The podcast opens with heartfelt gratitude from the host, acknowledging the audience’s massive support that has helped the show reach 100 million Spotify streams and profoundly impacted his life. A central narrative follows a listener’s experience of emotional alienation from her mother-in-law’s family, detailing disrespectful behavior, emotional manipulation, and lack of support, ultimately leading her to seek divorce. Another story centers on a man’s shift from supportive to controlling behavior post-marriage, including emotional manipulation, refusal to engage with his wife’s needs, and a pattern of manipulation that culminates in her decision to leave. The host also shares a humorous yet insightful take on love bombing and emotional control in relationships, especially during pandemic-era long-distance marriages. A separate post examines a husband’s neglect of his new role as a father, causing his wife to feel unattracted and emotionally drained. The episode emphasizes that healthy relationships require mutual respect, emotional presence, and boundaries, not just love or shared goals. Throughout, the host highlights how emotional manipulation, control, and communication breakdowns can erode trust and joy in marriage. The overarching message is one of self-awareness and empowerment: individuals must recognize when their relationships are serving control over love, and prioritize their well-being over endurance. The stories collectively underscore the importance of emotional honesty, support, and boundaries in sustaining long-term, healthy partnerships.
Before we get into this week's episode, I just want to say thank you to all of you Rapped dropped yesterday and it has been the most amazing year for two hot takes Not only did we have some amazing accomplishments that you all have been sharing with me on wrapped We also passed a hundred million streams on Spotify and I really don't even have the words still even after sitting with this for About a month now. I don't have the words to say thank you to all of you You really have changed my life my family's life some of my friends lives For ever for the better and it it really is just so special to have you all with us week after week listening to this show A show that started almost five years ago in my bedroom just reading Reddit stories because of COVID and I couldn't get a job and I was depressed So thank you for being here. I can't say it enough truly. Thank you from all of us here at THT We're ready It's time. That's my Mariah Care. Okay, Mariah. Okay. I love that You're such a beautiful singer here. Thank you Did you whip that out when you were at Carnegie Hall? y'all are so lucky I can't sing because I would be singing nonstop. I'd walk in I'd give a little solo opera I would be hitting jazz notes you as an opera singer I have to be Italian. Here's the thing. There's um, there's like a singing coach where they were like everyone can sing You just haven't had the right tools the right training. I don't believe I Honestly, I feel like out of anyone I know I feel like you'd pull like singing out of the bag Your new party trick you wouldn't stop my mom is a jazz singer like and it just missed me. It's no It's in your jeans. It's if I know what you just don't know how to harness again So my theory is that I can accidentally hit a note Like I thought I could accidentally hit the wicked note. I literally went on the Kelly Clarkson show looks at Kelly Clarkson Who by the way? Like I was gonna say Hall of Famer what a number one ever singer and I was like I think I can accidentally hit the wicked note like by mistake Like how even you didn't even a blind squirrel finds a nut Is that even a broken clock is right twice twice a day? I love that one and she kind of laughed and I was like yeah, but if you if I did it like all day I tried on the show I've tried it before honestly. I'm a little you know. I have a little sniffles So I don't think I'm just like Mean girls. I'm sick I'm so I can't hit it today normally would Thank you for having me Welcome back to Hannah Burner you guys on another episode of two hot takes here. We go. I'm so happy to be back I'll also look at you already Christmas Festive you miss Thanksgiving immediately. Don't care about it. Don't care about it Things giving in Canada's like the end of October or something like that So November first hits and I'm not Canadian, but like I was Why are we talking about can I but I'm raising that mentality? Yeah, and I am I posted on my story and all my listeners that responded were like Girl, you're fine. It's November 1st until like March 31st. It's it's cool. And I'm like March I can get behind that. Let's go. I mean honestly the Christmas spirit is with us today. I know and it's all socially constructed anyway So we can do it. It's like the most Yeah, so me coming in and that's right. Oh my god. You're so cute. The garland over the fireplace now to get so deep a minute into the pod But let's go as I could older. I realize it's the little things It is I get so jealous of people who can get so much joy from from little things What's the littlest thing you get joy from The right shade of ice coffee in the morning. Mm-hmm when you just you're like they did it They did it. It's gonna hit. I know this one. It's like a little pumpkin cold Or just like a funny text from a friend. Okay, that gives you a little you know when the air just comes out of your nose low and you go Those are so little thing, but I'm I'm not I want to Be more like fandom of things and like get excited of things. So I'm working on that I'm sorry. I think what I can introduce you to I've been on like a big space kick I'm probably the wrong person to talk about this with right now. Like you like random things I've just been like finally getting a chance to see TV again. I started a book. I started fourth-winged. Really really good It's amazing. We're going fourth-wing fourth-wing. Sorry guys. I'm just I'm just getting it right. I just read captions on Instagram But I will I need to get back onto my book my book where I'm swag Instagram is the only thing I'm reading and I read No, but I also read the closed captions on all my TV shows So I read a lot What good TV shows do you have to share with the people? Well, I'm I recently started watching Nashville for the first time Hayden, Penetiera. Hayden, Penetiera. Oh, by the way is cunning and Incredible and such a good little villain who you kind of root for. Did you ever see heroes with her? It's kind of a vintage show No, but it's heroes shout out to Hayden. I want I want her back. I know I want her back. I love her I used to get told I looked like her way back in the day wait. I was gonna say way back and I also way back This is a hot take and a little niche, but I would argue that she was kind of Sabrina Carpenter back in the day on Nashville with her Because she's so tiny. No, she's with her big blonde hair. She can sing too. She can sing. I've downloaded on my my Spotify So yeah, I'm good watching Nashville. If you or anyone wants a space show. I started for all mankind on Apple Blow no way It's like it's hit rate is high Shrinking did you see more of us come out pluribus? I heard nothing, but great things. I don't know what a pluribus is But I watch yeah, I watch the first two episodes. It's an AI kind of Apocalyptic thing. Oh, and I love me some apocalyptic stuff. That's like the only thing I dream about. Yeah And like Justin Bieber pops in every once in a while. Well, he's definitely connected to The earth's forces. Yeah, he's he's running something I could see that Yeah, it does seem like Justin Bieber's in charge based on what I've seen over the last you would know a couple years You've collab a little you've collaborated here in there. So you know, you know, she follows me on TikTok And I'm like, please come on the putt. Haley loves a funny girl. I love that. I love that Well, let's give you a chance to be a funny girl today. I've got some I'll try my best chaotic story. I agree. I just went all across the board for you. Well, I was so excited to come here because my favorite thing is having strong opinions on Things I don't know that much about okay, and I love to lean in I got you and go with my gut and help people I You I got you today. Let's dive in do it
, okay? Do you want a funny at the beginning to like yeah, a pair for the trauma butter me up with something silly Traumatize me and then trauma dumb idea. Okay, so this one is coming from today I fucked up titled today I fucked up by mocking my neighbor's parrot for the last couple of weeks So I live in an apartment where the walls are thin enough that I can hear my neighbor's TV phone calls and Unfortunately, their parrot this parrot very beautiful animal, but makes me want to rip my hair out and do things I'm not proud to admit. Let's just say he has become my morning alarm clock for the last few months About two weeks ago. I started mocking his sounds back He'd squawk I'd squawk. He'd whistle. I'd whistle back. We built up a little routine kind of like distant angry roommates communicating through bird calls Sometimes I would even initiate it like when I was cooking I would randomly have a Tourette like outburst and start squawking lovely. I Know this is strange LOL Yesterday my neighbor knocked on my door and had a really odd look on her face Apparently ever since I started doing my bird banter her parrot has become obsessed with me I guess I just wasn't in the mood for bird talk the last couple of days and I went silent She said that he paces and screeches when I stopped responding She even showed me a video. It was such an awkward experience She said he used to have a parrot friend a few years ago that died and she thinks it wants some sort of bird companion Anyways, she asked me to make a couple of bird sounds as she put a treat in its cage to see if it would eat I reluctantly agreed and felt humiliated of course, but I went through with it and sure enough the little fucker started eating in plain Long story short, I became the object of a parrot's affection and my
My neighbor asked if I could talk to him for a few minutes a day, even gave preferred times if I'm home. I've unintentionally entered a long distance relationship with a bird. This is TLC. I'm dating a parent. Oh my god. It literally is. It's kind of like when you meow back to your cat and you wonder like, what am I saying in that language? Cause I'm just meowing. Yeah. Who knows what he was, he was saying in the parent language. Oh my god, you're probably being like, I want, what if the parent's like, what if they were sexting Holly wants a nude, not a cracker, Holly wants a nude. Also, I love that this paradigm going starving for attention. It's doing a hunger strike, a hunger strike for a man or a woman. We don't know. We don't know. We don't know, but I've seen this kind of love story in a while and I'm kind of rooting for them. I feel like there's other neighbor, the neighbor needs to get another bird. Yeah, the neighbor needs to get another bird, but then I feel like if I'm already annoyed with the parent next door, I don't want two parents. No. Unless it means they'll just like snuggle and nap. Oh my god. It is hard with animals. I've heard a ton of horror stories with neighbors where like, we actually have, I guess these people go to work and they don't realize that during the day their dog just cries the whole day. And like, I hear it and I feel have you left a note yet? No. I see that a lot on Reddit. A lot of note. Like I had to leave my neighbor a note, their dog just barks incessantly the whole day. Like your dog is sobbing. Yeah. Get a fur bow. What's that? Oh, love a fur bow. What? It's like this little machine that you can talk to your animals through it. And maybe that's what she should get for the bird, get a little fur bow to talk to it. There's treats and it, but it also like records what your animal is doing and stuff. It's kind of like toy story, but for pets, you know what they're doing when you're gone. Sounds adorable. And that kind of addiction. And the fact you give treats. Yeah. Like you with your horses. I wonder if they would make it for a horse. I feel like there should, I want a fur bow for my boyfriend. I'm married. Married. But yeah, this is definitely a tough situation. I feel like also having a parrot as a pet, this, this, you're going to have so many weird problems. You are. And they live so long. Oh, yeah. My neighbors across the street for me, they have had their parrot for like 60, I think they said like 60 some odd years. I feel like getting a parrot has to be like a family thing like it's like something your family does. I don't, or do you just want to wake up and say, let's try a parrot. Oh, I feel like definitely people inherit them for sure. Or it's like. Yeah. I don't know. But they're like dinosaurs. They live forever. They live forever. Turtles too. What would you do if you were the, the neighbor? It has to babysit here and there. I don't want to be talking through the walls anymore. I feel so impersonal after we have such a deep connection. So I'm like, can you just bring them over? Let's see. You know, imagine a date comes over and you're like, cooking and then you just go, Baka. Sorry. I'm just talking to my friend like, what? They would think you have some issues for sure. I do think that there needs to be some training involved where maybe like we learn how to soften the conversation, like maybe a more of a quieter thing because how are the other neighbors feeling? The other name is probably like, I have a human yelling, I have a parrot yelling. Everyone's yelling. They're losing it. They're losing it. I would lose it. I would lose it. I would not survive. I actually, there's this famous thing in Burbank. It's like the Burbank Parrot. Okay. There's a lot of rumors, like it's unclear how they ended up being here. Some people speculate it was a pet store release. Okay. But there's like a flock of at least 150 parrots and they roam Burbank squawking. And sometimes they're like a gang. They're like a gang. They're like a gang. They're like a gang. They're like a gang. They're like a gang. And if you get woken up by those, so like I immediately knew, I'm like, just put me out of my misery. I'm like, just put me out of my misery. I mean, giving