119: Thanksgiving But Everything Is Jello

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I bid farewell to old Kentucky, the place where I was born and raised, the place where he was born and raised. Hey, guys! The first Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving! Guys! Welcome back to the Broski Report, starring me, your host, Chris Martin's girlfriend. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! What the fuck? Hey, real question. What the fuck? How? How about that, though? How about that? Bitch, I had my du-mois debut. My du-x-mois debut. What the fuck? How about I was scrolling on Instagram? I was on the turlet. I was on the toilet, scrolling IG, and that shit had popped up, and I said, what the fuck? I was like, that's surely me. And you want to know something? At first, I was like, I got AI'd. I had gotten AI'd. They put some other. photo of Chris M. and Brittany B., and they had kind of, you know, cut and pasted. And then I realized, eh, maybe we had been leaving the Tame Impala concert at the same time. And first of all, I didn't even realize that was Christopher Martin, one of the top five white boys of all time. Cold play? Thank you for writing yellow. Thank you for Viva La Vida, and thank you for Paradise. What the fuck? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! I saw that shit. Everybody and their mother sent that to me. And I go, I know! I was there! And I was there with a friend of mine, and I was like, totally cropped him out of the phone. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! What the fuck? It was so stupid. Chris Martin and Brittany B. What do you think? Hey, what do you think? Ha! Ha! You bitches. You bitches test me. Test my Christian patience. Anyway. Guys, a quick little announcement before we get into the meat and potatoes of this episode. I want to go ahead and just drop the bomb that there's going to be Christmas moomoos! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Christmas moomoos, guys. I've been talking about this fucking merch drop for a long time. Oh, that's why my hand's been burning. I have a big open gash on my hand. I put on hand sanitizer yesterday and said, oh, fuck! What the hell? That's probably why. Guys, Christmas moomoos are upon us. They drop this Friday, Black Friday. We're doing a bunch of merch deals as well. If you've never gotten Broski Report merch, now is the time to friggin' do it. Okay? There's going to be discounts on discounts. We're doing bundles. We're doing, there's two new moomoos and one new pair of slippers. So go get it while it's hot off the press. Damn! And my forehead is just getting bigger and bigger throughout this episode, okay? The turkey hat's going to be hot. I'm going to be hot. I'm going to be hot. I'm going to be hot. It's going to be on the back of my neck by the end of this episode. So go do that! I'm so excited! I kind of had this idea because I was like, obviously a holiday moomoo is something that you need to live in between. Honestly, for me, like October 31st at midnight, the tree's going up. That's kind of how I am. I want to get maximum usage, maximum hours out of that Christmas tree before we put it back in the shed. You know what I mean? So live in the Christmas tree. Live in that moomoo. There is a beautiful plaid option and a beautiful Mrs. Claus, Ms. Claus, okay? She's the mistress. Mistress Claus. So go ahead and grab those. And there are, of course, two matching pairs of slippers. So go get you some! Okay, that was one of the housekeeping items I needed to say. Second housekeeping item. Yeah, we went ahead and had Paul Meskel on royal court. I don't know. I don't know. We had Paul M. on royal court, and that's my best friend, I think, by the way. He's not aware, but that is my bestie. I think we got on like a house on fire, girl. By the end of it, we were giggling like little girls. It was so much damn fun. Here goes my forehead. Here go that damn forehead, girl! Shit! Put her back! Put her back! Put her on a leash! Sweating. Yeah, me and Paul, damn. He is just such a fun hang. I think he is so wonderful, and his ability to switch between, obviously, we're bantering and we're having fun, to genuine and so hyper-intelligent, such a deep understanding of his work and how he brings a character to life and all the artistic influences that go into bringing a character to life. I mean, he's just, he's a class act. And y'all know, y'all know I loved Gladiator. Hamnet just about wrecked me, okay? Hamnet just about took me out. That is one of the saddest fucking movies I've ever seen in my whole goddamn life. Go into the theater with a box of tissues, I'm not fucking joking, and bring like one of those little portable trash bags, because holy shit. We went to a screening for it before we had Paul on royal court, and me and Stanley were like, what the fuck? It's so sad, but so well done. I mean, so well done. Award-winning. Should be award-winning. Okay. Those were my two housekeeping items. Number three, I'm just going to keep adding. I went ahead and had, for the first time in a long time, a normal coffee with hazelnut creamer, okay? It's a crapshoot, literally. So whatever happens in the next 45 minutes, give or take, I am worried about sort of my gut health and my GI tract at this moment. I am a little concerned. So I'll keep y'all updated and appraised on that. Appraised? Apprized. I always confuse the two. Apprized versus appraised. One of them is apprized. Keep me apprized, is to be informed or told about something. Well, appraised means to have assessed the value or worth of something. Appraised, it's extra A, like assess or appraisal, which relates to. Here go Jim and I trying to give me some fucking pseudonyms. What's it called? Mnomonym? Mnemonic. Mnemonic. Mnemonic. Mnemonic. Right? That's like PEMDOS. That's like my very educated mother just. Mars. My very educated mother. Mars, Venus, Earth. Mars. Surely it's not Mars. Surely it's Mercury. Hold on, guys. I'm going to get this. My very educated mother just made us nine pizzas. That's what it is. I'm going to say Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, because Mars is close to us. My very educated mother just. Jupiter, Uranus. Uranus, your big gaping anus. Sorry. Uranus, us nine. Neptune, Pluto. Don't wait. