[Tavern Tales] Infinights Interns and the Rules of Chaos

What's up everybody, I'm Jimmy Wong. How's it? It's Josh Lee Quy. We're the host of the Command Zone podcast. You've probably heard of Magic the Gathering. Whether you're a new player or a seasoned veteran, or you used to play and want to get back into the game, you've got to check out Commander. It's the most popular way to play Magic, and for good reason. It's everything you love about board games, but with Magic cards. Deep rewarding strategies, infinite creative deck building possibilities, and it's multiplayer. So there are tons of opportunities for complex social interactions. If you can't tell, we seriously love this game, and we think you would too. I mean, why else would we talk about it for like an hour every single week? All right, so if you like Magic the Gathering, check us out at the Command Zone, the premier podcast for all things Commander. Available on Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Spotify, or anywhere podcasts are found. Ah, sophomore year. For many American high schoolers, it truly is one of the most second high school years. But what if a school year was more than just the second one? What if they got superpowers all up in that thing? Root Tales of Magic has been relentlessly lampooning fantasy and sci-fi with their improvised roleplay podcast since 2019, and for their brand new campaign, they've set their sights on high school. It's Root Tales of Magic, Blue Kindness High. Blue Kindness High is X-Men meets DeGrossi, Animorphs meets Stoss and Screek, Stranger Things meets Looney Tunes, GM by Comedian Tim Platt. Listen to Branson Reese, Ali Fisher, and Joel LePore. Tell the tale of sophomores who, for some reason, are amazing. The world is filled with all sorts of podcasts, good and bad, but there's only one best podcast, Root Tales of Magic. Whether you're a long time lover of the series or a newbie to the Root crew, this tale is definitely one you won't want to miss. Subscribe to Root Tales of Magic on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Pocketcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. New episodes drop every other Tuesday. It's DM by an award-winning game designer and voice-over actor with a cast made of professional comedians. Chesters of Ravenloft is a show that'll make you laugh, no matter what horrors are happening to its characters. Even better the cast had no idea that they'll be playing themselves. The series begins with a warm-up scene that was actually the start of the show, so the players begin their adventures wearing chip-and-dale vest, underwear, and matching fedores. It's produced by the same team behind the hit podcast "Dumb Dums and Dragons." You know, the show has got to be amazing. It's got original content set within Ravenloft. It's a perfect show for DMs to learn how Ravenloft works, while also being totally spoiler-free for any players, if they journey to Ravenloft in their own home games. New episodes are recorded live on Twitch every Wednesday night and release this podcast every Friday and Saturday. You get two episodes every week, so it's twice the fun. I did the math. I listened an episode, and I think the Ravenloft world is really cool. I feel like it's, well, in my opinion, it's kind of underutilized, so I'm really happy to listen to them exploring that world and kind of showing it to people. Highly recommend you check it out. You can listen to Chesters of Ravenloft anywhere you listen to podcasts. [music] Welcome back to The Stinky Dragon. This week's special is a wild magic mystery mug made of one-park mimic model. Whatever was left of last week's special, liquid time with crushed time, some confidence, a dash of regret, and an ounce of arcane backwash from miscast spells. One sip of this curious concoction could literally do anything. Maybe it's good? Maybe it's bad? Maybe it's just delicious. This week we're returning to our friends the infinite interns for a little side story you might not have heard before. It takes place in the middle of their adventure back when they weren't real heroes yet, but boy were they trying to be a shoot. I got to go deal with someone really goblin, so I'll let the bar back take it from here. Hello, and welcome to a very special tavern tale written and hosted by me, Chris Diameris, as part of Stinky Wary, our month-long celebration to thank our patrons for supporting Tales from Stinky Dragon. And to show off all the fun, ridiculous stuff you can unlock by signing up at StinkyDragonPod.com. We've got more tavern tales like this one, bonus podcast, gameplays, and atrophy feed, and a whole horde of other goodies waiting for you. In fact, this story was made with the direct help of the Stinky community. During an intimate hangout with our superstinkers, I pitched the idea for the story and workshopped it live with supporters. Then we took the collaboration even further by crowdsourcing a wild magic chaos table by taking suggestions from both paid and free members at StinkyDragonPod.com. By the way, did you know you can get access to a lot of cool stuff just for signing up for a free account? Hmm, think about it. Finally, this story was recorded live during our Stinky Wary kickoff stream, and every time someone joined or upgraded their membership at StinkyDragonPod.com, we rolled on that chaos table and immediately forced the players to deal with the consequences. Now, this version that you're listening to has been edited down to remove all the live stream banter, but the effects of that chaos echo throughout the entire tale. So, whenever something absolutely wild happens to the players, just know that's the direct result of support from Stinkers Like You. So, without further ado, get ready to enjoy the infinite interns and the rules of chaos. It's night. We're inside a cluttered room lit by the flicker of half melted candles, the air smells of old books, ink, and fear. At a pockmark desk sits an elderly woman. Her back is hunched, her breast shallow. She's desperately trying to write a letter, but her hands wriggle unnaturally. Tiny feathers fly everywhere, accompanied by a few coffinies high pitched hawks because three of her fingers are ducks. Small, angry ducks that chaotically peck at the ink pot and snap at her quill. Despite this unusual handicap, she scribbles onto the paper. "Infinites, you protect and keep order in phaser." "We need you in the village of Kathmur." An evil plagues our town. "Hit threatens our very existence. Please help us." She rushes her note to a nearby carrier pigeon cage and, despite her finger ducks actively fighting the rival bird, manages to attach her note. There's a hum a magical energy. She looks up afraid, as it goes louder and louder, rattling shells, knocking over candles. She grabs a pigeon cage and lifts toward an open window. She has a bad leg. She's slow, and the ducks aren't helping either. There's a crackle of magical tension. She knows she doesn't have much time, but she's almost there. She reaches the window just as the room explodes in violent colors as reality folds in on itself. She screams. "Thank you, Blaine." "Thank you, Blaine." "What does fierce smell like, Chris?" "Sweat." "I was gonna say you're in, but okay, I'll take a flight." "It could be." "Yeah, not bad, boss." "The sun shines down as four travelers come to a halt on a long winding road, a halfling wipe swept from his brow, and pulls a folded letter from the pocket." "It smells like fear. The edges are cinched, the ink gets smudged, and there's a small feather stuck in the wax seal. The halfling glance is from the letter to stone monument before him, the village of Kethmark. It's not the hero's requested. It's the ones who showed up. It's the infinite interns, Bart, mud, cyborg, and gum gum. And ahead of them lies a quiet village. It's a suspiciously quiet. " too quiet. As you enter your Kethmark, a large wooden sign is the first sign that something isn't right." "I see what you did there." "Yeah, town rules. No loitering in groups larger than three. Unscheduled events are prohibited. Citizens must report unusual behavior, speech, or beliefs. Curfew begins at sundown and no outsiders. The problem is that instead of paint, the text is written in wriggling worms, and where one might expect a wooden post to hold up the sign, there's instead a jang hairy leg." "What?" As you continue to town, a territorial hat barks from a porch, and responds a dog hisses before retreating up a tree. There are oddities everywhere. Strange colors. Hair where it shouldn't be. Parts where they shouldn't be. And sounds where they shouldn't be. Besides that, the city of Kethmark is meticulously ordered and well maintained with buildings of stone and timber, inhabited by seemingly no one. The windows are closed, the shops are locked, and the town square is devoid of town people. On one side of the square, there's a sheriff's station, guard house, and prison, on the opposite and arts district, with the library, tavern, and board of a pavilion and stage. She'll probably take notes, but in the spirit of keyboard. I refuse. Nah. Overlooking it all is a large stone key. Being a rules follower, mud would immediately turn into a camel so that we're not a group of larger than three people. And to continue role-playing, I will treat mud as a camel and be really mean to it. Why do you mean to camels? Because we gotta act the part. These people think that you're our camel. Yeah, but who's mean to their camel? I guess cyborg. Camel jockeys, I guess? I don't know, like dudes that drive camels. I guess