The Bald and the Breakfast with Trixie and Katya

[MUSIC] You said this is what kind of horrible person I am, my poor boyfriend's been sick the last few days. I was sick last week and when I'm sick, I'm like, I think God, everybody should call on the work and take care of me. Right. Last night, him at 4 a.m. up sick in the bathroom, I swear to God I almost set up and said I think it's a little much. You keep it down or at least barricade the door. >> Go to the force, go down, just get a hotel. >> What are you doing? >> It's crazy. >> My God. >> It's sick being sick sucks. >> I know that goes without saying. >> Yeah. >> Hi, listeners. >> Hi. >> Welcome back. >> Welcome back. >> This is 254 maybe? >> Yeah. 53. >> I have to have a surgery tomorrow and they called me today and if you ever had a surgery the day before they'd be calling you telling you all this extra information, don't drink this, don't eat this. It's now I'm like a Magwai, don't feed me after midnight, and then tomorrow, eight in the morning, surgery, but the butthole, cut open. >> It's always early like that. >> Why do they, surgeons, I'm telling you, I think these surgeons are up at 3 a.m. >> No, no, they roll out of bed, they just get in their beamer and they speed to the hospital. Don't brush their teeth or anything, you just scrub up and let her rip. >> Have you ever been put under? >> Oh yeah. >> I have extreme anxiety about being put under, but then when you are put under, it's nothing. It's a non-event, you're remembering non-event, but everything leading up to it, I'm like super anxious. >> Where do you watch the lack of control? I don't know. >> It's interesting because I'm the opposite. The lack of control makes me nervous. Like a lack of control is like, well, I can do anything. >> You know, you're right, like, you know, like if I died, I wouldn't even know. There's no pain, there's no, you don't even remember when you, like, you know, it's, I love that. >> Well, you know it's awful, I was talking to somebody about it and they said, well, I think they just Michael Jackson you. And I don't think we should call putting someone under to Michael Jack, but I know what she means, propothol or whatever, I was like, we can't be, that's not going to be a medical textbook. >> No, because also it's a little ambiguous about what exactly I mean. >> I didn't think about that. >> Yeah, like, oh, they make all Jackson, they put one glove on you and they make you sing. >> Because they bring out a monkey. >> You literally sing it. >> You literally sing. >> That's what you do. >> You dangle a baby. >> You like it. >> You like it. >> Carousel on your backyard. >> Yeah. >> You're literally, I'm unconscious on a fairs wheel, dangling a baby up there. >> Yeah. >> Gosh. >> Yeah, no, no. >> Gosh. >> We're not doing that. But I generally anesthesia is, is, is conti. >> Yeah. >> Because it's, you know. >> Can I call you tomorrow if I survive? >> No. >> Okay. >> I don't, quit. >> Yeah. >> I would like to call you because you might not remember. >> I don't have my fairs in order. >> How many of fairs are you having? >> Many. >> Many of fairs and I have to get them all in order, okay? >> That was funny, very funny. >> That was like, like, an affair having an affair. >> Oh, speaking of, did you keep watching All's Fair? >> You know. >> All's affair. >> All's fair. >> You were still gun hon. That pussy monologue and then what? >> No, no, no, no. I wasn't, let me, let me clarify. I wasn't gun hon. I was flabbergasted. I was gooped. I was shocked. Betrayed, I was surprised and I was titillated. Well, titillated is a stretch, but the show, yeah, I know. >> But I know you're gonna swing in on that new beauty show, The Beauty. >> It seems like it's a substance by, but I hate to be reductive. >> No, no, no, it's, yeah, it's actually, I think it's based on a, it's based on a text of some sort. >> Okay, like a comic or something? >> Yeah. >> Exactly. And it's, if we know one thing about Ryan Murphy, it's about beauty and then it's going to be about, you know, Nazis, aliens, Frankensteins, Atlantis, you know, little people from, you know, hedgehogs, fruit barns, rabies, wagon wheels, all this stuff is going to come right. But I want to talk to you about the French language and one of my favorite actresses in the whole world, Jodie Foster, who is starring in a new movie, and she's, it's all in French. It's a French movie. And she speaks French, isn't it? So she went to a, like, the, she went to a French school here in LA, she was like fire or something. So she speaks perfect, like, not good, not great. She speaks perfect. >> So is it perfect or not great? >> No, no. So it's not great French. It's not good French. It's perfect French. >> Oh, okay, sorry. I was like, she was saying, like, it's not good, but it's perfect. I'm like, no, no, no, it's like, like, oh my god, she speaks great for an American. So she speaks perfect French, and it's just so country. I just fucking love that bitch. >> Right. >> I just love her. And I was just listening to her, what do you love about her? >> I just love everything. And she's so smart, she's so capable. And then she has been in the, she, what about when she was like zooming into the Oscars from bed? >> That was different. That was COVID. That was everybody was, everybody was turned around, you know, everybody was turned around upside down. I didn't love that. >> I didn't love that. >> Yeah, she wasn't like a Bucky's t-shirt with like a Miller light, it was fierce. >> Yeah, with her lesbian and the wifey. >> Yeah, very cash. >> Yeah, I mean, just, she was like, wow, I don't know, yeah. But she, she's been, she's been a legend forever born in the game, literally. She was like on, she was performing at the Oscars in green shoes, and like at five years old. >> Yeah. >> Singing. >> Quite beautiful as well. >> Yeah. And just so. >> Great. >> On the kind of three, I think we should say our favorite Jodie Foster movie. >> Okay, but hold on. >> Well, okay, one, two, three, now. >> No. >> No. >> No. >> I love now. >> I love now. >> You don't love. >> And that's it. >> It did that our panic room. >> Oh, see, you know, I didn't love Miss Panic Room. It made me think everyone should have one. Like I bet that was, that he was instituted by Big Panic. >> Yeah. >> Do you know what I mean? >> Big Panic Room. >> Big Burgle. >> Big Burgle. >> Big Burgle was like, what about a movie that seems fun that is going to make our switchboard light up with, you know what I mean? >> That's insane. >> Like Fallout is being built, it's being pushed by a lot of other people. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> But I think Panic Room, because you know I have that room in my house that I never showed on TV that's kind of hidden, do you know what room I'm talking about? >> With all the rats. >> No. >> But I always am like, not only is it hidden, I'm always like, I wonder if I should barricade it for the end of the world with the bottled water? >> I mean, earthquake preparedness, maybe not the end of the world, but living in L.A. Or if you got the space what you do, I would highly suggest stocking any extra like Panic Room situation with some earthquake preparedness supplies. >> But I shouldn't be in the basement for an earthquake. >> That's not good, Mary. >> Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm saying just in your house in general. >> Oh, right, right, right. >> You know, like if you, so you get, your house gets, falls apart around you and you get stuck there, whatever, water, fresh, potable water. >> I drink the pool. >> Tea. >> Or tea. >> Is it chlorinated or salinated? >> I don't know actually. >> Really? >> The pool gentlemen, who comes weekly? >> Is it cool? >> I mean, I bend and he, he, I don't know what he does. I can just, that in my balls. >> The pool water. >> What do you mean? >> Squirt that in my ball. >> Oh, yes. Of course. >> Do you take a little, take a little, like a diabetic needle and stick it in your balls and under the water. And then the physics of it just goes right up there and, the F.A.G.s are hurting. >> Yeah. >> The F.A.G.s are hurting. >> Wait, the, what? >> Remember when Luscious was here, she's, honey, the F.A.G.s are hurting. >> Drama, the trauma. >> I pulled the whole episode, the little face that she was making. Mama, in I, I was, Mallory, my friend was watching it, she was obsessed, I was Luscious, of course. And I was, I was telling her that there was a moment where you, you can't see it, but she winks at me and I lose it. And you didn't catch it because it was like, it was so, you know, like a, and I, I was annoyingly laughing at something you didn't even know it was laughing at. And I was like, so bummed because it was, it's so funny. >> Well, she would say something and then she'd react to her what she said. >> Yeah. >> She would like say something and then go like, yes, and then, yeah, and then she was like, at the tail end of something, she was like, I just love, I got, I love, I've got a passion for winking. >> I love that. >> Because I'd be saying that F.A.G.s are hurting. >> I'd be driving around the LA saying that F.A.G.s are hurting. >> I'm in the car. >> Terror. >> Terror. >> Terror. >> My boyfriend's sick. I'm like that F.A.G.s are hurting. Like, that F.A.G.s are hurting. >> Yeah, they cannot handle this womanhood. >> They can't take it. >> Girl. >> She is just, it just doesn't get, I mean, I'm so, she's really, really, really become my favorite drag queen. >> Oh my God. >> Same. >> Honestly, she's blown all the bitches out of the water. >> She's taking all these hose, she's wrapping them up, but she's throwing them in the garbage. >> Brick. >> Yeah. >> Cross-stress. I mean, the fact that she edits everything, our clips in with her own audio, she's a freak from hell. I mean, that lovingly, she's a freak from hell. It's great. She's inspiring. She's audacious. She's courageous. >> No, I know. >> She's inspiring. >> No, I know. >> She inspires me. >> She is. >> Her creativity inspires me. >> Also, her, her, her, I mean, I'm not trying to be corny, but her courage is, she's courageous. >> Going into Macy's, do you think I'm going to go into Macy's with Buster River on? >> I'm not going to-- >> I don't think you should. I think she can. >> No, I think she can. And she does, and she does it with-- >> I do want one of those weeks, though. >> You do? >> I see with a breath. You know, can you tell me whether or not I can do this? I used to have this Bob, the 613 Bob, when I was like, this is like pre, pre-drag race. It was short in the back, and it was super graduated long in the front, and it was like this long. I kind of loved it. >> Okay. It was like this long in the front. >> How much finally talk about bangs? >> Not enough. But I could maybe like sew some tracks into or something. I kind of want to to go through a straight bob era. - I just want to know about the following. - I never learned straight wigs, and I've been like, how about some straight wigs? - Maybe with some hats, fastenators, some headbands. - That VG's are hurting. - Yeah, she's just struggling. - Struggling. (upbeat music) - Girl, speaking of struggling. - The bricks are struggling. - The crumbling. - I went to Jackson whole Wyoming with us weekend with heterosexuals. - Why? