The Addiction to Sadness (ft King Princess)

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I'm, like, a beautiful, stunning woman. You can't take your eyes off of her, okay? Excuse me? Yes? You're so hot. Can I have that coochie? And then a golden light shines out and it's like. Welcome back to Nikki and Knight. I'm your host, Nikki Bairdent, and I could not be more excited to welcome our guest today, King Princess. Hi, Annie. Welcome to the show. Thank you. I'm so excited to have you here, dude. Thank you. I'm so excited to be here in this tiny house. It's kind of a. It's a tiny house, though. I love this window. You were right. I'm obsessed with her. It's a gorgeous window. I tell them all the time that, like, one day the window's gonna be missing and I'll just, like, suspiciously stop looking. Take the window. That's what I'm saying. You know what I mean? Take the window. And you know it's going to a home that loves it. Why haven't you taken the window already? Because you were coming. You wanted to wait until after I left. I'm very courteous in that way. A true gentleman. That's really sweet. Thank you. Also, you have a new album out. Let's talk about that, girl. You started this album rollout by killing yourself. You killed yourself off. Totally. Like, literally, single one is called R.I.P. I needed to go. K.P. And you know what? I'm sad for her. This is actually her funeral. There's gonna be a wake-up for this. No, I did a funeral. The release party was my funeral. I love that. And I was in a casket for, like, six hours. And then Mr. Beast came and it was a YouTube video. Honestly, I wish somebody documented me in that casket more because I was full Maria and Bravovic. Really? There is, like, drama to a casket that I really love. I was fully this. Eyes closed. But then I also had, like, a white claw with a big straw. And you got a little sip. Or those little, like, hat situations you don't talk about with, like, the beers. I'm in desperate need of one of those. Right now. And I'm, like, Oprah with it. It's, like, under the chair. And you get a hat. And you get one. Yeah. Yeah. And then you have to chug, like, throughout the progression of the video. And, like, you get, like, progressively more in him. Every question I have to chug on a beer. No, literally. But, like. Like, with RIP KP, what about you did you feel, like, needed to die? All of it. No, I think, well, you know, the whole record is about breaking up with your life and, like, kind of this, like, Gilgameshian journey through the perils of being a lesbian. And it felt like to start it off with the most sexy song on the record, but also the song in which the pussy killed me. And it'd be like that, girl. That felt poetic. Yeah. Like, to be, like, not only is this the, like, sexy, like, let's get fucked song, but it's also the song that ends it all because I died by the pussy. Do you also feel like it is referential to, like, you know, like, who you were as an artist and, like, with a song like 1950 to now? Like, do you feel like. With that song specifically? There has been, like. Do I feel like that? That song is a sibling to 1950? No, no, no. Not that I feel like it's a sibling, but, like, that is the KP that died. Do you get what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. I would say that the KP that died was the KP who, like, this record is kind of a declaration of, like, addressing the unhappiness and addressing the chaos instead of being, like, a victim to it. Like, I feel like Cheap Queen is a true breakup record. That's about, like. Being angry and wanting vengeance. Like, Hold On Baby is, like, just a journal of the saddest thoughts you could possibly have while in a relationship. And this record is, like, okay. Like. We're going to stop crying now. We're going to laugh now. And we're going to figure it out. We're going to figure it out. We're going to laugh. It's extremely painful, but we're trying a new thing. But that is also, like, the beauty of relationships. Totally. In general. Like, I do think that there is this correlation between, like, pain and pleasure or even something like heartbreak. Horny for the sadness. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. And especially in, like, queer media. That's my mission statement. Being horny for the sadness is. I like that. Bumper sticker. Part of the thing that I think that I think a lot about and I feel like when I'm writing, I think a lot about is how, like, we are programmed and pre-programmed to be horny for the sadness because it's what we've been fed. As queer people. And, like, being so. I think it's, like, interesting, too, how you go, like, through, like, the closeted experience is so much, like, rejection. Like, a rejection of yourself, but also, like, not being desired by your peers and classmates and not getting asked to prom or whatever. Well, that's the first tragedy. And then the second tragedy is when you're in love and you realize that independently of that self-imposed homophobia, we are. Our shame plays out in the way we treat each other. Totally. And, like, dating is, like, the next great tragedy of a queer person's life. And I felt like I was, like, rushing, like, that 18 years of development, like, into my first relationship. Yeah. Like, and I think that's, like, such a thing, too. Again, like, talking about this idea of rejection and how it's that path to self-acceptance, one. Yeah. And