I want to see what cyborg thinks animal cruelty is in a moment, but right now. Suddenly, there's a hum of tension in the air before a blast of magical energy surrounds you. It seems your party is susceptible to the same wild magic chaos that it inflicts this village. Bart, to the others, you look the exact same, but now you believe that you're a vampire. Oh my gosh, I have no experience with this whatsoever. Barb's brain is breaking between the two voices that are now feuding. for this character. - Hello, it is me, Bartolome, you're dead. (laughing) I am now a vampire. (laughing) - How'd it go, John? - I, I don't know, gum gum, I have all of a sudden this lust for blood, more so than usual. - That happens sometimes when I rage. But I try not to, I try not to drink any. - Also, do my teeth look like kinda pointy at all to you? - I don't know, it kinda looks just like teeth, but sometimes teeth aren't pointy. - You've got some spinach stuck in there, Bart. - Bat, bat, bat, bat. - Your name is Bart, your name is Bart. - You're missing the R. - Bart. - Bad camel. - Yeah, this camel is going to kick you if you touch this camel, just letting you know. - I'll stab that camel. (laughing) - This camel will unleash every spell slot on you if you fight me. So, what are we supposed to do here? - So we got a letter, vampire, Bart, got a letter. That had tiny feathers. - Have we read the letter yet? - Yes. You've all read the letter, that's why you are here. - Okay, smells like fear. - It does smell like fear. And it had a little feather on it, right? From the duck fingers. - It feels like if we were to enter this town, the easiest thing to head towards directly would be the stone keep. - Yeah, go ahead and do a perception check. - Okay. - A new perception check. Also, are you dimming and playing? - Yes. - Well, I'm an NPC. - Okay. - Okay. I was like, are we leaving gum gum here? Conveniently with the three player max. - Could I kill gum gum? Do I have gum gum? (laughing) - No. - 26 perception check. - 15 perception. - Okay. You see a pretty clear path up towards that heap. And on the way, you notice a dwarf between you and the keep whose appears to have a donut for a head, lowering a bucket into a well. And then. - When the dwarf talks, is the hole the mouth? - Absolutely. - Well, you don't know yet, but yes. - Okay. - When you notice you, he quickly lowers a sprinkled head to avoid your gaze and hide his glaze. - Hello. (laughing) - Well, he's a donut head, okay? Things are weird. - Don't call him a donut head. That might be offensive in this part of the country. - Yeah, it might be. - Yeah, she might be right. - Oh, hello. I'm just a, I'm just a, just get my water here. How you doing? I would be sure to keep through the town as quickly as possible. (laughing) Okay. - Speaking of the town, things do not look normal. (laughing) - I actually do want to kick cyborg. Can I kick cyborg? - That is, I find very offensive. I cannot help, my face looks the way it does and I can't help it. And I tell you, I've been trying to find a cure, but there's just a, nothing. - Chris always defaults to that one guy. What's that old Hollywood actor that you always do the voice of? - Oh, Jimmy Stewart. - Oh, yeah. - Okay, yeah, we'll just make him, full on Jimmy. Oh, I don't know about that. - Yeah, there he is. So what's going on in your town, donut man? - Oh, my name's Namor. - Namor. - Namor Hadel. All right, and well, we reckon we've been cursed. A bit cursed. Yeah, there's a lot of, I don't know what it is. So some say it's an evil sorcerer, but I just don't know. - Is it like a curse that, like all the townspeople are like, they have donuts for heads? - I wish I could, then I'd fit in a little better. It's just stuff happens and we don't know why or how or when or what. - Did you recently have like a new person come into town and who like, yeah, know you guys? - Well, I mean, you seem to have the curse before we even showed up, so I don't know. - That's true, that's true. And as if on cute, the magical chaos haunting the village erupts once again. Now, mud, you feel strangely compelled to include a meow every time you speak. - mud turns into a cat. - Oh, that works, that works. - It's an easy way. - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry, it looks like the magic, the curse, it turns your camel into a cat. - How recently did things change here? That it started getting weird. - Oh, it's just, it's been gradual. I don't know how long it's six months, five, it's just hard to know. It's just gotten worse and worse. - I see. - Meow, who lives in that? - Okay, I'm a cat, I made a cat sound. You can calm down. - Talkin' cat. - I was talkin' camel a second ago. - You weren't freaked out by the camel? You weren't freaked out by the camel. - And you're talkin' doughnut. Can we get a past all the weirdness, okay? You're saying out front with being held up by a leg, all right? So you got a stone keep over there. Who lives in that? - Oh, that's the, that's the, that's the max's tower. There's the elders, you know, they help keep track of the town and keep the safe and run everything and, yeah, oh, oh. I can't get a perception check from you guys. - For all of us? - Yeah. - Anytime. - 12. - I love Bart. That is a 23, he's so perceptive with his little eyes. - I love, I love Kai, where he's so perceptive, that's a five. (laughs) Bart, with that role, you see four city guards marching and stiff formation, armor polished expressions tense as they straighten signs and check for oddities. One of them wields an umbrella instead of a spear and they don't see you yet. - I mean, uh. (laughs) Guys, I don't wanna alert anybody, but there are four guards just over Yonder. - Now, are those guards parts of your community? Are they like, where do they work for the elders? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're the city watcher. - I better be going, I don't want to cause trouble and name more rushes back into his modest dwelling and hear the door shut and the clank of the lock. - Did you guys know that guy was the first mutant ever? That's really kind of cool. - Oh really? (laughs) - What does that mean? You didn't say meow. - No, that means I'm stupid cat. (laughs) - So the city watch is getting closer and closer. Are y'all doing anything? - I see, we just go up and talk to them. - I mean, I guess. - I mean, I guess cause we could probably help them. - Worse thing comes to worse is they take us into custody and we get to see who's in charge, I don't know. - That's just so great. - That I didn't target practice with name or I could have shot an arrow straight through his head and it wouldn't have killed him. (laughs) - Well, his mouth technically. (laughs) I mean, we could find out about his biology for the back out here. - So much to learn from his confectionery body. (laughs) - Woosh! - Suddenly, the wild magic erupts again. This time, affecting Kaibor, who suddenly develops an insatiable itch that's incredibly distracting. - Okay, Kaibor drops to the ground and starts scootin' his butt. - And about this time, y'all have delayed enough where the guards notice you. - Meowdy partner! - They rush towards you, spears, and umbrella drawn. - Hello, gentlemen. Mighty fine day, isn't it? - What is this? Some kind of party? We said no unscheduled events, no lordering in groups. Well, let's see, well, there's only, okay, you're a good three of you in this cat. - Yeah, following that rule, yeah. - Who the cat just talked? - He just said meow. - Yeah, that's just a cool little trick. We like to throw our voice and the cat looks like it's talkin'. - Yes, we're but traveling ventrilla quests. - Yes. - Okay. - Watch him do it now. - Now, how did your town become so a bit chaotic as it is? Did someone build this town on me? Maybe someone's burial ground? - I don't think about to be buried as you. If you don't get out of town, we say no strangers. No strangers in this town. - Well, that's not good for your economy. - Yeah, how do you stay populated? I don't know, I feel like. - That's not really your concern. - How do you worry about their genetic pool here? We're actually, well, I can't say anything because I'm supposed to be a cat that's not talking. - No, that was, I said that. - Mud the cat paws at Kaiborg's leg to try to get him to come down so Mud the cat could tell him something. - Aim for my butt, it's so itchy, I can't. Mud just starts scratching. It's like perfect, it's the perfect unison of the two needs. - If you guys, if you gentlemen will hold on, I need to practice my ventriloquism with my cat. - Hey, where the infinite? Now, where the infinite? I'm just talking, I'm whispering to you. Stop with that mouth. Okay, I'm trying to find ventriloquizing you. Okay, if we're the infinite interns, we should use that as clout for the reason why we're supposed to be here. So try to intimidate them into understanding that we're here at like, as officials, okay? - Bart, follow my lead. - I could also, I could command them to let us through. - Oh, that's way cooler. Hey, this is, this is official infinite business. And we have a right to be here as local law enforcement. Just listen to my friend Bart here. First of all, we're local law enforcement. We're bigger than you. - It's federal versus state, okay? So yeah. [laughs] Could a bark cast command? Uh huh. Can you how does that work? So it's technically just supposed to be a one word command to a creature you could see within range. The target must succeed on a wisdom saving throw or follow the command to its next turn. Wisdom saving throw, the