That Sounds Bad!

Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable! This episode, Mechanistic Mark gives a manic media update that twists a trusted format. The fogged Bob wins "Elecution" funding nearly kills with his balls, accuses arithmetic and is defeated by D-nuts and juices. Will establish Wade's self-owns, loans lightning, deals in disappointment and dicks the wrong holes. From Coachella called "opens" to superheroic sex campaigns. Yes! It's time for. That sounds bad! Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Do you guys see that they performed "Golden" at Coachella? Why? Perform the other one! Cowards, this is what it sounds like! It was with a bigger K-pop group, and they added a ton of harmonies to it, because it was like nine women on stage singing it. And I saw people talking about it, and I was like, "They did the one, but they did the harmonies!" They did not. Yeah, getting that many people would be great for the song at the end that has the whole crowd going, "Ohhhhh!" And then how they sing in the lyrics about how they're singing in harmony, but they're not. Yeah, I know, it'd be crazy. Imagine. Yeah, but no, "Golden" the one that wasn't the most important pinnacle of the movie. So it's like the fake out there building towards the performance, and then, "Oh no, this moment's ruined!" All these companies taking the wrong message out of the movie. Go figure. Hello, and welcome to Distractable! That's what you call a gold open. Alright, you are office intro. What do we have in office intro? We do now. Just the office intro with our faces over each of the characters. Oh, we're gonna get sued. And Steve Corral, we leave Steve Corral. Right, of course. None of us could replace him. Now it's losing special guests. Never mind. I don't think they did that in the office. Where they go. And now, our special guest. Are you sure? Pretty sure. Season 14, episode 2. It's been a while since I launched this cell. Michael comes out of his office and goes, "That's what she said!" And someone goes, "Oh my god, Steve Corral, special guest, Steve Corral!" Oh my god. So realistic. Very realistic. Just like this podcast, it's almost like we're really here. But no, we're agentic. Oh. Hey, I have agency. Yeah. Do you? Are you sure? I am agentic. Okay. Bob is agentic. I thought you were an afrodisiac. That's not the word. I thought you were. You keep thinking, man. You keep thinking over there. Oh, I could be both of those. Yeah, get those thoughts turned in, man. It's almost gonna be your turn. Bob, you're my afrodisiac. Torback can make you feel all kinds of things. Torback, you sound stupid. That's how we only sound. Shut up. Torback is here. Presta's usual. I feel like he's in the room. Not all of us are talented and accomplished voice actors. Actually, none of us are. I think you are. I think you can do that one. It's just. Poor back. Stop showing off. God. Oh, it's not showing off the Torback. Let's not. I think he was right about that. Oh, look at me. I am poor back. It is great to be here in the bird with you. It's interesting. Ethan has Torback. Wow. Special guest. East. Guest. Ethan Fster. No. All right. List. Point. List. Point. I'm sorry, Bob. We're being unfair to you. I'll just be quiet for the rest of this one. Ethan, take my spot. All right. Ethan, everybody. Welcome. Special guest. Ethan. Ethan Fster. Ethan Fster. What's up? Like cranky crew. Well, there's no S's in there, so it doesn't. Is there a rule about calling yourself out if you say something? No, I don't think so. I don't have to call myself out or you're yourself out. Did someone say the word? Bob, did you say it? No, he said it. I said it. I said it. He said that you all are being the "you" word to me. Yeah. Well, now we have to do it, but I don't even know what for. Well, I, I, I, but I didn't know if I, well, if you would just shut your yap hole. Well, we get yelled at a lot for not noticing and I noticed, so I didn't know if I had to notice. I think he is saying that you were being unfair for making fun of me for list being or for not being able to do the Torback voice. Not sure, I don't know what his point was. Just in general, you know, we were just, we were just being rude to Bob. So he was saying we were unfair because you were getting shit for it. It was unfair of you all to make jokes about me. What a waste of this coin. If this is declared fair with all heads, we will, you and me, wait, we will pay for voice training lessons for Bob until he can make the Torback voice. Oh, okay. We will make it right. We will pay for those lessons. If it's doubly unfair, we get to make fun of Bob for his normal speaking voice as well. That's pretty fair. That's very fair, I think. All right, ready? Huh. Heads. Oh, no. Is that lady heads on here? I can't. Lady has heads. Yeah, lady has heads. All right, we got to pay for Bob's voice lessons. We're going to hire the actual guy from Legends of Advances and we're going to get him to get you to be able to be Torback. And we will not stop paying whatever his fee is and/or a comparable voice trainer because he might be pricey now that that shows popular. He's very famous and successful. I mean, if I'm going to do this, I want the real Torback to teach me about Torback stuff. All right, okay. We'll see what his availability is. The price cost be damned, you know? Okay, you're going to get a fair. We get you voice lessons for Torback. That doesn't look like it. Hold on a second. Is that his name Andy Flynn? Is that the guy's name? Yeah, but I searched Andy Flynn and I did not get the right guy. If you search Andy Flynn of Ventress, he comes up. Oh. There's another actor or someone who is also named Andy Flynn. You were laughing like it was some porn actor or something. And I thought that was going to be all right. The great Andy Flynn. Wow. Man, he's working out. He's getting sh--. Oh my god. His whole Instagram is just him working out with the shit. Holy shit. He's so jacked. I don't have to learn that, do I? No, no. Well, unless it's part of Torback, he might say it's actually part of it. Oh, no. Listen up, handsome. What's your day rate for getting Bob voice training to be Torback? We're not trying to replace you. Unless he does better than you, in which case, sorry. I mean, given where I'm starting from, how could I not be