then, finally, there's another person that accepts you. Totally. And you're, like, oh, my God, this is amazing. And I've been fantasizing about what this is going to be like for X amount of years. So I'm going to try and live as many of these experiences as quickly as possible. And then there is, at some point, this realization of, like, oh, am I just, like, fulfilling some fantasy that I've been fed since I was 12? Or, like, is this actually what I wanted to do? Is this actually what made me happy? Is this person making me happy? Or are you going to get into that relationship and operate in chaos, just as we've seen the media show us do? You know, like, do you know what I mean? Like, it's, like, for lesbians, for me, I'm always, like, why am I constantly trying to recreate the plot of Portrait of a Lady on Fire in my life? Yeah. Like, that is insane. Like, love doesn't have to be absolute turmoil. And yet, it's so addictive, and it feels so sexy and good when it does. Oh, my God. Yeah. Which is so a phenomenon in the lesbian community. Especially because it's just, like, we are chaos drama. Constant. Yeah. I mean, there's, like, goods and bads to that. Like, I think that. It's entertaining. Yeah. It is entertaining. But, like, and, like, I think it's also, like, depth. Like, that's, like, something I think about with, literally, like, the last, I guess, episode we did, we were talking about just this idea of, like, the male experience in relationships versus the female experience in relationships and how different it is and how, you know, like. Like, a female. In general, female friendships are so much deeper than male friendships, right? Like, even just, like, purely platonically. And then, like, to add on the layer of, like, love and emotion and then, like, this shame that we're talking about with queerness and that acceptance. We have a term for all of this. What is it? Girl violence. That's exactly. I'm glad that you said. That was a beautiful segue. I mean, it is girl violence. Like, that was the record. The point was to put a name to this thing that is so present. That I've been the receiver of, the giver of, the. Like, I've been on all sides of it. And I feel like it's really real. Women and femmes and girls of all sorts and butches and masks. We have this ability to create emotional warfare in a way that, like, men just can't. Like, you just can't. Sorry, you can't. You do other things. You have other things. Totally. Our thing is evil. Emotional warfare. Interesting. That's what we do. We're really good at it. You're really. I mean, again, that's part of, like, the depth. And what I was talking about earlier with this, like, way, I think, like, there's this correlation between, like, pain and pleasure and heartbreak, right? Like, in order to feel truly heartbroken about somebody, you have to have really loved them. Oh, yeah. Like, you know what I mean? And that's also part of it. Like, in the song Girl Violence, you have this line that's, I guess it's true love because it truly fucks with me. Period. Period. And that is, like, exactly the way it feels to, like, date now. It's like, sometimes you don't even feel like you know how you feel about someone until something bad happens. And then you're like, why am I angry? Why did that bother me? That part. And that's so unhealthy and weird. Here's a tip. And when your team scores, it shows up. right on your iPhone lock screen, making it easy to change. check in anytime. Does checking your bank statements feel like digging through a dusty attic full of forgotten subscriptions and old free trials? Experian can help take the pain out of canceling by handling it for you. Think of it as Operation Get Your Sanity Back. Over 200 subscriptions are cancelable. So get started in the Experian app and see how much you could save. Results will vary. Not all subscriptions eligible. Savings not guaranteed. Paid membership with connected payment account required. See Experian.com for details. I wanted to condense that exact feeling into very short accessible stanzas. Do you know what I mean? Like I was like, because this felt like a huge concept to tackle, but the reality is, is it's very simple. It's wanting love in chaos. It's wanting to be loved in chaos. It's wanting dysfunction. It's being addicted to dysfunction, but it's also being addicted to sadness. And I was like, check, check, check, check, check. All of those things apply to me. The addiction to sadness is like such a interesting thing or like, or the addiction to like the roller coaster that comes with that. Yeah. The addiction to like other people, to love, to sex. It's like, it's really, it's really real. Um, and I thought it was a really cool topic to write about. No, it's such a great topic. I've been writing about the same shit since I was 17. That's why the songs that have really resonated with me are ones that I feel like are really honing in on like a uniquely queer experience. Like a song, like 1950, right? People like you and me can sniff it out. Yeah. We're like, is that really gay? You know? Or it's like, like, or like, I don't know, like just because it's by a gay artist doesn't mean it's a gay song, right? There's a difference. Yeah. There's a big difference. Like, like good luck, babe is a gay song as an example, right? Like, it's like, I'm a woman singing about a woman who loves me, but like, isn't, hasn't figured that part of herself out yet. Right. 