someone time, like, here's ideal times if you could just talk to him for a few minutes a day. I mean, but it's better than the parent starving itself. Well, why doesn't the owner talk to the parent more? I don't know, I guess they have something special in that voice. Have you seen that cat video where it's like this person being like, if you want to talk to your cat, here's a noise you make. And it's like, and the cat just runs. Yeah, it goes, everyone's cats at home are going to be like, she's talking shit to me. I heard that. Are you listening to hand out a podcast again? Oh, yeah, I pause every single video being like, this is how to communicate with your cat. And there was apparently an app to say that it could like translate what your cat. But these guys are conning me. They're conning me. You're gullible like me. I'm gullible. Yes, I paid for pet psychics. I'm gullible. I really hope that's what they should get a pet, a pet psych. I've had one talk with my horse and it's the coolest thing. It's so cool. She said because he came from Texas and when he came to California, he wants barbecue. He misses the cricket. He goes, it's really loud here. It's like, she's like, there's so many noises. He says he feels like he's at Disneyland. How does horse know what a Disneyland is? That's what I wanted to know. That was my first question. I did get a pet psych. A guant who said my cat was really sarcastic and she thought the other cat was fat, which is so funny that my cat is body shaming the other cat. And then cats are really judgy. Love how judgy she is. And then she said that one of my cat's stomach was hurting him. And then a week later, he had kind of a stomach problem. So I was like, she's legit. She's a jet. She's a jet. I'll take her number. I think I found her on Facebook. Who knows where she is now? Oh my gosh. Shout out to her. If anyone's got any good pet communicators, put them in the comments. Yeah. I wonder how parents communicate. They just like, hi, what's up psych? I don't know. I need a pet psychic to phone in. Yeah. That'll be the next episode. Top comment on this one. Bra, this is like a buddy movie where you forced yourself to be your enemy's best friend. Yeah. I feel sorry for you, but also good for you. Kind of sucks when you want to be a dick, but make friends instead. Yeah. It's funny. He started by being annoying and then like needing it, needing it. It's almost like, what is that stalking movie on Netflix that baby reindeer? Oh my god. I never watched it. It seemed too scary for me. It's really fucking amazing, but it's kind of like how the parents being annoying. And then he realizes, wait, do I love the parent? Dude. There's some crazy stuff on Netflix right now. I just watched the perfect neighbor. Oh my god. That was the most upsetting thing I've ever seen. Heart breaking. I just, I don't love, there's so many documentaries. They should give like a warning for how disturbing and how horrible it's going to be. Yeah, we need a scale. I need a scale because some documentaries are just about sushi. Others are about like families falling apart, and I just like need to know what I'm in for. I'm like, what level of murder? Yeah. Is it, yeah, I just need two little warnings, but I'm a huge documentary person. Yeah. I've watched all of them, but that one particularly. It was really sad. It took me like three days to recover. I just watched it last night. I'm like, I'm still just reeling. Even with the Christmas spirit today, it still doesn't do it up enough. I'm like, I gotta go home. If you haven't watched it, what's fascinating is it's all police footage, the entire thing. All of it. All body cam footage, all doorbelly camera. I'm not like the fact that they had enough body cam footage because this lady called the cops so much is insane. Insane. Okay, this next one. It's a little goofy, but not, I don't think it's, you know, that crazy. It's coming from Am I overreacting only two hours old, titled Am I overreacting? Wife introduced me by my first name instead of husband when meeting a new man at the bar. Wife. He's like, should we divorce? Affair? Am I, do you have something to worry about? My wife, her dad and myself were at the bar sitting at a table having a few drinks with some people we met there. Later that night, an older, but good-looking man walks up and sits at the table and introduces himself. My wife introduces herself. Then, her dad, as her dad, and then introduces me by my name, but never mentions I'm her husband. I didn't think of it to be a big deal at first, but then she continues talking to him and only him for the next 15 minutes without ever mentioning me. She has never once not introduced me as her husband to anyone except for this one time. I saw this as disrespectful and I let her know and it caused a big fight. I feel if you fail to mention your partner to the opposite sex, you are leaving the door open to feel you are available. Am I overreacting? Look, mama was flirting. Hot man sat down and she said, "This is for me. I need this 15 minutes for me." It's crazy she did it with her dad there and her husband there as well, but I think she just wanted to feel like she had some attention for a while.
- I'm a little jealous. - Yeah, I don't, maybe. But I also, I don't know a lot of men that I hate to stereotype, but it's quite the observation. I feel like my husband would never even realize that. - He is astute. - Astute? - He's taking his observations. - Yeah. - I'm gonna tell you right now, I would be personally a little peeved. - Yeah. - Like if I'm sitting there and like some hot girl walks up and like very clearly sits down next to my husband to talk to him, I'd be like, "Hi." - And then he goes, "Yeah, that's, hi." - And that's old Hany over there. - That's the old nag. The ball and chain, ha ha. - No, but it is so weird, she's like dad and there's Rick. (laughing) - Who's Rick? - Don't even know this guy. - Who? - Who is Rick? - I'm like, man. - These are so interesting because there are definitely levels two and also the fact that you ever have a moment where like maybe someone is a little jealous and they say something to you and you go, "Oh my God, what, like, that's not a thing." And they go, "Oh yeah." And then you move on. But the fact that it became a huge fight means like, there's some stuff on their knees. - There's some stuff brewing in the car. - Oh, they need a mechanic. (laughing) So we don't really have any comments from OP. There's literally one comment, and it's not in response to anything. - Okay. - And all he said was dog. D-O-G. So it's, I don't know, maybe it's an accident. (laughing) - I don't know. - It's a little confusing there, OP. Who's a dog, your dog? Are you in the dog house? - What's she talking to a dog? - Was it a dog? - Are we getting, are we getting poked? Was it a dog? - I'm confused now. - At first I really thought it was petty. And then when you explain the details, I was like, I mean, he's absolutely right. I just, not most husbands would like, no look into it like that. - Look into it like that. - I know, I'm trying to think if like, I don't think Justin would care. Justin is like the type, when we go out to bars, like guys buy him drinks, not me. Like it is, it is so nice. Like he's gotta do the leg work. He's gotta kind of flirt a little bit, and he gets the drinks, and I just reap the rewards, because I get one. - Yeah, I could see my husband, like if a woman comes up just quickly, and like, oh yeah, this is Hannah, and that's just whatever. But if it's to like, they sit down, and he's like, talking or intensely, and introduces me like that, I think that's, that is kind of weird. Also, what are you doing at a bar with your dad, and your husband, and a random man? Like why are you in a weird sitcom situation is this? - My life, literally, I'm like, this is my life. Like me, Justin, my dad kind of third wheel, and hang, you know, those all the time. And then we gotta like, really watch him, 'cause he's one of those people. He gets a little wild in public. - You're dad? - Yeah. - Wait, I'm obsessed. Oh wait, I met him briefly. I could, yeah. - He's kind of a liability sometimes. - I love that. - But that keeps you on your toes. - It does, it does. - It's probably bonds you and your husband a little. - Yeah, it's like babysitting with a toddler. It's a little chaotic. - But also, I think it's weird for someone to approach, a man to approach a woman sitting with two men. - It is interesting. I wouldn't, I don't know. He really, he saw what he liked and he was gonna get it. - Yeah. - I wanna know how to end it. - Maybe there's this thoughtful now. - A sister-wife situation. - I could see that. I mean, post is still really new, so we don't have a lot of comments really. Top comments right now are people asking info. Who was the guy? Why did he come over? Did you and your father-in-law just twitle your thumbs and stay silent? Next comment, right? So many missing pieces, hard to judge without knowing what actually went down. So, maybe we'll get an update, but moving along. Moving along to this next one. Okay. This is coming from. - I love when you judge it right before. - I know, I guess this is gonna be good enough for Hannah. This is coming from our very own two-hot takes subreddit. It is titled, I realized my female 30 husbands, male 30, family, doesn't like me. And I think it's pushing me towards divorce. Has anyone been through this? I female 30s, I'm married to a male 30s, who unfortunately comes from a family that doesn't like me, or at least doesn't seem to want me around. And I'm starting to think this has been a huge factor in me considering divorce. I'd love to hear from others who have gone through something similar. Here are some examples that have really affected me. In appropriate boundaries, my mother-in-law once asked my husband if we use protection. He shared parts of our sex life as she kept asking. He told me later since I wasn't around then. I was mortified. When I told him I felt violated, he said it's normal for him to talk about this with her. That I'm too closed off, that with family and friends, they're just like that. Passive aggressive jokes. She said foreigners like me always take things. And that an example was me because I stole her son. My husband laughed when he told me. Again, she said it when I wasn't around. Dismissive comments about my interest. She mocked my love of books. You guessed it when I wasn't there, calling it an obsession, even though my husband knows that's a sensitive subject for me. Instead of backing me up, he accused me of being resentful. Weird emotional competition. Before our wedding, she told me flat-out she'll always love him more than I ever could. Oh, jeez. And said it seriously, not as a joke. No one at the table said anything, not even my husband. Constant emotional dumping. She regularly calls crying and venting, even when he's overwhelmed with grief, like after his father's death. She never seeks therapy and expects him to be her emotional support system. Unhealthy family dynamics. His extended family uses his car without asking, damages it, and then laughs it off. They reject my cooking. Whenever I cook at mother-in-law's house, suddenly more people show up every time, but no one eats what I cook. He says they're just picky, but even the vegetarian aunt refused to try the salad I made for her. The culture. Very recently, I've noticed no man in his family, mother-in-law's brothers and nephews, is still married. It's a very matriarchal family where the women form a tight circle and I'm left out. I often sit alone during gatherings while they whisper in the kitchen. Some of them don't even refer to me by my name. Resentment or subtle digs. I get the feeling, his mom resents me, not just for taking her son, but for being different. They've started to make very xenophobic comments lately, and I'm an immigrant, so it's hard to not take it personal. Lately, all of the extended family are shifting towards radical, right discourses against people like me. And yet, my husband defends them constantly. He says there's no bad intention and that his mom is just being herself and that I'm too sensitive. He minimizes my feelings and seems more concerned about their well-being and not upsetting them than how I feel. I'm starting to feel invisible. Like I'm walking into a family where I'll never be truly welcomed. And even though I love my husband, I'm wondering if this is sustainable. Christmas is coming and I honestly don't want to spend another one there. I'm thinking about telling him about divorce before those dates. Has anyone else ever felt pushed out by their partner's family to this extent? Did it affect your marriage long term? Would appreciate your honest thoughts? Wow, wow, wow. Let me begin this just by saying, I'm not a great person to give advice on this because I married a man whose parents are dead. And I did it strategically so I didn't have to deal with this. A lot of people break up over in-laws. I mean, people, you know, you joke, but like, hey. I have a joke in my new standard protein comes to me on tour. But I said my favorite thing about him is that his parents are dead and the audience always do the stuff. A lot of them gas, and then some of them start laughing. And I'm like, this is so funny because majority of you were like, that's not funny, but then a small percentage are like, what's it like to live my dream? And I always say, people say you don't marry the man. You marry the man's family. But I say, not if you time it right. Oh, no. But this is the thing. I thought she was going to be like, the mom is annoying me. Like, I feel like we had a tear for something. Yeah. This sounds racist. Yeah. This sounds like there's radicalization. What's happening? This sounds oppressive. And the fact that he's 100% supporting and gaslighting her and supporting the family. I told myself, Hannah, when you come on this podcast, last time you told everyone to get a divorce, let's think it before real it in a little. It's real it in. But I don't think you need to. I'm divorcing. I think you divorce and then you hit everyone else with his car that's already fucked up. Fuck it. Take them all out. I mean, because also the this she's also at the stage where it's like when your friend says, should I break it?
