Tan France w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

(upbeat music) - Yeah, we could not drink. Whatever it was like, I'm sober now. I can't do this. - I remember we really wanted Hank Azaria on the podcast. - Yeah. - 'Cause we, you know, obviously Simson's guys. - Yeah, we got it. - He's a big time sober. And not only that, they're like, it's going to piss off our people if we do it. And we're just like, so yeah, you don't have to drink on this. That's how we're opening the show with TAN friends. - You should make that more clear to PI people. - We said might be drunk. - Yeah, that's good boy. - We didn't say definitely. - That's a good point. - It could happen. - Oh, Delhi boy, like New Delhi. - No. - Oh, sorry. - Oh, sorry. - Not everything is a pun mark. - I saw Indian guys. To be fair, that would be fun. When I said I was in Delhi boys, my mom assumed it was New Delhi. - Say, okay. - No, but we know her, see if I'll leave. And I think. - The other guy's called Saga. And those two together are fucking amazing. And then the woman on the right, you don't, if you don't know, she is, she is one of the greatest comedy actors. She's on a show called Never Have Ever. And she's fucking fantastic on it. - And it's on Hulu, right, the show? Okay, I'm gonna check it out. - It's such a good show. - Great hair on Indians. It's unbelievable. - I know. - You have great hair. You got it, you got it good. - It's a little fucked right now. - Yeah. - I just had to get it bleached. - I didn't mean to say yeah, or whatever you said there, yeah. - I'm like, yeah, it's fucked up. - No, it's fucked up right now. - I just got a bleach, which is crazy. It's yellow right now. So please don't know just that it's yellow. - I didn't notice, please. - Don't lie. - All right. It's got a little Hitler going. - It sure does. - New Delhi, oh no, sorry, Delhi boys. Now you got it in my head. New Delhi. - I should run with New Delhi. - New Delhi. - What are you saying there? - Well you say it, new Delhi boys. She's in, you're like, ah shit. - Yeah, good. - New Delhi boys. - New Delhi boys. - She's hot. - Yeah, she's wonderful. - So yeah, I mean, we, we met like years ago, 'cause I first saw you on the moon. - Are we going? - Yeah, we're going. - Yeah, we're going. - I mean, okay. I was just saying to my audiences, we've never talked about this. When we first met, I thought, oh this guy fucking hates me. So really? - Really? - I get that a lot. - Yeah. - See, I brag. Jimmy Kimola, Jimmy Fallon. Do you remember? - Fallon. - Fallon. We were backstage. I was going on, your girlfriend at the time was going on. - Yes. - And I-- - I've dated a lot of comedians. - Yeah. - All right. - And I knew her, but I never met her. So I went back to say hello, and you were there, and I was a fan of yours. I said, oh my gosh, I love your work. And you couldn't have been more awkward. - Really? - Oh my God. - I don't remember this. - And then I went back to my cream room and I was like, that guy's obviously a homophobic. - Really? - Holy shit. - Because I knew it wasn't my fault 'cause I'm nice as fuck. And I was like, it can't be any fun that the only thing he had to go on is he's got to be a homophobic. And then you messaged, and I was like, I is not a homophobic. - Now it's my face. - Yeah. - That's even worse. - I'd rather be homophobic. I can change that. I can't change my face. - Wow. - I think you were just highest fucking, you just didn't know how. - Well, you know what it was. You were talking to her, and I didn't want to like take her moments, and you choose a fan of yours. So I think I was kind of pulling back a little, but yeah, the second you left, I was like, I fucking love that guy. 'Cause we had watched, I'll be honest. I was gonna turn on Queer Eye on my own, but she would put it on. - Obviously. - And I was like, this is fucking good. And you were my favorite. And I love the hair guy too, Jonathan. - I like him too. But nobody, you guys were like the two guys. I was like, oh, I like when your segments would pop up. - Thanks. - And yeah, man, no, it's like. - That's funny, 'cause he walked away and told me that you were anti-summon. (laughing) - Well, he was right. (laughing) - Nobody did. - But dude. (laughing) - No, but I think I mess you something like, oh no, I think you guys, that positivity, the world is so negative. I was like, that positivity is needed. - Yeah, man. Yeah, yeah. Afterwards, you were so nice. And then we had to hang it out. - Yeah, no, we hung it up a few times. - Oh, right. - Day when she hung out. - Yeah. - Okay, well, I'm not up on the new cat. These guys are way hotter than the old cat. (laughing) So, there's a nice to watch it when it was new, back in the day. (laughing) - So, there's a new guy. His name is Jeremiah. And he has very hot stuff. - Yeah, with the arms. - Yeah. - Yeah. - We caught the old cats, 'cause they were a couple of-- - You were a dickhead. (laughing) - A couple of real slums. No, I'm just kidding. I used to love that show. - It's a good show. - It's a good show. - Yeah, especially for a straight guy. We don't know what the hell is going on. So, we're like, oh, there we go. Look at these ugly-- - You know, speaking of straight guys not going on, that's how we really start to connect. Sam, we'll every now and then send me pictures of clothes and say, what do you think? That's why I give my-- - It'd be for specials. And I was like, it's one thing that I look like shit in like a comedy club. - Yeah. - If I'm taping this forever, I was like, dude, what do I do? - Yeah. And I'd be like, what are you doing with this jacket? And you'd be like, oh yeah, he-- - I'm pretty honest about it. - Very honest. - Yeah. - Oh, Mama, seat down. - What did you do? - We shot that one. That was in Tampa. Every special, I hit him up, so if I don't look like shit, it's because of this guy. - That's a beauty. - You got the face. (laughing) - I know, I'm the first one. - And he's like, he says me pictures. I'm like, yeah, the outfit looks great. (laughing) - He just sends me a plastic shirt. He's like, oh, okay, I don't know. (laughing) But I do remember that Netflix special, that one. And I'm amazing. I remember being like, well, you leveled up, so it was different about you. It was this damn jacket. - 'Cause he said-- - 'Cause I said, I kind of like how Elliott Gould looks in the '70s, with like those kind of cool, like corner or sway jackets, and you gave me a link, and I was like, oh, I just bought the jacket you sent me to get, so-- - So good in it. - Yeah. That was different, 'cause we're all wearing bomber jackets and jeans throughout the years. - I know, I never really want to talk to you about it. (laughing) That's actually why I'm here. This is an intervention. There is a fine line with comedy, where you don't want to be too snazzy, 'cause it takes away. - That's what I say. So that was my issue with him. I was like, you don't want to be a different person. Otherwise, it's distracting. And there are certain people, I'm like, who are you? Like, I don't know that version of you. You've never looked like that. Why would you look like that? - Like they went too big. - Yeah, man, and so they-- - Was it like a suit or something? - Actually, it's not the men, it's often the women. I'm like, you've got like a nightclub dress on, but you're just like a regular girl who doesn't dress like that. You're a jeans and t-shirt kind of kind of-- - Right. - I think how Sarah Silverman looked, I always thought she kind of dress like Tom Boyish, but like-- - Oh, I love-- - But it worked for her. - Yeah, no, I love it. 'Cause it's not distracting, you're like, oh no, I'm not folk. This shouldn't be a fashion show. I don't need you to give me a lock lock. I just want to focus on what you're talking about. Also, they shouldn't look too, like, not if you should look too hard, it's distracting. - Agreed. - Yeah. - You guys are safe, you're fine. (laughing) - Now, I got a million, okay, so it's a bad look. - Oh boy. - This is why a straight white guy try to look-- - What was I doing? - This is a corporate gig, I assume. - Yeah, it's a lot. - Yeah, what am I doing wrong here? - I was on something called, I think, AOL build. This was dressed for something. - Everyone did AOL build at some point. - Yeah, it was fun, the interview was great actually. - She was awesome, but yeah. - It's not far off, my main issue is the shoe. I know that that sounds skinting. The rest of it, I can make my piece with tuck in the shirt somehow. Yeah, she's the shoe. (laughing) - Yeah, white guys love a baby blue button down. - It's a hairy white guy as one, yeah. - We're scared to express ourselves. - Now, that's a cool look. Uh oh, he hasn't spoken. - Oh, no, no, I really like that, I don't know, I've got no issue whatsoever, I also like that. - To the 80s mix jacket, by the way, stop. I get tagged this all the time, saying, "I don't know you were a met's fan, that's a mix jacket." - Oh, that fooled me too. - eBay. - eBay, it feels like a glove. - I'd love to join in the conversation, "I have no idea what you're talking about." (laughing) - Oh, here we go. - Now, that's a good face. - I'm not angry at that. Actually, you look, actually, you look really handsome. - There was a gay guy in front of me, so I look that way. (laughing) - That's how we look at each other, you're right. You're right, we stare a lot. - No, that was, that was like, let me go as simple as possible. - Yes, let's slick Jack. - I mean, I wish he had gone for a black or a white, but other than that. - A black shirt? - Yeah. - Oh, okay, black on black. - I just don't love that version of a burgundy. - God, that's a good, that's fair. - Oh. - He was doing COVID, I was trying to be funny. - I'm eating here. - Okay, come on. - Kenny Powell. - Jay Six. - Come on. - Wow, wow, wow. I don't think you were so patriotic. - It was a joke, but yeah, a lot of people took this seriously. Man, I should have done more pushups before this picture. (laughing) - You really shouldn't rock one of those without, even as a joke, you're like, yeah, this is not funny, it's kind of sad. - Call us Cuck Dynasty. (laughing) - Yeah, definitely the shoulders of someone who's never even walked past a gym. - Yeah, it's pretty bad. (laughing) - Why don't we go in the mud? - How long is this gonna be on me? - A long list. - That's Bootspace, too, if I were seated. - Look at that. - That was winter. - Clearly, I'm layered up. - Do you know what? That's my favorite one, so far. - Whoa! - Do you think his layers are good? - Layers are really good. - Okay. - You know, I actually put a lock on. - All right. - And you look really handsome. - What? - Look at that guy. - I think you look really handsome. - All right. - I look goofy. - Look at all bloated. - I am a bloated. - But I'm the kids coming, don't worry. - Yeah, I can't wait for you. - All right, let's give Mark a shot. - Oh God. - Oh, here we go. - Joy. - All right. - Tell her a bloated. - What I was going to say? You called him, Chloe? - I was literally s-il here. I had a. - You look like Lord. - What were you doing at the bottom of the pool? - What illness does that? - It comes from eating ass. (laughing) - Wow. - Yeah. - That I should be obsessed about. - Was that? (laughing) - Well, look at me. (laughing) - Yeah, I had a H by Lord, but they made me shoot. I couldn't get out of it, so. - Jesus Christ. - I was bloated. It was a water weight or something. (laughing) All right, this will be on New Year's. - That's not bad. - I can accept that. - It's fun. - Yeah, I can take that. - Okay, that'd take that. - Jack, it's from a store. - Actually, that's great. - And you look great. - Oh, thank you. - That's before Fallon. - Yeah, suits my life. - I remember the set. - Yeah, that's maybe an extra homophobic, right before Fallon. (laughing) - Suits supply is like a safe space for straight guys. - Yeah, totally. - I like a suit supply. - Yeah. - Yeah, you look