Tanya Chapter 11- (Class 13)

Addressing Feedback: Tzaddik's Relatability and Soul's Transformative Power Reputation. So it's actually it's interesting because after the last class I got a little bit of feedback. Just a quick review we had, we had talked about the Tadic, the Tadic Virali, the one who still has some subtle residue, some trace of inner fragmentation. Even though he has some trace, it's completely overwhelmed, completely silenced by the good within him. And then we talked about the Tadiq Amor, the one who's a completely, completely refined individual. You know, I, I'm actually, I don't want to spend time reviewing because we have a lot to cover. But if you haven't listened yet, do take your time. It was, it was a good class. And, and as we were learning about this level of Tadiq, what I tried to offer was some examples, just little ways that maybe within our own inner world, we could find something that feels a little at least a little relatable. And that's why I brought personal examples or just a random examples that you and I might experience. But the feedback I got was this from one particular person. She's she, she had messaged me and I actually, I don't even know her personally, but it's like a relationship that we have over, you know, messaging on Instagram. And she said, you know, this feels so out of reach, like the Tanya feels so far suddenly coming to this chapter about the topic feels so far removed from real life. And, you know, she even said something like maybe I should, I should quit listening Like it's, it's, it's throwing me off. So I'm, I'm responding to her and to anyone else that might relate to that feeling. Because of course I hear it. I hear it because before we move forward, I, I want to really offer an important qualifier. When we talk about the Tadic, we are not talking about the expectation that was placed on each of us. The Tanya is called the safer Shelbine in him. And that's the standard that the author of The Tiny wants us to strive for. And as we'll see as we move through the Tanya, the author will offer so much compassion for the work of the Benini, for the daily internal struggle that this comes with. So that's what should be relatable to me and you. And at the very same time, I do believe deeply, deeply believe that there are parts within us that we can come to fully master. Now, I don't only believe this because I've observed this in real time. I believe this and I will sing it from the rooftops because this is something that the rabbit has been consistently emphasizing in all of the rabbit's teachings. He emphasizes he wasn't speaking nice Vertlach the the rabbit wasn't cheering sweet ideas to make us feel good or to comfort us. He was talking about Mashiach era healing. He was talking about Mashiach era living. So before we move on, before we begin speaking about the Russia in this chapter, which might actually feel very relatable, you know, to many parts of us on many parts of our day, later we're going to talk about the Benini. But first, this this week it's about the Russia. I, I want to share something very powerful that I came across in last week's parsha about the topic. A a, a beautiful teaching of the Rabba. There's a, a pusak in Bilham's prophecy. There's a verse where Bilham was hired to to curse the Jewish people. He ends up prophesizing, blessing them. And there's one positive Thuraba picks on. He says Bilim said Lahibit Avanbiakov, Hashem does not see sin within the Jewish people. And the rabbi asks like, what does that mean? You know, we know reality. We know that we have many moments where we do fall short moments where instinct does take over literally like a Russia, as you know, we'll see elaborated in this in Chapter 11 in in Parakit Alev. But the rabbi explained something beautiful, something empowering here. He says at the core, what is this likehibit avambiakka, that Hashem does not see sin in the Jewish people at the core, the neshama. This is a teaching from the Rebbe then. And I'm I'm obviously I'm repeating things that we already know, but this was, you know, in a, in a few paragraphs in Asifa, the Rebbe says at the core, the neshama, the soul of every single Jew is a piece of God. And he emphasizes how the AL Terabe adds the word mamash in the literal sense, in the most literal sense. And because of that, every single person has the capacity not only to suppress the negativity, but to transform it. Now, the reason I'm emphasizing those two words is because the Sadiq Shaheena Gamor, the the, the Sadiq Virali, the Sadiq who still has some fragmentation in him, he suppresses his negativity. The Sadiq Gamor, the complete Sadiq, he transforms it. So in other words, we're ever seeing here this isn't just in the way described as a Sadiq Virali where the negativity is silenced. He says even more than that, every single Jew has the capacity to actually transform the Aidsahara itself into something that's aligned with good, and he brings a puzzle that cheers about Avraham. Baal Shem Tov's Analogy: Suppressing vs. Transforming the Thief It what do we know about Avraham? It says umutsasa as livavi nemalafineka. Avraham's heart was faithful. The word livavi. Typically in Hebrew you would say libo which is his heart. Livavi has 2 vases, 2 VS letters. I don't know how to say that in correct grammar. What is it hinting at? That both of his inclinations, the right side of the heart and the left side of his heart, we're faithful. Both the Yeats are hara and the Yeats are taif. In other words, a person can come to love Hashem with both sides of his heart. That the Nepha Shabam is too is fully transformed like as we had described last week about the Tada Gamor and the rabbit says the fact that you and I see this every single day in Shema, the Khalifa Hafiz Hashem, you should love God with your whole heart with both inclinations. The fact that you and I are commanded to commanded to say this means that it's relevant. It's it's shy to every single one of us. It's not just something that it's Sadiq in the stature of Avraham could achieve. It's applicable to every single one of us who recites the Shana. And then the Ribashir is a a beautiful analogy, one I'd never heard before. It got me very excited. An analogy that the Balshemtov had given to help us understand the novelty of Hassidis over over Musser Muster is a different form of, of, of teachings of self-discipline. But within Musser, it's more about self restraint. And I would say within Khasidis, Hassidis emphasizes self transformation, not just self-discipline. So the the Baalshantov gives a a powerful analogy and he says, imagine a thief that's coming onto your property. Now, just a little teaser here. The thief is our nefeshaba Amis OK, or the itzahara. So imagine the thief coming onto your property. There's two ways to deal with him. One way is to scream, to scare him off, in other words, to suppress him. And maybe it works for a moment, but he'll come back. And the Baalushantev says he might even come back on that same day. The second approach is different, he says. You grab the thief, you have a conversation with him, you work with him, you transform him until, until he himself wants to do what's right. And not only that, once the head thief is transformed, he starts influencing all the other parts. This is the approach of Hassidus. We don't fight ourselves into submission. You transform the force that's within you. The Bolshantov says once you get the head thief on board, you can then get him to give the whereabouts of all the other thieves. Now it it's interesting that, you know, the, the, the Bolshantov says this isn't misira. You know, typically in Jewish law, if a Jew is caught breaking the law, it's against halacha to be miser on the others. He's not allowed to share with authorities about all the other people involved in the crime. It's against the law, again, against Jewish law. But here in the analogy, the Bolshantov says it's not considered Misira because it's going to be for the good of all the other parts. Once the head thief is caught, he can help rein in all the other parts. And this, this, this muscle, it's an amazing muscle. This plays out in a very real way inside of our psyche, the other thieves inside of us. This isn't an abstract idea. They're the parts of the animal soul, all of the energies that get channelled into jealousy, into anger, into resentment. They're the parts that constantly are seeking validation or approval or trying to secure some sort. Some sense of safety, some sense of worth, some sense of of of pleasure. All the ways we've described the animal soul. Now what happens when the head thief is transformed, when a core part of us begins to actually feel good and feel grounded and feel secure in its connection with God? All the other parts start to shift. All those other parts no longer need to spend their energy chasing validation or guarding against threat or competing for worth. They don't need to fight for safety anymore, because they've tasted