142: Talking to the Tombstone with Louis C.K. | Soder Podcast | EP 139

Hey everybody, I am back on the road, July 16th through 18th, Stanford, Connecticut at New York Comedy Club, July 25th, added a late show, Club Soda at Montreal for Just for Laughs, and then July 31st and August 1st, four shows at the Albany Funny Bone, all those tickets available at DanSoda.com, I'll see you there. Let's build this hour together. But it was cool seeing you film another special at the Beacon. You were there, right? No, I didn't get to go, I was on the road. Oh, yeah, okay. But I talked to you right before you did it, and I thought it was really cool you were doing it, because obviously this special Ridiculous, out now on Netflix, go watch it, but you did Hilarious there. I did, no, I don't mean to point at you like that. Yeah, I like that, but didn't you do Hilarious at the Beacon? I did Live at the Beacon. Live at the Beacon. Yeah, that was my first. I'm going to cut, it's Puku, this is podcast of Puku. Yeah. He's going to, I'm going to fucking. Cut that out. Live at the Beacon. Cut that out. Edit that shit. Actually, leave it in, warts and all. You're right, I did do Live at the Beacon there. Yeah. Live at the Beacon was great. You walked up. That was like one of my favorite intros, where you like walked through the front entrance. Yeah, I went through the front door. And it was funny watching people be like, because that, this is, that's how much phones have progressively gotten worse. Yeah. And when you watch the intro of Live at the Beacon, people just let you walk in, and a couple of people go, oh, hey, Louie. Yeah. Where now they'd be like, salve. Yeah, yeah. Definitely. You got to like walk into a venue. Yeah, it was really, that, when I shot the first one there, because George Carlin had done one there, and it was one of his best, I thought. Have you done that? He did. I mean, I stole the open from him and Pryor. They both did that. Yeah, just to come out on stage? Come out. Pryor went out. The lights are still up. That's my favorite intro. And people are running to their seats. And then the guy comes up. With a camera. And he goes, get the fuck out of here. And then he goes, now take the picture. Yeah, yeah. And then the shit breaks. Yeah. Yeah, that's, he does the white people are in Europe. Black people are in your seat. In your seats. Crazy. But so, but yeah, so he did that one. And then Carlin did one where he walks off the street. I stole it. I love it. Walks off the street from Broadway into, he put a little thing, he put a guy playing the saxophone outside. So when you. But he went out and he just immediately said, and people are going crazy, but he's like telling them, he's just going to, he just wants to get to the first joke. He goes, have you ever noticed that a lot of the women at anti-abortion rallies are women you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place? Yeah. First words out of his mouth. Yeah. Just brush back pitch. Yeah. Just absolutely opening up. Don't dig in. Just punching right in the stomach. So good. He didn't do a lot of fanfare of coming out and being like. No, he just went, got right to the joke. Yeah. And so I, I took that from him. This special actually opens similarly, just that I get, I, I say hello tiny bit, but then I tell a joke right away. You also come in, what I liked, what you did audio wise is it's the music is all you hear until you say hello. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. It drops out right before. Then you go, hello. Yeah. I like that because there's something, I don't know if it's because I'm a comic when I watch specials and the crowd is too like, and the guy's like, thank you. Thank you. You're like, just fucking get to it. Now you don't want to watch somebody being adored by people that are in the room because then you're, what the fuck do you, that's rock stars. Yeah. That's what they get to do. Yes. They were open. We're not rock stars. No, we're fucking clowns. The comedy rock star thing. It's not good for the jokes. No, you're supposed to lose. Yes. You have to lose at every turn to come out and go, I'm a fucking idiot. I'm a, there is a set on YouTube. I saw of Woody Allen in a, on a TV show in Manchester, England. It's black and white and it's just a little TV studio and they don't know who he is and he's hanging onto the microphone stands like the way you do when you're young at it. Yeah. He's like hanging onto it and he's nervous and he's trying to get through to them. So when you see him start to win them over, it's like, that's fucking power, you know, that's great. It always, comedy always reminded me of the roller rink when you'd be scared and you're like grabbing the wall. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then you see like, you're like one of those old black dudes that's going around clapping. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're like doing spins. Hopping up on the skates a little bit. It's like Casey and the Sunshine Band. Yeah. You're coming through with like light blue skates on and I'm like grabbing the side being like, what the fuck? Yeah. Trying to not fall down. Just don't fall down in front of the girls. I still feel like that on stage a lot. I still, at the cellar, especially when you start after doing a long, after the special's done and you're starting up again. Yeah. I, um, I loved the, obviously I've, I've seen you do it a couple of times, but I love the bit about your dad in a home because I had to put my grandma on one. Yeah. But mine, grandma's was medically induced, but yours is so, cause she, she broke her hip, but you, you're, the joke is so great because it's like, there's this feeling of when you come to that part in your life where you just kind of don't want. You don't want to be around them. You don't want to be around it. You don't want to, it's, it's an incredibly cruel and terrible thing to do, because if you think about what a family is supposed to be, you're supposed to be there, you're supposed to be there. You're supposed to just kind of hold them. You're supposed to change your life. If, if I was a good family, it ruins marriages, but it's supposed to like, you know, like my, my dad or my mom are, they're moving in and your wife is like, no, I don't want, I didn't, that's not what I signed up for. And you're like, well, feel however you want about it. It's happening. Like that's the way life was. It still isn't a lot of the world. Like I did though, that bit, I do that whenever I did that bit, I could see people relating. It's the one bit they're not just laughing at. You see them looking at each other. They're talking about it. Fuck. Yes. Cause I, there's always one person. There's always be like a mom ish woman. Yeah. With her hand over her mouth going, oh God. And her husband rubbing her back. Like, I know, I know. Right. Yeah. But then I did it in like Saudi Arabia and they didn't know what I was talking about. They didn't understand it. You kill your father. They say something way more brutal when he can not cut the seed. You put him on the desert and he comes and pick out his eye. You let the hawk of time eat your. Yes, the scorpion eat it. That's always like. This is, you throw away. The brutality of other countries with an American. Cause you go, but I want to be warm and soft. Yeah. And they go, it is done. This is no. So you die. Yeah. But. No, I mean, the opposite is true. They, they, they couldn't get their head around it. I asked a few people about it while I was there. I was like, do you put your older people. In a home away from you and an institution. And they're like, what? No, they live in your house till they die. Honestly. You take care, especially then that's when they need your care. That's when you pay them for everything. They did. Some would argue. That's the whole reason you have a family. That's the whole reason it used to be farmers needed people to work the crops and also take care of them when they die. Yes. The person who got you from infancy to adulthood, you're not going to fucking let them have just a few years to just live and also have your kids have access to them and stories what they remember and let them feel loved. But it was like asking people the same thing in India. And although in India, it's, it's, they told me. Some people, some of us do it now because they got some money. It's I guess it's change money and they go like, so I paid, I mean, everybody does it more than they admit to it, but, but it was like saying to somebody don't, when your children turn 12, don't you, uh, take cut off their hands and eat their hands just cause. And they were like, why would I do that? I love my child. And I'm like, oh, that's, we do that all over in America. We have hand soup. Yeah. We have hands. So mine was, I was my grandmother's primary care because my dad's whole family's dead. So I was like kind of helping her out. She was in her nineties and then she got COVID dad, whole your dad's whole family is dead. Yeah. Everybody's wiped out. It's pretty cool. You're in your family. Dad's family. Who do you think did all the wiping out broadsword father that's the way that's the one. That's what every man truly wants is to kill his father in a sword fight. I would love to kill my father. You would be complete. I don't need a fight. I was just like, I'm just to stand there now. And I would just like, I bet you make a nurse from the jokes. Cause you need to hold your sword. Your boy can fight you