great. - Oh, thanks. This is me as a 13 year old skateboarder. - Is that Bart Simpson? (laughing) - You still skateboard? - I'm getting old, but I can still kick it around. - Tony Hawk shouted him out on a podcast as being a good skateboarder. - What? - Pretty good. - You made it when? - Yes. Oh, this is me bombing at a radio city. - Was that you a special in? - No, I was opening for the video music wars. You can see the astronaut in the back. - Oh, yay! - How about it, cared? - I like the tie. - Thanks! - I'm glad it is. - Oh, that's my favorite look. - In the wife, we went to a sex club in Berlin. - Wait, what's a bag, huh? - Kit Kat. - Oh, shit. - Yeah. - Whoa. - So we got dolled up just for the hell of it. - Are they co-opsters that mini skirt? - Her or mini? - No, you. - No, that's a box of briefs. - Oh, it's a box, okay. (laughing) - It was embarrassing because we showed up to the club and we got there way too early and we're the only people in line dressed up and everyone had a bag. So they wear normal clothes then go in and then change as lockers and stuff. So we looked like idiots. And I remember the balancer was a real dude. She was like speaking in German. I was like, I'm American. He goes, how come I learn your language? You don't learn mine. - Oh, shit. - And I was like-- - Stop it. - Stop it. - Yeah, now I got with it. The Germans are very arrogant. I got heckled a lot during my set. They were just like, "Fuck Trump." I'm like, first off, I didn't vote for him. Second off, Hitler. Okay. - No, I know we could be smog and have had Hitler. - Okay. (laughing) - That's fair. - Good point. - Any quick stories from the sex club, Mark? - Well, I had sex with the wife in the club. - Wow. - And a guy tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Me next." And I said-- - Yes. - Sure. - I traveled with him. I was nice, yes. - Wait. - So I fucked the guy. - You just had sex with your wife in the club. - Well, everybody was banging. So I said, "When in Rome, let's go after it." - And then the German guy was even more angry saying, "We're not in Rome, bitch." (laughing) - And secondly, I think the point of a sex club is to not have sex with your own partner. - That's true, but she was not into the swap. - The wife go. - Wow. - You want to see it? - You had a hotel room, dude. - Oh, yeah. (laughing) - I figured it was the story. You got to do it. - Have you ever been to a sex club? - No. - Come on. - Look at me. Actually, I did accidentally want to go to a sex club. It was one of those where you can't be close. You're meant to just be an underwear. And I walked in with a group of friends who hadn't told me and they know what a square I am. So we walked in and the German was like, "Okay, take your clothes off and put them in the locker." I was like, "Oh, ha, ha." And he was like, "No, you can't have clothes "and in this club, walk right back out." There's nobody fucking. - What? - I mean, it meant me. Like, of course, I'm not gonna go to a sex club. - Wow. - Absolutely not. - Yeah, but you look, you're first felt. - Good shape. - You work out. You definitely work out. - I'm in great shape. I work out for 43. And my body is fucking tight. - Yeah. - That's no one's business. And no one needs to see that. - Show the world. - And also, I'm for it, especially now. I'm old. No one needs to see this. The lights are off. - Don't look at me. - I'm upset. (laughing) - This feels home. - But you met your husband in like. - I would go in '20s. - In your 20s, but in like, in Salt Lake City, right? - Yeah, I thought you were about to eat in a sex club. - Yeah. - Yeah, I did. - I don't see. - What do you do? - You're gonna hold this back from the world? Thank you so, wow. I can't believe there's a picture of that on the internet. (laughing) - Oh yeah. - This is his background photo. (laughing) - Did you look like you should be in a Marvel movie? - I know. I work out. - It's not hard, man. Like, yeah, I just hide it. - You sing. - Holy. (laughing) - What do you think when this drops in the New York Posts? - I didn't realize it had made the post. That's fucking insane. Do you know what? - 'Cause if I do that, I'm gonna be like, "What the fuck happened to this guy?" Send help. - I really wish that I could, I'm not in that exact shape anymore. I would love to be in that shape. Oh, wait, there's the same. The twins. (laughing) Twinner. (laughing) That's really mean. - Oh, I look rough, dude. - What do you mean? - I'm in better shape now than I was then, but that's really bad. - Do you work out? - I do. - Do you work out a little bit? See, I think that works. - I have to. - You're 40, obviously, right? - I'm 32. - Okay, okay. - If I didn't do it, I would look like shit. - Yeah, I'll reach your gutter. - You got it. - You just got it. - I would be fat. - It's so stuff, terrifying. And you don't want to look like your dad. - Yeah. - My dad looks pretty good right now. - Oh really? - Yeah. - Okay, and we drink a lot too, but we just be fucking fantastic. Is it still? - It's 4.15 out of five. - What? - It's a 4.9, I had a solid wiki feet. - Which is fucked. - Someone pulled it down, dude. - I know. - Is this the new Uber rating? I didn't know we had new videos. - Yeah. - Are you ready to be off? - Am I on there? - Yeah, you're both on there. - I'm on there. - I think so. - My feet are rough. - I haven't even been pissed. - I got slave feet. I mean, they're good. - Really? - Yellow toenail. - No. - Oh, yeah. - Is it no rating? - No rating. - Is it no rating? - It's 4.8. - How are you? - How's your feet? - I'm higher than you. - Whoa. - That is. - That's homophobic. - Three months feet higher than mine. What is that one there? - Oh, it was better. - My feet are awful, dude. I could catch salmon with these fucking toenails. These are gnarly. - Do you. - Did either of you manicured? - No. - No. - Nothing. - I can't sit in that chair. - Yeah. - You're too guilty. - I'm on there. - I took this photo. - Yours is higher than mine. - That's a good footage. - Look at that white fuck outta here. - That's what never seen a day of labor. (laughing) - Look at that. - Wow. - It took my mouth. - I didn't get it footage, that's it. - Look at that. - It's fucking that big toe. - It's fucking that Tarantino. (laughing) - No, it's not. We might be drinking, you've gotta be drunk. - I guess so. - I wanna know your take. Can we pull up some other people? I wanna know Tans take us. This is his thing. This is what he. - Oh, no. - People like you changed lives. I feel like. - Oh, no. - Terminal. - Oh, Kelsey Plum. - I'm not mad at whoever this is. Sorry, I'm terrible. - She's a point guard on the LA Sparks. - She looks wicked. She looks wicked. Love this lock. - This is crazy. - Yeah, no, she's got something special. I like that a lot. - She would break us in half, Mark. - Easily. (laughing) - Okay, you've gotta remember it was the Met Gala. So fuck off everyone. Everyone looks a little crazy at the Met Gala. - Sure. - I love both. - No joke I love both for the Met Gala. Any rocks in the world, that would be wild. But I think they look incredible. - Yeah, Met Gala's cheating, I feel like. - Yeah. - We're gonna pull like regular. - Ooh. - Yeah man, no one's doing it wrong. - Wait a minute. - Okay, damn minute. - That's Russell Westbrook from the Kings. - One of the very few sports people I know. I think he's one of the best dressed men in the world. Not there. Like that's obviously, but I know it's me. - You should be waving down a plane in LaGuardia with that guy going, right? - It's definitely a look, but I think he looks incredible. - More Met Gala. - I was about to say something controversial. - Say it, say it. - Come on, Danny. - Actually, my controversial take is not a mean take. I actually feel bad for her. You might disagree completely. Just because she's the girlfriend, wife, whatever of. - Bezos. - I don't love that, this is so the wrong place for this conversation. - No, not. - Lay it on me. - My issue is that she's fair game for everyone, just because she's Bezos's wife. Whereas if she was any other woman in the world, we'd say, no, why are you talking about that? - That's a great point. You're right. You're a hundred percent right. - And to be fair, if that was on anybody else, you'd be like, yes, you nailed it. - Great body. - She looks good. - Looks great. - I thought that was Whitney for a second. I think she looks very good. - Who's Whitney? - Whitney Cummings. (laughing) - I think she looks great. - Hey, look at her cute. - Oh, my soul. - She looks great. - What the hell is he wearing? - The other thing is a little knots. - I almost went too far. - He looks like a tampon. - Yeah, it's all of them. - Oh my god, a pepto abysmal. - Yeah. - A pepto abysmal. - I love both. You can hate it all you want. The one on the left, I don't know his name, but he looks wicked. I know it looks like a schoolboy thing. It's a brand called Tom Brown. You both know Tom Brown, right? Please don't know. - No, Tom Ford. - Tom Brown is one of the most iconic American brands and they do shorts with jackets. I know it doesn't seem great to most people. I think it's so fashiony. - It's ball. - You like ball. - I like, but no, anywhere else, I'd say no, but on the sports dudes when they do the walking and at the Met Girl, I'm like, yeah, be bold. I have fun with it. Whereas that dude on the right, I get it, so you street lock, wear it on the street. - Bronson. - That's a good look. I would wear that. - The right, what's in it with Travis? On the right, that is the same brand as the shorts. - Okay. - So that's Tom Brown as well. Wicked, like-- - Looks baggy. - Yeah, baggy's in. - Baggy's really in. - Look at those trousers, or is this really in? Okay, I'm not loving what I've left. - Westbrook is over too, would you? - Yeah, I know, I like the top of it. Like if you were to wear a pair of jeans with that, I'd be like, yeah, you look wicked. - It's dressed like fucking Mary Poppins. - What would you do? - Somebody on Twitter said bad, but he looks like a goth Colonel Sanders. (laughing) - However, I fucking love his lock. I thought his lock was awesome. I didn't always say him, he looked so good. - Yeah, what is he doing on the left? Is that it? - It's a wild, it's Mary Poppins. I don't know why. - Yeah, that's a Tom Brown sweater though. - It's a Tom Brown sweater. - I know that the-- - I'm learning. (laughing) - Thank you for saying that. - He's always known it, yeah. - Okay, wow, I'm learning a lot here. - Look, again, I need to know, I'm not dressing like this, I had jeans on, and I had sneakers on, but when I'm on a press tour, so when you do a press tour, you get dressed up more. I don't dress like this in real life. I dress just as similar. - Oh, really? - Yeah, I mean, I live in black or a pair of jeans. Never this dress up for anything. - But show the world your shoes. I mean, these have got to get out there. - But you feel like you have to bring it 'cause of who you are. - Yeah, of course. - If I had my job, I would be in a pair of stomp washly vibes jeans every day, a white press sneakers and a black tee. I would never ever make an effort. - Yeah, but how do you find, like that tee shirt is distressed, it's, it's my phone. How do you find this shirt? - This is vintage, I don't know. - I go to vintage stores a lot. and there's a place called the DI which which is your version of The Goodwill in Utah. - So you get stuff like for bargains, that's your move. - Yeah, here's my point. You should be able to buy something so inexpensive and make it good if you can't, you're not a good stylist. - That's cool. - If you're a stylist, you shouldn't be able to make any shitty cheap thing work. - Wow, that was my wife. (all laughing) Do you know what, when I first got onto Queer Eye, I was already retired, I had money, I could have spent a lot. Instead, I wanted to show people that you don't need a lot of money, so I, do you know what Primark is? - Yes. - It's like a super, super