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - What, what is this? - Jackson whole Wyoming, it is a beautiful vacation town for winter activities. - Oh, the skiing. - Snowmobiling. - Skying, aw. - Sonny Bono. - Sonny Bono, motherfucker. - Right. - So we get there, love it, love it, love it. Hanging out, partying, love it. - You love skiing? - I haven't skied in so long. My, my boyfriend in college, Matt, who died. He, his family would take me skiing, so I got to learn to ski when I was younger, but I was with a group who, a lot of them hadn't skied, and I thought it's been so long on a take the class with everybody at the group class. I probably halfway through the class could have left and gone to do other things, but I thought, don't be a con. - Solidarity. - Be with the group. Also, how often do you have an instructor watching you ski? You can still learn a lot, just because you can make it down the hill without dying, doesn't mean you don't have something to learn. - Thank you. - So it was really educational. I was working on my parallel skiing, and bright sunny day. The type of ski experience where it's cold, but not too cold, like not sweating, but it feels like I'd be active without being sweaty. - And then the snow is powdery or whatever. - Powdery and gorgeous. And then lovely, a middle apres ski, go have some lovely French onion soup with a margarita. - Maybe a hot toddy? - Of course. - Have two or three martinis go back down the hill, you know? - Like in the dark. - Of course. It was really, really fun. I just re-awakened the magic of skiing now. I never ski, but I was younger because where I'm from, it's definitely a rich people sport. And as I can gather, it still is. - Baby, it is, it's that, and more so than golf, I mean, it is very much a rich person. - Yeah. And so those type of activities, 'cause I'm not generationally wealthy, I always feel uncomfortable 'cause it always feels in the rich people function. Yes, this is the rich people function. But I have so much fun skiing. I love to ski. I love to move that fast. Love the sticks, love the outfits. - Yeah. - Love the gear. - Love the gear. - Love the lifts. - Oh yeah, that is really, I would just do the gondola all day. - Yeah, love the gondola. - Love it. - Love it. - Yes. - Anybody, Gwyneth Paltrow and then into a tree or whatever? - No, but I kept saying I lost a half day of skiing. - I lost a whole half day of skiing. - Kept saying it. - Well, I lost a whole half day of skiing. - Lost a whole half day. - What is a whole half day? - It's like the entire half day. - But not a whole day. - No, no, no, but I mean, if we're talking half, she's not, it's a full half. - Couldn't she say I lost half a whole day of skiing? - It's about, she could cut half empty or half full. - She must have really, really drive home that it was 50% of the day. - And what did she say at the end when she left court? She said something like. - I wish you well. - I wish you well. I think that's healthy. - She's, yeah, because she's evolved. 'Cause that guy was a fucking, just trying to take her to the cleaners and he was a boo-boo and waste her her time and where she could have been doing entrepreneurship for her company, cooking delicious meals for her children in her husband. - Yeah. - Playing mahjong with her girlfriends, perhaps anything. - The skiing was a little fun. - Early, very early, in the car by seven. So look, extreme. - So then the next day, the next day was a different winter activity. - Did you stay at the Shale overnight? - My friend rented the most beautiful rental home I've ever stayed in. So extra bedrooms, we had like too many bedrooms. Like for like 12 people, it was crazy. Hot tub, giant kitchen. I guess somebody who was staying there was a professional cookie chef. So I walked in and special cookies were being made. I said, yes, yes, yes. - Which is this, yes, yes. - Like making the toffee from scratch that we pour on the chocolate chip cookies. I said, he like, I was like red. - He was like a jerk in the, not jerk in. He was milk in the cow. - Yeah, I mean, I guess I could say. - His name is Vaughan Reeland. He makes delicious cookies. - Oh, I don't know. - But anyway, he does like baking and cookbooks and stuff. And so I was, it's fun to watch people who are really good in the kitchen do something. - And it's also even funerary to eat what they do in the kitchen. - Yeah, they were making tacos and I said, I think I should help. And I saw the knife skills and I just walked away. I said, like, they don't want your fucking help. Just go sit and wait to eat like a dog. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I sit on the floor and they open the trash. They don't do something like, wait, I'll just, and they're going, well, I was in the trash. So then the next day I go, gosh, skiing was a little early and they go, well, you're going to love this. We had to get in the next day up in the car by like 6.45 or something. - That's okay. - To go, and this is a thing, like, - All-emblading. - This is just going to take me one second to talk about because this is like trauma. - Right, bam. - So where I'm from, snowmobiling is huge, right? People rode snowmobiles to school. Snowmobiling was huge. There's every highway, every road has a small snowmobile route. People snowmobiling is huge. And rich people love to come to the country to snowmobile. And country people use snowmobiles as transportation. But I don't like snowmobiles. - But I don't like snowmobiles. - Okay. - It's straight men. I know. - I know. - Straight men with ATVs. - They know, they freak out. - My childhood best friend's dad, they were a big into snowmobiles. - They freak out. And I just don't freak out for ATVs. But of course, when I'm happy to be included, - What is ATV all-terrain vehicle? - It's not a television. That's what I keep thinking. It's, that's what I, that's what, go on. Sorry, go on. - ATV. - ATV. So I get up, it's early. And they give you a bunch of warm clothes. - Is they? - The snowmobiling place is like, "Oh, you guys all have warm clothes, "but if you want, here's bigger boots, here's whatever." So like, we're suited out. - Do they give you a marathon, crinkle blanket? - No. - So the night before, everybody's doing drinking alcohol. And I haven't really been drinking. So I was like, "I'll do a little drinking alcohol." I had some alcohol. The next day, it was like seven o'clock in the morning, we're getting ready to snowmobile. I'm just like, "Oh my God, everybody's in a room this big, "trying on winter clothes." And I go, "Hold on a second, go on the bathroom, "immediate diarrhea." 