up with him. Like she's going on Reddit, asking if she should using the D word in the beginning, I was like, "Whoa, that's where we're starting when I'm starting with therapy or anything." I think she's realizing that him at his core is not good and how this woman is going to do everything in her power to make her life miserable. I mean, this family, I don't, I honestly like, I don't know how you would ever come back from this. Even if they woke up one day and magically started including you, how do you get past all this hurt. Yeah, and thinking about your head, all the things they've done and said, I also think there is a world where you do an ultimatum with your man and you say, like, it's them or me. But at this point, I feel like he's the problem too. Oh, he's horrible. He's horrible. I think he's, he is like them. I know. I, I think he's bought into the family. I think there's like definitely some, as OP put it, inappropriate boundaries and a lack of boundaries. And then there's not one mention here where he's ever gone to bat for her. It's always like, "Oh, you're overreacting. You're too sensitive. You're looking too much anyway." Sorry, my mom is like fucking out of her mind and has some insane political beliefs and I can't control her, but I can try to control us and navigate our relationship to protect you from her. But also, that's like, that's what you bare minimum need from a partner. Bare minimum? I'm going to say it because we're all thinking that you'll never love my son more than I love him. We get it. You want to fuck your son. Like, I'm sick of these boy moms being so weird. Like, your job is to raise your son to be his own man, not for you to want him to suck your teeth still. I know. Was that too graphic? No, I think the listeners will appreciate that. I think it was important. It is important. I mean, cut the umbilical cord, buddy. Like, I don't understand. And I think you see it on like TikTok where like, I saw this one video of this mom, like making lasagna with her like three year old. And she's like, he'll always know my lasagna is better than your daughters. And it's like, where's this one? I made a competition. You can't have him. There's no competition. You psychopath. It's not disgusting. So gross. I just, I also wonder like, how did he even fall into this relationship? Or was he, do he hide her from her? Did he hide his beliefs before he met her? But it seems like the wool is finally being whatever that quote is. It's off. It's off. Yeah. What is that? The eyes, the wool being pulled off the eyes? I'm so I mess up every single like idiom. But I just say a word. And I'm like, you guys know what I was talking about. What is that one? It was been to pull the wool over someone's eyes. Over someone's eyes. Yeah. The wool has been pulled off the eyes. I made it up. I mean, to deceive or trick them to hide the truth or to gain an advantage. So he pulled the wool over eyes in the beginning. Yes. That came out of the vault. That was a good one. But I also feel like I can't we cannot judge any of these people when it comes to love because it's like so easy to see what you want to see because you want to make love work. And this guy probably has so many other qualities that she was like, I want that in a husband. But then this woman is maybe we should be grateful that she's showing her two colors. And you're not learning this like 10 years later, one to the family with him. Yeah. I mean, your female 30, female 30s, whatever it actually is. A literal child. You're not in the grave yet. They're still time. You're a child bride. I think so. Yeah. As a 31 year old. As a New Yorker. That just got married. Yeah. Like, I honestly, I could have waited. If I would have had one more year, I would have been so happy. Like, it takes three years to plan a wedding in my world. I don't know how I did it in two. But like, getting married as a 32 year old sounds ideal. Yeah. Sounds good. She couldn't met this guy at 25. His brain wasn't fully formed. Now it is. Let's get out of there. That your brains changed babe. Yeah. Yeah. So someone does ask, I don't even know how you get to the point of marrying someone like this. And OP responds, we were long distance during the pandemic. We visited each other, but wouldn't often see extended family. Then we got married to be together. Okay. She fucked up. Girl, this on you. This is on you. Tough love time. Long distance is not real. And I don't mean it's not real. Like, it's not real relationship, but as in you can't decide to marry someone based off a long distance relationship. No, it's very honeymoon phase as someone that did every three years. So honeymoon phase. It's honeymoon phase. Whenever you see each other, you want to hook up, they're you miss them. You're yearning for them. You're making up in your head what they're like day to day. You don't know. They're a totally different person. I've had so many relationships. I mean, not so many, but I've definitely had the long distance where I'm obsessed. And then I finally I'm with them for like a year. Yeah. Who is this guy? That's not what I was expecting. Because I'm creative. So I like to fill in the blanks with. Well, we all do that. That's like, you can imagine you've a serial addiction. Why do you 40 bowls of cereal next to your bed? Oh my god. What type of mold and research were they trying to conduct? There's something going on, but these are the things you cannot know. Oh my god. You could have never known until you were there. But yeah, she didn't know who this man was and how she does. Yeah. Apparently before marriage, his parents were very loving to her. The only incidents I had were with his dad and my husband would defend me. Hence me thinking it would be like that with everyone else. The only incident with my mother-in-law before marriage was her comment about loving him more than me, which was at the wedding. So yeah, I'm like given that, I'm like, I guess. Oh, he also adds here after my father-in-law's death, the situations I've mentioned have dramatically increased. Yeah. So I think maybe like mom is now using son as like this emotional partner, this emotional surrogate. Yeah. And that's so tough losing your husband and I can't even imagine. Yeah. And the guy losing his dad, he's definitely going through a trauma, but sometimes traumatizing times reveal like if you guys really want to make it work. Yeah. I feel like traumatizing times, not to bring up documentaries, but I watch a lot of missing children's cases. And so dark. Yeah. But were you trying to like hurt yourself that day? Like just stab yourself in the heart. Like those cases are someone that covers them on a true crime podcast. Yeah, they're brutal. But sometimes the couple becomes closer, but then sometimes it immediately disintegrates the marriage because they can't handle that stress. And sometimes they're like, you're the only person that can get me through it. So it's just so interesting how certain relationships thrive during trauma and certain ones. They're like, this isn't, you're not right for that. It pulls them apart. Yeah. No, it is really interesting, especially like with a sick kid or like, yeah. Yes, true. Like that also, yeah. Because sometimes you're like this person now just reminds me of the sadness, and I want to like leave this life kind of thing. Or be like, you're the only one who understands the trauma I've gone through. Not that one's better or worse. It's different coping. But anyway, yeah, it's a worsen. A worsen. Especially divorce because he's refusing any type of therapy, both individuals or a couple, like does not want to work on things. There's a couple of other comments from OP just like, I also wonder if if she's an immigrant and maybe she like needed a green card. I know. I mean, maybe because that that one line that she gives, like, we got married to be together. Got it. Like, maybe, honestly, maybe that's why it was a little more rushed. I honestly, like immigration right now in this country is so hard. Like DACA, I know like a lot of people that are DACA recipients and like, her whole family got their green cards. And she is like still a DACA recipient. And like, yeah, constantly, like, can't leave the country like constantly kind of at risk. And this in between limbo. Yeah, because I also don't want to put her in like a vulnerable place divorcing this man. But you're also in this like emotionally difficult place. That's like another really big thing to consider. Yeah. Really big. Yeah. Well, we do get an update. We get an update for her. I love when you do this. You little sneaky. The update came a month and a half later. It is quite long. Okay. So I think we're getting a lot of tea. I wouldn't read it. I don't know what we're getting into. Okay. When I last posted, my husband was about to leave for his country for six months, his mother's house specifically to heal. I thought distance might help us deal with this better and that I would wait to see him in person to address our divorce. But what happened before and after his trip made everything painfully clear. One afternoon before he left, my parents asked if we wanted to go out for lunch. He had just taken a shower. And when I asked if he wanted us to join them, he got angry. See, I knew this would happen. He insisted that if he showered, then he wouldn't get out of the house. He has many rules like that. He said it was very rude of me to ask because it meant I wanted to go. And then he had to go. It escalated into an argument about how I was
cold and selfish. I tried not to fuel any argument and that was also a problem. He called me totally apathetic and said, I didn't care anymore. He's crashing out. He's creating issues now. He then made a comment that scared me, something about not seeing the point of living anymore. It wasn't direct, but it left me shaken and upset because I've suggested therapy many times and he refused it. The next morning he ignored my texts and the door when I knocked on the bathroom. When I opened it, he laughed and said, you probably thought something happened after what I said yesterday. And he laughed. That's when something in me broke. My worry, my care had become another tool for control. Did he love me or was he mistaking love with control? She's smart. Her therapist is good. She's on it. She's clocking him. Man, we had another talk about his family before his flight. I told him I felt uncomfortable when they cross lines and that I needed him to stand up for me. His answer was, quote, of course, I'll back you up. We'll just discuss it privately after it happens. That's when I confirmed one last time he wasn't planning to defend me at all, just to avoid upsetting them. When he left, he refused to let me drive him to the airport because it would make things harder. I stayed home, realizing the real goodbye had already happened days before. After arriving, he said his mom saw him at the airport looking tired and joked from your wife. He told me that story like it was funny. It wasn't, but it summed up our marriage. During his first week in his country, we barely spoke. Then out of nowhere, his mother, who hadn't texted me in years unless it was something about her son, messaged me. She wrote that she hoped I was doing well and that they were trying to move forward despite how bad things were and that she enjoyed having me there with her son. It caught me off guard. I knew she meant it to sound kind, but it felt performative, like she was trying to keep me emotionally connected to him through her. Or like a message saying, we're already going through a lot, so you better not make it worse. I didn't reply. It was the first time I realized how blurred the boundaries in that family really were. That night, he complained about me being cold and rude. I said I asked to speak to him that week, but he said he was busy, so we could speak the next day since it was the weekend. He said no, it had to be now. I asked for him to respect me wanting to speak the next day. Then he flooded me with text and calls, saying, I respect your boundaries followed by, I need you now. Pick up. I'd never do this to you. I won't sleep. The next day, when I asked for a divorce, it was a tough call. He was refusing saying that he would change. I asked him to respect my decision and the call ended abruptly. Then he sent me a long emotional letter full of guilt and self-pity, saying I'd treated him like trash, that I'd controlled everything, and that I hadn't given him a chance to even change. He then went to his country to change and be better and I disposed of him. The next day, he said he understood and respected my decision that he wanted therapy to change, to rebuild things. He said that he would set boundaries with his family, be positive, support me. I wanted to believe him. For two days, I actually did. Then he told me his brother-in-law said, oh, so now we don't have to hate her anymore? After hearing, we might try again. And of course, he justified it as just a joke. Despite me telling him that it was not a funny thing to say and