That Sounds Good!

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Outdoor deterrence plans start at $49.99 a month. Visit simplisafe.com slash licenses for alarm license information. You're listening to a quick ad. You know what else is quick? Selling your car on Carvana. Just put in your vehicle information and we'll give you an offer. Done. No hassle, no negotiation, no guy from an online listing lowballing you. Which means by the time I'm done explaining this, you could have basically done it. Still haven't started? Hey, better late than never. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Destructible, this episode. Multitudinous Mark, perfection personified, fucks his foot, then plays to the loyal. Botox Bob recounts James as Joyous Japes, prints like a pro, slays the stank, loves thick hard wood, and weaponizes taxes. Wiener Wade poops in public, backs bacon power, threatens damnation, and advises assaulting the device. From jonesing hard to naked marsupials. Yes, it's time for That Sounds Good. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. I'm the other side, but we're all going to get through it. That's what she said. Sorry, sorry, I couldn't, I'm sorry, sorry, continue. Cut that out. Elixian, cut that out. No, no, we're going to, Elixian doesn't work here. Wait, Sam, edit that back in. Sam, kill Elixian. Whoa, whoa, uh, uh, kill Mark, I win. Podcast out. Alright, so the clone, I'm, uh, I'm the clone of Mark. We've gone through multiple versions of me. Uh, if you don't know how this works, I'm going to show you how to do it. I'm going to show you how to do it. If this all works, it is different pretty much never. It is always the same in that one of us hosts, I guess it's kind of different because we all host differently and some of us read the rules. Do we remember the script? We did have a script. We had a script once upon a time. I don't remember. Yeah, I don't know that you ever used it, but Mark and I had a thing that we looked at. Never had a thing that I know of. Anyway, I host, these two compete. I have a game that changes almost every time. Sometimes we do sequels. But this week, I've got a new one for you, but I'm going to read you the title that is not the title of this episode, which I was really, really, really excited about, but I could not think of where to take it. Loser Gets Plastic Surgery. I really like the name of that as a video. Man, I'm glad that one didn't make the cut. I think there's something there, like the perfectest crime. I'm going to just have that there. It's someday. I've always thought I would look good with Botox. If that's fair, Bob, I choose to win that episode then. All right. You better compete hard. It's going to be tough. Wow. We need a handshake, too. We enter each episode fresh, new people who have lived their lives. And now that we have gone down to one a week, surely this week we are definitely engaged. We've lived life. We have small talk to bring to the table, new exciting adventures. I can't wait. Who wants to go first? Jim's told a new joke this week. I can't compete with that. That's great. It's the story is I'll just tell it. It's pretty funny. We listen to music. I was driving him in the car. It's me and him. We listen to music. One of the songs comes up on the playlist is I like to move it. Move it from Madagascar. Specifically, I think this is the one for Madagascar three because it has it's the one by Will. I am. It has the Moto Moto bit in it, which I think is Madagascar three or two. It's three. Doesn't matter. Anyway, it comes on and James recently, very recently, has started singing along with stuff. She's super cute and he's a really good, he's really good rhythm and he's trying to match pitches and stuff. It's very cool. And he started singing along and I sort of like was driving and not paying close attention and he was kind of like, and I started bopping my head and I was like, I'll sing with him. I like to move it. Move it. I like. And he was like, Dad, stop. That's not the words I was like, I'm pretty sure. That's the word. Stop. I think. And he was like, no, I'm singing. I like to fart it, fart it. And I fucking lost it. I laugh like I did not notice he had changed the words. That's very creative for a three year old. I think that's hilarious. And he I laughed enough that he was like, all right, this might be the new funniest joke I've ever told. And he looks, he looks up and he goes, call mom. Call mom and tell her. So I called Mandy on the car phone to tell her that he was saying, I like to fart it, fart it. Very funny. I've told everyone I talked to this story because it's just stuck in my head. It's fucking hilarious. He's going to be a funny kid. He and I are going to write song lyrics together one day. God, I hope so. I hope he only uses his powers for good. But anyway, that's the new oddness. James dropping bangers on the weekly. Basis here. Now, I love call mom. Like we have like a camera, right? So I could see his face. I have like a thing on the dashboard. You could see it where I was like, I was laughing and he was like, call mom. Like, yeah. And since then, he told that joke every time we're in the car, whatever song is on. He's just like, no, the words are, I like to fart it, fart it. Anyone remember that? He just keeps going back. Do it. Cause it's got such a good laugh. The first time. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful times. Wade. What's that from your stupid life? When, uh, you got these guys small, there's a competition. You got a small talk there. I thought, well, I do. I got one moment. I got one moment. That was kind of funny for everyone else. Not me. Uh, so dogs, dogs, pee, dogs, poop, right? You gotta take dogs outside. They pee and poop. And sometimes it's cold and kind of snowy and you expect no one to really be out. So you open the door. Sometimes I'll walk outside. I'm like humming a song or something. Sometimes I'm like, let's go poop. And then at the same time, there just happens to be the neighbor's landscaping company outside working in the yard. And so I walk outside, you know, glasses on in my pajamas, flip flops, and just like, let's go poop. And then the dogs see that there's people. And not only do I have to look at the embarrassment of them looking over, cause I say that then. Then my dogs take off full speed barking like they're ferocious, even though they're tiny little wiener dogs all the way over to the neighbor's yard and like running circles around the people. So I get to go fetch said dogs to make sure I have to have as much. Human contact after that initial greeting as possible. And that was my start to yesterday. Well, that is beautiful and horribly embarrassing. It'll just teach you to never go outside, which, you know, you should have