The Autism Test | History Hyenas

Guys, I got a brand new hour of stand up material. I've been having a lot of fun back at the comedy clubs on the road. Go to chrisdcomedy.com, October, a couple of weeks, we got Levittown, governors, all those shows are sold out. We got this in November. We got the Syracuse funny bone, the Charlotte Comedy Zone, and McGubbies in Maryland. Go to chrisdcomedy.com, particularly, and go get them, baby. I'm having a lot of fun on Saturdays doing the early 4 and 630 shows. Get some brunch. Come out. You have a great night. You're home by 9. [MUSIC] Yo, what's up, everybody. Welcome to another episode of history, hyenas. Now, it's actually history, hyena. Today, if you listened at patreon.com/christi, patreon.com/christi, hyenas, you would know that Yannis has got a stomach virus, okay? Yannis, he was on his way in here. He got a little bit of the shits. We said that Justin and I consulted. We said that the power of the Yamaha cannot stop the stomach virus. So we said, just go home, okay? Just go home, get out of here, because we don't want to, as I said on patreon, I can't get sick because I'm doing the movie with Matt Reif on Thursday. And the last thing I want to do is throw up on him when I'm in the trailer giving him a nice little fluff. So nobody wants that. And so it's just one history hyena today, and we're going to do the best weekend, okay? We're coming here. We're here for you every week, even if we're a man down, because I know Yannis would do the same for me. You know, if you're, you know, a vintage history hyenas listener, don't worry, this isn't the beginning of the end, okay? We're not stopping the show. Yannis literally just got what he believes is a Russian, is a Russian stomach virus that was manipulated and engineered in the lab and inserted directly into his mouth by Dr. Fauci. So that's what Yannis feels. So we wish him well. He'd be better. If you want to hear his voice, it's at patreon.com/historyhyenas. We did a whole episode over there. We went wild over there. But you know, I'm in here, I got a, you know, the episode might be a little bit shorter than normally here on YouTube, because, you know, we got Jesse here on the ones and twos, Yannis is sick, and then Nick, the stick just didn't show up. So the stick just decided not to come and it would have been fun to talk to the stick about his cargo shorts, about wrestling, and just kind of have maybe an episode where we bring Nick to stick on to second mic and see what he could do, but he did not show up. We had one opportunity to get his life to where he out of cargo shorts and he blew it, because what if he would have come on and been second mic and blown the roof off, and then we would have made Yannis take the notes in the corner for the rest of the show. Tell him why he didn't show up. Yeah, he didn't show up because we had to start the show today at 9.30 in the morning. We had to start recording and that just doesn't work for Nick. Nick just, he had, he had confirmation of the times because we had to, we had to do a different day in a different time because I have to, I'm doing a play reading with Louis CK because I make zero mistake day by day, it's just a one more toe out of the closet. So I'm Dan Levy, so I, I, we said we have to do it early and Nick just never responded and just decided not to show up, and that's just okay. Nick just said I'm not coming in. No problem. And what are we going to do? What are we honest to do? Because it's too big of a headache to have to try to deal with disciplining him for this. So now we're just going to pan and if he asks for a raise, we're just going to give it to him because we don't want to be, he's being racist. So we have to do it. So we have to do it. And look, there's still a lot to talk about today, okay? I mean, I know by the time this episode comes out, everyone have been talked about the Shane Gillis stuff. He's fine, Shane's fine. We talked about it on Patreon. What I want to talk about a little bit is as it was driving in today, I listed my favorite podcast is diary of a CEO with Stephen Bartlett outside of course, history, Hyenas and Chrissy Chaos. My favorite history, Hyenas, then Chrissy Chaos. Then I like diary of a CEO with Stephen Bartlett and I do have a goal to get on his podcast, but unfortunately I'm not interesting enough for him to want to talk to me. And that's just true. I can accept that that I'm not interesting enough for Stephen Bartlett at this point in my life. He's got very fascinating interviews, really good episodes. And I'm just, there's really not much I could talk to him about. Not smart enough. I don't have enough interesting things to say. You know, I'm just a goofball that runs around wearing the same Sunderland jacket that I got last week because when I buy something, I'm the guy that I wear things out. I'll get a new piece of clothing and I wear it every single day until it wears off in two weeks. If I like a new song, like I love that song Justin Bieber singing speed demon and I list to it every single day. We're not going to want to list to it anymore. So I just play things out. And I don't know why I do that. It's probably some form of anxiety. It's probably got something to do with me being on the spectrum somewhere. But which by the way, there's been multiple people DMing me lately. I don't know like what's going around. That like because of the fidgets I have and I guess biting my nails that they think that I should be diagnosed or evaluated to see if I am in fact even a little bit on the spectrum, which is, which is crazy that now now everybody's on the spectrum because I mean, how big is the spectrum like so everybody could be on the spectrum at all times. And you know, I don't know he did autism test in five minutes. Should we really take this thing and see if we got it. And by the way, I just want to say and we said it on the patron that this is the honest is go to coffee order that I'd gotten for him because I wanted it to be there in honor of him. It is a cappuccino with oat milk. We call it a duck. Wait. I'm sorry about that. And you know what? I've never actually tasted it. I've never actually given it a sip. So for the first time in my life, I want to see what Yannis is tasting. Let's do it. Yep. Taste like sperm. That's the point. That's the point. Yannis is just drinking a cup of jizz every day out there and that's okay. That's what's good for him and we support him. It's actually it's it's disgusting. Oh, milk is disgusting. All right. Start by selecting your gender. I'm going