DC on that is 14, wisdom 14. And I think he would go, "Chail." Uh, well, I roll the 15th, so. Dang it! I don't know what you're talking about. I have nothing to do about here. You only got to get out of here unless you got a reason to be here. Well, we got a letter. So someone summoned us to help out because things are herzeney! A letter? Let's see this letter. Yes. Don't. Yeah, I'm going to reach for the letter. I don't want you to bite my wrist, okay, Bart? I'm going to give that letter, but also real quick, burst the magic and fart. You now must speak in caveman. Okay. But you no longer think you're a vampire, so. Okay. Bart, he looks over the letter, and he's like, "Huh, well this is on Max's stationery." Yeah. We were called here. We're not just goofing around. We don't mean to cause a ruckus. Oh. We're here to just help, bro. I don't know why the elders need a team of intriguequists, but that's above my pay grade. Come with me. Okay. Alright. Bart, anything to say about that? No. You don't have anything to say. Why don't you just chill? Okay. Chill. Me, Will. Did you try to do a Bart voice when it's complicated? So I'm like, you've been hanging out with gum gum for too long, Bart. I don't know. I don't think there's ever too long hanging out with me. It's just the perfect around the time, no matter how long it is. So let's have y'all go with them to the tower. Yes. Yes. You four are hurting through the gates of the big tower and into a vast stone chamber that feels uneasily split between a church, a courtroom and a throne room. It's solemn. It's judgmental and it's reverent all at once. On the walls, tapestries are hung with the start symbol of a perfect square and though some of the walls, the tapestries are used to kind of cover up weird anomalies and magical chaos like they're trying to hide it. My jumps on the nearest one and start scratching it. I'll go get your dang head off him. Yeah. Gosh. Dang it. I go up too high. They can't get me. Where's my bone arrow? The morgue is flossing with one of the tapestries, just rubbing it through every crack you could. That is a holy symbol for our town. You get that. I'm using it on my holy symbol. Oh my god. As you do this, several men and women and great robes look up from a wooden table, deeply concerned at what they're seeing. And I say several men and women. One of them does have the head of a puppy. Hey, no mind, two friends. Not feel good. This is our spokesperson, Bart. He's our frontman. Take it away, Bart. Tell him why we're here, bud. We here to help you. It's came in just speaking in one syllable. We here to help you, town, folk. Are you guys the elders? Well, yes, we are. And I'm confused as to who you are. Is that the puppy talking? No, this is just that. This seems to be the leader. I'm elder Uzair. Now, who are you? I got something. Like, OK, mud on the tapestry does a backflip off the tapestry and mid-backflip transforms into fearbolt mud to then land in front of the elder to present our party. Do athletics. Seventeen. What an amazing display of stupidity. Now, why are you here? You're very judgmental for being the elders of some sort of town. We're here to help you. OK, we got the letter of distress. We're official infinite interns. And we are here to help your town get through this chaotic. You got a puppy at your table. It's not supposed to be here. Trust us. We know what we're doing. And then I do a double backflip. Do athletics. OK. Yeah, 11. So, you know what you're doing. The first backflip goes really well. The second one crashes into the one of the assholes. Oh my god. What are you? What are you doing? Pay no mind to, friend. He'll lit a bit. Mud just takes his hand, puts it on Bart, and just starts pushing Bart back. Help me, please. I'm here to deliver your letter. That's why I crashed into the mententiary. Yes. I give them the letter. We got this in the mail. Who's there? Studies it. Oh, I'm sorry. I apologize. Yeah. We're expecting the imp tonight's not this. But yes, I appreciate you coming, our leader, Elder Miriam. She wrote this letter, but he looks upset. Did she die? No, she's not well at the moment. Oh, that's better than she's dead. Yes. What happened? This curse has not been kind to her. What food is her head? This is not food. Just listen, she prefers not to be in public or speak of her until she can recover, but this curse is, "We need your help by any aid or counsel I can give in her stead. Let me know." Yeah. In your recent past, did you guys like, I don't know, like, upset an old lady out in the forest, you like, stepped on her special flowers, or you killed her cat or something? Did you guys make a no-no with someone with some voodoo out in the forest? Well, I have our suspicions. We believe that this curse is a work of a tabaxi named Twin. What is tabaxi? Too many syllables, say it again. What? Is tabaxi? Oh, go, go, go. Another burst of magic. I think it's John's turn. John, your butt switches place with your face. Oh, my God, mud! You look exactly the same. Oh, God, oh! Mud kisses cyborg. No, that's what I call a stinky dragon! Oh! Disgusting! Uh, no, we, uh, we suspect there's this tabaxi named Twin. No. His name is Twin? There? Twin, to you, Ian. What is a tabaxi, just out of curiosity? I think it's like a sauce that you put to making spicy. Wacky, tabaxi? What is that you speak of? It's a tabaxi. It's a common race of cats, people, large humanoid cats, and any, any calms down the puppy headed elder. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We need to get excited. Oh, furries. Yes. By the. Did the elder, who's a dog, react to mud as a cat at all? Yeah, he probably would, but he didn't until now. He's sniffing his face. Um. Although, yeah, I don't know if mud is now mud. A butt face, or if it's cat mud with butt, I turn it to mud. With a butt face. Now, mud's face is where his butt is, and mud's butt is where his face was. Twin, this tabaxi, they moved to cat marks 10, 11 years ago, and they're a vagabond, a vagrant. They would never be allowed today. They had no real job or trade, just working when they pleased them, peddling trinkets or doodles in the market, begging just to be worthless. But not everyone saw this tabaxi for what they were. Some heard his ramblings and mistook them for wisdom. Doated on his every word, bututed as some sort of profit. Are we talking to Twin right now? No. Okay. They sounded like someone they were going to make a part of their official elders at that point. Twin would never be allowed on the council. Okay. Sorry. But it occult. Dozens and dozens would gather every night just to listen to him speak, and there are rituals and chance. Twin had them brainwashed, preaching anarchy and lawlessness, and we always suspected that there were some magic at play that twins spell over his followers, was exactly that, just a spell. Twin sounds kind of cool, I don't like him. That's what they would say, he sounds cool. That's when it started, the curse, this chaos. Has the church of twin started? Yeah. So he's been here for like 10 or 11 years. But it only became more popular in the last six months, year of the day. Okay. Um, mud turns to his, uh, his compatriots and says, hey, come down here. What's up, Butthead? [laughs] I think we need to get information on the twin side of things, so maybe we go find where the twin charges. Okay. Good idea. Hmm. [laughs] Good note mud. [laughs] Here I'll translate what Bart just said, good idea, mud. Um, me, uh, Sarah Elder, what's your name? I don't know at this point, where is the cult of twin, do they hold congregations somewhere nearby? Oh, it was in the arts district, but it's been shut down. Most of the people who live there have been arrested, put in jail. So, if you're lucky to speak to them, uh-huh, I suppose we can escort you to the prison. Wait, I'm confused, is twin in the prison? Yeah. Or are just some of his followers in the prison. He was. Oh, but he escaped. We don't know where he is. Oh. He's in the prison, and he's escaped. He's a dangerous, powerful sorcerer. We find for you for cash. So, speaking in one syllable, I said you're doing swimmingly, they mean you're doing so well, I'm impressed. All right, so then I think our next place of questioning would be the prison. Could you please take us there, our point is in that direction. What the butt said? What does the butt say? We'll have escort you to the prison. And then in that moment, there's a giant hum of energy, and boom, you're blinded by magical colors. Okay. As the glow dissipates, a bizarre creature emerges, a platted pot of moose, and a natural fusion of platypus hide, and the hulking body of a hippopotamus, and the towering antlers of a moose. The creature is dripping with arcane energy, as its powerful duck bill gives the confused heart roar, and then its mismatched eyes dart wildly as if searching for something before it charges forward in a ground-shaking sprint right towards Elder Hoseaire. I want to take a shot with my longer bow. Of course, Lina. It might, well, okay. Hey, it's, I mean, it's, it's made its intentions clear. It's an animal. I feel for it. Yeah. Well, you'd have a butt for a head, so what do you? Okay. How about this? Y'all want a roll for initiative? No, we will. Sure. 17. I rolled an eight. Nine for mud. Uh, 14 for gum gum. I'm still here. Don't forgive me. I hate it. Oh, don't worry. We will. All right. Kyborg, you're up first. What do you do? I use my longer bow of crystalline. Shoot. Shoot her. Shoot her. That's a 22. All right. That's going to hit the, the, the, you nail the platypodamuse right in the butt as it's racing away and it quacks and really. Nine points damage, by the way. I also had two attacks per action. You have another attack? Yes, one more. I'll take another shot with the arrow. Longer bow. Go for it. Yes. 16. Yes. It hits. Okay. That's a 12 points or 21 points total damage. All right. And now gum gum rages and in a blast of wild magic. He is surrounded by multicolor protective lights and gains plus one bonus to AC. And while within 10 feet of you, your allies gain the same bonus, gum gum's going to run with this defensive bonus run and put himself between him and the platypodamuse. Give. Give. The old man. Yeah. And then just kind of ready from there. And that puts the platypodamuse up next. The platypodamuse is seeing someone jump in front of his, he startled and turns and charges the opposite direction. Let's see. That would be right towards cyborg. I mean, he did just shoot at himself. And he's going to roll real quick for him. Kyber getting attacked by a platypodamuse. No, not. I'm going to beat it. He can't beat me. That's a 22. Oh god. All allow it. And that's eight points of damage. So he just spears you with his antlers. And then also he has this thing called the savage assault. So once he turns, he adds its level and extra damage to attacks. So it's going to be eight plus, it's going to be 13 points of damage. So an additional 13 or 13 total? 