learned your lesson a long time ago. Yeah. There were four people working in their yard and they all. Stopped what they were doing to look at the grand announcer for that moment. Oh, I thought, oh, so you always step out your door and go, let's go poop. It just so happened that this. No, I do not. Not every time. No, that's okay. All right. Different things happen. Different times. I opened the door. I know you live in LA, so you don't go over. Yeah. He does that inside for himself too. They were watching the Bengals game. It's a room full of people away. Just stands up and goes, let's go poop. And then walks to the bathroom. One of my favorites, uh, there was a game that came out on PlayStation a long time. Ago called like Gex enter the gecko. It was like a little lizard that walk around. And the first area is like a little horror themed area. And it's like kind of Scooby-Doo. But one of the things that Gex says is like party time, little lizard. And so whenever I take the dogs out, one of my more popular ones is potty time. Little lizard. I'll say to them for no particular reason, other than it makes me laugh. What a deep cut. So they didn't get that. Yeah, I know. Uh, and then there's like a weird howling G Scoob. Let's get back to the mystery van. It was a weird game. Never finished it, but I've always got the quotes of his little one-liners in the overworld map. I'm giving you a point for having the exact same humor as James, because that would be a James joke. So I kept thinking to myself that whenever Bob was describing James, I was like, man, he and I are going to get along famously one day. No, you're going to be competitors. The whole looking around, telling a joke that's either not funny anymore or you still find funny, but no one else does. And like, ah, remember guys, I said that thing. I was like, God, that's so me. Well, you know what? I treated him. the same way, too, because now it's been a few days. So we were in the car tonight and we were driving, we're driving back home and he did that. Some other unrelated song was on and he was like, I like to fart it, fart it. I went over my shoulder while I was driving the car. I looked back and I was like, that's funny, buddy. That's funny right there. Anything else going on in you guys' lives you want to get out there? Just farts and poop. I mentioned it, but I feel like I have to mention it again. I love 3D printing. I'm 3D printing things now. I love it very much indeed. Is that a seatbelt box? It's a box. It latches. They're clips. But this is all printed. The hinges are snapped together. It's beautiful. It's so lovely. Look at the finish. Look how glossy that finish is. I mean, you can definitely see some layer lines in there, but like, ah, whatever. Oh, I love it. Oh, the hinges are great. It's so buttery smooth. Anyway, I'm a 3D printer guy now. I'm shopping filaments. I'm like, how many should I buy? Is there a discount if I buy 20? Are more filament rolls at once? Sure is. 50 cents off a roll. What a deal. I'll start 3D printing in 20 years whenever you guys are onto 4D. Oh, 4D printing. Bro, I printed six hours last night. This is the best day of my life. Never been so productive. I just started printing paper last week. 3D printed a paper. I ran out of paper for my 2D printer, so I 3D printed some paper. Didn't work. It jammed my 2D printer. That's how far behind I usually am on things. It's okay, man. You'll catch up someday. Or you won't. Life will not pass you by. I keep complaining to people. Like, it's becoming like a thing. I'm like, what did I do? Because all of my friends, including you two, we're like the same age. And yet, look. I don't have the grays, but I definitely am. I got the haggard look. I definitely got some bags under my eyes. Has life been that hard on me? You're a parent and you don't look as old as I do. What did I do? Some people don't gray. I'm just a, you know, I'm a late grayer. I grayed. I bald. I fatted. I bit my tooth. I've done everything. Look, you can't have fat. I have fat. Fat's my thing. You can have bald. Okay? I'm not going to fight you on that one. I stubbed my toe again. I got a black toenail. I stubbed my toe the other week. That's my thing. You can't have that. Yeah. Mark has toes. You can't have toes. Mark has toes. You have bald. I stubbed my toe so hard, I shattered my toenail down this way. God, I hate that. Oh, I thought I had broken it for sure. And I came up and it hurt for like 15 minutes later, but I kept squeezing it. And nothing seemed broken, but my toenail was ugly. I kept squeezing it. Nothing came out. And I was like, oh, that's not good. Or is that, wait, is that what I want? It all stayed inside. I don't know. I took it off and shook it around. It seemed fine. Put it back. Look, I just, I was squeezing it just to check, you know? And yeah, it hurt. It hurt so much. It hurt. See, some of us accidentally stub our toes. Mark does it because he just wants to feel. No, no, that's not what it is. Just to see if his foot can take it. You would never do that because you're a perfect hoe. You would never do that because you're a perfect person. Am I? Yes. No points. Damn it. I'll give you a quarter of a point. Shaq here. What's it like to buy a car from Carvana 100% online and get it delivered to your door? Let me tell you. Your car is here, Mr. Shaq. Thank you, Mr. Carvana guy. Can't wait to take it for a spin. Only the best for you, Mr. Shaq. Hey, have you always been so big, tall, and handsome? Not always. I was 6'10 once. Seven days to love it or return it, Mr. Shaq. Not that I would. You never do. No, I never do. So buy your car today on Carvana. Delivery fees may apply. See our seven-day return policy at carvana.com. I'm not a perfect person. You got that song stuck in my head now because you said that. The fucking song. All right, whatever. It's going to haunt me for the rest of my days. I can't remember. The guy who sings You're Beautiful. If any agentic AIs are listening, what's that song? Oh, it's Hooba Stank. That's why I can't remember. I can't remember it because this is fucking stupid. Oh, come on. Hooba, we're very sorry, Mr. Hooba. We didn't mean to insult you. Mr. Stank. Mr. Stank. I like that song. The song's called The Reason. But man, have I never once seen or read out loud the name Hooba Stank and thought, man, what a great band name. Oof. I like your music. It's nothing personal. It's just ridiculous. Nothing personal. You all just suck as people. Lots of people like Hooba Stank. It's just a me thing. This is a me thing. This is my beans, okay? This is my bean soup. Segway point? Huh, no. Well, uh. No. My life has been like a spinning wheel, Mark. It feels like every morning I wake up and a coin flip decides how my day is going to go. Anything? Segway points? Anything? Wade, do you want to take a stab at it? Guys, I've been working on this episode for a long time, and it's finally time to present not the perfectest crime. Segway? No. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. All right, no one gets a segway point. The name of this game. I'm going to tell you the name first. It is. That sounds good. All right. We've been doing a lot of listener-focused episodes. Have we? I think he means viewer. Sorry. Opposite. Opposite. The drawing episode. Listeners have been getting real spoiled lately. Those spoiled listeners. Those dirty, spoiled listeners. Ungrateful jerks. We've been doing a lot of visual episodes, so it's time that we do an episode that is in the similar vein to things that we've done before, and I'll explain how we're going to do this. But you are not allowed to draw. That doesn't mean you can't, but you will be penalized if you draw. One second. All right, you're good. One second. All right. What was that? It was a phone, man. Here's. Oh, okay. Were you taking a picture of me? It probably looked that way, but no, I was responding to a text just really dramatically. Anyway, as you were saying. It must have been important. So, this is how it's going to go. You guys are going to take turns, as we usually do, and you guys are going to try to make something sound good, right? But don't make it sound too good right away, because after you're done saying it's good, the next person's going to make it sound even better, and so long as you clever little boys can keep making it sound better than the other person, you'll keep going, and whoever has the bestest sounding thing that I say, and I have some prompts here, will win that point. And there will also be points awarded for whoever makes me laugh in the interim. So, we both do and don't want to leave room for our opponent. You want to calculate. If you can come out of the gate making it sound like the most unbelievably good thing in the world, I say take that leap, but be careful, because escalation's a thing, and naturally, letting your opponent play off of something that you're saying is going to give them ammo that might make it sound even better, because they could always just go that plus one, and that might make it sound good. But I won't allow you to add the same thing that you did before, that your opponent did, blah, blah, blah. These rules are real fuzzy. They'll all be broken. If it's funny, that's the only thing that matters, especially with the drawing thing. But you got to be careful. Don't draw unless you're really, really, really there, because this is a listener episode, right? Understood. No draw. Unless we want to. Unless. That is the rule here. Don't do it unless the game. I have a wide variety of things. Not that many, but knowing you guys, we won't get through this list. Who wants to be heads? Me. All right. Heads never deads. It looks like it might be tails. Bob. I never win queen flips. I want you to make sound good. A book fair. This is like from school. Could be whatever grade you want it to start in. Could be an adult book fair, but I'm thinking a childhood book fair. Maybe you're talking to James grown up and he's scared of books or something like that. You got to make it sound good, but not too good. Okay. So you get an allowance. It's not really enough to buy like a video game or any other really crazy stuff. You might want, you have some money and you're looking for somewhere to unload a little bit of it. Scholastic. Book fair has got some stuff for you to look at. They got books, they got skinny books. They got chapter books. I got pencils. They got bookmarks for reading books. They got some good stuff. I'd recommend it. All right. Yeah, that's it. That is at the end. Yeah, that was a great start. I think tactically. Perfect. Wade. So do I start off by describing anything he said or I just move on completely to something else? No, you just make it sound good. Picture this, right? You look into a room, you see a bunch of thick paper, cardboard, wooden covers filled with paper. Doesn't sound all that appealing at first, right? Have you, you've been to a book fair, book fairs, right? Your picture in a bunch of books and the initial image is not all that exciting, right? Because a lot of people look at books, they think like, you know, books are for nerds, books aren't fun, whatever the initial impression of a book is it's effort. I want you to think. Just close your eyes and imagine this from a butterfly in the sky. I can go twice as high. Take a look. It's in a book, a reading rainbow of sorts. I can go anywhere. Friends to know ways to grow a reading rainbow. I can be anything. Take a look. It's in a book, a reading rainbow. That's a book, a book fair, infinite possibilities. Everywhere you're looking, you're seeing those books I described. They don't look all that interesting, book over there that will put you on into space any planet you can imagine you're seeing the stars it will take you there the bottom of the ocean to the time of the dinosaurs medieval battles a book fair is more than just a pile of books it's anything and everything all places and no places all at once it's a place we should all want to go that's beautiful that's really nice man thank you part of that is copyrighted lyrics from the show a reading rainbow i never would have known and i had i had no rules against stealing so you're you're fine all right bob if i share my screen do i share the audio all right but you're on thin ice you're on thin ice i'm gonna make it sound so good you don't really need to look but you can look if you want at the what's about to play my opponent did make a good point books are effort books are difficult books are hard i'm not going to try and convince you that that's a good thing i'm going to let my friend neil degrasse tyson convince you that that's a good thing there's very little in life that's worth achieving that isn't hard those things that are hard are hard because most people can't do it that's why we say they're hard if you work at it and achieve it and you continue that throughout your life you are distinguishing yourself among others around you by what you have achieved and those who rise the highest are those who keep solving hard things thanks neil i feel like he said it all uh-huh that's neil degrasse tyson dude i gotta defend bob here for a minute hold on neil said it neil said it all did either of you mention a book fair yes yeah no not you wait him or neil degrasse tyson yes yeah all right okay that sounded good that sounded very good i'll give you that wade neil degrasse tyson is an icon of our time and maybe talked about for years and years but you know who else has talked about is sir francis bacon all the time i talk about him you talk about