153: The 4-Step Process to Heal Emotional Triggers & Find Inner Peace with Rabbi Elimelech Lamdan

What we believe in mistakenly is that we are lacking something that we are not whole. With mistakenly, we identify ourselves as bodies, personalities, beliefs, nations, worlds, planets, that's not who we are. And chances are pretty good. 99% that the more common I find, more healing I find between the adult and the child within me, the more I will feed outside because I emanated subconsciously and agetically towards the people around me without even meaning to. By listening to the Coherence Code podcast, you agree to not use this podcast as medical advice to treat any medical condition, either in yourself or others. Consult your own physician or healthcare provider for any medical issues that you may be having. This entire disclaimer also applies to any guests or contributors to the podcast. Welcome to the Coherence Code podcast, where we explore how the mind and body work together, so you can move from stress and inter-conflict to clarity, calm, and alignment. My name is Lauren Brown. I'm a Doctor of Traditional Chinese Medicine and a Clinical Therapist. And through my work, I've seen that healing happens when you remove what gets in the way and allow the body and the nervous system to do what they're designed to do to heal. Welcome to the Coherence Code podcast. Today's guest is Rabbi Ali Malak Lamden. He's author of the book, My Bite Amet, which translates roughly into like a true look or on a self-reflection. And his work explores something we often wrestle with, how difficult it is to see ourselves clearly. And he draws from Kabbalistic Wisdom, and in his past, he's also Yogi, Practice Yoga, and he combines the Kabbalistic Wisdom with insights that overlap with also modern psychology. Rabbi Ali Malak writes about self-awareness, emotional patterns, and the ways our minds can suddenly distort reality to try to protect our ego, but that's where our suffering comes. His work invites readers to step back, look inward with honesty and compassion, and develop the kind of clarity that leads to personal growth. Rabbi Ali Malak, welcome to the show. Thank you. I'm glad to be here. Now, we had an opportunity to chat, and I want to thank Ali Rack for introducing us for those that haven't heard Ali Rack's done a couple of webinars with me. He's a psychotherapist, self-realized, and he thought me and Ali Malak would connect, would do well. And so, you're gracious enough to have a nice, probably a one-air WhatsApp call with me. I got your book, my Bite Amet, and I was like, you got a lot to share her. I want to talk to you more about your philosophy and the process work that you share, because so many people are struggling and suffering, and your process seems similar to some of the things I've come across, and I wanted to learn more about it. First, I want my audience to learn about you. Like, where did you grow up? How did you grow up to come to where you are today, as a rabbi who's written a book with that kabbalistic wisdom? Okay. I was born in Israel. My parents, both from Germany, came before the war, they managed to escape. And my great grandparents were, of course, lost in the Holocaust. And I grew up in Israel at the age of seven. We went to the States to live there for hopefully a short time, and it turned out to be 12 years, where I grew up and learned, and I continue all my studies there. The family was religious, more or less. But as I grew up and I looked for truth, I felt that the Jewish religion didn't give me the depth that I needed to really come to terms with reality. It seemed a bit too superficial. So as I was doing my BA in Gershiba University, I started looking into the Eastern studies of Zen Buddhism, you know, go whatever, and it really thrilled me. And I slowly shifted away from the religious part of Judaism. And when I came back to Israel, I joined the army and the army because of my background. And the fact that after a few years after a few years, I rediscovered the depth of Judaism, especially through Kabbalah and has seen them. I was also asked to be a rabbi in an Air Force base, not too far from here, for a few years. This is after being in computer programming. This is in the 60s. After having served as a rabbi in that Air Force base, I needed to deepen my studies in Torah, even more so than I got in childhood. So I study in a collel, a Korean is like, you know, well, people learn Torah and that's their full-time occupation. And we moved to Nitya both in the South where we had 10 kids and all of whom are married, who gives them their own today, except one. And as I learned more in a new also taught to Torah, and I also taught Haseedut and other subjects in Judaism. I started helping people. I got a few, I became a psychotherapist in physiology and one brain therapy. And that led to just off this doubt and transactional analysis, a bit here, a bit there. And several other methods of connecting with people and helping them along, but through the Jewish values that I received. And that became over the years my method of helping myself for most and other people as well to reconnect with the divine essence within. And that reconnection was something that was lacking because in the Eastern studies that I had, there wasn't an deep understanding of the problems that we face in everyday life. And it was beautiful divine connection in the books that I read. But to overcome the everyday problems that we all face as human beings of this earth, in this present inclination, there wasn't that material that I managed to glean from Torah. So I was giving to the Jews to be given to the whole world in terms of the light that emanates. But we have to overcome our ego images, our self images, our egos in order to really be open enough to let the divine light come to everyone else to the whole world, which is what everybody is doing. And you're doing it. And it has to be doing it. Everybody's doing it. But for me, the moment that I stood in, I went to the Kothel Amalda in the Western Wall with my yoga master after having received the personal mantra, the yoga instructor in those days. That's when you're into the Eastern philosophy because you had a yoga master. But even later on, I was already in Israel and in the army without the religion. I became a yoga instructor as well. And my instructor was, was, came from Canada. And David Seminar in Jerusalem. And we went among other places to meditate and near the Western Wall. And this was Shabbat in the afternoon. And I'm nice, holding me and I showed him how to put the key part of the Yamaha on his head. And we were to stand or to sit actually in the internal, the roofed part next to the wall. And as he was sitting down to meditate, I proposed to sit next to him, the congregation began praying, the usual Shabbat afternoon prayer. And then I sat and I joined them from out of nowhere. He came from my childhood in my years, you know, in high school, etc. And I shot my eyes and I said