12 people, 11 people there outside the door. And I'm just in there like, "But I thought better now than what?" Halfway up a mountain on a, like, right? And then I give them back their snow pants and say, "Hi, they're shit all in it." - But I mean, I would give them back. - Right, I would take them home. - Right, and wear them, I'll continue to wear them. - I just don't like snowmobiling. And I'm so grateful to be included, but it was, it's just cold and loud. And you're driving to nowhere. I just was like, "We're just driving." - Oh, you're not going out of hill? - No. - No. But I did get to witness an engagement, which was exciting. - On the snowmobile? - Yeah. - Did they start from-- - I've never seen it in the moment, like, real ring comes out. The person's surprised. - It was thrilling. - I can't be there. - I've never, I felt like I was watching a viral video. I was like, "Oh!" - Did you start screaming and crying? - Well, no. But I can't see it. - When did they look like? - But I just, Jackson Hole's very cool. I mean, Wyoming is cool. It's very country. It's very mountains. It's very broke back. I wish I could quit you. It's very, we don't need no Lou, we're in this tent. Well, it's also very Matthew Shepard. Like, that happened in Wyoming. So it's not-- - Well, that's nice and nice. - Yeah, but it is so beautiful. I mean, maybe it's 'cause I'm from the flatlands. Mountains, beautiful, snowy mountains. Oh my God, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. - Good of a dangerous. - And dangerous. And this is my issue, is I need-- I didn't get enough sleep the night before, right? Five hours is enough for me on a group trip, right? And to be-- - Five hours. - Yeah, 'cause everyone's up being partying wild. And then it's up so early, but I, my arthritis itself, I need the full eight hours, right? - Yeah, so that's tough. I, five hours, especially for skiing. And it was so early, and I hadn't been adding any water 'cause of the alcohol. And it was so early that no one had made breakfast. So I get in the car, you guys, that like 6 a.m. - I don't know, I barely know most people in this group. So I'm trying to be my best self. But my best self, so I get in the car and I sit there. And somebody was like, Brian, are you all right? And I go, sorry, I'm not my normal self without food, water, or sleep. Which I like totally meant like, nice. But it came out, I went, I sound like I hate the trip. - Yeah, well, I don't hate the trip. - I usually have fun, but when I'm being tortured, I'm not suplexed. - I know. - As somebody's paying for me to have a wonderful winter experience. And so then when I got a moment alone after the diarrhea, I went to the host and said, I hope you know it earlier when I made that comment. I was just kind of, it's a way I kind of deal with this comfort. - And then you shoved that dirty diaper in us. - I said, but I'm having a great time. - That's very funny, also very you. - So then somebody was like, there's no food where we're going. Should we stop at this gas station? I go, yes. There's no food where we're going. 'Cause I think everybody else is like, we're just here for the vibes and I was like, love you all. - Vibes do not have calories. - If I don't get in here, get in here in this 7-11. If I don't get a drinkable yogurt and a doughnut, I'm gonna freak out. - In order for my eyes to go past a flutter in the morning, I need at least 12 pounds of sugar, 12 pounds, and then like 13 pounds of heavy cream. - And so then I get back on the carrier, the people carry your van like a giant, what do you call it? Sprinter. - Sprinter. - I get in the van and I've got, I'm the only person who's bought food, really. And I have tons of snacks and I'm ripened through 'em. I'm eating little Doritos. 'cause I'm fucking it up. I'm eating my breakfast foods. One of my foods is a Bartlett pair. I'm eating the pair and I'm just looking at everyone. Don't we all feel better that we got food? Even though I'm the only one eating. I'm like, I think we're all better now. - Yeah, everybody's feeling good, right? - Yeah, wait, so they just didn't eat. I think everybody maybe had a snack before I got up and I didn't get up early enough to eat. So maybe it's on me. - Or maybe they had the most incredible, unforgettable, huge breakfast he just brought up late. - I think that is it. I waited till the last second. - Okay, okay. - And as much as I don't wanna be this squeaky wheel, if somebody's saying, "Should we stop for a snack?" - Yes! - I mean, it's like, that would be like, am I not a Nicki fan? (upbeat music) - Why won't you go to the movies? - I know you don't like it. - What do you want me to experience? Because when I go to the movies, it's overpriced. I sit in a room full of strangers. That's what I'm paying for. The movies aren't back. That's being perpetrated by AMC. Well, the movies are dying. - Maybe we got TVs at home. - The little screen killed the big screen, okay? - The little screen is no match for the big screen. - Sure, but you notice the people who are saying you have to go to the movies. - But see, you have a giant screen. - But the people who are saying you have to go to the movies are the people who make movies. - Generally, that is true. They're often the most vocal. However, I AMC Hollywood, Matinee of the Country Bears $275. I mean, that is what we're working with here. - Mary, if I had not seen Dune 2 in the theater. - Right, right. - The substance in the theater? One of the best experiences I've ever had at the cinema. - Sure. - Mahal and driving the theater. Are you kidding me with friends? Talked about it hours in the cafe later. - I am rewatching something which is crazy, which is home videos of me doing my naked dances. - Making a murderer. - I haven't seen it since it came out. Do you remember that? - I don't get into any of these types of places in Northern Wisconsin. I remember seeing on the local news all the time when it was happening. This woman's missing a body and they're trying to basically place the