Thank you for Choosing Bald Airlines with Trixie and Katya

you guys i just want to extend a message of hope nick our editor is sick lighters up for nick yeah f in the chat for nick airbrush shirts will be passed along nick and you know i would say he had so much to live for but he works here yeah he was that's actually a relief for him and his family and you know what it is it's a boon it's the asbestos in the ceiling that i've been placing overnight when we go home i crawl up in there and i bring my own asbestos that i paid for with my own money thank you or it could be the arsenic gel that i've been putting on the keyboard yeah well because he loves to lick those little fingers after he types oh my god that's kind of a funny and look at sid is here sitting back there oh my god sid short for women sid rock it's women in stem what is this short for okay you've known that no i don't think they knew that sydney thea sydney thea girl can i tell you whose days are numbered the la news i am still on my bullshit watching the news and i swear to god we live in the second biggest city in the united states this country is collapsing it is wrought with violence and crime and when i turn on the fucking news they're talking about on a monday and it's 4 20 so you're telling me the biggest news story is that snoop dogg has a ice cream truck i'm like weren't eight people today yes the la news is look over there look over there la news is doesn't is in bed with big um big big gun big low stress big la news is trying to protect us they're in bed with big calm i feel like a whistleblower because i live in hollywood and i turn on the news and i see people basically hanging out of helicopters shitting into the city well and then i turn on the news and they're like you guessed it 4 20 the new yogurt shop opened in burbank yeah breaking news that taco stand on virgil has gone on vacation which it has and i was plucked i know it can't be all negative things but i do feel like over here on the la news we also have to be real well the only positive thing about la is the weather that's it and they have a separate section for that and guess what they don't even show la they show like catalina island they show like the weather they show is all like outside of la yeah so i don't know when i get on the news in la and i will i have i have notes are you transitioning before you do that though to the news to the news i'm transitioning to journalism i have to tell you i i can't i i haven't we haven't filmed in like so many weeks and i have so much to tell you about i do too i want it but so there we have this mutual friend yeah uh let's call her linda oh kathy let's call her kathy kathy is we want to say glinda because it's ariana grande and people will know oh right right right elphaba yes no um kathy with a c right and kathy is diabolical because if you if you even think of a secret if you even if like you if you tell me something in confidence and it's and it's and it's serious and you have done this before where it's like i i have something to tell you and it's and it's serious and it's not funny and blah blah blah and and if you give me that look i know that i won't tell anybody right but kathy already knows the secret before it's out of your mouth yeah that's how diabolical and she's already live journaled it and sent it out to several blogs you know who's also the queen of this who peaches christ was like peaches was like you called me a gossip on the pod she's like i heard that you called me a gossip i was like you're gossiping now ho but the cat is gossip but kathy cannot be enough restraining order from secrets need to be implemented 500 mile radius if any sensitive information is is is offered also she loves she outed me yes she's the one who told people i was gay but not only that she she'll go through your medical history and that's right but she somehow has access to she was because she's my person who's my doctor jay gun is my covid doctor you have to subscribe to her only fans to get your results yeah oh my god that's a boon that's one medical if i ever heard of it hello thank you girl we talk so much shit about one medical when i do get sick and i go in there my primary care physician patrick is gonna be like i heard yeah well i heard you running your little mouth very by my little informally rich ass dire straits i like what roll up to solace health mama they just they roll out the red carpet dire straits dire straits which one of us flew coach recently x oh let's get into that to see let's have that conversation and you know what i flew it again last week oh shit i'm going to fly i am going through a personal call me beyonce because it's my renaissance i'm telling you guys i believe this is something the opposite of a renaissance it's a devolution i'm telling you guys transformation first class is a fucking scandal and a rub okay wait wait wait it is not that great but wait wait delta comfort plus kind of gives you what you need for not that much more money now this is a very relatable conversation relevant to every single one of our listeners not but i have to we have to distinguish first class it's not that simple we're on puddle jumpers mary puddle jumpers the seats you get two inches of leg room you may be dead peanuts maybe you get an orange juice yeah or like a or a seltzer with a hair in it the flight attendant comes by she pulls back my foreskin she takes a little iodine on a q-tip cleans off the crud and then she puts a bucket hat on me and chokes me out and i go to sleep i get put down that's comfort plus that's comfort plus you know unless until first class for what first class costs i'm not going to sleep i'm not going to sleep i'm not going to sleep i'm not going to sleep i'm not going to sleep i'm not going to sleep and first class prices have gotten so astronomical and for what first class costs until michael jackson's doctor is going to be coming seat by seat sky med sky med how many times do i have to and this was what fina and i were talking about in first class the other day hello and i could i couldn't hear because i was in the back of the plane yeah where they were having a mariachi band practice i you know on top of you girl but you know what like i was in the i got the exit row seat which obviously is fabulous exit row is amazing and baby mama listen to me on the on the 110 the 