13 total. Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm making the same noise, but it's because the wind is knocked out of me. That probably helped your itching, though. My mod, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I use his antler to like, all right. And then that would put the turn at mud. Mud would just mud have at this point. I think I do have a, I can talk to animals. Yeah, speech of beast and leaf. All right. Mud goes up to the platypodamuse and goes, get a creature, sir, but, but mud has to be turned around because mud's butt is on his, his head is on his butt. You don't have to be fighting these people. We can understand it's a bit chaotic right now and you might be a little confused. I am your friend. Look at me. I'm, I'm confused as well. We can help you down, down, boy. Well, you just to mud, it speaks, it speaks, it speaks. I used to have my face where my butt is, but now things are all weird. I, I can understand lashing out in confusion and this guy over here, this elder, yeah, he's kind of a tool. We've only known him for like 30 seconds, but I already don't like his vibes. I just want to get out of here. I'm afraid. Oh, God. With your magic shoes. I'm afraid. (laughter) They called. Yeah. Well, hey, you follow me and I'll take you out of here and we're going to, and then I, this is it. This is a mud promise. We're going to figure out what, you probably didn't look like this all the time, right? No, I've always looked like this. Then you're gorgeous. But I wasn't here until just a moment ago. Okay. Well, we'll get you back to your mom and get you some chocolates, okay? Sorry, sorry for shooting you. I didn't realize you were a sentient person being, oh, God, he can't understand you. Okay, so I'm the one who can talk to, okay. I, I turned to my, my group and I say, the, the plaza, what's your name, plaza, plaza, plaza. So I may, I make sure I'm using the right, the title. Do you have a name? Oh, one of it is just smell world. All right. Team, this, this is small world. And they're just as confused as everybody else, okay? They didn't mean to come here and be in this party. So we're going to escort them out and we're going to de-escalate the situation. Got it. Can you also pull the arrows out of my behind? Can you put it, could you please, retrieve your arrows? Um, yeah, sure. Okay. Fine. I was going to say what's in it for me, but he's helping us, I guess, I don't know. There's about to be a hero. Bart, tell him. Your hero. Wow, Bart, I'm so sorry, I didn't even, those words really struck deep. I'm going to pull those arrows out for Bart. Yes. Deep. My, you're able to usher this brightened flat-apada base out and it just thaints you. Hercules of World. And, and then runs off out of town into the woods. Okay. There you go. Thicktown guard and elder who's there. My, I'd like to thank you for ridding us of that wild animal. You wanted an escort to the prison? Uh, honestly, I don't want an escort, like you just to tell me where to go. No offense, but you've got bad vibes. Yeah. Well, I wasn't going to escort you, you might say. Okay. That'd be clear. That's fantastic. Who was? Oh, my deputy, Sergeant Murrath, I'm over here. You remember me? Definitely can't have an escort, I'm sorry to get you in a good, yes, it's over here. It's this direction. Got it. Alright. We'll be back when we've got everything fixed. Thank you out with cuts, elders, y'all. Namaste, namaste. And he writes you a note that approves your entry into the prison to inspect and interview prisoners. Does he kiss the note? Kiss it. Yeah. Yeah. So they know it's from him. XOXO, council, elder. [laughs] It doesn't kiss it. Sorry, in our land, it's customary that when you hand over a letter, you have to kiss it with red lips, too. Oh, no, so thankfully we're not in your land. Well, but you know, for here to save you, you need to abide by our traditions and customs. Please, I insist, kiss that letter for us, sir. Much as crosses his arms and like, and like nudges Bart to join and just to look intimidating. They're very offended. You must do this. You should roll for persuasion. Yeah, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. Do it. I dare you. I rolled a six, but I'm going to roll it. I'm going to use a lucky. When did you get lucky as a feat? Probably a five. Dang it, that's a two. I'm going to roll it again. That's a zero. Oh my god. I got one more lucky left after this. Okay. That's a two. I'm going to use my last one. Hold on. Oh my god. Persuasion and. This is just for a kiss. Sixteen, is it? He looks at it. I'm not kissing you or your pleasure. But I'm very persuasive. Is he holding it out? Yeah, he's only out. I go and I just push it up to his face. Punch him with the letter. Damn. Was that so hard? Just get to the prison. Please. I'm not trying to be ungrateful. We appreciate your help. I was just. It's a very stressful time. I apologize if I've been rude. You have been very rude. But we will save your city. It's fine. I take the letter. Okay. We're going to the prison. Going to the prison. Is this the first time we've gone to a prison not as prisoners? Guys, are we? What is this? No, we technically went to the pious past one before we were prisoners. But we were also prisoners there. Yeah. But the night is young. You know we know. So using the hast that you're given, you step from the town square through a thick iron-branded wooden door. Okay. The prison is clean to the point of discomfort, stone floors, shrub, pale, and walls and irons polished. Three prisoners sit and three cells, there's one empty one. Cell one and two on the left, cell three and four on the right. And it looks like there are prisoners and cells one, two, and three. Do we recognize any of them? No. Why? Glad we've known prisoners. No. No. No. No. The one that's closest to you, I guess, would be cell one and. Well, we don't want to go to that one. Okay. All right. Which one do you want to go to? No. I think we'd want to go to cell four, right? Okay. empty one? Yeah. That one seems suspicious. There's an invisible person in there. So, you know, we're in a prison and there's just one cell as empty. We should check that out first. Okay. You farted. You farted. You farted. May be two. All them are law abiding citizens. No, no, no, that's not K-Man talk. Maybe everyone here just follows the law, guys, that's what I'm saying. That's me, Barbara. All right. So, what's in cell four? Okay. So, you walk over to cell four and it's open and empty. Do you want to do an investigation? Check. Yes. I think I would like to investigate. Yeah. We send in our smart guy. Our data. Okay. I'm going in. Stop it. Stop it. Get outside so that you don't have to talk again for a while. Okay. I just feel like everyone's trying to kiss your butt and be out. Go outside. Okay. Bart, do your thing. I'm. Look. Now. There you go. Yeah. That sounds K-Man. Wow. One. And three. Two. Oh. Together. 13. Okay. I got your older one and a three. 