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company. Affiliates and other insurers. With a weight and character that tells you that someone made this. If you're setting a table for the people you love. it's worth starting here. See all my favorite designs at SimonPierce.com. That's S-I-M-O-N-P-E-A-R-C-E.com. Simon Pierce, made by hand, one at a time. And you know what just clicked for me? And I am woman enough to admit this, okay? You know what just clicked for me about two years ago is that they're named after pretty much everything in kind of NASA or space history is named after gods. So. And who the fuck is Earth, by the way? Why do we get a bad one? Why does everyone else get a super sick, like, Greek and Roman goddess name and we get, what the fuck is Earth? At least name it Gaia. At least Gaia. Why is Earth not named after a god? Because the name has Germanic roots and simply means ground. Why? You know what? We're going on Reddit, r slash ask historians. And I'll get into the Thanksgiving of it all. Just give me a second. This is less a question of etymology, which you guys know makes my penis hard. You're asking why Earth is called that in English, as opposed to other planets, which in English are named after Roman gods. For all I know, they're also named after the Roman gods, even in Japanese, but that's not important. What's important is that fundamentally, what things are called is dependent on the language you speak. Yeah, fucking yeah. Earth is a word which comes from English's Germanic ancestors via Middle and Old English. In the past, it, like the Roman Terra, was a word that came from the English language. Terra, T-E-R-R-A, was a personification or deity of sorts. But Middle English, already meant the planet Earth, especially when translating the Latin word Terra, which also makes sense because in Spanish it's Tierra. And we have the recognition of the Earth as a planet, that is, not simply as some flat plane beneath our feet. So this word is very old, older than the Latin influence on the English language. And because talking about the Earth in the sense of the ground is a very everyday thing, it is difficult for this word to be displaced by loan words. Difficult, but not impossible. If you want to keep it within the fucking unity and the fucking. What's it called? The unilateral. God, fuck, fuck you. Fuck you. Unanimous. Fully in agreement. No, not unanimous. I guess unified. I guess uni. Come on, guys. Give me the word that I'm looking for. I wish I had a live studio audience so I could be like, what's the. But the front row in my live shows in my head are all going to be etymology experts, historians, scientists, physicists, and each of them is going to have a mic. And as I'm talking, I can be like, what's the. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. And then I'm going to shut off there. I'm going to have a huge switchboard like I'm a producer in a music studio and I'm going to flick on their mic and turn the volume up. And if they're talking for too long, I'm just going to mute it. Okay. Or if they start rambling, hey, mute. Give me the short answer. I don't need to know all the fluff. If you are a scientist or an expert, just give me the answer that I'm looking for. I also need, I feel like, okay, I feel like we need to bring back Quora. I don't know if Quora went anywhere. We need to bring back Quora. We need to bring back Yahoo Answers. Do you know how much of my understanding of human life and the eccentricities and the complexities of human life come from Yahoo Answers? Why do spider have puss puss? Do spider have puss puss? Remember that? It's the first one. Does spider have puss puss? I think that was a famous, it was on Yahoo Answers. So what I'm gathering is that Earth does not have a Roman god name because Earth and our familiarity with planet Earth predates our discovery of other planets, right? Is that correct, my assumption? If that were the case, though, if that were the case, then upon discovering other planets, why would we not change the name of our planet? I mean, I guess I understand why we wouldn't. But at the same time, come on. Ask him again. Mikey! Remember that video? The fucking video. Dude, hook me up. I don't want to make a fucking scene. Well, you already fucking made a big ass scene. I'm 70 for a dying as a fucking deal. I'll be back at four to pick it up. He doesn't want to. Dude, fucking tell him. I already fucking told him. Well, tell him again. Fucking tell him no. Well, make him say yes. He said no. Okay. That's a video that stuck with me in a crazy way for some reason. I don't know why. Mikey! Okay. On the other hand, the planets and other bits of science were discussed in Latin all over Europe, intended not to be discussed by the common man who didn't care so much about why some lights in the night sky moved from night to night and some didn't. This, I think, already answers the question. But there's something else that I've hinted at that also bears making explicit. Girl, fuck whoever wrote this. I'm fucking ready. Dumbass. You smartass. Like, relax. But something else that I may be hinting at, if you're smart enough to catch my drift. Shut the fuck up and just answer the question. You're pissing me off. And another Easter egg for you mere mortals. Pissing me off. Fucking nerd. Me looking this up. Fucking nerd. Okay. We today recognize that the Earth and the other planets are different kinds of the same thing. But to a human observer, this is not in the least bit apparent. They look totally different. Since the names of the Earth and some of the planets have been cooking in our languages since before anybody realized, even though the Earth looks like a flat surface with the grass and soil and trees and people, and Venus looks like a tiny speck of light, they're actually the same kind of thing. We should not expect their names to reflect their similar nature. But rather, perhaps they're different appearances. Girl, shut the fuck up. Because each one, I mean, I guess, actually, I guess, because isn't Uranus the water one or Neptune? Neptune's the water one and we named it Neptune because he was like the god of water. They're named after Roman gods, actually, right? And Neptune, because Poseidon is the Greek god, Neptune versus Poseidon. Poseidon is Greek. Neptune is his Roman equivalent. Yeah, I friggin know it, bro. So he's basically like sexy Santa. He's basically like sexy. Jesus, Santa. Sam. Oh, now we're getting into the freaking nerd off. Someone responded under it and said, At the point your quote was written, and the quote is, and we have the recognition of the Earth as a planet, that is, not simply as some flat plane beneath our feet. The Earth would have been recognized as spherical, but not as the same sort of thing as a planet. In pre-Copernican cosmology, the Earth was known to be spherical, but was seen as fixed and immobile, while the planets, sun, moon, and stars, orbited in the heavens, and followed quite different rules of physics than things here on Earth. But this just furthers your point, as the Earth wasn't widely seen as in the same category as the other planets until at least the 16 to 1700s. Whoa. Just FYI, this is another guy who responded, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn are named after the traditional East Asian, or Chinese, five elements. Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto are cribbed from the West, so they are named after Roman gods. Same in Chinese. Whoa. Here's some examples from Chinese. Mercury is literally translated water star. This is crazy. Venus is literally translated gold star, or more generally metal star. Earth, as a planet, not as in soil, is literally translated ground sphere. It's kind of a rougher translation. Mars is fire star, which I think is nicely appropriate given its red hue. Jupiter, wooden star, keeping with the elemental theme. Saturn is earth star, or rock star. Kind of funny to me, but still poetic and keeps within the theme. This is nuts. Uranus is literally sky king star, pronounced, and forgive me, Tian Weng Jing. But it doesn't sound at all like Uranus. It is a translation of the meaning. Uranus was a god of the sky in Roman mythology. So the character just means star or planet. So it's Uranus, the sky king's planet. Neptune. Okay, that's tea. The Uranus is like the one. Neptune is similar, literally ocean king star, pronounced, Hai Weng Jing. Again, this conveys the meaning of who Neptune is, the ruler of the sea, not the pronunciation of his name. Wow. Old Norse. Venus is apparently known as, what, bro? Friariana. Friariana. But there is a problem because that means Frigg's star, and Frigg was a goddess associated with that. with Venus. What? It is through this connection we get Friday, which in Latin was Dies Veneris, Venus's day. So I don't know if this is just the same transplanting of a Latin concept into Old Norse. Now, it's pretty unlikely that there were many ancient civilizations of around that time that didn't have a name for Venus, because Venus is such an obvious feature of the night sky. In English, we still call it the evening star and morning star, and I would imagine that the designation also existed in other languages. I could read this for literally hours. I'm actually bookmarking this. I'm going to read this later. Okay, let's move on to Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving. So we all know my lineup of Thanksgiving guests from last year, and we can all agree that I'm a little bit more of a Thanksgiving fan. So I'm going to read this one. So we all know my lineup of Thanksgiving guests from last year, and we can all agree that I'm a Thanksgiving fan. So we all know my lineup of Thanksgiving guests from last year, and we can all agree that I'm a Mellow Mellow. I found these are so freaking cute and I know they'll love them. And in the order, I got these cute little postcards. So freaking cute. And Mellow wrote me a note. I hope you love your new pasta keychain, Brittany. I added an extra one for you to gift to a pal. Thanks. Next, look how adorable. This is socks and these are gloves. Trisha Martell, these might be coming to you. These are from Tonko. I'm addicted. Look at these gloves. First of all, like the fit you can pull with this and this maybe with like a ballet slipper. Oh, wow. I've saw these and I had to get them. So cute. Okay, this next one is for maybe the iced coffee enjoyers in your life. Do you ever have someone that just always has a drink that's sweating and condensating on everything and it makes rings on the table? Look no further than these cookie coasters. Are you out of your mind? They're so cute. This one is like sprinkle, frosted cookie, snickerdoodle, pink frosted cookie. And then this, I think this is like a dulce de leche. Wow. I saw these and I said, yeah, immediately. And I might steal one to be honest. I might give probably Stanley. I'll give Stanley three of these and I'm going to keep one for myself. These are from Ibis Crown on Etsy. And I did actually go ahead and purchase two things for myself. Christmas because I saw them and I wanted them. Look at how cute these freaking tarot cards are, dude. Show them, put them on the screen. Look at these. They're beautiful. They're so beautiful. I'm so excited to get these. And I also got this silly painting of a duck. What? He's got a crown on. He's so cute. I'm going to put him in the Royal Court studio. I saw this and I was like, yeah, immediately. And it's so tiny. I'm going to get one and I might get one for the writers and Stanley as well. We'll see. So hear me out. No matter, who you're shopping for, it's easy to find something that's personal, original and special on Etsy. Everything on Etsy feels one of a kind, which is perfect because I'm shopping for one of a kind, unique people, myself included. And my favorite part is you're supporting small shops and real people with each purchase. And that makes the gift feel extra special. So it is my honor and privilege to say, shop my Etsy collection at etsy.com slash broski report. Love you Etsy. Thank you for sponsoring my podcast. And happy holidays, truly. Okay. So let's, let's get into the list. Number one, my first guest. Oh my God, relax. My first guest is going to be Calcifer from Howl's Moving Castle. Okay. Put him up here. This is Calcifer. Calcifer is, I believe, a demon spirit that keeps the moving castle alive. He's also like, he's Howl's heart. Okay. Calcifer just felt like fucking tea to me because in the dubbed version, he's voiced by Billy Crystal, AKA Mike Wazowski. Okay. There's something very, I feel like if my spirit had a narration or if my spirit had a character voice would probably be voiced by Billy Crystal or Josh Gad or a combination of the two. Just like corked up white guy, older, older white guy. And, uh, I just feel like I was watching Howl's Moving Castle and every time Calcifer came back on the screen, I was like, thank God, because he's so funny and so cute. And I think I need a Calcifer tattoo. And I was like, yeah, you know what? You're invited. Because I feel like he would, he would get the jokes going. If someone, if people started fighting, people