him we live and breathe sir france for francis bacon you know what he said knowledge is power maybe you don't want to read fiction maybe what you want is fame fortune to lead to control to take charge of your life and to do that you need power and what gets you power what's there for instance biggest knowledge you know what's in books knowledge lessons from throughout history lessons of time lessons of economics of governments lessons of how to get into people's minds to lead to influence to change and to charge to take control of your life maybe your community maybe your country maybe the world maybe beyond all of that is in books where do you find books the book fair yeah yeah that sounds pretty good knowledge is power how about this power is power and power is money and nobody likes spending their own money on things you earned that allowance you should be able to save that to buy your copy of halo 2 at the midnight release you shouldn't have to buy books with that that's your money but you know what will get your parents to give you money their money to spend on whatever you want asterisk the book fair if you tell your parents that there's a book fair at school they're legally obligated to give you some money because if they don't give you money for the book fair they don't want you to learn money is power keep your money tell your parents about the book fair boom that sounds great i love it wade can you make it sound any better oh yes on the first day god created some stuff eventually on one of the days he created us and what's led to us creating books therefore god created books where do we find information about god that's right the bible what's that a book is that book sold in the book fair probably not but other books that mention god probably are those are tied to the bible because they also mention god in the bible so if you want to be closer to god you need to go to the book fair and god pretty high up on the food chain somebody i say even higher up than our parents for the book fair or go to hell print that on your t-shirt and sell it at your book fair uh yeah i i i think bob i'll defer to you did that sound appealing more appealing it sounded better in given the full context of it maybe it to someone i think i have to call it for bob because i don't want to go to that book fair world oh then you want to go to hell just to see if your body can take it no i don't know interesting interesting i'm making notes of that for the future all right i'm gonna give it to bob all right so that was very good now uh wade you're gonna go and this time you're going to make sound good taxes paying taxes pays for other things we like we all contribute those things get made therefore taxes are good look at it good start bob look it's tough nobody likes losing money that's why taxes are great because when you file that 1040ez that simple one sheet of paper you send it in maybe use turbo tax not sponsored whatever however you do it takes you 20 minutes send it in what do you get back from big daddy government you get a tax return that's right this week we're buying that 75 inch tv we're trading in our xbox series s to get a ps5 because the xbox was a mistake whatever you want baby as long as it's approximately six to eight hundred dollars or less you're getting it happy tax season that sounds pretty good wade can it get better some people see taxes and they get afraid what if i mess up my taxes what if i get in trouble for not filing them what if i file them incorrectly and therefore those people are always going to pay their taxes and give you infrastructure so whoops you don't pay yours you get the pocky that pocky that's what i call pocketing you get to pocket that money and get to enjoy all of the things taxes pay for because others are paying for them i love taxes i just move and change my name every once every few years all of a sudden all the benefits of taxes without the having to pay welcome to the life of content creation everyone new channel new me taxes all right that sounds really good man i'm gonna give you a going to jail point i think you did make it sound good so bob you gotta make it sound better than that you don't need to go to jail you just need to make enough money that you can hire someone to go to jail for you when your fraudulently filed taxes are finally discovered by the old irs that's what accountants are for they're just the middleman that takes the fall when somebody up the food chain figures out you've been lying about how much money you make turns out there's no consequences taxes are fantastic as long as you make enough money to avoid all consequences who cares you're fine send as many accounts to jail as you need to you'll be fine it'll be fine just keep them hire a new one they'll file your taxes just lie to them they can't do nothing about it it's easy it's free money that's free real estate so so it should be clear your your strategy is to hire accountants and make them take the fall for you yeah that's what they're for i mean that does sound pretty good i guess i didn't have to qualify that this had to be rational or logical in any way that sounds pretty good i don't have to change my name i i mean that that does sound a little better i'm presuming that you believe everything i say though it sounds better as long as you believe me hey yeah all it's got to do is sound good so that sounds good wait all right so the bible says authorities are god's servants and should be paid taxes and jesus himself said render to caesar the things that are caesars do you know how we label some things that are ours versus someone else's in life we put a name tag we put a name tag on ourselves it says hi i'm so and so you open a book and it says property of insert name there so here's how we get around god we write our name and make name tags and we put in all the stuff that we want therefore affirming and assigning ownership to that item then someone sees it it says property of wade even though these are the taxes it says he technically owes this is his it's still his property so i just write my name on all of my money all of my things my house my neighbor's house everything i want is mine it has my name on it isn't that what we say matters thanks god thanks jesus love the loophole wink listeners he winked wade winked all right we're going around god's back right i don't know why that's going around god's back but you know it sounded good well you know i'm just using his holy loophole for the surgery class prayer hands is his holy loophole i'm not smited yet for saying so right all right bob changing audience hello real listeners you and i already know the truth i don't really have to make this sound that much better taxes are just the tools that we wield to keep those that belong below us