that again, he justified it. The following day, he started blaming my parents now, saying that for our marriage to work, I should stop working and seeing them that much, stop going to their city. We don't really go that often unless I have to go to work and that we should balance family events evenly between his and mine. His family lives on another continent. When I mentioned, then we should start making friends in the city we live in, he said it wasn't necessary because we had each other. That's when I realized he didn't want balance, he wanted control. And with these rules, I would be even more isolated. So I asked for space, not to play games, but to stop the cycle of, we divorce, we reconcile, we fight again. We were supposed to text every morning just to let each other know we were well. One day he stopped texting, so I gave him space too. Yesterday was our anniversary. He said nothing, no good morning, no message. I didn't reach out either. I wanted to respect the silence we both seem to need. And to be fair, I didn't see anything to celebrate. Then today, he sent a long message full of guilt, apologies, and emotional weight, and immediately after he blocked me. And somehow, the silence feels like closure already. Because I finally understand that love isn't enough when the relationship requires you to shrink, just to keep the peace. It was not just his family. I've discovered through therapy, chats with friends and self-reflecting that there were a lot of other things going on here. By the way, someone told me after I broke the news that they always felt something weird going on. A day before our wedding, this friend saw my mother-in-law crying, and she asked if all was well. My mother-in-law said, "It's just that my son is in love." And when this friend looked where mother-in-law was looking, she was watching us kiss. I felt very disgusted about this. I also discovered it was his mom that picked out my engagement ring. Anyways, I may not recover my books and things since he blocked me, but luckily, I have a list of all of them and hopefully little by little I can recover them. It's better than what would have happened if I went there. In December, I'll go with one of my best friends on the trip I had planned. I'm very excited for that. It's not the amicable ending I wanted, but I for sure have peace and time to know myself again. Thank you for your kind advice and words, everyone. I'm happy for her. Same. I'm so happy for her. Oh my gosh. Like so good on you for getting out and realizing all of his tactics and manipulation. Well, it's the classic what he's doing to you. He accuses you of saying you're trying to control me and it's like you're you're just saying what you're doing. He's a character that one. He is crazy. He must have been hot. He's crazy. Tall, I don't know, but it's just flip a switch though sometimes. Have you ever dated someone like once they feel like you get a little bit more locked in than they like are totally different person? I do feel like sometimes they you know people will be like mean to the people they like love the most. So it's like they get comfortable with you and then they're like letting out all their were sides to you and you're kind of like oh you weren't like this before but it's like this is how you show your love. This come from yeah. Yeah. So it's like them behind closed doors when they're alone with you is actually not as fun as when they're like in person with their friends. Showing off. Yeah. Show. Yes. Everything's so perfect. I'm so funny. I'm so nice. But they started the show with you and then I guess the show's over and you're stuck with them. Oh my gosh. I like recently, I don't know why I'm like having this epiphany but I thought like I'd never really dealt with like insane love bombing. But like now that I'm like in hindsight I'm like oh no like people definitely can flip a switch and change like one of my access. I think it was like a month into like talking. He called me drunk one night. He's like I'm so obsessed like I think I love you and I'm like whoa okay and he's like yeah like I asked my dad if he would still love me if I converted to Judaism and you know I do anything for you and I'm like oh fuck and I'm like now in hindsight I'm like oh no that was definitely some weird love bombing by religious miss and I'm like I'm not even that religious but okay yeah I'm like but he was like super I don't know he was super Catholic so in his world that was his love yeah it's crazy I also think with technology it's so easy for people to effortlessly spend time on you and give attention to you and say really loving things to you whether it's face time text and but really it's low effort on their part but it feels like they're obsessed with you and really like they could be doing that with a lot of people which is like scary to think but that's our technology nowadays terrifying well and I think that's probably how they became so close yeah because it was like pandemic yeah everyone was home everyone is like vulnerable vulnerable in a state of like chaos lonely and they were constantly like long distance and like able to reach out yeah and also there is something to be said that now that I'm old I think when you're younger you're like I'm gonna find my soul mate there are so many people that you're compatible with in different ways and some people are so great for dating for three months some people are so great to live with but not to marry some people are great to date but not to live with like these are all just different compatibility and I don't doubt that these two are compatible in some capacity but then once they got into the marriage situation because marriage as someone has been married just a couple years I don't know where the news is a couple well I got like a month I'm only three years it I'm a literal baby but marriage is a lot of just really dumb logistic decision making and even that fight over the shower is such a marriage
fight where if you don't like each other you can make anything personal or anything to a fight. So it's two people like I don't care how hot your sex is or how funny the other one is or how romantic you are. Are you guys making the same decisions about like where what movie you're going to watch that night? Because that's what you deal with day-to-day. Yeah. I know the day-to-day stuff and like are you showing up in your best way? Like I also know like I can sometimes be a hangry person like I'm truly that snickers commercial like hey eat a snickers like you're somebody else right now like yeah I shut down. I'm I shut down I'm crabby I'm short like I get it and like I can tell too when I just like need some alone time like I'm very introverted I need to recharge because like Justin will leave a light on and I'm just like can't you walk out of a room and just hit the switch I'm just like just the little things but it's like you then got to look at the big picture like is he a good partner hands down like the other morning I had like a recording session early I needed coffee and he wakes up earlier than me he goes and works out and I woke up and he had sent me a text where he's like your coffee's in the fridge and I put gas in your car so you're all set and I'm like leave every light on it's fine I just thought me being like men used to go hunting and bring home like like a dead animal that's his version and bringing coffee and ice latte in the fridge exactly it's my nowadays would you take what's the man I want I'm like I don't need a deer in my garage it's true I'm good it's true and also just remembering like you are going to disagree about logistical things and stuff like that but it's about choosing your battles like is that what you want to snap at him for the light or is it are you going to hold it in and and snap at something else that's stupid because I'm I get angry too and my husband knows like I'll say something kind of snippy and he'll be like you hungry and I'm like yeah and then it becomes like a joke we're like if we weren't compatible he could be like don't fucking say that to me and next thing you know it's a huge fight so it's literally it's not always you it's who you're with yeah we're like you're allowed not to be perfect but you need someone who who like sees the light in all of it and doesn't take everything personally like an attack that is like the best way to put it because like I've really come to the conclusion like as women we're so our hormones are crazy like I feel like we're just bombs we're just little bombs waiting to go off we just need the right thing and so when stuff sets us off you need someone who's like you're the bomb squad they can properly defuse you also we're observing like there's so many things going on that men are not aware of and I'm like I'm stressed about all these things yeah we have so many different things and I feel like men are very to stereotype are very good at being present in the moment yeah where my husband is very good at being like we're not catastrophizing about that right now we're just here right now we're here right now and finding someone who balances yeah I'm the decar catastrophizer I so yes yes we are in the same boat are you doing okay do you go to bathroom or anything oh no I'm good okay I'm great I'm like I might have to pee after this one but we'll see if you have to be okay I'm like I it's like a car ride you're good do you need stop like we've got we like five more miles do we need the next rest area oh you got to eat Chipotle oh chicken nuggets Chipotle chicken tacos have been like my like spectrum food that I like only the season on the chicken is great the season it used to mess me up but I feel like it's changed lately it was so good yeah they're hit they're really nailing it oh my god I don't want a carnita throwing a carnita okay this next one is coming from AITAH six days old titled am I the asshole for not finding my husband attractive after childbirth oh oh interesting I know a little wrench in that one hormonal maybe throw away since my husband is chronically on reddit this one is long so TLDR at the bottom our little one is six weeks old unplanned pregnancy but throughout the whole thing my husband was supportive we went into this knowing I didn't have any close living family to help us out and his are busy with their own lives we have no help is what she said he's like and they hate me too with that being said his family is very opinionated they keep pushing for him to get a better pain job we aren't rich but live comfortably enough to enjoy things like going out to eat buying on amazon and other more detailed stuff while saving for down payment for a house which we have we're just adding to it at this point I was very adamant that I wanted him home using family medical leave act for at least a month he got 12 weeks approved through his job if he left his job he would lose those benefits fast forward a little one being born husband was great the first week changing diapers interacting with him and being supportive while I breastfed two weeks and he enters a depression oh his family visited and the same conversation came up quote you need to make more money or you're going to make your kids struggle oh it irked me I kept saying he's doing everything I and little one need right now but it wasn't enough he spent the next week finding a new job which has required training for eight weeks before maybe even having a position he started that at two and a half weeks old and it's been hell ever since he's gone from six a.m. to four thirty p.m. Monday through friday without the promise of this new job once he gets home he's doing homework and playing on his phone while I'm taking care of a newborn doing overnight wakeups healing cleaning the house cooking dinner and going to appointments we've gotten in arguments I've cried begging for help he has tried harder but doesn't understand unless I point to something and say do it now including picking up his own son even then he throws the I'm busy right now excuse he could hear the baby crying while I'm in the bathroom and doesn't even get up or he's on his phone over the weekend while I do everything I do during the weekday the tipping point was over the weekend I left the baby with him for an hour to do something for me when I called all you could hear is the baby screaming in the background he has no connection to his son and I fear he never will now that I just say fuck it and do it myself I've tried helping him figure out the dad role but a lot of times he gets frustrated which leads to him asking if our newborn is normal it kills me or he'll tell me I'm micromanaging I can't even look at my husband anymore and see the man I love all I see is another person to clean after and take care of kissing him is a chore and I know he feels it we've had basic conversations of me voicing that I'm doing it all he usually counters with if you need help just ask from which I've told him I do but I get blown off half the time and I'm not going to keep asking I've told him I'm spread thin exhausted