murderer. And the documentary kind of touches on this community kind of deciding this guy killed someone based on not enough information. - And he didn't do it. - Well, the documentary talks about, and it's like, you know, kind of crazy. But watching it is just crazy 'cause I remember it being on the news. - That is crazy. - It was on the news every day when I was a kid. - It's like the Boston Strangler. - What's the Boston Strangler? - Strangler. - The guy in Boston who's Strangler people. - Yeah. - Women. - Yeah, it's awful. - Yeah. Do you remember it? Do you remember it then? - What if you were like, man, I'd be like, okay. (laughing) - Do you remember the, I forget what it was called, but it had Merritt Weaver and Tony Collette, and they were playing, they were cops, and they were investigating a rapist. And it was a, I think I don't know if it was a series or a movie, I don't, I think it was a series. Many series. Unbelievable. How you, did you watch that? It was so good. Because it was like, it shifted tones effortlessly from musical. Unbelievable. Tony Collette. - Can anybody watch things on the big screen or a mini series? - No, no, no, no, no, I'm just, I'm compromising. - Okay. - So I've given up on the big screen, now I'm saying little screen. So Merritt Weaver, so hysterical, Tony Collette, obviously. And they have such a great dynamic. And the tone of the, it gets very, very graphic. And because the way that this sexual assault guy assaults women is so specific and it's so thorough and it's so terrifying. And then, but what's interesting is that they, it's the way that these characters Merritt Weaver in particular, like how they treat these victims is how you should treat a woman who has been assaulted. And it's like very instructive and like illuminating at how, I mean, you can imagine victims are not believed. You know what I mean? They're just discarded or dismissed. So it was like a really, really interesting, like character study for that. And then it was also like a funny kind of body caught movie, but then it got really serious. It was like so good. - So good. And it was like, it's rare to see something like shift tones like that pretty wildly and not be like crazy. - Sure. - I highly recommend it. - Highly recommended. The rapist, this is a little, I don't know. He was diabolical because he would make the, he would clean all his tracks. Like he was methodical about like not leaving a trace of anything and he would make them shower and he would make them like, it was so fucked up. So fucked up. Yeah, so fucked up. Crazy. You should watch it. But I don't like those serial killer documentaries. - Do you think something's wrong with me that I do? - No, because I think they're hugely popular. Grena's patrol loves them. She watches them before Ben. - Yeah, that, my boyfriend puts them on like, when we're all supposed to like, I don't think we need to take like a fat edible and then explore dead bodies. You know, like I'm always like, can we just go and put on Sabrina? Can we-- - Or you know what, she put on jellyfish or happiness frequency or like, I tell you. - I tell you. - I'm having music from another room called "Trixie" and "Cottia" play ping pong. Like one of those crazy like-- - Yeah, like volcanic eruption on the Smow and Islands while jellyfish like mate in the third and get-- You know, like that kind of-- - We should have one of those on this channel. Why do we let the other kids have all the fun? - Thank you. - We can make our own soundscapes. - I had the jellyfish on last night and the jellyfish, excuse me. - Yeah, the beautiful, I mean, there's so many. I have, you know, my nighttime viewing is usually, if like I'm still in the living room kind of late, I put on a thing to like, line down, 'cause I don't, I haven't been reading in bed very much. So like, I put on the jellyfish, instant like, drops you down. It's so soothing and that giant screen, it's so beautiful. - Right. - And then I put the lights on to be like, you know, to match the colors. - The vibes, the vibes are so fun. - Do you sleep on the couch? - No, no, no, no, no, this is like before I turn down. 'Cause once I go up to, what's I go up to the bedroom, it's in the bed. - It's over. - It's in the bed. I do my thing in the bathroom and I'm right to bed. - I deal with historically being with men who need the TV on at night. - That is hard for me, but I just push through. - That's very impressive. - I push through. Have you ever done ear plugs or cans to like, drown out the noise? - Sweep cans? - Yeah. - Campbell's, who can? - No, I have cans. - I don't need the silence. My dream scenario is that I fall asleep and the TV turns off in his awful night. 'Cause a lot of times, unless you turn the TV down, I wake you the fuck up. - Well, you can do the timer. - Right. - No, don't run. - Right. - Do you do the bowler on the top of his sleep hygiene? Do you do the levitation? (laughing) The lights gradually fading to the time that you wanna wake up. - I rigged up. I rigged up LEDs on underneath my bed. - Does that? - I can push a button and the underbed glows, whatever color I want. - That's kind of fun and funky. - But I won't wake you up though. - I never use it in the episode. - Love the vibe though. - Yeah. - But I have the dawns simulator on my Hue lights to like over the course of a half an hour, they-- - Pretends to be someone named dawn. - Dawn to have a point. - Oh, that point. (laughing) - Dawn to wake up. (laughing) Dawn Weiner. - Listen, I don't wanna talk about the weather, but after this rain taking everything from me, this mold taking everything from me, by the way, me co-opting your storyline. - No, no, no, no, no, it's a shared trauma. - Yeah, it's a shared trauma. - It's a shared trauma. - Okay, we're trauma bonding. - Yeah. - The sun being out. I walk outside and L.A. I look at this guy and I go, the fuck a nerve. The sun now. After you've taken everything from me. - It's like the police arriving after this. - You take