13 is just two syllables. I can't say it. I got you. I got you. Okay. You search the cell and it's empty. It looks like it's been cleaned since whoever was last in it. The one thing you do notice, something that wasn't able to be cleaned was a carving in the stone on the wall, which was twin was here. Oh. I think twin was here. Very good. Yeah. Yeah. Is there a, like, a latrine of any sort in this jail, like a toilet? Okay, Bart, I told you she's gone before the last. Yes. There is one. I'd love to see mud use it. Yeah. It just leans over on all the floors. I can't tell if he's throwing up or pooping. Gross. Also, Kaiborg, to get here, drug, his butt, the entirety of the way. Is he still itchy? Yeah. She, you're a caveman and I'm a butt face. I mean, we should keep that one. That's a permanent feature in my mind. What happens if I turn into an animal? I think you would keep the animal butt and still have animal face. Okay. Okay. So, yeah. What do you do now? You search the toilet. Oh. Yeah. No. Is there any lingering things? I don't know. Like, did he leave any clues or anything like that? There's nothing. I feel like it's been cleaned ready for the next prisoner. Oh, you did mention that it was a super clean prison. Okay. Well then, guys, should we go question prisoner three and I, I mean, I feel it in my heart of hearts, but I feel like Bart has to lead the interrogation. Yes. My butt's too itchy. Mud's butt is his face. Yes. Gum gum is gum gum. Bart's our best communicator, right Bart? Yes. Ready? Oh. No. Yeah. Let me in coach. Yeah. There ya go. Last start. Last start. You find an elderly human male who's just kind of sitting there on this cot. Take it away, Bart. Hi. I'm Bart. Who are you? When. When door closes and other opens. When one door closes and other opens. Very cool. Yes. What does that mean? So, prisoner number two then or. Can you hear me? Hey, guys. Yeah. Try open other door. I open cell four and then close it. And then I decide just closing and opening. Yeah. Okay. When you close, when you shut the door, are you in it or out of it? No, out of it. I know better. I'm not a butthead. I'm like mud here. Okay. When you close it, it just closes. And then the elderly human male is like, oh. Like the bars, but there's nothing there. It's just pointing to the bars. Okay. I'll go into the cell and then close it. Okay. When you close it, this time, you see materialized. A very ornate wooden door in between the cells. Back between three and four. Yeah. And then elderly human goes. And then nods. Okay. Up in the way, didn't door. Okay. I got this. I shoot the wooden door. Do you know what? The prisoner in cell two sees what you all are doing and kind of yells. Like, you're not supposed to do that. That's against the rules. Is that a little boy? No. It's a female gnome. Okay. What's against the rules? Well, you're not supposed to leave for prison. We're not supposed to leave for prison. Yeah, but this guy is chanting about doors closing and opening. Yeah. Well, I just know we got to follow the rules. We got to follow the rules. They're just kind of like their eyes are unfocused. Their voice is kind of flat. They just don't seem like they're all there. We just have all the rules. Got to follow the rules. Got to follow the rules, got to follow the rules. Okay. A cowboy opens the door. Before you can open the door, there's a burst of magical energy. And Bart has lots of claws for hands. Wow. You speak normal again. Oh, my God. I have so much to tell you. I've been just keeping all this in for the longest time. I feel so good to say multiple syllable words. I'm free. Give us a good one. Multi-multi-syllable. Come on. Well, I once heard this word that was called super-calf-redulosic espiala-dosis, even though the sound of it is simply quite nutritious. Also, check this out. Wow. That's amazing. It's like those dancers will make noise with their hands, but you don't have to do it. All right. Come on. Give me a little jig. Come on. I told you to go outside. Go outside. Okay. You're what you're supposed to be keeping. Watch. Okay. I'm going to open the door, but I do it by itching my butt against it. So, kind of where you open that door. Yes. And you see something that they don't. You see a long hallway. But the others from outside the cells don't see anything. What if I went into the hallway? Do you disappear? Oh, okay, look at I can do it all right jump back in and out jump back in and out Kaybark, what's your look in that? I see a hallway, but not in like the crazy way that these guys are like saying nonsense There's actually like a hallway in front of this door that just appeared by closing that door a betcha that's where twain went. Oh Yeah That makes sense mud wants to go over and talk to cell number two if that's okay. Yeah Hi, so were you part of Twins little special group of people. Oh, yeah, yes, yes I was very close friend when but not not anything more now Anymore why I hate is a safe place. I'm a safe person. Why are you acting like this way? What happened who hurt ya? Everything's everything's everything's great. I just I'm having a great time. Hey, yes, I started interrupt here this emotional A little situation you got going on up. I hear there's a little conversation going here. It's a little emotional, buddy Do you want to hold my hand? She reaches out to hold your hand. Oh Sorry, um here. Why don't you just hold around my hand? I won't I won't hold your hand. Yeah Sorry, everything's just we're just trying to get things back to normal Yeah, and everything's just it's gotten out of control to win and to win He just made everything go nonsense and we're just trying to get things to normal and I just want to go back to normal Okay, okay, okay here. Yeah, here. Yeah, well, you know step one and getting things back to normal is a Maybe something, you know, you we help you you help us type situation here. We're looking for a guy named twin I know he's a lobster, but he's talking about Squid per book. Dang it. No, it was a squid pro quiet this entire time Bart's trying to have a conversation here Squid pro cruel Wow, that's hard to talk for a living. Are you done controlling this person with your mutated half? I was saying that if they help us find this twin person That's what is our next step. Well, I don't want I think twin twin twin twin disappeared And I don't I wasn't I don't know where they went. They were in that cell Since you seem to be someone who's been here this whole time with this like weird twin step happening Did have you seen like the chaotic stuff that's happening around? I mean look at my friend's hand here That's not how he came into the village. Okay. Yes. Yeah, beautiful hands had a had a his had a future in hand modeling this year Halfling So have you been here since all that started? Oh, yeah, it's got really bad. It's even happening on Here the prison, which is that's why we just need it to stop Did twin started or is that is that how did they blame him? You can blink with a yes A twin started it twin started it Okay, that's why that's why it was one of my trouble I don't know why but the whispering way you talk is making me uncomfortable So I'm gonna go talk to cell one. Yeah, hey, it's cyborg here cell four. I really hate that guy's voice If these bars were in the way Five arrows in his eyes. I promise you so you got a cell one. Yeah, in cell one you find an elf who's sitting on his cut and Playing an invisible loot humming softly Man of music if I do say so myself. What's it? What instrument you got there, buddy? He seems not even here. He's just kind of like in a trans just playing music Do you have your loot? I do have my loot mud, but I might be a little Challenged in playing basically play Basically what you've got is you got a capo for one hand, and you got a pick for the other hand. So you're sent Bart pulls out his loot and attempts to at least like do some type of cord and strum Yeah, just snaps the neck off of the loot Elf looks at you and smiles and then goes back to playing. Is it mean if I break his loot? No, wait, why is that your first thought give him a loot give him a loot, but he's playing. He's already playing a loot No, he's just humming and and strumming something that is isn't there, but if you give him something to strum Maybe that completes his loop that he's dealing with, but this is my good loot. Okay. Well, don't you have other lutes? Do I I thought you had a bunch of instruments? I'll give him my pan flute Okay, he's strumming. Yeah, well first of all in a burst of magical energy a Cloud of magic around mud suddenly mud finds himself unable to finish speaking unless you end your sins with over like you're on a radio So you have to talk like you're on a radio. I can do that over me now So you hand him a few of this flute and then it's just it holds the flute in one hand And then still continues to strum like it's a loot Hey, bud. What what are those triangle? Pastries that sometimes have apples in them I Know what you're doing turn it over over So Pretty nice pretty nice pan flute you got there You're you're incredible. Just hand over the loot. You'll get it back. I promise. Okay fine Bart hands over his loot to the neatly braised over his leg Elf just starts playing some really beautiful music and is like but doesn't even seem to realize that it it was it before Wow Nice wouldn't isn't it such a nice gesture that I gave you that to play temporarily only for a moment that you'll keep in Pristine condition until you give it right back to me immediately There's just playing this instrument. They still don't really even okay, Bart grabs it back And puts it away. Yeah, it looks at you guys and gets back to playing. I hate all three of these guys I'm so glad they're in prison. Yeah, I actually agree with you Kaybork. I'd like to leave. Let's go to the tunnel door I don't care to talk to any more of these people All right, so you open this tunnel door and secret Tunnel you discover a long hallway at the end of the air walkway you find another door this won't be the warning sign It's time to raise the stakes. I am quite hungry, and then in that there's a magical burst of energy Kyborg yeah my butt in print on the next NPC like a baby duckling does to their mom or like a Werewolf does do a weird vampire baby Okay, do you guys want to go through that door or are there any other doors other than the stake door? No, guys, I think I'm gonna open this door. I just do it. Yeah, just do it. We'll do it together Over Over what? Over what? Over over you open the door and there's a burst of magic and a large piece of meat materializes in front of you Kyborg and slaps you in the face. Is it sentient meat? No, I need you to describe what kind of meat this is because you're just being very generic It's a stake. Thank