1950 is a queer song. Like it is about, um, but there's, those are also both two songs about the experience of being in love with someone who isn't ready to be queer. Yeah. Which is one part of being gay. It's the right of passage. Popular part of being gay. Yeah. I write about when you're already gay for so long that it's not fucking cute anymore. It's not fun anymore. Like my, I am, I've said this, I am, we're stage four gay. It's fucking terminal. Like I am not, will they, won't they, am I going to kiss the girl at the bar? I'm like, babe, if, if there's dishes in the sink again, I'm going to kill myself. Like it's like a different fucking thing. And I feel like maybe it's just cause I've been gay so long, but I, yeah, it's just different. It's, it's very different. And I think that there's now there's room for a lot of different songs about the queer experience where you can have the kind of like coming out anthems or the, and then, but you can also have music that's just about relationships and about queer relationships and about the queer experience. Later on when you're not in that first stage of being like, are we going to kiss at the sleepover? Cause I'm not, that's not, I don't do that. We did that. We did that. I get it. But I mean like, that's again, a song like girls is what you're like, couldn't be gayer. Gay. Gay. In the most beautiful way. That was my favorite song off the album. Thank you. It comes out tomorrow. I guess it'll, it's already out by the time they're seeing this, babe. It came out a month ago. Yeah. I have two people, but that, um, is one so hot. That song girls so hot. I can't wake out, wait to make out with a boy to girls. I think you should. Baby, I plan on that. I need a video. CCTV footage. I want CC. I want dash cam. Okay, great. We'll do it. Uh, we'll set it up and my people will get in contact with your people. We're going to use this giant monitor. Actually, that's the thumbnail of this video. It's like, we're right about to, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's a, I love that song. And I love like the sort of like blues jazzy influence of it. Like I was just imagining myself like in a dim light room, red velvet walls everywhere. You're locking eyes with someone from across the bar, right? Like a hazy smoke. Yeah. Like that was the energy it was giving me. Um, and I so was feeding off of that and like such a, I don't know. It was just my favorite song on the album. Yeah. It's in six, eight. I mean having a, so I love to always put one song in six, eight on my record. It's, it's waltzy. You know, it harkens back to great six, eight references, Fiona apples. I know it gives you that kind of like dreamscape feeling and yeah, that's the, we wanted that to kind of be the ballad of the record, but it's a ballad, but it's sexy at the same time. Yeah. Like it power is a great power bottom. It's a power ballad power ballad for power bottoms. Yeah. Well, that's great to write that down. There's a copyright coming soon. Yeah. Um, yeah, it's a, I love that song and it's again, it's about that, that withdrawal of like wanting desperately to let the chaos of your previous relationship back in wanting it so bad in these moments of weakness and that's girl violence and that's girl to let you back in. That would be violence. Yeah. Like a quote from the, the song. And that I think is another very fascinating thing about love is like, or not even love, like, like hooking, hooking up intimacy in general, like any sort of physical intimacy is like, we, it's such a part of the human condition to like use things outside of ourself to like feel more like ourself. Like I feel prettier when I'm desired by somebody, I feel hotter when I'm hooking up with somebody, you know what I mean? Like, like just this idea that in order to fill a void within us, if we don't know how our, our default is to find another person to do it, that never fixes the problem. It will never fix the problem. The problem is a self problem. Um, but yeah, no, I think that that's, that's what is so deeply addictive and beautiful and crazy about hookup culture is, and like the situationship of it all, we fall in love for these, these like fleeting relationships that explode. And it's, yeah. It's crazy. I mean, being in Brooklyn, growing up in Brooklyn, but now like living there and just like being in a community of people who are just out and dating and like, you know, fucking and sucking and fucking like I, at the Bushwick warehouse party that you had to wait outside for. Exactly. Um, I just love hearing about it. It's crazy. What do you mean? My friends, they just have the craziest stories. It definitely will show you the best and worst of humanity. I guess I was kind of young when I started like sucking and fucking in LA. So I only started sucking and fucking in LA like three years ago, which is when I moved here. But yeah, I was, I was, I was 17 and I was like, I feel like I've just been like in a lot of relationships and like done a lot for someone who's young. Do you feel like those, like those relationships, like helped you develop as an artist? Yes. Each and every one. How did that heartbreak change you? It's my everything. I mean, every, it's so funny, actually, every album I've made, I've toured with a broken heart. Really? Is there a particular broken heart you feel coming with this tour? Yeah. I'm so sorry. I'm praying for