started bickering and no, and I said to you last year, you said this fucking bullshit to me. You said that bullshit to me. Calcifer would go, wow. Whoa. Whoa. Enough with the yelling. Right? Like he'd do that. Okay. Also, he voiced Hades. Did he not? Hades, Hercules voice actor. Yeah, it was James Woods. I'm humiliated. I'm fucking humiliated. Oh, I actually know about James Woods because he, they're, they're a similar font of, of dude. Okay. But James Woods, something happened with the budget for Hercules and they like, the, the movie was about to get scrapped or something like that. And they couldn't pay him his full fee. Or something like, or it ended up taking too long, something like that. And he did a bunch of work for free. Cause he loved voicing this character, which I love. Right? Because like Hercules is such a cult classic and it's, it's one of my favorite movies. So like, thank you, James Woods. Um, okay. Calcifer, he's number one. I really feel like he would have a good time once you get a few drinks in him, like relax a little bit, you know, calm down, wind down. Across from Calcifer is going to be Grace Reader, Redder. Grace Reader. Like OG TikTok Grace Reader. She's having her Renaissance right now. It's a Grace Reader fall. Winter. And I just think she's one of the funniest fucking people alive. I need her there. I need her there. And I feel like, and Grace, I hate to ask this of you, but I need you to perform. I need you. I know you have some back pocket characters. Let's just, I'm going to have a little mini stage built. We can get up there and do some improv together. I would really like to see how you interact with some of my other guests that I'll be inviting to Thanksgiving. So Grace definitely will get you up there. She is just a gift. She's a fucking gift. Next, probably right next to Grace, I will be seating Mia Goth because I need them to talk. Just talk it out. I need y'all to just talk it out. Mia Goth also, to me, I just feel like I need to get really wine drunk with her, like a nice white wine. And she is someone that towards the end of the night, her and I, will peel off and go to the patio, go to the corner of some room. And I feel like I just need her to listen to me. Like she is such an active listener. I just need to talk and I need her to be like, yes, absolutely. Absolutely. She is so sweet. I just feel like she has such a sweet energy and I really just need to talk to her. Okay. But not in like a, hi, how are you? In like a very deep woman to woman, like connecting brain tissue way. Like I just need to talk to Mia Goth. So she's coming to Thanksgiving and I'm going to have the white wine on tap and we're going to just discuss some things. Okay. Obviously next to Mia Goth, I probably will put Jacob Elordi just because I know she feels very maternal towards him. And I know they have a very special relationship. Jacob, you don't have to speak. I would never put that pressure on you, but I, look, Jacob Elordi is kind of silly. Okay. He's kind of like a fucking goofball. Cause why are you that tall? First of all. And second of all, if you're that tall, you got to be a little goofy because what are you doing up there? Hey, what the fuck are you doing up there? You're scaring the children. Sit down, sit down and eat the sweet potato casserole. Okay. And he can start crying. You just need to warm him up. I feel like we can book club. Okay. Me and Jacob, we're going to go off in the corner after a while. We're going to book club. Jacob, I need you to read Akotark. And then after that, I need you to read Secret History. And then after that, I need you to read Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. And we're all going to, we'll just book club. And you know what? I can't stand. And this has nothing to do with Jacob Elordi. Okay. I'm moving on from Jacob Elordi. Bitches who only read nonfiction. Where's the whimsy? I get it. Nonfiction is very, very, very important. Okay. And that is honestly, actually, no, I'm going to change my tune on this for a second. I was going to say nonfiction is actually how you kind of see the world a bit better. Or maybe develop empathy a bit better. But I take that statement back because I think the same can be accomplished through fiction. Maybe sometimes even more. I don't know. It depends. This is a very subjective conversation, but fantasy and just like fiction books in general are so important to help you expand your imagination, to help you expand what you see when you look at the world. And while nonfiction is obviously so important, I would argue fiction is equally as important. Okay. So Jacob Elordi, I need you to come prepped for the book club I will be hosting on Thanksgiving. Thank you so much. Probably next to Jacob Elordi will be Toothless from How to Train Your Dragon. Toothless is a great vibe. I feel like once he's comfortable, you have to kind of butter him up with fish, whatever the fuck he's eating. And once he's tame and calm, sit him next to Jacob Elordi and I feel like they'd get along really, really well. Because Jacob Elordi kind of has this hiccup energy. He's got a little bit of hiccup in him. Okay. So put them two next to each other. They're going to be fast friends. And Toothless also, to me, I'm like, not too much on Toothless because I love him. Don't be mean to him. Don't feed him things that will upset his tummy. It's going to be size inclusive. I'm going to have a seat that fits him. Y'all please be kind to Toothless because this is his first Thanksgiving. So he's going to be kind to Toothless. He's a little nervous. Okay. So Jacob Elordi and Toothless next to each other. On the other side of the table, this is kind of going to be like, it's going to be a long seat because you guessed it. It's the Bronte sisters. Like I said, I am currently reading Wuthering Heights. Jane Eyre is something we had to read in school and I will be reading it again because that book is fun. I'm going to be reading it again. The three that I was talking about are Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights, and then the Tenant of Wildfell Hall and also Agnes Grey. I need to read Agnes Grey and the Tenant of Wildfell Hall. However, all of the Bronte sisters are invited. Sit your ass down. And you know, they're going to be kind of out of touch just because, hey, it's 2025. A lot has changed since y'all had fucking died. So sit down. I'm going to put them, like I said, I'm going to put them across from Jacob Elordi and