that the whole prayer word for word. And I knew where to kneel, where to forever to stand straight. But the time I finished up my, my whole face was was wet with tears because something moved me very, very deeply. It was like coming home. And everybody had finished already praying and there were all standing staring at me because I was, you know, I was dressed, you know, like a yummy in a sense. It was awkward, but that's when I finally, oh, that's when I, the revolution or the evolution became more consistent with what I had inside me. And on I could go back to those books that I read, Rachel Vagabhaji, tell her to autobiography of a yoga and all in the great, from here to eternity. And all these great guys, I could read them with the eyes of the Kabbalah and hasitut that I've learned. and all of a sudden it will be clear to me, such a degree that that I could use it in everyday life. And it wasn't just an academic achievement for me. - Thank you for sharing that. And I wanted to kind of have you with that lens of the Kabbalistic lens that you have. But also, I remember we chatted before it, but had forgotten and being reminded now that you practiced yoga and you were really into the Eastern ways. And it's interesting how you've come back home and now you're by and you've written a book on this topic. I want to kind of pull out things that I read in the book that I see in other cultures, secular and love to hear your take on it. But one of the things in your book you're talking about, you can't change, like, so our audience who are listening already have a pretty good awareness about having these subconscious programs, like we kind of can run on autopilot and run these programs and two things. One is they're starting to learn that they can't, that void that's inside, they can't fill it outside. You know, there's not enough money, there's no relationship, there's no amount of power, there's nothing outside of yourself that can fill that void, maybe temporary, but not permanently. And the other aspect is that you can't think your way through this. Like you can't change your thoughts by sheer willpower. And I'd like you to talk about how you've come to this place of its inner work. And when you do the inner work, the external world may or may not change, but it's all about this inner work and the self-inquiry, this honest self-reflection. - The section of the Torah that we'll be reading this Shabbat talks about the builders of the Mishqal who had to have an attribute which was "Ochmat ha-led translating into wisdom of their heart." That means that whenever wisdom we have in our minds, in our brains actually, would not be put into action until we internalize it into our heart, which is where our feelings are. So to be able to internalize our understanding, our thoughts, we have to have that capacity in our heart to accept them because initially there's antagonism. We don't want to learn about the truth. We want to survive within our present ego images and survival means putting off whatever threatens this self-image that we have. So to become wise, the Torah says, we have to avoid ourselves to some degree at least in our hearts from the beliefs that we have previously about ourselves, about life and everything else. Well, that is not necessarily Jewish, that is accepting all the wisdoms that we're familiar with. What I feel that I received even more through Kabbalah is the fact that to build this tabernacle, the Mishkan, we have to maintain the relationships between the different parts of the Mishkan, the different parts of the human being are depicted within the model of the Mishkan. And for example, the menorah, the, that was in the Mishkan, stands for that light that we want to receive and bring out and it has seven candles and each candle stands for one day. Now the minute, now the one candle does not get extinguished at all, even though all of them are filled only to burn for the night. One of them continues, we regularly see to burn all the time. This is what is explained in our sages, the explanation of the Mishkan. That seventh candle stands for the Shabbat, the Shabbat being the greatest present that Jewish people brought to the world, which is one day of rest, which initially was completely faring to the human daily thought and affair. And that daily rest became known as the Shabbat, not because people stopped working physically, but because in depth Judaism explains that creating is something that we can do along with God by DC, by stopped, but not by not creating anything as we would do normally. For example, to put on a light that takes no effort, but that is already a form of human creation, which gives us the feeling that we are someone important. It could be Edison, but it could be also a very simple person. I put on the light, I did what I wanted. So the Torah explains the idea of putting a being wise enough to internalize what God's trying to teach the whole world through us is to allow our desires to be His desires. Now normally, I learned in Guru Yoga, for example, way back then I was into the yoga, that a person should put his personal desires aside and be subservient to his master in order to realize that his ego was standing in the way of the truth and of the light emanating from God and manifesting in ourselves. I didn't have a brew of my own. I didn't have someone to worship, to be worshiped. And I felt a bit odd and weird by worshiping someone human. So when the Shabbat comes along and I'm not worshiping anyone human, I'm worshiping that desire, which is not me, which is expressed within Torah. And I do it sometimes, not willingly. I don't necessarily enjoy the observation of all the meets of all, or the commandment, not necessarily. I usually I do. It's fun, it's great, but not always. But the fact that it's not my desire, it's his desire, means that my heart is not occupied with my needs, my desires. I'm letting his desire, the master guru, let's call him, and everyone, you know, he's the same master guru for everyone, of all created all nations. I'm letting his desire go through my heart. And then the ideas that I can learn way back, you know, Zen and Buddhism and especially not Torah, are enabled to be accepted in my heart and the feelings that have had previously slowly changed to something more positive. And I just want to add one more, one more, one more, said with, "This sounds very hard, I know." But actually comes down to relationships between ourselves and our wives, our siblings, people. Because the more love you've have for yourself, knowing that you're a parent, God, and intricate, an intrinsic part of the vimities who we are. Our egos are just an imagination, our personal imaginations, we should respect them, but they're not us. And this is what Torah teaches in Kabbalah, as well as the other with, with them, as opposed. And when we realize it more and more then we become more loving to people around us, more accepting, more open to hear different opinions. And the anything that has a sprythe