you, girl. No, it's like classic. Like my, my band knows what they're in for. And then you cut to, you're like, and this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. And you bust out an ad. Do you want me to do your ad? This tour is sponsored by BetterHelp. I'm getting the bus wrapped in BetterHelp. Absolutely. King Princess. This girl needs help. And it's a picture of you. King Princess, the BetterHelp tour. That, we're writing this down. You gotta publish, we gotta write it down. I should have a free therapy table. It would be such a great, like, poster marketing campaign. This girl does need help. I mean, it's good, though, because touring, it heals you. Because you're screaming it every night on stage. Totally. And it feels like a real emotional catharsis to just, like, throw your pussy around and, like, cry and laugh. And see other people responding to the music. And you can see their own experiences kind of in their eyes. And you're like, oh, fuck, we're in this together. Yeah. And I always leave those tours feeling like I've put down a massive suitcase. Yeah. And I think that that's part of the cycle of being a musician and putting music out. It's like, you write it, that's the first step. It's like getting it out there. Yeah. And you put it out, which I hate. the worst and then you tore it which is like that is the retreat at the end of the the hard the release the release the release and i think it's also like in some way rewriting those memories oh my god like i still play songs like when i play 1950 and talia like i still feel the way i felt yeah i was 19 years old it's like a time capsule that's the beauty of music it's like smelling someone's perfume and it transforming you instantly to a memory like that's what it's like yeah and to see exactly saying like the look on your face the faces of the people and that's not like you're not alone anymore right like that that heartbreak that you felt alone that all the shit that you've been through in the industry from that song to now like all like all these things that you've been through it's just like this physical manifestation of like wow people get it and have been somewhere similar to it's really nice to be in the music world and to be in the music world and to be in the music world and i mean personally i just love my fans they're so yeah they're so funny and so crazy i always always feel like like it has to just be so much better making music for gay people yeah i mean i've never made music for straight people so i can't really i can't really say you know what this or that and we're not gonna start now this or that about it but i do feel like i'm just really lucky to have the people that i have in my corner and when i play those shows it's just all worth it it just like totally heals something in me it's grounding it's grounding and i think they get a lot too i think we're both it's just this energy transfer of like oh you're a sad dyke oh you're a sad dyke oh cool man and then it's like a fist bump and then like a scissor yeah and then you make out and move in together yeah exactly yeah and that's girl violence that's girl violence that's girl violence um speaking of tour are you thinking about you don't have to say but are you gonna play fantastic on tour yeah really that's so cool i am i love that song i love that song too i would love to talk about that song also that show is incredible like shows incredible sex scenes incredible they sent me that sex scene and i was like the pen started moving so quick i was like and then i watched all of it obviously yeah but i first i just saw the sex scene and i was like not i mean you wrote the lesbian anthem of the show yeah like any time something is lesbian goes on they play that song in the background there's nothing more lesbian than dissociating on an airplane well i can think of more lesbian things you could do on an airplane but what do you know about lesbian airplane riding hey i i'm an ally i'm wearing a carabiner today okay you don't know what i got going on i mean that's more lesbian than my outfit but i've got you beat maybe with the tims yeah the tims did the lesbian slipper you got it but hey i'm wearing some sort of like your denim this yeah this could be like carpenter wear you know what i mean if you came to williamsburg right now a lot of girls they would accept me yeah babe i would feel honored you would you would be accepted i love that we could do like a cutting the ribbon situation let's do a williamsburg with the big scissors oh no the it's two scissors there's no ribbon there's no ribbon two scissors going into each other the scissoring the scissoring of brooklyn yeah what is the gayest place in brooklyn i guess it depends on the night okay like i feel like certain nights like the lot radio is like the gayest place and then certain nights it's like union pool i mean has pat which is extremely gay or like but my party bazon is like i would say one of the most gay nights in in brooklyn but it really depends on the night because lesbians have nights we don't have bars we have i know it's just also so crazy even like weho sucks for women it's awful i don't think there's a single lesbian bar is there it's awful there's really not what is going on over there i don't know and also i haven't been in so long well let me tell you something that's happening about weho it's becoming straight totally which is this cycle that happens