cheap store from the UK. You can get a suit for 50 pounds, which is like $60. - Pull it up. - And I wanted to show people, no, I can wear something that's less than $100, get it tailored, and you will believe that this is a designer suit. And so I did. - Whoa. - That was cool. - I joke about my wife, but she does a thing called a, where you rent clothes? - Oh yeah, you rent them only. - Yeah. - Yeah, and they're cheap, whatever, but she'll just rent it and not own it. And she gets a million compliments, and if she gets enough compliments, she'll buy the piece. - Yeah. - Pretty good move. - Yeah, yeah. Also, if you live in New York, I'm assuming, you guys have a lot of space for a shit like rent. - Right. - Right. - Exactly. - Exactly. - Wow, Primark. Okay. - I'm not saying that that's where you should buy your clothes, where I need to make it very clear. Don't support Primark. It's a terrible fast fashion brand. However, you don't need to spend a lot of money. - You get creative. I hear you. I remember that I got a suit for this movie I was making 'cause I had to get blood on it. And I was like, let me get like a $100 suit. It looked pretty good. - Yeah. - No one would know. - I was shocked. This is $100. - Yeah. - It fits right. I think that people just assume, oh, you have to spend a fortune to look at. Now there's bullshit. - Yeah. - Also, I was broke as a joke. I remember what it feels like to watch. So I was just thinking, oh God, I'm never going to be able to look as nice as that. Get the fuck out of here. Look as good as them. - So you go to, I think I've been to the goodwill in Salt Lake City, 'cause I was just like walking around just, you know, a road comic. You're looking for stuff to do during the day. - Yeah. - There were like six bucks. - Yeah. - But the problem is tailoring. Tailoring, I find it cool, shirt or jacket or whatever and tailoring is like, you know, $200. - Well, you're going to the wrong tailoring. - I go to Alts, you know, ALTS. - I don't want that in. I don't want that in. - Okay, sorry. - I'm telling you, going to the wrong tailoring. If you're just getting, let's say a T-shirt or a pair of jeans hemmed, you can get it to them for like $10. - What? - You wouldn't, what do you do that? - Why do you do that? Go to the dry cleaners. They'll have me. - Oh. - That place is so expensive. - But I think it's New York City prices. - Might be New York. - Must be New York, because anywhere else, I got my whole suit tailed for $70. So, over and all, I got my whole red carpet look for $150. - Whoa! - That's crazy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I need to make it really clear. Now when I'm on the red carpet, I don't spend that. I spend a heck of a lot more. - Yeah. - But back in the day, I just wanted to prove a point. - People must hit you up a lot, being like, I can't be the only one. There must be some big dogs hitting you up. Like, what do I do? - I get those texts almost every day. - Really? - Who's an interesting, can you share any of them? - I can't. - Oh, I respect that. - Yeah, I can't. - I think it's on kind to expose them. - That's fair. - Yeah, damn. - Does Lane Max work? (laughing) - That's exactly what I thought. - That's why she looks so good in prison. - She does look amazing in prison. - Yeah. - Does she? - No, take it off. - Oh. - She's an attractive lady. - It must be crazy to be living. Like, she must have been living well for a long time and then to just go to prison. - Oh, come on. - That 180. - Yeah. - I mean, brutal. - She got to stay alive, the other one didn't. - Yeah. - Actually, I don't believe that, yeah. - You think he offed himself. - No, I think he's, I think he's out. - Really? - You think he's just chilling somewhere in the world? - Yeah, I think they killed him. He knows too much. That's my theory. - Why? - Why not kill her then, too? - Yeah. - That's my point. - It's a good point. - No, I think they got him out. - Okay, interesting. - He's just chilling somewhere in an island, having a daquerie. - Not a island, but yeah. - A different island. - A new Epstein's island. - They revamped it. - They've got through a reprint. - Oh yeah. - How does she look here? She looks kinda stylish, right? - Look, this bitch had money. - Yeah, wealthy family. - Look at money. - Dad was a bitch. - But there's people with money who look like shit. - Does, I mean, most people with money look like shit. Now, she had a stylist. There's no way she was dressing herself. Even back in the day, she had a stylist. - It's funny to be a sexual deviant and be like, I need to look good on the runway. - It's really just be pure evil. And you're like, I need someone to help. - Isn't that insane? - Yeah, look at that. - Very chic. - Vile bitch. (laughing) - She is? - Well, what else do we just have to do? - Yeah, what do you want me to say? She was lovely. - Yeah, you should be a good person. - Yeah, like the actual devil, God. - The short hair sucks. But that's the worst like she's done. (laughing) - Yeah, you gotta be so hot as a woman to pull off short hair. - You really do. - Like Mariska Hargitay pulled it off. - I'm trying to think of what Rita Hayworth pulled it off. - Oh, well. - Actually, Portman. - Yeah, actually pulled it off. - Melon Griffith back in the day pulled it off. - Yeah, how is Barry? - But it's Harry Barry, but it's rare. You gotta be so hot. - Well, I think it's the thing that makes it clear to the world just how hot you are or how not you are. Because when you cut your hair really short, it can ruin you. - No, yeah, for sure. - And it exposes you. I think a lot of people do it thinking, I'm hot enough for this and then you're like, oh no. - Oh no. - Your beach is a large. - Even if you're hot though, you're hotter with longer hair. - I know, you hate to see it. - Actually, not everyone. I think I still think that Natalie Portman the hottest we've shot at, I think he's really. - Look at that. - That is, look at her face on the bottom left. - She looks incredible. - Unbelievable. But, hell no. - Halfway does not. She looks like a simple jack in that photo. - That's not good. - She's good. - She's beautiful, but not with that look. - Is it his gay gorgeous? 'Cause I think she looks incredible. - She looks like a little boy. (laughing) - What are you doing? (laughing) - Honestly, that's a straight story to that. Just like a good boy, good boy. That's the original straight man. - Straight guys. - And more of the teachers. - Originally little boys. I'm telling you, the straight man of the Peter's, I don't know if you guys are always coming for us. It ain't us. - No. - No. - Definitely some. - She pulls it off. - She's very attractive. - She's still more attractive with longer hair. - For sure. - She's gorgeous always. - Actually, she rocked it. - Yeah, but she's got a lesbian vibe. - Yeah, 'cause she's a lesbian. - Oh. - That was great. - What else is she got? - She's the one who dated the twilight guy? - She was the twilight girl. - Yeah, okay. All right. - Robert Pattinson. - Yeah, yeah. - Well, it might be the most handsome man of all time. - He's a handsome guy. - Right. - Yeah, like Brad Pitt and Benjamin Bond look kind of weird, but it takes a lot to make him look weird. - Yeah, man. - Yeah, and Snatch, they put a fake nose on him. 'Cause he was two handsome, so they had to ugly him up. - Couldn't you imagine that feeling? You go sat in the like, "I'm sorry, we're early fucking struggling, "we're gonna have to pop prosthetics on you, "that's how attractive you are." - Wow. - Crazy. - I've talked about this so many times when my husband thinking, "Could you imagine it's walking around "knowing that people are checking you out in that way?" - Oh. - I know. - It's like, what's your name? Gwyneth Paltrow and shallow hell. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Which was like, this is horrible. - Yeah. - I think they're fad in that movie. She's like, this is awful. Like, yeah, maybe keep that to yourself. You want to get, you want to tell everyone that. This is hell. You could not make that movie today. - No. - No, you couldn't put it as a fucking cry. It's one of my favorite. I love that movie so much. - That was crazy. - So you live in Utah? Is that what you said? - I live in Salt Lake City, Utah. - Is that super conservative there? Would it like being a gay guy in Utah? - No, I think that you've been to, I've been to Utah. - We love Salt Lake. - I love Salt Lake. - I love Salt Lake. - Great comedy crowd. - They love comedy. Well, they don't really drink that much. And so, and they don't have a lot of vices. So, that's when they get to let go. - Yeah. - They'll be free. - Yeah, in Utah, I think that people assume because it's Utah that it's quirky and weird. It's not that weird. Maybe I've drank the Kool-Aid. Maybe I don't see it anymore. But it's a normal life. It's very liberal where I live. And I've never felt safer being gay. Anywhere in the world that in Utah, no one's ever caused me a problem. Also, they won't say anything to you. I'm sure you don't get heckled in Utah ever. Like, when you-- - That really no. - They think something mean they're not gonna say it. Like if you're saying in Germany, they'll say this sucks, get off the stage. They would never see that in Utah. They're just not-- - Yeah, they're very polite people. - Very polite people. It's one of my favorite places in the world. We're about to move though, moving to New York. So I'll see you. - Whoa! - How ya? - Nice. - That's exciting. What time to the move? - Midlife crisis. The legit midlife crisis for me and my partner. And just work, man. Like, you get more work here. And I was kind of living in that weird world. But I've been in an angestina for nine years now. And I thought, I can just live in Utah. And I fly to New York and LA when I need to work. I'm 12 for that share. I need to live here. - And that's a longer flight now. That's like a deceptively long flight. - Five and a half hours, no lay down. Bitch. - Whoa! - Yeah, there's no lay down between Salt Lake and-- - Yeah. - How about that? - Same with Vegas, I think, right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You just under the threshold. Yeah, no, it's tough. And I do that a lot. - It's a big airport, but yeah, it's still-- I get it. We talk about Salt Lake all the time. It's that part of the world. For some reason, comedy and Salt Lake and Denver. - Yes. - That part of the country is so good. - Yeah. - So true. - But-- - They need a lot. I mean, it's just no poor, no coffee, no boost. - Yeah. - Was your husband from there, right? - Yeah. Well, he was from technically Wyoming, but he's been there for like 40 years. So, yeah. - Wow. - Gay Wyoming. - Gay Wyoming. - Yeah. - Actually, it's not rare. - Oh, right. - Yeah. - But like, Salt Lake had a gay kind of underground scene where I bet Wyoming, not as-- - Maybe now, but back then, I bet not as much. - No, and probably not even now. Whereas, Utah Salt Lake in particular, I think it's one of the top five gay friendliest cities in the country. - Oh, yeah. - What are other-- I mean, is it just the other ones obvious? - San Francisco, New York, LA, the place like that, yeah. - Chicago, probably. - Chicago, yeah. - The Orleans pretty gay friendly. That's where I'm from. - Is it? - Very gay. - Oh, yeah, it's a problem. - I did not see that side of it. - Really, no? - I realized you were trying to jump with it. - Yeah, the French court is very, like, as a kid even, it was a. - Whoa. - Yeah, it was always been very gay friendly in pockets. - 'Cause I lived there, we should show for five months in the French court, and we made the mistake of living in the French court. - Yeah, that's a tough spot. - Me and my husband and our kid. - Any stick-ups? - No, no, no, thank God. We had security with us all the time. - Oh, nice. - But it still felt unsafe, yeah, safe. - Then the drunks and bourbon street, yeah, it's always loud, parking's hell. - Yeah, parking was hell. - Yeah, I can't believe you lived there. - What, so? - Yeah, where else did you live there? - I'm about to take something that Angelie, you might need to tell them, we could always edit it. - Yeah. - Hey, Willie's Remedy Plus is Willie Nelson's premium THC infused social tonic that has become a nice replacement for those nights where you want to unwind, but don't want to wake up feeling horrible. It kicks in pretty quick, like 15 minutes, and it's smooth enough that you barely even realize you're drinking a THC product. You can do it as a shot, pour it over ice, mix it into a cocktail, whatever you want. I love this stuff, you don't always want to go out hard and feel it the next morning, you ruined your sleep, you're gonna hang over it. This is a nice way to unwind and not hate yourself. 