unless you hold the sword. What are you doing? Oh, that's the Jamaican nurse from your joke. Your son wants to kill you now with a sword. Do you hear me? It's time for your duel. Get up. I brought you your favorite sword. What you doing? I'm going to kill you. You're going to kill me. Get up. What you're doing? Put on your sweater and pick up your sword. Don't forget you're having mashed potatoes tonight if you win. And then you go out and it is amazing when you go see them. It sucks. And the Jamaican people that take care of them. And as you leave, you go like, and they're like, yeah, just go. Just go and leave him. I'm talking about, I'm coming from the Bay Bay area. Ooh. So it was all Filipinos. Yeah. That's who, that's everyone. Yeah. They're like, you know, I'm hitting them with a little Tagalog on the way out, you know? A little what? Tagalog. That's Filipino. That's what they speak. So you're like, I don't really know any. I used to work in Alaska and they would always be like, I'll teach you Tagalog. And I was like, the fact that I just know that word. Yeah. That's enough for me. I'm good. That's good. That's enough Tagalog. The only Tagalog I need to know is the name of the language. And then I'm good. That's the most American thing is you go, and now I'm out. I'm fucking done. When I would leave, they would be like, yeah, because I would do like a ceremoniously like, okay, so I'm going to leave. Yeah. Oh, your grandmother. Yeah, and they'd be like, yeah, bye. Yeah, last time I saw my dad, I felt bad because I didn't stay very long. But as I was leaving, they were pushing him up to his little food. And he was like, ooh. And I was like, he's fine. He doesn't give a shit. He never needs to see me. My grandma stayed. So I didn't realize this about my grandma until right before she died. And we found a bunch of old pictures of her. But she was an old, hot girl. So it was interesting to watch her be like. Like what age was she hot? Like through her 40s. She was a good looking lady. But watching her still be a kind of a hot girl at 96, where I was like, you know, she's in the home for a while. And we're like, what can we bring you? And she's like, a brush. Because I want my hair to look nice. And you're like, oh, damn. You're holding on. And then you go, grandma, that's not going to make your hair look nice. Yeah, I go, Nana, it is. You look like a skeleton. Yeah. Yeah, it was. I think the hardest part was I felt like I had helped her for so long that she got COVID. And she went to the hospital. And I talked to the doctor. And I was like, selfishly. Right. I can't go in. I go, this is where we send her to a home, right? Right. I remember where I was. It was at Wise Guys at Salt Lake City. So you took care of her at home. Well, she was living. She would refuse to move. She was like, I live by myself. You can make her. Oh, yeah. I muscle her out. But I don't hardly need muscle. She was fine. She was living fine. She'd have to get driven places. Neighbors would drive her to the grocery store. But she was fine. And then she got COVID. And to the doctor, I was like, so. Time. Yeah. And he went, no. What I found is patients over 91 that are still doing OK, when they come out of the hospital, bring them back to their home, and then they know where everything is so they can operate. Alone. She's got five more years. So I was like. Incredible. Like Michael Myers. I was like, it's over. Yeah. It's over. And then she just sat back up. And you're like. You mean the guy from SNL? No, not the fun Canadian. You mean like his career? No, that's coming back, too. I'm talking about the homicidal maniac. Not the brilliant Austin Powers. No. Yeah. She's like, don't make you lonely. Like, well, my friends. But I think you're right about moving them in. And your kids get to learn off them. Yeah. But by the way, I didn't do that. No. No. Oh, my God. No. This is. No. That's. It's like you're. My mom. My mom. We kept her at home. She got cancer. So she didn't live. She was 79 when she died. And so we took turns having her at home. Okay. Like you would switch her out. Yeah. A different home. It was a little. It probably took a year off her life moving her around a little. It's like an exhibit. Yeah. It's like a moving exhibit. Like those basketball. Basketball players with. Yeah. That's what we did. We skinned her and glazed her. We were doing different athletic poses. And my daughter. She can come over. We had her slam dunk. Or it's different life lessons. It's her knitting. Yeah. It's like grandma stuff. That's right. Oh, look. She's making her favorite soup. That's right. And it's just the muscle. The muscle and all that. The muscle of her dipping a ladle. The teeth. I bet in China, if you did that joke. If you would have done that joke in China, they'd go, well, we just give it to the body exhibit. Sure. Yeah. You don't even. They could be in their 40s. I did do it in China. Well, in Hong Kong anyway. You did? I chose there. But anyway, yeah. My mom, we sent her out. We were all with her. But my dad, he's hanging on too long. Was that? He wants to live longer. And nobody's, the interest in him tapped out. Is that? He's living longer than people give a shit to want to be around him. And I believe the thing is never overstay your welcome. He's overstayed his welcome on this planet by a lot. Is that reflective of his personality from when you were younger? Like you just see it where you go, I shouldn't. I should have known you were going to live too long, motherfucker. No, he's, he, and by the way, whatever, you know, last time I went to see him is when this bit was born because I went to see him. The thing that really happened was I went to, I went in his room. I hadn't seen him for about a year and he looked at me like, hello. And I was like, hi. And he was like, yeah. And I said, I'm Louis, your son. And he's like, not picking up on this. And. He doesn't really have like a real big, he has sort of come and go dementia. Sure. But not, not, that's not the main feature of him. Yeah. So I was like, Louis. And he didn't, he was sort of being polite, like, hello. And so I said, I'm going to come in and sit with you for a while. And he was like, you are like, it was so, I felt creepy. Like, yeah, you're like hitting on your dad. It's like if I went into a, a total stranger's room. Hello. And said, hi, I'm going to come and sit with you. And he's like. Yeah. Like, okay. I was just thinking about the Korean war. I don't need you. I don't know what you're doing here. But I, so I start, I start trying to explain to him who I am. I showed him a picture. My sister told me, you show him pictures. It brings it back, you know? Sure. So I showed him a picture of him and my mom. And I said, who, what is he? He goes, that's my wedding day. That's my, my ex-wife, which they were divorced. But. Yeah. I showed him the whole family. He goes, it's my family. Right. And I go, who's that at the end? And he goes, it's my son. And I go, that's me. And he's like, he was like, he selectively dimensioned me out of his memory. Like I kept talking to him about our family, our history, but he just was skipping over me. And I was like, I am here. I am. It was pissing me off. Yes. He seemed lucid. And. And he doesn't do that with your sisters? No, he's a little on and off, but not like that. But he locks in sometimes. He locks in once in a while. And, and so I was just. I was getting really uncomfortable and pissed. Yeah. And so I said, uh, I figured I'm not going to see him again. I said, I'm going to say some things to you, whether you know who I am or not that I want to say, but it was good for you. It was like talking to the, to the granite, to the tombstone, like the way you sit and talk to it. It was like that. And he's looking at me and I'm going, telling him things I feel about what happened when I was a kid. And I started to cry and he fell asleep. So. I got up to leave. 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Because I can't imagine all the things that I've worked through in therapy of like things I would have said to him if I had this opportunity. And I went, and I just want to let you know, you gave up on Michelle. I would fight him. That you should challenge him. The sword fight should happen. So I got up to leave. He's selling the fight. I got up to leave and I had a snotty tissue and I dropped it on his floor. And the room is so quiet. Yeah, definitely quiet. And I bend over to pick it up and I feel gross. And I look over and he's just watching me pick up the tissue. And that moment was the most humiliating moment of my life. Like it's the worst I've ever felt. Yeah, you cried and filled the tissue with snot. And your dad was like, pick this shit up, bitch. I wanted to tell that story on stage initially. I was like, this story, there's something really big here. I want to tell it. And I would start to tell it, but I would walk slow to it by describing the place he's at. And the one thing that really did happen, which was there was a lady urgently saying to me, please help me, a lady in a wheelchair. And I said to the guy, a guy that worked there, this lady needs help, and he just went like that. That happened on the way into his room. So I started with that story, and I kept explaining the place and explaining the context of the place to say what happened with my dad. But I couldn't tell the story. I kept setting the scene, but when I got to it, I couldn't really tell the story. Why? Because it was too painful. I