The 30s Episode

The Dirty Thirty Fuck me, I'm way past thirty The thirties are a time to reflect and take it all in See you on the other side, we'll be back again next week Sometimes in the beginning of our relationship I would imagine that we were sharing the same floor at work And that she was like a assistant account person for like a different brand Oh, that's cool Like sexually? Yeah, I would imagine like fucking next to the Xerox machine or whatever Yeah, I love a work Crush? Work crushers are so innocent, I think they keep you a little bit alive But I never crossed the boundaries Work crushers, you never had one, right? Any other refs? He never like He never worked at like a company No, he worked for the refs, he was one of the refs Yeah, when you were thirteen When you were working in the working world Yeah, I would dress up I would dress up the day for your work crush, you know what I mean? Yeah, it got me out of bed fifteen minutes earlier Who was your biggest work crush? It was more of respect, I guess His name was Respect? Work Respect His name was Work Respect? Get a grip And his name wasn't Work Respect So who was your work crush? What was her name? Sandy Finkelstein? I'm not naming any names I just remember there was a girl who like, you know, was cube adjacent At like this ad agency in Philly It was just cool, it was just cool, it was just good energy to have like a opposite sex, similar aged woman You're chit-chatting, I forget if we were in relationships or what I never even really chit-chatted with them, I just, it was just in my head, it was just slightly more exciting to say I respect you in my head Not that I didn't respect the other people, I take that back I respected everybody It's a very innocent thing that I shouldn't have to defend to you two corn dogs No, you don't have to defend it I'm the most loyal, am I not? To the soil To the soil, I'm loyal to the soil She is so loyal Have you had a work crush since you've been dating Bert? Hell no Chuck, you wanna come inside and fill up a java real quick? Or do you wanna stay there frozen in time and space? I just found out a lot about the universe by the way Oh, I'd love to hear more What'd you find? I'm not really able to speak about it Chuck, did I do good at freezing? Yeah, you were good Tell me what you learned Can you stay still? Mochi, try to stay, okay, we all have to try to stay completely still Who's gonna go first? Okay, Chuck, we're gonna miss this one We're gonna assess Kristin first Okay, you're gonna freeze right now And you're just frozen You're frozen in time Oh, you just blinked, so Oh, no, no, no, no And you moved your mouth And you moved everywhere else That's not fair Maybe she'll start freezing now Now one of your eyes is drooping as if you just had a stroke Oh, Chuck's frozen now He's, he's swaying Oh, his is so good Chuck, I didn't realize You had freckles all over your iris Oh, it's his finutia It's so easy for him to do it 'Cause his jaw is like, it's being held up What's the thing on your eye, Dave? What's it called? Oh, it's Do you, me-us Chuck, something smells like poop Chuck, that can't, there's no way that can be your breath It's got Chuck, I think it might be a little bit of your breath You had tuna fish, didn't you? All right Okay, Chuck, you're done You won I won Well, I didn't even go yet Oh, my God, my contacts fell out I didn't even start much, do you want me to try? Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, I wanna see you freeze in time Was that impressive? It was very impressive I don't know that any of this is that impressive I think it's pretty impressive I'm good at staring contests I'm not Okay, okay I'm gonna freeze Right? No, I'll tell you when Okay Now Oh I mean, you are moving just as much as me You're swaying Can neither of you guys sway? No, he's good right now Right now, he's good Oh, it's okay Don't look at us Or now you gotta stay looking at us He's good Yeah What a skill to have Just stay like that I just wanna Just don't move 'cause I really wanna get it I really wanna get this on camera Benny, maybe your second talent is you can just freeze Freaky Smile four Ah Did that scare you? Yeah That was cool Do you ever feel like after you've smiled for a long time It's like it's so hard to produce a smile? No Like when you're chit-chatting or making small talk with people like I never think I have to smile I think I have to look in their eyes, listen to what they're saying I never think I have to smile I'm not good at like casually getting out of the small talk Oh yeah, getting out is I get a lot of anxiety about getting out Yeah One of the things that really stresses me out that I fear in life I don't care who it's with It could be like maybe you're two The only two people I wouldn't have this concern with Would be like an eight-hour car ride where it's me and one other person Like I've never experienced that I think that the thought of that is terrifying