and more and something like that is something that can be tolerated. But it makes, it gives us a bad vibe, like today's, bar means, for example. But it's part of life. And we accept it because we know in deep, deep down inside, and we all know it inside, whether we are aware of it or not, that there's only one truth. The Torah says, "And old Mildred though, there is nothing else except for him, him being God, and we are the manifestation of God, all of us." So can I unpack that a little bit? Because from our listeners and the guests we've had, it sounds like this is aligned with, you're using the word God, which can trigger so many people because they've had such a bad experience growing up with religion or the wars with religion. So I want to just play with some of the terms here, because you said it's all the same thing just a different name, consciousness, divine love, universal energy, you're calling it God. But so many of the physicists and scientists and clinicians that we've had on here, more and more of the research is going that everything is consciousness and we are a manifestation of consciousness. So it's actually, there's no conflict with what you're saying. It's just except for there are people that are triggered by God, the word God. So I'll call it consciousness for a moment so they can breathe and receive. And that what so many of you shared is that consciousness wants to manifest through you. And this is part of your role is to connect to that aspect of yourself, that divinity. And that's where I want to go into your book is, how do we access that part? Because we have to ego, some people will say, I'll use the word God told me I have to kill this person, right? So in my last guess, we talked about saying, that's not how it works. So how do people know when they're hearing the vene as how do they access to affinity? And I'll add some metaphors here is more and more, it's like we have all this noise, we have thoughts and beliefs, we have anger, frustration, strong desires. All this is noise inside our system. And so there is this signal called like the radio. You know, when the radio has a lot of static, that's our noise, that if somebody talking or there's a song on, you can tell somebody's talking and there's a song, but you cannot make it out because there's so much noise. We don't need to tell them to talk louder. We just need to reduce the noise. I call the noise resistance, right? When you have resistance in the system, and my approach and notice, except yours again to lower the resistance is to accept. Go inside and accept. And you started talking about these feelings, these desires, I'm going in there, and I heard you say something about accepting, like accepting these parts. So I wanna go from pie in the sky like theory here now, and I wanna talk about practical application. 'Cause at the end of the day, I think most people want peace. I enjoyed your book because I think it gives us some processes to fill that peace and joy. And my experience is, it's not because you got more money, the relationship or a new job, it's because you're tapping into something. It's hard to explain. You're tapping into something else and the way you describe the tears you had while you were praying at the hotel, at the wall, is you know, you just fully surrendered and tapped into something, and you had that experience. Other people talk about Kundalini awakening. Other people, I think talk about where they pop, or all of a sudden, they're experiencing this, and it's bliss and love and peace and light. And then it goes away, but now they're in search of how do I get to that again? I think your book gives us a bit of a roadmap to that. Yes. And I thank you for bringing me down to earth a bit more, and trying to be more practical, because that's the essence of the book. It's the Mabat-e-Med, which translates into truth, false self-screditing is a four-step process. The first of which is to notice the negative feeling that what is having negative emotion, that the one that's having at some point, and we all have it every day here and there. It doesn't matter the intensity, whether it's high-can or low-one or anything, or between. Our sages say that whenever we have something irritating us, in any degree, it's a lesson from the universal consciousness, God, if you will, okay? It doesn't matter. It's from that higher truth. Whenever we are irritated by something, whenever we are afraid, angry, upset, worried, whatever it is at any level, there is some belief inside that is causing us this feeling. So the first step in Mabat-e-Med is to notice what we are feeling, and I'm not talking about love and happiness, that's no problem. May we all be always in a positive form of love or happiness, and George, that's not where we begin. We begin with whatever makes us irritated. It can be in a quarrel, or in a red light, when you are pressed to full time. And when you notice it, you say, "What am I feeling now?" So for example, as we are speaking now together, and I say to them, and I ask myself, "Hey, notice what you're feeling now?" And the answer is, "I feel a bit of stress." Okay, what is stress? Another word for stress is some fear. Okay, some talking about some fear. So that's step one. It's very simple. Most people don't, what it's called today, emotional intelligence. So many people have it. We've talked about this before, Al-Emanuk, and I want to bring this in, because for my listeners, as they know, I have my notice, except, choose again, process, that one day was just like a hallelujah in my head. I didn't know it, and then I knew it, it became obvious that all these great teachings, I could share that they all have some have four steps, like yours, some have ten steps, some have two. And I say, "I think most people, this process, is notice except, choose again." So you said, " Notice, notice your emotions." And so that's the first step, notice, because you're making the unconscious conscious. The idea is, notice, everything is neutral, the red light, and then we give it meaning. We're meaning makers. And the meaning we give it is through the lens of our subconscious program. These beliefs. When you believe in the story, the movie, you're at the effect of it, you suffer. So the first thing is to just notice your trigger. Don't judge it, don't analyze it, notice it. That's what I think you just said as well. To a lot degree, yes, but not exactly. The trigger is those some belief that we have within us. That we haven't come to it. That's the second step. The first step is easier to notice because it's completely truthful, and it's real for every person, and that is the emotion. You can't argue with an emotion. It's either, you know, a person says, "I'm sad." You can't say, "No, you're not sad." Even though you might want to say that. The effect. So because that is the easier and more sincere reflection of our daily life, that would be the doorway to that trigger that you mentioned previously, which is the second step. And but, too, is