405 this was a puddle jumper there were basically no differentiation between these seats yeah it's fine it happened we were on tour very small and tracy goes well because we were delayed out of canada for what nine hours at the airport i think so yeah mama in front of they go the good news is we all have seats in the plane the bad news is one of you is not gonna be able to be in first class and my boyfriend was traveling with us so i was like you know what this is how we keep love alive i i volunteered as tribute i felt like katniss everdeen i felt like you i'm so sorry you were joan of arc she was a martyr she was a victim you were norma ray yeah you really stood up and you you you it's like you went to vietnam oh i think i boarded before you i think i boarded with the military vets did you i was like i'm getting on this plane did you get the purple heart before or after the flight oh well i didn't know because they had put me to sleep and the purple heart i passed it don't joke about that because this i know that these fucking technocrat billionaire oligarchs are already they got their nasty little fingers typing on their whatever their computers about sky med right and i am not going to be on the ground floor of that investment opportunity and i will be plucked but you don't have any money to put into it but it's my fucking idea i guess but like you think taking drugs in the sky is something you invented please don't get keep drugs it's not people do i know that that's something people do i'm talking about a spa experience oh right i'm talking about jennifer aniston yes smart water and this is where the differentiate the different the the the whatever you call it differentiation between levels of first class depending on the airline and the flight say you've got you're on a puddle jump ryan air ryan air air lingus air lingus ryan air they got stand-up seats now girl i saw i seen it and it said it's nine dollars honestly nine dollars what could go wrong but girl you know what you do though they probably strap you in you put on your hannibal lecter mask i just they're like nuts you're like you can't can't get them they try to throw them through the holes oh my god they dropped the gas the gas mask down but they're not going to let you in they're going to let you in that's it's like a donut on a string like at a carnival and you just like have to bob through the hannibal yeah but then time flies before you know you're on the tarmac girl and that's what they put the propanol propathol on the donut yeah and that's how you get administered your okay so i'm flying air pookie i'm flying air pookie crystal air crystal no no no so here's the here's the setup and this is very the ethic now the the the the pages and stacks and stacks of legal are just so enormous right so that alone is going to be you know the medical waivers them all that shit it's just going to be so much to get through but if we blade runner into the future say 50 years 500 years it's imagine a concierge health um uh concierge spa experience in the air so you have nurse practitioners right you have an md on the of course and then you have um treatments like so in a first class on an emirates which i would we were both at one time so privileged to fly it is insane it's truly insane it's ultra luxury it's outrageous but you have a whole no jennifer aniston though no she was not there but i took two showers yeah but so in the showers were bigger than my my apartment by the way the took him home with you you know took it right off the wall imagine so it had i had three flight attendants tend to me it was it was like well one for each hole three pretzels like uh i got whole i got three holes like a pretzels three holes you know which hole to use always sometimes never always sometimes The belly button is always? No, I'm talking about one of my pussy holes. Always, sometimes. Right. That gave me pause. That gave me pause. I'll always do oral. That gave me pause. Sometimes I'll use my wiener, and I will never use my butt. That gave me pause. Let's take a break. Okay, so just bear with me for two seconds, or two minutes. So, the ticket is astronomical. So, say all first classes are astronomical. And they all fluctuate, which I don't understand how that's ethical. I don't want to get into it. But, like, it's like, oh, we're booking travel for two years in the future. It's going to be 18 grand. Oh, but then two days after that, it's going to be $300. Girl, what the fuck is that? Or, sometimes, it'll be like, the early flight is thousands of dollars less. And then if you fly a couple hours later, it's double. Two dollars. Or, yeah. More. Yeah. And so, a lot of times, when I buy my own flights, I'll be taking whatever's the cheapest. Like, I'll take that hateful early flight, because sometimes it's so much less money. Yeah. Now, we're in a very unfortunate position where, like, business class, like, business people, like those gross, nasty, fat guys who drink margaritas at, like, seven in the morning. Their companies pay for all these flights. Do you understand how much, like, a round-trip flight, L.A. to London right now, in first class, is like. $12,000? Easily. $17,000. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. But with SkyMed, we're bumping that up to $30,000. And here's why. You have a dedicated nurse practitioner, MD on board, and so they can. Say you have an 18-hour flight to Singapore, New York to Singapore, longest flight you can take. That is a long time. Yeah. That is a long time. So, they charge into wonderful food and everything. They're giving you liquid IV drips, vitamins, whatever. And then, Mr. Rabinowitz, would you like to. Is it time for you to, you know, die? Not die, but, like. And then they put a little volume in your IV, and you go to sleep. Will they treat other things? Like, what if I get on the plane with, like, a fissure? Yeah. Oh. They do surgery, but it's in the back with the dancing, like, in the lounge. Right. Right. Right. It's very Crimes of the Future. Yes. People stand around and watch the surgery. You can listen to it, but on headphones. So, you're respectful. And Kristen Stewart's always there. Yes. There's a guy who swings eyes shut. Yeah. Something like that. Putting ears on the forehead, wiggling. No, but I'm telling you, it's like, rather than. Because what really happens is rich