Taylor Tomlinson!

Stop the presses gang the American garbage special is out on YouTube right now numbers are cooking We thank everybody for their support keep sharing it. Keep telling everybody about it. We love you Yeah, and if you like what you saw we are on tour right now We're gonna be in Appleton, Wisconsin, San Jose, San Diego, Tacoma, Atlanta Fully hello springfield Fort Wayne, Connecticut, Arizona Tomonio Maryland Milwaukee Chicago Cincinnati Columbus all tickets available at regarbage.com if you got a garbage question come out and see the boy Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or Absolute trash Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley Everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcasts. This is are you garbage? Oh, yeah It's a little show. We sit there with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a good to be classy Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash trash trash. I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a beautiful day We're out back here at toe. He's in a new edition. She got into a six pack of lime readers. Okay, so I wouldn't wait on dinner All right fair enough. All right, whatever Who my coach is coming at you from right next to me. He's the CEO of your garbage international business man runs the show boss of the family My best pal, which comes in handy sometimes. Yeah, give it up for KJ Kevin James right a lot of gang shout out to you As always just make sure you rave you subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube full video available over there on Spotify And the boys are climbing the freaking charts over there on Spotify Then obviously the greatest website of all time W. W. W. That patreon dot com such are you garbage you go over there You get all that bonus content gang. That's right Kippie and gang. We could not be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guests Here was the day for the first time she is an extremely funny extremely successful stand-up comedian. Yes one of the one of the bench marks Pillars that we looked up to that we saw Hillary in our society got a brand new book out actually never mind give it up for Taylor Thomas Thanks for having me guys. I was very impressive I didn't know how to approach that because when we got up here in 2013 You were like cooking you were like in 2013. Yeah, no, not in 2013 more than we were Graduated high school in 2011, so that can't be true somewhere around me. Yeah Maybe like to check my yeah, no, it's all right. I'm like I'm trying to think I was like where was I in 2013 and I think when we were Slogging out in the village when we were up here We just remember see you were like you were like a company. You were like I think you were moving. That is not true, man Yeah, I really don't I want to yes, Angie so bad, but I'm telling you right now. She was 11 I guess I was I was not there yet. I don't think I had even been to New York at that age I think I'm so sorry No, this is no toilet. No, this is super camera. It's so pretty in 2013. I was 19 I think and I went I was full time at 21 and so I think I probably was coming to New York around when I was 21 Alright, whatever No, no, it's so nice you were you're the opposite of a creep you weren't paying attention to me when I was a teen. Yes This actually this actually turned out great for you. It would be weird if you knew where I was if this would have came out smoothly No, it was a good very smoothly. This was a test. I know it was a test and you passed. Thank you Always very impressed with your career. No, that's how you did it. How funny you were. Yes, amazing Thank you. That's nice. Yeah, you just met a few years later. Oh, no, no, I I was like I was on Drugs and I clearly was like the worst type of kid in school where I'm just like well actually it was this time and I like that though So that was annoying. Sorry my bad. No, it's perfect I just can't take credit for being successful any earlier than I was I have with you. I respect It's just very it's very him. I wouldn't have done it. I would have aged his back. He's talking about the 80s We were all we were always like damn. She's cooking. That's nice. That's really nice. Yeah I'm so sorry. No, I fucked this up. No, no, no, no, it's perfect I did this most episode. No, I don't help try to bog down a certain date or something it's way off that's totally okay I just don't want anyone listening to go. She's been successful. How long have they got up and they go? No, she wasn't she was total trash back that so you know, yeah, good stuff. Yeah, so yeah, please go back to the 70s Yes, yes, yes, when I was absolutely killing it. Yes, give us the the origin story You're back story where you grew up moms dad's California California, everyone thinks I'm from the Midwest, but it was California. It's just because I is that do you think I got a round friendly face Yeah, and everyone goes you must be kind from a cornfield And I'm not I thought that and I understand though and I do think it's people people tell me I sound like I have a Midwestern accent But I don't think that I do I think maybe central California sounds a little Midwestern sometimes, but I get that Yeah, but also L.A. Everybody's like you have an accent and you're like that's kindness that you're not familiar with I'm not an asshole. Yeah, that's the twang. You don't recognize But yeah, group in California more like central California than like southern California when I was you know 10 or whatever Okay, and then I started doing stand-up when I was 16 so I started in high school Yeah, yeah, I took a class I know well, you know or I was like focus sharp focus sharp No, there's a woman at our church who was gonna take a comedy class from like a Christian church comic And she's like told my dad she's like you guys should go and so we all took it as a family and me and my dad and this woman from our church Who was great and we all shout out Karen. We all took it together and Then started doing stand-up and that guy had me like open for him sometimes and I really felt it really feels like I fell into it It's really a weird weird origin story that for a long time. I was like this is not cool and let's move on I wanted like the cool like yeah, I started in high school enough sneaking into the comedy Yeah, it's a torture artist and going to CBGB. They were sneaking me shots, you know like but I didn't have it like that I was like performing in churches till I was like 18 I like that. Was it okay? Yeah, was it a religious upbringing very religious upbringing super sheltered Yeah, did you guys grow up religious at all Catholic yeah, not too crazy like serious about it or like Christmas We're all the guilt and stuff like that. Yeah, but is that still is that still in there the Catholic guilt lady? I'm a mess I was gonna ask I was like I'm so sorry Because I beat myself up for literally everything even if it's nothing So I do relate on that level, but no, it's just very very Christian growing up. Yeah, so it also made sense Why was only allowed to perform in churches makes sense as a kid? Yeah, yeah, yeah, what's your mom a dad do my mom? Well, my mom died when I was a kid and then that's all right and then my Dad had a couple different job. He was a music teacher when I was really young. Okay, um, and then it went into like real estate Was he in the band in the church at all did he play? No, I don't think he did I'm not sure I don't think he did no, but he was very good singer and played piano and all that stuff But I have no can you guys sing or do anything? He's good. He's a talented musician. Yeah, a bit really what do you play guitar guitar? I did cool man. I really if someone kind of annoying Do you do insist on playing stuff at parties and so no, but I'll throw it in their face a little bit You'll go I could play that if I wanted if I want but I won't because I'm not a dead hold doing things sometimes like is that a G I think this is a g-court You're like pretend you don't know like the rest of us, you know better than us because you know what the g-court is Exactly, no, I wish I was better. I faked my way through eight years of band. I was so bad at it We're in band would you play I played clarinet and then trump it for a couple years, then I was terrible at both I'm so bad. What a what a wholesome up. Yeah, so wholesome and Daniel's wholesome face. It's not cool at all I like it when people like admit it. I like when people just go. Yeah, I was cool. It's more of a Embarrassing thing because like I peaked in high school No, you're very successful You you were more successful than this in high school I heard my podcast in high school I talked about it all the time. Yeah, he's uh, you know, I'm a loser. Yes, Chris You're like I was playing guitar in the end zone You were see I knew it. I heard guitar. I heard cool in high school And I bet you were fucking scoring goals too rolled up my jeans rolls up your champ Well, you got a roll up your jeans. Were you cool? I was cool. Yeah enough. I was more of a, you know The hanging out smoking sigs type type. Oh, that's cool drinking beers are a little tortured soul. You know, I mean dark. Yeah, no not at all I was a fat kid who is trying to smoke cigarettes. It was not cool. I wasn't cool at all I was in mock trial and banned. Wow, here's a band for my life Wow, not good. How big was the school you went to was it a big school? That's pretty big big I think my graduating class in high school was like 800 kids Yeah, it's big, right? I