discovering that trigger, which I call the external axis. Discover it. So discover the trigger, and you said you call it the external axis? Yes, it's the axis. One of us ages that thoughts will run in our head in circles. The faster they go, the more immediate and aware they become. But deeper thoughts, the more subconscious thoughts, barely move. And they're inside like a wheel. So the axis of the wheel, that would be where the thoughts are lying dormant, not dormant, they're active, but they don't move way back from age, age zero, or perhaps previous inclinations. You subscribe to the intergenerational, because there's research on this, that some of the people use the term traumas inside your tissues. I love the Buddhist. Your issues are stuck in your tissues. Chinese medicine, emotion, energy, emotion, stuck energy. But you're accepting of the idea that you can come into the world with this already inside of you, these programs because of other generations. Yes, and not just generations, your own previous inclinations as well. And that's part of the whole plan to work through your karma, which in Hebrew would be called Saharbe Ornish, meaning, well, it doesn't matter. I can't translate the translation for now. And by going through that karma, understanding it and letting it dissipate through understanding and acceptance, you reach who you are. Once again, common to all wise paths. Now to discover this trigger is not simple, because the first thoughts that come up are usually the ones that are foremost, but not necessarily the true reasons, the triggers that make us feel sad and angry for whatever it is. So the method that I propose in my book and what I do every day is to accept every thought that comes up and ask, so why does it make you stress? For example, I gave myself as an example of being stressed a bit at this moment. The question for discovering my external axis, it's called external because it has to do with the world around me. What makes me stressed? So the answer would normally be, you can guess what it is, what's the answer? Well, I would say for you, the abombs in the sky. Yeah, really. Not many moments, and we'd get the alert and that, and we'd have to stop this conversation. So that would be the obvious answer, but that's not the trigger for my stress. Why? Because it's a thought, as he mentioned before. And as a thought, it doesn't necessarily cause the threat. There's some underlying thought or belief that must cause the threat, which brings up the feeling of stress, whether it's a high stress, a low stress, it doesn't matter. So I asked myself, so if the alert goes on, so what's stressful about it? Why are you stressed? And I'm not arguing with myself. I'm trying to discover the underlying belief. So the underlying belief is, you would have to stop this interview. And then question is, so if we'd stop this interview, so why are they? You're stressed. Okay, so we'd sound like, what's the problem? Well, if we stop the interview, then the things that I want to say would not be said. And you know, the audience, the people out there are listening, they become dissatisfied. And that's not the answer either because each time I ask, so why is that that stress merely? Let's go back to the initial emotion, which was most obvious. And the final answer, I'll make a long story short, is that if people are dissatisfied with what we are discussing or what we are putting now, then we're going to be able That means this is where the interpretation, the personal interpretation comes into play. That means that they don't like me, they don't want me, they don't want to listen anymore. And that's not the answer either. So if that's the case, why does it stress me out? And the answer is because of that means that there's something wrong with me because people think badly of me. Okay. So the internal axis always comes out to some self-deprecation, self-devaluation. - So that's why I love your work. 'Cause I was like, yes, I just see this pattern, it's just a pattern, it's not like it's fixed that it has to be this way, it's just a pattern I like watching. What I wanted to highlight here though is in my practice, we're never upset for the reason we think this idea. And so when we distill it down, so people come in, it's a relationship issue, it's a job issue, it's a money issue, it's a financial issue, if I didn't say that already, not having a baby issue, when we do the work, and this is training as clinical hypnosis and we regress, you just did it because of this, be this, and then at the very end where everybody has something in common, it's that shame, it's that guilt, shame, there's something inherently wrong with me. Guilt, I did something wrong, I'm unlovable, I'm not enough. So I have people that can hardly pay their bills that I see and I have people that worth hundreds of millions of dollars that I see. It all comes back down to, I'm not enough, right? So where does that come from? From your Kabbalistic study, why is it that it seems like collectively there's this inherent shame and guilt and not belonging, not enough? What's the spiritual understanding of this? I understand it exists, so I just work it. I don't have that kind of pay grade where I know why this is the case. I just know it's something I notice and we use the tools to bring the noise down to clean it up, transform it. But I'm curious, is there a purpose behind this? 'Cause it seems to be there. Of course. We are all in essence one, we're part of the divinity, part of the reality, part of the universal consciousness. We are all good and we all know it deep inside. The problem is that we believe our self-image to be something separate, something that needs to be attended to from day one. And therefore there is a constant contradiction between what we all truly know deep deep in our subconscious or superconscious and what we believe in in our thoughts from day one or previous generations or reincarnations. That fraction between the deep down truth that we all know and the manifested self-image that we think mistakenly is us. That friction causes pain. That pain, it's an existential pain. Therefore in my book I call there are three intelligences. One is the IQ intelligence, key occultions. The second is emotional quotient. That was the first step in my birthday mid. And now we're talking about what I call the Munab, and when I'm meaning belief quotient, how do I discover what I believe in? And the answer is to our negative feelings. So what we believe in mistakenly is that we are lacking something that we are not whole because we don't identify ourselves with who we really are. We're part of the wholeness of God, of the unconsciousness of awareness. We mistakenly identify ourselves as bodies, personalities, thoughts, beliefs, nations, worlds, planets. That's not who we are. So because of this disparity between the true knowledge we all have inside, super consciously, and the manifested knowledge that we are, we all come down to the name, to the same