talking about social anxiety and mental health issues with a psychologist ft Dr.Anju Yadav

Hi guys, I'm Sandoja, I'm suffering and so on is sleeping and y'all is listening to nothing's the same. It's been a long time since we uploaded our last episode and so hi we're back and we're super excited about today's episode because we have something extremely interesting planned for you guys. You want to give us a gist of what you have. So we have actually contacted a psychology teacher to join us for this episode so it's not just going to be us talking among ourselves. So that's the new beginning for the podcast and we're already excited. Yes, we are super excited. Of course we're going to be talking about impacts of COVID because that's still the main focus of what our podcast is about. And so we've invited my psychology teacher who's also a psychologist to talk to us about a few questions that's of me and I have, which is I feel like very much can be generalized with most of you all. It's like I feel like most of us have these questions and so I hope that we kind of help you by this podcast. For like answering a few questions that you may be hard for a really long time and I hope that you guys enjoy today's podcast. So moving on, wait I think she's in the waiting room. So today we have with us my psychology teacher, Anju Ma. Ma, could you please introduce yourself for our listeners and viewers? Yes, so a very good moment to be one. I'm Dr. Anju and I've done my PhD in psychology. I'm an expert in child counseling and career counseling. Also I am an NLP practitioner so I use that in my counseling room. I'm a CBT therapist as well. I use therapy in high sessions. And apart from that also I've done small other expertise as well where I have a work with therapy and chronic heaps. And also in education fee from past 10 years now I've published a few research papers in my name along with my PhD. That's about me. So basically Anju Ma is awesome. We have established that she is awesome. So we just have a few questions that's of me and I would love to ask for you guys, for you to address because I feel like a lot of us including our friends or family or other people might have similar questions that they might be seeking the answers to. So starting off really simple, how has COVID affected your life personally? In a nutshell? The first of all as a working mother for me initially COVID was a blessing because I was working from home and I'm afraid of my son really happy that you know he was seeing his mother 27 when we were in the beginning. So initially started off with that but yes it brought in a lot of change because I noticed that my clients that started coming work, work teenagers who had issues like you know I don't know what to learn. There were these cases that started coming to me and I started feeling that I think I am looking at one side of the picture but it's majorly impacting psychologically to a larger particular. I saw drastic change in the kind of clients that I thought I would receive. Not just people who had disorders but I received more of my people. You know normal people and they were like you know I just don't know what's happening around me and I'm too anxious right now. So I started receiving more of these kinds of clients and especially teenagers because they felt that what now? They were like I have to apply for colleges and I have to apply for university and I don't know what to do now. Some students were already in university and they were like what now further I'm abroad and I don't know what to do from here. I'm just up or some people like come back to India and you know they were they were stuck there. I noticed this drastic change in the way we started thinking. Personally I think you know there was this uncertainty kind of feeling all around. And then going back to work now was a challenge because we were so used to like come to the college. Going back to class I was like that and you all also. And then we went to class that was a difficult and so good being in class. That transition had to happen again where we had to get back to the truth being where we had lost the truth and then getting back. So a lot of changes experienced by me. Yeah definitely. I actually really agree with the point that you said that coming to school and attending online is actually completely different. Because now that our school has come it's pretty much where every student is now coming online. I mean offline. You get to see them you get to hang out with them you get to know them as a person. Yeah I feel like that's really nice and it automatically wakes you up in the morning to feel more excited to attend your classes. Because you know you'll be going through it with someone. And also I guess mom you mentioned a point about the hike in the number of clients which is like makes a lot of sense. Because I feel like all of us went through a lot of things because of the lockdown. Yeah. Okay so I think we can go ahead with the next question. So the next question is that many people lost their loved ones due to COVID-19 or any other illnesses too. So how does one deal with grief or anxiety in a situation like this? Yeah. So see that's something that I think none of us can even imagine the amount of pain that that person must be giving to you. So we can't even you know way how much pain they must be going through so complete sympathy with all those people. And I feel that I can't even imagine what you must have gone through. It would be lost to your path and you know this really painful throughout. But for people who are in that state I would just request you that you know now is the time that we need to move on. I think a lot of us will not think like that. So it's the time when you let them go you know just say that I accept that it is happening and I'm not saying. And I mean that acceptance has to come in that I'm not going to see that person anymore and I that acceptance is very important once that has happened you can go to the next step of living your life and achieving the dreams that they would have wanted you to achieve and they would have wanted you to live your life further. So moving to the next step setting your own roles and of course there will be memories which would crop up at times no problem you should try down sit down cry a lot. It's not important to hold it's