to say today I feel like a male. So let's do male. Okay. Okay. Let's see. So we got this loading up. We are now taking an autism test live here on the history of Yannis podcast. Each statement has five options explained strongly agree, disagree, neutral, agree, strongly agree? Okay. Let's start the test. Let's see what it is. I often find it difficult to tell what someone is thinking just by looking at their face. Um, I would say do I find it difficult? I would say right next to strongly disagree, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that one. I would say, you know, yeah, you like moderately disagree like I sort of disagree like I'm saying most of the time I can look at someone's face and I can tell if you're, you know, like me or not, maybe I should say strongly disagree then, right? Yeah. Let's do strongly because I yeah, because they're saying I often find I don't find it difficult. I think whoever wrote these questions has autism. I was autistic. Yeah. Now you make me yeah. All right. Let's do that. Strong. Okay. Something to me. Strongly disagree. Almost never. I prefer to follow a strict daily routine and feel anxious if it changes. Strongly disagree. Oh, you do. Yeah. Well, like, like I'm saying, I don't need to, I don't need to follow a strict daily routine. Right. Okay. Strongly disagree. Yeah. Yeah. You're not one of those. You like to, you like to move around. Oh, I got you. I mean, look at many houses. I've sold. Yeah. Yeah. Strongly disagree. Yeah. I could focus on a topic I love for many hours without noticing time passing. Okay, I would say for that one, maybe in the middle. Let's go in the middle for that because even though I love things, I know my, I do notice time passing. I'm kind of like, I can't stay on something for too long, even history stuff after about an hour. I'm like, I gotta do something else. So let's put that in the middle. I find it hard to start a task unless I have very specific instructions. You know, I don't, I would say put that in the middle again. Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. All right. I often script or practice conversations in my head before they happen. I would say strongly agree. I'm always doing that. Certain textures like clothing tags or specific foods are unbearable to me. Strongly disagree. I almost never feel that. Besides goat cheese. I don't like goat cheese and I don't like feeling wet. Like I don't like when I get out of a pool and it's kind of a little chilly. I don't like that. I just don't like the feeling of being wet. All right. Go ahead. Do that. So I have repetitive movements like tapping, rocking or fidgeting that calm me down. I'm going to put it in the middle because I bite my nails. It's subconsciously and I bite my nails. So, but it's not like I don't have tapping or rocking or fidgeting. That's why I'm going to put it in the middle because it's not, you know, I tend to take things literally and sometimes miss sarcasm or jokes. I would say, I would say right next to strongly disagree. Yeah. Sometimes you get pissed off, but most of the time, I mean, I'm a comedian. I deal with it. I'm much better at noticing small details and seeing the big picture. No, I would say I don't notice the small details. I usually just see the big picture and miss all the small details, which is the important shit. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, do that. Yeah, I would say that. Yeah. I find social gatherings extremely draining and need a lot of recovery time. I would say no, strongly disagree. No, that puts strongly agree. Oh, sorry. Yeah. I am often told that I speak too loudly or too softly without realizing it. I would say put it right next, just put it in the middle. Put it in the middle. Yeah, because sometimes I do. I find it difficult to make eye contact while I'm talking to someone. It depends, sometimes yes, sometimes no. So put it in the middle. 'Cause sometimes I don't. I get very upset if someone moves my belongs without telling me, strongly disagree. I almost never care about that. I often lose track of what I was doing if I am interrupted. I mean, again, sometimes, so put it in the middle. I think I have autism. What are you thinking? You think I'm autistic so far? I think I am. Right. I have to go and do this. Look, where it's at four out of 20, I thought this was supposed to take five minutes. We can't do this the whole show. All right, let's do one more page. I have a hobby or subject that I know almost everything about. Yeah, I would say right next to strongly agree. Right next to, yeah, there you go. I find it hard to know when it is my turn to speak in a conversation. No, I would say strongly disagree. I would, yeah, background noise is that others ignore like a humming fridge distract me. Strongly disagree that never bothers me. I prefer to eat the same foods that use the same route every day. Strongly disagree. I eat all different types of shit. And I suddenly just go a different way just because I wanna see what a different way it looks like. I feel a strong need to arrange objects in a specific order of symmetry, strongly disagree. Nope, I don't care. These are now really starting to feel like. Now I'm starting to believe I don't have autism. I have to feel like I'm performing or masking to act normal in public. I mean, yeah, I get, yeah, put strongly agree. This is a mask. Put it right next to strongly agree, maybe. Yeah, yeah. I am very sensitive to the way certain fabrics feel against my skin. Now strongly disagree. I almost never notice it. I struggle to transition from one activity to another quickly. I would say strongly disagree. I can do it. I love to share facts about my favorite topics, even if others aren't interested. I would say put that next to strongly agree, 'cause there are times when I'm just talking about the revolutionary war to my five-year-old. Yeah. I find it difficult to interpret unspoken social rules. Nah, strongly disagree. I could deal with that. Strong smells make me feel nauseous, strongly disagree. I tend to repeat certain words or phrases that I've heard recently. Yeah, I would say close to strongly agree. Yeah, 'cause I always, I always, you know, if I, I almost feel like I'm learning a new word or a new thing and then I use it in sentences all day. I find it hard to organize my day without a written list or schedule strongly disagree. I don't think I ever do that, even though it would probably help me. People often describe me as being honest, too honest or too blunt, strongly disagree. I never, I never said what I