better than him? That poor guy is about to get hounded and he's going to hate us. He's going to be like, what is distractable? Who are these dumb fuckers? God. I hate our fans. I hate distractable too. All right, so that is handled. Of all the times to get triple heads, I just say, couldn't I use that on a thing that actually mattered? I mean, they're not that I won't enjoy voice lessons with the great endini. You're literally immortal. Was that from a coin flip? Oh, that was from a coin flip. Okay. Never mind, never mind, never mind. I don't have another complaint about. That's just me being a bitch. I like Mark and I deserve some good coin flip wins. No, you deserve nothing. Shut up. Mark, continue your episode. Thank you, I will. It's time to move on to small park. Yes, we are doing small talk. It's been a very derailed episode. That was a bit cold open. I'm going to give a blast of news updates from the various things of NAB of which I'm going to, but by the time this comes out, I will have already been, so no, you can't meet me there. Da Vinci, you got a new update, that's pretty cool. Go Pro, come back, maybe. Cool cameras came out. There's a lot of other new tools with AI in them that are probably scary. I don't know. Adobe is out of frothing in the corner or something. I have no idea. And then there's a lot of bags, a lot of lights, a lot of camera equipment, a lot of monitors for viewing things, audio equipment, kind of cool stuff like that. That's all you guys need to know. Okay. As we do every week, we do a media and broadcast equipment news update. That's true. Every week. It's an interest we all share equally, equally. Wait, say one tech thing. Microphone. Okay, man. That is technically correct. You get a point. I had that one ready in the bank, just in case. You look around at the closest thing in your room. Yeah. Oh, microphone. Does wrist rest? Does that count? Does this, does this count? Does it count? Is this technology made in Raylon? It's kind of. I don't know. So, technically? (laughs) (laughs) All right. It's true laugh. Oh. God damn. All right, strawberry lemonade for lunch, half of corn, fucking nuts. Oh, God, no. Oh, God damn. Oh, God damn. Oh, God damn. Oh, God damn. Oh, God, no. Oh, God damn. Oh, God damn. - No wonder you're so crazy. - Yeah, I don't know, I'm so crazy. - Look, I don't care if this has a billion red 40 and you know, it's the Coke Zero Cherry float. - It's delicious. - It probably has all kinds of chemicals in there to make it taste good, but goddamn. - No, those are surprisingly good. I like those. - Assis sulfame. - Nice. - Does it have acetate in it? - I don't see any, but it's got phenol ketonurics. - ketones? Those are good. I've never heard of those since the Treaty of Westphalia. - We're never gonna forget Westphalia. - See, you casually used that word in like so many episodes and then you acted like you've never heard it before in your life when we were playing the thing. I feel like that was a pretty generous word. - You had cheeseburger. (laughing) - Yeah, well that's long and weird. I'm just smart. (laughing) - You had cheeseburger. - He's right, he's right. - We talked about this. - I told you I was finding funnier. When we were finding those words together, you were like, oh, oh, I found a really good one and I was like, all right, he's getting tough words. I'll get tough words. - Well, I thought we did be more of the game when we had to like, you were just sitting there being like, oh, cheeseburger. Yes, this will stump them. - There weren't that many 12 letter words. - The thing is I could totally see Wade doing that where he finds cheeseburgers like, oh, yeah. That's gonna stump them. - Oh, man. - Maybe I missed the assignment a little bit, okay? - I thought we were on the same wavelength and we never are. - I'm sorry, man. I searched for 12 letter words. - Second way play, slay the splire too. - Then we are the same wavelength. - Then we're all on the same wavelength. - And I have learned that lightning boy sucks. - He does right. - He's awesome. I had the best ride I've had. Solar ride I've had has been with him. - Fucking, I got the craziest thing where I basically half my deck cost zero and then I had a couple of that one where you put all zero cost cards from your discard back into your hand. I had things where on the second or third turn, I was just like, (scatting) Get 'em all back. (scatting) Everyone's dead and like, he's fucking crazy if you build 'em, right? - I did not have that kind of luck when we were playing. I had one evoke and a bunch of bullshit. - And plasma? - Oh, plasma. - Oh, plasma. - Oh, plasma. - I didn't even see plasma. I had lightning, cold, dark and glass. - Glass is sticky, but plasma's the way. - Glass is equivalent to lightning except it diminishes. I think it shouldn't diminish over time. - I'd rather have dark. - Yeah, of course, everyone would rather have dark. - Dark, dark, dark was great. But I only had like one dark, that's why I lost him. - Get more dark. - I couldn't, man, I was the heart and the mercy of the draw and the draw was like, you know what, you need glass. Quit the game forever then! Quit it forever! - Let's play right now. - No, we have another game. Have you even small talked at all, guys? - I did, I said, I said I had strawberry lemonade today and that's technically qualified, that's small pot. - Yeah, you're right, you're not getting a point for it, though. - Technically! (laughing) - Oh my God, I hate that. - Yeah, I didn't give you a point for that either 'cause it scared me. - Good, I'll give you the truest laugh. - Wait, you need to learn how to golf this year. I need more people in my circle who golf. - Okay, we're gonna hit the range and then we gotta go play some local nine holes. - You're gonna sports, you're gonna ball sports, you're athletic guy, you'll be fine at golf. It's very fun. - If you had said like, volleyball, basketball, tennis, like for some reason golf and baseball, man, I don't know, just, I need a whole racket. The little tiny nub club, man, I miss the ball a lot. - It's not easy. The thing about golf is, it doesn't matter if you're the fucking worst golf forever. It's still fun to go drive golf carts around and go and just hit balls and try and get 'em near the hole. It's fun. - You say that until we're six