my dolls, you take my home. - You take my livelihood, you take my joy, my pain. - And now what? - Well, I'll tell you what. - That 80 degree day, that Saturday. When I hopped out of bed, threw on a little jean short and a little blouse, slide and just fucking hooked it over to flippers to have some lovely souffle pancakes with Joseph. And it was 80 motherfucking degrees and sunny. - That's great. - Oh, it was lovely. And I looked outside, there was teradactyls on a building, it was weird. And then we went to Esop's to get some fragrances and soaps and cleansers and shit. - Oh, guess where I went. - Where'd you go? - I love Esop. That for sale at Todd Snyder at the Grove. - Love that shit. - Yeah. - That shit is, I got the fucking slab. - It's so nice. - The shower that I took, the showers that I had been taking. - Right. - I know I don't smell particularly good right now. Just take my word for it though. - Right. - I, oh my god, I forgot what I was gonna say. - You're gonna say, oh. - I told you I went to a Drag Race viewing party for the show RuPaul's Drag Race. - I don't know what. - I did. - Okay, okay. - But, is this the one with a Dua Leiter? - No. - Okay. - She's an ADA. - That's Canadian. - What is the best, it's sound off in the comments. I wanna know what you think the best international franchise of Drag Race is these days? - It's Pennsylvania versus Libya. - Shut the hell. - It's North versus South Korea. - Right. - No, what is it? - So my friend, Daniel. - Do you know Daniel? - Cole? - Vincent Gourd. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, he texts me, hey, where are you at? and I was like, oh my god, I'm at high tops having a drink. So we're friends, we're there having a drink. I love to go. go for a happy hour because I love to get food because again, huge fat content. So I want to get some food. I go, what's wrong? I sometimes I just feel like this negative self-talk is taking too far. Oh, I know. My therapist said it's my, it's my primary abuser in my head. Yeah. It's probably true. Yeah. Got this. It'll not get therapy too. What about this anxiety about the future? It's about what has, it's about what has occurred. But what could happen is about what has happened. Yep. You got that. You have one foot yesterday, the other end tomorrow, you're pissing on today. You're worried about pissing yourself because you shit yourself already. So T, um, I went to the viewing party and if you get pissed yourself, how am I going to shit myself? Right. Can I get a name in? Um, I go to happy hour. Okay. And we're having delicious, um, uh, the nachos at high tops should be studied. They're incredible. Okay. Oh God. What about pretzels? They got pretzels off pretzels there? Yeah, they do actually. They have soft pretzels. They got corn dons, girl. The bar food at high tops is a made. Oh, high tops. Awesome. Any bar food you think a bar should have. They fuck her month. It's so good. Vermont Avenue. And they make this delicious tequila drink called a hot rod. Oh, the hot rod and hot hot blacked out. I'm going to say blacked out. So they get, with some like tequila whiskey and GHB. I'm pretty much. So I've had two drinks and I've had two drinks and some nachos. And Daniel text me and goes, Hey, um, we're going to go to a viewing party of Drag Race. If you're going to be at high tops and I was like, well, it's in like an hour and a half and I've just been sitting here drinking and eating for two hours. So I walk home, change outfits and come back. Love that same bar. But the people who work there know me from DJing and they're like love that new outfit. No, no, no, listen, one life. That's great. Also, maybe had a little stain. I didn't have a stamp. I was in gym clothes. I had just walked up to the reservoir and back down. So I was in gym clothes. Yeah, I said, put on your tux. Yeah. Well, it's a drag race viewing party. I want people to be like, damn, this thing's over here in her fucking gym shark looking clapped. Bald-faggot looking clapped in the gym shark, honey. The chopped clapped, clapped. Faggot. That F.A.G.s are hurting. Okay. F.A.G.s are tore down. So I mean, I don't know if you feel this way. It's almost going to any other viewing party for any other TV show is different than going to a drag race viewing party because we're you and me. Yes. And I want to go see my friend. And I like to catch drag race and I love high tops. I was like, let's go. So we go. We're dreaming. It's so busy. Incredibly busy. And the only other thing, right? Yeah. The other show that's so busy is survivor. When that's on at the gay bars, it's balls to balls to face to titties. And this is the difference. When survivor comes back from commercial break, people are like, so bad. Nobody to have into that. That, oh, baby, that gets me hard as a rock. They are completely. My picker is turgid. I love that drag race. They could not give a fuck with these F.A.G.s are saying. They're talking to themselves what they would wear. They don't care. I'm straining to hear these homosexuals. It was in an episode where they're doing a girl group, but it was all like rock music. It was like punk girl group. It's fun to watch. I love girl group episodes of drag race. I like to watch them. You know, you're going to go record your part with Raven Simone or whatever, you know, like they have to go record on the main stage. The fake music studio, which I love. Yeah. It's just a music stand. And it's a music stand with keyboard, with not plenty. Yeah, with like mobi and polychol on the keys, like truly, um, polycholical. I don't want to wait. So I'm trying to watch drag race. And I'm almost like I'm almost shushing people. No, no, no. A. I can feel the staring, right? Because of course we're watching you watching. They're watching me watch it. And so I'm and I like drag race and I'm supportive of drag race. So I'm watching it, but I'm aware that I'm the only one watching it. Everyone's talking. So I'm like the only person like like like like