you guys. I will say is this a is this a meat cute? So yeah, you take oh my god gumbo jumps out of my bag and lunges at the stake and starts eating it rapidly Okay It's just a stake on the ground. Oh, I thought it was like a giant thing that was slapping Kyborg No, it's just a stake slapped him and then it falls to the ground. Does gumbo count as the NPC? Yes. Oh Okay, then I I start tearing up and I go I have an atom bomb. It's so long And then I nestle up to gumbo guys you know a stake pun is a medium very rarely well done I Think we're in the part of the adventure where I still am questioning why I'm with these guys I haven't quite fallen in love with them as like lifelong partners in adventure over Know that I could say everything I want is a comparable diarrhea, you know? All right, so you open this door After being slapped by the stage is that all that that warning sign was for was just a for an opportunity for you to throw T-bone at one of us. Well, it might it might come back. You don't know I hope it does I honestly don't care if it does I don't If you take too long the stakes might get raised again Everybody don't move. I want to see what happens all right. You sit there and you wait for a second Also, then another stake appears and slaps mud in the face in the butt and then a t-bone Now I'm not a butt face anymore remember over. Oh, that's honestly. Uh, yeah, it slaps you and you take one D six Blusening one D six bludgeoning. Yeah, I took. Oh, I took a one You rolled you got a one and then mud got a three. Do you all go through the door? Yes, but I cry gently into gumbo's fur I look down and gumbo is thoroughly confused. Alright, so the door opens and beyond it is a warmly lit carpeted dining room. A buffet table overflows with food. Steam rises invitingly. At the front of the room hangs a sign. Please help yourself. No shoes on the carpet. No yelling. No elbows on the table. Help yourself. Uh, Bart takes off his shoes. Kyborg will also take off his shoes. Okay. Here. You have a buffet table. Well, if I know anything about mysterious magical food in an empty room, we should just eat everything possible and there will be no repercussions. I look to gumbo's guidance. Mama. I haven't fed gumbo today. I'll do whatever gumbo does. Alright, well let me see here. I'm going to do it. I'm going to roll a giggie. Is there a little potion that says drink me? That's going to make us ten times our size. It's a little lunges for the table. Just gum gum. Do you take, make gum gum gum. Take your shoes off. Oh, gum gum still with us? Yeah, he's here. Okay. I'm going to take off his shoes. Okay. Oh, God. I catch the smell. Put them back on. You could keep your socks on though if you want. Okay. As he takes his shoes off, it's like the sound when a coke bottle opens. It's just a release. Yes, he takes his shoes off. Nothing happens. Yeah, I take my shoes off when I walk in. Okay. What happens? Well, I linger the food with gumbo. Yeah. His mama is doing it. He's got it in there. Could I, before we eat it, can I just give it a smell? Smells delicious. Anybody want to do like a detect magic kind of situation here? Your friend does that. Oh, hey, gum gum. Before we eat, we have to make sure it's not poison. Okay. If you want to just do some like detect magic. Show me the magic. The food isn't magic, but it seems like everything else is. Wait, what do you mean by everything else? Like the chairs and the. Everything is just glowing around here. But the food just looks like good food. Okay. Well, they get it, I guess. Wait, everything is glowing, but the food just looks like good food. So then everything is magic then. If it's glowing, except for the food. It's everything food. Oh. Okay. Have you caught up? Over. I'm continuing to eat. All right. Yeah, mud reaches down with a big, old fear bog. And it just takes a big a bunch of food and shoves it in his mouth. It's delicious. It's just good food. Nothing special, as far as you can tell. Okay. Let's throw some at cyborg. I catch it with my mouth athletically. Yeah, you can try. I guess acrobatics. 26 on acrobatics. You jump and catch that food in your mouth like a Sunday night football thing. What was the food? What was the food? You catch the food in your mouth like a Sunday night football thing. I think it's very telling that Barbara and I both had the most confused looks on her faces. Play not skipping a beat, which is playing with Chris. His friend that he speaks Chris language. Nothing surprises me with Chris. There's a flash of wild magic. And Bart, you take on the appearance and smell of the undead. Oh. But you're still alive. A steak appears and slaps Bart and the face and does six points of bludgeoning. I feel real bad right now. You also smell terribly. But grabs one of the steaks. The one that just slapped Bart and then raises it up over his head. Raising the steaks. Nice. Yeah, nothing seems to happen, but that's clever. I'll give you that. You can take an inspiration. What? How did you take an inspiration die for that? I'll take an inspiration. Thank you. Okay. I was just trying to follow Chris logic. Okay. And there's a door on the other side like to exit this room? No. There's nothing to exit this room. All there is is this buffet table and then the sign in the carpet. The sign says raise the steaks. The sign says, please help yourself. No yelling. I'm putting my elbows on the table right now. Oh, John, no. As you put your elbows on the table, a light lights up above a place in the wall. Wait, what? Like a little light pops up in the wall. Like a light source appears on the wall. Yeah, like a little light. Oh! I go and grab my shoes and I put them on my feet and I stomp around on the carpet. And this thing. And then I. My name is mud over. And this is mud over. La, la, la, la, la, la. All right, thing. Now there's three lit up things on the wall. How many rules were there? Help yourself. How do we not help ourselves? Abstain. Just say, ooh, I'm full. Couldn't possibly. Mind, feed me. Oh, sure. I shove some food into parts. Go. No, nothing happens. I throw the food at the wall behind me. Nothing happens. Bart, help me. We just burn over the entire table of food. Nothing happens. So you need to do the opposite of helping yourself. So like, I guess, give yourself a disadvantage. stab yourself. Do it. Yeah, you stab yourself. stab yourself. My mom said I can't play with sharp things. Right, gumbo? I pick up gumbo and I go. stab yourself. stab yourself. What are you saying? stab myself with the arrowhead. You take three points of damage. But then the fourth thing of the door. Yeah, figure that out all together. The door materializes. So we were supposed to break the rules. Yeah. Thank you for catching up with us, Kyple. Interesting. And then you enter a new room, a brand new room, and discover a large hall with instruments lining the walls, leading to a stage. Got this one, boys. Excuse me. You crack your fingers and then they all fall off of you and dead. Could Bart walk up to the stage and try picking up an instrument? Yeah, absolutely. So you pick one up and try to start playing it? What's the instrument? What is there? What are the options? Everything you could imagine. I'll tickle some keys. All right. Piano keyboard. Yeah, it sounds awesome. And you know, you just feel good doing it. Yeah. All right. This one goes out to all the ladies out there. There aren't any ladies in the room over here. Who are you talking about? Well, surely, you know, someone will hear us play and be, you know, maybe come watch us perform. Can I be with you? What did gum gum get here? Sure, gum gum. Here, there's a tambourine right here. I think they'll be great at that. Yeah. And then gum gum starts playing the tambourine. I told you we should have put a bell around his neck. Here, guys, why don't you join us? Get the band back together, you know? I have to get permission from my mom to participate. I need a signed permission slip. Mud picks up gumbo and goes, "Cyborg, you should play an instrument play whenever your heart desires." All right. Time to play the harmonica. Is there a harmonica? Yes. Wow, beautiful. All right, Mud. Get on that lead guitar. Mud grabs a polyope. Okay. The perfectly guitarist. With the eye thing that makes grimbos. That's a colitis, colitis go. Anyway, here's Wonderwall. And so you're all playing? Yeah. All in the stage playing a beautiful song. And you all play just this great music. And you have a great time. And so well, that the room seems to come alive and just light up. And suddenly there's a door materializes on the roof. You raised the roof. Oh, stupid. Bart, do you want me to hoist you up to the door? Throw me. Oh, God. I forgot how heavy you are. I also smell really bad right now. Am I touching the bottom of your feet? Just go. Mud, gum gum. Why don't you help them? Everyone touch me. What a weird request. Over. Okay. You can't. It's stinky. Mud turns into a spider, jumps up to the ceiling, leaving a streak of web for the team to climb up. Okay. Okay. Climbing through this door. You stumble and fall out the front door of the prison as you crawl through this door. You're back into the town square right where you started. And something moves. At the center of the square, the air bends inward. And the reality itself is just breaking and reveals a deal. a pure chaos. It's vaguely humanoid or at least it maybe once was. Now it's only in the looses sense. Its body is constantly shifting and reassembles from mismatched parts, a deer leg, a chair leg, a fish flipper, and stone parts, loose