hours in and I'm still on the whole one. - I'm awful, the last time I played nine holes, I lost like six balls in nine holes. Like, I'm terrible at golf. - But you're so strong, you hit the ball, it goes far. - That does not help you. One of the balls I lost, I lost, because I hit it like 50 yards past the hole and I almost killed someone. (laughing) If I hadn't killed four, they hadn't turned and looked, I might have killed a guy. Still had a great time. - Well, the risk there is also that they turn right to the ball and get dunked right in the face. - Yeah, everyone knows the front of the face is the most resilient part of the head. Back of the head, all you got is skin bone brain. Front of the head, you got cartilage, you got eyeballs and teeth. You don't need those to live. You got extra stuff that'll cushion the brain, which is really the part you got to keep safe. - Yeah, yeah, I guess you're. - And ears are not as protective as they seem. - She's more like tennis instead. - Can we just play golf, little golf? You could use my clubs, they're for tall guys, you're a tall guy. - Well, here we just go to top golf and that'll be the end of it. - I mean, that's fine too, that's fun. I like top golf. - I know I wasn't invited to this, but you know, I'm assuming I was invited. - Well dude, you're always invited. You just live across an entire giant ass country. - Well now, hold on, hold on. Always, mostly, you're usually invited. - No, look, my perspective is, Mark is invited to everything that I do, but I know that there's just realities about how far away we live from each other, and it's not always gonna line up. - So like, I'm gonna go hop in the shower, Mark's just invited. - If he wanted to, man, he could jump right in with, I got a big tall, big shower, we find lots of space. - Okay. - Got an extra brush, can you use a brush? Would you help me hold it while I pee if you were in the bathroom with me? - I feel like that's up to him. - That's what I'm asking. - He could be invited. You don't get to dictate how he participates. - All right, that's my small talk. Bob, you got in pee. - I feel like that was my small talk. - Wait a minute. - I claimed it, I don't know if he did. - Shit, what else do I have going on? I have a car, and Wade doesn't, how about that? - Ah, fuck. You still got that car thing going on, huh? - Yeah, it was a nice car too, that was great. It was a great car that was mine, that was in my driveway. That's my car. - That's a good car. - I already told you everything that happened in my life because we caught up, so. - It's tricky. When you hang out in real life and it's not recorded, what do you, I guess we need to record it every time we're near each other, just in case it needs to go on the podcast. - We've been together every day, except for yesterday in some capacity. - There was a real good AI update. - There was. - I mean, at this point is like two weeks ago, so. - Trust me, there's a lot of people who are going to hear this who did not hear the update. If you don't know what real good AI is, you should check it out, don'tgoodai.org. For those that don't know about it, and yes, we're making AI and we're building our own data center. (laughing) Right? - Yes, yes. - We're going to call it real GPT, no. It's science. The good kind of science? Is there a bad, is there evil science? I guess, probably. There's mad science, so I guess that's not good science. This is the fun kind of science. - Like flubber. - It is like flubber. It absolutely is like flubber. Anyway, there was a breakthrough in training and getting the Gaussian process model in where it's normally a neural network, so that was big. - It is proof of concept, but the future of good AI. - I know I asked this and they're not ready to publish yet, but when do you think that'll be published? - That is a tricky call. I don't know if I know enough about it, to say for sure what it'll be published. I think it's already like there was already a newsletter type update that's available on the website, and I think there are some social media posts where man he's talking about it, and we stream every Thursday. If they come to the stream, they can ask about it, but publishing and getting it actually written up and publishing all that stuff is the slowest, most painful process ever. So I don't know if I can give an actual timeline for that, but he's working, and Eric did that research, and he's such a good little scientist that even though he's real sick right now, he's still working. He's busting his ass for all of us. - For all of us. - If it turned out to be evil, we didn't do that part. - Yeah, for sure. That's probably someone else. - Nature versus nurture, you can only do so much. - That's what they say. - Maybe math is just evil. I mean, I've had inklings. - I've always thought math was particularly evil, but I've never known the math to prove it. - All right, very divisive. - No, sorry, too late. - Hush, the buzzer rang, that joke was mid-air. It did not land in time. - That would have been such a good point to use that. - Yeah, that would have been good. - I'm invoking the double coin flip rule. - Nope, okay. - Notice this dodge ball. - That's a double vault, sudden death. - Next constitution, we gotta make a challenge of some kind besides unfair, but it's like, you know, flag based. We gotta throw something. - Didn't we use to have flags and get rid of them? - Oh, you're right, wait. - That's vaguely familiar. Wait, oh wow. - But I don't know if we stopped using them 'cause we forgot or if we literally were like, no more flags. Now we do the unfair coin flip. - Okay, now we got an extra one where it's like, we have to throw something, but every time it gets thrown, it has to be heavier than before. - Throw something. - Well, that's gonna get real bad, real fast. - Yeah, I guess I'm not keeping heavy shit around my desk anymore. - All right, okay, we gotta get in on with the game because we've been doing this for 20 minutes already. We're not gonna have any time. - Get ready for a recycled idea from the past. - Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. - Yeah, you know what time it is. Actually, it's a slightly evolved idea from the past. - That's the best kind of recycling. - All right, cool. Uh, no, you fools, it's time for that sound's bad. Oh, play the