people get on, they take their own goofballs, they have cocktails, and they just. That's what the rich people do. Yeah, yeah. Rich people take the big fat value. Anybody. Have a glass of wine. Yeah. It's like when I went to Australia, like, three or four years ago, I took. A whole Xanax, which is like two milligrams. It's a lot. And then I didn't have a cocktail, so I don't drink, but I was out. Maybe. And they told me, like, we thought you died. Like, I was dead. I had the early. You know how you can, like, eat early and then go to bed? Oh, yeah. You always get the early meal. Yeah, yeah. Because then it's drawn out. Yeah, it's too much. Although, if it's a long flight, try to stay up for the meal because, like, it's going to be hard to sleep. Even in the flat seats, which are lovely. Yeah. Flat seats on International is amazing. I don't care if it's. It could be a wooden plank. It could be a plank with spikes. I will bring my padding. I will bring my drag padding. I will do anything. But the ability to lie horizontal cannot be overstated. That is an extreme luxury. I just think, honestly, lately I've been thinking the Comfort Plus. You get the extra snacks. You get the extra drink service. You get extra leg room. You get the priority boarding. You even get your own dedicated, I think, bag area. I just think as far as, like, what's worth it, it's like Comfort Plus is not that much more and you get a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. First class is so much more. Yeah. And it's also. But it depends, though. Even if they give you everything, bitch, you're still on a plane. You're still on a plane. It sucks. Even, listen, I am so ungrateful. I'm such a piece of shit. You are. That even I can. Give me any situation that is the best of any world and I will tell you 10 things I hate about it. So, but on our puddle jumpers recently. These basketball players got on and I have never felt so bad for them. Oh, that's so. They're seven feet tall. That's awful. Six, six and above. They were literally, while they were walking onto the plane like this. That's horrible. You didn't see them? No. Oh, my God. There was like. I was in the back. No, they went to the back. They went to the coach or economy or whatever. They don't call it coach anymore. But they were literally having to hunch just to walk through. Imagine what it felt like sitting down. Like, well, you know what I mean? That sucks. I feel bad for them because even if they sat in the first class, it sucks if you're that tall, right? Yes. I hit my head three times. I always hit my head coming out of the seat. I don't know what it is. Every time I get up, I hit my head on the ceiling. Every time. Everyone sees it. I don't react. My eyes are tearing because it hurts so bad. I have blood in my face. No one says anything. Three times. Both flights. And I'm like, I swear, I better not hit my head when I get up. I just feel like I'm going through a renaissance with the airplanes where I'm like, they all suck. Every seat sucks. And the gouge. The gouge is so fierce. But why don't you get the vendors and the bookers and the promoters to pay for the gouge? Because they're all skimming and scamming. Everybody's scamming and scheming. I guess. But on our trips, we pay for our own. It comes out of our own budget. Our own travel. Comfort Plus it is then. You guys, if you see us in Comfort Plus, just know that we're loving it. I did it for Fina because that woman, as she has now slimmed down dramatically and is living a very different life. I mean, imagine, imagine. Imagine the grip. So we were delayed for so long. I'm fuming. I'm spiraling. I'm ready to have a gun and kill myself. She is living. She was so grateful, so happy just to like be up and like, you know, have some like decent room and, and you know, whatever. Yeah. And I was like, damn, that's a great, that's a great lesson. Not to be a cunt. Not to be a cunt. An ungrateful bitch. I was in the lovely exit row and I, I will say. Are you prepared to help if that, an emergency? That's what I kept thinking. As I got drunker, um, I. And I took all my pills. Well, I love you. Luckily I had the, there was gays who knew what our situation was. So the gay flight attendants kept coming back and being like, do you guys need extra snacks and drinks? I was like, yes, I do. Yes, I do. Jeannie. Thank you. Do you need a little IV of a Valium? But if you're used to getting a glass of wine every time it's, every time it gets even close to empty, if you're used to a flight attendant refilling it, that's not what's going on back there in 21A. No. They're like, any water? They just throw it. You got to turn the, you got to turn the, I had to crack the exit door just to get the flight attendant to come over. Can we get a little cross? Do you have any char today? It was like, very bad. I'll open it. You bring that bottle over here and they come, they bring, they give me a room temp canned wine. Oh, I, is the, that's a good question. Is the alcohol any good on a flight? I mean, no, but like booze is booze. Where are you going to go to the plane next door? Booze is booze. Is it really? Well, Cristal Champagne? Veuve Clicquot? I mean, I don't know. If you're on the plane. It's the Belvedere playing tricks on you. Well, you're not supposed to bring your own booze and that's kind of a rub. You're not supposed to rub on the airplanes too because it's illegal to bring your own alcohol. But can't you? Of course I do it. Wait, so you can't bring it through security. Right. Because it's a bomb. And you can't drink your own alcohol on the plane. Like, even if you had the best intentions, it's illegal. And it's duty free. There's no way to buy it. You can't. Yeah. They take the duty free before you get on the plane if it's alcohol, I believe. Because that's why you always see them handing you the bag when you get off the plane. I hate that. But they don't want people to be blacked out and you already see all these videos of people on the plane like being belligerent. Well, yeah. You just can't give people unfettered access to alcohol or they won't act right. That's why the nurse practitioner, the psychiatrist, the MD psychiatrist, and the MD physician are on board. They know what to do. If you start acting all crazy, mama, they just, they do a little propofol. I want it to be like. The strains. They do the muzzle. Right. Cashmere muzzle. I want them to get masks. Yeah. One of those latex full body gift things. They suspend you. Oh, yeah. Hooks in the back. I think. It's very sentimental. It's very centibite. It's very centibite. And there's a way. When you sign the waiver, there's in bold. If you don't act right, the chains will come out. I think. I don't know. I mean. Skyman. I want it to be like Kathy Griffin in the Slim Shady video where like a nurse walks by with the little. Wait, wait. What? Like a nurse. Kathy Griffin in the Slim Shady video. Yeah. She's in the real Slim Shady video. The Eminem song. Yes. Kathy Griffin. Yes. Kathleen Griffin. Yes. What is she doing? She plays the nurse. He's in a psychiatric hospital. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And she plays the nurse. Got it. Right? Yeah. Okay. I agree. If I don't know about Kathy Griffin and her relation to Eminem, what do I know about? Let's see. Oh, nice. Kathleen Joanne Elizabeth Griffin. Anyway, there's a part where I think she's like, they have like pills and they have the Dixie cups and they're just taking the pills and throwing them in the cups. I want the flight attendants to walk by in little nurse outfits with your Dixie cup of your goofballs. And then you swell them. And then it's like, yeah, you're just like the loony bin. Like you're going to show the air rehab. That's another one. Uh, but see, here's the thing though. You get off the plane completely free of drugs. No, no, no. See, that's the thing. If you now with the psychiatry, with a, with a, with a, with a licensed medical doctor and a psychiatrist referral, you can get on, say you're going to Singapore for rehab. You are twisted. You're in, I'm not a great space. 18 hours is a lot could happen in 18 hours in terms of detox. Right. Detoxifying the body. Usually you're held for 24 hours. Hours in detox or two days. Well, they're doing those cups too. They do the back cups, the, the backups, the suction. Oh, on the back get those purple welts and that's how the crack comes out of your skin right the toxins girl they're doing acupuncture with they do the suction on the back they take the cup off they scrape it off they put that on some foil and they it's a fentanyl patch and then yes and then our it's like would you like to uh be woken up for breakfast or your coffee enema an hour before we land oh my god it rupaul's they're giving people red wine colonics don't you think coffee enema coffee enema because when you land for your business meeting that starts in half an hour after the plane lands you gotta be pert and ready can i tell you i where's all the shit go i got so constipated last week me too i'm reaching a point in my life where i just don't think i can have um i can have cheese wait wait no of course you can't it just stops me up entirely cheese is bad so i think i have to go on the cheese gotta go don't get to go no i don't have cheese i have to live a cheese free life and i'm perfect i had to drink something that you got this whole water this this fluid and then it tells you like in 30 to 30 minutes to five hours you will have a movement milk of magnesia and i know it was something crazy and it was like something citrate something citrate and i googled it and it said like i was reading reddit like has anybody tried this does it help when you're stopped up the comment was like when this hits you're about to you better be home lift you're gonna lift three or four inches off the bowl because you better be the blast will be hydro like hydro uh what do you call it hydrocephalic hydro hydro hydro hydro planking no it's um hydraulic hydraulic hydraulic shitting so they were like you better be home when it happens and i didn't i couldn't be home because i had plans to go see lee cronin's the mummy with juno burke in white jeans well no so juno gets cronin's the mummy is so funny to me girl lee daniel's the butler lee cronin the money you know why they do that it's like it's it's disputes over titles oh because the mummy the mummy like they couldn't call it the butler warner brothers but it was a whole thing so they call it lee daniel's the butler i thought the directors like wanted that no it was a huge dispute between the weinstein company and and it was a whole thing interesting same thing with the mummy lee cronin's the mummy is so funny to me lee cronin's the mummy where is she in the she in the movie lee well juno birch comes over and i go i just like feel like i want to tell you um because we're on like a double date her boyfriend my boyfriend we're all here to go on a lovely date love um and we're all gonna go and i go i just have to tell you guys i took this medicine and then i learned online that this is about to hit you are so wild so before we go to the movie it does hit everything it's great love it thank god thank god did you bring a cork plug for your butt no i just said like we're good and i was like if i have to leave during this movie at least they all know what i'm doing right coke coke and like were you people doing coke in your bathroom so did you blast during the movie does that make sense uh no i didn't blast during the movie but i will say you need to see this movie because lee cronin is going to be tried for his crimes i heard it was really bad no it's it's very drag me to hell is it it's very gumming the face yeah you shamed me puking it's it's he's the same i believe that's the same director who did the the mommy version of the evil dead evil dead rises yeah it's very evil dead rises it's very family horror okay dead body reanimation horror my my daughter went to egypt she came back the mummy lee cronin's the mummy pretty much pretty much love that it is a mummy story but it's kind of more of like a possession story it was scary it was fun loved it scares not egregiously okay scary and it's kind of sick okay and what's his name who's in it lee cronin no no no the actor who is in 50 shades and a barb and star that's jamie jamie dornan my birthday twin he's so beautiful this is this is really i think it's him jack raynor damn that's not him but shout out to jamie dornan because he is born on the same exact day that i am we're both made first 1982 he's the boyfriend the boyfriend in midsommar i'm sorry that's who it's midsummer but he's so beautiful and um you really think oh yeah he is his gourd cutie gorge it was it was