I feel like they could really coddle the Bronte sisters into bringing them into the modern age because Jacob and Mia kind of have this old soul quality. So I'm going to let y'all key. I'm going to let y'all key down there kind of towards the end of the table because I'm going to be busy up top with Calcifer and Grace. We're going to be cutting up. We're going to be laughing. Okay. So I'm going to leave y'all kind of towards the end of the table and I'll come do my rounds in a minute. So I'm going to let y'all talk to you. Okay. Further down the table. Welcome back this year. Drewski. Drewski is invited to my Thanksgiving yet again. He's going to be down there right next to the Bronte sisters. And I'm just going to let them go. I'm going to let y'all go. Just talk. Find something. Okay. Just talk. And I'll come meet you in a second. Right next to Drewski is going to be Zara Larson. Let me tell you bitches something about Zara motherfucking Larson. First of all, I am addicted to her Tik TOK. I watch her Tik TOK every night before I go to bed. She does these like snack reviews where she'll get high for like review snacks. And I watch that like it's the fucking evening news. Like I watch that and she's so cute and she is so goes without saying, but I will say it because it deserves to be said. Her level of craftsmanship, level of vocal control, rhythm, like dance skill, live performance ability. She is a fucking machine. And I am guilty of this. Okay. I slept on her. I'll say it. I slept on her. Zara Larson's been in the motherfucking game for a decade. And just now I'm like, oh, she might be that bitch. I mean, she's always kind of been that bitch, but like, and she made this Tik TOK the other day, where she was like, I've been doing this job for a long time, but I feel like for the first time, my career is starting. I think she's opening for Tate McRae right now on tour. And she's like, like, I see more videos of her than I do Tate. And it's just, she is nuts. She's nuts. And it's also, y'all know I, I appreciate someone who studied at the Beyonce Academy. Okay. Chloe and Halle, Dochi, Zara Larson, all these people where it's like, this flavor of dedication. Okay. It is the Beyonce, Giselle, Knowles, Carter school of dance and song. And I know it well, I'm very familiar with it. And so watching her perform, I'm like, yes, bitch, give us 120% every fucking night. Yeah. And then on top of that, she's like, chill. She's a chiller. I'm addicted to her. I don't know. Zara Larson, please hit me up. We have to hang out. We have to, Zara, you're coming to Thanksgiving. We have things to talk about. Okay. She's going to be next to Drewski. At the end of the table, and this is a pairing that is important to me. Okay. This is a pairing that's very important to me. Guillermo del Toro, Grianne Chattin. Okay. Guillermo del Toro, world famous director, the monster king of a generation. One of the most forward thinking and intelligent, and this is my opinion. This is my opinion. One of my favorite directors of all time. Okay. Guillermo del Toro, very, and he's also so like being a Mexican director who has such a lens. I mean, he said in all of his movies, he's always like, it just has a Mexican lens on everything that he creates because how could it not? And it's so beautiful to watch. Frankenstein is a Mexican movie. I mean, he's talked about this in interviews, you know, like his interpretation of it. His process and bringing it to life. He has just said like, it is Mexican through and through like, like what makes this a Guillermo del Toro film? It's Mexican. And I just, I just love him. He's going to be at the end of the table across from Grianne Chattin of Fontaine's DC. They could go back and forth with just the most pretentious blubbering you've ever heard. And I'm hanging on every fucking word of it, bitch. I don't care. Okay, because I put them at the very end so that when I get up and I do my rounds, I can go sit right next to them. And it's going to be something similar to last year, where when I put Anthony Bourdain and Stanley Tucci across from each other, and I don't say anything, okay? Last year, I didn't say a word. This year, I'm going to be at the other opposite end of the table. It's going to be a long, like, what are those called? Like banquet tables. I'm going to be at the other end, and I'm just going to say, y'all talk. But I also see myself more as like a moderator. So if Green starts talking about something, I'm going to say, I'm going to stop you there. Guillermo, what is your reaction to the point he just made? And then Guillermo, you know, he can, and then I'll say, okay, I'll raise y'all one better. And then I'll introduce a new topic of discussion. And it's going to be just ongoing, ongoing, ongoing. Okay? And I just feel like that, to me, when you talk about, you know, who would be your ideal dinner guest, like dinner a lot? This is the table. And it'll be different next year, okay? But for right now, it's actually going to be Calcifer, Grace, Mia, Jacob, Toothless, the Bronte sisters, Drewskies, R. Larson, Guillermo Latour, and Green. Hope y'all are okay with that. It's a good blend. It's a good mixture of everything. So Green chatting to me is the one that I would be the most nervous about, right? Because I'm like, I want you to be comfortable. There is a live dragon here, and there's also a demon spirit, Calcifer, towards the end of the table. I want you to be comfortable, Green. So let me know if there's anything I can do to make it a bit more comfortable for you. But he would be one where I'm like, if I see him leaving early, that would hurt my feelings. Like, I would actually be really sad, and I'd have to be comforted if Green left my Thanksgiving. They're basically the outlet covers, kitchen cabinet locks, baby gates. Don't wait. This is Dr. Laurie Santos from the Happiness Lab. Research on the science of happiness consistently points to the importance of social connection. That's why I've been thinking about how I can turn more of my shared experiences into rituals. Think setting a beautiful table and making even the little moments feel a bit special. These days, I've been using the Berry Serving Platter from Simon Pierce. It's a hand-thrown piece of pottery with a weight and character that tells you that someone made this. If you're setting a table for the people you love, it's worth starting here. Simon Pierce. Made by hand, one at a time. Don't wait. This is Dr. That's S-I-M-O-N-P-E-A-R-C-E