theme song, yeah, wow, special guests, Steve Karel. Steve, all right, see you, he was on the other side of that door, he said he had to go. I should have gone this way, of course, but it didn't, but it's fine. I vaguely remember this, wasn't it? Yeah, that sounds good the first time. Yeah, it was, that sounds good. This is now that sounds bad, which is an idea that I got in the middle of that sounds good and I was like, wow, that probably would be funnier. And I believe that's correct. The way it works is one of you, well, flip a coin, we'll decide who goes first, we'll say something, I will give you a prompt and you'll go give me a way that it's bad. And these are typically good things and then you're going to make it sound bad and the other person's going to make it sound worse and the other person, then it goes back to the first to make it sound worse. Whoever can make it sound bad, really bad and continue the chain without going back. So the first person that says something that is not worse than the previous one loses the other person gets the point. Make sense? Right, right, right, yes. I think this will work better because if there's one thing you guys are good at, it's being negative. Hence, Wade, Tails. Hey, wait a minute, that's unfaithful shit. It's Bob. All right, Tails, your Bob. Oh, good. Thank God somebody wasted our unfair already this episode. Look at how prismatic it looks. It's like all blue and stuff. Oh, that is cool. It's just my reflection monitor here, but Elgato, I need to say, I have the prompter and it's very useful, especially if I'm recording. I can see if I'm recording and whatnot, but you either have this model or the fucking gigantic one, I just need a little bigger. That's all I need. Bigger than the giant one. I have the giant one, then I looked at how giant it was. I was like, I can't physically put it up here. It'd be too big, but I need something just a little bigger, get to it somewhere in between, you know, middle size, prompter. All right, Bob, you're going to make a doughnut, the delicious, delectable sugary treat that is a doughnut. Sound bad. That's taste great, but you know what comes with that great taste every single time you have a doughnut, feeling a failure. You immediately, when you make the choice to have a doughnut for breakfast, you immediately feel like you've lost the day. Like no matter how good it tastes, you're like, well, it's a doughnut day. So, you know, maybe I won't work out today. Like who cares? I had a doughnut, like everything's down the drain. It's all downhill from here. It's a great doughnut. Maybe I'll have pizza for dinner. Who cares? It's doughnut day. It just comes with it. It's good as a taste. It's just not a solid start. It sets you up for a downward trajectory. All right. That sounds, you know, I get that. I get that. You know, if you start with doughnuts, you got all that sugar going up in there. It's not good for anybody to start that way as opposed to like, you know, an egg or something like that. You know, the food that has all the nutrition possible. Perfect food. You feel like you could kill the world. Eat eggs. Wait. Can you make that doughnut sound bad or? Well, on top of just starting the day off wrong because you're choosing to have a doughnut, the process of getting a doughnut is really fucking annoying, especially for us non-morting people. Because doughnuts, you know, when you get doughnuts on your way to work, if you work a normal nine to five, you go and you get your doughnut and you get your coffee. And you have to wait in the longest fucking lines. We grew up in Milford. We went to school in Milford, right? And in Milford, there was a Dunkin' doughnuts, right? And like, out of the way, if you're going to school, it was out of the way. If you're going to work, I guess it's on the way to the highway. But the line would wrap around the building and then come out onto like the bypass that would block up traffic and you had to go and wait forever to even get your doughnut. And then you get there and you're like, I want this doughnut. I don't know. Strawberry Frost. And like, we're sold out. Would you like this cake doughnut? And I'm like, no, I don't want, I just waited for 40 minutes for the strawberry. lines and dis appointment because the ones you want they're limited in quantity they can't possibly paint another Donuts is this place have you pink 76 you know that's how you get your strawberry do you know how don't it don't us are made way magic paint no That's what the hell's going on is put some little paint on it's a strawberry, but no they're like we have a ugly cake thing Yeah, it's like cake dough cake donuts are delicious. Not when you want the strawberry frosted. Well, you just kind of Modify your expectations. All right, inconvenient. That's great. All right, Bob Another thing about donuts when you're in like a group setting. They're almost always a letdown You show up to the office show up to The set we've been on set Pakistan a lot of you show up and you see me like ah, they got a box of donuts All right, I was running a little late. I skipped breakfast today. I would really love to have a donut That sounds fantastic. God, I hope they have some chocolate glazed or what I don't even really care I just hope they have a good I hope it's not like jelly-filled powdered covered donut That's going to make me a mess for the rest of my life Oh, don't even whatever I'll eat it and then you go up to the box and you're like oh I'm starving This is what I needed and you open the donut box and for some fucking reason there's one quarter of one Bear claw in the box one who cuts up and touches donuts in the public box of donuts Two who leaves one quarter of one donut and three? Why is the box still there if there's not even one entire donut in it It's always like that. I've never opened a box of donuts anywhere other than my own house and found a whole donut in it Let alone multiple that I could choose from at this point There's a certain point where you realize right and so sometimes you see it and you're like bad. I'm not even gonna look That's probably fucking day old donuts. I don't even care But you forget sometimes and when you really need it That's when you forget and you're like, ah, there's no there's some donuts There's hope and then you open it and