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Sign up for your $1 per month trial at Shopify.com/drunk. That Shopify.com/drunk. - Shut gang. - That's why I've never been a kid. You didn't know a cab. The guy would have a beer between his legs. - Dude, I remember that too. I went to school there for a year and a half and you'd get just drunk cab drivers. - All the time. - Wild. - Yeah, they have a daquery. - Yeah, there's all kinds of corruption with the mayor. - Yeah. - It's crazy. - They literally don't have the resource topiest. - Well, you talk yourself, you're like, yeah, he probably drinks all the time. He's probably a good drunk driver. You start to like make a deal with yourself. It's not safe. - Yeah. As a kid, it was fun because you could just do anything. - Yeah, well, he's not gonna yell at you for smoking a joint pack there if he's drinking. That was the one upside as a kid, but yeah. - I think as a kid, I'd be fucking terrified thinking the grown-ups not being the grown-up, how are we gonna get through this? - Yeah, you drank your way through it. (laughing) - And it becomes your reality. You're just used to it. - Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - So you did New Orleans, where else did you live for a long time? - Oh my gosh. Okay, we're trying to do it in order. Atlanta, Kansas City. - Atlanta was season one, right? - Yeah, season one, season two, Atlanta, season three, season four, Kansas City, Philadelphia for one season. New Orleans for two seasons, Austin for two seasons, Japan for one season. - Whoa. - Geez. - Oh my gosh, where was the last one? Where did we shoot the last one? - Oh, DC. - Hey, fun, these are fun places. - Yeah, yeah, actually awesome. We had an amazing time. We always shot in summer, which was brutal, 'cause we are on the street fucking brutal. But Japan was the best place I ever shot. Have you ever done-- - I've never been to Japan. - I've never been to Japan. - We're gonna go. - It's like, I love Japanese food. I love Japanese culture. I want to go there. - So they're gonna come back to me, touring Japan, not really. - New Brennan just went there and I think we could do it. - Yeah, yeah, we should do it. - I don't think we're gonna sell a ton of tickets, but it's like, it would be worth it just to say true. - We're tour together ever. - No, we might do it at some point. We're working on a movie. If that works, you might do a little thing. - That'd be cool. - Japan is truly my favorite place in the world. It's incredible. We shot the show there and it was already on my bucket list and then I loved it so much that I go back every year. I'm obsessed with the place. - What part of Japan should we hit? - Tokyo and Kyoto. - That's what I heard. - Everyone who's ever been there, no one's ever gonna say, well, it's shit time. - Right. - No one's even gonna say I had an okay time. Everyone you all meet will be like, Japan's fucking awesome. - Really? - No way better in the world. - Okay. - There's a place in Flatiron on 23rd, I believe. I literally just had a, they do Japanese breakfast. I love the Japanese breakfast with just all the fishes and veggies. - Please text me when you find out what it is 'cause I already do what I got. I love a Japanese breakfast. - We'll go there. I would love that. - Maybe all three, it'd be fun. - I would love that. I would love that. - It's the breakfast though. I don't even know what they eat for breakfast. - It's just, you know. - Pickled, a lot of, I know it sounds weird. - The egg custard thing, the tomagos. It's really good. - Okay. - Oh yeah, speaking of pickles, I'm assuming you're both being, 'cause you're both Jewish, right? - No. - You're not. - No, come on. - Get out of it. - Wow, you're not. You play it well. (laughing) Have you ever been to Katz's deli? Do you know what that is? - Of course. - And my next watch party last night, Jake, who runs Katz's deli, was at my next party, so. - He was, I met him. - Yeah. - Oh, God of it, he's got meat, Bobby Flake. You know what that shit, I mean? - Yeah, of course. - So it went to be Bobby Flake. He was there as one of the judges. And he was telling about the place - Yeah, but I know. I know all about your place. Your pickles are the best pickles. - Legendary pickles. - So good, man. - Yeah, love pickles. - That's Jake, to my right. - Incredible. - Incredible. - Lovely guy, you're already good guy. - That place is great, the food, the sandwiches is this tall. - Yeah, everyone says it's a ripoff. It's like, yeah, it's expensive, but also it's two meals, easily. - Yeah, and their beef barley soup is underrated, by the way. - And the kinesh. - He was always in the winter, popping through a hot dog and a kinesh. - Oh yeah, I love a kinesh. - 'Cause at night, there was never a line, and it was a cheap meal. - Please. - It's not exciting to you, but I just need to know what I will go through this morning. Do you know what Sunday morning cafe is? It's a place that does cinnamon buns, cinnamon rolls. And I got the recent rolls this morning. I woke up, so I just got back from China last night. What? - Cheers. - And I was really jet lagged. So I slept for 10 hours, and I woke up at 9.30, and I was feeling really hungry 'cause it had to be in so long since I'd eaten, so I went to Sunday morning cafe, and got three cinnamon rolls, and they are fucking massive. - Wow. - This is a place. - And it was incredible. And I ate all three this morning. - Holy moly. - One after another didn't pause. - Is this trauma eating? Everything all right? Do you know? Yeah, it's not all right. - That's a lot of bread. - I love bread. - But when you run a restaurant for a couple of weeks, you can really fuck with you. And so you just eat what you want. So yeah, three cinnamon rolls is one thing. - Damn. - You have to go, it's incredible. - It looks great. them, but they were incredible. - Yeah, that's a, I mean-- - So good. Can't get that shiny. - I have an idea for you, by the way, for the next season of "Queer Eye," there should be a hug. - It's done. - No, but the next, after this one, it should be like, in-sell edition. - Oh! - You take, whoever's most voted most likely to shoot up an office or a school, you take that kid, and you're like, and you're like, "All right, you." - We're gonna-- - Save life. - We're gonna fix you. We're gonna pluck the middle of your eyebrows. This could've been huge for me. - I like it. - You're gonna save 'em, and that way instead of shooting up the school, they're gonna like get the girl, they're cool, or the guy, whoever, whoever they like. But get 'em, yeah, scour reddit for who's the most hostile. - Yes, I don't-- - We're giving you a makeover. - We can do a movie version of that, 'cause that sounds great. - Yeah. - That is fun. - It's like a she's all that, but like-- - Yes, it's a much more terrifying version. I'm talking about that. - I'm talking about that. - Gamer, mom's base yet, mount dude, the whole thing. - Yes. - Save the day. - We have to have your reps here. - Oh, okay. - And whoa. - Okay, I do have a recommend. - Wow, okay, I need you to understand this. Now that I'm looking at this, I did not realize that they were rex. Okay, these are not rex for you because you are way too straight to appreciate it. (laughing) - I think we have some gay fans. - Here's the thing, I was asked, what I like right now, and I was like, great. - Okay. - But apparently I forgot that I'm a very gay man. (laughing) This girl, Jade, is iconic in the UK. She was on a show called The X-Factor, which kind of like your version of American Idol. - Oh yeah, sorry, American Idol, you're right. And so she was in a girl band for 10 years. She just went solo. And her album won, album of the year, our version of the Grammys, which you call the Brits. Her album's incredible. Even if you're not a gay man, but she does say, she makes a music for the gays. It's incredible. When you're at a club like the Berlin one, that's the kind of music you will listen to. - Okay. - Let's get to the mood. It's great. (upbeat music) - Is this gonna kill us, Peters? - Yeah. (upbeat music) - Hey, nice voice. - She's got a wicked voice. And she always thinks that she's incredible. Anyway, that's enough. Thanks so much. You don't have the money for that. - Oh, no. - Okay, next, my wreck. Oh, god, again, I forgot. I didn't realize-- - What does I've heard of I Am Love? What is this? - Okay, you know, Tilda Swinton is. - Oh, of course. - Okay, great job. - The girl in Dayton won her watch this the other night. We don't know. Is it really good? - You will hate it. She will love it. - Yeah. - Is it really a movie for the girls and the gays? Do you know that? Did you ever see that? - Every movie she wrecks is a game movie. And every movie, I wreck is like a movie with a title like The Woman Who Got Murdered. It's like a noir of the '40s. (laughing) - So, you know, Luca, what's his name? - Warn, you know? - Oh, yes, we're gonna watch this. I heard this is good. All right, I'm gonna watch it. I'm gonna let you know. - Yeah, I think it was his-- - I love Tilda Swinton. - I love Tilda Swinton. - She's awesome. - She's wicked in this. - He did challenges, right? - He did, he did. - Oh, it was his first movie. - Oh, wow. - This is his first one. And I think it's an absolute masterpiece. But I will say this, if you're watching it, you'll think, well, this is a nice movie until the last 10 minutes. The last 10 minutes, I sat there and I watched it twice and both times, the audience did the exact same thing. I used to go to the cinema. I haven't been to cinema in a long time. But the whole audience of the same thing, the credits come up and I've never seen an audience sit through the entire credits in complete shock. - Wow. - I want to watch this movie. - The incredible movie. - Okay. - Yeah, one of my favorites ever. Okay, then, okay, this one, you might appreciate. So I was asked, my favorite spot like this show. - Do you know what Kunk is? - No. - So, do you know who Dan Morgan is in the UK? - I don't. - Will you pull up a picture of her? Okay, so Dan Morgan is a fucking national treasure. So, she does a show called Kunk. And it's an England, when we say, let's say for example, it's referring to you. And you've got an opinion on chairs. It's salmon chairs. That's just your opinion on that thing. So it's Kunk on Earth, Kunk on religion. Her religion one, it's on Netflix. It's so fucking funny. She basically starts it out with, I'm going to tell you which religions better. Judaism or the Quran. Let's start with the Quran. So Judaism is time and then she'll say, okay, let me read through the Quran and I'm going to tell you if it's good or not. And then, beep, because obviously she'll get killed. - Right, right. - This bitch is so fucking funny. She gives just the most unfiltered, honest opinion on what. - This reminds me a little, like remember back in the day, Penn and Teller did all shit. I thought that was a pretty good show, too. But she's very dry and the deadpan delivery is what makes it. - I'm going to watch this, too. - So let me sell it more for you. She will speak to an absolute expert on a thing. So let's say for example, Sam, you're talking about how much you love that camera. And you're telling her. And once you're finished with how amazing that camera is, she'll say, look shit, though, don't it? - Yeah, very serious professors. And you're like, are you? And I still don't know if she won't tell the world. Are the people who are the experts in on it? 