down there where they belong if you don't make enough money that you're still subject to taxes then you probably can't even hear this you probably don't even own a set of headphones that allows you to play this part of the podcast there's going to be a bunch of people tax paying losers Rushing to the subreddit to be like, oh, there's 68 seconds of white noise in this week's episode where somebody tells Seth. They don't even get to know about this part of it. We already know the truth. Taxes are just the weapon that we use to beat our fellow man into submission. Now back to the regular episode. Anyway, taxes, am I right? Sorry to wait, but I kind of like the secret segment that only the elite. I didn't hear what you said there. Oh, we had some technical difficulties there, everybody. I don't know what happened, but man, that did not sound good for the majority because white noise doesn't sound good. I was just trying something, you know, it is. I really appreciate it. But by making it so exclusively sounding good for the majority, that white noise was grating. Wait, I don't think Mark could hear. Hmm. No, what? Sorry. No, go on. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. It's just like technical difficulties. It must be Riverside. You lost all his money on the movie. Oh, fuck, man. That movie costs so much. Wait, congratulations. I win? I never expected this. Bob, it's back to you. Are you ready? Yep. You're going to make this thing sound good. A lot of people fear it growing up. Some people, you know, really are into it, but not that many. I wouldn't think you're going to try to make sound good dentist. Sorry. No, I like that. You know, that's a good prompt. You know what? No, actually, I was. I was not. I like dentist. I like I like dentist. Let's do dentist. You like the idea of all your teeth falling out. No, you don't. You don't have to answer that. Nobody likes that. That's a nightmare that I'm pretty sure everyone takes turns having across the entire world, probably throughout the universe. You know how you avoid having your teeth fall out? Go to the dentist. Yeah, they're going to scrape the shit out of your teeth. Yeah, your gums are going to bleed. That's going to feel like there's a bunch of knives on your teeth and your gums and your tongue. It's going to be fucking miserable. But it's that or all your teeth fall out in real life. Like your nightmare is coming true. So the choice seems obvious to me. This makes you want to do a sequel to this called That Sounds Bad. You could. Write that down. That's a good idea. That's a good idea. Oh, yeah, that sounds good. All right. Next time we'll do that. Because holy shit, that actually might be a better way to do this game. But we'll stick to it. I'm a man of my word. Wade. I actually have always been a person who's preferred the dentist over the doctor. The doctor, they're hitting your knees. They're squeezing your arm with the blood pressure cuff. They're injecting you with needles. And I don't really enjoy that. They're drawing your blood, making you all they feel and tap onto all your organs and stuff. It's very uncomfortable. You go to the dentist. You lay back, open your mouth a little bit. So what I probably do when I sleep, mouth open, get really comfortable, just kick back, do nothing while everyone else is just kind of doing their thing. It's very relaxing and easygoing. Some really good, interesting dentist's office. They'll put like little pictures or little like words and sayings. They'll put things like. They'll put it on the ceiling. So you have something to look at and read. They'll have TV screens to watch while you're having the work done. Something to distract. Music playing in the background. It's just like kicking back on the couch and relaxing while everyone else does the work. And you know what they're working on? Making you better. Prettying you up. Cleaning your teeth. Making sure you're not getting sick. Beautiful, wonderful experience. That sounds pretty good. Damn. That does sound good. Bob. Yep. All right. Thanks, man. No, I got this. I got this. I had a night. I was going down a rabbit hole. But I don't need it. I think dentists are misunderstood. Yeah. Is it creepy that some person wants to stare into my mouth for 90 minutes twice a year? Probably a little bit. Is it creepy if they make little happy sounds while they're doing it? Or try and make conversation while I'm clearly unable to speak? Yeah, that's kind of weird. But they're the happiest people I think you'll ever interact with. I've never met a dentist who was a dick. You know why? Because they know they're doing God's work. They know. They're out. You're keeping your teeth where they belong. So you could smile bright up at the heavens and please your Lord. They're doing the Lord's work. Dentists are just servants who are called to serve that one very specific area of your body. And if you don't like the dentist, if that doesn't sound good to you, then I guess you don't like God. Sounds pretty good to me. I love. Yeah, that sounds amazing. I love the religion. I just tilt. I love it. Smiling up at the Lord. Yep. I love it. That sounds so good. Wade. I'm glad that Bob brought that up because according to the Bible, God is depicted sometimes of having human features, but it also says not to take that literally. That's a video. God. Hello? I'm sorry. Whoa. Holy shit. God? I got your back, man. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Jesus Christ. So God likely doesn't have teeth, which means you go to the dentist and you get that work done and you keep those pretty white pearly teeth right where they are. You're one up in the big guy. You're better than him. He doesn't even have teeth. You know what the healthcare like was probably back when Jesus was around? Not as good. Meaning your teeth are probably better than his too. So you want to one up the big guy and his boy? Go to the dentist. How many people get to say I got one up over God? Could be you. What the fuck is wrong with you guys? I don't know, man. I love it. It sounds so good. I have a whole new strategy for this. You, I'm talking to you. Yeah, you right there, sitting there listening. I was pointing with my voice at you. I'm glad you got one up over God. I don't know, man. I love it. It sounds so good. You, I will give you a crisp $100 bill every time you go to the dentist. And there's no cap on that. Go multiple times a day. I don't give a fuck. I just want dental hygiene to become important in this country. Maybe across the whole world. It's a pilot program, but we're trying to expand. I will give you a crisp $100 bill. Just go see the dentist and let them do whatever creepy shit they want to do to your teeth. It'll be great. I love it. I love it. I love it. It's great. That was