The Bears Go Up In Smoke | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

And we're back, it's another episode of Two Bears One Cave. We're here in Austin, Texas with my buddy, Bert, and this is our week, man. This is our week. This is Netflix. It's a joke week. We are going to be in Los Angeles this week. There's a bunch of shit going on, but most importantly, the 5K, the Two Bears 5K, if you have not yet registered, go to TwoBairs5K.com. It'll be May 9th in Pasadena at the Rose Bowl. It is one big party. What I'm saying is we are not elite runners, and a lot of people who show up show up just to walk, to feel like they're part of a community. Some people jog, some people run walk, some people fucking sprint. You can participate in any which way you want to, but know that we have recovery centers, we have entertainment, we have food, we have porosos. We've decked this place out, we will have everything co-plunges, sawnas. It's year three. We have it dialed in, dude. This is the best 5K out there without a doubt. It's a blast. Like I said, let us be your first 5K. We are a great entry level 5K. It's so fun. It really is so fun. A lot of comedians will be there. A lot of your favorites will show up. There's going to be actors and singers. All types of celebs will be there, but it's really about just the community atmosphere. It really is so much fun. I never thought that this would be something that would happen in my life, and I've done ours obviously. This would be the third in a row. I've done other ones. There's nothing like this thing. There really is nothing like it. I'm so glad. We've had a bunch of stupid ideas, and I'm so glad this one stuck around. This is a great idea. This is probably the best idea we've ever had, because it's a small amount of work on our part. Our teams take care of it. They plan to plan everything, and we just run. I'm going to be fucking flying this year. Yeah, you are. I know. I mean, probably from last year, you're probably down like 40 pounds or something, right? Oh, I couldn't even tell you. I don't know. I don't know. I've never. It's so funny when you start to get healthy. Certain things. There's this guy that's got this Instagram account, and he's like, and I wish I could give him a shout out, but he's like, things fat guys do, and it's all he does is things fat guys do. It sits down on the couch and then puts a pillow over his stomach, and I go, I do that all the time. Or like just tugging his shirt, like having like the pull the pillow away. And I could tell you things unhealthy guys do, like unhealthy guys will never let you take their blood pressure. I've never heard somebody so aggressive towards somebody than when I've been with you and somebody like to get an IV. It's usually a standard thing where they go, just take your blood, and you'll go, don't fucking do that shit. And I'm like, holy shit. I've said something about that on stage the other night is like, if you're with a guy who doesn't like his blood pressure getting tight, he's the, who needs to get his blood pressure taking. Of course. And I've seen you get aggressive. But I take my blood pressure every fucking day now, and I take a picture of it, and I send it to my cardiologist, 111 over 72 this morning. I don't know anything about blood pressure. I do. Is that good? It's perfect. It's perfect. What was it? What was it when it was bad? Like, what was the? In the hospital with a blood clot, it was 170 over 110, which is, which is like, that's not good. It's not good. And it was so bad, they turned the thing so I couldn't see it. Really? Yeah. And the guy said to me, I told you this, but the guy said to me when I was in the cat's candy, he's like, are you having a heart attack? Because it was, the blood pressure was just, and now what happens when you get injured, when you're in pain or injured, your blood pressure raises? Yeah. The blood clot. And you know, it's crazy. I mean, I'm obsessed with my whoop. Yeah. The day I got the blood clot, the day I got the blood clot, my biological age on the whoop shot up to 60 years old. Wow. And that thing is so fucking accurate. By the way, is it wild to you that that's your next benchmark thing? What's that? No, 60. I never thought about it. Lehan said to me, she goes, how much longer are you going to be doing this? I understand that. And I'm like, fucking, I'm going to buy a bus just a spider. Do you, do you, but when you sit in that, do you actually think about that? Like, like that question, do you ever go like, well, how much longer will I do this? Or no? No, I don't, only because like everyone's still doing it that's older than me. Yeah. So I go, well, I guess I'll wait and watch till they stop. Yeah. It's crazy. Can I tell you something that's driven me nuts, and I'm only saying this out loud because I would never say this to him privately. I would never say, but I don't mind saying things publicly. Red being the other day when I was in the mothership last time was in the mothership, he goes, what did he say to me? He goes, you don't look like you're going to die, and I was like, just out of nowhere. Yeah. And he was like, you're my canary in the mind. And I was like, I'm your canary in the mind. Like I say you that article about, uh, outrunning death. Yeah. And apparently if you work out, the more I'm doing this stat wrong, but the morbidity for people who just drink is like this, they just all die, right? The morbidity for people that work out is like this, they live forever. But the morbidity of people who drink and work out is almost identical to people that just work out. And this is what you embrace the hardest. I hang my dick on that. Yeah. I fucking. And now I'm just working out. Just working out. And I go, I've got to be adding up. I'm losing biological age every week. I drop like six months, six months, really down to like 56 years old right now. That's great, man. I know. But, but I, what do you think you can do the 5K in? I definitely break 30. I know that. That's great. Yeah. Um, I've been running about, I've been doing legs a lot and not running as much. So, uh, and then when you run after you've done legs, you just have spring in your step. Um, I could probably do the 5K in under maybe under 27 minutes. That's super impressive. Yeah, but I got nothing else, Tom. Well, yeah. I got nothing else. Like, there's nothing in my life. That's the thing that I'm, I'm like, and then here's the other thing. So, like, I keep thinking of you. Why do you decide to have a drink? Me? Like, when, at what point is it, what is the thing where you go, oh, I'll have a drink. When does that happen for you, for the regular person? Yeah. When do you say, or when do you say, well, I'll, I like to smoke weed. I mean, I, I would say the drink thing is a hundred, hundred percent dictated by social setting. Really? Almost, I would say 99.9% of the time. So pain in social setting? Like, you go to dinner? Yeah. So I would dinner and it's like, um, ordering a steak and I'll go, I'll have a glass of cab with that. Okay. Or like, a social setting where I go to see people and they're at a bar and we're like, hang it out and they go, we just order drinks. I go, well, I'll have a drink. Like, so the social setting kind of dictates. Do you ever dictate the drink? Do you ever go, you guys want to get drinks? Maybe like, once in a while. Do you ever smoke weed by yourself? No. Edibles to go to sleep still? Not very often. I don't need edibles to sleep. I don't. Very often. I sleep perfectly. That's fantastic. I do have days where I'm like, oh, I realize if I really gas myself out like, especially like cardio wise. Yeah. If you throw a sauna in there, I sleep like I'm on morphine. Like it's crazy how well I sleep when I have that level of a like real earned fatigue. I can sleep like a baby. But most days, I, yeah, I can't sleep. I'm actually well, but it's not like, oh, my God, beautiful sleep. Not partying. I work out very intensely. Like I find myself pushing it in the gym harder than I ever did drinking. Like I go, I think to myself, oh, so this is why you want you this, this is the, this is why you got into the gym today is this moment right here. Yeah. And I, and I, I think that's really cool because it doesn't happen when you're drinking. When you're drinking, you just are like just the fact that I'm here is something. Yeah. Like I'm doing anything. That counts. Yeah. But when you're not drinking, it's like, why not just exhaust yourself because all you got to look forward is going to sleep. Yeah. But I can't find a reason to smoke pot. I can't find a reason to drink like I could see myself, I