'Cause she's so fucking disrespectful. - Right. - About what they do for a living. And she's like, you wasted your whole life studying that. - Yeah, it's like Ali G or something. - Why? You've got to, you've got to check it out. - Check it out. - Do you know the show, Black Mirror? - Yeah. - He co-writes that with her. - Oh wow. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - She's doing together and she's incredible. She's also on a show called, do you know what last one laughing is? - Yes. - So she was really on the show too. - Oh my God. So, okay, I've got so many reps here. I want to text you these later. So season two of the British version, that one. - Oh, Jimmy Carr. - Yeah. - We've had him on a few terms. - I'm gonna say something. Okay, never mind. - Say it, say it, please. - We did it. - Say it. - You can end it. Oh my God, are you gonna kill me for this one? - Say it. This is mine. This is already me too. - Say it, say it. - Jimmy Carr's plastic surgery. - No, I'm gonna kill us by this. - Oh, I love that you're gonna say. - I think Jimmy Carr is meant to be like our version of, who was like the most successful comic in America? - Like a Seinfeld or? - Yeah, yeah, like a Seinfeld. Like, somebody that's so respecting you like, you can get anything green lit. And that's Jimmy. And I've always watched "Thinking". Huh. (laughing) - What would that show give in? With anything. Oh, let me tell you why. And I know this, Jimmy, it's not you. You are wonderful. I need you to know that you're wonderful. But. - Jimmy, it's not you, it's everything you do. - It's not you, it's your personality. No, it's not for that. What is this wonderful? The thing is, I think that his kind of company is so not my kind of company, because his is very different to, I think you're, I know your work as well, - Oh, thank you. - You two both do a thing that I like, which is you'll just tell a story. And I don't know what you call that. But you'll tell a story. And I'm tracking, like I'm following what you're saying. And I know you're building to something. And you'll do a call back. And I love that you'll do a call back. Here's just a joke. And then a joke. - Right. - And then a joke. There's no story telling whatsoever. And so maybe there's a massive audience to that, but that is not my kind of comedy. - Uh-huh. - And I live for a comedy special. Almost every night I watch comedy. - Wow. - All right. - But I really go for, I want to be caught off guard. I don't want to know that the punchline is coming every last night. - Right. - And so, and I don't-- - You don't like formula, like it. See, we respect it because it is like a high degree of difficulty what he's doing where it's like, you're starting at zero every joke. So to me, it's like, okay, every joke's gotta be pretty solid. - But every joke lasts 30 seconds. So you've got an hour special, I've just joke. And that's not the joke. - Sure. - It's built to something. - Yeah, you're like a through line. - Yeah, man. - I mean, it's flavor is honestly. It's like, what's your flavor? - Yeah. - You know, it's like, I hear what you're saying totally. - So it's not a big person. I think he seems wonderful, but I just, it's so not my kind of comedy. - Can you tell us who you like? - Yeah, man, what a fucking I like, but I love loads, okay, I hear my Americans. - Yeah, I don't know how you're gonna feel about any of this. Do you know who Liam Morgan is? - Yeah, yeah. - We saw it at the Netflix branch. - Yeah. - We were just saying, come on the par. She said she's gonna come on, we gotta get her. - I love her. We became actual friends. I love this one. - Yeah. - She launched her comedy special and we were just bored one night. And I think it was during COVID. It was a few years ago. And we saw a senior woman on a comedy special. And I was like, this is gonna be interesting. You don't see that? - Yeah, that's true. - They don't get Netflix messages. They just don't. - You're right. - And so I was like, no, I wanna check it out. It was one of the best specials I've ever seen in my life. - She's funny. - Fucking loved it. - I like the delivery too. - Such good delivery. 'Cause you just don't expect it from her. 'Cause also I thought that Raxon was fake for the first 20 minutes. I was like, the dickhead is doing this bit for a long time. And then finally you realize, oh shit, that's just how she speaks. So love her. I love, that's telling me, sorry. - That's all right. - I love that woman. - So much, I think she's so good at what she does. And then the Brits, obviously you can tell I like a lot of women. And then the Brits, Sarah Millican, I think, is an absolute genius doing stuff. - I don't know, I don't know. - Sarah Millican is one of the most successful comics in the UK, arguably one of the most, she has sold out massive tours. - Okay. - I recognize the face. You recognize it, right? - Actually just an American tour, a sold out American tour, which is hard for a Brit. - Yeah, for a Brit. - Oh good for her. - I've seen it for like 25 years. - I've seen that cover. - Yeah, she was, she was very successful. So yeah, she's my favorite. - All right. - Yeah, she's my favorite Brit, Brit. - Yeah, lots. - Okay, but the laugh show is hilarious. They try to not laugh, and that makes it really laugh. It's great. - It is a genius fault that they're not- - Genius. - Actually, this is not for you guys. - Now that we cut back in, I want to make someone's day, Mark, what are some young comics you like? - What? - You want to say someone's name? - Yeah, shout out to young comics. - Make her name. - Oh, she really curious, who do you know I do actually want to know? - We should have some people who are really good. - I got a million. - I'll shout out Maddie Wiener. She's going as a seller right now. I really like her stuff. - Yeah. - And Lara, Jordan Fisher, Sean Murphy. - Yeah, Sean Murphy. - Very strong. Andy DeVito, he's not that young. (laughing) - How about some real- - How about some white folks? - Oh, there was two blacks in there. (laughing) - Let's see, Ian and Jordan are in that way. - Yeah. (laughing) - Well, wait a minute, this is someone else that I love. - Oh yeah. - Just a lot to say, it was special on YouTube. Do you know who Zach now we towers is? - Yeah. - I know the name, yeah, I know. - I've done his show. - It was so funny. - He's one guy, right? - He's a blunt guy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. - Oh yeah, I know him, I know him. - I thought it was like 20, but it turns out he's my fucking age. (laughing) - I popped up on my Instagram and then I watched his special in first incredible. It was so well crafted. - Yeah, I did his radio show. He's really funny, quick, very, very good. - Other young folk who are killing it, I'm trying to think. - I know, I always blow this. - I don't know the young ones. They're out there, geez, I don't think it's something. - Are you watching, or I'm assuming you don't watch a lot of coming because it's your world. - Yeah. - Do you watch funny AF? It just came on. - No, but we're gonna have Caitlin and Usama and I think, together. - Yeah. - Okay, that's Caitlin and Usama a fucking incredible. Did they win? Don't tell me, I don't want to. - No, I'm on the last episode. - Okay. - We just told you. - Those who are fucking fantastic, is it? - We've known Caitlin and Usama for a long time, so it's cool to see comics who are working hard to get a little bit of a whole bump. - Yeah, they did a really good job. - We did those reality shows. - Oh, yeah. - Oh, you did? - Last comic shot. - They've gotten better since. They've fucked us over. They'd put us in a car and make us wait. You know, like, oh, the car's not working. We don't have sit in a hot van and fight. - Clearly, Kevin Hart was like, I'm gonna make this as comic-friendly as possible or as before your Netflix is way more comic-friendly than NBC. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, it seemed like they were really happy. I think they were treated well. - I'm sure it's still miserable. Those realities, anything where you pin people together, that's why your show was like one of the few reality shows where it's not like a competition. - The thought of being on what, I don't watch Housewives running those shows, but I know obviously, and I'm not stupid, I know what the premise is. And I just thought, could you imagine going to every day knowing my job is purely just to fight today? Like, I've got to call someone on camera today. - Some people are really good at it, though. - It's like, some people are just gifted with the ability to be like, I like confrontation. - Oh, yeah, yeah. - I mean, I want to call it a gift, I guess it's a curse, but-- - I don't shy away from comedy. I want to make something very clear. I think that, actually, the internet apparently knows that I can be quite harsh, but I think that the common misconception is-- - Yeah, Jimmy Carr is killing himself right now. - I think that the common misconception is, because I speak the way I do, that you can say whatever you want, and I'm not going to say anything. Oh, I will always have a talk. Like, if anyone, I learned this back in the day when I was a kid, because I was such a skinny, short, I was a tiny kid, I was skinny, and I was gay, I think that people always thought, "Oh, I'll destroy them, and I won't be." And my favorite thing to do was like, okay, just give me what you got, give me what you got, and I'm going to make you fucking cry, and you're going to go home to your mom. And tell Mommy what this gave to you. (laughing) So, yeah, you learned that real, you know what I'm like, okay, bitch, you think it's a big, strong, straight guy? Let me show you. - Anyone else hard? (laughing) - I just want the idea of you getting bullied, and you're like, "Allow me to destroy them." - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, nice try, pussy. Yeah, and so on. - Did you get bullied a lot? - To go back to what I just said. I think so many tried. I was an exceptionally violent child. - Wow, violent. - Yeah, and so, look, I was brown in a white community. My dad made it very clear. You will not come home beaten. If someone swears at you or hits you, you will make sure you almost kill them. Like, if they're not bloodied, there's a problem. If you come home bloodied, they will be held to pay. - Whoa! - And so me and my brothers just learned real young, talk to me wrong, and I'm going to beat the shiraria. And then we were sent to boxing, so we were writing you out to fight them. - And so, yeah, I loved when somebody would come up and try and treat me like, "Okay, bitch, this is funny. "You take your turn now, it's my turn." - I love the idea of you beating the shirava kid and then being like, "And that's the outfit you chose," and that's just awful. - Damn, did your dad know you were gay at a young age or now? - No, no, no. - Was he, do you think he would have been cool with it or no? - Well, no, God no. But he passed away when I was 13. So, I think it was too young to know. And to be fair, no one would have known. No one would have known. Up until the time when I came out, I was living in Timberlands, Baggy, Jeans. I didn't speak as softly. Like, I was a very, very aggressive kid. And so, no one would have suspected whatsoever that I was gay. When I told my family who I'm really close with, they were completely shocked. They were like, "Put your one of the most aggressive people "we know." - Wow. - No, but that's an act you play. How all were you when you came out? - I did it over the course of like 10 years. But I started when I was like 17, 18. - Oh, yeah, brilliant. - That's hilarious. - Wait, which one is you? - That's a really good fucking question. 