Taylor Ortega Returns

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I have some more big news for you. Okay. I'm pregnant. Wow. Oh. Tyler. Okay, hi. Tyler. What's up, girl? It's not how you say it. Tyler. Tyler Ortega. I'm not really a nicknames person. Hey, girl. Hey, thanks for having me back. Hey, it's so nice to have you. I look a little different this time. Well, you've switched up on everybody. You got big and famous, and you switched up on everybody. I know. This is the official week of me switching up. I haven't heard from you. I've switched up in like, it's been like two days, and you have not heard from me. You've been avoiding me. I know. Well, yeah. And then when you got here this morning, I said, hey, girl, it's so good to see you. I love that we've been friends for so long. And you said, I'm sorry, remind me your name? Yeah. I'm going to call you Fat Gay Guy until I remember. That's what I've always called you to be fair. Yeah, that is fair. That's always been our thing, first of all. That's what you are in my phone. Oh, hold on. Fat Gay Guy's calling. Hello? I go, hey, gorgeous. Hey, gorgeous. I'm sorry that I slid into your DMs and sexually harassed you the other day, but I just found out about your gorgeous legs. Did you have sexually harassed me the other day? Because you had your legs out on your story, because you're wearing your little short shorts, and you were posting it. I think receive that kind of attention, but as a woman, I understand that sometimes it's like, I'm posting a sexy pic for me, not for you to be thirsty in my DMs. Yeah. I guess what I would say is, obviously, you're a close personal friend. You're a member of the family. Yeah. In many ways, so you can always talk about my body in any way you want to, positive, negative, or otherwise. Oh, I didn't know I could do negative. You can go negative. I'll try. The issue with me posting, yeah, look, I have incredible strong legs. I have this beautiful face. I'm learning I have a leg. I have a leg thing, too. You have a leg thing? I think I have a leg thing. You totally do. I've heard you talk about Cobb's legs, and it gets very quick. Cobb has the most beautiful legs. I can't help it. I love when men have strong, muscular, gorgeous legs. I'm really strong. People don't like to talk about it, but here's the issue. You are really strong. One of our friends said one time that you flipped her over a couch, and it made her kind of horny. Yeah. I hated that. I hated that. But the issue is, when I post things where I look sexy, when I'm specifically posting to be like, now, in that moment, I was actually posting because I was raising money for the transgender community. Right. Right. So if we could just insert some applause. The things I do for this community, I go out of my way. Yes. But I was posting leg to show how sexy I am, and guess what happens to me every time? Lesbians only. Lesbians only. I know. Lesbians, get out of my DMs. I know. I know. They're gumming up the words. I know. But you kind of are like a lesbian hall pass vibe. I want to cry. Do you know how many fucking screaming, barking, horny lesbians I have to filter through to find one eligible twink? I don't know what it is. I don't know. Like, I don't know. Because we've also gotten so down the rabbit hole of like, do you dress like a lesbian? Does a lesbian dress like you? Where is the root of, you know what I mean? I think we sorted that, yeah. Like, what is it? Yeah. We can't, it would take us too long to trace it back, and what's the point? I think we've figured it out, but yeah. And it's like, you're, you always have them in tow. I know. I hang out with too many of them. I look, I love the lesbian community. I've gotten in trouble in the past for speaking on them. Sorry, this is the only people I hang out with. I'm going to have to speak on them. Yeah. Yeah. They're always thirsty. They're always asking over me, and it's like, they're in my DMs barking, and I need the gay men to, the gay men are in there. I just, there's. They're in there. They're being fucking overrun by these lesbians. Do you think that they're being really respectful or something? The gay guys? Yeah. No. They're disgusting. They're disgusting animals, and I want to have sex with them. Yeah. But the lesbians are being even more disgusting. And the lesbians are putting it in this way that's like, oh my God, I love your legs. Like, please, can I have your sperm for my partner? Okay, I didn't ask that, but I might, at one point. You mean it? You mean it? Yeah. Oh my God, are you kidding? Would you consider my sperm? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Of course. You mean it? Yeah. Yes. Tell her. You're gorgeous. You're successful. Your baby pictures are loco. I want to give you my sperm. I mean, like, in a totally medical, clinical way. Fine. Are you going to have kids? I think about it. It's something I don't want to do until my 40s, which is a little bit sooner than people might realize. Which is God knows how many years from now, by the way. It's soon, the soon side, but I mean, deep in there, you know what I mean? I just think having kids is for your 40s, and I think, but I am starting to, like, my friendship circle, like, there are friends in my life where the whole crew has babies, and that's really insane. Yeah. And I go, oh, but we're so young. I think you'd be an incredible and complicated mother. Uh-huh. Well, my, yeah, well, and I would be. I think I'd be, yeah, we, Cobb and I joke a lot that, like, I'm actually the father. Right. You know? Um, because Cobb's a gentle Pisces, and I. And you're an Italian disciplinarian. And I'm an Italian Gemini, which my mom was, and Cobb's mom was. Like, Gemini moms are real, and they're true, and they're out there. What is my mom if she was born on June 6th? That's Gemini. No way. Oh, my God. Are we learning something? Gemini mom, though, Gemini mom, I mean, that makes so much sense, but Gemini mom, Aquarius sun, strong bond, two air signs. Wow. Yes. I do like her. Yes. You both have an analytical. You have an analytical mind. Yeah. That works, and probably some really good, similar, like, emotional rhythms. Like, I think if you had a really, really, like, too soft of a mommy. Yeah. It might be like, I don't really, I can't do this right now. Yeah. I don't have this for you. Are you and your mom in sync like that? Are you compatible? Well, we're born a day apart. Our birthdays are, not born a day apart, sorry. Our birthdays are a day apart. Yeah. Which is, so we're very similar, I would say. Yeah. Like, sometimes too similar. Other times, I go, people tell me we're the exact same. So, I look into my future, I say, okay, successful woman, hopefully long life. Italians live a nice long time. Oh, you're going to live a very long life. You know? But then she also gets oversimulated and is, like, sitting in the corner of a party on her iPad, and I go, I could see that for me, too. Yeah. I could see that for me, too. That's not you. Some, it's not me when it's, I'm with friends. I'll tell you what's you. But. At my birthday party two years ago, when you were being freak nasty making out on top of the pizzas. I was making out on top of the pizzas, and we were also blocking all of the joints, so people had to keep, like, sneak, like, getting behind us, but it's like. Sorry, I'm just going to. They're like, oh, and we, like, wouldn't stop. It was really disgusting. I've apologized individually to so many people for that. Well, that year, my birthday party was about lesbians in the transgender community. Yes. And never again. That was that year. And never again. Well, we don't know. We'll see what's needed. This year, it randomly, sort of totally out of my control, unfortunately, was about gay guys. Yeah. I never wanted this year to be about gay guys. I have no idea how it happened. You were just saying you wanted to hear more from them. I want to hear from them in private and have sex with them. I don't want them to be publicly at my birthday party making out with other gay guys. That is so fucked up. That actually was kind of hot, but. Yeah. I liked when the other lesbians were making out at your birthday party last year. I loved that. Yeah. When all the George Washingtons were making out. Yeah. It was like, it was a group of lesbians dressed like George Washington, sexy George Washington. Okay. That's all you have to know. But it was like, it was, there was a thrill to it. It's like, for us, it was like someone. Someone would run over and be like, the George Washingtons are kissing. And then everyone would like go see. It was lovely. It was lovely. It was really lovely. What do you think you will be best at as a parent and worst at? I will be worst at control, trying to control the situation. I already know that. How do you mean? Well, it's like kids are their own people. My dad has explained this to me a million times that you can make all the plans you want to. You can think these kids are going to be a mix of the two of us, but it's not. It's like an alien. That gets beamed down into your mom's belly and comes out with a fully formed individual personality. And you're kind of like, where did you learn that? What are you talking about? Yeah. And so that is tough is like remembering that it's like, I have so much in common with this person. They walk like me, they talk like me, they eat like me, but that it's, it's, they're from another planet and they act, I can't control them and I can't keep them safe. That scares the shit out of me too. Moms are always like waking up at 3am, wandering the halls of the house because they have this unsettled sort of like heart outside their body experience. Yeah. Yeah. where they can't, she can't keep me from from doing something dangerous or risky. - All she can do is leave that phone on the nightstand. And they do. They got that phone on. - They have it on, sound on. - Yeah, they're ready. - Notifications forwarded to iPad on. - Okay, the iPad. - Do you use your mom on the iPad? - No. - Oh, my mom loves the iPad. I thought it was like a boomer thing. - No, she's not. Well, how old is your mom? - My mom is older. She just, sorry, wiser. Sorry, mature. - She's turned 70. Yeah, she's officially 70, but you would never know. - I don't want to flex on you and your mom. - Yeah. - This is obviously really painful. - Oh yeah, your mom is like sneaky young, right? - My mom's 52. - That is crazy. I don't, how old was I when my mom was 52? Actually, don't say. - She's playing Roblox and stuff, you know. - We don't need people to like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's 20 years away from even needing an iPad. - She's vaping, playing Roblox. - Your mom's vaping? - No, no, no, no, no. - We should get her one. - She did, she has gotten into weed suckers though. - Okay, my mom did try edibles. Yeah, but she's like, doesn't like to be, my mom is like not a substance girl. - No? - Yes, she likes to be alert and engaged. - Yeah. What do you think, you didn't say what you'd be best at, which is interesting. - What would I be best at? Honestly, I think the thing that all Gemini moms are the best at is kind of like being a kid. - Yeah. - Like thinking how a kid thinks, being kind of fun, being kind of silly. Like my parents are very strict, but my mom has - Yeah. - a very silly side and she is genuinely funny. - Yeah. - And so I think you can kind of like, when I'm around babies and when I'm around kids, I am a child and I think they appreciate that. - They like that. - They like that. And you have to be honest about it 'cause they don't like when it's put on. - Yeah. - Some people are never kids. - That's true. - You know? Yeah, I was gonna say. It's in the eyes, it's been in the eyes forever. - Taylor. - You know