position that we mentioned before that you. Not enough shame, something wrong with me. Something wrong with me, and it has many versions like, I'm zero or fragmented, but it all comes down to a negative self-awareness or self-invaluation and negative. So negative meaning I'm not part of the whole. Obviously healing would be just the opposite to internalize that we are in essence whole, whether or not we make mistakes outwardly. Okay, that's something we have to deal with that has to do with changing modes of life and repenting, whatever it is, but it's not in the outward shell of our existence. The inner shell is what really heals us, which is re-identifying ourselves with who we really are. And I haven't come to it yet, but that's the fourth stage. But I want to see if I missed the third. The first was noticed, the negative motion, two is to discover the trigger. - Journal. - I call it the external access. What did the external access, okay? Yeah. - If people thought badly of me, that means that there's something wrong with me. - But where is, is that part three then? Where's part three? - We haven't come to it yet. - Oh, okay, I haven't missed it. - I just want to say one more on part two. As children, we accepted without very innocently, without thinking twice, that when our parents said something negative or our teachers or siblings or whatever, then it must be true because they are the grownup. - And also I've been told because of how our brain develops, we're more in the theta brain waves, we don't have our prefrontal cortex. So we're sponges and we just take it as facts. So sarcasm is not very good for young children under 12 because they take it as truth. You're not pretty, you're not very good at this. You're not smart enough. They believe that, they become, they become their program. - Kabbalah says that until the age of 13, a child is not grown up enough to really understand that he has a choice between good and bad. Everything he brings is grown, is something that he automatically internalizes, believing that it's true. This is Kabbalah. - Yeah, and we see this in, we call it ACE, as verse, child events, how this affects their health growing up. And children of divorce, young children, just the way they are, they take it personally. Like somehow it's my fault. I need to make my parents whole, like I need to make them whole, I got it. So we see all this stuff. So between that young age to 13 from Kabbalah, there's that and then in neuroscience, they say zero to somewhere around 12. So they're close, right? What the Kool-Aid said about the brain is developing. So continue please. This is really interesting, to step in, step two and three. Happy-earned forces are understanding on the external axes as the trigger for our negative emotions. When we understand what we just said now about the way we grew up, all of us. So it doesn't matter whether we are millionaires or poppers, we all come up to the same trigger, which is something Israel with me or missing in them. Okay. The third phase, so the second phase is pretty unique. The third one is no less unique and perhaps even more difficult to see too many people because it takes the external axes and worlds it around like a mirror. And I'll give you the example from our discussion. Okay. The external axes was if the bombs come down and I have to leave and our interview is cut off and people will feel the status-fighters and think badly of me. That means that I'm lacking something wrong with me. Turning that around, turning that as a mirror, that means that what I'm seeing outside of me is actually to be found in my inner dialogue between myself, between me and myself. Because all of us, this is Kabbalah, have two conscious hearts, which is very similar to some others. What is negative in one is the female, what is the male? Yeah. Right. Exactly. It sounds very familiar, right? Of course. Everybody knows. I mean, you know, who are those? And these two parts talk to each other. They're dialogues in psychology, like in T.S. we call it the adult and the child. And the adult could be very positive, but more often than not, he's also very negative. The adult, the thinking part of our ego can be very judgmental, just mental, critical disregarding, not accepting. And the part of us that feels the pain that we mention at the beginning, in my case, of the stress, is the child. Because children are open in their hearts to feel pain. You recall, he talked about being wise to have that ability within one's heart to accept the wisdom of building the tabernacle. Children have that. Their hearts are open. And they're also open to pain. And the external actions nerd inside would sound like this. I feel stressed when I look at myself and I'm critical of myself. self. And I say, you didn't come out good to myself. I'm talking about not in terms of our present conversation, in other circumstances, when I look at myself, between myself, in those moments, when I'm listening to that inner dialogue, and I can hear myself sometimes being self-critical, not because of things that are happening outside. I'm in terms of who I am. Who do you? Who do I think I am? How do I evaluate myself between myself, disregarding external circumstances? This is this inner dialogue, this inner chatter that is going on all the time, and when you pay attention to it, you start to realize some of the things you're saying to yourself. Yes. The unique thing here is that you realize that what set up the trigger in the external access is actually an inner dialogue between your adult and your child that has it going on from day one, if not from previous generations and incarnations. This internal dialogue has had to remain subconscious because it threatens that ego, as I explained at the beginning of our conversation. It's accepting responsibility on ourselves through ourselves rather than blaming it on others. I can blame the enemy for the bomb. I can blame my neighbors for the noise, but that's an external expression of self-blame between myself and myself on different occasions over the many years that I've been aligned. That means that before I go that rather than deal with my watch, my kids, my neighbors, the actual beginning of my healing should be to myself, between those two parts of me, the negative and the positive inside the ring and the yang, and realizing that I accept the situation without changing it in terms of this is where healing begins in that third step. I mean, just without doing anything, just understanding it. So here's my metaphor for you that I heard that I love. So the idea is that what's in your coffee cup is kind of how this poem goes. And if somebody bumps your arm, what you spill out is not because of what somebody bumped, but it's what you put in your coffee cup. For example, if you have coffee, what do you spill coffee? If you have tea, what do you spill tea? If you have water, what do you spill water? What you spill out is not from the person bumping your elbows, but you put in your cup. If