The Bearded Man In My Window | CreepCast

For Black Friday, you can get the creep cast Beanie and the Who Up Creeping They Cast Hoodie. These will only be available for Black Friday, so get them while you can before they're gone. And as always, thank you for the support. [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] Unfortunately, I won't be on stage. [Music] I love you. Oh, thank you. Thank you. I appreciate it. All right, cheer again. I'm recording now. [Music] [Music] [Music] Cut, cut the song. [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] Thank you all so much for coming out tonight. It's going to be amazing night. I'm sorry about the rain. We didn't do that. I promise. We appreciate you all, appreciate all the costumes you guys have been fantastic. Not only thank you for coming out, but thank you for coming for a good reason. Because as mentioned before, all the proceeds from tonight's show go to charity. That's right. What are those two charities, Hunter? The ARP. The ARP. And St. Jude's Research Center. Because Buck Cancer! And also the ARP, which many of you all know is the charity I starred with some friends after Hurricane Helene. We've done a lot of good so far. Helped a few dozen families rebuild their homes, but they're still a lot of work to do. And you guys have managed to help that tonight, so thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And in addition to that, because it's two YouTubers who work, be a little hypocritical if we didn't pitch in ourselves, so Hunter and I each are donating 25,000 to the others charity. [Cheering] But, in addition to that, we may be donating more. Because before we get into the stories tonight, we're going to play a little game. And that game is, are you smarter than an obese man shot? I don't think so. Here's how this game is going to work. I have a series of questions queued up about creep pass, stories we've covered and events from the show. And Hunter's not going to get them right. So, what we're going to do is I'm going to pick three people from the audience to come up here. Hunter will get the question first, and when he inevitably gets it wrong. No. He will donate an extra $1,000 to the ARP. And then the question will go to one of you guys. If you all get it right, I donate another thousand to St. Jews. [Cheering] So no pressure if you get it wrong, that's less money going to cancer. Just keep in mind. That's on you. If somehow, by the grace of God, Hunter gets the question right the first time, I will donate $2,000 to St. Jews. So, I need. Let's get some lights on the audience. Yeah, can we get some lights? [Cheering] Okay. Let's do. I like. girl in the bride's dress. We'll get her. Curly hair guy with the blue nose. That one, and then you pick one. [Cheering] I did this section, that section, you get one from over there. Just pick one. No, let me see. I'll take Brett Michaels. Hello, hi. Hello, hi. Nice to meet you again, hello. Good luck, honey. Yeah! If you all would. Brett, how you doing? Please take a seat, very good. And then you as well. Nice to meet you, nice to meet you. You all take a seat, go ahead. All right. So, as mentioned, Hunter gets the question first, right? No hints, no one shout anything out. Then the way we're going to do it with you guys is you're all facing forward. You don't look back at the screen. As soon as you know the question, raise your hand. He will get it wrong. When he gets it wrong, I'll pick whoever said I saw go up first. If you win, you get a point and we've got some stuff for you. So, all right, first question. [Cheering] What is the name of the cat in pinpal? All right, Hunter? The cat's name in pinpal? Yep. That's a while ago. Fuck, I really. [Cheering] Five, four. Sprinkles! All right, so that's $1,000. Would you like to guess? Foxes. That is correct. Foxes. Very nice. Excellent. One point to her, zero to Hunter. No pressure. All right. Question two. In what episode was the term bear trap point? Man, can I at least get a bear trap sound by please? Bear trap. Thank you. I'm going to say my best friend's ruining my life. No. Oh, he got first. Go ahead, take your guess. Dying near house? Correct! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, no. It's a close title. Hold on, she. To steal? Is it Azalea's co-cast? Yes, that's incorrect. Fuck! I apologize. I hurt Diannea. And I'm like, that's close enough to Azalea. It was not my bad. Two points for her. No pressure or anything. She's. I will get one. You're just the co-host of the show. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Question three. The man who wishes to be eaten like a bug comes up naturally in what two episodes? Dying near house. And. He's in two episodes? He's just a woman. No, he's not. not any house and fucking the floppy episode the guy in the space I'm on the show I promise I swear is that it no okay okay we don't want to see all right well I guess I don't have to give money away the answer is Diania house oh wait sorry there's a bonus to that you need to get the first one right okay the answer is Diania house and tiki tobi fuck okay tiki tobi okay hold on hold on bonus bonus we'll do it away with you can get the bonus bonus what is his wife's name the in both stories the wife has the same name which is how it came out got to be Julia Julia any one see thank you it's okay it's just it's just kids who are sick it's fine the answer was Connie beautiful name so to still two points to her you don't you've donated on every question all right question four question four in what episode did Hunter confess to allegedly murdering a woman on a Japanese train that is alleged allegedly no one I did I made these so I'm like well if someone who watches the show will get it but not hunter wait he's not gonna get it go ahead I can't remember the episode name but it's the one where the guy is like frozen in time you know I'm talking about no that doesn't count the subway no not not the one about if you've seen I'm at the Blinmont Metro ship it's not that one not that one I don't think someone shouted out berries in the window yes yeah you know what just for that I'll donate as if you were up here we'll do that all right final question question five all right here's in the way yeah question five which author has been featured the most on the channel in other words the most individual episodes Eli with a row oh okay any guesses come on man someone yell it CK Walker yeah okay CK Walker yeah there was a bonus question but I'm not gonna ask it those questions can you name all of them that's not happening anyone want to try the five CK Walker episodes on the channel I know you can go ahead go wait she raised first go ahead okay there's Baroska part one and two would part like five count is another one okay there's church church in the woods or deep woods deep woods no they didn't not spire not spire yeah no I'm forgetting the one with the church in the woods okay hold on Brett Michaels can you finish up do you have any more Baroska one Baroska two deep woods room 733 and mayhem mountain five different episodes five different episodes that showed up a different ones okay so to my disappointment that's the end of the that's the end of the questions to my disappointment the first place had two got two right and that's our winner so winner there were two so I will give you hold on come here how do I how do we agree to do it well yeah I feel like neither of you two give them all sure it's what the fun yeah hold on one of those put it here we'll do this you get you get these two there you go welcome you get this this thank you all very much y'all can go back to your seat appreciate y'all thank you consolation pride y'all gonna back to your seats except for the clown guy you you go ahead back right here break it the hell out of here I want this guy to stay up on stage I have a I have a question for you considering your outfit what is this outfit what am I looking at I'm a tramp clown tramp clown interesting very cool is this a couple's costume you have it just might be it just might be it's the other part of the couple here tonight that she is and she come up here so we can see the clown come on up here not the wrong I see her she's coming baby just so we can see the costume side by side of course a nice that's a nice car that's a good costume hello nice to meet you what what's your name my name's Bailey in this belong to a dead old lady clown I have their portrait that's excellent wow that's incredible is there any is there I think I saw was there something in your pocket is there like some bit to the costume or something oh actually there's one more question in the game you gotta answer question here you show everyone you're you're saying well I go to the next question they're just yeah sorry forgot about that there's one last question second keep pulling it go ahead keep pulling it I think the question is Congratulations congratulations man congrats you kids get out of here she said you she's on the handkerchief isn't that beautiful isn't that just cute thank god she said yeah god no shit dude oh god that had been hanging over my head like could you imagine like that be really funny a month from now but right now all right congratulations to the young couple all right well with that out of the way I think we had to go to warm up everyone should be in the building tonight I think with that let's get into some stories story time now tonight we have three stories for you all two of which are author actually all three are authors that have never been featured on the channel you the third one is one that we had a recording of that's not up yet and he's actually in the building tonight but we'll get to that later but so all three authors tonight are brand new and we're going to start a story called Aussie Mandias and this is from an author that's never been featured before but you all are probably familiar with up and so I need to rant for a second so when we were deciding stories for the show Harry kept telling me why don't you get one of your stories and Hunter will get one of his and I'm like oh that's a cool idea yeah because I used to ride a lot some of you may remember this when I first started a patreon for win-to-goon like a few months into the channel I posted this like 12 people saw it so I'm like okay cool this is an old story it's when I was younger we can kind of clown on it some that'll be funny and then we get to the show tonight and I'm like oh Hunter what did you write and he goes I didn't write a story found mine and I got Harry said get our own stories and Hunter goes yeah pick one so I put mine in the slideshow and Hunter did not so that's cute so yeah yeah cute whatever so this is me this is about me tonight not about him also since I summoned his name the guy who makes the show possible not only this tour but the show itself getting stories in line getting copyright figured out posting reviewing videos and all that without him it would make the show impossible can we give a round of a applause for Harry how show show would not happen without how old were you and you wrote this so I wrote this when I was 19 I think 19 19 I think you can tell I just watch Breaking Bad because I titled it Aussie man which it is far more edgy than the rest of the story is and I haven't looked at this in a while so this might I'd be embarrassing, but again, I thought we were both sharing our story, so you know. But I'm dressed as Jeff the killer. What pride do I have? So, all right, with that out of the way, are you ready to begin? Let us begin. If you could, cue the music. Aussie Mandius by me. Oh. Bear trip. What is this slide? Oh, gotcha. That's a late bear trap for me not writing anything. Even on my story. Yeah. Tainted away from you. Call your shots now. What is this story about Aussie Mandius? What do you think the story is about titles Aussie Mandius? Well, you said it was a breaking baddened theme. But knowing you, it's going to be religious. Do what? It's going to have religious tones. OK. I think it's going to be about an old man. OK. Oh, hot or cold on that thing. Is there an old man? I'm not talking here. Definitely an old old man. And I like to think that he's going to find some kind of arbours dare I say love craftian. And I think it's going to end with the old man. I think he's going to get taken by demon. All right. Well, we have. What do we do? What? You're just like a fairy. Hey, come on, man. Oh, cute. My wife shoved lipstick on my face for 30 minutes before the show. All right. Not like that. All right. All right. Aussie Mandius. She kept pulling and pulling. The fabric of the long-neglected blanket began to rip as her feeble hands began to shake. As the material now unrecognizable as anything remotely hospitable. To her in half, the embedded dust and rot seeped into the air. Her nose filled with the newfound stench. As in one last effort, she jerked away, separating what she was holding from the rest. It's perfect timing. Well. Usually, this gets edited now by the side. Yeah. Yeah. And now I'm thinking, like, I hope it's her notifications off. We'll find out. As she fell backwards onto the pile of bins and none have ever sorted amongst newspapers and none have ever cared to read, she sobbed to herself. Not because of any injury. Not because of the hideous mound compiled to forgot memories and leftovers. Not even because this defeat was another in a series she would soon forget. But because she tore her Mickey Mouse blanket. Her favorite one, of course. Of course. Of course. I'm Isaiah. I'm 19. Of course. You have a Mickey Mouse blanket, not you did. 19 years old. It's my most snugly, woodly blanket. I don't know how I'm going to get you back. For telling me to write a story for this and then making fun of, I'll find a way somewhere. It didn't matter that this was one of her many favorite blankets. And even one of her many favorite Mickey Mouse blankets. Nor did it matter that she had just now discovered it beneath the hill that had been building for nearly eight years. In this moment, her blanket's lost form was gut-wrenching. It's certainly worn to the grievance it received. Once her funeral was over, she cast the now useless piece of cloth at the top of the same pile it was buried beneath. Kathy was always thoughtful like that. And her empathy did not only belong with her wealth of soiled blankets. Whenever she wasn't home, she