what I mean? But that's why we'd be so good if you think about it because we need that. We need your sort of like, you're on one of your later lives in the cycle. - Yeah. - Of reincarnation where I'm on like probably my third. - You think you're on your third? - I'm definitely on a newer one, yes. - Yeah. - I can tell when I interact with like older souls that I go, ugh, I don't have whatever that is. - Yeah. - I have way more trial and error in my life. Way less certainty. - Yeah. - You know? - Yeah, that makes sense to me. - And people always think I'm younger than I am and it's that, it's that. They're picking up on that. - I think it's your skin. - Thank you. - You're welcome. You fished and you caught one, baby. - Thank you. - You throw that line out with me, you're gonna catch one, honey. She doesn't have a single forehead wrinkle. - Hello. - Hello. - I like that. - Her forehead's only about this big, Italian, low hairline, but. - You have a small forehead. - I do, yeah. - I've only just noticed. - Do you know that I was born without one? It started at the eyebrows. Went fully back. - Pardon? - Like my hairline. Let me explain it to you. - I beg your pardon. - Let me explain it to you. - Yeah. - I had a hairline that started, so no eyebrows, just eyes. And then boom, we're gonna start the hairline here. - Yeah. - Then it's gonna go around the head. - Right. - My mom was born, hair all over the face and forehead. - What? - Fully covered in hair. - What's going, what? Are you serious? - Yes. - What happened? You just grew into it? - I think that's just like a Mediterranean thing. Like I just think that that's. - Yeah. I don't mean to be insensitive. - It all fell out. - Oh, it fell out. - It all fell out and then it, but it still grew back pretty well. ♪ When it all, it all falls out ♪ - Clip that. - Yeah. - 'Cause we ate a little bit on that one. - Can we afford that? - Should we? - Yeah, no, I think about this a lot. - Should we start at the end? - And Tova, are you paying attention? Why does it sit so close? It's on her phone. Wait. - Tova, be on your phone for me. - I always wonder and I'm so surprised that she hasn't pitched this 'cause at some point we should do like our song sung blue, whatever that is. Like we do need to be. - Dibs on Kate Hudson. - It when, yeah, oh, okay. - I get to play the girl. It's the only way for us to reinvent this form. If I play the boy and you play the girl, it's like, okay, I'm gonna fucking fall asleep. We've seen this a million times. If you play the boy, and I play the girl, Portlandia style. - And I'm a Nelto. - I don't know what I am. - I think you could get. - I'll go high for the movie. - Yeah. - What's it called? What's the movie about? - Do you think that we could be like hardscrabble folk singers or would it have to be like pop music? Pop music could be really fun. Like in, what's the movie with Lady Gaga? - It has to be pop. Bradley Cooper, "Stars Born". - "Stars Born" when she does her alley era and that I only remember the pop star's name, not any of the rest of the movie, but that, but a whole movie about that era. Like when we go, when we go pop. - I think we'd do really good with pop. - We would do so good with pop and really fun outfits, fun choreo. The choreo is gonna be hard, but we could do it. - I just came up with the movie. - What is it? - Are you ready? - Oh my God, you're so fast. Yes. - We're a pop duo. - Yeah. - Okay. We started out. - Rare. - We had humble beginnings. We are legitimately good musicians. - And you're saying like we weren't put together by a producer. - Mm-hmm. - We are like a band. - No, we're a duo that we chose. And then they, the machine gets ahold of us and they're like, you have to lip sync. It's the only way everyone does it. We do it. - Scandal. - We have a Milli Vanilli style controversy. Blame it on the rain and I will. Then everything falls apart, gets taken from us. - Yes, we blame each other. - We blame each other. We fall out. - We fall out. - We go apart. - And we do, we're doing like one of us quits music. The other one starts doing like the music they've always wanted to make, but it's like too weird for consumption. - Yeah. And we, it's a darkest night moment where we're separate. The music is bad. The music is non-existent. We come back together and we decided to do it our way. Everyone says it won't work. And guess what? It does. - It works. It does. And then we save the best song for that. But then we also like come back with our hit. - Yeah. - And people are crying. - Oh, and I already know the songwriters we're going to work with. - Really? - Oh my gosh, yeah. We're getting Justin Tranter involved immediately. - Yes, we have to. We have to. - We're getting so many people involved. - It's going to be really, really good. And I do think it's like, it's going to chart. - I think it's going to chart. And I think that Hollywood is ready. - Oh my God. They've been ready. And I think if anything, we're just so busy right now that we can't pay it the mind that it needs to be paid. But when the time is right, we have to, we have to make it a priority. - Yeah. - Sometimes you have to make space for something like that. - You and I are both in this moment, career wise, sort of stepping out of our big red clown shoes. - I know we are. - And into our Louis Vuittons. - I know, I know, I know. It's really hard to stay in your big red clown shoes. - Well, we've got a big red clown shoe on one foot in the shadows. - Yes, yeah, we'll never take it off. - We'll never take it off. - Like what is so funny is I've started doing like improv again, which is like crazy, kind of crazy timing. Cause the clown shoe doesn't get bigger or redder than that. - Yeah, that's the biggest reddest clown shoe. - Yeah, that's the biggest form of surrender you can possibly. - The movie's called "Big Red Clown Shoe" by the way. - Oh, I love that. I love, yeah. And it makes, that doesn't have to tie back to anything in the film itself. - No. - We are, how do you feel? Like, do you feel sad or do you feel like, no, I was always meant to do this? - About my career? - About, no, about stepping out of your big red clown shoes. Like, is there any part of you that's like. - I don't know that I actually am. I think I'll always wear the big red clown shoe by virtue of being like a fat gay guy. - I don't know if that's true. - I think you're gonna step into like chic fashion girl very soon. Like you're gonna have. - I hope. - You're gonna have a perfume campaign soon and I'm gonna have to like be supportive. - Thank you. - Even though I'm kind of like, why aren't they letting her be silly? I'm gonna be a little mad. Cause they're gonna make you be like brooding in it. - Right, I'm working on that. - I'm gonna share it and be like, so proud of my girl. And I am, but then I'm also gonna be like, why aren't they letting her be silly? They're wasting how silly she is. - And you're gonna be a little bit like, you know. - Yeah, I'm gonna be like, let her be silly. - I know. - You're clipping her wings. - Cobb always does say that it's like. - You're clipping her clown shoes. - Cobb always does say that like my, the way that I look sometimes is like a bit of a prank. It doesn't really match. Like the person, you can't sell. Like you, I can't be my full true self if I'm trying to sell a perfume. - They can't, yeah, right. It's time to zip the lips shut the fuck up. - You're gonna have to be so somber. - I can't, I can't be saying what I'm thinking. No, it doesn't work. - If they saw you be as silly as you really are. If they saw the clown shoes, if they really saw your clown shoes. - I know. - Girl, if they really saw your clown shoes, they would run. - I know, I know. - That's the crazy thing. - And that's why the clown shoes don't exist. I'm like every other woman who is just relatable enough, but ultimately you'll never really know her and. - You know, we, Jennifer Lawrence had to take a big break from being in the spotlight because she let her clown shoes get too visible. - I know. But back then it was sort of like they were making them. I do feel like they were making the girls have one clown shoe under the gown. - Yeah. - Remember they were like. There would be a peak of the clown shoe, a peak of the Ronald McDonald on them. 'Cause they were making those girls fall all over the place. - They always said to have a red nose in the purse. - They were like borderline tripping them up the Oscar stairs. They said, you know what? You want this crawl for it. - Keep a bunch of scarves up your sleeve bitch. - They go, you better never. Yeah. - And they had to talk about like Taco Bell or whatever. - I know. - Like in an interview they had to be like, God, I wish I had a Chalupa right now. - I do wish I had a, I do love Taco Bell. I have to, I almost probably have to talk about it less. - You had their new chicken nuggets? - Yeah, I love their nuggets. - Their nuggets are actually incredible. - And I'm dipping them in the cheese, which I don't know if it's the recommended sauce, but. - They have a honey mustard jalapeno situation that I'm dipping the nuggets in. - I'm only doing it in the cheese. I'm getting a side of cheese every time now. And I'm doing it once or twice a week. - You're twice a week dipping the chicken nuggets in the cheese? - Could you ever see yourself, this job doesn't exist anymore. But remember when you, I don't even know if you're too young for this, but when your mom would take you to like a stride, right? As a kid, like at the mall, it's like a children's shoe store. Do they not have those anymore? - Stride, right? - Yes, it was a children's shoe store in the nineties. And you would go and a woman would. - That might've been regional by the way. I don't even know if that's like a time gone by thing. - It could be regional, it could be Jersey regional. And a woman would fit your tiny foot in one of those metal shoe measures and then bring out a tiny little children's shoe for you to try on. And one time I went to do it and the woman who was sizing my foot at the stride, right? Was my preschool teacher. And I was like, like, whoa, I was like, let me help you up. You shouldn't be down there. Get off the floor, girl, get up. I go, you're an educator, get up. Yeah. Don't be down, you don't, I'll go in the back and get my own little tiny shoe. Did y'all have money growing up? No, I mean, like, no. Like, we lived in, like, the Jersey suburbs. So, like, enough to live in a coastal state, which I fear the property tax is probably insane. Yeah, we just remember getting fitted for anything. No one ever fitted us for anything. No, you'd have to, well, because back then you had to buy everything in the stores. You can't, like, go on, like, Amazon and order, like, baby shoes never worn. Yeah, I was born in 1995. I just don't, we didn't go to any stores and get fitted for anything. Okay, yeah, that makes, yeah, no. And it's so close, but there's, like, a couple of memories I have. No, you just had to go to get everything at the mall or in the stores. Yeah, we did some of that. You couldn't really order. There wasn't an internet ordering situation. We had to drive. You thought that we were rich and someone was coming to the house to fit me with, like, gilded baby shoes. No, I totally understood that you were going to a store. I just, like, we weren't going into stores. We weren't going into stores where people fit us. Like, we were shopping at, like, goodies. Yeah, I think that's why the business model doesn't exist anymore is, like, I don't know that, like, kids don't really have the purse strings, you know? So, like, to be treating kids like little princes and, like, sitting them on the chairs and fitting their shoes when they're not going to buy, like, a pair of Manolos is