dot com. Simon Pierce. Don't wait. This is Dr. I've been thinking about how I can turn more of my shared experiences into rituals. Here are some potential discussion topics that I think we could all, you know, when I toss it to the table. I want to know from each person, what is the highest you've ever been? Like, do you have a weed nightmare story? Because I definitely do. And mine is, um, mine is one time I took a little bit too much of an edible. And I don't know what the fuck happened, but we went to Korean barbecue. And we were in this, I was like 23. And we were in Koreatown and we went into this restaurant and it was so fucking hot inside. And you know, it's like the open, like where you cook your own, like Korean barbecue. And the smell, you have to be in the right mindset, I feel like, to go into a Korean barbecue. And I was not. I was not. The smells are so intense. I was very nauseous even before we got there. And we went inside and it was so fucking hot and stuffy that I literally was like, I'm going to have a hard time. And I was like, I'm going to have a hard time. And I was like, I'm going to have a panic attack. I ran outside and I found a trash can and I vomited. I vomited. And I was like, I didn't know that weed could do that to you. Like that was the first time I realized, I was like, ah, this shit's fucking with me. This shit's fucking with my brain cells. And then I vomited and it was immediate. I felt 100% better. I went back inside and I said, where's the bulgogi? Where's the bulgogi? Right? Where's the fucking bulgogi? Because I just had to vomit. Sometimes you just have to puke. Sometimes you have to be sick on the fucking floor. And then you go back in and you lock in and you eat the bulgogi and that's fine. That was probably the highest I've ever been. And it was, it was bad. Okay. Like, you know, that feeling of like verge of a panic attack. I had been that way for like 45 minutes. And I was like, end this. Finish him. Like have the panic attack so I can move on. Like I was getting frustrated with myself. Just fucking freak out or don't freak out. Like this weird purgatory in between is horrific. So you just have to puke and then have bulgogi. And I figured out that that's kind of the remedy. So I would toss that question to everyone at the table. Okay. Then I would move on to something a bit more inflammatory. I would say, in y'all's opinion, what is the best city in the world? Right? Because people have a lot, people have very hot opinions on this question. I have found what's the best city in the world. Where's your favorite place in the world? And while I invite sentimental answers like, oh, my grandma's house. Boring. Where's your favorite place? Okay. Is it medieval times? Is it the Ren Fest? Is it Disney? Is it Korean barbecue? I want to know where is your favorite place in the world? And for each of these people I've invited, I feel like their answer would be so specific. Also your answer to this question is deeply reflective of who you are as a person. It's a great question. My dear friend, Caleb Heron had asked me one time is five years from now, what is your ideal perfect day? Where do you see yourself? What are you doing? How do you wake up? How do you go to bed? And what's in between? Who are you with? Right? What's the weather? Like literally paint everything for me. And I think about that question almost every day. So I would toss that to everyone. Okay. And then also let's talk about food for a second, because I want to see a really nice spread. This is something where I would expect people to like, I'm not cooking everything for you bitches. Y'all need to bring something. I'll do the mains. You know, I'll get the Popeye's turkey. I will make the mashed potatoes. I might even do a green bean casserole. That's kind of the extent each of you needs to bring your own thing. And we would have a great kind of spread here between the Bronte sisters. They would bring something really fucking nasty. I feel like, because like, what were y'all even eating back then? Like, like what were you eating? Cause British people, they don't eat anything. They don't eat anything. People love to call something pudding. They love to call some bullshit pudding when that is not pudding. And I know that it, colloquially it's different. I fucking know. I know. But pudding oftentimes is something very gelatinous to British people. And I'm not really rocking with that. So if you bitches, and by you bitches, I mean the Bronte sisters, if y'all bring some gelatinous fuckery to my Thanksgiving, you're eating on the patio. Cause I don't want to see that. Okay. Bring something normal, at least like a nasty Victorian sponge cake. Or something. Actually sponge cakes are pretty good, but like a nasty cake, like a fruitcake or something. Sure. Bring that. Okay. And it'll sit on the dessert table, no one will touch it, but thank you for bringing it. I feel like the range of dishes that would come from these guests would be really, really great. So I task them with that. I do want to see a sweet potato casserole and it's the sweet potato casserole with the marshmallows on top. Don't piss me off. That's what I want. So if you bring some nasty, like, it's not even sweet potato casserole. I've seen, um, what do they call it instead? Or candied yams. I do love candied yams, but sometimes they don't put enough sugar and it's, it's literally just plain sweet potato, candied yams. And you're pissing me off. At least put some brown sugar, put some maple syrup, put some butter for the love of Christ. Okay. Like I want that to almost be a dessert. It's so rich and sweet because sweet potatoes are naturally very sweet. Okay. Just beef it up. Yeah. I followed this girl on TikTok named Allison. I wish I knew her last name. She does like, she's another like Alyssa's magic. She does snack plates and they are so period. And she just eats very simply and very like, today I'm having a Japanese sweet potato, some radish. She loves like anchovies. So she'll do that. She'll do like spicy tuna. And then she'll do like an egg. She'll just pan fry an egg, some green onion. And like some chili oil. And she'll lay it all out on a plate. And she'll be like, this is my lunch for today. And it is so simple, but it looks so good how she prepares it. And she always eats these perfectly sized Japanese sweet potatoes. And I don't know where to buy them. And I think about them all the time. And she cooks them to perfection. And then she'll literally