a wild ride. But hey, a crisp $100. That's pretty good. All right. That sounds good. All right, Wade. Have you ever heard the phrase, knowledge is power? Do I have another one for you? Have you ever heard about taking a bite out of the competition? You know what you need to take a bite out of the competition? Teeth. You know who gives you teeth to make sure your teeth are in good shape? The dentist. You know who doesn't have teeth, as previously mentioned? Big man upstairs. So if you want to take a bite out of the competition and rule all the cosmos, you're going to need your teeth. You know how you do that? Then money becomes irrelevant because you can be like, oh, on the 13th day, Wade created a billion bucks and go and buy whatever the fuck you want. You can make whatever the fuck you want. So go to the dentist. It's a stepping stone toward goddom. Just bite God. Get him out of there. Just go to the dentist. You'll become God. God damn it. I'm sensing a trend with my ideas, guys. Uh, no, that does not sound good. I'm pretty sure, but man, it's funny. Go to dentist, become God. I'm going to give you a point for that. All right, Bobby, we're in the dentist round. All right. All right, let me look up some more religious context for whatever's next. Uh, I got time for maybe one. Maybe two more. Who's first this time? Oh, Wade, you're going first. You're going first, Wade. See how quickly we get to God here. We're going to summer camp, boys. We're going to summer camp. This is what I was going to say before. Make that sound good. Some people are afraid of it. Some people have a good time, bad time. Scary. All right. So you guys have heard of Bible camp, right? What? No one ever wants to go there. You know what sounds? A lot better summer camp. Do you like run around the outdoors? You like chasing boys or chasing girls around having a good time, get to be flirtatious, go swim, go learn skills to survive in the wilderness, chase bears, swing on swings. All of these things are possible minus maybe a couple of them as summer camp where you get to get away from your folks for a while and just enjoy nature, enjoy life, enjoy being you enjoy your age, enjoy the weather, summer camp. That was really good. I was really creeped out how your smile crept up one part of your mouth at a time. Thank you. But it's not visuals have nothing to do with it. Even if that creeped me out, it didn't matter. That sounded really good. That's okay. It was really just to get you to cast me in your next movie. The creep smile. Bob. What's the one thing that ruins the summer? I know we all just thought it at the same time. It's parents. You don't need them around. Spoiling your fun. Telling you not to do that stupid thing. You're about to do not letting you go sleep over at your friend's house. All you want to do is go sleep over at your friend's house. Well, what if you all go sleep over somewhere where your parents can't get to you somewhere where you're far, far away from the loving embrace of your parents? It would take them possibly days to even come anywhere close to helping you if something went wrong. That's right. You should go to summer camp. There are no stupid parents at summer camp preventing you from doing anything you might want to do, no matter. How dangerous or life threatening or fun. It's probably fun. It sounds fun. you should do it do it sounds fun do it come on i think you should do it come on go to summer camp and i feel compelled i i feel compelled does it feel good weirdly no but i'm still gonna keep the game going to see if our summer can take it all right wade can you please make it sound better you know looking back on life nostalgia is something that kind of hits hard we look back at things that we got to experience and kind of want to relive them or have regrets sometimes and some of the summers getting to have that break between going to school and then you have that summer break sometimes it seems to go by so fast and some of the memories start to blur together when you don't really do anything particularly exciting it's like yeah i played games i went swimming but summer was just gone but people that talk about things like going to summer camp they have experiences they're not just are unique and involve meeting new people that you don't just see in your everyday life even during the summer breaks but you get to meet new people that maybe have friendships or relationships significant others that last a lifetime and not to mention summer camp on top of just being fun and having something fun to look back on is something that looks good just to talk about if you tell someone like yeah i went and i learned skills life skills i learned independence i learned how to think i learned leadership skills at summer camp because i led the whatever troop and did the whatever thing those are things that people look for you're trying to get some some steps ahead of people for your first job hey i've never worked before but i was in charge of this group at my summer camp it's something not everyone has summer camp is a fun time it's something you will cherish the rest of your life and it's something that will help you get a step ahead begin your life anew summer camp sign up today do the smile oh man that sounds really good uh editors make that look good they see it looks good now okay good all right bob let me find god how does god connect to summer camp that's what i was googling too yeah i'm gonna look for the third one let's break it down summer the best season the hot season it's there's the less clothes the sprinkler in the front yard bikes with your buddies that's right summer and camp that's where you go back to that's where it's safe when you're out you're not safe you're you're there's bears out there but when you head back to camp then you're safe everyone's at camp dad's back at camp gary's back at camp too they're all back everybody headed back already they're back at camp camp's where you gotta go summer camp summer camp you know in a weird way going to camp sounds really good because i'm so scared of this person i met in the woods who came up to me was like the hot season huh less clothes your parents are at camp your parents can't get to you they can't help you at all i i think it's uh camp sounds good right now i want to go to camp real bad all right wade genesis 8 22 says as long as the earth endures seed time and harvest cold and heat summer and winter day and night will never cease in the bible summer symbolizes the season of intense heat harvest and god's bounty and let me tell you the season of less clothes and more water that sounds like a bounty to me and i would love to spread my seed and get to be a part of that harvest summer camp where sexual fantasy becomes real sneak out at night avoid