crazy. How much can a pair of, like, in the 90s could a pair of children's shoes have cost? Oh, God, anywhere from 20 to 30 cents. I'm going to be so bummed if that's correct. Could you imagine? It just makes me feel old for anything to cost under a dollar. Yeah. In my lifetime. Yeah, I remember how much money was to you when you were a kid. Oh, my God. I remember one time my mom, and this was probably, like, mid, barely mid-90s. My friend's mom wanted to take us to McDonald's and my mom gave me $10 and I was like, will this be enough? And it's like, girl, that's enough for six years of McDonald's back then. You could eat for decades on that. She's like, you'll be good. Yeah. You'll be fine. Oh, God, I wish we would have bought property back then. I know. Specifically in New York. Yeah, you think New York in the 90s. You hear about all these old painters that, like, bought, like, like, I have a friend who's, like, a painter's assistant or whatever the fuck, studio assistant to a painter that, like, was a decently working painter in the 90s and bought, like, a loft in Soho and now has, like, a fucking floor-through loft in Soho that's been owned outright for, like, 15 years. I know. We'll never have that. God, I'll never fucking be like you. I mean. And there's no other. It's not like we can, like, establish ourselves in a new city. Like, that's not gonna happen anymore. The past was the main time and this is. Whatever's left, so. The past? The past was the main time and this is just whatever's left. And there's a clown shoe peeking out from the gown. And there is. But you know what? We're making the most of it. We are. You have to. You have to. I have a question for you. Yes. Do you think that when you use my sperm to have a baby. Do you think I'll get to have a relationship with the baby or do I have to be, like, totally uninvolved? That would be great. Can you imagine if, like. I want to be involved with baby. Of course. Of course. I'll have my own babies as well, but I want your babies to know that I'm part of a baby. And you would be, like, comfortable with that. You, like, wouldn't even care. Like, you'd have your own babies and then you would be, like. Totally, completely. And I'd be like, hey, by the way. Yes. Aunt Taylor's kid. Yes. Jebediah. Yes, yeah. And that is the name of. Is your sibling. Yes. They would love it, I think. They would really love it. Jebediah, they, them. I just think there's. No. Your kid's gonna be they, them. Well, yeah. My kid will be they, them. Your kid has no chance of being cis. I think that there's no. Well, we talk about this a lot. I think that there is a chance, but. Well, like, this refractory thing where maybe we end up with this really straight cis. I fear that. child, you know? I fear that, yeah. I. And we would have to support him. And there's just so many things I don't want to sit through. There's, I mean. I will. I have fears. What if he doesn't do any theater to be well-rounded? What if he doesn't do. And I already, by the way. Taylor, I didn't do theater. don't want to sit through children's theater either. I didn't do theater. And so you might be putting that in their genes. What were you doing? His genes. Were you playing a sport? You were kicking the ball around with those. I know you were. I was playing a sport. I was playing sports. And I was doing student government, like the true psychopath that I was. Yeah, you were. You know? Yeah, you were. And so you have that to deal with. And I tell you, my little cousins, they're the sweetest boys in the whole world. I would die for them. I love these boys. I have a fear of when they get to, like, high school and they start hanging out with just other boys and that's what happens. Oh, I have a fear of who's going to show up to Thanksgiving. Do you think that. Yeah. Do you think a weird friend on, like, a. No, I mean how they're going to show up to Thanksgiving and who they're going to be. I thought you were talking about the kind of thing where, you know, like how, like, tweens will get to take a random friend on vacation. Yeah. I was always, like, the friend or something. Yeah. That scares me as a parent, too, is taking somebody else's kid on vacation. I would. I'm saying no to that. Yeah, it's family time. No, you're not bringing your friends on vacation. That's called having siblings. I'm not spending my vacation with your little friend. Your little friend. You've lost your mind. No. You're going to play Scrabble with Daddy and go to bed. Also, that scares me. What if they drown? Right. Right, of course. And I have to carry that guilt around with me for the rest of my life. Yeah, I don't think they would drown, right? Because you would just be watching them? Yeah, but. You never know. What if they're drinking behind my back? Yeah. Kids do that. I know. I had kids, you know, it's so. I mean, this is actually horrible, but it is. Say it. Sorry, it's funny. I. When I worked, when I was in college, I was like basically an RA at Columbia University for like high school students. for your new role? Hello. Hello. For like high school students that were in like an exchange program or whatever in the summers and they had a curfew and they had to go to bed and we would like check them into the building and be like, you're in bed for the night. Do not leave this building. And we would do rounds of like watching the building or whatever. We had a group of kids sneak out, get very drunk and come back and get caught. Right. And then we were like. And they were just walking in the front? Yeah. We were like, what happened? Why did you get drunk? Yeah. And they were like, a homeless guy made us. He made us. He like came up to us and he was like. I hate that agenda. I know. I know. The homeless agenda always trying to get the kids drunk. The homeless agenda of getting teens drunk on vacation. And we were like, I'm sorry, a homeless person came to you with alcohol that they had and said, you have to drink this. Yeah, yeah. Before you go back to your dorm. Yes. And they're like, yeah, it was scary. And I was like, you guys are fucked in the head. They're like, we didn't wanna. These people are living on the streets and you're going to fucking blame. You're sick. How dare you? You're sick. That's almost worse than you sneaking out. You're sick. But you'll only be penalized for sneaking out. You're idiots because you came in through the front where there's cameras. So now I have to report it. If you'd come in through the back, I could have let you go. I know, but locking kids in is begging them to break out. It excites them too much. It terrified me as a kid. I was not sneaking out. Really? No, no. But my best friend when we were younger liked to push the boundaries and we would go on a trip and they would tape your doors. They put tape on your doors. And she would ease it. She was wild. We were roomed together for one trip, so obviously it's like, don't break my tape on my room if I'm not going anywhere. I would dutifully go to bed and she would ease the tape open and then she would come back in the morning and I'm like, she would have bangs. Another girl, she's like, I let Kelsey cut my hair and I go, so that's pretty obvious that you were like out of the room because you have bangs now. You have like micro bangs. Yeah, you might have eased the tape but now you have fucking bangs. You have jagged micro bangs. God damn it. Yeah, yeah. Ugh, I want to get bangs. Get it. See, that's the problem is this perception of me. You don't think I'm a bad boy. No. I think you're a good student. Okay. And you are. You don't, but you don't think I could become a bad boy? I think, you could be the best student of becoming a bad boy. That's sick. I think you're diligent and you're committed and I think that if anyone could do it, you could do it but it would bump against some of your other commitments. Do you think you're a bad boy? Yeah, I think that like, Taylor. I've never wanted to be. I've never wanted to be and I'm the best I've ever been in my life. Grow up. You are not a bad boy. I'm at least border, I'm at least type B, at least. Taylor. I am a little bit. You think you're a bad boy? I think I'm struggling every day since birth to be a good boy. You came in full glam to the podcast. That's not a bad boy behavior. You look stunning. You're in a huge hit Netflix show. Thank you. You're in one of the biggest Netflix shows. because I'm really on top of it but for a long time, like when I was younger, I'd always be like, how am I in trouble again? Yeah, what'd you get in trouble for the most? I have a good. What's the biggest trouble of your 20s? Of my 20s? Sorry, or yeah, sorry, the last thing. Yeah, sorry. I don't even remember my 20s that good but. That's why I started to feel bad. What's the biggest? I know, you were like, there's no way she remembers that far back, poor girl. What's the biggest trouble of your adult life? Oh my God, I was always in trouble in Catholic school. I got in trouble for. When was Catholic school? Elementary school. Oh my God, one time. This is not even the worst one but one time, so my parents made me try all types of sports and join her activities and it was not sticking and they had me do basketball and it wasn't good and obviously, I was, I was benched chronically and so one day, I guess I got bored and I was doing my favorite thing which is checking out the concession stand and I was checking out the concession stand with this girl who was older than me, cooler than me, terrified of her and to impress her, this was not her idea. It was mine to impress her was to call 911 from the pay phone and yeah, the cops showed up to the game, stopped the whole basketball game. I'm sitting there, my parents are there, my dad is there and whole day, whole like, like gym full of kids and parents and they stop the game and they give this big speech where they're like, you know, cautioning us on, on calling 911 as a prank and they're like, an old woman fell in her house and she's still laying there because we thought that there was an emergency here. Oh my God, get over there. I know, it's like, we're fine and you're like, still making the speech to be fair it seems like you're sort of like feeling yourself to be honest um and i could just feel my dad and he's like so whichever of you did it because they didn't know who back in the day you couldn't trace anything and my i could just feel my dad looking at me and he knew it was me like he knew he goes can we get through one week without an incident can we get through one fucking week and he knew what did you say when you called them i called and i let it ring and i i breathed into the phone like a pervert and then i hung up that's what they gave a speech about like i just don't come down to the school i think if you back then you have to think about what was going on at the time back then if you got a payphone 9-1-1 call from a school you raced over there yeah it was fresh sorry to bring up columbine but we have let's and i know that they don't i know that i'm borrowing this but never forget never forget never forget you know i think they go we got it we got to race over there there's a basketball game going on in some club one could be holding it up yeah um no you know i wish we still had payphones i think of this all the time we we don't not really there's a couple they rocked you would call your mom collect from the school payphone and be like i need gym shorts and she'd be like well i work so yeah borrow some oh my god did you guys have a big drama at your school there was always big drama about like sometimes a kid would call their parents and be like can you bring me mcdonald's for lunch and then the parent would do it and then the school would like throw a fit never that never happened you