could see myself very easily. Once you go, go in six months and then go, I'll go seven because I don't, I don't have no reason to drink. Yeah. And then I, I think, you know, like a vacation with the girls, I'll have a reason. I'll be like, I'll be like, oh, this is beautiful. But if the man's not drinking one of my drinks by myself, I also don't need it. That's the fucked up part is you, you get, you forget how much you don't need it. Like I, I tell you, I'm heartbroken about Tiger Woods. What are you heartbroken? Because I fucking love that guy. He's awesome. The idea that he doesn't have control. Yeah. And I mean, look, any of us, if you see the footage of him in the car, any of us, it seems like he's got like, he's, it seems like he's, it's got all its hooks in him. Yeah, I mean, it's sad because he was like a, I think for our age to, he's like a hero. Yes. That made, um, made the sport exciting again and also was like the this outlier of talent. We're like, you know, it was kind of like, when growing up, when you watch MJ play ball, you were like, this is Superman. And then-- - But here's the thing I loved about MJ. He would have six fucking Miller lights. - Well, I didn't really learn. I mean, when I'm 12, I don't realize that, right? I learned about that. But I'm just saying like what you see him do, you're like, this guy's fucking unbelievable, and Tiger became that for golf. So he was like Superman. He was like a Superman, where you're like, holy shit, this guy's so fucking amazing. And we've all watched his career and his life and all the twists and turns. And I do think it's just one of those things where you go, I really just want this guy to get the best help and be good. - I don't. - You don't want him to get the help. - I don't want him, no, here's the thing. - I don't want him to quit drinking. - That's good. - But I want him to get in control of it. - That's not going to work for him. - I know, but I want, it's like, you don't joke. I keep making and no one gets a reference. And I hope you get the fucking reference 'cause you're married to a fucking roadroof star. - Okay. - Tiger Woods is slowly turning into Ruthie from the real world. Why? - Pull up a picture of Ruthie. Pull up a picture of Ruthie. Have you, do you remember Ruthie? - I remember the name. - They look identical. - Oh. - God. - Tiger Woods. - Shit, you're right. - She was the one who, in the pilot episode of Why she got behind the wheel of a car and drove drunk. And they were just following her, weaving around why. And they're like, what are we supposed to do? Tiger Woods and Ruthie? - Yeah. I wonder if Ruthie is the same mix as him. He's Thai and black. I wonder what Ruthie and Ruthie in real life one time. - And? - She was very quiet. - Were you like, how about that six iron? I'd love to see you swing it. - Ruthie looks good now. - She looks great. - But like, some people have like a legit. That's the one thing I've learned. - But you don't want him? - No, because if I meet Tiger, I want to have beers with him. You know? - Here you go. I'm giving this to you. But I am Ari Shepher. (upbeat music) - Okay, it's a fucking crazy night we're gonna have here. - Shit, it's about to go down. - Look. - We're gonna talk Paul. This is a love story. - Media, herpes, gonorrhea, AIDS. - I'm that friend! - I'll stab you with your mama, fuck you! - One of the worst things that could happen. - What's your favorite Bible verse? I'm like, I don't know any, I'm Catholic. - Did you just see it, pants? - It's not my shit. - If you're out there, lady, don't call me. (laughing) - I'm the bad guy in the story. I know that. - I'll be a better person tomorrow. - At least he's consistent. - Finally, something we can agree on. - I'll discuss it in heart. (laughing) - It's not the evening I plan, but I'm having a blast. And I'll feel, excuse me. - Martin Luther King, John F. Kennedy, Malcolm X, and now Dog Piss has the stage. All hell, Dog Piss. - Guess what, violent horrendous to show where I do, I guess what I do best, which is complaining way too much about shit that's not that important. - I think all YouTubers should be jailed. - Did an army of drunken screaming Santa Claus's. - The devil's stick, I was the doctor! - Shut the fuck! - Come along for this beautiful, disgusting vile and horrendous journey. - My new YMH show, subscribe, smash that like button. We're gonna be doing this every other week. This is vile and horrendous. - I think we can all agree that online shopping has gotten dangerously easy, especially when you get to check out and see that purple shop pay button. No more digging for my wallet or password reset bullshit. It's online shopping, but streamlined. You could say thanks to Shopify for that. To change, Shopify is the platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the US from household names and brands like ours here at YMH. That only is our merch store powered by Shopify. Christina turned to them when launching her cosmetics line and it's been a dream. Shopify possesses world-class expertise and everything from managing inventory and international shipping to processing returns and 24/7 customer support. Shopify will even help you get your brand out there as if there was an entire marketing team beyond you with easy-to-run email and social media campaigns. See less cards go abandoned and more sales go to Ching with Shopify and their shop pay button sign up for your $1 per month trial. Today at Shopify.com/bears, go to Shopify.com/bears. That's Shopify. Dotcom/bears-Chah-Ching. - And the same with MJ. Like MJ's always had a dialed in. - Yeah, but they're not the same though. - Dude, I could smoke a cigar right now so bad. You want a cigar? - Yeah. - Hey, Kyle! - Kyle, I have two of the best cigars in the world in my backpack, two of the best cigars in the world. - Yeah. - We need a lighter and can you cut it with your teeth? I can. - Sure. - Okay. MJ, like so, this is my boredom in sobriety. - Yeah. - But he's not bad. It's not bad, but I just go in our watch documentaries. I just watch documentaries at night. And I thought, I want to learn about stuff. It's so cool when you know people that know it. Like, I don't know anything about coffee. I don't know anything about coffee. The other day I was like, why wouldn't I want to learn about coffee? - Yeah. - And so, Kyle knows nothing about anything. He doesn't know anything about anything. - That's good. That's great. - Like, he knows so little about everything that it's mind blowing. As a matter of fact, sometimes I'll be with people and I'll say something and then Leanne will go, how much you want to know what that is. Like, name something and I guarantee you when Kyle comes and he's like, I've never heard of that. He'd never heard of Jekyll and Hyde. - He never heard the expression? - Never. - He didn't know what it was. - And he's basically like that for everything. - Yeah. And so I said to him, 'cause he was making me ice coffees on the road and I'm about maybe 150 times. I said, hey, you don't just make a cup of coffee and pour it on ice. It's done differently. Tell him to bring my backpack and he's confused. Tell him to bring my backpack. He is confused right now. He's going through my backpack. He's panicking. And he's like, I don't know. We don't have the boxes of cars. They're in us. - Yeah, definitely bring the backpack. - Bring the backpack. Tell Kyle to bring my backpack in and get a lighter. - Okay. (laughing) So, what other things do you think he's not aware of? When you're like, everything. - Everything. - I mean, geography? He's last, today he's saying, Kyle. - Okay. - Kyle. What name does the continents? - Oh, he's actually, he's actually very, he's actually very civic social smart. - Oh, there you go. - He watches the news. He can tell you what's going on in Israel with Palestine because he's ex-military. - You're ex-military? - Yes. - What branch were you in? - Okay. - Don't get too deep into it. You start. - Will you use Station of the Broad? - Uh, no. Nothing new. I'm not going back to London. - Okay. - Do you know the continents? - North America, South America, Asia. - Wait, are you guys talking about Israel and Palestine? - Oh my God. - Did I hear anything about Israel and Palestine? - Oh my God. - Keep it above board. (laughing) - Sorry, you're talking about it. - Okay. - Okay. - And so. - I mean, just for the record, you know. He named four continents. - Yeah. - No, he, he just, like we were talking about coffee. And I said, he didn't know what an espresso was. He thought an espresso was an Americano. I said, no Americano is a shot of espresso. It's an American