Talking Limericks with Louie

- You two are bad friends. - Who are these two idiots? - A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. - Oh, you two are something. - We're bad friends. - How about you? Do you go to therapy, Carlos? - Weekly. - You do? - Yeah, for seven years. - Oh, wow. - Yeah. - What did your therapist say? He must've had like notepad over his nose. You know, one of those scientists, you know, those like, yeah, like FBI, CIA, you know what I mean? Boards. - Connect the dots. - Yeah, yeah. - And then she gives me Molly. - What? - That's not a therapist. - No, look. - It's a stripper you're seeing. - Right. - This is a sticker for my, where I go. It's a large mom. - Fantastic therapy. - What is it called? California what? - Center for Psychedelic Therapy. - Oh, my God. - Yeah, it's great. - That's so embarrassing. So what, you did Austin, then you did Vegas. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to a game in Austin, hung my family, then Vegas for a wedding. - In Austin, what else did you do there? You're not giving us the details. - I know, there's something else. - There's things going on in your life and we wanna know. - I did match with a girl recently. - Yeah. - And it was the girl that we brought on stage in Houston. - Ooh. - Ooh. - I don't even remember her. - I don't remember her either. - She's kind of Asian-y. - Ah. - And like. Yeah, but like, it's like 80% white, 20% Asian. - Oh, that's a good, that's a good mix. That's a good mix. - 80 white, 20, so a little Asian. - Yeah. - Yeah. - What does it show? - Just the eyes are not completely, you know, there's an angle to them. - Right. - What? - Like a shark. Like a shark. - Yeah. - Like when the eyes were being developed in the wound, the Asian gene. - You say in the wound? - Womb. - It's womb. - Yeah. - Carlos for years thought it was the wound. It's inside your wound. - Yeah. - That's a vagina, Carlos. It's a wound. I've heard it goes inside your wound. - But you, she, you follow her, Bobby. - I do? - Yeah, it's Marissa. - Tomei? - Oh, no, no, I know who you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And did you link up? - I did. - Bring her up on the thing so I can see what she looks like. - Yeah, yeah. - We're not gonna pull up her name, her last name. No, she ghosted me and then- - Exactly. - Yeah. No, but she followed me on Instagram, so we're doing okay. - Okay. - Yeah. - You getting ghosted a lot lately? What's going on? - Yeah, it's all a numbers game. - Yeah, I remember at the show. - Yeah. - I now remember, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, my dad became- - She's cute. - Yeah, she's cute. - So you, she ghosted you? - She ghosted me, but then I think she responded 'cause it was easy. 'Cause I was already back in LA. - Ah. - Like- - Oh, she waited to knew you, 'til she knew she were gone? - Yeah. - Smart, smart girl. - It is smart. - Yeah. - So I'm gonna try and trap her into a date in Austin. - Yeah, I think we should move to the Midwest. - Where do you wanna go? - It's a, it's a better dating pool. - Oh, it is for sure, yeah. - Every date I go on here, it's just like, you wanna listen to my EP? No, it's not good. It's not good, it's never good. - They don't say EP anymore. - Oh, whatever. Oh, do you wanna, you wanna see my paintings? It's never good. - What do they say if they don't say EP? What do you mean? They say EP. - Yeah, EP. - It would be like, go to my like SoundCloud or whatever. - Okay. - It wouldn't be like, here's like a record. - Well, I bet you some of the East Side Girls probably are like- - Yeah, the East Side Girls- - I pressed a record. - They press it, dude. - I didn't know they were pressing stuff. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm sorry. - Eagle Rock Girls? Come on, dude. - They be pressing. - They be pressing. - They absolutely be pressing, Mike. - Yeah, I mean, that's, okay, so that's the prototype of, I think, who, what I wanna marry. - Oh, you mean really hot? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hot. - Really hot, notice nothing about your past. - This has always been your, the mixed Asian thing is your key. That's your key demo. - I've dated. You've seen, you've met. - I know. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's what you love the most. - It's, I love it. Yeah, because Kalilah was mixed. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - Other girls were mixed. You know, I dated some mixies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because full is a lot, it's too much. - Well, it's heavy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - What do you mean? - It's heavy. It's like two parents and they're both whites. - Yeah. - That's a lot of defense you gotta play. - I know. - But if one of them is part of your lineage in any way, if you got like the Asian dad, you're like, how you doing? - Yeah. - You know, like at least you got a little in. But if it's two whites, that's a lot of danger. - Also, there's bullying going on because like I remember when I was dating Sarah Hyland, she was from Louisville, Kentucky. - Our favorite. - And we went one dinner. One dinner, I came to the dinner, family dinner. Everyone was wearing kimonos. - Well, that's respectful. - They were. - That's respectful. - And then they had a tight Hello Kitty shirt for me. So I put it on. It was really, everyone laughed. - That's cute. - It is cute, right? But it's like, it would have been nice if there was another Asian there. - Yeah. - Oh, you're the only one. - I was the only one, yeah. - They should have brought another one in. - Yeah. - Just hire one just to be there. - And when the grandma, her grandmother didn't really like me that much, but I did a little Asian thing. I have Asian techniques for them to like me. I went to the grand piano and I started playing 'cause I knew she was in the living room. - Oh. - And she started to see her starting to like me. - Right. - You gotta bring it. You either do that or do your Taekwondo or something. You have to tell them you have Asian skills, I think. - Right. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Get your abacus out of your car. Yeah, yeah. - Wait till you see. Dude, I was at the wedding last night on my good buddy. What a fun little beautiful wedding. - Can I ask you what skaters were there? - Yes. No, there was, of course there's skaters. 'Cause Sean is a phenomenal skater. Eric Costin's one of his closest friends. Frosty, he's always around. He's a good dude. - Are you nice? Or Costin's story? - We know each other. I know of Costin. I've played golf with him a few times. - Oh, you have? Okay. - Yeah, why? You don't like Eric? - Long, long time ago, I went to a skate party. - Ruh, roh. - Ruh, roh, what? - What did you do? - Wrong, wrong, wrong time. - What did you do? - Nothing. And I met, someone tried to introduce me to him and he was really cold. - To you. - To me. And I remember walking away from that going, "I hate that guy." - He's one of the best. - But back then, I don't know. Maybe it was because I'm a weird guy. - Yeah, you are very weird. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, and you know, I come to parties, you know, shifty, you know? - Yeah, a little shifty. - I'm a shifty little guy, you know what I mean? But I remember coming out of the, what? - It's very urban, like crack heady. - Yeah, I was like, what's that, man? - Right, very Fender. - I love your skate style. - Yeah, that is crack, that's crack. - Nollie, huh? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, switch, switch, switch. - Switch, switch, switch, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Laser flips, dude, you love 'em? - Hard flip, dog. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So like, I think maybe it was my shifty vibe. - Yeah. - But you know, sometimes you meet somebody and you don't know what people are going through. - You're right, you don't know what he's- - You don't know, but I always take it personally. - You should. - And I walk away from them going, "I need revenge." Yeah, man, I write down what I'm gonna do. - 'Cause you wanna be worshiped. - That's right, praise, worship, that's what the boy needs. - What, what? - And that's- - No, I wanna be treated like a human being, dude. - Not true. - I wanna be acknowledged as a human being. - Like a normal celebrity. - No, no, no, what I'm saying is, is that. - Ooh. - You're gearing him up, dude. - Yeah, well, I know that's why you wanna go to the Midwest too, less competition with celebrities. - Ooh, he's getting geared up. - I think that too, though. I know what you're thinking. - Gearing up the bobo. - I'm on Raya, right? - Yup. - And a girl's on Raya. Bradley Cooper, Bobby Lee, which one? - Carlos. - Oh yeah, you're on there too. - Exactly. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I gotta say, I think Bradley. Just honest. - Yeah, I think Bradley. - Honest guess. - Yeah. - Honest guess. No, yeah, there was a bunch of cool skaters there. - Yeah. - Just guys that I grew up loving from when I was, it's just such a weird. - It's fun. - It's awesome. It's a weird thing to be friends with guys that you're like. - Yeah. - You know, and it was an awesome wedding. It was fucking beautiful. Everyone was so rad and nice. 'Cause you know, I don't know his family that well. - Yeah. - So it was really nice. - What's the mix of the family? - What do you mean? - What is he? - Ooh, interesting. - Filipino? - I don't know, I'm not gonna tell you. - Oh. - Yeah. - There's some mix, though. - There is mix. - Yeah, a brown. - Brownie. - Yeah, there's a brownie. There's some brown in there. - Mm. - You know? - Mm-hmm. - What are you being so mysterious about? - I don't know. - Okay. - Yeah, there's a mix. - There's a mix. - There's a mixed family, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It was rad, though. And everyone was super fucking cool to us and very nice. And it was a beautiful wedding venue. It was one of those moments where you're like, and you know what's so funny about skater weddings? Is that you know no matter what you wear, you're good. - Ah. - Because everyone's wearing cool shit. Like there isn't this weird expectation for like anybody to like go out of their way like I gotta make sure. It's like, no, they just want you to look cool, be casual, and have a little bit of, have a little bit of- - Let me say something right now. - A little bit of fancy. - If I have a wedding, dress up. - No, no, they did. You know, I'm saying this incorrectly. - I understand. - I'm not an idiot. - Let me guess. - What I'm trying to say is like the vibe was very like- - No tuxedos. It was like cool clothes. - It was like how Ron Howard dresses. Right? - No. - Like when he's like a suit but a t-shirt and a ball cap. Ron Howard style. - Yeah, it was like skaters. They all have great style. So it was just like cool. Like this one dude had a fucking super wild green suit on. It looked so sick. - Oh. - Like some dudes had just the dopest gear. I was like, and also wearing Vans, like rocking Vans. - Yeah, they dress so good. - They just have good, skaters have the best fucking style, dude. - They do. - They just have like this vibe of like, they pull it off. It looks well to do and then still casual as fuck. But it's still dressy. - Yeah. - Like this dude, this dude Cole from Metalwood. He had this just dope ass purple suit on. And I was like, "What is this motherfucker?" It was so fly. - Like Dumb and Dumber. - Exactly. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It just looked so fly. I wore a traditional black suit. So I just, that's all I wear to weddings. - Yeah. - I only wear black. - You look good. - Just black. Well, 'cause look at this. I can't, what color are you gonna? Malto is like, "Color's your option. What color do you wanna do, dude? You like a bright color?" And I was like, "It's gonna be black, bud." I can't wear, look at this. - I have to go to Jimmy out. You know that, that, it says suits for five foot four or less on Ventura. I have to go there now. And whenever I'm there, they're like, "Yeah, Seth Green just came in." Like all the smaller actors. You know what I mean? Brad Williams just picked up three suits. - Tom Cruise. - Yeah, yeah. - They're all the same size. - See what it's called. - Joe Pesci, Pacino, Elijah Wood, Tom Cruise, Kevin Hart. Brother, you're Michael J. Fox. You are in good, you're in good company. All go to that Jimmy Ows place. Jimmy Ows, short, what's it called? See what that place is called? Because I love the guy, because he's always there. What is it, big and tall? Is it small and short? Jimmy Ows, small and shorts? Dave Franco, a lot of guys that are under 5'8". No. How about Suits, 5'4 or less, Sherman Oaks? So funny. No tailoring needed. Hello? Hello? Hello. Hello. Hello, Uncle Louie. I brought you five cheeseburgers. Are you being real? Thank you. Wow. Did you really go to Bob's Big One? Wow. Let him sit in that blue chair. Louie. Louie. Wow, Louie, this is extravagant. It's kind of a fucked up story because I wanted a cheeseburger. Yeah, so you brought five of them? That's it. Yeah. No, I was looking for, I don't know, like an In-N-Out or something. Yeah. I was kind of in a hurry because I need to eat before a certain hour or I wake up in a cold sweat if I eat too late. Did you eat? So I went into Bob's. I was like, oh, this is like a family burger. Like, cool, right? So I go in and I said, and I pictured coming here with a bag, a paper bag full of burgers. Yeah. And just going, here, everybody, have some burgers. And I sat down and I ate Bob's Big Burger. And it was really disgusting. And I got a vanilla shake, but I had a paper straw so I couldn't drink it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they gave me the burgers in this fucking horrible, I thought I wanted it to be like an old fashioned, like cops. Yeah. Is it as bad as mine was? Yeah, they're bad. Louie, can I eat it later? Once you leave? Can I eat it once you leave? The whole thing was a mistake. He has three over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, he will eat those. I'm on a Zip-It. Oh, that's right. You can't. Yeah. I like that being on Ozempic is like being kosher or something. Yeah. It is. I mean, he did throw up for the first like two weeks he was on it. It was tough. No, I had to switch from Ozempic to Wegovy. We're on Wegovy. I'm on Wegovy now. You don't do that shit. You would never. Never. Fuck that. Yeah. I don't know. I would if it was a good idea, but I don't think it's terrible. I think you're going to die from that. You really do? No, I don't. Of course not. You're an asshole. No, I don't. I don't like. I get nervous about things like that going, you know, that change how you feel or that change you neurologically. Oh, neurologically. And also, I like the fight I'm in with weight and stuff. Yeah. I like it. It's something to lean against, you know. I think you lost weight, no? Oh. Oh, thanks. Dude, he was doing. You know, he's setting us up. That's all he wanted us to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You look so slender. Yeah. Me? Well, I've been working out and eating more. Oh, that's good. Good. Yeah, yeah. When you do, when you separate, you start working out more. And eating less, you're really hurting yourself. So, I'm just going like, I'm more exercise. Yeah. So, let's lay it on. What's the one exercise that you actually enjoy? Because none of them are that enjoyable. I kind of like the way it all feels. You do? Yeah. Fuck, I don't know. I can't get through it lately. I guess maybe it's also the depression exercise is like I'm doing it because I know I need to do it. Oh, yeah. No, yeah. Not because I want to do it. How old are you? 42. Yeah, I mean, it just starts changing. I'm 58. It starts changing. Yeah? Yeah. What happens? I start feeling different. I mean, you just sort of like get philosophical about it. And you go like, I like the way it feels when my body heats up because I'm going on like uphill treadmill or whatever. I'm a stair master. And if I don't want to do it, I just don't do it. I never do it if I don't want to. See, I do that all the time. And I'm starting to eat whatever I want. And what do you mean? It doesn't matter. Just eat it. Because somebody is explaining this to me that if you prohibit, you're in this constant tension that you then have to binge to release. But if you just go like, whatever I want, I'm going to eat it when I want it. What happens is your body goes like, that fucking hurt. That actually hurt. That was not a good idea. And then that memory makes you go, oh, yeah, I don't want that this time. I want less things than I used to. Yeah. Do you get hunger pains at night? No. You don't? Wait. He's still thinking about the old world. No, what I'm saying is, is that late at night, sometimes I'm like, should I get a sandwich? No. Well, here's the difference. You're not explaining. He stays up all night, so he'll be up at four or five, and it's now been seven hours. It's important to me to go to sleep and stay asleep. So if I eat too close to bedtime, I wake up at like three in the morning and it's wet. Oh, I see. Because my body's trying to digest. You think it's a white thing? Excuse me for saying. Well, you mean white versus you? You mean white in a way that you're not? I think our bodies are different. That's all. They are. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you stay up all night. Yeah, I do. But because I, you know, I am. Is it an Asian thing? I think it's an Asian thing. Are you Korean? Whoa. I don't know anything about you. Yeah, yeah. That's a good guess. Thank you. Yeah. Because when white people guess, they never get it right. You could be Chinese. Yeah. Could I be? I almost said you could have Chinese. Yeah. You could have Chinese. But that was a really good guess. Korean, yeah. I mean, it's like four. I mean, what's. No, there's a bunch. No, there's so many. There's Thai. There's Cambodia. I know, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm hearing it on purpose. Yeah. That was really good. You have a gong, so it's fair to talk about this. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Right? You have a gong and a fortune cat. You have a fortune cat? Yeah, yeah, yeah. His father made this before he died. That's why we, this is an homage to his father. Really? Yeah, no. Did he make it as a weapon or? Yeah. We think about it every time. When we, this is when we remind. Yeah. He feels his father. Stop doing that, dude. Sorry. It's fucking weird. If you wanted a good burger, Texas, we would have told you where to go. Yeah. That's not, that's not where to go. I really regret it. Yeah, that sucks. There's so many good burgers too. Are you single right now, Louie? No. Oh, you're seeing somebody. Yeah, I'm with somebody very much. Oh, very good. Very in love with somebody. Oh, that's great. Yeah, somebody I want to be with. Wow. He's looking for love. No, what I'm saying is, I was curious, does Louie ever date Asians? Have you ever dated an Asian in your life? Yes. Oh, good. Good. Very good. Very good. I dated a Korean woman for a little while, yeah. And what did you, what was that experience like? Because I've been dating a Korean woman for six years now. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And. So you are Korean. Yeah. Yeah, I am. That's why I said, you got it right. Yeah. Yeah. I thought, yeah. Yeah, very good. Yeah, yeah. Well, one thing, because she told me, the woman I dated told me, I asked her, what's your last name? And she was like, I mean, guess, you're going to get it in two guesses. All right. Because it's like Lee or Park. It's true. Like, it's only one of those. There's some Cho's. Cho's. There's some Cho's, yeah. I'll tell you, he's envious of a couple Cho's. That's why. But what was it like? So she was, I really liked her very much. She was cool. And she was, she had an interesting, she was a different, she talked about being Korean without my asking her, you know, it was part of her. She said that it was, there wasn't many in my, also she was, Korean of my generation, there was nobody. She was like in a desert of Koreans in her, raised in New Jersey. And she said that she had like two friends and they are still very close because they felt very isolated. Yeah. There just wasn't many people from their culture. Same with him. But she told me interesting things like that when Korean people say, hello, they say, when have you eaten? Or like they say, have you eaten? Yeah. That's their how you doing. What is that? What's it, your mom says that when we see her? Baekho-pa. Baekho-pa. Baekho-pa. Baekho-pa. Yeah. Are you hungry? Are you hungry? Yeah. His mom does say that. And then pebulo is I'm hungry. I'm full. I'm full. Yeah, yeah. And I know gochu, which is penis. Okay. Donggeomok, which is butthole. Yeah. Jut, which is tit. Boji, pussy. That's all I know. That's all I know. I think that's all I know. Plural for tit, you can only say it once. Yeah. Bojis, maybe. Yeah. Boji, boji. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Boji, boji. That's like titty, titty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And then here's another thing I learned. Juk-juk. - No. - Yeah, no, let me finish. What? - Go, go, go. - You know what juk-juk is? - Yeah, isn't that jizz? - No, no, juk-juk isn't jizz. - Trying to start a Korean car. - Juk-juk is slang for sex. So I asked a Korean guy, I go, I've never, like, why juk-juk? He goes, that's what sex sound like. Juk-juk. - Oh. - Juk-juk. - Lots of pussy farts in Korea. - Yeah. I guess they're queefing a lot over there, you know what I mean? But yeah. - They are. - Yeah, I've never heard juk-juk when I'm having sex. - No. - Well, I hope-- - I always hear a Korean guy in the room going juk-juk. - Yeah. - Sitting in the cock chair. - Factor. 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Head to bluechew.com for more details and safety info. And big thanks to Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. Yeah. So you're in love. That's for that. Yes. That's great. Yeah. She's great. She's awesome. Yeah. Is there a limerence involved? No, I don't think so. I mean, both of us are single. Yeah. But is there one person more obsessed with the other person? No, I think we feel we feel pretty equal. And it's nice, you know, like I heard somebody talking once about like, you know, I don't want to be the kind of guy who picks girls up at the airport like that. I heard that said is a bad thing. Picking them up at the airport. Right. And I've picked her up at the airport. You like her. Well, how did that one time I was coming home and she goes, hey, I could pick you up at the airport. I'm like, you don't have to. And she said, can I please pick you up at the airport? And I was like, good. We're we're equal. We're mad. Oh, it depends on what airport, to be honest. I mean, that is a big piece of it. What? It depends on the airport. I mean, like. Oh, for sure. My wife has never, never. I mean, but I don't I would it's such an annoyance. Like, I don't even want her to because I'm pissed off when I get to the airport. She's going to show up annoyed. It's like I'd rather you just be chill at home. Yeah. Yeah. Because I yeah, I don't like it when they don't do the full thing. What do you mean? What? Let me finish. All right. Let me finish. He speaks in limericks. Let me finish. OK. All right. Kalilah, my ex-girlfriend, she goes, I'll pick you up from the airport. Right. But when I would land, she wouldn't be there. And she's like, I'm stuck in traffic. No go. You're right. Be at when the escalators go down where the baggage claim is. Be there with a sign. All right. And then sometimes it's like, come to the parking lot because I'm not going to go in. You just have to find my car. No, fuck you. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You come to me. You come to me. Yeah. I think it's, it's fair. Thank you. Yeah. I mean, well, yeah, I'm just being polite. Yeah. I just don't expect, I just, it's just, I'm doing my best to travel better now to have a better attitude because it's such a nightmare when you get, but that's why whenever she used to do it when we were younger and broke, she was like, you know, you can get a fucking cab. Yeah. Like you make money out when you're married. Yeah. But I'm saying before we were married, we were dating. She was like, get a fucking cap. I'm sitting here. How long have you been married for? Almost 10. Fantastic. Fantastic. Yeah. You have kids? No kids. Can't have kids. No. She's got a penis. No. Okay. I don't know. No, she doesn't. Yeah. No, no, she doesn't. Is it worth it? What? Having children. You have some. I have two. Yeah. That's two. That's some. I think some is three or more. Do you really? A couple is two. Some is three. Wow. It's, some three? I think some, it's like a series is three or more. It's crazy to teach an Asian math. That's like the wildest shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A couple is two. Some is three. It's more cultural social math though. Yeah. Okay. He's bad at all of them. Sure. Yeah. Okay. So that you have a couple. I have two. What? It's worth it. I think anybody who's on the fence about it should just do it. Really? It's never a mistake. It's impossible for it to be a mistake. Okay. A person. Yeah. Yeah. For whatever happens. Wow. Well, your kids are grown, like grown, grown, right? Like 20 and 23. Wow. Wow. Out of college or at college, any of them? College. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's fucking great. Cause I remember your first HBO special, the half hour. I think that was your first right on HBO or no? I did one, uh, back in the nineties that was just goofy jokes, but the one I did that was a half hour. It was all talked about your kids and stuff. Yeah. That was a great special. Thanks. Amazing. Thank you. You know, I met you. I don't, you don't remember when I met you. I think I brought it up the last time I saw you is on mad TV with Lauren. Yeah. I remember you don't remember meeting me. I do because my friend Dino wrote for you guys. Oh yeah. Dino. I was on the lot doing something else. I don't remember. Maybe Cedric, the entertainer's show. Yeah. That's right. That's right. And so, yeah, I do. I used to see you around. I didn't really, we didn't like hang out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you write for Cedric show. I did. You did Cedric, the entertainer presents. It's pretty great. You wrote on that show. I was a writer and co-executive producer. Yeah. Wow. Give us some good, give us some good said bits. Cedric. Yeah. I mean, Cedric was like Jackie Gleason. He was like a great performer. He's fascinating. He's so fascinating. Yeah. He really like, and now, cause now he's on like a, like a traditional sitcom and it's massively popular, right? Yes. Neighbor, the neighbor. Something like that. Yeah. I'd never seen. That's still there. That's still going on. Oh, it's gotta be. It's those network shows. They'll just, they keep riding. He was one of the most natural performers I ever worked with. The guy could make anything funny. Fucking eight seasons. That thing. Wow. We had this bit that I wrote called, um, Texas versus Maine. And it was some like local access cable show in Texas that he's, and he's a Texan and it's about how much better Texas is than Maine. And he hates Maine. And he does this kind of like, kind of like, uh, what's his name? The, uh, cartoon character with the cowboy hat. Yes. I know. I can't think of his fucking name. Yeah. Yeah. Um, Yosemite Sam. Yosemite Sam. He did sort of an impression to him and, and I used to love watching him do it. He was, he was really something. Yeah. He's a good guy too. Like really good guy. Yeah. You, you haven't talked to him in years. Oh, I haven't. No. You haven't talked to him in years. I can tell. I can tell. It's been a few years. Well, cause you're talking about him in past tense. Like he died. Like he died. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So no, we just still, we didn't, we didn't stay friends. I mean, not, not actively, but I'm always happy when I do see him. I said, yeah. Hey, do you hug him or no? Cause that, that, that, that tells me a lot. I don't think you're a hugger. We hug. You do? Yeah. I like to hug people. Okay, good. I mean, when I saw you the other day, you gave me a side hug. That was very fruitful. Yeah. I'll tell you, I'll tell you the best thing that, uh, the thing that warmed my heart. You said to me, this was great. This is probably the best piece of advice I've gotten from someone. We were at the cellar and we were in, um, we were in the fat black lounge and you were in the hallway and you were like, that was, that was really good. When I got off stage, I said, oh, thank you, man. And you go, that's family stuff. That's great. And I go, yeah. Oh, thank you. And you go, that other stuff, get rid of that. And I was like, okay. And you go, the family said that was good. And I go, right, right. And you go, but the other stuff. No, he didn't. Yes, he did. Yes, he did. Yeah, he did. You did? In a jokey way. No, I meant. No. It was fucking great. Oh, you did. He was, I saw him at the fat black. I had never seen him. Yeah. I've, I've, I've seen clips of you guys together and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, so I was just watching him and, uh, he was doing this stuff about his family and he was doing a really smart bit about if you, about how you can, um, about resentment towards his parents and that later when they become weaker, you start controlling their lives. You can get revenge on them. And it sounded really like the feelings felt real. Yeah. And that was really engaging. And then he talked about if you really want to get back at, people that age, give them Bluetooth for presence, like Bluetooth items. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, and it was a great bit. And then he started doing something about trump and the those issues that you know yeah it's like i just and that's how i feel about most people yeah he's as good though i think i said yeah you're as good as anybody while you're talking about your family yeah you're as good as anyone like really great and then the other things you sound like everyone right you sound just like everyone else because uh this thing my take on that you know everyone's trapped in like four issues for like since 2016 yeah trump trans blah it's just the same fucking stuff and here's my take on the woke this it's just so boring yeah and uh and everyone takes a shot on on twitter and on the podcasts we all do it so on stage it's like why why you can fashion a great you know no one has your family no one has your voice you know it's totally interesting to watch somebody you can tell where they're you know where they're coming from uh ethnically where they're coming from in where they are in their kind of family they had that's i'll listen to that all day yeah can i just ask you it was awesome i loved it can i ask you a question yeah you don't have to ask no i'm on your show i know but can i ask you one yeah okay um let me okay so um i want no this is the way because i want to be real for a second sure okay so um i've always been obsessed about killing uh-huh so i'm not as prolific okay right yeah i understand that yeah and i haven't changed my i mean right now i'm doing a special for hulu so i'm trying to come up with new stuff but my point is is that i'm so afraid of not killing that i i've been i'm in a fucking rut i totally because of that fear yeah you're mean and it's like i know that there's more that i can do i know that there's more that i can say and i just don't do it because i hate bombing you know i mean and it's like i just know that i'm not growing and i know that you know i mean you're so you're very prolific if i can say that yes i am yeah yeah yeah i mean you're one of those comics that like if you're performing like all the comics will run into the room to watch you when i perform they fucking leave it's a fucking fire they don't leave they do they do the whole background none of that matters okay fuck the other comedians that's not your audience okay you're not doing this for them yeah who am i doing just their competition and their colleagues they're just people that also do what you do okay that's nothing to do with them yeah uh how do i get over this rut though yeah what you're describing is a very important thing and it's a very vulnerable place to be you know exactly what you have to do your problem is your solution is right in front of you what is it it's just you gotta you gotta get over it no in other words you're you're i mean what i'm saying is you're way ahead of the game because a lot of people don't understand what their problem is yeah i totally understand and that is the basic problem for most comedians um because they're afraid of that feeling i'm not killing i was raised to kill as a comic i started in boston and in boston it was like you might get hurt if you don't kill because the room might get really nasty right and someone might throw shit at you they might wait for you outside like there's a feeling in boston that you're not going to get hurt you're going to get hurt you're going to get hurt you're going to get hurt you're going to get hurt you're going to get hurt you're going to get hurt in boston of like there's the bad version of this is fucking bad and also there was this kind of like this biting spirit there so i i liked it i was 18 when i started so i was killing killing killing it took me a long time to realize that this is i still try to untrain myself there's bits where i'm like that crushes but it's not making me better i gotta stop doing it so it's not only not wanting to bomb it's also like there's bits where i'm like that crushes but it's not wanting to bomb it's also like backing away from the obvious sometimes backing away from the obvious sometimes backing away from the obvious sometimes and just going like and just going like and just going like yeah that bit annihilates but yeah yeah that bit annihilates but yeah yeah that bit annihilates but yeah what are we doing you know better yeah what are we doing you know better yeah what are we doing you know better yeah yeah yeah it's not there's no quality to yeah yeah it's not there's no quality to yeah yeah it's not there's no quality to it there's nothing that's it's not taking it there's nothing that's it's not taking it there's nothing that's it's not taking me anywhere new i mean all the thing is me anywhere new i mean all the thing is me anywhere new i mean all the thing is uh the problem with comedians is they uh the problem with comedians is they uh the problem with comedians is they take everything very personally take everything very personally take everything very personally and it's a it's a scientific thing kind and it's a it's a scientific thing kind and it's a it's a scientific thing kind of comedy and it's an art of comedy and it's an art of comedy and it's an art so you should think of the like so you should think of the like so you should think of the like privilege the work what's what matters privilege the work what's what matters privilege the work what's what matters is this bit right is this bit right is this bit right um like i was watching this kid in uh um like i was watching this kid in uh um like i was watching this kid in uh new york and he was doing bits about on stage like oh i guess you guys don't like my politics or something and i pulled them aside afterwards and i said it's because it's an old topic no one wants to hear about it old elections and he said i know but these bits were killing and i don't want to let him go yeah and what i said to him was because he was very young guy so i said if you took the two minutes of political material and instead you stood there and did nothing uh you'd grow more as a comic it'd be better for you as a comedian yeah i think every comedian should try to put especially in these workout sets in the clubs yeah at some point