knew that it's so painful that it must be a great bit, but I couldn't. Is that a thing? I just failed as a comic. I don't think you did. I mean, it turned into, it's like an oyster, like with the pearl, because to cover the real pain. Yeah. I mean, I think it might be the longest bit I ever did in a special. It's like 13 minutes on one subject. I've never really done something that long that I can remember anyway. I haven't checked. Comedically, is it still on the table? That's my question to you. Is there a way where you don't, so you've described the place and that became the bit. You described, you know, which a lot of people think, but I think like something as deep as that or something is like any man that's had it and every man has a dad. Yes. So many father-son relationships are so fucked up that that specifically hits. If you, even if you grew up with your dad and you guys liked each other, there's still probably some weirdness. I probably won't be able to do it till he's dead. So that was the thing I wanted to talk to you about, because my grandma died. So when I, when I, yeah, it's fine. But she was also, that's the whole joke is she died when she was 97. And I, in the special, I joke, sorry for the phone call is kind of like, Hey, it's done. Yeah. It's over. Cause I've lost people young. And that's like when they tell you, you closed on your apartment or whatever you're like, congratulations. You can pick up the keys on Monday. Yeah. No, it's big. What's funny is Shane was here when she died. Shane had hosted SNL for the first time and it was in the city. So we came over and we were watching, we were watching TV and then I got a call from it. And I went, hold on. They got a fucking, my gram. And then I went in and I just came and took the call and sat back down. I was like, my grandma died. And I just went back to the TV and both Katie and Shane are like, what the fuck? And I'm like, she's 97. 97. I don't know what you want. I don't know. Not a moment too soon. But my question to you is, is as obviously as someone that's influenced my entire generation with standup, especially with the personal level of it, you know, of you like talking about people that are living. It's how much easier? Is it to talk about when people are dead? Well, yes. I've done a ton of dad jokes and I wouldn't have had the balls if I would have known that he was living as they're hearing them. Well, like, I don't know if my dad, I don't think he sees the material. I don't think he'll see this bit. Sure. Unless your sister's hilarious. Yeah. She gets him to be lucid. Remember that crying bitch you made fun of? There you go. You don't fucking think about it. Maybe. I don't know. But he, he, his presence on earth is not what makes it difficult. Like what would he say? I guess when somebody dies, the book is closed. Their whole story has been told. Game's over. So you can really, cause there's always a chance with everybody. There's, it's never too late. Like people take turns. All people become different people during their lifetime. Once you're dead, it's done. Yeah. And I would also say that's probably one of the worst things about losing someone young is because you feel like the game ended quick or you go, we didn't have a, we didn't have a chance to come back around and change. Yeah, that's right. But joke writing wise, you go, yeah, we go at it. Here we go. Most of my jokes about my mom are about her being dead, about her death. Her death was, uh, a big deal to me. I was very close to my mom and she died in 2019 and you know, I wasn't, she wasn't that old. Yeah. And so it was dramatic and it was a big loss and she has had kind of like an Obi one, Kenobi presence in my life since then. Like she's more omniscient. Sure. And you think about kind of what she would think on situations. Yeah. She's always there in a sense. And, uh, uh, more than back when she was alive, I was like, I should call mom. You know what I mean? Like you kind of actually corner your parents into a place when they're alive because this is an overwhelming presence that you're like, I can't think about mom right now. Cause I haven't called her in about a month and I feel like shit. So I'm not going to think about her and you feel bad for not visiting. I don't have to call her at all. So I can, I can think of about her freely. I can feel her spirit more freely because there's no guilt involved. When you do a joke about, you know, cause you do a joke both about your mom dying and about your dad being in the home with your sisters. Do they talk to you about your material? Are they ever like, no, I'm a, I mean, my sisters, uh, saw they're living that with me. And of course also I exaggerate everything and everything is, you know, it's a joke. There's all sorts of love and small need and pain inside of the reality. Of it. My, my, uh, I have one sister who really is the most that takes care of him. The most makes sure he's got everything he needs. And it's really hard for her. She's really suffering. So she's not when she sees that joke versus your other sister who maybe has, has more of a relationship with like you do where you go, I go visit him once in a while. I think they, I mean, they just, they also, they've made an adjustment in general. I've been doing this since I was 18. Sure. So my sisters always go, yeah, yeah. I mean, look, I did jokes. When, when my mom died, I came up with a joke 10 seconds later that I did, but I, we were all in the hallway of the hospice and we were crying. My mom was in this room. We had spent the day with her. Sure. And with her body. And my mom had very strict, um, wishes about just wanting to be cremated right away. Not with anyone there. Yeah. But so this kid, can I do a, I do a bit about it, but this kid, uh, showed up, and, uh, and he said, I'm here to take your mom. And he was like a sweet, but he's like a working class kid from the crematorium in Boston. Yeah. Where they burn bums and dogs. We got to fucking take your mom. You got to take your mom. I'm sorry for your loss, but he had to take your mom. Listen, we found a fucking pack of drugs. He's got a black, uh, bag. Oh, that's like kind of silt Percy looking, but it's probably been used a number of times. And you just edit this out. And you just go, okay. And he goes, I'm going to be, I've got to get her ready, which means, you know, he has to take a woman's body and like, yeah. Yeah. And they go like, nah, Hey, how about them? Yeah. And he goes, ah, we're on a fucking skid. Shut up, bitch. Yeah. Yeah. He's in there with her and, and we're all crying in a ball. Yeah. And it hits me. He's been in there for a while. You know, I really hope he's not fucking my mom. Yeah. It's really funny. I don't, if he is, yeah, that really is comedy. There's nothing I can do about it. What am I going to do? Nothing I can do about it. But yeah, anyway, then he, we, the only ceremony was we follow her. He put her, he had this black bag with her in it and he put her in, he was in a, a minivan with a, like a, with like a half bottle of red Gatorade in the back. And like a sweatshirt. Yeah. And he put her in there. Yeah. But whatever. So that, that a few hours later, we all had, we all had dinner and I, and I told my sisters all those jokes with it and they all laughed. So they're, they're in the moment with you. Yes. And we're a family and they know me and that's been, that's my role in the family, which is a great feeling. It is a great feeling because you know, a lot of my cousins came together when my grandma died. We haven't spoke or we haven't really been close. And my cousin Lisa, who I have a long bit in the special about who was at the taping, right. Talk shit about her in a, in a way that I love her. Right. But it's a joke where I got nervous. The first time she saw it. Sure. And I told her kids, I go, I have this joke about your mom. Yeah. I'm close with her kids. And then I said the joke to her oldest son and he goes, fucking nailed it. And I went, all right, so it's cool. Yes. Oh, I don't think. And he said, here's what's going to happen. Cause I did the joke at the show at the state side theater in Columbus where I was like, or the South theater. I was like, Hey, I'm going to, I'm going to do the joke tonight. And I just want to know your mom's reaction. And her oldest son, Zach goes, here's how it's going to go. She's going to laugh. She's going to call you a couple of days later. Yeah. Nailed it. It's exactly what happened. Exactly. Because she's going to enjoy it. She's going to feel pink and happy that she's featured in your life. And then she called back and she was like, but then she's not going to not take the opportunity. Like some people, even if they're not hurt, they're like, I get to be hurt. Like, it's like, I got a coupon for that. I'm going to use it. I'm not going to not use it. Which I've experienced with other people in my life. But the way she reacted to it was MVP level. She just came in. She was awesome at the special taping. She was like, you got a joke coming about me. And then you realize telling jokes about living people. Yeah. Way harder than about dead people. Sure it is. Because of that. Because they get a couple of days to think about it. That's right. And also your relationship with those people is, is evolving. And if you pull out a cease and desist from Lisa and her lawyer, he goes, I actually spoke to her recently. And I don't think that's going to see the day of light. Because I have here a car. I have here a thing. That