not good to even hold your tears. It's and it's not bad to cry in front of anyone just sit down and cry it's absolutely fine pick up a diary right down what you're feeling. If you're feeling you're missing that person just write it down because that thought has to come out of your mind. Those thoughts still get stuck into your mind you still be stuck in that zone and it's still those thoughts will wander around in your unconscious mind. It's important to remove all those thoughts out and then moving further if you feel that you are still being you know feeling in that zone please refer to the therapist. And they will guide you step by step coming out of the room. So now that a lot of places are opening up. COVID has is not in its peak it's actually the whole theater is coming to an end hopefully and Mumbai itself is opening up schools are coming off nine and cinema is opening up more is opening up. How do you deal with the feeling of anxiety when you are now asked to go to a public place like now we have to go to school and it's a completely new environment for a person who's been locked up in their house for two years. So how do you deal with that anxiety of facing people after a really long time. So actually now that was not normal and now we're going back to the normal state. So we understand that that is what is normally. And so taking baby steps is important. Don't just take a big leap and you know you're just going out. I know that I am not prepared for meeting a lot of people so I just need two friends. And then I just go out to the park maybe just down the building in the complex. I go to a nearby store so you can start with baby step if you feel really anxious and then move to larger gatherings then going to a mall with one friend and seeing that yes there are a lot of people around. School is a very good step because you feel you know at least maybe you've not seen the face of the girls. I mean how this you don't go not on the cameras but. more than by their name, you know them by their interactions in class, you know, spoken. So at least, you know, there's a there's a feeling of familiarity when you do this. You know, more your teachers. So go back to your school, need your teachers, interact with them sit down with them spending time with them, talking to them, you're also help you a lot. So going to familiar faces start with that with familiar people and then gradually you can move up to the next level where you go to a party. Go taking baby steps is important and also keep, you know, water and these kind of things very handy with you. When you feel anxious something like, you know, just taking a pause and taking a few big breaths and sitting in water can help you move out of that anxious state and talking. These strong ask for help. It's important that if you go to school and you feel I don't know, I'm really lost. Go to the teacher whom you like the most maybe or go to the coordinator in school or you have your counsellors who who approach them sit down with them and tell them over. Can I please talk to you? So talking and asking for help is very important. We don't hesitate. You're all here at call, understand you all. You all know that that, you know, you must be going through at a time. So we're all here too. Yeah, I feel like approaching people we should understand that, you know, our teachers always there for us. So we should be actually really important for you to be free and talk to people. Yes. Okay, so one more thing that I would like to ask you is that now for the past two years, we've been giving online exams. Okay, and most of us haven't exactly been studying. Okay, we've been, you know, kind of copying, cheating a bit. So, now that offline exams are starting again, how are we supposed to manage our stress? How can we like practice for our exams or study regularly? Like, are there any tips that have a coincidence? I know, I think teachers know who's copied and what you're done. Like of trying to show us that you're not. But yes, see the best thing right now to do is first identifying the subjects which you have copied less. Okay, I know, I think these math formulas and all of these objects, I know pretty well. So identifying first, you need subject which areas you know, which areas you don't know, taking like an excel sheet or like a paper and a full sheet and then drawing it down, you're just writing it down. Okay, so math, I know these topics, but I don't know these topics for each of your subjects you're writing like that. And then making a timetable for your own set, you will have to give time for all your subjects. You won't do one. So it may be dividing your entire day into two subjects or three subjects. Don't overburden yourself as well because your breaks are important, your sleep is important, your teaching is important, everything is important. So setting your timetable in such a way that you dedicate like one or two or four or seven people, like a good break in when you start again with another subject. And always just, you know, with that goal sheet, you can put it up on your study board. Okay, I've started with this today. I'm going to complete this topic of matches. I think small goals and targets helps really well because then, you know, when you process it out, it gives you a feeling of satisfaction that I'm done with. I have nine more to go. Let me work for it. Okay, today I can finish off another one. So that gets you going. I remember one child saying, "Oh, I get very anxious when I see, okay, I have to finish 10, 10 tasks. I'm not done so much." So that also happens, isn't it? That's with some people. So for those people, you can list that down, but that sheet should be in your book, in your drawer, but okay, I need to complete all of these factors. So there are 10 chapters. Your plan for the day should be on in front of you. Right. You want to stick you up, maybe, if not on your study board, on a sticky note, just make it, okay, good today. I have to finish one, two, three tasks and that's what I'm going to study. With setting small goals, targeted goals, not just saying I'm going to study English. In English, I'm going to study this chapter and I'm going to complete the topic of this theory. So just writing it completely and making a time to go for yourself. To start with these kind of things and then you can pick up the