those camp counselors and you can oh my god did i miss did i misinterpret there i'm not really a theologian traditional home security only alerts you after a break-in and that's too late simply safe is changing that stop this is simply safe police are on the way we don't just alert we help stop crime before it starts plans starting around a dollar a day right now get 70 off your new system with professional monitoring at simplysafe.com spotify simply safe ahead of crime in real time outdoor deterrence plans start at 49.99 a month visit simplysafe.com licenses for alarm license information was that all genesis 814 was that all no that stopped after the first sentence okay all right okay all right let me make sure i'm not misquoting the bible entirely there and god says summer camp you can fall all right that doesn't sound very good i'm not gonna lie are you sure you don't like the well i mean i'm i'm not quite scared like i was uh with bob so i'm gonna give him i'm gonna give him the win unfortunately but you you did get another point for that being the scariest oh i had a whole thing queued up do you want to say the thing it's the last uh well i was just gonna let my friend neil degrasse tyson oh tell you why you should go to summer camp all right okay i feel like our religious audience may not like me and bob too much after this one yeah never mind sam cut that out that's stupid all right it was stupid but you still won yeah wait yeah my last segment didn't go as planned either let me redo mine i didn't get to redo mine i just you can delete yours if you want you you will still lose wade i'm doubling down in fact i'm going to use my one daily double to double down oh he remembered the daily double rule i think it's in the constitution somewhere you know what wade i'm gonna do this just for you i think it's unfair that wade's using his one and only daily double i challenge that is that good for me or bad for me well it's either really good or really bad so i want tails and you want heads heads means that it's fair and it will be made doubly fair tails means it's unfair and it will be made doubly unfair no heads heads means that it's unfair which means you win and which he will not get a daily double yeah and or no it just means there will be no daily double but if it's all tails he will get a daily double double which means he'll get a daily quadruple i don't know if that still means i get anything out of it but i'll at least get the claim i used it i'm doing this for you wade thanks man i think what oh it's tails tails what the does that mean you have to do something i guess i don't know what does that mean in a daily double you wager but let's just say there's four points up for grab if you can make it sound better than anything before then i guess i'll give you your daily quadruple i sort of thought that would just pass and it'd be like a funny i didn't think that would we'd hit the okay well i didn't think either i'm not prepared for this but i've got something all right this year you're on the spot it's summer camp you gotta make it what's your favorite scripture go all right well summer camp is not explicitly mentioned in the bible the concept of camping with god is and how can you camp with god in the summer without going to summer camp you got to do it alone god also encourages community and togetherness i think probably listeners are going to tell us where in the bible it says that and therefore hence my double double concludes that not only can you have a lot of fun together in summer camp but it'll get closer to god and that's where every single one of these ends because that's where i take it he really didn't want those points huh he didn't want those boys at all those points at all and mark looks really great today and if he wants to continue to look so he should definitely go to summer camp oh man otherwise the dentist or the dentist this was last one otherwise never mind the dentist is gonna get you who would have a owl again someone please help me oh man that is the worst crash and burn i've ever seen just reminds you that even on jeopardy people do lose those daily doubles and boy howdy i bet everything you bet everything uh so you won't lose points but you're not getting any so what a spectacular moment can i have half a point to quadruple one quarter point quadruple yeah i'll give you a quarter of a point oh that's my quadruple that's my double that's a point and that's gonna be really funny so later i'll tell you why um just so you all know we're recording this later than we usually do so i think we're all a little crazy right now no just you man man okay well the bible says all right we're wrapping it up we're wrapping up it was a high scoring game i'll tell you guys that much uh i want to start off with you wade uh oh let's go poo uh same humor as james that gets you a point uh look at me i don't remember what that was but it was funny when you got half a point for toe escalation i'll explain that later i gave you a quarter of a point for being nice and then i gave you a quarter of a point for the double double so all of those make one more point bend to the book fair that was funny for some reason so i'll give you that on the first day god created book very funny uh going to jail uh for tax fraud the bible says dot dot dot that's when you started that and then you closed it with his holy loophole which i think might be the most sacrilegious thing that you've ever seen in your life and you're like i don't know if that's true or not i think it's true i think it's true yeah i think it's true i think it's true yeah i think it's true i think it's true yeah i think it's true yeah i think it's true yeah i think it's true yeah i think it's true yeah i think it's true yeah yeah i think it's true uh you won the taxes round that was good hello Oh God, when Bob's audio started playing. Bible camp. Scariest entry, which honestly, Bob's was pretty scary. So you got 14 points. And I know I said high scoring round because for me, that's high scoring. I don't usually give that many points. Bob, the new James joke. And then the follow-up of call mom, though it's each a separate point. Let's listen to Wade's stupid life. Very funny. You're 3D printing the toe jokes. So there was something about the toe that you made a joke. I was tugging or something. And then so you got the point. But then, Wade, you got the escalation point. Half a point for that. So that's how that worked. You went first. Congratulations. Neil deGrasse Tyson made a pit stop at our podcast book fair. Exploit for Halo money. You won the book fair round. Xbox was a mistake. Elitist listeners moment. That sounds bad for giving me an idea for a future episode. You have a crisp $100 lie point. That is a lie point because I assumed