says you legally are binded to not do that joke. Getting a cough. I'll get it. yeah i think i was interested about that to know if your sisters like see that and if they go like yeah that's as far as i know they're okay with it and again it's like that's the that's the way i've always processed life and you know since my mom died i keep doing jokes about her being dead like really dark jokes yes really inappropriate jokes about her death because it's the most important loss of my life yeah and so that's right i feel like the thing is that pain is like a hole that it causes a hole in your life and you can see all the way inside through it you can see all the way to the other side you can see everything so when a very painful thing happens to you if you're willing to really look at it you see really you see forever in there and there's so many jokes in there that's where all the best jokes are in the most profound places so myself i keep going to that i would attribute the quote incorrectly but there's a musician who's uh so had something like his father died and then his wife died and then something really bad happened and then he kept playing and they said he was like platinum album he's like oh watch this but they said oh does that inspire you does that like make you inspired to go make music and he said no what it is is their loss has left a hole inside of me and like an instrument i feel it and music sounds different because of that that's right that's a really good way to put it it's like a cave it is and it creates like an acoustic on a situation for how you feel about it where you go like oh like um you know i've in in my specials talked about my dad being dead and sometimes you get people that go all right we got it your fucking dad's dead right but then there's people with dead dads who go like fuck yeah i think that same thing and you go and that's kind of what you're talking about with the home where you want to say a joke where people go like this is yes because similarly with my grandma while it was happening i was writing jokes right saying him to lisa because we're in together i go this is crazy there was one point where a nurse because this was a um a facility to like it was a rehab facility slash home she was a drug addict yeah big heroin user which she could rock put her on a stratocast give her a fucking slide guitar in the home no but she um we're standing in the hallway and the nurse was like giving me the schedule where they go mondays we do arts and crafts and we're talking and across the hallway there's just an old man going i want to go home i want to go home and she's going like this tuesdays are movie nights she like didn't even didn't even no that's what it's like it didn't even take her out she was just like no every time my sister calls me and she's like you know they're not looking after his hearing aids or they're not looking after his hearing aids or they're not looking after his hearing aids or they're like he's having a pain and they haven't done any imaging i'm like he's there to fucking die yeah that's what you said he's there to fucking die yeah it's like if you were the last place you bury somebody in a cemetery and then you call the people around the cemetery and go like is he getting anything to eat do you put the boombox over the plot and play his favorite what are you talking about they're dead in there yeah i mean the thing is that life we have this weird thing about hanging on to it when it's not worth living anymore for other people well that's what it is make them sit there and yeah our mortality is tied to them it's yeah we don't want to we don't want to we don't want to let them go where it would be peaceful if you go just kill them just go and just let them go where other countries might do that yes i missed i made the mistake when i was young of not learning a second language if you are under the age of 20 years old go learn a another language right now if you're over the age of 20 it's not looking good you're over the age of 30 not looking good at all over the age of 40 like me we're screwed but you got babble babble is built for real life it's not a vocab list no verbal charts real conversation practice lessons are quick practical and built by more than 200 language experts unlike cramming before a trip babble fits it into your actual schedule or you got a coffee break you can listen to it on the drive to work maybe you know before you go to bed just practice some of your espanol babble's award-winning app has sold over 25 million subscriptions and is backed by a 14-day money-back guarantee who does that anymore no one does a money-back guarantee if you got some summer travel coming up now's the time to start so you can actually use what you learn on the trip right now babble is offering listeners up to 60 off go to babble.com slash soda that's babble b-a-b-b-e-l.com slash soda for up to 60 off rules and restrictions may apply my grandma had a dog buddy that was blind and deaf and she just like loved the thing and i was like this is like 10 years ago i was like man can't hear you and he can't see you i had a joke that his his just a whole life was metallic as one video where he's just like no sight no sounds johnny get your gun like hello hello and there was a moment where i love dogs and he bumped against me and i went oh like that and i loved buddy yeah but he bumped against me and i went oh yeah he's gross now and then my grandma took the you know the seat up the stairs to go to bed yeah she just would leave buddy down there and there was this moment i told katie i was like she wasn't with me but i was like i thought about killing it sure i thought about going i think this is the more merciful thing to do to the meanwhile the thing's like just like a broken fucking roomboat yeah going like just like making its way around the room and i just fucking grabbed this pillow like grabbed it in a way where i was like i might fucking do this but you didn't do it did you no and i went oh my god so what stopped you because it wouldn't have been wrong she's she's up there he won't see it coming he won't hear it coming can i tell you the real reason inconvenience i was leaving the next day and i just wanted to go home and i didn't want to have to go like by the way hey i killed buddy and also i i probably would have cracked at some point and gone i killed buddy it's really hard to take i mean i don't know i'm speaking without experience i've never taken a life outside of you know millions of bugs that i've killed yeah which in your community so many bugs you're big yeah they know you so many bugs i'm mosquito hitler oh my god you're yeah worse like mixed so many with like mussolini yeah bugs look at you and they go your speeches that's what your specials are to them or the hitler speeches that's right but for bugs yeah they hear that sound and they're all in bunkers like this piece of shit leave us alone just will you fucking leave us alone yeah but stay out of my life stay out of my fucking life yeah just quit flying i don't go look for mosquitoes to kill no i open my window you come to my house you just fucking make me itch you're fucking dead you're sucking my blood because you made me itch for a second just a second while i was having a conversation where i went oh and you're fucking by the way not a simple death no a total just explosion of imagine yeah of everything if something came down and swatted you right now and me and mike were just covered in blood and we were like yeah and then i saw the hand go up and then go like dating's weird and do like a joke i'm like this fucking piece of shit yeah this motherfucker but yeah killing buddy i think would have been i think i could have done it and so really take yourself through it how do you do it first of all i'll tell you what i do is there is a moment pillow is not gonna do it pillow do it no he's a he's a fucking shih tzu i could fucking yeah but he's good you ever try to just give brother a pill to a dog just try to give a dog a pill but if i fucking push down yeah i hope my dog can't hear this wait so is that how you would have done it or how would have you done it well i could have gone like the mighty navajo and just swung them against a rock like they would do when they're like by the legs yeah that's where they would do a lot of i think it was the comanches when they would raid a village they would take the babies yeah yeah they would take the babies and bang them against rocks and then they would take no problem two to six would become command she they just go you're command you now come on and then the kids under that to go we're killing you you're a fucking problem i think i would have had to pump myself up right yeah i got fucking news four you need adrenaline yeah i'd have to go like and then i'd have to look at him and go up it would be a mix of anger and sad where i'd go i don't want to fucking do this and you're inside the house yeah we're in the townhouse my grandma's upstairs none the wiser but you're gonna make a mess in the kitchen make a mess suffocating okay so it is the pillow it's pillow in the living room and i come up from the top down on it but i'm just not catching it because it's like the top of his head like this like how are you getting how are you getting that's a very good question and honestly can i tell you man as i'm working my way through this i go fuck a creature that's being killed yeah we'll fight we'll fight you're gonna get he starts biting you