coffee. An espresso is probably the norm for coffee. And so we had to, and then I was like, well, I don't know what the fuck a macchiato is. Macchiato is, do you know what macchiato is? - Yeah. Yeah, you have the espresso and it's like mostly like a, - It's on top. - Yeah, it's on top. It's usually like, you can do it with foam or you can add a little bit of milk. Yeah. Okay. I mean, so far, I would say you're not painting him to be like somebody who doesn't know anything. - He didn't know how to use the word, et cetera. - Well, how did he use it? - I woke up, et cetera. (laughing) - Okay. - You know, et cetera. What are you gonna, what do you guys want? Sir, what would you like for dinner? Just, et cetera. - Stop. - No, it wasn't that bad. - Okay. - I'm so excited for these cigars. So like MJ, so like, I didn't know anything about cigars. Dude, cigars, cigars shut down Tom. They lost their popularity in 1992. cigarficianado came out and it revitalized the cigar industry. - The magazine did? - The magazine revitalized the cigar industry. - Is that real? - You guys got guys like MJ and Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis also built cigars. And then all of a sudden the cigar industry is huge. And you realize guys like Rocky Patel, they just started getting into cigars recently, like within the last 20 years. They're not like families. Like Arturo Fuente is. But like, this is Don Pepin. I think makes all of my father's in Tatchwahe. And I mean, the guy from Tatchwahe, I think he married it. I mean, I don't know, I'm still researching. But he's a fucking interesting dude. That's a brand new type of cigar. - That's great. - These are really expensive. - You know my neighbor, my-- - I love, I wish. He was in some, they did a profile on him on a cigar official. - I would love to hang out with your neighbor now. - He's fantastic. - Because he had a cigar, he had a cigar room. - Yeah. Like when you go into a cigar shop for people listening, when you go into a cigar shop, and then you open the door-- - The walk-in humidor, he's got that, yeah. He's an interesting guy, he doesn't drink. - No, but he loves his cigar. dude and they did a profile on him like a whole spread on him. Mike. Good guy. Like a guy. Michael Jordan's on doing an interview with cigar fish andado and they bring him like Cuban cigars from Cuba before the embargo like they've been aged. I think he's smoking two at a time drinking whiskey just like this. He loves fucking cigars. But I love that that's why I don't want Tiger to stop drinking because I do want him to be able to get after it. Yeah. What are you going to do? You're going to be sober at what 50? He's got to be. It's it's only downhill if he doesn't stop. Yeah for him. Yeah. Just kind of get rid of pills. Dude pills are fucking bad because no one knows you do them. Tiger, if you're listening, don't listen to him. Tiger, I'm here for you. I got your back, buddy. Well, we're all here. And if you need if you need a place to fucking dip out and you don't want to hear any rules and no one's want you don't want to hear what anyone says to you, I'm your guy. It's basically like textbook. I'm an enabler if you want one. I think Leanne might be an enabler. No shit. He's never told me to quit drinking and I'm there's a couple times where I'm like, you should have told me. Really? I'm like, but she's always like, it's just about your health. And then I go, I got like, you don't realize how fat you are until you see fat pictures. Did you see the picture I posted today of my first pitch for the reds game? Regent more. I did the first pitch yes, like two days ago for the reds. And I did not look as fat as I did the other day. Well, I remember the viral one. I just posted on Instagram, pull it up. You did the viral one where your stomach looked like its own, had its own orbit and everything going on. Turtle. That was crazy. Yeah, that one was pretty nuts. Unblock. They blocked you. You guys blocked me? Did not know about this. Why would you guys block me? I have no idea. Okay. Oh, oh, bro. Holy shit. Before and before. Thanks. That's funny. But look at, look at August 23. Look how fucking that's crazy. And how had the pitch go? That was great. Yeah. Yeah. I bought like three baseball gloves and then we had a catch for like fucking an hour of the day before. Yeah. So that I was dialed in. It's kind of crazy when you think you're like when you watch I was watching the Masters the other week and I was like it's crazy that you can hit a golf ball from one place to another place in four shots and get it in a hole. Yeah. Like that's insane. It's insane. And it's insane when you watch Aaron Judge this by the way. Yeah. I did this for a minor league game. I never played baseball. Like I never played baseball. I've never I can tell you I've almost never had that level of anxiety. It's terrifying right. It's almost not worth it. And I was at it. It was a packed game but it was a minor league. So it's not like broadcast on. Yeah. Man, the anxiety was I was fucking scared. So scared, dude. I was like I can't fucking I thank God. It went well. But I was waiting. How did you how did it go? My pitch my pitch went pretty good on this one but it went great. Also you know what threw me off was like I bought a ball to when I was practicing and then when I got to the to the mound you know they told you tell you where to stand right in front and then the guy announces me and the guy catching who's like just being he's like he's like you know tell me when he hears my name and he goes no fucking way and I go yeah he goes for real and I'm like I'm supposed to pitch right now like stop talking to me you know. So he threw me off and I was like he goes that's really you I go yeah he's like yelling it and I go yeah just let me do this he's like bro I'm a huge I go thanks let me fucking throw the ball and now I'm like taking myself out of it. It freaked me out dude. I was like I did not know who I was right he was like oh he goes I I'm sorry man I don't know who you are I'm 29 and I went what doesn't mean anything to me yeah dude 29 what age do you think you age out of Coachella of Coachella because I'm watching Coachella shit I mean I it's gone like what age do you think you go that's not for me anymore. I've been in that era whatever it is I'm in it. It's definitely not for me. I mean I wouldn't want to it's not that I'm not interested in any of the people. I don't know who Karen or Maria whatever name is clearly um life comes at you fast it does literally a phone call and everything changes overnight it can be nerve-wracking and uneasy and catch you off guard listen to me ethos makes getting life insurance fast and easy 100% online you can get a quote in seconds applying minutes and get same day coverage there's no medical exam required you just answer a few simple health questions you can get up to three million dollars in coverage some policies are as low as $30 a month and you'll get your lowest rate from their network of trusted carriers ethos has a 4.8 out of five stars on trust pilot with over 4,000 reviews take 10 minutes to get covered today with life insurance from ethos get your free quote at ethos.com slash bears that's E T H O S dot com slash bears application times may vary rates may vary this episode is sponsored by better help may is mental health awareness month and here's a reminder that whatever you're going through you don't have to go through it alone life is a journey some days feel good and others can feel quite overwhelming whatever you're going through at night whatever's keeping you up in the middle of the night waking you up it's easy to feel like you have to figure it out all on your own but the truth is no one has all of the answers no one's journey should be alone having someone with you to listen to understand and support you literally can make all the difference I was up last night in the middle of the night with a bad dream and that you got me thinking and then I put on my phone and I started scoring on my phone and I what am I doing and I realized my therapist told me that there's a way to control your own thoughts at night and go to sleep and not think about it to change your thoughts you're in control of your own destiny some people with anxiety feel like we're not in control of our own destiny my therapist helped me realize that better help therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and a fully licensed in the US better help does the initial matching work so you can focus on your therapy goals a short questionnaire is going to help you identify your needs and preferences and their 