spent her time at church. Mickey Mouse blanket. I'm 19 and I just got my driver's license. I better put it in the passenger seat. It's safer to drive that way. My lips are very large. Amen. That's funny to pray and just tell God like, "Did you know my lips are big?" I love you, God. Small white, steepled building was modest, just the way she liked it. Every Sunday she would sit on the left aisle, third road back, about halfway down the pew next to Alice. Although it never occurred to Kathy that some may find it strange that her analysis never spoke outside of church functions in the 40-year relationship, it wouldn't stop her from calling Alice her best friend. Whenever it wasn't Sunday service, Kathy would help at the church's food truck. She lived off her social security and barely at that between tides and birthday cards. Therefore, what she couldn't pay her donations, she made up foreign labor and a valiant labor it was. The homeless would come to see her vainly or threaded cans pour their potato soup as if God had ordained them for such. When the winter months came, she began to feel the cold prick needles into her bony fingers. She never complained on account of those who came to see her and simply doubled up on mittens. She felt good about her role in the world, as she should. The fruits of her labor set beside her every Sunday as those from the soup line made their way to the aisle next to her own. The pastor knew it was mostly because the church wouldn't give financial support to those who did not attend at least three services in a row. But the pastor felt that he would be quite literally damned if he spoiled Kathy's optimism. It just reads like you're like role playing as an old woman. It is quite dramatic isn't it? I'm an older woman now. Yes, yeah. I'm Kathy. Me, me 19, not starting YouTube. You're like fuck, me 19 is hard. What if I was like an old woman? Yeah, could I just please be an 83 year old woman? I would love that. Amen. Was that? I don't know what the hell that was. Was that a sound bite that said I love you, God? I'm not the one. You had that cutie on me. I should cut up back there, right? Okay. This. Besides, it wasn't all in vain. One I during revival, Justin, who was once another junkie in the soup line. And now a deacon stood up during testimony time and spoke of Kathy's reputation. So I've seen her serve him with a smile on Christmas Eve. He convinced him enough to get right with God. That Sunday, the pastor spoke on the widow's mind. And that Kathy come to the front during alter call as the entire church prayed around her and thank the Lord for her spirit. She cried and told everyone she was just thankful to get up every morning. That was a good day for Kathy. Unpenodes to those in attendance. Kathy was right. She certainly was thankful to get up every morning. Next to her bed was a meticulous pile of family heirlooms. Everything from old wall clocks to boxes of porcelain dolls whose original owners she couldn't remember. Her morning routine was simple. She would wake up, grab her glasses, look to see if the precarious collection of goods near her head or was about to fall. Carefully make her way out of the bed over to the floor of compiled boxes and get to the open corner of the bathroom, in which she would change out of her nightgown and start the day. Her routine mattered to her, even if she didn't know it. This level of normalcy helped justify her peculiar hobby. Kathy had one problem. As the police would later attempt to understand, she cared too much. Every person, word, and item were sacred to her. She embodied the spirit of charity and devotion in a way few others could. What are you laughing about? I mean, what is this? You're writing like a great day for an old woman. Is this a horror story? Is this just like a, what is this? I mean, guess what you guys think? I just showed up to the show with like, and then Kathy went home to the kids. That would be a horror story. No, it's going somewhere. Look at the mention of the precarious boxes. Show them the gun, I'm sorry. Okay, did you hear the mention of like the boxes and the pile next to her? I jumped the gun. Whatever. Just keep playing the music. I'm bitter and I'm old. And I don't go to the doctor as much as I should. And I don't want to deal with an appointment and insurance. Go! So I let somebody else handle it. And that's why I use ZockDock. ZockDock is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors. Choose the right one for your needs and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about in network appointments with more than 100,000 healthcare providers across every specialty. From mental health to dental health to eye care to skincare and much, much more. And the nice thing about ZockDock is that you can filter for doctors that take your insurance that are nearby and are highly rated. It's super easy to use and you can find an appointment time that works for you with the right doctor that fits your needs. Plus, ZockDock appointments happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same day appointments. You don't want to admit it, but you should probably see the doctor. Go to zock.com/creepcast to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's zocdoc.com/creepcast. ZockDock.com/creepcast much for the dodged response during this episode, back to the episode, don't get too scared. This devotion, however, was to a fall. Every tin can and broken bowl held irreplaceable value. Walking across treacherous piles of glass and cardboard gave her a sense of self-worth. Every item of this collection was personal, and her specific misplacement created a mosaic of stories and comfort. Kathy wasn't blind to her situation. She knew how others would surely feel about it, as she knew what her husband and son thought of her. It had been decades since she had seen her son's father. Things used to be better. They were married in that humble, steepled building, and the house was fit for a couple of lovebirds. Of course, the floors and walls were visible back then. As her husband began to spend more hours at work, she began to find more collectibles here and there. This letter has been to stay away more, which led to her further collection, which led to her furthering her collection, until this hopeless dance ended with a note and an empty driveway. Kathy tried to confide in her son, but he had grown equally tired of her addiction. Every day, the kids at school would call his mom a hoarder, along with other slurs, on coming up such a devout Christian. Look, I was young, and also, I don't see what's so funny. I just love how the son and the dad are like, "Let's get the fuck out of here." Yes, they did, as a matter of fact. The words never bothered Kathy, nor did the odd looks and whispers from neighbors. However, it seemed that all the grief fell on her son. One day, not long after his 15th birthday, he was gone. She fought past the garbage bags, gathered around his room, and looked inside to see the idols, trophies, and photo albums she had accumulated in his floor cast down, and scattered with rage into one shapeless heap. Unlike his father, her son had not left a note, nor had any other indication of his whereabouts. No doubt a symbol of his absolutism, indicated by the disrespect for the belongings in his room. Kathy cried for him, then for broken things in his room, and then him again. The one area untouched by her compulsion was Kathy's prayer closet, or is she called it for "war room"? "Mod?" "Her fucking war room." That's awesome. "I cannot tell you the number growing up in church, it's number of pastors, they're like, we need more soldiers in the war room, what they meant was people praying. It's like a slogan. Someone moved over there, they understand what I'm talking about." "A modest space, no more than four feet in any direction, occupied by only a crucifix, or good Bible, and her Sunday dress." The dress was as close to vanity as Kathy can manage. One untouched artifact, amongst a call of CM of Roon Goods. Every Sunday she wore that dress and set an attendance to recognize what God knew, no one there was better than her, and neither was she than anyone. Every morning she knelt in that war room and prayed for her son, Sunday dress gently grazing against her head. She prayed that the Lord would guide him and give him direction wherever he was, and that maybe he would find his daddy. She never prayed that her son would come back to her. God was a miracle worker, some things are beyond reason. What? Did you laugh at daddy? Yeah, kind of. He was a steady-year-old woman, her 70. Oh. Oh. You're so gross. Come on. Kathy! Okay. Okay. Yeah. Still, she would wander about it. Some days she would imagine he found a girl and small at the thought of her grandkids. Other days she would think of a pastor and fantasize about the works he had done for the Lord in her 17 years of imagination, about once did she ever consider his fate anything but spectacular. She was content to live this way, alone, king amongst her castles. However, unlike Allison Justin, who saw her as a kind, righteous woman, her neighbors believed her to be a decrepit hermit. The smell had become emanating from her house and the kids walked into the bus stop with the first victims. Some horrid combination of mold and to-go boxes created a cocktail of awful. The kids began to tell stories of an evil witch that hides bodies in the basement and steals little children who missed the bus stop. Who incidentally, the corner by Kathy's house, boasts at the most successful bus route in the country. While innocent at first, stories become rumors and rumors become belief. The parents of the neighborhood began to talk about Kathy. Mothers did what mothers do and talked in circles about how something should be done and someone should do it. All fathers did what fathers do and walked by the house at least two times each, ready to brawl any beast that were to approach them. Of course, all this strife could have been solved with a simple door knock or church visit in order to see that the big bad wolf is something much closer to Little Red's grandma. However, that would take out all of the fun of a good game of gossip. While this was harmless for some time, if not rude, that all changed one Halloween. Okay. Okay. Here we go. Now we're here. Alright. Okay. Here it is. Dude, if Kathy doesn't like fucking eat a kid. And this is like, literally like a warning for it's like every woman in here, your 70s, is going to be horrifying. Again, what do you think this is? What do you think? Clearly, I had way too much like I was playing with the language and like being. Oh, the language, I just loved the idea of you 19 years old, putting your mind in the head of a 70 year old woman. It's like my favorite thing, you're like, "Oh my God, I've never connected with anyone more!" It's so good. Okay. What about it? It's sick. I'm stoked. Anytime he tells me it's sick, it means it's not sick. It's good. Oh. That all changed one Halloween. It was true. What the fuck is that? That's like a Scooby-Doo like, uh, like, oh, I see. Thanks Harry. It was tradition for Kathy to sit at her front porch and hand out king size Hershey bars to the approaching children. However, this year, the smell had grown so rancid that even Kathy's generous offering was not enough to get kids to enter her front yard, so she sat there, along with her chocolate. She didn't have any say, "Aw, now it's sweet." Yeah. Now you care. Yeah. Dude, does she use a, what is it, a panic button? We're like, "I've fallen, I can't get up." A life alert. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. Oh! That falls on the steps. Someone grabbed my chocolate. It smells funky, but I swear it's good. What? Every time we read, you have something against old women. There's always like something. It's a long story. Okay. One of the boys ran home and told his mother that they had seen Amy Crabgrass get dragged into the stinky house by the creepy old witch. Of course, Kathy did not kidnap Amy Crabgrass more than this child, even know Amy Crabgrass. But it was Halloween and perhaps one too many urban legends led this mother to believe her mischievous son, Devil Costume and all. The police arrived at Kathy's house and quickly realized that she had, in no way, hurt Amy Crabgrass or any other kid for that matter. However, they realized the smell first. They told Kathy that they were going to call the health department, to which Kathy protested with all the fury of a 78-year-old Baptist widow. Nevertheless, the officers' minds were made up and after weeks of notices filling her unchecked mailbox, the health department arrived at Kathy's doorstep. She made no preparations for their visit. Nor did she expect to make any changes after their departure. She simply stood in the front lawn as the men did their job. That was, till she was told that they would be throwing things away or else Kathy would lose her home. She was devastated. The information almost too much to process. Men in PPE walked to the, to and from her home, carrying boxes that meant nothing to them with a weight that was too little. For the first time that she could remember, Kathy felt something close to anger. She washed as uniforms, hauled out picture frames. They would never know the placement of, dolls of which they would never know the name. Clothes that could be worn given a slight wash, empty boxes that could make for excellent storage and gifts that each carried a story. Kathy fought back in the best way she knew how, the prayer and kind words. Clean up leader, while polite, was absolute in his decision, words like mold and hazard meant nothing to Kathy, at least not at the expense of her hoard. Just as she began another round of niceties, the man received a call on his radio that made him take off inside. There's a commotion of odd looks and whispers around Kathy until a police cruiser showed up. After the officer stepped inside, there's about six minutes of anticipation as the air filled with silence, and the combined crew stepped out. There, under a sheet, the arms of the cleanup leader was the skeleton of a young boy, no older than 15. There it is. What? Is that wrong? It's not done it. He laid down. He didn't wake up. Okay, I'm sorry to give you enough lines when I was 19, so now you're upset. Okay. All right. From out of the pile, long gun touch through a hallway. now