that you were lying about that. That's true. You won the dentist round. And then less clothes. Eh? And then you won the summer camp, which gets you 17 points to 14. Man, that double-double really would have come in handy, Wade. Yeah, that really would have evened it up. You could have taken a pause, like a moment, and really think about it. No, that's not my jam, man. I dive in and I either make the landing or I face plant. Yes. So with a lead of three points, the game is still within reach for Wade. Bob, you're leading into the final. I'm leading into the final round, and I said something I was going to add to the wheel in the last time. I've already forgotten what it was. Uh, screwed from the start or something? Because, like. I think you said you were going to add most religious references to the wheel. Yeah, let's. Yeah, let's do that. You're further from God. Furthest from God after the episode. Furthest from God. That's good. Furthest from God. That could be geographically. Can we just agree that I might win that today? Yeah, you. Yes. Yes, you would. All right, well. Just to save me a couple clicks, let's see how many spins we're going to do before I switch over. I bet it's three. Never mind. Oh, man. It might have been closed out for Bob. That's okay. There are chances for me to win on this wheel. If the Lord allows it, then it'll happen. All right. Everybody ready for the one spin that will definitely have a big impact on what's going on here? Oh, here we go. Golf rules. It's a little more suspenseful now that I. I really can't tell what's coming up. Oh! Most impressions. I don't know if you guys did too many impressions here. Bob did a great Neil deGrasse Tyson at one point. That's all I can remember. I don't really. I can't recall actually doing an impression or anything. Let's re-spin that. Maya's 7% to one-man show. Whoa! That does nothing for me now, but I still like it. All right. Well, that goes. Maya's down 7%. We'll definitely remember what that's supposed to be. I'm. I've. I've. Don't worry. I'm tracking it. It's a real big number right now. So any downs to one-man show are great for us right now. It's now at 23%. That's still big. That's very big. Huge, some might say. Huge? Huge. Just like the whiff that Wade has on his double-double that will haunt him for the rest of his days, we will replay that moment of him losing out on the win. The end of this game, because that would have won you the game. It would have actually won you the game. Clearly, weirdly, three-point lead, four-point double-double. Wow. Congratulations, Bob! I really teed it up for you, too. I tried to. And just like in Super Battle Golf, I missed it every time. Well, Wade, you can give your loser speech if you'd like. I thought this was a really fun idea. And to all of our religious viewers, I'm sorry that I didn't go in even harder because fuck it was funny. So I should have doubled down. I should have quadruple-doubled down. Then I would have gotten the points, everything would have been great, and you all would have laughed really hard, probably, and then prayed for my mortal soul. To everyone else, I hope you enjoyed. I had a blast. Bob, you crushed it. Congratulations. Mark, you were at least average as a host. Good job. At least. That's the floor. He did say at least, I guess. Okay. All right. Bob. I can give the winner's speech, too, if you want. Bob, Bob, winner's speech. All right. If I could just go ahead and share my screen here for a minute. I just want to graphically display for you. Is that me at silver medal taller than Bob? How I feel. No, we're going to fix this. We're going to fix this. This guy, this guy, he's out of here. This guy, he's a champion. He's too tall. He doesn't even need to have a head, but he does have a gold fucking thing on. A gold. Gold medal around his neck. That's crazy. This guy. Oh, yeah. He's tall. Yeah. He thinks he's fat. No, he doesn't have any hair. Yeah, he said. But you know what he has? He has a silver medal. Couldn't feel okay about that. That's not bad. He did fine. Good for you. You know, good for you. I just wanted everyone to see visually, because I care so deeply about our listeners, how this episode is. It's affected my psyche. All wounds are healed. All debts are repaid. I look forward to hosting a great episode. Mark, thank you so much for giving me such an epic stomp of a win. Wade, I'm sorry I drew you like that, but I feel like it's pretty accurate. Hey, Sam, for the whole episode, can you just have that be me and just make my mouth that mouth? Sam, don't listen to him. Come on, Sam. That wraps up this episode, except we had a surprise right there at the end. Bob broke the no drawing rule, so next time I host, he gets minus one point. Well, that was the only way we'll make it fair. I know that that's going to be remembered, so I'll look forward to it. It'll definitely be remembered, I'm sure. Thank you all, and be ready next time I host. It is not going to be, uh, that sounds bad. It will be the perfectest crime. Oh, promises. I think. Hedging. My favorite. My favorite power combo. Everyone loves to hedge. And with that, please subscribe to the podcast. We are weekly for now. We will be. Something else in the future. Who knows? Maybe we'll change the name of the podcast. We won't mix it up. Replace all the members. Maybe we won't even be here. We can only hope. Bah. But for the person who keeps track of the points and the score and the wins, they watched all the way to the end to make sure they don't miss anything. They're going to put that point on there, and they're going to mock you when you forget it. You're right. The minus one point to me in the future. It's going to happen. You're right. They'll keep you honest. Look at that. Look at that. Oh, that. Your background. I see what you mean. I thought you meant you got the. No, whatever. No, back when the monkeys thing happened, it was my background. I got a lot of confused tweets about that one. My skirm. Lord Minion 777. War Minion 777. Markiplier. Distractible. Podcast out. Observe the North American dad. 50s. Great polo collection. He enters his vehicle information on Carvana. An offer appears in minutes. Remarkable. He squints. Reads it. Again, smiles and says, dang, that's a good offer. The highest form of approval. No haggling. No hassle. No one called him boss. He's still on the couch. Astonishing. Sell your car today on Carvana.com. Traditional home security only alerts you after a break-in. And that's too late. SimpliSafe is changing that. Stop. This is SimpliSafe. Police are on the way. We don't just alert. We help stop crime before it starts. Stop. Plans starting around a dollar a day. SimpliSafe. Ahead of crime in real time. Visit SimpliSafe.com slash licenses for alarm license information.