mean. I have a very high or very low tolerance for physical pain. Um, I guess in the middle, I feel like, you know, it depends, sometimes I can deal with it, sometimes I can't. I find unexpected visitors at my home very stressful. I mean, it depends if they're Puerto Rican. (laughing) No, put strongly disagree. Put strongly disagree. I notice patterns in numbers, nature or music that others don't see, strongly disagree. I wish I did. I often mimic the gestures or accents of people I am around. I would say in the middle, sometimes I do. I frequently bothered by the flicker of fluorescent light strongly disagree. I struggle to start big projects because I don't know where to begin. Yeah, there's a lot of times I'm just like, I can't, I don't know. I find comfort and repetitive motions like spinning or pacing strongly disagree. That'll make you throw up. Find it hard to understand what people mean when they use metaphors. Um, no, I would say right next to strongly disagree because sometimes I think I'm just stupid. I am very picky about the temperature of my foods and drink strongly disagree, don't care. I prefer to plan every detail of a trip, weeks and advance. Um, I would say put that in the middle because sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I tend to collect items related to my specific interests, strongly disagree. I actually sometimes even with my career, I'm like, I see so many of my peers have like memorabilia, you know, all their posters up. I'm like, I don't know where any of that shit is. I don't collect anything. I often feel clumsy or have trouble with my physical coordination. And I would say strongly disagree. Find it hard to keep a conversation going if the topic isn't interesting to me. Um, I would say put it right next to put it in the middle because I mean, sometimes, you know, think just the nature of podcasting is sometimes you gotta just muscle through. I get very frustrated when a plan is canceled at the last minute, strongly disagree. I actually love it. Like if Louis was to text right now and say it's canceled, I would say yes. I find it difficult to estimate how much time a task will take. Um, no, I feel like I'm pretty good at that. Put that one right next to strongly agree. I have to rock my body back and forth when I'm stressed or excited. Strongly disagree. Put it right next to strongly disagree. Yeah, put it there. I find small talk to be confusing or pointless, strongly agree. Yeah, I mean, I, I never want to do that. But I do it, but I do find it pointless. Sudden touches like a pound on the back, make me feel jump or anxious. Put it right, put it next to strongly disagree 'cause it just depends. I'm very protective of my alone time, strongly disagree. I get nervous when I'm alone. I often focus so hard on my interest that I forget to eat or drink, strongly disagree. That's never me. I find it hard to filter out background conversations in a busy room, strongly disagree. Sorry guys, this has taken longer than five minutes, but just bear with us. I promise this is not going to be the whole show. I just thought this is going to be two things, we're just trying to find the vibe of autism or not. And hopefully at home, you're playing along to see if you have autism. I have a strong preference for soft, comfortable clothing. In the middle, I mean, obviously you want to be comfy, but I can deal with it if it's uncomfortable. I struggle to make decisions when there are too many options. I would say put that in the middle, sometimes. So it usually takes my wife to be like, can you just be a man and make a choice? I often fidget what my hands are hair when I'm thinking. Put that next to strongly agree 'cause I don't do that as much, but I do stuff with my hands. I'm always moving my hands and biting my nails. I sometimes don't realize I'm being too loud until someone tells me. I would say put that in the middle 'cause there are times when it happens. I find the situation of being wet like after shower, very unpleasant. Yeah, put, put. Because no, not wet after, it's only when I have clothes on. So after shower, if my skin is wet, it's okay. But if I'm like dripping sweat in like a gym or bathing suit shorts, so if I'm naked, I don't like it. But if I'm not naked, I like it. Just put it in the middle, yeah. I prefer tacit have a clear beginning, middle and end. I would say next to strongly disagree. I can remember very specific details about things that happened years ago. It just depends, put it in the middle. Some things I can, some things I can't. I find it stressful to talk to people I don't know well. I would put strongly disagree. I mean, I can do that. I'm very sensitive to the vibe or emotional energy of a room. I guess, put it in the middle. Because I mean, I guess I have to be doing stand up. I often procrastinate on tasks that require a lot of mental organization. Strongly agree. Yeah, I, okay, we're almost done. I enjoy watching the same movie or reading the same book many times. I would say next to strongly agree. Really about the movie. I have to make repetitive clicking or humming sounds strongly disagree. I find it hard to maintain friendships over a long period of time. Cause I feel like I only have maybe one or two friends that I don't talk to that I did when I was little. I'm very bothered by the sound of people eating or breathing strongly disagree. Doesn't bother me. No, it doesn't bother me. Oh, that drives me fucking mad. Really? Oh, the sound of people eating. Yeah, see, for me, it's just whatever. So we're finding out Jesse has autism. I tend to get stuck on a thought and can't let it go. I would say in the middle. I would say that's in the middle. Cause sometimes it depends. I have a very strong sense of justice and fairness. I mean, no, I guess put it right next to strongly disagree. I often misinterpret the tone of a text message or email. Again, sometimes put it in the middle. I find it difficult to tell when someone is bored with what I'm saying. I can usually tell when they're bored. I'm sensitive to the itchiness of certain things. No, disagree. I find it difficult to multitask effectively. I would say right next to strongly disagree. I feel like I can do it. I like to categorize or label my belongings very precisely, strongly disagree. I often shut down or stop speaking when I am overwhelmed. Strongly disagree. I feel like I keep talking. I find looking at certain patterns and moving objects very calming. I would say in the middle, some of them, yeah. I prefer to work alone rather in a group. Strongly disagree, even