cleared, the team followed behind like a funeral procession. The body was something closer to a mummy than a corpse. What was once skin and flesh had become a dried paper gently laid across bones. Any resemblance to the child before was gone and replaced with other stillness. This information was beyond Kathy's comprehension. Years of prayer now meant nothing and nearly two decades of hope had turned up worthless. Her mind ran far away from this new truth and the notion of what his final hours must have been like beneath an avalanche of her own design. Her mind found another problem, one awful yet digestible. She looked at the empty body for some time and then glanced up at the man holding it. Through her denial she spoke, her voice was shaky, yet desperate. Can I keep my dress? And that's it, that's the end of the story. Thank you. Thank you. Very kind. Man, I was really hoping that she just started like kidnapping kids. She's like, you gotta come in here. No, sadly her son just died. I'm sorry that's not enough for you. Well, yeah. Revisited it after all these years. For what? I was here in the dialogue. I'm like, yeah, that's about right. To the kid that listened to my chemical romance constantly. Thank you. I figured this audience would like that. But no, I don't. Sometimes I'll look back on stuff I wrote and I'm like, I hate that. What was wrong? I didn't hate that. Oh, that's fine enough. I'm glad I was in terms. Do you all enjoy that? I'm sorry. I didn't give you enough lines. You being 19 and then capturing the essence of an old woman beautifully is art. I mean, it is nothing but art. I love to that 19. You're like, I just, I love that you got there. A lot of people at 19, they'd be like, they were old. They were 36. Can you imagine that? I think if I remember right, there was a story in the news about a woman who thought her son had run away. And then when they cleaned out her house after she died, they found his body. Me like a hoarder. And it was like at first, they thought it was foul play. But then they're like, well, honestly, they're such a horde. He may have just died in there and she never knows. Yeah, she just never knows. So I'm like, oh, and that's what the story came from. Yeah, that's cool. So it's theft. It's stealing something that happened. You know, let's go. The story I spent a similar. So I have no idea what the story of yours is going to. My story. Oh, sorry. The end. The end of the sale. Oops. My story. Wait. Okay. All right. I keep accidentally. No, you can put the title. Okay. All right. The title is my best friend is the bearded man in my window. The best part of this is I have no idea who wrote it. Redacted. The name was redacted or you just forgot to look. No, no, no. They deleted the reddit. They deleted their reddit. Okay. All right. So you really have no idea who wrote it. No idea. Okay. This is the only story. I want to be crazy about like, it's me. Yeah. Wait. What? Oh, what? There's just, there's a, I read a little bit of it. I read it. Yeah. Not all of it. I want to be surprised with you. I thought it'd be nice. We're up here. We're pounding around. I don't know what's going on next. Historically. I guess in stories. If we go to a charted territory, you know, I mean, there's like fucking 12 people dressed up like Tommy Taffy here. Yeah. In the front row, which, where were all of you when everyone is mad at us in the comments? Yeah. Damn. Well, I mean, I think you're going to take this. And I will say there's a lot of lines for me to read. So I'm stoked. Okay. Before the show, I'm going to, before the show, we were doing sound checks and they were running through the sound effects. And there was one of a baby crying. And I go, Hunter, is that your story? And he goes, yeah. And now he just told me he hasn't finished the story. There's a baby here, a baby there. Let's see what happens. Let's just diamond. We die there. I have nothing to do with this. I've neither do I. If I kill a kid in a story, they're 15. Okay. We've proven that. It's fine. All right. All right. Bye, redacted. Oh, it does say redacted. Okay. Let's begin. Let's do it. How we got to, oh, that's a cute animation. Is that forces? Lamb. That's good. Okay. Dear Lord, please give me a friend. Who was that impression of? I don't know. Amen. A hopeless prayer on a late October night. A thick fog rolled between the trees next to my house, churning, covering every bit of wood ground. My mind was racing. I intended to psych myself out too much, making little things to be more than they really are, habit that has become exhausting. I felt like I could hear the faint crying of a baby. At honor. Little babies at you. I don't. Maybe it's just okay. Bones breaking with every well. I heard the bone breaking one, too. And he goes, wouldn't it be funny if those two were together? It was funny. It was good. You you've started a story. You're like, uh, baby, bones, brain. I'm in. I don't even need to read the rest. I mean, am I wrong? I see a lot of quotation marks. We're good. Yeah. Okay. Bones breaking with every well, filling the hollow forest with a haunting song that feels distinctly met for me. I kept looking out my window here in these horrible cries, snapping again. They were interrupted by my mom. It's getting late, sweetheart. Get ready for bed, okay? Do you hear that crying? I asked my mom why I'd, looking for her comforting response for the millionth time. She cracked an all too familiar smile. Shia, we've been over this a thousand times. It's just coyotes, foxes, just our woodland friends out in the woods playing, breaking branches and twigs. You've got nothing like that. You've got nothing to be afraid of, sweetheart. Now, would you get some sleep? I let down my guard. My mother sent me the ease, like she always did. Okay. Good night, mommy. She smiled and softly shut the door behind her and she left. A high pitched wine came against the window as a bitter, biting wind collapsed against the house, crowding the window seal. As I went to shut the window, I looked down into the forest, four years stood looking up at me, not moving, not grazing, just looking directly at me. In the deafening quiet, I could still hear the baby crying. I could hear it's endless cries that going through the forest. I heard, I heard the bones snapping every three seconds. You got to keep reading. That's a sound effect. That's your department. No, no, you're supposed to read it for effect. Snap. Whale. Snap. Whale. Deer had me frozen in their gaze, though something compelled me to stay and look back at them. I was simply transfixed. It's as if we were conversing, not sharing words, but understanding each other's thoughts. We held this exchange for a minute before the deer turned their heads in unison, moved deeper into the sheer blackness of the forest. They hypnotic gaze broke, my sense returned. Brushed into my bed, I threw back the blankets and covered them over my head. Why were those deer looking at me? Why did they just stop out of nowhere to make sure, look up at my window? No. Don't do this. Don't make something out of nothing. We'll just scare yourself again. This is why people don't talk to you at school. This is why. This is why you freeze. Are you sure you didn't write this? No! Because so far it's been like, "Yeah, I'm in bed and then my mom comes in." And she's like, "Hi!" And then I hear a baby crying, the bone snapping, the baby crying, the bone. It's like. I mean, it's awesome. This is why you freeze anytime someone looks in your general direction. This is why you always get picked on. You make yourself an easy target. My thoughts sober any fear that I may have conjured in. Comfortable. pitty dug deeper into my bed and wrapped the blankets tighter finally able to call myself down still I can't shake the feeling that something out there in the woods was crying for me it is somewhere in that cold vicious fog the next day at school I had a newfound confidence to try and went over the bullies at my school the Williams brothers Jackie and Robbie Jackie Williams I'm such an awful person I was thinking that's the baseball player that's Roberts he was an old baseball player you see I had to do research for my role twins that were the size of mountains for a regular 15-year-olds they used their size to enact all kinds of terror on our classmates I'd always been afraid of them now I would stand up for myself I would show them that I am not one of the dorks at school this is such a story you would write just the you love like the the 80s movies where it's like yeah and then the bullies got rain over and like a monster killed it's a popular trope I know I'm in my wrong could you read yeah the Williams brothers were on a special tirade today carry around a dead blue jane one him dead blue jane one hand and asking classmates to kiss the bird in order to attend their Halloween party what the I don't know what the fuck that is a party only the coolest of kids got to go to at our school I don't think the cool kids are going to party after kiss a dead bird that's the hunter level we're like the weird kids we're kissing dead things like man I wish I was one of the cool kids could I be your friend please man they're so cool they keep dead animals in their bag I wish I had a dead bird and this was a chance for us lesser beings to be invited to the table chance for me to show that I could be one of their kind just the idea of a jog in like a movie being like here's your dead bird like this step up step up anyone who kisses this beautiful bird will be invited to our Halloween party Friday night don't get hit that no don't get the moves doesn't know no set Jackie with a contorted smile it's chubby cheeks inflated the freckles on his pale face a red curly mane on top of his egg-shaped head yeah the cool kids it's a cool kid kiss the bird kiss the bird yeah yeah parented his brother Robbie we didn't speak much for himself carbon copy of his brother in every way the bird was disgusting one of his eyes had popped out of its body and limply it looks off like a rock someone went all I was all down for the dead bird until I found it was like really dead it looks off like a rotten potato being squished in the ogre's hand I was repulsed and was already thinking of how the bird would come back to life and pick at my face flapping its wet tattered wings and a panic squawking with the demonic tones and its shivers down my spine no it's a dead bird don't treat yourself out just be cool I'll kiss the bird you're sure you're not impersonated anyone specifically no okay no I said louder than I intended trailing off at the end the hallway came to a hush the brothers turned me mouths stretching slowly into an evil smile shia the scaredy cat wants to kiss our bird I must be dreaming Jack you said an allowed boisterous tone gesturing to the crowd that gathered around us yeah we must be dreaming yeah parented his brother it describes them like they're in the mafia yeah like there's a pinch try one another one the suit like yeah yeah let's step forward to the brothers who outstretched the disgusting bird in front of my face its wings split out openly trying to play it cool holding back every notion I had to be squeamish make a scene I killed it this morning about 50 of them are flying by my house and I was able to shoot one on the sky with my dad's gone you know I figured out what it is why you picked this why I think it you would write it this sounds like a story you would just tell me about your childhood aha that's cute yeah don't give me that tone just like the like yeah one time I was in high school and like a shot my dad's gone and I made all my friends kiss it yeah we called it kissy time all right I didn't like that okay yeah Jackie Bart triumphantly looking around as if that was to impress the other students yeah that is gone yeah hey probably abishly muttered abishly muttered I closed my eyes and purse my lips moving slowly trying to quickly make contact with the bird speak so I could be done and attend this party I could see it starting my new life not lonely more friends than I would know what to do with my wife's here by the way so don't yeah that was for hers what I'm saying this fantasy was cut short when I opened my eyes and Jackie had turned the bird I had kissed its ass the crowd of kids laughed to stare I I quickly wiped my face but the damage had been done the brothers tackled in the orchestral laughter filled the halls echoing coming back all around me loud I tried to play it cool slowly smiling and joining him with the laughter trying to reclaim any dignity that I have before kissing a dead bird's ass so what times the party I said trying to act smooth the party you think we would let you come to our party Jackie blurted out accompanied by his brother no way how is a the crowd erupted and laughter again I felt myself deflating with each passing second before voice cut through the crowd what you guys cut it out it was Sarah Martin she was one of the few people in school who was ever nice to me admittedly and not surprisingly she was my crush Sarah from Spire in the Woods I have learned to not get too enthusiastic about what I think is a wholesome like teen romance story yeah sure I'm not saying that he's saying that's fair that's fair they they dragged us through the trenches on that one we were drug-fittingly so yeah you can you can move Sarah Martin all you want I'm saying out of this the brothers laughter faded quickly oh hey Sarah we were just messing around Jackie said sheepishly yeah just joking moderate probably just like snapping in the leather jacket all you come on Sarah Sarah rolled her eyes at the brothers and turned her attention towards me are you okay Sarah said sweetly brown hairs splashed against her slender shoulders gentle stars of freckles stodgered cheeks and nose picked myself up I didn't like nothing had happened trying to play cool who me oh yeah I'm totally fine I meant to kiss the bird like that so that's it was all intentional okay well the parties is Friday at 8 p.m. so please come by it should be fun Sarah said turning to the Williams brothers right guys others just nodded their heads in agreement confused see you then Sarah said softly before throwing her hair confidently and turning to walk off down the hall brothers frowned at me and followed her as she left it's my you said you haven't read this whole story right yeah so my bear