the pleasure of a life that's aligned with truth, with the pleasure of a God, with the pleasures of the godly soul. So instead of all that same energy, those same drives with the same intensities, now they could be redirected. They become available for something else entirely, for alignment, for an expression of truth, for connection, for purpose. And again, the rabbit emphasizes what we've spoken about before. The rabbit says this is Yasun ha armin Haisha. This is the advantage of light that comes specifically from dark, from darkness. This is the transformative power of engaging with these challenged parts of us until they've been challenged, sorry, until they've been channelled in service of our truest voice, our most authentic voice. The Tanya's Rasha: Beyond Wickedness to Unconscious Patterns So, so just back to where we started. Yes, the idea of the Sadiq might feel out of reach, the complete Sadiq, but the capacity to transform, which is something we know about from the way that the altar ever describes the Sadiq. This is a, a quality that only the Sadiq has not just to suppress the negativity inside of us, but to take that same energy and to transform it again. We, we, we, we elaborated on this a lot last week. So the rebel reminds us this concept is not out of reach. And again, I'm, I'm repeating this, this idea is not to burden us. Like, oh, now I have to also be perfect. I have to transform. The algebra is telling me I could just shut it down. The rebel is telling me I have to transform. No, the idea here is to assure us that the challenges that we're challenged with, whether it's a spiritual challenge or an emotional challenge or a psychological challenge, which all happened to be rooted in the same place, they're all rooted in the animal soul. The Rev is telling us they're not terminal challenges. We have the capacity for deep transformative healing for deep transformative chuva, even though, even though in the words of the Tanya, the struggle alone might be our very purpose. You know, the daily overcoming every single day when I overcome and I managed to to turn down those intensities. The knowledge rabbit tells us this is this has absolute cosmic significance, like literally, and that can't be overstated. But at the same time, what Hasidis offers us, so the Rebus emphasis offers us is this knowing that if you were a loved one is struggling, the mere fact that you have a godly soul that is literally a piece of God, it means that you can heal that part of your psyche. And all of this, everything that I'm sharing here, ironically, it serves actually as a perfect introduction to the chapter about the Russia, because we're going to see actually that even though the word Russia, it, it's a, it sounds very loaded. You know, we hear that term from, from, from our early, from our early years. It describes someone who's wicked or someone who's extreme. You know, you want to describe Stalin, you, you call him a Russia, you know, but in the language of the Tanya, that's not how it's used. A Russia is someone who is not consistently able to access, access and exercise choice over their survival instincts. And it's not always conscious. It's very often very subtle. And oftentimes this lack of choice is happening under it. It's happening beneath our awareness. It's, you know, just to elaborate, it's the moments where the reactive parts take over, where we're, we are being driven by an impulse rather than by clarity. We're being driven by conditioning, by the way we've been hard wired, rather than by a, a, an, you know, conscious alignment. And this, this describes an experience that many of us do relate to more often than we might think. I mean, in simple terms, it's, you know, think of, of the way we react to our children or to our spouse in a way that's not aligned with our values, but very much an expression of our conditioning or our impulse. Or in spiritual terms, think about the way we behave in response to fear or anxiousness, rather than as an expression of trust. And yet, here's the incredible part. Everything that I just said in the introduction still applies even here. Even when a person feels caught in those patterns, even when there's so much inconsistency in the way we respond, even when there's a lack of awareness, the capacity for transformation is still fully present. Which means that the this chapter on the Russia, it's not here to label us. It's here to help us understand where are we starting from so that we could begin to work with it. So that's what we're doing here in chapter in Chapter 11 para Kedalif, where the outdoor describes the Russia. I I believe it's a it's a, it's a starting ground for so many of us. But but that the capacity for transformation that we use to describe the Tada Gamor, that too is something we have access to. Exploring the Rasha's Spectrum: When Godly Energies are Hijacked So without, without further ado, let's go into the words of the Tanya. We we actually were introduced to this term a few chapters back. We said Zelu Umazza, that God created every force in the world, Zelu Umasa, with an equal and opposite countering force. We used it in chapter 6, I think it was when we introduced the animal soul that was a parallel structure to the godly soul. So here he tells us, just like in the last chapter, we had two categories of Atadic, Zelu Umasa corresponding to that. We have two categories of a Russia. The one who has a trace of good, This corresponds to the Tadic who has a trace of that. And just as the bad in the Tadek is Loi, it says the rad loi, right Sadiq varad Loi. The bad is to him it's fully under the control of the good. It's totally subservient to the good. Similarly, within the Russia, the good of his godly soul, sadly, is totally subservient to all of the fragmented, unreactified energies that are pulsing around on the left side of his heart. And This is why he's called the Russia, because the left side, the animal soul, is the master of the house. It's the king of the small city, right? The small city that we talked about in the past chapter. Thought, speech and action are controlled by the impulse rather than by the godly soul. And just like the Tavit Varali exists on the spectrum, so do the Russia includes a very wide range depending on which energies of the godly soul are being overpowered and how often those energies are being overpowered. So again, just to give some basic examples, so we are not using theoretical terms. You can have someone who's Gvura of the godly soul is very present. They're they're, you know, they've, they're, that's a, that's an energy that they typically identify with. They have a natural strength, a capacity for boundaries, for discipline, for self restraint. But in certain moments, listen here 'cause it's very subtle, that same guru could get be overtaken by the animal soul. And instead of coming out as healthy restraint or inner strength, suddenly it's being channeled as harshness or judgement or even anger. And it might only get triggered in very specific relationships and it might only get triggered very subtly. So here you see that energy got hijacked and it got expressed through the wrong channel. Again, this is this is a Russia though. This is a subtle level of a Russia, another level. You can have someone who's classed energy is strong, their godly soul has a deep capacity for love, for connection, for giving. There's just a generous soul, right? But then what happens? This could get overpowered by the animal soul. It's being channelled inappropriately. So instead of getting from fullness, they're giving in a a transactional way to gain approval, to feel worthy. And again, this might only happen in certain relationships at certain times when they're not feeling so good about themselves. Here you go. The left side of the heart is the driver. Suddenly. Again, these are just little examples of the Russia as defined by the Tanya, the the Russia Vitaivoli. The Rasha's Definition: From Subtle Thought to Shifting Allegiance So this is what it's called the Russia Vitaivoli. He absolutely has good inside of him. But I'm going to quote the exact words of the Tanya here that describe the full spectrum of this Russia Vitaivoli. Neish Misha, FIFA, Vahabito Esalima, Atmi Zaire. There's the Russia for who? This happens in exceedingly minor ways. The Afghansis ain't a besmidos and this doesn't happen. This minor degrees. It happens and it's not permanent and it's not recurrent at frequent times like toddler Lefrakum kravim. It happens only infrequently. El Ali itim or haikim miscava harala type in on infrequent occasions. The the fragmentation These, these, these unintegrated energies prevail over the good and they conquer over the small city, which is the body and only part of the small city, Right. So in other words, like kuloi elementa SE levad, it's not getting complete control over your thoughts, speech and action. It's happening just, you know, one one of the ocean, one of your expressions. It happens just