pace further because you'll notice that you will eventually realize that yes, I need to go looking more faster or I think I need to give more time to this subject because it's taking more time. So you have to start that and writing practice is very good. Because you'll have used two typing a lot. In schools, we did start those hundred in examples. But still time yourself, okay, if one, let me see if I can write down this. Even if you're seeing and writing, it's fine. But at least practice writing skills because you know, in the exam, you will have to continuously write for those two hours and under that stress at home environment, you are not in that exam situation. So you know that exam hall gives you those jitters. So time yourself for one hour and then you know, just write down so you get that writing practice as well. These things you should start doing at least that you help you to put in. Another question that I'd want to ask related to exams is how are teachers dealing with the stress of conducting these exams because relatively, I feel like it would have been easier for you all to conduct online exams. But even that might have been like a challenge because like technology, but even now how are you as teachers dealing with exam stress? I think for us offline exams are much more easier. We can do sheet and then correcting them is much more easier than correcting the online bit. Yeah, it was really stressful for our body structures and also our eyes. So currently, I think for us, it's a blessing that we can do the offline more because it becomes easier, it becomes easier to give feedback. We had a tough time initially just to figure out how do I comment on the sheet and how do I exactly go into the child or giving feedback usually. So now I think offline is much more and we are most scared about your performance. It's been time and you all have not memorized things and now you all have to get into the mode of memorization and everything. We are most scared about that. We are prepared with conducting the exam. Is there a chance that it will go back online? So the next question I actually just want to talk about friendships. So I'm not exactly a very extroverted person. So now that I change schools and COVID happened, sometimes I face difficulties just approaching or talking to people. So how to go about that even like you spoke about taking baby steps but how to exactly initiate a conversation with someone you don't know but probably want it up to. So how do you do that? First, I want to say a point is that if you are happy with your own selves, you will not have problems. So the first point to your teenagers is accepting your own self. I face this issue with so many teenagers where they say somebody can come up from my image and I have a cold embrace. I think people don't like me. So you know why are we depending on other's judgments? Okay. So once we free our mind that I am a unique person whatever I might be fat but I accept myself the way I am. If you accept yourself the way you are and you love yourself, you will not fear judgment. So then once that acceptance of your own self happens to go out when you will meet people they will also experience your anxiousness. They are also anxious. You are also anxious. Both of you will meet in love and conversations can go well. If it doesn't go well, still it will be fine because you know that you are happy with your own self. Not important to depend on other people. So if you go with that mindset or free mindset that okay, I am prepared to meet people but even if I am not able to I am fine with it. I have to find different ways and I know that I am a good person and I can you know handle myself in different ways and I can express myself in different ways. It's okay. Because see I don't want to say that you have to go and meet friends. I should raise yourself even if you don't have friends so you are not able to make good friends. If you are happy with your own self and you know how to deal with your own emotions and problems, you are an excellent person. You know don't judge yourself by not having friends or people not of you. I feel like many times. I feel like many people, they are pressurized to go make friends, socialize with groups, parties. I feel like pure pressure. It's like a very big day like the more the people, if they know you, then oh my god, you're like you know a really nice person but like if literally nobody follows you or you know, then you are like a loser. So I feel like these tags that have been given to people is actually really emotionally challenging for us and especially because social media is like a big part of our lives, whether we like it or not. Absolutely. And I felt this very strongly like when we saw students online and when I've seen them offline, some of them stood with me. I mean some students would not just talk online but when I see them in class today they are having such good conversations and I'm like what happened to you in an online class? So how do you know on social media what is right and what is wrong? Everything is so different. Right. A quick message to all your teenagers. Happy to do. I mean self acceptance is the first step. If you accept yourself and do not depend on other judgments. People will say n number of things. If you are thin they will say you are too thin. You are fat. They will say you are too fat. Oh your hair is long. Your hair is short. People are going to comment about everything that you do and say. But if you accept yourself I love my teacher that I am wearing. Talk with the world. What do you want to say? What do you want to do? I love it. I'm going to do it. And I'm going to wear it. Okay. Just accept yourself and be happy with yourself. If you do that, nothing can stop you. You will have friends. Friends are people who accept you the way you are. If they don't accept you the way you are then they are not your friends. It's not necessary to be in the popular circle. I can be popular by myself. Yeah. Yeah. Mind itself popular. Your popular. Just just let the world go to hell. I have received one month of motivation. Moving on. So, where in a phase where definitely we are making a lot of friends. Where in that transitional period where we are going from school to college. And many people have switched colleges. Some people are continuing. People are coming