'Cause none of those brown kids are me. (laughing) I don't know any of that. I don't know any of the brown people in that picture. - The kids got good hair though, look at that. - Yeah, beautiful. - I have literally no idea why those brown people are meant to represent me. Never seen them before in my entire life. - I don't know who's found me that, is it him? (laughing) That's me, go bottom right. - Listen. - Okay, I was four and my mom dressed me in that one with the bow tie, but that was me as a kid. - Wow. - Okay, yeah, you just look like a regular old guy. - Regular kid. - Regular kid. - Right, you really had a glow up. Look at this middle one. - You a bitch. (laughing) - Don't make me make you cry. - I'll take you 10 seconds. - I'll tell you what in the episode, he just curbs some salad, you're trying to cheat us. - You killed him. - You're actually right. Do you know what, it's not the Justin Bieber. I was, do you remember somebody called Pete Wentz from like the early 2000s? - Oh yeah. - And what do you need a group of boy bands? - Good Charlotte, maybe. - So that guy, I really liked that guy's hair. He didn't look like that. He had the sweep over hair when he was younger. And like all the girls loved him. And I thought, okay, I'm going to be that guy. So that's what I was going for. - Damn. - I think I nailed it. Yeah, that was a tough guy. - But what's really weird is seeing a Pakistani emo guy? (laughing) - That was a rough era, that rap rock, kind of lipiskity, good Charlotte, all that shit. - Predears, yeah. - That was a weird time. - Totally. - Is that okay, that bottom right there, that was the luck I was always going. But he was like on the cover of every magazine, I was like, who was that guy? - A follow boy. - Yeah, was there like a celebrity who made you realize you were gay or like, that's a hot guy, right there? - Yeah, did you ever see? - God, what was it called? - A wall. Do you know what A wall is? - Is that the band? - No, no, there's a movie where the guy called Jean-Claude Van Damme from the '90s. And we know it's called A wall. And watching A wall, I made my family get the a burner 'cause we were positive, we can't afford it. And so we got a burner copy of A wall. - Whoa. - I want to call something else in America? - Yeah. - Ah, that happened a lot. - Lionheart, I see. - Yeah, that happens a lot in American movies that call something else in the UK. Anyway, so Lionheart, I just thought, who was this man? - And he could do the split. - Oh my God, and it was often in Spandex. - Yes. - I like his jeans, but basically Spandex. - He had a run. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, he almost turned me. It was close. - I was on Conan with him once and I could tell the interview was not going well 'cause Conan and Halfway through the interview was like, "Why don't you try and move on me?" - Oh, no. - He was just looking for anything. - Pull up him dancing in a, is it Bloodsport? - Yeah, you're up to it. - Yeah, I'm too, right. - See, here's the thing. - Yeah. - Oh my God. - This dance is hot. - I, I think I broke, like VCR tape because I'm a clown. - Ah, that's so dang good. - Yeah, there you go. - Oh man. - And he had no moves. (laughing) - No moves. - Yes. - In the face. (laughing) - The most attractive thing I'd ever said, "Oh wow, I've got this pants." Oh wow, I really did get inspired by this guy. - Oh my God. - No one had that physique in the '90s. No one else. - You're right. - And your charisma for sure. Pull up the clip of him on the motorcycle. Have you seen this one, the shootouts? It's the most stupid shootout scene ever. Yeah, no, he was, he had a run. - Oh yeah. - All my friends' moms liked John Todd. - Yeah. - Is that one? The second, yeah, there. - John here. - Have you seen a lot of Todd target? - No. - This is the most insane shootout scene of all time. (laughing) (laughing) - Yeah. - This is tan going to work in the world. (laughing) - I mean, this is pure '90s, '90s. - Oh yeah. - I've got, I've know where everyone already says it, but the '90s were fucking incredible. - Oh, the movies in the '90s were the best. - The movies TV, the music. - Also, did you see that guy? - When he jumped over that fire, that was so clearly another fucking person. - I know. - He didn't have the same hair, what's it all mean? Did he? (laughing) - We did not give a shit. - That was a different guy. - There was a movie in the '90s called Three Ninjas, remember that? - Oh, three ninjas. - The grandpa in the last scene, he's supposed to be this great martial artist, and he's just an old tiny dude, and you can so clearly see a stunt man when he's doing like backflips, it's a mate. - I don't know if you were the same when you were a kid, but when you'd watch martial art movies, once the thing was over, you would do it. - You would fight. - Yes, yes. - So I had brothers, so I would do it. Did you ever see a movie called. In England, it was called Big Trouble, Little Chinat. - Yes, of course, Kurt Russell. - Oh my God, I was obsessed with it. - Oh, this is it, this is the scene. - Wait, what happens here? - Big Trouble, Little Chinat, yeah, for sure. - It was a lot of the team's director, wasn't it? Wasn't it someone big who did that much? - No, really? - I don't know. - Yeah, maybe. This is yet the grandpa. Oh, that was a bad punch This is such a 90s villain that haircut. I know he always had to have a pony. Yeah, I was very sick. Oh This is killer Kick I don't think that was a grandpa for some reason Remember he gets him with the jelly beans. Yes No, it's the same grandpa. He's the same guy in this. He fights in this. He's like the sense saying this I've got a fucking loved it. It was incredible. So it was the Asian dudes. There were three Asian dudes Yes, who were like the ones with magical powers. Yes, there were the sons of the god guy. Oh my god I was obsessed like one of them in that one of the woman who was snarling did the lightning. Yeah him Oh and the flips my dream was to do the back flips across the recess courtyard Just to impress like all I don't know why I thought the girls would be impressed to impress everyone to like just back Flip across the entire thing now. Are you a gold star? There's there's one up above gold star just so you know, which means you didn't even come out vaginally I can't what's it called? Wait, wait, wait, yeah come out vaguely. Yeah. Oh, you were see section. Whoa So no touch one. Oh, it's called platinum. It's called platinum. You were in a c-section. No, I was at the veg I was a c-section Big head start it out platinum. Yeah, you ruined it. Yeah, but yeah, platinum Wow platinum. Yeah, thank you So thank you for applauding that. That's impressive section out of the gate I do want you to know this and I want you to know this like deep from my heart that this is true I've even though I'm platinum. I've seen more vagina than you two will ever see in your life. I'm sure Where? Well, I make clothes for a living and I see women in the road where I make it all the time. I've seen so many. He's a peeping Tom But you got us be where and how can I the only thing higher than platinum would be if you came out an asshole You in the durable from Richard here, but yeah, I yeah, I think that straight men are like me and pussy I'm like you calm down a little boy like you've not seen anything now. Is that a bummed out a little it depends on who's and so I went over and we had a couple of actresses join us for dinner Some of the most famous actresses in the world. We were out there hanging out and And I said I don't know how it came up in conversation, but I'd never seen a vagina like in that way. I'd seen them But never like seen seen like we were talking about holes. Do you know how many holes are on a vagina? Holes well, there's the main hole and then there's the P hole So I would say - we're failures of the asshole system here. Yeah, what do we got? No, give me your answer I was gonna go to - is that are we way off. How's he's three? You can't yeah, she's a lady. Oh, I forgot. Yeah, we have a lady in the room. So we're not gonna look at her So there are three from what I'm told by these two actresses As I was like I had no idea. I've never ever never really seen one So I had seen many but just once we get changed in my studio I never thought to look lock because that would be in polite for a gay man Actually the straights also don't look when you're not asked a lot. Anyway, so She said come with me. I was like, what do you mean? And the other was like, oh my god, we're gonna do this and she was like, yeah So we went to the bathroom she took a jeans down and Showed me exactly what everything was and how it operates and what was the most surprising when I was like, what's that thing? And she was like, oh my god What are you doing take that away? She's like a lady, but I just guess what I know. Who's no Helen Miran? No, what do you think Helen Miran would just show me have a giant? Just the audience no, he just pulled up porn No, it's not her I was in complete shock. Wow So you're getting invited to better parties and I'm if you guys want to come over and watch the nicks a little repeats it You're seen celebrity vaginas and then she told our friend to show and our friend was like, no, I'm a fucking show Yeah, and she was wearing to a boob chubis. It's just this fabric that goes around this no. Oh, I got to top. Yeah, toop top Sorry, it's our in American called toop top and so she was like, okay, and then it without giving a radio She just turned and pulled it down. She was like, at least show me your boobs. I was like, I've seen those and I'm care about What a party, man wasn't even a party was just a nice quiet dinner It's just an interval during dinner. I know these attractive women Shockingly beautiful. Oh, they're just showing gay guys everything. Shockingly beautiful. Wow. You know, we have to spend to see that They're not only fans. You don't know. Okay. No, you're not gonna spend money on them, but gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. Why anyway? Her the comment section to me, but I know it was again. I've seen many I know what they look like It was the most beautiful vagina I've ever seen. Well, we have to we know it's a certain age because of the tampon so the detectives are ready If it was somebody younger than somebody who has a tampon, I'd be terrible I wouldn't have been in that situation. I just need you to understand. I think I speak from Mark too I say I'd be glad to see Merrill Streep's vagina. Yeah, true legendary. Yeah, yeah Yeah, wow, I didn't mean to bring it to a screeching hole And then life got even crazy He's a one in leftovers, right? Yeah, left over by the way huge hog on the road. Yeah, he was a good to the jogging Yeah, yeah, all that's seen up, but I don't want to get excited. I need you to know He is one of the greatest comedy actors. Have you seen him in anything else? He's fucking incredible. You wrote traffic thunder. No, he did What? Yeah, he said he's so fucking American psycho. He's funny. He's telling that. Yeah And even in just general conversation he's so funny. Wow. He's in. Do you ever watch the show? There's no reason why you would watch this. You know who amused the derraces, right? Of course. Of course. Okay, stranger with candy Incredible show. Okay, and also the TV host of forgiveness name Steven is amazing in it. Oh, yeah He's got like a potato. He's got a kid. Yeah, he's got a kid. What's going on here? It's a weird shape, though. It looks like a fucking French crawler So he was an Amy Sideras' show, which is Home with Amy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and he plays multiple characters on the show His comedic timing is incredible and he always plays a ridiculous character. His body's insane. I know. Yeah, he's just he's one You don't get to eat anything if you look like