I think I don't even You just experienced it with me three days ago No, just one-on-one And you're probably the only two people I can do it with It's not that I'm scared of the silence I'd have to have music on I would never be able to do it without music on to anchor the background Do you guys talk the whole time? The whole time you're driving somewhere? Yeah No, we don't We don't have many silent moments Yes, we do Recently, I started saying let's have some silent moments Right Oh, me and Selena have many silent moments Benny and I talk the most of all of your friends Yeah, you both talk so much Who do you think talks more? You Wow Really? You both talk so much and I love it Like I think that's why I'm the perfect best friend for each of you That's how much I fear the silent moment It's that I never have to even worry about it with you guys I kind of just get to react to whatever nonsense either one of you are spewing out of your mouths Isn't it crazy? Dave, you would think he was like a big talker You'll talk a lot if there's an argument to be made Yeah Or if you feel unjust Or if you want to prove someone wrong Yeah, if you need to seek justice Well, yeah, every vigilante would speak up once justice needed to be Actually It looks like your brain just froze You might be having a stroke right now Wait, how old are you, Mochi? Thirty-five Ooh What do you mean? I'm like so much younger than you guys You guys literally are in a grade above me Wow You're like pretty much It is so good Once he learns that a woman is thirty-five or up, that's what his body does My body is in control What are you? Are you ditching the thirty-five-year-old? Or are you with the thirty-five-year-old? My partner is thirty-three We've had the thirties conversation so much between Dave and I I'd like to know What's the thirties conversation? Because we first started dating, I was thirty And I said it's just a different world for women to be thirty Now, I've taken on a new approach to my thirties where instead of I actually saw this little quote and now I'm really attached to it It says something like in your thirties you feel like you're running out of time But really, you can just take your time Woooo! But is that really true? Yeah, I don't know why we have to be so scared that we're running out of time Body starts shutting down Other kids start popping up Kids? Kids, the ones that come out of you Yeah, but that's one of the things that comes into play They look forward to Being in your thirties Yeah, but your life changes, it totally changes There's no bigger life changer, I haven't had kids, but I know for a fact There's nothing even remotely close to the life-changing dynamic that having kids would be Chuck, do you think you're prepared? For kids? No, I don't think anyone's prepared and I think I'm very unprepared I do think I'm, I look at it as like life one and life two No kids, life one, kids, life two I feel pretty satisfied with life one, so I'm running I'm gonna do a little exercise here Okay Where I'm going to be a child at a different age Okay And you have to, you have to assess the situation and figure out what you're gonna do Okay, and if you behave kind of like a kid that you shouldn't at that age I'm gonna call you out and send you to the loony bin or something Okay, I'm gonna start, we're gonna start at Two Start at six months Okay Six months, okay, zero cognition, so it doesn't even matter Kristen Oh, stop, stop, I'm not playing, if that's how you Stop You wanna do it or should I, I'll do it, alright Just comfort him Okay, okay Aww Hey That's good I know what he's gonna do, he's gonna do it again or something That's so stupid Yeah, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry No, no, no, it is okay, it was my fault It's a negative energy, it's my fault Good job, passed Now I'm, now Good job Okay, Chuck, you ready? But you could, but you could have also said I'm not caring, you're doing anything physical No, you You could have been like, maybe he's hungry, maybe I should have changed his diaper Yeah, yeah, you probably could Maybe he dropped his pacifier It's the first thing he did, I don't know Okay, you guys should get in a fight about it Yeah, your mom pulled me aside and she said make sure as soon as you guys have that kid Like, day one, like, make sure you teach him how to change the diaper It's like tuna fish I was grandfathered in when I ate it when I was young And now I eat it even though I would never do it now It doesn't fit my eating palette What? If you get me in early, I'll do it for life What were you gonna say? Now I'm two and a half, you ready? One, two, three Hey, hey, hey, John John Jack Yeah? Come here right now, please Okay Come here Okay Oh Okay, that's it Okay. Pull up your pants and eat. Oh, no, I guess it's too young to punish. All right, all right, all right, all right. Just stop him. They don't move this fast. What are you talking about? Yes, they do. They're