feathers. They're all just like this amalgamation of everything. And it's head cycling through bone, bark, skin, and what was once possibly humanoid is now the manifestation of pure chaos. And it looks right at you, roll for initiative. The twin, twin, twelve, seventeen, nine. Okay, it's gonna be mud, blame, bark, and then mud, blame, bark. Oh god, where am I? Blame? Mud, bark, bark, and then this creature. They lost, gum gum. Oh, and me. Gum gum is last. All right, mud, you're up. Oh, we're just fighting this thing. Yeah. Okay, so mud, will, past, hmm, kind of fight this thing that is a pure creature of chaos. And I don't know how to fight it. I cast, wait, I'm a spider. Yeah, I said that. Okay, dang it. Mud does the thing that spiders do, which is bites. He goes up and he bites the creature. Can you roll for a tag for that? Yes, I can. It's a seventeen plus four, twenty one for hit. Yeah, that's a really good hit. It does connect, but it doesn't seem to impact this thing. Almost like it sees you approach and then it just like transforms to metal, right as you bite it. Ooh, you know, spider leafs. Ooh. Hey, Bork. Yes, you're real arm falls off. Oh, no, wait, really? Oh, that's them. Dang it. So you got just your one robot arm? I just got the one. That's gonna be hard to shoot a bow. Yeah. Oh, no. Okay, then as my bonus action, I'll turn back into fear ball, but okay, and I will stand there and say, what are you doing here? I just grump. It's like, it doesn't really speak. I thought you said, Christa Marius wasn't there and it was gum gum. Okay, that's in my turn then. I got no ideas. Biting doesn't work. Try something else. It is, try Borks turn. All right. Well, I'm looking at my arm and just believe, kind of bummed out. I guess I'll pick it up because I'm assuming it dropped on the ground and I'll stick it into my quiver with all the other arrows because I'll need that later. And then I pull out my bow and arrow, but then I pause and look at gumbo and ask for permission. No. I know where near gumbo. So gumbo is just there, probably sniffing his butt. I guess I sniffed my butt, too. I don't know. Wait, the arm falling off breaks the imprint. So you just lost your mom again. No. Okay, well, then I, uh, having lost an arm before and having trained myself to shoot one handed, I know how to shoot a bow with one hand. It's just opposite day. So anyways, I'm going to shoot the longer bow of crystalline. Roll for that. Okay, that's a 30. Whoa. 18 plus 12. Okay, so that hits your arrow flies true and then right before it comes to this creature. It changes and bounces off the hit stone. Okay, Bork, when I tried a melee attack and I did nothing to this creature, uh-huh. There's no point in your brain where you're like, maybe I should try thinking out to the box. Hold on, hold on, hold on. I have magic, I have magic arrows. Are these not magic arrows on? Yeah, I don't know. I guess I didn't thought that one through. Hey, you know what? Don't worry. I've got two attacks. I'll shoot another arrow, just to make sure. Yeah, yeah, do another arrow. Okay, there we go. Forever went up 20 30 20 and what does it do? 13. Well, it's got it's got ice damage. So you draw your bow, shoot this icy arrow and then as it approaches 1, 2, 3, 4, d6. So that's 13 plus 12. All right, go ahead 25 damage. As it approaches, the creature morphs into like fire and if the arrow just melts. All right, you know what? I don't need this. When I'm getting paid, they didn't even agree to our contract. I give cash now. All right, Bart, your turn. Is it my turn? Excuse me. Maybe gum gums? No, definitely Bart. Yeah, it's Bart. All right. Did you say this guy has any metal on him? It has everything on him. I fear that conventional attacking is not going to do anything and we need to think something wild because we're fighting something that's just a demon of wild energy. You've got to fight chaos with chaos. Go crazy, Bart. Well, I don't know anything more chaotic than a cloud of daggers. Maybe if you cast it while going. Go on. Or okay. Cloud of daggers. These chaotic. This will surely hit. Yeah, but are there any like objects like lying around the ground anywhere? Yes. Here in the middle of town square, there's several knocked out town scarred from this creature attacking. There's closed up shops. There's a well with the bucket. Are there any like hot dogs? Yeah, you can say there was a hot dog vendor who had set up but then whenever the monster attacked, he ran off just so there's just like. I want to cast my cloud of daggers around this guy, but I want to toss in a whole handful of hot dogs to put in with the mix. Crazy. Okay, mud is just standing there confused and cyborg is just like. Let him cook. So yeah, this monster turns itself into metal or things to protect itself from the daggers, but they whenever you throw in the hot dogs, it starts starting turning itself into hot dog buns. And then so half of its metal half of its hot dog buns and then the daggers slice through the buns part doing roll your damage. Yes. Excellent. Yeah. Excellent. That does. 14 points of damage. Okay, and he goes. That's the noise. It is now the chaos demon's turn. He glares at bark for his hot dog barrage and from his arm, a dozen icicles fire directly at you and they do 22 points of fire damage. No save. And I think it's gum gums turn now. Gum gum. Well, I went to my dogs. Why did you give them all to him? I kept one here for you. Gum gum. Don't worry. I thank you. I always I always need my gum gum reserve. Don't you worry? Gum gum eats hot dog rages and he'll let us say two, which means I teleport up to 30 feet to an unoccupied space. I can see yeah, so I can teleport now as a bonus action. So gum gum charges forward with his axe to attack and then as he gets closer, teleports up to each trying to eat some of those hot dogs that are floating up in the air. Okay. And then lands and bounces off of them, bounces off of the creature. Here's his plan with himself right now. You can't tell if it was effective or not. It's hard to tell. Everything was pre-confusing. And that takes us up to a mud. Oh, okay. Something chaotic, bro. Go crazy. Go crazy. Think outside the bun. Drink a white monster. Go nuts. Ah, for loco. Mud would use what can be chaotic. I would I'm going to cast conjure animals. I can cast that with a third level. And so let's see, I'm going to just actually say it is just a let me see eight beasts of challenge rating one quarter. So I think I would just have it turned instead of all being the same beast. It would be just a bunch of other random beasts to like confuse the creature as much as possible. And so like it'd be like insects and a cat and an owl. And you know, just all kinds of stuff like that. I'm trying to get the thing to tell me CR ratings that are one quarter, but it's not. Oh, yeah, a boar and a cave badger and a constrictor snake and a cow. Okay, - Draft horse. What? - What? (laughing) - A giant bat. - Woo! - And just everything under the sun, and I cast it, and swarming these creatures are swarming the chaos. - Okay, the chaos demon looks around. The cat charges that, it turns it into a dog, but at the same time that dog is exposed, and it gets a kick from the face with a horse. And then as the board charges, it turns into a hand slicer. One of those, like, shh. - Oh, from the shore? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - A jelly slicer, and then what were some of the other? - Giant bat, and a draft horse, and a-- - Yeah, but then the bat flies through the slicing hand thing. He did the throat of the monster, and it coughs up, and it is choked on a bat. - Perfect. All those types of things are happening all at once. - That's exactly how I imagine. - And I'm gonna roll some damage for that, but he did not like choking on bat. - Yeah, I figured not, most people don't. - Choked on bat. - It is now kyborg's turn. - Oh, dang, gonna get crazy. I'm, I'm gonna run up to it. And then before I do, I do, like, a little jook thing. And then I spin around, but instead of spinning left, I spin right. - Whoa. - And then I shoot this guy. - And then I shoot the eyebrow, Krystalina. - Yeah. - He still uses his bow. - He said-- - Hold on. (laughing) - The most chaotic this guy can get is just turning the wrong way. - You fly, you shoot the arrow at it. It sees it's coming, and it turns into a wind pipe. It goes, and it sucks the arrow in and fires it right back at you. - Oh. - Hey kyborg, explain to it how you normally only go left. - I'm sure that will help. - As it's going through a series of pneumatic tubes, I say, well, you have to understand. This is like against my thing. I normally left guy. It's like my slogan, I turn left. - And what was the damage on that? - I didn't roll it. I didn't think it was important. - Well, go ahead and roll it. - Okay, yup, 13, you know, 13. - Kyborg gets hit by an arrow. - It takes the 13 points of damage. - 13 damage, yeah. - All right. - Hey, hey, hey, hey, kyborg. (laughing) You should totally do that again. (laughing) - Try adding some hot dogs. (laughing) - I have another attack. What's around me? What's near me? I mean, you're in a town square, so like, you tell me what you see. - Hey, kyborg, you have my permission to use gumbo. - Pressure? - Pressure, like, do I attach gumbo to an arrow? - We're, wow. - Not everything has to be added to your bowl. (laughing) - He knows no other way, my friends. - Uh, okay, what about your arm net fell off? That's a bit chaotic. - Okay, I pull out my arm and shoot my arm, which is in the form of a fist. (laughing) - So you