you spill out shame and hate is because you have shame and hate in your cup, not because the bunch of double, if you put out compassion and love when you spill out is because you have compassion, love inside you. So yes, the external event is what caused you to spill, but what you spilled is your accountability responsibility. No blame again, it either came comically, like you said, past lives, intergenerational, or got imprinted on you. There's no blame. It's what got imprinted on you. But the accountability and responsibility, what I'm hearing is is the fact that you are feeling the shame is all you need to know that it's your job now, you're responsible to heal it, because you're experiencing it. If you didn't experience it, you would have nothing to heal. You can thank the person of bumped your arm because they brought to your awareness that you have this old program running inside you. And if you didn't have the old program, it wouldn't spill out. Right. Which is why when the person wanted to convert and he came to heal, one of the great sages back 2005, five hundred years ago, and he says, I want to convert the Judaism, could you teach it to me on one leg? And he said, yeah, love your neighbor, your as yourself. And the rest is you have to study ghost. No, I know this. To love others as yourself, Rabbi Kibbah says, that is a great principle. It's not just a great commandment. It's a principle. What's the principle? What you just said, what I just said, as much as you love yourself or the opposite, so can you love your neighbor, your friend, and other people? Because what's happening inside us is reflected by people around us for good or for bad. It depends what we have inside us. And what I added, after your words, is the fact that if I have shame or fear, why do I have it? I mean, who's giving it to me in the everyday normal way of life? The answer is, I myself am giving it to myself. The adult in me that has grown up innocently, that mistakenly criticizing myself and others, that adult keeps hurting me inside because I haven't been aware that I have two sides on me. My oldest adult is one personality. I'm not. We're a dual personality, in essence, and that's Kabbalah, right from the highest top, all the way down to the bottom. Each of us is actually denying, as you know, what am I giving myself as I work up in the morning? How do I accept it? Do I have what's called Shlom-Bahid, peaceful and harmony at home inside me? If outside me there's no harmony, then there are million reasons, but there's only one thing that I can do, find that place within me that is full of strife and disharmonies and try to find that harmony within and chances are pretty good. 99% that the more harmony I find, more healing I find between the adult and the child within me, the more I will see it outside because I emanated subconsciously and energetically towards the people around me without even meaning to forget her for that. So these three steps are no more than diagnostics. They themselves have been giving us the understanding that's already a large part of healing and only to understanding, that it's the fourth step that takes it to actively to the healing time. Just before you go to the four steps. So in that third step, as you said, when you do your inner work, when you heal, you said then the external world, you'll have a different perception. And I said at the beginning with notice, we experience the world, everything's neutral and we experience it through the lens of our subconscious. So we perceive reality and when we do this in a work step one, two, three for you, the lens shifts. So now the external world is perceived differently because you are different. And I say sometimes then the external world changes too. Like, but you don't need it too because your perception's changed, meaning you can be at peace in a happy situation. Intellectually, you may not like something, but viscerally, somatically, it's not causing a trigger anymore. So that's when you've healed it. And now your perception to the situations change, put into real life scenario of some of your step three is that child part of my one of my favorite medallys is inner childwork. If you don't have compassion for yourself, then you can't have compassion for the person outside of you. And when you find that compassion for yourself, it just happens automatically. Like you said, in the external now, you'll have compassion for the other person. I just heard it from a different level now when you talk about halal, saying this commandment, say it on one foot, but when we no longer are in the illusion that we're separate and we're all one, how could you not but love the neighbor as I self because you are the self, I neighbor, you are all in. So of course, there's, I just saw that meaning for the first time that we're all from source. We're all one. So that's step three. Thank you for that. Does that check with you? And then we'll go on to step four. Thanks very well. And as I mentioned, and I think you mentioned it as well, for many people, that's already enough to start that healing process. They don't need more, but we've been accustomed and pre-programmed to run away from negative feelings, pain. We do everything we can to get away from pain, which is why to accept these negative emotions and let them reside for a while, temporarily, is not an easy thing for most people to do, for old people, I suppose. And that's the barrier that we have to go through in order to reach phase four. The barrier meaning that resistance to allow that pain to reside there and just breathing it in and understanding that it's not from the outside, it's from who I mistakenly think I am and I have been for the past, I don't know how long, okay? Having reached that point, I want to be more proactive if I want, if I can, and realize that even though I was innocently mistaken in myself at that time until today, from now on I can hopefully, with God's help, realize that I'm whole within, even as I do make mistakes on the outside and I correct them as needed. So that step can be first, this is where faith comes faith, I don't want to say the word faith, but we're a deeper understanding of our inner divinity comes into play. I ask myself a simple question, is it my fault that I believe that I'm less worthy than others than I'm somehow marred, somehow something is wrong with me, is it my fault that I believe in it? And the unnatural answer is no, it's a my fault. It's something that I was pre-programmed to believe. So if it's not my fault, can I ask someone to put it into me? Whoever it is to help me get rid of it? I mean, it's not who I am. I understand mentally or intellectually that I'm I'm whole but I don't believe it. But I'd like to be there. So can I ask for the for whatever put it inside me? Can I ask him to help me get rid of it and realize who I am? Can I at least thinking terms of those? It's not the answer is not automatically yes. Most people don't believe that they can be someone whole. Most people