now you're in a fight oh if that i'll tell you right now if that motherfucker came for me and tried to bite me yeah i think he's catching a size 13 to the fucking bat but again i mean take yourself through it he's still he's howling your grandma's like what's going on go to bed go to bed blood everywhere dog teeth everywhere nana go to fucking bed yeah you know what i do she's dead by the end of the story god that would have saved me i'm that would have been in about 45 she comes tumbling because she tries to walk and then i got both of them yeah and then you know what i do i take him i put him on her throat ah get rid of my finger murder suicide murder suicide i'm out the door but honestly now that i'm thinking about it i thought the pillow would have been an easy way but you're right no man that's what i'm saying you got to take yourself through stuff he was there he saw where my grandma lived she lives next to that lake so here's what i'm thinking he maybe weighs 13 pounds i still got an arm on me okay i go to the lake yeah bye i like that bye he's going to the bottom that dog's blind i was i think i did this bit on stage once but i i had a dog when i was a kid um ticket and uh we got him when i was like 11 so more like later and sure you know and actually i was living here when he died we i went back home because we had to put him to sleep because he had a tumor that was like his whole face remember that you did that on an old special about it's the joke about getting you get something that you know is going to die yeah so there's that but the thing is when he died we put him to sleep and uh you know we took him to a doctor's office they inject him with sure um they shave his arm and they and then he's dead and you and you leave we're like we just left him there so they do the doctor fucks the dog taxidermism yeah so i i from what i understood he was just going to be in a mass grave of dogs yeah that is so it's just big pile of dogs yeah and i had a dream that he woke up in the pile like somehow they they didn't give him enough i remember you doing this and that he crawled out from like a rainstorm dead yeah dead dogs and then he came oh my god and there he was again and we're like ticket you made it and then we immediately were like we got to do it again if i did that with buddy you still have cancer if i would have thrown buddy in the lake yeah and then came back out and like you know wake up in the morning go brush my teeth and then the carpet's wet yeah like i stepped somewhere in the carpet wet and i go no and i go downstairs and she's like buddy got in the water and i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my her last night and you're like son no what would happen is you throw him yeah you hear splash and then you hear you just hear him like the way he gets back right back son of a bitch i'm glad i just waited her other dog so when she so she got like another old dog like i know grandma i know i know and then she broke her hip that's when we put her in the facility you know and the dog i was like what do you want to do with the dog and her neighbor was like i don't know i gave it to the vet and i went all right yeah i don't need to know don't need to deleted all the numbers i live in new york good luck finding me whatever what are you gonna fly to la guardia and come get the fuck out of here when i was divorced we had a dog and we had a really tricky thing with like sharing custody of the kids that were little yeah and this big dog 70 pound fucking dog yeah and um i told my mom that the dog is a really difficult part of this situation and my mom said oh don't worry that dog will die soon i was like what yeah she said the dog knows that she has no place anymore she'll find her way out it was the craziest thing she'd ever said to me but i think it was within a month my dog ran in front of a pickup truck just ended it was like hey you guys you guys broke up the home i lived in she's like fuck this dude i'm fucking on my way out that was the end of the fucking crazy my dog when i was i loved that dog too i know was that your number one of all time well my dog now i think is my dog rosie they're alive she doesn't watch your show she should rosie subscribe she watches tucker carlson oh dude why is that why is the favorite dog and honestly he's not kind of on a fucking really good dog it's so interesting and i'm not gonna lie he's kind of on he's on one right now so she's she's picking up talk at the right time yeah she's doing pretty good i have a thing because this is katie's first dog and we love myrtle myrtle's great it's my fiancee yeah and i but she's still your girlfriend too right no no i feel like she's like bride and waiting you know she's been bumped up she's like comfort plus she's on an airplane she's not president-elect yes that's exactly she's wife-elect he she will always go like and myrtle's the best dog of all time and i go montana has a word that was my dog when i was growing up yeah and he was the greatest dog of all time to the point that i came back from college was there for winter for christmas he was old he was all white-faced golden retriever i left he died the next day what a good dog yeah he was like you're out of here i'll give you yeah luna was uh great luna was why a little wild she looked like a little wolf and she was a german shepherd airedale mix oh that's a cool mix she's my mom's got an airedale and uh fucking dogs they're big yeah and she was we were kind of unequal i was definitely in charge but she was you know she had agency that's what this one does yeah you have to this one does shit where i go i let this dog have too much control yeah because also luna was a rescue and i think she had a hard life but one thing i learned right away because i went took her to a vet and she had had something in her teeth and she was snapping when i and he said you can't have her let her have those boundaries and so i would just put my hand in her mouth all the time i would just go like this to her gum and she's just like yeah don't forget don't forget by the way that's good to do with your girlfriend yeah i go i go get in here i go what is this your tongue i was holding her tongue yeah yeah stop it also what the fuck are you doing i'm just letting you know just don't forget no this is the agency that i have that's what it was like with luna i take food out of her mouth yeah i go what is it what are you eating no one time i was walking luna in venice where we and there was a piece of shit with broken glass stuck in it and we saw it at the same time and i was like don't do it and she gobbled it up i've got to get it out of her mouth it's gonna kill her yeah and i'm holding her mouth open and i'm trying to take shit and broken glass and she's going she wants it and i had blood i don't know whose blood it was insane did you i mean because also i think my daughter was like i don't know who's blood i don't know who's blood i don't know who's in a stroller too and you're like afraid you're like did she swallow yeah oh yeah shit or yeah can i tell you the worst part about having a dog in manhattan is how many times we turn a corner and my dog just sees a piece of pizza and she's like great back oh yeah and so what i'll be doing is sometimes it'll be smaller she'll just eat a kleenex yeah and she'll eat it and then i'll be pulling it out of her mouth and it'll be in front isn't it yeah it'll be on like fifth avenue and 30th street and someone will go dan sorter and you go hey hey and i'm just reaching in her mouth i go hey man nice to meet you i saw you at the cellar last night you go great yeah get the fuck and she's like and you're touching crack addict piss yeah i'm just holding a fucking thing no my dog now doesn't do that she doesn't really she's so docile and compliant even if she doesn't like you could take her paw and she just like look at you and you could just twist it off yeah and she would just go like i wish she didn't uh it really sucks for me but she would just let you yeah our my dog uh plays mental games like a real housewife where like sometimes she's like i love you now i'm mad at you and i only will talk to mom and you're like yeah what did i do to you i did nothing oh because i ripped the kleenex out of your mouth she'll do stuff where she'll the funniest thing she does is she loves to poop next to cars but like with her face like yeah it's far from the door so what she does is she always to find a car with a motherfucker sitting in it yeah and then it's just it's just me standing outside their car and then like i had a guy on his phone he went holy shit i'm like i'm sorry setting up a trap for this guy no my dog is very beautiful and uh lovely every people love her sure and i walk her every day in a little alley in new york where um it's next to nyu and it's a very bucolic alley so all the nyu students get their pictures taken there and so you see a lot of people in caps and gowns but also a lot of young couples go there because women like to women like to be photographed there yeah so you see couples like the boyfriend has taken the picture you know you've seen this a million times now it's a new thing the boyfriend takes the picture and she's like this then she goes let me see it yeah and she looks she goes no no no when she gives back to the video village so they go exactly so she gets kills and he does you know yeah dude that's brutal i'm so glad i know i'm so glad i'm in my 40s yeah just past that stage where we don't have because