though I do stand up comedy, which is alone, I'd rather be in a group. I'm very aware of the internal sensations in my body, heartbeat, put that in the middle, 'cause it depends if I'm having anxiety or not. I often forget where I put my keys for in a while, it's strongly disagree. I'm like a German with that. Jasmine always forgets, and I'm sorry, I would get the Nishawa. I have a deep fascination with how things work. No, strongly disagree, I don't know how anything works. I find it hard to lie, even if it's just a white light it'd be polite. Strongly disagree. I get very anxious if I have to go to a new place for the first time. I would say put it in the middle, it just depends. I often rub my hands together to tap my fingers in a specific rhythm, strongly disagree. I do eat my boogers, but no one's asked it not that. I find it difficult to look at someone's face while I'm listening to them. In the middle, it depends. Sometimes I just can't look at people in the eyes. I don't know why. I am easily startled by sudden movements or noises. Um, I would say strike next to strongly agree. I often struggle to manage my finances or pay bills on time strongly disagree. I'm a Jew with that. I find it hard to stop talking about my favorite subject. I would say, yeah, strongly agree. I just want to keep, it's like, that's definitely, yes, for Yanni. I often feel like I'm on different wavelength than other people, put it in the middle, just depends. Some people, yes, some people know. I prefer the same seat in a classroom or restaurant every time strongly disagree. I like to change it up. I'm sensitive to the bitterness or spice and foods. I'm put it in the middle. Some, some spicy food really makes me shit. I tend to play with your, your pens when I'm talking to people. Um, in the middle, sometimes I do. I find it difficult to recognize people if I see them out of context. Um, I would say right next to strongly disagree. Usually I recognize everybody. I often feel overwhelmed in shopping malls or grocery stores strongly disagree. I can handle it. I find it hard to follow a conversation if there is music playing. Um, right next to strongly disagree. I can usually, I'm very good at recognizing patterns and data or behavior. Um, I would say closer to strongly agree. I use, I'm not a good pattern recognizer. I have to lose my train of thought mid-sentence. It happens, but I find comfort in doing the same thing at the same time every week. Uh, and I would say closer to strongly agree. I, I mean, it's nice to have a schedule. I often walk on my tiptoes are having, no, strongly disagree. I never walk on my tiptoes unless I got high heels on. I mean, this is crazy. This is so much longer than five minutes and I'm sorry. We are almost done and thank you for the people who have stayed to this part of the show. You have autism. I feel a physical itch to correct someone if they stayed a wrong fact. No, strongly disagree. I never do that. I'm always like, dude, I'm not God. You, all right, fine, then want to be right about that and then be right about that. I find it hard to know how much personal information to share. I would say strongly agree because there's a lot of times where I get in trouble for my family because you can't be talking about the shit I'm talking about. Very sensitive to the feeling of dryness on my skin. I know I have dry skin and I just don't do anything about it. I find it difficult to wait my turn in a line or a game. I can wait my turn. I prefer animals or objects over socializing that most people strongly disagree. Well done, get my results. If they make us fucking pay for this after all this, let's get the results. 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Weight loss by hymns is not available in all 50 states. Will gov is the registered trademark of Novo Nordidisk AS to get started and learn more, including important safety information. Will gov clinical study information and restrictions visit hymns dot com. Autism patterns, let's go on all the way up. Key strengths. All right, let's see. I swear to God if they make us pay for this, I'm really sorry. Okay. - Oh my god, I don't know the report for 195 scumbags. - I'm so sorry. - That's the ultimate fucking. - I guess we have to pay for it now. - You wanna pay for it? - Yeah, I mean. - Oh, you son of a bitch. - Just do app, can you do Apple? Do you have that saved and I'll just Venmo you? - Venmo you $1.99. - Yeah, I'll just Venmo you $1.95. - Oh my god. - Yeah, like, I can't believe this. - I hate this, I hate this. What do we gotta do from here? - Yeah, that's yeah, yeah, yeah. Apple card go for it. - Yeah, we paid. - Pay, bitch. - Okay, done. All right, let's just get it. - No, why the fuck isn't it working? - Oh my god. - Yeah, dude, this is-- - You can't do Express checkout? Look processing. What the fuck? You know, that's my card. Yeah, oh my god. All right, well. - Well, whatever, do you think you have autism? - I don't think that I have autism. - I think I have autism. - You actually think, what did you think get autism? - I mean, I was answering pretty much yes to every question. - Right. - Like, what was the, what was the, it was highly likely? - Highly, yeah. - I was highly likely to a lot of those. - Really? - The ones that I would say I'm in the middle. - Yeah, yeah, the ones that you were in the middle with, the ones that didn't bother you. - Well, you might, the thing is you might have autism, I mean, 'cause you're so creative with that sculpture stuff, your brain definitely sees things that most of us can't see. So it might be. - Yeah, yeah. And I could like, you know, just get lost for hours. I don't even realize what's going on. Like, what time it is? - Yeah. - Like, you're not thinking about the time, like, you're not, are you the guy like, you can go hours without even looking at your phone? - Yeah, yeah, absolutely. My screen time is like two hours a day average. - Really? - Like, when you're on the train and you, or, you know, home, you got nothing to do, what are you doing? - When I'm home, I get nothing to do. I mean, usually, we were watching like a series or something like that watching the show and then-- - You watch a lot of TV. - Yeah, like, we'll watch a show a night, you know? Like, we-- - But don't have your phone by you. - No, no. - You watch, you watch the show. - There's a lot of times when you're watching a show, but you also got the, you're like-- - And you're still flipping through your phone? - Try, it just happens naturally. - Really? - No, I don't do that, yeah. Like, so in