have like an alarm go off or some way that you go i'm gonna do 90 seconds i got no act just 90 seconds of just of just try to see what happens if you don't keep coming and coming and coming with it it's that panic moment of like i gotta kill right now if you can just get past it it's like the sound barrier you know with that big explosion yeah on the other side of the sound barrier is like there's a calm you go like oh i'm i got power now i'm not killing they're looking at me this is weird yeah i'm still here i'm alive i can do a bunch of things i couldn't do on the other side of this yeah you could only do one thing when you need it to be kill kill kill but if you get past that you have like this bunch of other options that you're like wow i could do this they're looking at the room comes alive when you stop getting laughs it does people yeah people start going what's going on there's no because this puts you to sleep yeah they're not even listening after a while you know if you're doing jokes joke you could one always do one joke where you go and then i flap the jet black laps it like where you literally make no sense and you'll get that's why a lot of comics have like 15 tags and they're getting jokes just because the the motor's in motion they're not funny yeah but you just get you know what i mean i mean it's you just have to you're 54 what are you waiting for it's time yeah yeah yeah yeah it's never too late okay you need to start going on stage and having bad sets yeah you have to you have to yeah you have to that's it that's you won't grow no you have you have no no i do it all the time every time i go out to start writing a show i i struggle mightily for months this message is sponsored by raycon raycon's everyday earbuds have become a go-to gift for the holidays they 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we'd be falling to pieces because macon carlos and fancy would be doing all of it and we don't want that imagine being able to guarantee that shopping is always convenient for your customers endless aisle ship to customer buy online pickup and store all made simpler so customers can shop how they want and staff have the tools to close the store every single time and let's face it acquiring new customers is expensive with shopify's pos you can keep shoppers coming back with personalized experiences and first-party data that gives marketing teams a competitive edge that's right in fact it's proven by the way shopify we've been using for a long time and based on a report from ey businesses on shopify posc real results 22 percent better total cost of ownership and benefits equivalent to an 8.9 percent uptick in sales on average relative to the market set surveyed and you know what you've heard about it shopify makes everything so seamless and so wonderful so turn those what ifs into why nots and keep giving those big dreams the best shot with shopify sign up for your one dollar per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com slash bad friends go to shopify.com slash bad friends that's shopify.com slash bad friends and nowhere in time on set you're like i'm i'm i've lost the room and i have to do a joke that i know it's proven or no you stay in the try not to do that i do i'm weak when i do that but i try to stay in the room and i have to do a joke that i know in it. just go like this is like when i'm developing a new hour i go to the cellar i go in i haven't been in for a while i do five minutes maybe just a few jokes i have and then i get off and next time i do 10 when i get to about 20 yeah then it starts filling in and it starts getting strong when i have a strong 20 i put it away i'm like you can't do these jokes anymore and i go back in with nothing and i start with another zero hard what's so funny and then you get that brave hard joke well i'm gonna do it okay 1996 so i don't do it on the special he's got a brave heart joke yeah it's funny it's fresh listen my last special or one of the last ones i did a special a joke about goodwill hunting and it was i love it yeah yeah yeah well you did a whole thing about the bible that's fucking old the bible the bible's been out for a while yeah yeah so louis i'm gonna make a deal with everyone in this room okay yeah for my special i'm gonna because i've never done a special right right so i have to do the things that i've amassed no you don't for my special it's in two months okay well i know but for the next you know i mean thing yes look do the special and then i'm cleaning house i'm cleaning house and then start over i'm never gonna do those jokes that's great that's right yeah i love that he's gonna clean house the way a hoarder does where they're like don't really don't get rid of that put that right there and then i'll throw out one of the four kermits i'm keeping the other three kermits unboxed i'm gonna tell you what i'm gonna tell you why i'm doing it sure yeah because when i perform i don't feel good i feel pain yeah man every fucking fat i've been there yeah i feel pain i feel disgusted when i drive home i don't feel good you got you totally get what's going on i know there's something going on yes and it's like when i was younger and i was like bombing and i was like trying new things and going what's my voice and all that more fun it was in retrospect i mean back then you were struggling there was no money and getting stage time and all the fucking shit that you have to go through but still in the end you don't feel like you're doing anything you don't feel like you're doing anything at all you don't feel like you're doing anything at all you don't feel like you're doing anything at all yeah and it's actually about piss i hate i hate saying it please do it yeah it's oh god it's so horrible i mean it is what it is it's a joke but it's but i live in new york it was like uh new york is the only city where you actually have to say things like hey that's mine don't piss on it yeah yeah i love that that's a great joke yeah i like i like yeah i've heard you it's a fine joke but do it for 10 years every night like it's not you felt sure he that's um he's autistic sorry he'll move furniture the whole show that's kind of what he does when you when you try new stuff do you have a button or is it sometimes like just a premise yeah usually it's a premise like i come up with i'll be you know walking around and i'll i'll have a thought or in a conversation where i'm like that's i know that area is a bit right and i'll write down the premise just the word like two words of what it is and then i wait i try not to think about it too much until i get on stage and then i go on stage the next time and i explain it to the first audience and that's how i write it usually wow and then it gets refined over time once in a while bits come to me full like well i don't know where that came from but just like a joke like i'll come up with this i'll think of a sentence and then i'll think of a joke because i do still like jokes you know yeah so i jokes i just they come they pop in uh but bits where you're talking about something that's that's you just you know there's an area there's something there and you wait because they're listening there that's no better they're the instrument so when you're working in the dark it's like being a composer they like to have a piano they like to hear it you know not just sit there and go this and have it all in their head yeah when you have an audience that's your instrument so they're sitting there waiting and that makes you that brings it out of you like and it makes you come up with it funny because that's what you that's what you do pitch louis some bits you got some he's got some new shit pitch him some no pitch him some bits i'm not doing it now yeah do it no no i'm not doing that right now he's got a couple in the chamber yeah come on tell me one tell him one of the new bit one idea for new bit come on well i have a bit that um i'm trying to get to work it's look at louis when you do it don't look at me yeah i want to look at you i want to look at you i want to look at you right now sorry it's for you yeah yeah it's good for you yeah so i have a bit about like um my dad used to tell wild stories i don't know what it is but my dad goes when i was your age okay in korea i used to kill wolf right i go there are wolves in korea so many wolves you mean everywhere wolf you know one time wolf attack i break a leg right i take a stick pop in the face right then a couple days later my friend um um john brought his corgi over to my house and my dad goes how old is your wolf i used to kill dogs but it you know it's a great bit yeah what's wrong with you it doesn't get a huge laugh on stage it gets kind of a giggle it's a great bit key you got to do that bit yeah yeah it's a great bit yeah give him another one no i don't want to give you gotta keep doing it yeah all of every bit i have i give up that destroys yeah started either weak or like pissing people off but i just keep doing it and it's like it's like walking to a