it's a little alley with no cars i can let rosie off the leash a little because she poops a little faster that way yeah the freedom and then she goes if somebody goes oh she goes over and they like to take pictures with her so she's become one time i was just sitting i was like sick and i'm walking with rosie and i were both i don't know we'd been through something together yeah both sick all night we get sick at the same time that's fine and we're walking in the alley and this girl and her friends are taking pictures and she goes oh my god can we take a picture with your dog and i just go yeah and i just i clicked the leash off and i and i just said go take a picture and rosie just walks over and she sits facing the camp like she just sits old hat and they were like what the fuck she's like go ahead she goes listen here's the deal yeah i've been up i'm gonna let you edit one of them okay are we in there are we in yeah take the shot that's exactly i have a worse problem where myrtle will pin the leash when any woman goes a dog it will be on broadway middle of fucking crowd and myrtle will go yeah and just put all of her weight and i'm like yeah and then i look like abusive because i'm like get back here you fucking bitch she's like she's just chaotic she just brings it which i love but she does bring it um fuck there are two things i wanted to ask you about before uh before you leave yeah one of them was i watched pootie tang oh god it was but can i tell you something yeah what if how fun was it to make that movie it was fun to film that's what i mean yeah you can tell i know people are like uh i i enjoy what are they what's that noise i knew that was there was a lot packed in that uh uh i what i what i watched it being like i had so much fun watching it because it was like eating something that they no longer make where you were like they don't make fun yeah it's like that yeah like the entire purpose first off watching david tell act in a role david tell didn't want to be he he didn't want to do it like he doesn't want to he just wants to live his life yeah so like we'd be filming a scene where he's in the scenes with robert vaughn yeah he plays right his right hand man yeah so we're shooting a scene where it's like me and robert vaughn and he's there and uh dave kept pitching me things like most comics pitch ideas because they want more time sure but he's like how about if i say mr lector i'll let me go get the car and i leave because he just wanted to smoke cigarettes outside yeah yeah and he'd go like he kept pitching ways to get out of the scene and i'd be like dave if you're willing to stand here for one hour you're in the movie forever like then you don't have to you can go home and then you're in the movie that's a good way of putting it forever and ever yeah but if you leave you're not in it you're not just need an hour of your and he's just like can i just like get his take his coat and then just go to the closet and then not come back because a lot of times when a tell is in stuff he's he's just a tell like in train wreck he played the the bum but he was a tell and this was like the first thing i saw of a tell he was good he's a good actor yeah he's like a a shitty henchman a good shitty henchman yes he is to take out pootie tang yes but then but yeah so we've the cameos by the way if you rewatch pootie tang you had everybody in that i don't remember i mean jb smooth obviously and chris rock is his as pootie tang's friends but jennifer um yeah jennifer uh coolidge coolidge is yeah i wrote that part for her she's phenomenal she's one of the funniest people in the world she's the dark the darth vader of the pootie tang that's right of of you know wanda sykes is in it she's great is as the running i loved wanda sykes but todd berry getting the hooker yes like there's like a little todd berry cameo there's cameos rick shapiro is the bum that he that he kills him yeah and then when he's shooting the gun he's going bang bang bang while he's shooting an actual gun yeah he's saying he was so rick shapiro bang bang obviously he's like really rick shapiro and lucky louis yeah but you got you got like a perfect encapsulation of rick shapiro that's right he's like pootie tang he comes out of the knife and he's like fuck you man and then he whoops his ass but there was so many if you're a comedy fan watching that feels so fun because you just go like oh that's keep seeing those people you see those people and you go what they became also that was my first real experience with jb smooth when i was younger was the greatest he's i made a movie a couple years before that called tomorrow night and he's like the star like he's his co-star he's a big part of it yeah but uh i love jp he's one of the funniest people in the world um but that's the thing about jb smooth he's one of the funniest people in the world um but i love jp he's one of the funniest people in the world um but i love jp he's one of the funniest people in the world um but i love jp he's one of the funniest people in the world um but i love jp he's one of the funniest people in the world um but i love jp he's one of the funniest i think so well he was doing the i think so well he was doing the chris rock show and i was writing for him chris rock show and i was writing for him chris rock show and i was writing for him yeah and we were winning uh we won an emmy yeah and we were winning uh we won an emmy yeah and we were winning uh we won an emmy for writing on the show and he was just for writing on the show and he was just for writing on the show and he was just all over the place he was killing yeah all over the place he was killing yeah all over the place he was killing yeah and uh and uh and uh puti tang was a character that i had puti tang was a character that i had puti tang was a character that i had written for the show as a guest on his written for the show as a guest on his written for the show as a guest on his show yeah i remember that played by lance and the two of them used to perform together in comedy clubs in New York that's how I got to know them and then we all were writers on the show all of us all three of us in Wanda and Wanda right and uh so I had this idea because we used to have uh guests on the show like Lenny Kravitz and uh and Maxwell I think his name was I think his name was Maxwell oh yeah it was I think Maxwell was the guy who really became Poodie Tang because he would come on with a shirt that showed both nipples which also could be Kravitz yeah yeah and uh Chris would talk to him and he just goes yeah it's just all sex all the time yeah and then I had this because I used to when I was a kid I used to talk nonsense a lot I used to just the Poodie Tang language has a black feeling to it but it's from when I was a little I used to say like Poodentane on the planet planet planet planet planet I used to just talk like that with my friends it's a sadate sadate man yeah it's I just man I'm just being like just saying this you know I'm on Dane on the did is my flip side on and Chris and for Chris to go yeah yeah absolutely and we did it the first time we did it on the show it just exploded like there was people on hot 97 radio like talking about it and really and everywhere suddenly faster than was possible it was like a viral thing it was huge and we this is back in the 90s yeah and we would go we we shot a thing where he's running for president we shot a thing where he's running for president we did like a campaign spot so we took him out into the street to shoot some pieces and people flocked to him and it was like this isn't even there's no way this many people have seen it but there's something in the air about him yeah so I wrote the movie and it was like a kind of you know uh uh it was this adventure strange thing and uh and they gave us three million bucks to make it which is very little amount of money oh that's my eyes just lit up in current today's current thing I went holy shit yeah no it's like nothing so that back then was like no because it was a real 35 millimeter movie yeah and uh anyway so then paramount got an idea that it might be really a big deal so suddenly because it was supposed to be with a small division sure but then they ate it and suddenly there was pressure for the thing to succeed was that what ruined it is they just I think so because well also I was brand new at making films it was a lot of pressure I shooting it was people who were like oh my god I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this it was pure joy but when I cut it I cut it linear like a like a totally this is a movie about a guy named pootie tang yeah and it's a serious movie yeah and I cut it just here's what happens next there was no flash to it and uh they hated it they hated it and I got fired from the movie and they recut it and put in all this goofy stuff well that makes a lot of sense narration and stuff that I that was not my thing the one thing I was going to ask which doesn't seem your style after watching louie after watching the other stuff you've made it seemed like they cut it like a music video yeah it was very like do you know when they in austin powers where they do the scenes and he'd be dancing with like the sexy girls right go to the next scene that's what it felt like a little bit yeah there was that kind of feeling to it and also they explained some of the jokes sure like there's a scene where pootie lives in a he he lives in a nightclay as a nightclub yeah called pooties and