trap or my prediction that I hope he comes to bear trap is like she is going it's like a ritual or something he's gonna want him killed she wants him to be there she can kill him or something like that I love a nice ritual killing like she's a witch or something like that I would love that yeah yeah this would be the moment I have not gotten a story okay did you say no this is all new for you yes everything now I chose his story probably after like the first page. I was so in. This is great, creep cast father. You didn't-- you have no idea-- no, that's not a good thing. Come on! You have no idea what happens at the high school party. No idea. OK. Sorry. I don't know. I didn't do-- I didn't have anything to do wherever this goes. He didn't know. I see-- when I said the witch thing, my brain was like, make a Jacopie joke. No. Because I've learned my lesson, especially when you pick stories. I had done it. I had been invited to my first party. I've been invited to my first party. I got invited to stuff. I just had to kiss a dead bird. Walking home from the bus stop, I felt on top of the world. I had so many ideas. I had so many ideas for my costume for the Halloween party. [CHEERING] OK, I was going to quit the voice, but I-- thinking through the rolodex characters of stories I loved online. Would I-- me dress like this. Would I be a diminutive serial killer? A ghostly apparition? Or maybe just a pirate? I don't want to create myself out too much. [LAUGHTER] This kid rules. This kid fucks, dude. Yeah. No, he doesn't. Clearly-- come on, man. I was just-- Hunter actually wrote this about his childhood. And he's over, like, this kid's cool, right? This kid's actually pretty badass, actually. Yeah. I was-- I keep touching my face to scratch it, and I'm smearing pain all over my laptop. I was still thinking of my costume when I heard a baby crying. Oh, I forgot about that. When I heard a baby crying from somewhere in the dense trees to my right. Loud, shrill, wails, unmistakable. This wasn't a trick of the mind. My breath held, waiting for each horrible, long, wail to fill the empty road air. I wanted to turn and run away, but what kind of person would I be knowing that a child was out of the woods crying and I didn't help? Did the only thing that seemed right? Followed the cries into the forest. It's going to go well before him, I'm sure. As I walked deeper into the woods, I could notice how much darker the woods were than the open road. The tall tree is shrouded in the pale sun above bailing everything in a blanket of shadow. The baby's cries were still flooding the woods, but as I move further through the dense, brambles and brush took a new shape. Strange, awful mixture of sounds. A useful cry intermixed with the cries of a man? No! [LAUGHTER] This is awesome. What in God's name was happening in these woods? It's just my mind. It tricks on me again. It had to be-- no, I had to check. Against my better judgment, I pushed on, forcing myself along on legs that felt rail thin and shaky, moving further into the trees. What? Why was his Reddit account deleted? Oh, shit. All right, to me further is a baby and a man in the woods alone. So I have no idea. Was this-- was this no-sleeve? Yeah, was this tagged with anything? I don't remember. I don't think so. I'm sorry. I barely remember our episode to record you. I'm expecting to remember them. I don't fucking know. On my ride, a collection of deer rush past, jumping and contorting themselves as they move, other woodland critters dash by, flying, and jumping ahead of me towards the growing noise. Across over a mound, my feet stopped. It stunned in terror. Front of me, it's all where the horrible noise was coming from. On the forest floor, twisted massive vines and blood seeps through the grass and roots spilling into the soil. The upper half of a man split open, leaned against the base of a thick tree trunk. Oh, thank God. [LAUGHTER] The man had grabbed onto mounds of grass and roots and was screaming and agony. An infant still crying, crawled forward, inching its way into the open cavity of the man, twisting strings of muscle and tendence, clawed out, latching onto the baby's hands and head, slowly dragging it into the open cavity of the man's chest. Sick. A deer walked up, using its long antlers to nudge the child deeper into the open cavity. As both the baby and man began to scream in pain as the organs and in-trails were pushed deeper into the open moth, the baby's screams were muffled into a cuter suffocating girdle. [APPLAUSE] Hell yeah. [LAUGHTER] Jari, Jari, Jari. Jari. Jari Springer, dude, what the fuck are you talking about? Horrified, I began to back away slowly, trying to not make my presence known, until the twig under my heel snapped, and the forest immediately went deadly silent. The animals all slowly turned to look at me. With jagged motion, a half-man slowly contorted his neck, looking up at me. Her eyes met trembling, smile across his face. Screw this. Without hesitating, I spun and dead sprinted in the opposite direction, trying to put as much distance between myself and the broken torso of the smiling man as possible. I could hear the animals closing in on me, and I was too scared to look back. I just kept running as fast as I could, jumping over roots and diving under branches, clawing my back up, never stopping for a moment. The hordes of hooks and wings flapping growth thunderous behind me. The shriek of deer, thousands of birds squawking just behind me. He was pushing, just keep pushing. Finally, I met with fresh air. I had made it back to the road. I whipped around to see the onslaught of animals that I was sure was just behind me, but there was nothing. Nothing at all. I swung open the front door to my house, slamming it immediately shut behind me. Bolton. Oh, what's going on here? Is everything OK? My father said, propped up at the dinner table, searching me. Dad, I saw something in the woods. It was like a baby crawling into a half-man. They were screaming, and the animals in the woods were watching and helping it. Shia, what did I tell you about reading those damn horror stories? [CHEERING] So it's Hank Hill. It's Hank Hill then, the father. It's Hank Hill. I'll tell you what, Bobby. My father said, pitching the bridge of his nose and dropping his gaze for a moment. Before looking up at me again, disappointed me. You get so worked up that you send yourself into these fits, a baby crawling into a half-man, listen to yourself. My father said concerned, what's wrong? Said my mother, coming down the hall, her feet tapping quickly against the hardwood. There was a baby in the woods, and this man who was split in half. He's been reading those scary stories and getting himself into a frenzy again. My father said, turning the face of my mother, she came into the room, certain light in her face. I thought we agreed we weren't supposed to be on those damn sites anymore. Is it, sweetie? Why don't you go to your room and wash up for dinner, OK? My mother said, softly, I knew her. This was her gentle way of telling me that I was creeping them out again. That needed to relax. It's funny, it's funny how much I said the story was you, and this was actually me, and I was a child. Admittedly, I remember multiple conversations where my dad's like, you got a quit scare in yourself. So hard. I remember reading the Russian sleep experiment. My dad getting furious. He's like, he like Googled it, and there's like a picture of like a dead guy or whatever. And he was like, what is this? What are you looking at? No, I was here. What the hell are you doing? Yeah, he's laughing now to add. Defeat, I say covered in face paint on it at that time. Defeated, I dredged upstairs to my room. I felt so stupid. Did I really just imagine all of this? It's so strange. It felt so real. In my head, I could still hear the animals just behind me, hoo, of speeding against soil, distant howls and screeches pulling closer, hot breath on my neck. If you're saying it out loud to my father, it was easier to see how ridiculous it all sounded. And even the walk up to my own room had me almost laughing at how absurd this whole situation was. God, I need to be medicated. Yeah, I'm honored to myself shaking my head as I climbed the stage funny to about how old is he 15? Yeah a 15 year old I need to be medicated. God give me a pill. I got to my room took off my jacket I took a seat on my bed and rubbed my hands against my face Juckling softly man man, I'm a man's at least I had the party to look forward to I Needed to at least try and find a bit of normalcy before then okay. He's so okay with a baby crawling inside of a man and all that I couldn't go there so flustered. I had to make friends. This was my only chance Maybe it was good that I got this hallucination out of the way now and not at the party, right? Maybe this was all a blessing and disguise Tap tap What was that Tap tap I Looked at my door thinking that maybe my mom had followed me up and was checking on me There was no one at the door turned back following the sound There was a gaunt bearded man looking at me from my window smiling up until this moment. I forgot about the title Tap tap I Don't think I had ever screamed as loud as I did just then The man's teeth looked soft like they were pushing against each other folding and shifting into place his hair was patchy and then let Soft like they were pushing each other Stop the fucker you guys are wooing about just a vague description of a man. Yeah, exactly Exactly his hair was patchy and thin laying flatly against his balding head His eyes were yellow a gross sickly color hollow and unmoving the skin was paper-y thin burnt reddish pink Tap tap The door to my room flung open colliding against the walls my mother and father rushed in It looked at them trying to find words in my panic at a loss. I looked back to my window. No one was there I Had nothing Brushed right in my father let out a deep sign stormed off my mother looked at me and then raised her hand as if to come from me Just lowered it back down in a sort of a feat. She slowly and calmly shut the door behind her as she left Feeling terrified and alone. I looked back in my window searching the infinite black Starless night I thought I might be going insane The next day at school was exhausting. I barely got any sleep and struggled to make sense of the day before Nothing made sense. The more I thought about it the more confused me I Felt defeated, but I knew I had to hold it together for another day the Halloween party It was something real something I had to be excited about to keep me grounded Even with everything going on horrible nightmares from the past few days I couldn't wait to go to the party Gonna wait to prove to everyone that I could be normal. I could be cool. I could be a friend Just hold on Just hold on please brain. Oh, I need this one more day from you I felt a kick in my back from the desk behind me I turned to see Jackie and his twin brother looking at me. Do they share a desk? Jackie and his twin brother looking at me. They're bright red hair flashing like fire against the fluorescent overhead lights You better not show up to the party tomorrow Jackie said puffing his chest out as far as he could an alpha The sound of something breaking open. What was that sound effect? Is that an alpha noise? Is that the idea he's like? Yeah, you know Yeah, sure buttons ripping ever. I'm an alpha Sam. Yeah Yeah, I do you like that one? Yeah Boroska Continue Robbie watch Jack get instantly mimicked him while looking at me dead in the eyes But Sarah invited me. I said trying to force a smile and play off this uncomfortable interaction You're gonna tell her you can't make it understand Jackie said whispering with a bite leaning in just inches of what? That's the inches away careful to not draw attention Understand Robbie mine. Don't most on top of me Your ability to find these stories I don't want to have to do something serious But I will we're we're getting in we're getting into What is the name everyone gets a name when you turn 18 you get a slip with the name. Oh, yeah How he accidentally just read like a fan fix some kid wrote about himself. I don't want to have by the way and hide Layed into him over it. He did not deserve that. I don't want to have to do something serious But I will live just then a buck dove through the window Can't kick in and slipping on the freshly waxed floor. It's spindly legs played out awkwardly on all sides The other students screamed in horror Mrs. Lawrence tried to settle the class But was unable to raise her voice over the cries of the students in the pain to animal shrinks of the buck And it cut itself badly jumping through the window blood gush from its neck and the many deep gashes on its legs and body It leaned to the side and collapsed on the ground choking on its own blood gurgling as it cried out dying There's nothing we could do Hushed the murmurs overtook the classroom Mrs. Lawrence couldn't look away and stood in disbelief behind her desk Jackie and Robbie talked to themselves. I saw Sarah talking with Rebecca Wheeler who was supposed to be going to the party as well Then I looked over the broken window the bearded man who had come to my windows stood smiling Looking at me same twisted smile. He did it was slightly different His brown hair was longer fuller and had begun to fill in patches on his face I rubbed my eyes with my hand in disbelief. Yeah, when I opened them he was still there taunting me Before I could say anything or alert anyone in the class the intercom overhead chirped on Students, where are the evacuation? Please line up and follow your teachers on time. This is not a drill. Thank you The intercom chirped off. I love how calm they are about a deer He's bleeding. It's seriously. Could you guys just all right the deer doesn't dismiss you the bell does I looked back to the window, but the man was gone again I couldn't tell if I was just in shock from the deer, but I wasn't afraid. I was frustrated What was going on with me was this what was going on with me was this man real? Wasn't my mind slowly dissolving inside my head? I could barely take it anymore Are you doing okay Sarah said tearing me from my thoughts. Oh Yeah, I'm fine. That was wild, right? Yeah, there's blood everywhere This is kind of strange string, right? Yeah, hopefully all this crazy stuff is happening now instead of at the