it's fucking sadness and anger and it makes your day worse every single time Man, those true words very bad wait. Do you grab a donut you hear where you take your bite? Take it real interesting good flavor maybe at first and then we zoom into the throat as the donut comes down Mushroom cloud inside of you why because not a single fucking nutrient just entered your body You just ate nothing but greasy fat and sugar and exploded within you telling your body I don't want anything actually to eat what I want to do is die 20 years younger Armba fucking get oh there's fallout happening right here, but hope you have a shelter built you don't There go your inside some all the grease sugar and fat content of probably the worst combination of things you can eat Outside of directly eating poison or like bleach or something so congratulations for all of the nuclear waste building up in your gut Because you're gonna be seeing that thing expand soon trust me it does it catches up Oh, yeah, you right donut arm again. That's pretty bad Bob Okay Donuts right you know donuts you've seen donuts they have a fatal flaw They're too soft You don't want food to be too soft like that you know what could go inside of a donut jelly cream Razor blades poison tablets anything small animals worms Who knows donuts are designed to be filled which is sold as a feature But they're so soft you could slide something and you can't even see can even see the hole where it went in You could be handed a donut with a dozen razor blades in it and not even be able to tell there was anything wrong with it You take a big bite and boom razor blades in your mouth All right, I mean that does sound bad. I don't I don't like that. All right, Wade revelations I thought I think I'll concede to the razor blade All right, okay, okay, okay Really donut sure That was a horrifying visual that sounded so bad. I thought I had it with the nukes I gotta look at every donut you see for the rest of your life with a little with a little contempt Now the razor blades were a step up. I can't deny. All right, Wade. It's your turn to go first. All right You're gonna you go outside as a bright sunny beautiful day perfect temperature birds are singing make this sound bad All right, let's have to see one more time. It's a bright sunny day. You go outside It's bright beautiful sunny day perfect temperature slight just the lightest beautiful breeze It doesn't even tussle your hair, but it cools that's so refreshing and then the birds are singing and grass green trees leaves Beautiful nature. Well, let me tell you why this really Fluffs my feathers a little bit in the wrong way mark because I walk outside this beautiful sunny day There's a light breeze that doesn't even tussle my hair and then I'm reminded mark. I don't have hair. I'm bald And you know every time I go outside and it's a beautiful sunny day with a light breeze I'm reminded there is no hair. I could get sunburn and my hair doesn't blow in the wind anymore And that kind of takes a little bit of it out for me. You're right. Okay. I get it up. Sorry. I didn't realize There are some people that can't enjoy that. Oh, sensitivity training might do you some good? I guess all right come down there waiting you slow your roll a little bit. All right. It's a beautiful sunny morning You're outside. You've gone to your favorite park. You're out there to enjoy some nature and you start your walk and Ah, excuse me, oh excuse me, on your left, oh the bicycle, oh fuck you know who the fuck is outside? People, people are outside. Every time I've been outside, try to enjoy nature or a beautiful day. There's always someone there to ruin it. There's always some kid on a bicycle, or a skateboard, or with a remote control car, or a dog that's not on a leash for some reason in a public park, or there's always some stupid person out there ruining that shit. The only place you're safe from people is inside your house, or in the house of a trusted friend or associate, where you know no one who's going to ruin it is going to be there. Maybe the backyard is safe, but even in your own backyard you can have shit ruined by people. Outside stinks. That's a good point. All these great weather and fun things draw other people and people are naturally terrible. We all know this to be true. Awful. Wait. Not the people outside you got to worry about. It's them. They're watching. Inside, you can go ahead and you can search and make sure there's no bugs planted on your lamps or your light sockets, but outside there could be cameras anywhere. The birds themselves, they're drones. Who's watching from the moon? The government. Is there even a moon? I don't know. The earth is flat, so why is there a round thing in the sky? Doesn't make a lot of sense to me. So I'm outside. Now I'm reminded of all the things out of my control, and all the people watching me that want to take me, take my brain and put things in my butt. Yeah, I don't want to go outside. It's awful because all it is is chaos out of my control and they, they control it all. All right, man. Okay. Cool. All right. Oh, that escalated quickly. Yeah, Bob. Can you go worse than that? It's a beautiful morning. Maybe it's in the past. Maybe this is from another generation. Beautiful August morning. Sun's coming up. Lovely day. You're outside. It's about 815 in the morning. August 9th, 1945. Beautiful lovely morning in your home city of Hiroshima, Japan. And all you want to do is stand outside and choke up some sun. Oh, what's that? Rumble in the distance. All right, this might even be cut out. I haven't second thoughts about this. No, it's so funny. It's so funny. Oh, man. Look, that might be one of the worst mornings a person has ever had. It's funny in this context, but also pretty serious. Pretty bad. Pretty bad. Pretty bad. Hard to hard to imagine much worse. Can't ever joke about that thing. Much like other things that we can make fun of. For sure. I better give you a point. But it's not over. Wait, can you go worse? I just want you to know, I had written a couple of things to escalate. And my last one was looking up the sky one last time before nuclear war. He's got you beat. He's got you beat. That was where I had it ending. So, uh, great minds, huh? Great minds. What is worse for you than that? I don't know. I don't know. You can see. You