one at a time, maybe in a in a thought, in a action alone, or maybe just something that you said, or maybe the animal soul just got sway over your conscious thoughts. Now the altar of the States here, actually that thought is even worse than action. And he's quoting something from the from the Gemara. He says consciously thinking about something about doing something wrong, according to the Talmud, is worse than actually doing it. And, and there are a few explanations to that. There's one of the commentaries, the Archaeim explains that when a person only contemplates a sin, this is actually pretty interesting. He says when you only think about a sin, the desire isn't fully satisfied. And because of that, the person's less likely than to feel any sense of regret or any sense of remorse. And so you don't do chuva, but when you actually do something that you know, you know, wasn't right, you're going to have a, a clearer emotional response to it. There's going to be discomfort, there's going to be recognition, and that's going to lead to repair or return. You know, if you only think about something that you want to say to someone and you don't say it, you're never going to ask, you know, for, for forgiveness on a deeper level. Actually, Jacirez explained something even more, you know, something even more fundamental about thought that you know, why is thinking about us? And worse, because thought is the most intimate of the soul's garments. So when a person engages in a negative thought, it's not just a lighter version of the action. Essentially, it's touching a deeper layer of our self. So it leaves a more subtle and a more internal imprint. And so in that sense, it could affect the soul more deeply, even if externally nothing was done. So we're, we're talking about here that, you know, this thought speech or action, depending on what it is. It's it's about the layer of depth at which it touches the soul. So this is the Russia, the rush of the type light. As we said, this is a spectrum of what type of energies you're being taken over, how often, how many parts of us are being taken over by it, how many modes of expression. And, and really this, it's a pretty, it's describing a pretty high level of human being. And yet it's still called a Russia because as we said, the animal soul gains strength over the person it influences, either an action, a thought, a word. And the altar of it says he's it's Mitama. He's defiled by it, he's compromised. And we know this based on everything we already learned and everything we've already emphasized, the division of reality into Klipa and Kadusha. It's not a spectrum where there's like, you know, it starts in the neutral ground and it either moves forward towards Kadusha or towards Klipa. We, we said this earlier, everything in existence is either aligned with holiness or it's aligned in the realm of, or it's, it's with the realm of Klipa. There's no one between category. So if something's not holy, it is by definition drawn into Klipa. So in that sense, the degree or the intensity of the ACT is not the issue here. The moment a person turns towards the Citra Ahra, towards the other side, the moment they step out of alignment with Kadusha, out of alignment with holiness, the moment the person acts in expression of their animal impulse rather than the godly soul, they've entered a different domain, right? You know, a dinged Steinseltz actually gives a great analogy or he says we could compare it to an act of treason, right? The ultimate significance of the treason is not the specific act that the person committed, It's the fact that they crossed allegiances. They're no longer on our side. They align themselves, even if it was minimally with the opposing force. So in that sense, the the substance of the ACT, what they did. It becomes secondary. It doesn't matter if the ACT was major, if the ACT was minor, whether it involved espionage or something far less consequential. It doesn't change the core reality of what happened. They crossed allegiance. And so of course, you know, in a legal sense or in a judicial sense, the severity of the crime is going to matter for the punishment. But in terms of, of of belonging, the defining factor factor is they shift out of alignment. So similarly, in spiritual terms, anyone who becomes momentarily, just momentarily driven by the animal soul rather than by the godly soul, anyone who hasn't yet fully repaired or returned that from that behavior, they're going to be in that moment outside of the realm of holiness and inside the domain of Kaliba. And This is why in that moment, the person's called a Russia until of course, they return and complete, you know, do complete Chuva. So again, we're we're only speaking now about one end of the spectrum. The Rasha's Repeating Cycle: Remorse Without Root Awareness This is still the Sadiq. I'm sorry, the Russia Vitaevili. Now the observa continues and expands this picture. We were talking about, you know, this end of the spectrum where it only gets a hold of one part of US1 energy on little intervals. The observa continues expands this picture. He shows us a further range of what the Russia could look like. You could have the person who's animal soul gains dominance over more of his expression, his thought and speech and action, which causes him to fall into more frequent and more severe, you know, forms of transgression. And yet because they're still good in him. Again, I'm I'm I'm mentioning the Tanya mentions this, but I'm mentioning this also because this is a little bit relatable, because there is still good. We experience these moments of regret and we do teshuva. But it's, it's important, what's important to understand here? The Altarva emphasizes that even after Chuva, he doesn't have the level of awareness that allows him to interrupt the pattern at its root. So he finds himself cycling through this again. He falls, he regrets, he asks forgiveness. And then in some form, the pattern repeats. Can anyone relate? You don't have to raise your hand. Why does this keep happening? Not because the Rush is a hypocrite and not because he or she is living a life of a lie or of self deception. It is a description of this inner reality. Then again, like I said, that many of us could relate to this ongoing intense struggle between the two sides of the heart. In other words, the potential Russia, potential potential Russia is still considered a Russia. Unlike the conventional use of this term where a Russia is defined simply by his actions, in the Tanya, the Russia is defined by the psychological state. The left side of the heart is pulsing with energy that is driven most often towards safety, survival, the need to control, the need to feel worthy. And that's what's driving him. So the altar of it. He quotes a meimar khazala, a saying from the sages. He says Rashaim Maleim harata again. He's informing us what does, what does the inner world look like? He says Russia is full of remorse. It's not like you know, he's blinded. Is is a narcissist who just keeps hurting himself and others. He messes up, he regrets, he asks for forgiveness and God Forgives him. And still the underlying dynamic is the same. Now the rabbit explains like, wait a minute, you know, the rabbit wants to help us understand because later when we learn about the Bina knee, there's also a chuba process. And then it says, no, they're no longer Russia there. It's as if they've never seen their whole life. So why is the Russia, even after they do chuba and they forget, get forgiven. The rabbit says this teshuva being described here, it's a limited form. It does bring forgiveness, but again, it doesn't uproot the susceptibility to fall again, the higher level of Truva, which we're going to learn about regarding the Benini, that's the kind that actually moves a person from the state of Russia into the state of Benini. It doesn't just repair the past. It interrupts the cycle entirely. And what we're going to discover in the in the next chapter, I don't discover. What we're going to learn about in the next chapter is again, something that we touched on in the introduction to the Tanya. We we talked about. Why is this called safer? She'll be anonym, right? And we explained there that the Benini represents a different mode of consciousness in the Russia. You know, there's a there's a phrase that the altar of it uses in next week's next chapter that helps us understand what allows for this shift, what allows us to shift from Russia consciousness into Benini consciousness. And he tells us, yisun ha, ha, ha, ha ha, just like a little bit of light could dispel a room of darkness, right? You have a room full of darkness. You bring the light in and and the darkness is gone. So the author of it tells us, Yistrun Hachmann in a circus. So too, the wisdom and the awareness of the godly soul has the power to overpower, has the capacity to overpower the foolishness of the animal soul, Meaning what's going to help us shift the acknowledgement of what is