party, right She's gonna kill She's gonna beat her to death or sacrifice him or something Her smile Sarah added her her smile was perfect I felt my I felt myself grin and respond Every time I go to quit, he says something else My thoughts exactly like that Her eyes lingered on mine for what felt like forever Even with everything going on, I felt happy Finally, right where I was supposed to be I'm gonna be a pirate Shia That's good, I like that Her smile was shaken by my comment. Why did I say that? Pirates are cool. She says she's gonna kill him She said simply before walking off Holy shit that was awesome I was fine. I was I was finally able to sleep last night. Restful. Nothing abnormal. I even went to school with those strange men or deer looking at me, so that was a blast as well. (laughs) Something much worse happened. My parents told me that they weren't going to let me go to the Halloween party anymore. - Hey, what the fuck? (audience laughing) Boom! - That's a bullshit. - That's what? - I said that's a bullshit. - Some what? - Bullshit. - Oh, bullshit. I thought you were saying that some like beller, you're making up a word. I'm like, what are you talking about? - What are you talking about? - My parents told me that they weren't going to let me go to the Halloween party anymore. We had long drawn out argument. The pretty much resulted in my parents telling me that I have been acting crazy, seeing things that aren't there. - Fair. - They told me it was probably set off by all the horror stories I've been reading online. They didn't want me around that stuff anymore. And he's scary stories and it costumes. They said it would probably cause me to go into another fit. I said in my room on the bed, feeling frustration rise through me. I had to go to the party. There was everything to me. The only thing keeping me going through all the nightmares. I had to see Sarah. I could hear my parents downstairs. The grading of the dining room chair sliding against the hardwood as they talked. Every now and then, I could hear a sentence coming through the walls. - We should've never shown him horror films when he was younger. - This is my parents' after conversation. My mother said, "I'm turning the internet off tomorrow." (laughing) - My father. - Great. - I had two options. I could sit here tonight, turn on my computer and read scary stories like I do most nights. I put in nothing wrong with that. And pretend it's more special because it's Halloween. - Yeah, it is. - What are we doing right now? (cheering) - Dude, just wait. - Or, I could sneak out of my window off my roof, cut through the forest, and go to the party that is sure to change my socializing future. (cheering) - I knew what I had to do. I put my costume on. I'm a weird character from an obscure. (laughing) I'm a weird character from an obscure internet story that I'm sure no one will know. It's a bit tongue-in-cheek, honestly. The character gets bullied, burned alive, and comes back and kills everyone. (cheering) - Wow, I'll take that one. That felt good. All right, you know what you're right, the story rolls. Surely that's not a bad omen, right? I zipped up my hoodie, Jeff didn't have a zip up hoodie in the story, by the way. Mine's comically accurate. And open my window quietly, checking to make sure I could still hear my parents talking. They wouldn't notice that I'm gone. Something tells me they aren't going to want to see me for a little while. I climbed onto the roof, slowly sneaking to the trellis, speckled with ivy on the side of my room and climbing down. I had practiced this before. Just never with anywhere to go. It's so pathetic. One day I'm gonna do this for real. One day I'll get to go to a dead bird party. As soon as I hit the grass, the motion light flashed on, letting me in its wide beams. Without pausing, I rushed out of its vision and into the woods before my parents would notice anything from the back window. The woods were much scarier at night. All around me, snarled, malformed branches stretched into impossible darkness. It turned on my cell phone flashlight. It's short being barely lighting the trees through a constantly shifting mist that had come after sundown. I felt proud of myself. I never would have chosen this path before. Proud that I would be brave enough to traverse this dark terrain. He's talking about a yard. Dark terrain. I felt like I was growing. Maybe this weird brain malfunction. Maybe this weird brain malfunction that I had had been having was starting to end. I was feeling more excited for the party than ever before. It was so close. As I pushed my way through the brush, careful not to trip. Up turned route, I hashed out all the things that I might say. Oh, here we go. Quips that I. (audience laughing) The voice gets grating. I have to too long, but he's begging for it. You have to persevere. Quips that I can throw at people. People love quips. (audience laughing) Rolling through these thoughts, I couldn't believe how charming I was. (audience laughing) You know, it is funny reading this that so clearly is targeted at this point. At ride after reading my old story that was melodramatic over the top, if it's perfectly, yeah. I couldn't believe how charming I was. Finally, it would be all smooth sailing from here. Everything was possibility. Good grammar. Snap. (screams) (audience laughing) Great. The screams had returned. This time, it was deeper, furious, wounded. This time, it wasn't. (audience laughing) There were other screams you could have picked from a library. This time, it wasn't a child. It seemed to be the scream of a grown man. (screams) There's no way you didn't pick this story. This is the most. This is the most you story we've ever had. (laughs) Okay, just like a man can drift over and then the baby can jump inside of him. And then I can scream a lot. The scream was loud, irritating. I braced myself against covering my ears. It almost didn't sound human. They changed in frequency too. Drawing out in longer gaps. Always coming back just as I thought they had ended. Worst, I thought as I pushed myself forward against everything in me until I made a turn and go home, it seemed close. This was just my mind playing tricks on me, right? It's been happening for days. So I wouldn't have happened now right before the big party. Just ignore it. You can control your mind. You have no attention to the screams of a man somewhere in these woods. (laughs) It's easy. (laughs) I said, I stepped over and deformed root, jutting up like a tendril, and noticed the sounds of something foaming, bubbling. A collection of sounds folding over each other, slushing together in a horrible sway. I turned towards the sound, the dim beam of my flashlight catching something there, moving. It was the bearded man, emaciating, crawling on all fours into the sunken husk of an older man. His eyes were closed, but as I watched, grossed and horror, they ripped open and the man let out a blood-curdling scream. (screams) The man was split at his stomach. He was screaming unaware of his surroundings. The thin, balding man pushed open exposed skin, folding back against itself and proceeded to enter the gawning cavity head first, draping the wet skin over his balding head, dragging himself inside the carcass. A disgusting squelching noise came from the inside, the flesh as he grabbed rip bones, pulling himself forward inch by inch. I stumbled forward a step as something bumped me from behind, a deer pushed me ahead, nudging me toward the man. I tried to spin out of its grass, but was pinned by its sharp browning antlers, broken in places. My heels dug into the dirt as I pushed back with everything I had, trying to stop the beast, but I couldn't overpower it. The baled man finished pulling himself into the corpse, his face fitting in the skin as it overcame him, and he smiled at me. I didn't scream, I couldn't, I hyperventilated. This couldn't be real, this couldn't be real. My eyes darted left and right, all around me, what an animal stood and watched. I needed this to stop, I was losing my mind. Back! Pull it, ricocheted off the tree just to my left. The animals rushed away in all directions. The deer urging me forward, released me from its antlers and found it off into the surgeon darkness. I felt flat on my back. Without thinking, I flipped onto my front, pushed up on all fours, and sprinted away as fast as I could. Back! A bullet flew past me, inches away. Stop shooting! I'm sorry. Interesting strategy. - I screamed at the top of my lungs. - Bang! (gun fires) - It's cool I can just do that. - Bang! (gun fires) (audience laughs) - I saw the flash of the gun. The bullet zipping past me and hitting a tree, splintering wood. - Listen, stop shooting! - I screamed again, even louder, flailing my arms. He's literally dressed like Jeff the killer doing that. The silhouette of two figures walked towards me, the Williams brothers. Shia, what are you doing out here? You're just sneaking around our house? Jackie said, annoyed, did they just shoot at people that walked through the woods? - What are you sneaking for? - Probably a shot. - Why are you shooting at me, man? - I exclaimed more exhausted than I'd ever been in my life. Jackie snorling. - This is my dad's property. - And he said, I can shoot into the woods anytime I want. - Robby smiled, nudging his brother quickly, shaped up. - Oh, hey, actually, we're glad that you're here though. Everyone else has been arriving in the front door for the party, but we're glad you're here. Come on, let's go. - Jackie said excitedly, agreeing to lifting the edges of his lips unnaturally. - Yeah, let's go. - Robby added beaming. The party was amazing. Everyone was dressed up, laughing, having a great time. I was welcomed by everyone. People pated me on the back. People offered me drinks. Someone even offered me some alcohol, to which I had to politely decline. Oh, come on! He's cool! This kid is so mean. It's all good. But no one made fun of me. Some people even tried to guess what I was wearing, which was cute, but none of them got close to the right answer. The one guy called me Jeff. Which made me, does he say go to sleep? - God, I hope. - I hope. - Which made me curious if they knew. Regardless, this was everything I could have ever wanted. I found Sarah across the room. She turned to look at me just then, and our eyes connected. She flammed to her perfect teeth, crushed a long strand of hazel hair out of her face. She had never looked more beautiful. - Hey, you made it! - She sat reaching out and touching my arm. - I wouldn't miss it for the world. I nervously sat back, just happy I kept my words together. - She leaned closer to me, her grip growing tighter. What is she, grip it? - I have something for you. Can you come with me? - High school kids, high school party, high school children. - Yeah. - Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. - She smiled, sliding her hand down my arm to my hand as she pulled me through the party. - So glad I didn't dress up as the pirate. - Sarah opened the door to the garage and let me inside, churning it just behind us. We sat in the darkness for a moment. My heart was racing. Garage light turned on, and the Williams brothers were standing in the middle of the room with a large red box in the center of the empty garage. A speckled, cartoonishly giant bow was on top. - Hey, hey guys. - I said, confused, looking to Sarah, who gestured me over to them. - Go on. - Sarah said, let him go of my arm. - Both the brothers stood in front of me. Jackie put his hand on my shoulder. His grip wasn't possibly strong. - I know we've given you a lot of hard times, but we just wanted to give you a gift to show that it's all water under the bridge. - Jackie's grin spread across his face. - Robbie, however, was almost purple in the face, contorting and shaking, iced hearing. - I walked up to the box, looking at Sarah, Robbie and Jack. - Thanks guys. This is so kind of you. - Poor bastard. - He honestly deserves it. - No. - He's a good kid. - He was walking, he had practiced sneaking out of his room, and then was walking through the woods, practicing his quips. - A good man. - And then he gets to the party, he's like, no one can guess what I was. - Like, no. - I tore into my gift, unwrapping the bow and taking the top of the box. I hope it's a bomb. - Come on. - When I saw what was inside my smile feed. - Dead animals. Dead birds, dead deer, rabbit squirrels, everything stuffed horribly into the box. Inside's dangle together, bones snapped off in angles. Robbie immediately burst out in the laughter. - Followed by Jackie. - And Sarah. - All laughing at me. Howling. Sarah, covering her mouth, laughing. Press the garage button, and the door lifted up. Slowly, each panel, folding up in a way. The entire party's put outside. Every single one of them, shrieking with laughter. - hysterical. My eyes begin to flood with tears. What can I have done to deserve this? - What? Why? - Jackie's shoulder passed me. His hand around Sarah's waist. Robbie sprinted out of the garage and started high-fiving the crowd of kids. (laughing) - Yes, dead animal box. (laughing) Epic praise. - Jackie and Sarah turned back to me as I stood alone in the garage next to the putrid. Roddy and present they had left for me. It's not even like making him do something or dunking something on him. It's just like, "Those are dead." Ah, look at them. - And they're meant for you. - Yeah. Oh, we got you good. I bet you didn't think that was in there. Yeah. - Oh, man. You didn't really think we wanted you to come with us party, did you? - Jackie said squealing. Sarah couldn't hide her laughter and she buried her face in a Jackie's jacket. I couldn't fight back tears, not anymore. Not after this. I just let them spill, raising my forearm up to my eyes, quickly wiping them, not trying to give them the satisfaction that they were so desperately craving. I wouldn't let them win, not like these. Not like this. - Not like these. - Not like these. I would leave with my head held up high. I wiped my face and my sleeve, composing myself, looked up to the crowd, finding all of them. 