with gay bars gay people love it so then it becomes cool and gay then like they're like oh dude would be so sick and funny if we went to a gay bar like they bring this start to bring their girls you know what i mean like a girl's night out like i bring my girlfriends and then there starts to be a lot of girls who are bringing guys and then it becomes a straight bar yeah it's a sad i've seen it happen i think a lot of gay man bars are designed for straight women oh yeah it's more like disneyland for them it's designed for bachelorette party yeah disneyland for them it's disneyland for them it really is they're seeing the attractions you're so right we have some really good gay gay bars so like animal is a really good one in brooklyn that's a great bar it's even got like um like the back room with the like yeah so if you want to suck dick oh thank you it's reserved for me but it's like that's it's got the room with the stalls yeah no toilet but stall yeah for dick for maximum dick that's honestly innovation at its finest it's smart they know that that's the time they know the target audience babe like you know where they're catering to with that like if you want to suck dick we have a room for you here come on down yeah it's like in like in 1950s like infomercial you know what i mean do you want to suck dick in brooklyn yeah hey sonny you want to take down here yep and the answer is we do i do one of us does totally i'm here specifically one i'm here for you on that yeah and i got it i'm an ally for you thank you so much you can sign my carabiner um something else also with arcane that i was thinking about that i have to ask like for sure arcane is so many people's gay awakening yeah i was thinking that and like how iconic is it that you have the soundtrack to people's gay awakening well i can't even begin to tell you as a child of gay television and cinema what was your day awakening i mean my gay awakening wasn't even gay but i would say it was amanda binds and hairspray really hairspray a man but amanda binds playing penny yeah hairspray with the lollipop and the big tails i was like sold out of commission never going back or like heather graham and austin powers too these are crazy when american woman starts playing full lenny kravitz moment and she comes down the fire pole i was like uh-oh you said i was like a gay yeah um but then like i obviously watched skins like that gay lesbian storyline like had me in tears buffy was a huge one for me buffy is a one that i've heard from a lot of friends i mean willow and tara it's like may they rest in peace um i've heard black swan buffy she go from kim possible those are the holy trinity of lesbian that's really good i mean i was just literally looking for any show that had boobies or lesbian kissing in it like i was like a detective i was a bloodhound for like this content and then when i was in middle school i started watching the l word oh because it got all put on netflix after it ended okay and that's what got you the l was for lesbian well i literally was like oh my god like this is graphic lesbian diddling yeah perfect for me perfect and there's six seasons and we're gonna go on a journey with these and you're taking notes you're doing like deranged women study collegiate thesis statements no i literally like you you think that's a joke it's not a joke i literally was i was because i was so lonely that what i had was film and television and i was always at i was always at the movies anytime there was a lesbian movie coming out blue is the warmest color came out i think i saw that in theaters like five six times carol like i was just on it i mean there's a lot of somebody who participated in someone else's gay away even in a small way feels like high-fiving my young horny self but i think that's so cool like such a beautiful thing to be a part of like as an artist and also just like what for you what you stand for as a person you know what i mean like stand for lesbian fucking in all forms and any show that is willing to have it i was thinking of doing a letterbox just for to let people know it it's like watch everything and just yeah see if there's like any lesbianism and then i put what the lesbianism is the time stamp my rating of it yes what the what the coochie looking was like i think that this is a million dollar idea like your rating is is not based on the quality of the movie how gay it is it's the only part of the movie any movie i watch i care about and that's what the people need to know it's what the people need to know well i need them to know in advance because you don't want to go into an experience thinking you're getting one thing and you leave and you're like there was not a coochie eight there was not a coochie what the hell what the hell i paid twenty dollars for this theater ticket what are they that's happened to me really it's also the reverse has happened to me where i got given a ticket to something by a straight man my one of my friends and i got there and was like what the hell is this and he's like no no no no no you're gonna love it an hour in coochie eating it's like he he knew he wanted me to come and he didn't want to spoil the surprise no he didn't want he said you're gonna love it i know and - And I doubted him. led with that coochie eating part you would have been there two hours earlier that's right you would have bought out the theater whole theater peewee herman