so agile. They go like this. They're like, hey, Jack, hey, Jack. They're like, Jack. Jack, I thought. No, Jack. Oh, Jack, yeah. Jack, they're like, they move pretty quick. I'm dealing with one right now. Okay. I would say, Jack, I know you have a lot of energy, but, ooh, look at the toy over there. Play with that toy. But then I'd throw it. Okay, now I'm five, okay? Daddy. Why are you depressed? I don't want to, I don't want to sleep alone. I'm scared. You can sleep with us. I can? Yeah, just tonight. Just tonight, my love. But you said no, and you said yes. You can, for the rest of your life. For the rest of my life? Yeah. Whatever your mom says goes. You know the rules. I'm going to sleep between you guys. All right, we don't have to take this skit further. That's good. But don't fuck tonight, okay? We won't. Now I'm 13, okay? I couldn't love her, Dad. You just caught me smoking weed for the first time. Sit down. Jack, where were you? It's not hard to figure out. Where were you? I was with my friend. Where, though? I didn't say, what were you doing? I said, where were you? We were at Jack's house. You still hanging around Jack? Yeah, he's got the same name as me. He's cool. Here's what I'll say. I know you were smoking weed. What do you mean? But, Dad, you smoke weed every time you high freestyle. Yeah, but, Jack, I wasn't allowed to eat. Like, smoking weed was such a scary thing to me when I was your age because my parents really, like, made it seem like that would be such an impossibility. I'd get so punished. And I was really scared as a result. So I worked hard, and I really, like, maximized my full potential. And that's what I want for you. And then eventually, when you're an adult and you want to smoke weed, you can make that choice. But, Dad, don't you think that, like, all the knowledge you've found is that, like, smoking weed isn't even that bad? And it's legal? I don't really seek this knowledge. I haven't found any knowledge. Why do you smoke it? Honestly, because I feel like sometimes reality isn't satisfying enough. Well, that's how I feel. Yeah, it sucks. Don't be like me, kid. But I want to be like you. You're my hero. Be like me in all the other ways, not this one. Or at least try not to be. I tried not to, and my friends were smoking. Yeah, you've got to do it until you're 18. You don't even know anything yet. What I was thinking when I was 13 is what I think now. What? What? What? What? What? What? Do I get in trouble? Yeah. How much trouble do I get in? I'm not going to fucking do a book report, John. Here's what I, uh, sorry to interrupt the role-playing. Here's what I do think. You have to change. Every kid's different. Like, you can't just apply. What do you mean? I'm your son, Jack. Because if you think about, like, if you, depending on the kid, they could just push them to do more stuff. Okay, now, Jack, I'm your daughter, and I'm 14 years old, and you just caught me coming back from a party, and I'm a little drunk, and it looks like I might have gotten a little frisky. What does that mean, looks like? Wait, how? Like, you're just drunk. No, but you've heard, you've heard that, like, I have, like, some, like, my brother said that I have a boyfriend. I have one. I'm not at home. You're about to go leave and hang out with a car full of boys. You see your daughter leaving, her shirt's see-through. Bye, Daddy. Whoa, Stevie. Yeah? Where'd you, what? Where, what? Have fun, have fun. I'll see you later. Okay, you sure? Yeah, I'm, like, you're in charge of, like, what she, I'm not. I'm not there. You sure I can have fun? Oh, I don't know. She's about to go get in the car with a bunch of men. I feel like it's, like, inappropriate to even comment on it or something. I don't know. Okay, sit down. You could say, Stevie. Sit down. You just pushed me. Stevie, maybe your shirt is a little see-through and inappropriate. You should be able to wear whatever you want. I just wanted to, I also don't think it's the best look getting into the car. Well, you're not here. Who knows what the fashion's going to be like. You're not here. You're not here. This is even more in advance. You just, you've put in so much time that it would have taken care of itself. Yeah, but you also want to guide your children, like, to make the right choices. Okay, Daddy, I'll see you later. Stevie, I think you need to cover up a little bit. Wear a sweater. You should not be, you're going in a car with boys. Yeah. Why are you wearing that? Wearing what? It's cool. You're not allowed to wear that shirt. Please put on a more appropriate shirt. Thanks, Stevie. Why is it inappropriate? I'm a friend to Erica. Erica, unfortunately, what you think really has no relevancy under this roof. You know what, Mr. Bird? It's so inappropriate that you would objectify our bodies like that. We're, like, becoming women, and I want her to show her. Janie? Erica. Okay. Stevie, go upstairs for one second. Go upstairs? Go upstairs to your room. Why? I gotta go to the party. You don't. You're grounded. I'm grounded? Talk to your friend, Bethany. Why am I grounded? Because you're hanging out with a way too fast of a crowd. Hmm. What would you do? Something I was told when I was young. What do you think? Are you having fun in your 30s? 30s is great. I think our 30s are different than most. 30s. Well, I think 30 is the new. I mean, 30 is the new 20. 