firing squad and saying shoot me it's hard yeah yeah yeah and you go and they go but these all these bits are really there's still a few in in my set now even though i'm doing theaters that i'm like i still know i'm not getting what i should be getting with that one it still feels weak but i still believe in it so i'm still and it keeps changing and changing so i gotta because sometimes you gotta keep doing it you gotta do that bit over and over again okay that's what it is yeah over and over over and over are you doing the bit are we can mount and dismount an entire race in one i don't remember i remember those words oh i love i don't remember what the way you said that that stuck out mountain are you saying the way that we say like when you have someone on the fucking news yeah says like oh that yeah no i don't do it anymore why do yeah i had a whole bunch of stuff about people the way people talk in the news and i had some about trump and all this stuff and that stuff i just decided i didn't want there and i'll tell you this may help you okay okay i was giving that bit so i could have it so i was doing um when i went back on the road i took a year and a half off of comedy i wasn't i was gonna quit like i decided i didn't want to do it anymore and i so it was a really great break because i wasn't like just taking time off i was like i'm done but then i started coming up with ideas jokes so you know i just got full i wanted to do them and then i was like just let's just get back to it but when i first started going out with this new set it had these weird bits that are kind of strange and then this killer chunk about the news and all that stuff and i was like where do i put that yeah that it where does it hurts these other bits how do they you know and then i was in omaha doing a bunch of shows at the funny funny bone and uh one night i was like what if tonight you don't do you don't those bits at all just take them out and i took them out and the everything else in the show kind of rose up and the show just got because it had a cohesion to it and it just got better like your your bit is competing with these other bits like it can't follow braveheart or whatever you're killing oh i see yeah so once you're done with this special yeah that bit should be like you're no i'm doing that bit on the in the special okay it's a new bit i mean these bits will do better the new ideas oh i see what you're saying when they have a little feeling but that'll those be also the bit about the news brian regan did a bit kind of like it no not like that your your his spin was the way people talk in the news then versus now and you were saying the way that you'll have an anchor no but he did he did a thing about people saying uh there's uh uh there was a fire today in nicaragua oh nicaragua oh that's right right right right right right that's right so i was doing i was doing that it was kind of near it it was near enough the phrasing was great the phrase stuck out of my brain when you go yeah how did you mount and dismount an entire race in one word and with one word of your life i love that yeah it was fun to do i like that uh and then i did a thing about homeless versus unhoused the unhoused but i just don't want to i don't i'm i'm tired of having clever takes on what's going on in the world oh fuck i'm tired that's just me oh my god his special is literally called clever take on what's going on fuck yeah we gotta change i'm just gonna put the greatest hits out and then the next time i'm gonna grow and it's gonna be okay what about you where are you at i just put out a fucking special on you on hulu uh which you know which was it was a good time for me to put out a special because it was um charlie kirk got shot anniversary of 9-11 and then they took jimmy kimmel off the air and i was like amazing put out a special baby drop it right there it's fucking insane and and hulu he's doing it with hulu too your first one that's my hulu that's number one i did one before um i did one previous well no i did technically that's you've done two on show no showtime then netflix netflix was the first like real real special but does hulu have uh it forever or do you get it back no you get them back like netflix too they took mine down after it was like a licensed so yeah i might just put it up on youtube we were talking about yeah don't worry about it it's so this is a body of work you're compiling over time yeah so it's got a life on hulu right now but the i did a special called um hilarious and it was on epics yeah great company great company who cares who gives a shit it doesn't matter no i know it doesn't it's all of the back when i used to before i started selling them myself i used to just find who wants this one and it would be like showtime or one was epics one was this it just doesn't matter no they're all there you're compiling a library but now you'll sell them yourself forever you're never going to go to a thing again you'll just do just you now right i don't know yeah i don't know i mean i i kind of like to be on a platform just to get more new eyeballs on the work maybe but i don't know we'll see also plug the book yeah oh yeah do you have a copy of the book uh no dude this is so funny you would never read it i have a library oh you want it just in the yeah i have everyone's thing okay you guys have a copy they should have sent you one yeah bobby has a copy yeah well no honestly where's my copy i don't i literally don't have handed it to you yeah he did hand it to you where is it it's over here somewhere it's got to be over here somewhere pile of books i'm gonna read i'm gonna read it yeah yeah yeah no but i mean you should show it to people right or something yeah yeah i mean i don't know whatever man where is the book i don't know star trek the next generation x-men i didn't write that at the catholic bible yeah yeah i don't know where it is bring it up on the fucking bring it up there bring it up on the fucking thing you know that's probably well wait my favorite thing is him getting mad it's your book he gave it to you i fucking don't remember there it is there it is baby ingram ingram that's my new i just wrote that and that's about rick ingram from chris roxwell what is it about ingram it's about a man who's like you know a man who gets kicked out of his house when he's like nine and he's just walking around texas oh and he's alone and he's uh and he's and life gets really hard for him like chauncey gardner from being there yeah but he's like much younger okay yeah but chauncey gardner the character was young because he had no influence except for television so he was kind of a child sure yeah well that's not what this book's about i know but what i'm saying is that it's not it's not that's you know me different sure if you want yeah yeah it's about a guy named chauncey gardner yeah if that's what you want it's a little bit like kind of like paris texas he's kind of wandering yeah yeah yeah but i don't know paris hey oh yeah why are you doing that i don't know just let him have the book oh yeah you're trying to shoehorn some other fucking story into it i mean it's fine it drives me nuts yeah i wish i sound intelligent it's not working it's not stop it yeah yeah if i know audiobook what is there an audiobook yeah and are you doing the narration i read it yeah that's great that's i'll listen i find it very odd when people don't read it yeah that wrote it you wrote you wrote it you read it well i'm a performer i perform so i can do that yeah some authors probably would have a hard time doing it's hard it's like really hard it takes a couple weeks yeah but i mean i think a lot of times we find right that like like look at stephen king like you know how bad stephen king got off doing his reading do you know what i mean like i think some of these guys they love to write but they're also like it's weird you want to hear me talk about it well it's weird when you read it because you're faced with what you wrote yeah so and you have to read it with all the you can't go like like yeah i kind of wanted to do a version like a whole version where i read it like this or like or read it and like i like this or something like a whole the whole book in falsetto or something yeah he's walking around the fucking farm yeah he's walking around the farm but anyway yeah but there you go as far as you can go in one piece and then you keep and also somebody's there to keep stopping you because you fuck up a lot all right so you have somebody going you got that wrong or tedious like when we do the movie it's when we did the animated oh yeah yeah yeah yeah we did an animated where you where you give me notes where you give me no i give him i do give him notes live every line he goes that's not how you say it well because i'm like what he's like well and then you give me scenarios imagine this and this and they go okay i get it well try to have him say focaccia it's fucking focaccia yeah well he got it there yeah in your fucking face now we play these two