myself okay speaking of like queer characters in film yeah you shot a tv show i did with nicole kidman which is crazy wig wait can we talk about that bob bob it was fierce blunt she should like bust out in real life blunt bob also i love the idea like when i see a bob that fierce and like do you think they like wake up every day with like a ruler or like a protractor and like you know what i can tell you that there was regular manicuring of the bob really yeah half the production schedule i mean i was literally the entire time she was on set i was like this i just basically stood there staring at her the whole time was she did you ever try to bust out a joke about that commercial like i'd be at the craft services table like we come to this place for magic and just look at her you know what i didn't but i got some good i got some good laughs out of her okay that's a w yeah that was the goal i think you won and the goal is just to be vaguely charming and you know what mission accomplished babe i tend to accomplish being vaguely charming that's great you know what you i think you accomplished being a forwardly charming as well thank you but um something i really loved about your character in that show is you play this musician who has like lost their spark yeah of like creativity and identity and just like who the f am i now without music did you ever like have you ever been at that point in your real life like where you felt that low yes musically and like what how did you get out of that i felt like i have felt like that like i think that when you do something for a long time and it's predicated on like you can't live without it like this is the thing that you do because you can't not do it and then it's monetized and it becomes your job yeah it's really hard for it to not go through a period of time where you're just like what the fuck am i doing you know what i mean oh my god yeah so i definitely felt that way um during hold on baby and i think there was a lot of things going on that weren't really working um in harmony with each other in my life and my frontal lobe developed and i was like some changes need to be made yeah and i was like i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know and i kind of had to revamp my existence and i moved away from here which was massive and i signed to an indie label and i started writing this record and a big part of i think also what got me to the point of wanting to make those decisions was doing that acting job really because when i was feeling like out to sea with the music stuff and i was like i don't know what to do with stuff and just like i don't know what i don't do i enjoy this i don't even know anymore i was like okay i can sit on my ass and wonder if i will ever enjoy music again or i can pivot to a different medium and become a student for a little bit yeah and it started off just auditioning being like just i didn't have any expectation really interesting i was like i'm gonna start auditioning because this this is fun for me the auditioning process is fun i'm like spending time with myself creating these characters to audition with and it felt like therapy and it felt like being a little kid and like doing plays in the mirror i know you did because that's so cute so i was like okay this is working for me and at the first like you know 10 15 i got a couple callbacks i didn't get a couple things and it just kept going until i got this job and then i was like oh fuck i'm gonna spend the next six months of my life doing something i've never done before in a country that i've never lived in and around people who are experts yeah and that i i can go oh shit this is terrifying what did i do or i can go i've decided that music isn't working right now so i'm gonna throw my whole puss into this yeah and see what comes out and what ended up happening was i was like not only do i fucking love this and i've just learned so much about what i can do and myself and how my creativity and my passion and my passion and my passion and my passion and my creativity but now i can go back to music having missed it a little bit yeah and and with perspective it's like being in a relationship and you're spending every day with somebody and then you go away for a week and you're like okay i literally need to sit on your face you know what i mean exactly yeah like the this idea of like absence makes the heart grow fonder that's how i felt about music and also the acting stuff allowed me to take myself less seriously because you're doing 15 20 fucking takes they're not all good you know yeah plus i had no fucking idea what anyone was talking about they'd be like i was staring one time i stared so directly in the camera they were like mikaela they can't you can't stand there's a person in front of you yeah like just ruin christine baranski's take you're looking down the barrel i was like oh shit like it was amazing like i learned i learned so much i was kind of i was i'm a novice like it was really fun yeah and as like a creative i think you have to like fall in love with failure again like it's to like like no art is like this perfectly linear line of progress no and this idea of like exactly saying like it was fun to be a student it was fun to be the least experienced person in the room you know what i mean like that is not a thing you have the opportunity to do when you're going back into a recording studio or something how