in from different schools into your environment. So, how do you maintain your old friendships when you are bound to meet new people? Because I feel like a lot of people struggle to maintain those friendships that have meant so much to them throughout so many years. But now all of a sudden they meet new people and they lose the essence of what their life was prior to meeting these new people. So, how do you maintain that balance in your life? Yeah. So, another important skill that I think you all need to work upon is letting you know. Right. So, I think you will let go of some people if we hold on to certain things too strongly. They will slip away from your hand. You know, like a simple example of sand. The more you tighter you fish, you know, you make your fish. The sand goes on slipping from your hand. But if you actually hold it lightly in your hand, the sand stays very well. How much you have begun in your mind. Right. At the same concept. If I am going to pull and push in my old relationships, they will break. I cannot pressurize people. I cannot force people to stick into the relationship. If they are bound to stay, I have let them be there in my life. If I am able to pull them and they know me and I know them really well, they will still stay. Okay. Like at our age, especially I'm not able to talk to my friends every day. But even if I talk to her once in a month, she knows I'm there and I know that she's there for me. So that's how our relationship should be. And if a relationship, if a person has to go, let them go. If you are going to try and hold on to them or pull to them, they are going to suffer and you are going to be there. There's no point. Okay. So just enjoy life. You have new people coming up, you know, pull on to them. You have your old friends also, hold on to them. But if they want to leave, if you're not able to manage it, they feel you are not able to manage it. It's important, you know, right now, I think they want to leave. You just let them go. Don't go purposely go down to them. Okay. That's not a creative problem for that entire relationship. It's not going to stay still. You never go. Be the way you are continuing staying in touch. Communication is very important. If you can just pick up your phone and let them know I'm busy right now. I give you a call a few days. Actually, then the truth. So, you know, I think that I can communicate. I will give you a call back after an hour. So it's important to do that. Okay. Okay. So we'll be going ahead with the next question, which is, you spoke about how many students like teenagers came up with their problems during COVID. So now, as teenagers, sometimes people find it difficult to just go and talk to this about their parents because they think that their parents will deny these mental health issues and they'll say, you know, probably get more rest or focus on a study. So how can a child who does not have like parents who believe in this approach or deal with something like this? Because I don't want to stereotype anything but an Indian household. This problem is kind of common. Yeah. I feel like it is really difficult for kids to go and talk. I feel like it should be really easy for a child to go and talk to their parents about how they feel. Whether it falls under mental health or not, but I feel just to remain healthy, it's really important to have conversations like whatever you're going through with your parents. But some parents don't acknowledge the fact that you're going through something. So how do you allow parents to know or you're like a person to know that it should be okay? I guess. See, that's a very important question that you have asked. And what you said, it is very prevalent these days. We are seeing a change definitely. And what you just said absolutely right. I mean, I should parent someone whom I should be able to communicate really well. But it still doesn't happen because from parents and it is like my child is normal. Nothing can happen to my child. I'm out of that feeling and accept the fact that your child is actually going through some poverty. So that realization to the parent becomes a very tough challenge because they take it on their ego and they're upbringing. All the things they bring me. So making them accept, I know is really tough. But for children, I would suggest that see the first step like for you all at least in our schools and all you all have come. And your teachers. If you really feel that there is help that is required at this day when I'm not with you, please contact your teacher or your school counselors because they will help you to at least come out of the parents' age for children. And if further they feel that more the much more major and we need the help of the parents because most of the time you're at home. And if the environmental problem will not change, then overall even if you're going to the school on for every day, the problem won't get resolved because when you're going back home, the situation is the same. So the counselor will understand that you know, we need the interventionist parent and we need the parents and from there end they would try and communicate and then I think the parents would understand. I've noticed that when it goes through a trained professional, parents do understand because they realize that I think my child really the help and I need to be there for my child because no parent wants that photo. Even though like I said, initial acceptance is a big challenge for them, but the eventual or the overall goal of a parent is that my child should succeed and do well in your day answer. So once it reaches to them, I think will be always healthy and we are seeing that change. Currently also a lot of parents, I have noticed that are so supportive, they you know, they sit with their child, even if they have their own issues, they sit down and they'll be like, no, I want to help my child. No, I've not supported and I'm not helping, but I am here today. I want to take the stand that I am with. So I think the step that the child can follow is if they really feel, contact this school teacher coordinator or your counselor, approach them, speak to them, get some help and then further I think the counselor. Right. I just have another question pertaining back to like friendships and maintaining friendships is very important problem that