'Cause I scanned them in disbelief and horror I saw. The man standing in the very back, taller than everyone else. No expression on his face. His hair was long and unkempt. He was bearded, covered in rags. Terrified, close my eyes. - God, get me out of here. Amen. Amen. - Robbie snorting, turned around and noticed the man before letting out a pillish squeal and running over to his brother. - Look at him. - The crowd screamed and gasped. All moving away from the man and into the garage. The man didn't move. Jackie looked to Sarah who had fear in her eyes. Jackie stepped forward. - Hey, man, this is a private party. - So why don't you get your homeless ass out of here? - The man didn't move. Jackie frustrated, moved up to the man. - Did you hear me, asshole? - I said, this is a-- - Jackie's words escaped him. The man stood with his eyes shut. Suddenly, the man grabs Jackie by the arm. He flailed, trying to escape. The man opened his eyes, a blinding, piercing light emanated from them. He looked at Jackie in the eyes. He was immediately blinded. Jackie fell to the ground, screaming and pain, and writhing on the ground. The crowd screamed and tear, trying to scramble, but the man opened his eyes again and shone it at the crowd, blinding everyone who stood outside. They all fell and screamed and pain, kicking and screaming on the ground. The sound of sneakers and boots scraped the asphalt, fingernails tearing against the concrete. Kids screamed for their mom, others for each other, all falling on deaf ears. I can hear the man's bare feet walking on the garage floor. I didn't open my eyes. I didn't have the courage. The man stopped and waited. It was excruciating. Just kill me. - Get it over with already. - Open your eyes, my child. (audience laughing) - This does roll. Your eye says the man. His voice is comforting. I trust him. Slowly letting my eyes open, revealing the man in front of me. - Jesus! (audience cheering) That's right, Shire. You called to me and I answered. There's no way. Yeah, I wrote this. [Applause] I fell to my knees at disbelief, thinking about the last couple days, thinking of the baby born in the dark woods. He gathered the animals of the forest to resurrect himself. For what? For me? You don't need to seek a validate. Wait, my slide ends there. Mine ends there. That's the last. It goes off then. I'll keep reading. You don't need to seek validation from these people, Shire, which is kind of like Isaiah. You need to find love in yourself, then and only then will the others seek you as a friend. Thank you, Jesus. Jesus smiled, putting his hand on my shoulder. I have to admit it was comforting. You're going to care these people's blindness, right? Oh, yeah, totally. Definitely. Jesus stood up and waved his hands over the kids, terrified. They regained their vision, screaming, scurrying off into the night. The William brothers sat in the driveway, rocking back and forth. Jesus walks over to them, kneeling down to them. This is a blessing. But always know, I am watching it all times. Do you understand? You want to read that? Sorry here. I wanted to hear you read the thing, so it's a good story. I have never been God so good in my entire life. You named him Shia out of letters for my name. It's almost nice. And it's about a kid who was a nerd who read creepypostas and prayed. And Jesus showed up and blinded the people that made fun of them. That's right. We got a little bit of finishing off at least. Yeah, finishing off for the people right here. Yeah. The brothers shook their heads nervously. They got up and sprinted back into their house, slamming the door behind him. Jesus turned and moved back to me, hovering his hand over the box of dead animals, began to charm and move in a crazed motion. Suddenly, the animals came back to life, jumping and flying out of the box and back into the forest. A crazed frenzy. I put my hands over my head as they rushed past and reclaimed the forest as their home once more. When I looked up, he was gone. I just looked at the last line. You have to keep reaching. I was making fun of his voice. The rest of the school year was a lot different. People treated me differently and things became normal after a while. Though not a lot of people talk to me, that was fine. I've done a lot of personal growing. I think I've been able to be more comfortable with myself and have poured my interest, this is like a flogging. I've poured my interest into internet horror topics and have even started making videos online. I've got to say, I think my parents are even a fan now. They even appreciated my username, "Windagoon." A pool. A pool. My first comment. This iceberg video rules. A couple fun facts. Me, my friend Dave, who's here, standing somewhere off to the right over here. We wrote this today in five hours. Also, the best part of it all is I've got your wife's permission. I've speechless. No rebuttal. When did you decide to do that? I was making fun of him so much. And the Jeff that killed just over and over. You did call it a little bit. When did I call it? This is something that you would write. That's a bear trap. Just like how old you are, which I still don't know, I just wouldn't expect you to lie to me. I thought it was a good story. For a story you wrote in five hours, that was well done. The baby being shoved in by the deer and stuff. That was sick. That was cool. What's a cool way for a guy to be resurrected? That was pretty sick. That's pretty metal. Then it shows up and blinds everyone at the end. Gosh, they amount. I was like, didn't drink alcohol. That's like me, huh? I was doing the voice. I was doing the Shinji voice. It's beautiful. Okay, it's an ironically good story, but also I will get you back. Please do. Okay. Well done. Good story. So that takes us to our final one of the night. I was just saying, I have a story here since the slides now working. Do you want to read it together? What? No, the slide. That was the last of that. Okay, just making sure. All right, so story three. It's called The Journal of a coal miner's daughter. And it is written by Travis Weaver, who goes by strange accounts on Reddit. This is someone who began posting stories to the R/Creepcast subreddit. So, a few weeks ago, I flew to Hunter's house and we recorded a whole bunch of episodes to try to get ahead of the curve a bit, and that's when the goop suit incident took place right there. Which, by the way, now that it's out, did he not kill that short film? So good. Incredible. But anyway, I got to be there for the last few days of that. But while we were there, we recorded six episodes. I think three of which are posted now. We're just sprinkling them as weekends come. But one of them we read was called Houts of a soldier of a lone soldier or something like that. It was about a soldier in like the American West It was an excellent story. I was fan-girling over at the whole time this guy had a ton of accounts So I said hey for the show. Let's do another one of his and then turns out He lives in Chicago. So he's here tonight. So Travis. Thank you very much Yes, sir Yes, sir Very nice. Very nice. So with that our final story of the night ladies and gentlemen. Are you ready to begin? Let's do it. Let's do it Oh, that's a really good image. All right From the diary of Claire Clara Mayor Huchins. May Huchins already messing it up. Yeah, sorry Claire. May Huchins West Virginia March 1907 March the 12th pop up got stuck in the coal mine This morning the men from the might if this also turns out to be about me This morning the men from the mine come running up the road Uncle James first black suit all about his cheeks Hallering for mama. He said Sarah the chef's band but the men are in now. We'll get Henry out That's my pop its name mama went wide in the face and clutched hold of my arm near to pulling it out She said you swear at James Tell me he'll come back to me Uncle James said I swear we'll dig till our backs give We got the boys on picks and shovels already. We'll use the dynamite we have to Mom lifted her chin as if she was queen of the town Didn't use it. Don't you dare tell me he won't come home Uncle Henry looked at her long but didn't say no more You went back down toward the mine with the others I heard the clank of iron and the shouts of the men humming about the shafts like bees I asked mom if pop it was hurt She knelt before me and took my cheeks and her palms and said your daddy's the strongest man god ever made He'll claw through rock foot for us We're sitting at this table by your birthday. You marked my words I said What if the air runs out? She hushed me quick. Don't you let such talk pass your lips clear, mate Air or no air Henry Hutchins will find a way He's got fighting them the kind no mountain can bury Later when the lambs were lent Uncle James came again His boots left red clay clumps on the floor He looked tired Mom asked have you heard him He rubbed his forehead and said no sound yet we'll keep on She would not let him rest James you know your brother. He'd never turn over you dig till your arms fall off Uncle James pressed his cap tight muttered We'll do all we can do Then he turned to me Fry to smile. I'll broke quick Clara Your bow be proud to keep him watch out with your mom Mom snaps he'll be here soon to say to himself. I fucked that up one more time She said I am so nervous He'll be here soon to say that himself nailed it As always you do like your reading comprehension's excellent when you're making fun of someone Yeah Amen After he left mama pulled me onto her lap She rocks me back and forth near to breaking my ribs whispering in my ear He'll be home by your birthday He'll bring you ribbons from town. Don't you doubt it Her words ran over and over until they made me drowsy Though I could fill her trembling I tried to thank poppies laugh The old ways laugh like it surprised him quick and bright I shut my eyes and hurt them out and groaned in the dark When I went to bed mama tucks me in time Say your prayers by the time the candles are gone Your daddy will be on his way home Candles burned nubs The windows stayed black I will say this about this author right now not just because he's in the room but yeah plug your ears. Yeah, plug your ears There is When we were reading the soldier story there was so much language uses and like tone of it That was about like a rough soldier Like in the American West like 1800s that I was like oh, maybe the author just like Is that kind of guy is familiar with that kind of writing but now he's doing all of it for a kid in the other side of the country 50 years later So I think he's just good at writing Again not because he's in the room It's the first day without poppies voice in this house All right, more soon March the 14th Sunday Church Bell banged banged down the lane mom had never looked up from the stove It seemed puff-like smoke curled around her face kept hearing poppies named tumble from her mouth as if she was talking to the kettle When the bell went quiet, I sneaked out the door Uncle James leaned on the fence with two miners Their coats were gray as ashes and mud swallowed their boots I crouched behind the wash barrel and pressed my cheek against it so I could hear One miners scraped his boot in the dirt. He said He knew he was digging the mountain eats the holes soon as it's made Uncle struck the rail with his fist. He's my brother. I'll not stop The second miners spat into the mud and said Sayers wound him up too hard. She won't listen to him with the truth haulers in her ear Uncle hit the fence again Rail snapped and jumped to splinter. He said Letter keep hope What's it matter to you? The men stomped off down the lane Uncle wiped his brow with his sleeve and he saw me peeking by the barrel He bent down close and said Unless you don't repeat a word clearer Your mom was heart-hanging by a thread March the 15th The lamp still burned when the rooster called Smoked and pressed against the glass Did you jump at that? Oh, I thought I said you jumped when the rooster broke. Oh no, I almost did Smoke pressed against the glass, leaving it black with a suit I reached for the wicks but Mama swatted me back. Leave him He'll need the lights so he can find the door Near noon uncle James came up the steps I knew him by the slam of his boots before he even showed his face. Sarah He called we braced a shaft with timber But she groans like an old woman Damn Might be Might be where we got to clap before the Sorry, it might be we got to quit before the mountain barriers My favorite thing is when you recover in the accent Like the guys coming up to the kid. It's like we better get what the what was going Mom stepped into the doorway air fallen wild across her back You'll not stop you hear me James Hutchins not to Henry walks out Uncle stood dripping on the boards capped twisting between his palms Coat streaked with red mud looked worn to the bone My bee is gone already Mom sat her chin He ain't gone He still draws breath. I feel it Uncle raked at the dirt in his beard and would not meet her look Got me peaking from the corner Nelt's little lips tugging up crooked Don't mind me clear me Your pup is mule stover. If any man could beat out a mountain is here I tried to smile but I'm barely twisted something bad March the 20th so So far she wants to get her husband back and she the brothers like he may be then she's like no keep looking for him If you were trapped in a mine Oh, how long would Alice and Send people to look for you Never Leave me Leave me to rot. Yeah, what if there wasn't even a cave in like you're just lost somewhere in there Yeah, I'm just wandering around I think then that point to never Just like he's gone. Yeah, we're in the parking lot and you're like on the gift shop. She's walking around like a giant baby Just like aimlessly walking around Okay, I give Kayla If there was a guy next to her, she'd be like can you go look for him? But if there wasn't she'd be like that There it is there's gone Something about Kayla yes, March the 20th Three nights now mama is set by the window back stiff as the chair slats staring toward the ridge where the mine lies Tonight. She called me close. Listen Klara Do you hear him tapin? I held still but all I heard were crickets singing in the weeds Mama dug her nails in my arm There that's him He's telling us not to fret he's coming home I wish to tell her there was nothing our days burned so bright. I bobbed my head Face off in the way it does when she braids my hair You'll be right here before the mountains you'll see After supper uncle James came heavy up the steps Said his land on the table and said Sarah the truth can't hold much longer the timbers grown worse each