think that they have to remain partial, mild, something's wrong with me. So to allow oneself to simply dream up that hypothetical situation that maybe I am whole and I just don't realize it. Just that thought is the process that allows us to go to self-healing in a deeper, true, true way. This is the real I want to get I want to get the truth. I want to be truthful with myself. I don't want to lie to myself. So I'd like to so there are three things that I suggest doing in stage four. One give a mantra for myself a mantra that I don't believe in but I'd like to believe in it. And that mantra or declaration I call it in my book would be something like this. I'm happy and whole when I know and I think when I say when I know I mean not just intellectually but in my heart as well. This is the wisdom of the heart. When I know that even when thoughts come up that I'm no good or that I'm blemished that something is wrong with me these are just thoughts I'm always whole because I'm part in the intrinsic part of wholeness of the infinite light of universal consciousness you call it whatever you will it doesn't matter. Okay so that sounded a bit long but in essence it's very simple it starts with I'm happy and whole which is not the truth I'm not I'm stressed but I'm saying it as a mantra which is okay that's the idea to say something artificially at the beginning hoping to internalize it after repetition again and again like a mantra the Jewish mantra the very Jewish mantra is schmeis here or is there God that's the greatest mantra there because many gurus back in the east what they found people who came and you were like up front and you got a good mantra stick to it the mantra is cool I'm happy and all when I know that's an important word when I know I mean know like like rock 1984 you know when I know in my heart which is not that would not the situation that even as I believe as the thoughts come up okay but they're not me I say it allowed ten times twice a day after each time I add one small prayer to consciousness thought universe universe please help me internalize this braille this belief because okay why because I don't believe it's artificial it sounds to some people it's stressful to say these words to some people it's I was observed which is why we do have we do need to somehow connect with our inner beliefs in that supernatural all being whatever you want to call it please help me believe what I've just said it because I don't really been in it but that's being truthful with yourself which is the motto of the hallma bak the meh about the meh the truthful self scrutiny I'm scrutinizing myself and I know that I believe that I'm not worthy and I know that I don't believe that that he can help me because whatever it is but I'm saying it nevertheless because I do believe that there is the words have power and energy and they can slowly slowly change those waves those energy waves that I that include me and when we say these things we're not saying we like it we're not saying we're resigned to it we're just being authentic because in this moment I don't love myself I don't think I'm enough so that takes a charge out and so I do a whole brain posture so I kind of intertwine the hands and the feet and I would do something like I accept myself for the person who thinks I'm inherently wrong and not lovable I accept and I'd say that over and over again until the charge comes down because I'm not fighting with any work because it's the truth I do feel that way I again not saying I like it not saying I want it not saying I'm resigned I'm just being authentic I'm accepting and acceptance is a form of love I'm accepting this is how I think and feel right now and then the choose again is the second part and I choose to be whole and complete I connect to consciousness and this is where the subconscious can't tell the difference for imagination and reality so you can bring in you can if you believe in God or consciousness you can ask it to come in and bring in the love and help you heal people bring in ancestors you know that are only live and it doesn't matter the subconscious and you know and again because everything is consciousness that ancestor or that crystal or God it's all one but so it doesn't matter so you just choose what you resonate with so that'd be my process with the choose again which is what I see you doing the accepting and choose again in this process so in step four you said you had a few things there was a mantra what other tools do you have in step four there are three tools be mantra the prayer please help me internalize this mantra believe what I said just now because because I don't really believe it yet and this is something that should be done at least 10 times out loud at least twice a day and the third thing is imagining what my life would be like when when my prayer is answered when I actually there's the choose again that's the choose again practice gratitude or imagine as if you have it now yeah right and from there the gratitude overloads subconscious cannot tell the difference from imagination reality that's why you can laugh and cry at a movie even though you know they're actors so we knew can imagine your life as if you already have it now we know through research that when you start to think that certain chemicals dopamine oxytocin they get released when you're having this awesome life right I call this setting your GPS this is my terminology so when you do what you just said imagine what it would be like if you had the life that you want now you're setting the GPS you're not trying to figure out how you know it's not your job to figure out how I'm going to get there just like when you set your GPS you don't sit there and go take a left take a right you just set your destination and if you choose to do something different than what the GPS is telling you it will start saying we'll recalculating meaning it will keep trying to take you to your destination and when you do what you just said imagine what you like you're setting the GPS is subconscious now it wants congruency and it'll start to look for opportunities keyword is it wants congruency if your subconscious says I'm not enough I'm not worthy I'm not lovable it will keep bringing you opportunities to feel I'm not worthy I'm not lovable when you change the program inside you change the GPS it wants congruency I'm enough I'm whole complete I have abundance then it'll start to bring those opportunities to your life that's been my experience very well put and summarize I just talked to make it a bit more practical please suggest my book in my book that that the first idea that comes to mind when you when you ask that question how will my life look is when you go back to the initial problem that you started with the beginning of my bad the me in my case being stressed a bit from you know the intervention of Bob's whatever it is and go back to that and imagine that initial scene where you were in my case stressed out or whatever under the new new you who