I faced a lot actually personally during the first initial stages of lockdown. Which is in 2020 is a lot of my friends and including me, I started distancing myself from them. Like I would not speak to them, I would shut them out and then that would become a huge big issue because we used to hang out a lot before and now we don't. And you completely don't recognize the person after a month because you haven't spoken to them. So how do you stop yourself from distancing yourself from other people in a situation like this? Yeah, because people have expectations sometimes they're not able to meet those expectations and they just get disappointed. Right. So it's like you feel like you have your friend but then I don't know under some circumstances you would be like, okay, but they don't understand me. So I should you know not talk to them about it and then you just like distance yourself away from them. How do you prevent that from happening? All of this is important. You need to distance yourself at times. When you feel the need it is important to do that so you're not wrong anywhere. And I think again I'm repeating that the friends who really know you have a good bond with you would always come back. also understand a technique, you could just tell them that you know right now I think I think I'm not in the same, my nine years basically. I do surely get back to you. Just sending them this message, I think we get that communication going and making them also on this and that you need that. So don't feel bad if you have taken that time out. You need time out from people at times because there is so much going on in your personal life in your mind, in your family, in your own career, your thought process. So many things are going on. So I need that time out. You know, day I need time out from my son at times. All over the place, I'm not going to be pleased. It's my time. Please do. But in terms of friends also, it does happen and you need those time outs from people. And that helps you to reflect back. What you're doing at that time is just reflecting back on your day would happen anyway. It's important to do that. But then it's better to get back to your social circles also because they help you to think safely. And you know, you're thinking so many things at times and maybe over exaggerate you. Once you just communicate to them that you're thinking, they might give you a different perspective. And when they're different perspectives are added to the same problem, the problems are not good. So once you think that people around me are good, just think that the world is a beautiful thing. The way you are except yourself the way you are, your friends will never go away if they are your two friends and have a good bond. Communication is the key. Talk to them, share your feelings. Don't just assume that they will understand. You need to at times just send them a text message that I need it a day off today. I'm sorry I cannot keep you. Clearly communicating rather than making an excuse that I have a stomach upset and all and then they see you eating something and they feel really more bad. Just telling them that today can I just get a day off? I don't feel like doing it. So clear communication being fruitful and honest, you are a legitimate chips. It's very important. Again, just accepting. Everything is normal. I need all of these times in spaces and not over exaggerating. I'm just saying to you, big myself from friends, I think I have depression. Please do not self-negance yourself. Go to the counsellor. They will find out whether you actually have depression. Don't self-negance yourself. But all of us do this. We are sad, we are upset, we fight, but then we come back. Everything is important. Another question very similar to the same bounce is obviously people do have the feeling of anxiety. It could be really simple. They feel anxious. But how do you manage that anxiety when the people around you are also equally as anxious because don't you require a balance of if you are anxious and the person around you shouldn't be or something like that? Yeah, especially in these kind of situations, like we said, time away from those people. Talking like earlier, since there was so much on the news, people were constantly, what's the COVID rate right now? What's the death rate right now? People were checking and that was creating so much of anxiety. So it's important to seclude yourself from those kind of news. You're reading it. I want to stay updated, but I don't want to get anxious at the same time. So maybe an afternoon around 12, I fixed my time. This is the time when I had my morning schedule and it's the middle time of the day and I have lots to do later on. I'm just going to read the news. I'm going to see the update and then get back to the task that I was doing. So keeping that time schedule and checking it only once in a day or meeting those people only at certain times, speaking to them for also sitting down and communicating it to them again. That's it. This is the reason why I feel that I need to distance because I'm very anxious about my issues. And then when I hear it, I feel more anxious. So can we just space out a little? So telling them at times and consciously you yourself moving away from those people if that realization is there in your mind. Also from these apps, I know that when I am checking this app, it is giving me anxiety. So that self awareness, you are a dull or most adults. I mean, teenagers are the next step towards adults. So you'll have that understanding and consciously taking the steps that I need to maintain my mental health. And this thing is something that's affecting my mental health. So taking a step for it is the best thing that you will do for your own self. Don't say that you know, don't think it's going to go that person going to feel bad or whatever. But if it is benefiting your mental health, it will benefit your relationships as well. So take that decision of moving away, spacing out from those people for some time and telling them. Right. And also think that distancing yourself is a clue. It's not a bad thing because I see many people they started doing new things when they like actually got free time. Like they picked up a new hobby. Maybe they started making art, art, dancing, you know, different issues, stress yourself. And then they found