can't these other kids don't get mcdonald's that never happened we had a lot of talks about that they would probably let kids eat mcdonald's at my school also by high school it was sort of like i don't know if there's free periods anymore in schools it seems like probably not um i think once they started putting metal detectors in schools they were like kids don't need the the free space to to linger and roam but we would have like a study hall or a free period and somewhere halfway through high school and i was really really trying to be well behaved at that point but i remember i would just leave yeah i would just go get a bagel or something i would like to get a bagel and i would just go get a bagel and i would just go get a bagel and i would just go get a bagel and i would just go get a bagel and i would just go get a bagel and i would just go get a bagel and i would just go get a bagel and i would just go get a bagel and i would just go get a bagel and i would just go get a bagel and i would just go get a bagel and i would just go get a bagel and you were only eligible for it if you were a junior or senior it's called leadership it was leadership i know you were in leadership i was in leadership you had to apply it was like only a couple kids got in yeah it was basically like the student council class where if you were like on student council you take this class and basically you would like do things around town like it would be like oh this month we're running like a canned food drive so like one of the things we do in class is like a lot of times we would end up having to go get in our cars and drive somewhere else in town and then come back to school during the period they let the good kids have a lot of freedom totally and but basically we were totally abusing it because we would like go do the thing really quick and then get sonic and drag race by the park why not and so but then people people that live by the park would call the school and be like the kids are drag racing again can you please oh my god who's calling they would narc on us these fucking loser old republicans middle of the day get a job okay we can't drag race by the park how about we're 17 and we don't know any better how about you voted for ronald reagan and now you're not working like what's going on what do you believe in sorry i was having fucking cheesy tots in an ocean water and drag racing with my friends and by the way i'm in the leadership class hello people look to me my community looks to me already and i'm a minor point though that was their point is we needed to be good leaders and not be drag racing and we would get in trouble and it was so silly both i'm so bored and tired of people not being allowed to be both god you are a bad boy can't people be both can't we be both whatever we're like not letting people achieve good deeds or do good things because we're convincing people they're either good or bad or like whatever and it's like let people have a little redemption let them do a good thing let them do one good thing they believe in apple pay is the simple secure and fast way to pay that's because your credit or debit card is right on your iphone accepted at millions of places from big box stores to boutiques you can check out with your iphone anywhere contactless payments are accepted apple pay is more secure than a physical card because you authenticate your purchases with face id before you pay and your actual card number is never shared with merchants add your debit or credit card to apple wallet to check out in seconds simple secure fast that's apple pay terms apply hey friends olivia from ollie between new routines and the ultimate group project known as parenting you need science-backed solutions that work with your life that's where ollie comes in start your mornings off right with multis made to support nutrition and immune health choose from our lineup of gut supporting probiotics and we've got occasional sleep support to help the whole fam chase their big dreams head back to class with the number one gummy supplement brand stock up on ollie.com today these statements have not been evaluated by the food and drug administration this product is not intended to diagnose treat cure prevent any disease on any journey using uber it helps to know you're getting into the right car pin verification adds an extra step to make sure your ride is your ride before the trip begins your app gives you a unique pin just tell it to your driver and they'll enter it in their app before the ride can start hey what's your pin two five three eight that way you know you're in the right car taking the right trip and your driver knows you're the right passenger make sure your ride is your ride with pin verification from uber one more way uber is putting safety at every turn learn more on the uber app redemption is huge i mean why not why no redemption we're gonna lose all our people do you think you're ever gonna get canceled probably i hope not it's my biggest fear but do you okay it's my biggest fear every day i'm getting on the i'm getting on the news and stuff all week and i'm going don't say anything yeah oh you're worried you're gonna like cancel yourself in real time well yeah okay totally for sure i thought it'd be like an old thing you're like oh who knows oh my god and who knows you can't even think about that you know what i mean yeah i've said so many i've been alive for so long you yeah you've mentioned that and i'm half the shit i say is so stupid and i don't even mean it so it's like yeah it's it lingers over my head but then i go i also i'm a really sweet girl you're totally sweet girl you know what i mean i mean i'm i i'm i have good intentions but i'm also dumb as a brick sometimes you're not dumb as a brick you're a totally sweet girl you have the best intentions thank you anything you said on twitter back in the day i don't care if it surfaces i will always stand by you you're kind of like you're kind of digging around i will we actually have oh yeah pull them up we actually have some stuff i can defend it we should start trying to cancel people on this show i think that'd be a fun evolution yeah it should be a game that you play on this with like the cozy fireplace in the background yeah be like oh you should be like defend this defend this why did you why did you wear that costume i thought it'd be funny yeah and i thought it looked sexy yeah that's why i thought that people would know that i have good intentions defending defending a problematic costume by being like i thought i looked sexy i thought people would know that i was one of the good ones obviously when i did that yeah i'm a bad boy who's one of the good ones yes next question i thought we were you guys were letting me be too comfortable what do you what do you what do you think we should do this summer this was one of the toughest winters in new york in a long time multiple blizzards multiple blizzards and i was here in 2016 and it was not like this it was this has been really cold when i was remember the day that you made me go on the city bike on your birthday oh my god dude this was so sickening it was really bad i knew it was gonna be too bad and i was so shocked that all of you have like lived in chicago and still thought we were getting on the bike i would have biked all the way to dinner oh you would have yes okay we got on city bikes it was my birthday weekend a bike eight of us were going to a dinner i thought they were pranking me i thought everyone was pranking me i said i want to ride city bikes yes it was a negative five degrees yeah yes we had gloves and scarves everyone was being so childish about it it's too cold it's too cold yes i forgot that i was with a bunch of girls and derogatory it was a little derogatory because everyone was being very girly about it they're also really small oh i'm all the wind just too much i was like oh my gosh girls negative four degrees the only yeah and there was only yeah it was so silly we bought the real weather it was negative four degrees it was the real weather we lost a girl within the two blocks girl immediately within two blocks we lost her and then like somebody else we didn't notice because there was somebody else kind of biking with us and we thought it was her yeah so we lost the girl immediately we had to get off the bikes under a bridge call an uber we had to park the bikes i had to go find the girl i had to sort of like make all the girls put their arms in their inside their coats against their bodies under their armpits put your hands under your armpits in the coat i would have gone the whole way to dinner i thought it was exhilarating i love being on a bike i don't i get really scared riding the bike in new york i cry every third time i bike because of the wind or no because i'm excited and happy i bike over the brooklyn bridge that is stunning i'm gonna pretty much cry most of the time i do that yes it's so beautiful to move that quickly and be up that high yeah and we don't appreciate it enough we don't we don't we don't appreciate i'm never doing that i walked over the manhattan bridge the other night after a rainstorm yeah at sunset yeah i listened to one two three four by feast feist how do you say their name one two three four that's so funny to imagine you and i cried and i cried and then i listened to bittersweet symphony by rob thomas that's by the right again but i bittersweet symphony is by i'm thinking of street corner symphony oh is that a rob thomas street corner symphony is a rob thomas song and i got it wrong and you are gonna win that one i'm so sorry it's okay but i did listen to do you know street corner symphony i don't really funny he like tried to solve racism with a song which is like and we can't stop doing that we're gonna have one song that tries to solve racism in the movie that we do he was like my sisters and my brothers of every different color won't you come on over down to the corner and he was singing it like oh hey meant it down huh meant it down and guess what i listened to that song and i am coming on over yes and i invite everyone to join me as well do you think you could fix societal ills if you were given carte blanche no probably not but i do think that um no definitely not definitely not i kind of think you could i know that i could you know that you could if i had ultimate power i guess if not us then who that's what i'm saying if i had ultimate power yeah i'm not even gonna lie to you shit would be a lot better i would need a pretty big committee though of course no one can do anything alone i would need a big committee i have a lot of blind spots so i would need a big committee your blind spots who knows they're i can't see them they're blind Fuck they're blind I shudder to think I guess when I get cancelled I'll know It's crazy that I don't think I have any You don't have any No I do think if I were in power Yeah we would get shit fixed quickly You don't consider yourself in power at this moment I'm not in power at this moment I'm totally beholden to the mentally ill gay people who listen to this show Right I'm constrained by that We'll cut that We'll bleep that We'll bleep that We'll do a little fuzz over my mouth You didn't name him I'm not in power If I were in Donald Trump's position As president of the United States Oh my gosh Can you even imagine what I would get done A lot But then it becomes the issue of You would be kind of showing people That things can be achieved And that's a slippery slope But I have to assume that's why politicians Don't do it often Is because if you show the people That change can be made And that you don't have to sort of Be beholden To the limitations and the bureaucracy That politicians Act like they're like My hands are tied