and then he goes up in an l.a. and this red elevator from the inside of the nightclub to his apartment awesome and so the crowd because he performs with missy elliott yes and then he gets mobbed all the way to the elevator and one girl gets in with him and she's crying on his shoulder the whole time screaming and and uh and he's at first it looks like it's they're having sex and then when it pulls out and they both have their pants on yeah no there's just she's just clawing on him and he just wants to go home so he we're leaving and then he leaves her outside and she's screaming at the door yeah and then he leaves he pushes out a little saucer of milk and she gets on her hands and knees and and she drinks it that's the scene and it was a scene that was just a kind of a silent it's the thing as an audience you just observed this scene and you go what the fuck did i just watch so they didn't like it paramount they're like what is he gay they're like they want him to be getting laid and stuff slamming ass yeah so the movie has narration where it says like i know you're wondering yeah why didn't he have sex with her yeah because she's drinking milk off the floor she's crazy like they explain it it really broke my heart when i saw that i was like why would you explain that why wouldn't you just let an audience be curious and wonder what the fuck they just watched when do you see that when you're fired from a movie like that and they recut it do you see it when it comes out like everybody else no well so uh it was a bad loss like i got kicked when i was kicked off of it it was bad it was bad like my last day in the editing room i was they they told i went back to my hotel they're like we have no one's paying your bill at the hotel like they it was like they were so mad it was really violent really it was really bad news and i laughed when i remember it but i was really upset at the time but anyway and then so i just left i said okay you could have it and then i got i was doing an interview for like entertainment weekly or somebody and they said how do you feel because the movie was about to come out and i said i don't know i haven't seen it and so paramount caught wind of it that i said that and they made a gesture and said let's let us fly you out and show you the cut and so i went out to la and i just sat in a room in a big screening room and there's a projectionist with thick glasses and he goes uh what are you here for and i go i'm here to watch pootie tang and he goes i heard that's a stinker oh no oh here you go fuck you library man what the fuck he's like he wasn't wrong i know but that's and i sat there and i watched it were you by yourself by myself completely alone i just sat and i watched it and i was like oof i i hated it were there parts were there things that you made that you liked that you watched them i think the scene with the well yeah they they everything they put in jokes uh through narration on everything and i i just thought it was horrible yeah um but uh but that's what happens also to be clear my cut was indefensible really yeah my cut have you ever gone back and like i never really went back and you went back and watched it now where you have all this experience and you're like i'd like to someday sit and watch it it's the somewhere my editor doug abel who's a great guy he edited the movie with me we both got fired yeah that's fun though he recently sent me with a friend is always better we have like an offline like the avid offline low res i think it's the only version of the original pootie tang cut there's no narration it's just like taking the series the story very seriously all the way throughout there are some things in it when i watched it that they may manage to keep and and i think every the people who did it yeah did it they did a good job like they did the good job they did the job they're hired for that's exactly right and a lot of people love the movie so that's just my eyes just me and obviously i'm too close to it i would say they love pootie tang i think pootie tang is the character that you like the movie where you don't go yeah oh i love the whole movie i like that's right the pootie tang stuff where pootie tang did this and i like this scene yeah but you know i i don't have any regrets about it i learned a lot but that's interesting i didn't even know that you got fired from that after watching that i was like yeah watching it stylistically you're like this doesn't feel like louis no there's a lot of stuff that doesn't feel when you see written and directed by louis ck you go after watching louis you know and watching lucky louis and all that stuff you go he's got there's a lot more uh he's more artistic than this like well thank you this it felt like a trl music yeah it's goofy yeah um and then finally before you leave i don't think anybody that knows me and has known me forever knows the infamous story this was like 2000 you don't remember this but i've always wanted to talk to you about this because i've carried around i've carried around this shame what the fuck 2000 and you're doing you were you shameless it just came out you were building chewed up 27 2007 07 07 08 yeah because we would run to where you were doing sets and uh joe list you didn't know joe at the time didn't know him this joe and i this is when we were becoming best friends yeah and we at the old city yeah and the old boston was called it uh got bought out and it got changed to the comedy village right and it was next to the firehouse and joe got hired to mc the monday night shows there which were a marathon it started 8 p.m and they'd go till 2 a.m wow all barked in audience wow and i was one of the barkers down i found if i barked if i sat down and i sat down and i sat down and i sat on the stool in front of the club yeah i could smoke cigarettes talk to other comics and then occasionally go hey great comedy show and they encountered it as barking but i was just hanging out yeah sure and joe and i were drinking and this is when joe and i both both of us have stopped drinking both of us were heavy drinkers yeah and one of the waitresses liked both of us she was just cool to us yeah she would give us these fucking big shots of jameson so we'd drink jameson and i'd have we'd have budweiser right inside the door and we'd sit outside and it was micah and you're falling in love with new york comedy and you're like really sure i remember those days it's the best and joe was opening for depalo yeah so joe actually knew real comics sure and joe so there's one night it's a monday night and joe is like oh depalo's at the cellar i gotta go over there and get my check because i think they just did like the hartford funny bone together okay and he's like so i gotta go get my check from depalo if he jumps off go on and bring up the next comic the guy who's on stage yeah whoever's on mic yeah whatever man i'm hanging out so i'm hanging out and joe comes back and he like goes and brings up the next comic and we sit outside he goes fucking louie's going on around the corner and i go oh hell yeah and he goes i bet he would i bet he'd go up here i bet he'd go up if you told him we had a show going and i go yeah and he goes all right so go to the cellar and let him know we got a show going and i go fucking all right i'm a massive comedy fan like it is it's how old are you at this point 23 years old and i was about 40 yeah yeah you were 41 it's like i'll tell you how deep i was into it like yeah you talked to me and matt ruby and a couple other people on the train one time after you put out shameless yeah and i just asked you about the venue but the whole time i was just like think of something that he can answer and i was like i like the peter fonda theater that's a cool venue and you're like oh it was it's pretty up close yeah you're like yeah and we went on and did a mic but so i was like all right i've talked to now i've made this i made the mistake with patrice where i had a nice interaction thinking so you thought that we're shorthand i can talk to patrice and then patrice just fucking yeah swatted it away you know it gave me like a don't talk to me open mic or okay and so i'm nervous going over yeah you're on stage and shack r.i.p the old bouncer at the cellar yeah the guy that looks like you're killing him everyone called jack big j had introduced me to him so shack would let me into the cellar to watch comics i could go stand by the way we're not working there yet no gotcha four or five years out from working at the cellar yeah i'm an open micer yeah i'm a barker i'm just like barking or whatever and i'm like i'm like great and i'm a little drunk i've been drinking with joe and i go around the corner and i go shack is louie on and he goes yeah louie's on you can watch him and i go great and i run down there and you're you were doing the joke about when girls go crazy they show their tits when women go crazy they uh drown their kids in a bathtub and so you're like and you were like you closed on it and i got to see you do that joke and i was like that's great and then we're in the hallway you walk out in the hallway yeah and i'm an open micer and i'm trying this was the worst thing i could have done was i was trying to use slang instead of just saying what it was so instead of going hey we have a show we have a show around the corner at the old boston right it's a couple people but i know you're working out material you know if you want to come over there we're gonna be there all night