happening and the awareness of why these parts are running the show. That's where the capacity for choice begins, because the Russia, even though there's a weirdness after the fact, right? You notice you messed up, you shouted at your child, you regret, you feel remorse. But it's not yet enough conscious presence in the moment to interrupt the pattern. The animal soul is still effectively in the driver's seat, and it's operating through these deeply ingrained automatic reactions. The bean and E by contrast, that's where it shifts. There's conscious awareness in real time, There's presence, there's the ability to notice what's about to happen as it's happening. And then we begin to redirect it. We're, we're going to elaborate a lot on this in, in very literal terms, how this plays out therapeutically, psychologically, emotionally in the next chapter, God willing. But I wanted to give you a little bit of context of how the Russia and Benini differ on the inside. Practical Example: Lateness and the Shift to Beinoni Awareness Actually, you know what, let let me give you a very simple, I'm going to give you a very simple practical example. You take someone who's always running late, OK, always rushing, always showing up 15 minutes behind. And this has just become part of their identity. This is just who I am. I'm just a lead person. But as long as it stays in that level, nothing changes. There is no space for choice. The Russia, OK, quote UN quote. The Russia doesn't catch it in real time. He only realizes after he regrets it, he feels bad. I'm not going to do this again. I hate that I make people wait. I hate the discomfort that it causes, but then again, it happens. The next week, they're late again because they never actually bring awareness to what's driving that behavior. So nothing shifts. There's remorse, there's forgiveness, and then there's a repeat. And therefore he's still called to Russia because potentially it's about to happen again. The bean in the on the other hand, also feels regret, but it doesn't stop there. This is where I'm hoping all of us could relate. But then he gets curious and he says, wait a minute. What's actually driving this behavior? It's not I'm I'm a late person. You look, you look a little bit deeper and see what is this part of me that's always procrastinating me and causing me to come late. And maybe you'll realize it's about, it's not about time management. It's because you feel very anxious when you go. You feel anxious when you walk in. You don't like how you're being seen. You feel somebody's judging you or you judge yourself. Whatever it is, there's discomfort waiting on the other side. So the lateness is not just some random behaviour that formed. There was a safety mechanism in place there. The moment that becomes conscious, something opens up. There's no longer, oh, this is who I am. Rather, you could see clearly that this is the animal soul behaviour and why it's behaving that way. And now there's choice. Now you have choice. So you might still feel that anxiousness, but you choose. I'm going to leave on time anyway and I'm going to prepare myself for the discomfort instead of just avoiding it and pretending it's not there. So that's the difference. As long as it stays unconscious, it's running the show within the rush's life. Unconscious behaviors are steadily driving us hard wired behaviors that we're just like, oh, that's who I am. But the moment it becomes conscious, that's when we could interrupt the cycle. And again, that's just one tiny example, but this is the exact same dynamic across that plays out across so much of our inner world. And again, more on that on the coming chapters now in in the next part of this chapter, the author of introduces us to the second category of the Russia, a person who doesn't doesn't experience remorse at all and he's never visited by the thoughts of Truvo. The Russia Virali: Divine Soul Unrevealed, Not Nullified This is called the Russia Virali, the Russia who only possesses RA, meaning the only active force in his inner world is the animal soul. The left side of his heart is so dominant, it overwhelmed the good to such an extent that it, it could no longer function in a revealed way. It, it hovers over him, so to speak. But you know what? I, I want to also make a clear, you know, a, a clarification here. When we contrast the Tadek and the Russia, we did say Zelu Umassah, right? This is, there's the, the equal and opposite force here. But I, I want to make it clear that it's not a perfect contrast between the complete Sadiq and the Complete Russia. The complete Sadiq has completely succeeded in removing the influence of of RA within him. There's he's whole, he's wholesome, there's no fragmentation. But the Complete Russia doesn't actually remove his divine soul. That would be impossible. The divine soul could never be nullified and void. What could happen is that it becomes completely non revealed. So while the complete Sadiq could completely override to the point of transforming his animal soul, the rush by contrast could only suppress his godly soul in the sense that it becomes completely nonfunctional in his conscious life. But he can't eliminate it. It remains intact. It's just not accessible to him. You cannot eliminate your she like Alakami Malamish. What could happen is the person lives without awareness of it. The divine soul remains present, but as the author would describe it, he says it's in a mock if mock if all of Nilmala it surrounds him rather than entering his conscious experience. And to prove that point, the author of a quotes again. He quotes Khazar saying the divine presence. We know that the Shrina resides the the divine presence dwells upon any place where there are 10 Jews, regardless of their spiritual state. And of course, the Rabat adds a a gorgeous commentary here, noting that even in the rush of Arali, the lowest state of a person, where the rabbit says there's no one lower than him, there's no state lower than that. Even so, he still has goodness inside of him and the Shrina resides over him. And in the same comment, actually, there's a footnote there where the rabbit shears that he heard from his teachers at the presence of the Shrina resting over 10 Jews is so powerful that if a Moloch would walk in, he would be completely be he would dissolve in that he would completely be nullified in the presence of the shrina, which means it means that something, something tremendous is happening when 10 Jews gather. And the question you and I just have to ask is, is why don't we sense it right. So that I'm I'm bringing this point to emphasize what happens to the the rush of Aral like just as the the shrina hovers over him and he has no receptors to sorry, just says that he's nefertitary kisses Makif he has no receptors to sense it to to act on it. Similarly, when the shrina hovers over a group of 10, we don't have receptors to perceive it, at least not most of the time. So it would it would depend on our level of consciousness to be able to sense it. Why? Because it's mock if it's surrounding, it's hovering over us. So the presence of holiness is always there over every gathering of 10 Jews at any level of Jew, even when it's not consciously felt. And and this is the same idea that the altar AB is describing here about the Russia. It's not that he doesn't have a godly soul. It's fear, but it's mock if it's hovering over him. So his level of consciousness doesn't allow him to access it or feel it. So it doesn't penetrate. It doesn't shape his inner experience. It doesn't move him to act differently. But the holiness is present. It's absolutely present, but the rush of viral like it's, it isn't sensed inside of him. I'm just looking at the time. How Tzaddik and Rasha Perceive Reality: Good vs. Distortion There was one other thought I wanted to share. I will. I'll conclude with this. I wanted to share one more way of understanding what the Tanya means by the Tadak Vitaevoli. The Tadak who has all good by conscious, the Russia Virali, the Russia who who has bad. The category of Tadak and Russia is the altar of is defining them. They're not separate to the way that the Talmud speaks in regards to reward and punishment. You know the how it uses the term Tadak and Russia. The Talmud describes the Tadak Vitaevoli as a Tadak who only has good and never suffers, or the Russia Virala is the Russia who suffers. Now these are are deeply connected to the way that the Altarov is describing them, because it's Sadiq, whose inner consciousness is aligned only with goodness, is naturally going to experience only good in his life. And a Russia whose inner state is mixed with or totally dominated by the bad in the sense he's going to experience reality through that filter, through that that corresponding filter. In other words, Taivara, it's a state of consciousness. It's a pier of glasses that they're wearing. So the reality is going to experience through that perception. What we see is not real. What we see is what