247: That's a Wrap Ft. Scott Evans

Do you know what you're getting into no idea? I mean, yes a little okay. I've watched episodes I've seen you I've seen you work. I've seen you and I've always wondered if you had like do you write to your To myself to your posts like do you like are you like I'm gonna say this on this one? I'm gonna say this on this one. No, honestly like I'll read them make sure they're good enough for the show And then I feel like I totally Blank out on what my thought was so then when I have them come back out. It's fresh. It feels like I have amnesia Yeah, it's kind of weird. There's one there was one in particular the episode of Hannah and she was that was the The wife who was considering divorce because the family didn't like her. Oh my god. Yeah, I was like I was like Girl by by yeah, nobody likes you and your husband is cool with it does your husband even like you don't like you girl He doesn't like you you don't like he don't love you girl I couldn't believe it. You might have some of those today. It hurt me it hurt me deep I was like girl live your life be happy. I know and she was like 27 Girl be in a life that you love with people who love you I'm of her life. We're excited when you walk in the room. Mm-hmm I also needed to know something more information about that family. I want to know everything I want to be a fly on the wall. I needed some demographic breakdown if you know what I'm saying Like are we where are we in Texas? So we know are we in Minneapolis? Are we in I fell European to me? I don't know why it did I fell European like white. Is that what you mean? Honestly? Oh, you being like Europe I for some reason I don't know why in my head. I was envisioning like an Indian family Given like the hierarchy. Okay. I don't know It's so interesting because you ask people what they envision in their heads during the readings Everyone's gonna have such a different like mental image. Yeah, yeah, sometimes I won't say genders and like my friend Lauren will like assume genders and like They're always like when we find out more the opposite So interesting. I know sometimes I do themes where I haven't done it in like probably a year or two where I'll take out all the genders and Just like you don't here's the information here's the info not right because it's like if there was no gender would you are your opinion change? Sometimes it does yeah, of course we're all a little biased baby. We're all a little biased here Just trying to do our most of us are out here down trying to do our best. That's Literally all I'm trying to do literally just my best baby. I wake up every day and be nice try my best try my best, but y'all try me Scott said spicy. I'm feeling spicy to fuck shit up. I am so excited to have you We met doing Spotify wrapped content. Yeah, and from that I was just like, okay, he can gap. He's funny. Yeah, let's have it We had a good time. You have your wits about you. Yeah You're just you're on it. So for those that don't know the Scott lore. Uh-oh. Who are you? Let's talk about your podcast, which is like having the best first year. I think out of any podcast. I've Recently discovered. Oh my gosh. You're on it, but like you've done access Hollywood I also just found out you host like a dancing show. Yeah. I hosted World of Dance on NBC insane Jennifer Lopez Dericuff and Nio Okay, so yeah, give everyone the lore if they're not familiar. Yeah, so I mean I've been working in this business for a very very very long time and Entertainment I've worked in hard news first was a reporter for a CBS news in New York It's amazing with a show called channel one news. I don't know if you ever had that in your school But it was like a national broadcast with Anderson Cooper Lisa Ling Maria Manuno. So we're all famous Are famously anchored the show and so I got the opportunity to anchor the show as well And it was a dream of mine. That's amazing. And then it was like, okay, I'm tired of covering the worst of the world There's time to get into entertainment and then did that with access Hollywood been there for over 10 years now this last year I was like There's got to be more comfort six minute conversations can only feed you for so long. Yeah, you need a little more I want a little more. So we started house guests as a way to also so I could just practice late night I want Jimmy Jimmy Fallon's job. I want to be clear. Oh Jimmy, I love you, but and I told him this it was like I said bruh. I'm coming for you. I'm just I want you to know The moment you're ready Let me I love that and so I wanted to get my hours up and so we we started the show and I thought it was gonna be a place for me to Practice and kind of private. Yeah, the first episode went viral and I was like, oh, who's your very first guest? Kevon stage Kevin Fredericks comedian here I'm in Los Angeles who has become like a very very good friend and Yeah, then it was like it was on after that like every single episode and so I Didn't get the opportunity to really practice in private and so now it's like All out there and you just roll with it and so now it's kind of like if the Jimmy Fallon job never if the tonight show never happens I'm good with it because house guest is so Fulfilling it is crazy. I think that's something that in terms of like content how everything's changing in recent years like There's certain podcasts that reach more people every week than the late night shows. There's there's more podcast So you think about all these big publications too. Yeah, I had someone in a call. They're like your shows bigger than Vogue's Subscription like you're getting more eyes on you than that. It's just like that concept That was like a part of the reason why I was okay leaving OT and I think like kind of coming to terms with like no, no, this is like this is actually what I want Yeah, and it was like the concept where I'm reaching more people every week than I would in an entire career of working in a hospital Doing OT and that in my head. I was like whoa. Okay. That's crazy. Yeah, and and also like To understand the the the goal that you have the drive that you have the passion that you've developed in this To separate yourself from it and what feels like helps you get out of the bed some days yeah because also those the paths that many of us took Before this was an opportunity for us You it beats you down man and not to say that this is not hard. It doesn't have its challenges and obstacles to overcome as well But you are in charge of it. Yeah, you realize just what a privileged position. You're in. Yeah, it's just I wake up every day And I'm like do I want to like feeling a little burn out or I'm in my blue era whatever I'm dealing with and I'm like Yeah, I don't really want to but like it is really it is a gift I get to do this. So It's really it's really cool and your show is amazing. I just saw clips from you when you had kicky Palmer on oh my gosh Your guests are just amazing and you do such a good job. Thank you having those Intimate convos and keeping it light and fun. Well, yeah, well you bring people to your house So house guests is literally shot at my house. Yeah, I was like literally at my house And it's a very small crew we keep our footprint very very small And so it's talking to actually to Nisi Nash Um, are you watching all Sphere on Hulu by the way yet because if you're not with Kim Kardashian I haven't started no Is it good you got homework to okay? Because I keep getting mixed reviews on my Tiktok feed yet go ahead Let the let the it's got a season two. Oh, let the let the reviews be let the reviews be mixed But get your butt in front of that screen. It is so it's it's like you can't stop watching the show But I had Nisi Nash on and You know she she talks about the idea of Being in a position where you have the kind of problems you prayed for Having the kind of issues in your life or worries in your life that you dreamed of one day being able to To be you know, I mean concerned with and so yeah, you just you keep going and I don't know I'm trying to tell you But if you get to those points and you're like okay, I'm feeling a little you can control that. Yeah Shift it. I don't think we take enough license sometimes in our own lives. We just feed it Whatever that it is. I know and I I mean the more you like solidify an idea in your head the stronger it gets So it's like you just I like try to like totally just get out of my funk I have found a $35 massage place. And so when I'm feeling sad. I just go there. I'm sorry Yeah, but then I leave like a $15 tip you have to leave You have to leave California. No, it's right down the street. You do leave your clothes on. I'm sorry There's different levels to the massage they offer Or you say yeah, so this one they call it a foot massage, but it's not they do your whole body still but your clothes are on Is the massage clothes the masseuse clothes are on awesome? For 35 dollars. I just want to know what I'm getting into I just want to know How long is the massage? It's the best place ever. It's in Burbank. It's next to the canes if anyone wants to try it I really don't cry. You're crying. You're crying. My spot please I really I just like I'm I call and like I can get in within five minutes like they're so great So you walk in the door you go in this like big open room With like 10 chairs and you sit in the chair and they bring a communal. Yeah, it's communal. That's why it's 35 dollars Beggars can't be choos or you know you're not wrong. I just I'm just trying okay and then you sit in the circle It's like deeply reclined wait is it is there is it just a normal a regular person massage? It's like someone else who's sitting in a chair. Do you massage the person sitting in front of you? And then the person behind you massage you people work their massage you It's not like the monkey picking bugs out of each other No, it's it's legit. Okay, it's legit and they do offer real massages too I just have I think in my mind It's like in a school gymnasium and like maybe say a meeting It's like a little room this size. I'd say and then like just chairs all about But you get in and then you put your feet in a warm bucket of water and while they're working on your the feet are soaking and getting warm They massage your head your shoulders. They do like like some lymphatic drainage type stuff. - We wanted to do that, okay. - Like arms, and then they moved to your feet. And your feet come out of the bucket and they go up and then they're really doing a full massage and like massage and then they like step on your thighs. - Yeah. - And then they roll you over and then they do your back and your neck and your head and just everything. - How long? - An hour. - For $35. - Yeah, and then I do a $15 tip 'cause it feels. - For $35, yeah. - $35. - Isn't it a deal? It's only $55 if you want to take your clothes off. - Okay, but like you know what I mean? If you want the traditional one. - I don't know. - If you want to take your clothes off, it costs $55. You don't, yeah. - For an hour? Have you ever seen other people in there with you? - Yeah. - Okay. - It's usually booked up. - Wow. - So this is why I like cannot travel. Like if I go like France, I went and there was a spa or Iceland, there's a spa there. I can't get massages anywhere else 'cause like 200 bucks and I'm like, I got that at home. - We got massages at home. - That's $55 at home. - Yeah, that's why you know. - Maybe I'm not doing that at that. - Yeah. - Would you, would you want a chicken fillet. I got chicken fillet at home. - Exactly. - That's funny. - Yeah, so it's a good time. - Yeah, I'm not gonna run up on that. - It's right on the street. - It's down the street. Hell yeah. - Come on. You can't beat that with a piece. - No. - Okay, but on a not so happy note, let's get into it to bib bib bib bib. - Bib bib bib. - Let's get into today's story. - Okay. - Are you gonna hit me hard the first time or are you over there? - I think so. - I think so. - Okay. - I know you can handle it. - You can say that. Yeah, I think so. Am I gonna, I'm going to massage after this. - Yeah, you're gonna need to release some tension. - Okay. - Like. - Lay it on. - Hent up energy. Since we met, since we met at the rap, that's a rap, that's the theme today. That's a rap. - That's a rap. - That's a rap. - Oh, shit. - Let's dive in. - Let's do it. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) - This first one. Coming from our slash relationship advice, 13 days old, titled, I think I, 32 female, nuked my relationship with my boyfriend, 32 male, by drawing a hard line. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly two years, living together for one. He had purchased his house prior to us dating, and I was renting an apartment, so it made sense for me to move into his house. He continued to pay the mortgage, and I took on all of the usage bills, all of the utilities and annual maintenance, as well as the grocery shopping, and we felt that was a fair split. As our anniversary is coming up, we've been talking about our future timelines, and where we see our relationship progressing. We're on the same page with all of the big issues. We know we wanna marry each other, and start a family following that. But to be in a position to start a family, the house is going to need a lot of renovations, and we've always thrown around the idea that the cost of rentals would be my buy-in, so to stay on the house. From our estimates, everything we want to do would be around a hundred K on the low end. We even agreed that we could draw up some kind of agreement to protect both of our interests financially. As it's gotten closer to the reality of reaching out to contractors and banks, I've felt more and more unsettled about the situation. I bet you did. I feel confident in our relationship, but foolish to be making an investment in a boyfriend's asset. I told him that I would like to be engaged before starting this process, so I feel like he's making a commitment to me as much as I am to him. We've talked about being engaged prior to this, but he said adding this element makes it feel very transactional and takes away from the romance and sparkle of it all. That's okay. I didn't tell him I wanted to be engaged by a specific date or anything like that. Just that if this renovation is what we wanted to pursue, this is the action I'd like to take beforehand. He seemed upset by my statement, and I feel like I've really taken some of the romance and surprise out of the idea of a proposal or being engaged. The morning after this conversation, he was cold and tense, and I can't help but feel I've done a reputable damage, but I don't feel wrong in making the request. Am I being reasonable? Is this recoverable? - Honest answer. - Yeah, we want nothing but honesty here. - There is no irreparable damage here. - There, honestly, this is common sense. And if homeboy wants to throw a tantrum because he can't get his renovations done on the timeline, he thought he'd be able to get them done without the consideration of her beyond her wallet, then brother. - Bye. - Keep it moving. And I also think it's interesting that you start the post with, we want renovations done for a potential baby. - Yeah. - And now, having the promise of marriage before that, Izeka, whoa, you've ruined. So look, there's already kind of like a situation in there. But I'm gonna just say this for me in my life, I'm not making large financial decisions with people that doesn't reflect the same intensity as that financial investment. And so like, I'm not gonna be paying for the renovations of the home we both live in and I'm not on a mortgage and we not married. I mean, really, there's no strings. Like, there's literally all he can do is like, he can take that 100K and then say, bye. And she's loved with nothing at the end of the day. - Yeah. - And I don't know, like, contract. He's like, oh, we can draw a contract to protect ourselves financially. Like, you can. - You can. - You can, I mean, you can draft a contract to that can say anything for anything at any point as long as people agree to it, then that's what the agreement is usually. - Yeah, but like, how is it gonna be enforceable? Like, for if he can't afford a 100K renovation to get the house where it needs to be, because then he could put it in his prenup. That's my house. This is everything before marriage. I'm keeping the house at the end of the day. That's his. But if he doesn't have the 100K for the Renault. - Hey, B, then we don't have a Renault. - And like. - Then we don't have a Renault. We don't have to do to pay me back, sell your house so you can pay me back the 100K I invested. - Well, I think that's the idea that the buy into the house is that she's, she would, with the 100K investment of the renovation, she would then be entitled to the value of the house in reflection of that 100K. - Yeah, 'cause you're gonna have a lot of equity right there. - Hello, hopefully. - Yeah, but also the Renault. - But if it's a good area, you know. - I know. - 'Cause like, we could be renovating the house. We shouldn't be renovating. We shouldn't be buying a new house. - Well, that's the thing. I'm like, how much was this house? Like, what was his buy-in? Was his buy-in? You know, this is a 200K house and he put 20K down. Like, what's his buy-in? - Also, it's like the idea is that if you are concerned about where this don't seem like the sparkle is gone. Well, then get the sparkle back. - Yeah. - Like, we gotta have real-ass conversations about life. And we can't be always chasing the sparkle. - Yeah, I'm saying, because the 100K don't have no sparkle to it. - No. Also, if you can't have that conversation of like, I'd like more of a commitment before I give you 100K. - Whoa, whoa, you're really ruining the whole like, well, now I'm on a timeline. - We're already on a timeline bitch. - Bro, bro, bro, you're giving me a Renault because we wanna get married and have a baby and we can't do that until we renovate. Well, shit. - Bullshit. - Get engaged. Have your wedding. Takes nine months for a baby to cook. You can do a Renault in that amount of time. - Hey, bro. - Come on. - Hey, bro, we're on to ya. - Shit's expensive, I know weddings are expensive, but like, you're saying this is for us. - If we're doing the renovation, it's 'cause you're like, I wanna be with you and I wanna have a baby with you and I want our home to be ready to receive and help grow our family. - Yeah. - Show me that, 'cause I'm gonna start writing these checks to these contractors. - Yeah. - Show me that. - Yeah, and they don't have return policies. - No, they don't. I can tell you. - They don't. - And when you start playing with contractors money, they craze. - They'll come after you. - They will come after you and they got tools, okay? They got, and deep ditches, it's all I'm saying. I've seen the movies. I've seen 'em. - Oh my God. - It's also, don't you think it's a little strange that the take is, I've nuked my relationship because we're having a hard conversation. - I think there's bigger issues here. - There's clearly some bigger issues here. And it seems like maybe she's tuned into a frequency that's like, we're not doing the best. - Well, she's walking on eggshells. She's anticipating a really bad reaction. That's like, but why? - 'Cause he throws tantrums. - This is a fine conversation. Oh yeah. - Yeah, something good. - And now he's cold. And so now you're gonna raise two kids. - We got two babies here. - Oh, that's so many of those lately. Why? Why? - That's what you're gonna do. - You sound like you already got a baby. - I know. So my dad as a podcast, he gives dad advice. We just had a listener right in on his show. She's got two kids, six and four. And her kids are not even comfortable enough with her husband, their dad, to ask him for a snack. - What do you mean? - Because he's such, like a la, la, la. Like, no, they can't even go to their dad and be like, "Dad, can I have a snack?" They don't have a relationship with him. No, he's so checked out. He comes home early from work and plays his video games and it's like, "Mam, you don't have two kids. You have three." She does everything in their house. - It's hard being a single mom. - Cleaned. - And you are, at that point you are. - Girl, so what did he say? What did your father say? I'm curious. - My dad. - What was the advice? 'Cause I would feel like, I would be, how do you, what's the address? - He can't, yeah, no, he tore him a new one. And my dad's like, "He needs to just get off the fucking video game." (laughing) But we definitely, we went in on him a little bit. - I mean, you got, that's crazy. - I know. - Two and four, you said? - Four and six, I believe. - Look out, he's now two-year-old. Then that's crazy. - I know. - You mean, couldn't be me. - But these two, they've only been together two years. I mean, I think that's much too quick to give someone a hundred K of your money. - Here's what I'm gonna say also. It might be, in my opinion, also much too quick to get engaged. - What's your, what's your, like two years, you moved in directly with each other because, right, it would be a more cost-effective. - You moved in about a year ago. - Yeah, so like, you're getting a better clue into who this man is gonna be as a life partner. And what's really happening is not that you've neutral relationship, but that you're seeing some red flags, pay attention. - Yeah. - Because they're only gonna, the red flags are either only gonna grow into bigger flags, parachutes, wind sales. - Oh my God, yes. - You know, and so like, watch when they're small. Listen to that shit when it's a little, a when it's a whisper. - Yeah. - As opposed to when it's shouting at you in the middle of the hallway. - Absolutely. And top comment kind of says something similar. They go, forget engaged. Don't do this unless you're married and on the deed. 19KFotes on that. - I mean, yeah, I'd upvote that. - Yeah, I'll give them one for you. - Tap that. - Next comment down. This OP, people can always break engagements, but it's harder to break a deed. Do not put a penny of your money if you're not on that deed. You'll be screwing yourself. - And not in a good way. - No, not a fun way. And that's the thing. Like, who knows what he's gonna say in terms of a prenup too? Like, there's no safety here. Like, it's literally just like-- - No, you're just handing it over. There is no safety if you hand it over. - I know. - And it does sound like there's a fair amount of maybe manipulation that's at play in their relationship. If this feels like I've nuked it because I'm not in agreement with you because we're not in agreement right now. It feels like, well, if I don't automatically just agree with you, then he's so angry with me and so cold with me that I just wanna do anything that I can't avoid that. - And that is so toxic. - Yeah, that's my manipulation girl. - Yeah, here is a story that someone-- - Red flag. - Red flag. - You know, there's one next to you if you wanna use it. - There's a flag on the play. - Hey. - Someone shares this. I know a single mom who was dating a guy that convinced her to sell her house. Then invest the money she made from the sale in renovating his house. Her name was not on the deed. Less than a year later, they got into a fight. She came home from work with her daughter the next day, the locks had been changed and her and her daughter were stuck living in hotels for a few months while she saved enough money for a deposit on an apartment. The about 120 K she invested in his house was considered a gift and there is no legal recourse for her to get this money back. That's insane. - You want that to be you girl? You want that to be you? - Don't do it. - That's true. - I don't do it. - And it really is that simple. Like it's not even like, that's not even an emotional thing. That's not like a, oh, that's just not smart. - No. - It's just not smart. - I know we have like some lawyers listening or like paralegals or whoever out there and you're just like screaming, you're like, don't do it. - You could be a 14 year old, what's the fortnighter and you know that don't make no sense. And clearly she does too. But that's why she wrote it on Reddit. That's why she was like, I gotta make sure I'm not crazy. Yeah, and that's kind of what she said. There's like a comment here and she's just like, thanks for all your responses. And she says, see in a neutral third party like a relationship counselor seems like a really good move before taking any other action. So no breakup. They're still together. - A relationship counselor sounds like an automatic. But also this is, if you meet, you gotta meet what you say. And this is a very basic thing. - Super basic. - And also a major red flag. If this is all playing out the way that she's describing it. - I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. - No. - Okay, moving on to this next one. - Okay. - Coming from our slash off my chest. - Okay. - 28 days old. Titled, "My mother-in-law planned 75th birthday extravaganza for herself on my birthday at my house. My husband and I live in a castle in Italy where we host weddings and events. It's a lot of work." - Stop. (laughing) - Stop. We live in a castle in Italy. - A castle. - Man, if you don't leave me alone about throwing this 75th birthday party, you have a castle, okay? You got more castle to go throw your birthday party into. I'm sorry, go ahead. I skipped a hit. I just heard castle in Italy. And it's like, yeah, of course we're throwing it at your house. - It's a lot of work, but we now have staff. So we're not doing everything ourselves. My mother-in-law decided she wanted to throw her 75th birthday party here. She had a massive party here four years ago with 60 guests that I helped her plan every detail of. This time I said fine as long as I don't have to plan it. I passed her off to our event manager to handle all the logistics. - As you do when you live in a castle. - Fast forward to me seeing our booking calendar and she booked the entire thing on my actual birthday. Not the weekend before, not her own birthday, which is five days later. Nope, she chose my birthday, which this year falls on a Tuesday. - I knew you're gonna say Tuesday. I knew you, this had Tuesday energy. This is a specific thing. - A random weekday. Her birthday is on a Sunday. Why wouldn't she do it over the weekend on her own birthday? - 'Cause girl, you know why she didn't. - She invited 30 plus guests, all flying in from another country who will be staying at my house for three nights, the big celebration, which will be a multi-course dinner, cake and dance party, all scheduled on my actual birthday. She asked if I wanted to choose the cake flavor. Quote, since it's technically your birthday. I told her, no, it's your birthday now. Because