can't concede. I don't want to, but yeah, yeah, I got. I don't want to. Yeah. All right, that's it. Razor blades. You look up at the clouds and razor blades. I thought at first, that's where you could go. Just like you're looking up Lonnie dot on my foot. Razor blades. That's not worth it. Congratulations, Bob. That's two and a row. You're on a roll. Feel great about that one. It's right back to you to start and you're going to make sex sound bad. Just limbs and sweat. Just sticky. Just rubbin. Just a lot of rubbin. If you're not prepared for the rubbin, there's a lot of chafen. Just get it. Just, uh, you know, just like, yeah, you know, it's like a really disinterested sex ed teacher. All right, listen, you don't want. It's not it. Yeah, you both are sex ed teachers teaching class about how abscess is right past. All right, would sex may be fine for some and it's a cooperative activity. One of my favorite anime is in mongos solo leveling. I don't need a partner. The odds of having someone else get in my way and that caused me extra time and stress. Whatever, I know I can get the job done faster and more efficiently. No, thank you. I'm going to, I'm going to allow this, but I'm like, you made masturbation sound good as opposed to sex sounding bad. So, uh, it's better. I'll, I'll, I'll let it pass. I'll let it pass. That's the one warning. That's right. You will. I would. Yeah, I've determined it for you. I may not. I'm thinking about it good. All right, Bob. All right, sex. Sex happens with another person. You'll feel what they're doing to you and you'll feel what you're doing to them and you'll kind of have an idea what's going on, but you know, you don't get to know. What are they thinking? Why are they looking at? Are they looking at your hips? They're looking at your, your trebby thighs. Are they laughing at your physique? Are they laughing at your technique? Are you doing a good job? Are they happy? You think it's going well? Do they think it's going well? Are they satisfied? Was that fake? Did that, are they just pretending? Are they faking it right now? Wait a minute. Uh, how am I faking it? Wait, is this real? What's real? What's real here? You want to lose all sense of self? You want to dissociate so hard that you barely even exist for a while? Yeah, go ahead. Have some sex. I love a dissociative crisis. That's, that is true. Yeah, you will entirely lose your, your, your sense of personhood. Abyss me every time. Wade, worse. Life with your partner is a beautiful dance, a tango. You guys have it all figured out. You know how you survive at the home chores, the work life, raising kids, so on and so forth. You have similar interests. You go and you see your movies together. You go on your walks. Everything is a perfect yin and yang. And then all of a sudden, one night you have one drink too many at the bar and all of a sudden you wake up and go, "Huh, what happened? Who's that?" Oh, sex. Wrong person. Now my whole relationship's in block and all kinds of fucked up. Just because of a one bad sex. I'm sorry. I'm on a keto dilapidated roll. I break my diet. It's okay. But I put my dick in the wrong hole and all of a sudden it's all gonna end. Sex ruins everything. Wow. I didn't see that. All right. Okay. That's for sounds real bad, man. You're right. It all blows up. Bob, can you make it sound worse? Do you like movies? That's one specific movie I've seen. But I wish I could unsee. Stop reading my script. That I think we'll make you think twice about ever having sex ever again for any reason. We're seeing the 2007 film, Teeth. Damn you. The story. That's a comedy horror comedy in air quotations about a woman whose vagina has Teeth. Yes, this is real. This is a real medical condition. This is not fabricated for fictional movies. This happens and there's no way to know and tell it's too late. There's no way for you to be able to tell. It's a gamble every time. Maybe you like gambling with your dick. But for me, I say it's not worth it. Just imagine the teeth vividly imagine it. It's almost like there's razor blades in there. That's exactly the motif I'm running riffing on. Yes. That was great. Yeah, that sounds horrible. Yeah, I remember in the movie when the doctor gets his fingers a bit and off. He goes, "Oh, vagina dintata!" So I'm giving you a point for vagina dintata. vagina dintata. What a delivery. Yeah, I'm actually screen sharing with Wade right now. So I'm just stealing all your ideas directly off what yours. Did I have to double check it makes right? I still have to document up from the one-man show. All right, Wade, you got one chance to go higher. Heath pretty bad. Kind of a one-off instance. I want you to imagine for a moment, a world of superheroes and supervillains, right? Imagine if we could all just get like a little shot and all of a sudden we could develop a superpower, but we don't know how that's going to come to fruition. Some people can fly. Some people get super strength. Some people come magma. Some people get really small and climb into dicks, but then they sneeze and explode and there it goes. You never know what kind of horrible sexual shenanigans might come up. You never know if there might be teeth or worse than teeth or razor blades. Maybe whatever someone farts after they'd have a nuclear explosion come out. This world of superheroes could be amazing, but also you got more than teeth to worry about because any kind of jizz or cum or sensation or scream or laugh or spit could be acid could be anything. Everything is a gamble. Every time you even go just hold someone's hand, it could melt your fingers off. Much less put in your dick in there. This world of super Heroes could be great, but it has a dark underbelly of sex, explosions, melting, pain, screams, and that little tickling sensation you can never quite get to go away, which is kind of itchy after a while. Yeah, that does sound bad. Yeah, it just sounds worse than just teeth. I'll give you it because you made me remember the boys. I'd kind of stole everything from that, you know. I stole it. That's right. All right, Bob. Let's put a time frame on this. Let's say, just as a specific example, it's not what you think. Calm down. Okay. Okay. I have the 1945. Perhaps it's August 9th again, but it doesn't matter what year it is. Okay. And it's definitely in like