Meanwhile they tied them And it's kind of like Yeah I guess if you prove that that's pretty dangerous I think there's probably a lot of people who would try to stop you Day one in office I would choose five billionaires Yeah I would Public execution Public execution Taylor Sorry No I was going to say prison Which is way more progressive Rehabilitation I like that No I would take all their assets Day one Day one five billionaires Seize Take all their assets Seize We're looking into those Redistribute Elon Musk Brother you're in trouble if I come to power He doesn't need all that money He doesn't need all that money And he doesn't deserve it He doesn't And it's not even about that It's like It's about that for me To me it's like Obviously he doesn't He's ugly as fuck Obviously he doesn't need all that money He doesn't need He doesn't He needs like Like he needs to figure out his He needs to figure out a special interest That isn't accumulating wealth I think you should only be allowed to be a billionaire If you got there by being cool He didn't do that Who has? Rihanna She has a billion dollars And JC Ugh JC and Rihanna Good for her They both got there by being cool Wow Now do I think it's ethical? Did I say they got there by being ethical? Oh I don't know No they exploited people I won't be looking I'll be turning a blind eye to Rihanna Is Taylor Swift a billionaire? Probably Probably Probably I would say her too She got there by being adorkable She got there by being adorkable Which we don't see enough of anymore by the way It's on the downswing right now We are kind of on the We're on a cool upswing An unaffected upswing We're on an adorkable downswing Yeah It will be coming back It totally has its place It will But it's a tough God bless you I burped on an it's And it totally worked It totally worked This episode is brought to you by Booking.com Booking.com offers a wide array of hotels and vacation rentals across the US So you can find exactly what you're booking for There's something for everyone Even those who are impossible to please Whether you're booking for yourself Your partner Your picky teens Your sleep light Rise early mom Or your high maintenance group chat You can find exactly what you're booking for When I go on vacations with friends Something I must have Is a kitchen with a nice big oven and stovetop Where I can cook mouth-to-mouth food Mouth-watering meals For my friends and loved ones People who eat together Stay together If we can find our perfect stay on Booking.com Anyone can Find exactly what you're booking for Booking.com Booking. 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These tools are here to help Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster Join at rocketmoney.com Slash so true I didn't think there was any way to do this That that could be what that was A burp? What did you think it was? I don't know Like a growl? Like a Christina Aguilera growl Yeah I'm going to start growling on you No it was a burp For sure And I don't really know where it came from I did eat a pretty big bowl of Cheerios this morning Oh you're a cereal guy Not always But you have cereal in the house And sometimes you eat it for breakfast I have cereal in the house And at times when I remember to have milk in the fridge I have it for breakfast And it makes me feel a little crazy Nostalgic Like a child Nostalgic It makes my body feel a little crazy For some reason It's sugar in the morning It's like a Honey Nut Cheerios is not that much sugar Okay good to know Is it? Sometimes I Google Honey Nut Cheerios sugar Yeah Google that Nicole How much sugar Croissant I do like a pastry in the morning I know you do I know One serving Okay how much sugar one serving Honey Nut Cheerios? Oh don't be a lot Nine grams Nine grams is a lot for a serving Is that a lot? They're coated in a sheen of sugar A glaze of sugar So Nine grams is a lot for a serving actually I thought that was healthy Do a hundred grams? Right Oh How is that possible? Huh Oh I see I understand I understand That's what they say It's part of a balanced breakfast Well what would the fuck with the other part be? I think it's like a banana I hope it's a chomps meat stick Cause that's Oh you do little You chop up the chomps And you put them in the A Honey Nut Cheerio A chomps And an ice latte That's so big You wouldn't believe it And then I have another one Like two hours later I've been kind of sort of bad On my nutritional balance lately What's going on? I just only ever want to eat What I want to eat And it's exciting to me And ever since I started eating meat again Cause I didn't eat meat for the longest time So when you're not eating meat Eating vegetables is kind of like That's what I'm eating You know Totally And once you reintroduce meat You go It's re Vegetables are struggling Yeah To make their way into the conversation Yeah for sure Vegetables keep going They're like And getting cut off And oh And I wasn't like I was having like a lactose intolerance spell But now I'm back on And so I'm really into butter Just like a lot of butter And people are trying to make me like Really worried about my heart health Totally It's bad It's really bad I'm terrified for your heart health Really? Do you think it's that bad? No I don't Do you think there's people like Eating a lot of butter all the time And it's They're absolutely fine There's like a hundred year old woman Who's like My secret to making it to this age Is eating butter every day There totally is And can I tell you something else? Yeah The earth is 300 and something Million years old probably And there's always been butter And we won't exist someday Someday humanity won't even exist So like whether or not you die at like 71 or 85 Is like whatever Can I tell you that you're starting to sound like The guy from Neighbors Who bikes in his Speedo Dude He's like Everyone who's ever lived Has been dead And is already dead Let's talk about The HBO series Neighbors I am fucking obsessed It's so So good It's my biggest fear as a person Is Having a neighbor dispute I've had them And I Never to the extent Like this show is A beautiful study on The types of people Who exist in this world And they're all nuts They're all nuts They're all nuts And it's two parties That are completely psychotic Yes That you're just like Both of you need to shut the fuck up And never be taken seriously again Ever And so it starts with the dispute And you're like We're dealing with two weirdos For sure And then the second half of the episode You find out like Both of them have OnlyFans And It's the strangest One of them is being like Catfished by like Fake Harry Styles Like there's so much Going on in their lives That the neighbor dispute Is almost There'll also be a point Usually in the middle Of these episodes Where it become You think you have a grasp On who's right and wrong Like party Like party number one Will be like I have no idea Where this animosity started And party number two Will be like It's when she pulled A shotgun on me Yes And you'll be like Okay so Oh my god Every episode At one or both of the parties Goes And I have a gun And I will shoot her Yeah They all have guns And they're all ready To defend their property It's crazy But the last episode Only focuses on one One neighbor Against the whole neighborhood It's usually one on one And there's usually A couple per episode The last episode Of the season He's totally embattled. It needs an Emmy. I mean, he is totally, he's against his whole neighborhood. He wants to be nude. They don't want him to be nude. Also, can I say something? A big part of that episode is people being like, we have children. I am so fucking tired of all of society. That's your business. Talk to your kids, motherfucker. I mean. Why is everything in society based around these people that don't want to talk to their kids? He has no interest in the children at all, by the way, of the neighborhood. He's biking naked at his house. He's in a Speedo. It is so funny that he's in the front yard and then, spoiler, this is not the biggest spoiler of the episode. He wants to be seen. But he goes, I think I'm going to redo my backyard. And it's like, yeah, that's what the backyard is for. Obviously. Do it in the backyard. Some of these people are sort of exhibitionists across the board, but he's not interested in the kids. What I do think is so funny is that he is, he's got to be 70 and he's like, I need to have a child. Yeah. I need to have a child. He's like, I need to have a child on the end of my bloodline thing. He's like the Shlopsky name. I could be completely dead if I don't have a child today. Yeah. And I like that. He's direct. He's, you know, he's walking up to women going, I need to have a child soon. Would you have a child with him? No. He texts too much. Yeah. He does text too much. He texts way too much. And he texts like an old guy. It's so sad. I know. Well, you know, he's old. Totally. But that's why he should be with an old woman because they could text each other the same off-putting way. I know. But instead, he's texting a 20-something-year-old girl. Yes. Who wants him. Who wants him to buy her filet mignon and high heels. Yes. Well. She's fascinating. Yeah. I love her. I would. Yeah. I don't even want to say more. I just want people to watch it. Watch. Watch Neighbors. You need to watch Neighbors. I'm really not even watching reality TV. And I got to tell you, this has like completely changed my life. Well, this is like a documentary. Basically. Yeah. This is like highbrow. Basically. Well, the people in Montana were really fun for me as well. Were those the first episode? The guy with the fangs? The doomsday prepper. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That they're like out there and they're like, you can't close the gate on my land. My horses need to roam. And then it turns out one of them is like a role playing TikToker. Yes. That's Montana now. They're all online, which you really don't get off the top from all these people. You don't get that they're so online. And it also is really showing you how other people are using the internet and other generations are using the internet. It's not always the same as ours. Not always the same as ours. But all of them are on OnlyFans. They're all on OnlyFans. And they're all on TikTok in a big way. Yes. I deleted TikTok, but now I'm like. I'm getting links and I'm curious what people are sending me. Yeah. But you know what's a real high? Of course, Tova. You know what's a total high is when you've deleted TikTok off you. I haven't had TikTok on my phone in forever. When you've deleted it and someone texts you something that you didn't want to watch and you go, oof, I don't have TikTok, but I bet that's funny. I bet it's good. That's a lot of fun, actually. Do you want to screen record it for me? No, you can screen record and send if you want. And they never care enough to screen. No. And that's telling, isn't it? I know. It's like, it's also kind of sometimes with TikTok because it sucks you in more than any other app. Someone will be sending me something when they have some time to waste and I go, now you know if I open this. I'm done. I'm done. I'm cooked. I'm done with whatever I'm doing. Why would you do that to me? Yeah. You don't want me to be productive? You don't want me to get my work done? You don't want me to? Maybe they thought you could just watch one. No. I don't think anyone thinks that about me. Really? No. I have like a really short attention span. I view you as extremely powerful. Thank you. But I do have sort of original recipe like ADHD in a way that is kind of like. I just have to be like alert about certain things and like not, you know, I can't. The other. Oh my God. The other morning. Yesterday. I went. We were getting prepped. It's early in the morning. I'm doing all these daytime appearances. I'm shaking out stuff at the hotel room. I pick up like a weed vape falls out. It's got to be seven in the morning. I pick the weed vape up. I'm cleaning up. I'm texting. I take that hit. No. I go. No. Cobb's like, you're going to be fine. Yeah. Cobb goes in two hours. When you're on camera, you're going to be totally normal again. But yeah, I'm not. I need to be focused at all times. I want to start going to stuff stoned. I don't go to any work stuff stone and I think it would make my life better. Tova, your muffs. Sometimes. Can I get stoned for tonight? Oh, please. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I think I at this point in my life, I'm smoking so much weed consistently that I'm always a little. Yeah. But the edges are always a little soft. I am stone cold sober at every work event. And I'm telling you, I have friends that go to set. Yes. On a hundred milligram. Oh, that I can't do. I want to get high at stuff. I can't get high. When I'm filming something on set, like as an actor, I cannot be high or have like any substance in me at all. And that includes the other way. Like I can't have like an Adderall or something and do my job. So that I don't have anything except caffeine. But no, I'm like high for other stuff a lot. You have to get into Mal. I think it's their Miami vibe. I think it's Miami vibes. It's this little vape I have. And it's for. Daytime smoking around town. And it's a little pink vape. Sorry. I have to get into Miami vibes, which is a vape. It's a sativa vape. For daytime smoking around town. Yeah. Yeah. Is that their tagline or is that something that you're assigning to it? Something I discovered. Cool. Yeah. Through market research. I don't like vapes. Me neither. And it's really bad for your like throat, obviously, and really bad. But I can't be like lighting up a joint in the middle of the day. I know, but we need to be. It's better. No, it's better for us. It's maybe for you, but we are coming at it from two different angles. We're like your teacher, your teacher's favorite. And I'm and I'm the student that the teacher talks about when she goes home to her husband. This is always going to be the problem with our dynamic. I know. Is I'm. Yeah. I'm a little Miss Princess. You are a bad boy. I know. And I want to be a bad boy and you want to be a little Miss Princess. I want to say that I want to be so well behaved. I want everyone to be happy with me. Isn't that sick? I know. That's why we work. It's our wound. It's our wound. It's our wound. It's our childhood wound. Yeah. That you wanted to be a little Miss Princess and I want to be a bad boy. Because like I was only ever hoping for the best, you know, and you were and you want and you only ever want to do whatever you want to do. I want to and I do whatever I want to do, but I want to be mysterious about it. That's the thing is I thought doing whatever I wanted. I thought that would make me a bad boy. Right. I'm still just a good boy trying to do bad. What you want is to achieve. And so that's hard. I want to be mysterious. I want to be misunderstood. Yeah. I'm sure. Aren't you like you're misunderstood. Have you ever been canceled? That's a type of misunderstanding. Honey, I get canceled every week. I get canceled every week. They cancel me every week. Every week. They love me until I say anything. And then they're like, why would he do this? It's hard because it's like it's like you you do want your audience to be your community because like they get what you're saying. But then sometimes you're like, that's right. I'm gay. Well, they're getting mad about. Yeah, I don't really care. I don't care. I really don't care. But they're like they're like, why is he making jokes about trans people? And it's like because I'm friends with more of them than you than you've ever met in your life. You spend this much time around. Than you've ever met in your life. Why am I making jokes about lesbians? Spend time with these people. I know. Are you kidding me? I know. You're picking up on the patterns. I'm noticing. I'm a noticer. If anything, it's like you're giving people good niche reads on the community. I'm in there doing field research like that fucking lady with the primates. Oh, Jane Goodall. Jane Goodall. I was going to say Gloria Steinem and that's women. That's me with lesbians, etc. Yeah. You're the Jane Goodall of lesbians. Well, I mean, you're saying that and I will accept that. Thank you for saying that. You said it. You put it together and you made me say it. You independently brought that up of your own volition. You led me to water. And I want to thank you for doing that. You are that. You are that. That means a lot to me. If that's who you want to be. I'm here to help you. Yeah. When I'm learning as someone who is working and doing publicity for the first time. It's not the first time. This is my first time working with publicists and like doing like real big promotion for a project. Yes, my first time ever. Oh, wow. And I'm learning that nothing actually like really has to be real. It's like, what do you, you can decide what, if you want to be a bad boy from here on out. Yeah. We'll just craft the narrative. Why not? I'll call my publicist today. I think diligent people are like the best at kind of like being like sexy or bad or whatever, because they're like, I know exactly how to achieve that. I'm calling my publicist. Colin, if they don't share the vision, fire them. I will. On the camera. I'm going to fire my publicist right now if they don't understand. Please. What do I say? Just that I want to be a bad boy from now on? We're going in a new direction. Hard time. Rhett, how's it going? How are you doing? I'm good. How are you doing? I'm good. You're live on the So True podcast. My podcast. Hi. I'm what I am. You're yeah. You're live. It's me and Taylor Ortega. Hey, I had a question for you. Yes. I think I want to be a bad boy from now on. I want to, I want to shift my image to being like, maybe like one of Hollywood's like premier young bad boys. Do you, do you, do you think that's possible? And how can we do it? Well, definitely possible. You got to start with wardrobe first, for sure. Oh, goodbye. I'll talk. Wait, what? Why did you, why did you say that? What do you mean? What would you, what would you put, what kind of wardrobe? Leather jacket, like, you know, those tired loads that you've been up all night. Like, you know, just, just the absolute, like, you just, you, hell, you got to be in Los Angeles too. You can't be in New York that far. Oh, come on. Really? I know. Why? I don't know, Ellie. Because. That's where that exists. You're too fucking cool in New York. Like, you're too cool. You can't do that. You can't pull an image change like that in New York after you go to Los Angeles. What? So, obviously, you're saying wardrobe is first and foremost. What is, like, the first, like, pressed stop we should do? I think it can't be a press stop. No press stop? And you could tell me, Rhett, you can tell me if I'm wrong and if you advise against this, but I don't think it should be press stop. Even if it's orchestrated, I think it needs to be, like, you're on skid row and you're trying to low-key acquire contraband. Okay. And PR. and you're sort of hoping not to be photographed. And in fact, you should look like shit and people should photograph you. And then we've thrown, and it can't be back grid. It has to be like, you know, and then we, and then those, those come out and you pretend to be destroyed by it. What do you think of that? 100%. What we would do, we create that photo of Brittany, Lindsay Lohan, and Paris Hilton. I would love to be a part of that. Oh, right. So I think we have to come up with that tricep of who you're in the car with, where you are just. You guys could, I would let you guys blur my vagina for that. I know. And then honestly, I really need to release a statement asking for your privacy during this difficult time. Rehab? As you sort through. Do I go to rehab? Personal matters. We call it personal matters. Oh, but it's rehab. You're going to personal matters. I'm going to a rehab called personal matters. Okay. Thank you, Rhett. This was illuminating as always. Your check is in the mail. Bye-bye. Thank you. Did you hear you said, congrats on your show? Oh, thank you. Always working. Wow. I think you guys are totally right. I need to go to Skid Row. I know. I need to be like that video of Justin Bieber. Do you remember that? I do. I talk about it too much. When he was in like an alleyway of Hollywood. Yes. He was like, my car broke down, man. Yeah, I know. And it's like, come on, man. It's like, I'm sorry, and it's not comfortable, but you have to do something like that. Yeah. And you kind of have to be down to do it. I worry that it seems like I'm trivializing addiction issues on this episode, but I'm not. Just because I want to go to rehab to create an image. You said you have to go buy heroin. You could buy a gun, like a stolen gun or an unregistered gun. Yeah. And no one ever got mad at anyone for trivializing that. I think my bad boy turn would be really complicated if my thing was guns. I think people are. Oh, my God. Okay, everyone on Neighbors has one. I didn't say you have to shoot anybody. I think people are going to be more receptive to me maybe having like a substance issue than maybe that I'm like buying black market guns. The thing is, everyone has a problem with everything and they're all right. Yeah. And that's good. And we should stay vigilant. This, yeah. I mean. Do you know what, Taylor? What? We could dovetail at the exact moment that we're turning my public image towards bad boy. Right. We could bring you in and turn your image towards Little Miss Princess. Thank, okay. You're the good girl that's like. Okay. You're the good girl that goes on the news after. So I get caught by. I'm really worried about you. I'm like. Sawed off shotguns in LA. Yeah. That are illegal. Yeah. And then you go on the news. Well, I'll have Rhett set it all up. And you should steal. I'll steal the gun. No, I mean, you should just steal around. Like, you should be just stealing. Okay. I'll have the gun that I've purchased. Yeah, like, and you can have it on you when you're stealing. But I also think because you're like, you know, prominent, that no one's also going to stop. No one's going to think you're stealing. It's like. So then you can just also be walking around and sort of taking stuff. Right. And then what we'll do is we'll set it up to where the news comes to you to comment. Like, hey, Caleb Heron's. Caleb Heron. Your friend Caleb Heron's in the news. And at the time, I'll be pregnant with the. You're pregnant. I'm pregnant. And you're wearing, like, a very sensible cardigan that's, like, open enough to show the belly. Yes, and the pregnancy is kind of maybe also my turning point. Yeah. Like, the pregnancy for me is like, I got to get serious. And your hair's, like, feathered, not slicked back. It's feathered? It's, like, feathered. Okay. It's like. Okay. Do you know what I mean? Or it's, like, curled or something, but it can't be slicked back. Okay. And you can't be wearing those glasses. They're too cool. You can't be wearing any glasses at all. And your lip has to be understated and simple and elegant with pearls because. Okay. What you're going to say is, while you're, like, holding. You know the way that pregnant women do this? Yeah, I'll hold it. You're going to be doing that on the. Like a basketball. You're going to do that on the news. Yeah. And you're going to go, you know, Caleb is. He's a complicated guy, and he's going to get help. He's dealing with personal matters right now. Rehab. Personal