fun and humbling is that when you then get to go back into the studio and go oh by the way i'm really fucking good at this period because you like literally go from being like uh yeah no wait a minute this is my thing like there's a reason that base okay yeah no exactly and and i think that is so beautiful and and like also cool that it was like the perfect character like based on you you know what i mean like oh my god is queer and in a relationship what a great character for my first role because a it wasn't a major departure of the angriest parts of who i am and i think that that was also really cool to like explore like if i hadn't gone to therapy like that character is basically like me if i hadn't gone to therapy and i thought that was really cool and interesting and therapeutic to be like to tap into that yeah like let me act out how my worst self like she's a cunt like she's she's cunty and she's un she's untherapized and she's she's rejecting of help yeah and and in this weird relationship where she's like i don't know i don't like doesn't yeah like know if they love each other they're kind of just it's like this complacency of like i don't know who i am without this or or what to be without it it's like a weird pseudo relationship friendship slash codependence which is also girl violence yeah no like that goes on say like there is so girl violence like the way at one point in the show she literally says she feels like my mother you know i mean like referring to her part or spoiler sorry um but like and and what that's like is i think again talking about this idea of of you know the girl violence being this like letting something in that you know is not good for you because it feels comfortable and that is i mean literally the theme of like songs on the album but also like who this character is you know like that's her her issue that she can't get to the bottom of yeah and also just like allowing other people to to form your identity yeah like and and being complacent and that is girl violence too well i like one of my favorite like quotes that my friend says is people pleasing is manipulation and i was like oh that's interesting like because you think of people pleasing as this like something that happens to a victim yeah but really it's a form of manipulation it's a form of getting what you want it's a form of getting what you want it's also it can be lying in a way that's not healthy you're kind of lying to the person totally not speaking yourself yeah that's what's gonna end speak and lying to yourself of like you're trying so hard to do something for this other person and i think what's so hard about like people pleasing specifically too is like i think deep down it's built off this idea of reciprocity instead of actually asking for what we want right like i'm trying to do something to make to please you and make you happy in hopes that you will do the thing that makes me happy without actually just saying this is what i need from you which is a skill um it's not developed by women to survive it's a survival tactic in its essence but i think that it's it's mutated from a survival tactic to a weapon interesting that's really crazy you got you kind of like opened my mind with that one i do be thinking sometimes i'd be thinking stuff i'd be writing stuff i sometimes be thinking yeah so i mean also like another song on the second favorite song i don't know it's tough it's hard to pick favorites girl get your heart broken i loved one i i felt like it's one of the songs like you when you listen to an album for the first time you like hear the opening and you're like what is this like that giant like it was giving me like suki waterhouse almost oh that's cool i love her in that type of way you know what i mean at least like the instrumentation and then it shifts to being like a bit more rock with the chorus which i also love because like oh like i'm not expecting this but talking about this idea of like get your heart broken well it's like that is the antithesis to the like am i is she gay why does she only kiss me at night vibe that this song is like a call and response to that concept of like interesting actually like you'd be lucky to be gay like get away from me like go get go get your heart broken before you even come near this totally so it's that whole idea that like instead of being pining for the person who doesn't know who they are you're going actually like you need to go right get you don't deserve this you don't deserve this and you need to go get your heart broken a couple times so you can come back here and give me that gucci yeah exactly you know yeah so that was my my goal in in writing that i think mission accomplished yeah thank you and i think like another cool thing like when i think about this just the title like get your heart broken it's like also with this idea of like the self and like this amount of fear we have about like pursuing relationships or approaching that person at the bar or whatever like sending the text whatever like there's so much anxiety and fear around this idea of love or like the idea the way somebody's going to respond to that thing when deep down like anytime anybody's ever approached me i liked it like it's a compliment you know what i mean like even if you're not into them and it's like go get your heart broken people like to play it cool like that's a whole thing too there's this element of like this