12 plus years of experience and industry leading match fulfillment rate means typically they get it right on the first time if you aren't happy with your match though you can switch therapists at any time to their tailored wrecks with over 30,000 therapists better help us the world's largest online therapy platform having served over 6 million people globally and it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews that is a lot those numbers speak for themselves and trust me you don't have to be on this journey alone find support and have someone with you in therapy sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/bearers that's better HLP.com/bearers guys if you're lady fella or whoever sends you an eggplant emoji after dark they are ready for better sex and you should be too that's where blue chew comes in they've been on a mission for years to get you bricked up build your confidence and help you actually perform better in the bedroom with their new arousal formula blue chew gold is helping millions of men have better sex in 2026 while most edm ads only focus on blood flow blue chew gold goes further by combining two ingredients for mental arousal and connection so you're not just physically ready you're actually in the mood this type of innovation is why blue chew gold is the number one brand in rectile dysfunction i take one every morning i just see where the day goes don't let your mind get in the way of a good time discover your options at blue chew dot com and we've got a special deal for our listeners right now when you buy two months of blue chew gold you get the third for free with the promo code bears that's promo code b-e-a-r-s visit blue chew dot com for more details and important safety information and we thank blue chew for sponsoring the podcast i i appreciate like the talent and i like when i see like how like grand these performance like i think it's all cool but like i wouldn't want to fucking go to that that would be a nightmare to me the whole it just seems like it seems like one big club where everyone's in line everyone's in line for the whole thing couldn't do it i find it fucking i find so much shit okay so you know fight over right yeah he's on the bus and he starts reading texts and i have no frame of context and he's like wait have you do you know who these are from i was like what this is the this is that influencer's sister wait but set this up first okay so so there's an influencer name Noah Beck Noah Beck well who is i don't know who that is i don't know to tell us who Noah Beck is i'm sure he does make up stuff. Makeup. Big Tik Toker and he's also been in a bunch of these like kind of shows like sideline. I think he was in Baywatch reboot but just big young influencer. Okay. Is that him with these shirt off? He's a huge fan of yours. Oh my god. Right there. He's like they call me the machine. So his sister is a teacher. Okay. I think she's like 29 or something. Okay. And she's dating a cop and she starts an affair with this kid. A kid at the school who I think also where she's teaching? Where is she's teaching? Okay. And I think these are from these are released and he was reading these out loud. This is a child. Well let's have you with the teacher. Let's read. You have to you got to play the girl or the kid. Play the girl. I'll be the kid. You're hailing. Okay. Okay. But then but then said ooh, freak. If my shit was weak, then what's the point even? Crime me a river. This is crazy that a high school kid is saying crime me a river to an adult woman, right? When are you going to come home to visit then? No. No need for me to. I'll just cry or suck your dick and you can shut the fuck up about it. Okay. Then the next series of messages Haley and this kid discuss Angela Berlaka. Okay. In a group with Berlaka for our meeting, feel so wrong. Then I laugh. It feels so wrong. What was the pick you sent of me over snap? Like what did they say? I don't know. Hmm. I thought it saved it, but I guess I didn't. So never mind. Well you got to get to the one. Get to the one. We're building. We're building. Okay. Okay. Those those picks are funny. Funny. Why? Oh, let me guess. I was a beluga in the first few. Bro, my sophomore year you were 1 billion percent overweight. And now. And now you look fire liked. Oh, let me guess. I was a beluga. I liked that. Okay. Man, ain't that right? Yeah, but you still fuck me. You still fuck with me then. Like as a person. Negative. You was a cool teacher. Is my only year good then? Is my one. This year good then? And my current teacher. Or better at least. You're telling me you wouldn't have tried me back then solely because of the teacher aspect? No, not at all because it would have been like, she's not even a flex. She's rough. Right, right, but I was cool. And then I liked that. All right, be nice. And then you asked the same way I think about Miss B. If she was a little more fit, I would have died in the pussy. Bro, she's also 50 though. But she's too damn big for me. Age is just a number, baby. She's starving for the young dick. Jesus Christ. I know he's texting his teacher. I mean, yeah, I guess, but even our situation is still not right. At least we're closer in age. I don't like being compared to Miss B. Now, 100% tad more normalized. Like if I'm 25 and you're 33, who cares? But if I'm 25, or she's 55, holy gilf. Luckily, I haven't cracked her. So you haven't cracked her? Yeah. Right, this sounds way more normal. Like older woman, go you sick. Sick. I can't even think of, look at, what is, I make it bigger. I can't even look at her without thinking of her literal vagina. Yeah, right, right. What's one, two, one, two, one, two? I don't know. And then Haley says, "I'm glad you still referred to me as your sugar mama. I thought my services were being retired." And then the kid says, "Yep. Lifelong sidepiece." He sucks. Lifelong 12. I'm going to get sick sidepiece eventually. I'm going to get sick of sidepiece eventually. I need to upgrade a title. Eight hours of meetings today. I'm actually going to kill myself. Well, that's not my decision. What? You're the old lady here. If you seek a relationship your age, I can't be anything other than your sidepiece. You're playing with fire, not me. God damn, how is this kid this adjusted? These kids can't be white, right? I don't fucking know. There's too much game for a white kid. I knew too many white kids. They don't talk like this. This next exchange is insane when she says you think. You think I'll still fuck with you? Fuck with you even when I'm in a relationship? 100% dick to fire. I was going to ask if you still fuck with me if I was we're in one. But literally, you did. But you literally did. Yeah, I mean, I haven't been locked in a relationship, but technically I am, so I guess you can say that. I don't really care to be honest. I cheat. You are like again. When I come home, I'm going to see her for sure. She's like a sloth on the tree. She's not letting go. You're roomy. One in on the action. Two. What? I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Wow. You really are just a bucket. You would dad do this. I feel like you're insane a bucket. Bro, he could literally, he could very well be a minor. And I would never do this for a stranger. And then it's just one, two, one, two, one, two. What is that? What is that? I think that might be like the code for the emojis or something. Oh, I got you. I got you. Okay. Cool sounds good to me. Then she sends a screenshot, a screenshot of lyrics with a caption. Forget teenage dream. This is my new song to you. The screenshot lyrics are the following. You can hit in the morning in the morning. Yeah, like it's yours. I know it ain't right, but I don't care. Break up with your girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, because I'm bored. Break up with your girlfriend by Ariana Grande. And then the kid writes, Jesus Christ. He, he, he, he, overlocks. Live a little. And then in this next thread, she, uh, thanks. The guy, the kid, thanks, Hayley for everything she's done. Hayley, you're sounded by questioning why he was thanking her. She felt like it had a good buy. She then mentions, beat them, cheeks up, and their last hurrah. Thank you for all the things you do and have done. Click the accept. I'm at the counter. 