matters, yes. And if everyone could just give him, like, some space and time, I think we really need to understand, like, what he's going through. Yes. And you'll come through as, like, the sensible friend who wants me to get help. Or people will be like, oh, she's an apologist. No. Okay. No, you're going to get Little Miss Princess treatment. They're going to go, wow, she's so good. I deserve it. She's so teacher's pet. I deserve it by now. God. I've been. Yeah, this will be. And thank you for doing that for me. And the whole time, by the way, your new Netflix show, number one on Netflix the whole time. From your lips. Bigger than everything. From your beautiful soft lips to God's ears. Bigger than everything, your show. Oh, I hope. I get pregnant right away. You think Dan would be mad at me if I got pregnant right away? Uh, no. Okay. No, I think he. This is. This is what would happen. Okay, you be you. Oh, my God. Okay. I'm pregnant. Wow. Wow. He'd be like, no, he'd go. He'd be like, he'd be like, he'd be like. Absolutely. Absolutely. Totally. Absolutely panic in his eyes. Totally. You have to. Okay. Wow. Okay. Thank you for telling me. Yeah. It's Caleb's. Karen? Yeah. Okay. Wow. We conceived naturally because I wanted to be born of love. He was inside of you. Yeah. Caleb was. Our mutual. Our moot. Our moot. Our moot. Okay. I'm going to call Netflix. Why? Taylor, they have to hang on to the baby while we film season two. They're going to hang on. They have to hang on to the baby. Jessup? What did you name him? Jebediah. Jebediah. Jebediah. They're going to hang on to Jebediah. I want him on set. They. I want them on set. I want them on set. What the fuck? Lori gets to bring her dog. Lori has that dog everywhere, doesn't she? I know. I love Connie. I just saw Death of a Salesman on Broadway. Yes. Dogs walking across the stage. No, don't you? Two seconds after the show ends, Lori in like a stocking cap, a coat. Sweatpants dog. She's fast. She's not kidding. Connie's ready to go, too. She's phenomenal. Connie's very like, yes. Lori Metcalf, a legend. Unreal. I can't believe it. I know. You're on a show with Lori Metcalf. I know. It's really crazy. And she gets to bring her dog. It's really nuts. That's crazy. I know. And she plays your lover as well. She plays my lover. We kiss a lot. She begs me not to. Guys, don't get horny. Don't get horny. We don't. We don't. Tell me about the show. Yeah, it's Dan and I and I. Levy, Schitt's Creek? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We are mutual. And we play siblings. Dan's character is a well-to-do reverend, which I kept forgetting when we would film. And then, like, there would be scenes where he'd show up in, like, the full gown. And I'd go, oh, my God, that's right. Or I'd almost be like, why are you in that? You know? And I would forget. Dan, stop. I'd go, stop. You're looking handsome, but that's a little much. No, and he plays a reverend. And I am his sort of aimless kind of bad girl sibling, to be honest. And I get us into a little hot water. And we spend this series sort of trying to work off while also digging ourselves deeper into our debt with organized criminals. And Laurie Metcalf plays our mom. She's running for mayor. She's amazing in this show. And, like, the way Dan writes for these people is, like, so much of the show is so quick. And it's, like, us going back and forth and screaming over each other. But then when Laurie's on camera, she's working her way around the whole set. A straight monologue. Almost, like, in so many scenes. Like, she's just one after the other after the other. And it's a scene where you're just, like, you're tracking her. Boom, boom, boom. It's incredible. He really knows. He really knows who he's got. You know? It's sick. I'm excited. I'm really excited. I'm so excited. And the show will be out by the time your episode comes out. Okay, yes. So people can go watch it. On Netflix. On Netflix.com, the website. I love that website. I love that website. I love that website. And I'm so excited for your show to be on it. And I'm so proud of you. Thank you. I'm proud of you, too. I am, too. Thanks, buddy. What's so true to you right now? What's so true to me is I'm getting a little fatigued with the hyper-vigilance over, you know, women's celebrity behavior. I think there's really been an uptick this month. And I just kind of feel like if I have to hear about Chapel Roan being rude one more time, it's sort of like until we see, until one of you digs up Chapel Roan's dead name in the Epstein files, I'm not, I can't hear it. I don't want to hear about it until the end of the quarter. Yeah. Everyone's like. Our president is sort of waking up every morning with a full diapy being like, I'm going to level Iran to the ground. And everyone's like, we have to get Amanda Batula behind bars. And I go, you guys are diligent. You're on there all day. You are in the comments. You are getting, you are getting, you know, what's it called? Like sponsorship, like paid at whatever, like partnerships or whatever taken away from these celebrities. It's like, let's get that energy. You guys could, you guys could end this conflict today. Form a militia now. Now. Do something. Get out there. You, the hate you have in your hearts and the sense of justice could be so, so positively weaponized. And it also is like boring and fake. Yeah. Like it just like the outrage is kind of boring and fake. Fake and gay. Fake and gay. And by the way, it's like there, there's such different situations. Like I obviously can't wait to watch Summer House and how this plays out. And I hope everything works out for Sierra and she gets everything. And I, I honestly hope like they put her, they put her in an Oscar winning movie and she completely transitions out of reality TV. I think it's time. But at the same time, it's sort of like they're being intense real world consequences for things like Chapel Rowan security guard scaring an 11 year old is sort of like. Also, that's funny. That's the other thing. We don't laugh anymore. People are so serious. They're like, oh my God, to send a security guard to the child is like, shut the fuck up. Back in the nineties, you know what would happen? There's no, women aren't allowed to be divas anymore. Back in the nineties. Also, she didn't do it. You would walk into a hotel that you have a reservation at. Naomi Campbell would cross in front of you. She'd grab you by the neck. She'd lift you. She'd throw you across the room and you'd go, thank you. That's what would happen. That's what it used to be like to be a woman. Oh my God. But not anymore. Not anymore. she didn't do it either and also i'm this this is part of my whole thing with this the fucking like outrage about kids lately i'm like you guys have none of this energy where is this revolutionary energy for the fucking pedophiles when i found out that that like i don't even want to guess percentages but what percentage of powerful people in this world are straight up a cabal of confident pedophiles enjoying their lives and not taking one second to question their behavior yeah i go why are we giving like random reality stars like a triple anxiety disorder it's like we like what are we doing this is so crazy and then these people that are should be forming fucking like armies to do something about this instead they're like why is sam smith wearing a bustier it's like i missed that one i completely missed that one up they're like there's loose satanic themes it's like do you know i ordered a 30 two ounce ribeye at dinner last night not just for me everyone relax okay i'm not for the table per the tub yeah it was just me why dinner with my ex last night and you said i'm gonna i said we need a 32 do you panic i said the ribeye the ribeye the ribeye you kiss the waiter's hand and then i let him take it home 32 ounce ribeye i should have taken that home what sides uh top bottom it doesn't matter top bottom whenever did you get sides for the steak did you get a mashed potato you sick god i can't even make gay jokes that was a pretty good gay joke if you're really involved i remember when side dropped a couple years ago and gay guys just started saying it on grinder and what is that that is just side is where you pretty much only want to do oral stuff it's basically like it's a new version of gay guy where cleaning out your butt is too much oh you have to do that every time clean out before before anal sex yeah ideally right not after both both that is so that is so it's a lot of work oh don't i know it those guys are going through it that's a lot you got bottoms do more for this country than most of our politicians and they don't get enough credit i know i'm here to tell you i won't have any bottom slander those young men the the stuff they go through for our community bottoms are the bedrock of this nation they are and i want to shout them out i want to say go ahead bottoms i want to say every if you have ever bottomed and god help you if you're bottoming regularly if you're bottoming right now think you might be bottoming right now bottoming right now there are turn it up turn this up turn up the so true podcast because this is an anthem for the bottom yes you clean that thing out you scoop it right scoop right i'm sorry right you fucking do your thing brother because you are keeping this country together lesbians are kind of doing the opposite we're told to just leave it alone never scoop anything out really yeah they go actually don't even clean it too closely the other day i saw a video where a girl goes don't even put soap on the soft part soft part like the where it changes to is there a hard part there's like a more normal skin part and then you're inside obviously where you get to the inside part like it is a little softer softer it's like the like the inside of her lip or something yeah i mean i've been i've been in a couple of um those and congratulations it was cool it was cool it was cool it was actually cool i said once on this podcast that it really um made me sick but i think mostly that's just because i was figuring myself out for sure yeah none of it no i would i'm trying to think if there's like a person body part that makes me sick i don't think i like oh come on fingers people's hands don't touch my face yeah nasty i think that's the nastiest part of a person is do you know what i don't like what when i'm um like when someone when i'm like okay if someone's on top of me maybe we're having sex already maybe we're not okay but i go to put my hand on their face maybe to be like kind of sweet or to like bring them in for a kiss yeah and they go to try and like suck on the finger you ever have that oh i i think i would like that i don't love you don't want your fingers up i don't want i certainly don't want their finger in my mouth and i certainly am not like like if someone sucks my finger i'm not like oh i kind of am i'm like what are you doing with but maybe they're not doing a good job you need them to really like get like suction on i also don't do it and i think that's worse you don't have a penis i don't and now i'm realizing that is what it is what could compare yeah to getting to getting your dick sucked like yeah not much not much it's pretty awesome i know but that's probably like being eaten out no it's just too different it's just too different like i i just think it's too different i long wanted to i think like a thing that like a lot of lesbians share is when you find when you start having gay sex and you find out what for so because so for us like it's we like that vagina and it's exciting and good lesbians yeah yeah yeah totally and it's like the inside the outside like like love it can't get enough loving the whole thing yeah and when you are a gay woman lesbian they them and