day will lose men if we strike again I'll spring up from her chair you're lying you'd leave him down there to rot if you stopped Uncle trace the lines on his brow with his hand I trade my own lungs to bring him back but there's nothing left below for us to gain table shook from mom of struggle lamplame left high not another word James my Henry's alive I hear him call from those hills the room went still my throat twisted till it hurt Uncle said deep it's done Sarah I'm sorry like the look toward me turn his back left without another word March the 22nd the house grows colder with each day mama no longer cooks full meals he says papa will be home soon so we must save the best for him a nibble what bread is left right my hands let me I think the buncle James sometimes faces long as a shovel handle warm with sadness he carries a truth mama will not hear and I cannot bring it to my tongue either if papa's gone why do I feel him in the halls at night as if he walks here already doors open told myself dreams yet last night I heard his boots scraped porch the way to them was like hey stacks thrown on the call I will say I I can't tell this is like her actually thinking that it's like a ghost but if my mom was being fucking insane and being like he's one more day I feel like I'd start freaking myself out too dude did you hear him right exactly I'd be like no yeah please get help I mean close the book dad's dad's dad mom wise that's so hard to figure out Jesus Christ I will say this reminds me so far because like obviously growing up around coal country but everyone's got family members that were killed in the mines and stuff like that there'd always be legends about like you know their ghosts hot the mines are you still here there's a place near I grew up in Bell County Kentucky where which no one in here sort of where there was a mine collapse like back in the 20s there's a group of guys who said they were on the other side of the rock and then seven men's war that out of the side of the rock a man opened a door like out of the solid stone it said oh come this way and they all followed him and they walked through the rock and came out the other side he shut the door was never seen again so people like there's all these weird stories about mine collapse and shuttains and one of the things I remember like an old wives tale to get talked about is if someone dies in the mountain they stay on the mountain right there's spirits always there so it's almost like he died down in the cave and now his ghosts just went home even if he doesn't know he's dead you know it's interesting told myself it was dreams you let's not hurt his food scraped the porch the way to them was like haystacks thrown on the cart mama lifted her face to the window and kept her mind on the dark her eyes fixed on something through the glass that's him she said he's about here shoved my blanket to my mouth to no sound would slip out my belly hurt from holding still I looked outside did not see papa I'm I'm snuffing out mom that night a pillow was going over her face go to him mommy the amount the amount of times you talk about killing a mother figure in a store where's your mom at she's back there right yeah do you do you want to go yeah are you aware of how much he talks about killing you yes yes okay all right she's fine with it I guess go to sleep we need to put you in a home immediately March the 25th today is my birthday I am 10 years old I was I woke to mama shaking my shoulder she was smiling so wide on near thought she lost her senses for good her cheeks are as bright as if she'd run a race and her hair hung loose tangled like she had not closed her eyes all night she said rise up Claire me your papa's here said I'm quick thinking I was dreaming but she pulled me from the bed near drag me down the hall boards creaked under our steps the mama paid no mind to him she bent over and whispered close to my ear I told you so child I told you he'd be home this day he's waited for it same as you when we stepped into the dining room her stop breathing papa was seated at the table he had never gone missing at all his boots were polished and a shirt looked clean lifted his face to my smile broad of summer sun happy birthday clearing girl his voice filled the room deep rolling my knees wobbled I had wished so long to hear him again it sounded strange in my ears papa chuckle them reached out his arm come dear old man did you think I'd miss your day a step near though my feet dragged when his hand touched my shoulder it felt worn there's a way to that I didn't recognize mama clapped at the side see there Claire me didn't tell you didn't I say to keep his promise papa wait there your mama never doubted it's worth more than all the digging them boys did I tried to smile mama's eyes shown bright as stars but I cannot keep staring at him something look was not as before the whites around his eyes seemed too wide the brown of them too dark near black as coal when he laughed cut the air though he meant it kindly I'm set a plate before the wall she had left was crust and beans she said we said the best for you Henry tapped the table find feast find us a bit of her head turned to me you ready for a good birthday Clara and on a quick on my heartbeat faster I'm going right I'm running dude sure mm-hmm I the there's a thing in horror stories where you somehow have to make the character maybe not helpless but in danger right like if it's disarming them if it's injuring them or something like that and the easiest way to do that's kids right like kids with parental figures what are they going to do and there's something so menacing about the mother being like he'll be here he'll be here and the fucking insane in one morning he's here like no yeah no I don't think so hey maker right to the temple didn't you hurt didn't you as a kid curl up on your mother's floor like a dog just watch her in the dark yeah yeah you've got a lot to say about what's creepy for other families just sitting on the floor like a tiny little chihuahua dog yeah I'm scared yeah mom a fetched little cake she had made from cornmeal and sweet drippings placed it in the center with the stub candle stuck in the top flame tremble oh there's no draft it's got you are you've been to Appalachia the cornmeal with the sweet drippings my gosh pop a lean near blew it out girl make your wish I shut my lids and wished everything would be the same as before then I blew the smoke curled in the air when I opened my eyes who was still watching me stiff as a picture painting with too many layers mom a kiss to cheek I need to close that mountain Henry I knew it pop a padded arm a man don't lay down for stone I may make stone bound for him they laugh together I forced a lot got to the bird they too by the way yeah I forced a laugh too no my skin prickled if ants crawled under it felt uncle James words in my head he had said there was nothing of pop a left to bring home yet here pop a set cheerful as you please and I stray away from seeing his eyes they're not the eyes I remember march the 26th I kept close to mama all day pop a set in his chair like a king come home it spoke of little things as if the world were small enough to hold in his hands when uncle James came at noon he did not step in at once he stood at the door rubbing the cuff of his sleeve Sarah I came to see my brother mama held her head high and step in he's right here pop a smiled wide behind her is if the air word joke between old friends yes come in James sit yourself up strode into the dining room and struck the table with his nuts not hard but enough to rattle the plate what it's a - Quote. - Groundless play, Uncle Hunga's cap on the. - I'm looking at. - Groundless play, Uncle Hunga, Henry. - Okay, that line ain't in mine. Uncle Hunga's cap on the peg and stepped in. His boots made little sound. Though Uncle is never a quiet man. - Wait, I didn't press that line too. - Henry. - He said, "Softway, I hardly knew." - Where did you come up? - And now we're back tomorrow, half again. - Where any man would? - Hop answer. - Straight through. - Uncle's mouth pinched. Straight through, look, brother. - Hop a laughed in the sound slipped around the room like a cold draft. - Through what stood in my way. You sit your feet down, you press in, and the mountain mind's you. There's plenty of cracks to follow. - Mama Claptor palms at once. - There, you hear him, James? You doubted? And now he's here. - Uncle turned from Papa to me, then to Mama. - Sarah, I have to say what's true. We pulled no man from that seat, from that seam. We boarded the shaft shut. Not a single body could pass through here. - Telling you, "Hey maker, temple." - I'm already gone. I'm in a wagon or some shit, right in a way. - Oh, wagon? - Yeah, that'd be fucking tense, a birthday to me, dude. I'm gone. (laughing) - Papa bent forward with his elbows on his knees. - You call it me a ghost, James? - I reckon I don't know what to call you. - Uncle said his words shook, then flattened again. - Mama moved between them. - That is enough, James. - Room went still. Papa smiled to not change. - Quit your worries. The girl is having a birthday month. Do not sour it with a idle talk. - Uncle worked his jaw. Sarah, take Claire and come stay with Ellen meet tonight. Let things be soared out before you come back. - He bent toward me. He may bring your book if you wish. - Papa rose, the chair legs scraped the floor. - Gotta do that. - The chair legs scraped the floor as if the wood did not care for the sound. - The women of this house stay in this house. The man keeps the gifts to give them close. - Hmm. (audience laughing) - Slay. (audience laughing) - Uncle studied his ground. - His palms hung open. Chords and his neck rising like rope. - Brother, tell me the name of your first mayor. - Papa looked at him mild. - Old red. - Uncle fixed him. - She was damn gray. - Papa's teeth barred in a strange way. - Gray turns red with a must. - Mama said, "Enough." Her cheeks burned in her days ran wet. James, when you spoke rotten in my door, go on home. Come again when you can behave. - Uncle snatched his cap. Fixed on me along while the belt close. A mama could not hear. - You hear me, Claire May. If anything changes, you run to my door and pound to your fist ache. No matter what your mama says. - I'll go with you now. - Right now. - Also that answer's a cop out, where it's like, "What's the name of our first horse?" Old red, it was gray. Well, you know, what is red? If not a gray. - Okay, that's not really the question. - So it's a. - Mama moved toward him, but he slipped back and caught the jam. - I'm meanin'. - When Uncle was gone, Papa shut the door with the neat snap and slipped the bolt. He turned to me. - Let the man have his hero talk. Seems like he faints, he's it. - Mama kisses Papa's cheek. - He will keep quiet once he thinks on it. - Papa said, "Think it never helped James." - Then he looked at me. - Fetch me a water cub. - I'm brought up. His fingers closed over it like the lid of a box. He drank it greedily and smacked his lips. - Hmm. - Fire and water. - He said as if the taste were richer than any soda at the store. March the 27th. - Mama kept the current stront as if like, do us harm. - Papa said, "You like the room, Dan?" Daylight struck in his head when it came too bold. After supper, you called to me. - Fetch your blanket, player girl. I'll set you bed, give you a tail. - Oh, fun. You wanna know what it's like coming back from a hill? (laughing) - Sure. - I feel like that would be you with your kid, though. - If the kid's like, "Tell me a bedtime story." I'd be like, "Let's watch the thing instead." (laughing) - Now you pull out a piece of paper and be like, "Well, there was a deer that flew through-- - Yeah, flew through shop blood everywhere. - Jesus came, it was a long story. - And Jesus showed up and blinded everyone. - Yeah. - That's how you put my Isaiah, he's a dork. (laughing) - He's long dead now, but I wish he could have met him. - How did he die, Dad? - I don't know. - Doesn't that seem kind of disrespectful that your co-host died and you-- - God, I just forget how beautiful my daughter's voice is. (laughing) - That was a big idea, Daddy. - I feel like you're bringing up something to it. - Hey, Daddy, how are you doing? - Run around the point I was making about, you don't care about, I said, "What happened to Isaiah?" - Yes. (laughing) - I carried it quick for you waiting at the doorway. - Smiling broad. - He said, "On the edge of my bed, I unfolded the blanket up under my chin." His fingers were heavy, harder than he knew. - Your Papa's got a story fit for my clearer girl. - He said, his lips stayed curled, but the joy never seemed to reach the rest of his face. - It's about a man with deep dork. - Opened my mouth to ask for horses or fairies. But the words stuck in my mouth. - Can we do, can we talk about anything else? - I would love just horses, please. - I feel like if I'm going to bed, this is a bad idea. Also, why don't you make noise when you walk? - Yeah. - It's because I slote. - He's saying that in the fairy costumes. - He's like a. - My little wings, the pattern. - You know what's funny about the fairy queen opening is I was talking in the car with Nate, and I'm like, 'cause we were talking about you're just gonna sing to the song, but when you sang it, and I was sitting there for a minute, and I'm like, you know there is a song, fairy queen. - Yeah. - That we could pull the actual song from, and Nate was like, I mean, why would we want to? - Just let Hunter sing to himself. It's a whole thing. - It happens. - Now it's you all. (audience cheering) - What is this football team you have? - I love her. (audience laughing) - I was cocked! - No, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - I'm not gonna do it. - Hunter! (audience cheering) - Hunter. - Hunter. (audience cheering) - I'm shy. - Leave me alone. - Nothing. - It's a quote, it's a quote. - Your papa's got a story fit for my clary girl. - Oh, there was a man who worked in the mines, clary girl. He was strong. - Oh, yes. - Stronger that the timber that breaks the mountain above. - This still a quote. - Not on my, oh yeah, this shit. - My bad. - My highlighter didn't do it. Sorry. - But one day there was an accident. But it refilled all the stone above it. It did not cry out. He set his teeth down and clawed at the earth. He thought I will