the 2000s or later. Maybe it's August 9th of this past year. Do you know what means if you had sex on August 9th of this past year, it means that in less than a month, you're going to be a parent, and you're going to be responsible for an entire other human being. And there's all kinds of stuff that comes along with that, and some of it is great. And some of it involves terrible, horrible, unthinkable things. And some of it involves poop being on parts of you you didn't know poop could get on. And some of it involves furniture you own, never smelling the same. But there are a lot of aspects to it, and unless you're ready for that shit, and unless you really mean that shit, you should just stay away from it because you God knows how much you're having sex these days, how many kids might just be cropping up left and right. Who knows? Yeah. Watch out for that shit. It's less your woman than it's less, way less of a surprise, but you know, still, whoa, still. Whoa. All right. Here's my logic here. It's definitely the scariest thing in the world to some people, but to some people, it's what they really want. We want that weirdo's. I know very strange people just bizarre, right? I think there are probably a subset of people that want the lava come, but it's probably a much smaller proportion of people that think that it's good than that it's bad. So. Yeah. I clarify that I was specifically thinking of this in the context of we're like teaching a high school health class, and then I think the breakdown of high schoolers who want to have kids on purpose is probably a lot lower than the general population. That is scary. It's probably true. It's probably very scary. I'll take a stab. Give it to him. I'll take a stab at escalating from there. Well, but he's the judge. He's the judge. I just feel like I can clarify. Wade is passing on this to take another stab at getting even worse than babies. This feels like the building on, right? I'm taking, we're taking each other's ideas and taking a step. This is the whole thing. Yep. All right. Why did I do this? Okay. So you find that person, you meet eyes at the bar. They take a sip of their drink. You know what they're thinking because it's what you're thinking. They want another drink. Oh, fuck. So you buy them a drink. You guys have some chemistry. You find out you have some stuff in common. You go home. You have fuck like rabbits. You have sex here. You have sex there. All of the sinful fuck that you can have. And then you find out, you got pregnant. You're going to be a dad. You're going to know this person's name. You don't remember their name. But you know, I'm going to be there. I'm going to step out. Okay. I'm going to try to raise this kid. You stick around. You get to know the person. Okay. We have some chemistry. We can make this work. And then the day of the delivery comes. Babies born. A doctor goes and goes to hand you the baby and the baby bites the doctor's finger. You're like, oh, that's kind of weird. I had to do that. Babies hand it over to the mom. Baby doesn't cry. It just sits there kind of looking like it knows something you don't. And then you see the 666 tattoo on the baby. And you realize you and sin have helped birth the antichrist because of your sex. Now you've got to raise the antichesis because there's responsibility. I was kind of back to religion with this guy. You know, I wasn't following the whole time, but I shouldn't have doubted. I shouldn't have died. That's true. Having a bunch of babies that you don't even know about, but maybe to do the evilest baby. Evilest baby hides the remote and all kinds of sick shit that monster. Babel, do you think you got another? Oh, sure. Yeah. I can go worse than that. I'm locked and loaded over here. All right. All right. Sex does crazy things to your brain. M.T.G. Of all reason. It drains you of any thought. As soon as you get it on the brain, you're like, anything, anyone. Sex. I need it. And then one day, you snap back to reality. Well, there goes gravity. Fuck you. I mean, you wake up and you look over and you're like, oh, maybe we could do it one more time before I head out and never talk to this person again. And you're looking at your kids. They're facing the other way. You're like, oh, weird. I don't. I can't really remember last night. Oh, this bedroom is kind of familiar. That's that perfume. It's very familiar. It's crazy. There's some strangely nostalgic about what's going on here. I don't understand. And then finally, the person next to you wakes up. They don't see her awake. They roll over and they look you in the eyes and say, what a magical night, son. The best part of waking up. Is that worse than antichrics? Insist antichrics. I don't know. Really think about it, Mark? Are you guys forcing me to choose me? Mark, would you rather have antichrists or incest? If you let Wade win, you have to have incest. That's the rules. As far as like what sounds bad, my face went more at bobs. So I'm going to go with his as being currently the leader. To Wade unless you want to take another stab and go even worse. And then presenting me with another choice. You go out. There's a beautiful festival happening, right? There's flowers everywhere. Everything is perfectly in bloom. Everything is immaculate looking. You would have a drink, best drink you ever had. You take a bite of food, best bite of food you ever have. And then the crowd parts and you see her standing there, absolutely glowing. A goddess. One thing you've ever seen and you go up and you strike conversation and she introduces herself and you start talking. And all of a sudden she's giving you some signs and you're picking up on them and you're giving signs. She's picking up on them. And you guys go and you find a nice beautiful quiet spot in the flowers and you have sex like you've never had before in your life. And then she tells you afterward her name, Hera, you're like, Hera, Hera, wait a second. And then a bolt of lightning strikes nearby and fucking Zeus up here and it's like, did you just fuck my wife because the things I can do to you will make therapists feel like he's on vacation and you spend the rest of eternity hanging for that sex in all of the worst ways of torture you can imagine. Fuck your mom. I call that Tuesday. Well, I don't know how long time ago, I'm gonna say