40 is the new 30. So 90 is the new 80? I feel like my face moves like Jim Carrey in The Mask. Wow, it does look like. Try to do your ugliest face. KFC Box Feast. Oh, my God. What is this? It's a part of the KFC Box Feast. Oh, my God. It is really good. Show the box so they can know what the feast is. This is an $11 box. Take a look at this. You see this chicken? Show the thickness of the patty. Look at the thickness of the patty. This is great. Look at the thickness of the nugget. I mean, they call this a nugget. This looks like a big nugget. When I think of a nugget, I think this is like a real nugget. You know? I think of this as a real nugget compared to other nuggets. That's a nugget of wisdom. Time to feast. Prices and participation may vary. Tax, tip, and fees extra. This is the best thing I've ever tasted. We respect you. We respect you. Olipop time. Let's debate which summer flavor is the best. Raspberry, sherbet. Very easy to beat. Next question. Absolutely no debate. What's that? They even brought this one back. Because it was so popular. What is it? This one's blackberry vanilla. This is so good. It reminds me of when I was a kid. I used to go to this place called Hoffman's with my grandmother in upstate New York. And it was delicious. All the way in the area. Have you had this one, though? Buy any two cans of Olipop in store, and they'll pay you back for one. Any flavor, any retailer, go to drinkolipop.com slash FKS. Equally delicious, but no memory attached. Can we talk about David? You know more about protein than us. Why don't you talk about it? I will tell you right now. Right now, I'm holding a blueberry pie-flavored bar in my hand. This thing has 150 calories and 28 grams of protein. You're going to be having bazooka arms in no time, right, Kristen? I mean, I did eat one of these earlier when I was hungry. I know, and your arms are looking. I had the chocolate chip cookie dough. Chocolate chip cookie dough is amazing. Blueberry pie is amazing. Red velvet's amazing. I just got to eat this stuff to get stronger. I have to lift weights, too. You might want to lift weights, too. You might want to do both. David is available at Walmart stores nationwide and on walmart.com. You can try a single bar for only $2.97. Go grab one for yourself. It's going to be sad when we get old and then our friends and our partners die. Yeah, the end of life. I don't want to be the last. Actually, maybe I do want to be the last man standing. Chuck, what would you do if I died? Why are we talking about this? I want to know, Chuck. Chuck, would you? Would you let your entire world collapse? You know what your mom says, which is a really good little sound bite? What? She says, "Getting older is just about managing loss." Guys, we are in our thirties. I don't know why we're talking about this. Do you guys. Why do we get. Why do we get so scared to talk about death? It's a real thing. Okay. Keep talking about death. I'll just chill. Do you guys prefer a wood fire place or a gas fireplace? I prefer when it's gas and there's things that look like real wood in there. Yeah, I prefer real wood. Wait, guys, listen to this sound. Okay, you ready? Never mind. That's really good stuff. You want to hear. You want to see something really cool? Yeah. Sure. Wait. Wait. Yeah, that's great. That one was good. No, no, no. Fuck, hold on. Yeah. Wow. That's so good. That's incredible. All three of those notes should be equally valued. Wait, wait, wait. That was a great one. You're like a Foley artist, you know, and they're like, yeah, you could do it. I wonder if life has beaten down my spirit. No, you have a good spirit. Life was beating down my spirit. What turned it around, Bert? You know, if you guys recall, we walked inside. I said, I've learned a lot of new things about the universe. What'd you learn? Actually, I haven't. My life is a lot like how I imagined, like, that, you know, my life would be. Oftentimes I wonder, like, was I just given my perfect life to just test me to see if I'd do it the right way. And then at the end, they're just like, you totally misplayed your hand or like, well done. You learned the lessons and you were a good guy. So you don't know if you believe in, like, free will and that you made these choices and the choices were just made for you. And now you're just living it out? No, I think I'm making the choices and might ultimately become judged for them. I think my circumstances were not my choice. I was given a very particular set of circumstances. Yeah, Chet? Do you