other words, there's times where you, you walk a, what your phone is rooms away. - Yeah, well, I live in a tiny apartment, so that's almost impossible, but-- - But it's not near you. Like, you couldn't even get grabbed. - Yeah, yeah, there's times when I'll go hours without looking at my phone. - Right, yeah. - And then, so, and then what about when you're on the train? What are you doing? - Yeah, usually I'll listen to something. Like, I'll listen to a podcast or I'll, I'll listen to a lot of audiobooks. - But you won't be on your, the phone will just be on your pocket and you're just listening. You're not like looking through your phone while you're listening. - I put it this way, I'll flip through Twitter. I'll take Twitter first, spin a couple of times a day. You know, from like maybe 15 minutes and that's about it. - And then you go, yeah, see, that's, that's good that you have that because that, and that might be, who knows, man, that could be your artistic. - Yeah, I think I might, I mean, I don't know. There's like, the sounds of people eating, drives me up a fuck 'em. - Yes, I don't have that. Like, if you were eating right now on the microphone and it was getting pumped into these headphones, and I had to hear that, like, it's like tortured. - Well, that's the scary thing as you grow up, as you evolve in this world, as you realize that, like, I know within me, you know, I have things that, you know, not, obviously, a lot more things are not perfect than perfect, but I know, like, within me, you know, I don't, I, like, I like people. I never want to hurt anybody. I don't, I would never physically try to hurt somebody. You know, if a religion or a political party bothered me, like, I'm just like, okay, I'm like, hey, let them express what they want, it's not what I want, but I would never want to live in peace. But then you realize, like, if everybody felt that way, you know, you wouldn't have to worry so much. But I realize that there's a lot of people for a lot of good reasons to them. They don't feel that way. They feel like they will get violent. So you realize, like, oh, you take tests like this, how different we all are, like, we're all human beings, trying to exist in the same planet. But it's, you realize we're really, truly so different that that's why there's, it's always a powder keg. This being human beings always a powder keg because it's like, you know, I know that food chewing doesn't bother me, but it bothers you, and it's like, and then there's things that don't bother you at all that really bother me, like I'm always looking at the phone, you don't care about the phone, and there's all these differences that we have. And so you're like, oh, so no wonder why, every single day people are getting killed, because we're all mixing and matching, we're trying to follow the same rules that don't work for all of us. - Is there anything that someone does that just annoys the shit out of you? - Like really what really annoys the shit out of me, is I'll say to be honest with you, the thing I think is when somebody speaks out on social media, especially about like the last week with the serious XM stuff with the comedians, I understood why they were saying what they were saying, but it bothered me where I'm like, got like just, especially the people who knew Sebastian, it's like just call Sebastian. He's your friend, this public display of look at what a good person I am bothers me. - Yeah, that was very performative, right? - Yeah, it felt performative, and it also felt that specific thing, also felt like collectivism, which I'm just not into, it's like I understand why comedians are upset, I truly, truly get it, it ain't Sebastian's fault. - Yeah. - It's not any of our, any of guys like Sebastian's jobs to take care of anybody. You know, and it's like, and if you want that, then to me that's then socialism. It's like nobody's making us do comedy. We're saying we wanna do it, which is great, and no, but I wanna do it, but it's like if I couldn't do it and raise my family on it and feed my family off, then I would do something that's gonna help me feed my family. If you took away Patreon for me and gave it to Dave Chappelle and Dave Chappelle was like, I run Patreon now, and I'm only giving it to my five friends, that would suck, but I wouldn't make a video asking Dave Chappelle to please give Patreon back. I'd be like, I gotta find another fucking way here, you know, so that's just the way I see it. But by the way, that's right to me. Some of the other comedians, you know, people who do in anything in their life, they might hear what I just said and say that's not right to them. What's right to them is what they did. And guess what, we're both right, I get it. I just think, you know, I think we're living in a world now because of social media where you are, we're so, have our algorithms so tailored to us that anybody who does anything outside of what our tailored algorithm is showing us, we think is wrong, but that's just not the way life works. It's just, it's just not. I mean, you know, it's like, you know, in this culture, you shake my hand, you know, of my, you know, daughter's boyfriend shakes my hand. I want him to look me in the eye. In Japan, if he looks me in the eye, it's the ultimate sign of disrespect. So, I don't know. It's the same, we're both right. Just different, it's just different culturally. It's like, are you way song she ain't? How about I, how about I fucking stab you? My samurai shorts, get away from my, don't. But yeah, you could have to start dealing with that soon, huh? I know, man, I mean, the oldest one's 11, sorry. Oh, yeah, you got a couple of years. Yeah, I know, I already hear like, you know, her and her friends talking about this boy or that boy. And I'm like, oh, I'm like, oh, my God, you like him? I don't like, you know, you'll hear that, who the hell knows who the fuck they're talking about. Are you gonna do the talk? Like, come here son, let me talk to you. Nah, I'm not gonna be that guy. I don't think I'll be that guy. I think I'll just, you know, if she wants to have a boyfriend, I'll just be like, I think what I'll do is just make sure that he knows how important, you know, this girl is to me. That's what I think. I'm not gonna threaten him, I'm not gonna do any of that. That's stupid to me. I'm just gonna say, buddy, I just want you to know, this is the most important person in my life. So just take really good care of her because she means everything to me. And just kind of say that. This way kind of puts it out there without afraid to do jail time. Yeah, puts it out there without me saying anything bad. It's just saying, kind of, I put it on him. I don't want you to tell you, put it on him, like if you did something to her, just know that I'll go to the ends of the earth because I'll kill you for that. That implies that. I don't have to say that, you know? So, and I think most respectable, and you also wanna, I also feel like men that do that, are not giving their daughters enough credit. Like, hey, I would hope by the time she's ready to date. Me and her mother raised her with she knows what guy to pick. She knows how to be respectful of herself. She wouldn't bring a dirt bag around. I think when guys are like, you better not forget daughter of them. My daughter is more like what they're saying is, oh shit, I probably didn't do enough to protect my daughter. Yeah, 'cause those guys are gonna raise, those guys are dirt bags and they're raising their daughter like a dirt bag. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, if you think every guy's a dirt bag, it's probably because at some point in your life, you were a dirt bag, you know? And at some point in my life, I was, I get it, but I'm also trying to say, hey, I want her, you know? I mean, when, and also too, I mean, you know, hopefully I'm years away from this, but it's like, by then, who knows, man? Maybe she's gonna come home with some AI? That would be great. It's fucking it. Some teenage AI. Yeah, nice robot boyfriend. Yeah, dude, and then you don't even worry about shit. You know what, speaking of all that, you know? Again, what I was talking about is Dyer of his CEO with Stephen Bartland, then we got sidetracked with the autism test somehow. But I wanted to, well, this guy, Eric Weinstein, he just had him on, if you put him on, yeah, Eric Weinstein, he was just talking about, I forgot, I think he's like a leading mathematician, but he was, listen, a lot of the, a lot of the Dyer of his CEO podcast and a lot of these podcasts in this genre are talking about and rightfully so, all they talk about is AI. That's the only thing they talk about and how it's so bad and blah, blah, blah, and I get it. I really do get it. But Eric Weinstein, he came on and he started talking about, you know, what he was talking about was a little bit like with aliens and stuff like that. And he was talking about how it's just a matter of time before you kind of understand that the, first of all, he thinks too, he thinks some, he thinks that we already have the power to leave the universe and the solace system. He's like, he's like, 'cause you already know mathematically that you can bend space, there is a speed limit. The speed of light is our limit. You can't go any faster than that. He said so what you do is to work around the speed limit is you shorten the road. And then the speed limit doesn't matter as much and he goes, we know already mathematically we can shorten the road. So he's like, if I'm telling you that we can, I'm telling you mathematically, we can do that. There's no reason to believe other cultures, other species outside of our planet can already do that and do that for thousands of years already, it's possible. But he was saying that what he believes is happening is there's different groups of aliens here and he said that they're having a war like above us. Like they're actually having like a real kind of war. War means different things to them. But he was saying that this guy, David Grush, the guy David Grush, she was like the F-15 fighter pilot who was the whistleblower, said, I saw things. I, you know, this, yeah, I saw UAPs. I was, you know, he testified in front of Congress about it. He said they sanitized his whole testimony. Just to me, you know, they said, okay, go out and say this. But in reality, what he really reported, what's seeing like huge underground water bases, he was saying, and they made it, you know, like some of these military deaths that these training exercise that happened, they were really killed by aliens and that they just don't want to say that that's been happening. And that this whole AI race is really, it's really, it's really all intertwined with that. Like Sam Altman and Dario, the other guy, the guy who ends inthropic. Like they're going against each other. Like, you know, they, one of them has to win basically, but he said, really, they're really kind of going against each other. The US government is pitting them against each other. So one of them, you know, competition, you know, is how you get the best out of people. So one of them actually wins because then the United States would have this superior AI that could kind of negotiate with the aliens in a way that, you know, you don't want China to be the one negotiating on behalf of human beings and the only way that, and he said that is going to happen. That's what he really believes in his heart. He's like, and because he was like, you know, every other time in history, you know, economist, he said, well, laugh and be like, there's always something, there's always something that goes, but this is, this is actually, this is actually the something. This is really it. We've never had humanity on the verge of, you know, right now, on the verge of potentially being not the dominant smart, not the dominant intelligence, 'cause he said right now, you know, he's at the forefront of AI. He said, AI can't, right now we are in control. Like we just 100% in control, there's, you know, he said, if you want to stay in the present, right now you're living in glory days of AI. You really glory days. He was like, it's almost like a pre-9/11. Like you're living in that right right now. It's glory days. He said, when they get, and it could happen overnight, one day, it'll be years in the making, but happen overnight, if they get the superior intelligence, AI, then it's a totally different, totally different ball game. You're living in a totally different world that nobody can guarantee your safety. Right now, we can. Right now, the AI cannot turn on the nukes, they can't do it. And he said, they can't also, they can't feel compassion, they can't feel emotion, they can't prompt itself. None of those things can happen yet, despite what you hear, it's not possible. So, he was like, but when it happens, then you're gonna realize that, oh, I was in the good all days right now. And he's like, you know, all these things, you know, he wishes the government would come out with this alien stuff and what they really know, because then you would see like people would be okay with the