we're perceiving. So the Tadek is perceiving through a lens, a lens of, of, of tithe, of goodness. The Tadek is not only someone who is objectively good, he's someone whose entire inner receptivity is refined to the point that he experiences his own reality as good. Even things that would normally be perceived as negative, they don't register internally as bad because there's no lens within him that could perceive bad. And again, the reverse is true for the Russia, the Russia of viral like he possesses this RA. What does it mean? It's not only that he mean, it's not only that he's behaving wrongly. It means that his inner framework, his inner frame of mind is such that realities filter through this state of constriction, through the state of distortion, where negativity is going to be experienced as real and as active. And again, this, this applies not only to to emotional or psychological suffering, even like literally to how real life events are experienced. And you know, I'll, I'll end with this story. We know the story about it was the two brothers, Shmul Halevi Horowitz and his brother up in plus Horowitz. There's a story how they came to the maggot, the altar of his teacher. And they asked him, they said, how is it possible that just like, sorry, how's it possible to bless the bad, just like the good? Because there isn't this idea that even when bad things happen to, to bless, you know, Barkha Taybamitib or, or, you know, even when you bless the true judge, how is it possible to make a blessing on something on, on bad news the same as we make a blessing on good news. And then there's even this idea of, of doing it with joy. So the maghat pointed them to Rebsu Shivani Poli and they said, go ask him this question. And they get to him. And here they find this, this man who we we know that he, he had, he was very poor. He lived a life of poverty. He lived a life of hardship. And yet when they asked him about suffering, why does he respond to them? He says, I don't know why they represent you to me. I've never had a bad day in my life, right. And by the way, just to give you context, another story we know about Rebsu Shivani Poli. When he was starving, he had no food to eat and he was starving and he turned to God and what did he say? He got, Oh, master of the universe, thank you for giving me an appetite. In other words, that was his experience of being hungry. Like he realized, oh, well, like how lucky I am that I have an appetite. So this is the point. He experienced reality through a consciousness that could only perceive goodness. That's the complete Sonic, someone whose inner world is so aligned with goodness that he actually experiences life as good. He's open to it. So the good that there is could fully land the complete Russia. Since we're talking about the Russia in this chapter, the Contras here is that it's not necessarily that he's lacking good in his life. He's lacking the ability to perceive it. His inner world is viewed through this lens of distortion. It's blocked, it's constricted. And so even when you know, he might be full of good, there's still this need to keep chasing more and more and more because it's not registering. It's not satisfying. OK, I have a little more, but I think, I think we'll end here for today. Listener Q&A: Relatability, Lateness, and Inner Compassion Yes, we will. We'll end here for today. There was enough, enough thoughts and thank you all who joined the middle. Hey Sarah, anybody have any questions? Anyone, anybody could relate to the Sadiq or the Russia? Speaker 2 Yes, both. And it was really. I actually appreciated your examples because we go through this like multiple times a day, like minute by minute. Like, you know, like we're constantly engaging with, you know, obviously thought speech and act, thought speech and action and on both sides of it. But just having awareness of it and what's happening actually is like half the battle because we're like, oh, like that's happening now. Can we make a choice? Speaker 1 Yeah, it's it, it popped into my mind that that like, OK, that little example about the, the lateness, but I, I really feel that that that the same idea applies when we bring awareness to why. In other words, it's I, I think I would say it in a little bit like this when we say, oh, I'm just, I'm just a late person. And then it's about me. It's my identity. The minute we can notice that it's a driven by a part of our animal consciousness, we can suddenly separate it from us. And now there's awareness around why this behavior is going on. And then they become there's choice. So that's really what allows us to shift from the Russia potentially being a Russia every time everything again, the, the like I said, the potential Russia is still called a Russia because it's just that there, there's such that that energy is pulsing steadily. There's no awareness around why I'm behaving that way. And so I'm bound to do it again. This, this is this idea I feel like is so critical. Bringing awareness to why a lot of people who struggle with anxiety, social anxiety, until they bring awareness to why it is that they keep coming late or why it is that they don't go, it's just like, this is who I am. I don't like it. Bring awareness to when you have choice, you don't have choice. Speaker 2 And do it to somebody else. And that's the same through the latest example is that it's like, it's like robber. If we bring it to someone else before it, it's where's first of all, where is it coming from? What's the intention when I bring it to someone else and #2 is. Speaker 1 You tell me what you mean when you say bring it to someone else. Let's say like. Speaker 2 Someone in my life is always late or let's say someone like. Speaker 1 Oh, excellent. Speaker 2 Yeah, any of these things like it's really like, where is it coming from? Where is where is it coming from that I need to tell them so. So yes, you have choice and awareness. But even the social anxiety example, it's, it's, it really comes down to like, why are we doing this? Like a what's motivating us? But also we can only in many ways, which is really hard. Like really everything has to be turning inward, everything. Speaker 1 100 percent, 100%. By the way, this goes back to the, you know, the, the, the discussion we had on Gimel Tamas. This goes back to that same, or it was a week before Gimel Tamas. This is the where compassion shows up. When we become aware internally why we behave in these ways and we bring conscious awareness to it, it becomes so much easier to notice in others that they're not just being laid or irresponsible. We're able to suddenly realize, oh, that's coming from a survival tool mechanism as well. That's also a safety tool. And so we have so much more compassion. They're not being inconsiderate. Yes, it's true. There are adults and they need to take responsibility. Of course, of course, of course, our goal here is to correct these ways. That's that's the whole point of bringing awareness. So we can now have choice, but we can have so much more compassion. When when we recognize and realize where these behaviors are coming from internally because it allows us to suddenly start seeing it in others as well. Speaker 3 Yeah, I could relate a lot to the Guevara coming from the right of the left. That is my challenge. And then I judge and then I and. Speaker 1 Then you turn my back on yourself. Speaker 3 And I judge my judging and then like. Speaker 1 Yeah, there you go. OK, So excellent. I, I, I would challenge you to like, literally notice the next time it shows up and just break it down. Like notice it, like trace it back to its source. So first of all, you could start bringing compassion in to yourself and then to the other person, but that's where you're going to start having choice over it. Trace it back to the source. Like, wait a minute, what just happened? Why did I suddenly bring a little too much discernment here and a little too much harshness towards the other person? What? What were they triggering inside of me? That turn made me turn on them. Speaker 3 OK, I know compassion is where all the work begins. Speaker 1 Yes, yes. That's where, that's where the listen, that's where we're bringing the wisdom of the godly soul in as we'll see the next chapter. That's where once we bring the godly soul on board into this process, that's where it starts to overpower the foolishness of the animal soul. Listener Q&A: Moving Beyond Just Awareness to Deep Inner Work I'm just reading a comment here, the story of verbs, OSHA, so powerful. Yes, thank you. Speaker 3 What about getting stuck in awareness? Speaker 1 OK. Speaker 3 You're coming very, very away. Sorry. Yeah. Speaker 1 Yeah, go ahead. Give me give you want to bring us an example. Speaker 3 I can't think of an exact example, but sometimes you just become very aware of what you're doing and even why, but it just seems to you just you stay stuck in that it doesn't necessarily like the second piece. What about the second piece of excellent? Speaker 