and emotional but I always feel like the asshole when I think about why it's hard right now am I the asshole for not being attracted him when I know he's doing this to better our lives in the long run not to throw you guys off but I'm gonna be positive on this one who I know okay on their toes I well first of all the fact that he for that week was good means that he has potential potential is there potential is there and it sounds like I got a little confused because I thought he'd gotten like 12 weeks and then I guess his family told him to get this different job so he's kind of obsessed right now with getting his family's approval which is ultimately to bring in more money for the family but he's missing he's missing the mark I feel like she isn't it's not over between them because I think if he can get in the right mindset again which is you're helping the family by being present right now and worry about the money later like money comes and goes I need you here she will then be attracted him again I also think she's going through so much right now herself that she's like going through a very particular time and he's not helping but I it people say a lot of marriages can end when you start just seeing him as like another child who you have to take care of that's not sexy no but I feel like I feel like they're in a really rough patch but I feel like he can get out of it but I do whenever someone says to you because I feel like I've said it to people like oh yeah just let me know if you need help means you don't want you don't want to help them if you want to help them you do it you know like you just ask me I know that I hate that which is like you could have asked it's like you saw me struggling yeah like you saw me struggling yeah and you could have just as easily picked up the baby I shouldn't have to then do the mental load as well being like hey can you get the baby and then can you change their diaper or see if they need to be fed like yeah babies crying get your ass off it's hard because he probably feels also like he's missed out and he doesn't know the right things to do and he like freezes maybe not I'm not what am I doing dependent man I like the guy is right as best no I want to believe that he can like change perspective yeah I know like as it's really hard here I I don't understand why he let his family pressure him him or bully him. I don't understand why this wasn't a more
a mutual decision between the two of them, like why did your family come in and then all of a sudden you're quitting your job? Your job that you had 12 weeks to be with your baby and your family. And like FMLA, like maybe some of that time was even paid. Like did you literally quit that job before you even exhausted all of that paid leave? - And then this training that is unpaid, she said, it's so confusing. - Some kind of training with what? - He maybe has a position, like he has to do required training for eight weeks before, maybe even having a position. So you just gambled, what if you do all this training and then you don't even get the job? - The decision-making was messed up on this side. - What are we doing for sure? - You just had a baby. The baby is six weeks old now. So like, couldn't you have just gotten out of the trenches? Like the postpartum, like anxiety, depression phase, that like mom could be at risk for, and like couldn't we at least get past that? And then like, hey, you wanna make more money? You wanna a different job, do it. But let me get out of the trenches. - I don't need to be in there fighting by myself, buddy. - Yeah, I also, I've heard that a lot of men don't feel as connected to the baby in the beginning 'cause, you know, they weren't caring it. So like I do think what he's going through is normal, but like this is a critical time for him to not keep getting farther and farther away from the family. - Yeah, and then maybe even making his own depression worse because he feels even more disconnected, he feels more inept or has guilt or whatever it is. - The good news is he's not in like some job that he's been in for 10 years and doesn't wanna lose. Like he's in a place that he's moving and grooving. They need money though, so it sucks that he left that job. That was gonna give him leave. - I know, well, and it's like, do you need more money? Yeah, I think for a lot of people like they're like, yeah, obviously Morgan, like more money is always nice. But at the same time, like you have a savings where you have enough in your savings for a down payment on the house and then some. Take advantage of like this nice job that you've had, you know what you're expecting. - Yes. - You've got all this leave, enjoy your newborn, enjoy like bonding with the baby, which is a lot harder for guys, typically especially when mom is breastfeeding because baby doesn't really want that. Baby wants boo. - Baby's like, you don't give me anything. You've got nothing for me and at that point, all they do is eat, sleep, and shit. - Yeah. - Like that's baby mode right now. Like you can be helping mom, you can be cooking, you can be cleaning, like she's still healing. So it's just like it's frustrating that it's like, you could have had your cake and eaten it too. I just weighed in a couple more weeks and then go job hunt. - And it's like the family is so crazy telling him to get a better job, but it's more they don't know what's actually going on in your family and what you need. - Yeah. - So it's like, you're right, it was a discussion they needed to have. And so crazy. - I also, she clearly didn't marry for money. Like that was never the issue. Like if she wanted a guy who had more money, she would have. - Good point. - She would have married a guy with more money. So she's like, can you just fucking like wake up when the baby's crying? That's all she wants. - I'm just trying to take a shit. The baby's crying, please get the baby. But it's so true and I feel like so many women who've had so many different guys they've dated and they're now like in their 30s that I talked to, they're always just like, I want a kind good man. So I want a kind empathetic man who's. - Dating is so hard right now. Like talking to all my friends that are still actively dating. Like so hard. I have a friend that just moved from LA to New York and like a part of that was because dating is so bad here. But I'm also like, I don't know. - I don't know over there, girl. - You should have put you in Chicago, somewhere in the middle. - I wonder if it's 'cause our algorithms are so different and we're consuming so much content on our phones that when we hang out with like a guy who hasn't been looking at the same stuff, you're just like, hey, what are you doing here? - What are you talking about? - What do you like to do? - My name's Morgan. - Hi. - What's your favorite color? - I like black. - Literally, that's the first date. - What do you do? I, honestly, I wouldn't even know where to begin nowadays. Like I just, I can't, like the thought of dating again. Like there's no, I can't, my brain. I'm like, I'm dying before I have to date again. There's no way. - Oh, a hundred percent. I also feel like it's like, you either meet someone through friends or like you just message a thousand people a day forever. That's depressing. That's depressing. - A little. - Well, it's just like either like you go full technology and you're like doing numbers game. Or you go like, I'm gonna just walk. I'm gonna walk through a library and see if a handsome man asks me if I'm lost. - The fact that some people actually do still have meet cuts is like. - You like a meeting there has been on a plane? - How? - I'm like, I think I'm making that up for a TikTok video. - How? - I literally just saw a video. Of course, it was a TikTok of this girl that was like my mom's best friend asked me to pick her up from the airport. I did. She texted me, get out of the car. I met your husband. Sure enough, standing next to her is this hot guy that she sat next to on the plane and we're now all going out to dinner together. - Oh my God. - I'm like, how does this happen to people? - I'm hoping it's a reverse effect where like everyone is so sick of all the online stuff that people start talking to each other. However, like apparently a lot of Gen Z's, this is a probably made up stat, but like some of the guys have never been rejected to their face before. Like guys aren't asking girls to their face. Which is like a very critical part of your girl skills. You need that socialization, milestone. - Get rejected to your face. - Rejection therapy is like a real thing. You need to do it. - You need to do it girl and guy every one. - Everyone needs to do rejection therapy. - To your face. - Ask the questions. I hate making phone calls. I hate asking questions and like-- - Service. - Hate it. But you never know. There was like something the other day. I like bought something off Facebook Marketplace. And I was like, would you take like 500 for that instead of 1,000? And she was, I'm like, say less. I'll be there. - Just ask. - So just getting in your own head about everything. - A lot of times they'll say no. I made an offer at a thrift store and I thought it was a reasonable offer, but she said no. And then you just walk away. It's fine. - Nothing personal. - You're not going to die. Sometimes I think I will, but you're not going to die. It's okay. - Oh God. - I could see you being a dating coach. - Oh my God. - I could like really see you being a dating coach. - I love coaching in general. Like I love being a hype woman for people. Like I have like, I'm gonna be an agent. Brain, I'll see someone. I'll be like, you gotta do this. And you gotta, I believe in you. You gotta trust this. You gotta go. But I feel like dating is very, like just being your authentic self and the right people will find you. - That's very hopeful. - Is my what I put out there for people. - I appreciate that. Back to this gap. - Oh yeah, back to the baby. - Back to the baby. - We left the baby crying. - Are you the asshole for not being attracted to him? - I don't think so. I think it's, it's valid, you're not attracted to him right now, but know that it's not like, it's not necessarily permanent. I think in marriages there can be ups and downs. We're like, you know, when you're in a fight and you're like, obviously I don't want to have sex with him right now, he's pissing me off. Like I think it's one of those where she's turned off by him, but I don't think you're not attracted to him. I still have hope for you. - I think there's hope. I think you're just really, really going through it right now. You're deeply unhappy, super unsatisfied, and you don't have a partner right now. Like that's kind of where you're at. - And she's making your life worse. - He's making your life a lot worse, a lot harder. So no, I feel like I would be shocked if you were attracted to him, to be honest. - I do think, especially with women nowadays, we feel similar to men where your partner needs to bring value and that's like, and you take it, not saying, you have to be honest. I'm just saying, if you're not bringing anything to the relationship, why are you here? And if you're hurting the relationship, why are you here? - Yeah. - So when I say value, I don't mean the red pill value, but rather don't make my life harder. - And I don't think like people realize that. Like I think because of what's online for men and the content and all the toxicity geared towards men, it's like, it's not like high value. It's like you don't have to make a lot of money. - No. - Alpha male stuff where it's like, you have to make over 125K a year. - No, no, no. - High value is like, do you make me feel seen? - Value is effort. - Understood. - Yes. - Communication. - Communication or protected. - Yeah. - And it could be in various forms. - It does not have to be like. - And you can be imperfect. You can be poor. - Yeah. - You can have your own issues that you're struggling with. - You can have crazy in-laws. - You have crazy in-laws. - It's how you show up. - And you're ultimately on the same team together. This guy, he's left the team. He's on the bench right now. - Yeah. - And you need him on the court. - And he benched himself. - He benched himself. Like, what is mom bench mean? - Not to use sports analogies on this. - No, he benched himself. - We're deceiving a smithing this. Get in the game. - Penalty box. I mean. - Yeah. - Gosh, dude. - Yeah, she's some threes. She's out of here just running around full court defense. - I know, dude. - You're reminding me of like Steph Curry and all the drama that's been on Tik Tok about. - Oh, his wife. - I'm in his wife. - Oh, scary. Top comments on this one. - Not the asshole. You don't have a partner. You just have an employer to bang and clean up after. If that's harsh, don't get angry with me. He's the one treating you that way. Someone goes, yeah. She's basically doing shift work with a newborn and managing and emotionally checked out roommate. There's nothing sexy about having a parent your partner. - No. and also.