happiness in that. So I think it should be normalized and it should be like, okay, for you to take a break and step back from, you know, your surroundings and just like keep a small boundary around yourself. Like, okay, this is my time. Yes, yes. And picking up like you said, a new hobby. So many people during the lockdown have come up with really good, you know, artwork and they've done so much of work on themself for the blunt on your skill on you hobby. So you do so much of it. But what we are doing in our real life is, oh, that's rented out to me. Now let me call that up. Why didn't you talk to me? And then you call that person cause of someone else and that person cause of someone else. The whole day went only in that one conversation. One whole week has gone in that conversation. One week has gone. I don't want to waste my energy. This life is very precious for me. Come on, my one week went into that. I don't want to do that. Fine, you didn't talk to me. I'm fine with it. Let me deal with it once when I meet you personally. It's my show and Sindoja's show. Why someone else is involved in this? I directly speak. You are okay. See, this is what you did to me. I think it wasn't right. So confronting people, talking to them directly communicating to them, rather than talking behind their backs, I think we need to take a stand of our own life. That this is what I want. These are the people I want in my life. And I think I need to build up relationships with these people. Please prioritize. Do not just get that herd mentality that, oh, I need to be popular on Insta. I need to put a post every day. I need to snap check. I need to do this. No, do what you like. Do what your body desires. Do what your mind says. Your mind, if it is sane and it is in a good state, then everything will be fine. But if your mind is cluttered with so many negative thoughts around and that to just random thoughts, I think then you really need to seek for help. Okay, don't get into that herd mentality. Come out of it. You're a different person. I need to do something. I have a different. Actually, it's quite often. So I am not a very chatty texty person. I hate it when people ask me to text them. How do you stay on your phone for 12 hours a day texting the same person constantly? Now I'm drinking water and I'm going to the washroom. Now I'm eating food. Now I'm doing this. I can't do that. I text people in the morning and then I'll text them at night or sometimes it'll take me a really long time to respond and all my friends get really annoyed. They'll be like, you don't talk to us. You know, you're pushing me away. But you come in, need me and I will have conversations with you. So I don't get the point where people now consider social media, WhatsApp, tech up to, if the only way to communicate for them and I feel like that's really frustrating because it's a huge responsibility. What if I don't want to be on my phone today? Then what am I not your friend for that day? Just because I didn't text you today. So I feel like it should be okay for you to not be a good text or… Yes. But yeah. Coming back to a question that I had asked you about, I mean, some you had asked you about the fact that some parents are not very accepting when you go and talk to them about your issues and you suggested that you could talk to your teachers and counselors. A personal experience is, I actually went and spoke to, I didn't speak, I went to enquire for the counselors, school counselors numbers and I went to the reception and I was like, "Oh, so the coordinator sent me down here to ask me the question, I mean, like, ask me to ask the number for the counselor." And she was just like, "Oh, so there are two counselors, you know, which counselor would you like?" I was like, "There's a cardio counselor in school, I would like her number as well as my mom mentioned so and so on, who was I think a child counselor." She was like, "Are you okay? Are you facing any issues? Do you have anything that you want to talk about?" I was like, "No, I just like to have the number." She was like, "Why do you need the number then you don't need the number?" And I was like, "But that shouldn't be the point. I shouldn't have to have an issue to go and talk to someone. Like, I could just want to talk to someone just to like, you know, understand how how maybe their field works or just offload some of the thoughts that have been in my head. I don't need to have to be diagnosed with a mental health issue to go and talk to a cancer. So I feel like I just wanted to make a point that it should be okay for you to go and you know. But how do you allow other people to be okay with the fact that if someone needs help, how do you allow them to respond in a certain way? The first step that I always tell my psychology students is it starts from yourself. Okay. Okay. At least you all take the stand where you're not stereotyping these things and not bullying or criticizing people for seeking help. Because you know why someone doesn't know, doesn't go is when she went to a counselor, you know, you're always, "Hey, she went to the counselor, do you know?" She went and met and then she, I don't know, something was going on in her life and then people are talking so much about it. So at least when you encounter such people, stop them from doing it. Because there is no other way apart from we are self taking the step to stop these kind of people in class, you know, we hesitate. I know that what he's saying is wrong, but I still don't comment because he's a bullying class, you know. So taking that step of telling, standing up to that child and telling that, you know, you need to stop saying it because it's not right and then maybe conveying it to the teacher that this is what a child was saying in class, which is not appropriate. So we need to take that stand and stop these kind of people who are still, you know, stereotyping these things and bullying the people who actually seek for help. And that is why a lot of children are not seeking for help. Even if they need, they hesitate in going to the teacher or going to the counselor and then they suffer a lot. Which because they feel that, you know, I know I'm going to be bullied by these popular kids in class. So take that step, take that initiative that we will stop people when we hear them passing some comments. When