take it and she'll like bite the top off. And then she'll put like kimchi, some chili oil, a little bit of maybe like anchovy. And then she'll take a bite of it with all the shit on top. Of the potato. And then take a bite of green onion. And it looks so good. It looks so good. I think about it all the time. And she makes her own plates. And so on the plate, she'll be like, this is the plate for today. It says Allison on the back. She's so cute. I love girls. I love being a woman. Okay. Awesome. Staying on my sweatshirt. Sick. Okay. Let's move on to something else. What the Bronte sisters would bring to Thanksgiving. And it got me thinking because I know, and I don't mean to call out the Midwest yet again, but honest question, what are you guys eating? What are you guys eating sometimes? And I don't, this isn't even about the Midwest, but I saw some of this shit because I looked up weird Thanksgiving food from history. I'm reading some of this and I'm like, yeah, it's either like, this is so 1950s or some person in the Midwest still eats this. So if there's any broski nation soldiers in the Midwest, can you confirm yes or no? You know what this is? What is strawberry pretzel salad? And what is Ambrosia salad? Ambrosia salad is so popular in the South. I'm humiliated. The amalgamation of fruit and marshmallows. What's Oklahoma's weirdest Thanksgiving food? Girl, what is that? I know that there is some weird, actually, we're going to Google this. I know there's some weird historical reason for why things were put into Jell-O. Why things were put into gelatin. Was it to like keep it better? Because I don't understand how putting meat in Jell-O keeps it better. Like meat's going to go bad regardless. Why did people used to cook things in gelatin? Jell-O salad history. The rise and fall of an American icon. This is from SeriousEats.com, history of Jell-O salad. Few foods can tell us more about life in 20th century America than the wobbling jewel of domestic achievement, the Jell-O salad. While Jell-O products are still very popular as snacks and desserts, the Jell-O salad, particularly in its savory forms, had fallen from culinary favor by the early 80s. Well, you'll still find it in church basements across America. Today, you're just as likely to see Jell-O salads on blogs like the Gallery of Regrettable Food. What makes the Jell-O salad such an icon of its time? Shaped by the rise of home economics, the industrialization of the food system, World War II, and changing expectations about women's labor, few foods can tell us more about life in 20th century America than the wobbling jewel of domestic achievement, the Jell-O salad. This is exactly. Can I just say, there is such a good reason why Jell-O is so popular in the good feeling, and when you Google something and you find exactly what you were looking for. Like, this is exactly the, like, detailed answer that I was looking for. What's the historical context? Like, what was the economic context? Even something, as I'm so glad they mentioned it, like gender roles of the time. All of that goes into what makes a culinary, like, historical specimen. What paved the road to how we got there and how we look at it so differently today. Like, we can look at this and be like, fucking, ew. But at the time, I bet it was like, gelatin dishes as we know them date all the way back to medieval Europe. What? From that period up until the mid-19th century, so like 1850s, jellied dishes were foods of the elite, served as elaborate molded centerpieces on the tables of nobility. The reason was simple. The process of rendering collagen from animal bones and then clarifying it was exceptionally time-consuming, even by the time of the 19th century. The process of rendering collagen from animal bones and then clarifying it was exceptionally time-consuming, even by the slower-paced standards of the day. It was not for the faint-hearted, explains Lynn Beluccio, executive director of the Leroy Historical Society, which operates the Jell-O Gallery Museum. Period. London cookbook author Hannah Glass described the procedure in 1747. I'm not reading all that. That's actually gonna make me. Take out the great bones of four calves' feet and put the feet into a pot with 10 quarts of water. I'm not reading that. That's actually gonna make me vomit. Few home cooks bothered with such labor-intensive dishes. Gelatin indicated to dinner guests that you had a kitchen staff large and well-appointed enough to spare the hours. Tee, it all comes down to fucking classism, doesn't it? Everything is a display of wealth. Everything is a display of the elite. This remained the case in the American colonies, where elites adapted European customs to their own tastes. Gelatin dishes were a delicacy in the 19th century, and they were used as a delicacy in the 19th century. New York High Society, where the size of one's household staff was a status symbol, and on the plantations of the South were enslaved cooks labored in the kitchens. At Thomas Jefferson's estate, Monticello, Monticello, wine jelly was often served to guests. Jefferson's time in France having influences, influenced his tastes. Crazy. Under the sea salad. Lime Jell-O, salt, pear halves, cream cheese, boiling water, lemon juice, and ginger. Bruh. Okay, in the mid-19th century, the industrial revolution was beginning to transform the U.S. economy. Railways were on the rise, and so was factory production. Both brought radical changes to American food systems. By 1897, when a cough syrup maker patented the brand name Jell-O, the processed food industry was thriving. 