has been going through this self healing process how would you react them to the same situation so that brings it down to earth it's not just the journal I give very well expressed by you learn it's also that very practical application of what you've gone through in terms of where you started sort of you know you go back to the beginning and finish off the job in a I think in a very personal intimate and honest way it reminds me of Byron Katie she has your inquiry process and question three I think is or four is how would I act or be if I didn't have the thought right I often use again thinking hypnosis and I can't remember where I heard this from but I use it in practice and it's a nice way to open the open up this opportunity is pretend it's five years or imagine it's five years from now so for us it's 2031 and you're happy professionally personally what has happened and if you give that question to the unconscious you'll just start to dream up and then you try it on what's what do you see here smell all the senses and you just keep trying things on and then all of a sudden you're having this dream you know whatever that world is so you just ask the question and it's amazing to see what people start to dream up and it's just the feelings that come up and that and I and why five years because you got to give the ego the ability to let go. If I said in three months, your mind will just say that can't happen. That's impossible. I can't happen. But almost anything can happen within five years. So if you give it permission to dream, it will let you dream. So you can't say next month. It's got to be five years. I'm very happy you said what you said not long because one of the great problems that I have personally, and I think other have as well, is when we read books by great people masters who've already reached a great enlightenment, whatever you want to call it, you know. For example, Byron Katie. So one day to the next and that she got the light and understood. It was a process, but the other we don't get the day by day work that is involved sometimes in slow evolution of one's personal self-adulation. For most people, like myself, it's not a sudden explosion. It's a bit not drudgery, but it doesn't come in one day, which is why five years of wonderful time to think rather than three months, I dream with you completely. So for people who think, well, if he can do it, so can I let's be truthful. We can all do it. In principle, we can do it in a second, all of us, which is a wonderful way of thinking well, you know, of the Messiah or the coming of the Messiah, but practically speaking, it's one day after the other, after the other world, we self-evaluate in terms of our relationship with wives, children, neighbors, colleagues, and working it through again and again, feeling that happiness that flows in over time and changing slowly, but surely, and especially if we have a five year plan dream like you talked about, wow, that's being realistic. And again, the key for everybody, thank you, the key is it's five years from now. Now you have to imagine it's happening now. The subconscious doesn't under future. You can't say, I will or I have or you guys say, I am, I have like, you've got to imagine it's happening now. The reason we say five years is to turn off that part of your brain that says that can't happen, right? Just so you can dream. So very, very important for that part. And I want to add, when you talk about the process, you know, be grateful. It's it's a slow process the way you're describing it. I should describe it that way, because I've interviewed people where it was instant pop and it wasn't so good for nine months, like it's not like they popped and they're good now. I'm interviewed them, but they will tell you that those nine months to a year was not a good experience. How do they when they popped and trying to live in this world? They, it just happened. They didn't choose it that way. It happened, but I would say that the slow and steady wins the race. Probably the turtle versus the hair you want in this most cases. I like that. So many of the people I talk to talk about duality and non-duality. Does this show up in my bet? I met or just show up in your coupleistic training. How does your lens see duality versus non-duality? Land duality is the innocent mistake in view point that we all assume since childhood, because that's that was meant to be the screen to which we gradually rediscover our duality. Okay. So actually, non-duality is truth. Duality is non-jews. Evil resides in duality and good within non-duality. Okay. It's a very simple and philosophically I think. And Kabbalah is even though it seems like duality, but it all goes to the same part of non-duality, which is foremost the the first and major topic of all of Judaism, especially Hasidot, Hasidism. When you go into Hasidism, which is the interweaving of the mind with the person, which we're talking about. So the ideas to the word for that, the sages uses to have the God reside within the lower realms of existence. For him to reside, it's not two things. It's one thing. You know, we know what I'm talking okay. To realize that whatever you see, whatever you experience yourself and others is actually a manifestation of that oneness, that is the ultimate ecstasy and from the non-dual standpoint, it's not even a goal because they're all the time. But that's from the non-dual standpoint, from the dualistic view, which is most common to us. It's a goal. It's something that we strive for and we use Torah and it can mean to help us get there. Rabbi Ali Malach, I want to thank you for your time and thank you for writing the book. So the book is called Mabat and Met, everybody. And again, it's by Rabbi Ali Malach, a land in so you can find that online. And is there any other ways where people can find you? Well, I have a landing page. Yeah, we'll put it in the show notes. Do you know what it is? If not, it'll just be put in the show notes, regardless. So people can look for it. It's called Mabat and Met.com. Oh, that's easy. Mabat M-A-B-A-T-E-M-E-T dot com. And we'll put that in the show notes as well. And then I've got both books. The first one which you didn't mention is called Torah Therapy, a guide to therapy with Torah values. Okay. All right. So you can check out those the website Mabat and Met.com. And we'll put in the show notes. The other book as well. Ali Malach, thank you very much. I appreciate your time today. Thank you, Dr. Lorne. It's been a pleasure to be with you and with all your listeners and have a very, very good life. Thank you for spending this time with us on the Coherence Code of Podcasts. I'm Dr. Lorne Brown and I will see you next week for another conversation on Coherence and Healing. If this conversation resonated with you, please like, subscribe, or follow the show and also share it with someone who might benefit from it as well. Remember to take a moment to breathe, reflect, and stay connected. Welcome to the Coherence Code Podcast.