mean, I heard that somewhere and I just went that's gonna be my answer forever So I hope that's accurate. I have no idea. Did you guys have lunch outside like in Disney shows? We had lunch outside like a Disney shows. Yeah, cuz California, right? I always wanted that. I always wanted indoor lunch Really? I wanted like a locker and stuff. We didn't have lockers. No, we didn't have lockers outside like in karate kid I don't think we even had lockers outside It is a kid's no lockers. No, I don't think we had lockers in high school No, there are no. You guys grab this with a high school together. This is my sibling. This is my younger sibling Whoa, that's my next question. Sorry. I got ahead of you. Yeah, three younger. That was great. Yeah, I have three younger siblings Okay, just a four. What about you guys? What do you got? I turn the tables. I know. I'm so sorry. Are people that usually like this? No, no, it's okay I'm fantastic. I got a match with the energy. I'm so sorry. I you guys have such good like energy This is like old school radio. I want to teach you. Got any? No, no, you have it. This is like good like the the the speed it which you guys gave the intros, I was like, I sat up fucking straight. - Sure, the hey everybody. - You were like, hey guys, what's up? And then you just went so fucking fast. I was like, man, nobody's professional like this anymore. - We're still, we're old school, baby. - Oh, it's impressive. - That's really my only good contribution to the show. I got the intros down and I lunched for them. - How many subs do you have, though? - I'm the youngest of two. I was twins. My brother's 18 months older than me. - Whoa, you guys close? - Yeah, very close, very different. He's organized, sharp. - But how big's his podcast? Does he even have one? - He worked on Wall Street, did well. - Oh, okay, all right. Yeah, fair enough, fair enough. - Family, all this stuff, yeah. No matter what I do, I'll still be this. - Jesus Christ. - What about you? - What about you? - I got two older, I got an older brother and an old sister than two half, young, significantly younger brothers. - Two or middle? - Yeah, but not at all from, I was the youngest and then two got added on. - Broken Hood. - Oh, okay. (laughing) - The younger ones are step kids. - Yeah, okay. - No, they're my half brothers. They're my half brothers and they're significantly younger, like 16 and 10 years younger. - But you grew up as youngest. - I, so two youngest. - For 10 years, yeah. - Okay. - Which is usually the thing, right? - For comics? - Where, yeah. - Yeah, I think so too. Oldest, I can't believe I need more attention. - Yeah, that's true. - Yeah, but you can get the right attention. - That also goes with, you know, how you are. Like, you know, in my mind, you're like focused and, you know, professional about things, that makes sense of you be older. - That's true, thank you for saying that. - I do, I do. - I hope people meet me and they go, she's the oldest and they know that and it's not derogatory, 'cause it also can be, like, you know, being the oldest daughter, you are just like kind of baseline annoyed. And that's not my fault. That's on God, okay? - That sounds like she came up with that, yeah. - Yeah, that's not my fault. - What did you guys live in growing up? Like, did your dad bounce around, but did you guys do well? Did he do all right? - Yeah, I think so. - You said he got a real estate. - We were like in the suburbs, you know, I mean, when I was really young, we really didn't have, I think we were pretty poor when we were kids. Like, we had, you know, one parent working, they were a teacher, music teacher, and then, like, my mom was in the hospital for a couple of years, like, so that's not. Sorry, this is, this is pretty hard to talk about, like, serious stuff when you guys have the upbeat energy, 'cause then you come in, you're like, "Oh, I'm gonna bring down the fucking vibe." - No, not at all. - We were up here, so they, "Hey, what's up everybody?" And then you're like, "Hey, my mom." - Exactly. - Yeah, no, it's obviously not that. No, this is like, don't die. - It works though. - It works though. - It's one of the ways that I asked that is when you said music teacher then got in a real estate, it's perfect for the show. Maybe humble beginnings and he hit real estate started doing well. - I think so, I think, well, then I had, my dad got remarried and then the two of them started working together. - Okay. - And then real estate? - In real estate, yeah. And so my stepmoms was like, I think my stepmom was a huge example to me of, like, work ethic. - Real estate? - Yeah, she was like a real love to work was good at it. Like, just, like, truly in so many ways, and I don't mean this in a negative way, like just very different from my mom growing up, 'cause my mom growing up was like a stay at home mom. And so then my stepmom was this career woman. - Yeah. - And now I'm like a career woman. So I think I've needed to, I don't know that I would have known that I could. - That was possible. - Yeah, of course. - I don't know that I would have had that as readily available as an option. I think I maybe would have, but I don't know, maybe my personal life would have been more successful if I was more focused on getting married and having kids. I don't really know. It's so strange. Don't you kind of think about that sometimes, really? - That's not a social life. - Is that, what do you mean? - Get married and having kids. - I don't know, you come home to people. - Sure. - That's social, I think so. - Yeah, I'm talking to people. That's pretty, yeah. - I think so. I mean, it's a totally different thing. I mean, my buddy Dustin Nickerson, who's on the road with me a lot, he has like three kids and a beautiful wife, and he's like, when he's on the road, it's like great, but when he's home, he's home. And it's like, he's got two jobs. - Yeah. - Like, he just clocks into his other job, - Sure. - Which is like dad and husband, and then goes to comedian job. And sometimes I'm like, man, I wish I could go clock into that job. 'Cause it seems very grounding. Like, I think he's like a really good guy and like a really good person and like has a lot of perspective about show business and like what's important and feels like a very grounded individual. And I think like being married for so long and like having kids and like, I think it helps you who have like your priority straight in a way that maybe I, I don't have that, you know? - He just had a baby, like he's always been, you know, put together and organized. - 15 months ago, yeah. - 15 months ago. - But you can see the difference. - Yeah, it's like, it's, you know, obviously wrestling with it at the moment, but what you're saying is true. - You're wrestling with baby? - Not the baby. - Pretty big. - Same way class. This is just jacket. (laughing) No, it switches where you just go like, I try to think I go, I used to have to fit all other aspects of my life in the comedy. If that makes sense. So in your whole family, you're like, comedy is the 100% if you can fit the other stuff into where the gaps are, then okay. - Which wasn't much. It was beer's enough. - Of course. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm just saying like all of your time is spent to, you know, hey, I can't make the wedding. I have whatever, it was all very, now it's the other way around. It's like, how does comedy fit into my other, like my real life? - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's what I'm saying. - He runs, you know, he's the brains behind the operation as far as like business stuff goes. So he's always been smarter. - I have the checkbook, if that makes sense. (laughing) - Yeah, I'm an idiot. But even when the baby, when he had the baby, he, the way he focused and stepped into it is cool. - Yeah, did you feel something shift inside you where you're like, I'm a different person now? - Not like right away, but slowly you just go like, oh, if this stuff, you know, you don't wanna say it stops, it stops being the most important thing. That, you know, that perspective changes of like, you know. - So like a weekend, you're like, no, the baby's with us all the time. It's gonna be like this all the time. - Yeah, that is, that's it. - Yeah, I guess I'll lock in. - Yeah, yeah, I guess I gotta do this. - I started like making decisions like where he was like, voluntarily doing things that are right for them. - Oh, that makes sense. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not number one anymore. - Yeah, of course. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm no longer, and also, yeah, I'm no longer the most important person in my life. - Yeah. - I could around my head around that. - Yeah, he's still, I don't know if you're, I don't know if you're clocking the body, he's still gotta bother by it. (laughing) Yeah, so it's, yeah, it's that. It's, you know, but it is, you know, difficult bouncing both of the things, you know what I mean? - Yeah. - But the real estate, I think, blends the comedy 'cause like, there's a real estate agent, you can start your own thing and you know what I mean, it's self-contained. - I should have gone into real estate. I should have gone into real estate. I hear you. No, I don't know what to say. - It's a good model for you. - Absolutely. - Especially the way you've done it. - Well, it's, you know, it's like salesmanship, right? That's all. And that's all. - And that's what you get with it. - Yes. - But you get out what you put in. - Yes, you have to generate your own work, your own connections, all that. It's like very similar. - So she was killing it in your last time. - Killing it. - Killing. - Like the local real estate, she would have this kind of stuff. - Different town. Different town, we moved to where she lived. Yeah, but she's, yeah, she's very, very impressive lady. - She's got to do it. Very nice. - And she's your first car growing up. - My first car was like a white olds mobile. - Whoa. - Yeah, it was like, it had a really comfy gray bench seat in the front. - Yeah, it was an old person's car. - Where'd you get it? Was it a hand-meet after a family? - It was like, no, it was like, they bought it like, used so I could drive like me and my sibling to school in the morning. And I was like too scared to take it on the freeway. So it was, you know, just terrified. And I should have been. I was on a good driver, so. - Okay. - Yeah, that was my first car. Like, at the time I was like, this is embarrassing. And in hindsight, I was like, that was cool. - Yeah. - I had the same thing, yeah. - Yeah, right? - A big old white car, old person's car. And I was embarrassed by it. I was looking back. I'm like, I fucking loved that thing. - The license plate frame or whatever I had on the back of it, it said I'd rather be quilting. (laughing) And I didn't take it off. 'Cause I didn't. - Yeah, of course. - I was like, we're gonna leave that. - And this is like, 2011, roughly? - This was like, 2010, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. Sorry. - I like it. Old school. - Getting closer with the years though, baby. - Yeah, I was working out. (laughing) - He's like, 20, 10, 11, or more. - It's so funny. I've always been the youngest, for most of my career, being in my teens and 20s. And now I'm in my 30s. And now people are like, oh, you're like a person now. We can talk to you. - Sure. - You grew up in the business essentially. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it is fun to feel that feeling come up for me when I meet younger people now, where I'm like, 24. Like, it physically hurts a little bit. And that's just started happening for me in last few years. And it's, wow, didn't expect it. But I'm like, oh, I understand whatever I was talking about now when I did all those morning radio shows in my 20s, where I was like, I'm doing five shows this week and at the Portland Helium and they were like, - Pretty cool. - When are you going to bed? Like, they were just like, you're a child. - Yeah, yeah. - Pretty cool. - That's crazy. - Kibby, let's talk about Brunt. - Brunt? - Workwear, baby. - Gang, let me start with the wildest part of Brunt. Workwear, we're talking about, they actually let you wear the boots out on a job site before you buy it. Who does that? You don't like them? 45. - Yes, that's not, listen, everybody's tried on shoes where you're walking around a pay less or something, putting your feet in a little slanted mirror. You can't tell, you need real days on the ground. Get in the mud, work them out, dog. Listen, season's coming up. I need a fresh pair of boots. I'm, God, I did Brunt last year. I'm going, Brunt again, baby. I'm a marrying guy, the Marinettes. That's the model. The only, they're comfortable right outside the box, which is good for me, because I don't do any manual labor. So I looked the part and feel comfortable. - Sure. - Because, you know what I mean? - Uh-huh. - I don't need jackets, I like it. - Yeah, I don't, I'm a real, I give form and vibe. - Do you know what I mean? - Do you have a pencil in there? - I get exactly a little, something to hear, sharpening my pencil, what a knife, really looking the part. They are no doubt the most comfortable boots. 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I'm talking GLD gang can every guy has those pieces their go-to's right We're talking about the shoes that go with everything We're talking about that one pair jeans. It fits just right that t-shirt that always looks clean Uh-huh, no matter what you pair it with you don't overthink those pieces Just grab him keep it moving. The one thing missing from that lineup is the jewelry gang That's where GLD comes in they make the kinds of pieces that come apart of your routine Not just something you wear for a special occasion like you're going to a wedding You got a hot date These are things that fall in line with all of those go-to's just clean quality pieces that instantly make your fit look more fresh and listen I'm in the market for fresh fits. That's when I go to GLD boom Everybody stays laced up. I got the wife something real nice. She wears it every day Well, I told her it was way more expensive than it was till I thought I'm not that googled and it's not just tight There's over two million customers and 50,000 five star reviews with GLD being worn by names like Justin Bebes Malik neighbors Makaya Parsons a sap rocky and plenty more and if I wasn't on guy would know who those people are the best part about it Every single piece is guaranteed for life Work hard and change the game for a limited time only new customers are getting an insane deal Use the code garbage to get 40% off at GLD.com. That's 40% off with code garbage at GLD.com After you purchase are going to ask you how you're about to show please put the show and tell them a boy sent you do it What's your first job first job? I worked at a pizza place nice or to the pizza place and Pizza I don't know I'm lactose intolerant. Whoa. I don't remember. I couldn't tell you I couldn't tell you But yeah, I did that and then I worked Did you make the pizza? I didn't make the pizza. I just a cashier. Yeah, yeah, just a cashier and then I Worked it like a soup plantation and then I worked at a soup plantation. Yeah, no waxing salon I was just a cashier to bunch of sweet plantation It's like you said that like we're gonna know what it was. Oh, I guess it's a chain. It was a chain It's gone now, but it was like sweet tomatoes. Okay. They called it sweet tomato I don't know why I thought you'd know that one But it's it was like a chain in Southern California and a soup Soup and salad is like soup and salad. It's supposed to be like a healthy buffet Situation. Yeah, yeah, it's pretty good. Honestly, we still like what's the what's the bread place? Panera Oh better than Panera, right? Yeah better than Panera. I love to hear that. Yeah, I think so, right? But I mean I assumed you guys were in food service when you're young. Yeah, wait a table I didn't start comments on 32 so I was really really I was waiting tables in my mid-40s. Wow. What made you start at 32? Did you want to before that or was it like? Did you think about it for a long time or are you sad answer? Oh? Sorry, we got I was I happened What happened loser? Did you crash out again? I couldn't play quarterback anymore. I Came up here from Philly to be an actor. I went to theater school. Oh, okay, I just came up here and did drugs and didn't actually pursue anything God, I didn't have those how to accomplish. He didn't have a step mom in real estate. I admire of you Especially a young age. I was an idiot and then at some point I bottomed out here and moved down to Philly in 2008 and Told myself I wanted to start acting or try to actually act and getting in front of people would be good Yeah, it's gonna make me sense I think it does. I went to an open-mic and we all met all through their Philly comics and yeah, it was it No other option really. Yeah, plus it gave me time in my 30s to live like a dirt bag and have an excuse for it That makes sense. No, it does make sense. Yeah. Yeah, it does make sense. Yeah, I use it as an excuse a lot I can't do that because I'm a female comic but if I were male comic. Oh my god I'd be a dirtbag for a while. That seems great. Yeah, different different not an option for me. Yeah, not an option for me But looks awesome. It seems fun. Yeah, seems fun Growing up at any point could have been a local celebrity. Who is the most famous person you met Like growing up. Yeah, nobody nobody. Nobody. No, but not like a local baseball radio guy. Anything I mean, I hope I'm not forgetting anybody, but I wouldn't even I went to Google I was like, I don't even know what I could Google. I don't even know who that would be. I don't even know who that would be Apparently Olivia Rodrigo lived in Temecula for a minute as well I think but I don't know when that was it wasn't when I lived there But like that's the only other person that I can think of that group in Temecula Hmm, and I mean like Modesto like George Lucas is from Modesto But like people that I was there at the same time. Yeah, I don't know. It couldn't even it could have been yeah, okay I could a lot of times you get people like it would be like oh, I met Yeah, baseball player at a car dealership. Yeah, it really is something No, we didn't have any of that. It's so interesting because Temecula I don't talk about Temecula that much But it's where I was like from like 10 to 18 and it's interesting because it's like an hour from San Diego And it's like two hours from LA. So it's like pretty close to like much better places But like there's a lot of you know freeway between yeah, you know, it's his own island My and you know, I only ever heard it in movies and TV shows of it They're into. Yeah, like I'm Temecula y'all. You'll end up in Temecula. It's never where the season finale is Bakersfield Bakersfield is a big. Yeah, that's good too as well The Fresno. Yeah, the get's the fringe cities that get named in