news, they would be accepting of it all. And life could move on and AI could, and these AI tech companies could say, you know what, maybe there is no reason to make the AI to community. with the aliens of blah, blah, because the people have kind of spoken that that's not what they want. But he was like, you know, it was interesting when I was listening to it because he was just saying, you know, all that AI stuff, and like also corresponding with this war in Iran, he was like, you know, you just, you just more than, you know, it's like the Cuban Missile Crisis times. He's like, you know, that was averted, but that he was like that type of, he was like, you know, astroparency or grandparents about the anxiety that they were feeling during the Cuban Missile Crisis, you know, they're, I remember my uncle used to tell me there would be drills in school where they would have to hide under a desk. Now our kids, now my kids do schools and drills, it ain't a fire drill anymore. Now it's an active shooter drill. That's what they do. Right? They have to learn how to shelter in place. So we're living in a different world with just, we just are. And we lived from, you know, Cold War times to, you know, now in the last 15 years, like kind of like in a time where everything was asleep. It was, it was glory. Like he was like, you don't understand a lot of people born in our age. They've never lived with anything like this. Our grandparents did with World War II and what, and the precipice of disaster, but we never did. We just got, we were just born at a time where it was all good. We never had a fight. We never had a good war. Like every generation before us has had to fight in something. And then we got so lucky. We got lucky for that because I wouldn't do well over there. We do. I would not do well. And it's like they talk about bringing back a draft. It's like you know, what does that mean now? And it's like, you know, it's my daughter going to get drafted or is it just, is that it's just going to go back to men? Yeah, right. Well, it depends on my steps on he's 16. Right. Then why, like, are you going to send him off? You know, I mean, that's what it used to be, which is crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I got a bad knee. The knee's no good. Yeah. Yeah. But I think, well, but I don't know though, dude, I think in Ukraine, it's all able body men 18 to 60. They're just throwing people at the front line. I think Russia as well. They're just 18 to 60. Yeah, that's right. We would be over there just fighting, just fighting. So I don't know, I don't know. Let me assure you, though, do you think if they found like, let's say these aliens presented themselves to the world, right? And it was like, do you think it's going to change anything? No, you think there can be peace in them in the least? No, we see some like octopus floating around. Well, that's what he was saying. The sky winds. And he's saying like, just, just let it come out now. Like you should just let it come out because the people are, we're okay with it. You know, because he said the, you know, Stephen Bartlett was saying, I think like we don't care because we've been hearing now for years, aliens and nothing happens. Nothing changes. Doesn't move the needle, right? That's what Weinstein was saying, but that's that's the hope of that. It is all by design. It's all, it's all a year's long process of numbing you to it. Just getting us used to it, right? That's what the year's long processes. I've heard that theory about movies, right? They'll show you a movie and this is like, just kind of warming you up for what could possibly happen. Possibly happen. Yeah. So quince, my favorite company. I just ordered more stuff from quince just two days ago because I wanted, I got my, you know, I was on the road in Portland. You know, I was just sitting there. I was alone. I bought my daughters. Some pajamas. I bought my wife a bag. I got myself a pair of pants. I got my steps on the sweatshirt. And I went to quince because I was like, I know I'll be able to buy things for a family of five and not break the bank. I got, I got about probably what would have been 700 dollars worth of stuff from any other store for about 250. So it and my whole family got, you know, stuff for the fall. So quince is awesome. They have high quality wardrobe staples. They made with premium materials, 100, but the Mongolian cashmere that they have multiple. I got like seven colors at the same cashmere sweater because I love it. It's just, it feels good. I love the material. It's amazing. It's organic cotton, merlino wool. The styles are timeless versatile and designed to become the dependable pieces you reach for every day. Everything at quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. And I can tell you that is 100% the truth. I'm a big advocate for quince. They have bedwear, kitchen wear. They have so many, so many more things outside of clothes. You have to go to quince. 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ASPCA pet health insurance program offers customizable accident and illness plans that fit your budget, your lifestyle and even your pets particular quirks. To explore coverage, visit ASPCA petinsurance.com/hyenas. That's ASPCA petinsurance.com/hyenas. Again, that's ASPCA petinsurance.com/hyenas. This is a paid advertisement insurance is underwritten by either independent American insurance company or United States fire insurance company and produced by PTZ insurance agency limited. The ASPCA is not insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. So I don't know. I thought it was an interesting episode with with this guy, I want to say, you know, some of it's over my head and you know, when he's talking so deep about math, I'm like, I don't know, but he's also talking about how, you know, you can, you know, all it took was us to manipulate like one little amino acid and COVID and shut the whole world down for two years. Like that, that's another thing that AI could theoretically do is manipulate shit and just send it out. Oh, the promise of it could be really great, right? If they can like, the things that they say, like cure cancer, aging, all that kind of shit, when it gets scary is when it just goes rogue, right? But like, what do you think? So then do you think if you were at the forefront of all this and you had the power in your hands, would you decide to shut it down? Or would you say it's worth the risk to save humanity if also it's going to kill it? I think it's too late now. Personally, I think it's just