fire your arm at the creature? - Yes. - Okay, so it turns metal 'cause the thing's the bow's coming, but then it gets confused and it sees a fist coming. So it thinks you're playing rock paper scissors, so then it turns into paper, so it turns into paper, and then your fist smashes through the paper. - Yeah. - Whoa. - We got there. - So do I do damage on that one then? - Yeah, yeah. - We're all some damage for it. - I did it, I did it. - With your bow. - 11. - No, um, suddenly in the blast of magic, you hear just like, and then a giant over the horizon, tidal wave starts approaching the party, a brown wiggling. - Oh no, tidal wave. - Oh no. - Is it work? - Is that a tidal wave of squirrels? - What? - Yeah, tidal wave of squirrels just slams down into the middle of the battle, and the squirrels just everywhere, squirrels left right, things just got nuts. I'm going to take six points of squirrel damage. - That's not that much. - I mean, you say that, but I'm real low on health. - And that's just for the initial impact, and then everyone makes a dexterity save. - Yeah, why not? - 17. - Okay, you're good. - 15 for mud. - And cyborg? - That's a seven, that's a seven. - Hey, use your lucky. (laughing) - Yep, but they're all used. - Several of the squirrels latch onto you and are biting you. You take seven points of piercing damage, and you now have several squirrels attached to you, of just gnawing and just attached. - Very cool, very cool. Hey, squirrel friends. - Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. - Bart, you're up. - I'm up. - Or maybe you're down. - Hey. - Hey. - Do I have any hot dogs left? I'm kidding. - I've seen a lot of squirrels. - Could I cast a thunder wave towards these squirrels to kind of get them off of us? - To be clear, the squirrels have land on you. Now they're just running around the mud. They're not necessarily like, they're not like on you. They're just running everywhere. They're just lots of squirrels. - The wave has landed. The squirrels are everywhere. - Yeah. - Okay. - You can totally thunder wave the squirrels, but they're not like-- - Oh, in one spot, it's not like an area of the fact type situation. - I mean, he could, there's enough squirrels that it would still not be possible. But let me try to see, wait for the moment, they're all gathered in one section and thunder wave them towards. What's the name of this thing? - Chaos demon. - Chaos demon, towards the Chaos demon. - But it's friends column, Chuck. (laughing) Yeah, so do you need to make a roll for that, Thunder wave? - No, it just does damage. - And does it push, it pushes? - Yes, so it wave of thunder is forced. It sweeps out from under you, each creature in a 15 foot cube originated from me must make it, oh, constitution saving throw, constitution of 14. - Okay, I'm just gonna say, there's a lot of squirrels, they don't have every minute. I'm gonna say both of them get pushed. - Seeing a bunch of squirrels, the creature morphs into the form of an owl. And fly the, but then get struck by the thunder wave and it takes whatever that damage is. - It would take 11 points of Thunder damage. - The creature, it's starting to like limp and fall. It looks over, it's it's turn now, and it just shoots out a blast spaghetti at Gundam and he's just covered in spaghetti and incapacitated and then it cows and grows in the old direction. - Gundam died doing what he loves eating spaghetti. - And now it's mud's turn. - Mud would go to where all the spaghetti, the beam of spaghetti hit Gundam and he would take the, the Piscetti and he would rub it all over his fear bog for chaos and just cover himself in sauce and oils and noodles and all that kind of stuff. And then mud would run towards a chaos demon but then would slip and slide through the chaos demon's legs. - Okay, so here's what it does. It thinks your spaghetti, yeah. It opens a giant mouth to eat sense spaghetti. - Perfect. That's exactly what I wanted it to do. - Oh, I think I know what you're doing. Yes, yes, you're gonna explode inside of his belly. Delicious. If only I had an arrow that exploded upon impact doing it, do you wanna shoot you? (laughing) - Take the shot, take the shot. - Hey, blame, never change, never change, never change. You're perfect as you are, okay? You heard him, guys. Yeah, here's what mud's gonna do. It's got a mouth, right? A mouth is coming down? - Yeah. - Mud jumps up into the mouth. - Excellent, excellent. - Wild shape into a plezier source. (dramatic music) (dramatic music) - Wow, look, thank you, baby, that's more the Pikachu. (laughing) - Nice. - Thank you, gum gum. Inspiration die to gum gum. (laughing) It explodes in a mess of all sorts of materials. A burst of magic happens and Kyber has to talk with a whisp. - Well, I guess that takes care of that, gang. (laughing) Let's go back to the infinite's castle. A burst of celebratory drinks. It's Ky, baby. - Yeah. Suddenly reality snaps back. With an explosion of creatures, feathers, foods, liquids, bones. - My dogs. - It's very gross. - Arms, arms. - But as the warped air settles back in a place, there's a deep silence. And a pleasant breeze blows through the town. - Oh, that feels nice. - Citizens emerge from their homes. - Citizens emerge from their homes and see a giant dinosaur covered in spaghetti sauce and noodles. - The town guard picked themselves up and run from the giant dinosaur. - Yes, fear me, I am the great spaghetti dinosaur. - Throughout all the chaos and the mess, [BLANK_AUDIO] like there's a nervous kind of calm in the air okay, back at the keep of no maxis uh-huh, Elder Uzair and several other council members are thanking you shaking your hand flipper well are you still the dinosaur? yes I didn't say I turned back to mud yes yes it's no problem we are the infinite happy to save you well thank you for destroying that twin he seems as dark magic finally took control of them and oh that was him I assume so oh yes no worry no maxis is safe I surprised you remember the name of this place uh no maxis is the name of the tower keth marks the town oh that's awkward keth marks that's what I mean uh set up he's stupid dinosaur it seems uh that some of the magics persist the gestures to his puppy headed elder which whimper loudly and but tomorrow is a holiday in our village we will honor our guiding hand no maxis and pray that these things are righted and bring peace in order to the town and to cure us of these terrible inflections what's kind of inflictions are you talking about you for our guests of honor so please take some oil deserved rest and we shall reconvene in the morning does that count as a long rest it does wow okay god do I smell like a corpse yeah it seems like when your friend was killed which one the zombie oh oh no he's just he's got a little bit of a halitosis his way so yeah halitosis so our four infinite interns are set up in the finest rooms in town and after a long day of adventures sleep comes easily to all of you until the screams you hear screams out from your window just chaos and just it sounds you don't know how to describe let's keep it down to your screams I'm trying to sleep I just saved this town no maxis kessmark the screams persist we walk outside to see what the screams are you walk outside and you see violence distractions and a lot of frightened villagers and dead city watch you see not one not two but three of the chaos demons you just defeated looks like twins which actually triplets and they are creating absolute chaos and warping the reality around them despite all the chaos you notice something else an absence an athlete someone is missing is it gum gum gum is gone yeah that is the conclusion to part one the infinite interns and the rules of chaos yes thank you to everyone who has helped make this adventure as chaotic as possible this is just a start this is just a start of a month of chaos and fun that is stinkuary all month long we're gonna be doing special live streams we're gonna be releasing content that's normally behind the paywall to everyone so you can get a taste of all the great stuff you're missing and we have special stuff that's exclusive to our patreon like webcoms and lots of weird stuff that blame is making please tell your friends tell your family tell your enemies to go sign up at stickyjuggingpod.com also do not forget there's a link in the description that has a link if you sign up for free on patreon you can submit your own elements for part two of this chaotic adventure we have been pulling from them the entire time they're great and yeah thank you everyone for joining us and looking forward to the next month thank you bye thank you for joining us bye thank you guys we love you the most the infinite interns and the rules of chaos part one was written by christ maris that's me produced by Ben Ernst and edited by philips fan elder Miriam was brought to life by the very talented cosplayer and model Shelby Eileen who you can find more of on instagram at Shelby Eileen cosplay the NPC name or hatl was named after patreon supporter full metal night twin was named by patreon supporter sealiang sergeant murat was named by jackdwr on patreon small world the plat of pot of moose was named by small world on youtube after they gifted several patreon members ships live on the stream and don't forget that's saturday february 30th for the finale part two our mega stream our stinkuary explosion of fun and thank you so much everyone who supports us at sticky dragon pod dot com and also don't forget their special stinkuary merch at store dot sticky dragon pod dot com thanks okay bye