think they're going to say, congratulations, you made Dave and have a walrus dick? No, I think they're going to say. Maybe. At first, you were a little self-involved, but how can we blame you for pursuing your dreams? And then you were so nice to everyone along the way. That's the most important thing. Who's there? The spirits. Do you think the spirit chief's going to say you were selfish? I did read that true happiness and true joy will not be found. If you're chasing this dream and you're climbing this mountain, the first mountain is not where you'll find the joy. You'll find the joy in the second mountain, which is when you've achieved what you want to achieve and realize there's no satisfaction from achieving those things and you just start being good to everyone else and giving. And only through giving can true joy be felt. But then isn't that selfish if you're just giving in order to feel joy? Like, shouldn't you just be giving to give back? I don't know. What about the expectation of feeling joy or feeling anything from it? I don't think you're selfish when you're challenged. I think if you just get to do whatever you want, you would be. Well, I think we're both very similarly selfish. So we both have given ourselves the green light to live relatively selfishly and then whenever it's inappropriate, we both kind of agree. What do you think I do that's selfish? To me, that's just a way of life. Like, you know, selfishness is just a way of life. Oh. But not in like a way where it's like, you know, I just think we're all, you know, you're prioritizing your own happiness. I mean, you're not even prioritizing it, but like you're trying to make yourself as happy as possible. When things are in the way of that, you try to resist them. What do you think Dave's selfish about? He's not. I don't actually think he's that selfish. I think he, like, lived a selfish life. But then whenever I challenge you or I say, like, not, if I need help, you always show up. I mean, you were selfish about everything when I first started dating you. You were literally, like, you had to have eight hours of sleep. Selfish, yeah. Well, that's not selfish. That's not selfish. That wasn't that. That's not selfish. That's not selfish. That was a bad example. What? I don't know. You were the one that always says you're selfish. He is about everything. It's a rep I've had. He's. Just because I kind of minimally just live for to, I'm trying to be happy myself. I think he's selfish about everything, like literally every single decision. But if you do push him on his selfishness, he's very quick to be like, oh, wait. Okay, yeah, for sure. It's a great thing about you. Well, that's what I'm saying. But you are very, I think. You pick the most selfish thing to be at every time. Unless someone is just like, hey, man, that's like, that really hurt my. If somebody brings in like. No, it doesn't have to be her. You have a lot of empathy when someone brings it in. But you don't notice it until they bring it to your attention. Yeah. Dave's so easy to do it with because it's either this. It's either no immediately. Like, or I know if there's any opening, I can get him. And it's really, he really has. There is no reason. For him to say no ever. Yeah, like the only time I ever agree with the no now is if he has to go out of town to do something like, but like, but like the day like it because he fully makes his own schedule unless he's shooting a movie like so or a television show. Do you send each other? Oh, God. Cool. Yeah, Chuck. I sent an overhead shot of my boner to her. Do you? Yeah. Every day. No, I don't. Have you ever actually ever sent you an. Has he ever, has he ever sent you a nude? Never. No, you were like, but I don't, I, you sent me like. No visual like turn on picture ever. Yeah. I don't know that I love dick pics. Oh, no, Chuck. There is one. The one where it looks like you have elephantitis of your penis. It's like in the blue shorts. Send that to you seriously? No, no, I think. No, we sent it and you were like, you see. And I didn't make that as a nude. I made that because in the car we were together and we thought it looked funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The world beats you down. In your thirties. The world beats you down a lot and you, and it is a never ending beat down. But not really for us. We're so lucky. Not for us. We have the luckiest lives. Well, I mean. Lanky. But stuff happens. Lucky, lucky. Chuck, I thought you said we're so lanky. Don't you think you're so lucky? I'm very thankful. Because you're so lucky. I'm very thankful for everything that's happened to me. Why won't you admit that it's luck? I do think there's some luck in it for sure. I mean, you could have been born. Can you believe in free will? Do you believe in Adams? Do you believe that after Teenage Dream your life changed? I don't even, I don't know why I like to say Teenage Dream. I don't even know what your first song was. Teenage Dream. I'm right? No. Oh. I gotta piss. Go piss. La, la. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Benny, how has therapy helped you maintain your mental health? I mean, I'm nothing without my therapist. He's basically like a father to me. He's like another family. He's like a family member, except without a biased opinion. And he helps me get through everything I need. Sometimes I come in and I feel like I know the answer. Sometimes I come in and I'm like a vase broken into a million pieces and he helps put me together. Vase. What? Vase. Oh, it's not a vase? I think it can be a vase. But it could also be a vase. But it could also be something that you talk to your therapist about. Your mental health matters. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/FKS. Now we're cooking. Therapy's important. You know what time it is. It really comes around every four years and it keeps on coming. I know what you're talking about. Soccer. Or football. Yep, but we're in America and we're on Team USA and we got a lot of countries to what? Ooh, I'm not sure if that's who I would predict. Really? What? I don't know. I'm going for Spain. Spain? I got a cousin from Spain, so that's my place. Really? Yeah. And I love France too. Brazil? And I love Brazil. This is what's wrong with this country. You can predict the outcome of the Pro Soccer Championships games all the way to the end of the tournament with FanDuel Predicts. Sign up and grab your $25 bonus on FanDuel Predicts and ride this playoff journey with us. Sorry, I was just a little excited. I like that. Let's talk about Canva for a second. I have some things I want to say. Please. That I want to run by the two of you. Okay. I took a picture of, you know, the shelf with all the plants and all the. Oh, the trinket shelf. Trinkets, yeah. I took it, I uploaded it, and I prompted it, and it can actually kind of, like, help you see it differently. Oh, like a little redesign? A little redesign. It can move the plant over there. Oh, yeah. I mean, honestly, it's much better than doing the physical labor of having to shift every single thing around. Yeah. I mean, wow. The fact that you can just, like, type in, blah, blah, blah, get instant, like, more than feedback, like, kind of, like, this is what reality will be. So I'll show you the options and you guys can tell me which one you like. Yeah. And we'll have to keep working hard to afford such luxuries in life. Canva makes design easy for anyone. Apply that lets you remove, generate, and animate content in just a click. Start designing today at canva.com. Do you wipe your hands every time you go to the. wash your hands every time you go to the bathroom? Uh, sitting down and I don't touch anything, I don't wash my hands. But if I pee standing up or I poop and wipe my butt, I wash my hands. Do you wash your hands every time you go number two, even if you didn't get anything on your hand? I think if your hand is that close and there's only a thin sheet of paper between your ass hole and all that fungus and that bungus, then you have to wash. Do you wash your hands after you go pee? Yeah. I didn't hear it. But he holds his dick with his hand. You have to hold it to, like, aim it? I just put it, put. Yeah, you push it down. Yeah. He pushes it down. Why? So my dick. It just is. So it pees. Can you pee with a boner? Yeah. Pretty hard. No, you can't. You have to, like, move your body. But why do you push it down? Like, I thought men, like, um, aimed it. Oh. Yeah. No, I just push it down against my. No, he's pushing it down to aim it. The reason you push it down is because if you didn't, you'd pee above the circle that he's supposed to pee into. Yeah, I wouldn't pee in the right place. When you're in a urinal, you can't see the other men's. Sometimes you can. Sometimes you can. Why don't they make a little blocker? There is. Half the time there is, but half the time there isn't. And no one ever just. You guys all respect each other? No. People definitely look. There's no respect. I've had men standing next to me peeing and being like, "I can't believe I'm peeing next to you. I need to look in." So do you feel peer pressure to use the urinal or can't you just go use a stall? I use a stall because I, like, can't bear. I didn't used to, but I do now. Like, it's. Yeah, I hate. Stalls are cool, but in public places, stalls, like, people have shit, piss. I don't understand how all the fucking shit is so thick. Yeah, it's like, everyone's, like, blind. It's crazy. Yeah. They're like, "Aah!" Yeah. Like, in a public. Are the bathrooms disgusting in a female's bathroom? No. The space that they give men's bathrooms compared to the space that they give women's bathrooms, because you guys have urinals and stalls, like, they give you so much more space. That's why there's always, like, such a long line outside of, like, the women's bathroom. Oh, wow. And I just feel like, you know, women