1 Question. So let's take, let's take the lateness example. If just while I'm driving on my way, I have the awareness or as I'm about to leave, I have the awareness and I I realize, but it's steadily, I'm just steadily in the awareness and steadily having to choose differently. And sometimes it's very hard to choose differently because I know how uncomfortable it is when I walk in the room. That's the part that does have to be processed outside of the of the moment. That part really does need me to, to process it, whether it's it's with a therapist or on my own to go. Why is there anxiety here? Why am I, why am I always worried that someone's judging me? Why am I always so uncomfortable when I walk into a room of people? There's clearly an internal, you know, fear, whatever, whether it's an old story or a something it's, it's usually an old story. Most of our adult triggers our our childhood beliefs that we internalized. And so that does need to be processed. And it begins as that part, whether it's a peen that has to be sat with or a fear that has to be sat with, something has to be processed and then that layer just unfolds it. It just does suddenly becomes way less of a deal to to show up in the room. It doesn't it's not as uncomfortable. We stop worrying about what other people think about us. It doesn't concern US. Judgement of others doesn't land, has no landing pad inside of us, but it, it's, it's true in the moment to recognize and realize a behavior that's moving us out of alignment. It's great, but we have to go deeper and, and, and work through whatever it is that's getting triggered. And, and, and the altar of his, you know, he talks about dedicating specific times to be with these difficult emotions that show up. Does that answer your question? Speaker 3 Yeah, I think, I think it seems like if you stay in awareness, it's staying in the Russia mindset. Speaker 1 Well, it's true. It's true. The the only thing is bringing conscious awareness and then bringing compassion and processing what has to be processed is what allows us to, I mean, we still have choice. In other words, if I'm just a late person that I'm just that type I don't have, it's just driving me underneath, like subconsciously driving me from behind the I bring it here and I can see it like literally this, you know, anyone who's not watching the screen, It's like I'm literally bringing it to the front of my face and seeing what's happening here. Then I I could, I could decide it might still be very hard, but I've become the adult who's able to say, no, I'm not leaving late today. I know how deeply uncomfortable it is. And this is, this is the, this is the avid of Hiskafia where I see what's happening and I, I, I suppress it. I say, no, I'm not letting you drive the car. It's but it's hard every day. It's hard every day. And this is where the REB is pushed about his hot place. And you can actually transform that energy. It doesn't have to sit there forever scaring you. Doing that deep inner work is going to allow you to no longer struggle with that specific challenge. Speaker 4 Sylvie, I I want to, I mean I'm The answer seems pretty obvious to me, but it's probably I would find it helpful to hear you articulated and it's a substitute the examples you gave the example of being late. Listener Q&A: Unconscious Scrolling and Filling Inner Needs What about scrolling? Speaker 1 That's an excellent example. I love that. So tell me, though, how it shows up. Tell me how it shows up in a subconscious way. Give me, give me late, play it out for me in a subconscious way how it's just happening where I don't actually recognize what I'm doing and I just find myself doing it. Speaker 4 I kind of do recognize, but I have a whole bunch of holy entry points. Speaker 1 Sure that I think, I think you should bring it. Bring give us all. Speaker 4 Give us all a. Speaker 1 Cleaver, because I bet you everyone here is going to relate. Speaker 4 So let's say, I mean, I'm, I'm from the older generation, so I don't know, Tiktok and X and all that, but I'm still from the Facebook people. So I'll post something nice. I'll, I'll post something nice for like I try to do something on a Friday. So I have to see who liked it, who didn't, who commented, how many likes, You know, there's that. OK, then I have to see then somebody else posts something nice and that's all very good and it can stay holy for a while because I'm seeing good things and I'm getting very good things to share and they don't have to reinvent the wheel and kebab, that org has a bunch of good suggestions. So we're staying on the holy level. And then I start with, you know, whatever all of the different health reels. And it's important to know because, you know, it's for your health. And then, you know, and then you have to look at something once and it keeps coming up. And before I know it, I'm going between Jackie Kennedy and the royal family and you know. Speaker 1 I love this is such an excellent, excellent play by play. I love this. This is this is brilliant. Speaker 4 I like company. I like company. I like even though they're not live and they're not talking to me. But it's the illusion of I'm, I'm at a, I'm at a party and I don't have to do anything. I can just watch and I can listen. And it's so, and it's, I mean, Berkashem, it's not a thing where I'm looking at, you know, horrible forbidden stuff, but definitely taking. Speaker 1 A lot of time, yeah. So at this point, I would ask you, at this point, I would ask you, what's the, what's it called? What's the issue? What's what's what's not OK? Speaker 4 The issue that jumps up first because it's, it's pariv and it's, you know, anybody can relate. It's a time waster. I go to bed late. I'm trying to break the habit of being a night owl, which is, you know, a habit that's like 70 something years in the making. And I'm realizing at this stage of my life that going to bed early is not a sign of being a baby, you know, and staying up late is not a sign of being a grown up, which took me a long time. No like to do it. But I'm, I would like to be able to go to sleep early. So that's one thing. Speaker 1 OK, excellent, excellent. So the name, the reason I'm asking that question is the first thing to do is to name. What is it? What is it that is anytime we have a habit, what how is it pulling me out of alignment? It is not officially now we know that it is out of alignment of what you want to be expressing. You want to be using your time more wisely. You want to be again that. That could be as simple as that. I want to be using my time more wisely, which goes back. Speaker 4 To but then there's also there's more because there are deeper things. I have lists and lists of podcasts that I need to catch up with. I need to catch up with all the times that I've missed your class not by choice. I'm not in my control, but why have I not made them up? Why am I not? I mean, there's all the things that I should be doing, which I guess this now we're getting into what a therapist is, where procrastination has deeper, deeper meanings. And I should probably take it up that way, but. Speaker 1 So you're, you're, you're actually, so this is, this is interesting because you're actually coming to your own like we're, we're, I'm, I'm, you're noticing, you're guiding your own process here. You're, you're recognizing reels, number one, it's out of alignment with what you'd like to be doing #2 you're mis prioritizing, right? And now what? And, and you're coming to realize why am I, why? So there's some kind of a procrastination here. And so now we can ask you, are you able to recognize and realize what are you avoiding or are you avoiding something? Now you don't have to answer that completely here, but it, it, it's, it's we, you have to, if we wanted to say I just can't or this is just interesting and I like to doing it, or I'm just a late, you know, I'm just a late sleeper. Like every we could come up with things that just I've been doing it for 30 years. And so I'm just going to define myself as such. But the minute we realize there's a behavior here, I'm, I'm doing this because of, of there's, there's some kind of safety pleasure seeking dopamine rush that's happening here. Why am I, why am I feeling the lack in the 1st place? What is the soothing? What is which part of me, like you said, you know, I'm at a party and I don't have to do anything that might be telling what, what is it filling? What need is it filling? There's a lack and this is filling it. Is there a way to fill that in a way that's much more aligned with your value system? That doesn't feel time like a a time sucker or, you know, like a a vortex of of all all the all the important things suddenly flat floating down the drain. Speaker 4 Well, I think that, you know, you used the word several times that I I heard, I've heard it in therapy and I find it to be extremely helpful. And you used it in this context. And that's notice, notice so that that's a big help. The other thing is not