this cool calm collectedness that we as queer people need to have in order to be desirable yeah and not wanting to be too much and that's so we need to bring back yearning like i love like cray cray yearning cray cray yearning and like a a beautiful way of like just not being afraid to be like like you're stunning and i've been looking at you all night like that's very my vibe have you really okay wait can you like enact hitting on me i'm like a beautiful stunning woman you can't take your eyes off of her okay excuse me yes you're so hot can i have that coochie i'm in a golden light shines out and it's like yeah very cartoon yes yeah and you start to levitate and i'm levitating and the room like slowly tints rainbow and like how'd i do that was great okay cool yeah and then that ends up also being an ad for like prep or something yeah yeah yeah it's like don't do this don't make mistakes yeah no then it cuts to you being heartbroken and it's like this is what will happen no that that's exactly what will happen but i do think like um you know when you meet people who are like clearly not traumatized by anything and it's like you need to go you need to go get your someone needs to traumatize you need to go bullied you need to get yeah i've had dates with people like this it's so crazy someone needs to break your heart really bad somebody to break your heart or also with some people who i'm like i can tell you've been hot all your life and i'm like you need to be a little ugly and develop a personality because like let me tell you nikki bryant was not he wasn't always serving like this and like you gotta like be learn how to be funny and charming and like and and how like that experience changes yeah yeah and you can tell when you met someone who hasn't had to like learn any skills other than being hot yes it's so crazy you're just like it's so crazy it's like i will say this like like i was like watching love island with one of my friends when she was watching it and i was like you can just tell all these people have been hot all their life whole life they say the cringiest things and just get away with it and i'm like it's because that just works for you i love those people i love those straight people i know they're so confusing it's like the zoo that is kind of true it's so i watched it like that and it's like literally being at the zoo i'm like what is going on here it is like a science experiment this is how this is what's happening on the other side i'm upset and it makes you feel better about being on this side too i don't honestly i'm like maybe it would be a simpler life it would be a simpler life that's another thing people don't get let me tell you something that's the catchphrase of this episode king princess pining for a straight would be simpler yeah it would be there's so many more of them that's another thing it's so simple for them it's really really simple probably boring after a while there's no girl violence but sometimes worse so you know i'll take what i can get there's no girl violence on love island i said there i feel like there's girl violence on love island i think the women are extremely supportive of each other for the most part sometimes they begin crazy though yeah but like i wouldn't consider that like stealthy emotional girl warfare that's like we both want the same dog you know what i mean like that's not you know what you're right that's sisterhood actually but straight women can enjoy girl violence too straight women that's right from you on september what's the exact date 12 12th that's my plug but with that okay i always like to close and wrote an artist interview like what if you wanted somebody after watching this to listen to one song off the album what would that song be i'd say jamie okay and i'd say serena interesting the two named songs why those two i think serena is a really optimistic kind of lullaby that ends this record that is both really sad and kind of funny like it is this it's the antithesis of the first song which ends with you know i guess it's true love because it truly fucks with me yeah serena ends with not everybody loves like this and it's kind of the like the epiphany at the end is like yes we are as queer people dealt this card of insane love and chaos but i wouldn't change it absolutely you know i'll absolutely what a beautiful way to end it kp thank you so much for coming on the show it was such a pleasure and y'all go stream girl violence wherever you stream your music and we'll see y'all next week want to be the one who's always in the know about the game the scores the plays here's a tip the apple sports app just pick your favorite teams and get automatic live updates without even knowing their schedules and when your team scores it shows up right on your iphone lock screen making it easy to check in anytime so rule the group chat and download apple sports for free on the app store or find it on your new iphone traditional home security only alerts you after a break-in and that's too late simply safe is changing that stop this is simply safe police are on the way we don't just alert we help stop crime before it starts plan starting around a dollar a day right now get 60 off your new system with professional monitoring at simply safe.com spotify simply safe ahead of crime in real time outdoor deterrence plans start at 49.99 a month visit 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