little creatures but we're bouncing a lot like we do on the show we're bouncing you know it's like bouncing conversation and and sometimes he'll be am i the worst no no be honest no you're am i the worst shut up no but he's so good but sometimes he'll be not in our conversation yeah reading the characters if it's existing in another space i'm like yeah we're doing it it's you and me it's you and me right but when i do say that you do come back and you kill it am i wrong no thank you then we had to go do we had to go do extra and i left because i went separate and he goes how long did it take and i go dude it's 40 minutes you're in and out yeah he called me he's like took me two fucking hours i was like because i was gone but you read it before because i haven't read it so i'm showing up and i'm like i do not read it before oh so you're good no it's just you i just no we just work differently yeah that's like a neurological difference yeah it is i just we just i just yes yes it is i just see things like that okay with lines with lines do you have like a memory like can you memorize lines real fast no it takes me days right it's i can see it and do it right i have this weird trick i don't know why i'm so lucky but i've been someone that's just what your brain does eat it and i can throw it right back out wow you know they said you should do that that was that charlie sheen i don't know if you saw that documentary we've talked about it because we love it they used to say a john cryer would go this fucking guy would never rehearse would would be we'd be on time on the nose be unprepared and then look at and go i'm gonna mess someone up okay yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah okay okay yeah and get an entire two-page scene incredible and not even it's just his brain had that digestion and regurgitation i used to just need like two two rehearsals to know it two and then yeah because i need to reading it i'm just not it's not getting in right but if i wreck through it and kind of do this two takes yeah then i know it because i lived the scene right so you don't memorize it in the night before that never did me any good me neither i only stressed me out me too do me any good i was always bad at that if i could do it in the morning if i read it right before i went there and then i got one run through i would be like okay i understand what i was yeah i understand what i didn't see because when you do it in pieces so it's like when you're filming stuff you just you you only have to worry about this one scene and you do it a bunch of times from all these different angles yeah and then you throw it away it's gone so you only have to worry about one thing at a time when you're filming stuff can i tell you my favorite scene from your show that to this day i watch all the time like over and over okay is it the art room that's my favorite it's my favorite scene in the with you and pam adlon and uh press the button it says press it's the best scene dude i love just speak here's and let me dude and let me ask you let me ask you something because i get nerded out on those scenes i'll rewind a scene like it's j it's j big j okerson's voice uh if that's what you're gonna it is it is bj big j okerson yeah i hope i'm not getting him in trouble no no no i mean i've asked him to do it i said i i wrote him and i said can you please say this word like for you know to choose one like five times right yeah to your phone and text it to me and i'll send you a you know check for a sag check that's oh wow he said he said sure and he did it and it's in there on the wow on the first take yeah pam turns her shoulder and walks away yeah she's just like yeah but is it did she it's an organic laugh that you can hear she meant to laugh she doesn't really laugh she kind of goes like oh like you can i hear she goes okay i never say okay she yeah did you surprise was it a surprise when she first heard it or you guys had already no we knew what oh god it would have been so funny if it was a surprise i wanted it so bad to be like because we because i like there's a scene there's a scene that i've nerded out like this about that i'll loop is in baskets yeah um and i know you could tell he knows this scene because i've watched it a hundred fucking times but louis is drinking a gay to raid yes your scene that scene it's the exact same comedy feeling in my soul where i go this is so fun and they knew it was fun oh dude so i remember that day really well because so when when we set up zach's show yeah um we had this meeting me and him and i don't remember who else was there but um i started asking him about we were just trying to decide what the show's about and like it was just zach a show for zach and i was working at fx at i had a show that was successful and i said i want to make a different another show so they're like all right and and i went to zach first because nobody ever made me laugh that hard as acted so anyway when we sat and talked about what his show would be about this is we had already made a deal he's gonna have a show um i was like well what if your family if you have family in it you know and i and um he so we're talking about i said what's your mother what about your mother if you had a mother and he goes yeah maybe and i go what's your mother really like in real life and he goes she's She's always like, "Oh, Zach, what are you doing?" and i and i just said your mother's louie and uh we all laughed and then there was this pause and i said what if we get louie anderson to play your mother and he's like why does that sound like such a good idea like it just was me like what a crazy idea yeah that's how it came about because i was making a flip joke and then i was like this is i i enjoyed this part of the work i was like i just got on the phone said get louie anderson on the phone i don't know him that way we've met in person a bunch of times i always liked him but i didn't have a relationship with him but i just said get me louie anderson on the phone a few minutes later i get this call from louie in his car and he goes hi hi louie it's louie ck yeah so i'm making a show for fx and zach califinakis is the star of the show we're doing a pilot okay and i go we have a part in it it's a substantial part for you the thing is we want you to play zach's mother and i just hear the sound inside the car and he goes i love it wow and it felt like this we didn't know what he would do we gave him the job he there was no nothing written and there was no it was just that day we gave him the job wow made a deal right it was like no we're doing that so i didn't know how it was going to work out and i didn't know how what zach so zach hired john uh chrysler chrysler yeah chrysler uh uh uh what's wrong with me please look it up jonathan chrysler chrysler chrysler chrysler chrysler i don't know how to say it jonathan chrysler had done this show portlandia which is one of my favorite things ever it's awesome yeah and uh he just had this way of setting up improv setting up setting this scene for two characters he knew how to shoot it how to get how to shoot it well and how to just make it happen so these guys just i went after this one meeting where we talked about everything i kind of went away and let them make the show and then i showed up that day and there's louie anderson in a dress and i'm like we're really doing this huh wow and i'm like i don't know what what is the character what are you guys doing and i sat and watched them shoot that scene which just happened there was nothing to it yeah they had something to argue about that he doesn't respect he's being a clown right and martha that was like an introduction from martha and then there was this obsession with this gatorade and when that moment happened i remembered i had just arrived a few minutes before with the gatorade and that hits the spot i was like i was like what did we do this is incredible this is incredible and louie and i got to really love louie we got to know each other much better yeah and then he won a fucking emmy and it was such a glorious thing that louie because i loved him when i was a young comic and he's such a sweet and good guy he's open for him struggled with his health yeah it was really sad when he when he passed away but uh but yeah i was it was one of my happiest moments of my career was him winning an emmy wow that was such a beautiful thing because the way he did he that character was fantastic throughout the season two seasons great fucking great i was i did a show on fx called dave with little dicky and when i was on the show i was like in love with baskets so much and i was like hey i'll i'll i don't want to get paid like can i just do uh anything in the thing i just was like i'll do an anything anything any and they were and they were like do they you got like because i kept asking my agent i was like just tell him i'll fuck it they were like they don't want does that work if people if if talent no but they said they don't they were like because i've