the Pennywise Dead Light. It's like I'm the only one watching it. I think I think the people are just waiting for the number. They're waiting for the performance on the main stage. You know, because they got the same part says Miss Tati. Like that's what they're waiting for. See that's why skip. That's when I go have a little smoke out back or something. And then I and then I don't even watch the lipstick. I come back to see who goes home. Right. I want I want to watch the runway. I want to watch the challenge. That's about it. Yeah. Yeah. I was, but I love to I just, you know what? I never like make time to watch drag race. But when it's on and I have the privilege to watch it. It's a great. I love the shit. It's a great group viewing. I mean, I wish I marry. I wish you could have been there that night. The night that Lalla rewore the the Sun Forgettable night where she wore the the paper bag. The gift bag. I mean, I've seen that. No, I know you have seen it. But I was that Joseph in Hunter's house and there was probably 12 of us baggots in his straight brother. Straight brother loved it. Straight brother. Love the bags. Well, the straight brother was I think a little bit preoccupied with the death threats and in invectives. We were hurling at the television. The whole Lalla. No, not to everybody. Right. I mean, it was like the most unhinged, most unhinged, un un battered, unfiltered homophobia. And I left there thinking that was too much. Right. It was that was too much. That was evil crime. That was evil. That was evil. That was like evil. But we did was evil. I have nothing against a good. But there's evil here. I have nothing against drag race. But you know what though? Buck those bags. No, no, no, no, but wasn't just the best. Okay. She's going to say that's a funny outfit to at least dog pile on. It was fabulous. That if you want to watch even Lalla reads like girl's bags. Also, like that's what you want to watch as a group. Because if you watch it by yourself, you have nobody to scream too. You know, you mean you're living like. So it was, but yeah, I mean, oh gosh, but the way that we instantly became the most hate speech, hate speech filled homophobic fucking bottom of the barrel, like a proud boy kind of people who was just like so not trying to take him. Yeah, it was wild. And I, my pronouns are kiss my ass. Yeah, it was very much that. And the, and the straight guy was like, I think she looks nice. My pronouns are gift bag. And that is so kind though. Oh, it's amazing. It's amazing. It's other. Everybody else's. And you're just yeah, she's reading the New York Times. She's doing the Sunday crossword. Why not? Yeah. So I was fun to go to viewing party and hang out and have snacks. I wish they would have paid attention a little bit. Show a little respect for the girls. Yeah. Well, I told you, people have the right to watch it over there when I watch it. But if it's, if it's, but my last viewing party was survivor, which was pin drop silence during the show. I love that. And we're talking like during the commercials, rockest screaming splits on trees. And then the second it starts, usually in gay bars, when you hear the ha, ha, ha. That's my name. Yeah. Uncanny. Roo. Roo. When you hear that. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. But they were, I don't know, I guess they were there for the vibes. I think these guys were there to show off their outfits. Like people just there to show the, like, gay guys showing up at a gay place and not paying attention to any other thing, but other gay guys to have sex with. How unconscionable. Yeah. Get the shoes. Get the shoes. Yeah. Yeah. Great. You know, I hate all those shoes. Right. Okay. Um, the Game of Thrones finale at the bar. I don't know if this was AI. I don't think it was AI back then. But it was like when, when spoiler, when Arya kills the night king, um, on episode three, the crowd erupted like it was like, like they just one world were two and that touched me so deeply. And I wanted to be there so bad. But I was in Singapore, hobbled, crippled, right, circling a computer or limping. When you were on, drivers, did you do your own, did you go to good parties with yourself in it? Yeah. I hosted them in Boston. Okay. Yeah. I hosted them in Boston until right up until I was eliminated. I think they'll shut up if you're there. Oh, no, no, no, yeah. But it was also jox. It wasn't so big. And it was like, yeah, we watched. I was like straining to hear this TV. And high tops has 75 TVs. Oh, yeah. So many. We had, we had a potato that like with a flashlight on a little piece of cheesecloth. And then like somebody had a boom box. Like that's, that was our setup at jox. So you had to like be quiet. Yeah. I guess maybe it's a good way to get them to be quiet as to truly turn the sound down. Yeah. You know, I was almost ready to be one of those teachers who was like, well, I'll wait. You just get up keeping your tail standing in front of all the toe. You just, you tape up all the televisions. Right. I was almost like getting to woke. I was like, these artists put a lot into it. I think we should all be a little more. You have no idea how much their luggage cost to ship over there. Yeah. They should have at least hired me to caption it. You know, yes. Oh, sign it. Well, why don't we learn ASL? Do you know the alphabet? Oh, no. Perhaps Gabriel could help us. Gabriel. Gabriel speaks American sign language. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z. Well, it seems like you got a good start. I just know the alphabet because we used to get to do that thing in high school where like we wanted to, you know, the outcast, I'm going to just talk shit about everybody else that we called it like, you know, but for non-hearing, you'd have is it the equivalent of being like H-E-L-L-O, do you know what I mean? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, no, we were not communicating with deaf folks. We were not, we knew enough. We knew well enough not to try you to do that. And plus I worry, you know, the brain is really a sponge when you're young. I worry that for you and I to take it on a new language at this point. How dare you, we remain neuroplastic. Maybe not as much as we were when we were five, six, seven, eight. But I've worked with you when you have to memorize things. Yeah, but that's, it's about desire. See, those things, I don't want to memorize, but ASL, I'm dying to learn it, you know. It should be really cool. I really, because I, yeah, it would just be really cool. It seems like a, it seems like it's, it seems like it would take a lot of work. Oh, well, I mean, it's a language. Right. Yeah. Right. Have you ever had a crispy cream? Are you kidding me? Was it crispy? It was creamy. Right. The first time I had a crispy cream was in Las Vegas. and I could not believe it. - I know that it takes a year off your life every time you have one. - No, maybe take all the years off. Because what I'm used to is America runs on Duncan, which is horse shit. - They're fine. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - And I like the apples for it. - But it ends at what time we're going to the store. Are we going at 5.30 AM or are we going at 5.30 PM, so is your oven, if you're going to spend the money, you want to go at the beginning of the day. - Yeah. - 5.30 PM is when they give you a hockey puck with a hard hit at you. - Yeah, they throw it at you and you didn't order anything. - Yeah, well, do you know what the king of this is? The ones at the airport. They didn't bake those, they didn't make those donuts in the airport. They get brought to you from a location. Airport donuts are always flopped out. No, mama, I went to this, a store in Las Vegas, or like it was like, you know, not a store, but it was, they baked them there. - And that thing went in my mouth? I could not believe it. - Shemmokrisby? - Yeah. - Oh, wasn't there the glazed donut? - It was supposed to give it to you. It was like real. - I was like, holy shit, I instantly had two more. - Boboady chills. - Yeah, I was like, I was transformed. - Have you been to what's that airport? I think it's La Guardia. Denver has voodoo donuts, I believe, in the airport. - Okay. - Those are great. That's the ones with like cereal on them. - Yeah, I mean, I like those. Those are really nice and fun. But those are what I love is the simplest, like the simple, the simplicity of Krispy Kreme, because I just love a glazed. - I love a glazed, and I love the chocolate glaze. I love donuts. If there's any ever a donut, if there's a donut I'm in, you will never see me walk by donuts that are available to me. - I could be so full that food is coming out of my throat and I will fend room for a donut. I'm like Celine with the shoes. What size do you have? - I make it work. - I've worn this shoes like this. - You've already had three meals, sir. - That doesn't matter. - Doesn't matter. - What size do you have? - What, Boston cream or jelly? - Neither. - We're not doing feelings. - Okay, great. - A lot of it. - None of this he, she, we. - No filler queens. - No filler. - I, I mean, I don't, yeah. - Yeah. - Love a donut, maybe. - Ah. - Chocolate frosting? - Maybe someday we can go do a collab. - A collab? - Why don't we just go and eat a collab? - A dough lab. - We don't have, we could just go and eat there. - Yeah, I don't know. - We could just buy the, buy the donuts. - We do some kind of donut collab. Randy's donuts by the airport. - The Tracey and Cotty donut collab. - Or we just go to Krispy Kreme and have a bunch of donuts and pay for them and eat them and go home. - Yeah, we could do that too. (laughing) - There was a Krispy Kreme and Atlanta when I went to visit David and baby, that just. I, he went to the bathroom. I ordered six more donuts and ate them while he was in the bathroom. I'm not joking. Not joking. - Your metabolism is incredible. - I, I love, I, America runs on Duncan. I run on sugar. - Yeah, you know. - And look at me, and nothing's wrong. - I love breakfast. - Breakfast is. - You will never. - Lunch wishes, she, lunch is so jealous. - Lunch is so jealous and torn up and just twisted about breakfast. - I skipped it. - Who cares? - And dinner, she's so far away. They don't even fuck with each other. - You know what lunch is? It's like New Year's. New Year's really thinks it's a holiday. That's the most disappointing, who cares shit. - No. Lunch is a Labor Day mama. - Yeah. - Lunch is flag day. - I wake up. - Lunch is hungry, fantasizing about eggs and toast. I eat an egg almost every single day. - I wake up thinking about scrambled eggs, little dry with lots of hot sauce, salt and pepper. Sourdough toast with butter and grape jelly. - Toast, you faggot. - Crispy bacon, fuckin' fluffy pancakes, just one little triangle of French toast. Maybe a brigache French toast with some maple butter, and then a fuckin' sausage. And then an orange juice gets the good old acid re-blocks. - Oh my god. - Oh my god. - And pan all day. - Oh yeah. The throw up later that night. - What about grapefruit juice? - No. - No. - Because I'm doing a pot of coffee as well. - Right. - And then I'm good. - Do you make your own coffee every day? - I do. - You do? Do you have one of those machines? - No, I grow. - Well, I go out. - I go to coffee. - People do a press or whatever. - No, no, I do. I get ground coffee. I'm very basic. I do Mr. Coffee. - What do you think of instant coffee? - Instant coffee is disgusting. - I had a roommate who drinks instant coffee. - It's absolutely disgusting. It's undrinkable. - Is it just powder and water? - It's just, it's, it's not even powder. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's, it's, of course, it sucks. It's disgusting. - It just like gave me a chill. - Yeah, it's gross. - Sanka? - Sanka. - You're welcome. - Bye. - Bye. - Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. Do you love coffee? Let us know. - Hot coffee. - Good mood. - Bye. - Bye. - Bye. - Bye.