I can't imagine going up with her to have her friends, seeing us happy birthday together. For months, I was delusional enough to think that this was some kind of elaborate surprise party for me. - That's what I was thinking. - Because who would do this otherwise? - This is great. - And I told her I was going to be out of town and she said she would cry every day if I'm not there. - This is a surprise. - Then my husband said he hoped I would be there so the whole family could be together. But today, my husband picked up a literal busload of her friends and the reality hit. Nope, this week is all about her. - Oh, wait. So I'm stuck hosting a birthday bash for my mother-in-law on my own birthday. Surrounded by her friends, speaking a language I struggle with. I've never been a birthday zilla person, but a cozy morning with my family and a walk in the forest, then out to dinner in the city has been the norm. However, that's no longer possible. Yesterday, I felt fine about it all and helped her make the gift bags for all of her guests and I decorated inside the castle with a bunch of birthday things. But today, I feel awful and anxious. I'm probably thinking it will be worse than it actually will be. If we're a random clients event, I could just hide away and celebrate with my husband and kids. But now, everyone will be focused on her. Is this as outrageous as it feels? - Yes. - Really? - It is as outrageous as it feels because you live in a castle in Italy and I just feel like, if also, here's what I'll say. - Okay. - It feels a little outrageous to me because if all you wanna do is take a walk in the morning with the family and go to dinner, you can still do that. You can still absolutely do that. And if you have a staff, castle, event planner, they can manage the party while you go have dinner with your husband and then you arrive to the party a little tardy. - Fashionably elite. It's your birthday? - It's your birthday and Y'all's castle. - The castle part is so insane. - It's sending me. Every time all I see is her up in the, what is it? - The tower. - Yeah, the tallest tower, the tallest tower. And she's like, but it's my birthday. - She's too nice. Too nice. She decorated the castle for her. - She didn't decorate no damn castle. - She said, - I said, I decorated the castle with a birthday thing. - Mariah Carey said she decorates the house too. She don't actually decorate the house. - I don't know, these people seem like they bought like an old run down Italian castle for a dollar and then redid it themselves and they just fell deeper in love during the process. - It's giving inheritance to me. It's giving what is it, what is it, count? It's giving, what is it, my lord? Oh my god. - I don't know, and I also feel like when I went to go pick up the friends, there's got to be a certain level of devastation when you think, oh wait, this is all just a ruse to get me, to surprise me. But like. - I would have thought that too. - I would have, I don't like y'all good. - You pick up the friends and it just is like cemented. - Is that my friends? - No. - Do we have an update? - Was it actually her party? - We have no update. - Okay, did she die? - Maybe in the heartache. - Yeah. - Cut off. Yeah, there's no other comments. I mean, top comment, which was my thought too, celebrate your birthday on hers. Sleep in, go for a walk with the family, go to dinner, it's a Sunday, so you can have the entire day to yourselves. - Birthday swap. - I mean, pick your day, she stole your day. Saturday is a better day. I would throw a party at your castle on Saturday and say, "Fuck you." And it's also, it's not her birthday Saturday, so she can't be like, "It's my birthday too." No bitch, it's tomorrow, and it was Tuesday. So no, it's not your birthday. Like, take over Saturday and take it all by you. - Do people really have this kind of, like these kind of battles with the in-laws? - Yeah. - Did you ever experience this, like with X's or people that you were dating? - Yeah. - Did you ever have this kind of tense, like back and forth, this tense energy relationship with the in-laws? - Yeah, I think especially when you're new, like there's kind of like, oh, who's gonna get that time during, you know, the holidays or things like that, and you kind of have to like establish new norms or-- - Yeah, of course. - I don't know, this is how we're doing it this year, and like, I mean, I feel like holidays always bring a little drama, but especially when you're trying to blend and like, be the new girlfriend and come in, and you're like, stirring the pot. - That would be my question also. I think that has a lot to do with the, some of the dynamic of this is whose castle. - Yeah. - Like was this, do we go and buy this castle together? - That is. - Is this my husband's castle, or my husband's family's castle that we moved, that we were gifted at the wedding, and now-- - Does that make a difference? Like, 'cause I do see like mom sounds like she's a little entitled to the castle. - Correct. - So, does that make a difference in your head? - It does, it does make a difference in my head. Also, she had access to the event calendar for the castle and picked that day. - Yeah. - Who gave her access to, you know what I'm saying? Like, you don't just get access to the event calendar. - You should have said, here's the dates available. - Here are the dates available, baby. (laughs) - Well, now that you know you're working with a evil mother-in-law, like whatever. - Monster-in-law. - Yeah, now that you know that you're dealing with monster-in-law, you can be on your toes a little bit more going forward, which sucks. It sucks having to like, Jedi mind trick people and like, think 10 steps ahead. - But also? - So you don't reign on your parade. - Yeah. - But you need to with her. - But it could be, it could be 10 steps ahead so you don't reign on your parade. Or also, also we're just dealing with reality. - Yeah. - The reality is you will take advantage of the situation if I allow you to take advantage. - Yeah. - And so, I'm gonna create a better boundary here. And sorry, ma'am. - Ma'am. - Ma'am. (laughs) - Ma'am her back into place. - You know, exactly. Ma'am, happy birthday. (laughs) - But you need to sit yo ass down on a Tuesday. - Just not on my actual birthday. Like, there's no good reasoning. Like, all of her friends flying in, flying in on a Monday and being there during the week, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, that's harder than a weekend. - You know what I'm gonna tell you? - Come on. - Tell me. - It's gonna really fuck them up. You know she should have done. She should have planned a birthday party of her own on Tuesday in the castle. - I would have. - Bigger, louder. - Yeah. - Like, girl, no, go ahead, have your birthday. And I'll pop in when they sing "Happy Birthday" to you. - Yeah. - When your cake comes down. - Yeah, when that mow is flowing. Then I'll be there. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, let me know. Let me know. And you want me to pick the cake? I have just the thing. (laughs) No, matter of fact, let it be a surprise. - No cake. - Shit cake. - Biggrey messed up. Ooh. Oh, you're going that method. I was gonna say that. - I was just saying it. That felt a little dark. - No, shit cake is lit. I mean, shit cake would owe you whatever you wanted to be. - Open to interpretation. (laughs) - Woo! - I'm just saying. - Don't piss Scott off, okay? - Hey, oh no. - You'll get a shit cake. - In my castle? - Oh, yeah, no. - You get in the shit cake. - Hell no. - Ma'am, happy birthday. - Hell no. - And your cake is gonna say "Happy Birthday, ma'am." - Ma'am? Yeah, you feel that 75 years ma'am. Someone does kind of say, talk to your husband since he does not seem to get it. Spell it out for him clearly. And if I were you, I would sneak out for a couple of hours to do something on my own with the kids and husband. It can't rationally be all your mother-in-law even now. So they're kind of being like, "Hubby's got some." - Yes, clearly. - Some little boundary issues. - But you know what also happens in relationships, we say things we don't mean. Hoping that the partner will just get it. So what, like when you say no, it's fine, it's fine. Don't worry about me, don't worry about me. What you're also saying is, I want this to be a big deal for you so that I don't seem like a crazy person. - Yeah. - I want you to care a little bit more about this because you can clearly see I'm affected by it. - Yeah. - And I'm trying my very best. - My feelings would be so hurt. Like even if you're not a huge birthday person, it's still nice having one day out of the year that is just like solely about you. - A little bit about you. - Especially she's a mom, she's got kids. No other days about her. - Hello. - Even her birthday is probably not about her. - Clearly. - And it certainly isn't this year. - Right. - I don't like fuck. - I also imagine if it was like a big, if it was a milestone birthday and you were like taken of that, take, but also you gave the date. - I know. - I'm gonna just be honest. - You also gave the date. - I don't know, I feel like I would just be like, here's the calendar. Like here's what you're working with. I would never assume she'd pick my birthday when it's your 75th fucking birthday. (laughing) Throw the party on Saturday and go till midnight. - So at midnight, you like fucking shit off. - Right. - And then you're with all of your people as you turn 75. You picked a Tuesday. - Also. - Dumb bitch. (laughing) - It's a lot. - I love when you get like this. - Ah. - Why are you so dumb? Like what a dumb fuck. - Also, also, what kind of birthday party really is a 75 year old throwing? Like that's just gonna be over at six o'clock. - No, I'm gonna throw a rager. - Yeah, but we not talking about Chris Jenner. Do you know what I'm saying? Chris Jenner got her own castle. - I think old people are party harder than you think. - I'm gonna just tell you this. I was at a dinner yesterday at the Bill Moore. - Well, that sounds. - And what came six o'clock. In these orthopedics shoes, they were ready to get up out of the aisle. Okay, that's all I'm saying. - What beverages were provided? - Alcoholic ones. - You know, sugars spike. You know, people got compression socks on and all kinds of stuff underneath the gala gown. And people gotta go to bed. - I'll tell you right now, my grandma's 83 and she parties. She parties. She parties. She gets that wine flowing. She'll do an impromptu speech here and there. - Where did she live? - Just in the trunk, Minnesota. - Exactly. Same saying. - What? - We'll talk about somewhere with a castle. - I don't know. My aunt lives out in here in L.A. She gets pretty hammered. She has a little catering team. - How old is she? - Older. (laughing) - She wouldn't like me to say. (laughing) - I'm just saying, I'm just saying, party party ain't gonna last that long anyway. - Yeah. - I mean, certainly not on a Tuesday. - Right. Going up on a Tuesday. - Club going up on a Tuesday. - We'll see, I got that one. - Well, wait, hold on a second. If, if, old lady knows that, she might be, she might be in a, yeah, she'd be playing ying-ing twins and she's gonna have some local Luke. - I think old people in Europe also really know how to party. - They know how to do it. - I don't, go have a good time, girl. Go have a good time. Buy yourself something nice. - Honestly, I'd get really drunk and make it about you. That's the one time where I think you could sabotage someone's party. - What she should do is go buy herself a really beautiful necklace. - Mm-hmm. - On her husband's credit cards. - Yes. - As a birthday gift. - Okay. - And make that the focus of, look at what my husband got me for my birthday. While she eats a shit cake. Done. - I want the recipe. I'm like very scared. - Done. - No problem. I'm ready. Now I'm primed. I'm ready now. - Are you? - Yeah. - Locked in. Okay, number three. This is coming from A-I-T-A-H, 28 days old. Titled, my dad died. My significant other is mad. He has to make dinner. After moving to our home state nearly a year ago, after seven years of my significant other complaining, how our new state sucked and he missed home, I've been working full time in a demanding job. I do really love. Unfortunately, significant other has been unemployed for over a year, applying to only about 15 jobs in that time. We both chose to move home to be near our parents, and that's been mostly positive. I lost my stepmother in August, requiring I drive to another state to take care of a gray gardens type situation. I thought that was the most traumatic things that I'd have to do this year. A few weeks later, however, my dad was hospitalized, and I tried to be at the hospital as much as I could, considering I was new at my job and had used all of my leave with my stepmother's house. My dad and she were still married, but he had moved back to our state for health reasons. She refused many times to leave him. The day after my dad was released from the hospital, against my family's wishes, he passed. I came over to make him soup and I had found him. My significant other has largely been supportive, but he's repeatedly been irritated that he has to make dinner weeknights as I work full-time and try to address two people's estates. No wills plus all the grief. When he recently made an insensitive comment about having to make dinner part of