actually have to pee sometimes more, especially if they're pregnant or other things. Why do they have urinals? That's what I don't understand. I think for efficiency, 'cause they can get more men in. How many men got a piss? Every urinal, by the way, you're. It's always designed in a way where the piss splatters on your legs. Really? Yeah. On your legs. I mean, to clean a urinal. Yeah, you don't feel it 'cause you're not wearing shorts. If you, like, wear short shorts, you'll feel how much piss ricochets every single time. Here's the thing. You can't put toilet paper down a urinal, can you? Well, you don't have to wipe your dick. Don't you have to pat it? What? I mean, I do. I piss all over my dick. I mean, I. I pee on my dick. You squeeze it like a toothpaste. Yeah, he wrings it out. He goes. Me? Really? And there's never any moisture left? Well, I'll tell you. No matter how much you wiggle or how much you dance, the last drops always wind up in your pants. And I literally piss all over my dick in nuts because of my dick. Yeah. It's like he dipped it into a jacuzzi. I have to clog a second hole with a finger, which is not really stopping anything. It's just stopping a ray from going out, but the fluid is still coming out down all over the nuts. It's crazy. Like, I can't stop the dam. I'm just, like, preventing the dam from bursting out onto the person next to me. Do you find that if your urine is warmer, that it goes in a different direction than if it's colder? What? Your piss is always warm. What do you mean, goes in a different direction? Like, sometimes when I've had to squat outside to pee. for whatever reason, if my body's too warm, it doesn't go, The urine kind of goes sideways. I have no clue what you're talking about. But if it's cold, I think you might have some sort of pain. Where does the pee come out of the girl? It's not the main hole, right? It's a different small little hole underneath the clit? Is that what it is? No, it's the urine hole. Where is that? Do you know where it is? Have you looked at your urine hole? I'm not like. What is the urine hole for a girl? What is it? I know for a guy, it's in the middle of the dickhead. Where's the urine hole? You can't see it. Have you ever seen it? You can see it if you spread it. So spread what? And you look. So you should spread your vagina. It's not the hole that the kid comes out of? No. Or the pant leg. The clit is not a hole. I know. So where is it in relation to the clit? So I actually don't fully know exactly where it is. Do you know how big it is? Is it like a pin clip? No, I have no idea. I've never seen it. You've never seen a diagram of it or anything? No, I've seen a diagram of it, but I actually have never seen it. Do you pee? If you don't adjust your vagina, would you pee against its walls or no? You know what's annoying, which I just figured out recently? I could. You know if you're wearing a tan. This is like so unrelatable to you guys. But if you're wearing a tampon. Yeah? So I, my whole life, I would pee without moving the tampon string. Which is just. Then I would always be like, why is it wet? So all girls should move the tampon string and you just pissed into it all the time? Yeah, and I couldn't figure it out. I'd be like, why whenever I'm on my period? Yeah. Well, my underwear. But it's the tampon string. Or you take it out and you put a new one in. It is the maintenance. You haven't noticed in your 30s, you're like. Ooh! Yeah? That's weird. I learned that women's, women peak in their 30s sexually. Oh! Oh, big day. Big dog. Wait, so when? I don't know. 33. Feels like, feels like you got a little taste of it on our honeymoon. Man. That's a. What? You guys keep talking about this honeymoon a lot. Mm-hmm. Sexually. We had a really fun honeymoon. Mm. I think it was the volcanic energy. Yeah. What do you think, Bert? When you look back at your 30s when you're 70. But how will we know this answer? I'm just. You can't project. I don't know. What sound does the color. Yeah, you can't project. I said project. You know what that word means? Project. Yeah. But you have to finish the statement for it to make sense. Well, I was interrupted because you didn't understand the concept of projecting. Okay. What are you projecting? When you're 70 and you look back. Yeah. At your 30s. Mm-hmm. You're going to have a flash of an image in your head. What do you think it's going to be? Like one. Like a still. Orange. Not the best word use of projection. Orange. I will let it slide. Not a great use of it. But not totally off-base, but not a great use at all. I see the number 30 as the color orange. And if I said predict, it would have totally been perfect. Better. I think you're. You said, what would you predict? I think you're picking the wrong battle. I really think if we go back on it, yeah. Hey, let us know who won this micro battle. Projection? Yay or nay? Like, comment, subscribe. Thanks, everybody. Bye. bonus-offer-terms.