see the sky again. So he scraped at the walls, tore his nails, spoke to himself of his wife and child and of birthday cakes. Then the air thinned and the man coughed. He spat black. He choked black. He cried black. - Okay. Can I have cake now? - Dad, I'm almost done. His eyes strung and burned till he could not blink the sting away. His skin turned the color of the coal around him. Still he thought he would not give over. But the dark has watched his clara. Things that we know son has ever shown. They wanted what fire burned a man who would not die with the mountain told him so. They wondered what gift kept beating at the rock when every bit of him was already broken. So they leaned close to the man. They spoke to him. Give it to us. Give us your gift. - And seriously, just one piece of cake. - And at last the man sang. His nails worn to nothing. His chest empty of air. He could not fight any longer. He lay upon that coal when the watchers touched, and the watchers touched them. They took the bright thing that burned behind his ribs. They pulled it out and drank it. Okay, and when they were done, they wore his shape. They filled his boots. They walked where he could not. He went to his house, to his bed, to his child. What? They came to sit at her table, to stroke her hair. Stop touching me, to whisper to her what it is to die in the dark. In the watchers found what they wanted, clear a girl. They found it in the fight of man, to stop her to lie still. They wear him still. They sit beside you now. No way. Seriously? Okay. Turn my face to the pillows, so you would not see the tears come. He bent near his breath out of my hair. Now you will sleep, and will not tell a soul. If you love your mama, you keep your lips shut. Remember, love is quiet. So why did you tell me? Kind of a fucked up, it's okay. A little hunter is like, "Yep, that's fine, not telling anyone, yep, yeah, no, but think about it." That was a very menacing sequence. The watcher, they wore his shape, they wear it still. A fucked up, yeah, god, still I just want to say, I just love that. She's just like, "Okay, thank you so much. Okay, thank you." The birthday cake was fun, right, dad. He's like, "You might not think this, but I'm not actually your dad." His face is like sagging, she's like, "No, are you serious, okay?" Left out the lamp, dark folded round and like mine itself, and I lay stiff to afraid even to call mom his name. March the 28th. I got up before the rooster spoke, slid on my stockings and dyed my shoes with no squeak, and stood still to hear if the house woke. I'm slept in the chair by the stove, and shawl crooked, mouth opened like a nestling. My face from the bedroom door were poplet lay, and I eased the latch and went out. Yard was hard with cold and the grass showing like glass when the faint light touched it. I kept it the fence where the ground is packed and made no prints. Went down the lane to Uncle James's place. Smoke came thin from his chimney and I could smell bacon-round, tapped-wise with my knuckles. He opened with his suspenders hanging in his hair pressed flat on one side, "Clarer, girl!" He said, the sleep-sliding off him. "You all right?" He said, "Uncle, it's not him." He pulled me inside and set me on the stool near the table, Kettle sang on the hob and he poured me a cup of coffee milk. I held up with both hands, my fingers were wide at the tips, "Till it's straight." He said, and he crouched so his eyes met mine. "No shy talk." So I told him the story, Papa told me about the deep dark, Uncle closed his eyes and pulled air through his nose. "Lord help us." He said, "No louder than the kettle." "Clarer, I'm sorry your ears took that in." I said, "He sweet to mom in his face, but there a teeth behind it. He told me to keep my lips shut if I loved her." Good on her for going there and not being afraid. Yeah, one of the only smart children in the story. Yeah, such as like, "Why guess I have to stay here with the demon thing?" Yeah. Uncle said his palm on the table like it was the only thing holding him up. You did right to come. You stayed with us tonight. Ellen with fry eggs. We will think and make a plan and we will fetch a share if it needs to be. And Ellen came in time her hair, she saw me, she put her arms around me quick and looked to Uncle. He said, "Only." We had us come to him. She nodded once and kissed my brother like I was fevered. We had no more, and set the plates down with a shadow across the window. The door jumped under her hard knock. Mama called through the door, hard as a whip. James, you open up now, you took my child. Uncle said his eyes. Stay behind me. You opened the door wide. Mama stood on the stoop. Hair wild, shawl still hanging wrong, her stare burned hot and bright. You hand her over. You will not turn my girl against her papa. Uncle spoke plain. Sarah, there is evil in your house. Look, look, Clara stay here till I fetch the law. She slapped him, fast, bright, cracked. You will not shame my husband with foul talk. Hair came hard through her nose. From her shawl, she drew papa's revolver. She kept it low, metal catching the morning like ice. And Ellen cried. Sarah put that down for God's sake. Mama's hands shook. Clara may? She said, and her voice turned soft as if nothing had broke. Come to me now. Uncle lived in his hands. Sister, you put that way. I will not raise a hand to you, but listen. The mind has never brought him up. The shaft is boarded. What sits in that chair is not our Henry. Mama's mouth trembled and said, "You speak of this no more." Clara, now. You have one slow nod with his lips pressed tight. "I will cope with you," he said, close to my ear. I stepped Mama. She put the pistol on her pocket and pulled him close like a prize. She did not look back as we went down the lane. Frosted left, the path was wet. My shoes took the mud and let it go with the little sucking sounds. When we came to the house, papa stepped from the parlor. Needed as a man off to church. His collar was straight as a rule. He smiled so wide I thought his skin would split. There you are. That's what the fence you do. I have a treat up the road. I'm telling you, roundhouse kick is straight to the jaw. Again, insert joke about you wanting to kill mother figures and stories. In this case, yes, absolutely. There's one thing about being in mourning that you're in denial. There's another thing. Everyone else can die for this, it's fine. I'll kill my daughter. This is worth it. Her anger slid off her face like warm wax. A birthday stroll to the works. There's a side to show my girls. A stomach flipped. I don't want to go. Oh, that's really cool, dad, and all of them, I know. I've got, I've got school. Yeah, it's something. Um, dad, no thanks. Clara, you're going to want to see this. He laughed pleasant as a song sung wrong. Now, Clara, girl, you do. A man shows his house to his own. The mind is my house, too. Mom's like, OK, yeah, OK, that's great. Yeah, mind, let's go back in there, why not? He took, he took, he took Mama by one hand and me by the other. His grip was warm, yet it felt like a jar with a seal snapped. Walked the track that climbs from the creek, tippled stood like a black scaffold against the sky. The mule path lay stamped hard and smelled of damp earth. Crow followed us away and then quit. Pop a step never hitched. Step a humminous throw, tune I did not know and did not like. With the mouth of the mind there hung a fog that did not move, chained across the opening with a sign wired on. Keep out. Pop a razor chain as if it weighed nothing and let it fall behind us. He placed Mama at the lip at the dark. You go first, Sarah. He said, sweet sugar. I want you to feel how still it is inside. Mama turned to the black and then to him. I saw a doubt tipped across her face, pressed at her elbow, not hard, hit it, moved her. Go on. He said, easy as a hymn. I'm right here. She stepped into the dark, her shake point small and was gone. The fog shut like a door, the sound rose from the deep I cannot spell, not a cry, not a laugh, like a grain sack torn and poured slow, only the grain was not grain. It was wet. I felt sick. Now you. Papa said, gave my arm a light push, playful to a stranger, that moved me too far. No. He said, my words thinned. Please Papa. He laying. - He then, staring black, it's cold water. - A good girl, monster, father. - Boots steps at the stones behind us, quick and hard. - Clara, I'm called. - Come here. - Okay, I guess. (audience cheering) - It's so funny to have like a football team punt about creepypostas. - The description of it sounded like a sack of grain, but wet. Like she's just like, "Okay, honey, just sshhh!" - And half. - No, thank you. - I just remember, and I'm actually allergic to games. Funny story with that. - He came into the cut with Webb and Rawls and Pace. Haps low and lamps ready. Webb gripped a pick. Pace carried a length of timber. Papa turned slow and set me behind him with one sweep. He smiled at the men as if they were boys at play. Humpel's face looked mean. Stip away from the child. Papa held me behind him like I was a basket of eggs. Uncle James and the men held fast in the cut. Their lamps lit their faces and threw long shadows up the timbers and stones. The fog at the mouth curled like smoke. That would not rise. Humpel said. - Step from the girl. - Do it now. - Papa laughed. Sound rolled along the hills and came back like another man answered. - Brother was so fierce. I bring my family to see what made me. This is a proud day. Come shake my poem. - Dipped his crown, do his shoulder so far. A click ran through him. His back rippled under the shirt. Like cats crawling under a sack. His knees hitched and set again. Two fats and the joints found new runs. His boot shifted side to side the way mill roaches, slept in the seams. Mr. Rawl said. - Name yourself. - Papa said. - I have a fine name at home and a better one below. (laughing) That's a great line. - That was hard. 'Cause when he said name yourself, I'm like, oh, I don't know if I really want to give it a name. Like, it's too cool. And that's like, okay, I should work cooking. I apologize. - What if he was like, "Steven." (audience laughing) - Oh my God. - I was afraid, I forgot who we were. I'm just so used to stories getting to that point of being like, Lucifer or something. It's like whatever. Which you pulled the Jesus earlier. So what if he said his palm on my shoulder again? Each piece of it, separate weight. My stomach rolled and my knees knocked. Uncle's words pulled then. - You will not have her. - Papa pitched forward in the lamp light, caught the whites around his stare, thick as chalk. - You will not take my child, she is mine. - Uncle step closer. Careful, his boots grind in the shell. - Henry, if any of the part of you hears, I beg you, let her go. - Papa hissed through his teeth, though the grin held. - You always invite Henry, James. Invite my strength, invite my wife. Now you take my daughter too. - Papa showed us teeth, all of them. - The mountain keeps for the claimed. I'll return another day and we will take your gifts from all of you. - Then he set both palms on the splintered boards of the gates and climbed like a barn spider up a sill. - Jesus. (laughing) - See, see, see, see, okay, so I'm not crazy, just. - Favorite day. - His body, man. His body bent where a body should not bend and his boots found holds where no holds were. He slid into the thinnest crack of the mind with a speed not meant for men, the dark swallowed him. The wet rope sound came again, softer. As if the cave welcomed him home. We stood there with the water dripping and the chalk marks ghosted in the boards. No one spoke for a long count. I could hear the cave breathing like a great chest behind the ribs of the hills. Uncle said, very soft. - Claire and me, you are coming home with me. - You wrapped his coat around my shoulders and it smelled a sweat and salt in the tobacco he never lights in the house. - July the second, it's been four months since Papa took Mama into the dark. I live with Uncle James and Anne Ellen now. I sleep in the small room under a quilt, help with eggs and mending. Anne Ellen gives me ribbons and makes me comb my hair neat each morning. She said a girl must keep herself proper even when her heart's heavy. Uncle tells me, - Claire and me, you were welcome here. - But I miss Mama's laugh on her good days. I miss Papa's whistle as he walked the yard. I miss how they filled the house together even when they quarreled. The days crept on plain, but when the sun drops in the rich terms black, the hills stir. The sigh runs through them like a throat too big for its face. Come the voices and the stone. Last night, it was Mama first. - Claire. - She called Janela's when she tended to my dress. - Come home now. Your bed is cold without you. - Then Papa, same as before. - Claire a girl. Mind your father. Don't linger with others. - His words echoed around like water tripping down a deep well. I told myself it was only wind that the sound clung to the walls. I pressed my hands to my ears, but still I heard them calling. This morning, I asked Uncle if voices could travel from the mind, set down his cup, looked away. - Mountain saved many things, but we do not follow the voices that call us deeper. - Sometimes I think if I open the door, I'd see Mama and Papa waiting at the fence. Other times I'd read the thought that whatever calls from the mountains would not wear their faces at all. - Yeah. (audience cheering) - Another round of applause for the author. Back there. (audience cheering) - You all have a good night? (audience cheering) You all have a good night? (audience cheering) - Happy Halloween! - Thank you all so much for coming out tonight. Thank you so much of course for doing it for charity, for a good cause. You guys are certainly a blessing. And every day, Hunter and I, even if he doesn't act like it, are blown away by the amount of support and love you guys show and we certainly don't take it for granted. - Yeah, thank you all so much. - It means the world. - And be sure to check out the merch day to be having yet. Thank you guys so much, seriously. Get home safe and happy Halloween. Thank you all so much. - Happy Halloween. (audience cheering) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (crickets chirping) (upbeat music) (crickets chirping) (upbeat music) (crickets chirping) (crickets chirping)