asked so many times they're like nah it's not gonna happen i was like i don't even want lines i just want to be in like a background the burger king i want i really wanted to be at the burger right and i was like just let me be in the thing they're like they don't want like an actor comic they were like they're not looking for that yeah you're not you're in the wrong i was like i just want to be in the back yeah no you wouldn't have been right for it i know see that's right he was like no you can't do it dude so when people go like my agents try to track projects yeah like when the crazy rich asians were happening like we're tracking this for you we're putting your name in that past you know and it's like it never i couldn't even get an audition at the end of the day no yeah it doesn't none of that works no yeah yeah i mean i think it's good if you're trying to be an actor you go in for a lot of stuff because they remember you you go you just do of the best version of you yeah at the audition and then you're like oh and then you just are memorable it doesn't matter getting that part you know like if you read something you're like that's not my kind of guy and you try to be it you're gonna suck so you just do a weird your version of it right and they'll go uh that guy was good he's not he can't do this but that guy and they'll remember i mean i've cast a lot of things in my past with people that i've seen in other stuff that are that i've seen in in stuff that i had them cast you know come in for so go in for everything go in for everything and do any part you get i say no because that's where you know the agents don't get you work no no they're terrible worthless i'm not they just they are they're terrible people they're terrible absolutely worthless people some of the worst ever they give some of the worst advice they're snakes they've set you up for something and then when it goes bad they're not there to back you up they're the worst i think they i think they're just they're just uh terrible pigs they're out of their pigs they're out of their depth a little or they're not in the they're in the wrong business i hate yeah i can't wait to fire mine i'm done with the business forever anyway whoa dude why would you be done with the business yeah me too we're out dude this is yeah we're the last show in hollywood this is it i think we're the last yeah this is it over it's dying it's dying yeah that's a shame you do a move and the and the book by the way is available literally everywhere please yeah it's like you can pre-order it now on all the things all the things all the things and it'll be out november 11th november 11th my first novel is the first one yeah i wrote another one after that i'm still working on i mean i finished a draft of it i'm did you get like a book deal where they give you a book deal you know they do this thing it's a weird they're like give them a deal and then they then they make people write another book even if they didn't want no no i didn't get any kind of deal like that i just i just uh wrote this one good see what happened and i sent it out and this company ben bella in texas is publishing it it's a little company ben bella did you find them they found you i got a book agent and he's a really smart guy and he found uh found them he he'd worked with them on other stuff they don't do much fiction ah wow but it's pronounced it's it's distributed by simon and schuster so that's that's who sells it but i didn't get a book deal from them okay it's like i just i didn't i haven't been paid anything i i just wrote it and they're putting it out we'll see what we make together but i don't have an advance or anything that's a good deal we'll see what we make together i like it that way i don't think of like like when you when i book on the road and stuff agents like to get advances because they sound you know hey we got you the money yeah but all you're doing is betting against yourself and like the last thing you want to do is like take a bunch of money from somebody and then you didn't do well and then you're like ha ha you know i want people to sort of have a good experience of you so yeah because you're a big crowd work guy clips you're a bit you started crowd work yeah that was my innovation that was that was louie big crowd work clip guy you were the first on tiktok to do it as far as that's right that's right i saw most of you i just saw it i saw it as a new way and here i am thank god i would love to does that annoy you like these crowd work guys on doing clips on tiktok i mean it's the they got what they got from it yeah it's fine it's it's fine it works for them good for them okay i don't care yeah i don't as a i love stand-up i don't enjoy watching that yeah uh also when i see friends of mine do it i it's like you're killing in the moment but no one's going to remember it yeah right and you're not building anything that's but i have a different goal than them they just want to run their numbers up and they want to get whatever yeah and also a lot of people pleases them a lot people really like it yeah so if an audience if someone's enjoying it they're right yes and the person who doesn't like it is just it's none of their business if you don't like something it's none of your business as long as somebody likes it if nobody likes it if you don't like it it's none of your business if you don't like something it's forever someone needs to someone needs to talk to that yeah but you know what if literally no one ever liked a comic ever doing anything yeah that'd be pretty fucking incredible i don't want to see this yeah like david tell had this i don't think he ever did it more than once that i saw he said if you tell somebody you have uh a small penis if you tell a woman you have a small penis she won't be interested but if you tell her you have the smallest penis in the whole world she's gonna want it yeah he's he's one of my favorites great it's unbelievable that guy yep who's the guy who's the guy that you that you really have like a comedy crush on that you're like oh i love the fucking way that that person works uh these days yeah i mean that used to be zach for me i used to put my head on the table and cry yeah uh todd glass has always made me laugh like that so funny just funny fucking destroys me yeah uh jim norton who i've been working with lately just also really kills me yeah there's a lot of guys i really love um but that kind of like i can't believe it yeah todd glass i mean i i don't know if it's okay to do other people's bits but i'm it's you just say it's naming him yeah yeah he did call him we'll get approval yeah he did this thing about uh um the late a lady next to him on an airplane it has reese's cups and she's taken one out and she looks at him looking at him and she's like oh my god i'm gonna die i'm gonna die and she goes, "Do you want one?" And he goes, "I want both." and he did some clip i don't know if you can find it but it was during the pandemic he did some fake commercial i think on maybe instagram or something where he's showing you how you can pee outside uh but he's uh he's he puts a just a bag like a shopping like a plastic bag over his head and he just stands near a bush and he just starts pissing his pants it's completely fucking nuts so he and i haven't seen him for a long time but he's always been he's always been a guy that destroys me we love him yeah he was doing a bunch of fake cop bits that were very funny do you remember that little run he had for a while of like getting fake pulled over he used to do a bit with breakaway glass bottles uh like fantasy of like breaking so he'd be well it's him walking down the street with like a beer bottle and there's some teenage girls and one of them gives him like a typical teenage girl like ew yeah and he goes over and yeah he's he's pretty great the one right now all right look the advice was good i learned so much today lou did you have fun here of course i did it was really fun i wanted to do the show because you guys have a great energy it's fun and i had a great time well we we listen we love it's not gonna sell a single one of my no no no no no that's not true i'll sell one no no ingram louis ck no no he's right it's not that's not gonna it's not gonna but it doesn't matter five five people yeah yeah guys please please uh go uh purchase ingram right now yeah louie's first book it would mean a lot to him he uh asked us for a loan before the show we were a little concerned i'm being real i mean i um dude i'm thanks for being on the show man i appreciate it no no no that's it go ahead do your gay bit do your little i forget i forget do your sense no i just think i'm just a huge fan dude thanks i really am i just think you're so great thank you well you make me laugh a lot thank you thank you and for but um but um just having you on here was just a fucking great thanks dude why can't i yeah dude he's the best living comic yeah yeah okay shut the fuck up shut up right now no no thank you for being a bad friend you