dialogue Exactly right. Yeah, okay. It's where they find like, you know, the clues and bodies and things They're like the steam down in Fresno whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah What was what was a family vacation like growing up? We didn't really go in a lot of family vacations. I think the only really the only thing that would really count as a family vacation is like we'd go to Disneyland because it was close Close, but then you don't have to stay overnight or anything going just try to home day trip Yeah, you just go and drive home because it's like an hour away That was it you guys never went anywhere. We we stayed overnight at Disneyland right after my mom died because hospice gave us free tickets Isn't that rough? That's the last time I stayed at the Disneyland hotel They were like we are so sorry about this. I guess someone had donated them to hospice I mean, they were like if you guys want to go and we're like doesn't feel like the time, but okay Yeah, so it's not that's not a place to celebrate, you know what I mean? Yeah, it was interesting and I think it was maybe we were like going back to school So I think we like had to go that week or something it was it was a quick it's a quick turnaround There's some whiplash there for sure. Oh god, but we were all little you know, I was eight and my younger siblings were being Remember that so but that it's sad that that's the thing that comes a mind when I go where did we go on vacation? But no, we didn't really go on like vacations, so I may we probably weren't super well. Would you first get your passport? When I was an adult. I got my passport Probably when I Know that's yeah, when I was an adult. I think I went for work problem for probably I think I'll or something Yeah, oh, it probably was for JFL. Yeah, it was it was between like 21 and 23 for sure. Well, what was the first time you had an atela? Oh my god. I think as an adult. Yeah, same. Yeah, right? I thought I got invented when I was like 30 I thought I got it when I was 33. Yeah, I thought it was like 10 years ago I didn't know Nutella was like around for so long now we're getting there sort of part like this When you're adult the teller when you're adult. Yeah, is Nutella like the mark or someone who had a good as a child? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he grew up with Nutella. You did this is easy. He grew up. Can you see like you did? No, can you imagine? I'm like you fucking see right get you got my passport. It must have been nice. It had to tell at 45. Whoa Okay, things are going on. Yeah What were the posters on the wall as a kid like in high school? Oh, this is gonna be so sad I had like inspirational quotes. I remember I got a book of like inspirational quote like every one of those It's like a each one's like a postcard and they're just inspirate you both did the same thing. I mean, I'll put your head over your mouth No, it was like we have laugh love for deep. It's not far off from live laugh love. It wasn't live laugh love. It was actual quotes I could not tell you one of them, but it was probably just like you know, if you're scared keep going like it was Like that. It was probably just shy of a Bible verse And those were all over the walls and then like Maybe when I was younger like maybe Harry Potter But like not very long because then my dad was like that's the devil So you can't really yeah, Jake. Did you read any of those books? I did I read them for like a year a year or two And like probably got me through like my mom's death honestly and then my dad was like this is This is satanic. We can't have this is how old were you when you read that? I would just say nine So from like nine to 12 maybe I had Harry Potter and then it was like That's out. I had younger cousins that were around that age like when those books hit Yeah, when those books hit They were doing the same thing. Yeah, and I used to look at that you said you were nine years old That books books are like that thing right though. I couldn't around my head around anybody reading them Yeah, and this is before we knew jakey rolling was a terrible person So that's I haven't heard back in the day. Yeah, but now you can't enjoy it. So it sucks. She ruined it - Yeah. - I like it. - Hmm. - Who was doing the cooking? Was your stepmom a good cook? Your dad, who's cooking around the house? - We had like babysitters. So like my dad could like grill and then. - You really stopped there. - He could grill and then I think there was like more assembling than cooking, which is how I live my life now. It's like I can make ingredients and then I combine them and they're pretty simple. You know, like it's, there wasn't like, oh here's a recipe. I mean, here's grilled chicken and mashed potatoes. - It was like this is dinner and it's four cans and a bag of salad and like a loaf of bread. You know, it's like that kind of thing. - That's pretty good. - Yeah, it's like it was everything from like the grocery store that you just have to like, heat things up. - Open up, get together. - Yeah, open, yeah, mix it up. But it wasn't like, and get the paprika. Like it wasn't like that. - Was it like a family dish, like a buffalo chicken dip or anything like that? - Not. - We have no, there's no. - You are hardcore. - There's no family dish. Did you guys have a family dish? - Yeah, really? - Yeah. - I didn't have anything. I wish I had, I think I put that in the book. I wish I was someone with like a signature dish 'cause I got nothing. I remember like my grandma made really good potato salad. - All right. - And that was like her thing. - That's good. - And then my, but like, my other grandma, she claims she cannot cook. But she has a few things she makes that we're all like, make that, like make the chocolate cake you make. And she's like, you guys could do this. And we're like, no, we can't, we've tried. But I don't have anything like that. And I don't think my parents had anything like that either. But again, they were busy, they were working, you know? - So you were very, was it self-sustaining? What's it called? - Self-sustaining? - Yeah, yeah. I think so, I think so, yeah. - Gotcha. - But also, you know, we had babysitters and stuff that we usually kind of throw stuff together. I mean, there was like, there were meal plans. But yeah, it wasn't a lot of like, it wasn't like here, I've been cooking with my heart and soul all day. - No, no, no, it's like, it takes, it takes 15 minutes. - Gotcha. - Okay. - You guys have dinner together as a family? - Yeah, we had dinner together as a family. - Okay. - Yeah, yeah. - Grace, I assume before dinner? - Grace every time. - Wow. - Every time, Grace. - Ooh. - Yeah. - I like it. - Yeah, you weren't doing Grace? - We would do it a little bit. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, but not, just like- - Just like, thanks man. - Eyes open. - Yeah. - Yeah. - In a bad way. - Yes, I'm like that. - Yeah, no, we were eyes closed, bowed down. - I feel like we'd only do it when everybody was there. I feel like if it was me, my mom and my stepdad, we weren't saying Grace, but if it was like, if the five of us were together. - Well, you don't want to say. - You don't want to pray behind it. - Yeah, exactly. You can't have, you know, you can't have acid. It's all or nothing. - What was Christmas like? Lights on the tree. - Lights on the tree, colored in church. - Or white. - Oh gosh. That is a great question. I think- - There was an answer. - There was a trashy answer. - When I was a kid, they were colored and when I got older, they were white. - Okay. That's when the real estate started. - Yeah, I'm telling you. It's different, yeah. - It is, that's a different, that's actually right. - The color is trashy, right? - It's the trashy herb. - Yeah. - How about the outside of the house? Anything out there? - No, nothing on the outside of the house. - You know what's funny is an adult at Christmas? I put up two trees 'cause I'm alone and I fucking deserve it. And I put the white light tree in the living room. That's like the display tree. - The nice room you don't go in? - No, no, my living room that people are gonna see. And then I put a smaller one with colorful lights and bulbs in my bedroom. - That's awesome. - 'Cause that's who I am. - I like that. - I just put that together. - She's gotta keep up appearances for the people coming over. - It's bigger in the front room and I go, okay, this all works with the color scheme. It's like greens and golds and silvers and it matches all the decor. - Well, this is who I truly am. - Yeah, and then you get into my room and you're like, oh my god. - Is it real tree in your bedroom? - Of course not. No, fires. - Fires. - Fires. - All right. - L.A. is on fire like every year. - That's sure. - I'm not doing it. - I don't wanna be the guy to do it either. That would be bad. - No, of course not. No. - Christmas tree. - Can you imagine if they're like we traced it and it was someone who just got a little too excited for Christmas. - Yeah, second Christmas tree. - Oh my god, I'd be canceled so hard if I started the L.A. Fires with a second Christmas tree. - How much is it enough? Tom wants it, you know what I mean? - Oh my god, that'd be the end of it. - She's got money for two Christmas trees. - The colored lights on a Christmas tree and a bedroom's gotta be cozy though, that's gotta be good. - Oh my god, it's so good. It's so good. And I love like the colorful lights, like wrapped around the bookcase and stuff. - All right. - I'm so excited for Christmas. - Okay. - Huh. What was the first concert you went to? - Oh my god, not until I was an adult. I never went to a concert. I was so sheltered. I really was, I think the first concert I went to, I saw the killers in Las Vegas. - That's a good adult. - That's a good adult, is it? - Oh my god. - I was like 19 or 20 maybe? - Yeah, I paid for the tickets. Yeah, yeah, I won't have the friend of mine. And I want to say they were like opening a certain venue or so, it was like the first concert at a venue, but my friend Victoria and I were both really at the killers and so we saw the killers in Vegas. - Man. - Man, yeah. I didn't go to a lot of concerts. - What was the social life? Like it was a teenager. - I have all my friends were in band. All my friends were in band. Yeah, all my friends were in band. And then like a lot of summers, if I was grounded, I wouldn't see any of my friends. 