send him to nick's place for a couple weeks just to have some fun do that be in corn fuck every time cody comes down from his room with john on a leash it's like hopper the crazy grasshopper from a bug's life tore him away from beat up your friends every fucking time we get drunk running around having a child is basically like having a pokemon essentially watch it fight people john use claw attack john use claw attack the sooner you beat up uncle connor the sooner you can get back to your hentai john get back you just throw a rock at his head knock him out painted red and white with a circle on it john use boulder yeah here john use nine mil just throw a gun next to him oh god he's learning from my cop date john throw an unregistered firearm near him john uses the unregistered firearm i don't nobody at six knows how to fight i don't know if this is like brown great groundbreaking internet shit but like black belt at six is breaking news nick the fat electrician says he can take any six-year-old this is true i'd do it you pay me enough i'll beat this shit out of some six-year-old call it line them up all the black girls one punch call it team star how many can i fight for how much money i always never understood the idea of giving kiddos black belts was like there they can defend themselves no they can't tell you like jujitsu you're not even allowed to be a blue belt until you're 16 because it's not allowed yeah you know why before that you don't have testosterone anything like an adult attacks you all right if we if we do the beating children up uh competition we got to take 34 of the revenue for ourselves oh yeah right yep we'll call it i don't know creator clash four them kids we could probably make that so much money we do donate it to all great causes though i feel like that's going to be a russian sport in the future it's like a mobile game ad it's just a child fighting ring is that we're talking about starting but it's adult beating the oh god yeah or as they called it my house growing up disappointed i promise we're good people i just got my fucking mp7 hell yeah not a fake one no not like it not like a tommy built clone or anything a real uh like factory hk mp7 and cody didn't know i was fucking bidding on it no he's promoting it to his stream the entire week like look there's an mp7 for sale i get how high it's gonna get yeah i'm sitting there refreshing the the website the entire time i'm like man who is bidding on this two weeks after bidding he calls me and he's like oh good mp7 i didn't even know your ass was bidding on the mp7 it was that it was the the last day like two hours from it i'm like it's a 20 grand right now like i might get it you're like wait you were bidding on that i hope brandon's like i hope no one's watching this cody's like 26 we got 26 27 27 28 it's like no no why is this going up so fast yeah i was showing that to several thousand people a day for two weeks i didn't know it was you bidding the highest on thanks bud that was expensive buy their wife a boutique so she has something to do to resell amazon jewelry so they can fuck the babysitter it's and it's a tax write-off right can't they use that yeah haven't you guys seen the meme for income levels the what the meme for income levels where it's like um both parents are working one parent works with a stay-at-home stay-at-home parent one parent works and um spends a bunch of money and it's like the top highest income level is one parent works and the other one has a business that loses eighty thousand dollars a year all of those jobs it's it's money laundering i don't really know what money laundering means clint's convinced that they're in the back yeah so so why we all know something's up no one's going in and out like how do you keep this open it doesn't make any sense from a person who has a business in downtown bernie right trust me no one's buying shit yeah a lot of traffic there yeah yeah you're just like right off main street too yeah really close but you know it's like it's for fun right it's like yeah like like five oh skate shop that's for fun because i always wanted to have a skate shop it's not making me any fucking money it's breaking the law it's not making me any fucking money it's breaking the law every single month i will tell you guys that honestly but walking down bernie like one time i just decided to walk like like just just down the main street there are like 27 fucking boutiques and they're selling this like you were saying the same shit just like amazon shit yeah they all order from the same people for sure yeah there's literally the same yeah and different definitely yeah yeah we had to get used to we clearly don't look like the normal people of we love you guys they have no idea what you're talking about yeah i walk in with all my tattoos at the school and the moms are like yeah that's true so we do have that going for us yeah that's the next quote roll it back you look like we have that going for us why is this on your resume i'm white privilege please oh y'all are gonna make your business cards white card wrangler name phone number email that's it white do you have my it's the cover letter yeah it's it's quite the town i mean i love it it's nice and safe for our kids but it's a great place to raise kids yeah absolutely yeah the the fucking the one bar that we go to sometimes i've got the card oh the upstairs one yeah yeah we'll just take that there yeah and sometimes they're like do you belong here that's my favorite that's what you're saying with the tattoos yeah fuck it like what uh i'm going way back to like the baddie days uh of like first moving to san antonio and whatnot like years and years and years ago when we all went out to that fucking nice like uh really nice steak joint yes i do yeah we we all like all the guys got up to go use the restroom and because like we're not dressed like were you wearing a cum shirt i wasn't uh or any of you a lot of cut off sleeves tattoos everything they body blocked the front door the servers stood in front of the doors escorted us because i was like hey where's the restroom we'll take you it's like two people ask or it's like crazy you're gonna run from this fucking place yeah like there's a bunch of mexicans and white dudes with tattoos they can't afford this place they thought we were