the week, I asked him to consider that this was insensitive considering all that was going on. Additionally, I made all dinners for our family while working full-time and being the primary caregiver for our son for 12 years. When I shared this, he immediately fell into a cycle where he shuts down, shuts me out, gets defensive, then reactive, then depressed. It's what always kept me from being honest with him. Long story short, I kept asking him to talk to me. For days, I acknowledged how he must be hurting too. I thanked him for everything he did around the house, I knew something was bothering him and asked him to talk to me. Here a day of needing to report my dad's death to creditors and my son at dinner cutting me off when I suggested better ways of communicating about wanting rides, they both snapped at me and shut me out. I got up, put on a coat, and went for a walk, and I didn't take my phone. An hour later, I got home and sat with my son outside and we talked and apologized and listened to each other. When I tried the same with my significant other, he was immediately cold and defensive. No matter what I said, he responded that what I said hasn't happened and that I was being mean. I asked him to then share something with me. He felt I hadn't heard instead of just negating what I said. Quote, that's so fucked up to put pressure on me was the response. I pointed out I was crying and mourning and asked why he was so cold. He asked why I didn't care he had to make dinner. As with all conflicts, this is a simplified version. He is a good person, but we almost got divorced four years ago because of how his undelt with trauma meant that he didn't ever want to talk. Quote, "Why can't we just act like everything is fine and fell into reactive patterns? I'm in a hotel now. He is not someone to ever go after anyone. So it's not for drama. I'm an oldest daughter. I know what taking on a lot with little support means, but I'm completely shocked by this." Yeah, big red flag. I've been told that I'm selfish because when I cook on weekends, it's just pasta. In parentheses, roasted butternut squash, homemade sauce, slow simmered. Am I insane? Am I a 40-year-old woman who has been checking on everyone in working full-time? The worst? Did I today finally yell that it would be cool if my significant other applied to more jobs and get a therapist per our agreement when we decided not to divorce and to not drink so much that he passes out on the couch every night? Because all I want to do is make the people I love feel loved, but now I just feel insane and alone. I keep trying to reach out to him to support him in his own frustration and grief, but he shuts me out. Now I'm drinking wine in a plastic glass in a motel because of it. He knows I'm barely functioning. Am I the asshole for saying he should leave when I get back? That's the only question. Are you the asshole? No. No. No. That was a full sentence. No. There's like a little parenthesis at the bottom, too. R.I.P. my dad, a badass, and my best friend. So that's also the thing that's happening, right? So your husband is never going to be your dad. He's never going to be your. He's never going to be the dude your dad was. And like expecting that after your dad passed, he somehow magically turn into the dude. He's not always been in your entire relationship, but he's not going to also be the dude who was involved in your almost getting divorced four years ago. Like he's the same dude he's always been. He's the same dude. And it sounds like he's the same dude who's going to stay the same dude, whether you get divorced now or in another 15 years, right? To me, I am not a proponent of telling people to leave their marriages, but I am a proponent of telling people, of encouraging people to see the situation for what it actually is and love yourself. Yeah, emphasis on love yourself because no one else is. Like they certainly ain't going to do it if you don't do it. No. And I think you can look at your kid and granted, you know, he's 12 maybe, like I know you said, like I took care of him for 12 years, so like I'm assuming he's around 12. I mean, look at how he's treating you. And that's probably being modeled by your husband, who's not treating you well. But then when you had this, when you had a scenario where you came back to your son and said, okay, now listen, we've got to talk to him. That was super constructive. And you did and came to a better agreement and understanding of one another, that's modeling the kind of energy, the interaction that you want. Oh, that's so, yeah, that's really healthy. Do you know what I mean? No, that was great. If you're significant other though, is incapable and unwilling, it's not, this isn't a matter of like, oh, I don't know how. This dude is deciding not to. He's an avoidant kind of, you have, have you got attached? Oh, like avoidant attachment. Yeah. Yeah. And then there's like conflict resolution styles. Yeah. Yeah. So like this feels to me like, I don't want to deal with stuff. And I also don't want to do stuff. Yeah. Like you probably need some medicine. There be. Yeah. Maybe some medicine. You know, there's some, there's some good stuff out there that will help you regulate some of that until you can address some of those issues and start to heal. Yeah. But certainly, motherfucker, you can make a dinner. And if you haven't got a job, you can make a dinner five nights a week. Yep. I'm just going to say that. That should be your bare minimum. Bare minimum. Yeah. Well, y'all get home and it's going to be good. And if it was just pasta, motherfucker, did you just eat it? Then get the cooking. Just pasta. Just pasta, my ass. Fuck yourself. And don't eat my food ever again. Oh, like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel it too. I'm so. And burger helper got the directions on the box. Get in that kitchen and get something made. There's no excuse. So we can eat. There's no fucking excuse. What are you doing? What are you drinking? If you've applied to 15 jobs over the past year, baby, that's, that's one a month. That's pretty pathetic when your wife is like seemingly carrying the weight of the world. Yeah. And her parents have died. Yeah. Bruh. You can't cook me one fucking meal. Get your ass in that kitchen. You have. I never said that about a person's significant other because that sounds crazy out of context. Sounds crazy. But if you play this whole episode, that's nuts. And then it's unfair to put that pressure on me. What pressure? Outta. What pressure? She better than me. I would make just pasta. You go in there and make just pasta then go make it there's no pressure. Oil some water, dump the noodles in, strain it, pour some sauce on it. Let's go. But you want to simmer that for a little bit. You want to make sure that the sauce gets into the noodle. You know, I mean, you want to make sure you want to eat up that sauce. We're doing a little meat. Some ground chicken, ground turkey. Yeah. Starts putting it in the pan. Yeah. You want to season all of that. Also, you want to make sure you season the meat. You want to season the noodles. You want to make sure you get some butter, some salt, some pepper. Yep. These noodles. Leave a little bit of the pasta water in there to thicken it up, to thicken it up, to thicken it up. You want to make sure that you got a good consistency for that just pasta or something. I don't know. But like what you're not going to do is illuminate your resistance to an obligation to your family that you can easily share, easily. This is such a joke. I always say like, do you ever feel like people are trolling you? This one, no. Because I'm like, I get these writings all the time like, like I would be like, let me see a picture of him. There's some, oh. He got to be fine, right? He got to be real, he got to be, he got to be fine. He could be the hottest person on the planet. I know, but like, you can't be ugly and also act like that. And we stay together because like, you got to be, he's sometimes they are. No way. You got to be fine. It's just love. She's such a good person. I know, but he also really loves him. He probably does because he's also probably fine. Ugly ass. Ugly ass. And heart. Ugly ass heart. He's just ugly all around. Look. There's no way, like, he's got so much fucking audacity, like, that's crazy. I just, I can't. And I think there's like a good to not talk to me for days because I was like could you make dinner? Could you make dinner? Could you make dinner because if you I mean here's what I also say I just hate him. I hate him I'm with you. Here's what I'm also saying if we're in a relationship and You're upset with me and and I feel like you're upset with me because you don't get it Mm-hmm And you don't talk to me for days But I make meals that you eat. No, you're not eating. We got a mother-fucking problem Because you're not eating my food. You can't if you can't talk to me. You can't eat. No. No, no, no, no I'm the same. Yeah, just pasta Just pasta. No, and I know some people are gonna be like that's so toxic But no, what he's doing is toxic. You're stonewalling. Yes, like that is so unhathy Add to stonewall hunger strike because that's also what you're on Bye cuz you're asking you from this kitchen. Well, who's paying for everything? That's a I know like their money is her money is their money right now, but like Who's paying for everything? She's not holding any money over his head. There's no financial abuse She's letting him apply for 15 jobs in one year and still Supporting him and then ask just for a little bit in a moment of horrible grief and pain. It's all just need a little. I wonder maybe was she like it'd be great if you're fucking made dinner sometimes But even that but even that like you'd be you would be like you're right. I should I mean I feel like she's being very balanced in this writing even like as with all conflicts This is a simplified version. He is a good person like she's still like giving him some flowers in this I'm gonna tell you what made me what of all of those sentences Made me understand that she was a a rational nice person. Yeah, I see your computer real quick. Yeah I'm scared. This is the line where I was like She not lying. Okay Being told that I'm selfish because when I cook on the weekends It's just pasta in parentheses here. Here's what it was roasted butternut squash homemade sauce slow-simmered crazy people Don't cook like that For a kid and their man. No crazy people don't cook like that. No, that is so so thoughtful Something like I feel like a lot of us have Like things will ask ourself before committing to someone. It got me hot and hot and bothered And I feel like a lot of people have these tests in their relationships where they're like can we travel together? Can we decorate together? Yeah, can we grieve together? Can we grieve together? Is one that should be on there and like Someone I don't know how this like came into my head. Maybe a story over the years, but like If you look at your partner and you can't go through the worst grief of your life with that person You are not with the right person like I hate to catastrophize I hate thinking about my parents dying But like I know without a doubt that the person I have next to me is going to Going to get me through that. Yeah, going to get me through those hard horrible days And you shouldn't settle for anything last because that is one of the worst days of your fucking Life losing a parent. Yeah, and you get this both parents her step parent. Yeah Do you know what I mean? I get divorce Give him the D No, some D's on it. Yeah. Yeah, let's go like done. This is done I also feel like I agree with you in that that with the concept of The life's major hurdles. There's why I think that two years. Yeah, you don't have enough time. No, you need some more hurdles You need to you need to see some more experience some more stuff You need to see and feel and endure some things. Yeah, I think personally myself. I'm not talking about other people You're entitled your heartache. You know, I mean my personal opinion. I just this is this is that's how I that's how my partner and I Like literally my father was passing away as we were beginning our friendship Wow, and I was I received the kind of love. I didn't even know was possible That's what I'm saying and it convinced me Against all of my childhood Ideas or all of my Developmental ideas about what my family would look like Loving him changed or challenged all of that But the way he loved on me informed so much about what love is and What you can experience in a life when your partner genuinely gives a fuck about you Like what that actually feels and it's like it's life changing. It is life changing It actually like it rewired my brain feeling that which one I'm so sorry to hear about your dad But this was 10 years ago like hearing we are in hearing that it's like it you don't even realize like what love is until you have like really good supportive Whole hearted. Yeah love where someone like really sees you and cares about you and thinks about you before doing things and it's just like To have that you know as a friendship as you're getting out of that grief. It's like So powerful. Yeah, it was it was intense and I was like Do I How many how long was it? This is not what I was This is not compute. I'm dealing with this but what's this? I am confusion Yeah, it was it was