that, right? He just said he I don't think he eats dessert even now He's not a dessert person whatsoever pull up. Yeah, but that's like you can't that's gonna be a crazy guy But I want you to know that even there he's probably like 50 Damn, yeah He's in his mid 50s now and his body's insane insane. Wow. Good jeans. No, it's not that he works really Okay, now that he works out so much that's such a cop out thing to say Now it's just one knowing Jennifer Aniston was getting pounded by the hog That's excited for years. Look at that six years Good for her Okay, I'll be there when we supposed to get Amy Sideras on this podcast what happened there? She's a fucking genius Can I tell you the crazy story about her? I met her through Justin. So if you do ever go to Ray's bar Ray's my favorite by New York pull it up. Yeah, Justin a guy called Carlos and And oh my god Mark Ronson, you know the DJ Mark. Yeah, so they own raise Shout a race. It really is the best bar in the city Wow throwback. We're so good about it. That boat booth in the corner If ever I go there very nice and they let me have the booth cuz they'll partish enough And I was going one day cuz Justin was hanging and he said do you want to come come hang went over Turned up and Amy steris is there and I'm a mega fan of Amy steris And I never met her and at this point in my career I know how to keep my calls. I just went over and said hi wait doing that Amy, but she was like I'm just having a snack She had brought to this dive bar Saltine crackers and really expensive caviar Caviar on salty crackers and just having a snack there. It was one of the weirdest experiences Yeah, right she's insane in the best way I think she's an absolute I've went into one of the street ones. I don't know her, but I was with Todd Barry who knows her and just she just like a drive by Zing on Todd Barry. Really? She called him old or something and I just Crush him, but he was we were laughing, but it was like I don't think she can't I think that that's just who she should Cannot be wildly funny. Have you seen her house? No, oh my god so cool quirky like really fun decorations She does a show out of there like a show pull up her house. Oh, is that where she does her actual show? I believe so I do know it if you haven't seen it at home with Amy steris is one of the greatest comedy shows on TV I get a watch incredible She's pretending to have a lifestyle show like a mom Right what she booked everything up and then her assistant is call a skull like me. You don't know who call a skull is. Oh my god. Cole plays a woman who lives next door who's her assistant and he plays it so (laughs) - It plays it so well, it's genius. - I mean, what a family, her and the brother, that's a quitter. - I know, a bunch of talent there. - I know, I really, so I was doing a comedy show called "Dressing Funny for Netflix" and he was gonna be our guest. I quit the show the day before he was meant to be my next guest on the show, 'cause I fucking love his work. - Yeah, I was at working with Tina Fey, 'cause we, I've never seen Mark freeze up. We were in an elevator with her at a next game and Mark showed me, he was, "I'm gonna say something." And he completely chickened out. - I panicked. - And I get-- - It's so nice. - Where 'cause we just, 'cause we're fans, and we don't want to cross that line. - Okay, okay. - A 30 rock is like the comfort show for me. - I watch it almost every night, okay. I'm gonna be so lame and give you my famous person's story. So I was on a red carpet, my first ever Emmys, the first year, we had only been on TV for like three months, four months at this point. Litchie just got onto the red carpet and Tina Fey ran towards me and said, "Oh, my God, I can't believe you here." And I thought she can't be talking. There's no way she's talking to me. - Wow. - I turned around and she's talking to me. I can't believe that I'm seeing Tina Fey that I realized, "It's me, bitch." - Yeah. - And so I was like, "Wait, who do you think I am?" She was like, "Ton, you didn't get enough of that." Oh, yeah, okay, but it is me. Anyway, we got along great and she was like, "I'm such a fan of you." Everyone I hang out was like, "What the fuck in a hang out, are you kidding me?" "You're Tina fucking me?" And so I said, "Look, this is really weird, but I'm about to start this comedy show Netflix, if you'd ever considered being on it, thinking I'm just gonna shoot my shot." And she was like, "For you, yeah, I'll do that." And so a couple of weeks later, on dressing funny, she agreed with Rachel, "Oh, my God, I love her. Why am I forgetting a name, Rachel Dratch." I'm just like, "Rachel, that's no disrespect to you. She is an icon." So her Rachel Dratch just did my show. And my husband came, he's never been to anything I've done, he couldn't give a shit about this job. And he was like, "Can I come to set?" I was like, "Yeah, come to set because we are obsessed with it is my favorite show ever." - Yeah. - He just sat and watched every time in between takes. I'd go back to the green room and he was like, "You're talking to Tina, if I have that kind of little picture, it's a beautiful show." - Wow. - And then, yeah, we developed a show together and I couldn't believe it. And so we got to Zoom. I'm praying she will never see this because the first two zoos we went on, "Sneakily, I took a picture of her on my Zoom thinking. I just need to know that forever I could look back at this picture and be like, "I had a Zoom with Tina, thank you." - Right. - Whoa. - I had a thing like that with pitching a show with Brian Cox, I never snapped the picture, I was too chicken, but we had a show, it detached to do a show with me and it never went anywhere. I mean, maybe it will at some point, but it doesn't match us. - Who's getting Brian Cox? I was like, "He liked the script." - That's literally what I was about to say. Who gives a ship and never goes anywhere? - I wrote with Michael Orange, by the way, who's a great writer, but yeah, we were in awe of Brian Cox. - Yeah, man. - But yeah, Tina FaZe, another one who's just like, to be the straight person on that show and still get all the jokes off. - Oh yeah. - Like it's crazy, like you just made it so you're as funny as everyone in the show, right? - Yeah, yeah. - But you're supposed to be like the, it was crazy, right? - I actually think she has the best lines of all the lines. I mean, I know Tracy Morgan's incredible. - And Alec Paul. - Alec Paul. - I know of course. But Tina, her lines are better than anybody else's. And I will say that, and I'm not just saying this to Blow Smoker Brass, she's so much better in real life. - Really? - She wouldn't definitely kind. I was really nervous thinking, there's no way somebody this big is gonna be a good person. 'Cause I was so new to all of it. I just thought that they're all cons. They've got to be cons who are that famous. She could not be nicer. - So cool. - I think that's the reason we didn't want to say anything. 'Cause I watched 30 Rock all the time. I'm like, I just want to, like, love her. - Yeah. - Yeah, I almost don't want to meet her, you know? 'Cause she's so awesome. - But you're right about the elevator. There's certain places where she can't escape, you know? It feels weird. - I was about to say-- - On the way out, it's okay sometimes. - Yeah, exactly. Let the door open. - There's certain places where people will say whatever they want to say to me. And anywhere else, I'm like, this is lovely and I really appreciate it. And I'm sure you've got your versions of it too. But my two places, I'm like, please, please don't talk to me here. Elevator, 'cause you don't know how long you're in there. - Yep. - But the one that happens the most that happened yesterday is when somebody follows me into the bathroom. - Yeah. - Whoa. - The urinals are annoying one. - Well, I haven't used the urinal in nine years because of that. It happened my first week of becoming an entertainer. And someone came to the urinal next to me, started peeing and then started talking to me about how much I love the show. And I was like, listen, I don't know what to say. I'm my dicks out. - Yeah. - I'm literally not my dick out. And then after that, I've never used a urinal again because people have followed it. It happens so much more than you think. Yesterday, I'd gotten up a 19-hour flight. And then the manager of the Delta Lounge said, can I have a picture? I was like, yeah, sure. He said, but I can't take it in the lounge. It's against company policy. I was like, okay, I said, I'll be back in a minute. I just used the restroom. So I went to the restaurant. And he came in to have a picture of that as well. - That's not against company policy. - So I turned and said, mate, that's so nice of you. But I need you to wait outside. And he was like, oh, did I make it weird? I was like, yeah. - Yeah, you did. - Unless you're going to show me your vagina. - Yeah. (laughing) - Weird man, why would you come to a restaurant with me? - That's crazy. - Yeah. - Whoa, I've never had that one. Never had the restroom thing. - You've had the urinal, you're next to the urinal. - I guess, but never the follow in. I get the, at the restaurant a lot, where the guys are standing over you and I'm like, oh yeah, and I'm like, how long? I'm stuck here, so you gotta leave. - Yeah, yeah, that's a tough one. - Well, don't you just do that? Well, it was really nice to meet you. - Yeah. - That's the move, that's the move. - Yeah, I guess so. I love a drive-by. - Hey, company. - That's the best. - A drive-by, it's my absolute favorite. Yeah, I will take a drive-by over. And you can do it all day every day. That doesn't matter. - All day. - Just a quick ego boost. Boom. - Yeah, also, it's nice for the people around who don't know, yeah, you're like, yeah, bitch. (laughing) - I think the elevator too, I think we were at a game Bill Bradley was in the elevator, Nick's Legends, like, you know, old guy now. But I literally, I'm like, I don't want to bother him. On the way out of the elevator, I was like, I was like, huge fan, thank you for everything. And he was like, thank you for, and keep it that quick. - Yeah, also when I love about Tina Fey, her at the next game, she's just like, (laughing) - No, everybody's hootin' all right. - It's very Liz Lemon. - It is, it really is. - And Tracy's very Tracy. - Yeah, it's like next to her, like, (groaning) - Tina could not be more Liz. And I know that we're not meant to see her as the character, but it is like 100% it's her. Like a lot of the time you'll meet people that you, all that people that you love a character, then you meet them in real life, you're like, oh, no, you're really fucking boring. And you're not all that character, but she can't turn it off. She literally can't turn it off. She is Liz. - Ah, I love that. Look at her on, Peter, get Tina on here. - All right, also same initials. - Only 10 minutes left. This is a smooth transition into peeps if we can. - Okay. - I'm about, okay. - Okay, a little bit. - So that, bathroom is, oh, sorry. Look at what a fucking professional app, I'm gonna do your fucking, your link to this. Not only a bathroom is my issue, the biggest issue I have is on a plane. There's been a lot of discourse about it recently online, so here's my biggest issue. When you're on a plane and you just want to recline, and then that person behind you will make him play, or even worse, push it back. - Whoa, that's fighting words. Push it back, this is my seat, man. - You have no idea how hard it is to be like, don't call them a cunt. Don't call them a cunt. - Push back, it's aggressive, but I gotta say, as a tall guy, I hate to recline. It always crushes me. It always crushes my legs. So I've got a really important question for you. How is your height, my problem? - Ooh. - Wow. - These are five words. - I paid for that seat. And that is a long-ass flight, and I need-- - No, on a long flight, you got to recline. I'll give