out of the bag. We just got to see where it goes. I mean, we're driving towards a cliff, whether that cliff, you know, something like a bridge suddenly appears or not, you know, you don't know. It's just, yeah, it's out of the bag now. We're just full speed ahead. I mean, yeah, I mean, what are we going to do now? No, it's just, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that's why, yeah, I mean, at this point, I guess at this point, man, I mean, just, you know, hey, that's why, but that's why I do comedy. That's why that's why I feel like doing comedy. It's cathartic for me. Hopefully, it's good for the audience. You know, you forget about stuff. That's why I don't really talk about that stuff that much in my standup. I'm like, I want to, like, I saw Metallica just, just put something up where they just made a clip where they were like, hey, you know, we're doing this concert tonight. We're not going to talk about anything political, like some other artists because that, that shit's out there. When you come in here, I want you to forget about it. I was like, fuck yeah, dude. I love that when I saw that. That was fantastic. But then I could just picture someone saying, well, silence is violence and, you know, you're, you're, that, and that's the thing. That's the thing is like those silence of violence. People like they're right for them, like that. So then they go to the Macklemore Show. We'll go to Metallica. You got options. Yeah, you got an option. So that's why I think for me or for some people, it's easy to, I kind of am loose with it all because I'm like, bro, you got an option. I think sometimes people get so mad. It's like, what do you not? You have options, bro. Like what's the, what's the point of making videos to, you know, yell at somebody and scrutinize somebody other than the only thing it is because you want it to be about you. That's the only logical reason it could be. So I cannot believe Nick never showed up. You understand how crazy that? You know what? We'll call Nick on the show. Let's call him. Let's call Nick at the show. Yeah. He's probably mid-bong hit right now. Yeah. Yeah. Let's just fucking call Nick. And then I got to go because I got to go through a play with Louis CK. Where is he? Why don't I have him save this? Nick clips. Nick clips. Fucking asshole. Hold on. Hold on. Where is he? Oh, here we go. Yeah. Okay. Nick clips. Hold on. Let's call him up. He better have some fucking serious shit. What the hell? He's in that group text that we do for, um, yeah, but the clips. Yeah. It should be. Okay. Yeah. But even when I, even when I type in the word Nick, nothing's coming up. Yeah. Nick clips. Here we go. Let's call this fucker. Sorry, this episode was all over the place. Autism, task, talking about, but this is, you know, we're we're manned down and we just want to get you something. And we had to read some ads and we had to read some ads. Hey, what's up, baby? Dude, what the fuck? We recorded today. Where are you? I fell asleep and woke up. I just woke up like an hour ago. I don't know what happened. Oh my god, dude. Rionis isn't here. He has a stomach virus. I got a, yes, I have a breakfast burrito for you. What the fuck? What happened? I thought, we, I thought you guys were starting to attend. No, we started at, we started at, uh, well, yeah, we were. We started at 10. We're still here. We're just about done. You could just about like, you didn't even text us that we thought you were dead. Fuck. What happened? You fell asleep last, uh, you went to bed late last night? Yeah, I went, yeah, I went to bed, yeah, I went to bed late. Fucking Comic Con. And then I fucking, I don't know what happened. Oh my god, dude. We thought some, because normally you're, you're always late, but you're never this late. No, I'm never, what are you talking about? Um, all right. Sorry, everything, so Yannis didn't come in either? No, well, he was, he was about to come in. He said he was a few blocks away, but he told us he had a stomach virus. We were like, yeah, don't come in here. Okay. So would you have, if you were here, would you have told Yannis to come? Would you have brave getting the stomach virus just to be around him? I would have brave, I would have brave that, you know. You would, you, you don't care. You can just deal with stuff. Yeah, who cares? My blood doesn't matter. 'Cause for you, you just say it's nothing like a little weed can fix. Exactly, yeah. And plus, you know, I don't have kids, you know, and I'm married, so like, my body doesn't matter. You know what I mean? Right, yeah, you're, you're kind of, you're fodder for the front lines. We throw you out there first. Now, real quick, give us your take on the, on the Shane Gillis monologue controversy. Were you outraged? I mean, I'm very sad about it, you know. Right. I hate that everybody is sad about it. Right, you know, we gotta, we gotta do better as men. Right, but the better as comedians, I sit as myself as a comedian as well. Yes. I've been doing this for 30 years at this point. Yes, you know, ear counts as comedy. Are you, are you, are you, are you, are you gonna go to the gym and be a little whore today? No, I'm, I'm gonna get by myself. I'm gonna look in the mirror. I'm gonna enjoy my body the way it looks. So I'm the only one that likes it. Yeah. And, you know, that's it. You know, I hope, I just hope you guys get a chance to host town I live someday. 'Cause I think it could be good. You're, you're a brave warrior, Nick. And I thank you for standing up and speaking out. Thank you. Thank you. I, somebody has to. Yeah, enjoy your fucking day off where you're getting paid and full. Oh, thanks. All right. Love you, baby. All right. Love you too. I'll be there next week. All right, bye. Fucking Nick. Too bad on today too. Skumbag. Skumbag just hanging out, looking in the mirror. Yeah. Oh, all right. Okay. All right, folks. Well, look, that's how the episode's going to end today on a fart and a call with the Nick because it's just one of those days. And here's the thing. We like here at the Australian show to give you kind of a roller coaster journey. Okay, it's ups, it's downs. It's what it is. Maybe we should even take a few minutes of the Patreon and just put it on the YouTube because the YouTube was a snoozer. It was better when we had the audience on the phone, but it's just okay. And sometimes it has nothing we can do. You just run into shit. And I just want you to know that I'm here for you. And I would have stayed for a little bit longer, but I have to go read a play with Louis CK.