intense. Well, how long was it from like Like going through all that like how long to take you to realize and start dating Maybe I mean we were a long distance. Wow, okay for three years. Yeah, which I think you also have in common Yeah, I mean he was in North Hollywood and I was in Koreatown That's long distance crew. Yeah, I know when L.A. It is that's yes. I've done long distance before it's tough Passport somebody had a passport. Yeah, that's what that's what I mean I'm pretty sure you talked about that before like long distance thing is no joke It's really hard and it can also feel like you're constantly starting over Which also you you have to rely on things and you have to rely on a connection and Feeding that connection in a totally different way. Yeah, and so our friendship is super solid And I want to say it was probably four five months really after Developing our friendship. That was like huh something something's here That was that was me it snuck up on me. Yeah, and he like asked me to be his girlfriend. I at first I was like no I'm not ready for a boyfriend right now And then I just like kept going on and I'm like, oh no like I genuinely had that really I love this person right I was like oh shit. Oh shit. Yeah, I was like didn't see that one coming though I was the same way meanwhile had prayed for not to see it coming For it to be so plain. Yeah, but it was like where's this come from and that's exactly how it had that's exactly how it happened And yeah, it was it's been a while while ride and so to when you experience people who are in Partnerships or in relationships that don't Exhibit that kind of thing where one is like one person is like I am doing trying my best and another is really not You're just like I'm not saying leave, but I'm definitely saying wake the fuck up To the partner that's not doing shit. Yeah. Yeah, I mean it sounds like I think like hearing the person can also make a person feel like It really can't do anything and I don't want to be insensitive to that because I do recognize it while it is not my Thing it is not an issue that I have I want to be sensitive to the fact that like if he's dealing with the cycle of I just can't seem to get out of my own way Then I think as a partner you're trying to find ways to help you See that and to be honest making dinner If that's the one thing you do today since you didn't apply to any jobs That's the answer that's and that's also a win like if you're dealing with depression that is a win Yeah, so get your ass up even if you got to order it. I hate cooking. Yeah, if you got to order it and just Just put it on a plate for us. It's ready when we get home and we're ready to eat so that I don't have to come home And then I'll also figure out that so grocery stores have so much good stuff like pre-made or the deli Where all you got to do is heat it up and it's still really affordable like I got the best chicken chicken empanadas the other day And it was like two bucks for those big ass empanada. I'm like how you can't you can buy ten of those You couldn't make that for 20 bucks Like go like go. We do it. Do something. I know well, and Besides get on my nerves I just like I want to just like shake him cuz it's like dude You have someone who's giving you now four years of more chances like you were at divorce four years ago And if she's saying you were at divorce four years ago she was already checked out then because women Emotionally and mentally check out way before they ever fall but then she but then she wasn't Because if it was four years ago, and she didn't do it eight-year-old kid You know something's holding her back there. He's fine. He's fine. I know. He's got to be fine I don't know. Has to be he has to be so good looking that every time she sees him She's like I want to picture so bad so bad because she's got to be like He's still so hot and Like in this little town. There's no one How does it matter how hot he is if someone's like acting like this instant Iq you're dry. There's no sex regardless You're not wrong. You're not wrong. Once you get the Iq too. You're just like She's in a motel or she's off to fuck her You can't, like, you gotta get over that dick. - Yeah. - It's gotta be some makeup involved to get me over that. - Right, and if you came to dinner, we still not made up. She's in a hotel room writing this, drinking, was it wine out of a plastic cup? - Yeah. - Hey girl, this, it don't have to be like this, when you get home, tell that man to go. - Yeah, I mean, and a part of their deal was he would go and get therapy. That was a part of their agreement, it's not a divorce. - It's always part of the deal. - He's had four years, so no matter if he's dealing with depression, like mental health struggles are so real and so valid, but at the end of the day, you're responsible for them. - So is responsibility? - Yeah. - Yeah, and accountability. - I know. - I guess what, our time has come. That's what, that's our time has come to wish us a, oh, you go. Bye. - To the end of the road. - Ah, top comment on this one. Quote. Oh, you work full-time while juggling the grief from the loss of your dad. How could you expect me to cook dinner for us when I'm so busy being an unemployed man-child? - Yeah, I've got beers to drink. - This, ha-ha. You are grieving, handling a state, working full-time, and being met with utter selfishness. He's unemployed, contributes little, and complains about making dinner while you bury your father. The audacity is staggering. You're not insane, you're exhausted from carrying the mental load for everyone. And then someone goes, and he's an alcoholic. Which again, like therapy, like start doing something about it. Listen, if you can, I can't do it for you. I got enough on my plate. - I know. - And also not enough on my plate 'cause you didn't mean dinner. - You know, she's not being fat at all. - She didn't mean dinner. - Metaphorically, literally. - Girl, run for your life. - Ha, like, just go, like, you could go and get some very crescent rolls. A rotisserie chicken. I love a rotisserie chicken. Spread the little roll. Put the chicken on it. Maybe some tortillas rotisserie chicken. You get some easy tacos. And if it's so hard for you to do it by yourself, it sounds like you have a son. - He's 12. - Who can help? - He can help. - Like, let's get-- - Make it a fun, dad, son, activity. - Yeah, let's take care of mom for a while, shall we? - Yeah, someone goes, reread this, and pretend it was someone you cared about asking. You know it's time to leave him. If not for you, for your son, he needs to know that his dad is not what a good partner looks like. OP responds. They see it. They go, damn. - Damn. That's it. - If that don't hit home for you? - And then they respond to themselves and they go, "And by that, I mean true things being said." And then someone else responds to OP and goes, "A good thing to hold on to is your son was receptive "to speaking and learning. "Hold on to that because there's still time to ensure "he doesn't repeat his father's mistakes. "I understand about aging parents and losing them. "It sucks. "It's completely heartbreaking and at times infuriating "when the parent-to-child roles reverse. "Show yourself grace. "You're mourning two parents in quick succession. "You deserve better." And OP goes, "I may have told him, my husband, "that as I walked out of the door, quote, "at least your son is the kind of person "who will go after someone he loves." Basically being like, "I'm going to the hotel room "and you're not following me. "You're not making it better." - He's not, how can he follow you? He's drunk. He's in the kitchen waiting on somebody to feed him. - Thank God. - How can he follow you? And also, to be honest. - You don't want him to. - How can, but I'm gonna, this may be, don't at me. - Okay. - But how can you now start to require him to do something? He's never shown you he was gonna do in the first place. - Oh, yeah. - Why would you assume that all of a sudden now, he's gonna do something he has never done? - No. And like, she even said, he's not the type to follow someone. He's not the type to chase. So yeah, no. I think like someone kind of responded to that and was like, "I was a little passive-aggressive." - That was, that was aggressive-aggressive. - I mean, I think maybe it's like-- - And also don't use, don't use the kid as the weapon or the, the rebargaining chick. - No, that's, yeah. No, that's really good. - You know what I'm saying? Like, let's call a spade of spade, baby. You mad at him. 'Cause he ain't shit. - It can, no. - Or at least-- - No. - Ain't shit right now. - No. - Ain't trying to be shit. - You should make him a shit-cake. And right, I want a divorce on it and say, here, I made you something. - Made you something. - 'Cause you couldn't cook me dinner. - Taste it. - That's real, you know. - Taste it. - Taste it. - I made this for you. - Taste it. We have no updates on this one. - Damn. - No updates. So we're gonna have to keep our eyes peeled. It's 28 days old. It seems to be coming from a very real account. The account is three years old. So usually, like, people will question, like, oh, it's fake, it's fake. If it's a new account, if it's a throw away. - Right. - But this person is posting this on a three-year-old account. And, I mean, seems legit. - Shit. So-- - Well, there's hope for the kid. - There's hope for her too. Get out of there and go, don't let your ex-husband stop you from meeting the love of your life. - Exactly, starting with you. - Get out there. - Starting with you. Like, love yourself enough. Because also, I think that some of this, like, right, is about getting to a place where we love us enough. That we can, okay, I see the scenario for what this is. And I respect you enough to know, this is not you at your best. And so I'm not gonna take so personally, you not being able to be the partner that I know you to be. I believe you to be a wish you were. But here's an opportunity for us to set some guideline for ourselves. Some runway for ourselves and this relationship. Because either we're gonna be able to come together and really get back to or get to finally a real partnership. Or we're gonna have to move this thing on respectfully. - I'm gonna put a poll. How many of you out there think therapy and stay together? Or are you in my boat with me? And we're just jumping to divorce. I wanna put a poll on this one. - Put a poll, and also I'm gonna put a, I'm gonna ask for an addition to the poll. - Okay. - And how many people wanna see a picture of 'em? - Options, show 'em a picture. - Show me a picture. - I would actually really like to see a picture of him. - Today, not 10 years ago, 20 years ago. - Today. - Drunk on the couch. 'Cause that would be enough, baby. - No, no, no, I'm like, I wanna see it, but I fear, I fear I would have to stage an intervention then and like literally show up at this ladies house. - Do you ever feel that way? - All the time. And like, some of these stories I've literally been like, "Hey, if you need help to move, like let me know. Drop a pin, I'll roll up with a U-Haul. Let's go." - 'Cause I get it. - I know how to drive big rigs. I can drive the U-Haul. - I know that's right. (laughs) - I know that's right. - I know a lot about me. - Get you a friend, get you a friend. Why are you thinking of us? - She said I will pull up. - I will. - Beat, beat. - Beat, beat, beat, motherfucking beat. - Beat, beat, bitch. That's gonna be my new thing. Beat, beat, beat. (laughs) - Okay. Got a couple more for you out here. - Okay. - I'm gonna give you a choice, okay. - Okay, by the title, you're gonna give me the title. - Mm-hmm. - Okay. - Option number one, me, with my boyfriend of two years, he destroyed the painting I made for him because it was a cheap gift, or option two. - That one already pisses me off. - I just found out my mom has been sending my girlfriend cruel messages for who knows how long. I don't know how to handle this. - Okay. Can I ask, can I ask for one piece of information from me? - Uh-huh. Do you just want both? - Kind of. - Okay. But here's the thing. Here's the thing. - Okay. - With the painting. Is it like one of those abstract? Do we have a photo of the painting before it was destroyed? Because like, you know, sometimes painters are silly. And they do things like, they'll paint something white and then put a red dot on it and be like, happy birthday. I did this for you. - No picture from what I'm seeing. - Like was it a portrait, was it a landscape, was it-- - I'm sure we would find out some more details in the story. - Okay, and then with the mom, does the girlfriend deserve it? (laughing) You know? - I know, these are very valid questions. - Let's do 'em both. - Okay, so starting with the gifts, me 24 female with my boyfriend 27 male of two years. He destroyed the painting I made for him because it was a cheap gift. My boyfriend, John, is extremely difficult to buy presents for. He came from an affluent family and has a great job and buys everything he wants whenever he wants it. I am lower income. I lost my job a few months ago and had to take on another one, which pays less. And I'm struggling to pay my part of the rent and pay off my student loans. It is difficult for him to understand this most of the time. I love to paint. My boyfriend has said my paintings are very good and that he likes them a lot. Since my income is so low, I