12. Why are you thanking me and making me feel it seems like we're done with me? Nah. I'm just not, not, not fitting to be as available because I'm gone. Send Apple Cash? Yeah. No, I know this is, but I'm still available over text. You can call, you know. I'll see you this weekend or when you're available for our temporary last hurrah. Okay. And then he likes that comment. And he goes, yeah, but not regularly. Maybe when I come home, what's that? I'm coming to beat. I'm going to, when I, when I come home, I'm going to beat them, cheeks up, quote unquote. That's what I, that's where I got the impression. LOL. Ha, maybe that's funny. Nah, you know, I have some stuff to do and maybe people to see. Don't forget about your sugar mama. And then it looks like this next thing is that during this time, the kid was actively avoiding police. The following is what her, her boyfriend's gone. I think they were coming to his house. Oh, shit. And let me get this ashtray real quick. Oh, yeah. This kid is 17, 17, 18 years old. Uh-huh. And he's tall. And this guy's got kids got wild game. Do we have a picture of him? He's got to be a minor. Yeah, that's why his name is redacted. Yeah. Oh, so he's a minor. He's 17. Yeah, he's a minor. Holy shit. I couldn't talk to girls my age like this. Yeah. I still can't talk to my wife like this. This kid needs to be an influencer. He, well, you know, you hear about the manosphere. This kid should be running the manosphere. I get, I cannot imagine in high school being like, bitch, you know, I mean, this dicks, but you won't, like I cannot imagine that this kid, that can talk like this to a grown woman. He texts her one, one, John was reading where he's like, yo, pick me up from the airport and devour my shit. She was like, isn't your dad going to be there? And he's like, we can do it in the car. She was like, I'd rather do it inside and he goes or in the car like telling her this is what I got time for. I mean, that's crazy. It's really crazy. But I think the kid might need some help on how he might need therapy. You think? Like he's not, no, not just for fucking an older woman, but like the way he talks to people. I mean, also, you're not like born like that. This kid has learned this kid's fucked a lot of checks. Yeah, a lot of checks. Yeah. Wait, can you, he's talking to a 17-year-old girl like this, too. He's talking to, right, he's talking to a girl like that and he's talking to a 29-year-old like this. Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah, he's, he's, I couldn't talk to a 79-year-old woman like that. Well, that would be a fun thing about it. I was like, yo, pick me up and I'm going to beat up that pussy to, to an old lady. I mean, well, you got to figure, how is she, she's got to be attractive. They're always hot. Well, I could call her a fucking pig. It's sophomore year. I don't invest money because I don't know what I'm doing. To be honest with you, I get overwhelmed and then I just shut down. It's the story of my life. 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Their courses are curated by over 200 language learning experts to teach you relevant words and phrases you'll actually use by practicing real life conversations. It's more than just lessons Babble offers a large collection of podcasts that offer an inside look at local cultures. No matter if you learn best by listening, speaking, reading or writing, Babble adapts to keep you motivated and on track with personalized plans and feedback. Make real lasting progress in no time with Babble, the science-backed language learning app that actually works. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get up to 60% off your Babble subscription at Babble.com/bearers. Get up to 60% off at Babble.com/bearerspelled. B-A-B-B-E-L.com/bearers. Rules and restrictions may apply. I mean, you can look at her. Yeah, that's the woman. Oh, she's not bad. Yeah, this is the woman that he was like, nah, he was nasty back then. (laughing) Yeah. And then she was seeking his approval. It's twisted, man. That's really twisted. There's so much that goes into that. Yeah. It's crazy that if that had been a guy and a girl, immediately like what a fucking piece of shit he is. But as a girl, you're like, I kind of feel bad for her. You do? A little bit. Clearly, there's something all over her. There's something all over her. She's an adult fucking with a minor. But what is that? There's something broken in a woman who chases a young boy. There's something broken in them. For sure. Clearly there's something broken in an older dude chasing a young woman. But it's so much more acceptable. Yeah, but not with minors. But. Like there's a line. But no, but like you, I ever thought-- A 55-year-old guy and a 22-year-old girl. Yeah, you're like, this guy is fucking lost. I could never struggle with conversations. Yeah, of course. I was on the bus with Catherine Blamford who's like 30-something. And I was talking about the honeymooners. And she didn't know who the honeymooners were. And I was like, how do you not know the honeymooners? She was like, what is it? I was like, like the original sitcom? Yeah, nothing. And so that, that generationally, they just don't know. Like we only had a few options on TV. They all have TikTok, and so everything's in their hand. They don't have to be shit about anything in the past. I mean, but that also, that applies like what you're talking about. That also applies if you talk to someone six years older than you. They'll reference TV shows that you're like, I don't know what that is. Yeah, but we kind of do what they were talking about. Like, I mean, I knew Abbott and Costello. Yeah, but I'm saying like, people have a specific window of like what is their entertainment. And it's usually, it correlates directly like what age you are for this year. And if it's like, you know, I hear people reference shows that I'm like, I get that that's a show. I have no, I've never seen it. You know, it wasn't on when I was a kid. The lady who played Coachella this year, what's her name, Sabrina Carvinder? Yeah. Never heard one thing she's done in my entire life. Yeah. I mean, I couldn't, if she bumped into me, I wouldn't know who she was. I mean, that makes sense. That makes sense. I mean, I don't know, like, I know Justin Bieber. He's a thing. Yeah, he's been around for like, you know, decades. We kind of grew up with him too. Yeah, I mean, he's, I know Ed Sheeran. Yeah. But like, I couldn't tell you. It's all in concert. You saw Ed Sheeran in concert? Yeah, I kind of like Ed Sheeran. I like him a lot. I was on the road and they were like, he's got a concert tonight, you want to go? I go, yeah. For real? Yeah. And it was like, he was, I mean, impressive. He's the guy that started the, the like, play a couple chords and then hit it, right? I mean, I don't know if he started it, but he, he fucking, my God. Yeah, he puts together songs in front of you, like with the looper and like, yeah, it's incredible. Dude, I've been running to drum and bass lately. You've been running to drum and bass? Yeah. What do you mean? You're just going for a jog and then putting in boom. That's all you're listening to? Yeah, and it just, you just get onto a great like, I think it's like 140 beats per minute. Do you ever forget you can make a new playlist? Like, sometimes I'll go to like, run or to the gym and I'll be like, put it on. I'm like, man, I'm fucking sick of this. Yeah. I only have these playlists. Have you ever listened to those? Those are new ones? Have you ever listened to Girl Talk? What, the podcast? No, Girl Talk, no. I don't know. No, Girl Talk is like a DJ out of Pittsburgh. Oh. And he is, he does, Tommy would love Girl Talk. It is a podcast, by the way. No, it isn't. What do you mean? It just, that was the second result. First result. Yeah, I guess it is. There's too many fucking podcasts. No fucking shit. There's too many podcasts. And by the way, there's too many good ones. It's like at least sock. Like I saw two Scottish people the other day and I was like, there's no way this is going to be good. It was? It was fucking credible. Yeah. They were doing, all right, top 10 crisps. I didn't even know anything. So you listen to him as you run? Dude, Girl Talk, all day is. I'm in. The fuck? All day and feed the animals. Tom, it's hip hop to rock beats. Yeah, I hear. It's so fucking good. I think I might start going to EDM concerts with like a pass fire in my mouth. (laughs) I mean, I got to have. Will you do it? Will you do Molly? Yeah. I'm so healthy right now, I can do anything. Oh, try something else. I could do Coke. Do PCP. I heard a bad story about that. I've never heard one. Really? No, I have. Did you see Andy Dick? Andy Dick was talking. He was like, "They gave me a glass pipe. I thought it was marijuana. Turns out it was fentanyl." Nobody. Jesus. I know. And I was like. Somebody. Nobody has better what do drugs do to people's stories than Dr. Drew. And I've asked him like every time I see him, I'll just ask him drug questions. I'll never forget that he said. He said, "One, obviously, there's lots of differences to drugs, but he goes one of the observations you make about people on Coke versus people on PCP." He goes, "People on Coke run from men in uniform, like from the police, right? Coke, Coke, people go seat, cops, and they go, "I'm going this way." Yeah. People on PCP go towards them, like they're like, "What's the fuck up? I'll take all of you guys." He's like, he's like, "People on Coke, they'll see a cop walking down the hallway of like a hotel, and they'll jump out the window, and people on PC will be like, I'm going to fuck and take your gun." He said, like, over and over again. How do we not give that to our fucking soldiers and more? PCP? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know, man. We just low-grade PCP. Yeah. What's crazy to me is like-- Or Tiger, right? What? Tiger. Yeah. Tiger on PCP. Can you imagine how great you'd golf? Oh my God. It's got to be the secret to it all. But what's crazy to me is, like, you know, I get all I get are sobriety stories in my feed now, because that's all anyone does. How many people are crazy addicted to freedom? a lot. You've done freedom. Yeah. So we used to promote freedom on the podcast. I mean, here's the thing I met somebody who told me about their significant other needing it, like needs it daily. And then I did kind of clock how you feel. I was like, oh, there's like a thing where I don't know if it if it attaches itself to your opioid receptors, but there is kind of like some euphoric adjacent feeling. I'm not an expert. I'm just telling you about the feeling. What I think it was strange. What I think is interesting is sober people. I don't want to get into the weeds on who these people are. But like orthodox Jewish people who don't really drink or do drugs, they go to these cratum slash kava kava bars. Yeah. And get cratum or kava drinks. And they're like, no, they're awesome. And they're like, you're sober. You should try one of these. I'm so right. I don't drink, but these cratum drinks are amazing. Does it does it attach to your opioid receptors, cratum? Will you look that up? Because I there is like a feeling that's kind of it's semi muted, but you can't ignore it. I think when you. Yes, cratum does interact with opioid receptors, the main act of compounds in cratum bind to opioid receptors in the brain. They are the same receptors targeted by drugs like morphine and oxy at a higher dose dose. It acts more like an opioid at lower doses. It has a stimulant like effect. So you have I've had low doses, but you you said we used out of a sponsor that tells us to take cratum before you worked out. Yeah. And I remember you were taking it before you worked out. You're like, no, it's great. Yeah, I was like, man, I'm brave to fucking let's get after it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, dude. I mean, do you think it's going to be like that with everything? Like, like, because everyone does ketamine now. Yeah. Everyone's got a ketamine pen. I haven't done that. You haven't done ketamine now. How have you not done ketamine? I haven't. It seems like it's right up here, Ali. Really? How so? It's a disassociate. You love being disassociated. What the fuck's that supposed to be? Like, you just like did not connect. Don't you feel like that's who you are? Like, and I never understood that. Where you go, I could go home and then I stopped drinking and I went, no, I make sense. Yeah. Why am I going to go here? I don't want to what am I going to talk to people? Yeah. I'll just go home. I mean, I only did this because you're right. Yeah, it's the way it helps you disconnect. It's a disassociate. So like, whatever the fuck you think is happening that may be giving you drama, it just makes it go away. Oh, interesting. What does ketamine do? It's an out of body sensation. Dream like out of body sensation. Distorts your perception of time and space, euphoria, calmness, visual and auditory distortions. You may enter a K-hole Intense Dissociation Feeling Detectionary. I'm only laughing because I remember this post on Instagram of somebody who I guess they're on vacation and they return to their room. You could probably do a search and find this and they find a hotel worker on their bed. Oh, I saw that. I saw that. And they're like, this poor guy found my bag. He must have thought it was coke or something and he's on the bed and he's like, he's fucking. And then they show him getting like, helped up and his face is like twisted and they're like, he found my bag. This is the guy. That's it. Yeah. He found the bag. He thought it was cocaine and he took a hit. Yeah. And that's how they found him in their room and that. Oh my god. He's wearing a cup of action breakfast to find the cleaner found. Bagger K. Thought it was snow and found him in a K hole in the room. That is nuts, bro. That's a big thing with you ever. Look at his twisted ass face here, dude. This is how he's supposed to go back to work right now. That's the guy at work who obviously came to help him. Get right. And god holy shit. He doesn't know what's going on. Listen to loom. That was hilarious. There's the university, the video of the of the British kids out in the park. Oh, it's almost it's almost like serial killer creepy. They're like, uh, sell a paiky. Hey, wanted a head of coke. So we gave him a head of coke. Little and hey, no, it's ketamine and you just see this, this like iris traveler on the ground. And they're like, that's what you get, buddy. It's almost creepy that you would do that to someone. If you can see iris traveler, K hole. I guarantee you it's you got to be able to find it. But it's like, what are the risks and dangers? Listen, let's look at those. You pass out in the hot tub. Well, yeah, that's the K hole. The ketamine queen just got taken out of the water. Yeah. Can slow breathing. If you mix it with something while not identical to opioids, it can be addictive. Anything else? Below that, uh, bladder, kidney damage, painful urination. There's some Matthew. Yeah. Panic paranoia. Unknown purity. Yeah. Let me tell you something. If if I found out ketamine was healthy, like it wasn't like you did it. You've done it. No, I never done it. But if it could help me flying, I'd do it. Really? Dude, I just want to fucking be cool. Why don't you go get a Katie, a Katie, a ketamine treatment like where it's like under the guy like someone's guidance and about that. Hold on. What? What a great lead into a story. Oh, okay. So I'm doing a photo shoot for a flamingo magazine. What? Flamingo Max is a Florida based magazine. My friend is the editor in chief and she was like, yo, you know, I know everything Florida. I support anything Florida. I'm fucking Florida, Florida, Florida. Yeah. So they come to the house and they're like, we're going to do four setups and I was like, great. Beautiful. I want to I would love to have her tell her story better. Beautiful photographer, gorgeous. She goes to take a picture and she goes, I can't really bend down. Can you guys get me an apple box? And I was like, what? And she was like, ever since my fall. I said, when did you fall? She goes, well, interesting story. I was dealing with the depression. So I went in for a ketamine treatment and I ended up jumping off a 10 story building. That's not a fall. She said she's taking ketamine. She says, by the way, these are all allegedly because it's her story. I'm sure there's a lawsuit happening and I'm not saying names. She's like, I went to go to the bathroom. And in the process of going to the bathroom, I went to the top of the building and I jumped off the building. Her mom was in the lobby waiting for her. Some woman walked in crying and was like, oh my god, I just watched a woman jump off the building and her mom's like, well, that's interesting. What was she wearing? Describes it. She was like, that's what my daughter was wearing. Then. That's a crazy question to ask. I know. What that jumper? What were they wearing? And that it is kind of a weird question. But both of her shins went out of her knees, out of her legs. They both shined, both shins. She has scars on both shins. She has a huge aided to a tracheotomy on her. She landed in a planter. Her head came out of the back of her head, I think. She broke. She woke up, Tom, like four weeks later in a hospital bed from just from doing ketamine. It was like, what happened? And they're like, you jumped off the building. Crazy thing when you're like, was I in a car accident? And they're like, no, you tried to fucking