Yeah, he is tired, like 6am to 4.30. He's definitely tired when he gets home, but it's like, okay, we need to fix this 'cause it's not working. - No, I'm gonna see if there's any comments from OP at this point. We do have a few comments. 'Cause it's six days old now. - Yeah. - So someone has like a really long comment to OP. Why is he doing this new job right now? I can understand slightly from his perspective about being tired coming home and just wanting to be on his phone, but he has a child he should be taken care of before other things. I think he is the asshole for not helping, but I do see what has happened. Family pressured him. Maybe he felt like he wasn't doing enough, tries to do more in the wrong way, making more money rather than helping you, is now tired because of his hours, became stuck in habit of not helping. I think men forget what actually makes us love them. It's not the fact that they're making money. It's that they're being a part of the family and your life. - Period. - Hannah. - Hannah, that's what we said. - We don't even need the comments. I am the comment. - Hannah is comment, Hannah is the comment. - I will comment. - And OP responds, I think that is perfectly put. It's not all about money and it could have waited. He didn't jump into it without consulting me, but at that point, he was severely depressed thinking he wasn't doing enough and I told him to do what he needed. I warned him, it would be hard, but in my head, I didn't see he'd be so focused on the new job that he would forget about us. I saw my husband who used to come home from work and help me. I feel like he didn't know what he needed or what he wanted and he thought this job was gonna bring him something and she thought, well, I want my husband to be happy, but she didn't realize that he's now just like put his depression and energy into something else. - Yeah, well, and I don't think it would have mattered if she would have been like not right now. Like if she would have said no, that could have caused even more depression, more resentment and then it could have been her fault. So it's like, it was kind of a catch 22 in this sense where it's no one's winning. - Yeah, like they're both really losing. - Yeah. It also, we're two people who haven't had a kid yet. - Yeah. - That would know of nobody. - Last someone's stolen egg. - That'd be crazy. - So we don't know about this like time, but I hear so many like celebs or like moms talk about like, oh, back when I did have my kid, it was the hardest time, so traumatizing. And a lot of women do it just kind of in silence. Like you don't even know how difficult it is. So she probably feels really alone, but I just want to say, I don't think you're alone. I feel like a lot of women are going through this. - So many, I mean, I've heard of women, their husband is showing up. And they're like, I'm not a true, he did this to me. I hate him right now. Like there's so many women that like, oh my God, he sneezed and woke the baby up. I hate his guts. - Yeah. - When you're in that new baby postpartum stage, even when you're in pregnancy. I mean, this being pregnant having kids, it's a feat. - Yes. - It's Olympic metal worthy. - Yeah. - So I think you get a pass. - Yeah. - You get a pretty big pass. - I always try to think too, like sometimes with the household, it doesn't naturally flow and you like have to have some systems in place, like a job. For example, like my husband and I are both messy. So like we've been trying to get more systems in place where it's like, okay, you are the dishwasher person. Like I will handle the laundry. - Okay. - 'Cause it's like, at least try to put something down. 'Cause it's not working and are like willy-nilly figure it out. - That's me. - So maybe there's a method of like, you do the diapers. After 5 p.m, you're on diaper patrol. I'm telling you, this is it. 'Cause you can't wear it in really smart. - Like maybe there's a simpler system so that when he doesn't do it, it's very clear to be like-- - That's so smart. - Your diaper guy. - That's really smart. Delegate, like here's the clear task. After 5 p.m., we're 50/50 on the job. It's not me, 100%. - And even saying 50/50, I don't think it's clear enough. - No, no, no, I like your task. Like you're on diaper duty. You're on bottle washing duties. - Yeah, whatever it is. - Here's your task. - You come home, you do all the dishes. - Yup. - And then tonight, it's you. And actually, I do a family that has newborns and they have their own systems that work for them. Like she'll be like, he does Tuesdays and Wednesdays 'cause he is later on work those days. So he stays up those nights. So I hate to say, turn it into like a military operation, but that might be what this guy needs. - You might need that in the early days. I, hey, I said, you're in the trenches. Bring out the military trenches. Let's bring him, let's do some push-ups. - Let's go. - Let's go. - Yeah. - Mike drop. - Don't grow bustle close to the sun right now, Bradley. (laughing) - Mike drop. - That would make up names for all the guys. That's Bradley. - It helps, it helps set the scene for us. - Giving Bradley. - Yeah. - Brad. - I think that is the way to handle it. I feel like this is, it's hard because it's like if it's his dream job. - Wait a couple, wait till you're done with the FML. (laughing) Wait till the FML to be over. - I do see like the draw though. It's like he's got his family medical leave job is still there. So if he does hate this one and it doesn't work out, there's the safety net. - Yeah, and he doesn't want, he likes being able to do the training so that he can work, but actually I've heard this before where men will get family medical leave and at first they're helpful, but then they kind of take it to like do some other stuff, like start some new hobbies and like they have all this free time. - Yeah. - So like this is a thing that I've heard. I'm not gonna name names, but some men have done. Some men have done to my friend, but then they worked it out. - Okay. - Yeah, 'cause basically guys are like, what do you need me here? I guess I'll like, I'll take a class and learn something during this leave. (laughing) - Yeah. - Just be still. - Just be still. - Just be there, be present. - Sometimes I think men are very like, again, my stereotyping, but they're like, how can I solve this problem right now? She is telling you what she needs you to do. But sometimes it's just like that you're there just in case. - Yeah. - That you're ready and you're here for the family. - Yeah. People have backup pictures, you know? Dodgers is just one world series. Like there's backups for a reason. There's this new commercial. I forget what insurance thing is for, but it's like the professional backups come in. Like this dude can't order out a drive-thru window and the professional backup comes in and like orders everything really well. Like the parents are trying to give like a talk to a kid and they're botching it and this backup comes in and it's like when two people fall in love and it's like, the backup explains it's like wait. Just like, just be a backup. There's nothing wrong with it. - Yeah, yeah 'cause you won't be the one breastfeeding but that doesn't mean you don't have a critical role. - Emotional support. Hold my hand, tell me I look good. There's another. - Or start selling pics on only fans. - So some dirty stuff. - So some foot pics. - That'll look something. - But yeah, you know what? I also think a little meeting with the whole family could be good. - I think that would be good. So we do get a couple more comments that do provide some insight. So there is a comment here. I know why he decided to do what he did. Both of his parents died while he was relatively young and he had to work for what he has. The family in his ear are his uncle and brother. - Oh. - With that being said, I make double what he makes. This has never caused fights but when he looks at our income, he sees his. He thinks he's doing it all with his own money and that has caused arguments when I have to remind him he's not. He has done therapy before and I'm sure if I ask, he will again. I think the issue now is that he is so blinded by money and making more money more than ever before in fear that he can't provide for a baby that he's missing out on everything else when we will never have an issue providing together. - This is a plot twist. She's like, "Mama's got you." - Okay. - Said breadwinner. - Sure go, "Mama got you." So stop stressing about your pennies. - I know. - And if you wanna provide for this family, do it emotionally. - Yeah. - This is like just a real miscommunication of what we were talking about earlier, what is value? - Yeah. - What is value? - What is value? - And clearly, she's like, "I got you on the money front." - I just like, I think that's something guys need to get more comfortable with as we progress forward. It's okay if you have an imbalance in breadwinner or like if your wife is making more than you and you're in that traditional relationship 'cause I think this isn't so much an issue for gay couples or other couples. It's those straight couples. - But even, even in a gay couple, if one of them starts doing really well, it could be great for the other one to be like, "Oh, maybe I'll be more at home for this," and it kinda can flip back and forth. - Yeah. I just think like people that are in the LGBT+ community have like those conversations easier. - Yes. - There's not so much insecurity as where you see and like, - Well, yeah, they don't feel like I'm the one that should be this 'cause they're not. - I don't know. - That toxic masculinity of it, where it's like, "I need to make more money than my what." - Yeah. - No, you're fine. - But I was like, you got, she married you. She's good. I literally just saw a TikTok this morning of a guy being like, "What would you do if your wife made over $300,000 a year?" And it just shows the guy throwing in laundry, like burping the baby. - Okay, I love that. - And he's cleaning and he's like loving it and like partying at home. - Yeah. - Which by the way, it's very, very. - It's very difficult to keep a home. I wouldn't know 'cause I'm horrible at it. So I was there talking to my grandma who's got married when she was 18 and I'm like, "What would you do during the day?" - Clean. - And she's like, "You wake up, you're doing laundry, you're cleaning, you're cooking, you have three kids." - I'm not meant for that. - Holy shit, Nana. - Yeah, your grandma's so cute. - She's like cute. - You guys said Nana still got it on Instagram. If you wanna follow her, she's very active. - Oh my God, like she just went, I think I saw you guys go to like some premiere. And her fit. I'm like, "Damn, Nana is a fashion icon at 84." - I mean, unreal. - Unreal. - But yeah, different times. I mean, I don't know how to keep a home either. I will definitely need a lot of help when I have a kid because you don't see my floor very often. My editor, Jenna, sitting here with us now. And I cleaned my house when we had people over for Halloween to pass out candy. And I don't know if it was Jenna or someone else, but they walked in. - It was the first time I've seen your floor. - Wow, this looks great here. - You're an expressive creator. - Oh, I just, it's hard and it's already piled back up. I'm like, "What the fuck, it was clean for a day?" - Also, it is hard to tell a man like, "Look, I make more than you deal with it." I think it's more of a change to the perspective of like, long term, I'd love your career to flourish. - Yeah. - Now is not the training time for you to build on that. (laughing) 'Cause also there are a ton of people who don't find what they love or like find the right work situation until later in life. - Yeah. - You know, like he can find a job that he ends up like really ascending and finding a community for himself and making more money in that could happen when he turns 40, like this isn't set in stone. - It's not, and the last comment I'll read, his employer of his old job is aware of all of this. So not at risk. Apparently they've been family friends since childhood. This was an opportunity he has been waiting on for a while. He just jumped into it very quickly instead of waiting for the next run of trainings in early 2026. So there is like such a perfect world here where he talks to whoever is doing the training and says, "Hey, I'd bid off a little bit more than I can chew right now with a new baby at home." I'd love to do the trainings in 2026. I will not let you down, blah, blah, blah, blah. He kind of has an idea what trainings look like. And then he could be present for a baby. And you know what, this is why I believe in this couple because-- - I think they're gonna be okay. - His heart's in the right place. - It is. - He's just, he's fucking up, and that's okay. You're allowed to make mistakes, but his heart is there. His mom's not trying to like get her deported or whatever the other mom is trying to do. - Yeah. - So this is good. - This is really good. - This is logistical problems, which we all deal with. - Yeah, I just got to need to communicate. Get on the same page again. - Yeah. - But I love that she's speaking up for what she needs. 'Cause there's a lot of people that could be like, he's going through it. I don't want to make it worse for him. I'll take on all the load. And said she's like, "Something's wrong. "I'm unattracted to him. "How do we fix this?" - She's on it. - And she went to Reddit. (laughing) - And then she's here. - And then she's here and we solve that crime. - And thank God she's here. 'Cause otherwise, I'd be out of a job. - Yep. - We have a job. - I think I'll have this next one's here too, because this one, this is also keeping me employed. - Okay. - So this is coming from our slash relationship advice. Titled, "I 28 female commented on a post "of my boyfriend 29 male on a, "are we dating the same guy, Paige?" And he found out, "What are my next steps?" - Wait, (laughing) have you seen these pages? - So she commented, like she said, "Is anyone dating this guy?" No, she, someone else said, "Are you dating this guy?" - And it's her boyfriend. - And it's her boyfriend. And he knows that she knows. Okay. - I 28 female recently found a post of my boyfriend 29 male on a local, "Are we dating the same guy, Paige?" We've been together for five years. There were several comments on there of girls stating that they texted him and went out with him, and I couldn't tell if this had happened recently, or if it could have been from a long time ago. So I commented on it anonymously, asking if anyone has talked or hooked up with him recently, and a girl responded saying that she did, and asked if I did as well, and if I had any tea on him. I probably should have said I was his girlfriend, but I was so embarrassed, I couldn't, and worried I wouldn't get any information, so I just said he told me not to talk or sleep with anyone else, anyone either, but that we never hooked up. She responded back claiming he said the exact same thing to her. I then asked when they last hooked up, and she never responded back. My boyfriend then comes home and is furious, slamming doors, giving me dirty looks, but won't say anything to me. I know he knows that I was the one who anonymously posted, because I had suspicions that he had been cheating on me, and have recently been asking him, and he denied doing so. I then go back to the post, and all of her responses are deleted, so I know she told him, and I'm sure he told her to delete them, but he's pissed at me for it. Anyways, what are my next stuff? (laughs) Do I confront him about it, or just wait and see if he says anything? Also, we rent an apartment together, and are on the same lease, so that makes things even more complicated. Well, you guys know what I'm gonna say. You know what I'm gonna say. I think this is when you just blame your friend, and you go, "So my friend, so a photo of you." My friend's a photo of you, and this girl was saying, "You guys, you hooked up." My thing is, yeah, it's awkward, but it's like, well, let's get to the crux of it. - Yeah, what's the real issue here? - And don't let the fight become, where are you being nosy? Be like, "That was my friend." - She sent me a screenshot. - She sent it to me. - Sorry, my friend knows who you are, and saw you. - She saw you. She's single, she's dating. - Sorry, she's looking out for me. - That's what girls do. - It's not my fault. She likes to comment on pages. - Hashtag community. - Hashtag community. - Hashtag, if you see something, say something. - In the wise words of TSA. (laughing) - Come on. - Which you know is a very well-run organization that never has delays. - So, paid, have been on paid. - I true, paid TSA. - They've been on paid. - Pay TSA. - I hate this man. I've had a day, I can't with this man. - Slamming doors, sir, grow up. - Grow up. - And you don't even have the balls to tell me why you're mad. Grow up, I'm fighting him. - You slam a door in my house? - Not in my house. - Not in my house. - No, I'll get a parrot to yell at you. (laughing) - I would borrow a parrot for revenge. That's actually a great idea. - I also think there's the girls who, like, you have a sense, your boyfriend's cheating, which a lot of girls are witches. So, like, that is totally valid. - Yeah, we know. - But this is another level. This is literally, like, this is more than, like, would there smoke this fire? Like, there's people talking about it. Yeah. I think she knows he's cheating. - I think she knows. - I mean, it was in her gut she went on that page for a reason. - That's the thing, like, I think if you're gonna cheat, don't, like, just break up because women are witches. They will find out, like, oh, it's just a matter of time. It's not if it's when they find out. - Yeah. - Like, your fair partner's gonna become jealous. They'll tell them eventually. - Yeah, and five years is a long time. There's no way the post, the post was definitely within that time. Five years. - Oh my God. So, top comment. You break up with him, duh. How much time is left on your lease? OP responds, oh, I am. I'm just wondering if I should even say anything about it or just let it be a little over five months. That's a long time on the lease. Next one down. Leave him. Why do you need a confession from him? You already know what's going on. I guess I want some kind of closure. Although I don't think him admitting to it will give me that anyways. Plus, he'll probably lie. So just my own delusions. Wanting him to realize he's wrong. It's definitely over between us. - Yeah. - How do you feel about closure? Do you find it overrated or underrated? - Oh my God. Good question. - I feel like closure can just be within you. That's what closure is. Like, I definitely have situations where maybe like things weren't said, but it's like, I found the closure. And I feel like also closure is where they don't affect you anymore. - Yeah. - That's my closure where it's like I'm not, I'm not ruining against them. I'm not rooting for them. Like, I actually just feel nothing for them. That's my closure. - That's where I get with people. I'm just like, I'm just neutral. Like, you're oatmeal to me. - Yes. - Take it or leave it. - Yeah, like if someone talks shit about them to me, I'm kind of like, I actually don't care to pile on this 'cause I don't want to be involved at this point. - I genuinely like, and with the way people twist things, it's like, I'm not even, I'm not even saying a word. Like, it's just like, it's not worth it. - Yeah. - To even have the ability to have something twisted, that's not even true. - Yeah, and you don't need a guy to tell you he cheated for you to feel over him. (laughs) Like, you're over him, babe. But I do think I don't mind like a conversation at least being like, hey, I just don't feel safe in this relationship. I don't feel good about myself. There's something wrong. You don't even have to be honest.