not identifying with the behavior. This is not I am, but this is what's what I'm doing. And you know, the idea of choice and probably, you know, having a, a plan in place that you know of what you want to accomplish. So when you don't know where you're going, all roads will get you there. Speaker 1 It's so here you're moving already now you're moving into a nescopia type of, of behavior when you have a, a way that you're going to try to manage it and control it. And in other words, there's a part of you that's pulling you away because it want, it's feeling soothed here. It's feeling comfortable here and you're trying to manage that part now. And which is great. We must when we notice the behavior that's out of alignment, we need to do whatever we can to, to, you know, push ourselves in back into position. Can, can we go the deeper level though and understand why are you behaving like this in the 1st place? It's true. We have to come up with it. There's great escapia stuff for this. Like if every single time you pick up your phone, you make a conscious choice, you say right now I'm going to check my post and then you're like, oh, wait, you feel urged to check your friends and now I'm going consciously. Now I'm going to check hers. Now I'm going to go back and check. In other words, stay conscious, stay conscious. It gets very boring very quickly and you're like, I'm done, like I'm done making conscious choices about what I'm going to click on. When we are unconsciously clicking on our phone, that's where it becomes a time suck. When you're every time you're about to click the next thing or scroll to the next, you know, move your finger in a position, do it consciously and see if that changes how, how often or for how long you stay on. You become suddenly a weird like, Oh my gosh, like, no, I don't have to check that or I don't have to scroll to the right or to the left. Speaker 4 Well, I, I find that voice very easy to hush up. Yeah, okay, okay, okay. But yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, conscious, conscious, blah, blah, blah. Okay. It's, it's not, it's not very, it's not very easily LED. Speaker 1 Yeah. So I, I, I'm a big, I'm a big believer. I'm a big advocate of of this Hapra elements. They become they're so much more sustainable to steadily stay in like work, having to manage our managers. That's like an exhausting. I mean, it's, it's, it's the it's a bite of the Binani steadily noticing, steadily moving in the right direction, steadily noticing, realigning. And like, like the thing that I started with today. You have a ganif on your property. You could keep shoving it away or sit down with it and be like, what's going on here? Why are you stealing? Like what's happening like that, That, that's, that's a great. We've rounded back to where we started. Listener Q&A: Compassion, Godly Soul, and the Rebbe's Teaching There's do you say? Speaker 4 Where did that mushroom come from? Did. Speaker 1 You I didn't say it was a mushroom function so that the rabbit brought it was from Asika Parsha's. I don't remember we're though I could look it up. I I took a picture. Speaker 4 On my phone but there OK it's like. Speaker 1 The Saudius in the Teresa. Speaker 4 I love how you can reference that so. Speaker 1 Well, I, I, I'll, I'll actually give credit to the kohas, Hamish that said talked about like that. Speaker 4 Oh really? It had a. Speaker 1 Commentary about, you know, the Hashem doesn't see Cindam beneath stroll. That was it. You know, we talked about the fact that each of us has a highly unofficial kiss we can overcome and in other words, you can't. We don't just have to suppress. We literally could could transform. So I went and looked inside the source and that's where the muscle was. Speaker 4 So that's the Kosko, Michelle K it's. Speaker 1 Good. Yeah, the Kosko is pointed to the book and yeah. And you and you went it's a mushroom. It's a mushroom of Al Shamtov. I I thought it was just beautiful cause I've heard other Michelle I'm that the rabbi had used just to help us understand like what? What does Kasidis add over over other forms of Musser? Speaker 4 I mean, that idea of of sitting down at the Ganif is so powerful. Yeah. And that's so, that's so Dar Hashvi, you know. Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Speaker 4 Well. Speaker 1 I was very moved by it, yeah. Speaker 4 Thank you so much. Speaker 1 Thank you. Thanks for lending yourself as a excellent example for all of us. I think anyone here could raise their hand and say I relate at the core. Each one of us, though, might have a different reason why we're doing it, You know, like it's, it's satisfying a different need for each of us. And so that's why it's a, it's a very personal process to look inside and go, why am I? Why am I stuck here still? Speaker 4 Yeah. Thank you. Speaker 5 I think, I think what I'm hearing is I love that you're saying that Sibi, that the conscious awareness of saying that, you know, I'm now doing this is a very, very helpful for me. And I think, I think also, though, there is a, that's where the judgement can come in and you know, it's the fork, it's the fork in the road of going into why am I still on the phone? And the judgment? There's like the paralyzation of I can't stop doing it. And so there's the danger of then feeling like I'll never get it right or judgmental. Why am I still doing it with a judgment voice? I think the compassionate part is an. Speaker 1 Inviting moment. Speaker 5 Right. Speaker 1 There, there's the we're still covering, you know, we, we talked about the inner worlds, you know, the net. We, we defined the Nefertitz, the Nefertitz Obamas. We defined how it plays out inside of Tahnik. We defined how it plays out inside of Russia. The next few chapters are on the BN and E and we're going to learn, God willing, we will come up with them, not come up with I mean that the time is going to offer to us and I will hope to break it down in very therapeutic terms. The the same tools that the author of is offering us on how we shift this consciousness does not become one of like Sarah was saying before, where the guru steps in and is like judgmental and shaming. The goal is going to bring the, the awareness of the godly soul and the awareness of the godly soul is accessing compassion and compassion becomes the key towards healing these parts, noticing and bringing compassion. The part, for example, in the, in the example we just used about the scrolling, if there's a part of me that's feeling very empty and, and, or there's a void and I'm, I'm, I'm, I want connection. And unfortunately I don't have a way to connect right now with somebody. And so I'm sitting and scrolling or, or engaging with people on social media. There's so much compassion that needs to be offered there. Like why am I judging that part of me? There's a part that's hurting and a part that's seeking connection to not feel it. I'm in pain. Compassion is the only it it it's the only it's the only Rd. that makes sense. It's the only nothing else would be helpful here or appropriate. Like literally bringing compassion to these parts that are hurting to shame them is almost it's like it's like the aches or horror that you know, I'm sorry. It's like the gone if that we yell off of our property and shame it away. Like stop acting that way. Cut it out. You're being pathetic. Speaker 5 And that's like a language. Speaker 1 What's that? Speaker 5 I think we're both speaking at the same. Speaker 1 Time. Maybe you were going to suggest something? Speaker 4 Something that came to mind that I think is an it's, it's very, very different on the surface, but it's very, I think very helpful illustration of what this is. There's a gem video where Shim Shim stack of a Shalom is describing how he was as a teenager and he says, you know, crazy and wild. And he was upstairs in the field to grab his apartment and his friend was helping out and he was rushing his friend to hurry up. This was obviously, you know, before the Nasir and the rebel asked him why he's in such a hurry. And he says you don't want to know, you know, and he keeps saying that and he says, but how, how much could I tell? He's well, I want to go to the movies. We're going to the movies. And that ever said to him, and if I'll learn with you, would you, would you? I don't know if that ever said, would you not go? But how about learning with me instead, which he accepted and, and oh, I think I don't know if he said it right then, but he, he said he's not somebody for this forum. So that mostly I think this went on for maybe 6 or 8 weeks. I'm not sure how long. Every Thursday night I think at 8:00 for 1/2 hour and that ever was learning officially it was kids who but mostly that ever was talking to him and he said he was explaining to me why it's good for me to be a thrummer and he didn't put me down that ever never put anybody down. But I just like as you were describing this notice and like, what can you like? Give it, give yourself something else that