kill yourself. And she was like, she was like, I was high on ketamine. And so I was like, holy shit. And then by the way, I just said like, why can't you bend over? She was like, crazy story. Now everyone is just sitting there at this photo shoot, just listening. She's like, yeah, so my shins went out of my legs, my arm and on my arm. And she's like, luckily, she's gorgeous. You mentioned it. She goes, luckily, I didn't land on my face. Yeah. She's not one scratch on her face. She looks perfect. And I was like, holy shit. And then of course, I then proceed to and then my next question is, when was the first time you had sex after jumping off that building? That was your question. And she was like, another great question. And everyone just goes, she was like, okay, so turns out Delta nine, if you have bipolar, makes you manic. And so I was on a manic episode and I eat one Delta nine thing for a flight. And next you know, 10 days later, I'm eating and it's like, I mean, unpacked. I love when people overshare. And she overshared what the sex about to sex with some guy who wakes up every morning and curses God. He was in a fucking, I mean, it was like, as she would tell every story she said was like better and better. And then I was like, we're like, we haven't taken a fucking photo yet. We didn't. We hadn't taken a photo. And I was like, Leanne, please get her on your podcast. She was like, I wrote a book and I was like, amazing, amazing. What do we want to say? Oh, Doug stand up. Have you seen his city council thing? No, and I know everything. Doug stand up. Pull it up. What do you mean, Doug stand up? Did what? It's cool. He went to. Wait, oh, that's not him. Because I guess the town he lives in the comedy club, comedy club closed. Like that's the catalyst for him going to this city council meeting. Dan Hope showed up to a city hall meeting in Brisbane, Arizona with a new plan for the comedians in town following the closure of their only comedy club in March after the owner of of chuckle heads. killed both himself and his wife's father, not in that order. As you've probably heard in the scuttled butt at work, my estranged best friend of 35 years, the owner of Chucklehead's, did this crazy murder suicide thing, tried to kill his ex-wife, killed her father under birth, they chuckleheads. Oh, I'm sorry, affordable housing is not as funny as this, but what it did, it left the gaping hole in the comedy community. I know this is an artist's community, but comedy is kind of like the, the (beep) stepchild, excuse the R word. They're the special needs stepchild of the arts. There's a gaping hole left. The same gaping hole that was in Matt Becker's head when he took his own life. - Wait, that was Matt Becker? - In the comedy world. And I tell every up and coming comic, hey, get as much stage time as you can, wherever you can get it. That's how you exceed in comedy. And then I realized, oh shoot. You get three minutes timed. Every first and third Tuesday, we're turning this into an open mic until you change the rules. There is a comedy show called Killtony. It's the biggest comedy thing. They sell out Madison Square Garden where a comic can just get his name pulled out of the hat. He has one minute. And they travel from Los Angeles to Austin to do this Killtony show. I implore every comedian on your way from Los Angeles to Austin to stop by every first and third Tuesday. Don't worry Mr. Bugs, they call you a lame duck, but I've never seen you smile more at 28 seconds. I've talked to the next mayor at the Farmers Market. She's all aboard with this. Yes, comics on your way from LA to Austin, Texas. Come by and do Kill Busby Council. If you can make them laugh, God love you. Thank you. Let's ask him to go to the couch. That was fantastic. He's, my favorite Doug Stanhope, and I'm sure I've shared this, but it deserves to be shared again. My favorite Doug Stanhope story is when he got in trouble and I think in Des Moines, when the lady wrote in a complaint to Doug, going, "Sir, you are atrocious." Everything you mentioned tonight was one of the worst things I've ever heard, proportion, making fun of special needs people. I will be reporting you to your agent, to your manager, to the better business bureau. And I will make sure that you never work again." And he wrote back, "I could not agree more." He goes, "When I got the script for that evening show, I was a pulp, but to do my job right, I had to read exactly what the club had written for me to say." That's so fun. And the woman wrote back, "I knew it couldn't have been you." Dude Stanhope, he's like one of one. I mean, that was brilliant. To spin that into that, that was brilliant, man. Will we ever get another Stanhope? No, definitely not. It's one of one. You had to have wanted to do comedy. That's like wanting to be a whaler before it was popular, you know? Yeah. Like you had to, it's like everyone became chefs because of fucking cooking network. Yeah, he's like the Bukowski of, of, of, of standup, you know? Yeah, like there's not, there's nobody else like that. He's such a fascinating fucking guy and I knew Matt Becker. You did? Did you play that place? Did you go there? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I thought, I'm sure I did, because I used to go there all the time. I used to go down, I think it was just, I, I think yeah. I'm sure I did. I used to go down there and take time off and just hang out. Remember the time his girlfriend ran away with me? What? Yeah. I woke up one morning and I was supposed to go to the airport and Bingo was like, hey, you ready? And I was like, are you driving me? She was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, come on, let's go, don't make any noise, let's go. I was like, where are we going? She goes get in the car, get in the car. So I grabbed my bags, I get in the car. Let me start driving and the car's packed with all this shit. I was like, where are you going? She goes, I'm running away, don't tell anyone. I was like, what? She was a gamb running away. And she was going through this like mental health crisis and we drove to the airport and she gave me a hug. She was like, please, I'll tell anyone that I'm running away. And I was like, okay. And she drove away and I called Doug and I was like, hey, I think Bingo just ran away. And he was like, what? And I was like, yes, she took the car. And then they had to find her. I think they found her in like Louisiana. She just started driving. Like days later. But days later they all got into a fucking another car. He has like 20 cars. He buys cars with, you know, 100,000 miles on them and then strives them until they leave them there. Just leave them, leave them. And they had to go find Bingo. But it was like a crazy fucking moment. I haven't talked to Doug and I haven't talked to Doug. I haven't talked to Doug in a while. And I texted him the other day. He made a really cool video of him drinking vodka out of a grapefruit and it looked with granite. It looked so good. I was like, yo, I'm going to send you a case of porosos. He was like, great. There was a period where I talked to Doug often. And I missed that. I missed that. I think and it's my fault. I just don't reach out to people. I kind of just stay in my own little fucking world. But Doug's stand hope is just, he really is. He's like, you know, he reminds me of Brendan Walsh. So you're never, I'm not shitting on the comics now. But the comics now, it's about getting famous and getting views and getting clicks. I'm not saying that I'm not one of them. I'm not saying I'm not one of them. I'm just saying there is a part of me that got into this business when there wasn't money involved. That's 100% sure. And that is the heroes of this job or the ones like, like, you know, I'm certain he's not a huge fan of mine. But like, even like Tim Heideker. Yeah, Tim Heideker, he would do this without money being involved, you know? Like he is just an interesting brain. And Doug and Brendan, and there's so many people that they got into this before there was money involved. The Walsh would do, the other thing is Walsh would do things that were like, I always love this. Where you're like, you learn about one of his, whatever you want to call it, his setups, prank. It's not the right word for it. But like, you know, he would do like a, like a circuit city was closing in LA. And in like, I think it was like in silver, like, near silver, like, so he just put like a massive whole foods coming soon. So that people would be like, oh, that's fucking awesome. Like they were excited. Yeah, coming soon, whole foods, silver, like. And that was