they say something, I am going to stop them that please stop and don't do this. It's not right. He deserves to seek for help. So if we start doing this, I think people are going to shut them out and there will be a change that will happen. And it is us who has to bring the chain. And this is a very good initiative. We all have taken. So if you all are such good aware children, please requesting all the kids here who are listening to the podcast also that please take the stand, stop people from stereotyping these things and stop those bullies from bullying anyone who's seeking for help. So last few questions that we'd like to ask you is there are a lot of myths about therapy and like going for therapy or counseling or looking at a psychologist or a psychiatrist. So we're just going to state out a few of these myths and maybe if you could give your opinions or your insights about them. So a few of them are so therapists sit behind desks taking notes while you lie on a couch. Is that true? No, it's not true because the therapist is a therapy is not just about taking notes. The therapist designs an entire plan that in one session what is the area that I want to improve upon and the whole purpose of the therapist is to make the client independent on his own. I don't want you to come to me again and again for your problem. Oh, today this happened with me. I come to you again. That day that happened with me. So my purpose is to make you independent and how will I do that is I design all the sessions based on particular topics and areas that you need to I need you to work upon. And so it's an active process. It's not just a passive process. Right. Another myth. So the second myth is basically people who seek psychotherapy are we mentally ill or crazy. I feel like. Yeah. This is the biggest, biggest myth I think. Like you look at a comment and you're crazy. Yeah, you're going to therapy. Oh my god, you have to have some problems. I think that is why a lot of celebrities and all these people have come out and said and accept that I am seeking for help just to make this message conveyed that I am not a weak person if I'm seeking for help. We all have our own ups and downs and it is important at times to seek for help. It is important to connect with, you know, counselors at times. So it is absolutely normal. You are not a weak person. You are not mentally sick or ill. It is just that sometimes we need that, you know, people do yoga or they do so many other things. Everything. Why are we doing all of this just to stay mentally sane and physically healthy. So mental health and physical health goes hand in hand. You need to be stable in both the places only then your entire body functions. Right. Another myth is psychotherapists have ready made solutions for all life problems. Do you have problems? So it's not a recipe that you add salt and you add pepper and it will be a perfect dish. No, sorry. It's not like that. But if every client is different and everyone's problems are different, what we try and do in our therapy sessions is our every plan is according to the clients requirement to the child or the person who sitting in front of me. We strategize it as per their convenience and how they and we don't give them the the suggestion. They tell them to add pepper to their life. They themselves choose that okay, I think for me right now this is the step that I need to take. That is my job. My job is to make you realize what is it right now that you should do in your life and because that will make you do if I tell you to do something. I'm just another person and I might be having my own life problems is my life perfect. No, every therapist has his own personal life problems going on. God, how can I tell you that this is what is right for your life. So the purpose of a therapist is realization, reflection, introspection, helping you in that process, making you realize your rational thinking process is your irrational thinking process is and through that I make you understand what is the decision you need to make in your life. I want you to become independent in your life in your house. I'm not coming to take the decision. Next time you face a problem, you should not seek your Aayu Anjumam, what will I do in that situation. I guess this is the last myth we're going to be talking about. Do psychotherapists make clients feel immediately better after the each session or interaction? See that depends obviously therapy sessions do help you feel really comfortable and easy. So in a therapy sessions, when you sit down with the counselor, you cannot, it's not like a medicine you took a croissant and your headache is one. You know, it doesn't work that way, but it's a slow process. You need a few sessions, but definitely you will feel a feeling of realization once you attend the therapy session and that can make you feel really happy and content with your own self and you would feel that yes, I think I did I took a good decision of going and I need to come back and I think I need to work upon these these areas which we discussed today. So that realization can really make you feel happy after one session, but it's not like a quick fix that when I banded, it's a brain brain is the most complicated thing in this entire world. You have all the theorists and researchers researching on computers and so many other things, but brain is something that still nobody is able to gauge that what is the power of it. We are still researching so if you are seeking a therapist, the therapist is also helping you deal with that vast of content. So it takes time, but you will definitely feel you'll have a feel good factor after the therapy session definitely. Okay, so this is the last question that I have for you definitely you might be getting a lot of clients that have very different experiences that they are disturbed by and this could be extremely simple. I mean no one's problem is easy or difficult. I feel like every problem is easier difficult depending on the person and not society, but you might have a lot of clients that come back from like really disturbing backgrounds. I think that's how I could like frame it. So how does that affect your mental health? Because I feel like it's also really important to for a psych psychologist or a counselor to keep their mental health and check because I feel like if