you can, you know, and and if I learn with you, then maybe you won't go. Speaker 1 I, I love that. And so like on, on I, I think I'm very practical terms. This is, this is going to become the, the relationship of the, this is like the habrusa of the between the godly soul and the animal soul. They have to be the animal soul has to be able to hear what the godly soul has to offer. We have to speak in a language or, or we have to soothe it enough, calm it down actually, which is where the compassion piece comes in. The compassion piece comes in to soften our nervous system. No judgement here. And then it could even hear what is a godly soul offering me that's different. What is a what? What's the kind of filling that I could fill with rather than have to go into something that's out of alignment with my values right now? So to me, I feel like that is the, that is the what's if I learn with you and it, it starts with accessing just a little bit of compassion and suddenly the entire nervous system is like in a calmer seat. It doesn't have to stay stay busy and noisy and distracted with other things in order to feel safe. Speaker 5 Yeah, quick question. Listener Q&A: Setting Boundaries with Compassion on the Receiving End Go ahead. Speaker 5 What if you're on the receiving end of that, like the layperson? Or what if you are the person who is, let's say like, you know, someone sets an appointment and they're late and they're late once and they're late twice and the late 3rd time? How do you play that compassionate part, that Gvorah compassionate part together? Speaker 1 Is there a way to speak for what happens to you? What what? Tell me what happens to you when you're on the receiving end. Speaker 5 So when you're on the receiving end, you, you know, it's disruptive to the schedule, to the time. Speaker 1 Once it. Speaker 5 Makes there's you're not being seen for what you're offering or the quality of it. It's not being appreciated for what you're offering. Speaker 1 OK. So can you, can you speak for that? In other words, they always the the goal would be to represent the parts of you that are being bothered, triggered, activated, but don't speak from them. If you speak from them, you'll speak like you know, why are you all so late? It's so inappropriate. You're did it at that rate. Rather, we speak for them represent absolutely when two adults come into a room, there should be honest communication and if you are disrespecting my time, by all means I could say I just want you to know that this is time is very valuable to me. What can we do to help you show up on time or whatever it is Like I absolutely feel like it should be spoken for, but it should be spoken for not Let's not speak from those triggered or irritated I. Speaker 5 Agree. So that's where the, the tricky question is like you're saying, you know, then if I'm the compassionate person to realize their choice of behaviors because their mechanisms of whatever their late comings play out for them. At what point is that like, then there's the gore of the boundary. I, I understand 'cause I know you enough to know that late is really late is a real issue for you. Like, you know, but I got to help you with that by saying this time late, there's got to be, you know, there's. Speaker 1 There could be, yeah. There's. I think that person could have a yeah, there is natural I I agree with that. There should be like, so compassion doesn't mean that I, you, you have to work with your issue. Like I can have compassion for you, but this is your responsibility. My time is my responsibility. And if somebody else needs me right now, I'm going to have to prioritize them or my time or my responsibilities or my paycheck or whatever it is. And you're going to have to go work with yourself. I could still be very compassionate and kind about it. I don't have to I. Speaker 5 Don't have to. It wasn't, it's more so if this, I mean this person, it's if you know, there's a friendship involved. So the friendship gets a little taken advantage of because it's and it was because I had told you, I mentioned it and I said, listen, if I'm a real friend to you, then I can't let it happen anymore. Otherwise I'm not a real friend to you. You know, that's, I love you so much that I got to point that out to you and I got to, I got to do what I got to do. So I just wanted to be clear on the receiving end because that's a little trickier. Setting the boundary with compassion when it's on the receiving end is. I find that a little trickier. Speaker 1 It's, it might be more challenging, but I, I mean like I'm seeing it as you were seeing it. I like there's a lot of clarity for me. It doesn't feel blurry. It doesn't feel like a little great. It, it's, there's a lot of clarity around it. When you're in it and you're triggered and a little activated, that's when there's blurriness. But from an objective perspective, there's a lot of clarity. It's black and white really. It's bringing compassion and awareness at the same time. It doesn't mean I have to be taken advantage of. That's not compassion. Me being taken advantage of and you never growing from your your, you know, inappropriate behaviors is not compassion. Speaker 5 Right. I I'm very good. Good. I'm glad to hear that. Because compassion, remember, that's what you said. Sorry. Speaker 1 Exactly, exactly what I was going to say. Remember, we said compassion is a blend precedent, Gura. It's it's, it's love, it's care, but it's not allowing us to remain blind to what is going on. It's having a full of discernment that something hears out of alignment, but also having awareness. Where is this coming from, the safety mechanism? Be kind about it. Don't shame them. Speaker 5 For it, right. Right. No, no, no, no. It's with to me. It's actually, it's the compassionate part of the boundary. I have to be so clear with the boundary with you because you struggle with this, because this is your struggle. I love you so much and I'm compassionate. I'm gonna help you by being the friend that nobody else will tell you not OK anymore. And let me help you with that. You know, I hope that I just needed clarity on that because it seems like when done, it feels like so much Gvora, but it really doesn't 'cause it's not you're not doing it to me, you're doing it to yourself. I'm. Speaker 1 Just I, I think we could all this is this is a good point that you're making, Brock. And I think all of us can take a moment like before we are, we give feedback to somebody before we give, you know, constructive criticism, whatever you want to call it, you know, any, any kind of feedback that's going to be perceived by the other person. And, and it might be uncomfortable. I think we all have to really take a moment to make sure that we are coming from a very neutral space and not a triggered space and not a, you know, not a not a transactional space. Like really an awareness of a very clean space, like really truly being a messenger of truth without it, without having an activated voice, having an open heart, being in a space of of compassion of to Ferris. And I think I mean like it's, you know, there's a few different hyem yams about giving this kind of feedback. You know, one of them, it says that you have to like cut your nails before you poke at someone. That really means about like, making sure that you're like, doing it with it in a very refined way. Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah, it's yeah, I to me that. Yeah, well said. Yeah, but not easy because the truth is it'll challenge. It'll challenge whatever it is going to go on and the truth will prevail. And that's a little hard. Like, you know, you got a whole. I find I have to hold strong. I have to hold strong in my compassionate part and say, I know this is uncomfortable. You know, the reaction wasn't good. The person did not like it. But you know what I thought were friends, you know, and was like, this is, but this is how this is how I am your friend. This is how I'm going to show you. Speaker 1 But I care. Again, we also know the I'll leave words that come from the heart enter the heart. In other words, like when they don't, we have to check in and be like what? How did I did I do this in the most appropriate way? And if you didn't, we can always repair. You know, we can always be I I may come across a little harsh. I'm sorry. I was not triggered when I shared that with you, right? Speaker 5 Right. Yeah, true. Speaker 1 It's always an it's always a growth opportunity. Even if it goes wrong, there's there's opportunity for repair. Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah, that's the invite. The discomfort is the gift. All right. Speaker 1 Thank you. Thanks for giving us your example. Anyone else? Girls? Before we say goodbye for the day, for the week, for the week, we look forward. You get to Start learning about the vanity next week. It's exciting stuff. This is like a page Turner. Thank you, Sidney. Absolutely. Take care girls. Good to see all of you. Thanks for showing up.