decided to paint my boyfriend a painting for his birthday, Saturday. I researched this for months beforehand. I decided to paint a scene from his favorite game, BioShock, with him as a big daddy character. I know it sounds cheesy, but I honestly thought he would like it because he always said I was talented, and he loves this game. I poured a ton of work into it. A week before his birthday, he had been hinting heavily at wanting a new iPhone. When I presented him with a painting, he asked me if this was his present and if I got him something else. I told him this was his present and that I had worked on it for months, special for him. He got upset and told me a bunch of awful things, saying that it's a "cheap and lazy gift" and that I was cheap in general. I was trying to diffuse the situation and I told him that I was sorry he didn't like it, but I wasn't able to get him the iPhone he wanted. He took the painting and he didn't tear it, but he sort of bent and crinkled it, completely ruining the paint. He told me that I obviously didn't care about what he wanted and that I was bad at budgeting and all of this other ranting. It came out that he resented pain for groceries and utilities, even though he had agreed to this before. It told him that if he wanted to discuss, that we could, but that this wasn't a good reaction. He told me that I was just after him for his money and that he didn't want a shitty painting when he could apparently be in a committed relationship with another girl at his workplace who makes way more money. Then he told me, quote, "but I love you." As though it was an excuse for what he said. Then he said that this girl had brought him a red velvet cake for his birthday, which is his favorite cake, which I didn't care about. (laughing) That was the most gangster line I've ever heard, which I didn't care about. I told him that I baked him a chocolate cake earlier in the week with cream cheese frosting and that is basically red velvet cake. He switched and said that she had gotten it from his favorite bakery and some random girl knows which bakery he likes over me. I just went to bed. This morning, he's gone and so is the painting. He sent me a text saying he went out to an Easter birthday brunch with his parents and he'll be back soon. I'm not sure if I want to end the relationship, which has a ton of commitment involved. He has never acted like this before about money and I don't know what's up because he's still not telling me. I think he might be interested in this other girl or at least jealous of how much money she makes compared to me. How am I even supposed to approach this? I am already feeling very hurt about the painting and I'm not sure that's a good place to start another argument. - I definitely need to see the painting. - I really-- - How many hours? How many hours are we talking? Like she said, she's working on it for months, but like-- - She's a months. - Yeah, but how many hours have we actually been sitting in the middle of it? - It's like five minutes a day. - Yeah, like what does this painting look like? - A couple days a week. - This man is angry, okay? This painting, he must, does he not look good in the, she painted him as a daddy? Is he more of like an otter or a bro? Like I don't know, like did he look fat in the painting? You know, like there's gotta be like, nobody looks cute in BioShock that I know of. - I'm literally, so I know what BioShock was. Is this what you were envisioning? - Yeah, that's what I was envisioning and I don't know that that's exactly what I would want for my birthday gift, but-- - I would not wish for my birthday gift at all. But I can also tell you that like he also may be lying about what he thinks about her art. - Yeah. - And wanting to just be encouraging to her. Like, oh, baby, you're happy, it's really nice. I'm glad that you have an outlet of creativity. - That's what I'm gathering. - But I don't want, this is gifts for me. - No, that's what I'm gathering. I'm gathering someone like, just being like, yeah, I love that you have your passion. - Yeah. - Super supportive. - But like, doesn't mean I want that for my birthday, but in the same breath, like your girlfriend is going through a really tough time financially. She's not gonna buy you a new iPhone. You know, it's on real how expensive the new iPhones are getting. - They are expensive. - Like, I remember when the iPhone was like, what, $400, $500? - Yeah, but she, I mean, I was gonna say, but it can't be $299 a month on Clarina. - Just get up, just get up, just get up, just put it on there. - Put on lay away. - I know. - Put on lay away. I mean, if it's that serious. - I know. - But also, I think that there's a real disconnect happening here between this dude and reality. If she's saying I'm struggling to like contribute to rent and groceries, expecting her to have saved money to buy you a phone is kind of lunacy, right? And clearly, there's something going on with this girl that work. And he wants you to know. And now it seems like the opportune time. - I know, I mean. - 'Cause he didn't say nothing when she brought the cake. - No. - He waited till now to bring the cake up. - Yeah. Well, in my part. - He didn't bring any cake home. - Her comments here. I think he might be interested in this other girl, or at least jealous of how much money she makes compared to me. - Is the commitment that you live with him? Is that the commitment? - Yeah, and I think so. - 'Cause that is commitment. - I think so, but based on the comments, like I think it's more so like, oh, he says here, like, ha ha, he's definitely not the best guy. He says a lot of things in anger, but I'm definitely considering breaking up with him because of my financial situation and the lease. This would be very difficult, however. So I'm wondering if there's any way this could be worked out. So it's almost as if-- - She's like, biting time. - She's biting time. Or like, I don't really want to break up because I do have this great situation with rent, and he pays for groceries and utilities and whatever. - So I want to eat. - And rightfully so, things are expensive. That sucks if you're down on your luck and struggling. - But also maybe he feels that. - Which he kind of made that comment. - Does this dude feel like you're actually just kicking it, so I'll take care of you in this time of your need? - I mean, he kind of implied she's a gold digger. - I mean, is she? - I don't know. - I'm very honest with you. I don't know no gold diggers they can paint. (laughs) - I don't know. - There's other skills. - Yeah, she's still there grinding. It's not like she's like, I quit my job to be an artist, and her art is just like not sustaining her even. - What I mean by that is that like, it don't necessarily, to me, sound like, this is, she doesn't give off the kind of, from this post, gold digger energy, but if his interpretation of her situation is it feels like you are taking advantage of me, that is the conversation. This birthday gift is just another symptom of that. Because what it also like, if you read a little deeper, it also feels like he's like, you got iPhone money somewhere, you just not spending it on me or on these groceries. - I know, it's like, it's almost like he, maybe he's just kind of unaware of her financial situation truly, 'cause in his head he's like, you're not really paying as much as you should for rent. I'm paying groceries, I'm paying utility. - Which doesn't make me- - You didn't even give me the red velvet cake from my favorite bakery. - Which, like, granted men are simple in a lot of ways, silly, silly human beings. But based on what on this share, doesn't it also sound like there's some information about her financial situation that we don't know? 'Cause like, if you are broke and we live together, I know how broke you are. - I know, like, you think there'd be more transparency between them. - And if I know you can't pay rent, I'm not asking you to buy me an iPhone. And so, like, if you're just not paying rent though, 'cause you're like, you got it. And I'm like, well, you can't- - I don't wanna have it. - And you are making some money. You're getting some money from something. - Yeah, you can contribute still. You can contribute, if that's not the conversation, it didn't come to the head. - You know. - But the, I'll be honest with you, the most fascinating part of all of this is the girl at work with the red velvet cake. - She's probably, he wants her. Definitely wants her. - Have you ever bought, you ever gone to a specific bakery for a guy you're not fucking? - Nope. - For his birthday, to buy the cake that he loves? - No. - For a dude that you just work with. - No, those bougie bakeries, those are expensive cakes. - They're like $40, $50 cake. - Yeah, like we got to- - Red velvet. - Red velvet is a bougie-ass cake, and chocolate is not the same as red velvet. I'm gonna tell you right now, bro. - It is similar, it is not the same. - Not the same. We do have a little bit more context about him. O.P. shares a muffin incident in the comments. He thought I was making blueberry muffins and threw one across the room when he realized they were cranberry. - He's a little brat. He's a brat. But here's what I'll tell you. She knows that, and she's okay with him being a brat. She's just gotta figure out where she's gonna live. And she's like, do I jeopardize my housing right now? - Go move in with your girlfriends, have fun. Live with your friends and date. Doesn't have a picture of the painting was hoping to get a scan of it before it was framed. Didn't do that. - Okay, so here's what I'll tell you. You work on something for months, and you don't take one picture of it, progress, start finish, him standing next to it when he when she unveils it. Nah, I don't, let me tell you something. That painting wasn't no good. - I mean, I didn't say it. If you're out there listening, I'm sure it was beautiful. - I wanna see, I'm not so sure, and I wanna see. - We do. - I wanna see, say, if you were listening, if you painted this painting and you are listening to this, I am Scott Evans on social media. Please DM me a photo of this painting. And I will take it back, but it sounds like. - You think it's ugly? - I think it was, it wasn't flattering and it wasn't good. - Well, we don't know. I would like to know, but I will say this is a 10 year old Reddit account. So again, it's given real account, real story. - Oh yeah, I'm definitely not, I'm definitely not getting it. falsehood. No, no. We do find out more info that I moved in with him because I love him. I signed a lease because I loved him. I pay half the rent every single month. It was him who opted to start paying the utilities. I pay all of my student loans, not him. I am worried because I will lose money on the lease that I do not have and I cannot afford to lose money right now. Right. Let him break the lease straight up. Let him pay his way out. I'm with that. OP does also share that he isn't like the most attractive? All the more reason, I don't know, to maybe not stick around with someone who breaks your painting even if he didn't like the gift, his reaction is diabolical. Crazy. You didn't get me an iPhone. Snaps the painting. And also the muffin. The muffin. Bro, we got some issues. We got some anger issues. We let her resolve. We got to. It's time to grow up. Put it back on the counter. I know you were looking forward to blueberry, but cranberry is still pretty good and if you don't want to put it back on the counter to throw it. Also, she seems like the kind of lady who, you know, if you wanted a blueberry muffin, go get the blueberries. I'll make the muffin. I'll make your blueberry muffin as much as you want it. Yeah. But the thing is, I told you yesterday I was going to make cranberry muffins. You forgot. And thought it was a blueberry or weren't listening to me. Yeah. We get an update. We got an update. We got an update. Oh, hell yeah. Update. I have an update when John didn't return after a couple of hours. I read your comments, got a little pissy and invited over a couple of girlfriends for drinks and complaining. I did a lot of complaining. And they basically said what you guys said, John did not return home after his Easter brunch. So I ate a tray of lemon bars. When I got home from work today, he had the painting and he had put it in a cheap dollar store frame. It was wrinkled, flaked and ruined beyond repair. He told me that he was sorry that he had gotten so upset and that he was just expecting a different gift. I asked him where he was. And he said he stayed with his parents for the night and borrowed work clothes from his dad. It wasn't that he's close. Oh, he goes, yeah, right. I directly asked him why he was so upset when I gave him a painting that I worked so hard on. He said that he pays for everything and gets rightfully upset when I don't use all of my extra cash to be thoughtful. I pay for half the rent on this expensive apartment. All of my student loans, I have no extra cash. He buys the most expensive part of the groceries like a pound of pine nuts a week and expensive gelato always in the freezer and cranks up the AC and heat and leave the lights on. We would have countless arguments since I would be paying half of a huge bill that I contributed 10% to. He started paying for utilities and groceries at his insistence after it started to take a toll on our relationship. I