a good movie it was fun and i didn't get the d box so i would love to um you went to the cinema the cinemaplex well juno said i said you want to hang out and she said well yeah what do you want to do and she said well i kind of want to see lee cronin's the mummy i said okay we'll go so it was like her idea really interesting i should have invited you no i'm just all the times i've said we should go to the movies you say i don't go to the cinema yeah but it was juno she's never here it's what she wanted do i have to become a british transsexual in order to get you to go to the movies with me you have to become interesting and have some compelling arguments about why i should go but you other than the popcorn and the magic of film i've never felt shocked and betrayed right now okay cool i've never felt so shocked i have a hard time every single time that she says we're on this pod she says i don't go to the movies i don't but i had to see lee cronin's the mummy do you understand and i don't want to leave the butler if you know about me and you know about lee cronin when it says lee cronin in front of a movie i'm sad i'm going yeah if it was lee cronin's the room lee cronin's the wizard of oz cronin's lee daniel's the butler right lee cronin's the witch like lee cronin's lee cronin's the butler i'm going um lee cronin is it was it was really good and lee cronin really you would think it's about the mummy it's really about lee cronin it's a lee cronin story and i just want to tell you guys at home forget everything you think you know because all of that goes out the window lee cronin said my audience knows me too well how am i going to beat my mother i'm british so it's my mummy but i sat directly behind the boxes and remember the seats that i told you about that go like this not the not the dune spike kill you at the gomja bar so this time i sat behind the d boxes because i didn't want to sit in the i think i mixed what i did this time to you know i'm on a save a little money tour i put my foot up on the d box so when movement happened i still got to experience something so you you um siphon gas out of the d box literally i was somebody who sits outside the concert and listens to the music yeah have you ever seen that clip of that girl outside that taylor swift concert in the parking lot and she starts sobbing when a song starts oh yeah she's at a restaurant three blocks away but i so i'm at the d box put my big toe on the seat and they don't know i was like whoa actually you could have added to their experience by kicking them a little bit there was no one up there oh no one wants the d box i think the d box is too abusive why didn't you just get in the d box because i knew i didn't want it but i just want to oh i see i see that no no that makes sense that makes sense and juno i was telling her about it so that the seats start moving and she goes oh and i'm like the mummy like that's like when lee cronin is in here with a d-pad no he's in the projection booth with a with a little floor lee cronin's holding up those seats because let me tell you and i know lee when lee cronin gets involved in a production the the inspiration is boundless the commitment to the bit is unreal you might if you watch the movie closely the reason it's not lee it's not lee the reason it's not jamie dornan it's lee cronin she's playing every role he he oh well well versatility we don't i don't assume people's gender journey in 2026 you should see it though i i left thinking kachi's gonna love this movie i well i was i was busy at the cinema plex um with some f words i watched mother mary with annie hathaway oh how did you like that um it was it was um i liked it i would give it a b okay i would give it a b annie hathaway god i love her mckayla cole that woman is a freaking phenomenal actress jesus christ the camera loves her face and she is so compelling she's every word you're just like everything she says is she's so riveting she's so riveting it's like a play it's like a play okay um there's some david lowry who did the green night every shot of that is so gorgeous a little slow for for most people what is it called the green night gorgeous lee cronin's the green it was a lee daniels butler's lee presents lee cronin's the green night featuring mother mary and um lee cronin's mommy mary um it's about a pop star and her collaborator so we actually very relatable to us it would be like you and amy oh and um or like um me and andrew so it was like um it was like a a pop star and her collaborator uh fashion like um say like lady gaga and alexander mcqueen or something like that you know what i mean um that was a bad example but you know what i'm saying and she shows up and she needs a dress for performance basically she's a pop star and it's hard to do pop stars and pop songs in movies that's one of the hardest things to pull we talked about in smile they did a good job it's about two that i think that's one in smile too well daily daniels presents the butler right yeah it's hard i think they pulled it off mostly um it was very in fabric plus um smile like smiley fabric it was like in smiley fabric right it was kind of that vibe where it was like it got a little ghosty but i don't know i think it bit off more than dick and shu and i wasn't super satisfied by the ending but they ate it was it was cute i don't know things were eaten things were eaten i was really looking forward to it i really got gassed up for it but then i lowered my expectations thank god i annie hathaway though love her i do that's good michaela coles cunty but hunter schaefer's in it for one second which leads me to my next question to you it's it's it's a beg are you asking if i'm watching that no no i'm begging you to i'm begging you on my knees to watch euphoria girl you think i'm gonna start now no no no no no no no i only want you to watch two clips and i'll just describe them and it'll be brief i swear imagine picture it a rooftop pool okay cassie the big titted city sydney Sweeney. Simpy Sweepy. Simpy Sweepy is driving a red convertible along the Pacific Coast highway. Sweeping shot Nancy Meyers movie, like music. Rolls up to a rooftop pool in LA with a bikini on, waiting for her friend from high school, Maddie, who is literally 35 years old now, four years after college. I mean, four years after high school. The actress, Alexa Demi, is