'Cause I wouldn't be grounded. - If I didn't get straight A's, I was grounded all summer. - Woo! - Yeah. - With that's a bit of a hard A's. - Yeah, one summer, I got grounded, and there wasn't much to take from me. So I remember one summer, he grounded me, he goes, you can't, not only can you not see your friends, can't use the phone, whatever. I'm gonna put all your books in storage. - For the summer? - For the summer. - Man, your dad would hate me. - I was a loser. - Sheesh. - When you're getting grounded from your own books, that's a top. - That's a top. - You are not cool. - For straight A's? - Yeah, if I got B's. - If you got, like, what was, all right, let's say if you came back with all B, was it like, debatable, like I saw it? Like, was there circumstantial? - If it was a B in an AP class, it was okay, because that counted as an A, it would like up your GPA. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, please B. - So that was okay, but if you got a B in a regular class, not cool. - What AP classes were you in? - I was in AP European history, I was in AP US history, I was in AP English for sure, and then I might have done AP, did I do AP chem? No, there's no way. - Are you straight A's too? - No, second kid. - I've had to do AP statistics, but I didn't pass the test that you got for college credit, but I gotta be in the class. It was one of those things where it was like, you're not gonna get the college credit, but you will get a fine grit. The class was easy, as far as getting the grit. Yeah, but it was, I was so bad at math and science. I was like, not good at all, but like history. - You were good, I was good at grade. - I was bad at it. - At math? - You were just a good student, so you consider yourself bad. - I think you can be a good student and get by in subjects that you were bad at. You know what I mean? - You can work really hard. - Yeah, you can know how to study and take a test, and I think I knew how to do those things, but if you asked me to do math and explain how I did it, I'd be like, I don't know, I'm not sure. And science, I was kinda like, how do we need to know that? - Did you ever cheat on a test? - No, 'cause I was so scared. I was so scared of getting caught. - By your dad or by the way. - Yeah, who knows what he'd do that. - I mean, well God's always watching, so let's start. - Let's start with number one. - Summer you get grounded for the whole summer. You can't see your friends, are you working? - No, 'cause I was like 12. I was like 12. - What did you just add to that? - 12? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - What are you doing all day? - I could watch TV if I was on the treadmill. - What? - What? - What? - You ever say something and you think it's okay. And then other people react to it and you go, am I, was that bad? - You acting in the beginning, like what we were saying about how organized and how you move was out of nowhere. This is why. - I think it was like, you can watch TV if the whole family's watching TV and you ask for permission, but you can't any other time. And then also, like yeah, I think they probably just want me to lose weight. But they were like, if you're on the treadmill, you can watch TV, but that's it. - So I did lose. - So I did lose. - So I did lose. - So I didn't earn me a river. - I didn't earn me a river. - So I said, that's the problem with that kind of stuff, it doesn't not work, the results are there. Also, could you go into the other way and, you know. - Totally. - And maybe you should have. It would have been more fun, but, you know, I remember I had a friend's parent tell me once, which this was so inappropriate, but I had a friend's parent tell me in like fifth or sixth grade, like, your parents are so strict, you're gonna go crazy in college, they're like, you're gonna lose. - And I had my friends did that. - Yeah, and they were wrong, but they were like, you're gonna go absolutely nuts. - Yeah. - They're like, your parents are not. - How old were you? - When they said that to me, I think I was, I think I was like 11 or 12. - That's real fucked up to say to a girl. - I was raised in that fucked up, yeah. - Where did you went to college? - I went to college, yeah. I went to, I went to Cal Poly and San Luis Obispo, and then there was like, which is great school, but like, there's nowhere to do stand-up out there. You're just kind of like in a beach town, and it's a great place to go to school if you want to be like an engineer or something. - You were set on stand-up at that point. - I don't think I knew that I was set on stand-up until I went away to school. And then I got there and I was like, oh my god, there's nowhere to do stand-up. I do really wanna be doing stand-up. - So obviously, so stand-up happening in the background or whatever, through 16 on. What was obviously your dad, there was a plan for college and career at this point. - 100%. - What was that? No stand-up. What was the plan? - I was gonna be a teacher. - You're gonna be a teacher. And I wanted to write young adult novels in my free time. Yeah, that's what I wanted to do before stand-up. Yeah. - All right. This episode of Sponsored by BetterHelp, gang. you wake up tomorrow and change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Would it be a better athlete, about being better shape, be a better partner, a better friend? 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Adieu. - When you were 16 at your hometown, were you were doing spots? - Not really spots. It was more so like-- - Things of the church. - It was like churches and schools and fundraisers and like, you know, carrying that woman from our church. She did a lot of like public speaking engagements, because she had been a teacher and I think she was retired and she was doing, so she was like actually finding us like shows to do. And like, it was, she's really, yeah, she's also-- - There's a, you know, the Christian comedy. - Yeah, like a Christian comedy circuit. - I know, I was in there for years, yeah. Really huge, yeah. And it was part of the reason I was like making money so young, 'cause you were like, if you could do Christian comedy circuit, you could make serious money doing that. - Yeah, yeah. - But yeah, you were at 16. You were handling that? - Not at 16. I was at 16, you're making, you know. But like at 16, you could make like a couple hundred bucks from a bit, which is not something you're making at an open mic, yeah, exactly. - I would assume that you're, all you've always been good with money, correct? - I think so. I think so. I mean, yeah, like I don't necessarily, I wouldn't say like, oh, I could tell you how to invest. Like I'm not good with money in that way. - You're saying you're a genore. - But yeah, I'm responsible. Yes, I'm responsible with money. - Absolutely. - See, even that question is like shows like, where her brain's at, where you go, like, hey, no one's ever answered a question like that. - Really? - No one's ever said, hey, are you good with money? They go, yeah, and you went, well, I can't invest. When it's like, I'm, I know I'm supposed to, and I have people doing it, but I, I don't, I couldn't give anyone else my mind. - But even your head went to the highest level of the possibility of investment. I can't invest, but like we just meant, have you ever, you know, spent 15 grand on a wave runner you shouldn't have? - I told you, I'm annoying. Like I'm so annoyed. I'm so annoyed, like when people are like, do a hobby, I'm like, well, I can't. They're like, do you read? I'm like, not enough to say it's a hobby. If you, if you're reading it's a hobby, you're reading four books a week, and they're like, that's not, you don't have to lie. - Hey, do we have some? - Yeah, I, I don't read four books a week. No, that's what I'm saying. - What, what are you doing your spare time? You're obviously a very dedicated, a very career driven, oriented, successful. What is like, you got four days off the road, whatever. What is like, what does some downtime look like? - I mean, I like to read, I like a, I like a walk, I like a hike. I like, I'm an AMC Stubbs member. I see most movies like that. Yeah, so I think if I have four days off, the thing is though, if I do have like a full day off, I might spend part of it like writing at a coffee shop because it's, I love to try and write jokes when I don't have anything like weighing on me. Yeah, so then I do kind of go like, oh man, I can work with no demands on it today. Like, there's no deadline. Like, to me working with no deadline is like luxurious. I'm really hearing myself talking. I'm worried about me. - I'm worried about me. - Yeah, you're dialed in. It's crazy, we're the same species, that's, it's nuts. - When you get emails about me, you got four of them to me. - What does your father think when you were like, I want to pursue standup? - I'm grounded. - Well, it's the thing is it was like, at the time it was like doing Christian comedy, so I think he thought it was pretty cool. - Part of the church. - Yeah, part of the church, like, you know. - So it was a lucrative, you know, yeah. - So I think it was, I think it was maybe a little bit, it was different when I was like swearing and stuff on stage, but that was years later. So, but I think initially, yeah, thought it was, thought it was pretty cool. - Yeah. - Do you guys ask the same questions on every episode? - A lot, I mean, there's a good amount. - You guys have a rubric. - Sure, like, you know, we, - The Ari Garbage Rubric. - Whatever the guest gives us, we'll, you know, tailor it to that little bit. - It's a Nutella's big and the Christmas lights are big. - There's some touch poems, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Like what? - I can tell when you're like, and that's the yellow, that you could light up in a way. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - This is a very unique case. - Yeah, to a degree. - Is it? - Yeah. - Well, yeah, I mean, you've had, you know, a different childhood than most comics, for sure, you know, and, you know, being the fact that you started so young and you've been in it for so long, you know, it's been a chunk of your life at this. - And over half my life, of course. - Yeah, of course. - Can't get successful, get why it's, yeah. - That's nice. Thanks. - Yeah, it is weird. Yeah, it is strange. 'Cause yeah, I think what would you say most people stand up at? 22? - 20s, probably. - Yeah, after college, kind of, you know, a little bit, I think is probably, is probably for the most people. - Yeah, so as well. - He was late, you know, late bloom or 30s. - 32. - 30s, 32, yeah. - But that's good. You have so much to talk about. Like, you'd live so much life. - Sure. - You're like, I'll take it. - Take a separate real quick. Your honor, please. A moment for my client. - I only have ever sat in a coffee shop or anything. - It's crazy. - She's right on stage. - Huh? - Do you write on stage? - I didn't understand what that meant. Like, do I have a plan? Have you ever written a joke? What are you doing? - Is it great? - Cut that one. - That was a great line of question. - Yeah. - Not in the sense that you would think of it, I would say. - Well, I think right on stage is probably what I mean, then, right? Right on stage is like, do you just, you try stuff out that you've thought of on stage? - I look at amazed. - She's talking to you. - But you never like, you never sit and think, you just kind of go up and you go like, oh, I have an, I want to talk about the subject, and I'll find it. Okay, yeah, so that's writing on stage. - Yeah, yeah. - I guess so. - I think our-- - That's the cooler. That's the cooler way. - You thought you were writing on stage and going out with a pen and a paper, and then like, having people watch you write stuff down? - Yeah. - Hey guys, thanks for paying the $40 tickets. I'm gonna write on stage. - Why are they writing on stage is like the cool, that's like the cool answer. - You're the opposite of me. - Yeah, no, I think I need to go up with like some punch lines I've thought of, and then once those start working, then I can kind of like, okay, let's, let's follow these paths. - But that's writing on stage. Just like, I don't write the punch lines down. My thoughts in my head. - No, I write the punch lines down, and then I go on stage with those punch lines I've written down, and I try out those punch lines, and then I try to tag those punch lines from my head maybe, but I don't, I go up with stuff I wrote down. - Yeah. - Yeah. - So there's a more organized, structured, professional version of that, which is the better. - I don't know if it's better. - It's whatever works for you. - Yeah, it's whatever works for you. - If you can figure out what works for you is the hardest thing to do, but that makes everything easier. - Yeah, see, I've always thought it was just less cool that I had to do that. - Yeah. - No more anxiety on that side. - Really? - Path of least resistance, yeah. - Do you listen to all your sets? - Yeah, I listen to a lot of them. - No, I have every single one, but I do listen to, I listen to my sets, yeah. - Do you record all your sets? - Yeah. - Yeah, do you listen to them? - Yeah, if I know, if there's stuff that I know, I like, oh, I need to hear that again. - Yeah. - Like, yeah, for sure. - It's painful. - It's homework. - It's brutal. - But it's so helpful every time you're like, fuck. I keep doing it. - I heard a great quote the other day. It was by, I think it was like a quarterback coach or a football coach. He was like, it's netted. - Rudy? - No, it was the tape. - I don't know. - John met. - He was like, he was talking about watching game, game day, and he was like, it's never as bad as you think, and it's never as good as you think. And then never as good as you think is really good. - Yeah. - You know, like, yeah, listen to the ones that you thought were amazing, where you're like, I don't even need to listen to that. I was whatever, it was so good. You listen to like, maybe the, maybe the mics weren't picking this up or something like that. - I mean, it's like, you start going like, ah, it's not as good as I thought. - It's so brutal. You're so right about that. - Yeah, it's a good quote. Okay. Huh. How do you, oh, I just had a good one that I wanted to ask you. Well, you said you're in the, what is it the stub? AMC stub? - AMC stub. - What is that specifically? - It's like a monthly. and you and you can see up to four movies a week. - It's crazy. - You just make the reservations. - You got to make the reservations. - If you ever have a movie pass, did you get on the movie pass? - I did and I was about to and then I think it started tanking and I-- - Oh yeah, 'cause it wasn't, I don't know how that-- - It was short lived, yeah. - Of course, 'cause it was ridiculous. It was like you go to as many movies as you want. - And they were buying the tickets. - Yeah, it was-- - It didn't make any sense from a business standpoint. - So this is like a better version of that. - Okay. - But you can only see four in a week. But like most of times you're not going to see four in a week. - I have when it's like, you know, if it's like Oscar season and you got to catch up. - I have a week off, like yeah, of course. Especially like when your voice is so tired from the road and like you want to catch up with people at home, but that's what I love a movie date. I love a movie like Friend Hang. - Movie Solo, we do movie Solo. - Love a movie Solo. Like sometimes I go to movies and I'm like, I don't even know if I wanted to see this or if I just wanted to drink a die coke in the dark. - And be quiet, yeah. - Good, that brings us our next question. What's the movie snacks? - No way to sneak anything in. - Of course, I'm always sneaking stuff in. I'm sneaking my own popcorn in. 'Cause what? - You'll get to stuff from a place that's cheaper and bring it in. - Yeah, that's cheaper and like healthier usually. - You prefer. - Like what, like a. - When you go to get popcorn in the movie theater, it might be stale. It's sometimes it's amazing and sometimes it just tastes weird. Sometimes there's like, again, lactose intolerant. Sometimes it's like a butter chemical, but then sometimes you're like, that was fucking butter. Like, you know, you just don't know. And so I like to like bring my own. - What's the brand you like? - I like lesser evil. I like that one. - I like that one. - I just like, they got coconut oil. They got like butter flavored, but it's not butter. It's good. - Who would you pick up something like that? Whole foods? Whole foods. - They got sprouts. - Staples. - Staples. - They got Target. - They got it everywhere. - I've seen this guy. - You've seen this, right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, it's good. Or I do have an air popper at home. Sometimes I'll do that. - You'll make your own popcorn? - Yeah. - In what vessel? - It's an air popper. - No, you put it, you put it in just like a, you let it cool and then you put it in like a zip lock bag. - Where do you put that zip lock? - That's garbage. - It's very, yeah. We're not done our line of questioning on the, on the way. - It is and it isn't. - It is and it isn't, right? - Yeah. - You're right. - First of all, it's in the garbage. It's a classier version of being a dirt bag for sure. - But she's, yeah, man. Are you assuming you're very organized as well? - Yeah. Generally or in the popcorn? - Hold on, hold on. - Where do you put the popcorn? It's all my size. I go large, it's just a smallest. - Yeah. - What? - I'll bring my own diet coke. - What? - Hold on, hold on, hold on. - You know what I mean? - You're going to die. - We're going to die. - And now I bring it with me. - I can't abide. - I will get, I will, I usually do can. - Do you do a straw? - What? - I, I will do a straw if it's available to me, but not usually if I'm bringing it with me somewhere. - I know I'm supposed to do it. - Where are you putting, hold on, hold on. Where are you putting the stuff? - Toad bag. - Toad bag. - In a tote bag. - Do you have popcorn and soda in it, what do you think, they're not checking to see if you have it? - They're not checking. - Okay. - They're not taking the effort, diet coke and homemade popcorn. - No, also they're not checking. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You know, they should be, but they're not. - They have their problems. - Yeah. - What else is in that tote? You got the popcorn, you got the soda, that's it? - Popcorn and a ziplock bag. - Yeah. - Or is it in a Tupperware thing? - It's in a ziplock bag. - All right. - I've never even thought to put it in a Tupperware. - I should. - I figured you'd have it in the glass Tupperware container. - I should do that. - Don't put it in a plastic bag. That's really gross. - No, it's still, please. - Yeah. - Okay, it's fine, all right, great. - Yeah, it's starpin' organized. - Yeah, yeah. And then like, sometimes I'll do like a dark chocolate. - What kind of brand do you like? - I like the, oh God, what's it called? It's the, is it H, something of the name, is it H-U? - Oh, H-U. - H-U? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Go with the brown wrapper. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I like that one. - Yeah, yeah. - He's got a couple of bucks on there. - And H-U. - I like the dark chocolate, sea salt. - Yeah, he's got the salty dark chocolate, yeah. - Operator. - Yeah. - That's a touch of class, right there. Very much a class. Popcorn aside. - Touch of class. - I can't say it's trashy, obviously. It's a responsible thing. But I get the snacks. I don't get the low-cal popcorn. That's crazy, you know what I mean? The diet coke and a can. - You don't like that. - Well, look at the movie. - A lot of times, yeah. That's the thing that I will buy at the movies. If I'm buying anything, it's that. - Okay. - It's like a big diet coke with the ice, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, I gotcha. - I gotcha. - Yeah. But if I can just bring one in a can from home, that's cold already. - But it's not going to be cold, huh? - I also don't want that much diet coke. Who wants that much diet coke? - That's crazy, too. - You would get that whole thing. - I'll do. - Oh my, I'll go get refills. - What? - Well, look acid reflux. You don't do it that way. - Welcome to the show. I need like four zips, I need like four gulps of a diet coke, and I'm good. That's why I like like the mini cans. - That's crazy. - Any more than that, I'm like, oh my god, I've got, I'm not going to be able to sleep. - I got you. (laughs) - Yeah. - Okay. - I didn't know acid reflux could be stress-induced. And when I found that out. - Do you have acid reflux? - That's the best card. - I don't know. I think maybe yes. - Do you get heartburn a lot? - I don't know. I thought heartburn was something else. - You kind of is. - I have acid reflux, that's just how I was a kid. - Acid reflux is like, when it comes up. - But I don't feel it come up, but I can feel it when my throat is like. - That's acid reflux. - Right, okay. - Diet coke, you see that? - I thought you could feel it though. - The bubbles. - Maybe it's like, yeah. I think Diet Coke does that. If I have too much caffeine, I think is what happens. - You see, I would just drink through that. - Right, 'cause I went to an auntie and they were like, "Yes, too much caffeine." And I was like, oh. And the bubbles too, yeah. - And. - But sometimes you gotta do it. - Quizzlers, anything like that? - I mean, not usually. I'll do like a, I like like the smart sweets. You ever have the stuff. - I've seen the man, new guy loses all over you. - These are really sweet. - This is embarrassing. - You liked him and I liked that, but my girl loves them. - Yeah, see, that and I knew you were gonna say that. - Oh yeah, that's tough. - Yeah. - Even the packaging looks like something I would never do. - Two grams of sugar, you ripped me off. - Yeah. - Crazy. - Hey, good money for that sugar here. - You don't like stevia? - No, they got some new like cloud ones that are really good. - Those are good. - Okay, new guy, Luke's in. - New guy, Luke's in. - He's a candy guy, operates in both worlds. - Yeah, if you're a boyfriend, if you're listening to this and your boyfriend is a dick about your smart sweets, gets the get the pillowy cloud ones. - A whole little convertum, right on board. - All right, you travel a lot. Obviously, do you have an airline you like to fly? - I like Delta, Delta's number one. - Delta gal. - Are you Diamond? - Yeah. - Diamond McDowell. - I think so, yeah, I think so. But also now, I will kind of just go with whatever is a direct. Like for a long time, I was like Delta no matter what, and now I'm like-- - You would do a layover to stay Delta? - No, I'm saying I used to. - Used to have something to say. - Now I'm like, where's the directs? We're just gonna get on that. I just, I try to avoid United. - Yeah, hey, who doesn't? - I'm in. - Why? - Because I feel like United is always like, "Hey, we overbooked the flight by 80 people. Can anyone like move here?" And we'll give you $10. Like, that's like-- - It's like every United flight I've ever been on. - Yeah, taking that offer, when they offered-- - When I was younger, I have, when they were like, "Do you wanna stay at the Denver Airport for nine hours? "And we'll give you $100?" And I was like, "Absolutely." - It was $100. - Yeah, I'm like, "We just can't have it, man." - But then you find out you don't get it for three weeks since, and a gift card. - Yeah. - We were flying out of-- - And then you don't do it anymore. - We were flying out of LA last week, and they were going to like, I don't know, can't coon or somewhere, and they were like, the guy's like, "We're giving, he's like cat." Before even said the number, he's like, "Cash, $800, a person." He's like, "The flight's in eight hours," or maybe it's come back, it was the next day. - It was the next day, and he's like-- - Got it, Doug. - And dude-- - You got the question with the airport. - Dude, there was this couple, the guy looked at his girl. They were like, "I don't know if they're on their honeymoon "or anniversary or what," and he's like-- - Can't pass out. - He's like, "800 ahead." - And he's like, "Don't you even think about him." - Well, here's the thing, it's like, how much was the hotel? 'Cause it's-- - That's of course. - It's the night at the hotel, you gotta go home, you gotta get back to the whatever, then you gotta get back to the airport, check in, and that thing. - So it sounds good, but at the end of the day, right? - When the rubber hits the road, it's a tough one. - I'm slightly scared to ask this. - Oh no. - Are you up front? - You're flying first class. - Yeah, now I am. - Oh, no I am, yeah. - When did you start that? - Ooh, I don't know. - Maybe it was a year ago, I'm gonna freak out. - It wasn't a year ago, no. It was maybe, I wanna say like, maybe three years ago, right, when was COVID? - I think maybe 2022, so maybe four, four years. - Yeah, that's about the same time we do. I mean we did it way too early. We started doing it way too early, but once we did it, I can't go back. - I think it was the, like COVID really freaks me out and fucks me up, and so I was like, okay, I'm gonna start paying for this because I'm gonna get sick less. - Can you bring food on the plane? - I bring food, I never eat on the plane. - But is it your healthy, clean, good food? - Yeah, I never eat on the plane. - No, no, no, I never, but we took, I took Chick-fil-A on the plane. I brought like the grilled nuggets from Chick-fil-A on the plane. - That's not good. - And then I felt bad, it's not good. - No. - 'Cause it's smell, yeah. - I know, and I felt bad, but we had a really tight connection and I was like, I'm sorry guys, but I also, you know what? I'll bring, I'll say it. I'll bring heart-bowl eggs on a plane. But I didn't make 'em at home, so they don't, have you had the heart-bowl eggs from the airport? They don't smell like anything. 'Cause there's, there's, that's a crazy thing. - They don't, have you smelled 'em? - The bags are so scary. - Yeah, but have you actually had it? 'Cause you open 'em, they don't smell. I don't know what they're putting on their preservatives wise. They can't be good, but they don't smell. The smell is contained. I don't know how they do it. So I will, I will eat a heart-bowl thing on a plane. And I make quick work of it. - For health purposes. - For health purposes, yes. - Yeah, 'cause I'm glad. - Who's the one of us have ever had a heart-bowl egg in that, in that, in that setting? - In that setting, yeah. - Yeah, well, I mean. - Jammy egg of jammy egg. - Okay, all right. See, on a plane, are you eating the in-flight meal? - I stopped, we're both on a weight loss journey. - I stopped. - I had it last week. - I mean, go in long, I-- - Go in long. I mean it would you ever I know I just don't trust I don't know we're so far What you're just 30,000 feet up in a year. I agree I don't know and for some reason delta throws out like three shrimp to you And you go well. I know the shrimp you're talking about it's crazy. They're great. That's wild. It's like a shrimp cocktail No, yeah By the way on the topic sorry to yell on the topic of the smells. I'm sorry. You're in what are you two got going on You're in flight meal smells so much worse than my hard boy. You know what we're talking. You're not wrong But that's not me. They're cooking those meals rather whether I have it or not. Oh, I'm a I'm a Hey, don't play don't play the game on the cabin a hard-boiled egg. Yeah, is Yeah, and they know what you're doing I know what I'm doing, but