you're not happy or like content in what you do and what's going on around you, I don't think you'd be able to help other people as well. So what are the things that you do or keep yourself in that right frame of mind? This is a very good question. I know a lot of people ask me about the same thing that how do you use day, say, in these kind of situations and for listening to so many things. I implement the same things that I talk about. So if I talk about talking to people seeking for help, I also seek help when I need it. Okay, it's not just that I keep my thoughts within. I do at times, you know, go for the therapy session when I feel that I think it's time now for me to went out. So when I say some things to my clients, I try and implement those things on myself as well, especially when I am in a stressful situation in my life. So I do that and you know, seeking for help should not be labeled to just, you know, she's a teacher or she's a mother, oh, I'm a mother, I have to take care of my tell, how can I seek help? No, all of us should understand it. We're all human means and we all need help. We go to the people who can help us out. So I also go for help. I seek help for two people who might know that, you know, I can go here and I know that this person will help me resolve my issues that I'm going through. Apart from that, for people who like psychology students who are planning for pursuing therapy sessions or planning for all of that, you need to work on yourself first. Now, like I started my session with saying self acceptance. So once a self acceptance is there and you know you're happy and content with your own self, I think in a therapy room, you're going to bring that vibe and you're going to help the people around you to understand that as well. So, you know, once that contentment I have, I can convey to my client and make them go out in a happier state. Okay. So I empathize and sympathize with my clients completely, but I also, you know, sit back, relax, and calming exercises, physical exercises. I do all of that to help me stay sane and calm my mind. Well, thank you so much for being so amazing. I feel like it's really awesome that you're helping so many people come out through really difficult times of their lives. So thank you so much for being there and also thank you to all those other concerts and all those other psychologists and psychiatrists who have taken this field because I feel like without a guiding light, I don't think anybody would be able to survive, especially the tools, the tools of COVID that we went through. It was terrifying for a lot of people. So thank you so much for doing what you do and being who you are and thank you so much for coming to our podcast. Thanks for joining us today at like such a short notice. Such a short notice. Thank you so so much. And we have been enlightened a lot and I hope that the listeners and viewers who are listening and engaging with us right now have also taken back a huge chunk of the session. And is there any last thing that you'd like to say to us or other teenagers before we end and in session? Yeah so I think I've said it all initially but just ending it repeating myself that do not feel the pressure of the society. People will always judge you. That's why people are there in the society for judging. Okay, they're always going to be there. But teenagers, self acceptance is something that that you should have. I come what may nobody's perfect in this world. Please accept yourself the way you are and communicate and seek for help. If you feel that I need help, please go and talk and seek for help. Okay, thank you everyone. Thank you so much. Thank you so much, ma'am. So that was a very enlightening session. Successful session that we had. Some of you and I learned a lot and we hope that you guys also imply some of the things we've learned in your life. In your life and we hope that you get through the difficult phase if you are going through one, we hope you get through it successfully and win the battle. Obviously. We're going to be putting on a few links. If you do think that you need help, please go and visit those links. Talk to someone. It's not something to be a chain dog and we encourage you to go and talk to someone if you think you need it. If you ever think that you need someone to talk to somebody and I will always be there. Also be there. You can lay a mask on our Instagram page. We'll put the link down to that also below. If you have any further questions that you'd like to ask us pertaining to the same topic, please don't shy away. Please do ask us. We'd love to address some of those questions. I have a very exciting announcement. It's completely off topic but I am so immensely happy and proud and I feel like everybody who knows Sapni is feeling the same emotions. But Sapni just published her book. Would you like to talk about it? Because I don't want to do this. She's like you have to. Of course you have to do such a huge thing. So for like the few people who listen to this or watch this podcast, I've published a book. It's called I Told You I Have a Heart. So the genre is Triller Infection. This is the first time I've actually put myself out there and published it. So guys go buy it if you all are into reading. Please do. Definitely go buy it. I feel like it's actually a really big deal and I say this because she sells published the book. Also I started writing during COVID. I feel like that's one of the ways that COVID affected me. This is like a good part of the whole lockdown because not always spoken about so much like negative stuff and anxiety issues. It's also like factor some people in a really good way. A really good way. I agree. And also with the fact that she's doing the IV board. She's given her SAT exams. I don't think it's really easy. No, I'm giving you the appreciation you take it. So thank you for serving me and that's our appreciation. Go get your copies for her book and do listen to the next episode because we're going to come up with another very interesting and so on. So I'm going to be here. And so much. And so much. The next time. Did you ever tell them what happened to him? No, we are just done. He's just finished. Anyway, thank you so much for listening to this episode. We hope you guys enjoyed. Stay tuned and keep listening to nothing. Nothing to say. And bye!