you find out what it's like in there there is a period of more burning rage grief almost for that men have like penises and get to experience that sensation with a penis sorry like if i could make my clit huge like huge like like tubular and huge the rage is that it's hidden on the inside i can't fully get all the way all the way in there yeah you're rageful because you can't be so inside so inside of it and it's like i can with other like i could get a hand in there but i would like it if i could get a hand in there if i could get a hand in there if i my hand was feeling the sensation that a penis could feel in there oh you know like i want to you know what i mean like you can put your hand in there and fuck around with stuff it's gorgeous it feels really it feels like a silky car wash yeah like a beautiful glove a beautiful a beautiful glove like when you're doing like a vaseline glove yeah but i would then you go i bet that feels amazing to have your dick in there yes i bet it feels i bet nothing feels like that it is it is yeah it is great it is great to have a dick you know yeah no shade to anyone who does or doesn't have a dick yeah i totally understand what you mean putting a hand in there totally not the same as putting a dick in there i'm happy to do it chance is going to be livid about this conversation why he's always want to talk about this chance no chances chances like anytime we talk about too much sex stuff he's like we have to cut it google youtube will hate this okay you can however he talks actually just like bleep all the parts he's not here today so i get to i know i texted him i feel bad i'm downstairs bitch come get me i'm downstairs bitch come get me and i go i can't no i can't ever since our scandal i can't yeah no i totally wish you had a penis as well and what i want to tell you is what you have instead your body is perfect and beautiful and you know what in some ways penises are an inconvenience yeah did you notice on that episode of neighbors that like a lot of the guys at the nudist colony were like so hung of course i noticed yeah that's not a thing i usually notice but i was like i'm not gonna notice that i wondered if it was like a i have to have my big dong out the world has to know totally if i had a huge dick you'd never hear the end of it if if i have it's you know average that's what people like the most actually i don't know about gay guys but i know that i think women like we need to put more respect on the average to small dick community for sure because hung guys are evil they're hurting people that's a tool of oppression that they're using on you by the way you think it's giving them like crazy ego problems no i just think it's hurtful i don't if you look physically yeah don't bring a hung dick around me what am i gonna do with it i'm not putting it in my mouth i'm not gonna do it i'm not gonna do it well obviously me either you don't you won't put it in there you're gonna put it in there i'll put anybody i don't know what to tell you sorry yeah sorry sorry sorry i don't know what to tell you what happened to us we got really locked in there for a second i don't know we have really good chem we have really good sexual palpable chemistry we really do i know you know what's i'm gonna say something crazy right now because i'm crazy right now yes because you know who this is gonna hurt the most is holmes okay okay what's crazy is it'll obviously never happen you're a nice relationship is set up in a different way i think we both know we would have crazy sex we would have i know but holmes also doesn't want it as bad like to be honest you know what i mean like i think i for us to have sex no like for y'all to have sex i feel like we would probably but then also i wonder is it like a um is that our like pheromones almost being like we actually have genetic compatibility even like that because you know what i mean like if we did try to have a baby would it only take one round yeah you know even if we did iu i know we would have a baby instantly i think our what if our bodies are really suited for each i think cob might be a little hurt too by this conversation i think maybe yeah i know i'll fuck holmes and cob as well yeah let's do a let's do a let's do sex day first of all don't even don't even dangle that carrot because holmes will make us all follow through with sex day yeah that's true i'm greatest joy would be all of their friends coming together dad that would be special that would be special it would that would be really special i think if things ever get really splintered and we're all working too much and no one's really able to hang anymore because of the grind we should plan something like that yeah you said you have a healthy relationship with the grind with the grind yeah you do maybe you're a well-bound person i think so aquarius hello do you want to play a game yeah i have 15 statements for you and you have to tell me as quickly as you can if what i just said was true or false taylor you know you've done it i've done it if you win you get 10 or more correct yeah we're gonna give you 50 us dollars really yes i'll take it yeah you'll get paid regardless okay ready the great wall of china is visible from space with the naked eye yeah false okay bananas or berries no true the shortest war in history lasted 38 minutes yeah true venus is the hottest planet in the solar system like sexy or temperature temperature no true Kelsey Theater at Mercer is in Trenton, New Jersey. Yes. False. It's in West Windsor. I went to camp there. Wombat feces are cube shaped. Yes. True. The Statue of Liberty was a gift from Spain to the U.S. False. France. False. France. The boiling point of water is higher at higher altitudes. Yeah. False. It's lower. A group of rhinos is called a crash. Sure. True. They see that. Crash. High Town High School's colors are purple and white. Wrong. False. Blue and white. Earth's moon is larger than Pluto. Yeah. True. The largest bone in the human body is the femur. Yeah. True. Barry Sanders wore number 20 for the Detroit Lions. Okay. Yes. True. Hey! Bernie Sanders was born in 1945. Yeah. True. False. 1941. Diana Ross is from Cranberry, New Jersey. False. False. She's from Detroit. Okay. How'd Taylor do? I think I would have heard of that. Nine! Okay. Pretty good. Pretty good. Not bad. Close, but no cigar. I know. That's me. I'll never be fully perfect. No matter how hard I try. I'll be close my whole life. You are fully perfect just as you are right now. Thank you, but you mean that in the way of like our flaws make us who we are kind of thing. Totally. I'm not interested in that. Completely. You want no flaws. I want no flaws. It's not all it's cracked up to be, Taylor. I'm not gonna let myself enjoy life until I get there. Having no flaws seems like a lot of fun until you have none. You feel completely beholden to it. I have zero flaws. I know. And it makes me sick. It makes me sick every day. You seem to be having like a pretty alright time. In life? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess you're right. You seem to be kind of rocking it and making the most of it. I'm freaking it. You're freaking it. I've been saying that nonstop. In terms of being alive, I'm freaking it. You're freaking it. You are kind of freaking it. Do you feel that you're freaking it? I mean, if this isn't freaking it. At least this week, I'm freaking it. You're freaking it this week? I'm freaking it this week. Are you gonna take a big nap after all this? I hope you get some sleep this weekend. Thank you. I took a big nap yesterday. Yeah. But I also have really bad FOMO. Like, everyone's in town for the premiere. I want to hang with everyone. Seeing like our crew at the premiere, but then kind of working and not being able to get black out with them was really, really hard for me. And I feel like they think I'm worried that they think our whole crew is gay by the way, so that lends some info to this. But it's like, I think they feel like I have like no commitment to blacking out. And it's like, I actually do and nothing would make me happier. You know? But I am so tired. They think you're not committed to blacking out. They think I'm not committed to blacking out. And I go, I literally am. That's all I want. Do you want to black out tonight? No, I gotta be up early tomorrow. See, that's a f***ing problem. But they're kind of, I kind of feel like some crew members are able to sort of like do, like, they were kind of like, so what? You have to go somewhere in the morning. And I go, oh my god, that's right. Like, y'all are working like 24-7. Like, you guys are getting up at ungodly hours in the dark. Actually hard jobs. Like moving shit. Like, actually like you're lifting shit. You're doing whatever. And I'm just kind of like, I can't be wrinkly on camera. Yeah. I can't be dehydrated or wrinkly on camera. And they're kind of going, that's not a problem. And I'm like, you're making good points. Let's get black out tonight. Okay. I'm beyond hungover on Kelly Clarkson tomorrow. I barf in her shoe. She would love that. You know she's been black out before. For sure. I'd hope. Kelly? I hope. Kelly Clarkson, she's been black out. I hope so. She's probably been to a lot of good parties. Probably. And guess what? She's probably been to a lot of boring parties where she goes, I'm gonna need a drink tonight. Yeah. And I'm making Dan get black out with us tonight as well. You know he, I was just saying this as someone, I feel like people would guess that I last longer than him. But sometimes when it's work play, he, he pulls it out and he's like down to go out. Dan's out. Yes, he's out. He'll do stuff. Yes, he will. And he'll stay out. Like he'll be, if he's ready to rally, he will. I ruined a game of charades at his house once. Why? What was it? It wasn't charades. It was like, it was like, oh, the celebrity game. Something like that. And I like totally messed up the rules and just gave my thing away immediately. Ruined it. In front of Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Oh my God. What kind of gay guy cabal was this? I know. That's why I wasn't invited to Jesse Tyler Ferguson night. There were only, there were only three gay guys there. Oh, okay. Other than that, a lot of women. Dan has your friendship makeup a bit. Yes. It is very like women forward friend group. That's what I love about him. Yes. It's like stylish women. Is there anything you want to tell people before we go? I love Caleb. I can't wait for our film. I can't wait for our child. Yeah. And I can't wait for tonight. Yeah. We're being blackout. Yeah. What can I say? Something? Yeah. This is something I'm just thinking of now off the top of my head. Here's to the nights we'll never remember with the people we'll never forget. Yes. That's right now. I love it. I love you. I love you. Thanks for having me. Ciao. For real. Ciao Bella. Ciao Bella. Ciao Caramilla. Ciao Caramilla. I love you. Ciao Bella. Accepted at millions of places from big box stores to boutiques. You can check out with your iPhone anywhere contact list payments are accepted. Apple Pay is more secure than a physical card because you authenticate your purchases with Face ID before you pay. And your actual card number is never shared with merchants. Simple. Secure. Fast. That's Apple Pay. Terms apply. Just tell it to your driver and they'll enter it in their app before the ride can start. 2538. That way you know you're in the right car, taking the right trip and your driver knows you're the right passenger. I just want to give you the space to process it, Michael said. Elena paused. I don't think I want to see anybody else. This is the love story of real hinge couple Elena and Michael, written and Read by me, Raven Smith. Listen to the free audiobook now.