just, that was just to get people excited that he wouldn't, he wouldn't, you wouldn't see the, you would just know that the community would say, like, oh, I can't, I'm so excited. We would like this. Or not like that, like whatever response is, like plus or minus, you don't get to benefit. There's no footage of it. He just knows that he's misinforming a community. The joke for him and that they all, for him was to be at the coffee shop and hear someone go, you know, there's a whole foods coming. Yeah. And then he would, that was his, that was his goal. And he'd be like, fuck yeah, that'd be, I can't wait. And or like, or the opposite. When he did the silver, like gun club. What was that? So silver, like for people that don't know, is a very hipster, very liberal section of a liberal city of Los Angeles, right? The East Side and very much not a pro gun area. And so there was a bar that was closing. I think it was MJ's and he put a sign there that said silver, late gun club coming soon, like that kind of thing. But then he started a website and he did it like HTML where like you just see like two bald eagles flying and a flag. And then he put a phone number that would go to him. So people would call him, be like, I do not support. He goes, this is fucking America. You know, you just like tell them, like I can do what I want and let them vent and yell. And they'd leave voicemails about how disappointed they are about having a gun club and silver, like shit like that where you're like, this is not for public really consumption. It's just for his own entertainment. You know, it's for his own amusement. It's just to be funny for the sake of being funny. It is very funny to do. Even I'm not shitting on myself, but even in moments where I was doing things just to be funny, I always thought, how do I monetize that? Or how do I show the audience? Yeah, how do I show this to more people? Like what will the main thing? I started that as a genuine thing. And then I was like, oh, maybe I'll do a coffee. Yeah, you have to find out about his. Like he'd they just do it. And it's so interesting because he already did during COVID. What? During COVID, he would everyone started zooming. Everyone's zoom is exploded. And so he would get on like these business. I forgot how he would like what the pretense was for the zoom, but it would be people in like some business. Like there's some discussion for him. And then he would hire somebody like off of like Craigslist. And be like, will you join this zoom? I'll give you like 40 bucks. And then at some point, just stand up naked with your dick. And so I saw a recording of it, people are all having this like, and he would, he was really good at like being like, yeah, yeah, this is like of something I really care about, you know, like he would sell them on that. He should be in this, and they're all listening to him. And then some guy just stands up and his dick is on camera. And everyone's like, what's happening here? It's fucking insane. And then people are like, what kind of meeting are we in? Oh, it's so fucking funny, man. Yeah, they would, Doug had the, the unbookables. Yeah, that was like him, Sean Rouse. I saw the first time I ever saw Brennan Walls do stand up. I was at the lab factory. I walked in and I knew who he was. And they're like, Brennan Walls still on stage. I was like, wow. And I was standing there with a group of people. And he gets on stage and he goes, holy shit. Gene Hackman died. Oh, yeah, the gene. And everyone's like, whoa, he was like, can you fucking believe it? Hey, he's dying today. And I watched a book. We were girls go, oh my God. Oh my God. And they left. Here's what I'm just kidding. Yeah. He was like, yeah, he didn't think you were a Gene Hackman fan until now. Maybe you should pay more attention to his work. He goes, you know, his, his, his brain just works in a silly way. Like you know, you can buy yourself a birthday cake any day of the week. Yeah. He's like, that's a great. Yes, a great. He is, those guys played. There's like, there's comics who play. I know, I see this online. I feel like I feel like we don't get back to this thing of how much longer you're going to do stand up. Like in a certain point, nothing surprises you anymore. No one's really shocking you. And no one's bringing like when you're young and you watch it, you're like, like Sean Rouse was fucking me. Oh my God. Brilliant. I mean, brilliant. And it's a bummer that like guys like him just kind of disappear. That's what I say. Life is fleeting. And it's a cash grab where they pass away. Yeah. Yeah. And they didn't. So like some comics played at the back of the room. They tried to play to the back of the room. And then that's a weakness where you're like, oh, we get what you're doing guys like that. They played to themselves. Yeah. They only played and stand up. He has the most brilliant bit about calling pack calling India for fucking the phone, you know, like the telemarketing stuff. It is the most brilliant bit. I would never do a justice. It's I don't know what special it's on. I think it's on YouTube. He is just one of those guys. The first time I ever saw him do stand up, I was blown away. I was blown away about what he did. And then he started making fun of me in the back of the room because I'd gotten a show that he had wanted. And he started making fun of me. And I was like, I was with Gary Valentine. I think he's making fun of me. And he goes, he absolutely is. And I go, do you think he knows I'm in here? And he was like 100%. And he just started picking apart my career. And what my career was going to look like if I didn't start focusing on or whatever. And it was just like, I feel like I feel like I feel like I need a sabbatical. I feel like I need a day job to hang out with other fucking just degenerates, like working a fucking home depot and just come up with funny shit to do. Oh, this job's pretty good. Why am I going to go to the upload? I was going to say you definitely can. Yeah. You could go there. All right. Look, we're so excited to see you Saturday, May 9th. At the Rose Bowl, just come fucking hang out with us. Walk it. If you don't want to run it, just walk it. Everybody, a lot of people walk it. Yeah. It's going to be a blast. I think I will be smoking weed definitely by then. And I'm going to try to get Snoop to come out. So I'd love my first joint to be with Snoop. That's it, man. I'm really glad I flew here. I didn't want to fly here. Thank you for coming in. No. Hey, can I tell you this what friendship is? Yeah. I want to say this. I want to say this. And this is when you know you're a friend of someone like you're my friend. And I know you're my friend. And I know Ari's my friend. And I know that I do things for a friend. I was saying to Zolo. Just casually business-wise, they're like, you know, I was like, well, I want to come in and do some two bears. And Zolo was like, well, you know, you came in last time. Tom should come out next time. And I said, very casually, I went, no, this is going to sound sad when I say it. I go, no, I don't really have anything waiting for me at home. Like it's just Leanne where all the dogs are dead. The cats are all dead. The girls are in college. I go, he's got two kids. And if, and if, if you said to me, Yo, Bert, when you had young kids, I'll come to you so you don't have to leave your kids. And I love your kids. I go, that's what a friend would do. So this morning I woke up and I was like, God damn it. I wish I wasn't his friend. I don't want to fly in. I'm so glad I came. Yeah. These are two. I we did some, I, I love doing this show. And I love that as a friend, I can silently, although I did tell you I did it, silently give you the gift of getting to be with your family. Yes. And getting work done. Thank you. And I, and I fly right now. I'm getting on a plane to go to Tampa. I've been, I was here for four hours and just so you know, I really appreciate it. And today, because I'm here, I'll go take Ellis to Jiu-Jitsu. So that'll be, that'll be fun. Well, I want you to know that I will be white knuckling a flight to Tampa on South. What? It's not that bad. And they're the first class now. It's not that bad. I got the whole row. Do it, man. I don't want anyone's it next to me. I'm a fucking door prize. You walk on Southwest. And you're like, oh, are we drinking today? You're like, Motherfucker. July 12th, I am though. July 12th, I am. Guys, hit me up. Tell me where I should fucking party. July 12th. I love you, buddy. All right. I love you too, man. Bye, guys. We'll tell the day we'll keep it clean. Here's what we call to bears one cave.