putting myself in that moment i would have been like oh that's nice thank you that's my god ass what'd you say oh fuck you get off stage i don't remember this at all i know you don't and you shouldn't and i'm that makes me very i mean so far none of it is me so i couldn't remember your remember memories so you come out in the hallway we're in the back hall you ever watch a movie that's all flashback from one person's point of view but they keep having scenes that he's not in yeah and then how'd you remember that yeah that's impossible you were like dream there's movies that are like a whole dream but like he wasn't in that scene or they hear dialogue where you go you couldn't have even heard that or just a tiny a tangent yeah sometime the cheapest movies there's a guy looking at somebody with binoculars yes so you see the inside but inside of the binoculars there's cutting there's like close-ups really funny like wow those are amazing amazing binoculars upshot with those but it's like trading singles inside anyway go on so instead of saying hey we're doing a show would you like to do a set you come out and i go great set louis and you go thanks man and i go oh that last joke's killer you go thanks man and you're like looking at your notes and you're about to walk up the steps yeah to go to olive tree sure and i go the village is working and you go what and i go and i go what and i go the village is working and again you're very polite you go what and then i see your face going to this like and i go i don't know what i'm talking about and you go i don't know what you're talking about either and then you turn and you turn and you go up the steps oh my god i remember this like it was walking yesterday oh my god that's horrible it was summer and it was warm and i i go outside and i light a cigarette and i turn the corner to walk back up and joe list both of our close friends yeah he's standing out front doing a very joe listing where he's going like this he's going yeah yeah yeah yeah did you talk to him and i went i told him the village is working and joe crumps up his nose like he always does and he goes what the fuck did you say the fuck did you say and i go i said the village is working and joe goes no we're in the village yeah well that makes no sense at all i don't know and i remember slumping down on that fucking stool outside and being like no fuck and he goes you should have just and so for the rest of the i mean for like weeks after that joe was like incredible hey louis around the corner you want to go tell him the fucking village is that's incredible i was like dude there's gonna be a day i'm so relieved because i thought i was worried like that i was an asshole in this story you were polite that is 100 your fault 100 my fault and absolutely i know where the moment was no you know what it was and this is where a lot of people get in trouble they try to be something they aren't yes they're a poser and i was being opposed also having had a conversation like i when i was that age 20s maybe same age yeah maybe same exact situation working at boston comedy club the same location yeah and uh being in the village wishing i could work at the cellar yeah knowing a doorman different generation doorman would let me go down and watch till esty would go get the fuck out i get kicked out all the time really yes i didn't know that because i'd stayed in the hallway and try to see are you on the doorway and you're like look yeah oh my god and that's awesome that's just you know bill hicks would be on stage or alan havey or you know john steward yeah jerry all these guys and uh so the thing was though that when boston i opened for jerry seinfeld when i was like 19 yeah at a club in um boston called pet the penthouse paradise they still you can still do stand up there it's a great room really and i opened for him there he was doing like not it was like a 900 seat room sure he was that level he didn't have a series yet and uh so i opened for him there and uh he liked me so he took me to a few places great and i got to know him and then he tossed me stopped using me sure but i was at catch rising star in new york and i was sitting on the stool and he came in he was doing letterman and back then when someone was doing letterman it was this thing jerry's gonna be on letterman tomorrow yeah and he's at every club working it out i caught the very tail end of that when i moved here in like oh six they were like if you were doing conan the producer was with them and they were going like everywhere so broadway yes and back then to do letterman was a life-changing it was a big deal and and so so jerry was walking around with mario joiner and they were working out the set together and i was also a booty tank yes he is so i'm at catch and jerry walks in and there's a hubbub that he's here to do his thing and i'm like oh my god i'm gonna do that i'm gonna do that i'm gonna do that five minutes and go and he does it i'm watching him i'm sitting right in the stool that's right by the kitchen and he does the set and i saw a bit for him i saw a tag and i knew him a little from boston and uh he walked it was a bit where he was talking about milk and he was talking about how once you're racing against the expiration date you're you know you have too much milk you're washing your face with it was a great bit and he said how do they know that's the date how do they know that that day is the day that was it that's all he had and i was like i got it yeah so he's coming off stage and i just go jerry jerry and he looks at me like oh yeah this kid what and i go i got a bit and he goes go ahead he's kind of like you have 10 seconds and i go you say how do you know that's the day is the guy milking the cow and the cow goes july 3rd that's very funny and i knew it would work because of his funny face yeah being a cow yeah the comment and he goes oh thank you i go yeah so then um he does it i watch letterman he's on panel with letterman and this is a point in my career where i was nobody and the letterman was like on the other side of a thick yeah wall like hannibal lecter you know like just like you can't touch him yeah i myself cannot i cannot did you smell my premise what did most of them say to you he said that premise has been done he said i can smell your current how can he smell your cunt i can smell your cunt it's coming to the wall i threw my cum on myself could not smell his cunt i could not smell letterman's cunt i want to call the episode that but i know we can't yeah so letter so jerry's on letterman he's sitting on panel he's telling jokes and he does that's the thing how do they know that that's the day the crowds i'm listening the crowd's building that was the day are they milking the cow the cow goes july 3rd explosive applause and letterman comes out of the applause and goes the cow says july 3rd and jerry goes yeah the cow and they reiterate it and i was just like how and you're right and you're in your apartment is this when you're living with a depaulo and a story by myself on bleaker street with a murphy bed oh my god try carlson charge yes and i had a vhs tape of it but i still think i have some gotta hold on i think i still have it this that feels so great i was just like and so the next day i'm walking around i think central park and i see jerry i bump into him on the street and he goes hey you're bit killed and he goes now you know that your mind the way you think and your comedy it can work in the big leagues like now you know that and i was like so i felt like i now me and jerry are you know we're connected i got a letterman thing so then like a month later he goes on the tonight show johnny carson sure does the joke again i think he closed with it kills and so then i see him at catch and i just walk up real familiar hey i saw you did the bid on carson and he goes what i was like do you remember this cow and he's like uh-huh oh oh man he's kind of like that's enough now oh man that's enough now that was patrice going yeah just no oh it's a weird thing comedians have a weird darwin thing inside of us that we will slap guys down a little bit that's enough yeah you get yeah yeah stop stop and i don't like myself for it but i feel like i'm feeling fulfilling some kind of role that i'm not aware you know what it is it's nature it is nature and when you don't the the herd gets out of control if you don't call it yeah you have to call it and you have to call it and you have to call it and you have to go like sometimes go shut the fuck up yes that's just and i talked to bobby kelly about this all the time my generation we failed because we weren't mean enough to the people after us right we were we could have gone shut up you fucking hack stop doing crowd work kind of a deal that you need to it's like i'm reading this biography of abraham lincoln it's uh by by carl sandberg and it's very detailed sure it's when he was living in kentucky and he was a real ham and he would sit on a fence post in town and he would just sit there and he would sit there and he would just talk shit crazy and uh his father would be walking by sometimes and he'd see his son just like talking and he just knock him off that's just push him off the fence push him off the fence anyways yeah like i was saying fuck my dad whatever he came by yeah i'm gonna sword fight that cocksucker one day and i hope he's old um ridiculous is out on netflix go watch it yes uh thanks for coming by dude thanks that was really fun that was fun yeah man in a