be accusatory and just be like, I don't, I'm not happy. That's it. And if he wants to confess cool enough not, it's like, sorry, it's, I love that. And also it's like so loving yourself. Like you're choosing to love yourself. He's not loving you the way you want to be loved. So you're basically just saying, Hey, your love kind of isn't doing it for me. And I think I deserve better. They always say like the person you're with is the reflection of how much you love yourself. And she's loving herself. Oh, okay, good. Okay, Mo Robbins. Wow. You are a healed, very put together woman over there. Okay. This is me and my dating coach, era. I'm telling you. Now I'm like, fully, I'm like, okay, we have to start this dating. I've literally wanted to do like a THT speed dating round. And then we could collaborate on it in New York. The city that needs some love. And so many singles and then lily will just pop table to table and like like be awkward and weird. Make out. You won't do it. Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, start a grind line. I see this in our future. I see this. We could easily get someone to sponsor this hinge. Tinder. You want to have a fun event? Let's go. Okay. Okay. This is coming 10 days later. And they say this first off, I want to thank everyone for all of your helpful advice on my original post. He did admit that the girl sent him a screenshot of the post. And he was just upset because he didn't like a bunch of random people knowing his business. But I also found out that he brought that same girl to our apartment when I was out of town a week prior and they had sex in our bed. Never apologized for it. But simply stated that if I came home when I said I was, I went to my mom's because we were in a fight and had spoken in days. And I decided to stay two days longer than it wouldn't have happened. Oh, he's a monster. Oh, he's an evil man. Sorry, I slept with someone else in our bed. It's because actually you didn't come home. He is sinister. We are absolutely over. And although he had begged for me to forgive him for a couple of days, he finally got mad enough at me because I wouldn't have sex with him. He left me alone. Okay. This is horrible. Please tell me he's letting her stay in the apartment. It's too expensive for me to break the lease, but we live in a two bedroom apartment. So I am able to have my own space. You know, I'm fucking knocking on your door with a half-chub. Or so I thought I woke up yesterday at three in the morning wondering where my dog was as he sleeps with me. I get up and I can't find him, but my ex's door is shut. So I open it because I can hear my dogs sniffing under the door to get out. There he is sitting on the bed with my phone in his hand going through it. After we had established that we were not together, I take it and look at the screen time information and he spent over 30 minutes in my saved passwords. So now I'm actually concerned and very weirded out and may just ask my mom for a loan to break the lease because he literally creeped in my room when I was sleeping and took my phone to go through it. Anyways, thank you to everyone for the comments and concerns and advice. Although I feel like I wasted many years with him, it was a growing experience and I will absolutely do better in the future. At it, I did also get STD tested as well. Just waiting to hear the results back from it. Oh, ma'am. Also saved passwords. Is he in your chase a carol babe? I'm like, what is he doing? He's like, he's just diabolical. Yeah. Like you were cheating and you think you're going to go through her shit? But that is very what cheaters do I feel like. Like they're paranoid you're cheating because they're so paranoid about getting caught. But I don't the saved password makes me very, very weirded out. Yeah, what is he? Yeah, like is he trying to get into her bank accounts? Is he trying to get into like her emails? It's just like private stuff. So change your password. Change. Which is so annoying. I'm so sorry. The admin of that is going to ruin your life. I'm like locked out of my personal TikTok right now. And it's like the worst thing. Like having a forgotten password. Having to go through Apple ID. I used to have my university password and then obviously university email expired. Can you get it? It's nightmare. Oh my god. Room my life for like a decade. I literally just called my old school like a couple of weeks ago. Like did you guys finally shut down my email? Type B girls. And they go, you've been an alumni for 10 years. We don't keep them forever. I'm like, well, no, I can't get into anything. I don't like go to the Apple store. Anyway, I digress. Yeah, this guy is insane. I don't, I don't like that he was trying to hook up with her after I don't like that the dog was leave my dog alone. Leave my dog alone. Why'd you take the dog? We need, no. He's legally bonding her. No, it's not okay. He's trying to steal the dog. Not okay. But I hate that. Yeah, I don't know what she's going to do. But as least she knows and she is 100% right, she learned a lot. I know. She grew. She learned. She's more interesting. She's probably funnier from dealing with all this. I know. And did she mention age? No. And she's only 28. Oh, baby. 28 literal baby. Prime of your life. Prime time. Now you're getting out and you see things clearly. Now that the rain is gone. I think we're going to find you lessons. I think you can really sing. I think you can. I think this is in your future. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's going to be you. That was good. With your opera mom. That was me. You can do duets. Well, traveling duo. I don't podcast anymore. I just go on and do operatic solos. Did you whip out any singing during your Carnegie Hall show? No. I mean, you're at. I was in a disrespect Carnegie Hall. Carnegie Hall. I wasn't going to flame the place. See, I would have just like a couple of little bars to say you did it. I sang in Carnegie Hall. I can't even, I can't play the piano. Music was not my. I didn't have the bug at the time. Oh, man. It's okay. I'm a yapper. I don't. I sing through through my words on podcasts. How poetic is that? Okay. Moving on to this next one. I think I'm going to give you a choice. Okay. Do you like a choice? Or do you hate a choice? I don't want a choice. Okay. You have three choices. Okay. Which door? Choice number one. Am I overreacting about my nanny family having sex during the day? Option two. My girlfriend told me she befriends less attractive girls on purpose. Or option three. How can my husband 61 male and I 60 female help our son 32 male move past his high school girlfriend? They're all. They're all winners. Those are all really good. Let's do the second one because I feel like we haven't done one about probably looks. Oh, and from potentially a boy's perspective. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So again, this one is titled. There is a trigger warning here for ED/self image. Okay. Yeah. My girlfriend was telling me about how her friend is trying to find a boyfriend. So she's using dating apps. She said she's not having any look. I told her that sucks. She said her friend might have to lose some weight to find a guy. I was like, yeah, maybe. Then out of nowhere, she started talking about how she loves having overweight friends. How she looks better by comparison. Oh, I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? She was like, we're more comfortable with each other so she can say this. We've been together a month. She went on to say that her overweight friends make her look like a model and that she will never get friends that are on the same level as her because she loves when guys come up to her at the club and ignore her friends. She said it makes her feel powerful and desired. She said it makes her feel like a high value woman. Oh, I was just like, all right, that's cool. I guess. I don't know. I feel like she's showing her true colors, but I feel like a lot of girls do this so I can't fault her weird. Do a lot of girls do this? I don't think a lot of girls do this. Well, I know girls who like having uglier boyfriends, they like being the reward. Literally. I actually know a lot of girls like this who they want to be the one that's always like wanted more and the hotter one. Oh my gosh. And they'll joke like, oh, it's because I'm insecure. I want a ugly guy that fawns over me. Okay. But then I say, I'm insecure. I want a hot guy so people think I'm cooler because I'm with a hot guy. So it's like two different ways of going about it, you know? This is so like, I'm like doing the mental gymnastics, trying to figure this out. But I'm also the same with friends. Like I like my friends being, well, I actually don't think about attractiveness a lot with my friends. I think it, I like being with like strong powerful, confident woman, if they happen to be gorgeous.