played by So this season, is it? It's about four or five years after high school. Oh, okay. Because they're high schoolers in the show, right? It's five years after high school, so she's 35 in real life, playing a 25 rolled. Very Netflix. She shows up in a fur coat. And before that, there's a shot of her in a green car looking out the window at Simpy, who's getting out of the car. And it's like 70s film grain noir. Motif all of a sudden. And then there's a slow-mo shot of her coming into the pool with a full-length sable coat on and glasses to the most sweeping, epic Disney soundtrack. It is so fucking crazy. It is so insane. Good crazy? It's not boring. It's not boring. I mean, whether they're swallowing dozens of balls of condoms of fentanyl and then shitting them out into colanders, in episode one? I feel like people are saying that they are confused by the season. That's the people on Twitter thinking that. It is a colorful, super, highly saturated, color-drenched shitshow. 100%. But I'll tell you this. Zendaya is a phenomenal actress because there is no physical differentiation between her and Dune in this. No makeup, no hair, really. She doesn't wear any makeup in either show. Not really. Two totally different characters. She's incredible. She's the only one that actually looks like she could pass for 24. Lee Cronin's euphoria. You would, if I showed you some clips, you would, it's crazy. It's crazy. I feel like people aren't liking it, but sometimes it's bad. It's objectively bad. But it's like when people are like, they hate this Taylor album, they hate Euphoria. I was like, maybe you're just growing, growing up, changing tastes. And maybe you're realizing the thing you used to like, you liked it for reasons other than the supreme quality. Of course. Which are still valid reasons. But what's interesting about this show is that because it's been four or five years, these people now are superstars. Jacob Elordi, for example, I feel like his performance is so, critics and everybody is noticing his performance is so wooden that it's as if he lobotomized himself before he gets on set every day because it's just like, he's barely there. Checked out, it seems. All these people are superstars. Hunter Schaefer, Zendaya. They're mad that they have to be doing it. She's like the modern day Julia Roberts. She's got to go back to the slop. She's doing a great job, though. I mean, they got to be doing something right. I've never seen it, so I can't really say. It's very, it's just sensational, it's splashy, it's sexy. A lot of it seems like, um, porn, like, like the, the, ooh, I want to just, I want to film some porn. And that's what they're doing, because it's very, very sexy and sexual and weird and crazy. A lot of violence, a lot of boobs and ass and titties and drugs and all that stuff. It's not boring. I'll just say that. Pigs, Nazis. There's pigs and Nazis in Euphoria? Yeah, there's, um, the, the, Rue is Zendaya. She gets sold from the Nazi drug dealers to, the, um, the owner of a strip club with this, uh, black kingpin named Alamo. And Laurie, who is the, the, the white bitch, calls him a pig on the phone. And so he sends a pig over to her house, um, while one of the, uh, neo-Nazis is banging some bitch from behind Faye. And then the, the pig is pooping and it has a little sign on it that says, remember the Alamo. And that's, like, not even the, that's, like, the below part of the episode. Okay, that makes more sense, because people have been doing that to me left and right. I was like, where do people get this from? Do you know what I mean? I was like, another pig? All those pot-bellied pigs. I was like, do I not watch enough TV? You know, I was like, what is this? And why do I shit out Fentanyl every day? Yeah, I don't know. No, I gotta show you the clip, though, because it's just, from a directorial cinematic point of view, it's batshit. The thematic tonal shifts that happen within seconds are like, what are you, what is happening here? It's just so crazy. I guess I'm gonna have to watch it. And maybe now, since it's on season three, I could start from the beginning and catch up. I wouldn't even bother. What? I bet you gotta see the beginning. I mean, you, probably, yes, you absolutely would have to, for any of it to make sense. Yeah. But the Alexa Demi thing is so funny. Painted like a drag queen, like, more makeup than you have on. This woman is, she's like a widow. Late 60s. She's playing a former high schooler. Like, she literally, it's just so crazy. You don't have to watch it. I've been watching, what have I been watching? I watched that neighbor's show you told me to watch. Crazy. I couldn't, I was so, it was so triggering. The guy who wants to go to the nudist colony? That one I didn't see. But the vampire guy, the guy with the vampire fangs and then the bearded bard? Yeah. They were so destined to be best friends. Did you like the guy that dueling houses who decorate for Halloween? I didn't see that one either. There's only like six episodes, Mary. I saw three. Oh. I think four is the Halloween one and the last one, six, is the craziest one of all of them. Is that the private property? The private property one? That's the one with the guy who like, all those neighbors are like, you need to put some clothes on. He's like an old guy. And then he goes to live in a nudist colony, falls in love, and she doesn't reciprocate. That was me. With the cat shit? Well. Get the cat shit out of there. A lot of cat shit. A lot of cat shit. But those the adrenochrome Pizzagate vampire people? Yeah. And then the bearded bard and his family? They were destined to be great buddies. Don't you think? The editing on that neighbor's show is so skitto. It reminds me of the sections from Weapons featuring the crackhead. Where everything's like so fast and crazy. And then they do like that weird like when he's like, I believe, you know, going on his manifesto. But don't you think that those two, this is probably so riveting for people in the 405 where I haven't seen it. No, people want to know what we're watching. Okay. Why are you watching Euphoria? Because I watched the first two seasons. Oh, you did? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was glued to the TV. Did you like the first two seasons? Yeah, I loved it. Oh, okay. I loved it. I can't tell if people are saying this show's getting crazy and not good or has it always been crazy? It's always been crazy. It's always now, but before the issue was this is hyper-sexualized high schoolers. Now, Alexa Demi doesn't count because she was 48 at the time of filming five years ago. Right. Now she's in her early 60s. Right. She went through a wormhole. I'm telling you, it's crazy. It's crazy. She's my age. She's my age. She didn't go to college. Four years after high school, she's me, 44 years old. It's crazy. But that's like movie stars and everything. Beverly Hills 90210, Gabrielle Carteris, who played Andrea, she was famously like 40 years old as a high school student. Damn. Yeah. They were old. They were old high schoolers. Okay, I believe you. Well, I think it's hard to get teenagers to play because they the labor laws, the labor laws with real teenagers is like, when you're under 18, you can't like work a full work day. You know what I mean? I think of how long days are on set. Imagine if it was all actual children. Well, they could just get to hire twins. Twins. Like the boys, the guy who plays Homelander's son, I think is a twin. That's why he's in everything. He's a twin. Oh, interesting. I'm watching season four of The Boys now, but obviously I have to wait. I hate when I'm watching a show and I have to wait every week. Mary, I've almost, I think I'm almost done with The Boys and that show jumped the sharks so fiercely. It, she, she took, she took, it jumped over that shark. What is it? What is this expression? It jumped. It jumped the shark. Yeah. It fucked the shark. It jumped the, it fucked the shark. Yeah. It robbed her. It, it fucked her. You turned down it. Lee Cronin's The Boys. You don't like it? Lee Cronin's the shark. No, it's like, no, I mean, I just thought it like. I love the effects. You know what I think about a lot? The splashy violence is fun, but it's so like just running around in circles. What the fuck is Starlight? What about her? Now she's a symbol for the rebellion. Yeah, but what is she doing? She's a reluctant hero like Katniss Everdeen. Like, oh, but I can summon like 2,600 volts of electricity. Just give me 10 minutes. She's learning to fly now. Everybody else can do so much cooler stuff. I know. Well, it's hard because Homelander really is like so fierce. Well, I guess Soldier Boy's fiercer than him, really. But I read all those books and I love those books, but I and also really like Sister Sage, this super smart person. The funny thing, when she has to give herself a frontal lobotomy to have sex. That was gross. That was really disgusting. What about crawling into the pee hole, sneezing, and blowing them up? That was fierce. That was fierce. Love that. I don't like the big long dick. Love sauce. passage. Don't love it. That's not a superpower. That's a liability. It depends who you ask. I think it's a superpower. We have to be a line around the block. Go down the bathroom alley, honey, and just let them chew on it. You'd have to shake them all off. They'd be climbing like a tree. Dip it in some syrup and just let them. Take it, our bears in space. Got an Aspenhoff. Just skip the line at the door. Take yourself to the ceiling. Just let it hang down the warehouse. I like the boys. I'm excited to see how it's going to end. I wonder, I've been thinking about this a lot, how do MAGA people, Trumpy people, because they love superhero stuff, but when they're watching the boys. It's a little heavy-handed, though. But do they like it, or do they think it's funny, or are they so dense that they don't get that it's obviously them? I don't know. That's a good question. One thing I just. This is just a personal thing, I guess. With all due respect to the actor, I can't stand Butcher's voice. It just feels like he's doing a Cockney impersonation. It's pretty heavy-handed. It's so heavy-handed. It's like he's doing the lock, stock, and barrel, like a guy Richie, like, SNL skit every time he opens his mouth. But I'm really horny for World Combat 2. He's playing Johnny Cage. See, I hope it's a little turned. Well, what do you think about this Street Fighter versus. Mary, the movies I'm excited for right now, I can't even tell you about. Street Fighter? You can't tell me about them? Street Fighter. Yeah, yeah. Orville Pack and Street Fighter. Street Fighter. Overpack. Overpack. Orville Pack. Mortal Kombat 2. Mortal Kombat 2. The new Hunger Games movie. Hunger Games. Obviously. Obviously. That's about it. Okay, but. Those are the three movies I'm really excited for. No, but that's good, though. There's the Mortal Kombat, the first one, I quite enjoyed it. Loved it. I loved this Mortal Kombat from, like, what, 2022 or something? It was the one where Sub-Zero was kind of the. Scorpion was, like, the hero-ish. Yeah. Right? Sub-Zero was the villain villain. This new Mortal Kombat game, Mortal Kombat 1, I think it's called, that's been out for, like, a couple years, is low-key but very high-key, I think, the best Mortal Kombat game. It's just the one where you can be Daffy Duck. No, no. That is just so wild. Like, you could be Paula Deen. You know, those ones where you can literally. They expand the universe of characters so fiercely. Oh, you could definitely do that. They have, like, Jason. They have, like. Art the Clown. They have me and you. They have, like. Homelander. Homelander's in. I know! They have Paula Deen. They have Celebrity Chef Paula Deen. They don't have Paula Deen. They have Katy Perry. No, no. I mean, it's. The expansion is so intense. They have Gale King. Yeah, Gale King and Oprah. Oh, Gale King and Oprah. They have Lee Cronin, actually. They have Lee Cronin. They have Lee Daniels the butler. Get Lee Cronin down here. And Gladys. Lee Cronin's the mummy versus Lee Daniels the butler. Lee Cronin's the weapons. So, I. Oh, shit. Lee Cronin is gonna watch this and be like, I don't get why this is so funny. Well, then he needs to talk to Lee Daniels. I'm telling you, listen. No. I'm excited for Mortal Kombat. I'm excited for Street Fighter because I am curious to see what level of camp and. What's the right word? I guess camp that they're going to. Are they gonna stick that landing? I'm excited to see if Orville Peck is gonna get us embedded in the premiere. Not a chance. Lee Cronin. I'll get on Lee Cronin's list and I'll show up. Will you get. We need to pull some of your mummy strings and