that for sure. - What'd you do the same to a fat guy? - I would do the same to anyone. - You know? I just think, again, most of the discourse online is, just because you paid for it doesn't mean that you get to take up my space. What's somebody reclined? You fucking reclined. - Right, right. - This is an airline issue, though. They have turned us against each other because they've made the plane seats too small. So instead of being mad at the airline, you're mad at your neighbor. They have turned us on each other, and I resent that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine. - This is a flight issue. These seats are the same size for people who were smaller a generation ago, 'cause these are all planes. - Right, yeah, yeah, that's better, that's better. But would you ever say to someone, 'cause you are tall, don't look how you see it. - No, I would never say it, but I would be like, ugh, it's like one of those. - I don't, I don't, and I'm finally, you know, you can keep your own anger to yourself. - That's the respectful thing, too, just swallow it. - I've seen the photo of the person with the hair, the long hair above the screen. - Oh, that's crazy. - Disgusting. - They'd be deported. - I saw someone do this, and I know it's so mean, and I'm not suggesting you do it, but it was, it's so what I would wanna do before I became public. Put chewing gum in that fucking hair. Someone put chewing gum in the hair, I'm like, yeah, I see you deserve that, dickhead. - Look at that, that's appalling. - In the coffee, whoa, what a move, yeah, I totally get it. Like, how disrespectful. - I've been drinking the coffee. - Like, but gumming. - It's so disrespectful to do that. I get the call, I get it. - Whoa, now to piggyback on the recline, I hate this guy who uses your seat to get up. - Every time you make it, sometimes I'll hit my hair a little bit, you know, I'm driving crazy, I'm like, can't hate it. - Tell you some of that. - Aggression or hostility that leaks into my seat is tough. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. You getting up shouldn't be my issue. - Well, speaking of getting up, do you have a preference on where you start on the plane? Window or eye? - I'm an aisle man, all the way. - I all day. - Wow, I'm always window. I will never ever go out. - 'Cause you're too famous, I think, you need to hide. - I'm not gonna say that, but I will say, it does make it harder for people to talk to me, or disturb me enough, like if I'm by the window, you're absolutely right. And so, a window though means that every time I need to use the restroom, "I have to ask somebody to get out." - That's why I don't do it. - Which, no, no, I absolutely get it. Before I became an entertainer, I always had the aisle so I could just get up whenever I wanted to. So, you get to stretch your leg when the carts are around, which is great. But, I need the security of that window seat. I just need to be able to tuck away to be left alone. And so, I need to get out of the way when I need to pee. And the guy yesterday was pissed with the entire flight. And so, at one point, I did say to him, "I know it's annoying, but what do you want me to do?" - Yeah. - I have no option, I need to pee. - Right, yeah, you got to pee, you got to pee, but are you over peeing? So, I'm gonna just pee like 10 times. - I try and do it as little, I will drink as little water as possible so I don't have to, it's maybe like twice. Yes, it was a 19-hour flight, it was gonna happen a lot. - That's crazy, yeah. - Yeah, that guy's nuts. - Oh my God, it was nuts. - I've done it, I've apologized when I've gotten that, see, I'm a peer. - What do you appear? - I'm a peer. - Oh. - I pee a lot, I drink a lot of water and coffee. So, it's like that combo is gonna kill you. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're in an aisle, so you're fine. But if you're in a window, that would be annoying. But if you're in a window seat, you've got to respect it. I'm like, I'm not gonna drink too much water, I don't know if I can get up much. And you know what, I'll say this, if you're sleeping, mount me, climb over me, I don't care. - Yes, I've done that. - I've done that. - I've done that. - However, then I have to do what you hate. Because when you mount somebody, you have to use the seat approach. - That's true, that's true. - You've got to mount. - Yeah, you need the support. But it's always awkward when they wake up right when you're face to face, that's weird. - Yeah, yeah. I just need to mention one other thing. You just pulled up the Daily Boy season two. The cover has Fred Amerson. - Ooh. - And I don't know Fred at all. I went up friends, but I see him regularly at events and he'll always say hello, he's very nice. Fred's one of those people that is such a sleeper. Well, do you know him? - No, we don't know him actually. - I like the show. - When you first meet him, you think, oh, he's not at all what he is on TV because he's fucking hilarious. And he just seems like a really quiet boring guy for 10 seconds. Then he'll do what you mentioned, Amy Starristos, which she'll burn you without you going to say. And he'll be just having a conversation. Then he'll drop something and you're like, you funny fucker. Like where, and it's insane. You came out of nowhere. - I love it. - But every time, again, it's been like 10 times that I've seen him. He's just depressed all together. And every time I see him, I just think, oh yeah, I forgot, you're not Fred from SNL. But a few seconds in, you'll drop something fucking crazy. Like, oh yeah, you are hilarious. You're just a lot more chilling in real life. He's so insanely funny. Some people just have that way. It's not, they're not fighting for a joke. - Right. - And it's got nothing to do with what you're talking about. They'll just drop in something funny that you just think, you think like it, it's almost as if you're on the spectrum because no regular person would think that. - Right. - I like that. - And that's why it's so funny. - All right. - And honorable gays. - Okay, can I tell you about honorable gays real quick? - Please. - Okay. - You look like Michael and Pirioli a little in that shot. - I don't even know. - A little bit, right? - So. - So. - I do, I've never seen sopranos. - Whoa. - I've never seen godfather. - Dude. - I've never seen any, yeah. - Sopranos is a martial art. - When you hate a telly? - Yes. (laughing) - What you should have, no. So honorable gays, I do a show. - A little bit. - I do a show. - I do a show with two Instagram comics, but they're also now touring comics. Erick Sedanio and Rob Anderson. I pose a question from Reddit, which is, do you know what am I the asshole is on Reddit? It's where, let's say for example, you've had a situation between you and you don't quite know if you've been the dick or he's the dick, but you've had a fallout. So you tell the internet, you tell Reddit, this is a situation and then you always ask at the end, so am I the asshole? - Oh, I like that. - Are you like a mediator here? - Yeah, so I'm the judge of this. And so we have the stories, we animate it, which I think is so funny. The animation is hilarious. So the story comes to life and then I decide once the other two have fought both sides of which they think is the right party, which one they think is the wrong party, and I decide who is actually in the wrong. It's so funny, there's only 15 minutes, there are five minutes each story, and I think that it's great concept, 'cause we need that in the world. You know, when you get the guy on the subway, you're blaring music and you go, "Hey, can you turn it?" The guy goes, "Fuck you." It's a free country and you're like, "Wait, how did I become the bad guy?" - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You need that guy to step in and say something. - Yeah, and it's the most me. And so I think everyone's gonna think I'm a really harsh person once they've seen the show, but I just think, "No, I'm just a real person." On TV, I've been forced to try to pretend that I'm just like always nice. - Right. - That's just the whole queer I brand, I've never gotten a real opinion on anything, and this I'm like, "Now you're a con." - You're a con, why would you do that? - There you go, all right, is that online? - It's online, it's on YouTube. There's four episodes out. We've got another four coming in, then we start shooting season two. - Hell yeah. - Love it. - On-line's the way to go. - On-line is the way to go. - It's so sad. - I got a, what do I have coming up? I got Lisbon, Athens, Budapest. Tickets still available in Budapest. Holy shit. Zagreb, that's gonna be great. Tickets moving there, Vienna, Warsaw, just added a second show in Warsaw, Helsinki, and then Stockholm and Copenhagen. I'll add some more dates, but hopefully our summer's booked with that movie. - You're gonna try and shoot a movie. - Can you tell us about the movie you're not sharing yet? - It's just two drinking buddies who have a liquor company which we do have with Bodega Cat Whiskey, and it's kind of their journey and failure and stuff, but it's fun. It's got hard. It's a good, it's a really good script, I think. - I think two are the leads. - Yes. - Okay. - And we co-wrote it. - It's a joke of minute, it's funny, it's kind of a throwback. - With two other writers, Esther Steinberg and Noah Gardens, we're like- - Are you uploading production? - We're working on it. We're working on it. We'll see if that thing, we kind of need to know a lot this week, if it's moving forward for the summer. - It's like your thing, there's a meeting, never meeting, and all that, it takes forever. - No, independent financing, so we're not pitching, we're just gonna make it, and then we got the money, it's all about the deals now, so it's like, and we don't give a shit about that, we're just kind of like, whatever, we shouldn't be saying this, but we don't care, just fucking make the movie. - Yes. - We're not trying to get rich on this. We just want to- - Do either of you just scripted already? We wrote it. - Yeah. - No, no, no, no, no, are you already inscripted stuff? Like, have you done a movie? - Oh, no. - He has a few ideas. - I made a movie, but yeah, it's not asking me out next year. - Wait, quick question. - Yeah. - You're both in it, and you just said, I can't- - Well, I'm playing me, basically. - Oh, okay. Dude, we've done script-reads with him, he's amazing in this. He's himself. - Imagine that that's true. You're on stage, and you're acting on stage. - Yeah, I got it, my- - He's good, he's good. - He's a good actor. - He's a good actor. - The investors are listening, he's alive. - Oh, yeah, good act. I'm a great actor. - He's a good actor. - All right, I'm in Tempe, coming up, that's my boyfriend there, leaving, I'm in a little Michigan's, and Cleveland, Ohio, keep going, Seattle, Washington, Tampa, Florida, San Francisco, Houston, and Nashville, Pittsburgh. - Holy shit, you do a lot of shows. - Oh, yeah, going to Canada as well, Calgary, Regina, Minneapolis, Denver, come on out, mark it, we're coming, check us out on Punch Up, get some bodega cat. - How many holes in Regina, Mark? - Three holes of a giant, Regina, apparently, I'd like to see that, and I'm going to take a look at my wife tonight, get down there with a magnifying glass and a ring light and go to town. And it's sad that I get, I taught us more about the vagina that we know. - I know you welcome. - All right, check out Tan. Thank you, folks. - Thank you Tan. - Thank you Tan. ♪ I'm a day for my neck and her, I bet a fever, wrecking all the futures close, I've had a little too much, far from an enormous talking shit about the fucking post, and I get down in the same way. ♪ ♪ Up on the roof like a cop's coming, and they could send you well as feeling dangerous. ♪ ♪ I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans, this woman doesn't look like I remember, and I get down in the same way. ♪ ♪ We might be true. ♪