It's like, oh my God, like my gorgeous friends. But I also equally love my friends who are like extremely funny or like extremely smart. - Yeah. - But I just, I like being with people who I feel like challenge me and people who love themselves, basically. - Yeah, I feel like you, like knowing your friends and the type of person you are, I feel like you just gravitate towards good people. And I feel like the people in your life also happen to be like insanely driven or like super talented and like this and that. We definitely like motivate each other. - Yeah. - I like being around those kind of people. - That's what you want from your friends. You want friends that lift you up and motivate you and challenge you, but like aren't also your biggest hater. Like if someone told me, yeah Morgan, I became friends with you because you were bigger than me. I'd be like, that's the sole reason you became my friend. What about like, I'm nice. (laughs) I'd be a good emergency contact. (laughs) I also sometimes like to get fast food. - Also saying you hang out with girls who are bigger than you so guys come up to you at the club. It basically, you're saying you're hate you hate yourself. And you want a guy to choose you because of your weight? - Clocked. - Yeah, clocked her. - You hate like you have to hang out with people who you deem unlovable for you to be loved. - So you're insecure. And but it's funny, she's like owning it. Like for her, opening her crazy up this early in relationship is funny. - It's giving pick me. - Pick me. - Yeah, I choose me. - I guess she's kind of like, think she's smart with it. Like she like figured a system or something. Or she like wants to be like the queen bee. - She does, she does think she's smart with it. - Yeah. - 'Cause otherwise you wouldn't admit it. - Yeah, she thinks it's like a strategy that just like happens to work. - She thinks it's a win. - But that's diabolical. - Also like, I'm just like, I'm so perplexed by this 'cause like, I don't know. Like don't you want someone to like pick you for you? - Yeah. - Not because like, I just, I just. - Not because you look good against some made up thing that you've put in your head. But also, you can have good friends in your life if you're picking them based on their weight. Like if you're so picking people based on attractiveness and that's what you pick people because you actually get along with them. - Because you like them, because you love them. You want to be around them. They're a good time. Like, I'm just, I'm so absolutely flabbergasted by this. And I've had another story recently. I might have been on Patreon. I don't remember what episode. But it was someone who was basically like, I called out my friend or my sister because she picked only ugly bridesmaids. She didn't even pick the girls that are actually her best friends. The people she asked to be her bridesmaids are people she's like loosely friends with but like she considers them ugly. - Oh, Jesus. And it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're that insecure bitch. You're gonna be in all white. Everyone's gonna be looking at you. You're the bride. Come on. - It's an insecurity thing. I also do know that some girls who are like incredibly beautiful may have trouble, not to be like, oh, their life is so hard. But some people might judge them immediately and think they think they're better than them or people might not want to be friends with them 'cause they don't feel good about themselves. But maybe I'm like talking about beyond gorgeous women that are it's freaky looking at them maybe. (laughing) That you're like, your eyes are so blue. I can't look into them. But this girl's definitely mentally dealing with some things and kudos to him for seeing a red flag. 'Cause that is a red flag. - It is. - I think to just kind of his responses where he's just like, I was like, what the fuck? It does seem like this could be something a guy would just brush off like. - For sure. Especially if she's like, super hot. - She looks the way he wants it to look. - Yeah. So I'm like. - And maybe she's being like joky with it where it's kind of like locker room talk. But yeah, it's just not hitting. - It's sickly and also she doesn't care about her friends and that's like sad. - It's very sad. Like you're using people. - It's just lonely. - Super lonely. - Lonely. - Super lonely. - Top comment. Man, a few words are woman, someone, a few words. Very shallow. Which it is. I mean, next one down says very true. Also, if the guys are only approaching her with the intention of just sleeping with her, I don't personally know how she could feel of high value. - Also, I wonder what happens when a guy comes up to the group and hits it off with one of her friends who she deems ugly. She must fucking spiral, lose her mind to be like, wait, the world isn't so black and white that I'm hot and everyone else is ugly in my friend group. - She's ugly. - She's ugly on the inside. And that's where it came. - But I'd love to know what trauma happened at a young age or who hurt her to make her think that that was the only way she was high value. - I know. I want him to break up with her. - Also, the fact she's telling them this after just like a month of being together, but that's something you take to your grave. Like if you're that delusional and like that big of a bitch, like that's something you take to your grave. - I do just say this is full time hot people problems. This is a hot person who has surrounding herself with people who never told her that's fucking crazy. - She needs to get clocked. She needs someone to read her to filth, but 'cause she's just surrounds herself with people that she sounds like she bosses around and runs. - She knows, she's not number one, two, three, four, five. - Literally. - No, I feel like I really-- - You need friends who call you out. - You do. And like just, this is so unmatched, but I really hope OP breaks up with her and says, also it's because you're so ugly. Like it's because you're just not kind. - Yeah. - You admitting that is actually crazy and you really need to work on yourself. Like I hope on the way out, he really like slams the door into her. And I don't know a lot about the whole high value stuff. It's not in my algorithm. - Wait, what is that? - But I know about high vibrations and what she's doing is low vibrations. It's very low vibrational to just talk about people's weight. - I like this vibration. I want to get into this. - They say like high vibrational people, they feel like you feel them. Like there's depth, there's good energy. - Good energy. - And like she's low vibrational. - I like that. - Apparently a high value woman is a popular self-concept in self-improvement in relationship discussions. A woman who possesses a strong sense of self-worth. - And she doesn't. - Confidence, independence. - Nope. - And emotional intelligence. - No. - Oh, she did that to herself. - None. - The focus is typically on intrinsic personal qualities rather than external factors. - It's funny 'cause I do feel like there's also the side of like you could be insecure and only want to hang out with hot girls to feel like you're hot. Like it's like wanting to hang out with a cool crew to be like, I'm cool, see 'em with the cool girls. So it's just so interesting how people express their insecurities. But yeah, she doesn't know what high value means. - She's like at the opposite of high value. - She's pond scum. - Pond scum. - But that is actually, I like that. Let's be high value women, which is women who are confident in themselves and emotionally intelligent. - There's like, yeah, I like, you shouldn't be friends with people you don't even like. You shouldn't be friends with your haters. You feel like your friend doesn't like you, drop 'em. They're not worth it. You are wasting time and energy on that friend that doesn't even like you or value you where you could be making new friends that appreciate you and love you. And like, it's the same thing. You can't have two doors open at once. Like all your energy is going into this asshole. - Yep. - Where can you give any other time? You only got 24 hours a day. - Yeah, and not to be, I've been in LA for three days talking about vibrations, but people can lower your vibration. - I fully believe that. I mean, there's some people that like, I've had in a room, I've been in a room with them for like an hour and a half or two hours or three, or whatever, a night, a dinner. And I like, I call them energy vampires where you just leave their presence. And all you wanna do is just like, go in a dark room and not talk. Like, you are so drained. - Yeah. - So drained. - And it's like, the people that are combative with you. And you're like, oh, I think you look really nice. I love that dress. This dress, I hate this dress. This dress makes you look fat. - Fine, fuck. - Sorry, I said something. Like, it's just exhausting. And life is too short to be drained all the time. - Mm-hmm. - So divorce him. - I'm just kidding. (laughing) - Give 'em the dee. - I'm sorry. - Give 'em the dee. - There's two types of dees and you go two different ways. - Well, the opposite of an energy vampire is Hannah Burner. - Oh my God, I feel the sense of a gem. Every time I see you, I just, I feel a little lighter. - This is our coffee catch up. (laughing) - Come to town. - I know. - Do some hot takes. - It's so good. - Feel reconnected. - I don't know how you're doing it. You must have like a solar battery hooked up to you or something. - A lot of napping. - Hannah's on tour right now. - Yes. - You need to catch a show. - Come, you guys. I'm gonna be in LA, actually. I want you to come. The will turn in January. Let's go. - I'm there. - I'm there. - I'll hook it up. I know someone coming to San Francisco, coming to Chicago, I'm coming everywhere. Check out my website. - Yeah, you're filming a special at one of them. - Yes, in Toronto. - So, I mean, like, if you guys want to be on the special, it's okay, you're too good. - It's happening out of our comfort shows. (laughing) Thank you for supporting me. - No, of course. All of Hannah's links will be in the description, but catch a show. I mean, you're-
first special on Netflix was amazing. It was like, how long was it in the top 10? I feel like I just saw it on my little list. And of course, I watched it. It was crazy to see it in the top 10. Like that was wild. 'Cause I'm like, are there people seeing this? Like it's just my mom watching this a lot. Did they hack into my account to put it there to make me feel special? Yeah, I was even like, trying to make me feel special. No, it's amazing. So check her out. She's also got a podcast, two podcasts. If you go to Squatton, Bernafone, Bernafone, yeah, with Hubby. Yes. Not someone that's divorced really. He actually picks up his fair share. So check it all out. Working on it. Hey, you know, you're busy, busy girl, it's all good. It's all good, yeah. But that's all I got. And until next time, guys, bye. Bye. If you loved this episode and want even more content, head over to Patreon. There are now three bonus episodes each and every month. And right now, you can try your first month for 50% off with Code Holiday 50. Come in, you get all the content. Even if you stay for just a month, so you can make it a challenge for yourself, see how much you could binge. And if you know you're going to love it, you can even buy an annual membership for 25% off. If we're doing girl math, that's basically three whole months out of your year free. I mean, last month was super fun. We had a wedding theme. We had an episode with Michaela, that was two hours. We had an episode with Lauren, that was two hours. We're just having so much fun over there. So come on over and join us. You got to survive the holidays somehow. See you soon, guys. Bye. (upbeat music)
Podcast Summary
Key Points:
The host expresses deep gratitude to the audience for their support, highlighting how their engagement has transformed his life and the show’s success.
A humorous anecdote unfolds about a neighbor’s parrot forming an unexpected, emotional bond with the host, leading to a long-distance relationship with a bird and sparking discussion on animal companionship and emotional needs.
The podcast explores a real-life situation where a woman feels alienated by her mother-in-law’s family, citing inappropriate boundaries, emotional manipulation, and lack of support, leading her to question her marriage.
A separate story involves a man’s sudden shift in behavior after marriage, including emotional manipulation, control, and shifting family dynamics, ultimately leading the woman to seek divorce and reclaim her peace.
A humorous yet insightful take on love bombing and emotional manipulation in relationships, especially during pandemic-era long-distance dynamics, is shared.
The host reflects on the importance of daily routines, emotional boundaries, and mutual respect in marriage, emphasizing that love requires shared values and daily presence.
A Reddit post raises concerns about a husband’s lack of engagement post-childbirth, with the wife feeling emotionally drained and unattracted due to his absence and focus on financial goals.
The episode concludes with a call for empathy, understanding, and self-preservation in relationships, urging listeners to recognize when love is being used as a tool of control.
Summary:
The podcast opens with heartfelt gratitude from the host, acknowledging the audience’s massive support that has helped the show reach 100 million Spotify streams and profoundly impacted his life. A central narrative follows a listener’s experience of emotional alienation from her mother-in-law’s family, detailing disrespectful behavior, emotional manipulation, and lack of support, ultimately leading her to seek divorce. Another story centers on a man’s shift from supportive to controlling behavior post-marriage, including emotional manipulation, refusal to engage with his wife’s needs, and a pattern of manipulation that culminates in her decision to leave.
The host also shares a humorous yet insightful take on love bombing and emotional control in relationships, especially during pandemic-era long-distance marriages. A separate post examines a husband’s neglect of his new role as a father, causing his wife to feel unattracted and emotionally drained. The episode emphasizes that healthy relationships require mutual respect, emotional presence, and boundaries, not just love or shared goals.
Throughout, the host highlights how emotional manipulation, control, and communication breakdowns can erode trust and joy in marriage. The overarching message is one of self-awareness and empowerment: individuals must recognize when their relationships are serving control over love, and prioritize their well-being over endurance. The stories collectively underscore the importance of emotional honesty, support, and boundaries in sustaining long-term, healthy partnerships.
FAQs
The neighbor's parrot became obsessed with the speaker, pacing and screeching when they stopped responding. The neighbor asked the speaker to make bird sounds to get the parrot to eat, and eventually, the speaker became the parrot's object of affection, leading to a long-distance relationship with the bird.
The speaker enjoys the simple joy of a funny text from a friend or a little pumpkin cold, noting how these tiny moments bring happiness and a sense of connection.
The speaker watches 'Nashville' and 'For All Mankind,' praising 'Nashville' for its great villain, Hayden, and 'For All Mankind' for its high hit rate and apocalyptic themes.
The speaker finds it both funny and touching, seeing it as a form of deep connection, though they also acknowledge the oddity and potential issues of such a relationship, especially with the parrot's long lifespan.
The speaker believes it's disrespectful and potentially a sign of someone wanting attention, noting that it can feel like the partner is available and not being fully committed to the marriage.
The speaker says it's common for marriages to face strain when in-laws disapprove of the spouse, and that such dynamics can lead to emotional isolation and resentment, especially if the partner's family minimizes the spouse's feelings.
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