1897. Crazy. I always thought, like, in the 40s, or actually the 50s, is when, like, microplastics or single-use anything started to really take hold of the American populace. Like, thinking about them starting this horrific trend of single-use plastic and whatever, even as far as the 1890s. I mean, this isn't single-use plastic, but something like processed food. I don't know. It's crazy. The timing couldn't have been better. Jell-O tapped into one of the biggest culinary currents of the era, domestic science, also known as home economics. This spirit of domestic reform embraced efficiency, purity, cleanliness, and order. Jellied salads, unlike tossed ones, were mess-free, never transgressing the border of the plates. What the fuck? Ew, thinking about Jell-O is gonna make me vomit, actually. Instant gelatin fit the bill. It was fast, unlike the traditional method of making gelatin. It was economical. A housewife could stretch her family's leftovers by encasing them in gelatin. And since sugar was already included in the flavored mixes, the new packaged gelatins didn't require cooks to use up their household stores of sugar. Whoa. It was also neat and tidy, a quality much valued by the domestic science movement, as well as by its Victorian forebearers, whom were mad for molded foods of all kinds. A salad at last in control of itself. Cooks in this era molded everything from cooked spinach to chicken salad with care to avoid the cardinal sin of messiness. What the fuck? Oh, now this is fucking tea. Because how many times have we mentioned The Jungle by Upton Sinclair on this podcast? I feel like I've talked about it plenty of times and I've never read it, but that had to do with food safety and how quickly disease can spread or how quickly bacteria can spread. I feel like I've talked about it plenty of times and I've The 1906 Pure Food and Drug Act, passed after Upton Sinclair's muck-raking classic The Jungle, scandalized the nation, regulated product labels, and created the the bureau that would eventually become today's Food and Drug Administration. Yeah, but fuck the FDA. What does the FDA even do? The FDA might as well not even exist, because the shit that's available on the public market. Okay. Companies began marketing their processed and industrial foods under brand names designed to convince customers of their safety and purity. Boom. Shopping for dry goods by the pound at the general store was old-fashioned. Food brands were the way of the future. Jell-O's marketing emphasized that it was the brand you could trust. By 1902, Jell-O sales were beginning to soar. This is crazy. After World War II, corporations that had begun producing instant and processed food products to feed the troops were in no rush to slow production. That is so tea. Because, yeah. Because why would you stop? Like, you have this invention that you have created for the. Use of the soldier. And now that the war is over, how do you convert that money or that product into something that the American public can ingest? It's so smart. And it also makes total sense. I mean, we. I remember being a kid. My dad was in the military, and he introduced me to, like, MREs, meals ready to eat, where you heat it up with, like, boiling water or just over a flame, and it's a full meal. Like, it's. And what the fuck is in that, by the way? Like, how is that edible? But even stuff like freeze-dried ice cream and all these, like, gimmicky little hacks that were sold at gift shops or whatever when you would go to NASA or da-da-da. It's like, this was revolutionary science of the time, where we can look at it today and be like, oh, yeah, it's like. But it's crazy that, yeah, these were military government-funded inventions. And then we just shifted. And now all we eat is processed food. Literally every single thing we ingest is processed food. Industrial foods were often cheaper and definitely saved time. No longer would they be chained to the stove. Nonetheless, the cultural expectation that women would feed their families remained strong. They rated a woman who resorted to instant products as lazy, disorganized, and a bad wife. Sure. But there was a contradiction here, one that required resolution. Instant products were here to stay. They were handy, they were cheap, and they were fast. To get out of this dilemma, women actually added labor back into the process. Instead of cooking from scratch, they used prepared foods, but doctored them up with additional ingredients or dramatic presentations. Hot dogs? No. Pigs in a blanket with an olive garnish? Yes. That makes sense that they would start putting shit in gelatin. Okay. Well, guys. I think that'll do it for me this episode. I hope y'all have a happy Thanksgiving. I hope that y'all don't get too annoyed or pissed off with your families. If you are celebrating Friendsgiving, remember to be patient and kind with your loved ones. Maybe try to cook this year. Who fucking knows? Cooking can be fun if you do it with fun people. Or if you actually, like, try to enjoy the process. Don't get too stressed out. If you will be alone this Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving ain't no problem. You got the internet. You got me. I'll be here. And I love y'all very much. Go ahead and look out for that Moo Moo Drop and go get you some Broski Report merch this Friday if you haven't already. And I love y'all to freaking death. Here is my song of the week. My song of the week is Midnight Sun by Zara Larsson. Thank you for listening, and I will see y'all next week. Okay, bye-bye. Thank you to Etsy for supporting the Broski Report. Shop my collection of original gifts at etsy.com slash broski report. Until now, the data your AI depends on has been trapped behind ever-increasing cloud fees. Wasabi created hot cloud storage and is redefining cloud storage for the AI era, delivering simple, predictable cloud storage for AI, analytics, media, and more. Your data is free to move, fast to access, and ready when you need it. Well, your AI needs it. Hidden fees add up fast as AI workloads grow. Wasabi's flat pricing eliminates all of it. One rate, no surprises. Learn more and try now for free at wasabi.com. Wasabi, the AI storage cloud. Proud partner of the iHeart Podcast Network. This is Dr. Research shows that social connection is important for happiness. And something that research comes back to again and again is that the little moments together matter more than we think. And that's why I'm such a big fan of rituals. Think about. The glassware you use for all your dinner parties. Ones that make your events feel right without even thinking about it. And that's why I've been using the Woodstock Tumbler from Simon Pierce. They're hand-blown, one at a time, with the kind of character you only get from a human hand. Something made that slowly has a way of reminding you to savor the moments that really matter. Find yours at SimonPierce.com. I always appreciate when thoughtful and luxurious design can help change the way a space feels. That's why I love how the 48-inch panoramic display stretches across the entire dashboard in my Lincoln Navigator SUV. It helps make it easy to stay connected while giving the cabin an open, expansive feel. Whether I'm juggling errands or just enjoying some quiet time, this feature brings a fresh perspective and helps elevate even the everyday moments. Visit Lincoln.com to learn more.