gonna run out on them and yeah and did that we were the only ones in flip-flop shorts t-shirts everyone else this is like suits dining out like an event like they're like what are you celebrating tonight i don't know thursday we're hungry yeah we dropped in i wanted good food room of slacks gingham t-shirt with a puffer vest on that's casual bernie for sure yeah upscale casual bernie geez they sought me at the fucking the dealership that one time the ferrari dealership right there did i ever tell you about that one no yeah so i had just gotten back from from key west i had driven a ferrari around like a exotic car dealership this is you and chuck right yeah me and chuck liddell like we went to a uh uh car dealership yeah yeah down in key west that is where key west is yeah and so they uh i didn't hear that part i'm also retarded i'm sorry they were really cool about it and they gave us a they gave me and chuck a yellow ferrari to drive around key west for the weekend we were like super grateful for it we drove it around i get back here to san antonio and i go to that that uh that dealership right next to the it was the right off the highway right yeah right off the highway the resilient place yeah yeah so like i i was kind of thinking about like i like ferraris a lot and so i went in there and i was walking around and every single person in their office would like yeah they would look at me and go like dude i'm seriously looking at ferraris right now you're missing on a commission bro every single person would look at me and go you didn't get help for like 30 minutes or an hour i'm like i'm not gonna be able to get help for like 30 minutes or an hour i'm like i'm i didn't get help at all oh like i was wearing a t-shirt and a backwards hat and i was like hey i just want to check out this car right here and every single one of them we pulled up to buy next toyota and a mclaren that's pretty funny they can't ignore you when you do that again that's pretty funny sir i'll never forget when i was like i don't know fucking 19 uh there was a uh lamborghini dealership past where like i had to like drive a bunch and i showed up one day like just as a 19 year old kid in a fucking t-shirt and then for whatever reason i was doing something where i had to wear like a suit and the difference in treatment that's between just like being a kid in a t-shirt and a kid in a fucking like full suit yeah immediately everybody wants to talk to you i got a free fucking notepad like you know they're like oh yeah don't have this have this whatever it's like wow and we never do that as individuals policing or anything uh uh. i would be the same dude at a lambo dealership i'm like 99 that dude with the backwards hat and shorts ain't buying a fucking lambo just trying to get a test drive get his ass out of here if you're just a one percent donut i'm like i missed the commission god damn you know we would all do the same fucking nick walks in with a this this is my favorite i feel like you have a much more honest conversation that way yeah yeah oh 100 it's way better all the time that's funny it's a hard one you know stereotypes exist for a reason i guess and i was i was just only hot takes here spacewalk was awesome we spent two years building a suit and we started with the intravehicular suit which is a suit you see all the astronauts wear when they um you know it's an iba suit when they get in the spacecraft and really it's just a last line defense you get a fire you take a a micrometeorite orbital debris of the spacecraft and you get a fire you take a look there's a billion bullets whizzing around in space paint chips that come off of a satellite and they're traveling 17,500 miles an hour and there's a lot of energy when they hit a vehicle and they can go right through it so you take a hole in the spacecraft oh thank goodness i got the suit on it pressurizes let's come home and it's emergency but that is not a suit you do spacewalking you don't walk on the moon or mars in it because when that thing puffs up and fully pressurized you're like the marshmallow man you can't move so we had to start with that and put joints in you know bearing rotation and you know you can't move you can't move you can't move rotator cuffs um you know in the shoulders and the wrists you know gloves that actually had dexterity so that you could actually hold tools because what's the whole point here the point is if you get to the moon or mars you get outside your spaceship and you discover things and you build things and repair things so two years the best minds there built an incredible suit we took it into a vacuum chamber at nasa we knew it worked um we developed a whole pre-breathe to denitrogenate so we didn't have you know basically the bends or decompression sickness and we went out and it was cool as hell that's something you have to worry about about is decompression sickness no shit yeah okay because i know like so ben's like when you're doing deep sea diving and stuff like that that's something you have to worry about because you have like multiple atmospheres worth of pressure you have to worry about that in zero g yeah i mean basically high to low is always the is always the problem uh so high pressure low pressure high pressure generally building up more nitrogen unless you've denitrogenated your body and then you go low pressure and that's your opening the can of soda so when you're scuba diving you know you go down like three four atmospheres whatever you got you know you're breathing normal air you're loading up nitrogen your system you return to the surface and you're begging all those bubbles to come out of solution that's what causes joint pain and it can that's type one dcs is joint pain type two is you can have cerebral issues uh cardiac issues and such so think about it in the space walk we're going from normal atmosphere like one atmosphere to zero except whatever's in your suit pressure so you're going high to low and um you absolutely can get dcs people during testing got dcs and when we were you know not not any of the crew members but there was a whole testing regime of how to denitrogenate because we're going high to low and um you absolutely can get dcs people we had no airlock that's kind of key is on the space shuttle space station you have an airlock so you got