that's still that's still you could walk away and be like, maybe worth it because you made it sound really good in the beginning there. And if you've got more detail of what Zeus and there's the whole thing where pacifist, you might be happy, you know, question, Jerry's still out. Oh, you won't be a sensible major here, not anyway, I'm gonna go with Bob one that round, which means that he's he's won that was one mom, fuck, I'm talking about don't it for every day for the rest of your life and life is eternity. Oh, is that the punishment? He did throw that out there, yeah, every Tuesday. I thought you were saying that to be like, huh, fucking your mom, that's what I do every Tuesday, compared to the punishment that Zeus is going to know. No, no, that was one of the, that was one of the days of the week. I think that was one of the punishments, yeah, I think, oh, I'm saying you're not doing the same thing. You're not just pushing a rock up a hill, he's making you do all kinds of shit for eternity. Okay. Well, it still stands that Bob's made it sound really bad, you know, the description was worse, but that's fine. You can, you want some variety in your life just to see if your body can take it. I get it. You know, it's just not making it sound bad, man. I guess anyway, I'm going to give it a bob, um, he the sex bitch. All right. Okay. We're closing it up. It's been a tighter race than you think, because Wade, don't be so disposed because Bob had me laughing real hard a few times. Well, you had me laughing hard consistently and pretty much all of those. So here's the points as they stand, Wade, office intro, microphone. You had cheeseburger, the truest laugh. Did you win donut? No. Oh, donut armageddon doesn't tussle my hair made me laugh really hard. Dick and wrong hole ruined. Fuck your mom. I call that Tuesday. So that's the total one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight points. Bob, is agent tick, you are agent tick, you got a list point that I laughed at really hard. Fair. Give you a point for winning the coin toss. We have to get you voice lessons to be Torbick, ideally from Torbick. You won the donut round Hiroshima made me laugh really hard, which, you know, now that I say that loud, sunny day. You won that dissociative sex thing. Very funny. Vagina dintata, and then you won the sex round. So the sex one had a lot of good less one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. So it's close race still could be anybody's. - I have a document up and the only thing written on this document at this point is STD, which I. - Yeah, I can't believe neither of you touched on the STD front of things. - I feel like we just leapfrogged right past it, yeah. That's okay, I have Google up. And the last thing I Google tried to get my next retort ready was Hitler mom name. (laughing) - So I had plans, but. (laughing) - Whoa. (laughing) - Whoa, man, I fronched Mark. (laughing) - This went places, man. This went places. - All right, how many bonus spins will there be? - One. - Oh, only one. - Oh God, if it ties again and I get another one man's show, fucking crew. - Mark gets the one. What the hell is showing me, like, getting it. - All right, it could happen, it could happen. - Only 30 letter words, Bob. We gotta find 30 letter words. - All right, what do we add to this one? - Who had sex most recently? - Ooh. - Unless you guys don't wanna share that. - We're all married here. - Does that mean that better or worse to share that? (laughing) - Got 'em. Got marriage. - I'm gonna text Molly. Molly, we're gonna go have sex so I can win next week. (laughing) - Every day, guys, can we take a 30 second break for no reason before we spend? - It's the most important spin in your life today. Come on. - Free parking. Okay, so we add a point to free parking and then there's a separate entry for getting free parking, right? Is that, well, that means the final score just stands, right? - All right. 'Cause I counted, that was a spin. - Oh, that's true. - That's true, I guess we do do that. - Wow. - Well, useless spin. - Great for Bob, great for Mark. I'm the loser from this. - I'm sorry, wait, that was really anticlimactic. I thought that maybe they would be like, "Oh, another tie, one man should, man." - You had some really funny ones. - Okay, but it would be anticlimactic than anticristactic. (laughing) - Yeah, you really go into the same places sometimes, huh? - Eventually get to the gods. - And even Zeus, yeah, yeah, still the gods. - But congratulations, Bob, not to be so all poor. I just feel bad, 'cause Wade has not won in a while. It has been a while. - Long time. - All right, we got this, hold on, that's been a long time, long time. Bob, winter speech. - That went really great. TikTok was all around, very successful. That mixed feelings about what all I ended up actually saying, but you do what you have to do to win. It's how important this show is, it's how life goes. That's why I'm a winner. It's like, do what I gotta do. - Thank you, I feel it's appropriate. - Oh, Wade, lose your speech. - I've been sitting here thinking about how I could have made the last one sound even worse. And I was like, well, what if, while lying there in bed, hair rolls over and Zeus crawls out from inside or drags you into the teethy chomps of vagina mess where razor blades and the flavor of cooling you don't really care for is all that served and then like the meat's cold. It's just a really awful experience in there. - Purple coolade. - Oh, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. Look, I like the color. It's just gross. It's just not a good flavor, cool. - Alas, I didn't get to all the descriptors. I did the best I could. I thought we had a good back and forth. I conceded a couple times where maybe I should have gone, gone further. So I live a life of regret and failure. - As all losers should, yeah, that's true, yeah. Well, at least you recognize that way and you can correct your mistakes next time. If there is a next time, only one way to find out, subscribe or follow this podcast to know. ♪ We don't know when we're gonna quit ♪ ♪ But it'll be a shocking surprise ♪ ♪ Better stay tuned to see when it is ♪ ♪ Then you will cry ♪ - I always cry after. - I cries all the time. - Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, not a podcast out.