go. If you guys don't get me an invite to that, there's gonna be some street fighting, bitch. Thank you. And if you don't make a good offer, I'm gonna go down to Mortal Kombat to that premiere with my titties out. And Lee Daniels the butler is gonna get you served. Lee Daniels is gonna bring Karl Urban over here. Over here? What about Keith Urban? Well, she's gonna be coming down with his wife. You sent me, as well as 2,700 other people, that Nicole Kidman has announced she's training to be a death doula. Love. Love. This woman could not get more precious than my heart, mind, or soul. She's training to be a death doula. This woman could not get any fiercer. But can I tell you, I think she'd actually be good at it because let's say you're dying. You have all your regrets. You're surrounded by pudgy grandchildren. You're scared. I don't think she's. Nicole Kidman walking in. Great distraction, number one. Yes. Number two, she has a wig on. She has a box of wigs. She says, what wig do you want to wear? Yeah. She takes a clown wig, puts it on your head, and then they bring in some jello, and she crosses her legs. She's like, sorry. We have a new Practical Magic movie coming out. Would you like to see a screener? By the way, I'm going to choke you to death. New Practical Magic coming in September. We got Stalker Channing in it. Yes. And Diane. And we got Lee Cronin. I tweeted out randomly Sandy Bullock, and then that thing appeared. Practical Magic 2 and Practical Magic 2. I have. I. I'm excited. I'm excited, yet I remain skeptical, as they always do. I'm excited. I'm excited. Nicole Kidman, this country begs for reboots and then shreds them apart when they happen. And I just hate to be a hater. So I'm going to go with Perfect Love and Perfect Trust. I'm a certified hater. I'm a critic. I'm not a hater. I don't want to hate needlessly or uselessly, but I am a critic. I will be critical. That is my right as a movie cinema goer. Paying $48,000 for that ticket. My $6,200. If I'm going to see Lee Cronin's Practical Magic 2, I'm getting that D-Box. And I want to be skyrocketing. I mean, they better have a propofol thing. What if Lee Cronin's mummy mummied you up? Girl, what if? What if they wrapped you up? What if? In order to get unmummied, you've got to see Practical Magic. Well, they have the D-Box and they have the Lee-Box. Lee-Box, you sit on Lee Cronin's lap. What about the P-Box? Wait, wait. Moral comment, I'm bricked. I'm very skeptical about Street Fighter, although I am very excited. I'm worried about Street Fighter because of Orville. You know, he is in horrible physical shape. And he's been struggling. He's always unattractive. He's not good at exercise. Terrible physique. And his voice is just. Unprofessional. Always talking about girls. However, Jason Momoa is in it as well. I don't know if you know anything about Jason Momoa. I do. I watched some DC films recently. Aquaman? I watched Aquaman. Yeah, can you. I didn't watch Aquaman. Did you have. Oh, no, no, no. I watched Dawn of Justice. Is that the Superman vs. Batman one, Dawn of Justice? I watched that. Aquaman is. I can't. You didn't watch Justice League. He is so shredded in these movies. Can you believe his body is. Oh, he's. I mean, he's so beautiful. But his. I mean, he's. He famously says that he, like, doesn't work out unless he's got a movie and they make him. I, as a man, could not be seen or photographed next to that person. It would. If I see a specimen, a male specimen, like, I go home. Hello, darkness, my old friend. Like, I'm that person's gender. Yeah. We're both male. Right, right. If that's a man, what the fuck am I doing? Well, I have a similar problem, but I'm totally different. If I were to be photographed or in the proximity vicinity, I would say a half a mile of him. The vortex, the psychic pull, the gravitational thing that would. I wouldn't be able to control my head going up his ass. Right. And I would be jailed. I would be jailed, and rightly so. Yeah. I mean, I loved the movie Justice League. I had never seen it. I watched the extended cut, which is four hours long. Oh, the Snyder Cut? The Snyder Cut was like four hours long. Is that the one when they had to digitally take off Henry Cavill's mustache? When I tell you, I thought it would just be like a bunch of extra scenes. Yeah. I've seen both. It was a whole other plot line? It's a completely different movie, including completely different takes of the same dialogue. Do they fuck? Yeah, of course. It's Lee Cronin's Justice League. Of course. Lee's going to bring it every time. Lee doesn't let you leave the theater on set. Lee is going down here to the AMC and says, you come to this place for magic. And no exception. Pour it out for Lee Cronin because that motherfucker gives it to you every time. You think she's going to have some kind of we come to this place for practical magic ad? I don't think so. Okay. I think, I do know that they made Sandy Bullock join Instagram to promote this damn movie. So one of her six assistants. She needs to go to the RuPaul School of Reels. Mary, I was a little feeling a little sad under the weather depressed the other day. I just pop on Reels by MissRuPaul.com and I just, I just can't. It's like Prozac? Throw it away. Girl. Well, Buterin? Gone. Crushed. In the trash. I mean, like, like, Phylloxetine? Dead. Dead. Yeah. And amphetamines? Useless. But you know what? Because it's RuPaul's Instagram brought to you by Lee Cronin. You guys, we gotta go. The audience is so sick of us fucking saying Lee Cronin. If we ever run into Lee Cronin, he's gonna be like, what the fuck were you talking about me for an hour? You just gotta give me 20 seconds and that's all I ask. That's all I ask because I just need you to know. I just shoved a nuke up my pussy. That is, I mean, there's so many, there's so, like, there's so many, but there's one in particular instant serotonin boost for those who are, morbidly depressed. What do you wanna do with your life? I'm gonna show off my tits, daddy. She is so fucking crazy. She's so fucking crazy. June is busting out all over. In the parking lot, barefoot, running a mile with a shoe phone. But RuPaul's so tall, she, her mom's so tall, she's so fucking tall. for her. two blocks she clears about 8k in about 12 seconds it's just they keep coming and we don't deserve it oh yeah thank you Lee bye Lee bye