an airlock you can go and breathe 100 oxygen not worry about creating a uh you know an environment where you could have a fire um we didn't have that we had to throw air atmosphere so we had to figure out a way to not breathe 100 oxygen for a while and create a fire hazard so our risk for dcs was higher um but we figured it out and um obviously we had no dcs hits but i mean even you you read michael collins book um you know on on the apollo 11 mission uh he talked about he he was talking about how he was going to be able to breathe 100 percent oxygen and get type 1 dcs on his gemini mission and then his apollo mission just he was just physiologically he was more susceptible to it oh shit he didn't know at that time i don't know i think he knew he's like oh yeah he knew but he was like you know he's a fighter pilot and he's like i'm not telling anyone i tell anyone i get i'm susceptible to this like i'm getting pulled from the rotation oh dude that is so true with the government i'm gonna lie about everything you can vomit blood that was grape juice i'm fine it's like that's my spleen so what was then walking out the though and doing that spacewalk so now you built the suit and then you guys are up there and gals and now it's like okay yeah so uh it was short uh we basically the whole operation was uh just under two hours we each had eight minutes outside the vehicle the reason is we're breathing 100 oxygen we had to bring all our own tanks for this um there's no airlocks we threw away our atmosphere so we had to repressurize the vehicle um so we didn't have much time out there and i'll tell you it was not what i expected so i'd went up before uh we had the cupola on my first mission which was the biggest continuous window in space and i'm like i've seen i've seen the most beautiful thing you can imagine from space um it's probably gonna look like that and i was wrong it was it was so much more intense it was this big sensory thing because not only did you have that visual stimulus of like you you know you poke your head out and you're seeing earth right in your face um you've got all that you got the noise of the oxygen flowing in you got temperature you're cold as hell um we were worried about overheating so it was like extra oxygen coming in to really cool you got the exertion of moving against uh a suit pressurized to 5.2 you know psi so even any movement was was exertion uh and it and it was overwhelming come in but it was um and then nothing around you yeah just earth out the front and then when you looked into the darkness of space that was like the unsettling yeah like what what what went through your fucking mind just looking at it yeah i mean that was a surprise because i just did not think that it would feel um but i've talked to other astronauts too i was like hey how do you feel when you look away from earth because you don't always see the stars i know it's another like kind of conspiracy you got to be in the right orbit where you're in eclipse um because if you have any light coming off of earth it kind of drowns it out so you need to be in eclipse you need the moon in the right spot and then yes you can see beautiful milky way stars so it's like but why don't i always see it well it depends if the earth is illuminated you're not going to see the stars so i looked out in the and i've asked people like what happens when you just look out in the darkness of space and astronauts have been like man i felt like i was swimming in ink um like i've heard all these things and like most people generally agree it is rather unsettling because you have an appreciation for just the vastness of space in front of you and everything you're looking at is trying to kill you you have no atmosphere to bleed breathe you got you know bullets zinging by the micrometeoroid that'll pierce your not only your suit but your everything through you uh you got radiation my heart rate monitor when uh went down from a rad hit because we were actually in a high radiation portion of the orbit um and it's just like whatever that is our destiny to go out and explore among the stars and we're just going to proceed with caution well you're talking about with after the podcast yeah i'm talking about after the podcast so he was over stimulated because we were all laughing we're like having a good time laughing right and hates smiling and laughter so he don't know why he's like i'm not oh you're you're all you he said you're all going to die i was like okay buddy i'm like bro you can't say that to my friends she's like why yeah the water move it's a threat we were we were in brunch and uh ryden's there with us and like you know i get it he gets like overstimulated and stuff when people start laughing and bearing teeth and everything like we talked about it uh but we're joking around and then connor's apparently laughing too hard at something and he's got a man mosa in front of him and and riding just like without saying anything grabs a glass of water and pours it in his drink while making eye contact by the way which fucking autism doesn't go side by side like i i can't yeah no no yeah oh just pouring water it was the most malicious water pour it was some sigma that moment he's like a tiktok edit of this thing we're not gonna get mad at him i was like bro you can't do that wow i was like what you doing sorry you're laughing really loud i was like sorry connor shut the fuck up he poured water i've never seen this you so he started adapting he done it twice now to john too oh yeah yeah he did my son too we're like man that's an alpha movie someone's laughing you pour water in the drink i might do that at some point it's the most subvert fuck you ever when you make it to capitol hill you gotta do that one of the dinners just pour water in aoc's drink don't say anything make perfect icons yeah yeah well what a opinion to have you just look like this you you o o o o riley check engine abs or maintenance light on take the guesswork out of your warning lights with o'reilly veriscan the service is free and provides a report with solutions verified by ase service service service service service service service service service service service certified master technicians and if you need help we can recommend a shop for you ask for o'reilly veriscan today o o o o riley auto parts