told him that if he was so upset, we could split the utilities evenly again, but I was mad that he took out his temper on me and destroyed all of my hard work. He started saying things like, quote, you never loved me. You just knew I was a prized pig, etc. Our degrees are the same. This is how we met, but his dad hired him right out of school and I was left to find work for myself. I don't resent him for this, but I wasn't even aware of this economic status while we were initially dating. And by the time I learned, I was already invested into the relationship. Trust me, when I say he's never been this aggressive before in our entire relationship. So I knew something was up. I was super pissed and I outright asked him if he was fucking Red Velvet. That's literally the words as you were reading them, I was like, is he fucking Red Velvet? His work friend, he said that a while ago they went out for drinks after work with a whole group and ended up kissing afterwards. Of course. I asked him if that was all that happened. Then what? And he said, yes, lies. I kept asking him what his problem is, why he has to compare me to other girls, why he tore up the painting, why he is aggressive now when he hasn't been before. I know I was probably being annoying, but I was so mad. He kept repeating the money thing over and over. Finally, that you don't make any money. That's what he kept saying. I pay for everything. You're broke. So I can do whatever I want. You're broke. Imagine being in a disagreement with your significant other and they're just like, you're but you're a brokeie. You're broke. You're like, but you're broke all the time. You're just a gold digging hoe. And like, you're just using me for my money. I'm a prized pig. I am a prized pig. What? What? Finally, he broke and told me that it wasn't just a kiss. He said that he and Red Velvet had started going on little dates during work hours. They did not have sex, but they are basically in a relationship. He said he was falling for her and felt as though she was better for him, and wanted me to break up with him. Clear. Part of the painting thing was his resentment towards me financially, and part was him wanting to hurt me enough that I'd break up with him. I guess that the fight about the painting was when it got real for him and he wanted to fix it and break it off with Red Velvet. He and I had signed a one year lease and we still three months left, but I told him to get out of the apartment and that we're breaking up. And he did leave with some clothes. I'm not sure if he's coming back. Maybe he's staying with Red Velvet. I don't care, not anymore. This is the ending that we all wanted. Yeah. Oh, there's more. Edit to add. I do not have a picture of the painting. Right. Do have one of my pencil sketches uploaded, and I will send the link to people who request it. Request the fucking link. I'm sending her a message. Send her a message. Starting chat now. Oh, it better be the best fucking sketch I've ever seen. You can't be mean if she sends it. What? I won't be mean. I mean, I'm not going to break the sketch. That's true. You know what I'm saying? Okay, I sent her a chat. We'll see if we get anything back by the time this episode comes out. Oh, please. I'll send it to you. Yes. I know. If I'm not here, if we can't, if I will film something after the genuine first reaction and send it to you. I know. Last comment we have from OP is he is quite chubby. Ha ha. Good riddance. He'll have himself a nice slice of Red Velvet cake. Wait, do we have a picture of him? No, no picture of him. How do they know he's chubby? Also, I'm just realizing. Uh oh. This post is 11 years old. I don't know. You're not going to get a picture. I don't know. We're going to get that. So the reason it's recycling is because one of our friends direct catapillar 77 just posted this on the best of Reddit or updates 18 days ago. Okay, here's what I'll say. Okay. If someone else has ever seen. Yes. That please send it to us. We must see the sketch. Okay. I feel like someone out there has definitely seen this. I think someone could send it to us. I have faith. I'm also going to say that if he destroyed it and then put it in a frame, that's just new art. And don't call it happy birthday. Call it happy break up. There you go. Somebody, somebody heartbroken will buy that. Somebody rich will be like, I want that heartache. I want to buy that. Yeah. I mean, art art basil basil whatever that fancy thing it's called. Yeah. I mean, people literally buy trash. So yeah, bananas stuck to a wall. It's crazy. It's so much fun though. It's so much fun. Oh god. It's just passed. It's so much fun. It's a good time. I've never been to Miami. What? No. Do you always just go back to Minnesota? Yeah, either they're France. Yeah, you see what I did there. That was the fucking yeah, you trying to troll me with Minnesota? No, that was the fucking baddest. That was the bad. That was the fucking the best possible response you could. That was badass. I have my moments where my brain thinks fast. Yeah, better France. I know. I was going to say can, but I didn't want to, you know, that was even better. That's even better. South of France. Are you kidding me? There we go. That's it. Okay. There's one last one before I release. Yeah, you know, holding your hostage. No, it's been quite nice. I have, listen, I'm cozy. It's quite nice having you here. Yeah. Those last couple did make me a little hot though. I was, I was all under the blanket and everything. No, no more. This last one coming from our slash relationship advice 17 days old titled, I just found out my mom has been sending my girlfriend cruel messages for who knows how long I don't know how to handle this male 36 girlfriend female 32. Generally, not much rattles me. My friends call me a stoic, emotionally constipated idiot, and they're not wrong, which is why we're all still a little stunned that the love of my life is basically my opposite. I've been with my girlfriend for eight years, known her for 10. She's quiet, gentle, brilliant, and actual whole ass professor. And genuinely, one of the kindest people I've ever met. She's silly, shy, goofy in the best ways and loves to poke fun. I love all of it. I love her more than I've ever loved anyone ever in this lifetime. But last night, something happened that I can't let go of. My phone was charging so I was scrolling Instagram reels on hers like I usually do. One of her friends DM'd her. Normally I'd send back some dumb reaction photo so they know it's me just a thing in our circle. But it wasn't a joke. It was screenshots my girlfriend had sent her friend. And the friend was trying to comfort her. Uh-oh, multiple red flags going on here, but OK. I hesitated and then opened the screenshots to read better. And I'm glad I did. I didn't even regret it anymore because what I saw were multiple messages from my mother, cruel ones. And the timestamps weren't all from the same day. So I don't know how long this has been happening. A week, longer, no idea. Some of the messages my mom sent-- Oh, they hooded messages. Quote, maybe he hasn't proposed because you haven't given him a child. Men don't marry placeholders. That was the most recent one. This one makes me see red. I can't even imagine how my baby felt. Next one, quote, "If you stop dressing like a teenage boy and put on some makeup, maybe he would see you as a wife instead of one of his little friends." You're keeping him from his family he used to visit. For clarity, I'm the one who pulled back because of her behavior towards one of my sisters. That's a whole other issue. So nothing to do with my girlfriend. Quote, "You think you're special? You're lucky he even brought you home. Girls like you don't get commitment from men like him." What the hell is this? Next one, quote, "You're not good enough for the life he deserves." Reading them made my stomach drop. They were hateful and completely false. There's even more, but these were the ones seared into my brain. And my girlfriend didn't even tell me about any of them. She's just been carrying this alone, smiling, laughing with me, all while this garbage was sitting in the back of her mind. My girlfriend avoids conflict. She hates upsetting anyone. I get it. It's easier to talk to a friend first and my mom can be da, da, da, da, intense. She probably didn't want to put me in a position where it looked like choosing sides. But I've chosen, and it's not her I'm angry with. I'm furious at my mother. I'm exhausted by this. She knows how much my girlfriend means to me. She hears me talk about her constantly. I really thought she might actually be happy for me. At the same time, I don't want to make this harder on my girlfriend or make her feel exposed. So here's where I need advice. I was, okay, 'cause that was like, is that brother? Is that like, we already, we already, why are you unread it? And I don't know from what your mom, we're like this. Do I tell my girlfriend gently that I saw the messages that I'm on her side and that she doesn't need to shield me from my own mother? Or do I handle my mother privately and not bring it up unless my girlfriend does? I just want her to feel safe and supported and it makes me feel sick that she's been dealing with this alone. I mean, actually sick. I'm just watching her make breakfast and I just dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. What's the best approach that prioritizes her well-being first? - Well, what do you, right? First of all, if it doesn't work out with them, call me. Well, wait, actually never mind, 'cause you might not sound like she's okay. - No, you're, yeah, no. - You might not sound like it, but I'm not his girlfriend. So, try me, send me one of Dave's messages. I can't wait, you know what I mean? Could you imagine? Could you imagine? If you would stop dressing like a little boy and put some, I can also hear it, I can hear the voice. Stop dressing like a little boy and put some makeup. He wouldn't look at you like one of his little friends. I have family that talks like that, so that's what I'm gonna say. - We'd be fighting. - They would never talk to a significant other like that, but this feels very familiar to me if you know what I'm saying. - You're not, this one though. You're not good enough for the life he deserves. - I'm gonna tell you, I've heard that. I've heard that statement, said, I've heard that statement. - Did you clock him immediately? - No, no, no. It wasn't said to me about someone that I was dating, but I have heard a family member say this. - That is crazy. - You can, you might think that shit in your head, but you never say it aloud. - Sometimes you gotta know. And in this particular case, this particular case, I wouldn't even say that they were wrong. - I'm just gonna say, I'm just gonna say that. Totally kidding, mostly, mostly. - No. - But it is, if the idea is to be, what do you think, honestly? - I would wanna know. - If you were the girlfriend. - Yeah, I'd like, it feels so, so fucking good. If my boyfriend came to me and was like, hey, I, you know, I was on Reels, like I usually do, and the message popped up and I saw what my mom's been saying to you. And like, that is beyond fucked up. I wish you would have told me, I get why you didn't. You didn't wanna choose or make me choose or whatever, but it's not okay. And just so you know, like, I'm gonna address it. - I have already addressed it. - Oh, so that's where you think. You want him to go to mom first. - Hey, source. - Mm-hmm. - What's up? - Yeah. - With screenshots. - What, I guess-- - Is that how you feel? - I guess what do you do if mom's like, oh, she told you? - We're not there yet. This is how you feel. - To mom. - This is how you feel, mom? This is like, this is, this is the woman that, this is who you are. - I'm just looking out for you. I just want what's best for you. You know, I love you. - This isn't indicative of love. This is control. - I'm just trying my best. - Yeah, I wish you were. And what it feels like you're trying your best at is to make this woman feel like trash because if you cared about me and you see how happy I am with her, if you felt this way, you'd come to me. And I'd be able to tell you that the things that you're concerned about aren't my concern or we'd be able to have that conversation that you wouldn't be berating this woman through text. - Berating. - And don't you have other stuff to do, Ma? - I'll start your needle point or something. - You got water aerobics at three. You got Miss Jans birthday party at the castellan Italy. She turned a 75 on Tuesday. - Like bake some sourdough, come on. - Yeah, like what are we doing? And I get that you love me. - Yeah. - And I love how intensely you love me. But this is too far. (laughs) This is too far. - This is too far. - It's too far. - It's too much. - It's too far. And I need you to apologize. - Oh, yeah. - I need you to apologize to her. - That's the bare minimum. And from this point forward, we're going low, low, low contact. If not, no contact. Like I just don't know how you like could trust her going forward. And like I think opening the door between your girlfriend too is gonna help. Like hey, no, like you got to tell me if my mom saying this crazy shit. - Yes, crazy. - Like this is not okay. - Like unless his mom is like, I was hacked. (laughs) Like, I think that this is a, this is it. (laughs) They hacked my phone. I didn't