everyone else is gonna eat the thing and I'm not gonna contribute to that cloud You think that's close. Yeah, so I think these Good and then other times you're like what the fuck is that a good point? I never had that I've seen them be like you want the clam chowder. I'm like on this eight-hour flight Yeah, also think about that if you're not eating and then so they just throw some they throw some shrimp Shrimp down on the guy next to you'd be like what the hell is this? I know I can't get made about an egg when there's seafood out Yeah, also, I'm not gonna gamble with my bowels on a cross-country flight like that Roll the dice room temperature shrimp. Let me baby. Let's go Man, huh you take your shoes off on the plane never do you take your shoes off on the plane? Cross-country that were the same species as you're coming for me for hard-boiled eggs and you take your shoes off on the plane This is our show. Are you okay? You're like I never claim to be That's also a fun thing in the show we accuse people of being trash and at some point they go what about you? Yeah, but we are dirt bad in this situation. We think the hard-boiled egg is trashy because just the way hard-boiled egg smell and just as Dirt balls eating a hard-boiled egg for health reasons is foreign to us. Yeah, so we're taking that shot I mean eating anything out of a clear bag Which I've I've noticed I do that across the board everywhere the movie theater on the plane I'm eating everything out of a clear bag and that is pretty gross. No, there's a little bit of juice in there that freaks me out Yeah, it's yeah, there's like a there's like an environment in there. There's a client that there's a climate of its own in the in the bag That's where the smell stays Why most gagged right there you put your seat back? I don't put my seat back either respect it. No, not unless it's like The middle of the night that's the only time I do it. I try not to because I hate it when people put their seats back Sure, so I try not to put my seat back. I want to be the change you want to see in the world, you know what you watch a movie on the plane? Depends I like to Right I like to work on the plane But I I like to book like other flights on the plane like I really like it, but yeah, I do a lot of admin You're booking your own flights. Yeah, no one can do it like me. You're booking your own flight I love this girl. I'm booking my own flight. You're good. Well, if I also I have like a whole team of people I will Stink, ah, no, they're all great, but like I'll have a flight that gets delayed or something and I I'm texting my team like Hey, I'm not gonna make my connection. Can you guys look for other flights and they won't respond for three minutes And I'll go never mind. I already did it like I already did it and it's you know, it's I've been doing this for your outlook a decade You know what I mean like no one's gonna be I remember at one point my manager was like you should hire a Travel agent and I was like what travel agent is gonna be as fast as me. Yeah, I'm booking my openers flights a lot of times Which might yeah, it's like it's just faster if I do it and I've been doing it for so long It's easy for me and you know what you like and what you like just like a clinch go not for me not for me That's it. Yep. Yep. And you know what website see us and it's just my and all my stuff is saved. Oh, I got you When you can do the and the the frequent companion thing. It's like it's so easy So I like to do that on the plane. I'll read on the plane. I will watch movies on the plane I like to watch like a bad show or like a show I never would have watched on the plane. I started doing it. Yeah, what would you watch? I watched Tulsi King Which was that it's pretty good. It's pretty bad and corny, but good and I watched one of the Yellowstone offshoots that's exactly what you should be watching on the plane. Yep I watched which I consider this kind of a yellowstone offshoot because it's Taylor Sheridan who did all those right when we're when the The no not that one the one who's always all Donna. Oh Yes, yes, which is not something I would ever watch and once I got back on the ground I was like I'm not super interested in this military show anymore, but up in the sky for whatever reason give it an Emmy I open the air. I was like whoa this is riveting and then I got down there and I was like I don't think this is for me actually Here she's a cardio. Yes, I Yeah, that makes sense. I think I saw that in theaters. There's a killer. That was crazy It's all yeah, it feels it feels all the same. Yeah, once you once you see it You're like I can't unsee it. This feels like that guy. It's a yeah. Yeah, it's for dads Okay, hey, it's a dad show. Hey, it's got the dad's stamp of approval. Hey, you know what? Dad's really like me for some reason dad's like like my comedy Not like in a not like in a weird way. I gotta be honest not a fan Well, you don't have to you're a new dad you'll come around when your kids a teen you're gonna be like, you know I met at one time. I swear to God. No, I get like I get girls who are like 22 who are like my dad introduced me to you And I'm like your dad like or maybe I'm just the thing that dads are like I can stomach this This comedy. I'm gonna try to connect with my daughter about it Yeah, I mean obviously your short funny Good funny like you know, obviously it it all transcends. So I think it's dads with like teenage daughters Who are probably looking for ways to connect Yeah, I think that's it's a good dads with teens. Mm-hmm. I mean listen. We're running out of time here I I gotta be honest with you. You really flipped it on me. I thought you were a Midwest Classy broad. You're California. You're Temecula trash. Yeah, being honest. Absolutely. That's what you're saying because of the eggs What makes her trash? I mean, organized sharp. I'm not listening. The reason she's doing that stuff. I can say you're all class. I'm gonna blow up this podcast It's over after this crazy. No way. I couldn't agree. It's garbage. Hey zone of playing guy Hey, I'm a plane But my shoes are on in my seats up. She's making popcorn at home and taking it to the movie theater Yeah, that's but it's like good popcorn. Oh, you're you're compromised that she get to you look I this is honestly this is the best outcome I could have asked for She says everything. I'm not as far as like being I know, but you're you're your your cop You're focusing on the things that you don't do because you're in the middle of a personal crisis sure So I booked my first flight like three months ago really? Yeah, someone else have been doing a for ya. Yeah me whoa There you go. I only reflow for comedy. Wow See and when I see other people who can trust someone else to book their stuff I mean, there was no option. It was either he didn't make the show He didn't make the show in Boston or you know, I booked it that's so yeah I know there are some people who like they'll be like my managers book all my fights and I'm like that's crazy I'm like managers don't do that you just can't get it together like I think they were just like Oh, if we want them to go do the show we have to book it like yeah, and I've just never even or the same way Thoughts do it all in house, baby, but you know what? I think this is like honestly a perfect assessment Because this is how I feel like when I'm dating I'm kind of like I think I'm either like a huge catch or like a huge red flag Depending on which which way I could argue both ways for real and not even on different points I'm like professional comedian whoa, that's amazing also yikes not sure about that. Yeah, yeah, so like Honestly, this feels very on brand for me. You at least walk in both worlds if somebody comes in your house and they're messy Is that an issue with you? Like if they have dirt dirt on their shoes and sure Yeah, is that if someone tracks mud into your house? Indicator is that I know I think I'm caught. I think I'm like classy trash Yes, I mean you're dead sure. Yeah, I listen. I think you're trashy. Did I'm not that I don't know why we're painting it is like That's a horrible great of character. You're very smart driven hardworking talented all of that aside You're eating fucking eggs in first class. There's no way around that. I can't do to you the low calorie fucking low sugar I'm a plastic bag, but I'm in the wind. Yeah, she's bringing her own diet coke. That's that's trashy, dude You're sneaking in a can of diet coke. I'm flying high She's a famous comedian. She's sneaking in a can of diet coke. Well, yeah, I wouldn't do anything like that She's getting the big diet car body in the movie theater. Is there anything you're gonna start doing because of this? Have I changed anything for you? No, no, all right. Well, I did my best. Yeah I love you. Thank you so much. This is so fun. Thank you for having me you guys. I actually never mind new book out Taylor Thomas and congratulations Thank you so much. We love you. Yeah, Kippy. You got any form guys. We're all over the road The army of garbage tours on sale right now get them at are you garbage calm. We love you tell me what about you? You got anything? Yeah, I'm going on tour in February and those tickets are on my website Taylor Thomas and comedy.com Or in the links and all my bios at Taylor Thompson on Instagram all that good stuff. Let's go love it. Congratulations on all your success Thank you. Congratulations on the book. Thank you so much. Yeah gang. We love you. See you next week. Peace