even know. - Honestly, old people do get hacked quite a bit. - Quite a bit. - But usually it's like. - Plot twist. - Hey, send me some money. - Go back, he's gift cards. - Yeah, go back the gift cards. My grandpa. - My grandfather also. - Literally got hit so hard from that. - He almost did. He told me he was at the grocery store getting ready to buy the cards. Cause he said he felt like he knew it was a scam. But he wanted to see how it was gonna end. - Yeah, oh my God. - And that there was a woman in the checkout lane behind him. - That told him. - Seeing the difficulty he was having with trying to pay for the card and the person on the phone with the person scamming him. And trying to buy the card at the same time. And he was the guy was like, no, no, just buy the card. Just do this, do this. And he was like, do what? Do what? And he was kind of like fucking with the scam. The lady behind him said, sir, are you buying these cards for yourself? And he was like, oh no, I'm buying them for the person that's on the phone. - Oh, what a hero. - A guy over the person that's on the phone. So they can erase my, the virus is on my computer. And she goes, sir, hang up the phone now. You're being scammed. And before my grandad could be like, is that right? The guy on the phone hung up. Isn't that crazy? What a little hero. I see, I think like all the people selling gift cards these days should like ask people, especially seniors. - Well, now there's a limit. You can only buy like two or three gift cards at a time. Yeah, and grocery stores and stuff. - I think my, I forget how much my grandpa lost, but I'm pretty sure it was like at least five digits. - Damn, they got him. - Yeah, yeah. And he literally got scammed shortly after again too. And I'm like, someone just like, take his bank card away. - Yeah, you got to get him one of them play phones. We only cause two numbers. Yeah, it's like a walkie talkie. - I know, I know. - Damn, well, I just, I feel like in this case, 100% we're going to my independent of girlfriend. - Yeah. - And we're also going to girlfriend and we're reiterating that we are in this together. - Yes. - And how much, whatever it is you're doing, dealing with whatever it is you are navigating, we're navigating it together to ever feel like you, especially with my mama, it's my mama. It's my mama and I love your time boy, you know what I'm saying, fresh face. - I mean, you see me, I've been wearing rugby polos nonstop. I almost wore one today and I'm like, that would be like three episodes in a row and a rugby polo and I can't do that. But I literally like, I feel like when people meet me in the wild, they have no idea what my sexuality is. I dress very rugged, you don't know. And I use the word partner, I trust very rugged. - I trust rugged. I wear like a barber barn jacket with like Hunter Welles. Like, who am I? I don't know. - I don't know. - And neither do you. - I love a mixed wardrobe. - I'm into it, but that doesn't mean that no one will love you or commit to you. - No. - You know what I mean? Like, you don't get to say that to me because I'm comfy. - No, I dress like that and I got rings. We're fine. We're good. - Thank you. - Where are you fucking wanna wear? - Where would you wanna wear? - People are so weird about clothes. Why are clothes so gendered? Just wear the fucking fabric you wanna wear. In the cut you wanna wear it in. - I'm gonna also just like, but parents be Karen. And parents be. - They're fucking weird. - Parents are like, they have an idea. Of what the life they want for their kids and they have been maybe preparing their kid for that life, right? Entitling themselves to experience that life also. And when people come into their kids' lives that don't fit that, it's hard to adjust. So like, mag is some grace, but like, "Hey, it's time to change behavior." - Oh yeah. - Hardcore. - Yeah, we're doing a full 180 on your behavior or you're gone. - You got a, well, she can't be gone. - No, she's gonna be gone for my life. You might as well be dead 'cause you're dead to me. - I know, well, you are fiery today. Win a toss toss, okay. - Top comment. As an older guy who's cut out his mom, you need to do the same. First, you need to sit down and tell your girlfriend, let her know it was an accent that you saw it, but you are glad you did. Let her know your honor side. Tell her you plan on putting some space between you and your mom. Also, block your mom on her phone, so she no longer has to put up with your mom's toxicity. Second, you need to lay in your mom for her shit behavior. Put some boundaries on how you and your girlfriend will be as far as contact goes from this point forward. This might not be a popular opinion, but your first priority is to your girlfriend. Family doesn't mean shit when they treat your partner like shit. - Family, it's not that family doesn't mean shit, but again, we gotta look at what we are in reality. We're dealing with reality, not the dream or the fantasy, not the potential we're dealing with where we are, and like, my, not okay, not okay. And as a result, we gotta work at getting back to a place of hanging out and being around, because now it's just really uncomfortable. ♪ We do get an update ♪ - I just found it accidentally. I thought it was a game over, but I do, we have more. - Why do you keep doing this to me? - I don't know. But look, it's the end. Like, what a good note to end on. - Is it a good note? - Maybe. I haven't read it because I just found it. - What if it's not a good note? - I don't know. I see a lot of heartbreak emojis, so. - She left 'em. - I talked to my girlfriend the same night, I made the original post. We're working through everything together right now, and things are headed in a all-caps good direction. - Oh great. - I'm not ready to write the full update yet, since there's a lot to sort of privately before I come back with all of the details. But I did wanna say something to the people who reached out when I was clearly not in the best headspace. For transparency, I told my girlfriend exactly what happened, that I panicked, had what I'm pretty sure was some kind of anxiety attack, and ended up here on big, beautiful Reddit, asking a question that in hindsight, had a pretty obvious answer. - Correct. - Not my finest hour, considering I'm usually, you know, the calm one between us. I guess I was bound to pop at some point. - Was this popping? Reddit was popping? - I guess, that was like very tame and controlled too. - 'Cause I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say this right now. If brother, if this is you popping, if this does not work out with this girl, please, come here. - You're gay. - Couple of Thrupple streaming Opiecock, okay? - There you go. Opie goes on to say, "I even ugly cried on the side of the road." Da-da-da, Jesus Christ. - I love him. - Like, so emotionally in tune, and like self-aware. - I love him. - Oh, I also showed her this now. - So it seems like his mom did a good job. - Fuck, you're right. (laughing) - His mom did a good job. She's like, "My son is a fucking prize." - Then why is she so fucked in the head? - Because she's like, she's like, "Hey, step your weight up. Put on some fucking clean clothes." - Don't you come here defending mom now. - I'm just saying, now shit just got real. He's crying on the side of the road. - I know. - Pulling a, pulls over. He pulled over to be safe. - To be safe. - So he could cry? - It's hard to cry. - And not hurt anybody? - It gets blurry. - Oh, I'm driven through it. - He's safe. He's such a little angel. - He's a good dude. She did a great job. And she is, and she is trying to protect. Or he went to therapy and unpacked a lot of trauma and developed into this really healthy, well-balanced adult on his own. - Yeah, maybe. But I'm thinking probably, for the sake of this conversation, I'm thinking probably mama did a pretty good job. And mama has a hard time releasing now. We gotta let go. - There might be something here, okay. So he goes on to say, "I also showed my girlfriend "this account." And she looked at me, then the comments and upvotes and hit me with, quote, "Bet you wish your actual account "got this much engagement, huh?" Destroyed me in seconds, but so very accurate. Broken heart, broken heart, broken heart. - Oh, that's the broken hearts, okay, okay. - A lot has happened since, and some of it was very eye-opening. Turns out my mom has a pattern of this behavior. After my girlfriend and I talked, I reached out to my siblings and my younger brother opened up and told me that she did the same thing to his now wife years ago. He just didn't tell anyone. They both moved far away and kept their distance because of it. That was a hard thing to hear, but it explains so much. Also, my girlfriend is super close with my siblings. So she knows, she knows. - She knows, she knows. - Yeah. Anyways, to sum it up real quick, my girlfriend and I are solid, we're talking, we're being honest, and we're on the same team. I'm taking care of the rest. I just wanted people to know things are okay and we're moving forward and I appreciate a lot of you. I'm too anxious to open up. Any of the comments on the original post, some of y'all are brutal, but real, my girlfriend has been peaking for me though. Happy holidays, everyone. Stay safe. - I'm in love with him. - That is. - Excellent communicator. - This is what like- - Quality story tellers- - This is what women want. - This is what everyone wants. Everybody wants that. - Just so wild. - If whoever wants a man wants that. - That's good. - That's real good. - That's really good. - And if he cute, she's cute. - No, he sounds cute. Just by this. - He does. - Someone that shows up for you has your back. 10 out of 10 every time. - I see like soft brown curly hair, you know? - Little, honestly, you know who I'm envisioning? David, corn, corn sweat? - The new Superman? - New Superman. I could see that. - And I was thinking more like reggae on page. - Oh, oh. (laughing) - Also. - I don't know. I don't know. - Yeah. - I don't know. - You know who's really doing it? And I just heard a rumor, maybe a future bond. Callum Turner. - I have heard Callum Turner. - I think we're not secretly married. - I'm not upset about that. And that's a good stitch. She's cutie. - I like, I like, that's weird. I like to get, I like the, the two-finger thing was kinda, I like them together. - I mean, the two-finger thing wasn't weird 'cause you weren't doing a different one. - Right, it wasn't like a donut hole. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - But this also considering, it's also strange. - Yeah, 'cause that's giving like tip to tip. - Right? - Yeah. - It's a little, and now I can't stop doing it. - I know, I just like, over that hole. - I'm just gonna be like. - I'm bumping their fingers together. I feel good. - It feels good. - It feels good. - So, I, wait, you heard, I also heard that maybe, "Dampson Idris", new bound. - Who? - "Dampson Idris", people, people's poll, people's poll. - Who is this? - Brad Pitt, he was the other driver and former in F1. - I never saw it. - He's, yeah, he could do it too. - Right? And has the accent? - I know, uh, it's British. - They have famously said, or the assumption is that there will never be a black bond, but we did get a black woman, 007. - That is true. - So, I mean, I don't think that that's entirely impossible. Just saying. - I mean, times are changing. I was supposed to be, I was supposed to be, um, John Reggae, whatever you just said. Yeah, sure was. That was the, that was the rumor. - And mistakes were made. He shouldn't have left Bridgerton. Jonathan Bailey can-- do it all. Come on, sir. I love it. You get spicy like this. I love it. I love it. It's my favorite. It's my favorite. My favorite is having you on. There's an in-time. There's an in-time. Open in-time. Literally. Open in-time. I'm down the street. Anytime. Oh, I love this. Where can people find you? Where can people listen to your podcast? So exciting. We just dropped our House Party episode. Holiday House Party episode for the podcast. It's like an, oh, and I can hour of the best, most chaotic holiday, family holiday party you've ever seen. Okay. Nisi Nash and Surprise Guests. We had a pretty big surprise for her and apparently became a very big surprise for her husband, Jessica Betts as well. Did you see that one coming? And a major, major, major announcement for House Guests. So really very excited. We are taking this show on the road. House Guests is going on tour. Are you so excited? I am so excited. We'll be picking your brain about this life on the road. We love a live show. We love a live show in this house. Yeah. And so we're going to be taking the show on the road and really bringing the experience of House Guests to our neighbors across the country. And so it's going to be unreal. Eat with us. Come drink with us. Come play games with us. I'm there. And a celeb guest. It's going to be a really good time. This is so good. I can't wait. Scott, you've been an absolute gem. You are. Crushed all these. I tried. Thank you Spotify for making us be friends and bringing this together. Exactly. Our little family. The duo you did know you needed. I know. So so so good. But all the Scott's links will be in the description. Super easy to find. I am Scott Evans everywhere. You have no excuse. But other than that, until next time guys. Bye. [BLANK_AUDIO]